Being an INFJ: Healthy vs Unhealthy INFJs
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2020
- Watch my other Being an INFJ video here: • Being an INFJ - What I...
In this video I take a look at 9 criteria that differentiate a healthy INFJ from an unhealthy one. INFJs have a lot of potential to be amazing human beings, but also struggle with a few hurdles. We talk about how to avoid those common pitfalls in this video.
Do any INFJ's here feel like they forget others are not as intuitive as they are and get super annoyed? I find myself mostly forgetting this when I go out in public to more crowded areas like the grocery store or something. I can't tell you how ticked I get when I am consciously planning my walking route so that I do not inconvenience anyone and then a whole family just steps right in front of me and stands, blocking my way, through an aisle or something. I have talked to a few other INFJ's and they say they feel the same way. We all agree that it's not really a rage thing it's just more of a "what the hell, why are you inconveniencing me while I try so hard to NOT do that to other people" thing.
INTP here. I feel the same. Probably a Ni aspect.
yup, pretty much :3 at least it doesn't happen often for me
SO TRUE
In moments like that, I just hope the ground opens up, swallows them, then throw them back up after a minute. I then like to think that they would learn a lesson and realize that the world is not centered around them. Hahahahahaha
Forget all that and learn you are different. It is a pain
Oh my gosh. Hahaha I’ve never seen something like this typed out before, but yes! I do that a lot. I’ve had to force myself to stop putting others first on that way (Ik that sounds goofy lol). It’s tough when doing things like that are literally your instinct.
When INFJ’s are around healthy minded/ growth orientated people, they can really shine and use their strengths for the good of humanity.
I see u INFJ ...u gave yourself away with one word. Which one?
I couldn't agree more. I recently met a fellow infj, who I would actually consider a good friend. He is honestly one of the nicest people I've met, and so positive and encouraging. I've found that it helps to have someone very growth oriented, they can help give you that little push you've been needing for so long.
@@mandanicole6294 yeah, i got out of a relationship over a year ago. All the complaints and no forward momentum... me pushing and getting called negative. Spending all my time ALL of for them. Let it suck me dry a bit. This quarantine has helped me.
Agree.
@@greeneyedparadox6609 My bf and I broke up around the time the quarantine started and honestly... living alone in an apartment has been such a growing experience for me. Like... oh. This is what *I* enjoy doing; this is who *I* am when I'm on my own.
"Doing a job they love and helping people": the essence of our INFJ career choices.
Wow... this is soo me!!
Annnd struggles .. cuz it's not that easy to have them both
Well said. Hit the nail right on the head with that one
this is why i excel in support in every game... like lol hahaha even if my role is an assassin, mage or any role that doesn't need to support, i still insist on either using all my assets to save my dying team mate or sacrifice myself as a distraction so the team can live 😂(in LoL im the kind of person who uses evelyn's charm just to scare off enemies who try and chase my low hp team mate or that person who would still stupidly block the bullet of caitlyn's ult even at low health 😂)
I don't know from where..my heart always echo one thing always
"You should help others. Only you can do it"it's so contradicting with my actions 😭
I wanna be my best self ❤️
unhealthy INFJs can be very neglecting towards their physical health i think
YES, I recently had to cut a plug out of my hair because I allowed it to get so matted up.
Those INFJ eyes though.... are gorgeous. INFJs have a vibe of elegance
Yea my bf is an infj and i love his stare. Kinda like sad and delicate blackhole tbh lol
My dad (who is an INFJ himself) just told me yesterday that for my whole life I have thoughts in my eyes, restless and always active.
@@ruthlessfairy synchronicity. Happens to me a lot. I call it timing. Being in the right spot in the right moment. So here you are, the eyes have it.
There was a girl, kinda in my circle of contacts. We never spoke. The last time I saw her, in her car, (TIMING, again) her eyes portrayed so much thought, I could see the INNER MOTION of thought going on BEHIND HER EYES. I believe I've seen that before, a really long time ago.
How is it possible to make a 30 minute long video where you just talk. And still have my complete attention and interest the whole time!?
karltastisk I’m actually not sure!
He has such a aesthetic face and voice. His words are captivating. Man could be a orator if he wanted,
Are you an INFJ?
I think it's also an INFJ's quality. I can talk with someone all night and still never get bored :3
He's counceling us about ourselves. We never get the spotlight....keep talking !
I've always tested as an INFJ until once I was marked an INFP. I questioned everything! (Sound familiar? being uncertain of who we are?). But one thing that confirms to me that I am an INFJ are the unhealthy traits. Being uncertain of who I am, allowing others to mold me into whatever I think they need from me, setting the bar too high for myself only to call myself a failure, constantly feeling ambivalent internally, needing affirmation, fixating on the future but never being present, etc.
I'm finally reaching a age of learning. Learning to be more present. Learning to focus more on what i DO accomplish and not what I don't accomplish. Learning to actually analyze my self-awareness/reflections- not just recognizing it but actually thinking of ways I can change it and do better. It's been a life-long struggle, but when it's time, it's time!
Same here
Same here my fellow Infj,
I was doing a personality test and then I got Infj,
I was at first happy about it and stuff like that
But there is this feeling inside me whether this is true or not,
Am I the rarest personality type or what,
Even reading the type and stuff like that got me thinking is this who I am or?
This feeling kept on saying is it real.
I am just happy that I did some improvement on my self before this or I would've doubt everything about myself
Even yesterday I was scared to get another test (in my head what if I get another personality traits and this was just a lie) even today I had some
But I have been trying to improve myself
What helps is the feeling of actually being understood and that's my motivation in learning self development
I hope you are getting better too :)
i show up an INxx I think it really depends who I've associated with that day/week/month. Certain people provoke rational thought and order and others invoke whimsical meanderings.
I completely 'connect' or resonate w/this & it's new to me...But how do you take a test?!
What it means always tested infj but once ENFJ BUT WTV I BELEUVE IM ALL LOL BUT NONE
MORE TYPE HUMANITY
CANT WAIT TILL I GET OUT N
BECOME WHO i always was
N belong
N it starts with A selflesss relationship
Within mind
And building a
wall up to block of ALL NEGATIVE INSECURITY THOUGHTS
CURING WITH PURE LOVE
WwwwwoooooooWWWWWWW
I need confidence AND self discipline.
Ugh. Almost in tears just hearing this description of my own mind out loud. In a way that I could never describe properly. Thanks it really helped with my journey of figuring out who I am.
Just wanted to say I really appreciate your videos. It is very clear that you are a healthy INFJ- you speak very eloquently and seem very calm, confident, and wise. I’m younger than you and it feels really good to see an example of an INFJ who has really achieved balance and acceptance of self. Your advice is extremely valuable to me, thank you!
Yes, "old" INFJs rock ! 😁
46 myself 😋
Though maturity and healthyness can come early to some. And i guess it always stays a work in progress.
@@isabelle1976 I am what appears to be a 'late bloomer'; !
Performance anxiety... yes. As a child I remember having to memorized and recite a poem to the class. I have a great memory and knew the poem, but when it was time to recite it I completely clammed up. Hands were shaking, face turned red and my teacher felt so bad for me she gave me a passing grade.
Now I’m a yoga teacher and all I do is public speaking. I also love karaoke. I guess I’m a healthy infj in that regard 🙃
so what you're basically saying is that we should all go out there and act against our nature ? and everything will be alright just like this !
Sandid Bouha lol no... just my own experience. I still get social anxiety but it’s improved.
@@CaitMcCormack good to hear, good luck
@@sandidbouha3886 it also means she believes in herself now. If she has to do something, insecurity/uncertainty don't hold her back
So you're saying when you stood up infront of the class your palms got sweaty, your knees weak and arms were heavy?
I want more of this person's..
.rare doesn't mean special 😂
It means extra struggle 🙂
Omg, so true about performance anxiety, i think because we are such perfectionists. Helpful info, thank you. Confidence grows with maturity and this helps overcome a lot.
I agree with you about the loyalty check being unhealthy behavior *but*
It may also serve, at times, when dealing with a possible narcissist.
It’s an extreme tactic which I’ve used quite a few times in my younger days, but the conflict between intuition and wanting to see the best in people can be excruciating.
In some cases the “loyalty check” can lead to a rightful “door slam” and we can truly be better off because of it.
But yes, certainly to be used sparingly and with caution.
Datman Jupp, totally saved me a time or two or more come to think about it. Don’t do it regularily but When My stomach says something is wrong. And My brain is wtf ?
that's a good point. It should be a strength against narcissists (they're pretty much our arch-enemies). In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that coming off second best to narcissists develops the paranoid tendency.
I learned in college many years ago that I was INFJ threw a Briggs Meyers test. In my spare time I think of ways to help the downtrodden masses. I know weird to always think of ways to uplift mankind. Since I am older now I pay no attention to the opinions of others. Where when I was younger thats all I wanted was good feedback now I plan to put my ideas into practice to benefit mankind. With age comes Wisdom🦋 Thanks for your channel🦋
That's wonderful, I wish you all the best x
Infj here, I find that being sort of a mechanic is fulfilling for me. There are an astonishingly large number of people who have no idea how to change a tire or really do any maintenance or work on a car so I’ve always fancied the idea of being the guy to help those who don’t know what they are doing when it comes to automobiles. Really thinking about it, you can help a lot of people that way. Guess I’m just putting this here to justify me not taking on a job like a doctor or a psychiatrist. One can help in so many ways it’s incredible.
You are right my friend, I too am a mechanic, aircraft and heavily into tech and engineering. I love troubleshooting and fixing things but I seem to spend most of my troubleshooting time helping someone fix their personal problems. I don't want to be a counselor but I somehow always end up doing that.
I’m an aspiring INFJ filmmaker and have always dreamed of being a youtuber but I never actually end up making anything for that exact reason. People don’t seem to understand how I can have a passion for something but never try. #4 explained it perfectly.
I can't even explain how much I relate to everything you're saying. I can honestly say I'm not a very healthy infj, but since discovering this, I'm trying to work on understanding myself and my struggles. Thank you for your videos, you are truly so insightful.
Once in a blue moon I’m drawn back to your channel in an almost feverish need to understand myself. How do I forget who I am time and time again? So funny.
Tears well up as you describe me in raw accuracy. I feel understood in a deep, moving way. It’s like arriving home after a grueling trip. That sigh of relief as my keys unlock the door to sanctuary (my inner self).
Thank you so much for creating this content. Know that you make a huge difference in many INFJ lives.
I feel so called out. I have gone through a really toxic relationship, and wow, I had done almost every single one of those unhealthy behaviors in the aftermath. I am learning though, and getting much better with knowing myself and finding a balance.
"We're better at reading other people's emotions and feelings and almost feeling their feelings and emphasizing with them, than we are at feeling our own feelings." Woah! I can 100% relate. Sometimes I feel like it takes me a good 6 months to truly know how I feel about a given situation. I need to spend at least this much time finding & thinking through all of the possible opinions, and then cutting out what I think is crap.
Sounds so much like myself !
Love this!! Both avoiding the rabbit hole, and people pleasing - can require confrontation, which is SO HARD for me as an INFJ. I’m currently watching clips to learn about confrontation, because I avoided it for most of my life, which is a non-solution too. For example I was manipulated by a partner, and my intuition knew, but my fear of confrontation held me hostage in the relationship for years.
Also I have a dream of going into politics, and if so, I’m definitely gonna need to handle confrontation 😆 Thank you 🙏🏽
Thats interesting because I’ve heard from numerous INFJs saying they have trouble with confrontation. For me I grew up with very strong people in my family and I learned quite early that I had to fight a bit now and then to survive. Best of luck on your journey!
Crazy how much I resonate with all that you're saying Clay. I am in the computer programming field and I love my work. But the best part of my day is generally when I get to really help someone through a problem.
Great Video!
This was extremely helpful. Thank you!
i really needed to hear some of the things you pointed out :) thanks for the video!!
Love it! This was wonderful! Especially the part about having an effective delivery, I need to work on that.
Thanks for the great INFJ videos!!!
Tou have a very comforting way of delivering your messages. I appreciate it. 🤗
I absolutely love the way you present, very real. Thank you.
Love the way you are able to articulate all of this information. Like you said I really do feel like a mystery to myself...and hear that from other people too. Guilty of loyalty checks and overthinking. Really worked on my research skills and performance anxiety. I think my doctoral training took care of that..lol. Always more to improve on. Thank you.
Thanks such a good insight 🌞I can add to your list, that is to get so deep into one’s own thoughts and to forget to enjoy life 🐬
Thank you so much for this video, good to have some confirmation 😅.
I have shared your videos with several people. I think you are very well spoken! We have enjoyed them! Thanks for being vulnerable and courageous!
Hi Clay, thank you so much for this video and the other ones! I learn so much from it and it really helps me to understand myself better. Please keep up the good work.
Thank you for your videos, Clay.
You really have an incredibly relaxing vibe to everything you say that helps me calm down and overcome bad feelings while also refreshing my MBTI knowledge.
Have a fulfilled live everyone!
I feel like a bird freed from its cage... Clay, you’re an AMAZING INFJ coach! I was raised by a physically, verbally, spiritually and emotionally brutal father and my mom was the poster child for bipolar disorder yet AMAZINGLY talented. My father is NOT accepted in society yet my mom was LOVED. I’ve been searching for ME for YEARSSSSS... I have certainly found me now. I’ve never been like anyone in my family. That’s been so hard being the oddball. Never knew about personality “Types” until recently. The mere fact that I am even commenting on this is crazy because I have ALWAYS stayed in the shadows. I hate attention yet must have respect or I’m out... I feel so contradicting in my mind...I’m certainly going to work on becoming a much healthier INFJ! Your information gives me a platform to work with! I’m 49 and it’s been a horrific life walk. I pray this helps me to break free completely...
I hope you are enjoying your discovery journey!
I’m so thankful to have stumbled upon your channel. I now have a much better understanding of who I am and why I am the way that I am 💕 You are spreading a worthwhile and meaningful message. Keep em coming my friend 😬
I’m definitely learning so much about myself with this video. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for the mind expansion on career. It really open me up!
So grateful for all that you do! This is incredible
I completely agree! It has been more of a struggle in life! Thank you for your videos! Just found them the other day and this is my third. LOVE IT! I’m HOME! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
Loved this! You really are helping me understand my own strengths and weaknesses. I truly am grateful!
Never related more to a video. Spot on about the people pleasing!!!
I can only say that YOU are absolutely amazing! I love your videos. You're very good at this.
I've recently found out that I am an INFJ and I am still in disbelief that there people out there with the same values and struggles.😅
The way you deliver all the information is absolutely inspiring.
Omg, I am so thankful now to have listened to this & watch as you explained something that has plagued me for years; why I couldn't shake the critique perfectionist inner parent that wants everything right or not up to a imaginary standards. I thought it was because my own parents wanted things a certain way until I grew up and it stayed even still.
I knew as kid doing favors for friends or chores or whatever; even just getting compliments, even until this day seem impossible to accept unless I felt truly worthy or the person was creditable and sincere. Its annoying and its hurtful to those that care and try to help. What is crazy I put others as you mentioned through this loyalty check shit to some extent and I know it is bullshit for some that were good people, but I can't help it. Now I just rather walk away than deal with that aftermath of emotions. Actually dealing with irrational or intense emotions, especially my own kinda makes me uneasy. So I assumed they had it wrong with the test to label and F when I'm more safer in logic, and observing emotions than experiencing them, particularly others. I cannot set myself up to be put in such positions unless I intended to go the mile. Plus its hard to fully understand always my own motivation but I do know its always usually sincere. Sometimes though I suprise myself as others with things I am able to grasp an understanding or do, but have no way to explain how I do it, I just do. I have always had a love hate for myself and blamed it on my zodiac. I learned early on I was different and understood things in a unique way and cared strangely given what I said earlier. I learned early about sacrifice and humility.
Also love the part about rare. Personally I don't care to be, and I see some wish to be and I find it daunting and more confusing.
Being a loner or different by choice is a right to all, but one by circumstance who only wants to be at peace and not truly alone is another. How can one communicate one's struggle if its being treated like a fad.
Authenticity is nice, and appreciated.
I loved the end best though about confidence & boundaries.
Anyway, rambling on. Thanks for a fine video.
I really need more confidence in my intuition. Setting up boundaries and learning how to listen to my feelings, would also help a lot. And i am really bad at delivering information. It seems like it really likes to sit inside me and not get out. Thank you for another great video :)
Your videos are so helpful you have no idea. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you so much for your videos....I can relate so much to most of what u say......when I found out I was an INFJ I felt like I have accomplished and understood a lot but over the years I know I haven't....being an INFJ in a very unhealthy situation, you really help me thru it by helping me understand myself and others. Thank you
Great video Clay. Really good information that I can resonate with as an INFJ. Keep up the good work 👌
So grateful for your posts, finally shining up this this gem 💎
Your channel is awesome! This really helps me to understand and improve myself!
Point 4 definitely describes an unhealthy side of me. I always forget compliments/good archivements and only remember the bad stuff...
Hey Clay!
Just wanted to leave a message and say that I follow every word and every thought you deliver. You make me feel very seen through your thinking and delivery of what you’ve learned through being an INFJ. Thank you so much for being a beacon of knowledge. I cant even begin to express the growth I’ve made through your videos. Keep em coming!!
Thank you for this amazing video. I really can follow what you`re saying and I can relate. Arigatou!
We care very much ... do not stop ... you are greatly valued and your thoughts being shared this way is priceless ... do not give up doing these videos .. you have inspired me to make some videos on this subject too now
One of the best INFJ videos I have listened to. Thank you. Definitely not “rambling.”
Very helpful and meaningful video! Thank you.
so...i've been really confused these days. Like i just suddenly stopped caring for people. I've grown tired of trying to help people with their right and wrongs, no matter what i do to try to help them, they neglect to help themselves anyway. then one day i just said to myself that it's best to just leave them be. I need to accept that not everyone is within my standard of what is right and wrong. I'm confused if its healthy or not
Man, I needed this today. Really true.
People always ask me what I want, or what do I feel, I don't really know, I never knew, and I don't think I ever will
You nailed it. Great informative video. Thanks to the wisdom I’m learning from people like you and CS Joseph, I know who I am and why I have struggled. I was raised by an ISTP Narcissist that died in 2013 and seven years later I’m becoming healthy for the first time in my life. Healthy enough to fix all the damage that I have done due to being an unhealthy INFJ.
No exaggeration. *Best* video on this topic, very organised and easy to digest. If I can recall almost everything mentioned without any force, I consider that to be a successful video lol and I did with yours. Thank you so much, was great to listen and review my own progress and I found myself nodding along so much :')
Had to subscribe!
Omg, this video is beyond helpful. thank you.
I really love this video, It's very useful, I understand more about myself.
Thanks a lot.
Hearing all this just makes me realise how far I have come in developing healthy thinking. Something that I keep reminding myself is that perfection takes twice as much effort as performing satisfactorily. I can also relate to the benefit of observing others. Good stuff.
Thanks for your videos... please, keep doing this useful work☺️
Wow ... so much of what you say I feel ... I too am learning to remind myself that I don't need to know everything about everything to be able to contribute ... I am doing this more and more of late ... so moving on from needing so much validation. Please keep making your videos ... I really enjoy what you are saying.
Thank you so much for making this video. It brought light to many different problems I have as an unhealthy INFJ, and rather than leaving it at that you took the effort to show a way to work through those problems. I loved every minute, subbed :)
Awareness and will to improve are the most important things to get better and reach the healthy mark. It seems you've got it and are ready for next stage in your life, so you'll make it. 🙂
Also, you've come to a good place here and will find loads of valuable information in yt to help you find your own way to it. Enjoy the journey and be proud of who you are, even if you feel you have got work to shape yourself in a form which is truly who you are and want to be.
I hang on every word you say.. They are truly, GOLD.. And ignore all the negative comments please.. I'd love to think that a TRUE INFJ wouldn't ever really feel ILL about anything that you said.. You really know your stuff and are sooo incredibly level headed..
This is excellant! Thank you. I remember when I had a healthy side, but it has entered a very unhealthy side that is exactly what this video describes. My therapist has now directed me to a more intense therapy of resetting, and I am so ready to get back to what I was before I allowed so much influence make me miserable.
I love the honesty and authenticity of INFJs in the online community. Just wish they were easier to find in real life. I appreciate your videos and have found so much clarity and encouragement. Thank you.
Another exelent video,Clay-your authentic way of speaking makes even a heavy topic like this pleasant to watch.I value your work very much.BigThx from Germany*)
I agree with almost everything you said except the bookkeeping, spreadsheets, etc. I very much enjoy those things.
Thank you for another amazing video
When I feel misunderstood I just come here and listen to you put it all into perspective! And 99% of the time I feel as though everything you discuss about INFJs is literally me. And I have a good laugh. So good!!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very valuable.
Very succinct and concise conveyance of pertinent information!
No rambling, whatsoever. Great Work :)
To be honest I recorded it twice :) the first time I was much more rambly.
This INFJ discussion relates so much more to me than the others I have watched. unfortunately the unhealthy side, but it made me realize my potential, so thank you! You have a new subscriber with me for sure. Thank you
You have clearly done a ton of research to put across your feelings and thoughts with this clarity and you are awesome. I'm an INFJ and I speak your language and I can resonate with you. However I'm an Accountant in profession and I enjoy managing the teams😊😊
Great video! Very insightful, relatable and thought provoking. You touched a little on ways to develop these healthy traits but I would love it if your could make a video with more in-depth and practical steps on how to develop these healthy traits! Thanks
Also I appreciate that you touched on careers. For me finding a career/job that is fulfilling has been a struggle for some time. Being a 26 year old with a degree in music producing and barely getting far with it has been tough and feels like I'm running out of time, plus the Fi critic doesn't help. So I've been thinking of going back to uni to study programming and seeing that another INFJ has had success in this field is encouraging. I'm yet to give up on music producing but may end studying again to not remain in a draining customer service role with little fulfilment and career growth.
Clay you always deliver good content on your videos. I can relate to everything you said. Another thing us INFJs need to do is accept our fears. Once we accept our fears or weaknesses, it helps us to conquer the paranoia, or constant thinking, insecurities. We also waste our energy and time, if we are not enthusiastic or passionate about our goals or trying to fit into what someone wants us to be; its not our true journey so stop trying to please other people. Its okay to say no to people, to save our selves. Its not selfish. We have to self-protect our well being mentally and physically. Learned this the hard way, but finally learned to say no and it feels great! Also moving away from narcissistic individuals truly help my self-confidence and growth. BTW you do not ramble when you talk. You have a soothing voice. Looking forward to more of your videos!
Great stuff. One thing I have found, is that having a clear understanding of perfectionism is key, in other words, knowing standards and being capable of tolerating mistakes, failures, setbacks, shortcomings, etc. This has been key for me (personally) as an INFJ.
The loyalty checks and performance anxiety are definitely two things that I deal with personally very regularly. I wasnt really even aware that was an INFJ thing until now. As always, thank you for bringing me awareness Clay!
I needed this. Great video!
This feels like the missing piece in the puzzle of my life! Thank you Clay!!! ❤
Performance anxiety - reminded me of when I was a little kid and we had a hat parade at school. There were only 3 categories, but I was sooo anxious I'd miss mine that I got up with the second group... the pretty hats. Mine was a big KFC bucket painted to be a brick wall. I don't know which category - but it weren't pretty.
As an adult I get stressed trying to find the correct door to go in, especially for pubs, but really anywhere they don't make it obvious (like when there are endless sheets of glass all along the front of a building and you don't know which one isn't cemented (ie, the door).
Loved the vid thx
This video was extremely helpful for me. I am 22 years old and just beginning to uncover what it really means to be an INFJ. I definitely feel that I lean towards being an unhealthy INFJ, and I'm grateful to this video for helping to uncover that. I was wondering if you could do a video going into more depth about how to 'fix' being an unhealthy INFJ? Tips on how to build confidence as an INFJ? Have you struggled with being an unhealthy INFJ? Thanks for the video!
Hi Clay, I'm really enjoying your videos; I just discovered your channel a few days ago. I discovered I'm an INFJ a couple of weeks ago and it's been great to discover others out there like me, it's helped me feel less alone in the world, if not less of an oddball.
I'm one of those people who cuts people out of my life. I did it to my dad a number of years ago, for over a year; we're in touch now. I kept wanting things from him that he's just incapable of ever giving, and it was only once I stopped expecting to ever get that from him that I could find a way to have a relationship with him. My mom on the other hand I cut out of my life ~5 years ago now, and I can't foresee ever allowing her back. That's a longer story, but basically I only ever got extremely negative things out of the relationship, and life's too short of that much toxic negativity. My relationship with my sister is a whole other story.
I was emotionally/psychologically abused by those closest to me growing up, and so I built a wall around my 'Fe' (extroverted feeling), and pushed people away for many years. Allowing people to get close to me was opening myself up to being hurt, and in order to avoid that, I shut that function down, for the most part. Now that I'm becoming aware of this, I'm starting to put effort into repairing that damage and allowing my 'Fe' out of the box a little bit; it is quite the challenge for me. As a result of that abuse, I developed extreme social anxiety (started in high school); I've worked on it some as an adult, but it's been tough, still have a ways to go. The thing I've learned about shutting down one of your functions is, the other 3 get extremely strong and dysfunctional. I'm often stuck in the Ni-Ti loop; tho I've learned how I can use Se to get out of it. I love puzzles of all kinds, I think because they involve a lot of Ni-Ti looping along with Se. I started college as a Fine Arts major, but ended up switching to Computer Science (I've been a programmer for 25 yrs). I struggle with art I think from the creativity end of things, which I think has a lot to do with my suppressed 'Fe'.
I've been feeling like I'd like to start doing videos on INFJ, and my experiences/struggles with being one.
I look forward to watching more of your videos; hope you keep making them!
You should definitely make a video. I find it a surprisingly therapeutic process. Post a link when you upload it!
Not rambling, needed you today, thanks.
Oh man I can relate to all of these points and you give great advice. Referencing the artist comment, that would be me! I try to balance it by doing tattooing and a separate healthcare job. It makes the balance exist I otherwise was lacking. Keep making videos your words are appreciated greatly.
This was very articulate and thorough!
Three things that normally help me with my FI critic and the need to know and figure out everything before I begin something are the following:
-Coffee
-Chocolate
-and being around a very spontaneous person, because I temporarily absorb their personality and emotions!
The first two make me a bit impulsive and impatient to start!
The downside is that they can equally cause me to go right back into overthinking mode if I have too much!
Nailed it! Never had anyone explain 🎉me so well!!
Hi Clay. Great video thank you very much. A few things that helped me in my life is the experience for one. That is where I learned my boundary lines. Another one is what I call looking in the mirror. Self-realization helps tremendously...or more like looking in the mirror and saying you better recognize. The biggest one is learning to accept me for me and not allowing negativity to overrule my life. Now don't get me wrong there are times when I have to wear what I call blinders when I go out and about. Yep like a horse but really it's true. It is a constant struggle being who we are and at times we are our own worst enemies. I've learned at my age to let some crap just go. I pick and choose my battles. Take care and wishing you safety with internal peace. 😁
One thing that I had to learn over time was that I didn’t need to help everyone, because there are a lot of people that really don’t want it. There were times when I saw that someone needed help and when I tried to help them or stand up for them they actually got upset at me for it. So I had to let go of my need to help and just let others fight their own battles and learn/figure things out on their own. Very hard to do.
Awesome Vedio... You really articulated us very well !!
Your videos are useful to me. Down the rabbit hole, is the phrase I use when exploring whether a woman will be good for me.
Very helpful and relatable. I understand more from the opposite side. Thank you
I absolutely love your videos 🤩 exactly to the point and yes CONFIDENCE is basically the antidote of the people pleasing thing and performance anxiety and so many other things! Totally agree about all the healthy and unhealthy traits :) so glad to finally be a pretty healthy INFJ myself as well… life gets to be soooo much lighter, peaceful, joyful & enjoyable!❤
Clay thanks I have been watching your videos for a week now trying to decide if I am an INFJ. I relate to everything you say and have the same problems in my 28 year relationship as you had. I am sure after watching this video that I am an INFJ. IM just not a well one and have not been for many years. So thanks I think you are helping a lot of people and I can only imagine how good that feels for you. Thanks again
Thank you so much for this, I now know who I am. Fantastic advice!!
Just a quick reassurance u are aaamazinggg and time flies listening to you.
I have struggled with unhealthy behavior for a lot of years and there were alot more issues at play besides the complicated INFJ personality i was developing as i was growing up.
So like upbringing and other issues like bullying, physical and sexual abuse from a family member, shaming, being misunderstood by parents and to top it all my sexual orientation which wasnt what we call normal and living in a very conservative culture and developing country. It was hell. So cut it short.
The INFJ trait which can really hold us back most of the times is this urge and desire of being perfect and this haunts me today too of i leave it unchecked. But back then that was only one thing that has helped me getting out of all those unhealthy behavior and the darkest place i was living in my head. I knew there was something massively wrong and i need to fix but i couldn't understand it. The only thing i knew even in my most dark times that i have to be better than this. I have to be better i have to progress and evolve everyday. The perfectionist streak was at play all the time.
So the trait what hinders most of us really helped me when i had no clue.
There are solutions for ourselves within ourselves.
Ne nemesis.. Constant battle that challenge self acceptance. I'm thankful. Thank you.
Introverted INtuition. Great way of putting it. That totally makes sense, especially about the people pleaser part!!!!!!