Thank you for this video. I really think that emptiness is the most over looked symptom but it really is HUGE. Only feeling like a person around other people is something I can relate to so much. Once I'm alone I feel like I'm in space, floating in infinity with no one around, it's beyond terrifying and the word 'lonely' really doesn't cover it. This all consuming feeling causes me to engage in maladaptive actions to try and fill the void. I'm starting DBT soon...20 years too late but better late than never. Sending love to all those who fight the daily battle ❤
I honestly thank God for this video my wife is BPD and it’s so hard understanding things for herself and for me! I think she’s so strong and videos like these help me stay filled with compassion instead of exhaustion as well as help strengthen my understanding to be a real solid partner for her cause I know I fall short so much. Truly thankful for you guys sharing your testimonies
I LOVE that idea of taking a selfie when experiencing my emotions. Especially the sad and empty feelings because those moments feel like I'll never be happy again - thanks for that tip! Im going to start doing that
I have this symptom more than the other symptoms but I do have all 9! Nothing I do fills that hole, I got my degree, felt nothing. Amazing job, feel nothing. Any success, feeling lasts q few hours at best. I spend to fill that hole, feelings last for moments. I'm trying to find my purpose but nothing fills that hole.
I can definitely understand. I also believe that even if it’s something I’ll always struggle with, I have tools now-they make it easier to ride out the challenging times ❤
I cn relate. I gt nt degree but couldn't afford to go to my convo and my parents don't seem thrilled abt it, no celebrations nor even a congratulations, hence why i feel so empty, i despise my parents more than anything and i feel ambivalent towards them. I hate the because they're the ones who made me like this. I would love an amazing job because tbh i feel depressed and dun feel like going on becuz i feel like life ended at 24. I hope ure doing ok. Tbh we're rly resilient ppl n just knw im sincerely proud of u, internet stranger!! 🎉
I definitely have traits of it and got over 10 different certifications related to many things , interdisciplinary degree in.the 2nd language, and it never has felt enough...I even remember signing up for the course so that I could post the results and people would notice me and value.That was my main motivation for all to fill in the emptiness and feeling not enough
I never received an official Dx for BPD, but I do check every single criteria box. I have found the emptiness to go away once I elect a "Favorite Person", it is only THEN that I feel seen and motivated and willing to let my awesomeness unfold. As some of you have said, it isn't like there is a specific reason to feel empty, hollow, depressed, etc. Quite the opposite. I have so much to be grateful and thrilled about. But when that void, that hollow inner drain is gaping wide open (i.e. when you've yet again split on an FP!), nothing exists beyond it. And trying to explain that to someone makes you feel like a sick needy person. The shame becomes unbearable so I crawl in my cave and vow to never come out ever ever again. Dissociative Fugue has been the name of my game.
At the 30 minute mark of this video you really hit me hard at the core with what you Said «better the debil you know” you Said Talking about hiding for the world and isolating yourself in you own. This really hit me because I have been doing this for a long time now, and I just started making music about myself to try to understand myself better and I have a lyric in the most powerful song I’ve made that goes, better the devil you know then you wanna be caught in the cold missing the snow This lyrics means the same think. Felt really good to hear that from someone who seems like there doing a lot better and can see it in the past. As someone who’s stuck with the devil we know, it gave me some hope that I can make it about if this state of mind. If you ever read this I just wanted to say thank you for giving me some hope. And thank you for running this Channel I just got diagnosed with borderline and it’s really been helping me to here all your friends explain some helpful ways to look at a lot of problems I’ve been facing. It’s very hard for me to find information in this disorder because I’m from Sweden and it doesn’t really exist anyone doing this here. Thank you for the work you all do ❤️ god speed
Thank you SO much for sharing this. The feeling that "I'll be happy when..." (Insert next life milestones) and trying to work out who I am without workaholism or perceived prestige or power, that I'm acceptable without any achievements and when I'm crying and lost. My dog has rescued me. I've had so many wins by learning to give him acceptance, encouragement and love ESPECIALLY if he's finding (insert training area or life thing) hard. Love is most needed during the hard times so I try to afford myself the compassion and love I have for him. I've previously struggled to enjoy creative endeavours because there's always someone better than me. I'm going to do something creative, for the enjoyment of it today and I'll remember to encourage and validate myself even if I don't. Thank you guys 🎉
Emptiness.. while fearing an abandonment.. of our FP/Partner.. leads to the Addiction or impulses of a whole list of bonkers copes… add in actual betrayal/abandonment cPTSD from parents and lovers, friends.. the things one can do. You guys are really awesome and inspiring! Looking to transmute my experiences and share as well! 🎉🧿
My feelings of chronic emptiness present as indifference to whether I live or die, I just see more pain and hard ache in the future. More struggles with BPD. This is a chronic feeling I carry with me and I think it partly stems from the fact that I love others deeply but it’s really hard for me to feel their love in return. My experiences have taught me that love is conditional. I do relate to what someone said about reaching all these milestones and not being fulfilled… I have an in demand career and am successful, I’ve purchased a house and have a higher level education, none of those things filled that hole
I love that I found this and appreciate your guy's work. I still wish more men were getting diagnosed and talking openly about it. Amazing channel, instant subscribe. I am in intensive treatment now and it's working. Nice to see other BPD people thriving in this world.
We definitely have more male representation from the second season and beyond (although it’s still not 50-50) - Darren talks about the challenge of being a man with BPD in the first episode of season two, all about diagnosis stories! Might be relatable
@@thebpdbunch Hey, thanks! Sorry, I hope I didn't sound like I was whining or calling you guys out. Didn't even realize there was a season 2. Great show.
I just came across your group and I’m so thankful for all of u! I will definitely keep following! This chronic loneliness is very hard to deal with. I’ve had it since I was a child. But losing my mom and sister has made it much worse for me.
I’m 28, I’ve never had a girlfriend and few friends. I feel soulless at this point. There’s nothing inside me anymore. I can’t do drugs (sober), sex isn’t a part of my life and the one thing that brought me joy (music) isn’t in me anymore. There’s no break, or relief. Just soulless all day everyday.
What a great idea! I’ve recently started to notice my dissociation. Since I’ve been mindful of it, I realized that happens more often than I had thought. It’s a topic that interests me, as well! ❤
Omg yes, my way to disassociate is through maladaptive daydreaming I've done since childhood that has been my coping mechanism. When I've tried to stop my Intrusive thought OCD got bad. It's become my addiction.
For me emptiness and loneliness come hand in hand, I dont even know which starts first. I think grounding exercises are the ones who help the most, also my support network, I really need connections.
I am not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but i am diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. And I can relate to this one in my own way. I call it boredom, but when I'm alone or just not feeling any emotion caused by anything. It's more like nothing. I don't feel anything. It's just bored. I'm in soil search for Outside. Stimuli around me not necessarily to feel anything, but just to not be bored.
Thank you for this video. I’m currently doing my thesis on emotions regulation strategies that alleviate feelings of emptiness in bpd. It was very informative.
creative people naturally change their identity a lot. its why they can be so creative and change their looks often, relaunch themselves or their small business. so artist/writer/entrepreneur type plus bpd can be hard to manage and tell apart.
I don't know for sure If I do have bpd but I research about mental illnesses a lot especially bpd because I seem to show a lot of signs of it. And when people started talking about signs of not feeling like you exist unless your with people didn't like ring a bell or anything but then i remember how I literally cry every night because I don't feel like I'm good enough for those people even tho I just said I love you to my mom or my friend just told me how great and kind I am. I hate being alone so much because I feel like people might go and replace me and secretly hate me if i don't see them everyday. Literally my friend was in the same room as me and I wasn't able to sit by them so my mind was completely convinced they hated me even though they really didn't do anything and probably don't hate me in that moment I thought my friend forgot about me and hated me. It's so hard to recognize these things about myself but since I've been researching about it it's a lot easier tbh
Okay, so I think I may have been using feeling empty with my therapist completely wrong and they may think I am reporting something different to what I am experiencing. I thought it meant being like being extremely tired. That I don’t have any energy or have anything left to give or provide. What you guys are describing sounds completely different. The loneliness, feelings around lack of self, or nothingness/being a void described in the video is not something I have experienced. So thank you for the video as this really helped me contextualize what I was feeling and how I was conveying it.
I had one child accidentally and I knew that I never actually wanted children but then I purposely did it TWO more times after that because being pregnant gave me 9 months to feel like something was happening. Something was filling the space. 😢
Growing up as a teenager if I didn’t have a romantic partner I felt like I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing with myself. Everything felt bleak and empty but I also felt like no one truly cares about me so what’s the point of a relationship. I felt like a shell. Ugh it was terrible 😣
my problem is that I have somehow associated 'mindfulness' with one of my exes... and I know it makes no sense because mindfulness isn't associated with anything... but for me whenever I do mindfulness there's still this awareness that I am doing mindfulness and that is associated with being reminded of an exe and my loneliness etc
Christianity made me feel worse. I constantly felt like I would never be good enough to please this deity my mother thrusted upon me and guilted me into serving. She'd argue with me then out loud She'd go, "my daughter is an obedient child in the name of Jesus" "I rebuke you Satan in her life". I was in my late 40s. I was so tired of her religious abuse. Using God to control and manipulate me.
There is religious abuse and neglect. People will throw many Bible verses at you and think because they worked for them they will work for you. You need to find God for yourself. Read the Bible for yourself. I can tell you that God loves you. I have this condition and I can tell you the more I take this journey, the more I find better care for myself. The more I get my own understanding. I feel it actually uncovered my condition because I had been living so far in the dark, I didn't see reality. I hope we all get better regardless, but I will also pray. Amen.
Thank you so much for sharing this. 🩷 My emptiness comes from Childhood Emotional Neglect and love addiction. I yearn for a parent’s unconditional love. It’s a hole in my chest. I’m autistic and that’s been the one sliver of sense of self (having interests that have lasted a lifetime). I fall back on them when I’m single and alone, but lose myself completely in romantic partnerships. And ugh social media - it’s been a drug for me for years. The validation hits feel good.
Thank you for this video. I really think that emptiness is the most over looked symptom but it really is HUGE. Only feeling like a person around other people is something I can relate to so much. Once I'm alone I feel like I'm in space, floating in infinity with no one around, it's beyond terrifying and the word 'lonely' really doesn't cover it. This all consuming feeling causes me to engage in maladaptive actions to try and fill the void. I'm starting DBT soon...20 years too late but better late than never. Sending love to all those who fight the daily battle ❤
"Only feeling like a real person around other people"........ dang
Literally
I really needed this. I've never felt so seen.
I honestly thank God for this video my wife is BPD and it’s so hard understanding things for herself and for me! I think she’s so strong and videos like these help me stay filled with compassion instead of exhaustion as well as help strengthen my understanding to be a real solid partner for her cause I know I fall short so much. Truly thankful for you guys sharing your testimonies
Please have someone come and talk about aging (BPD) and loneliness.
I LOVE that idea of taking a selfie when experiencing my emotions. Especially the sad and empty feelings because those moments feel like I'll never be happy again - thanks for that tip! Im going to start doing that
I have this symptom more than the other symptoms but I do have all 9! Nothing I do fills that hole, I got my degree, felt nothing. Amazing job, feel nothing. Any success, feeling lasts q few hours at best. I spend to fill that hole, feelings last for moments.
I'm trying to find my purpose but nothing fills that hole.
I can definitely understand. I also believe that even if it’s something I’ll always struggle with, I have tools now-they make it easier to ride out the challenging times ❤
i get this wholeheartedly, i think i've developed a weed dependency due to it being so bad
I cn relate. I gt nt degree but couldn't afford to go to my convo and my parents don't seem thrilled abt it, no celebrations nor even a congratulations, hence why i feel so empty, i despise my parents more than anything and i feel ambivalent towards them. I hate the because they're the ones who made me like this.
I would love an amazing job because tbh i feel depressed and dun feel like going on becuz i feel like life ended at 24.
I hope ure doing ok. Tbh we're rly resilient ppl n just knw im sincerely proud of u, internet stranger!! 🎉
I definitely have traits of it and got over 10 different certifications related to many things , interdisciplinary degree in.the 2nd language, and it never has felt enough...I even remember signing up for the course so that I could post the results and people would notice me and value.That was my main motivation for all to fill in the emptiness and feeling not enough
I never received an official Dx for BPD, but I do check every single criteria box. I have found the emptiness to go away once I elect a "Favorite Person", it is only THEN that I feel seen and motivated and willing to let my awesomeness unfold. As some of you have said, it isn't like there is a specific reason to feel empty, hollow, depressed, etc. Quite the opposite. I have so much to be grateful and thrilled about. But when that void, that hollow inner drain is gaping wide open (i.e. when you've yet again split on an FP!), nothing exists beyond it. And trying to explain that to someone makes you feel like a sick needy person. The shame becomes unbearable so I crawl in my cave and vow to never come out ever ever again. Dissociative Fugue has been the name of my game.
Too bad u can't split right back to that FP again.
I empathize so deeply with this. It’s love addiction.
I have a theory about the favorite person phenomenon and why it is essentially an addiction.
@@purplefinch29 Do share your theory, please.
At the 30 minute mark of this video you really hit me hard at the core with what you Said «better the debil you know” you Said Talking about hiding for the world and isolating yourself in you own. This really hit me because I have been doing this for a long time now, and I just started making music about myself to try to understand myself better and I have a lyric in the most powerful song I’ve made that goes, better the devil you know then you wanna be caught in the cold missing the snow
This lyrics means the same think. Felt really good to hear that from someone who seems like there doing a lot better and can see it in the past.
As someone who’s stuck with the devil we know, it gave me some hope that I can make it about if this state of mind.
If you ever read this I just wanted to say thank you for giving me some hope.
And thank you for running this Channel I just got diagnosed with borderline and it’s really been helping me to here all your friends explain some helpful ways to look at a lot of problems I’ve been facing.
It’s very hard for me to find information in this disorder because I’m from Sweden and it doesn’t really exist anyone doing this here.
Thank you for the work you all do ❤️ god speed
Thank you SO much for sharing this. The feeling that "I'll be happy when..." (Insert next life milestones) and trying to work out who I am without workaholism or perceived prestige or power, that I'm acceptable without any achievements and when I'm crying and lost.
My dog has rescued me. I've had so many wins by learning to give him acceptance, encouragement and love ESPECIALLY if he's finding (insert training area or life thing) hard. Love is most needed during the hard times so I try to afford myself the compassion and love I have for him.
I've previously struggled to enjoy creative endeavours because there's always someone better than me.
I'm going to do something creative, for the enjoyment of it today and I'll remember to encourage and validate myself even if I don't.
Thank you guys 🎉
Thanks guys, you're one of my favourite youtube channels 🥰
Emptiness.. while fearing an abandonment.. of our FP/Partner.. leads to the Addiction or impulses of a whole list of bonkers copes… add in actual betrayal/abandonment cPTSD from parents and lovers, friends.. the things one can do.
You guys are really awesome and inspiring!
Looking to transmute my experiences and share as well! 🎉🧿
This
So thankful I found you! Finally I'm not alone.
My feelings of chronic emptiness present as indifference to whether I live or die, I just see more pain and hard ache in the future. More struggles with BPD. This is a chronic feeling I carry with me and I think it partly stems from the fact that I love others deeply but it’s really hard for me to feel their love in return. My experiences have taught me that love is conditional. I do relate to what someone said about reaching all these milestones and not being fulfilled… I have an in demand career and am successful, I’ve purchased a house and have a higher level education, none of those things filled that hole
I love that I found this and appreciate your guy's work. I still wish more men were getting diagnosed and talking openly about it.
Amazing channel, instant subscribe. I am in intensive treatment now and it's working. Nice to see other BPD people thriving in this world.
We definitely have more male representation from the second season and beyond (although it’s still not 50-50) - Darren talks about the challenge of being a man with BPD in the first episode of season two, all about diagnosis stories! Might be relatable
@@thebpdbunch Hey, thanks! Sorry, I hope I didn't sound like I was whining or calling you guys out. Didn't even realize there was a season 2. Great show.
I just came across your group and I’m so thankful for all of u! I will definitely keep following! This chronic loneliness is very hard to deal with. I’ve had it since I was a child. But losing my mom and sister has made it much worse for me.
Also, I feel the need for a community, so this is great to come across.
I’m 28, I’ve never had a girlfriend and few friends. I feel soulless at this point. There’s nothing inside me anymore. I can’t do drugs (sober), sex isn’t a part of my life and the one thing that brought me joy (music) isn’t in me anymore. There’s no break, or relief. Just soulless all day everyday.
Go to therapy! ❤
all of these are so relatable, even as someone without bpd! thank you 😊
❤
Loving these videos. I find them very informative. Could you please do one on dissociating and your experiences with it. Keep up the good work.
What a great idea! I’ve recently started to notice my dissociation. Since I’ve been mindful of it, I realized that happens more often than I had thought.
It’s a topic that interests me, as well! ❤
Omg yes, my way to disassociate is through maladaptive daydreaming I've done since childhood that has been my coping mechanism. When I've tried to stop my Intrusive thought OCD got bad. It's become my addiction.
For me emptiness and loneliness come hand in hand, I dont even know which starts first. I think grounding exercises are the ones who help the most, also my support network, I really need connections.
Thank you so much, everyone, for another great episode! I especially needed this before the holidays. Keep up the great work, Xannie, and panel!!!
Thanks to all of you💙💯🦋😃yes the emptiness
I am not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but i am diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. And I can relate to this one in my own way. I call it boredom, but when I'm alone or just not feeling any emotion caused by anything. It's more like nothing. I don't feel anything. It's just bored. I'm in soil search for Outside. Stimuli around me not necessarily to feel anything, but just to not be bored.
Thank you for this video. I’m currently doing my thesis on emotions regulation strategies that alleviate feelings of emptiness in bpd. It was very informative.
have you finished your thesis ? i would like to read it !!
creative people naturally change their identity a lot. its why they can be so creative and change their looks often, relaunch themselves or their small business. so artist/writer/entrepreneur type plus bpd can be hard to manage and tell apart.
Sense of community comes from volunteering in community also helped me.
Omg I've only Been dancing fr abt a Yr and resonate 1000% w what the purdy short-haired lady said 🥺
Yet around a Bunch of people & it Hits I have too 🦋
Thank you so much!
I don't know for sure If I do have bpd but I research about mental illnesses a lot especially bpd because I seem to show a lot of signs of it. And when people started talking about signs of not feeling like you exist unless your with people didn't like ring a bell or anything but then i remember how I literally cry every night because I don't feel like I'm good enough for those people even tho I just said I love you to my mom or my friend just told me how great and kind I am. I hate being alone so much because I feel like people might go and replace me and secretly hate me if i don't see them everyday. Literally my friend was in the same room as me and I wasn't able to sit by them so my mind was completely convinced they hated me even though they really didn't do anything and probably don't hate me in that moment I thought my friend forgot about me and hated me. It's so hard to recognize these things about myself but since I've been researching about it it's a lot easier tbh
Okay, so I think I may have been using feeling empty with my therapist completely wrong and they may think I am reporting something different to what I am experiencing. I thought it meant being like being extremely tired. That I don’t have any energy or have anything left to give or provide. What you guys are describing sounds completely different.
The loneliness, feelings around lack of self, or nothingness/being a void described in the video is not something I have experienced. So thank you for the video as this really helped me contextualize what I was feeling and how I was conveying it.
I had one child accidentally and I knew that I never actually wanted children but then I purposely did it TWO more times after that because being pregnant gave me 9 months to feel like something was happening. Something was filling the space. 😢
Growing up as a teenager if I didn’t have a romantic partner I felt like I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing with myself. Everything felt bleak and empty but I also felt like no one truly cares about me so what’s the point of a relationship. I felt like a shell. Ugh it was terrible 😣
Same here. I found my old journals from high school and I was constantly writing about my perfect, dream boyfriend.
I have felt like this since a young age I just didn't know
Great job guys. Thankyou
Thanks for watching!
After I had a baby I felt blank empty hollow and sad because I can’t feel I have a baby
Wow I'm a Fan needed this💜🌈🦋
Saving lives here
my problem is that I have somehow associated 'mindfulness' with one of my exes... and I know it makes no sense because mindfulness isn't associated with anything... but for me whenever I do mindfulness there's still this awareness that I am doing mindfulness and that is associated with being reminded of an exe and my loneliness etc
love this conversation :-)
How many of you grew up with battling parents? How many had loss of faith in God. I use to be like this but had ptsd from parents fights. 😢❤
Amen to the faith point! x
You all are amazing 🤩🤩🤩
I so wanna be part of this thing 😭 lord how do I do it? Someone tell me
❤❤❤ Thank you
You are so welcome!
18:18 States of Mind
14:29 👏
No hate here at all, but as a musician, your intertheme song is absolutely torture to my ears.😅😅 All the love though. Love your channel.
Oof. Finding christianity to solve BPD seems like taking a drug to forget reality. I'd rather take actual drugs.
Christianity made me feel worse. I constantly felt like I would never be good enough to please this deity my mother thrusted upon me and guilted me into serving. She'd argue with me then out loud She'd go, "my daughter is an obedient child in the name of Jesus" "I rebuke you Satan in her life". I was in my late 40s. I was so tired of her religious abuse. Using God to control and manipulate me.
There is religious abuse and neglect. People will throw many Bible verses at you and think because they worked for them they will work for you. You need to find God for yourself. Read the Bible for yourself. I can tell you that God loves you. I have this condition and I can tell you the more I take this journey, the more I find better care for myself. The more I get my own understanding. I feel it actually uncovered my condition because I had been living so far in the dark, I didn't see reality. I hope we all get better regardless, but I will also pray.
Amen.
Thank you so much for sharing this. 🩷
My emptiness comes from Childhood Emotional Neglect and love addiction. I yearn for a parent’s unconditional love. It’s a hole in my chest.
I’m autistic and that’s been the one sliver of sense of self (having interests that have lasted a lifetime). I fall back on them when I’m single and alone, but lose myself completely in romantic partnerships.
And ugh social media - it’s been a drug for me for years. The validation hits feel good.