The issue is they can’t go deeper in a relationship they just want to scratch the surface.. it’s unfair to put up with push pull on off in out dynamic..
Exactly. They just out of nowhere get angry at you. Mine left and made up a reason to be angry with me. I called him out on the BS then stopped all contact. I knew I hadn’t done anything to deserve the way he treated me
Being in a relationship with an DA is the worst. He literally said „I can‘t live without you“ and 5 min later he left during an argument and didn‘t call for the last 3 months. We are married.
No contact is a temporary fix in a relationship with a DA. The pulling away and DA shut downs will continue unless the DA is self-aware and willing to get help for their issues.
Yes it’s always a cycle. I would give him space to think and we’d talk later but I got tired of being on standby at times and him always “needing to think about us” even with small stupid things. Started to feel like it was devaluing in some ways
8 months into a relationship with numerous ghosted episodes. Blamed myself and did lots of work to improve myself, but every 5 weeks there was a problem, always me. I then found out that she was a dismissive avoidant with BPD traits. She literally ruined me to the point of not wanting to be here. The pain and suffering was surreal. I was so depressed being with her. 3 weeks ago of NC and I'm coming back to myself. I consider myself lucky in life, but with her, made me feel worthless and extremely isolated. Good luck to you all. You're amazing. Keep it that way. Love from the UK ❤️
Wow, this resonates deeply with me. I’m so sorry you experienced this too. It’s so painful, unnecessary, avoidable and disrespectful. Thank you for sharing this, it gives me strength. Peace, brother 🙏🏼
This is exactly what happened in my relationship. Going very well, no arguments just discussions if an issue came up, working on a future together and one day I came home and he packed everything and left then made up a bogus reason to be angry. I let it go because I can’t function off dysfunction like that.
Dysfunction is all they are comfy with. They love hurting people that love them. IDC what anyone says, once you see the truth you better not lie to yourself.
With regards to the NC, I've tried all different ways. It won't work if they have lost interest or attraction to you. Please trust me. I was so incredibly sad and depressed being with my DA, I almost considered not being here. No one has the right to make you like shit.
Absolutely right! I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain to be able to teach that to people. I feel like I did too, just not as bad but still harrowing....The best lessons really can be the hardest.
Remember, no contact is for you! If you are not getting what you need/have requested and communication is flaky, you do not keep chasing and need to begin investing in giving that attention to yourself. One person's lack of acknowledgment of you is no measure of your self worth. You define that.
Thanks people. Update. December 4. She caused me so much stress I had a seizure. I messaged her and nothing. To date, this has effected me the most. Definitely a PTSDy situation right there. Much love ❤️
Its been 7 months since my ex turned my green flags into deal breakers. Im secure, so i never chased and always offered understanding and compassion. I accept that he will hate me forever bc i saved money for a home he told me to budget for, told him about laws he agreed with, and wanted kids bc he said he wanted a daughter. I dont hate him, not mad at him, and hope he doesn't learn the hard way how rare it is for woman to be ok with being a step parent to a special needs child with a bittet baby mama. I hope he finds "better" and it was the right decision to hurt the one person who validated his feelings.
Rhonnie Minnie I can agree with all that you’ve said! I’m just learning about dismissive Avoidants and realizing that my husband of 8 years is textbook. (I’m a female btw with a boy’s name lol) I always knew something was “off” about him in that we are not emotionally close, he has stonewalled me twice after 2 (!) heated arguments in 8 years…both times being ostracized for defending myself against him or his family. Punishment has never fit the crime with him. I was secure and this has sure brought out some anxious nonsense in me. I know he was abused by his dad while his mom did nothing. The kicker? She lives with us…so if her passive agressive bullshit wasn’t enough now I have to break bread every night with the woman that facilitated his disorder. Damn. Yeah…I’ve wished him luck in my own thoughts finding a woman who will put up with no eye contact sex, no atta boys or any other words of affirmation, and a crazy as hell ex wife/kids mom who now I understand why went crazy. This IS crazy making at its finest. Saddest part to me is….if/when this whole thing goes to shit, he will not feel it emotionally like I will. Thanks for letting me rant. 💕
@@Redstiletto22 my ex's parents live with him. He hates his father, and his mother watches his disabled son. I offered to do watch his kid bc we both work from home, and i have always preferred working early, so its not like i was sacrificing any. He watched his father abuse his mom his whole life, so he decided to do worse to me. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime". We disagreed on the smallest most insignificant things, and he threw the whole relationship away. My parents have been married for 38 years and one thing i learned....you let some shit go. He took out his resentment of having a disabled child out on me bc i was the only variable in his life that he had control over.
@@Vinash1002Yup. They lure you in. Then get scared of the emotional intimacy. Then coldly discard you. Then hide for awhile. And start the whole process over again with someone else.
I was blindsided last week after 6 mos of a perfect, love at first site, relationship. I feel that all that makes sense is that she is a DA. I understand that there must have been some sort of trigger. But yes, just straight blindsided. Told me I “check all the boxes for her” and that she “loves” me but that she “could not see a future for us”. Crushed me. Your videos are very helpful, thank you!
Interesting the ex DA I was in relationship with used that same term, “you check all my boxes.” He got mad and ghosted me after I asked him to forward me the pictures we had taken together on a vacation he begged me to go on with him. He’s gone for good. Hurtful way to find out about these types but at least it was sooner than later.
The situation described are realistic and the strategies suggested very useful, specially, in remembering that “no contact” is not ghosting or sulking but reducing contact to what would normally be the case in warm social interactions, but no more. How we label people and their core wounds is perhaps not as important as how we respond to the interactions of individuals around us. Whatever the cause, we cannot establish a fruitful relation with a hesitant person and reconsidering the correct distance for a length of time, rather than putting an end to a relationship, is an obvious solution to be adopted.
BS the hell they don’t. Mine told me two separate times she broke up with me that she didn’t block me because she liked seeing me beg and grovel. The last time she broke up with me I told her I was done chasing her. It’s day 43 now.
Ive gone no contact with my avoident. I broke up with him. I could see the signs. He just couldn't communicate at all. I was walking on eggshells. I love him though. Its been hard. Otherwise our relationship was mostly positive, but he was very caged. Meh.
It worked for me. After getting taken for granted, disrespected, and no sex, I went no contact for 11 months. She contacted me and although it's not as close as I'd like to be, it's going pretty good. The difference being is that she knows I won't hesitate to break it off if she's not treating me well.
Ex and I were one month away from doing our second big move. He had been cheating for a month prior. He has blocked me on all social media and has blocked my number. He left me stranded to be with someone else. If someone has a complete disregard for your feelings and well-being, and cannot understand what it is like to not be selfish, Let them leave. FAs and DAs are the most destructive people in the dating world. Leave them alone.
@Lily M Schons thoughts are with you. Just because we are anxious doesn't make us weak. We have lots to give and we have super powers, we pick things up quickly in life. If he treats you like this then NC or any other thing is not going to work. Be strong, grow and write down your qualities. You're amazing and loved. Be strong. ❤️
I was married to a DA for 7 years. I was blinded sided yesterday and served Divorce Papers. She never communicated that she was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a light switch for her. I feel confused and taken advantage of.
You are really left confused and 😢 ask yourself, what happened? In addition you didn't get any closure. That's when you get more confused! This is the classic sign of avoidant attachment disorder!!! 😢😢😢
Same exact thing happened to me 4 months ago. Been in NC for 2 months now. It's been rough. Never talked to me about anything and hasn't wanted to talk about anything since.
@@yellowpurples832 Ngl to you, i think the same. There's been some actions on her end that make it seem like it's not over for good but then keeping me blocked on insta and not texting me for 2 months after me driving across the country to try and make it to give her a better life is demoralizing af.
Avoidant personalities shouldn't be loved or married with. You can just use them as a side dude or side chic because you can't afford on again off again in a serious relationship . 😅
That would make you an even shittier person than someone who has DA attachment. They didn’t choose to become that way. It’s your choice if you want to become an asshole.
They certainly seem to fair better in those types of relationships. The ones they are being used in. If you sincerely care about them then they repay you with all kinds of slights and poor behavior then inevitably ghost you!
You are really left confused and 😢 ask yourself, what happened? In addition you didn't get any closure. That's when you get more confused! This is the classic sign of avoidant attachment disorder!!! 😢😢😢
Thank you Katya for all of your effort!!! When I had my first visit with you all that I could focus on was RECONNECT. With your help, encouragement, and insightful direction, I’ve taken one of the worst times of my life and used it as a springboard to a much better version of me. Your direction with journaling, self improvement, and self reflection have helped at work, with my family, and most of all with myself. Don’t want to come off as a fanboy, but do want people seeing this video to know how much that you’ve helped me!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback and support, Donald. It's such a pleasure working with you. I'm so glad that our work has supported you to make strides in your life. I appreciate your continued commitment to yourself and to showing up as the best you for the people in your life. 🙏🙌
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I was starting to feel as if I was losing my dignity, so yes, I'm sure he was losing respect for me. 😢 I think no contact is beneficial for me, as well as providing space he needs. I think you're great and appreciate the videos.
It would be great to know a bit how to deal with social media with a dismissive avoidant while doing no contact. If they still follow you, should you keep them from seeing your stories to actually make them even more curious what you‘re up to and miss you even more or will them seeing what you‘re up to actually make them miss you more because they might see what they‘re missing out on and that you‘re doing fine without them.
Katya, I like your videos, being myself DA they help me to understand how I might behave in the future relationships and be more prepared to them. Could you please do a video about how a Dismissive Avoidant can share their emotions more/enough or how to communicate the rising issues in the relationships or how to make relationships better from the DA's point of view? I'm planning to have relationships in the future and I want to make it more successful and happy than they could be without help of the specialist. (I consider a therapy, but I started with RUclips to learn about the topic myself).
My DA ex dumped me when things were goin great between us. Loads of laughs! Never had an argument! and nice words said to each other. The only things I can think of that mayve triggered her are....She got proper strong feelings for me...and her oldest friend sadly passing away,.(I know this knocked her for 6!!)
Mine no contact for nearly a year now after he ended our 5 yrs relationship.. We dont fight a lot, all we had is loving and caring each other, until one day i ask him to give more time to me but he got smothered by that and broke up with me. I did not beg or chase even his mean a world to me, i been through intense pain and longing for the passed 11 months. But now i can tel you i am in a better place, focus on myself and goals plus my family is my priority. I don't know what happened to him because i cut him all over my socmed.. Healing stil on process but its okay, i know it takes time and i had patience to myself..Life goes on!
If you really want the DA who's hot & cold to seek back attention from you: behave dismissive** But having in mind that it's not love. It's a power game. Bet you have better things to do. Ingnoring them and eventually moving on with your life is the best
Omg this is crazy!! you described at exactly what my ex did to me! I was under the impression everything was going great in our relationship. we planned a road trip, our kids played well together. things were getting really serious then outta no where she wanted to end the relationship. she really blindsided me. I didn't cheat, I was respectful and romantic. I really wanted to be a good man to her. ive learned now she's text book DA. so I'm giving her space. may reach out again around xmas
Same with a. FA. I reached out 3 months later for Xmas also. They responded 3 days later with a pretty neutral text. Now 5 months into break up I am recovered and happily moving on. Deleted their number. They made their choice. I m ok with it and looking into a bright future.
My DA moved out in Feb. but he’s kept in contact. But stays avoidant. He left all his garage stuff here and we were together for 5 years. He’s been getting my daughter here and there and offered to come to cedar point with us next month. I don’t know what to think. I’m confused. He claims it’s all in my head that he’s giving me false hope and he also claims we can only be friends and that I need to accept we may always only be friends. I have left him alone really and just talked when he’s seen my daughter and it’s seemed kosher but very distant still. I’m just doing my own thing and healing myself. This is no life to live waiting for anyone. His mother passed away also a month after he moved and he claims he needs to focus on a lot in his life and figure out himself and that could take years and by then he said I’d be moved on. So I don’t know. I told him I still loved and cared about him but I can’t really give much more of any energy. That was months ago when we had that convo. He seems cold and angry when he comes around and then other times he’s nice and calm. I don’t know but I’m not playing these games. If he wants me he can make it known. I’m not settling for this bs anymore.
I disrespected myself because I loved him (love makes you do things which are nonsensical once you’re out of it eg not putting up with intimacy for a long time). I have so much love to give. And he rejected me. He’s currently on block. 4 weeks no contact.
I am an Anxious and my partner is Avoidant but what confuses me is that she got really triggered about some things and i started working on my self a month ago and she even acknowledged how immerse the change and how fast. She never broke up with me but she was distant and currently we live in different counties. The last conversation we had she went on full panic mode as soon she mention breaking up and i had to calm her down by making her do some breathing work. I suggested since she never really took some time for her self and clearly she don't wont to lose me by the way she acting to do some no contact since i was every other day trying to reach out. I though it would be good for her to relax and get some space and for her to finally be able to feel her feelings without fear. When i mentioned that she start panicking again what if but i want to know how you doing and how's your new job going etc. I took that again as a positive since all i read and heard is that if avoidant wants to break up they just do. I never saw any video mentioning something similar to my situation. Do you think no contact will be good in my case?
It’s been 4 months since she left after 10 years. Told me she was bored!! It’s been 17 days of NC for the 4th time. She is seeing a married man now!!! I don’t think she believes I’m really doing this. Now she will feel what it’s like for me not to be around!
I’m secure leaning A P , he is D A we have an amazing relationship when we’re together.I wish we kept in touch more frequently like 2 weekends out the month,we would get together in person once or twice a month. When he pulled back, I pulled back and he would basically initiate lots and lots of lovebombing when he was ready to connect. He works really hard !! So I understand how busy he is as a 50 year old man, so I respect his need for lots of space,freedom and independence. I told him after 4 months that I need to take some space to evaluate our relationship, he said he appreciates me letting him know and he understands, so he gave me space very maturely. We Love and respect each other alot. ❤
My DA is very hard working as well. The hard working is a way to numb the feelings. Same like alcohol, drugs, binge watching tv-show, ... to push down all those nasty feelings. Also for him, the only validation he got as a child was when he worked hard. If he worked hard (in school, in and outside the house fixing things, ...) he would be rewarded with a new game or gasoline for his quad. He associates happiness with materialistic achievements. It's always the next goal, "if I reach that, i'll be happy", but when he does reach his goal, he's not that happy.... go figure.
We need to understand that the avoidant term is a cover up for what is really going on. Victim mentality is the core problem. And can be easily changed. They wont change because they are addicted to playing the victim role and pampering this creatures is not the way. Back in the days they would be shunned or slapped on the head. Now ah coochie coochie treat them with care. Mi arsch! These coaches are feeding their ego. Dont fall for it. Check the victim mentality addiction. ! 😂😂😂
My ex doesnt realise that she is DA. What should I do to convince her that she has a problem and she needs therapy???? At this stage we are in no contact for 3 weeks
It’s mostly so u get over them trust me lol. I’ve done everything - do what they want - space Literally mine was on vacation w our friends 24/7 but still felt „trapped“, they’re not worth it
My gf was over 60 and out of blue, became toxic, nothing I did was right or always a comment, then she blew up, just walked without saying a word, problem is we live in same apartment building and avoiding is almost impossible, haven't spoken a word, I avoid at all costs, so much as smoking in my truck instead of smoke shack. Been like 3 weeks and difficult to keep up NC. That's all I can do, stay away and let her talk crap to everyone here, yet she has always talked shit about everyone so I'm sure I'm the bad person in at moment. So be it, can't change toxic women even old widows.. she had several deaths in last 3 months and husband year ago, and someone we both were close to last month, with like 6 others that week, so not sure if some of this grief and pain was too much and I'm the casualty in all this, guess it was just my turn. Can't change the past, gotta move on, at 64 it's not what I expected, maybe done with relationships 🤷 forever...
Grief is rough. Maybe she realized you couldn’t be there for her when her world crumbled and now “she’s out of the blue toxic”? Wow. Sounds to me like she woke up.
I was watching your videos on youtube unfortunately I didn't know about DA attachment style and I need your advice: I have been in a relationship for 5 years and after talking about moving in together she started learning tango and making new friends. one night he went dancing with them, turned off his mobile, etc. When we met we argued, she told me that I was controlling her and she didn't speak to me for 3 days. On the third day I went to see her and she told me that she wanted to continue in the relationship but that I should give her some time. I respect that. but she started seeing a person from her tango class who was 20 years older (she is 42! and he is 60).. going to parties.. etc. 1 month later he talks to me about something of little importance and says he wants to continue like this. She asked me to talk, but I told her that it was better to let her calm down a bit over time before speaking.I have been in zero contact for 3 months. what should I do? I really loved her, we both got along, there were no arguments, and we had many plans for the future. Is it possible for her to change her mind? who should break zero contact? I think she should do it when she's ready to talk...since we haven't talked since the breakup.
She did the indirect direct contact by reaching out. There may be hope for y’all but she needs to freaking change some ways prior to getting back together
How do you do no contact while living together? Also how should you go about it if your DA ex also suffers from PTSD because of their time in the military? Plz help
I did no contact with my DA wife for a few months and things only got worse cause she really enjoyed the space. What do you do then? I’m at my wits end.
It can take the DA several months to feel their feelings. Also, she may have her mind set on giving up on the marriage, in which case, her walls would be even higher.
Move on, it's better to pretend she's gone for good. And if she comes back you can now choose the new girl or the old one. It's better than just waiting and having no one.
Thank you for clearing this up for me. Then I have been dealing with a dismissive avoidant for sure. She has no issues with sex. However, I do believe that after sex she stays away because she has become destressted
What about if my ex left me for shaky reasons, stopped talking to me, rebounded almost immediately, and then blocked me when I broke no contact? 3 year relationship 🙏 Will he ever unblock me? I am an AP, and I am so hurt.
A lot of the time rebounds don’t work. And the DA is bound to find a flaw, and you’ll start to become the phantom ex and he’ll become infatuated with you. Just work on yourself. Don’t be needy. Learn how to soothe your own separation anxiety. You’d want to be secure by the time he reaches out via indirect direct way. Play it cool; make him feel the separation anxiety you felt when he left. If he wants to come back be prepared to discuss what he needs to work on so that it’ll happen. Maybe show him he’s a DA
So, three weeks post break-up, finally my ex avoidant dumper reached out to me. At first, I was surprised 😮. Tbh, I thought I would be happy. However, upon reading his statement, it seems to me that he had no remorse at all. He even made it appear that I initiated the events leading for him to dump me.. His statement was: "Hi. If you want to talk, call me tom. You initiated this, so i am not calling. I want to resolve this as I am not happy and I miss you." What are your thoughts??? Should I answer him? Should I tell him that he needs to go to therapy? 😕😔😟🤷🏻♀️
Mind games... My ex-wife says she is not sexually attracted, however, we do have sex once in a while or kiss sometimes and we do hug a lot. She blocked me on all her social media pages, but she called me her best friend and she want us to be good to each other. When I ask her why she has sex with me if she is not attracted...she says I do it for you. 🤔 sometimes she goes very cold like I am a stranger and sometimes acts loving, and caring and tells me she loves me, but not in love with me pfff I recently stopped talking to her and kept myself busy with work and other things cause im tired of the On and Off behaviors she plays. What does this mean?
My husband also told me he wasn't attracted to me and I didn't please him sexually. I KNOW there was a time when I did....tbh, I think these ppl make themselves believe all this negative crap so they don't feel deep attachment. He also said he loved me, but not the way I loved him...even though he told me regularly he loved me and all this bs. They will tell themselves ANYTHING to believe they are not "in love" or that they "care deeply" because they're afraid to get hurt by being vulnerable. They're deeply troubled people....their fear is irrational.
My DA I have been dating is in therapy and I told him (very tactfully of course) that he had a specific attachment style and perhaps he could discuss this with his psych. Anyway, he hit the roof about being labeled again and has told me to leave him alone. I did message him a brief “sorry” a few days later for triggering him and have been going no contact. He also has not reached out and I’m not wanting to trigger him further. Any advice?
@@ronmexico8383 Rob, i think I might have a DA myself, my ex has the Anxious attachment. I am currently trying to work with my issue bc I feel it was triggered from something that happened in my childhood. there are some things that you said that dont match with the way I act in the relationship but i appreciate your input. There is always room for growth :)
Hi Natalie, I let my ex DA know (tactfully too, of course!) that he showed all signs of the DA attachment style and that he may wish to understand it more in order for him to heal his attachment wound. He's now blocked me. I don't regret calling him out on it because I wasn't afraid of the consequences. Here's sending compassion to anyone who's been brave enough to call out a DA; not to set out be critical but coming from a place of real care. It's up to them if they choose to avoid their own attachment style!
@@rainbowgirljules your first mistake is TELLING them about his attachment style. He already has his stress and wound cup half full so you kind of telling him something that he didn't ask for fills it up fully. The way you should open it up to him is by telling him that YOU are learning about YOUR attachment style, and then easing it up by ASKING - what does he think HIS attachment style is. Not telling him outright what his style. It should come from him (and you leading him into it). He needs to discover it himself because you telling him about his style triggers his core wounds that he is already wrong (or that something is wrong with him), and he will get the sense that its HIM who is doing the effort of learning about his style - and therefore he might become interested (because they are independent and they value things that they do by themselves).
I left my wife of 19 years because I foolishly feel in love with a DA. I'm 48 she is 30. That should of been my first red flag. After 3 months of an amazing relationship the troubles began. We were on and off again for months. Right on 12 months she left me just as she moved to my house. It's been 6 weeks no contact and I've heard nothing. She use to always text other males so I'm sure she has moved on quickly and won't look back.
@@droflivelife you say that as if infidelity is a situation someone can just find themselves in. It requires willing participants. I wouldn’t judge someone for falling in love with someone who hurt them. I can judge someone for expecting sympathy if they’re a total hypocrite, though
@Shae_3 just an update now been 7 months. I reached out after 5 months and she was cold as ice. No intention of getting back. I left my wife because we had not been intimate for over 4 years, and we did not have any children together. I wanted kids but she didn't. She was a great person but it felt like living with a room mate.
"NO contact" with a DA is not sustainable. It is a temporary fix for a long-term problem that will perpetuate without the DA finding some sort of self-awareness. I am a recovering FA who was in a relationship with a DA for a year and a half. Even with my avoidant side, and so many other strategies put in place to tolerate his dysfunction. I HAD TO LEAVE. Their behavior is truly UNBEARABLE, especially when its coupled with a Dark Triad personality type 💯💯💯
My ex dumped me for no reason she told me she didn't want to come back after that she she changed her number on her phone and so did her family I am blocked everywhere and I cannot get in touch with her when she was young as you had a very bad bring up could this be affecting her something just get it off for some reason I feel I'm being punished for something what I do not know what I have done do these kind of people do things like this maybe into her for a long time I felt that she was my soulmate I'm just going to my mind I didn't know what to do
I’m in the same boat. They don’t communicate what’s really going on, and then turn into a different person over night. As if that’s not shocking enough, they then block you from their lives like they don’t care if you live or die.
I have honestly never felt so much pain in my life. I don’t even know who that person is. I literally could not swallow food for an entire week and wanted to die
I'm sorry to hear that Brian. That sounds incredibly painful to go through. I appreciate you watching this video and sharing a little bit about your situation.
All depends what you’re trying to achieve in using no contact. If you want to get together again, then if reaches out to you, do not ignore. But don’t just jump right back into a relationship, you’ll wanna go slow and see how it goes. If you want nothing to do with him, then let him know you’re done, please don’t contact me. Ultimately, no contact is for you to better yourself and heal.
@@sarahsummers4093 Got it. Go no contact, if he reaches out, asses the situation and see if he’s changed. You’re not gonna jump right back into the relationship. It’ll be like starting over. Just know this, if it failed the first time for xyz reasons and those reasons weren’t addressed or fixed, then it’ll fail again. Work on yourself and hopefully he’s working on himself. I wish you the best.
The video that I’ll be watching after this says why No Contact won’t work. It’s worked for me so far, the longest we’ve gone without talking is 9 days and she’s reached out and she nearly always does. I don’t want to do NC because communication is key but I feel my SP/DA pulling away and she goes cold and cancels our plans and I will not fall into the trap of chasing and pushing when she doesn’t want to.
You're a self-aware DA and you're proud that you don't let No-Contact work than actually wanting functional relationships? Pretty sure there's something else up with you, mate.
| Schedule Your "No Contact" Strategy Session Here >>
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Can DA get completely secure?
The issue is they can’t go deeper in a relationship they just want to scratch the surface.. it’s unfair to put up with push pull on off in out dynamic..
They never ask for space. They just suddenly hate you or something. HATE THEM BACK
Exactly. They just out of nowhere get angry at you. Mine left and made up a reason to be angry with me. I called him out on the BS then stopped all contact. I knew I hadn’t done anything to deserve the way he treated me
Me too
Nah for hate there need to be love.
And they were fake so you loved a mirage.
They dont deserve your hate because you dont love the real them 😂😂
Being in a relationship with an DA is the worst. He literally said „I can‘t live without you“ and 5 min later he left during an argument and didn‘t call for the last 3 months. We are married.
That’s not DA
Dirtbag
Is he back? I hope all is well with you
😭😭😭
You married and he left?!
No contact is a temporary fix in a relationship with a DA. The pulling away and DA shut downs will continue unless the DA is self-aware and willing to get help for their issues.
Yes it’s always a cycle. I would give him space to think and we’d talk later but I got tired of being on standby at times and him always “needing to think about us” even with small stupid things. Started to feel like it was devaluing in some ways
They do get help but still dont want to change.
See my comment above.
The boohoo victim
8 months into a relationship with numerous ghosted episodes. Blamed myself and did lots of work to improve myself, but every 5 weeks there was a problem, always me. I then found out that she was a dismissive avoidant with BPD traits. She literally ruined me to the point of not wanting to be here. The pain and suffering was surreal. I was so depressed being with her. 3 weeks ago of NC and I'm coming back to myself. I consider myself lucky in life, but with her, made me feel worthless and extremely isolated. Good luck to you all. You're amazing. Keep it that way. Love from the UK ❤️
Sounds like amber heard, run.
Same here brother. I'm on day 2 on NC
We share a child together
@@LexTalinois I'm sorry to hear this. It's going to be tough. You'll get through. Get back to me if you want help. 💪
Thanks for sharing your story.
Wow, this resonates deeply with me. I’m so sorry you experienced this too. It’s so painful, unnecessary, avoidable and disrespectful. Thank you for sharing this, it gives me strength. Peace, brother 🙏🏼
This is exactly what happened in my relationship. Going very well, no arguments just discussions if an issue came up, working on a future together and one day I came home and he packed everything and left then made up a bogus reason to be angry. I let it go because I can’t function off dysfunction like that.
Dysfunction is all they are comfy with. They love hurting people that love them. IDC what anyone says, once you see the truth you better not lie to yourself.
0
Same he dumped me for meeting his parents on accident..
With regards to the NC, I've tried all different ways. It won't work if they have lost interest or attraction to you. Please trust me. I was so incredibly sad and depressed being with my DA, I almost considered not being here. No one has the right to make you like shit.
Absolutely right! I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain to be able to teach that to people. I feel like I did too, just not as bad but still harrowing....The best lessons really can be the hardest.
Remember, no contact is for you! If you are not getting what you need/have requested and communication is flaky, you do not keep chasing and need to begin investing in giving that attention to yourself. One person's lack of acknowledgment of you is no measure of your self worth. You define that.
Thanks people. Update. December 4. She caused me so much stress I had a seizure. I messaged her and nothing. To date, this has effected me the most. Definitely a PTSDy situation right there. Much love ❤️
Its been 7 months since my ex turned my green flags into deal breakers. Im secure, so i never chased and always offered understanding and compassion. I accept that he will hate me forever bc i saved money for a home he told me to budget for, told him about laws he agreed with, and wanted kids bc he said he wanted a daughter. I dont hate him, not mad at him, and hope he doesn't learn the hard way how rare it is for woman to be ok with being a step parent to a special needs child with a bittet baby mama. I hope he finds "better" and it was the right decision to hurt the one person who validated his feelings.
Rhonnie Minnie I can agree with all that you’ve said! I’m just learning about dismissive Avoidants and realizing that my husband of 8 years is textbook. (I’m a female btw with a boy’s name lol) I always knew something was “off” about him in that we are not emotionally close, he has stonewalled me twice after 2 (!) heated arguments in 8 years…both times being ostracized for defending myself against him or his family. Punishment has never fit the crime with him.
I was secure and this has sure brought out some anxious nonsense in me. I know he was abused by his dad while his mom did nothing. The kicker? She lives with us…so if her passive agressive bullshit wasn’t enough now I have to break bread every night with the woman that facilitated his disorder. Damn.
Yeah…I’ve wished him luck in my own thoughts finding a woman who will put up with no eye contact sex, no atta boys or any other words of affirmation, and a crazy as hell ex wife/kids mom who now I understand why went crazy. This IS crazy making at its finest.
Saddest part to me is….if/when this whole thing goes to shit, he will not feel it emotionally like I will.
Thanks for letting me rant. 💕
@@Redstiletto22 my ex's parents live with him. He hates his father, and his mother watches his disabled son. I offered to do watch his kid bc we both work from home, and i have always preferred working early, so its not like i was sacrificing any. He watched his father abuse his mom his whole life, so he decided to do worse to me. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime". We disagreed on the smallest most insignificant things, and he threw the whole relationship away. My parents have been married for 38 years and one thing i learned....you let some shit go. He took out his resentment of having a disabled child out on me bc i was the only variable in his life that he had control over.
@@rhonnieminnie thats really sad , hope you are ok now .
A secure person will not offer "understanding and compassion" and write a comment on RUclips.
@@bonton9441 you are entitled to your wrong opinion.
"Irrational fear they are going to be smothered or trapped in the relationship"
This is just fucked up, so they want to get out of the relationship whenever they want ?
@@Vinash1002Yup. They lure you in. Then get scared of the emotional intimacy. Then coldly discard you. Then hide for awhile. And start the whole process over again with someone else.
I was blindsided last week after 6 mos of a perfect, love at first site, relationship. I feel that all that makes sense is that she is a DA. I understand that there must have been some sort of trigger. But yes, just straight blindsided. Told me I “check all the boxes for her” and that she “loves” me but that she “could not see a future for us”. Crushed me. Your videos are very helpful, thank you!
Same exact thing happened to me recently. Nothing worse than finding out your perfect relationship was all in your head.
Wow we all have similar stories
Interesting the ex DA I was in relationship with used that same term, “you check all my boxes.” He got mad and ghosted me after I asked him to forward me the pictures we had taken together on a vacation he begged me to go on with him.
He’s gone for good. Hurtful way to find out about these types but at least it was sooner than later.
The situation described are realistic and the strategies suggested very useful, specially, in remembering that “no contact” is not ghosting or sulking but reducing contact to what would normally be the case in warm social interactions, but no more.
How we label people and their core wounds is perhaps not as important as how we respond to the interactions of individuals around us.
Whatever the cause, we cannot establish a fruitful relation with a hesitant person and reconsidering the correct distance for a length of time, rather than putting an end to a relationship, is an obvious solution to be adopted.
I hope you are all aware, they are not doing this intentionally, even if its destructive. Thank you for educating us.
Bs
BS the hell they don’t. Mine told me two separate times she broke up with me that she didn’t block me because she liked seeing me beg and grovel.
The last time she broke up with me I told her I was done chasing her. It’s day 43 now.
@@bobbooey45That’s just evil.
Ive gone no contact with my avoident. I broke up with him. I could see the signs. He just couldn't communicate at all. I was walking on eggshells. I love him though. Its been hard. Otherwise our relationship was mostly positive, but he was very caged. Meh.
It worked for me. After getting taken for granted, disrespected, and no sex, I went no contact for 11 months. She contacted me and although it's not as close as I'd like to be, it's going pretty good. The difference being is that she knows I won't hesitate to break it off if she's not treating me well.
Wow scammers everywhere
She don't care about you, just herself and you'll be her fool cuz you still want her love even after treating you like a non-factor.
One year has passed, what happened
@@angeld5780 it's still going pretty good.
Ex and I were one month away from doing our second big move. He had been cheating for a month prior. He has blocked me on all social media and has blocked my number. He left me stranded to be with someone else.
If someone has a complete disregard for your feelings and well-being, and cannot understand what it is like to not be selfish, Let them leave.
FAs and DAs are the most destructive people in the dating world. Leave them alone.
@Lily M Schons thoughts are with you. Just because we are anxious doesn't make us weak. We have lots to give and we have super powers, we pick things up quickly in life. If he treats you like this then NC or any other thing is not going to work. Be strong, grow and write down your qualities. You're amazing and loved. Be strong. ❤️
I was married to a DA for 7 years. I was blinded sided yesterday and served Divorce Papers. She never communicated that she was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a light switch for her. I feel confused and taken advantage of.
Sorry for that you’ll be okay
You are really left confused and 😢 ask yourself, what happened? In addition you didn't get any closure. That's when you get more confused! This is the classic sign of avoidant attachment disorder!!! 😢😢😢
Same exact thing happened to me 4 months ago. Been in NC for 2 months now. It's been rough. Never talked to me about anything and hasn't wanted to talk about anything since.
@sean7697 it's hard. Sometimes I am thinking, I won't be able to make it. I'm just on my 12th day NC 💔💔💔
@@yellowpurples832 Ngl to you, i think the same. There's been some actions on her end that make it seem like it's not over for good but then keeping me blocked on insta and not texting me for 2 months after me driving across the country to try and make it to give her a better life is demoralizing af.
Avoidant personalities shouldn't be loved or married with. You can just use them as a side dude or side chic because you can't afford on again off again in a serious relationship . 😅
Shameful comment, you’re as toxic as them.
That would make you an even shittier person than someone who has DA attachment. They didn’t choose to become that way. It’s your choice if you want to become an asshole.
They certainly seem to fair better in those types of relationships. The ones they are being used in. If you sincerely care about them then they repay you with all kinds of slights and poor behavior then inevitably ghost you!
You are really left confused and 😢 ask yourself, what happened? In addition you didn't get any closure. That's when you get more confused! This is the classic sign of avoidant attachment disorder!!! 😢😢😢
Thank you Katya for all of your effort!!! When I had my first visit with you all that I could focus on was RECONNECT. With your help, encouragement, and insightful direction, I’ve taken one of the worst times of my life and used it as a springboard to a much better version of me. Your direction with journaling, self improvement, and self reflection have helped at work, with my family, and most of all with myself. Don’t want to come off as a fanboy, but do want people seeing this video to know how much that you’ve helped me!!!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback and support, Donald. It's such a pleasure working with you. I'm so glad that our work has supported you to make strides in your life. I appreciate your continued commitment to yourself and to showing up as the best you for the people in your life. 🙏🙌
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I was starting to feel as if I was losing my dignity, so yes, I'm sure he was losing respect for me. 😢 I think no contact is beneficial for me, as well as providing space he needs. I think you're great and appreciate the videos.
I’m writing this to myself really but we all need to have a group hug, send these emotional vacuums on their way and do some anxious healing.
Would highly recommend a session. Mine was very helpful!
Hi Edward, thank you for the feedback and support. I’m glad you found our conversation helpful. 🙏
I liked and subscribed in the first few seconds- before you asked ❤
Aww so kind of you! ☺️
It would be great to know a bit how to deal with social media with a dismissive avoidant while doing no contact. If they still follow you, should you keep them from seeing your stories to actually make them even more curious what you‘re up to and miss you even more or will them seeing what you‘re up to actually make them miss you more because they might see what they‘re missing out on and that you‘re doing fine without them.
Katya, I like your videos, being myself DA they help me to understand how I might behave in the future relationships and be more prepared to them. Could you please do a video about how a Dismissive Avoidant can share their emotions more/enough or how to communicate the rising issues in the relationships or how to make relationships better from the DA's point of view? I'm planning to have relationships in the future and I want to make it more successful and happy than they could be without help of the specialist. (I consider a therapy, but I started with RUclips to learn about the topic myself).
Thank you for the great questions and video suggestions. I can definitely explore making a video on any one of these topics.
Would you give us a feedback if any of the interventions you've gone through help in any way ?
I had a 121 with Katya. She's amazing. Thanks.
My DA ex dumped me when things were goin great between us. Loads of laughs! Never had an argument! and nice words said to each other. The only things I can think of that mayve triggered her are....She got proper strong feelings for me...and her oldest friend sadly passing away,.(I know this knocked her for 6!!)
Mine no contact for nearly a year now after he ended our 5 yrs relationship.. We dont fight a lot, all we had is loving and caring each other, until one day i ask him to give more time to me but he got smothered by that and broke up with me. I did not beg or chase even his mean a world to me, i been through intense pain and longing for the passed 11 months. But now i can tel you i am in a better place, focus on myself and goals plus my family is my priority. I don't know what happened to him because i cut him all over my socmed.. Healing stil on process but its okay, i know it takes time and i had patience to myself..Life goes on!
I break no contact all the time. Need to stick with it
What if they break up because they've been seeing someone else already?
Спасибо за информацию)
Пожалуйста
Or they could be cheating. That's what mine did to me.
If you really want the DA who's hot & cold to seek back attention from you: behave dismissive**
But having in mind that it's not love. It's a power game. Bet you have better things to do. Ingnoring them and eventually moving on with your life is the best
Omg this is crazy!! you described at exactly what my ex did to me! I was under the impression everything was going great in our relationship. we planned a road trip, our kids played well together. things were getting really serious then outta no where she wanted to end the relationship. she really blindsided me. I didn't cheat, I was respectful and romantic. I really wanted to be a good man to her. ive learned now she's text book DA. so I'm giving her space. may reach out again around xmas
Glad my video spoke to your situation! Thanks for sharing.
Did you reach out to her?
@@halanajeed1403 seconded, and if so, what happened?
I thought i did everything right also. Maybe thats the problem
Same with a. FA. I reached out 3 months later for Xmas also. They responded 3 days later with a pretty neutral text. Now 5 months into break up I am recovered and happily moving on. Deleted their number. They made their choice. I m ok with it and looking into a bright future.
My DA moved out in Feb. but he’s kept in contact. But stays avoidant. He left all his garage stuff here and we were together for 5 years. He’s been getting my daughter here and there and offered to come to cedar point with us next month. I don’t know what to think. I’m confused. He claims it’s all in my head that he’s giving me false hope and he also claims we can only be friends and that I need to accept we may always only be friends. I have left him alone really and just talked when he’s seen my daughter and it’s seemed kosher but very distant still. I’m just doing my own thing and healing myself. This is no life to live waiting for anyone. His mother passed away also a month after he moved and he claims he needs to focus on a lot in his life and figure out himself and that could take years and by then he said I’d be moved on. So I don’t know. I told him I still loved and cared about him but I can’t really give much more of any energy. That was months ago when we had that convo. He seems cold and angry when he comes around and then other times he’s nice and calm. I don’t know but I’m not playing these games. If he wants me he can make it known. I’m not settling for this bs anymore.
I hope your daughter is his biological kid, if not RUN!
It sounds like he already did make it known…you’re just not accepting it
I disrespected myself because I loved him (love makes you do things which are nonsensical once you’re out of it eg not putting up with intimacy for a long time). I have so much love to give. And he rejected me. He’s currently on block. 4 weeks no contact.
I am an Anxious and my partner is Avoidant but what confuses me is that she got really triggered about some things and i started working on my self a month ago and she even acknowledged how immerse the change and how fast. She never broke up with me but she was distant and currently we live in different counties. The last conversation we had she went on full panic mode as soon she mention breaking up and i had to calm her down by making her do some breathing work. I suggested since she never really took some time for her self and clearly she don't wont to lose me by the way she acting to do some no contact since i was every other day trying to reach out. I though it would be good for her to relax and get some space and for her to finally be able to feel her feelings without fear. When i mentioned that she start panicking again what if but i want to know how you doing and how's your new job going etc. I took that again as a positive since all i read and heard is that if avoidant wants to break up they just do. I never saw any video mentioning something similar to my situation. Do you think no contact will be good in my case?
How do I do No Contact With dismissive avoidant and we got a 2 year old daughter
It’s been 4 months since she left after 10 years. Told me she was bored!! It’s been 17 days of NC for the 4th time. She is seeing a married man now!!! I don’t think she believes I’m really doing this. Now she will feel what it’s like for me not to be around!
She doesn't care
Lol she dated someone who’s married, she’s obviously a pos (sorry)
What if I have snap chat and she's on my friends list and she watches all my snap story's should I delete her so she can't see my life?
If I go no contact,I won’t budge from it ,why would I want to put up with anyone with the push and pull ,move on find someone else
I’m secure leaning A P , he is D A we have an amazing relationship when we’re together.I wish we kept in touch more frequently like 2 weekends out the month,we would get together in person once or twice a month. When he pulled back, I pulled back and he would basically initiate lots and lots of lovebombing when he was ready to connect. He works really hard !! So I understand how busy he is as a 50 year old man, so I respect his need for lots of space,freedom and independence. I told him after 4 months that I need to take some space to evaluate our relationship, he said he appreciates me letting him know and he understands, so he gave me space very maturely. We Love and respect each other alot. ❤
My DA is very hard working as well. The hard working is a way to numb the feelings. Same like alcohol, drugs, binge watching tv-show, ... to push down all those nasty feelings. Also for him, the only validation he got as a child was when he worked hard. If he worked hard (in school, in and outside the house fixing things, ...) he would be rewarded with a new game or gasoline for his quad. He associates happiness with materialistic achievements. It's always the next goal, "if I reach that, i'll be happy", but when he does reach his goal, he's not that happy.... go figure.
We need to understand that the avoidant term is a cover up for what is really going on.
Victim mentality is the core problem.
And can be easily changed.
They wont change because they are addicted to playing the victim role and pampering this creatures is not the way.
Back in the days they would be shunned or slapped on the head.
Now ah coochie coochie treat them with care.
Mi arsch!
These coaches are feeding their ego.
Dont fall for it.
Check the victim mentality addiction.
!
😂😂😂
You are right, my ex stayed the victim from problems they created.
@@Shae_3
These fake coaches promotewith false hope that it will be ok and keep people in an abusive loop.
Hope sells to traumatized people.
...
My ex doesnt realise that she is DA. What should I do to convince her that she has a problem and she needs therapy???? At this stage we are in no contact for 3 weeks
Good luck. I did that and got blocked 😂😂
It’s mostly so u get over them trust me
lol.
I’ve done everything
- do what they want
- space
Literally mine was on vacation w our friends 24/7 but still felt „trapped“, they’re not worth it
My gf was over 60 and out of blue, became toxic, nothing I did was right or always a comment, then she blew up, just walked without saying a word, problem is we live in same apartment building and avoiding is almost impossible, haven't spoken a word, I avoid at all costs, so much as smoking in my truck instead of smoke shack. Been like 3 weeks and difficult to keep up NC. That's all I can do, stay away and let her talk crap to everyone here, yet she has always talked shit about everyone so I'm sure I'm the bad person in at moment. So be it, can't change toxic women even old widows.. she had several deaths in last 3 months and husband year ago, and someone we both were close to last month, with like 6 others that week, so not sure if some of this grief and pain was too much and I'm the casualty in all this, guess it was just my turn. Can't change the past, gotta move on, at 64 it's not what I expected, maybe done with relationships 🤷 forever...
Grief is rough.
Maybe she realized you couldn’t be there for her when her world crumbled and now “she’s out of the blue toxic”? Wow.
Sounds to me like she woke up.
My x dumped me and block me with no reason.after a week he unblock me,
But he doesn't contact me.
@Ella AMANA thanks! Finally i broke up with him.
@Ella AMANA he texted me yesterday and blah blah so i am getting a chance to break up with him and i feel relieved.
I was watching your videos on youtube unfortunately I didn't know about DA attachment style and I need your advice:
I have been in a relationship for 5 years and after talking about moving in together she started learning tango and making new friends. one night he went dancing with them, turned off his mobile, etc. When we met we argued, she told me that I was controlling her and she didn't speak to me for 3 days. On the third day I went to see her and she told me that she wanted to continue in the relationship but that I should give her some time. I respect that. but she started seeing a person from her tango class who was 20 years older (she is 42! and he is 60).. going to parties.. etc.
1 month later he talks to me about something of little importance and says he wants to continue like this. She asked me to talk, but I told her that it was better to let her calm down a bit over time before speaking.I have been in zero contact for 3 months. what should I do? I really loved her, we both got along, there were no arguments, and we had many plans for the future. Is it possible for her to change her mind? who should break zero contact? I think she should do it when she's ready to talk...since we haven't talked since the breakup.
She did the indirect direct contact by reaching out. There may be hope for y’all but she needs to freaking change some ways prior to getting back together
How do you do no contact while living together? Also how should you go about it if your DA ex also suffers from PTSD because of their time in the military? Plz help
Da and ptsd 😂 sorry 😮😂
Live your life like they're not even there. That's what they want anyways.
Whag if a DA falls out of love with you when u are an AA
i dont want to teach my ex a message i want her to leave me alone
I did no contact with my DA wife for a few months and things only got worse cause she really enjoyed the space. What do you do then? I’m at my wits end.
It can take the DA several months to feel their feelings. Also, she may have her mind set on giving up on the marriage, in which case, her walls would be even higher.
Move on, it's better to pretend she's gone for good. And if she comes back you can now choose the new girl or the old one. It's better than just waiting and having no one.
What would you advise your daughter in this situation?! Move On; There’s good men/women out there in the mist unlikely places
What happens if the person is a fearful avoidant and you do no contact
Fearful avoidant need no contact but they also need you to reach out when necessary when using your discernment on a case by case basis lol...
Thank you for clearing this up for me.
Then I have been dealing with a dismissive avoidant for sure.
She has no issues with sex. However, I do believe that after sex she stays away because she has become destressted
Iam a FA and it would be very hurtful
An FA will most likely come back to you and at least initiate a conversation in no contact because they will eventually have anxiety in space.
If someone does no contact with me, as an FA, I’m completely done. Never coming back.
What about if my ex left me for shaky reasons, stopped talking to me, rebounded almost immediately, and then blocked me when I broke no contact? 3 year relationship 🙏 Will he ever unblock me? I am an AP, and I am so hurt.
Did he ever unblock you? I am actually a DA, Who dated an AP
A lot of the time rebounds don’t work. And the DA is bound to find a flaw, and you’ll start to become the phantom ex and he’ll become infatuated with you. Just work on yourself. Don’t be needy. Learn how to soothe your own separation anxiety. You’d want to be secure by the time he reaches out via indirect direct way. Play it cool; make him feel the separation anxiety you felt when he left. If he wants to come back be prepared to discuss what he needs to work on so that it’ll happen. Maybe show him he’s a DA
This isn’t no contact he broke up with you and moved on. There’s a difference between no contact and breaking up and leaving.
What if i broke no contact accidentally? But no conversations... What should we do?
Talk about the issues
Go back into NC again, until THEY reach out to you. AND THEY WILL
So, three weeks post break-up, finally my ex avoidant dumper reached out to me. At first, I was surprised 😮. Tbh, I thought I would be happy. However, upon reading his statement, it seems to me that he had no remorse at all. He even made it appear that I initiated the events leading for him to dump me..
His statement was:
"Hi. If you want to talk, call me tom. You initiated this, so i am not calling. I want to resolve this as I am not happy and I miss you."
What are your thoughts???
Should I answer him?
Should I tell him that he needs to go to therapy? 😕😔😟🤷🏻♀️
No stay on NC. Be strong. He wanted to regain control over you. No accountability.
Trust me it’ll always be like that.
I think I was a rebound from my ex
Sounds fun
Mind games... My ex-wife says she is not sexually attracted, however, we do have sex once in a while or kiss sometimes and we do hug a lot. She blocked me on all her social media pages, but she called me her best friend and she want us to be good to each other. When I ask her why she has sex with me if she is not attracted...she says I do it for you. 🤔 sometimes she goes very cold like I am a stranger and sometimes acts loving, and caring and tells me she loves me, but not in love with me pfff
I recently stopped talking to her and kept myself busy with work and other things cause im tired of the On and Off behaviors she plays.
What does this mean?
My husband also told me he wasn't attracted to me and I didn't please him sexually. I KNOW there was a time when I did....tbh, I think these ppl make themselves believe all this negative crap so they don't feel deep attachment. He also said he loved me, but not the way I loved him...even though he told me regularly he loved me and all this bs. They will tell themselves ANYTHING to believe they are not "in love" or that they "care deeply" because they're afraid to get hurt by being vulnerable. They're deeply troubled people....their fear is irrational.
It means you should definitely move on!
My DA I have been dating is in therapy and I told him (very tactfully of course) that he had a specific attachment style and perhaps he could discuss this with his psych. Anyway, he hit the roof about being labeled again and has told me to leave him alone. I did message him a brief “sorry” a few days later for triggering him and have been going no contact. He also has not reached out and I’m not wanting to trigger him further. Any advice?
@@ronmexico8383 are you married and not happy? Hows your relationship w your current partner? Did you guys make it work?
@@ronmexico8383 Rob, i think I might have a DA myself, my ex has the Anxious attachment. I am currently trying to work with my issue bc I feel it was triggered from something that happened in my childhood. there are some things that you said that dont match with the way I act in the relationship but i appreciate your input. There is always room for growth :)
Hi Natalie, I let my ex DA know (tactfully too, of course!) that he showed all signs of the DA attachment style and that he may wish to understand it more in order for him to heal his attachment wound. He's now blocked me. I don't regret calling him out on it because I wasn't afraid of the consequences.
Here's sending compassion to anyone who's been brave enough to call out a DA; not to set out be critical but coming from a place of real care. It's up to them if they choose to avoid their own attachment style!
@@rainbowgirljules your first mistake is TELLING them about his attachment style. He already has his stress and wound cup half full so you kind of telling him something that he didn't ask for fills it up fully. The way you should open it up to him is by telling him that YOU are learning about YOUR attachment style, and then easing it up by ASKING - what does he think HIS attachment style is. Not telling him outright what his style. It should come from him (and you leading him into it). He needs to discover it himself because you telling him about his style triggers his core wounds that he is already wrong (or that something is wrong with him), and he will get the sense that its HIM who is doing the effort of learning about his style - and therefore he might become interested (because they are independent and they value things that they do by themselves).
@@worldwidechubbyguy2.018That's way too much work and cuddling needed. Sigh
I left my wife of 19 years because I foolishly feel in love with a DA. I'm 48 she is 30. That should of been my first red flag. After 3 months of an amazing relationship the troubles began. We were on and off again for months. Right on 12 months she left me just as she moved to my house. It's been 6 weeks no contact and I've heard nothing. She use to always text other males so I'm sure she has moved on quickly and won't look back.
What? You’re surprised that the cheating home wrecker cheated on you and left you like you left your wife? Shocker.
@WayneZalinksy don't judge till you been there. I'm just trying to help others not make the same mistake.
@@droflivelife you say that as if infidelity is a situation someone can just find themselves in. It requires willing participants. I wouldn’t judge someone for falling in love with someone who hurt them. I can judge someone for expecting sympathy if they’re a total hypocrite, though
Why did you leave your wife, was it a bad marriage? Did y’all have children?
@Shae_3 just an update now been 7 months. I reached out after 5 months and she was cold as ice. No intention of getting back. I left my wife because we had not been intimate for over 4 years, and we did not have any children together. I wanted kids but she didn't. She was a great person but it felt like living with a room mate.
"NO contact" with a DA is not sustainable.
It is a temporary fix for a long-term problem that will perpetuate without the DA finding some sort of self-awareness. I am a recovering FA who was in a relationship with a DA for a year and a half. Even with my avoidant side, and so many other strategies put in place to tolerate his dysfunction. I HAD TO LEAVE. Their behavior is truly UNBEARABLE, especially when its coupled with a Dark Triad personality type 💯💯💯
My ex dumped me for no reason she told me she didn't want to come back after that she she changed her number on her phone and so did her family I am blocked everywhere and I cannot get in touch with her when she was young as you had a very bad bring up could this be affecting her something just get it off for some reason I feel I'm being punished for something what I do not know what I have done do these kind of people do things like this maybe into her for a long time I felt that she was my soulmate I'm just going to my mind I didn't know what to do
I’m in the same boat. They don’t communicate what’s really going on, and then turn into a different person over night. As if that’s not shocking enough, they then block you from their lives like they don’t care if you live or die.
I have honestly never felt so much pain in my life. I don’t even know who that person is. I literally could not swallow food for an entire week and wanted to die
I'm sorry to hear that Brian. That sounds incredibly painful to go through. I appreciate you watching this video and sharing a little bit about your situation.
@@chelsealance6645 I know the pain just devastating 💔
@@chelsealance6645 that's what I don't understand either. It's like you never existed , you are there and then you aren't.
I want to start no contact on my ex. Do u ignore them if they try to call or message? He’s lost respect for me and I’m trying to gain Balance.
All depends what you’re trying to achieve in using no contact. If you want to get together again, then if reaches out to you, do not ignore. But don’t just jump right back into a relationship, you’ll wanna go slow and see how it goes. If you want nothing to do with him, then let him know you’re done, please don’t contact me. Ultimately, no contact is for you to better yourself and heal.
@@salvomig2368 thank u. I’m hoping he will change and get back to our normal state. I don’t think it’ll happen tho
@@sarahsummers4093 Got it. Go no contact, if he reaches out, asses the situation and see if he’s changed. You’re not gonna jump right back into the relationship. It’ll be like starting over. Just know this, if it failed the first time for xyz reasons and those reasons weren’t addressed or fixed, then it’ll fail again. Work on yourself and hopefully he’s working on himself. I wish you the best.
@@salvomig2368 thank you 🙏🏼
If he reached out and it's insignificant don't respond. Only of its significant you respond
These advice were confusing
The video that I’ll be watching after this says why No Contact won’t work. It’s worked for me so far, the longest we’ve gone without talking is 9 days and she’s reached out and she nearly always does. I don’t want to do NC because communication is key but I feel my SP/DA pulling away and she goes cold and cancels our plans and I will not fall into the trap of chasing and pushing when she doesn’t want to.
I am a dismissive avoidant and I know the no contact rule. So it doesn't work for me anymore🤷♀😊
get help
You're a self-aware DA and you're proud that you don't let No-Contact work than actually wanting functional relationships?
Pretty sure there's something else up with you, mate.
That sounds as narcisists sound. Poor mean thing. I pity you
Well tell us what does work?