I learned self- validation thru DBT. It’s helped so much. I used to always be against myself and now I’m my best friend giving unconditional love and encouragement.
Same, and when someone i considered a friend (or an old one) talks crap behind my back. Say it to my face, we can talk about it, but do it behind my back and i'm not trusting that person anymore.
I've recently reconnected with this amazing person who happens to have BPD and I really want to set us both up for (hopefully long term) success, but wow is there a lot of scaremongering, infantilising advice surrounding this topic online. Finding this channel instead has been so illuminating and helpful, thank you all so much!
Good luck! The only thing id say is there's a reason why there's so many negative stories online. My ex is quiet bpd and to say it was hard is an understatement. No matter how hard I tried nothing I did was enough, it was extremely emotionally draining. I wish you the best of luck but be aware of your own well being - I let myself get sucked into a caregiver role to someone that was unable to receive caring and it burnt me out.
You guys are amazing. At 41 I have discovered that I too have bpd. I have been doing a lot of work over the last 3 years and my symptoms only develop in relationships… I have never had a long secure relationship, I have attracted a lot of toxic partners and my worth has been filled trying to fix them and not look at my part… what developed my relationship awareness was actual dating another with bpd. We didn’t last much longer than a year… but it taught me so much. They lost there self within the relationship and sadly ended it… (they did this 3 times and I had to admit to myself that this just activated me way more) endings are so painful…. But I am greatful that i actual had a massive mirror and someone I could understand deeply… rather than paint it all black or white… it was a revelation indeed! Thank you guys ❤️
Thanks for the BPD Bunch fabulous and delightful group. I'm a 75 yr old female and now aware of the healing. Accessing new info is very helpful. Nearly half of a century living 12 step programs is a huge base. Now more mindfulness and your bunch of brave and courageous people have my attention.
It’s really nice to hear this from the other side. Pretty certain I’m married to a spouse with BPD and I feel like I’ve been terrorized for decades. I love him, but can’t do this anymore.
It sounds like you’ve really tried. BPD is one of those things that really requires a lot of therapy and hard work to address. If someone’s not doing that work, sometimes the only choice is to walk away. I’ve been on both sides, I feel for you.
On attachment - one way to think of attachment styles is trust in ourselves and others: Secure: Can trust myself and others Anxious: Can trust others but not myself Avoidant: Can trust myself but not others Disorganized: Can’t trust myself or others Another great discussion, thanks guys!
'My bpd is fine, until i get in a romantic relationship' I've been single ever since i realized this. 10:03 This is exactly what made me question myself during high school. 'You just got an F, why are not upset?', 'I am upset'... 'Are you...?' No matter the subject, whenever things went south people around me were always looked so stoic. Made me question if I was feeling too much, or the rest too little. 29:50 I do this all the time. I see an attractive lady, and then there is this feeling/voice type deal that says "forgotten last time have we?" There is ALWAYS grass greener than yours, stay away"
I have no problem communicating with people it's nonverbal communication and indirect communication or when someone says one thing but really means something else is what I struggle with.
For sure! To people pleasing I would add escapism, seeking validation, feeling like that’s all you’re good for, and self-harm. So glad I’m past that phase 😮💨
Hello ..thank you for the great empowerment you've done thru this video...i would want to ask if along the spectrum you guys experienced being labeled as manipulative or blackmailing? How did you overcome it? Although it never got into my head to manipulate someone neither blackmail someone ...i would love to hear about your experience..thanks
Oh yeah I’ve been called manipulative and that I was engaging in “emotional blackmail”. For me it was important to come to a balanced perspective about it. On the one hand, I have almost never had conscious malicious intent towards someone, and on the other hand my behavior still came across as manipulative to others. I’ve learned to be much more specific and direct in communicating my hopes and needs, which has made a huge difference in how others interpret what I’m trying to do.
I don't have bpd, I'm watching for a family member. But I was struck by the explanations. For example I lean towards losing my identity in others and people pleasing, but I also love being alone. Someone I'm very close to keeps picking the person that love bombs in the beginning, but is basically the same unhealthy person over and over. I would like to know what behaviors are present in bpd, that actually make it a disorder? Usually a disorder is something that affects your acts of daily living. If we all have our struggles with these things, what do you guys feel make it a disorder?
Its the severity, the frequency, and the degree to which it is psychologically impairing. The vast majority of symptoms for ANY psychological disorder, are things that every day people can relate to, but don’t usually experience to the point that it causes severe or long lasting harm. Our first season covers the nine criteria for BPD diagnosis, so that might be worth checking out.
If I seek out DBT Therapy and I'm an active drug addiction and I am diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, should I try to get sober before DBT Therapy or will the Therapy help with my borderline and my addiction? Please help me with this question, I want to get better. This struggle is not fun.
Different places have different rules about that kind of thing. I would recommend checking out our video with Monica Thomas, who works with people who struggle with BPD and substance use disorder
Having BPD and compulsive suicide ionization never figuring it out till now as I'm 65 years old I'm lazy and really haven't done any work to take care of myself. What does one do? The therapy that I've been able to get into hasn't helped me a bit. Listen to this channel help me think about it differently. It doesn't solve all my ugly feelings shame regret disappointment and negative feelings I create every day!
Many of you say deep relationships activates your attachment issues. Then you guys say you went ahead and finally had a good relationship you are in.. i assume this is when you started the treatment.. what abt the past relationships that were screwed by this behaviour.. those were people with good heart too ey.. would you go back and apologise to them after you realised it was you who caused them the hurt.. prolonged in some cases? Coz the unfair that was done to them and their investment in you has left a scar on them. I believe if you aint thats still selfish.
A lot of people with borderline who end up hurting people they care about relationships do apologize, profusely. People with BPD are still individual people with individual patterns and motives. And, apologizing can also arguably be selfish in some situations, if that person has moved on with their life and it opens up old wounds or is about absolution. It does not seem like you have moved on with your life. I find that when I am searching for answers about someone else's motives for engaging in behavior that hurt me, it is almost always keeping me trapped in the pain of the situation. I have tried to learn not to look for healing from the same person that hurt me. I have to be in charge of my healing. This is true regardless of who does or does not have a specific mental health diagnosis.
I’ve apologized to people who I have hurt, but not all of them. 1- bc maybe I’m just unaware that I even hurt them. (All of us can unintentionally hurt someone and never know it. BPD or not. ) 2- it sometimes it’s safe to do so. Some of the people from my past were also dysfunctional and it wouldn’t make sense to potentially engage with someone who may still be unwell/unsafe. 3 - as someone else has said, a lot of people from my past have moved on and I wouldn’t want them to think I was trying to weasel my way back in their life. I’ve had to learn how to forgive people who never asked and I hope that the people who I’ve hurt have forgiven me, even if I didn’t ask them too.
Right of the bat everyone states they were fine before the relationships WOW deluded or what! My ex wife was a reck when I met her I was the only stable thing in her life, I stopped her self harming when ever professional had failed before hand! And quite frankly I believe if your telling me it all went down hill after you hooked up with someone then I find that very very hard to believe, makes it sound like your scapegoating the men in your life’s if so this is typical BPD excuses, sorry to say.
🤦 You are normalizing abuse in relationships. Completely delusional and absolutely wrong by all standards and morals. A diagnosis doesn't give you the right to justify narcissism and violant impulsive behavior on anyone. You have created a cult. This is here is not only delusional, but dangerous.
No one is normalizing abuse here. There’s a difference between acknowledging why something happens, and normalizing that it does. You’re absolutely right, a diagnosis does not make that behavior OK. A diagnosis does, however explain why the behavior occurs. The purpose of this video is to unpack past dysfunctional behavior and where it comes from to find ways to avoid doing it in the future 👍
I learned self- validation thru DBT. It’s helped so much. I used to always be against myself and now I’m my best friend giving unconditional love and encouragement.
It’s a practice, tho.
“Against myself” this is an eye opener honestly … I started thinking of all of the times lately I’ve been “against myself”
Relationships are honestly the biggest if not only thing that triggers my BPD.
Same, and when someone i considered a friend (or an old one) talks crap behind my back. Say it to my face, we can talk about it, but do it behind my back and i'm not trusting that person anymore.
I hope you realize how much this helps people understand themselves better
I had undiagnosed BPD for years ...every word is true
Love this channel
Thanks for breaking the stigma and showing that you all are intelligent, strong, ambitious women who also have BPD. And there is hope!
I've recently reconnected with this amazing person who happens to have BPD and I really want to set us both up for (hopefully long term) success, but wow is there a lot of scaremongering, infantilising advice surrounding this topic online. Finding this channel instead has been so illuminating and helpful, thank you all so much!
You’re so welcome!!
Good luck! The only thing id say is there's a reason why there's so many negative stories online. My ex is quiet bpd and to say it was hard is an understatement. No matter how hard I tried nothing I did was enough, it was extremely emotionally draining. I wish you the best of luck but be aware of your own well being - I let myself get sucked into a caregiver role to someone that was unable to receive caring and it burnt me out.
You guys are amazing. At 41 I have discovered that I too have bpd. I have been doing a lot of work over the last 3 years and my symptoms only develop in relationships… I have never had a long secure relationship, I have attracted a lot of toxic partners and my worth has been filled trying to fix them and not look at my part… what developed my relationship awareness was actual dating another with bpd. We didn’t last much longer than a year… but it taught me so much. They lost there self within the relationship and sadly ended it… (they did this 3 times and I had to admit to myself that this just activated me way more) endings are so painful…. But I am greatful that i actual had a massive mirror and someone I could understand deeply… rather than paint it all black or white… it was a revelation indeed! Thank you guys ❤️
Thanks for the BPD Bunch fabulous and delightful group. I'm a 75 yr old female and now aware of the healing. Accessing new info is very helpful. Nearly half of a century living 12 step programs is a huge base. Now more mindfulness and your bunch of brave and courageous people have my attention.
trying to fix your partner? Do you mean he was NPD?
You do great work on this podcast. I wish you all the very best in your recovery.
It’s really nice to hear this from the other side. Pretty certain I’m married to a spouse with BPD and I feel like I’ve been terrorized for decades. I love him, but can’t do this anymore.
It sounds like you’ve really tried. BPD is one of those things that really requires a lot of therapy and hard work to address. If someone’s not doing that work, sometimes the only choice is to walk away. I’ve been on both sides, I feel for you.
so well done! my DD has BPD and your podcast has really helped me understand her experience. keep up the great work!
On attachment - one way to think of attachment styles is trust in ourselves and others:
Secure: Can trust myself and others
Anxious: Can trust others but not myself
Avoidant: Can trust myself but not others
Disorganized: Can’t trust myself or others
Another great discussion, thanks guys!
I absolutely LOVE hearing about this from you guys! Thank you!
You have no idea how helpful this is .. 🥺
'My bpd is fine, until i get in a romantic relationship'
I've been single ever since i realized this.
10:03 This is exactly what made me question myself during high school. 'You just got an F, why are not upset?', 'I am upset'... 'Are you...?'
No matter the subject, whenever things went south people around me were always looked so stoic. Made me question if I was feeling too much, or the rest too little.
29:50 I do this all the time. I see an attractive lady, and then there is this feeling/voice type deal that says "forgotten last time have we?" There is ALWAYS grass greener than yours, stay away"
Great stuff as usual
Thank you!!! 🫂🫂🫂
I have no problem communicating with people it's nonverbal communication and indirect communication or when someone says one thing but really means something else is what I struggle with.
Every Borderline, by nature, is also a codependent. Promiscuity can also be viewed as compulsive people pleasing.
For sure! To people pleasing I would add escapism, seeking validation, feeling like that’s all you’re good for, and self-harm. So glad I’m past that phase 😮💨
Y’alls nails are so on point.
Thank you..I've struggled for years undiagnosed..Where do you get a diagnosis
Such a beautiful show and ya'll are cute. I wish your channel success.
This is amazing- thank you for all that you do. How can we get more involved??
I also have brain damage from cancer, I was devestated....the bpd hid behind the brain damage...I was ridiculously happy to finally be diagnosed
Hello ..thank you for the great empowerment you've done thru this video...i would want to ask if along the spectrum you guys experienced being labeled as manipulative or blackmailing? How did you overcome it? Although it never got into my head to manipulate someone neither blackmail someone ...i would love to hear about your experience..thanks
Oh yeah I’ve been called manipulative and that I was engaging in “emotional blackmail”. For me it was important to come to a balanced perspective about it. On the one hand, I have almost never had conscious malicious intent towards someone, and on the other hand my behavior still came across as manipulative to others. I’ve learned to be much more specific and direct in communicating my hopes and needs, which has made a huge difference in how others interpret what I’m trying to do.
I don't have bpd, I'm watching for a family member. But I was struck by the explanations. For example I lean towards losing my identity in others and people pleasing, but I also love being alone. Someone I'm very close to keeps picking the person that love bombs in the beginning, but is basically the same unhealthy person over and over.
I would like to know what behaviors are present in bpd, that actually make it a disorder? Usually a disorder is something that affects your acts of daily living. If we all have our struggles with these things, what do you guys feel make it a disorder?
Its the severity, the frequency, and the degree to which it is psychologically impairing. The vast majority of symptoms for ANY psychological disorder, are things that every day people can relate to, but don’t usually experience to the point that it causes severe or long lasting harm. Our first season covers the nine criteria for BPD diagnosis, so that might be worth checking out.
@@thebpdbunch Thankyou!
Well everything about it really. Here's one.. people with BPD are 50x more likely to take their own life
I wonder how many of us were colicky babies
I believe I have bpd symptoms but I’ve never been in a relationship…
I have never meet a BPD woman that have said:
- I have problem
- I am working with it
- Reflecting over the problem
We have a whole channel of them!
Xannie! That's a cool name
I'm non BPD, ex is. I bent over backwards for her just to be told I was a horrible human being pretty much every day.
If I seek out DBT Therapy and I'm an active drug addiction and I am diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, should I try to get sober before DBT Therapy or will the Therapy help with my borderline and my addiction? Please help me with this question, I want to get better. This struggle is not fun.
Different places have different rules about that kind of thing. I would recommend checking out our video with Monica Thomas, who works with people who struggle with BPD and substance use disorder
In my experience DBT has helped with both
relationships are like pouring miracle grow on my character defects , someone said that to me once seems true lol
Anyone recommend a BPD therapist? Houston Texas
Did you ever find a BPD therapist?
20:38 🎉👏
Facing Love Addiction
Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love
By: Pia Mellody
Having BPD and compulsive suicide ionization never figuring it out till now as I'm 65 years old I'm lazy and really haven't done any work to take care of myself. What does one do? The therapy that I've been able to get into hasn't helped me a bit. Listen to this channel help me think about it differently. It doesn't solve all my ugly feelings shame regret disappointment and negative feelings I create every day!
Fear based trust no one
I’m feelin pretty hopeless as a gay 23 year old guy. Somebody pls give me their story of hope
Many of you say deep relationships activates your attachment issues. Then you guys say you went ahead and finally had a good relationship you are in.. i assume this is when you started the treatment.. what abt the past relationships that were screwed by this behaviour.. those were people with good heart too ey.. would you go back and apologise to them after you realised it was you who caused them the hurt.. prolonged in some cases? Coz the unfair that was done to them and their investment in you has left a scar on them. I believe if you aint thats still selfish.
I’ve definitely gone back and apologized 😊
A lot of people with borderline who end up hurting people they care about relationships do apologize, profusely. People with BPD are still individual people with individual patterns and motives. And, apologizing can also arguably be selfish in some situations, if that person has moved on with their life and it opens up old wounds or is about absolution. It does not seem like you have moved on with your life.
I find that when I am searching for answers about someone else's motives for engaging in behavior that hurt me, it is almost always keeping me trapped in the pain of the situation. I have tried to learn not to look for healing from the same person that hurt me. I have to be in charge of my healing. This is true regardless of who does or does not have a specific mental health diagnosis.
I’ve apologized to people who I have hurt, but not all of them. 1- bc maybe I’m just unaware that I even hurt them. (All of us can unintentionally hurt someone and never know it. BPD or not. ) 2- it sometimes it’s safe to do so. Some of the people from my past were also dysfunctional and it wouldn’t make sense to potentially engage with someone who may still be unwell/unsafe. 3 - as someone else has said, a lot of people from my past have moved on and I wouldn’t want them to think I was trying to weasel my way back in their life. I’ve had to learn how to forgive people who never asked and I hope that the people who I’ve hurt have forgiven me, even if I didn’t ask them too.
This is not about you
Right of the bat everyone states they were fine before the relationships WOW deluded or what! My ex wife was a reck when I met her I was the only stable thing in her life, I stopped her self harming when ever professional had failed before hand! And quite frankly I believe if your telling me it all went down hill after you hooked up with someone then I find that very very hard to believe, makes it sound like your scapegoating the men in your life’s if so this is typical BPD excuses, sorry to say.
🤦 You are normalizing abuse in relationships. Completely delusional and absolutely wrong by all standards and morals. A diagnosis doesn't give you the right to justify narcissism and violant impulsive behavior on anyone. You have created a cult. This is here is not only delusional, but dangerous.
No one is normalizing abuse here. There’s a difference between acknowledging why something happens, and normalizing that it does. You’re absolutely right, a diagnosis does not make that behavior OK. A diagnosis does, however explain why the behavior occurs. The purpose of this video is to unpack past dysfunctional behavior and where it comes from to find ways to avoid doing it in the future 👍