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We connected via a common hobby. However, I am not sure I want her back. DAs can be extremely hurtful and devaluing when they discard you, almost to the point of being narcissistic.
Why would you want a person like this back? I guess if you would like to put your needs aside, devote yourself to understanding your DA, walk on eggshells so you do not trigger them and watch them toss you aside again...then by all means carry on. Repeat over and over until you have totally lost yourself. Your mileage may vary but there are far more stories of heartbreak and few stories of success.
@@KatyaMorozovahow to get over such an addiction forever. They come back anyway, just to hurt and ignore you again. There is no amount of self control which would protect you from walking on eggshells and triggering them all the time and just not knowing, why, what the hell did I wrong again? Mine was even triggered from a question mark after How are you doing.... He told me, I shouldn't use question mark (after so an innocent question) , because it feels like police and interview to him... I accidentaly used it anyway, because its just proper Grammar to me... I really didnt think anything controlling asking this as soft as possible. This is just only one example from his eggshells, and it were a LOT.
Ya I agree. She blocked me three months ago with no word. Not one! I am supposed to go after that??? Maybe I just need my heart ripped out of my chest one more time. Just for fun.
Yeah this works, but they’ll keep you in the friend zone. I don’t have the time to play high school games trying to lure an alley cat. My ex and I connect on entrepreneurship fashion and pop culture, also food, life goals. The one thing we don’t connect on is communication and that outweighs everything so no, if he wants to grow up and have an adult relationship he needs to make that first step. I don’t want a partner I have to be aloof with, I want one that wants me as much as I want them if not more so. Avoidants with severe avoidance are emotional stunted and they need to work on that. I was always FA leaning secure, this last guy made me anxious and unsure because he was insecure and defensive. It was terrible experience
I went through the same for two years. 40 years old and he acted 15. Never took accountability, even laughed at me when I would try to hold him accountable for his words and actions. Not only that, only see him 5 times in the two years. 🤦♀️ never met his family, and he never met mine. Super avoidant and I triggered him all the time. He would block me for months just because I triggered him and he couldn’t talk, then he’d come back months later acting like nothing had ever happened, and if I tried once even, to hold him accountable, or to mention anything that had happened previously. He would disappear for months at a time again.
@@daughteroftheking6402I’ve noticed DAs never take accountability for anything in the relationship. I’d love to see how this talk is supposed to go when they figure out you’re growing and putting in the work to be better. We’ve been split 5 months and I’ve been in counseling 2x a week for the entire time. He came back after 2.5 months. Lasted two months and I’m discarded again. He’s supposed to come over to talk after work today and I have a list I wrote out. After watching this video I’m scared to proceed with the conversation as my “list” that I wish to express will put him in complete panic mode and he’ll be gone again for a few months.
@@ninaschuld2007I am sorry for your situation with your partner. How did it go? Did he come back again? Did you reattract him or did he start the reconnection the previous times?
@@KatyaMorozovaa video exploring the difference between avoidant attachment and character flaws could be interesting and enlightening. When deactivating strategies cross over into abuse. This could help raise the avoidants awareness of their behavior, and help those unaware of what they are experiencing to recognize that this may not be a narcissist (easy mistake to make for the uninitiated), and to emphasize the need for boundaries in any situation that becomes toxic or abusive.
@@KatyaMorozova I love your work Katya but what's the point? Avoidant people are selfish self centered people and to be honest I don't care how many traumas they have, they don't give a damn about anybody else but them (sometimes not even that). We need to be even more avoidant than they are. They're close to narcissists
Great idea! I'm definitely open to making a video on this topic. Feel free to share anything else on the topic that you'd like to see me cover in the video.
@@KatyaMorozovait was eye opening for me to understand attachment style by itself is benign. The same way having NPD is. Unfortunately us humans don’t live in that vacuum and these unhealthy ways of relating are going to cause problems in relationships. Awareness, education, and boundaries have helped me to be less effected by abusive behavior. This has been a hard fought uphill battle that is far from over.
She went away and devalued me... long ago... now she's back knocking on my 🚪 door I hear a dismissive knocking I say you can't come in I hear ya knocking Go back where you been.... If she had listened back in '23 She would have known I detest misery.... Anyway.... keep your hands up at all times and when instructed go to a neutral corner. Our common interest was horizontal.... now I am vertical Geometry ❤
I have watched a number of your presentations, in addition to those of others on this general subject: reattracting. I found this particular video the most succinct description of a strategy, attitude and approach that most importantly starts with becoming the best most genuine version of oneself that dependence on another's behavior for one's own validation is shown as the obvious obstacle to a relation that has maximum staying power. This short flick seems to say all that is necessary to anyone who has the ears to hear. All that remains is the patience to allow either your current or next relationship to unfold in a dispassionate, "give and take" manner. I am so grateful to have arrived in this seemingly tiny but so profound destination of confidence. Accolades are mere apologies for these principles are the essence of relationship well managed.
I reconnect with my DA ex by inviting him for a coffee and telling him I am curious to catch up. He reacted a bit defensively, and I explained that we could have an open conversation about that and that I still had warm feelings for him. He agreed to it 10 days later. We had an open hearted chat with each other, the energy was really good, and we discussed that trust and comfort has to be rebuild for a while casually. He started being very proactive about inviting me on dates and we were clearly both excited to laugh and enjoy each other again. 2 months later he confessed he loves me. He did deactivate for a while straight after that and told me it feels too soon to get married and he discussed it with his parents. I really wasn't rushing towards marriage but that's how deep he felt towards me.
Thanks a lot I enjoyed listening to you. you have a good grasp on the dismissive avoidant four weeks ago. I’ve never even heard of this about attachment theory it’s pretty amazing and I am more of the anxious attachment which I’m trying to move into the secure attachment.
This a lot of fucking work and no one want this headache ….. OMG! We want an easy relationship full of love and care ….. let them go and treat themselves!
I don' think I could ever be that emotionally detached when trying to repair a relationship where there was once a huge connection. Unless the feelings have completely died. Then why even try getting the ex back?
You will be retraumatized and be back with CPTSD gratis. It would be more helpful to give advice on how to get over this addiction forever, because it works like a drog.
I Want her back, i love her unconditionally that i except her because i see through her advoidant behaviour, deep down im willing to show her what i have and that ee can one day work through anything dhe feels she can at the time. I cant believe there are so many comments on here saying otherwise, what sre you foing yhen watching videos on getting an advoidant back???
Told me ex DA to not contact me any more then 1 week later I got a text saying she unblocked me saying she was sorry we didn’t workout and I was such an amazing person blah blah. What did that mean?
From my experience, 1 year and on. They don't give a damn. NC does not work on them. They will get another source of supply soon or get something to be amused about, avoiding you altogether
Before i met her, i was having a good time for real. The more time we spent together (especially when we lived together)for some reason it was a better time. Now she's gone. My frame of reference has changed. Doing what I'm doing isn't serving me. It probably never has.
How about when a dismissive dates a disorganised. Trying to make it work? ( Plus the View of people thinking you are Crazy to even think about is hard to handle, cuz i cried my Eyes out by them. How to keep your Dignity in the proces? I dont mind but people judge...
Ps: he was the one who contacted me, picked the conversation up. after me breaking up with him . It was only superficial but it was...i was greatfull 🙏. Step for step. ( We are going to see eachother at an event we both are going to. I hope we can be in eachothers vicinity without it ruining the day and or without falling in eachothers arms again like nothing happened before...
Oh and my brain power amongst other is what he is attracted too as wel. Very much.. And i became More self assured and i stand stronger in my own shoes.
You need help, go watch love with lucia youtube about dealing exes are avoidant(s) and how to deal over your ex. Unless you want them back? don’t try rush things.
We had the same hobby in common, but i was only at the surface, but since we parted, i bought my own and now we can connect by me asking him for his expertise...it works. But i still don't know if i bought one to keep in touch with him or that i bought it because i myself really dig it and all the perks that comes with it ..🤔. Probably both??
Dear Katya, my DA ex used the exact same words you said, “easygoing and relaxed” that’s the relationship she wanted. We are in the texting phase after 2 months of NC, she said she is looking forward for us to be easygoing with one another again after some time has passed. Should I keep texting or go back to NC?
Ex avoidant did not go to non contact phase! Everyday he is the one who txt me talking about his daily routine He tell me that i am his bestie forever!
So I have the no contact rule in place. But should I ask if she would like to go on our favorite hobby. Hunting for deer believe it or not. I don’t want to hunt unless it’s with her.
Apply for Recover Restore Reconnect Coaching Program here! >>
www.katyamorozova.me/contact/
OR
Schedule a One on One here >>
www.katyamorozova.me/single-session/
We connected via a common hobby. However, I am not sure I want her back. DAs can be extremely hurtful and devaluing when they discard you, almost to the point of being narcissistic.
This !!!
she tried to put me in the friend zone, get lost
When you do become secure, you don't want that behaviour back
Nice observation! Anything you'd like me to make a video on?
plus this doesnt work they put you in the low pressure friend zone
i dont want him back, i want the me that has never been thru avoidant trauma back
Yessss
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship affected you so deeply. What would you like me to make a video about instead?
Yeees
Wow, this!!!
So true. ❤
Why would you want a person like this back? I guess if you would like to put your needs aside, devote yourself to understanding your DA, walk on eggshells so you do not trigger them and watch them toss you aside again...then by all means carry on. Repeat over and over until you have totally lost yourself.
Your mileage may vary but there are far more stories of heartbreak and few stories of success.
Thanks for sharing. What would you like me to make a video about instead?
@@KatyaMorozovahow to get over such an addiction forever. They come back anyway, just to hurt and ignore you again. There is no amount of self control which would protect you from walking on eggshells and triggering them all the time and just not knowing, why, what the hell did I wrong again? Mine was even triggered from a question mark after How are you doing.... He told me, I shouldn't use question mark (after so an innocent question) , because it feels like police and interview to him... I accidentaly used it anyway, because its just proper Grammar to me... I really didnt think anything controlling asking this as soft as possible. This is just only one example from his eggshells, and it were a LOT.
Yay !!! get them back so they can ignore you again!! That oughta teach them!
Holy crap, that reality hurts. But it's so true!
Ya I agree. She blocked me three months ago with no word. Not one! I am supposed to go after that??? Maybe I just need my heart ripped out of my chest one more time. Just for fun.
they will put you in the friend zone like this anyway
Yeah this works, but they’ll keep you in the friend zone. I don’t have the time to play high school games trying to lure an alley cat. My ex and I connect on entrepreneurship fashion and pop culture, also food, life goals. The one thing we don’t connect on is communication and that outweighs everything so no, if he wants to grow up and have an adult relationship he needs to make that first step. I don’t want a partner I have to be aloof with, I want one that wants me as much as I want them if not more so. Avoidants with severe avoidance are emotional stunted and they need to work on that. I was always FA leaning secure, this last guy made me anxious and unsure because he was insecure and defensive. It was terrible experience
You learned a lot 🙏
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm glad that you were able to arrive at a more profound conclusion about what you need in a relationship.
I went through the same for two years. 40 years old and he acted 15. Never took accountability, even laughed at me when I would try to hold him accountable for his words and actions. Not only that, only see him 5 times in the two years. 🤦♀️ never met his family, and he never met mine. Super avoidant and I triggered him all the time. He would block me for months just because I triggered him and he couldn’t talk, then he’d come back months later acting like nothing had ever happened, and if I tried once even, to hold him accountable, or to mention anything that had happened previously. He would disappear for months at a time again.
@@daughteroftheking6402I’ve noticed DAs never take accountability for anything in the relationship. I’d love to see how this talk is supposed to go when they figure out you’re growing and putting in the work to be better. We’ve been split 5 months and I’ve been in counseling 2x a week for the entire time. He came back after 2.5 months. Lasted two months and I’m discarded again. He’s supposed to come over to talk after work today and I have a list I wrote out. After watching this video I’m scared to proceed with the conversation as my “list” that I wish to express will put him in complete panic mode and he’ll be gone again for a few months.
@@ninaschuld2007I am sorry for your situation with your partner. How did it go? Did he come back again? Did you reattract him or did he start the reconnection the previous times?
Pro tip: Don’t.
Thanks for sharing. What would you like me to make a video about instead?
@@KatyaMorozovaa video exploring the difference between avoidant attachment and character flaws could be interesting and enlightening.
When deactivating strategies cross over into abuse.
This could help raise the avoidants awareness of their behavior, and help those unaware of what they are experiencing to recognize that this may not be a narcissist (easy mistake to make for the uninitiated), and to emphasize the need for boundaries in any situation that becomes toxic or abusive.
@@KatyaMorozova I love your work Katya but what's the point? Avoidant people are selfish self centered people and to be honest I don't care how many traumas they have, they don't give a damn about anybody else but them (sometimes not even that). We need to be even more avoidant than they are. They're close to narcissists
Great idea! I'm definitely open to making a video on this topic. Feel free to share anything else on the topic that you'd like to see me cover in the video.
@@KatyaMorozovait was eye opening for me to understand attachment style by itself is benign. The same way having NPD is. Unfortunately us humans don’t live in that vacuum and these unhealthy ways of relating are going to cause problems in relationships. Awareness, education, and boundaries have helped me to be less effected by abusive behavior. This has been a hard fought uphill battle that is far from over.
Seems like a good way to get friendzoned. They get you back and they dont have to give you affection or anything.
100% this.
100% this.
Why would you want someone back that’s just going to run away again? Wash. Rinse. Repeat. SMDH 😫
Because the sex was great
She went away and devalued me... long ago... now she's back knocking on my 🚪 door
I hear a dismissive knocking
I say you can't come in
I hear ya knocking
Go back where you been....
If she had listened back in '23
She would have known I detest misery....
Anyway.... keep your hands up at all times and when instructed go to a neutral corner.
Our common interest was horizontal.... now I am vertical
Geometry ❤
I have watched a number of your presentations, in addition to those of others on this general subject: reattracting. I found this particular video the most succinct description of a strategy, attitude and approach that most importantly starts with becoming the best most genuine version of oneself that dependence on another's behavior for one's own validation is shown as the obvious obstacle to a relation that has maximum staying power. This short flick seems to say all that is necessary to anyone who has the ears to hear. All that remains is the patience to allow either your current or next relationship to unfold in a dispassionate, "give and take" manner. I am so grateful to have arrived in this seemingly tiny but so profound destination of confidence. Accolades are mere apologies for these principles are the essence of relationship well managed.
I tried, he agreed to give us another go only to betray and then leave me for the first available alternative. 🤷♀️
She’s back. We will see.
they come and go, devalue you and dont care about your needs
I reconnect with my DA ex by inviting him for a coffee and telling him I am curious to catch up. He reacted a bit defensively, and I explained that we could have an open conversation about that and that I still had warm feelings for him. He agreed to it 10 days later. We had an open hearted chat with each other, the energy was really good, and we discussed that trust and comfort has to be rebuild for a while casually. He started being very proactive about inviting me on dates and we were clearly both excited to laugh and enjoy each other again. 2 months later he confessed he loves me. He did deactivate for a while straight after that and told me it feels too soon to get married and he discussed it with his parents. I really wasn't rushing towards marriage but that's how deep he felt towards me.
Are you still together? How long that last deactivation last?
Thanks a lot I enjoyed listening to you. you have a good grasp on the dismissive avoidant four weeks ago. I’ve never even heard of this about attachment theory it’s pretty amazing and I am more of the anxious attachment which I’m trying to move into the secure attachment.
This a lot of fucking work and no one want this headache ….. OMG!
We want an easy relationship full of love and care ….. let them go and treat themselves!
I don' think I could ever be that emotionally detached when trying to repair a relationship where there was once a huge connection. Unless the feelings have completely died. Then why even try getting the ex back?
You will be retraumatized and be back with CPTSD gratis. It would be more helpful to give advice on how to get over this addiction forever, because it works like a drog.
Codependency… trauma bonded.
I Want her back, i love her unconditionally that i except her because i see through her advoidant behaviour, deep down im willing to show her what i have and that ee can one day work through anything dhe feels she can at the time.
I cant believe there are so many comments on here saying otherwise, what sre you foing yhen watching videos on getting an advoidant back???
We’re both musicians. We were in the same band…..he plays guitar and sings. I’m a singer. We developed a deep connection this way…..
Told me ex DA to not contact me any more then 1 week later I got a text saying she unblocked me saying she was sorry we didn’t workout and I was such an amazing person blah blah. What did that mean?
Hi Katya, does this apply to fearful avoidants and how long should the NC be? I work some of my insecure sides in the meantime but for me.
From my experience, 1 year and on. They don't give a damn. NC does not work on them. They will get another source of supply soon or get something to be amused about, avoiding you altogether
One of the best videos talking about avoidants..
Before i met her, i was having a good time for real. The more time we spent together (especially when we lived together)for some reason it was a better time. Now she's gone. My frame of reference has changed. Doing what I'm doing isn't serving me. It probably never has.
Amazing video and strategy, Katia❤
Thank you! I'm glad you found it helpful.
How about when a dismissive dates a disorganised. Trying to make it work? ( Plus the View of people thinking you are Crazy to even think about is hard to handle, cuz i cried my Eyes out by them. How to keep your Dignity in the proces? I dont mind but people judge...
Ps: he was the one who contacted me, picked the conversation up. after me breaking up with him .
It was only superficial but it was...i was greatfull 🙏.
Step for step.
( We are going to see eachother at an event we both are going to. I hope we can be in eachothers vicinity without it ruining the day and or without falling in eachothers arms again like nothing happened before...
Oh and my brain power amongst other is what he is attracted too as wel. Very much..
And i became More self assured and i stand stronger in my own shoes.
I’ve run into my ex DA three times this last month including today. I have no idea what this means?? Please help!
You need help, go watch love with lucia youtube about dealing exes are avoidant(s) and how to deal over your ex. Unless you want them back? don’t try rush things.
You need to sweep for FSB transmitters & bugs....
008
You need to get a restraining order soon
Simply called coincidence
Don't overthink
Or over want
Something you can't have anyway.
I can say that easy enough,but doing it....
Still nothing two months later. But we’re in the same circles
We had the same hobby in common, but i was only at the surface, but since we parted, i bought my own and now we can connect by me asking him for his expertise...it works. But i still don't know if i bought one to keep in touch with him or that i bought it because i myself really dig it and all the perks that comes with it ..🤔. Probably both??
Dear Katya, my DA ex used the exact same words you said, “easygoing and relaxed” that’s the relationship she wanted. We are in the texting phase after 2 months of NC, she said she is looking forward for us to be easygoing with one another again after some time has passed. Should I keep texting or go back to NC?
We shared a love of playing chess together.
We never played games together. I suggested it. It was shot down every time.
Ex avoidant did not go to non contact phase! Everyday he is the one who txt me talking about his daily routine
He tell me that i am his bestie forever!
He just loves getting the validation from you but does not want to talk about the relationship.
@@michaelmichael925 thank you
I moved on already
Female avoidants almost never come back
Nice video, but do you have one on how to get back a fearful avoidant?
Stop making excuses for narcissistic avoidant people
Would love to. But it's difficult.
Step 1. Hate yourself
just do no contact
So I have the no contact rule in place.
But should I ask if she would like to go on our favorite hobby.
Hunting for deer believe it or not.
I don’t want to hunt unless it’s with her.
This seems like solid advice. Thanks for sharing your insights, @katyamorozova!
Thank you! I'm glad you found it valuable.