The BPD ego jumps up "Wait, did that person just say something negative about something I did? That means they think negatively of me as a whole! I am not this negative, horrible, awful, mistake of a person they think I am. I am good, like me! You don't like me? Fine I hate you, you are a negative, horrible, awful mistake of a person!" Vicious circle.
For me it feels like people hate me and that causes me so much pain that I start to split and I get super angry and afraid so I get even more angry. Splitting is more linked to past memories and my brain will start to tell me that the situation I'm currently in is the same as past abusive situations and I have to escape these situations at all costs. I also split with work and start to absolutely hate my job and then I'll start to absolutely love my job.
I know this channel is meant for folks with BPD, however, it has been immensely helpful to me in gaining empathy with a former partner in terms of understanding her behavior and reactions toward me. Thank you.
I find it so hard, because I get a lot of anxiety over whether I am rightfully annoyed or whether it is BPD based annoyance. When, on the one hand, we are told to sit with our emotions, but on the other, we are told they are generated from BPD... how do I know when to sit with it or when to push it away? It is so exhausting trying to figure it out
Your feelings are real and valid. Start by accepting how you feel. Regulate yourself using your coping toolkit. Only after you are regulated is it useful to analyze what happened and what to do next.❤ Hope that helps.
The amount of appreciation I have for all of you that are openly speaking of your personal experiences is immense. This video brought tears to my eyes. ❤As a trauma therapist who serves those diagnosed with cluster B disorders into remission & recovery (as I’m the only child and was raised by a UU BPD Mommy) my respect for you all in your bravery in speaking of this is through the roof!!! God Bless you all! Peace & Love, Dr. Jessie
I find myself in the vicious cycle of feeling like I have to defend myself whenever those closer to me criticize me. I don’t want to take it personal but I do and it is frustrating. It makes a tough situation worse and a bad situation really bad. I have not developed the skills to recognize my BPD ego just yet and by the time I realize it, it’s too late and I’m almost to the point of rage
I've just been split on by a friend of mine recently diagnosed BPD, this has been really helpful in a very hurtful situation. I've others in my life who are also BPD, so I've an understanding but hearing each of you discuss, it's been helpful for me and also calming. Thank you, for the time and effort and editing and all those things.
I used to just be standing there and I would hear people and want to say something but keep quiet because I never felt like I had the power to speak up. Then hours later it was one thing that set me off and I would leave with a bad day.
I relate to Lena a lot and other times Xannie, I too spend way much more time in idealisation I mean I can get fixated in it and something tells me Xannie may do the same.
Im asking a question to anyone with BPD. I had a boyfriend that i highly suspect has quiet BPD with possibly some covert narcissism. While dating i could never figure out what was going on, but i broke up with him because of him giving me the silent treatment over a silly disagreement. Also, he did withdrawal of affection, I also felt an under-currentof hatred or disgust for me at times. So my question is, he had a business trip in AZ i met him out there after 3 days. (Yes, he really was on a business trip as there were other co workers of his that i met while out there) The first day there, he totally forgot where i was in the hotel where he left me!!! He texted me saying, "where are you at?" I said, " right where you left me 10 minutes ago!!" He insisted he did not leave me there...very odd! Also, one evening he said, "Oh, look there's the bar we were at together," I said, i was not there with you ( because i wasnt!) What the heck was all that about? Splitting? Please, anyone with ideas. It was the strngest thing ever.
That sounds very stressful and confusing!! Unfortunately it’s hard to know for sure what was going on because that is a very specific situation, and there are a lot of possible explanations for behavior like that. Some of us with BPD do struggle with memory bias but it tends to be more related to specific emotional states. Without knowing the person it would be really hard to say anything for sure!
my adrenaline pumps and i will snap it takes a lot to get me there and the reality is i needed to have gone left the situation long before i get to that point, um if i had better boundaries i wouldnt get to snap/split?
@@lucasessman1910 LOTS of self reflection and being honest with yourself about unhelpful behaviors and ways of thinking. Challenging your negative beliefs. It took me an entire decade to sort through it all, BUT once I started doing those things, it wasn’t long before I started to get out of the BPD shit pit.
The BPD ego jumps up "Wait, did that person just say something negative about something I did? That means they think negatively of me as a whole! I am not this negative, horrible, awful, mistake of a person they think I am. I am good, like me! You don't like me? Fine I hate you, you are a negative, horrible, awful mistake of a person!" Vicious circle.
Wow this is so true and relatable haha
I’m pretty sure that’s why I was discarded by my Ex GF.
🎯
For me it feels like people hate me and that causes me so much pain that I start to split and I get super angry and afraid so I get even more angry. Splitting is more linked to past memories and my brain will start to tell me that the situation I'm currently in is the same as past abusive situations and I have to escape these situations at all costs. I also split with work and start to absolutely hate my job and then I'll start to absolutely love my job.
Same
I know this channel is meant for folks with BPD, however, it has been immensely helpful to me in gaining empathy with a former partner in terms of understanding her behavior and reactions toward me. Thank you.
You’re so welcome!
I find it so hard, because I get a lot of anxiety over whether I am rightfully annoyed or whether it is BPD based annoyance. When, on the one hand, we are told to sit with our emotions, but on the other, we are told they are generated from BPD... how do I know when to sit with it or when to push it away? It is so exhausting trying to figure it out
Your feelings are real and valid.
Start by accepting how you feel.
Regulate yourself using your coping toolkit.
Only after you are regulated is it useful to analyze what happened and what to do next.❤
Hope that helps.
Get an outside perspective. Your perspective is prolly way off.
It’s almost too painful to watch because it’s so accurate but also so healing
The amount of appreciation I have for all of you that are openly speaking of your personal experiences is immense. This video brought tears to my eyes. ❤As a trauma therapist who serves those diagnosed with cluster B disorders into remission & recovery (as I’m the only child and was raised by a UU BPD Mommy) my respect for you all in your bravery in speaking of this is through the roof!!! God Bless you all! Peace & Love, Dr. Jessie
Thank you sooo much!!! 🥹😍
I find myself in the vicious cycle of feeling like I have to defend myself whenever those closer to me criticize me. I don’t want to take it personal but I do and it is frustrating. It makes a tough situation worse and a bad situation really bad. I have not developed the skills to recognize my BPD ego just yet and by the time I realize it, it’s too late and I’m almost to the point of rage
I've just been split on by a friend of mine recently diagnosed BPD, this has been really helpful in a very hurtful situation. I've others in my life who are also BPD, so I've an understanding but hearing each of you discuss, it's been helpful for me and also calming. Thank you, for the time and effort and editing and all those things.
Thank you for this series!
I only just received my diagnosis five days ago so I'm still trying to understand our disorder. But 5:50 is SPOT ON exactly what I experiencing.
I agree. It's really difficult to stop once it gets going.
I used to just be standing there and I would hear people and want to say something but keep quiet because I never felt like I had the power to speak up. Then hours later it was one thing that set me off and I would leave with a bad day.
I'm undiagnosed but I can so relate to Xannie's story one bit
Loved this video. It really helps to explain to my partner what’s happening and makes my apologies mean something.
I relate to Lena a lot and other times Xannie, I too spend way much more time in idealisation I mean I can get fixated in it and something tells me Xannie may do the same.
Im asking a question to anyone with BPD. I had a boyfriend that i highly suspect has quiet BPD with possibly some covert narcissism. While dating i could never figure out what was going on, but i broke up with him because of him giving me the silent treatment over a silly disagreement. Also, he did withdrawal of affection, I also felt an under-currentof hatred or disgust for me at times. So my question is, he had a business trip in AZ i met him out there after 3 days. (Yes, he really was on a business trip as there were other co workers of his that i met while out there) The first day there, he totally forgot where i was in the hotel where he left me!!! He texted me saying, "where are you at?" I said, " right where you left me 10 minutes ago!!" He insisted he did not leave me there...very odd! Also, one evening he said, "Oh, look there's the bar we were at together," I said, i was not there with you ( because i wasnt!) What the heck was all that about? Splitting? Please, anyone with ideas. It was the strngest thing ever.
That sounds very stressful and confusing!! Unfortunately it’s hard to know for sure what was going on because that is a very specific situation, and there are a lot of possible explanations for behavior like that. Some of us with BPD do struggle with memory bias but it tends to be more related to specific emotional states. Without knowing the person it would be really hard to say anything for sure!
@@thebpdbunch thank you for a response.
My experience is just like xannies,TY for sharing
my adrenaline pumps and i will snap it takes a lot to get me there and the reality is i needed to have gone left the situation long before i get to that point, um if i had better boundaries i wouldnt get to snap/split?
im interested if anyone splits on everyone so for example, one person does something that pisses you off and now you hate everyone
I was like that a lot when I was a young adult. I thought the whole world was against me. 😢
@@Shellbelle02how do I get out of this hell? I’m 23
@@lucasessman1910 LOTS of self reflection and being honest with yourself about unhelpful behaviors and ways of thinking. Challenging your negative beliefs. It took me an entire decade to sort through it all, BUT once I started doing those things, it wasn’t long before I started to get out of the BPD shit pit.
Embrace the grey 🤍