8 Types of Manipulation Empaths Need to Watch Out For
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 25 июл 2024
- Over the past couple years, I've spent quite a bit of time researching certain personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and others. One common theme I've noticed is the use of manipulation. Toxic people often don't know how to get what they want using conventional methods, so they resort to manipulation to get their needs met. Empaths are likely extra vulnerable to this behavior. Check out the video to learn more.
I totally disconnect emotionally from people when they try to manipulate me.
Not even guilt tripping works with me anymore I feel anger instead of guilt when someone tries to make me feel guilt for something that’s not my responsibility.
I feel like I'm getting to that place as well. Although, I'm trying not to get angry either and instead view the person as a child. You don't get angry at a child when they act selfishly because after all, it's just a child being a child.
@@ClayArnall I love both responses here. I already have unintentionally taken that approach - seeing that person like a child (even if it is my parent) and it almost feels like I sometimes feel bad for her for some reason. I am used to the guilt thing. I sometimes just don't get too bothered by the situation, knowing that person has problems and viewing her like you said. But it still makes me uncomfortable or have a bit of stress because things are unresolved. It is confusing as it changes from time to time depending on stuff going on in my life. I care a lot more about things being resolved if it is not someone manipulating me.
...anger is a healthy reaction.
Wrath probably better to put it, like wrath of the gods. It's about dignity.
Emotional withdrawal is necessary because your positive emotional energy is misused (abused) against you.
I don’t get angry I just don’t respond to the manipulative person. It’s annoying….but I’m done. My least favorite manipulation is the “nice” manipulation.
Run from anyone that gives you the silent treatment. It is abusive as hell and physically hurts.
I find that a person who comes with a sob story about how someone did something to them and they're the victim when you just met them, is usually a red flag.
very true
I have one of our co worker who does this to most new people who start on our team 😑😑😣
Lol man they are sick
Isn’t it nice to see through the smoke and mirrors and laugh and feel free to use my method of closure #Block
Clay- You are amazing keep crushing it I watch you all the time! goodness keep being your true authentic self#nonneedfordegree
I never have these problems with my dog & she really loves me more than any human being could
@Sonny Dey - I'd say stick with your dog for a companion, as most humans are flawed in some way.
Most human beings are nothing more than containment vessels for the production of human excrement, with an ego attached
I think GOD made animals because He knew people would be creeps.
What? Who's taking about dogs?
@@jeannettebartlinski2057 / I am
Deeply appreciate this video. For years I felt so misunderstood and couldn’t explain what I was experiencing. This. Is. Everything .
glad it helped :)
Over the years, after so many trial & tribulations I've come to realise that 'boundaries' are very important for us INFJ's . 🙌I absolutely the apprecite the effort you've put into making these video contents. Great Job !!! 👏
My mom does all 8 of these almost daily. It has taken me many years to recognize these, to learn how to defend myself against them, and to prevent myself from doing them to others as well.
1. 2:28 Passive-aggressive behavior
2. 6:36 Gaslighting
3. 10:16 Generalizations
4. 11:50 Hypocrisy
5. 13:15 Guilt-tripping
6. 14:47 Shaming or smear campaigns
7. 17:10 Playing the victim (deflector)
8. 19:29 Conditioning
Thanks for this video with examples. I will watch it often. It is my opinion that narcissism would not exist if we followed Jesus' teachings and keep all ten of His commandments. The first four are about our duty to love our Creator and the last six are about our duty to love and treat each other as we want to be treated (Matthew 19:16-24, Mark 10:17-25, Luke 18:18-22).
Yes! ✝️
Infjs are very quiet but they explain things the best. Its obvious Clay really understood what he's going to say before making thw video.
thanks for the encouragement :)
My entire life. From my parents to co-workers. I have become very intolerant to these behaviors. I have a sister that is an actual diagnosed sociopath and she has such a 'talent' at all of these. So easy to spot.
The "not being able to say no" stuck out to me the most.. my sister and i were never allowed to tell our mother no growing up. it didnt matter what it was for. if she asked us to do something, it was always an "okay" or "yes ma'am". im 29 and i still have a hard time saying no to people. my friends have to constantly remind me that im allowed to say that i dont want to go out to lunch or go watch a movie with them; because i've been trained to always say yes, even when i dont want to.
I had a very similar childhood and it's taken me a long time to even say no sometimes!! Also your friends sound lovely 😊
You're currently my therapist... Honestly I love these videos. Just made me realize my whole family is this way and I've been their puppet. My cousin, I call her my sister because of how often I see her, she usually uses the victim thing, where in the end I feel like the monster in all of it and she others, my mom promises things and never lives up to it and when I'm all fed up and she notices that I don't care anymore that's when she comes to me with all these promises that sound legit and warms me up making me feel like we are actually going to do that thing together or that she's going to do this one thing for me and that day never comes... Literally everyone in my family has their own manipulative behavior. I'm going to keep it to myself though, now that I'm aware of this... When I see them doing these things to me I'll just find a way to escape it... Apart of me wants to talk about it with them but I don't see any of them taking it well. Thank you for this. When I watch your videos I imagine you as someone who picks me up from school and we have these conversations on the way to dropping me off. Like an uncle or a teacher who lives near me and doesn't mind dropping me off cause I'm the favorite student😂😂😂😅or that uncle I spend a lot of my time with.
well being your uncle makes me feel really old ha, but thank you, and I'm glad you get something out of my rambling :) It can be really hard when you're young and forced to live with people that use manipulation to get what they want. The one good thing is it doesn't last forever, and eventually you can move out and find your own path.
I have the same thing in my family. I keep it surface level and have some blocked
grooming and bribing is another form of manipulation... I fully agree with all your points...the passive and shaming points hit home... I despise them fully.
Omg been there!! I could write a book. I left fast, quietly, never looked bk. My kids were saved! A weight lifted off!!
Withholding information is a big one because it drives you crazy because you sense it.
Whenever I used to get in a heated discussion or argument with some people they would state their view and voice their opinion but when I tried to do mine all I got was ' I've said what I've said, it's done...move on'.
I've heard that to those exact words anyone know what category this kind of person is?
Wow same here
Ugh. I can't stand these people and there are soooo many of them.
That is so brilliant. I have gone through all those points being victimized by narcissists from my own family and it“s always a crucial emotional support if one is able to define and name all those horrible and often utterly subtle performed techniques.
this is such a huge help, i been watching every video youve posted! thank you clay.
Best response for all of these is a strategic, without hesitation, solid smack in the mouth.
I wish I had done that every single time.
Yeah. But then we're totally going to feel guilty and spend forever apologising for it, isn't it :)
Did that got a felony....but agreed lol
Oh, I'm so glad that people say something about deliberate inefficiency. It's such a backhanded way of insulting someone. It's even worse when they know that you will pick up the pieces out of respect for others.
Very helpful video. Please keep making more.
This video is great, full of real good examples and I can relate to most of them.I've been roped into all of it. if you show these people love and acceptance and humility when they wrong you, they treat your kindness as a weakness and ramp up their behaviour toward you, to take you down. you need to remove yourself at this point. It's not ghosting, but you can remove yourself lovingly to protect both parties from further abuse.
If you lift the veil of all veils you see the subtle at work. The underlying energies that are behind what might appear as the overall game of Life, the polarities, positive and negative vibrations. How we all interact and act with people to essentially co-exist is a spectrum of positive and negative energy. The more acting you do to fit into a comfortable position and expectation in life, the more you're apt to be woven into the narrative of others. It requires introspection and the growth of your own guages in social interactions. We are all in this asylum together and the sooner everyone unites in the common goal of peace, we are going to be in cyclical combat. The underdog is the empath in terms of outward victories, but the empath lives richly within and that to me is more than enough in life. If we empathise with a narcassist, we see them trying too hard to be recognized on the outside, if only they can find themselves within they wouldn't be projecting onto others and gobbling them up as meals. I find that the more inward I go I get strength, then the wider my external threshold gets in terms of taking negativity and been indifferent to it.
Clarke Kent Vibes. Top notch info
Tkank you Clay that you exist. It let me keep my hope in healthy relationship between people😁
As a infj Who has run in to a few narcissists I really like your videos. Thank you and keep up the good work.
Right on Clay! What a great video! I hope a lot of people see this. Be prepared for the BPD community backlash as they never think they are the way are.
My ex husband has Borderline Personality Disorder and would use ALL of these, 25 years of conditioning and mind games is a lot of work to unlearn.
I have also learned a lot from Richard Grannon, he is such a wealth of knowledge!
Thank You
For Sharing Ur Videos Are
So Incredibly Helpful.I Have Learned Alot From Ur Videos
Thanks for more useful information & advice 🌻🌻🌻
Clay, when dealing with these kinds of people that is what the INFJ door slam is for...I listen to on track INFJ subjects...and your info. Came up..thank for the detailed examples of toxic communication vs. Healthy
Communication....INFJ compassion should be shared with deserving people..not users and abusers...i have no time for them...door slam and serious boundaries and just telling people NO and goodbye. INFJ care about people and spend alot time trying understand human nature...thank you for the wisdom and analysis.
Thank you Clay. You Have great timing for posting. You put into words so well to explain the craziness that it all causes in the head. Feel like I’ve lived this for almost 30 years and free for 6 months. Your help to people helps me to know others won’t go through the same. I appreciated the generalizations. And now I’m off to watch your boundaries video lol
thanks for the encouragement :)
thank you so much for this wonderful video♥
As a victim of a smear campaign, hearing your statement about “strength and decoupling self worth” is so validating. As I went through my trauma I always thought, I need to stay true to who I am, and trust what I’m feeling is right. In the end, the narcissist never really took credit for their faults (didn’t expect it-considering) But, I gained so much wisdom and strength. Mission accomplished.
Thanks for another great video Clay!!
wow, this is so on point. Crazy, some of this goes on and i just realised that sometimes i don't even see it for what it is. Manipulation is especially cruel when they know it totally bothers us that something isn't getting resolved, like the kind of thing that keeps us up at night. An argument is such a stone in my shoe, want it resolved as soon as possible, but authentically.
Happy New Year, Clay! Thanks for another insightful video. I will stay mindful of your tips in identifying these types of behaviors in manipulation.
thanks! happy new years to you as well
Thank you so much for making this video! You help me a lot! Separating who you are from what others are telling you, that you should be or what you feel from what others tell you, that you should feel, is such a hard thing. It’s not even that long ago, that I figured out, something like this existed. I am 18 years old and I feel like I don’t know anything at all. I am just so thankful for people like you, who are sharing their knowledge and experiences. You are truly life saviors!
glad it helped :)
Thank you I sincerely enjoyed this. Listened twice today and will definitely listen again and again.
Your observations and examples made me aware with a rude awakening how me as an INFJ get dragged into manipulation so fast it make my head spin. Learning to ba aware and setting boundaries you inspire me to become self aware and grow. Again thank you for the difference you make. Best wishes. Erika
thanks for the feedback :)
Yes, yes! This is so true. I get tired of being criticized and manipulated by guilt trips
I've begun to see these signs coming a mile away. Thank God, I'm all about being accountable for my shortcomings....because of my increased accountability, I can see unjust criticism, manipulation and hypocrisy. We either win or we learn. Lessons in everything and boundaries are key.
Whew, this is laid out so clearly. I recognize a lot of former people during my life! Many narcissists. Now they're ghosted and it makes them crazy. Karma! :) ty!!
Your channel has steadily become my favorite RUclips channel. Thank you again for sharing another useful and eye opening video!
thanks for the encouragement :)
Happy new year Clay. From a Libra INFJ female to another INFJ fellow, it is a mark of maturity to deal with matters directly-
I used to put up with a lot out of sheer empathy & getting others’ anxiety or difficulties to be forthcoming- that system resulted in imbalanced relations when people subconsciously start to expect more of what you offer.. & when your tides are high and storms are there,, they cannot be at peace with your experience of life as human ...
This year I’m putting things more into prospective when it comes to boundaries-
Where it comes to accessibility; and what type of time investments I make 😊
👍🏻 liked the presentation- u r not alone in this - thanks for putting this out there
It is never late for other fellows to learn so they can have different prospectives and healthier relations
All the best 👏🏻 👏🏻
thanks for the encouragement :)
You are truly amazing!! I stumbled across one of your INFJ vids.. a defining moment in my life. After beating myself up and replaying my entire life over and over, picking thru moments to find out why. Why I have had only narcissistic, toxic relationships? and why is it when I try to explain myself or try to convey something I'm either shut down or completely misunderstood.. I'm honest I'm fair I don't cheat or steal , can't stand drama or conflict.. yet I seem to be in the middle of it in trouble or arrested!? I was arrested for domestic battery 3 times!!!
for calling the police in fear for my life.. I've always felt out of place but being arrested for my psychopath malignant narcs crimes on me, I feel like I've lost youch with reality.. my mind can't accept that this as really happening.. it's too much for one to bare.. I went thru hell only to be brought in front of the courts for something he cowardly he did to me and prove my innocence!! Him the VICTIM and me the abuser.. it's beating the true victim all over again.. it's killing me... I can't move on as long as I have to go to court. Stuck in Purgatory thats where I am.. I am completely alone due to his smear campaigns, he is pure evil and he won't stop until I'm gone... why is it the narcissistic gets away with everything ? The truth nowadays no one wants to hear.. what is an honest person supposed to do? I have tried to lie and shut down emotionally.. I can't and be because of that his lies win. I can't make sense of why this is happening..it's too crazy.. ty for being something positive in my life while surrounded by negativity..
Hi Clay! So, I've been identified in the MBTI test as infj. Just wondering if most infjs have also dealt with conflicts in the same way as i do -i usually shut down. Like i need that time and space to gather my thoughts around and process my emotions. I don't want to say anything that will hurt the other person and this comes off as 'silent treatment' to the other person i'm in conflict with. What are your thoughts on it, Clay? Is it healthy?
I've done the exact same, I was being gaslit and shamed for trying to have my own time.
I think a key point to stress to anyone is that you're at full capacity. Can't take anything more in and you're being a 'zombie' due to what's going on. That should be enough cause for you to make some adjustments, without qualifying any further.
I began to realise that I needed to establish solid boundaries. As a fellow infj, I struggle to articulate when under stress. I just know that I'm in a pickle. I found that after setting up boundaries and having the required space, I had the clarity to articulate my points effectively.
Hope this helps, I know I'm not clay 🙈
@@simeonmcbean-willis1068 thank you! Just struggled over the years about how i usually react. A part of me feels guilty about choosing what i feel is best for me atm. It's a relief to know that i'm not the only one going through this lol
There's a huge difference between taking some time for yourself to process and using the silent treatment to manipulate somebody. Time to process is fine and expected. But punishing somebody with silent treatment to make them feel bad, or doing it until they cave and give into your demands is manipulation. Communicating to the person you're having an issue with that you need some time to yourself is likely key so they don't get confused.
@@ClayArnall i was in a friendship with a man where he'd say i'm being immature and i needed to grow up because i was too emotional whenever we have misunderstandings about a certain topic.
Looking back now, I can say it was some form of manipulation. While i'm certainly thankful that i've decided to finally cut off our connection for good, i feel that those years of friendship with him drained me too much.
I totally agree with setting boundaries to stave off manipulators and knowing that you don't have to be responsible of someone else's self-loathing and insecurities. As empaths, it's too easy for us to always want to be the one to help people, forgetting that we too need to take care of ourselves to better care for others. Finding the right balance is tough though. Whew!
Btw, awesome video! Keep making more!
Jin Ah i feel you Jin ah!
Omg Clay, you ate always speaking my language. I love this.btw so I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic and empathic. I sometime do not remember conversation and when ppl revisit discussions I genuinely do not remember everything I say. I hope that doesn't come off as I'm doing daylighting.
I'm grateful for this video. Was manipulated in probably all 8 ways by ESFJ for more than 2 years. One day I had to slam the door, because I wasn't heard by that person, that I know what he was doing and it wasn't acceptable to me. I was feeling low for quite long time because of all abusive behaviour towards me. But I found peace in my mind after seeing your video. Thank you.
-INTJ
sorry to hear about that, but I'm also glad you were able to get away and find yourself again :)
Thank you for this. Conditioning can also be found as double binding and it's very damaging.
I am Grateful, thank you & Blessings Beautiful Souls
I'm learning boundaries over gaslighting.. and people doing the behaviours as you described..
Hurts when its someone you trusted and use your past against you..
With gaslighting u question your self so much, so pleased to say no more..and see your own worth.
As an empath it was so difficult growing up and being so misunderstood. There were times I could literally see my family in what you were saying... it can be so lonely because you truly do not understand why you feel the things you do so deeply and my other seem not to notice nor care. I am so grateful today that I have such an understanding have the gifts that I have and what I I am honored to do for myself to be the person I am today⚘♥️⚘ to anyone reading this you're not alone no matter how alone you may feel. We now live in a Time where we can share our stories and build strength and find Value in one another. I am grateful to all of you for sharing your stories as that is what makes us also special and important🦋⚘
You're GOLD!
I think conditioning can be linked to grooming--- it's like a man saying that a woman taunted him erotically to the point where he does something about it but blames it on her by saying she wanted it. but really he was the one at certain points conditioning her to accept certain abuses. it's really some crazy stuff! that's why I watch so many documentaries so that I'm aware
Or they cheat or start suggesting someone's better than you somehow just to get you to outdo them to prove your love. If you're ego gets involved the hurt is bigger in the end.
I honestly did not know I was being manipulated by my narcissistic family until I went to college and sought help from a counselor. Up to that point, my intuition knew that the dynamic was off somehow, but I didn't understand just how bad it was. I literally wrote down each type of manipulation from your vid and tried to remember examples from my life where gaslighting, reframing, hypocrisy, etc. occurred. It didn't make me feel as bad as it would have, say, a few months ago, but as an Aspie INFJ who is seeking empathy and reassurance from others, it stung to accept that my family could not provide this for me.
Sorry to hear you've experienced this stuff. A lot of us have. The freedom comes in recognizing it as it's happening so you can put up healthy boundaries.
Love this! I HV always be manipulated. As the middle child of 11 kids, I was invisible. As a teen PPL see my gifts and make you serve them. As an adult PPL see my servitude and tell me what I need to do for them. Empaths are often pushed around. I take it for a while. Then I'm done. I see I don't HV very many real friends. Seems like I'm on a one way street.always the giver. My marriage was like that. What I had to do for him. There was no real relationship. Like. Non paid hired hand!!
Enlightening from beginning to end!
In 2019 I was a victim of number 6, but with a twist. It was a public smear, but it was done so strategically it blew my mind. Basically this person knew certain things about me (hurtful thing, losses I had suffered), then exploited them on thier social media, but did it in such a way that I knew that they knew that I knew - yet few others actually knew it was about me directly. Yet people could keep coming to this thing and seeing it, laughing at it, ect so I knew that if I didnt get a handle on myself, I'd basically feel reviolated emotionally over and over. It was a very hard thing to go through, and this person made sure I knew it was about me with very specific details, and then proceeded to do it 3 times, but the first time was the worst. I agree it makes one stronger in the end if they choose that path. As you said here, we can learn to separate the deed they did from our self worth hanging on that. I am stronger now, but it was a baptism by fire going through that this fall. Also, forgiveness after an act like that from a so-called friend is hard, but I managed to do it. However, forgiveness is differant than going back and sticking my head in the lion's mouth again too. Boundaries are essential.
sorry to hear you had to go through that. I've been smear campaigned as well and it's a horrible feeling.
Someone said to me...to understand is to forgive. Its helped me lots at times.
@@rachelaknight Yes, knowing is better than not knowing, and understanding doesn't excuse their actions, but does help. One of the worst things with my particular issue was how blind people are to this person, and most people still think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I've really had to learn to detach from that aspect as well. People really do see what they want to a lot of the time.
Unfortunately know all too well how cruel these manipulative strategies feel... Both my parents are narcissts father is a covert and mother is an overt (grandiose). Such torturous conditioning. Art was always my form of escaping the crazymaking daily scene. These videos are so to the point on characterizing and identifying these individuals methods.
Mr Arnall Thank you very much for all the light you shine on these sensitive issues. 🌈💗
Really like this episode. These are behaviors I grew up with…I had Narcissistic parents In different areas of the spectrum. Father was an in your face type, mother covert. Interestingly enough, my mother was the most skilled at these behaviors. I found this episode especially refreshing because in my experience I’m usually the only one in the room that recognizes these behaviors. Consequently I avoid my family, …. 😂
Thank you for your video 🎯 when I made my circle small, things became clearer, narcissist 🏃♀️
I guess this is like a part of some of the ones you mentioned, but I think one thing that is really stand out for me is when the person constantly changes, not that they change personality but that they change their attitude or opinions. I guess it is related to gaslighting in some ways. One thing I hate about this is that it leaves the other person on a constant guard of 'what will happen now' and like, never able to fully prepare for anything.
An example would be if you are a couple and one person gets angry about dirty dishes, then you clean them and say sorry and they are like, 'don't worry about it I love you I didn't mean it' then when you make dinner together you leave the dishes again and the person get's angry again and you go like 'but you just said'... So I guess it is like gaslighting, but yeah, the constant change is a really good way always making someone in such a unstable state, that they never have time or energy to question the relationship..
wow the whole conditioning thing makes so much sense! A revelation
I had a passive aggressive friend that I just had to cut off, I felt bad for abruptly cutting the communication, but I knew if I asked her about it, she would gaslight me/lie about how she truly feels
She just would not be for real no matter how many times I tried to bring the issue up
I told her straight up one time "If you ever do not want to talk to me or don't want to be my friend you do not have to" and she's all " Oh no I do blah blah blah" but shed be doing the weird things not telling the whole truth, ignoring me, leaving bits and pieces out of the smallest things omg!!!
then when i would do it back shes all "hey whats wrong" girl get the hell away from me. Like man I thank God I am allergic to the fake sh!
I’m a 17 year old INFJ and I’m just recently learning about boundaries. I kept asking myself why I keep attracting controlling people or toxic people all the time. I thought there was something wrong with me. I mean I do have some issues ngl but I won’t say I’m toxic.😂Now I know I just wasn’t firm enough and literally didn’t have any boundaries. It’s not something I was taught. I come from a house where my mother would walk into my bathroom and room without knocking first, ask for my password for devices, and go through my social media and texts, so you can see how I wouldn’t even know what boundaries were.
I’m so happy I found your channel! Definitely subscribing 🥰❤️
That's great that you found out that this has to do with boundaries at this young age!
I encourage you to learn more about boundaries and how you recognize (it's a feeling in your gut) & communicate when someone crossed your boundaries.
It's okay to say No. Inject that feeling into you until it becomes you!
That will make you a strong person with a lot self respect 💪
I just learned about boundaries at the age of 39 because of my friend who turned out to be a covert narcissist and I fell for her love bombing and manipulations techniques which where covered as "nice actions" but always felt slightly odd to me.
I can recommended The Little Shamans video about boundaries here on YT. 👍
this explains so much
Thank you...
I've experienced gaslighting in the form of criticism where they made negative comments about things I had done but in an indirect way eg. Got my haircut. Response was 'oh, is it meant to be like that?' (Ignoring my happy expression) This is a double boost for the narcissist because then when I you call them on it it's always that you're crazy for thinking they are trying to be critical and also that you're nuts for believing you've achieved something. Never expect a narcissist to delight in your achievements.
Depending on who it's coming from, that "oh was it meant" is a form of bullying to keep you down. Yes it's a type of abuse, from the who, will indicate the why.
yeah that's definitely a hurtful thing to say. I want to make a more definitive video on narcissism. Maybe next video.
My sisters and mother do this. They can’t give a true compliment but instead will give a backhanded complement. If l say anything about it they say I’m being too sensitive. One exception that makes it worse is my mom will complement my sister (ob her fav) profusely in front of me and will often ask me “isn’t she just so brilliant?” There has been times when I might have done same type of thing and my mom says nothing to me. I’m grateful for these videos and others shared experiences. Not feeling so alone!
Hi. I'm a new subscriber and just want to say I really appreciated the first video I watched about passive aggression. For me it illuminated the intentional nature of behaviors I was being gaslit into believing were unintentional. That question rolled around in my head for too long, even though after years of no contact it didn't much matter anymore. I want to comment on "the silent treatment" though. Sometimes I would have to resort to this because a seriously disordered person just wouldn't stop word salad spewing nonsense and trying to suck me in, when I needed to focus on something else. The content would at least start out fairly benign; it was just blatant attention seeking. But after asking for her to stop, multiple times, to no avail, I 'd have to just go silent myself. Any response at all just fed into the dynamic and seemed to encourage it. I wasn't staying quiet to punish or manipulate; but as the only way I could not participate in her little show. It was the only way I could assert my boundary under some circumstances. Basically between a grey rock and a hard place.
Oh, and also, I think Richard's milkshake analogy is meant to indicate narcissistic supply. The emotional and all other forms of energy (self worth, autonomy) sucked out of one like delicious creamy yum through a straw. I do remember him also admonishing listeners to look at mutual milkshake slurping...co-idealization? Codependency?
Glad to have stumbled in here.
Had a familial relation that was a narcissist. It was several levels deep and took me until I was in my 20s to get away. Even then, they managed to pull me back in, I believe had conditioned me in certain ways around them. Yeah. I definitely think number 8 should be its own thing.
I think I am guilty of giving people the silent treatment. And that sarcasm too now that you’ve mentioned it haha... but I only resort to that type of passive aggressiveness when that person has done something absolutely terrible and continued to go down that path even after I give them a warning or tell them that they’re hurting me... then the door slam defense mechanism gets activated and it’s like they get shunned out of my memory and shoved out of my life without an explanation.
I still think door slamming is a little different though. If the point of doing the silent treatment is to get this person to perform some kind of action, then it might be manipulative. However, If you're done with a relationship and you leave, and you want nothing further out of that person, then it's not manipulation, it's getting rid of toxic people, or creating boundaries. One type of silence is healthy and one type is manipulative. So it's important to differentiate that and depends on your intention. I should have talked more about that in the video I'm realizing now.
Clay Arnall yes you are absolutely right. No your video was really clear, it’s about manipulation. I guess I went off subject and misunderstood that part because I was tying it to something personal. But thank you for the clarification and thank you for creating that video.
For a sec I thought I was guilty of passive aggressiveness. Yes I hate it when people ignore or ghost me. I tend to slam my door and turn cold at those people no matter how close we are. Like isn't it a little easier to just say something to me!?
But am I guilty if I tend to act sarcastically to save the other person from harsh words? Like when your friend is your groupmate and he/she contributes nothing but you refuse to speak up because you're afraid of conflicts?
Is the silent treatment to impact that person or to consolidate your aggravation into a determination of, do I let it go of the situation or do I slam the person. Time to collect your thoughts I don't consider the silent treatment because I'm not trying to impact that person into manipulation.
I'm keenly aware of signs of disrespect so I confront the disrespect immediately. Damn it feels good.
Richard Grannon is awesome! :) also love your channel :)
Sigh, it took a while to watch this. Parents yes as I’m an ENTJ and an empath. Thank you.
My mother played the victim. Even though she just died at 96 in aug 2020, she still lives in my head.
Picard; “There are Four Lights!!!”
😈
The testing behavior can be very manipulating too. Instead of stating their needs, they put you in a testing scenario to demonstrate whether you meet that need. My ex-narc would call me at the last minute and invite me out with her friends to drink and gamble in the evening without any advance notice, then would get upset with me if I didn't want to go out after a long day. I can't stand that form of passive-aggressive testing behavior.
I refused to admit my family was dysfunctional committing all the manipulation techniques you talk about. Sadlyy I fell into alcoholism until I realized through education and counseling alcohol was a secondary disease to cover up the mistreatment. I tried to continue with the closer family members but the gaslighting, passive aggression, and guilt-tripping they continued was too much and I ended up removing the last family member out of my life. Now I have only one friend, an infp, and Shilo, my granddaughter's dog who I rescued because no one wanted him anymore.
This video made me cry because that's all happened. And I was too much attached to see it for what it was.
I used to be naive about manipulation. Many times I didn't recognize when someone was trying to manipulate me because I don't operate in the same way. Now that I am older and wiser, I have an easier time recognizing a manipulator right off the bat, but I feel a little jaded. I get uncharacteristically judgemental and angry at someone who is trying to manipulate me. I view them as thieves trying to steal my niceness.
It's my family member..... I experience every single thing from my father. I was very traumtized since.... I didn't know how can I explain what I experience when I teenager......
It is even worse when ur parents do that.
The terms Gaslighting and Public Shaming resonated with me personally. As an empath i fell victim to the lies and manipulation of a colleague in a previous job. When asked by said person to allow them to do a task normally reserved for trained and experienced staff, supervisors and above i followed HSE standards and voiced my concerns to the company i was working for at the time. Then out of the blue i was accused of sexist behavior. I was following HSE guidelines but this fell on deaf ears with the company who demanded that i make a formal apology to the woman and her female friends. I refused and then judged by my peers and company for gross misconduct. I was forced to work off site in an office, shamed daily by my peers and management until forced out of my chosen profession due partly to the negative emotion surrounding me on a daily basis. I later found out that i had been blacklisted from all the other sector companies in the UK. I questioned my sanity and personality and fell into a deep depression. Years later i still feel anger and resentment for being manipulated by a narcissist.
I have a sister who when we have arguments... I will always want to talk things over...it would take her a while to calm down and then talk to me...so when we do finally talk it out....it always ends with her telling me to look at myself in the mirror and to self evaluate myself...this happened so much that one day I told her to at least look at herself too cause the issue can't just be me...she said no! and that I hate self-assured people and that's why I want her to look at herself?
if you have any thoughts on this your info would be great! i as an INFJ now looking back thinks that her taking time to calm down was really her collecting her thoughts and arguments to manipulate the situation in her favor, she doesn't want to be open-minded and look at herself because to her being self-assured is thee armor to not allow hurt or feelings... its a shame really because she will never be at peace this way.
Sounds like my entire family which is why I barely speak to them anymore
You described my mother perfectly and what I have to dealt with my entire life.
I also recognize that I am passive aggressive sometimes. How do I change that? I don't want to deal with this person/issue because it won't change no matter what I say, talking about it would be useless and a total waste of my time so I just don't. I am normally a quiet person so when this happens I shut down completely and never say anything.
I think the best way to stop being passive aggressive is to practice being direct instead. Tell people how you feel. Set up real boundaries.
Thank you so much for this video 🙏🏻
Yeah. I have to do that paperwork.
Yes! No appetite for the manipulative drama. I tell my littles, “use your words” I don’t read minds.
Gas lighting is the worst and it's obvious and it's just an all out disgusting behavior. People who are narcissistic and passive aggressive tend to have all the behaviors that to me are dangerous.
I’ve been wise to some of these for a long time and don't fall for their fishing for cache, nor will I serve them anymore. But I have been at the mercy of many a smear campaign starting with my own extended birth family-- (the narc king disapproved of my very presence on this earth), which is also gaslighting. I now know how to handle self-righteous, self-protective Christians too -- don't blame myself and walk away without looking back. What narcs get out of it is their own fleeting sense of elevation-- they're desperate.
I've been tongue-tied about speaking my truth in public for over 50 years-- just learning how-- because of my own paranoia. So of course it turns out most people don't know how I actually think because they're left to assume that I think like them or like what they've heard-- not really their fault. My rule is to meet people where they are.
I feel almost too bold nowadays talking about myself and my viewpoint, but this is how people will know me and not their idea of me-- I feel more free than I ever have. I see things so differently than most-- I'm pollyanna awake (not woke)-- I'm working for God and the future is bright.
Btw I've found some of this information in my astrology chart, such as my south node/ketu in the 6th H shows I have to deal with enemies from the past in my everyday life🙄 but ultimately I win😅
For me, gaslighting is the worst. I dealt with that big time in my last relationship. I don't ever want to experience that again. I didn't even know it had a name until towards the end of the relationship. I knew I wasn't loco but could not defend myself against his lies. Simply put, it was his word against mine. 👎
I wish I had seen your videos years ago before I obtained a collection of horrible scars due to these types of manipulation :(
This one video covers all my studies of narcissists's tactic what I have studied last 7years.
I dated someone years ago that would use the silent treatment constantly to punish me. It was terrible living in the same house and sleeping in the sane bed. They wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. I never would know what it was I said or did to even upset him.
I was constantly on egg shells just waiting for it to happen again. He had many other forms of manipulation, but this effected me the worst.
when you just disconnect emotionally when someone is giving you the silent treatment
I find I only confront issues with people if we are quite close. If someone from work offends me, I might try once to explain to them that what they did or said was hurtful to me, but if it continues, I try to just go silent or rug sweep in order to disengage. I don’t typically see a point in going deep in my feelings and showing vulnerability to someone by communicating my feelings overtly, unless the person is already pretty close to me and doing so won’t disrupt any kind of group dynamic. Maybe that’s due to my extroverted feeling, I’m not trying to add to any group awkwardness by confrtoning a situation and I would rather just move on
Oh, to watch RUclips and realise you've been growing up surrounded by close family using a solid handful of manipulation techniques on you 🙃
This is really making me think, though, as I'm training my mom's puppy and reading animal behaviour books. Conditioning, your last type, happens all of the time, for both humans and non-human animals. Giving praise could be a form of conditioning. We all "manipulate" everyone around us all of the time, in the sense that we behave in certain ways to make others behave in certain ways. For example: I know my grandmother can generalise and feel like people are taking advantage of her, so if I want something, I always make sure I explicitly ask her for her consent. Because I don't want to take her for granted, and I don't want her to become upset. I seek a harmonious relationship, and I know how to get it with her. This is a form of manipulation; of using my own behaviour to influence someone else's behaviour. I'm manipulating my mom's puppy to sleep on his own through clicker training and positive reinforcement; every time he lies down quietly in his crate, he gets a click and treats. It's like asking children to do something and then praising/rewarding them afterwards by saying nice things that they want to hear, that motivate them. So what worries and confuses *me* is how I can differentiate between manipulation that is okay and acceptable, and manipulation which is toxic and abusive? Like, what are the criteria for toxic and abusive behaviour or manipulation techniques? I can feel that there's a common inexplicit thread in your video, but I can't quite grasp it.
I think in the case of your grandma youre doing it for both your sake i guess. You have genuine interest in that relationship so you want to make her feel comfortable. On the other hand malicious manipulation would be if you would just do it to get your way without regard for the feelings of the other person. You only care about the endgoal.
My ex narc used the last tactic except that it wasn't shoes it was my character... He forced me to admit that I was sleeping around when I wasn't. He said that if I admitted everything he was accusing me of he'd stay with me and there would be no fights again.. So I did but he left me for another woman and then threatened that he would use the texts where I admitted everything to show people who I really was. I still can't get over all the hurt
This was painful to watch because it forced me to relive my past, which speaks to the truth in this video. I became part of the smear campaign of a covert narcissist against a friend who left her. Once I figured her out, I left, and she started a smear campaign against me! She had absolutely everybody else fooled in the social community we used to go to together. It was a very valuable lesson to learn that it wouldn't kill me to be disliked by the masses.
I'm an INFJ and my roommate is a covert narcissist. Luckily for me I read into his intentions quickly but he is still a drag to be around. But I'm basically at the point where I mostly just use the silent treatment for him almost every day just to deal with his manipulations. Any advice of what I should do? Im about to do the "Ghosting" thing that INFJ's do so well.
It is true that public shaming kind of make you stronger. My ex used that and the victim card after our separation and now I am better for it.
I used to have friends who guilt trip for not talking to them enough when I’m the one who sends a text most of the time it used to drive me insane now when someone do it I just laugh and cut them off slowly cause I don’t tolerate bs anymore