I love when you said "sometimes, we're right about things too." That validated my feelings in so many situations where either people had gas-lit me or I was gaslighting myself. As uncomfortable as this feeling is, I'm relieved to know I am not alone. Thank you so so much for your hard work and beautiful conversation.
Absoltuely. BPD isn’t that we’re completely wrong. It’s more about the tendency or style of the cognition. Like not necessarily wrong that “everyone hates me” but those thoughts come into our heads and we entertain them as real and valid in ways that aren’t so constructive and helpful in life.
What Xannie says about trusting your instincts hit home for me. I’m constantly trying to work out whether a thought I have is rational/irrational, and whether to give that thought weight or dismiss it. And when you’re feeling like that 10+ times a day it’s exhausting and hard to consistently negate. Ps. Appreciate this channel a lot. I spend a lot of time feeling very misunderstood and lonely, and hearing other people’s experiences validates a lot of my experiences and makes me feel far less alone. Thanks x
a therapist told me, your gut instinct won't feel like anxiety. your gut instinct and intuition feels calm and true. if you're getting a stomach ache, back ache, chills, heart drop, throat choke -- then that's probably a physical cptsd/ptsd/bpd flash back to a trigger like a text going off or someone not replying. if you can try to remember a time when your gut was right about someone, like you knew in your gut Sarah stole your necklace and she's a bad friend. would you have anxiety to see Sarah and confront her? or would you be cold and calm, stoic and stare her down at school and ask why she was wearing your necklace on an instagram post? If a time comes when you truly believe in your gut "he's cheating on me example" you won't feel anxious, you'll feel glad you finally got your proof and can move on. and if you have no proof and you're feeling like you're dying, that's when you can use the Check the Facts skill. Is this physical reaction necessary? What is the proof of infidelity? Is this a ptsd physcial flashback? Wait 15m, take CBD or do what you need to get your 10 to a 7 and ask the same questions. Remind yourself intuition feels natural and calm, and ptsd flashbacks are the painful attacks.
I think sometimes as a result of constant derealization or depersonalization, and paranoia, this causes to not be able to differentiate between bpd trauma responses or reality, or a gut feeling, since this almost feels like we can’t trust our minds or ourselves, the anxiety, in my case, is always there.
I feel so validated and heard that I cried while watching this. I've been seeing lots of other videos about dissociation within BPD and they all seem really insane and intense and I'm like oh my gosh I definitely don't experience that but the way that you guys described it actually is exactly how I feel and made me really feel validated in what I'm experiencing because I do experience the same kind of dissociation that you guys were describing. But I always gaslight myself on it saying that it's not that bad and that other people have it so much worse which is true. But that doesn't take away from what I'm experiencing. So this video was really helpful and please keep them up
When my symptoms first started, it was a PTSD episode that triggered it, and the derealization/depersonalization was really scary. I’m better now, but I always wondered what that was, and hearing you guys describe it so vividly means a lot to me. It’s such an odd experience that I had to search for years to find anyone that could relate. 🙏
I can’t tell you how much I wish I had something like this channel to go to when I was 19/20 years old and spiralling downward. Really value everyone’s insights, thankyou ❤️🩹
For me dissociation mostly feels like my muscles become super weak and sort of numb, as if somewhere part of me is afraid that if I experienced even the smallest amount of tension in any part of my body all the anger would come rushing back in an instant, and if I were trying to push something gently, I might instead accidentally fling it across the room. I also find that the only thing that makes it go away is sleeping. Unfortunately I have insomnia and never sleep at a reasonable time when I'm like that.
sometimes when my FP is sick I get really paranoid that its because I am somehow cursed and I have to do irrational or sometimes self destructive stuff to try and protect them/break said curse 🙄
Ugh 2 things I related to soo much....not being able to trust my own judgement on things like am I right to be upset or am I bpding? (I find it's usually somewhere in the middle). & being sooo scared when I watch like conspiracy stuff, religion, end of the world theories anything like that I get so scared & worried even though my partner is sat there telling me exactly why it's total bs 🙃🙃😅
I’m not diagnosed but getting help for first time in my early thirties. The adhd diagnosis waiting list is up to seven years here so I may just have adhd… or both and we won’t know till I’m closer to 40 now. I have been immediately put forward for dbt and not diagnosed with bpd because they don’t want to “rush to diagnose” which I do like …. but likely I do have BPD Horrible grey area all my life and same now with help. You guys really explain my whole mindset very well, and make this less lonely. Is it normal to rarely be diagnosed and just spend most of your life dismissing yourself as an awful dysfunctional person who’s fully broken? It’s horrible
I’ve been facing paranoia a lot lately, along with the splitting thoughts I’ve been trying to catch and tell myself it’s not the past, but have clarity. Waiting for my real reality to prove the thoughts wrong. Theyre very vivid scenarios about the future but I’m trying so much too trust him but again worried about it.
100% Correct for my Cluster B Personality Disorder Borderline Mother would never, ever admit that there was anything wrong with her, it was always someone/everyone else's fault and she was always the sweet and innocent victim who could do no wrong...
the only way i found out i had it was trying to figure out my best friends quirks and then i realized uh he has this and oh no so do i. then got professional diagnosis. up til then i was clueless about cluster b pd’s
@MiladyMetalhead Maybe, though there’s a lot of overlap. I have a parent with BPD who’s the same way, but she does have a sense of guilt and humility. She would just never go to therapy and getting her to admit something is an exhausting gamut of loud defense mechanisms.
i play tennis (doubles) and they are saying to me are you ready like between points and i am yep do it and so i must look like i am away and i guess i can be i will be off somewhere in the cosmos sort of feels normal to me but others can see it or they wouldn't ask right? and yeah if i want to play well i have to be fully present 🥰its interesting that other people can see it.
My daughter has BPD, the self sabotage is a worry and the absolute refusal to admit wrong. It just didn't happen. Or worse made up vague accusations that never happened?????? Just wondering do you do this?? Sorry, answering this might cause the paranoia that you complain about.... I'm just trying understand my daughter who is in denial, was diagnosed but changed shrinks, again sorry not trying to drag any of you down ❤
Sure, that can be part of being symptomatic. I hope she gets the help she needs and that you can find some support. I’ve been on both sides and it’s tough.
I love when you said "sometimes, we're right about things too." That validated my feelings in so many situations where either people had gas-lit me or I was gaslighting myself. As uncomfortable as this feeling is, I'm relieved to know I am not alone. Thank you so so much for your hard work and beautiful conversation.
Absoltuely. BPD isn’t that we’re completely wrong. It’s more about the tendency or style of the cognition. Like not necessarily wrong that “everyone hates me” but those thoughts come into our heads and we entertain them as real and valid in ways that aren’t so constructive and helpful in life.
What Xannie says about trusting your instincts hit home for me.
I’m constantly trying to work out whether a thought I have is rational/irrational, and whether to give that thought weight or dismiss it. And when you’re feeling like that 10+ times a day it’s exhausting and hard to consistently negate.
Ps. Appreciate this channel a lot. I spend a lot of time feeling very misunderstood and lonely, and hearing other people’s experiences validates a lot of my experiences and makes me feel far less alone. Thanks x
a therapist told me, your gut instinct won't feel like anxiety. your gut instinct and intuition feels calm and true. if you're getting a stomach ache, back ache, chills, heart drop, throat choke -- then that's probably a physical cptsd/ptsd/bpd flash back to a trigger like a text going off or someone not replying. if you can try to remember a time when your gut was right about someone, like you knew in your gut Sarah stole your necklace and she's a bad friend. would you have anxiety to see Sarah and confront her? or would you be cold and calm, stoic and stare her down at school and ask why she was wearing your necklace on an instagram post? If a time comes when you truly believe in your gut "he's cheating on me example" you won't feel anxious, you'll feel glad you finally got your proof and can move on. and if you have no proof and you're feeling like you're dying, that's when you can use the Check the Facts skill. Is this physical reaction necessary? What is the proof of infidelity? Is this a ptsd physcial flashback? Wait 15m, take CBD or do what you need to get your 10 to a 7 and ask the same questions. Remind yourself intuition feels natural and calm, and ptsd flashbacks are the painful attacks.
I think sometimes as a result of constant derealization or depersonalization, and paranoia, this causes to not be able to differentiate between bpd trauma responses or reality, or a gut feeling, since this almost feels like we can’t trust our minds or ourselves, the anxiety, in my case, is always there.
watching this in a paranoid episode for some comfort knowing i’m not alone
Thank you so much for making this you lovely people
You’re welcome!!
"is this person horrible or is it just my brain" I so relate to this .
I feel so validated and heard that I cried while watching this. I've been seeing lots of other videos about dissociation within BPD and they all seem really insane and intense and I'm like oh my gosh I definitely don't experience that but the way that you guys described it actually is exactly how I feel and made me really feel validated in what I'm experiencing because I do experience the same kind of dissociation that you guys were describing. But I always gaslight myself on it saying that it's not that bad and that other people have it so much worse which is true. But that doesn't take away from what I'm experiencing. So this video was really helpful and please keep them up
Just realized I am paranoid like this basically all.the.time but I didn't have a word for it so had no idea. This explains a lot for me. Thank you
When my symptoms first started, it was a PTSD episode that triggered it, and the derealization/depersonalization was really scary. I’m better now, but I always wondered what that was, and hearing you guys describe it so vividly means a lot to me. It’s such an odd experience that I had to search for years to find anyone that could relate. 🙏
This is great. Thankyou so much for sharing yourselves. I am learning so much about myself through you Guys. And taking your experience to heart. ❤❤
Our pleasure!
I can’t tell you how much I wish I had something like this channel to go to when I was 19/20 years old and spiralling downward. Really value everyone’s insights, thankyou ❤️🩹
thanks so much for what y'all do. I always get something out of each episode.
Thank you so much for these discussions guys. So insightful and helpful!
You all described exactly how I feel... Its scary to know others go through this and it is also comforting knowing I'm not alone in this.
Thank you!
Can we get a link to Devon's art please? Thanks! The show is perfect! Thank you all for sharing your experiences with us!
www.devonplaster.com
Great video. Could you please do a video on secondary psychopathy in people with BPD.
For me dissociation mostly feels like my muscles become super weak and sort of numb, as if somewhere part of me is afraid that if I experienced even the smallest amount of tension in any part of my body all the anger would come rushing back in an instant, and if I were trying to push something gently, I might instead accidentally fling it across the room. I also find that the only thing that makes it go away is sleeping. Unfortunately I have insomnia and never sleep at a reasonable time when I'm like that.
My dissociation was and is Maladaptive Daydreaming since I was a child.
sometimes when my FP is sick I get really paranoid that its because I am somehow cursed and I have to do irrational or sometimes self destructive stuff to try and protect them/break said curse 🙄
Ugh 2 things I related to soo much....not being able to trust my own judgement on things like am I right to be upset or am I bpding? (I find it's usually somewhere in the middle). & being sooo scared when I watch like conspiracy stuff, religion, end of the world theories anything like that I get so scared & worried even though my partner is sat there telling me exactly why it's total bs 🙃🙃😅
This was so lovely and helpful
I’m not diagnosed but getting help for first time in my early thirties. The adhd diagnosis waiting list is up to seven years here so I may just have adhd… or both and we won’t know till I’m closer to 40 now. I have been immediately put forward for dbt and not diagnosed with bpd because they don’t want to “rush to diagnose” which I do like …. but likely I do have BPD
Horrible grey area all my life and same now with help. You guys really explain my whole mindset very well, and make this less lonely.
Is it normal to rarely be diagnosed and just spend most of your life dismissing yourself as an awful dysfunctional person who’s fully broken? It’s horrible
I’ve been facing paranoia a lot lately, along with the splitting thoughts I’ve been trying to catch and tell myself it’s not the past, but have clarity. Waiting for my real reality to prove the thoughts wrong. Theyre very vivid scenarios about the future but I’m trying so much too trust him but again worried about it.
The dissociations while driving is really scary for me. alot of people don't understand how exhausting BPD is🙄
Can u explain it please
These women sit and reflect over their BPD issues, my BPD x woman would never ever in a million miles admit there were any wrong with her
100% Correct for my Cluster B Personality Disorder Borderline Mother would never, ever admit that there was anything wrong with her, it was always someone/everyone else's fault and she was always the sweet and innocent victim who could do no wrong...
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406sounds like covert npd
the only way i found out i had it was trying to figure out my best friends quirks and then i realized uh he has this and oh no so do i. then got professional diagnosis. up til then i was clueless about cluster b pd’s
Sounds more like NPD there.
@MiladyMetalhead Maybe, though there’s a lot of overlap. I have a parent with BPD who’s the same way, but she does have a sense of guilt and humility. She would just never go to therapy and getting her to admit something is an exhausting gamut of loud defense mechanisms.
Trust your instincts. And yes.. just ask them. ❤
What happens when you add an addiction to this problem????
Saving lives
21:27 that was so cute! All of you were doing the same
Thank you 😊
You're welcome 😊
Would have been nice to know at the time this is what they were going through
Idk if you guys have but can you talk about personality states in BPD?
i play tennis (doubles) and they are saying to me are you ready like between points and i am yep do it and so i must look like i am away and i guess i can be i will be off somewhere in the cosmos sort of feels normal to me but others can see it or they wouldn't ask right? and yeah if i want to play well i have to be fully present 🥰its interesting that other people can see it.
Would love to see more men on the show. A lot of the symptoms of bpd are highly stigmatized for men.
Take a look through the seasons and episodes. All genders are represented by The BPD Bunch. This one just happens to be an all female panel 😊
I don’t want to ask because what if it’s true. I will better live in my imagination than letting them say they want to leave me. It is scary.
Yes
I need to carry a fidget toy with me. I usually just Crack my knuckles repeatedly 😅 or squeeze my arms
Do an episode on cheating
My daughter has BPD, the self sabotage is a worry and the absolute refusal to admit wrong. It just didn't happen. Or worse made up vague accusations that never happened?????? Just wondering do you do this?? Sorry, answering this might cause the paranoia that you complain about.... I'm just trying understand my daughter who is in denial, was diagnosed but changed shrinks, again sorry not trying to drag any of you down ❤
Sure, that can be part of being symptomatic. I hope she gets the help she needs and that you can find some support. I’ve been on both sides and it’s tough.