I love how you described this feeling as “longing” - that’s exactly what it feels like. Describing it as emptinesses felt too cold & vague (and honestly confused me) I made some of the most impulsive and destructive decisions to rip these feelings off of me. Thankfully, I’ve grown and healed a lot and this is more rare now. But it feels so good to hear this described.
I do not have BPD, but i can strongly relate to this feeling. It might be my autism and adhd, or something else entierly, but I always feel hollow, lacking. I find this new thing, a new place or hobby, and I hyperfocus on it, everything feels better, but then it becomes boring, it becomes the usual, and it looses that power to fill the void inside. I'm always all or nothing, if i can't do something to 100%, why bother? This has lead to me burning out twice in the span of two years, and I'm honestly sick of it. I'm constantly tired, empty and always reaching for something to fill up the empty space inside. The tips in this video are really good, I will be happy to try them
I think your videos are very good, and extremely helpful. I’m surprised and think it’s a shame that more people aren’t seeing it. It’s great to see things from the perspective of someone with BPD rather than an expert who only knows the symptoms second hand. I just got out of a relationship with a woman with BPD and your videos have helped me understand her and what went wrong and shift from anger and confusion to understanding and sympathy.
With my BPD nothing seems to fill the void, but with these constructive tips you give it seems at least a bit more manageable. So, thank you for letting me know I am not alone in it. The emptiness is, as you state, just a very human longing for fulfilment and meaningfulness.
I am reasonably sure that my wife suffers from QBPD. Your videos are superb in helping me understand her behaviour and some of the things she has done. One of the things she does is to deliberately maintain a very active social life, sometimes to the detriment of our family and myself. This has been a source of massive tension as it went out of control at times. The problem is that she has developed some inappropriate friendships that have resulted in her losing a sense of boundary. This has been very destructive to our relationship. Your video has given me a greater understanding of why she has been doing this. Thank you!
Know that your videos that are High quality content especially when comparing with other BPD information sources, give me hope, strenght and help me manage very eficiently my symotoms. Thank you for taking front your time to help us magaging to have a decent life. Ghid blless you!
I can't thank you enough for these videos. All of my life I have been really unaware of what is going on and happening with me. Your videos really help to thin out the isolation I feel. You really describe exactly what I experience every day.
Thanks so much for this advice :) Funny, when I was a kid/teenager I thought that I was missing an organ in my chest because the emptiness felt so acute, it was an actual physical feeling. I'm lucky to be still alive considering all I did to try an fill/escape that feeling.
i don’t think i even know me,my intrests change so much and i will change who i am a lot and what i look like and in the end i’m just sitting in my room wondering wtf i’m doing
Thank you for this really helpful video! For me, its very hard to not procrastinate because of the sense of emptiness. I can’t get myself to feel motivated enough to do anything because in the ebd it feels so pointless. I dont want to study because i dont feel excited to become anything. Its as if I dont have a purpose in this life. I question why I am alive, and what is the point in living for me.
This was so helpful. I have bpd and bipolar 2, your tips help for both. But I'm currently struggling with this intense emptiness feelings, hence watching this video, which makes me feel a bit better.
Thanks for another amazing explanation Kayla! The longing or yearning for meaning or purpose is much more descriptive than emptiness. Because even when surrounded by stimulus/overstimulated I feel a lack of purpose. Even pointlessness. And that impacts my sense of self and identity. The SMART goals thing is something I learnt long ago but I probably need to revisit to get daily actions going that are linked to core values. Creating consistency in self and less 'gaps' and emptiness. Such a fine balance between perfectionism and feeling worthless huh 😉
What I found most helpful was to work on procrastination. I regarded my constant procrastination as a bad habit but never considered it could be influencing my least favorite BPD symptom. It makes so much sense.
THANKYOU Miss ontheline. i love the S.M.A.R.T acronym, a term that i have long needed to help define my situation and the helpful required motivationing internal narrative needing the boosting vernacular
I am talking to a girl who lives a while away from me. Shes a social worker in child protection and I think she has bpd. She has been acting distant recently and I didnt understand why initially. I sent her something she said to me about a month back where she was telling me about everything she loves about me and how much she wanted to see me and said it made me smile. And she replied sad.. Im not that person anymore. I asked her why she feels that way and if its due to the stress and strain of work and the emotional exhaustion. And she just said I can just feel it in myself. She told me yesterday she loves me and I told her I would do anything I could to support her through it and said things will get better but it saddens me shes feeling the way she is right now
I only feel this emptiness when I don't have a fp or they are doing something I don't like. I'm also a male and would never hurt my fp or leave them on purpose. So I don't understand the boredom thing. But they always abandon me, or I run when I know they are going to leave me.
Idk ever since I could remember, I have always felt empty and detached. It’s my default. What other illnesses are there that can explain that? I don’t think I’m depressed. I like to go out, party, dance, travel, connect. I don’t think I have BPD. Im not loud. But when I get mad, I can lash at people with my words in a more so blunt tone I will admit. I’m not insecure in my self image. I am a confident person. But I feel ego less. The way people talk about me helps me understand how I show up in the world because I just don’t have a firm concept of my ego. It’s like I take notes on the way people describe me. Because I don’t know. I need my alone time to try to process my emotions or else I will freak out
Do you feel this way perpetually or does it come and go? I find that I very very rarely feel lonely despite being very introverted, but at least a couple times a month or so I just feel this deep void inside. I don't feel sad, but maybe disappointed as if I'm mourning all of the lost potential. But most days I don't actively feel it and feel fine / motivated towards my goals, though it does seem bad that my goals are the only thing giving me any sense of value or purpose. When I lose confidence in my goals / abilities, my entire world is crushed and I have nothing. If I wasn't in a creative field and was working at an office doing menial work I think I'd want to KMS. All of the money in the world isn't remotely interesting to me because I would have nothing. I crave impossible goals.
Maybe I can share my experience too. I feel completly the same as you describe. Most of the time it is unnoticable in the background but when e.g. I make a mistake, dissapoint someone, don't feel competent about something, have a lot of negative thought towards myself or others there is this void in my chest... like a nagging black hole that sucks off all my positive emotions, my hopes and trust in myself, everything becomes black and dull and it feels like it always has been like this. But maybe one or two days later everything goes back to normal and I feel okay or even great.
Sounds like you're looking for that elusive filler for that blackness. I became an "high functioning" addict for 20 years. The daily routines around hustles, the arrangement of clandestine meetings in your lunch break. All great stimulation with little time to yourself. Initially I was given bipolar due to a manic spel (this was because I decided to kick the drugs cold turkey. And for a while, my brain was suddenly free of these opioids. The buzz of being clean soon wore thin. That uncomfy feeling in the chest and legs. I was beginning to remember why u hated being straight. The world was to angular and sharp. But with my cotton wool opioid blanket, all those rough edges became like smooth stones on the shire. Obviously they resorted straight to atypical antipsychotic meds. This way I was quiet and complaint. But those meds are worse that illegal stuff. After being discharged and seeing my CPN and shrink. They heard my story. After that it was "complex pychosocia personality disorder. Falling into fhe avoidant/anxious criteria. I lost my mother to suicide at 9 months old and so you can understand why I fear anyone getting too close. My early infant brain learning this quickly. Wrapped up with a family curse of mental health and depression. I can't remember a single thing about my mum. And Noone ever spoke of her or told me exactly what happened Noone cared about me withdrawing and afraid. Now at 47 I can say I'm pissed with the system. Even teachers became aware of my "attention seeking" and for that I was punished. I had a typical evil atepmom who used to be really violent to me and then leave me in a back room (so as not to annoy dad when he got home) So you don't need to be a shrink to suss this. Just decent insight. I hope your life is calm. Check out Dr Gabor Mate, fantastic humble shrink who worked for drug services.
Often misdiagnosed. I’m 55 and was diagnosed yesterday. 31 years of misdiagnosis. There’s a lot of overlapping of symptoms like depression, anxiety, and what appears to my “mania”.
me ,my therapist,old physiatrist and mom have questioned if i had bpd since i was 12,i always had some traits but they hightend so fucking much after some bullying and depression (very sever) and i’m tired of listing out all the traits and how server i feel them bc no one on here would belive me bc i’m “just hormonal” i’m 15 and i’ve already gone through puberty,so i don’t think it’s that,and plus i know it’s not that,does anyone see me like i geniunly think i have it but when i bring it up to my freind who thinks they have it they just say “you don’t even get how bad it is” but i do?
I went to a program for DBT with professionally trained therapists and I asked about this and they acted like it wasnt literally a cornerstone of this disorder and the reason why we suffer so much. It depressing how even the professionals have no fucking idea ... where can we get real help? i dont know what to do long term with this feeling, its endless and miserable
"stop procrastinating" LOL!!! I'm a worthless cripple waiting to die in legislated poverty, literally the only thing I have to do in life is procrastinate. only 12 more days until I have money and I can do something until I have to wait another 29 days to have money again. on top of all that, this acute neck injury is literally killing me and i'm still waiting another month and a half to get an mri after 3 years of agony because doctors don't listen to disabled people. [the heroin addiction i had to give myself just to be heard was fucking ridiculous to the nth degree] I'd love to stop procrastinating, I'd love to do literally anything, but all i can do is sit here and wait to die until I'm given the help I need in a system in total crisis.
I love how you described this feeling as “longing” - that’s exactly what it feels like. Describing it as emptinesses felt too cold & vague (and honestly confused me)
I made some of the most impulsive and destructive decisions to rip these feelings off of me.
Thankfully, I’ve grown and healed a lot and this is more rare now.
But it feels so good to hear this described.
god me too. i have innumerable poems and journal entries on this incurable feeling of longing, and my ridiculous actions to curb it
Feeling empty is one of the worst things about BPD. I have no idea who I am, what I like, I am an empty shell.
I agree!
I do not have BPD, but i can strongly relate to this feeling. It might be my autism and adhd, or something else entierly, but I always feel hollow, lacking. I find this new thing, a new place or hobby, and I hyperfocus on it, everything feels better, but then it becomes boring, it becomes the usual, and it looses that power to fill the void inside. I'm always all or nothing, if i can't do something to 100%, why bother? This has lead to me burning out twice in the span of two years, and I'm honestly sick of it. I'm constantly tired, empty and always reaching for something to fill up the empty space inside.
The tips in this video are really good, I will be happy to try them
Thanks so much for being open and sharing your own personal experience! ☺️
I think your videos are very good, and extremely helpful. I’m surprised and think it’s a shame that more people aren’t seeing it. It’s great to see things from the perspective of someone with BPD rather than an expert who only knows the symptoms second hand. I just got out of a relationship with a woman with BPD and your videos have helped me understand her and what went wrong and shift from anger and confusion to understanding and sympathy.
Thank you so much for this positive comment and I am happy this has helped you gain a deeper understanding of the disorder! 😊
One of the biggest struggles I have is no matter what I do or try to do, I feel absolutely nothing. No joy, nothing. It's like nothing satisfies me.
With my BPD nothing seems to fill the void, but with these constructive tips you give it seems at least a bit more manageable. So, thank you for letting me know I am not alone in it. The emptiness is, as you state, just a very human longing for fulfilment and meaningfulness.
I’m happy to hear this has helped you! 💗
I struggle a lot with this feeling of boredom. It’s good to know I’m not the only one. I like the idea of trying something new everyday
I am reasonably sure that my wife suffers from QBPD. Your videos are superb in helping me understand her behaviour and some of the things she has done. One of the things she does is to deliberately maintain a very active social life, sometimes to the detriment of our family and myself. This has been a source of massive tension as it went out of control at times. The problem is that she has developed some inappropriate friendships that have resulted in her losing a sense of boundary. This has been very destructive to our relationship. Your video has given me a greater understanding of why she has been doing this. Thank you!
Know that your videos that are High quality content especially when comparing with other BPD information sources, give me hope, strenght and help me manage very eficiently my symotoms. Thank you for taking front your time to help us magaging to have a decent life. Ghid blless you!
I can't thank you enough for these videos. All of my life I have been really unaware of what is going on and happening with me. Your videos really help to thin out the isolation I feel. You really describe exactly what I experience every day.
Thanks so much for this advice :) Funny, when I was a kid/teenager I thought that I was missing an organ in my chest because the emptiness felt so acute, it was an actual physical feeling. I'm lucky to be still alive considering all I did to try an fill/escape that feeling.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
What helped?
i don’t think i even know me,my intrests change so much and i will change who i am a lot and what i look like and in the end i’m just sitting in my room wondering wtf i’m doing
Thank you for this really helpful video! For me, its very hard to not procrastinate because of the sense of emptiness. I can’t get myself to feel motivated enough to do anything because in the ebd it feels so pointless. I dont want to study because i dont feel excited to become anything. Its as if I dont have a purpose in this life. I question why I am alive, and what is the point in living for me.
I am so impressed with your wisdom and know well that it comes from hard work. Thanks.
This was so helpful. I have bpd and bipolar 2, your tips help for both. But I'm currently struggling with this intense emptiness feelings, hence watching this video, which makes me feel a bit better.
This girl don't miss! Keep it up! Thanks for your videos!
Thanks for your ongoing support 💗
Thanks for another amazing explanation Kayla!
The longing or yearning for meaning or purpose is much more descriptive than emptiness. Because even when surrounded by stimulus/overstimulated I feel a lack of purpose. Even pointlessness. And that impacts my sense of self and identity. The SMART goals thing is something I learnt long ago but I probably need to revisit to get daily actions going that are linked to core values. Creating consistency in self and less 'gaps' and emptiness. Such a fine balance between perfectionism and feeling worthless huh 😉
I couldn’t agree more!
What I found most helpful was to work on procrastination. I regarded my constant procrastination as a bad habit but never considered it could be influencing my least favorite BPD symptom. It makes so much sense.
Good information on this condition! Chronic emptiness is something I've dealt with. It's not as intense as it used to be, thankfully.
THANKYOU Miss ontheline.
i love the S.M.A.R.T acronym, a term that i have long needed to help define my situation and the helpful required motivationing internal narrative needing the boosting vernacular
I am talking to a girl who lives a while away from me. Shes a social worker in child protection and I think she has bpd. She has been acting distant recently and I didnt understand why initially. I sent her something she said to me about a month back where she was telling me about everything she loves about me and how much she wanted to see me and said it made me smile. And she replied sad.. Im not that person anymore. I asked her why she feels that way and if its due to the stress and strain of work and the emotional exhaustion. And she just said I can just feel it in myself. She told me yesterday she loves me and I told her I would do anything I could to support her through it and said things will get better but it saddens me shes feeling the way she is right now
I only feel this emptiness when I don't have a fp or they are doing something I don't like. I'm also a male and would never hurt my fp or leave them on purpose. So I don't understand the boredom thing. But they always abandon me, or I run when I know they are going to leave me.
Idk ever since I could remember, I have always felt empty and detached. It’s my default. What other illnesses are there that can explain that? I don’t think I’m depressed. I like to go out, party, dance, travel, connect. I don’t think I have BPD. Im not loud. But when I get mad, I can lash at people with my words in a more so blunt tone I will admit. I’m not insecure in my self image. I am a confident person. But I feel ego less. The way people talk about me helps me understand how I show up in the world because I just don’t have a firm concept of my ego. It’s like I take notes on the way people describe me. Because I don’t know. I need my alone time to try to process my emotions or else I will freak out
Do you feel this way perpetually or does it come and go? I find that I very very rarely feel lonely despite being very introverted, but at least a couple times a month or so I just feel this deep void inside. I don't feel sad, but maybe disappointed as if I'm mourning all of the lost potential. But most days I don't actively feel it and feel fine / motivated towards my goals, though it does seem bad that my goals are the only thing giving me any sense of value or purpose. When I lose confidence in my goals / abilities, my entire world is crushed and I have nothing.
If I wasn't in a creative field and was working at an office doing menial work I think I'd want to KMS. All of the money in the world isn't remotely interesting to me because I would have nothing. I crave impossible goals.
Thanks for sharing your experience! For me it comes and goes.
Maybe I can share my experience too.
I feel completly the same as you describe. Most of the time it is unnoticable in the background but when e.g. I make a mistake, dissapoint someone, don't feel competent about something, have a lot of negative thought towards myself or others there is this void in my chest... like a nagging black hole that sucks off all my positive emotions, my hopes and trust in myself, everything becomes black and dull and it feels like it always has been like this.
But maybe one or two days later everything goes back to normal and I feel okay or even great.
@@tetrahexaeder6312 yeah I feel that
somtimes ,i feel like i’m just space,i’m dreaming,i’m not even there i’m just floating and melting into the sky
Sounds like dissociation; depersonalization and derealization.
@@age93 yes that’s what it js
I’m going through it right now and it’s the worse it’s been
Nice video. I can relate😢. What are signs of procastination. Can you give examples😃
I can make a video on this!
You look the same colores as tuna 😃 I just love cats 🐈:) love the channel!
Thanks so much! 😊
Sounds like you're looking for that elusive filler for that blackness. I became an "high functioning" addict for 20 years. The daily routines around hustles, the arrangement of clandestine meetings in your lunch break. All great stimulation with little time to yourself. Initially I was given bipolar due to a manic spel (this was because I decided to kick the drugs cold turkey. And for a while, my brain was suddenly free of these opioids. The buzz of being clean soon wore thin. That uncomfy feeling in the chest and legs. I was beginning to remember why u hated being straight. The world was to angular and sharp. But with my cotton wool opioid blanket, all those rough edges became like smooth stones on the shire.
Obviously they resorted straight to atypical antipsychotic meds.
This way I was quiet and complaint. But those meds are worse that illegal stuff.
After being discharged and seeing my CPN and shrink. They heard my story. After that it was "complex pychosocia personality disorder. Falling into fhe avoidant/anxious criteria.
I lost my mother to suicide at 9 months old and so you can understand why I fear anyone getting too close. My early infant brain learning this quickly. Wrapped up with a family curse of mental health and depression.
I can't remember a single thing about my mum. And Noone ever spoke of her or told me exactly what happened
Noone cared about me withdrawing and afraid.
Now at 47 I can say I'm pissed with the system.
Even teachers became aware of my "attention seeking" and for that I was punished. I had a typical evil atepmom who used to be really violent to me and then leave me in a back room (so as not to annoy dad when he got home) So you don't need to be a shrink to suss this. Just decent insight.
I hope your life is calm.
Check out Dr Gabor Mate, fantastic humble shrink who worked for drug services.
This is one of the worst symptoms for me, I live with a constant longing for that missing piece.
I really really don’t feel boredom is related to emptiness because how can we constantly keep being busy !?!
thank you!
How common is it for people with bpd to not know they have it, or be completely oblivious to the idea they might have it?
Often misdiagnosed. I’m 55 and was diagnosed yesterday. 31 years of misdiagnosis. There’s a lot of overlapping of symptoms like depression, anxiety, and what appears to my “mania”.
me ,my therapist,old physiatrist and mom have questioned if i had bpd since i was 12,i always had some traits but they hightend so fucking much after some bullying and depression (very sever) and i’m tired of listing out all the traits and how server i feel them bc no one on here would belive me bc i’m “just hormonal” i’m 15 and i’ve already gone through puberty,so i don’t think it’s that,and plus i know it’s not that,does anyone see me like i geniunly think i have it but when i bring it up to my freind who thinks they have it they just say “you don’t even get how bad it is” but i do?
I went to a program for DBT with professionally trained therapists and I asked about this and they acted like it wasnt literally a cornerstone of this disorder and the reason why we suffer so much. It depressing how even the professionals have no fucking idea ... where can we get real help? i dont know what to do long term with this feeling, its endless and miserable
how do you stop procrastinating when the second you try to get things done you snap at a loved one such that you’re on the verge of assaulting them 😵
Tuna! ❤️❤️❤️
Glad you’re happy 🐱
I am also a quiet BPD.
Hi Tuna!
Cute Kitty!
"stop procrastinating" LOL!!! I'm a worthless cripple waiting to die in legislated poverty, literally the only thing I have to do in life is procrastinate. only 12 more days until I have money and I can do something until I have to wait another 29 days to have money again.
on top of all that, this acute neck injury is literally killing me and i'm still waiting another month and a half to get an mri after 3 years of agony because doctors don't listen to disabled people. [the heroin addiction i had to give myself just to be heard was fucking ridiculous to the nth degree] I'd love to stop procrastinating, I'd love to do literally anything, but all i can do is sit here and wait to die until I'm given the help I need in a system in total crisis.
i have this syntom and it fucking sucks 😞
Hi tuna, u r such a cutie
I had BPD until Jesus saved me and filled me. He’s the only answer ❤️
But you have a cat.... seems self explanatory. Just my opinion. Cat lovers are just a red flag for me. Try dogs.
are you fucking okay?