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Same here, now been 2.5 months and I still cannot be myself again-I am what people would say one of those lucky bastards looking 11/10 (although since that shit I did not train snd my skin looks like shit…), highly intelligent both traditionally and emotionally (that’s what I thought), successful working in M&A Investment Banking, having great mum and brother plus friends, own real estate, car, all paid for…though I was so stupid to open myself up to her w/o any precautions due to her being treated so badly I never expected her to treat me like rubbish and throw me away…sometimes I randomly get overwhelmed with such a strong feeling of sadness, just now writing this causes it, that I could cry and cry like a fucking baby and not a 32 year old man. I am only a shadow of my previous self…and with her stealing my heart and throwing it away over her avoidant fears etc…it’s just unbelievable for me and I still cannot understand even though I do on the other hand…it’s just excruciating and exhausting…I hate feelings
I said to him… I will not get caught up, acting out, unconscious childhood attachment wounds. We are both triggering each other, and he declared, “I’m not avoidant” and I believed him instead of myself, I abandoned myself. I will not do it again, lesson learned as far as this goes
Spot on for me. Got dismissed when i said can we work on communication. He would take days to reply to my txts. Although hes always on his phone. I felt so lonely in the relationship. It was like a roller coaster of seeing him every 2 weeks and being on the high to feeling lonely in-between. He callously dumped me out of the blue due to my house being "dirty" , being served salmon for tea which id forgotten he didn't like. Being left alone for me to go to work. He sent an apologetic txt a week later. I gave him another chance. Only to be cruelly discarded over accidentally spilling a cup of tea. He was more concerned about the stain left. No empathy to have i burnt myself. Went to the toilet and hed pilled my stuff up. Told me to take the rest of my possessions. Lasted less than 24hrs. I feel used, and stupid. He called me reckless and shouted over the spilled tea. Still in shock, over how a 2 Yr relationship, we were getting married this Yr can be cruelly ended 😢
@KatyaMorozova thank you. It's now been nearly 3 weeks. I posted the reminder of his stuff back. Didn't even get a thank you. He hasn't bothered to return the rest of my bits. Incredibly heartbreaking after 18 months. All I ever did was show him love and affection, to be cruelly discarded 💔😪
Yes, it was abrupt and I was completely blindsided. We're both in our 50's with adult children from previous marriages. Per the quizzes I have taken I have a "secure" attachment style. I thought everything was great. A 4 year relationship with virtually no disagreements or arguments ever. I thought this was what a perfect and harmonious relationship should look like. Apparently anyone can get along with a person that bottles everything up and refuses to engage in any kind of conflict. Kind of ironic considering she is a head flight attendant who's job it is to engage with unruly passengers and emotionally charged situations. But she couldn't be bothered to tell me what was affecting or "scaring" her or what I did that was so awful or egregious that I deserved this. I can't think of a darn thing. I loved her dearly and was totally committed to her. I trusted her. Now I feel betrayed. She didn't even try. She just ran away like a scared little girl. No explanation, just a cold, heartless "I don't feel the same anymore" lame excuse. This is incredibly emotionally immature. I never would have guessed she was capable of such selfish behavior. I deserve better than this. Not sure she deserves a second chance even if she reaches out. It's been about 5 weeks of no contact so far. This has hurt me profoundly and I still can't stop thinking about it.
Follow up: It's been over 4 months now since the breakup. About 2 months in her birthday came and went with the gift of silence from me. Nothing. No happy birthday text. Not a word. I did however send her a package with her stuff in it that she left at my house and a carefully written letter. It was about a page long. It stated how she made me feel and that she was heartless and selfish. I might not have been effective at winning her back but it gave me some closure. I don't care if the fragile dismissive avoidant can't handle criticism. I'm not dancing around her sensitivities at the expense of my own when she crushed my soul. She needs to know what she did and be held accountable. I shamed her for breadcrumbing me with irrelevant and useless texts from time to time. She never once asked how I was doing or expressed an interest in reconnecting. She did however ask me how she could go out and have fun doing stuff we used to do together only without me. I told her that was disrespectful and I felt used and didn't appreciate it. I also reminded her that I was probably the best thing she ever had and she just threw it all away like a I didn't matter. I gave her an ultimatum. Reach out to me and we will work to fix this or I'm gone forever. You either get ALL of me or NONE of me. There is no in-between or situationship. I saw her once at my gym after that. We made eye contact and smiled at each other, and she kept right on walking out the door. That told me everything I need to know. Her loss. She will regret this one day. And when she does and decides to make some half-hearted feeble attempt to reach out, it will be too late. She's a coward and I've moved on. I don't have time or patience for this nonsense. I deserve better. This dismissive avoidant attachment style is an exercise in frustration and self-abuse if you put up with it or try to get them back. Don't do it. You will ultimately be sorry you did when they burn you again. Remember...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
This is spot on for me! He blamed me for everything. He did not believe anything I said and accused me of things and did hurt me very much then discarded me.
I can’t tell you how much comfort your video brings me. My mind has been looping and looping. I’ve been searching for an answer that would appease me and give me some peace from this raw internal discomfort. You. Are. It. Thank you. Thank you for this healing and profound, insightful, and wise advice. This is your calling and you make the world a better place. Thank you.
With mine, things were great for 3 years and suddenly one day i left the house, forgot something, came back in and caught her talking to herself saying she hates me! I was in utter shock and disbelief! I did everything to make her life better, got her a better job where i worked, got her license fixed, fixed her car issues and loved her so much. Yeah, i wasnt perfect, but if you dont tell me im doing something wrong then i dont know! It was extremely painful, i told her to gtfo of my house....she did, but then i chased for a year because i loved her and wished we could talk it all out. She still showed up and over that year slowly told me the truth....she never loved me to begin with and just needed a place to stay 😢 im still her friend to this day, but the pain is still there and i fight with myself on whether i should even be her friend at all. Sigh....i still love her because it felt real, she deserves an oscar for how well her acting was for 3 years 😢
@valeriovanin lol yeah....she moved here from another state when she met me. We started hanging out at my place and eventually hooked up, so after about 7 months things went bad where she was living so I asked her to move in with me instead. 3 years of feeling like I was in a great relationship with very few fights and BOOM. But it's ok, since then I bought a house, a better car, been working out, making almost double now than I made when we were "together" and now the loser she lives with can barely pay his half of rent. Oh karma is a beyotch my friend lol. I'll admit, im lonely in this house, and I miss her dearly. I'm now outside after work drinking Heineken and yeah....wishing she were here. But im good, i realized since studying attachment theory and working on myself that the right one is coming, for now I'll just have my cat and do my thing. She's definitely dismissive avoidant and extremely sweet, funny, and hot af....but she's at least aware she needs help and I appreciate the fact she's open enough to be honest and tell me the extremely painful truth. I wish I could help her, heal her, love her, but she's gotta do the work herself. We're even seeing a movie next weekend, and that's fine, I enjoy her company, but I wouldn't take her back 🤷 too much pain there. What's weird is....I still feel like she HAD to love me, but just not know what that feeling is like because CMON!!! NOBODY is THAT good of an actress for 3 years!!! WHAT??? Plus we were sleeping together and all that fir 7 months before she NEEDED a place to stay so....ugh I think she's confused and I care enough that I'm gonna buy her the book "Attached" for her birthday because it helped me stop being anxious preoccupied, it can help her too
@johnhernandez4763 ah well that's not the issue. She admits she was attracted to me day 1 (omg you should see her ex before me 🤮) so it's not that. Personally I love her, so she's a solid 8 for me. I'd give myself a 7, im not a bad looking dude at all. She realizes that, so she also said she pretended to love me because she was afraid if I got a girlfriend she'd be homeless because I'd move on and leave her behind. Yeah....extremely selfish to hold me back from a real relationship, knowing I loved her, but so she doesn't lose a place to live. Ugh
@@gokuwufei99 yeah that’s a friendly user Btch for sure. I suggest find a new one. Just think about it this way. You are missing out for the right one for you if you don’t move on quick on the wrong one. The right one is just there and you’re going to miss out on her
I really appreciate this video, and have watched it a couple of times. In a relationship for 18 months, every in person time we spent, conversation and text was positive & loving, and then 24hs after our last time seeing each other, out of the blue, the dump-text, saying "she can't see me anymore"... Being shocked over this does not even come close to how wounded and traumatized I've been.. and no matter what I've done or said or texted or messaged, crickets. .. so, I guess it's up to me to find closure, and it's her loss.... Way her loss. This video, and many similar videos have been so helpful to adjusting my view and realization that chemistry (no matter how intense & lasting) is not character..... it does get better as time moves on, but there are times & triggers that come up, and it's way hard.... thanks for the video...
@tomtraveltigard it's so heartbreaking and disrespectful isn't it? Nothing from my ex, nearly 3 weeks ago. Really shatters your confidence. I know how you feel
This is spot on. I hadn’t realized I idolized the good traits because I was and am fully aware of the negatives. The feeling alone, like I can’t express my needs without him shutting down or disappearing, being so happy to hear from him only for him to go missing, never having him answer the phone if I called even though his phone is constantly in his hand. The complete abandonment and alienation is unreal, then the intimate connection they provide when face to face is so polarizing. You are literally left questioning your reality and what the heck you are seeing and feeling. For my situation what’s worse is he wouldn’t leave, he pressured me to be his friend, I tried for a time but I just couldn’t get out of feeling stuck and like I’d be cheating if I dated someone else. I had to distance and cut all ties. He’s done this to other women but for some reason even though he did say he needs to fix himself because he keeps hurting people he is not taking actionable steps to figure his stuff out. I suggested therapy months ago and he said he thinks it’s a scam. He joked a lot so not sure if he really believes that. But man he needs to speak to someone immediately! Here’s the rub- he pursued me for 2 years! Then promptly went hot and cold after a few months. I tried ending things 3x and he convinced me to try again, I started therapy to get better with setting boundaries and communication, helped some, but an almost pregnancy scared the bajesus out of him and he went running.. no allowing me to combine him to work it out.. just a you deserve better and radio silence, to popping back up 2 weeks later. It’s madness
Exactly my situation. Like a roller coaster. The connection and passion every 2 weeks when we saw each other. To tumbleweed in the weeks in-between. I felt so unloved and lonely in between. But like you said it was so polarised
I remember after we had a close encounter he would create distance for a few days. How he still had a codependency with his toxic family members. How he made it a point to emphasize his dogs, importance, over mine… It was implied… How he completely forgot, my birthday, how he thought we shouldn’t talk on holidays. How he never asked me any questions that were on a deeper level. How he wanted to bring a third-party into sexual encounters, not a woman, but still distance, control.
This video is *amazing*. I have struggled since August last year when I was dumped out of the blue with a 2-minute phone call and a "reason" that just didn't make much sense. I tried to secure a follow up call 3 months down the line which she agreed to but when it came to the crunch, she refused. Really knocked me for six, unlike any other break up in my life. I have done a ton of learning via RUclips (lots of sources), a few Therapy sessions, but this video is by far the most detailed & insightful video of my direct experience. Thank you so much for this video 😊
How about when I still think of my DA months after the break up…. when I was the one who broke up (couldn’t be in relationship with someone emotionally unavailable who runs hot and cold all the time, he even confirmed he has strong avoidant tendencies). It was a short relationship. We had amazing chemistry but I just knew that if I don’t leave now- I will get hurt by him. Yet I still think of him and feel guilty about leaving him. Why????
Very helpful! Good to know I'm not alone. Glad to be off the DA roller-coaster. Finally feeling back to my normal self after 6 months. Remember that you can't say the wrong thing to the right person!
No disagreement, no fight, just noticed she was cold one day. Left her alone. Next day I told her I would like to talk and she dropped the bombshell on me. Because of history, she’s going back to her ex. I knew she still had something for him, but I let that boundary down because she was adamant it was over with him.🤷♂️🙄🤡
This is exactly what happened to me....8 months NC and still on meds and in therapy because of his heartless behaviour. The rumination has been horrible. I will not let him ruin my life I already wasted 3 years on him. There was nothing I could of done to change the outcome he was giving me breadcrumbs anyway so I wasn’t pushing for more but he thought I was going to. I am upset that he will do this again to someone else. He even said as he dumped me he saw a pattern but that it was related to me and his ex not his behavior lol.....I think he probably did me a favout. Right now I am angry at all the things I want to say and didn’t.
@@kikilee7162 I found a video called “Confessions of a dismissive avoidant” and I really wanna send it to her. The girl in the video has such an authentic sadness about the way she is. It reminded me so much of my ex. I almost feel like if she could see someone who feels like she does, but is able to put it into words, she could be convinced to actually give us a chance and time.
Im glad for the discard, it force me look back and see the situationship is long time dead and it causes me much anxeity, loneliness and confusion. Focus on myself and healing now and hope for his healing too. No recentment. Just accept the fact.
My avoidant gf of 5 years was pulling away for a third time and said she didn't love me the same anymore for a third time and wanted another break. I said I wanted to break up, she said she wanted me to break up with her. But I really didn't want to because I dont want to abandon her AT ALL. I keep feeling like it's my fault even though I know she has a lot triggering her right now with school, work, and parents fighting 24/7. I love her so much as she never left me when I was in my darkest times. I've grown so much because of her. Our families are complete opposites. I hope she comes back and we can work through things like we have been for 5 years. I'm securely attached but get very anxious and hurt when she ghosts and pulls away. Which is why I wanted to leave, but now I regret it feeling like I've abandoned her 😪
You're probably and unknowingly more anxious. I agree even for secure people it's not easy. Secures will see quickly the toxic elements and process this over a shorter period of months as opposed to years.
At the end, I found out he had been talking to an ex, and showing her my pictures… She was the last person he was seeing before I came in the picture, I drew a firm boundary that I didn’t want to be involved, unless they were completely finished. He assured me they were, and then I asked about his past relationship, and this is when I found out. The next day, when we were going to discuss it, I was discarded abruptly by text.
Accused of cheating with a dating profile (there was none) without evidence, totally caught off guard. Can't prove innocence when their mind is adequate up.
does it make a difference how long you knew each other for her to come back?? because i think emotional depth plays a bigger role than the timeframe? its just been 4 months seeing each other before she ghosted me. but on the other hand, i had a relationship breakup after 3 years and didnt feel the same pain at all.
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Schedule a consultation to explore the program here!
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“Healthy solid relationships don’t end abruptly over a hiccup”
(That’s how I know she’s a Dismissive Avoidant)
Or over me feeling faint and spilling a cup of tea 💔😪
Ended so abruptly. I haven't been right since. It's like I never existed to him. I'm in so much pain. 😢 Thank you for this video
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I'm glad the video resonated.
Same here, now been 2.5 months and I still cannot be myself again-I am what people would say one of those lucky bastards looking 11/10 (although since that shit I did not train snd my skin looks like shit…), highly intelligent both traditionally and emotionally (that’s what I thought), successful working in M&A Investment Banking, having great mum and brother plus friends, own real estate, car, all paid for…though I was so stupid to open myself up to her w/o any precautions due to her being treated so badly I never expected her to treat me like rubbish and throw me away…sometimes I randomly get overwhelmed with such a strong feeling of sadness, just now writing this causes it, that I could cry and cry like a fucking baby and not a 32 year old man. I am only a shadow of my previous self…and with her stealing my heart and throwing it away over her avoidant fears etc…it’s just unbelievable for me and I still cannot understand even though I do on the other hand…it’s just excruciating and exhausting…I hate feelings
@smaimer4974 my ex wanders around in my head with my heart tied to a string dragging it around behind her just breaking stuff
@@jameskostelecky606 I'm sorry 😞
I said to him… I will not get caught up, acting out, unconscious childhood attachment wounds. We are both triggering each other, and he declared, “I’m not avoidant” and I believed him instead of myself, I abandoned myself.
I will not do it again, lesson learned as far as this goes
Spot on for me. Got dismissed when i said can we work on communication. He would take days to reply to my txts. Although hes always on his phone. I felt so lonely in the relationship. It was like a roller coaster of seeing him every 2 weeks and being on the high to feeling lonely in-between. He callously dumped me out of the blue due to my house being "dirty" , being served salmon for tea which id forgotten he didn't like. Being left alone for me to go to work. He sent an apologetic txt a week later. I gave him another chance. Only to be cruelly discarded over accidentally spilling a cup of tea. He was more concerned about the stain left. No empathy to have i burnt myself. Went to the toilet and hed pilled my stuff up. Told me to take the rest of my possessions. Lasted less than 24hrs. I feel used, and stupid. He called me reckless and shouted over the spilled tea. Still in shock, over how a 2 Yr relationship, we were getting married this Yr can be cruelly ended 😢
I'm sorry to hear you went through this. Sounds really tough. 🙏
Exactly same 😢
@KatyaMorozova thank you. It's now been nearly 3 weeks. I posted the reminder of his stuff back. Didn't even get a thank you. He hasn't bothered to return the rest of my bits. Incredibly heartbreaking after 18 months. All I ever did was show him love and affection, to be cruelly discarded 💔😪
Yes, it was abrupt and I was completely blindsided. We're both in our 50's with adult children from previous marriages. Per the quizzes I have taken I have a "secure" attachment style. I thought everything was great. A 4 year relationship with virtually no disagreements or arguments ever. I thought this was what a perfect and harmonious relationship should look like. Apparently anyone can get along with a person that bottles everything up and refuses to engage in any kind of conflict. Kind of ironic considering she is a head flight attendant who's job it is to engage with unruly passengers and emotionally charged situations. But she couldn't be bothered to tell me what was affecting or "scaring" her or what I did that was so awful or egregious that I deserved this. I can't think of a darn thing. I loved her dearly and was totally committed to her. I trusted her. Now I feel betrayed. She didn't even try. She just ran away like a scared little girl. No explanation, just a cold, heartless "I don't feel the same anymore" lame excuse. This is incredibly emotionally immature. I never would have guessed she was capable of such selfish behavior. I deserve better than this. Not sure she deserves a second chance even if she reaches out. It's been about 5 weeks of no contact so far. This has hurt me profoundly and I still can't stop thinking about it.
Follow up: It's been over 4 months now since the breakup. About 2 months in her birthday came and went with the gift of silence from me. Nothing. No happy birthday text. Not a word. I did however send her a package with her stuff in it that she left at my house and a carefully written letter. It was about a page long. It stated how she made me feel and that she was heartless and selfish. I might not have been effective at winning her back but it gave me some closure. I don't care if the fragile dismissive avoidant can't handle criticism. I'm not dancing around her sensitivities at the expense of my own when she crushed my soul. She needs to know what she did and be held accountable. I shamed her for breadcrumbing me with irrelevant and useless texts from time to time. She never once asked how I was doing or expressed an interest in reconnecting. She did however ask me how she could go out and have fun doing stuff we used to do together only without me. I told her that was disrespectful and I felt used and didn't appreciate it. I also reminded her that I was probably the best thing she ever had and she just threw it all away like a I didn't matter. I gave her an ultimatum. Reach out to me and we will work to fix this or I'm gone forever. You either get ALL of me or NONE of me. There is no in-between or situationship. I saw her once at my gym after that. We made eye contact and smiled at each other, and she kept right on walking out the door. That told me everything I need to know. Her loss. She will regret this one day. And when she does and decides to make some half-hearted feeble attempt to reach out, it will be too late. She's a coward and I've moved on. I don't have time or patience for this nonsense. I deserve better. This dismissive avoidant attachment style is an exercise in frustration and self-abuse if you put up with it or try to get them back. Don't do it. You will ultimately be sorry you did when they burn you again. Remember...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
This is spot on for me! He blamed me for everything. He did not believe anything I said and accused me of things and did hurt me very much then discarded me.
I can’t tell you how much comfort your video brings me. My mind has been looping and looping. I’ve been searching for an answer that would appease me and give me some peace from this raw internal discomfort. You. Are. It. Thank you. Thank you for this healing and profound, insightful, and wise advice. This is your calling and you make the world a better place. Thank you.
What a thoughtful comment! Thank you. : ) I'm glad it brought you comfort.
With mine, things were great for 3 years and suddenly one day i left the house, forgot something, came back in and caught her talking to herself saying she hates me! I was in utter shock and disbelief! I did everything to make her life better, got her a better job where i worked, got her license fixed, fixed her car issues and loved her so much. Yeah, i wasnt perfect, but if you dont tell me im doing something wrong then i dont know! It was extremely painful, i told her to gtfo of my house....she did, but then i chased for a year because i loved her and wished we could talk it all out. She still showed up and over that year slowly told me the truth....she never loved me to begin with and just needed a place to stay 😢 im still her friend to this day, but the pain is still there and i fight with myself on whether i should even be her friend at all. Sigh....i still love her because it felt real, she deserves an oscar for how well her acting was for 3 years 😢
Seems like she was just an asshole. I wouldn't call her avoidant
@valeriovanin lol yeah....she moved here from another state when she met me. We started hanging out at my place and eventually hooked up, so after about 7 months things went bad where she was living so I asked her to move in with me instead. 3 years of feeling like I was in a great relationship with very few fights and BOOM. But it's ok, since then I bought a house, a better car, been working out, making almost double now than I made when we were "together" and now the loser she lives with can barely pay his half of rent. Oh karma is a beyotch my friend lol. I'll admit, im lonely in this house, and I miss her dearly. I'm now outside after work drinking Heineken and yeah....wishing she were here. But im good, i realized since studying attachment theory and working on myself that the right one is coming, for now I'll just have my cat and do my thing. She's definitely dismissive avoidant and extremely sweet, funny, and hot af....but she's at least aware she needs help and I appreciate the fact she's open enough to be honest and tell me the extremely painful truth. I wish I could help her, heal her, love her, but she's gotta do the work herself. We're even seeing a movie next weekend, and that's fine, I enjoy her company, but I wouldn't take her back 🤷 too much pain there. What's weird is....I still feel like she HAD to love me, but just not know what that feeling is like because CMON!!! NOBODY is THAT good of an actress for 3 years!!! WHAT??? Plus we were sleeping together and all that fir 7 months before she NEEDED a place to stay so....ugh I think she's confused and I care enough that I'm gonna buy her the book "Attached" for her birthday because it helped me stop being anxious preoccupied, it can help her too
Im just curious? What would you rate yourself in terms of looks and what’s hers? Sometimes it’s that, the physical attraction that gives the ick
@johnhernandez4763 ah well that's not the issue. She admits she was attracted to me day 1 (omg you should see her ex before me 🤮) so it's not that. Personally I love her, so she's a solid 8 for me. I'd give myself a 7, im not a bad looking dude at all. She realizes that, so she also said she pretended to love me because she was afraid if I got a girlfriend she'd be homeless because I'd move on and leave her behind. Yeah....extremely selfish to hold me back from a real relationship, knowing I loved her, but so she doesn't lose a place to live. Ugh
@@gokuwufei99 yeah that’s a friendly user Btch for sure. I suggest find a new one. Just think about it this way. You are missing out for the right one for you if you don’t move on quick on the wrong one. The right one is just there and you’re going to miss out on her
I really appreciate this video, and have watched it a couple of times. In a relationship for 18 months, every in person time we spent, conversation and text was positive & loving, and then 24hs after our last time seeing each other, out of the blue, the dump-text, saying "she can't see me anymore"... Being shocked over this does not even come close to how wounded and traumatized I've been.. and no matter what I've done or said or texted or messaged, crickets. .. so, I guess it's up to me to find closure, and it's her loss.... Way her loss. This video, and many similar videos have been so helpful to adjusting my view and realization that chemistry (no matter how intense & lasting) is not character..... it does get better as time moves on, but there are times & triggers that come up, and it's way hard.... thanks for the video...
Same exact thing happened to me. Out of nowhere! The crickets hurt the most.
Thanks for watching and commenting!
You are not kidding, the crickets are indeed the most painful….. there are times when it’s almost more than I can bear. …
@tomtraveltigard it's so heartbreaking and disrespectful isn't it? Nothing from my ex, nearly 3 weeks ago. Really shatters your confidence. I know how you feel
This is spot on. I hadn’t realized I idolized the good traits because I was and am fully aware of the negatives. The feeling alone, like I can’t express my needs without him shutting down or disappearing, being so happy to hear from him only for him to go missing, never having him answer the phone if I called even though his phone is constantly in his hand. The complete abandonment and alienation is unreal, then the intimate connection they provide when face to face is so polarizing. You are literally left questioning your reality and what the heck you are seeing and feeling. For my situation what’s worse is he wouldn’t leave, he pressured me to be his friend, I tried for a time but I just couldn’t get out of feeling stuck and like I’d be cheating if I dated someone else. I had to distance and cut all ties. He’s done this to other women but for some reason even though he did say he needs to fix himself because he keeps hurting people he is not taking actionable steps to figure his stuff out. I suggested therapy months ago and he said he thinks it’s a scam. He joked a lot so not sure if he really believes that. But man he needs to speak to someone immediately! Here’s the rub- he pursued me for 2 years! Then promptly went hot and cold after a few months. I tried ending things 3x and he convinced me to try again, I started therapy to get better with setting boundaries and communication, helped some, but an almost pregnancy scared the bajesus out of him and he went running.. no allowing me to combine him to work it out.. just a you deserve better and radio silence, to popping back up 2 weeks later. It’s madness
Exactly my situation. Like a roller coaster. The connection and passion every 2 weeks when we saw each other. To tumbleweed in the weeks in-between. I felt so unloved and lonely in between. But like you said it was so polarised
I remember after we had a close encounter he would create distance for a few days. How he still had a codependency with his toxic family members. How he made it a point to emphasize his dogs, importance, over mine… It was implied… How he completely forgot, my birthday, how he thought we shouldn’t talk on holidays. How he never asked me any questions that were on a deeper level. How he wanted to bring a third-party into sexual encounters, not a woman, but still distance, control.
This video is *amazing*.
I have struggled since August last year when I was dumped out of the blue with a 2-minute phone call and a "reason" that just didn't make much sense.
I tried to secure a follow up call 3 months down the line which she agreed to but when it came to the crunch, she refused.
Really knocked me for six, unlike any other break up in my life.
I have done a ton of learning via RUclips (lots of sources), a few Therapy sessions, but this video is by far the most detailed & insightful video of my direct experience.
Thank you so much for this video 😊
Thank you for the kudos! I'm glad this video resonated with your experience.
How about when I still think of my DA months after the break up…. when I was the one who broke up (couldn’t be in relationship with someone emotionally unavailable who runs hot and cold all the time, he even confirmed he has strong avoidant tendencies). It was a short relationship. We had amazing chemistry but I just knew that if I don’t leave now- I will get hurt by him. Yet I still think of him and feel guilty about leaving him. Why????
This video was spot on! This is exactly how I felt after my breakup.
I’m glad it resonated! Thanks for commenting.
Very helpful! Good to know I'm not alone. Glad to be off the DA roller-coaster. Finally feeling back to my normal self after 6 months. Remember that you can't say the wrong thing to the right person!
I'm glad you're feeling better! Thanks for watching.
No disagreement, no fight, just noticed she was cold one day. Left her alone. Next day I told her I would like to talk and she dropped the bombshell on me. Because of history, she’s going back to her ex. I knew she still had something for him, but I let that boundary down because she was adamant it was over with him.🤷♂️🙄🤡
This is exactly what happened to me....8 months NC and still on meds and in therapy because of his heartless behaviour. The rumination has been horrible. I will not let him ruin my life I already wasted 3 years on him. There was nothing I could of done to change the outcome he was giving me breadcrumbs anyway so I wasn’t pushing for more but he thought I was going to. I am upset that he will do this again to someone else. He even said as he dumped me he saw a pattern but that it was related to me and his ex not his behavior lol.....I think he probably did me a favout. Right now I am angry at all the things I want to say and didn’t.
Two and a half months out and it still freakin hurts!
I have the same thing!! It's been 3 months and I am still shocked! 😮
@@kikilee7162 I found a video called “Confessions of a dismissive avoidant” and I really wanna send it to her. The girl in the video has such an authentic sadness about the way she is. It reminded me so much of my ex. I almost feel like if she could see someone who feels like she does, but is able to put it into words, she could be convinced to actually give us a chance and time.
4 months here. Still pretty deep cut
@@jameskostelecky606 six months and it’s diminishing maybe a little. I still have my moments of sadness well up.
Im glad for the discard, it force me look back and see the situationship is long time dead and it causes me much anxeity, loneliness and confusion.
Focus on myself and healing now and hope for his healing too. No recentment. Just accept the fact.
My avoidant gf of 5 years was pulling away for a third time and said she didn't love me the same anymore for a third time and wanted another break. I said I wanted to break up, she said she wanted me to break up with her. But I really didn't want to because I dont want to abandon her AT ALL. I keep feeling like it's my fault even though I know she has a lot triggering her right now with school, work, and parents fighting 24/7. I love her so much as she never left me when I was in my darkest times. I've grown so much because of her. Our families are complete opposites. I hope she comes back and we can work through things like we have been for 5 years. I'm securely attached but get very anxious and hurt when she ghosts and pulls away. Which is why I wanted to leave, but now I regret it feeling like I've abandoned her 😪
You're probably and unknowingly more anxious. I agree even for secure people it's not easy. Secures will see quickly the toxic elements and process this over a shorter period of months as opposed to years.
At the end, I found out he had been talking to an ex, and showing her my pictures… She was the last person he was seeing before I came in the picture, I drew a firm boundary that I didn’t want to be involved, unless they were completely finished. He assured me they were, and then I asked about his past relationship, and this is when I found out. The next day, when we were going to discuss it, I was discarded abruptly by text.
Amazing video- so insightful and on-point. Thank you ❤
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the kudos.
Thank you this has been really helpful 🙏 and validating.
So glad!
Hello Katya, I sent you an email today regarding scheduling a time for tomorrow. Could you please answer? Many thanks!
Accused of cheating with a dating profile (there was none) without evidence, totally caught off guard. Can't prove innocence when their mind is adequate up.
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
@@archangelelmo she did, apologized, we're talking now...tough to trust it won't happen again though
does it make a difference how long you knew each other for her to come back?? because i think emotional depth plays a bigger role than the timeframe? its just been 4 months seeing each other before she ghosted me. but on the other hand, i had a relationship breakup after 3 years and didnt feel the same pain at all.
Thank you ❤️
You’re welcome! ☺️
Thank you so much for giving light and sense to much of this issues. 💖 ❤️🩹