After decades of physical and emotional abuse from my sister we are now estranged. She still tries to control and manipulate my life. I tried so hard to love her, but I can't try anymore. Thank you for the video.
Finally i wish i could be too but am home arrest for 2-3 yrs due to their constant nagging am almost bed ridden to the core i do not even come out of my bedroom am unhealthy too in lostsaways so they have won i just cant argue it allseems so cruel and everything is my mistake like am jealous or two
All I can say, get away and stay away from these creatures. These siblings will not change. They will waste your time and mental space. Who needs them.
@@karishort1891she's insane like at certain age you expect anything but to be obsessed with married guy and yeah think the world is offended for it nope everyone knows they type of the people she's dealing with they are destroying her future for being envious and hateful
Siblings shut me out when I needed help most in my life ,I’m doing much better financially than all of them now and I’ve given them money or helped in some way and wasn’t really appreciated I feel so basically now we only communicate through pleasantries. Sad but I choose to be happy
Why would your siblings shut you out when you needed help most? Sounds like they were there to help you in small ways leading up to it but you took advantage of it and they decided to cut you off... what have you given back to them in the form of support, love and care? All I'm seeing is your side of things, not both sides.
Thank you so much for covering this topic because I too have experienced toxic behaviors with my own siblings and I have just cut them all off. I don't even feel like I have any siblings because we are not close and we never will be.
You're welcome!! I'm glad this was helpful. It's sad that sometimes we have to "cut off" siblings. I think most of us expect to love them and keep them involved in our lives. But sadly, there are those families where siblings just simply can't co-exist.
You know why? Because they jealous of your beautiful, brave, and successful a$$. They wish they were you. Keep being real people - stay honest with who you are, including your feelings and down to your weird hobbies. Rooting for all.
2 important things to keep in mind before disowning/cutting-off/taking-break-from family: 1. Stay honest to who you are but don't be a slave to your own brain and do whatever it tells you to do. Only celebs and good looking (attractive) people can afford to and actually do whatever their brain tells them to do, chasing dopamine to any extent. For average folks and non celebs, we should just focus on cutting off sources of cortisols including family members. After all, if you just follow brain with no TOM (theory of mind/empathy), you're the same as your toxic family member. 2. Don't give up easy on family, make sure 5 years down the lane you have no regrets and you did everything you could (as a blood relative), but yea eventually need to drop your blood relative's a$$ since they can't be cured.
@@anoren17 1. Thank you, yes people need to hear this but no one has to be a celeb or good looking to get the life they want unless as you said they heal. Btw, how did you know I am good looking! 2. 10 years in the running my friend, had to lose a father to finally accept the abuse. For some it only takes them a couple of years to cut off. Thankfully I did it but wished I knew this 20 years ago.
I cut off the Gaslighter who was the leader of triangulation and had a Savior/rescuer complex while all the while destroying and degradating my character to others and within the family, pitting siblings against each other. Because of this triangle, I've decided to walk away from my entire family.
My narcissist golden child sister was an absolute monster to me. She never loved me and treated me like an enemy. Also the lies she told people about me were absolutely outrageous. I haven't spoken to her in years and im super happy that i don't have to deal with that ever again.
My eldest sibling sexually abused me as a child, my other sibling got offended when I confronted my abuser and took offence at my being upset. Then my other sibling accused me of being unhinged and vindictive towards my abuser. I have been traumatised my entire life by the abuse that took place. My entire ex family is toxic and abusive, they act like I'm a monster because I cut them off. I have my own healthy family now, we've been good supportive parents. Proud of my Sons achievements and always there for them if they need us. something I never experienced as a child. The true meaning of the blood is thicker than water is true. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
Also got sexually abused by my brother when I was a child and when I spoke up about it my pregnant self got beaten by my own brother. At this point I don't have a family the only family I have is my son.
My mother had ten kids...she said boys were easier, though we became close and she loved me; 6 boys 4 girls. Father was a narcissist, several toxic personalities were molded, included some toxic in-laws- Unfortunately though I love my family, I end up distancing after parents are gone, a lone wolf...sensitive, empathic creative. Love your videos, so informative and helpful, Thank you!
I am more and more shocked about my brother as I learn psychology and realize he is propably a sociopath who triangulated the whole family against me and terrorised, gaslighted, manipulated and assaulted me constantly when I only wanted to be loved by him.
My ex half sibling (who was a stereotypical cheerleader) once told me that I wasn’t her equal. And once at a restaurant, I showed up late and everyone was finished eating dinner, and when I sat down, she scraped her leftovers and put it on my plate. The same person that I thought tried to kill me at age 2 1/2 by shoving me and I ended up falling down the stairs and hit my head on the ground in the basement. My other ex half siblings scapegoated me. I haven’t seen any of them in 12 years, and plan on keeping it that way. I tell people that I’m the only child if they ask if I have any siblings. Screw them! 😠
My mom passed away in 2020. I took care of her for the last 5 yrs of her life. We lived together off and on for my entire adult life as well. She helped me rear my son. We were extraordinarily close. I am the youngest and my father passed away when I was 13. The rest of my siblings were already starting their lives. Like any family situation, it is always complicated. But a simplified way of looking at our dynamic is that I was probably my mom's "favorite", but she loved all of us fiercely. She gave her life for all of us. I get along okay with my two brothers. They never held my closeness with my mom against me, but my sister hates me. My sister left home, got married. My adult son calls her a narcissist. I tried to deny that she hated me for our entire adult lives. She was passive aggressive to me. She would come to see my mom and sit and insult me. I would tolerate it for my mom's sake. My mom had the right to see her daughter and spend time with her in the last years of her life. So I killed my sister with kindness. I went out of my way to make her feel welcomed in my mom and my home. I would even give my sister and her daughter my bed and sleep out in my office when they'd come to visit. During the last years of my mom's life my mom came to really dislike my sister because of how she treated me. She treated me worse than hired help, like I existed for her convenience. But I always looked forward to seeing my niece. My niece and I had a sweet relationship. When my mom was dying my sister used that vulnerable time to attack me in ways that still make me cry. She told me that she hated me for my entire life. She said I took both of her parents away from her and she hated me for being born. After my mom died she used a family photo of before I was born to tell people my mom had passed on, basically erasing me from the announcement on her social media. She picked up my mom's remains and she has kept them so my son and I didn't get to have a ceremony to say goodbye. She used going after my mom's estate to coerce me to give her things that my mom had already gifted me. My mom gifted her many things before she passed. But my mom left me her home because I gave up career opportunities to care for her, and my son is disabled. Also, my other siblings had homes. My sister is well off economically. She didn't need a share of my mom's home. My mom wanted me and my son to have her house. I tried to stay in touch with my sister, but she kept saying ugly things to me. She said ugly things about me to my son so my son completely cut her off. I asked her to consider family therapy with me and she literally laughed and said there was nothing wrong with her, that I was the one that needed my head checked. She cut me out of my niece's life, which is the hardest part of all. My niece is adopted, and I went out of my way to forge a relationship with her knowing she would not have many cousins or siblings. I wanted her to know I will always be her aunt. But my sister is the person that treats our relationship like it doesn't matter because we are not blood related, which really makes me angry. I don't want to think of my sister as a narcissist. But sometimes it makes it less painful to consider I am probably better off without her tearing me down all of the time.
This has been happening for long time and people are understanding that their sibling could have been a major problem in their life. In fact, their relationship with parents might have even been better if it wasnt for the sibling . It takes healing to wake up and come to realization that all these years.. the entire relationship with sibling... the whole thing.... it was an illusion
I just found you and boy, am I happy! I thought I was loosing my mind and that I was the problem. I am walking away from my family and within 2 videos, you have described my situation to a T! Thank you for EVERYTHING! New Sub.
Thank you ,I grew up in toxic family where there is no freedom of thoughts and actions, but blamed for all bad happenings, And siblings are not happy witheachothr
You're welcome. That's so difficult to accept as the reality of a family. It sounds like it was a controlling environment where everyone had to agree or else. I'm sorry. I have so many clients like that now. It's traumatic.
Looking forward to learning how we heal from life-long sibling pathology after going no-contact. I initiated it and have strong feeling of regret because I now have no family and all hope is lost. My sibling is happy because it’s what she wanted all along (to have me out of the picture,) and she looks like the victim of my “craziness” for finally being done. Unfortunately, I do feel a great loss of family, even though it always was awful for me. I do have other strong bonds and connection with others, but I feel sorry for myself for having no family.
Please do not think this way! I had a very abusive narristic sibling i haven't seen her for years we finally got together years later. I thought things would be much different but instead i lost my very best friend when i decided to listen to my toxic sibling! She is the most toxic, mean, nasty, manipulator, bully ! I blocked her and will never ever associate with her again!
My life would have been so much better without the older jealous toxic sister. She's my worst enemy, never stopped holding grudges and blaming, generally making my life a misrey.
I can totally relate. My sister has destroyed my life. I often wonder how my life could have turned out if I hadn't had a manipulative and downright evil sister
Wow, you nail my relationship with my younger sister, vascillating between how grateful she is that I am in her life, etc., etc., to demonizing me. This has gone one for our whole adult life. So glad I found your channel.
Welcome to the channel!! I'm so glad. That's an answered prayer on my part. Always glad to contribute to the field and provide additional support where I can. I welcome you to my ongoing live chats 6:30pm est on Fridays and Saturdays!
Trauma bonding is very common with siblings! And when they have narcissistic traits it’s impossible! Had to separate myself from this and we are too old to argue so I just decided I can just be cordial and not say too much! Because it becomes explosive! I have 3 daughters and a son with special needs and in order to keep the peace I lido to them and tell them some day they will be all they have and need to figure it out! They seem to have done prey well with this they still have moments but not like my sibling! So I don’t want the physical alterations so I just stay away! I am the female so I don’t want to fight! Then I see my sibling and my mom bond and are so much alike and my father and I are more sensitive but he passed a little over a year ago! I was more outgoing when I was younger and then he actually would say he was jealous of my daughters! So I don’t understand that! I also see that my moo has always gravitated to the boys as apposed to my daughters! Then when my son came with special needs, he doesn’t get hardly any attention from them! That hurts me! I am looking forward to being in my own space again!
I put the emergency brakes on my sister's converging personality disorders enabled by her flying monkeys among relatives, friends and neighbors--after my mother enabled me to be in charge of the vast majority of the family assets--when I lifted the drawbridge to mental hygiene castle and stationed my attorneys at the moat.
Narcissistic parents need conflict between siblings. After spoiling one of them with unfairness to an unrecoverable levels of ego, there is nothing left of that family. Incapable parents spreading their lack of abilities and ignorance acquired in a lifetime, creating a frustrated generation prone to suffer because of a crippled childhood.
It’s difficult when you and your sibling never grew up together since birth and when you finally go be with your extended family after just getting out of a difficult life with a narcissist father and being homeless with him, only to be met with some sort of rejection from having just the same family home life as your sibling that they spoiled all his or hers life, all because they raised him or her and not you… 😔
Thank you so much for this Támara 🙏🏼 I grew up with my twin sister and so many themes resonated. I appreciate you talking about this As this isn’t commonly discussed openly. ❤
No parenting style didnt" fluctuate."maam Because I questioned and opposed the favouritism disparity and the response was that she was the last child and was entitled to be favoured child. .Even so I worked for my mothers love by being Cinderella. I got the chance to run as the abuse was too much yet I went to college and THEY upset coz I was expected to continue that role they assign to me
Malignant narcissistic _(and possibly even psychopathic)_ father here...we're now three adult children who loathe each each and barely speak. I imagine this dynamic was brewing for decades, but really took shape right after our mother passed away. Narc father did what narc parents typically do _(play the victim, play favorites, manipulate, smear, triangulate, gossip, betrayal of trust, lie etc..)_ and within a few years we became fragmented. Ironically, _(but not really)_ after kicking up the dust now the narc father just sits back like he's all innocent. I see this all too clearly, but then again, I'm the scapegoated middle child _(amongst what I suspect to be one narcissistic and one psychopathic brother)_ carrying the brunt of looking after the narcissistic beast.
💖thank you!! Appreciate your support. And I was going to email you back. Been sick this weeken though. Please let me know what I need to do to help with your event! I was able to move some things around for that Saturday.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Bless you. Momentum is growing for the event, and my orientation for that two-week online certificate course with Cornell University to be a wellness counselor is much later this morning. The course begins early tomorrow morning. Nearly everyone is rooting for me.
Getting too close to the sibling’s husband, triangulating as soon as they see an opportunity with the parent or the spouse of the sibling or even with the sibling’s friend during a friendly banter or with a relative with whom the sibling had an argument even if that relative is not a likeable character to them personally, devaluing the sibling when they are dressing up for an event or preparing for an exam or interview with the intention to pull down their confidence, either antagonising sibling’s children or getting too close to them with the intention to cause rift between the sibling parent and their child… the list goes on.
The only real brother I had was my younger brother but we were never close growing up. Our personalities and principles are just different. It got worse when my brother started counting the financial help he was giving our parents and placing me in an area where I should pay him back. I wouldn’t have mind giving him my inheritance but he has got a nasty mouth when he is angry and gets manipulative.He even want to include my young kids in the conversation. I have not much request left as someone with terminal cancer, I want to die in peace and not have to deal with people’s shit anymore. For years I felt guilty and anxious all the time and feel ashamed of who I am and to be emotionally abuse at this point in my life is too much. I feel I am being punished for leaving my parent and siblings and refusing to have a relationship with any of them. I’m so burned out . As a Christian I felt a conflict with my decision.
Took years to reak away from my cousin, we were brother/sibling close. He treated me rough in our teen years, but when we grew up, I found he was unbearable, and I was old enough to get work, and move away. Whenever I did see him, it was just as bad as ever.... He passed away 2 years ago, all I can think now is the bad times, only a few good ones...
It’s difficult when you and your sibling never grew up together since birth and when you finally go be with your extended family after just getting out of a difficult life with a toxic father and being homeless with him, only to be met with some sort of rejection from having just the same family home life as your sibling all because they raised him or her and not you… 😔
After decades of begging my narc siblings for affection and then, after my nieces and nephews where born, just crawling for tiny moments with them, almost always sabotaged by them...I decided to cut ties completely 😢 I'm 39 and feel ancient, with cronic ailments but at least I've been doing therapy and studding hard about mental health. Discovered that I'm autistic and asexual...And now i have to learn how to live without the crumbs of "unttie time" that aldo tiny, allowed me to hug those babies for a while 😢😢 It's so painful and unfair. I have so much love to give and it's so difficult, with them it was so natural and awesome ❤ but made my siblings jelous and they always had to try to ruin those moments. It took me so many years to realise it was jelousy/discrimination/gaslighting/bullying...Like the cruelest puzzle that only gets more painful as you solve it. Healthy boundaries are healthy yes, but they can also be very very painful 🥺
Hello, I just subscribed to your channel. Please continue with this sibling topic. I am feeling so exhausted after the holidays. My sister ignored me (but this goes way back) and I need to be strong to let her go.
Welcome to the channel. Please feel free to join me live on Fridays after 6pm. Everyone loves the live chats and it's very supportive, if I can say so myself. I also recently did a live chat on siblings. You can watch that here: ruclips.net/user/liveFqr5X9wJ_ws. More of these topics to come.
I love your videos, but this one seems a bit biased towards the golden child. Still, it's good to hear your perspective because it helps me understand my sister's perspective (the golden child) better.
"What do you know about sibling jealousy? What do you know about sibling rivalry?" Having grown up with a Histrionic sister, a LOT. P.S. Have you covered HPD on this channel yet? I'd appreciate a deep dive into that personality if you could! Also, thank you for this video and all of the hard work you put into educating us!
You're welcome!! It is my pleasure to help. 😊 And histrionic personality disorder has been requested by a lot of people recently, so it is coming! Here are two older videos I did a few years ago: studio.ruclips.net/user/videoxSB3Ao5yFJE/edit and ruclips.net/video/i76cSNm84RI/видео.html.
In my experience, the socio-economic condition of the parents when the children are born can affect the way siblings are set up to be favored. My sister was the first born and I think my parents pinned alot of their hopes and dreams on her because she was considered 'smart'. My mother used to tell me how when she was born, her bedroom was decorated in all white organza. Bedspread, curtains etc. It sounded like she was a princess. I thought to myself, where did you put me? In a sock drawer? She was the golden child for sure. What I've learned as we have aged is that she triangulates, is angry about pretty much everything and she has a toxic personality that isn't pleasant to be around. I feel sorry for her now but mostly I question the motivations of my parents for doing what they did. I think it was survival on their part. All I can do is live my own life and stop worrying about her happiness. Just limit contact and focus on my own children and. myself. Thank-you for exploring the subject of sibling rivalry and narcissism. It's endlessly fascinating to me.
You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful and hopefully validating that these things do indeed happen. And I think you are right on your very first statement/sentence. Socio-economic status including other things such as age of the parents, maturity level, acess to resources, etc. can all create a scenario where there is a sibling who appears to have gotten the best of things versus another sibling. For example, I see, in my office, a child who was born to a couple when they were in their 20s who may not have received the best parenting because of the couple's age. The children who came along when the couple was in their 30s may have a much better experience. It's a sad reality but one that happens all the time.
I stopped at 3:34 to write this comment. None of my siblings have ever been involved with any of my romantic partners, but my mom has. She even goes as far as calling me to check if I've had any dealings with a guy before she starts dating him herself, without any hesitation or questions. It sometimes feels like she sees herself as a competitor rather than just being a supportive mom.
My twin sister, a classic example of a person who acts out her disappointment in life by shitting on everyone else. When she screamed at me in the car in the parking lot after our brothers funeral today I realized, I can't tolerate the bullying, the hurtful words, the toxic bevaiors that are just out of control
Oh my. I'm so sorry. That's horrible. Strangely, my family also burried a loved one - Saturday morning. He was my maternal grandfather and the dynamics of the family on his side, are very similar to what you share here. I will be talking a bit more about this coming up soon during my live chats Friday and Saturdays, 6:30pm est, if you'd like to join. It does sound like you will need boundaries with this person going forward.
what my 'sister' did is beyond insane though, it isnt even trying to 'one up' you no more - it is straight up criminal. she could go to jail for like 5 years for what she did. its sick
As the only girl with 2 brothers, my mom saw me as her rival to be jealous of, and my brothers jumped on the bandwagon of abuse- no contact with the lot of them- best decision I ever made. I was bullied mob style, esp. as they had their own kids and they started in on it too- that was the final straw for me
I never measured up to anybody's expectation oh well I have to say I'm the first one to get masters degree the first one to own my own home raise three beautiful kids by myself actions speak louder than words
Dear sis. My family used me and took every cent. Now im unemployed had to stay with my sis. I had to care 4 my bro and bigger sis when they almost died and one else was there 4 them . Now they turned on me. I alsi have stage 4 endometriosis and they treat me like a servant. Its been too much 4 me . I hve no where to go. I wish i was dead. All of them used me to do their dirty work. Its jus tooo much 4me
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to talk to someone processional who can support you. Don't go at this alone. You may find a truly caring and supporting therapist who may be able to help you navigate your thoughts, feelings ,and behaviors around your family.
I hear you talking about narcissistic family systems without quite saying those words. Golden children - who get treated better and have better "social skills" (my sister is quite adept at fawning) and scapegoat children who get treated worse and thus don't relate to others as well (that's me). We didn't have a middle child, but your artistic brother was that in your family. But you can't really blame that on the kids, it's the parents who made them that way. I've known my mother was a vulnerable narcissist for a decade, but didn't ever realize my sister is probably a communal narcissist until a couple months ago. I'm 54 and she's 49!
This is a false division you set up. Be careful about clinging to labels. I was the “golden child” - but had less social skills. I wasn’t treated any better - I was just bragged about more and used as a “norm” bc I was excellent at school. My sister wasn’t into school - had lots of friends - and was the scapegoat bc she wasn’t “succeeding”. You are just making stereotypes w these labels - but toxic families are not monoliths.
Im 39 and my 27 year old sister has bad borrowing habits that I have had bail her out off in the last 2 years. It's taking a toll on my finances and health. We live in the same house how do I cut her off.
Oh my goodness - this sounds like the nasty treatment I have been subjected to in my family. Because I was a sickly baby, my twin sister was favored by my Mom. My baby sister was favored by my Dad. I was always treated like the”red headed step kid.” 😳
What about an older sibling that regresses and becomes dependent on a younger sibling? In my experience my sister who is 5 years older has always relied on others, to the point that my parents pushed me to help her and enable her
My sister (36) got angry at me and charged at me while I was visiting my dying father at her home. Over sleeping arrangements. She punched my head in, and put her knees on my rib cage until I told her I can’t breathe. She does that little kid thing where she repeats with a crazy face. Until she realized I couldn’t breathe forreal. I thought i would die. This happened a few days ago. Last time she assaulted me she gave me a concussion. She makes up lies about my life that I take no part in but it’s literally a projection of her own life. I estranged myself multiple times in life. Even moved across the country at 19 alone. I tried again for my dad but was attacked. I’m disgusted by her, and when she comes out of jail- I guarantee she will post it on Facebook, spewing lies about me.
For me felt that I'm that sister they run if they need financial help, and if oneday they run to me for help and if I'm not able to help them, immediately I am selfish just because I have nothing to give and receive all hurtful words in return so now I cut off all contacts from all of theme I just fade up and tired 😏😏😏
My little sister and cousin has also been troubled mentally since teen years and I was very very supportive and now I’m their target. I just pray they go to jail tbh. I honestly don’t care what happens to them anymore. I’m done. They have sabotaged my marriage finances and life and subjected me to a bunch of unstable men who stalks me and have me as a gang stalked targeted individual. They can truly go to hell. Do not pass go do not collect 200. I am traumatized. I need justice now!!! I want them to and my other family.
my girlfriend is going through alot today and its her older sister, her sister is 35 years old and she still act like she can't go to a therapist and she and my girlfriend been bottling up their negative and emotional emotions, my girlfriend text me crying and tell me all the stuff that her sister did and my girlfriend wants to get a free therapist.
A compounding factor in my situation was that because I was a sickly child, I was continuously negatively compared to my twin sister. Another favor was the fact that I was divorced a couple of times and never had a spouse to take care of me. Whereas, my twin sister and my baby sister both followed in the footsteps of my Mother who lived and a traditional life as a wife and Mother with a husband who has taken care of them for decades.
Before I moved out if town to get away from two ex-husbands, and my Mother who used to call me and tell me that my twin was mad at me (I never realized that my Mom was a master at triangulation!)
My story is a little different when I was conceived my father was 51 with grown children and grands we have the same dad different moms I know my siblings love me but I do feel jealousy as well it’s been that way for years how do you deal with adult siblings being jealous 😢
I have toxic half siblings. I don’t deal with them. I do have a younger one who tried to pull a knife on me and attack me after an argument blew up because I told him I don’t like him and he’s a fake person. I didn’t want nothing to do with him because he lives a really toxic lifestyle.
Sibling rivalry? I will not allow them to treat me like crap. Then need me to move the world, later. My outlook on life allowed me to create opportunities to help feed my siblings w/o telling them. No respect! Did it for ease of stress for my parents and myself. I cannot see getting up after 12pm and be in charge by 1pm. I keep it moving. There was an advertisement by the Army "We do more before 9am than some people do all day". I was born into that before it came out.
I have Autism and my big sister treats me like absolute sh*t cause of it. She always threatening to psychically assault me and my mom brushes it off like it’s nothing. But, when I defend myself from her, I get blamed for it immediately. My sister uses ADHD for the reason to treat people awfully. She also degrades me at any chance she gets. Im so tired of my family all together. It’s like being back at school. I hate it so much.
My brother and sister hate me. They truly believe that I keep my home clean, pay my bills, work OT, take trips, and raised My children well, just to make THEM feel bad. I am only a productive member of society who wanted better life for my children than what I had. As soon as I set a boundary (giving them $$) their true selves came out - vile, evil, and hateful. Just run.
My little sister and cuz who was once like a sister did all this including sleep with my men. They been a tad loose tho since teen years and slept with each other’s bfs
Both our parents own NOTHING as to how their dysfunctional parenting affected us as a family, as individual kids and now as adults. That's about the only thing they could agree on...that NONE of _this_ was their fault. Iron, Tef-Lon-like denial on both their parts. I now loathe them all, including the mother I used believe was innocent in all this. She wasn't.
Oh YES, parents _(very mentally ill parents)_ have and _play_ favorites, and ironically it's not the child who does the most for them. It's the child who makes them look the _"most"._ In our case, it's the last child who was favored and got the least damaging effects of their parenting. Fast-forward to today and we have a perfect scenario of quid quo pro playing out where that favored spoiled child is now doing the enforcer work for the remaining narcissistic father. I LOATHE them all.
My sister (9 years younger than me; now 21) was fawned over by my parents for her entire life. She's also adopted, so there may be other underlying issues of identity. However, she was coddled her entire life, primarily with material goods. These days she's an overt narcissist that throws people away as soon as she gets what she wants.
Oh my. That's a great question but hard to find the right remedy for. The work truly is not your work but hers. She needs the help if she is truly jealous. The only thing you can do is set boundaries when needed, continue to be you, and avoid instigating her.
This is so dangerous a jealous siblings will take your life . I should have blocked her sooner when I heard her say why she always so blessed and her putting her hands on me. Physically abusive, emotionally abusive, financially abusive Very abusive and the family stick with her on the abuse because they all are like this. She even slept with my husband whom is narcissist. I let her live with me. And she hated me more They team up against me as well. Vall I know is I had to leave before they took my life. I literally heard her wishing death on me
After decades of physical and emotional abuse from my sister we are now estranged. She still tries to control and manipulate my life. I tried so hard to love her, but I can't try anymore. Thank you for the video.
Same but with a brother. Absolutely devastating 💔
Sounds like you are talking about my sister. I too am estranged from her, I cut ties with 7 years old and never looked back!
Finally i wish i could be too but am home arrest for 2-3 yrs due to their constant nagging am almost bed ridden to the core i do not even come out of my bedroom am unhealthy too in lostsaways so they have won i just cant argue it allseems so cruel and everything is my mistake like am jealous or two
Stay strong and always put yourself first. Sending you light n love in this journey.
So sorry you had to deal with this. Hopefully the distance gives you peace. Had a similar situation with my sister who I recently let go of
All I can say, get away and stay away from these creatures. These siblings will not change. They will waste your time and mental space. Who needs them.
Yes and the more you try to explain, the more they play dumb and use your reaction to benefit them..
Once you begin to Google certain behaviors, that's when you know something is wrong. A big red flag.
So true 💯
@@karishort1891she's insane like at certain age you expect anything but to be obsessed with married guy and yeah think the world is offended for it nope everyone knows they type of the people she's dealing with they are destroying her future for being envious and hateful
It only takes ONE SIBLING to turn the rest against you. Just one.
Yes, my youngest sister turned my kids against me
It's not a "rivalry" if it's one-sided hate.
Siblings shut me out when I needed help most in my life ,I’m doing much better financially than all of them now and I’ve given them money or helped in some way and wasn’t really appreciated I feel so basically now we only communicate through pleasantries. Sad but I choose to be happy
Good for you John. I hope you have peace of mind to continue on this journey, even if without your family.
Why would your siblings shut you out when you needed help most? Sounds like they were there to help you in small ways leading up to it but you took advantage of it and they decided to cut you off... what have you given back to them in the form of support, love and care? All I'm seeing is your side of things, not both sides.
Thank you so much for covering this topic because I too have experienced toxic behaviors with my own siblings and I have just cut them all off. I don't even feel like I have any siblings because we are not close and we never will be.
You're welcome!! I'm glad this was helpful.
It's sad that sometimes we have to "cut off" siblings. I think most of us expect to love them and keep them involved in our lives. But sadly, there are those families where siblings just simply can't co-exist.
You know why? Because they jealous of your beautiful, brave, and successful a$$. They wish they were you. Keep being real people - stay honest with who you are, including your feelings and down to your weird hobbies. Rooting for all.
🙊
2 important things to keep in mind before disowning/cutting-off/taking-break-from family:
1. Stay honest to who you are but don't be a slave to your own brain and do whatever it tells you to do. Only celebs and good looking (attractive) people can afford to and actually do whatever their brain tells them to do, chasing dopamine to any extent. For average folks and non celebs, we should just focus on cutting off sources of cortisols including family members. After all, if you just follow brain with no TOM (theory of mind/empathy), you're the same as your toxic family member.
2. Don't give up easy on family, make sure 5 years down the lane you have no regrets and you did everything you could (as a blood relative), but yea eventually need to drop your blood relative's a$$ since they can't be cured.
@@anoren17 1. Thank you, yes people need to hear this but no one has to be a celeb or good looking to get the life they want unless as you said they heal. Btw, how did you know I am good looking!
2. 10 years in the running my friend, had to lose a father to finally accept the abuse. For some it only takes them a couple of years to cut off. Thankfully I did it but wished I knew this 20 years ago.
Very interesting comment I like it
I cut off the Gaslighter who was the leader of triangulation and had a Savior/rescuer complex while all the while destroying and degradating my character to others and within the family, pitting siblings against each other. Because of this triangle, I've decided to walk away from my entire family.
My narcissist golden child sister was an absolute monster to me.
She never loved me and treated me like an enemy.
Also the lies she told people about me were absolutely outrageous.
I haven't spoken to her in years and im super happy that i don't have to deal with that ever again.
My eldest sibling sexually abused me as a child, my other sibling got offended when I confronted my abuser and took offence at my being upset. Then my other sibling accused me of being unhinged and vindictive towards my abuser. I have been traumatised my entire life by the abuse that took place. My entire ex family is toxic and abusive, they act like I'm a monster because I cut them off. I have my own healthy family now, we've been good supportive parents. Proud of my Sons achievements and always there for them if they need us. something I never experienced as a child. The true meaning of the blood is thicker than water is true. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
Never thought about the blood and water in that higher way. Always thought it meant to treat your family better than nonfamily.
Also got sexually abused by my brother when I was a child and when I spoke up about it my pregnant self got beaten by my own brother. At this point I don't have a family the only family I have is my son.
Absolutely. People who experience these things often become great parents. I find especially the blk family is very toxic
My mother had ten kids...she said boys were easier, though we became close and she loved me; 6 boys 4 girls. Father was a narcissist, several toxic personalities were molded, included some toxic in-laws- Unfortunately though I love my family, I end up distancing after parents are gone, a lone wolf...sensitive, empathic creative. Love your videos, so informative and helpful, Thank you!
@@makaylahollywood3677 boys are easier because they let the daughters raise them.
I am more and more shocked about my brother as I learn psychology and realize he is propably a sociopath who triangulated the whole family against me and terrorised, gaslighted, manipulated and assaulted me constantly when I only wanted to be loved by him.
My ex half sibling (who was a stereotypical cheerleader) once told me that I wasn’t her equal. And once at a restaurant, I showed up late and everyone was finished eating dinner, and when I sat down, she scraped her leftovers and put it on my plate. The same person that I thought tried to kill me at age 2 1/2 by shoving me and I ended up falling down the stairs and hit my head on the ground in the basement. My other ex half siblings scapegoated me. I haven’t seen any of them in 12 years, and plan on keeping it that way. I tell people that I’m the only child if they ask if I have any siblings. Screw them! 😠
My mom passed away in 2020. I took care of her for the last 5 yrs of her life. We lived together off and on for my entire adult life as well. She helped me rear my son. We were extraordinarily close. I am the youngest and my father passed away when I was 13. The rest of my siblings were already starting their lives. Like any family situation, it is always complicated. But a simplified way of looking at our dynamic is that I was probably my mom's "favorite", but she loved all of us fiercely. She gave her life for all of us.
I get along okay with my two brothers. They never held my closeness with my mom against me, but my sister hates me. My sister left home, got married. My adult son calls her a narcissist. I tried to deny that she hated me for our entire adult lives. She was passive aggressive to me. She would come to see my mom and sit and insult me. I would tolerate it for my mom's sake. My mom had the right to see her daughter and spend time with her in the last years of her life. So I killed my sister with kindness. I went out of my way to make her feel welcomed in my mom and my home. I would even give my sister and her daughter my bed and sleep out in my office when they'd come to visit. During the last years of my mom's life my mom came to really dislike my sister because of how she treated me. She treated me worse than hired help, like I existed for her convenience. But I always looked forward to seeing my niece. My niece and I had a sweet relationship.
When my mom was dying my sister used that vulnerable time to attack me in ways that still make me cry. She told me that she hated me for my entire life. She said I took both of her parents away from her and she hated me for being born. After my mom died she used a family photo of before I was born to tell people my mom had passed on, basically erasing me from the announcement on her social media. She picked up my mom's remains and she has kept them so my son and I didn't get to have a ceremony to say goodbye. She used going after my mom's estate to coerce me to give her things that my mom had already gifted me. My mom gifted her many things before she passed. But my mom left me her home because I gave up career opportunities to care for her, and my son is disabled. Also, my other siblings had homes. My sister is well off economically. She didn't need a share of my mom's home. My mom wanted me and my son to have her house.
I tried to stay in touch with my sister, but she kept saying ugly things to me. She said ugly things about me to my son so my son completely cut her off. I asked her to consider family therapy with me and she literally laughed and said there was nothing wrong with her, that I was the one that needed my head checked. She cut me out of my niece's life, which is the hardest part of all. My niece is adopted, and I went out of my way to forge a relationship with her knowing she would not have many cousins or siblings. I wanted her to know I will always be her aunt. But my sister is the person that treats our relationship like it doesn't matter because we are not blood related, which really makes me angry.
I don't want to think of my sister as a narcissist. But sometimes it makes it less painful to consider I am probably better off without her tearing me down all of the time.
Let go
This has been happening for long time and people are understanding that their sibling could have been a major problem in their life. In fact, their relationship with parents might have even been better if it wasnt for the sibling .
It takes healing to wake up and come to realization that all these years.. the entire relationship with sibling... the whole thing.... it was an illusion
I just found you and boy, am I happy! I thought I was loosing my mind and that I was the problem. I am walking away from my family and within 2 videos, you have described my situation to a T! Thank you for EVERYTHING! New Sub.
Welcome!! And thank you. Join me live tonight 7pm😊
Thank you ,I grew up in toxic family where there is no freedom of thoughts and actions, but blamed for all bad happenings, And siblings are not happy witheachothr
You're welcome.
That's so difficult to accept as the reality of a family. It sounds like it was a controlling environment where everyone had to agree or else. I'm sorry. I have so many clients like that now. It's traumatic.
Spot on as I grew up with 2 much older toxic siblings. Many thanks xx
You're welcome!
Looking forward to learning how we heal from life-long sibling pathology after going no-contact. I initiated it and have strong feeling of regret because I now have no family and all hope is lost. My sibling is happy because it’s what she wanted all along (to have me out of the picture,) and she looks like the victim of my “craziness” for finally being done. Unfortunately, I do feel a great loss of family, even though it always was awful for me. I do have other strong bonds and connection with others, but I feel sorry for myself for having no family.
Family is where you find it honey. Stay strong because real "family" won't hurt you 😊
Enjoy your peace. Ft
Please do not think this way! I had a very abusive narristic sibling i haven't seen her for years we finally got together years later. I thought things would be much different but instead i lost my very best friend when i decided to listen to my toxic sibling! She is the most toxic, mean, nasty, manipulator, bully ! I blocked her and will never ever associate with her again!
The part about messing with your husband to hurt you….. I completely felt that 💔
😔
My moms sister did that with my "dad". Long story short there not together anymore, and my aunts a slut. Still gives me cringe thinking about it
My life would have been so much better without the older jealous toxic sister. She's my worst enemy, never stopped holding grudges and blaming, generally making my life a misrey.
I understand you very well that's how I am feeling ,I am so tired of forgiving at the expense of my happiness
I can totally relate. My sister has destroyed my life. I often wonder how my life could have turned out if I hadn't had a manipulative and downright evil sister
Same 10 years older than me older toxic sister.
Wow, you nail my relationship with my younger sister, vascillating between how grateful she is that I am in her life, etc., etc., to demonizing me. This has gone one for our whole adult life. So glad I found your channel.
Welcome and I'm glad you are on the channel!
It sounds like a difficult dynamic indeed. I'm sorry.
My siblings are obsessed with messing me up and have been for over 5 decades. They are mentally ill but paint me as mentally ill.
@@laurajane4806 same. Anytime I react to insults and violence-I’m bipolar lol. Mind you, I’ll be in my own corner creating an escape plan. It happens
Just found your channel and it has been a blessing to my life. It’s helping me as I navigate the process of departing from my nuclear family 🧡
Welcome to the channel!! I'm so glad. That's an answered prayer on my part. Always glad to contribute to the field and provide additional support where I can. I welcome you to my ongoing live chats 6:30pm est on Fridays and Saturdays!
my elder sister has always emotionally and once physically abused me....she has always been so controlling and manipulative...am so done with her
Me too. Hang in there.
Trauma bonding is very common with siblings! And when they have narcissistic traits it’s impossible! Had to separate myself from this and we are too old to argue so I just decided I can just be cordial and not say too much! Because it becomes explosive! I have 3 daughters and a son with special needs and in order to keep the peace I lido to them and tell them some day they will be all they have and need to figure it out! They seem to have done prey well with this they still have moments but not like my sibling! So I don’t want the physical alterations so I just stay away! I am the female so I don’t want to fight! Then I see my sibling and my mom bond and are so much alike and my father and I are more sensitive but he passed a little over a year ago! I was more outgoing when I was younger and then he actually would say he was jealous of my daughters! So I don’t understand that! I also see that my moo has always gravitated to the boys as apposed to my daughters! Then when my son came with special needs, he doesn’t get hardly any attention from them! That hurts me! I am looking forward to being in my own space again!
This was so needed. Thank you Tamara. These videos and chats are so helpful.
You are so welcome! Thank you for these kind words.
They REALLY are. Thank you also.
My mother pits us against each other.I remember growing up and the famous words were “don’t get her started”. I never did drugs I never rebelled
I'm sorry 😞
I put the emergency brakes on my sister's converging personality disorders enabled by her flying monkeys among relatives, friends and neighbors--after my mother enabled me to be in charge of the vast majority of the family assets--when I lifted the drawbridge to mental hygiene castle and stationed my attorneys at the moat.
Narcissistic parents need conflict between siblings. After spoiling one of them with unfairness to an unrecoverable levels of ego, there is nothing left of that family. Incapable parents spreading their lack of abilities and ignorance acquired in a lifetime, creating a frustrated generation prone to suffer because of a crippled childhood.
YOU DESCRIBD MY LIFE!! Thank you :)
It’s difficult when you and your sibling never grew up together since birth and when you finally go be with your extended family after just getting out of a difficult life with a narcissist father and being homeless with him, only to be met with some sort of rejection from having just the same family home life as your sibling that they spoiled all his or hers life, all because they raised him or her and not you… 😔
Thank you so much for this Támara 🙏🏼 I grew up with my twin sister and so many themes resonated. I appreciate you talking about this As this isn’t commonly discussed openly. ❤
☺🤗You're welcome! And thank you! Glad this was helpful because you do point out a good point. We need more talk around these issues.
No parenting style didnt" fluctuate."maam Because I questioned and opposed the favouritism disparity and the response was that she was the last child and was entitled to be favoured child. .Even so I worked for my mothers love by being Cinderella. I got the chance to run as the abuse was too much yet I went to college and THEY upset coz I was expected to continue that role they assign to me
Run. And put all your energy into fufiling your goals and dreams. You deserve your life your way
Some children don't respond to the same way of being asked to do something as the other child. Hence parenting style may change in some instances
I think the varying temperaments can be the result of family scapegoating. Like a response to ongoing abuse of the scapegoat. Everyone has limits.
Exactly what I thought.
Really needed to hear this one!!
I'm glad to hear that. And welcome! Glad to have you on the channel. I cannot recall seeing you.
Malignant narcissistic _(and possibly even psychopathic)_ father here...we're now three adult children who loathe each each and barely speak. I imagine this dynamic was brewing for decades, but really took shape right after our mother passed away. Narc father did what narc parents typically do _(play the victim, play favorites, manipulate, smear, triangulate, gossip, betrayal of trust, lie etc..)_ and within a few years we became fragmented. Ironically, _(but not really)_ after kicking up the dust now the narc father just sits back like he's all innocent. I see this all too clearly, but then again, I'm the scapegoated middle child _(amongst what I suspect to be one narcissistic and one psychopathic brother)_ carrying the brunt of looking after the narcissistic beast.
Great and interesting video! I’ve experienced this with extended family members as well!
Just preordered the book and can't wait to get it next month.
💖thank you!! Appreciate your support. And I was going to email you back. Been sick this weeken though. Please let me know what I need to do to help with your event! I was able to move some things around for that Saturday.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Bless you. Momentum is growing for the event, and my orientation for that two-week online certificate course with Cornell University to be a wellness counselor is
much later this morning. The course begins early tomorrow morning. Nearly everyone is rooting for me.
Getting too close to the sibling’s husband, triangulating as soon as they see an opportunity with the parent or the spouse of the sibling or even with the sibling’s friend during a friendly banter or with a relative with whom the sibling had an argument even if that relative is not a likeable character to them personally, devaluing the sibling when they are dressing up for an event or preparing for an exam or interview with the intention to pull down their confidence, either antagonising sibling’s children or getting too close to them with the intention to cause rift between the sibling parent and their child… the list goes on.
The only real brother I had was my younger brother but we were never close growing up. Our personalities and principles are just different. It got worse when my brother started counting the financial help he was giving our parents and placing me in an area where I should pay him back. I wouldn’t have mind giving him my inheritance but he has got a nasty mouth when he is angry and gets manipulative.He even want to include my young kids in the conversation. I have not much request left as someone with terminal cancer, I want to die in peace and not have to deal with people’s shit anymore. For years I felt guilty and anxious all the time and feel ashamed of who I am and to be emotionally abuse at this point in my life is too much. I feel I am being punished for leaving my parent and siblings and refusing to have a relationship with any of them. I’m so burned out . As a Christian I felt a conflict with my decision.
I have had major medical illnesses that my two toxic siblings have essentially ignored. At 68 years of age, I am finally ready to sever from them.
Took years to reak away from my cousin, we were brother/sibling close. He treated me rough in our teen years, but when we grew up, I found he was unbearable, and I was old enough to get work, and move away. Whenever I did see him, it was just as bad as ever.... He passed away 2 years ago, all I can think now is the bad times, only a few good ones...
Thank You. Having Angel
/Demon issues with a sister ten years younger. So grateful To have found you. Thank you for your help
You're welcome and welcome to the channel.
That is indeed a tough situation. Praying for your strength through it.
It’s difficult when you and your sibling never grew up together since birth and when you finally go be with your extended family after just getting out of a difficult life with a toxic father and being homeless with him, only to be met with some sort of rejection from having just the same family home life as your sibling all because they raised him or her and not you… 😔
After decades of begging my narc siblings for affection and then, after my nieces and nephews where born, just crawling for tiny moments with them, almost always sabotaged by them...I decided to cut ties completely 😢 I'm 39 and feel ancient, with cronic ailments but at least I've been doing therapy and studding hard about mental health. Discovered that I'm autistic and asexual...And now i have to learn how to live without the crumbs of "unttie time" that aldo tiny, allowed me to hug those babies for a while 😢😢 It's so painful and unfair. I have so much love to give and it's so difficult, with them it was so natural and awesome ❤ but made my siblings jelous and they always had to try to ruin those moments. It took me so many years to realise it was jelousy/discrimination/gaslighting/bullying...Like the cruelest puzzle that only gets more painful as you solve it. Healthy boundaries are healthy yes, but they can also be very very painful 🥺
Hello, I just subscribed to your channel. Please continue with this sibling topic. I am feeling so exhausted after the holidays. My sister ignored me (but this goes way back) and I need to be strong to let her go.
Welcome to the channel. Please feel free to join me live on Fridays after 6pm. Everyone loves the live chats and it's very supportive, if I can say so myself.
I also recently did a live chat on siblings. You can watch that here: ruclips.net/user/liveFqr5X9wJ_ws.
More of these topics to come.
I love your videos, but this one seems a bit biased towards the golden child. Still, it's good to hear your perspective because it helps me understand my sister's perspective (the golden child) better.
I feel NO adult sibling should be jealous of the others.. PERIOD
Very much agree.
Wow!!! Tamara Hill you are so informative, this Psychotherapy Crash Course is good,
Thank you 🤗 So glad this was helpful!
Wow, my twin sister. It can’t be. This can’t be real. 😞
Hurts doesn't it ,I've had this with my sister ,it's nearly broken me,but tell yourself it's for the best 🙏❤️❤️❤️
@@burnthepalo9416 I'm so tired of my twin acting like age all that. I'm tired of it.
"What do you know about sibling jealousy? What do you know about sibling rivalry?" Having grown up with a Histrionic sister, a LOT.
P.S. Have you covered HPD on this channel yet? I'd appreciate a deep dive into that personality if you could! Also, thank you for this video and all of the hard work you put into educating us!
You're welcome!! It is my pleasure to help. 😊
And histrionic personality disorder has been requested by a lot of people recently, so it is coming! Here are two older videos I did a few years ago: studio.ruclips.net/user/videoxSB3Ao5yFJE/edit and ruclips.net/video/i76cSNm84RI/видео.html.
In my experience, the socio-economic condition of the parents when the children are born can affect the way siblings are set up to be favored. My sister was the first born and I think my parents pinned alot of their hopes and dreams on her because she was considered 'smart'. My mother used to tell me how when she was born, her bedroom was decorated in all white organza. Bedspread, curtains etc. It sounded like she was a princess. I thought to myself, where did you put me? In a sock drawer? She was the golden child for sure. What I've learned as we have aged is that she triangulates, is angry about pretty much everything and she has a toxic personality that isn't pleasant to be around. I feel sorry for her now but mostly I question the motivations of my parents for doing what they did. I think it was survival on their part. All I can do is live my own life and stop worrying about her happiness. Just limit contact and focus on my own children and. myself. Thank-you for exploring the subject of sibling rivalry and narcissism. It's endlessly fascinating to me.
You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful and hopefully validating that these things do indeed happen. And I think you are right on your very first statement/sentence. Socio-economic status including other things such as age of the parents, maturity level, acess to resources, etc. can all create a scenario where there is a sibling who appears to have gotten the best of things versus another sibling. For example, I see, in my office, a child who was born to a couple when they were in their 20s who may not have received the best parenting because of the couple's age. The children who came along when the couple was in their 30s may have a much better experience. It's a sad reality but one that happens all the time.
I stopped at 3:34 to write this comment. None of my siblings have ever been involved with any of my romantic partners, but my mom has. She even goes as far as calling me to check if I've had any dealings with a guy before she starts dating him herself, without any hesitation or questions. It sometimes feels like she sees herself as a competitor rather than just being a supportive mom.
We were literally starving and fighting over food as kids. There is no hope.
My twin sister, a classic example of a person who acts out her disappointment in life by shitting on everyone else. When she screamed at me in the car in the parking lot after our brothers funeral today I realized, I can't tolerate the bullying, the hurtful words, the toxic bevaiors that are just out of control
Oh my. I'm so sorry. That's horrible. Strangely, my family also burried a loved one - Saturday morning. He was my maternal grandfather and the dynamics of the family on his side, are very similar to what you share here. I will be talking a bit more about this coming up soon during my live chats Friday and Saturdays, 6:30pm est, if you'd like to join.
It does sound like you will need boundaries with this person going forward.
what my 'sister' did is beyond insane though, it isnt even trying to 'one up' you no more - it is straight up criminal.
she could go to jail for like 5 years for what she did. its sick
my siblings throw rocks and hide the hand
i subscribed, and this the 1st video. so happy i found this channel
Welcome aboard!! Glad to have you. I welcome you to my live chats too every Friday and Saturday 6:30pm est.
Yo you said Mimi you can't make this stuff up 😂❤. Spot on.
Thanks
You're welcome! Thank you!
As the only girl with 2 brothers, my mom saw me as her rival to be jealous of, and my brothers jumped on the bandwagon of abuse- no contact with the lot of them- best decision I ever made. I was bullied mob style, esp. as they had their own kids and they started in on it too- that was the final straw for me
I never measured up to anybody's expectation oh well I have to say I'm the first one to get masters degree the first one to own my own home raise three beautiful kids by myself actions speak louder than words
Good for you! That's great. I love defeating the preconceived notions of those who think they know us well. 😏
@@TherapistTamaraHill *Smiles
Dear sis. My family used me and took every cent. Now im unemployed had to stay with my sis. I had to care 4 my bro and bigger sis when they almost died and one else was there 4 them . Now they turned on me. I alsi have stage 4 endometriosis and they treat me like a servant. Its been too much 4 me . I hve no where to go. I wish i was dead. All of them used me to do their dirty work. Its jus tooo much 4me
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to talk to someone processional who can support you. Don't go at this alone. You may find a truly caring and supporting therapist who may be able to help you navigate your thoughts, feelings ,and behaviors around your family.
so glad I found your channel!
Welcome!!😁 Feel free to join me pive Friday and Saturday 6:30pm est
Wow! I missed this.i didn't get my notification. Watching now. Blessings All
Blessings to you too!
And I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on with RUclips😟
@@TherapistTamaraHill It's ok, but I actually periodically check your platform. Your Awesome teacher, counselor. Goodnight 💝
Thank you 🤗
Thank you so very much for this video.
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome 😊
So envious!!!
Well said
I hear you talking about narcissistic family systems without quite saying those words. Golden children - who get treated better and have better "social skills" (my sister is quite adept at fawning) and scapegoat children who get treated worse and thus don't relate to others as well (that's me). We didn't have a middle child, but your artistic brother was that in your family. But you can't really blame that on the kids, it's the parents who made them that way.
I've known my mother was a vulnerable narcissist for a decade, but didn't ever realize my sister is probably a communal narcissist until a couple months ago. I'm 54 and she's 49!
This is a false division you set up. Be careful about clinging to labels. I was the “golden child” - but had less social skills. I wasn’t treated any better - I was just bragged about more and used as a “norm” bc I was excellent at school. My sister wasn’t into school - had lots of friends - and was the scapegoat bc she wasn’t “succeeding”. You are just making stereotypes w these labels - but toxic families are not monoliths.
Im 39 and my 27 year old sister has bad borrowing habits that I have had bail her out off in the last 2 years. It's taking a toll on my finances and health. We live in the same house how do I cut her off.
Oh my goodness - this sounds like the nasty treatment I have been subjected to in my family. Because I was a sickly baby, my twin sister was favored by my Mom. My baby sister was favored by my Dad. I was always treated like the”red headed step kid.” 😳
Its real thanks for caring ❤
You're welcome! Glad this was helpful. 😊
What about an older sibling that regresses and becomes dependent on a younger sibling? In my experience my sister who is 5 years older has always relied on others, to the point that my parents pushed me to help her and enable her
My sister (36) got angry at me and charged at me while I was visiting my dying father at her home. Over sleeping arrangements. She punched my head in, and put her knees on my rib cage until I told her I can’t breathe. She does that little kid thing where she repeats with a crazy face. Until she realized I couldn’t breathe forreal. I thought i would die. This happened a few days ago. Last time she assaulted me she gave me a concussion. She makes up lies about my life that I take no part in but it’s literally a projection of her own life. I estranged myself multiple times in life. Even moved across the country at 19 alone. I tried again for my dad but was attacked. I’m disgusted by her, and when she comes out of jail- I guarantee she will post it on Facebook, spewing lies about me.
For me felt that I'm that sister they run if they need financial help, and if oneday they run to me for help and if I'm not able to help them, immediately I am selfish just because I have nothing to give and receive all hurtful words in return so now I cut off all contacts from all of theme I just fade up and tired 😏😏😏
Caring for my senior mom brother is poa and continues to bully me I feel broken and confused
My little sister and cousin has also been troubled mentally since teen years and I was very very supportive and now I’m their target. I just pray they go to jail tbh. I honestly don’t care what happens to them anymore. I’m done. They have sabotaged my marriage finances and life and subjected me to a bunch of unstable men who stalks me and have me as a gang stalked targeted individual. They can truly go to hell. Do not pass go do not collect 200. I am traumatized. I need justice now!!! I want them to and my other family.
my girlfriend is going through alot today and its her older sister, her sister is 35 years old and she still act like she can't go to a therapist and she and my girlfriend been bottling up their negative and emotional emotions, my girlfriend text me crying and tell me all the stuff that her sister did and my girlfriend wants to get a free therapist.
A compounding factor in my situation was that because I was a sickly child, I was continuously negatively compared to my twin sister.
Another favor was the fact that I was divorced a couple of times and never had a spouse to take care of me. Whereas, my twin sister and my baby sister both followed in the footsteps of my Mother who lived and a traditional life as a wife and Mother with a husband who has taken care of them for decades.
Before I moved out if town to get away from two ex-husbands, and my Mother who used to call me and tell me that my twin was mad at me (I never realized that my Mom was a master at triangulation!)
Oh my. Yes. I can understand this dynamic. It's more common than you think.
Definitely a ten, I just dropped out of the family, especially the narcissist twin,too much drama
We should share notes, I believe my twin could also be a narcissist
My story is a little different when I was conceived my father was 51 with grown children and grands we have the same dad different moms I know my siblings love me but I do feel jealousy as well it’s been that way for years how do you deal with adult siblings being jealous 😢
I have toxic half siblings. I don’t deal with them. I do have a younger one who tried to pull a knife on me and attack me after an argument blew up because I told him I don’t like him and he’s a fake person. I didn’t want nothing to do with him because he lives a really toxic lifestyle.
Sibling rivalry? I will not allow them to treat me like crap. Then need me to move the world, later. My outlook on life allowed me to create opportunities to help feed my siblings w/o telling them. No respect! Did it for ease of stress for my parents and myself. I cannot see getting up after 12pm and be in charge by 1pm. I keep it moving. There was an advertisement by the Army "We do more before 9am than some people do all day". I was born into that before it came out.
Omg you said danger zone phrasing. Lol I watch Archer
What if my sister tells me do you think you can do it? Or don't like her or hate her
I have Autism and my big sister treats me like absolute sh*t cause of it. She always threatening to psychically assault me and my mom brushes it off like it’s nothing. But, when I defend myself from her, I get blamed for it immediately. My sister uses ADHD for the reason to treat people awfully. She also degrades me at any chance she gets.
Im so tired of my family all together. It’s like being back at school. I hate it so much.
My brother and sister hate me. They truly believe that I keep my home clean, pay my bills, work OT, take trips, and raised
My children well, just to make THEM feel bad. I am only a productive member of society who wanted better life for my children than what I had. As soon as I set a boundary (giving them $$) their true selves came out - vile, evil, and hateful. Just run.
The temperament of the child can also make it look like the parents have favourite.
That's a good point. There are some situations like this for sure.
My little sister and cuz who was once like a sister did all this including sleep with my men. They been a tad loose tho since teen years and slept with each other’s bfs
Both our parents own NOTHING as to how their dysfunctional parenting affected us as a family, as individual kids and now as adults. That's about the only thing they could agree on...that NONE of _this_ was their fault. Iron, Tef-Lon-like denial on both their parts. I now loathe them all, including the mother I used believe was innocent in all this. She wasn't.
I was the eldest of three. My middle sister was violent towards me into adulthood. You couldn’t handle my family
Oh YES, parents _(very mentally ill parents)_ have and _play_ favorites, and ironically it's not the child who does the most for them. It's the child who makes them look the _"most"._ In our case, it's the last child who was favored and got the least damaging effects of their parenting. Fast-forward to today and we have a perfect scenario of quid quo pro playing out where that favored spoiled child is now doing the enforcer work for the remaining narcissistic father. I LOATHE them all.
My sister (9 years younger than me; now 21) was fawned over by my parents for her entire life. She's also adopted, so there may be other underlying issues of identity. However, she was coddled her entire life, primarily with material goods.
These days she's an overt narcissist that throws people away as soon as she gets what she wants.
I kind of am Archer 🏹 🙏
I know it all I'm living it.
I just removed myself for peace.
Yes, sometimes you have to, sadly.
T.H. ❤
How do you deal with à Sister jealousy
Oh my. That's a great question but hard to find the right remedy for. The work truly is not your work but hers. She needs the help if she is truly jealous. The only thing you can do is set boundaries when needed, continue to be you, and avoid instigating her.
@@TherapistTamaraHill They deny to be jealous. They call you delusional only to turn around and do the next jealous act. 🤷😄
My brother always calls me bougie 😒 or says I act Caucasian.. Its extremely insulting
This is so dangerous a jealous siblings will take your life . I should have blocked her sooner when I heard her say why she always so blessed and her putting her hands on me. Physically abusive, emotionally abusive, financially abusive Very abusive and the family stick with her on the abuse because they all are like this. She even slept with my husband whom is narcissist. I let her live with me. And she hated me more They team up against me as well. Vall I know is I had to leave before they took my life. I literally heard her wishing death on me
I think I will just work until I don't have any free time.
17:50