Tips for Managing BPD Symptoms in Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
- In this video I'll be breaking down the main BPD symptoms which make dating difficult and how to maintain/manage a healthy relationship all while having BPD.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Intro
1:22 What Makes Dating Hard with BPD?
1:36 Fear of Abandonment
2:43 Volatile Mood & Hypersensitivity
4:12 Therapy
6:56 Nonviolent Communication
10:04 Have Your Own Lives
11:59 Set Boundaries
13:26 Avoid Blaming/Shaming
14:46 Outro
Have you seen my previous video? Check it out » • How to STOP Self-Harm
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Disclaimer: This channel is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute a replacement for the practice of psychotherapy or other professional health care services. The use of information on this channel is at the user’s own risk. The content of this channel is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining professional advice for any conditions they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.
My girl has bpd and I am fighting tooth and nail for this relationship to work. I’ve been researching bpd for a bit now and learning more about it and what I can do to manage it. It is extremely difficult and it has run me dry of all my energy but I refuse to give up on her. I don’t want to abandon her. I genuinely hope anyone going through this wins in the end. If you’re someone with bpd I’m rooting for you. If you’re someone who has a partner with bpd I bid you the highest form of luck and strength you can go get through this with them. I know it’s possible I just haven’t gotten there yet. I love my girl too much to just give up on what we have.
You too dude ✨
Just got diagnosed with BPD, does anyone else experience extreme jealousy in relationships?
I definitely did! I think it makes sense given the fear of abandonment
I do. It's stupid. Mine is rooted in my self-loathing and perfectionism and persistent Catholic shame and the childhood abandonment I experienced.
One example is that every time we pass an attractive person, like in a car or walking around, my husband will give me a hug or a smooch sound, and I absolutely hate it. He telling me he's reassuring me that he's with me. I really wish he would not do anything and just have a conversation with me. I can see that person is attractive, you know. I don't need to know that you think so, too. He has bpd too, so I don't know🤷♀️. Would this piss you off too?
@@beeb88 dude, yes. That would be very unsettling if my partner kissed me very time he saw someone attractive. Over time it would possibly subconsciously cause me to associate his affection with him being attracted to other people.
I can’t even handle my bf having a celebrity crush. I feel so destroyed and even angry just bc I’m not the only person. It feels threatening and like I’ll never be enough, I’m not attractive, my personality isn’t what he wants, etc. It’s even worse when he has a new friend who is a gal. I get so mad and afraid that suddenly he won’t want anything to do with me anymore. But it feels so disgusting too feel that way?
@@Graccir That makes perfect sense to me. I'm also the type to have incredibly strong tunnel vision, I'm obsessed with my husband and don't see other people that way. I am very relaxed about everything in relationships outside of my jealousy. Luckily he legit doesn't seem to give a fuck about anyone else and would be incredibly upset if I told him I had a crush of any kind. Honestly, I don't think I can feel content in any relationship where they're not as possessive as me or more so. I think possessiveness can make for a very toxic relationship when it is not mutual. When it is mutual and both partners have tunnel vision for each other then everyone is content and incredibly comfortable. They'll understand when the other gets jealous and just sees it as an exciting excuse to smother them with affection and reassure them. Maybe that is toxic,? but I'll feel content and relaxed so I don't know. Maybe just being incompatible in that way is toxic.
Anyway, I feel you.
I get attached so quickly and depressed when a guy doesn’t answer me to the point where I wanna lash out and have to control myself … thanks for releasing this
I hope this helped!
me right now. glad i’m not alone.
my boyfriend broke up with me because of my bpd and now i’m committed to feeling better, i can’t go through this again
I want to sincerely thank you for speaking out as I’ve suffered with this my whole life and never understood it. You explained it beautifully. You speak with a lot of compassion and give others hope that there is freedom of this disorder through healing and patience.
Damn, this trying to be the person that they want us to be is something that really is really happening in me. My borderline was actually kind of asleep every time I wasn't in relationship and in my current one, I've changed from being cold and very confident to warm and sometimes needy, and my gf is kind of afraid of it. She likes to spend time alone and she feels bad for me feeling sad when we are separated, or afraid that she won't be able to spend her time alone in peace. Even tho she says she likes new me in some way. It's hard not to be needy when you feel this sadness inside when they are gone for a week or busy with work for few days :p And it's also hard to believe that someone doesn't leave you if they fell in love with previous version of yourself. I Have to work on those thoughts and try to keep my own identity. Thank you for those videos :)
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable information!
I’m a therapist with BPD from an older generation. I’m loving your insights and your intellect (you know your research/stuff!) I WISH I had someone like you when I was your age. Nice work.
Thanks for that! ☺️
This hit me hard. Jst what I needed. I’m 43 and was jst diagnosed 2 wks ago with BPD and I’ve discovered it’s quiet BPD and your videos are truly helping me understand myself even more so. This is the first bf I’ve ever had Thts actually a good man and truly loves me and it’s so hard for me. Hard to get help. It took me almost loosing him to get help. But of course now there’s tht, i was so crazy how does he truly want me now. The battle has gotten worse and I keep battling in my head tht I dnt need therapy, I’ve been strong my whole life. But when you mentioned it being complex and needing to get therapy and continue, it hit me. Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for your videos. Hopefully my bf will watch some and try to get a better understanding
You’re so welcome 🥰 I’m happy my videos are helping you out!
😅 I have been through so many relationships and I have BPD. Now I am with this girl who I love and care for, but I don't know how to open up to her and tell her that I have BPD, I'm scared of what she's going to say or how she's going to feel or if she'll even want to be with me. And we've been talking a lot past week. I just don't know how to tell her and if she will know how to handle. I don't want to lose her
My partner has bpd, one of the greatest tips I can give for someone who has bpd.
Is you must see your partner as a person, who has their own life, hopes and dreams. One of the best turning points in the relationship was negating the selfish nature of the disorder. This lessened anger outbursts and cry's for attention.
I am sorry for every one afflicted with this illness, but you can with dedication, accountability and humility overcome the damage that has happened in your past. It's your duty to do so.
Thank you for this helpful, informative, understanding video.
I'm pretty certain I have BPD, but don't meet the exact diagnostic criteria because I'm not impulsive enough. But I have every other factor and it has made my life incredibly painful and difficult. I feel an intense, palpable longing for connection and fear of abandonment, and it has been cropping up more now that I'm trying to build more community in my life.
I'm in a relationship with a lass who has BPD. It's getting very hard. She can be cold and unempathetic 1 minute and incredibly needy the next. She's got wild abandonment issues going back to her family and upbringing. It's a sad story. When things are rocky, as they are right now, I can't communicate with her as she gets aggressive and gaslights me but then will be in tears about how she always ruins everything etc. I constantly feel like an arsehole. It's difficult.
There is no easy answer. And what you have experienced so far, may be the easy part. If she is doing therapy and working at it-- she's worth the chance. However, if she doesn't know she's sick, and won't go back to therapy, run before she becomes violent. And do not excuse the abuse. The punches that don't hurt can quickly become more dangerous... knives, fires, etc... Man to man, we all need therapy-- and if you are accepting of her abusive behavior, you definitely will benefit. Best wishes.
Please seriously think of leaving her for the sake of your own sanity. I have bpd and do not expect people to have relationships with me as it is not fair on them
Thank you for opening a perspective instead of blaming BPD people and showing us as a monster. We want a normal life. Why people don’t get it?
Hi! great channel :) My soon to be x has BPD, i thought i had a good relationship with her, always asked her opinion on things, i never felt i was controlling, i only pushed for 1 boundary which was for her to slack off with her x who lives with her as he was still into her and was making our lives a nightmare. She told me i was controlling and started having anxiety then took off...first week she was like i'm only taking time for myself and i'll be back, i perhaps took it bad thinking she was going back to the x, second week she cancelled on my the only time we could see each other, si i started feeling like my relationship was done with and was sad, perhaps over texted her, 3rd week things look pretty much over, we had a great relationship, she told me she needs time for herself and seems to be completely pulling away. I feel bad, i really liked this girl, i was loving and understanding, took her on a trip and tried to make her happy, i know she's self aware but wonder if this is part of her push pull pattern or she just realized this is not the relationship she wanted and is gone..
Don't be hyper-conscious of the BPD, but base every one of your actions on the BPD. That's the conundrum of the partner
This is a good channel, quality content
Good luck with this one, honey. (Your videos are sooo good!)
Great video! Thank you! Do you have any videos regarding the breaking up and getting back together dynamic?
I realize I just commented and this is #2. As I watched the rest I heard more that reinforced the quality of this content
I love the energy of people getting things right, self growth and intrinsic work. Good stuff, really good stuff
Yes! To the video on non violent communication 🙌🏼
My favourite video to date - this feels like it for every relationship. Definitely will talk about this with my partner.
Hehe merci Danelle!! 🥰
Thank you for creating and sharing!
Of course ☺️
Thank you for posting this 🙏🏽❤️
Of course ☺️
You rock for putting yourself out there and telling your story!! I don’t think I could be brave enough to do that but I just got diagnosed w BPD and am starting DBT therapy soon. Your video helped comfort me and gave me hope in getting the help that I need! ❤
I love your video-my girlfriends in Hawaii on vacation for two weeks and she’s cut off contact with me and wants me to respect that. She’s there with her kids and her dad and I couldn’t handle that. I bugged her so much to give me the attention I was craving that she got to the point where she’s blocked me and won’t talk to me till she gets home. I have BPD and I just discovered this while she’s been on this trip. I’ve been watching videos on RUclips that explain every feeling that I’ve ever had. This video is my new happy place because I’ve been looking for one searching for it. I couldn’t find it.
Thank you for your videos, they are so helpful 💗
Of course 🥰
Thanks for the upload. Really needed this one today
Glad this was of help ☺️
New follower here. I love your videos, you’re making me feel less alone. Could you make a video on how to choose a therapist? I know in another video you mentioned your DBT program. Maybe a video talking about what to look for, strength in certain programs, etc.
Good to have you near and near sharing your experiences with us. This helps a lot
Of course! ☺️
Your video it’s really helpfull thank you very much 💗
Of course! 🥰
i cant even begin to express how much of a livesaver this video is about to be in my life
I’m so glad to hear!
Hey I‘m binge watching your videos rn because they help me to understand my quiet BPD and cope with it. Thank you very much!!
Something that I‘m really struggling with is intense jealousy when it comes to my partner. It‘s killing me and I always think that he‘ll find someone who he thinks is more attractive. Have you included this specific topic somewhere in one of your vids where you maybe have some advice on it?
No but that’s a great idea! I’ll include it in my upcoming videos ☺️
Thank you. Can you make a video about BPD in friendships (not just romantic partners)? I'd like to educate my teenagers who struggle with BPD and often makes friendships that are not healthy for them. She even used her friend as an excuse for shoplifting (because that's what her friend did).
Thank you for this video😖😖I struggle with all of these and it's affecting my relationship. I wanna get a therapist but i know they're expensive so😅But i need one so
i wish i watched this before i ruined my relationship
i feel u.
Everything is on a spectrum IMHO 😉 no person is except as we're all imperfectly perfect
I suspect that my ex has a BPD Monkey branching. Is that cureable? Because she jumped right away on a monkey branched rebound(lined up) 2 weeks after we broke up. Then she came back a month after.
I’ve been suspected to have bpd by a psychiatrist but my others are unsure. I’ve noticed whenever my bf leaves me on read or delivered for a few hours I get very anxious and depressed, however I never lash out at him about it and I just tell myself it’s okay and he’s not mad at me but sometimes I internalize the paranoid thoughts.
What made you get therapy? My boyfriend and I are on the verge of splitting and bad saying I need a few months’ out I’m not sure he’ll get help. Even then, he’s v stubborn and proud. It seems harder for men to be vulnerable.
Trying to figure out if I have quiet BPD or CPTSD. I am moody, but don’t get angry a lot - even internally. I have poor emotional regulation. I do attach VERY quickly and have abandonment issues. I also have had issues in previous romantic relationships - but nothing like my recent. I tend to stay way too long and don’t devalue. My last relationship was with someone with narcissistic tendencies - lots of pathological lying that came out later on. At first seemed perfect (was lovebombed) and he told me I was safe. I believed I met my soulmate. Later on found out he was saying these things while cheating on me. It absolutely destroyed and traumatized me. I became angry and irrational. I stayed for a while and tried to find nuance, but could not. My body rejected the relationship. I don’t want to date ever again because I’m terrified of someone cheating on me once again.
I just worry that what if therapists hate me because I’m a terrible person? Yeah.
Your not a terrible person. Most with bpd have become this way as a coping mechanism in a very difficult period in thier life. To add if it wasn't for people like us ( trying to better our metal health) the therapist wouldn't have a job. Wish you the best 😊 sorry edit spelt become wrong 😅
❤
How do I know if it’s worth it to hang on? (As someone w Bpd)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
How long does it take to recover for others
At the beginning of therapy and recovery, were there tough moments that you had to get through until you learned a better way of communicating?
Yes of course!
Watching my girlfriend spiral out of control the last few weeks and isn't getting better only worse. When she communicates the bad decisions she's about to do what's the best way to handle /reply to stuff like that?
Consider leaving her. Sounds cruel but for your own sanity please move on
Any suggestions for those of us who can't afford a therapist? My Mom passed away, lost my job of 15 years, was in a pickup truck vs. pedestrian accident (I was the pedestrian😑) I'm DROWNING and want off this planet every day.
🫂
What do you suggest doing when there are no trained or certified DBT therapists within a 500 mile radius?
You can try to find one online in a different region! If not then you can try going through the DBT workbook on your own.
@@onthelinecommunity can you tell me where to obtain the workbook just in case please? Thank you in advance.
@@shaylynnpreston6620 you can order it on Amazon:)
I ruined almost every relationship I had because of my bpd. Hurts.
The worst when you meet someone who authentically shares almost all your interests. (Like sense of self hasn't been my issue for years now)
And then something changes on one side and the abandonment comes in hard as a truck. 😢
You don’t get into a relationship problem solved. I know I never will. 💁🏻♀️
Run fast faster faster...not fast enough. LOL
My husband and I both have bpd 🫠🙃
That has to be hard. Maybe with learning DBT together, you can be a great resource to each other. All the best.