Maybe your intuition IS seeing something and it’s giving you a fear response. But you won’t be able to give language aka logic to what your intuition is saying till later when you have more knowledge. I have this all the time and it use to cause me lots of anxiety when I was younger.
Hey, Frank. That's a whole lot of Deep that you're attempting to talk about but, it's true. I knew in the real world that Mark was dying but, I didn't want to live in that real world. It hurts too much. So, I lived in a familiar warm pool in my mind and in my emotions. At any given moment, he was here and I was here. I didn't want to look at reality. And now, I'm completely alone in the house for 6 months. I don't drive and no one comes. Now, I had to figure out if I could look at the concrete and give up some of my mental puzzle acrobatics. I couldn't do it. There is no meaning to a pile of magazines. There is no meaning to eating dinner alone with no conversation and no love. I used to be afraid but, then my biggest fear came true. I was left completely alone in a scary world with no one to love. What can hurt me now? I never feared dying. I just didn't want to die alone. So, as the world goes crazy buying toilet paper and hand sanitizer... I don't even see it. I already contemplated the meanings and I came to decisions as to why and what is happening in the world and that's good enough. It's that one piece of reality. That one pesky moment of reality when I had to kneel down and look into Mark's eyes and watch him die that is going to slowly kill me. He was my reality and my joy and the one who knew me and loved me anyway. For 6 months, my family has deserted me from day one and every day I know that no one is coming and my phone is not going to ring and silence is what I'm living in. And, the memory of hearing his last breath leave has to be suppressed. I never could have even dreamed that this could be reality for me. It's sad. But, if nobody cares then, reality loses its meaning. I know you won't understand because you're too young. But, I had Mark since I was 32 years old. Every single day was a joy. Now, I have to accept extraverted sensing as I look around me at the walls and the floor and a box with his ashes in it on the dining room table. Mark used to tell me that people like us never go out of our mind crazy. He's right because, no matter how much I hurt, I will not give up my control to someone else. I'm happy and hopeful for you. Maybe, someday you'll write me back. Until then, make sure your toilet paper is in order and you have enough pounds of rice. Sincerely, Carly
I work at a grocery store rn, and it's been so crazy because of the virus, I've been so anxious. Let me tell you, this has happened so many times since then, people would say something to me and I'll just be like 'what' or 'sorry I'm mentally not here'
I do this too but am INTP. At school my high school teacher laughed when I admitted I had zoned out before they asked the question which meant I had no idea what they were asking when they asked what I thought.
Ultimate INFJ quote : ---------- INFJ thinks to self, ‘ oh no I was zoned out ! I missed what they said!..’ and scrambles quickly back into the conversation, watching as Persons feelings roil around on their face -albeit subconsciously. INFJ is clearly aware that Person , at this point, feels unheard and agitated as they sense INFJs zone out BUT Person is also unsure because INFJs mysterious, deep eyes clearly appear to be engaged in soul sucking. INFJ gives tight but relaxed looking smile and says, “Pardon me? Could you repeat that? I’m sorry if it seemed like I wasn’t listening - I noticed that you were looking a bit upset there, is - something wrong?” INFJ IMMEDIATELY regrets asking as Person launches a sermon through their surgical mask while slowly bagging INFJs groceries. INFJ cringes as Person puts the avocados on top of the organic, free run eggs , knowing that despite the eons of life changing knowledge INFJ could offer that Person will undoubtedly not absorb INFJS wisdom consciously and so, with increasing social claustrophobia, INFJ listens to the nerve ripping sounds of Person explaining their petty, unresolved and trivial life concerns. A line of irritated shoppers collects , unable to practice social distancing between their Lysol and toilet paper stacked carts , due to Persons ongoing vomit- ramble at the end of the lane. Sweat gathers on INFJs upper lip as they hear people behind them sighing roughly alongside their angry shuffles. In a desperate attempt to flee, INFJ attempts to staunch Persons onslaught of meaningless talk, “Well- I really should be going-“ but Person , caught up in their own selfish rant - finally feeling validated for once in their life- continues to meander over memories of their Ex and how, really, he WAS just like his Father, after everything. INFJ , stomach growling , reaches over and begins to help bag the groceries. With an empathetic look, INFJ pretends like they don’t have 16 hours worth of writing to finish. Now, reminded of their current projects , INFJ begins to think over the many intricate plot lines, story twists and on going character studies of their half dozen unfinished books and uncontrollably, zones out
It makes so much sense that many INFJs are into Mbti - it's a fairly narrow, simple, all-including yet quite logical system to categorize the world around us (to organize people and personalities, to be more specific).
Knowing the functions has helped me a lot in understanding how others think. The more information I have access to, the more accurate my interpretation of feelings from my subconscious.
INFJ here. I've been in therapy for most of my life. I am 65. You have helped me more than any psychologist or therapist ever could. You have given me the vocabulary to explain what is going on with me. I had to keep my mouth shut as a child and never learned to express anything. So, even though I have a good vocabulary, it didn't matter because I didn't know how to pull the words and feelings together to understand what was going on with me. You could ask me how I'm feeling on a particular day and I really wouldn't know. I am forever indebted to you. Hugs
Same. It feels jarring when someone turns the conversation around and asks me my thoughts on things. Or even “what’s your favorite color?” I wasn’t raised to believe my input mattered. It’s a learning process to know myself & like myself. I’m in a place where I’ve come to think I’m more interesting than I knew and I’m valid.
sam •m I think that if you continue following a path of self knowledge and improvement, you can become a healthier and healthier INFJ, which makes past struggles easier
I don't think that is necessarily an INFJ thing. In fact, I generally don't think too much about things I don't really understand. Sure, I do research so I can understand as much as possible, but if it gets to a point where there is no further information I will stop and just leave it open-ended. For instance, my dad (ISTJ, I think) will become obsessed with something like whether the moon landing was real, because he "has to know." My response to that is it doesn't mean anything in my daily life, so it doesn't matter. Knowing the truth about the moon landing doesn't change my life in an important way, so I don't care whether it happened or not. From what I know, it did happen so I just let it sit like that. Thinking too much just gives me a headache.
Other people scare me the most. Sometimes I can't understand why they've done things or why they think things. I would be perfectly happy living alone in a forest cottage.
nic With most of my lifetime gone. I am alone in the forest now. Trama is over, for hermit I am. As I breathe a sigh, of relief, yet sad my experiences have brought me here.
INFJs sense it all, we know there is something going behind the scenes but we doubt our intuition but then end up down a deep rabbit hole trying to find the truth. We also feel the panic and it’s overwhelming, the weekend was an emotional rollercoaster which just left me hiding underneath the duvet
Yeah i think i know what you mean. I can sort of sense the collective feeling that we all have in this weird place in time and its really had me thinking about it nonstop.
The worst is when people don’t take you seriously or say you’re overreacting, and then you end up being not only right but in a worse place than before, often thanks to them
I've come to the conclusion that INFJs are instinctive social economists, we worry about what we don't know, especially as it relates to other people and that perhaps explains the attraction to mbti. We seem to seek patterns to predict the missing piece in complex and confusing things, which gives us incidentally predictive abilities. But doing this too much can consume our life. And then we worry about the worrying about it consuming our life. And then switch to a life preaching about living a life in the present, cause we're really trying hard to get to that place, but when you are an Ni junky it's like next to impossible because Ni-ing can be so much fun when it works out, and it just feels like the deeper place to be, the place to find all the inevitable answers to all the scary things. But it can also be a lonely place, and feel unfulfilling when things don't work out as hoped.
I find that disappointment is a good gauge on whether my predictions were realistic or not. If I am disappointed that means that I was being unrealistic and need to change something. The more accurate the predictions, the more accurate my view of reality.
@@jessn.3851 True, that's why I learned to embrace failure as a learning experience. I have an INTJ friend who also seems to excited by the process of learning through failure. We both were attracted to Engineering and this is a profession that embraces the learning through failure process. Its kind of interesting. And I think it can help to try to learn from failure in a safe way, which is what Engineering kind of teaches through building prototypes, thats like bringing oneself into the present Se reality to see if something will work out or not. That could be an example of bringing ones Ni into the Se present reality. Build "prototypes," see what happens(Se) and then adjust Ni accordingly.
Wow, what an amazing reflection. What I love most about scrolling in a comment section is finding stuff like this. I completely agree, I overthink and analyze too much and it frustrates me because I feel like I'm not present and I'm letting life go by,but when all that thinking makes everything click, it's all worth it.
As an INFJ I always can sense things and I'm always preparing myself for many possible future situations, that's why my biggest fear have always been the people I love and care about.
I sensed 2 weeks ago that I'd regret my decision to not buy toilet paper when everyone was panic buying. Now I need it and the shelves are bare - I PROMISED myself I wouldn't ignore my intuition in 2020... fail... *sniff...
That's what I fear the most as a non-INFJ. I worry about these people. Other things can give me huge anxiety but I can't do without the people closest to me. That's when I really couldn't cope.
FJ: *talks about ignoring a breaking washing machine* Me: *looks at my washing machine that has only been able to use cold water for over a year because when hot water settings are used it floods the laundry room* No idea what you mean.
I have literally been using my half working washing machine for over 2 years. Sometimes it spins; sometimes not. Just a hand clothes squish and longer drying time. Easy Ni work around to avoid Se. I can even justify the Se cuz of the hand wringing. Frank is spot on - NOT a convoluted example. IMO. PS Had to overcome a fear of flying too. Love it now; well, not RIGHT now. I do understand exponential virus contagion.
The real fear for an INFJ is really everything, because your higher intuition can pick all the patterns and the hidden meanings that no one else can see, and you know things, you know were things can lead to, you know their path,and with that comes anxiety.
The way you can keep that from happening is to keep firmly in your mind you cannot actually help anyone else they have to do it themselves. It's really important for us INFJs to not be Rescuers. Help people as much as possible but try not to get wrapped up in the emotions.
I go to the grocery store and it’s panic in ppls eyes, carts full of toilet paper with none left on the shelf, and I’m trying to figure out why toilet paper is the go-to for soothing everyone. It just doesn’t make sense, man. And some ppl are expressing peace and others are wide-eyed and fighting over the last bag of flour and I”m wondering, “should I be buying bags of flour and 50 lb bags of rice?” I hear the newscasts that say, “the government is not taking this seriously”, then (before it closed) I would go to work and everything was normal and predictable. So yeah, my extroverted sensing is all over the place. I definitely feel out of whack.
same here, there was one lady that looked shell shocked like a zombie. I was there helping a friend. The Govt. shutdown was my signal to get ready. Trust your Intuition. You can help people too not freak out too. Infjs have the ability to see the bigger picture, it's not necessarily a good picture but the world is not going to fall apart in one day. We all will have time to crisis adjust.
I keep trying to remember "every little thing helps" even though we're all getting robbed by this crisis. I prep a little and have been for years, so didn't need to panic buy stuff, but realized long ago that there are people who can't even afford to prep enough because they might not even have any storage for it. Some can't aford to prep for emergencies at all. Anyway, when hand sanitizer first sold out two weeks ago I donated my one extra giant unopened bottle of Purell + Huggies wipes + Clorox wipes + Lysol spray to my kids' school. There are a lot of poor kids on assistance there. They were so shocked at my generosity in a time of unknowns. Thing is I've thought this through for years and prepped as much as possible for those around me who are less fortunate, too. Perhaps just coincidence, but no one associated with the school has gotten sick despite confirmed exposure of one parent that was discovered after the fact. They aren't panicking and plan to reopen school earlier than others do, trusting us all to limit our exposure and practice social distancing in the meantime. That's the future of this - all of us acting like nurses. Anyway, people on this channel who comment sound very kind and intelligent. I'd say it's time for us to shine. Spread the generosity it's important rn.
the reason why everyone's panic buying toilet paper is some articles say they'd run out first during a pandemic, ironically people are making it way worse lol
My biggest fear about Corona isn't getting sick, but how people are reacting to it. You know, here in Germany we're at the brink of a total shutdown and I'm worried that people are going to panick and go crazy (even more than they are already)
"It's okay if I don't have control over it." Yes, took this INFJ 33 years to get to that stage. Thankful. I wish you and your lovely audience much peace.
Also: how can it be just us? How can it be this rather big group of people relating to these things so much, without it being everyone? It feels odd to me that not everyone, far from even, works like this? I just can’t comprehend that
I’ve already had the “humonga dunga” moment where I realized everything is pointless. In some ways, it’s been great. I just do what I want because ... why not? But I also have moments where it just occurs to me that I’m just killing time until I die for no reason at all. I know people say you have to create your own meaning, but I’m not quite there yet. I don’t know what I want it to be. In the meantime, I’m just gonna have fun with it. If you ever get to that point, Albert Camus is a huge help.
Jenna Shank me tooo!! I also “defy” the universe in some ways. Example: I’m crossing the streets and I think about a random car killing me. But then, I continue to cross the street, as happy as ever, because 1) fate wouldn’t do that to me and simply kill me for no reason and transform all that I have done so far into waste or 2) well, I die, this life is over, I am happy with what I have done so far, no more suffering for me. Sometimes it is scary to think like that, sometimes not.
I went through a huge "humonga dunga" moment a few years back and only in the past year have finally recovered (in percentage terms, probably 80% fully recovered from the "humonga dunga"). I'm still dealing with some left over "dunga" as a result of having developed some really bad lifestyle habits. Habits are hard to break, and habits can keep us in a "dunga" or even worse...make us get hit by another "humonga dunga". Lol, I hope you guys can still understand this comment despite my overuse of the "dunga". I encourage all of us to push through the "humonga dunga" and seek true meaning in life. I've found my true meaning in life back as a teenager, but it isn't easy holding onto and believing in that meaning everyday of your life. You'll have days when tiny "dunga" bits start to pelt you, and if you aren't careful...it can become a "humonga dunga"...So don't let YOUR "humonga dunga" hold you back from finding true meaning to YOUR life. Your life matters, and the lives involved in this Channel's Community have certainly (at the very least) have been meaningful to me, if not also to many others seeing your comments and engagement with Frank's Channel. I hope this comment brings you all peace and hope!!! :D
As an INFJ I am an improvisation Queen. Doesn’t matter if something stops working, I immediately find a solution to the current problem and move on with it... while stuff sits there broken.
I always have to fix problems - to have the control over it. In these days I feel totally exhausted. Too many problems - no way to fix them all. Here starts anxiety and loneliness. It was just too much again for my brain. I need my personal lockdown😊
This is killer advice for any INFJs that are struggling out there, as this tripped me up many times when I was younger... thanks for your community contributions!!
I had an INFJ existential crisis a few days ago....I was sobbing and talking about space-time and everything drifting away and apart and how we can't hold on to anything and struggling to keep perspective...the ravages of time. Feeling lIke I was missing opportunities to hold on to things. Feeling stressed to hold on to the moment, the present....I don't know...I got way out there. I don't remember what snapped me out of it. Maybe it was just that I cried and suddenly felt better but it was intense.
I get it, sometimes when I'm feeling really down or having an existential crisis I snap out of it (sorry,I had to make an Arctic Monkeys reference) and feel okay. Usually, time and reflecting on the situation are what makes me feel better, but sometimes something changes out of nowhere and it's okay
Whoa I can relate- this is literally a perfect description of my depression. And reading this comments section had just made me realize that it’s a pretty universal thing for INFJs to have existential crisises! Dang I feel so much less alone now
As INFJ, there is a quote from Station Eleven (tv series) that really hit me: ”I don’t want to live the wrong life and die” That really scares me. That and people I can’t read?! What is wrong with them, are they even human?!
"It's okay if I don't have it all organized" Well, this was really hard to understand for me. Sooner or later you learn you can't control everything. It's impossible, don't waste your time.
Axdx Qw I honestly can’t grasp it either; I’m trying to understand how to accept that the world is what it is and I can’t do anything about it. I say it but don’t really feel or understand it.
In my 20’s an older co-worker said to me, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” At the time, that comment terrified me. Through the years and living through different experiences the UNKNOWN is still terrifying but also exhilarating because I’ve learned that whatever happens I can deal with it. Thanks for the video FJ, hope you enjoy that tea!
When you procrastinate on making important phone calls, looking at bills, and taking care of important tasks to have imaginary fights/relationships in your head.
I have faced my INFJ fear ... working in a job where every leadership decision was made based on emotion, ego and expediency. The hugest trauma of my life ... and, yes, the veil was stripped back and I see this behavioural pattern and its future impacts so clearly. Learning to switch off this awareness/concern/fear and not respond directly to it and other people's careless acceptance of it is an ongoing challenge. Thanks for your thoughts and stay safe!
Frank, I just want to thank you for these videos. Being an INFJ, as you know, I have dealt with feeling alone, misunderstood, or shapeless in my own identity, and sometimes I am the thing that is holding me back. I would stew in my feelings, trying to think my way to a grand answer and purpose, when really I was just unraveling myself. Having this content is really reassuring, knowing there are so many other people like me but also realizing "oh, this is just how I work". It helps close the loop. This awareness helps me appreciate the good stuff and be more aware of what I can work on in a way that will hopefully help me be more of a go-getter and less of an endless planner. Thanks, Frank! I really needed this!
Stay positive and strong Frank! And all the INFJs out there, all the types actually! Lol I can no longer see myself as an INFJ! But that’s not what I want to talk about atm! Just a reminder that when Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote King Lear 💫
This is by far the most frank has delved into the INFJ psychology. Everything he said I felt and agreed with from fear of everything being pointless to current events.
this has happened to me before. one time i lost all faith. the result was: years of clinical depression. now im getting better, dont really know how... so i guess we can bounce back from our darkest point... i do feel like a different person now...
Basically, our fear is "SOMETHING might be boilingly coming up and I can't PREPARE myself for that cuz I don't know WHAT it is and I'll just have to react FAST, take a fast and SPONTANEOUS decision and then REGRET it so much after, so let me just IMAGINE anxiously ALL THE WAYS that something I MISSED SEEING could F me up in the FUTURE"
I pray most for myself, as an anfj, for all infjs to keep themselves steady and straight headed. Not everything is our fault. We need to let go of things every once in a while. We are not/should not be taken for granted. Anyone who thinks otherwise=door slammed lol😂
8:59 “Something’s going to happen one day... and I’m just going to suddenly realize that everything is totally pointless” Yep, that’s real, that happens, and that’s why I’m now watching your videos. However, what I’m realizing is that it isn’t a sudden ‘overnight’ type thing, but instead a slow build towards that point. Interestingly, on the way there I made a few changes in my outlook and hobbies that have put me in a different position to deal with it, so that - oddly - when it did happen I was probably better equipped to deal with it than I would have been in the past. I’m also able to see it from a somewhat different perspective. I don’t know the answers, but I think being cognizant of it is helpful, and learning what you can from reading or watching videos like these is really valuable. Thanks FJ for doing what you do. 👏
I’ve been treated for ADHD since I was 6! I’m now 60! I’m not ADHD at all. I don’t have a chemical imbalance. This is just so eye opening to me. Thank you so much!!
Yeah, I don’t fear this disease, but people’s reaction to it... How other people succumb to fear is what makes me feel uncertain but at the same time I have peace knowing I can just keep being myself and doing what feels right to me. 💭🙏
I believe that having high Fe can exacerbate that fear because we're always looking for validation from the group--what makes them happy, comfortable, etc--and making decisions based on that. Because of Fe, we may blame ourselves for not being able to control the chaos and make things better for those around us, and it turn spiral further into fear or even depression. For example, though I'm the youngest in my family, I've sort of become the "rock" thanks to my Fe and always wanting to care for my family and make them happy with my actions/decisions. However, there came a point last year where the career I started wasn't what I thought it was, and I went through a sort of existential crisis (I had wanted that career so badly when I went through school, but hated it when I actually worked it; it was like hell going to work, and I became so anxious and depressed). I had originally thought for years that this career choice was perfect for me and that I would love it because I relied too much on my Ni, thinking that that would be a huge advantage to me; however, I learned quickly that Ni doesn't really matter for that job, but Se really does. I went to school for 6 years for that job and tried for 2 years out of college to try and get it, but it all felt meaningless. I felt like I didn't know who I was if I had planned out this job and thought of the meaning. I lost faith in myself and thought about how pointless my education was and went to a really dark place. I wanted to leave my job, but I couldn't afford to do it, and I was providing for my brother and I in one state while our parents lived in another. If I left that job, I knew we'd have to move in with our parents again out of state, and cause major changes that I didn't know if my family would be on board with or not. I was so afraid of telling my family because I knew I had no control of how they would handle it, and that I would make everything fall apart. I did end up telling them and we did move after some trials and tribulations at first, but all of us are actually much happier and even more successful by me leaving that career and "finding myself" in another state. Sometimes, as INFJs, we freak out because we can't plan everything, and we worry how our decisions will affect others, but taking that leap and having to face them can be worth it in helping us grow. As he said, our high Ni and low Se can make us extremely fearful of certain things, but sometimes, it's okay to just express how we think and feel about a situation and let things go. Life will never be completely easy because we're so ingrained in looking for patterns and pleasing others, but it's possible to become less fearful and more comfortable with the things we can't control. Moreover, it's possible to come back from dark places of feeling like something has lost all its meaning and purpose; it just takes time, patience, and acceptance.
Your experience speaks to me so much. Word for word. It makes me wonder if you chose something in the medical field ( because you said you strived for it for 6 years) and it’s become apparent to me that se is perhaps more crucial for that field. Anyway, thank you for your insight random stranger :)
I've been watching all your videos for a few days now... I'm in therapy for 2 years and I now understand some things much better thanks to what is developed here in relation to the INFJ type... I often think while watching "oh, I'll talk to my therapist about that, and that..." haha But it sure takes time to get/feel better... to create self-boundaries, to refocus on yourself and your needs, to learn to get out of your inner world to work on the extraverted sensing etc, to stop imagining 1000 catastrophic chaotic scenarios that will probably never happen... It takes time, but I can do it, and everyone can do it! Thanks for your awesome work !
Good morning Frank. Maybe you could do one on all the personalities "bugging out". Is it a thing that INFJs get lost everywhere they go because I do, lol. Oh yes, I always play out every possible bad scenario that can happen, like when I drive over bridges. I think about what if it collapses and what plan I'll need to have to get out of the car and how cold the water will be. Have a nice day Frank!
Waterlily 2017 me too!!!! Ugh I’m glad I’m not the only one! I almost can’t go on road trips bc on the road I can picture the worst things happening to us😩
Yeah, I'll miss exits, take the wrong highways and end up in other states. It's happened on routes I've done for years and have made it to my destination before too. I don't want to hear north, south, east, or west as a way to go when someone gives me directions either. Tell me to take a right or left at the Pizza Hut or something. I get very lost in my head with thinking and also very lost to music when driving. I now have Siri but "he" has gotten me lost too. The worst is at night. Nothing ever looks the same at night and if I am in the city I get all turned around. As far as getting caught on a bridge that collapses, you CAN remove your headrest in most cars to break out the window with the ends of it. Sadly, I was in traffic on a bridge over very troubled water and realized my own vehicle does not have an easy way to get the headrests off. HSN makes this tool that has one on it that will bust car windows. It's on my shopping list.
I live in the forest in a cottage and it is better than anything you can possibly imagine. I wish every INFJ could have this, if I could make it happen I would. Love you all and thanks Frank for your encouragement that happens just because you are "you" and you share your life and brilliants with us.
I can definitely relate to the washing machine part. And I agree that we fear more how it is going with the others and the government. I’m not afraid of what happens to myself, but more about others, and the situation we’re in.
What is real and factual in the concrete world.... living in the present moment....... important. Frank you are amazing. After 60 years of clinical depression and loads of therapy I’m resigned to taking medication...... which I might add, now that I’ve found the right one, has helped me for the last15 years.......HOWEVER, finding your site has been a blessing to me... I read it every day.... I studied Myers Briggs years ago and put it away for awhile. Recently I stumbled upon yr site; knowing I’m an INFJ makes sense of the world and people for me. THANK YOU!
Thanks for this. It made so much sense to me. I’m an INFJ and have OCD (lots of letters going on) and everything seems to feel extremely overwhelming and of utmost importance constantly. Then, there are times when I feel so low and things feel completely empty and ridiculous. I guess I’ve been swinging between the two functions, which I never really understood before. Thanks, again.
As an INFJ male, my biggest fear is being surrounded by people that make me feel alone. I keep my circle small. People that respect my boundaries or people that have the same boundaries as me so there never is any testing of the boundaries. People that let me express myself and don't belittle my oddness, people that respect my non ego preachy advice with an acknowledgment.... they dont have to heed to my advice, but they respected me enough to listen.... I keep those people around. They know im not saying things out of malice or spite when i give advice, just different perspectives.... I always tell them, some of the advice i give you wouldn't work for me and i could be wrong anyway, it your life, your choice, there is no real wrong answer, you know your life best.... ill ask them questions and peice it together to give people a slight glimpse into thier future or motive, show what they are doing in a broader picture. Im no business guru, but i could tell my housemate was ready to start doing business for himself, i could see it from his behaviours, so i started asking questions, then seeded the idea that he might be ready to start looking into starting his own business, built up his confidence and pointed out all the good behaviours he was doing and what they will lead to in the future if he continues down that path... told him to get his drinking under control because he really is in a good place, he has savings, stable job and good friends around.... I changed his perspective from continuing the daily grind to looking at his career and future. Then, 3 weeks later, he ran into another person within his feild said, exactly the same thing and that he should be on the look out for "this person" whilst working the job, line yourself up some contracts and start working for yourself. So i think he may have ran into another INFJ or someone else really experienced in the feild.
Thank you Frank , I can relate so much to what you were saying. Being an INFJ myself , the fear of the unknown and trying to figure things out is real.
Franklin, I used to feel a lot like what you are describing. Not knowing all the factors and trying to prepare for whatever. And, that chaos didn't come and I was prepared for that chaos. Then one day, my husband dies on our kitchen floor on his birthday and my mom gets dementia. My daughter has an autistic child and any resemblance of life as I knew it is gone. I wake up everyday and say, I don't understand this life. And, being an infj means that I am still trying to make sure I can handle what may come up. But, I can't see what's going on right in front of me. That has lost all its meaning. My house is my responsibility from the attic to the basement. There is no one to take care of and there's no one to lean on. Either one of those is in my comfort zone. Mourning the loss of my best friend and watching my mom disappearing and my dad who's known her since they were 7 years old being sad for the first time in his whole life is my reality. The thing that makes me still alive is my foundation of faith. Not that I was raised in a certain faith but, that I never stopped being attached to the creator of me and everything else. So, that connection keeps me alive. When the loneliness feels like it's killing me, I start thinking about all the other people that are much older than me who are lonely and I worry about them. When I don't have enough to eat, my mind goes to people who never have enough to eat. I know what I've always wanted in life and that was love and I've had it. I always valued that above all. But, my husband is in a box on a table and my mother isn't my mom anymore. In a way, all the myriad things I used to be afraid of have lost a lot of their power. I've already looked in the eyes of a dying man and my life with it. I know I can't prepare for my mom to pass because I haven't even begun to mourn for my husband. I just keep saying, I've never been here before. I can't even cry except on occasion because, I'm afraid that if I ever let go and feel all of that pain that I'll start screaming and I'll never stop. Anyway, you have so many fans now so, I know I'm just thinking out loud here. Take care. Just Carly or CJ
Hi! Fellow infj here. I just wanna let you know that I feel you and I can understand your emotional state I have been through such a traumatic experience as well and I grew awakened, wiser, and stronger from that pain, I pray the same happens for you. I also want you to know that you are very strong to handle such painful things with positive thinking and bearing it so bravely. You would be okay, God sends difficulties to make us stronger. I would be praying for your well-being from now on. Just know that God loves you and He will never leave you alone.
INFJ fear is imho partly influenced by enneagram. This fear about future of society sounds like type 5, my INFP bf has the same fear, but me not so much. Or maybe it is because my Se slaped me so many times, so I decided to worry less about things that are way out of my control and focus on what I can personally influence right now.
Yes, I am concerned with the changes of the future. Sadly, it is a real thing to be concerned with. The Lord turned CHAOS into an orderly world....so I am making my home as orderly as possible and having the children keep our normal homeschool routine. Bless others.
I'm an INFJ and for personal situations I totally agree. BUT with bigger situations like the pandemic right now or like nature disasters I'm getting strangely excited (in a positive way) and relaxed - maybe because it's out of my control. Of course I'm worried about the health of my family and want everyone in the world to be safe. But at the same time I'm excited to see what happens next and how everything changes - without any fear at all. Like when you're watching a good movie about the apocalypse. Is this normal for INFJs? Can anyone relate?
Being an INFJ doesn’t mean you want to be completely alone. It means you want to spend the time you budget for others with people you actually want to be around. And in this pandemic, those people that tether you to the world might be gone from you.
Yeah but I’m so confused cause Idk if i actually don’t like being alone or I’m just scared of what people would think if they saw me alone or thought I was lonely Y know?
So... this got too real. My dryer is broken right now. It won't heat but it still tumbles so I've literally systematized my way around it by air drying laundry on a rack in rotation to clothes being "air-fluffed." Thanks Frank! It's always a pleasure lol
"When you're so far into one function and some stuff blows up, you start dealing with extraverted sensing in an unhealthy way where it feels like everything is meaningless... and you just become nihilistic." You have no idea how the exact thing happened to me today. Actually also not the first time. So now I'm trying to distance my self from the part of me that needs to control everything and starting to accept that maybe life actually IS pointless... just so I can move on one more day. The way you talk about these is so honest and relatable. Thanks Frank!
my need for control ultimately developed into a horrendous ocd - in some level i seriously thought that my life and the lives of loved ones depended on my illogical rituals... it also took several years for me to realize that there indeed was a need for control behind all that. it was so embedded to me that it was hard to see. rough stuff. fast forward to current moment, and i’m living in this weird limbo state in which i am painfully careless and weirdly laid back about some things but very stressed out about others... yes, sometimes i feel _everything_ has a meaning. it’s all been a huge learing experience that keeps on changing. on a lighter note, now that i’m in quarantine, i have all the time to watch some ads and therefore support good channels like this :)
I have to say it was really hard to get through this video without getting sidetracked. I spaced out so many times and had to rewatch about three times but what I took home was that the fear of chaos and knowledge of what is going to happen really comes down to control. Chaos and not knowing means that you are not in control. We all want to be able to control our reality as good as possibe. We can in some sense control our thoughts but outside events not always so much. So thank you for your food for thought.
Thanks so much for your video on this. I'm an INFJ who got Covid-19 and I spend every extra minute reading research studies and trying to piece everything together. I'm realizing it's my personality type that makes me extra relentless. I'm struggling to get back to my pre-covid level of fitness and wellness, and I'm so hyper-focused and tenacious that I'm likely missing some of the little joys of everyday life.
FJ: Your washing machine might be breaking down Me: "runs to check" no everything is fine I think "waits for my ISTJ husband to come home and confirm...just incase" 🤔
@@selene8138 what would you like to know...could you please be more specific 🙂 If you want to know about ISTJs you can find a lot of information on RUclips 👍😃
@@selene8138 feelings 😬 well...my husband is usually very quite when it comes to expressing things...he almost never says anything...he's a listener...if I wasn't an INFJ I probably wouldn't notice that something is bothering him...he doesn't talk about ideas...either he just do it or he don't think about anything else than what is 😬
C.S.Lewis’ writings explode the myth of meaninglessness. I’m an INFJ and he helped me tremendously, particularly as a young college student just launched into adulthood. His book, Mere Christianity, in particular, changed my whole life. Hope this helps someone out there! Know that you don’t just matter, you are deeply Beloved by God!
i play some background lofi hiphop beats when i watch frank james, get myself a cup of hot chocolate, and enjoy this quarantine. this is absolute perfection thank you again frankie. also, i can SO relate to that bit about either going full Ni or full Se. i swing between those and they're equally powerful muahahaha
Listening to your example about procrastinating over your broken washing machine (with me, it seems to be car maintenance) helped me see and understand something about myself I’ve been trying sooo hard to fix about myself for years: WHY do I procrastinate (stand back & watch in immobilized horror) until my life implodes, then feel like a dumb failure? Usually, it’s a money deficient problem. Why is there a deficient? Am I creating these crises over and over? Why? These situations have been dire and devastating; especially after a decade or more of doing ok only to slip into the quagmire again - exposed and unsafe with nowhere to hide. Is it a cry for help? Sadly, the help offered or given is often not what my soul truly needs. Something about what you said, actually clicked in my brain for the very first time! Thank you, Frank James!
I have always been terrified of the unknown (things out of my control). It’s frustrating because I am aware that the majority of these fears are irrational and I know that taking it one day at a time is the best solution. Still there’s always that voice at the back of my head that keeps reminding me of those fears. 🙃👌🏻
I'm going to tattoo this set of observations on my forehead. You have captured exactly the what/why/how of my INFJ fear(s) and reactions to them, which have been exacerbated by the pandemic and social/cultural chaos as we hit the re-set button on life as we know it. I found myself laughing with both delight and relief at your descriptions that so characterize me! At 71, it's great to know I don't have to fall down the rabbit hole of my own reactive (or complacent) personality when things seem to go south. I have more control -- without being controlling -- than I think I have. Thanks for this great insight, as always.
Bro! Man, it’s always refreshing to hear your thought process and totally relate. Reminds me that there are others who think like me. So for me, the flip flopping between “everything is meaningful” to “nothing is” got pretty bad. But good news is that more recently I’ve found the balance of knowing that it’s really just a balance between the two. There are important amazingly meaningful things in this life and at the same time there are things that are random with no meaning. So I’ve learned to embrace and enjoy the meaning and let go of the burden of finding meaning in the things that are random. Its taken time to settle into, but it’s definitely helped with my same fears. :)
Didn’t know i needed to hear this until I did. I journaled tonight and cried because where normally based off the little bit of info I receive I can formulate reactions or outcomes but literally, I don’t know what’s going to happen. What does life look like on the other side of this (this pandemic & also other life situations). I’m exhausted trying to wrap my brain around it and had a “give up” moment. It was overwhelming, I’m certain for all, but especially as an INFJ. Thank you for your content. The tips are helpful 💛
The easiest way to overcome fear as an INFJ is life experience, continually encountering situations that make you uncomfortable and gaining enough knowledge to have confidence in yourself to handle the unexpected. What I have mainly done to accomplish this is teaching English abroad in several countries, and also traveling on my own and planning as I go, things I was afraid of. One thing you can do right now is to practice mindfulness. I don't care so much about meditation, but mindfulness has been so helpful, being in the moment and analyzing thoughts that come into my mind. As for Se, when I was younger I really was scared of the unknown because I didn't know what would happen. Experience and knowledge will change that. Eventually you will be able to predict fairly accurately what will happen. The problem is when you don't have a choice in your options. I am not afraid of experiencing things, but using Se is TIRING. I need a good idea of what will happen and how long it will take to decide whether I can handle something or not. I do get worried when I know I will have to do something that will be exhausting or uncomfortable and avoid it as much as possible. I can't go on an all day tour. After a concert, I am so overstimulated that I have emotional overwhelm. I have to think about what I can and can't handle. Until last year, I was still afraid of the unexpected because it can be really stressful. So I moved to Thailand and taught in a private program at a public school. The management there was A MESS. The whole first semester I had no idea if I was doing anything wrong. Everything was done at the last minute. There were no answers for many things, not really anyone to ask for help. Talk about stressful. By the beginning of the second semester, I was so frustrated that I didn't care anymore if I got fired. I relaxed and just went with things, did as little work as possible and nothing bad happened. In the end, they didn't even know I was thinking about leaving. I was surprised because they had not mentioned the next school year and simply asked what classes I wanted to teach. They have a saying in Thailand: sabai sabai. Relax, go with the flow. That's not to say that I don't occasionally worry about things. After all, I am still abroad, the virus makes everything unpredictable. Like Frank, I am not worried about getting sick. I picked a country that is more careful and may not end up locking down. It has low living expenses and it's possible to renew the visa. If something new happens, then I will deal with it. For now, things are fine. What is the government doing? I don't know, no point in worrying. Will I have to leave the country? I don't know, no point in worrying. I focus on what is happening right now. I do have one fear, and that is to not have control over my life, such as being in an accident that reduces my mobility or makes it impossible to be self sufficient. That's because other people are not so good at taking care of me (or at least my parents didn't do a very good job). So even though I knew it would be difficult to move out on my own, especially going to a country that was very different (China) and basically hating the experience, I went on to live in Taiwan and loved it. Moving makes me anxious, but not for long. I take some time to explore and get to know the place until I become comfortable and everything is okay. I am in control of what I do, and that unknown is now, to some extent, an old friend, because it means that I have many options. As an INFJ, with enough experience, you won't feel the need to panic anymore because you know you've got this. I still can't play badminton to save my life because I don't have the coordination, but who needs badminton? By stepping out of your comfort zone again and again, and becoming used to being uncomfortable, your comfort zone will expand. You'll find there's not so much to be afraid of. And reward yourself after you do something difficult. Food is great.
I hate watching videos of people explaining stuff I want to understand, because their personality is so overwhelming and I keep reading them while I also have to understand the concepts they explain. With your videos I go through the pain, because your personality is also part of what I want to understand- part of the concepts you explain, really. Bravo!
Exactly as you said - I'm freaked about loosing control of my life and things I do start to be completely meaningless. I had this feeling and I've had that kind situation in my life few years ago, it was agonizing. I was just waking up with that one though in my mind - why do I wake up anyway, it's pointless - and I was just laying in my bed for hours just brainlessly browsing stuff on phone. I'm watching your channel and I'm feeling like I'm 90% copy of you Frank, and probably it would be more if I would know you in person. I'm changing work once or even twice a year because I just can't stand the stagnation in my workplace, I just can't stand being f* and screwed all way around - doing sh* load of work for couple of nickels while boss is collecting 90% of what I do compared to what I earn. I just hate and I'm afraid of that I will be screwed for the rest of my life, that NOTHING is fair in this world, to have a meaningful life I have to achieve something impossible to achieve. Another topic - just like you said, the pandemic, I'm completely not afraid of it "statistically we're probably ok" as you said, what eats me inside and makes me so pissed of this situation - all the coverage and all fear mongering of media - people f* die every day, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions because similar health conditions this virus causes - yet nobody f* cares, there is completely no coverage of kind old man that died in age 60, that was amazing person, was helping anyone that needed help, was perfect father and husband. Yet we have sh*t storm about couple of unnamed people that mass media don't dare even to comment other than "ANOTHER PERSON DIED BECAUSE CORONAVIRUS". What is the freaking purpose of that, what are behind the scenes, how the things gonna work after that global hysteria. I'm dental technician and I work in dental clinic, and I can see all the clinics closing for 2 weeks. How people see coming back to the work after that 2 weeks ? - like nothing ever happend ? every patient will be checked very strictly from now on for next couple of years ? I just can't stand the consequences of that mindless decisions - ok we are closing, we have completely 0 idea what we are gonna do after that, but f* it. In last 2-3 years I had breakthrough in my life, reorganizing almost every aspect of it. And with years passing by - for me, everything is meaningful, everything that ever happened, after some time will teach a lesson and it will be valuable more or less.
Thank you Frank for sharing your thoughts on INFJ fears! I identify as an INFJ and you absolutely found the right words to describe what I’m feeling. So thankful for your channel. Hope you’re staying healthy and attractive ✌🏻
Morning Frankie! I enjoyed this video. It helps to see how other INFJ's are handling this. Being that we are all on a spectrum of our type. Thank you for being vulnerable with us about your 'fears and concerns' and reminding us that we are not alone. Stay Handsome :) Melissa
💖 Hang in there Frank, and the INXJs. 💖So much love to you.💖 I try to remember that all the “unseen” can be benevolent, even if it presents as chaos. I don’t know the meaning of everything, but that doesn’t make it meaningless. 💖 There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. - Slim Shakey 💖
Chaos brings order. The old must be destroyed to bring the new. With eyes watching towards a future new and better (hopefully), the chaos of now isnt as scary.
If I had to describe my greatest fear, it would be to wake up one day and realize that everything I ever believed and put my faith in was a lie. That I missed that key piece of info, and all the naysayers were right, and I was the fool who couldn't understand. I spend so much time building my intellectual scaffolding, and I am willing to make alterations as needed, but I'm afraid that I'll find out that the foundational principles were wrong, and therefore the whole thing is wrong. Even then, I could start again, so I think the greater fear is that I would lose confidence in my ability to perceive the truth. That everything would appear random, and the patterns would be invisible to me. That it would all be sound and fury, signifying nothing. Tossed upon an ocean of uncertainty, without even the hope of being able to swim or tell which way is land. Great video, I think you nailed it! :D
Thank you for sharing, you put my thoughts into words! I'm constantly bouncing between the Ni and Se functions - I feel like I'm always in my head, having to link everything to some pattern or meaning, even over the most novelist of eveyday things. It gets so exhausting! And when things go wrong, as you described in the video, I am forced to get out of my head and deal with the present and it IS jarring! Because everything is random and I'm no longer attaching patterns to everything. I'm suddenly finding myself coming to the conclusion that perhaps everything is meaningless. To be honest, I find using Se relieving at times because I'm not thinking about a million things for once and actually living in the present moment. BUT I always fall back into this mindset that everything is pointless then, if this is what the reality is, this chaos, no meaning - then what's the point? ~ an infj uni student who stayed home today and had many a thoughts on her mind 😅
Wow. You really hit the nail on the head with concerns over the current coronavirus pandemic. Your comments are my sentiments exactly. I didn't realize this was particular to the INFJ thinking style. Very helpful video. It's still easier said than done, though. I've been predicting the current state since January with that trusty introverted intuition. It's hard to get into the present state and look around to see what's actually happening when ni has been working so well for me. 😅😭
10:25 wow Frank, I'm surprised again. We think totally the same thing and feel the same way about current situation. I'm always so much concerned and curious about the unknown side of events that I always miss what's going on now and I'm always late to take the necessary measures😄It's always too late when I wake up from my world of thoughts and come back to reality😄
Idk if this can inspires anyone (c'mon imma ENFP this is my job) but hey INFJ you're amazing for be afraid about everything, but don't worry too much, everything will be OK, even those things that seems to be terrible it need to happens just to make a balance in the world :) we can't always try to have the control, I know it's so hard I really know it, but stay cool and attractive as you always have been since long time. I love INFJs, you're a blessing for this world💕 and specially Frank James haha the same you said about what could happens later I was thinking the same, but its OK, everything will be OK🙌💕
I am at the end of my master and looking for a job that suits me. Now its all random and chaos. At my first job interview I was so afraid and confused... even the eseist qs where a huge step for me, because i had no focus into my inner self. I made plans and thought about many possible outcomes, but I realized: I cant plan any opportunity. Everything became pointless at all. But now I will try to stick more on the reality. What can I do now? Are there a plan B? How can i use my ni-ti in a professional way instead of my overwhelming Se in stress situation? Hmm
As an ESFP, I've discovered I have a very turbulent relationship with two of my friends who both happen to be INFJ's. You've helped me understand them more in a few months than I have in 2 years. Sadly I don't know if our friendships can be saved at this point, but if they ever do, I know now how to navigate those relationships.
Just woke up after having nightmare about being raided... I would say this video is accurate, but I was never ever to put my deepest fear into words. Explains why I am so triggered during this time (CoronaVirus Panic). Thank you.
This corona virus panic hasn't changed my life whatsoever, I seem to have been haunted by nightmares my entire life... For some reason, I seem to be completely incapable of having an actual dreams, and everything seems to be some stupid nightmare where I'm always alone and running away... *Sigh*. What I'd give for a happy dream for once in my life, why am I always alone in huge environments, that are cool, I enjoy flying, but I wish I wasn't always completely alone.
With the COVID-19 situation evolving, I am afraid that people I care about may get sick although even if they contracted the virus, they might be fine. The same goes about myself - even if I get sick, I'd be fine or if not, then what can I do about it? I too wonder how all these restrictions would affect the economy. The stock market is one thing, but restaurants are having to depend on deliveries and take-outs here in Philadelphia (and many other cities, I believe). Other nonessential businesses cannot operate. There are so many homeless people here already. I'm able to work from home on salary but there are so many other people who are not as fortunate as I am. It makes me so sad to see some of my friends taking cheap flights to 'have fun' without considering the possibility of spreading the virus to vulnerable people just because they are not currently sick or they wouldn't get seriously sick from a statistical standpoint. I get they have the 'right' to choose what they do, but this is one of the times when we really need to develop the 'Se' and compassion - and I think this is an opportunity for our society to mature and overcome the social divides.
Yea, maybe I should do something about that check engine light in my car. For some reason (demon Se i guess), each time I look at it, instead of thinking "oh I need to take this thing to the repair shop", I'm like "this thing is gunna stall any day now in the middle of traffic" *crippling anxiety*
This. The anxiety of having to deal with getting something fixed. Would it be easier to just get it fixed? Technically yes, but that means dealing with everything that comes with it. Haha
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Nahh, i would rather Bing it than subscribe🤭
Maybe your intuition IS seeing something and it’s giving you a fear response. But you won’t be able to give language aka logic to what your intuition is saying till later when you have more knowledge.
I have this all the time and it use to cause me lots of anxiety when I was younger.
I see
Hey, Frank. That's a whole lot of Deep that you're attempting to talk about but, it's true. I knew in the real world that Mark was dying but, I didn't want to live in that real world. It hurts too much. So, I lived in a familiar warm pool in my mind and in my emotions. At any given moment, he was here and I was here. I didn't want to look at reality. And now, I'm completely alone in the house for 6 months. I don't drive and no one comes. Now, I had to figure out if I could look at the concrete and give up some of my mental puzzle acrobatics. I couldn't do it. There is no meaning to a pile of magazines. There is no meaning to eating dinner alone with no conversation and no love. I used to be afraid but, then my biggest fear came true. I was left completely alone in a scary world with no one to love. What can hurt me now? I never feared dying. I just didn't want to die alone. So, as the world goes crazy buying toilet paper and hand sanitizer... I don't even see it. I already contemplated the meanings and I came to decisions as to why and what is happening in the world and that's good enough. It's that one piece of reality. That one pesky moment of reality when I had to kneel down and look into Mark's eyes and watch him die that is going to slowly kill me. He was my reality and my joy and the one who knew me and loved me anyway. For 6 months, my family has deserted me from day one and every day I know that no one is coming and my phone is not going to ring and silence is what I'm living in. And, the memory of hearing his last breath leave has to be suppressed. I never could have even dreamed that this could be reality for me. It's sad. But, if nobody cares then, reality loses its meaning. I know you won't understand because you're too young. But, I had Mark since I was 32 years old. Every single day was a joy. Now, I have to accept extraverted sensing as I look around me at the walls and the floor and a box with his ashes in it on the dining room table. Mark used to tell me that people like us never go out of our mind crazy. He's right because, no matter how much I hurt, I will not give up my control to someone else. I'm happy and hopeful for you. Maybe, someday you'll write me back. Until then, make sure your toilet paper is in order and you have enough pounds of rice. Sincerely, Carly
Frank James, please have more sleep. We can see your eye bags. Sleep The neccesary (7-8 hours). It is important. You need to be healthy for us.
The ultimate INFJ quote
“Could you say that again, I was zoned out.”
I work at a grocery store rn, and it's been so crazy because of the virus, I've been so anxious. Let me tell you, this has happened so many times since then, people would say something to me and I'll just be like 'what' or 'sorry I'm mentally not here'
I do this too but am INTP. At school my high school teacher laughed when I admitted I had zoned out before they asked the question which meant I had no idea what they were asking when they asked what I thought.
I feel attacked haha
Ultimate INFJ quote :
----------
INFJ thinks to self,
‘ oh no I was zoned out ! I missed what they said!..’ and scrambles quickly back into the conversation,
watching as Persons feelings roil around on their face -albeit subconsciously.
INFJ is clearly aware that Person , at this point, feels unheard and agitated as they sense INFJs zone out BUT Person is also unsure because INFJs mysterious, deep eyes clearly appear to be engaged in soul sucking.
INFJ gives tight but relaxed looking smile and says,
“Pardon me? Could you repeat that? I’m sorry if it seemed like I wasn’t listening - I noticed that you were looking a bit upset there, is - something wrong?”
INFJ IMMEDIATELY regrets asking as Person launches a sermon through their surgical mask while slowly bagging INFJs groceries. INFJ cringes as Person puts the avocados on top of the organic, free run eggs , knowing that despite the eons of life changing knowledge INFJ could offer that Person will undoubtedly not absorb INFJS wisdom consciously and so, with increasing social claustrophobia, INFJ listens to the nerve ripping sounds of Person explaining their petty, unresolved and trivial life concerns.
A line of irritated shoppers collects , unable to practice social distancing between their Lysol and toilet paper stacked carts , due to Persons ongoing vomit- ramble at the end of the lane. Sweat gathers on INFJs upper lip as they hear people behind them sighing roughly alongside their angry shuffles. In a desperate attempt to flee, INFJ attempts to staunch Persons onslaught of meaningless talk,
“Well- I really should be going-“
but Person , caught up in their own selfish rant - finally feeling validated for once in their life- continues to meander over memories of their Ex and how, really, he WAS just like his Father, after everything. INFJ , stomach growling , reaches over and begins to help bag the groceries. With an empathetic look, INFJ pretends like they don’t have 16 hours worth of writing to finish. Now, reminded of their current projects , INFJ begins to think over the many intricate plot lines, story twists and on going character studies of their half dozen unfinished books and uncontrollably, zones out
Athena Pearl bad day?
It makes so much sense that many INFJs are into Mbti - it's a fairly narrow, simple, all-including yet quite logical system to categorize the world around us (to organize people and personalities, to be more specific).
Kodalace xx That judger function qualifying mentality.
Knowing the functions has helped me a lot in understanding how others think. The more information I have access to, the more accurate my interpretation of feelings from my subconscious.
Haha yep that explanation itself is so INFJ 😆
Kodalace xx EXACTLY!
We dominate most of his comment sections, yes
Oh god. I have such a fear of things being meaningless.
Things have meaning because we give them meaning.
Life is ubiquitous and equivocal
So it's both meaningful and meaningless in a way
A P if you wanna have an existential crisis about meaninglessness read Nothing by Jane Teller. Pretty scary, pretty cool. It’s a quick 90-page read.
Me2😐
@@shady490 thanks. I might just do that!
INFJ here. I've been in therapy for most of my life. I am 65. You have helped me more than any psychologist or therapist ever could. You have given me the vocabulary to explain what is going on with me. I had to keep my mouth shut as a child and never learned to express anything. So, even though I have a good vocabulary, it didn't matter because I didn't know how to pull the words and feelings together to understand what was going on with me. You could ask me how I'm feeling on a particular day and I really wouldn't know. I am forever indebted to you. Hugs
cshula1, beautifully said
Welcome aboard
Same. It feels jarring when someone turns the conversation around and asks me my thoughts on things. Or even “what’s your favorite color?” I wasn’t raised to believe my input mattered. It’s a learning process to know myself & like myself. I’m in a place where I’ve come to think I’m more interesting than I knew and I’m valid.
sam •m I think that if you continue following a path of self knowledge and improvement, you can become a healthier and healthier INFJ, which makes past struggles easier
DITTO!!!
I love the little moments when you crack yourself up for half a second. When you make yourself laugh it makes everyone else laugh.
Note2self
Wanted to tap your like button 5 times at least to let FJ know it
Note2self 88 Sooooo trueeeee!!!!
Yes, if James finds it funny, so do we!
Yesss!!
👀 you are in LOve
Washing Machine: *BREAKS*
INFJs/INTJs:
So then...what's going on with...the government??? 🤔🤔🤔
Nah that's ennegram 5
I don't think that is necessarily an INFJ thing. In fact, I generally don't think too much about things I don't really understand. Sure, I do research so I can understand as much as possible, but if it gets to a point where there is no further information I will stop and just leave it open-ended.
For instance, my dad (ISTJ, I think) will become obsessed with something like whether the moon landing was real, because he "has to know." My response to that is it doesn't mean anything in my daily life, so it doesn't matter. Knowing the truth about the moon landing doesn't change my life in an important way, so I don't care whether it happened or not. From what I know, it did happen so I just let it sit like that. Thinking too much just gives me a headache.
@@jessn.3851 yeah
Exactly....
The government IS Broken. It was designed to not actually work as its "supossed" to.
Other people scare me the most. Sometimes I can't understand why they've done things or why they think things. I would be perfectly happy living alone in a forest cottage.
nic
With most of my lifetime gone. I am alone in the forest now. Trama is over, for hermit I am. As I breathe a sigh, of relief, yet sad my experiences have brought me here.
Let's live out there together, and away from the crazy people
@@benjaminpayzant5954 this forest is getting crowded... 🤔
Yes,sounds so peaceful!
Gbam, literally hit the nail on the head🤐
When you say "let's see if RUclips wants to show us a commercial", it really makes commercials bearable :)
Tbh I dont understand it? No ads come out
Beshoo Yami it usually does but sometimes RUclips doesn’t
How does he know tho
@@nonchalantchalanter oh I see
@@nonchalantchalanter Ikr
INFJs sense it all, we know there is something going behind the scenes but we doubt our intuition but then end up down a deep rabbit hole trying to find the truth.
We also feel the panic and it’s overwhelming, the weekend was an emotional rollercoaster which just left me hiding underneath the duvet
Yeah Mrs Essex!
Yeah i think i know what you mean. I can sort of sense the collective feeling that we all have in this weird place in time and its really had me thinking about it nonstop.
This hit hard.
The worst is when people don’t take you seriously or say you’re overreacting, and then you end up being not only right but in a worse place than before, often thanks to them
a duvet? I want one
I am not even an INFJ but here I am because of your charm and humor.
I've come to the conclusion that INFJs are instinctive social economists, we worry about what we don't know, especially as it relates to other people and that perhaps explains the attraction to mbti. We seem to seek patterns to predict the missing piece in complex and confusing things, which gives us incidentally predictive abilities. But doing this too much can consume our life. And then we worry about the worrying about it consuming our life. And then switch to a life preaching about living a life in the present, cause we're really trying hard to get to that place, but when you are an Ni junky it's like next to impossible because Ni-ing can be so much fun when it works out, and it just feels like the deeper place to be, the place to find all the inevitable answers to all the scary things. But it can also be a lonely place, and feel unfulfilling when things don't work out as hoped.
I find that disappointment is a good gauge on whether my predictions were realistic or not. If I am disappointed that means that I was being unrealistic and need to change something. The more accurate the predictions, the more accurate my view of reality.
@@jessn.3851 True, that's why I learned to embrace failure as a learning experience. I have an INTJ friend who also seems to excited by the process of learning through failure. We both were attracted to Engineering and this is a profession that embraces the learning through failure process. Its kind of interesting. And I think it can help to try to learn from failure in a safe way, which is what Engineering kind of teaches through building prototypes, thats like bringing oneself into the present Se reality to see if something will work out or not. That could be an example of bringing ones Ni into the Se present reality. Build "prototypes," see what happens(Se) and then adjust Ni accordingly.
I feel this 💜😲
Nina Magnoni this is the deepest comment I have ever seen. Wow. Amazing. I completely agree. Just wow.
Wow, what an amazing reflection. What I love most about scrolling in a comment section is finding stuff like this. I completely agree, I overthink and analyze too much and it frustrates me because I feel like I'm not present and I'm letting life go by,but when all that thinking makes everything click, it's all worth it.
As an INFJ I always can sense things and I'm always preparing myself for many possible future situations, that's why my biggest fear have always been the people I love and care about.
I sensed 2 weeks ago that I'd regret my decision to not buy toilet paper when everyone was panic buying. Now I need it and the shelves are bare - I PROMISED myself I wouldn't ignore my intuition in 2020... fail... *sniff...
Exactly the same!
That's what I fear the most as a non-INFJ. I worry about these people. Other things can give me huge anxiety but I can't do without the people closest to me. That's when I really couldn't cope.
Same!
FJ: *talks about ignoring a breaking washing machine*
Me: *looks at my washing machine that has only been able to use cold water for over a year because when hot water settings are used it floods the laundry room* No idea what you mean.
You deserve to get that washing machine fixed. Call the repair guy and you both can wear face masks while he works on it.
I have literally been using my half working washing machine for over 2 years. Sometimes it spins; sometimes not. Just a hand clothes squish and longer drying time. Easy Ni work around to avoid Se. I can even justify the Se cuz of the hand wringing. Frank is spot on - NOT a convoluted example. IMO. PS Had to overcome a fear of flying too. Love it now; well, not RIGHT now. I do understand exponential virus contagion.
That sounds too much like my life!
Oh yeah I have a similar situation here.
Dude, SAME!
The real fear for an INFJ is really everything, because your higher intuition can pick all the patterns and the hidden meanings that no one else can see, and you know things, you know were things can lead to, you know their path,and with that comes anxiety.
The way you can keep that from happening is to keep firmly in your mind you cannot actually help anyone else they have to do it themselves. It's really important for us INFJs to not be Rescuers. Help people as much as possible but try not to get wrapped up in the emotions.
For me, I find it leads much deeper to peace. When I know , like you said you know the path....
I go to the grocery store and it’s panic in ppls eyes, carts full of toilet paper with none left on the shelf, and I’m trying to figure out why toilet paper is the go-to for soothing everyone. It just doesn’t make sense, man. And some ppl are expressing peace and others are wide-eyed and fighting over the last bag of flour and I”m wondering, “should I be buying bags of flour and 50 lb bags of rice?” I hear the newscasts that say, “the government is not taking this seriously”, then (before it closed) I would go to work and everything was normal and predictable. So yeah, my extroverted sensing is all over the place. I definitely feel out of whack.
same here, there was one lady that looked shell shocked like a zombie. I was there helping a friend. The Govt. shutdown was my signal to get ready. Trust your Intuition. You can help people too not freak out too. Infjs have the ability to see the bigger picture, it's not necessarily a good picture but the world is not going to fall apart in one day. We all will have time to crisis adjust.
I keep trying to remember "every little thing helps" even though we're all getting robbed by this crisis.
I prep a little and have been for years, so didn't need to panic buy stuff, but realized long ago that there are people who can't even afford to prep enough because they might not even have any storage for it. Some can't aford to prep for emergencies at all.
Anyway, when hand sanitizer first sold out two weeks ago I donated my one extra giant unopened bottle of Purell + Huggies wipes + Clorox wipes + Lysol spray to my kids' school. There are a lot of poor kids on assistance there.
They were so shocked at my generosity in a time of unknowns. Thing is I've thought this through for years and prepped as much as possible for those around me who are less fortunate, too.
Perhaps just coincidence, but no one associated with the school has gotten sick despite confirmed exposure of one parent that was discovered after the fact. They aren't panicking and plan to reopen school earlier than others do, trusting us all to limit our exposure and practice social distancing in the meantime. That's the future of this - all of us acting like nurses.
Anyway, people on this channel who comment sound very kind and intelligent. I'd say it's time for us to shine. Spread the generosity it's important rn.
the reason why everyone's panic buying toilet paper is some articles say they'd run out first during a pandemic, ironically people are making it way worse lol
Same here.
My biggest fear about Corona isn't getting sick, but how people are reacting to it. You know, here in Germany we're at the brink of a total shutdown and I'm worried that people are going to panick and go crazy (even more than they are already)
"It's okay if I don't have control over it." Yes, took this INFJ 33 years to get to that stage. Thankful. I wish you and your lovely audience much peace.
I've taken the same time, approximately 😅
I've taken the same time, approximately 😅
It always freaks me out that you are speaking my mind. How can several people have the same way of thinking!? Thanks for explaining why I freak out
If it makes you feel better, it’s the smallest group of people: less than 1% of the population are INFJs.
well, our cognitive stacks ARE the same, so it seems likely-albeit with variations
Also: how can it be just us? How can it be this rather big group of people relating to these things so much, without it being everyone? It feels odd to me that not everyone, far from even, works like this? I just can’t comprehend that
Yeah I kind of thought I was autistic sometimes growing up lol
I’ve already had the “humonga dunga” moment where I realized everything is pointless. In some ways, it’s been great. I just do what I want because ... why not? But I also have moments where it just occurs to me that I’m just killing time until I die for no reason at all. I know people say you have to create your own meaning, but I’m not quite there yet. I don’t know what I want it to be. In the meantime, I’m just gonna have fun with it. If you ever get to that point, Albert Camus is a huge help.
I was going to post almost this same comment. I've already had my humonga dunga moment as an INFJ. Absurdism is really is a comfortable place to land.
Omg spot on, thank you; I'm googling this dude right now lol
Jenna Shank me tooo!! I also “defy” the universe in some ways. Example: I’m crossing the streets and I think about a random car killing me. But then, I continue to cross the street, as happy as ever, because 1) fate wouldn’t do that to me and simply kill me for no reason and transform all that I have done so far into waste or 2) well, I die, this life is over, I am happy with what I have done so far, no more suffering for me. Sometimes it is scary to think like that, sometimes not.
The stranger is a great book. Existentialism at its finest.
I went through a huge "humonga dunga" moment a few years back and only in the past year have finally recovered (in percentage terms, probably 80% fully recovered from the "humonga dunga"). I'm still dealing with some left over "dunga" as a result of having developed some really bad lifestyle habits. Habits are hard to break, and habits can keep us in a "dunga" or even worse...make us get hit by another "humonga dunga". Lol, I hope you guys can still understand this comment despite my overuse of the "dunga". I encourage all of us to push through the "humonga dunga" and seek true meaning in life. I've found my true meaning in life back as a teenager, but it isn't easy holding onto and believing in that meaning everyday of your life. You'll have days when tiny "dunga" bits start to pelt you, and if you aren't careful...it can become a "humonga dunga"...So don't let YOUR "humonga dunga" hold you back from finding true meaning to YOUR life. Your life matters, and the lives involved in this Channel's Community have certainly (at the very least) have been meaningful to me, if not also to many others seeing your comments and engagement with Frank's Channel. I hope this comment brings you all peace and hope!!! :D
As an INFJ I am an improvisation Queen. Doesn’t matter if something stops working, I immediately find a solution to the current problem and move on with it... while stuff sits there broken.
I always have to fix problems - to have the control over it. In these days I feel totally exhausted. Too many problems - no way to fix them all. Here starts anxiety and loneliness. It was just too much again for my brain. I need my personal lockdown😊
@@b.brightstar9189 andididtrybeleivemestilltryingnowiwontstopever
This is killer advice for any INFJs that are struggling out there, as this tripped me up many times when I was younger... thanks for your community contributions!!
I had an INFJ existential crisis a few days ago....I was sobbing and talking about space-time and everything drifting away and apart and how we can't hold on to anything and struggling to keep perspective...the ravages of time. Feeling lIke I was missing opportunities to hold on to things. Feeling stressed to hold on to the moment, the present....I don't know...I got way out there. I don't remember what snapped me out of it. Maybe it was just that I cried and suddenly felt better but it was intense.
I get it, sometimes when I'm feeling really down or having an existential crisis I snap out of it (sorry,I had to make an Arctic Monkeys reference) and feel okay. Usually, time and reflecting on the situation are what makes me feel better, but sometimes something changes out of nowhere and it's okay
Whoa I can relate- this is literally a perfect description of my depression. And reading this comments section had just made me realize that it’s a pretty universal thing for INFJs to have existential crisises! Dang I feel so much less alone now
Your comment made me think of the movie, Interstellar. Highly recommend it.
As INFJ, there is a quote from Station Eleven (tv series) that really hit me:
”I don’t want to live the wrong life and die”
That really scares me. That and people I can’t read?! What is wrong with them, are they even human?!
"It's okay if I don't have it all organized" Well, this was really hard to understand for me. Sooner or later you learn you can't control everything. It's impossible, don't waste your time.
How? I’m asking you, please explain to me: How?
Axdx Qw I honestly can’t grasp it either; I’m trying to understand how to accept that the world is what it is and I can’t do anything about it. I say it but don’t really feel or understand it.
❤let go
You’re a gem FJ. Stay safe out there, brotha.
Kishi stay safe, cool, and attractive 😉
In my 20’s an older co-worker said to me, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” At the time, that comment terrified me. Through the years and living through different experiences the UNKNOWN is still terrifying but also exhilarating because I’ve learned that whatever happens I can deal with it. Thanks for the video FJ, hope you enjoy that tea!
When you procrastinate on making important phone calls, looking at bills, and taking care of important tasks to have imaginary fights/relationships in your head.
I have faced my INFJ fear ... working in a job where every leadership decision was made based on emotion, ego and expediency. The hugest trauma of my life ... and, yes, the veil was stripped back and I see this behavioural pattern and its future impacts so clearly. Learning to switch off this awareness/concern/fear and not respond directly to it and other people's careless acceptance of it is an ongoing challenge. Thanks for your thoughts and stay safe!
This fear is so true. That's why I love and feel safe to have people near me who have the facts.
Frank, I just want to thank you for these videos. Being an INFJ, as you know, I have dealt with feeling alone, misunderstood, or shapeless in my own identity, and sometimes I am the thing that is holding me back. I would stew in my feelings, trying to think my way to a grand answer and purpose, when really I was just unraveling myself. Having this content is really reassuring, knowing there are so many other people like me but also realizing "oh, this is just how I work". It helps close the loop. This awareness helps me appreciate the good stuff and be more aware of what I can work on in a way that will hopefully help me be more of a go-getter and less of an endless planner. Thanks, Frank! I really needed this!
Stay positive and strong Frank! And all the INFJs out there, all the types actually! Lol I can no longer see myself as an INFJ! But that’s not what I want to talk about atm! Just a reminder that when Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote King Lear 💫
@tee jay 🤍
Shakespeare and I have similar hobbies.
This is by far the most frank has delved into the INFJ psychology. Everything he said I felt and agreed with from fear of everything being pointless to current events.
All my fears came true, and I faced it.
I love the growth process, it’s beautiful.
And beauty is always matched with pain.
Like ying and yang.
this has happened to me before. one time i lost all faith. the result was: years of clinical depression. now im getting better, dont really know how... so i guess we can bounce back from our darkest point... i do feel like a different person now...
In many spiritual traditions this event you describe is called a dark night of the soul.
@@cecilyerker it felt like that. i hope frank will talk more about this.
Me too
Basically, our fear is "SOMETHING might be boilingly coming up and I can't PREPARE myself for that cuz I don't know WHAT it is and I'll just have to react FAST, take a fast and SPONTANEOUS decision and then REGRET it so much after, so let me just IMAGINE anxiously ALL THE WAYS that something I MISSED SEEING could F me up in the FUTURE"
Very accurate
Thankyou for putting my thoughts into words, very comforting.
I pray most for myself, as an anfj, for all infjs to keep themselves steady and straight headed. Not everything is our fault. We need to let go of things every once in a while. We are not/should not be taken for granted. Anyone who thinks otherwise=door slammed lol😂
8:59 “Something’s going to happen one day... and I’m just going to suddenly realize that everything is totally pointless”
Yep, that’s real, that happens, and that’s why I’m now watching your videos.
However, what I’m realizing is that it isn’t a sudden ‘overnight’ type thing, but instead a slow build towards that point. Interestingly, on the way there I made a few changes in my outlook and hobbies that have put me in a different position to deal with it, so that - oddly - when it did happen I was probably better equipped to deal with it than I would have been in the past. I’m also able to see it from a somewhat different perspective. I don’t know the answers, but I think being cognizant of it is helpful, and learning what you can from reading or watching videos like these is really valuable. Thanks FJ for doing what you do. 👏
I need to say this. YOU KEEP ME SANE. Sending good energy your way Frank. Your work is amazing
Infj with reoccurring health anxiety here
Improving on it though ! 👌
I’ve been treated for ADHD since I was 6! I’m now 60! I’m not ADHD at all. I don’t have a chemical imbalance. This is just so eye opening to me. Thank you so much!!
Yeah, I don’t fear this disease, but people’s reaction to it... How other people succumb to fear is what makes me feel uncertain but at the same time I have peace knowing I can just keep being myself and doing what feels right to me. 💭🙏
I’m with you on all that 👍👌🏻🙏
I have nightmares about missing shifts at a job that i don't have.
I believe that having high Fe can exacerbate that fear because we're always looking for validation from the group--what makes them happy, comfortable, etc--and making decisions based on that. Because of Fe, we may blame ourselves for not being able to control the chaos and make things better for those around us, and it turn spiral further into fear or even depression.
For example, though I'm the youngest in my family, I've sort of become the "rock" thanks to my Fe and always wanting to care for my family and make them happy with my actions/decisions. However, there came a point last year where the career I started wasn't what I thought it was, and I went through a sort of existential crisis (I had wanted that career so badly when I went through school, but hated it when I actually worked it; it was like hell going to work, and I became so anxious and depressed). I had originally thought for years that this career choice was perfect for me and that I would love it because I relied too much on my Ni, thinking that that would be a huge advantage to me; however, I learned quickly that Ni doesn't really matter for that job, but Se really does. I went to school for 6 years for that job and tried for 2 years out of college to try and get it, but it all felt meaningless. I felt like I didn't know who I was if I had planned out this job and thought of the meaning. I lost faith in myself and thought about how pointless my education was and went to a really dark place.
I wanted to leave my job, but I couldn't afford to do it, and I was providing for my brother and I in one state while our parents lived in another. If I left that job, I knew we'd have to move in with our parents again out of state, and cause major changes that I didn't know if my family would be on board with or not. I was so afraid of telling my family because I knew I had no control of how they would handle it, and that I would make everything fall apart.
I did end up telling them and we did move after some trials and tribulations at first, but all of us are actually much happier and even more successful by me leaving that career and "finding myself" in another state.
Sometimes, as INFJs, we freak out because we can't plan everything, and we worry how our decisions will affect others, but taking that leap and having to face them can be worth it in helping us grow. As he said, our high Ni and low Se can make us extremely fearful of certain things, but sometimes, it's okay to just express how we think and feel about a situation and let things go.
Life will never be completely easy because we're so ingrained in looking for patterns and pleasing others, but it's possible to become less fearful and more comfortable with the things we can't control. Moreover, it's possible to come back from dark places of feeling like something has lost all its meaning and purpose; it just takes time, patience, and acceptance.
Your experience speaks to me so much. Word for word. It makes me wonder if you chose something in the medical field ( because you said you strived for it for 6 years) and it’s become apparent to me that se is perhaps more crucial for that field. Anyway, thank you for your insight random stranger :)
Very well said.
I've been watching all your videos for a few days now... I'm in therapy for 2 years and I now understand some things much better thanks to what is developed here in relation to the INFJ type... I often think while watching "oh, I'll talk to my therapist about that, and that..." haha
But it sure takes time to get/feel better... to create self-boundaries, to refocus on yourself and your needs, to learn to get out of your inner world to work on the extraverted sensing etc, to stop imagining 1000 catastrophic chaotic scenarios that will probably never happen... It takes time, but I can do it, and everyone can do it!
Thanks for your awesome work !
Good morning Frank. Maybe you could do one on all the personalities "bugging out". Is it a thing that INFJs get lost everywhere they go because I do, lol. Oh yes, I always play out every possible bad scenario that can happen, like when I drive over bridges. I think about what if it collapses and what plan I'll need to have to get out of the car and how cold the water will be. Have a nice day Frank!
Waterlily 2017 me too!!!! Ugh I’m glad I’m not the only one! I almost can’t go on road trips bc on the road I can picture the worst things happening to us😩
I thought i was the only one
Me too,I am always thinking I need one of those glass breaking tools,sheesh,I cant even swim!
I get lost too hahahhh its a common thing for people who are with me to randomly just pull my sleeve so i walk in the right direction
Yeah, I'll miss exits, take the wrong highways and end up in other states. It's happened on routes I've done for years and have made it to my destination before too. I don't want to hear north, south, east, or west as a way to go when someone gives me directions either. Tell me to take a right or left at the Pizza Hut or something. I get very lost in my head with thinking and also very lost to music when driving. I now have Siri but "he" has gotten me lost too. The worst is at night. Nothing ever looks the same at night and if I am in the city I get all turned around. As far as getting caught on a bridge that collapses, you CAN remove your headrest in most cars to break out the window with the ends of it. Sadly, I was in traffic on a bridge over very troubled water and realized my own vehicle does not have an easy way to get the headrests off. HSN makes this tool that has one on it that will bust car windows. It's on my shopping list.
I live in the forest in a cottage and it is better than anything you can possibly imagine. I wish every INFJ could have this, if I could make it happen I would. Love you all and thanks Frank for your encouragement that happens just because you are "you" and you share your life and brilliants with us.
I can definitely relate to the washing machine part. And I agree that we fear more how it is going with the others and the government. I’m not afraid of what happens to myself, but more about others, and the situation we’re in.
What is real and factual in the concrete world.... living in the present moment....... important. Frank you are amazing. After 60 years of clinical depression and loads of therapy I’m resigned to taking medication...... which I might add, now that I’ve found the right one, has helped me for the last15 years.......HOWEVER, finding your site has been a blessing to me... I read it every day.... I studied Myers Briggs years ago and put it away for awhile. Recently I stumbled upon yr site; knowing
I’m an INFJ makes sense of the world and people for me. THANK YOU!
Thanks for this. It made so much sense to me. I’m an INFJ and have OCD (lots of letters going on) and everything seems to feel extremely overwhelming and of utmost importance constantly. Then, there are times when I feel so low and things feel completely empty and ridiculous. I guess I’ve been swinging between the two functions, which I never really understood before. Thanks, again.
As an INFJ male, my biggest fear is being surrounded by people that make me feel alone.
I keep my circle small. People that respect my boundaries or people that have the same boundaries as me so there never is any testing of the boundaries. People that let me express myself and don't belittle my oddness, people that respect my non ego preachy advice with an acknowledgment.... they dont have to heed to my advice, but they respected me enough to listen.... I keep those people around.
They know im not saying things out of malice or spite when i give advice, just different perspectives.... I always tell them, some of the advice i give you wouldn't work for me and i could be wrong anyway, it your life, your choice, there is no real wrong answer, you know your life best.... ill ask them questions and peice it together to give people a slight glimpse into thier future or motive, show what they are doing in a broader picture.
Im no business guru, but i could tell my housemate was ready to start doing business for himself, i could see it from his behaviours, so i started asking questions, then seeded the idea that he might be ready to start looking into starting his own business, built up his confidence and pointed out all the good behaviours he was doing and what they will lead to in the future if he continues down that path... told him to get his drinking under control because he really is in a good place, he has savings, stable job and good friends around.... I changed his perspective from continuing the daily grind to looking at his career and future.
Then, 3 weeks later, he ran into another person within his feild said, exactly the same thing and that he should be on the look out for "this person" whilst working the job, line yourself up some contracts and start working for yourself. So i think he may have ran into another INFJ or someone else really experienced in the feild.
Sounds like you'd be a good coach.
Thank you Frank , I can relate so much to what you were saying. Being an INFJ myself , the fear of the unknown and trying to figure things out is real.
Franklin, I used to feel a lot like what you are describing. Not knowing all the factors and trying to prepare for whatever. And, that chaos didn't come and I was prepared for that chaos. Then one day, my husband dies on our kitchen floor on his birthday and my mom gets dementia. My daughter has an autistic child and any resemblance of life as I knew it is gone. I wake up everyday and say, I don't understand this life. And, being an infj means that I am still trying to make sure I can handle what may come up. But, I can't see what's going on right in front of me. That has lost all its meaning. My house is my responsibility from the attic to the basement. There is no one to take care of and there's no one to lean on. Either one of those is in my comfort zone. Mourning the loss of my best friend and watching my mom disappearing and my dad who's known her since they were 7 years old being sad for the first time in his whole life is my reality. The thing that makes me still alive is my foundation of faith. Not that I was raised in a certain faith but, that I never stopped being attached to the creator of me and everything else. So, that connection keeps me alive. When the loneliness feels like it's killing me, I start thinking about all the other people that are much older than me who are lonely and I worry about them. When I don't have enough to eat, my mind goes to people who never have enough to eat. I know what I've always wanted in life and that was love and I've had it. I always valued that above all. But, my husband is in a box on a table and my mother isn't my mom anymore. In a way, all the myriad things I used to be afraid of have lost a lot of their power. I've already looked in the eyes of a dying man and my life with it. I know I can't prepare for my mom to pass because I haven't even begun to mourn for my husband. I just keep saying, I've never been here before. I can't even cry except on occasion because, I'm afraid that if I ever let go and feel all of that pain that I'll start screaming and I'll never stop. Anyway, you have so many fans now so, I know I'm just thinking out loud here. Take care. Just Carly or CJ
Hi! Fellow infj here. I just wanna let you know that I feel you and I can understand your emotional state I have been through such a traumatic experience as well and I grew awakened, wiser, and stronger from that pain, I pray the same happens for you.
I also want you to know that you are very strong to handle such painful things with positive thinking and bearing it so bravely. You would be okay, God sends difficulties to make us stronger. I would be praying for your well-being from now on. Just know that God loves you and He will never leave you alone.
INFJ fear is imho partly influenced by enneagram. This fear about future of society sounds like type 5, my INFP bf has the same fear, but me not so much. Or maybe it is because my Se slaped me so many times, so I decided to worry less about things that are way out of my control and focus on what I can personally influence right now.
That washing machine example really hit home
Yes, I am concerned with the changes of the future. Sadly, it is a real thing to be concerned with.
The Lord turned CHAOS into an orderly world....so I am making my home as orderly as possible and having the children keep our normal homeschool routine. Bless others.
I'm an INFJ and for personal situations I totally agree. BUT with bigger situations like the pandemic right now or like nature disasters I'm getting strangely excited (in a positive way) and relaxed - maybe because it's out of my control. Of course I'm worried about the health of my family and want everyone in the world to be safe. But at the same time I'm excited to see what happens next and how everything changes - without any fear at all. Like when you're watching a good movie about the apocalypse.
Is this normal for INFJs? Can anyone relate?
@ValGBeauty 🙋♀️ I relate. Lol! I am into post-apocalyptic movie marathon right now 🤷♀️ haha
@@nourn07 Haha same here 🙋🏼♀️ Stay save! Hugs from Germany 🤗
@ValGBeauty hugs from Sweden 🤗
I have the same!
You r not alnoe 😂
Well that's weird. Pandemic situation shows me, that I' mostly afraid of... loneliness. As an INFJ. Huh.
Being an INFJ doesn’t mean you want to be completely alone. It means you want to spend the time you budget for others with people you actually want to be around. And in this pandemic, those people that tether you to the world might be gone from you.
Yeah but I’m so confused cause Idk if i actually don’t like being alone or I’m just scared of what people would think if they saw me alone or thought I was lonely Y know?
When you were alone before you were just charging up now your in quarantine maybe and can’t get out it’s different
I know wtf
@@eamaxdxw same, thought I was the only one who thinks that way
So... this got too real. My dryer is broken right now. It won't heat but it still tumbles so I've literally systematized my way around it by air drying laundry on a rack in rotation to clothes being "air-fluffed." Thanks Frank! It's always a pleasure lol
"When you're so far into one function and some stuff blows up, you start dealing with extraverted sensing in an unhealthy way where it feels like everything is meaningless... and you just become nihilistic."
You have no idea how the exact thing happened to me today. Actually also not the first time.
So now I'm trying to distance my self from the part of me that needs to control everything and starting to accept that maybe life actually IS pointless... just so I can move on one more day.
The way you talk about these is so honest and relatable. Thanks Frank!
Icanfeelmyselfchangingiveneverfeltthiswaybeforemaybeiminheavenanddidntknowidied
my need for control ultimately developed into a horrendous ocd - in some level i seriously thought that my life and the lives of loved ones depended on my illogical rituals... it also took several years for me to realize that there indeed was a need for control behind all that. it was so embedded to me that it was hard to see. rough stuff.
fast forward to current moment, and i’m living in this weird limbo state in which i am painfully careless and weirdly laid back about some things but very stressed out about others... yes, sometimes i feel _everything_ has a meaning. it’s all been a huge learing experience that keeps on changing.
on a lighter note, now that i’m in quarantine, i have all the time to watch some ads and therefore support good channels like this :)
This really hit home for me. Grieving has pushed me into nihilism. It's nice to know that's not unusual and that I'm not alone.
"Eff the S/E"! Yesss! I feel like this all the time! Yep, yep, yep. Laughing as I write. This is perfect. Thank you.
Being disconnected from the world, not helping people enough and doing nothing meaningful with my life are my perosnal biggest fears (INTJ, NiTeFiSe)
I have to say it was really hard to get through this video without getting sidetracked. I spaced out so many times and had to rewatch about three times but what I took home was that the fear of chaos and knowledge of what is going to happen really comes down to control. Chaos and not knowing means that you are not in control. We all want to be able to control our reality as good as possibe. We can in some sense control our thoughts but outside events not always so much. So thank you for your food for thought.
Thank you for putting words to/making sense of everything I am panicking about right now.
Thanks so much for your video on this. I'm an INFJ who got Covid-19 and I spend every extra minute reading research studies and trying to piece everything together. I'm realizing it's my personality type that makes me extra relentless. I'm struggling to get back to my pre-covid level of fitness and wellness, and I'm so hyper-focused and tenacious that I'm likely missing some of the little joys of everyday life.
FJ: Your washing machine might be breaking down
Me: "runs to check" no everything is fine I think "waits for my ISTJ husband to come home and confirm...just incase" 🤔
Can ya tell me about the istj... ?
@@selene8138 what would you like to know...could you please be more specific 🙂
If you want to know about ISTJs you can find a lot of information on RUclips 👍😃
Having a car was a nightmare because I didn't know if something was wrong or what it meant and I didn't have someone to calmly inform me.
@@t.c9537 how are they in terms of expressing their feelings and ideas ?
@@selene8138 feelings 😬 well...my husband is usually very quite when it comes to expressing things...he almost never says anything...he's a listener...if I wasn't an INFJ I probably wouldn't notice that something is bothering him...he doesn't talk about ideas...either he just do it or he don't think about anything else than what is 😬
C.S.Lewis’ writings explode the myth of meaninglessness. I’m an INFJ and he helped me tremendously, particularly as a young college student just launched into adulthood. His book, Mere Christianity, in particular, changed my whole life. Hope this helps someone out there! Know that you don’t just matter, you are deeply Beloved by God!
i play some background lofi hiphop beats when i watch frank james, get myself a cup of hot chocolate, and enjoy this quarantine. this is absolute perfection thank you again frankie. also, i can SO relate to that bit about either going full Ni or full Se. i swing between those and they're equally powerful muahahaha
Listening to your example about procrastinating over your broken washing machine (with me, it seems to be car maintenance) helped me see and understand something about myself I’ve been trying sooo hard to fix about myself for years: WHY do I procrastinate (stand back & watch in immobilized horror) until my life implodes, then feel like a dumb failure? Usually, it’s a money deficient problem. Why is there a deficient? Am I creating these crises over and over? Why? These situations have been dire and devastating; especially after a decade or more of doing ok only to slip into the quagmire again - exposed and unsafe with nowhere to hide. Is it a cry for help? Sadly, the help offered or given is often not what my soul truly needs. Something about what you said, actually clicked in my brain for the very first time!
Thank you, Frank James!
I have always been terrified of the unknown (things out of my control). It’s frustrating because I am aware that the majority of these fears are irrational and I know that taking it one day at a time is the best solution. Still there’s always that voice at the back of my head that keeps reminding me of those fears.
🙃👌🏻
I'm going to tattoo this set of observations on my forehead. You have captured exactly the what/why/how of my INFJ fear(s) and reactions to them, which have been exacerbated by the pandemic and social/cultural chaos as we hit the re-set button on life as we know it. I found myself laughing with both delight and relief at your descriptions that so characterize me! At 71, it's great to know I don't have to fall down the rabbit hole of my own reactive (or complacent) personality when things seem to go south. I have more control -- without being controlling -- than I think I have. Thanks for this great insight, as always.
Bro! Man, it’s always refreshing to hear your thought process and totally relate. Reminds me that there are others who think like me. So for me, the flip flopping between “everything is meaningful” to “nothing is” got pretty bad. But good news is that more recently I’ve found the balance of knowing that it’s really just a balance between the two. There are important amazingly meaningful things in this life and at the same time there are things that are random with no meaning. So I’ve learned to embrace and enjoy the meaning and let go of the burden of finding meaning in the things that are random. Its taken time to settle into, but it’s definitely helped with my same fears. :)
Didn’t know i needed to hear this until I did. I journaled tonight and cried because where normally based off the little bit of info I receive I can formulate reactions or outcomes but literally, I don’t know what’s going to happen. What does life look like on the other side of this (this pandemic & also other life situations). I’m exhausted trying to wrap my brain around it and had a “give up” moment. It was overwhelming, I’m certain for all, but especially as an INFJ.
Thank you for your content. The tips are helpful 💛
The easiest way to overcome fear as an INFJ is life experience, continually encountering situations that make you uncomfortable and gaining enough knowledge to have confidence in yourself to handle the unexpected. What I have mainly done to accomplish this is teaching English abroad in several countries, and also traveling on my own and planning as I go, things I was afraid of.
One thing you can do right now is to practice mindfulness. I don't care so much about meditation, but mindfulness has been so helpful, being in the moment and analyzing thoughts that come into my mind.
As for Se, when I was younger I really was scared of the unknown because I didn't know what would happen. Experience and knowledge will change that. Eventually you will be able to predict fairly accurately what will happen. The problem is when you don't have a choice in your options.
I am not afraid of experiencing things, but using Se is TIRING. I need a good idea of what will happen and how long it will take to decide whether I can handle something or not. I do get worried when I know I will have to do something that will be exhausting or uncomfortable and avoid it as much as possible. I can't go on an all day tour. After a concert, I am so overstimulated that I have emotional overwhelm. I have to think about what I can and can't handle.
Until last year, I was still afraid of the unexpected because it can be really stressful. So I moved to Thailand and taught in a private program at a public school. The management there was A MESS. The whole first semester I had no idea if I was doing anything wrong. Everything was done at the last minute. There were no answers for many things, not really anyone to ask for help. Talk about stressful. By the beginning of the second semester, I was so frustrated that I didn't care anymore if I got fired. I relaxed and just went with things, did as little work as possible and nothing bad happened. In the end, they didn't even know I was thinking about leaving. I was surprised because they had not mentioned the next school year and simply asked what classes I wanted to teach. They have a saying in Thailand: sabai sabai. Relax, go with the flow.
That's not to say that I don't occasionally worry about things. After all, I am still abroad, the virus makes everything unpredictable. Like Frank, I am not worried about getting sick. I picked a country that is more careful and may not end up locking down. It has low living expenses and it's possible to renew the visa. If something new happens, then I will deal with it. For now, things are fine. What is the government doing? I don't know, no point in worrying. Will I have to leave the country? I don't know, no point in worrying. I focus on what is happening right now.
I do have one fear, and that is to not have control over my life, such as being in an accident that reduces my mobility or makes it impossible to be self sufficient. That's because other people are not so good at taking care of me (or at least my parents didn't do a very good job). So even though I knew it would be difficult to move out on my own, especially going to a country that was very different (China) and basically hating the experience, I went on to live in Taiwan and loved it. Moving makes me anxious, but not for long. I take some time to explore and get to know the place until I become comfortable and everything is okay. I am in control of what I do, and that unknown is now, to some extent, an old friend, because it means that I have many options.
As an INFJ, with enough experience, you won't feel the need to panic anymore because you know you've got this. I still can't play badminton to save my life because I don't have the coordination, but who needs badminton? By stepping out of your comfort zone again and again, and becoming used to being uncomfortable, your comfort zone will expand. You'll find there's not so much to be afraid of. And reward yourself after you do something difficult. Food is great.
I hate watching videos of people explaining stuff I want to understand, because their personality is so overwhelming and I keep reading them while I also have to understand the concepts they explain. With your videos I go through the pain, because your personality is also part of what I want to understand- part of the concepts you explain, really. Bravo!
Exactly as you said - I'm freaked about loosing control of my life and things I do start to be completely meaningless. I had this feeling and I've had that kind situation in my life few years ago, it was agonizing. I was just waking up with that one though in my mind - why do I wake up anyway, it's pointless - and I was just laying in my bed for hours just brainlessly browsing stuff on phone. I'm watching your channel and I'm feeling like I'm 90% copy of you Frank, and probably it would be more if I would know you in person. I'm changing work once or even twice a year because I just can't stand the stagnation in my workplace, I just can't stand being f* and screwed all way around - doing sh* load of work for couple of nickels while boss is collecting 90% of what I do compared to what I earn. I just hate and I'm afraid of that I will be screwed for the rest of my life, that NOTHING is fair in this world, to have a meaningful life I have to achieve something impossible to achieve. Another topic - just like you said, the pandemic, I'm completely not afraid of it "statistically we're probably ok" as you said, what eats me inside and makes me so pissed of this situation - all the coverage and all fear mongering of media - people f* die every day, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions because similar health conditions this virus causes - yet nobody f* cares, there is completely no coverage of kind old man that died in age 60, that was amazing person, was helping anyone that needed help, was perfect father and husband. Yet we have sh*t storm about couple of unnamed people that mass media don't dare even to comment other than "ANOTHER PERSON DIED BECAUSE CORONAVIRUS". What is the freaking purpose of that, what are behind the scenes, how the things gonna work after that global hysteria. I'm dental technician and I work in dental clinic, and I can see all the clinics closing for 2 weeks. How people see coming back to the work after that 2 weeks ? - like nothing ever happend ? every patient will be checked very strictly from now on for next couple of years ? I just can't stand the consequences of that mindless decisions - ok we are closing, we have completely 0 idea what we are gonna do after that, but f* it. In last 2-3 years I had breakthrough in my life, reorganizing almost every aspect of it. And with years passing by - for me, everything is meaningful, everything that ever happened, after some time will teach a lesson and it will be valuable more or less.
Thank you Frank for sharing your thoughts on INFJ fears! I identify as an INFJ and you absolutely found the right words to describe what I’m feeling. So thankful for your channel. Hope you’re staying healthy and attractive ✌🏻
Morning Frankie!
I enjoyed this video. It helps to see how other INFJ's are handling this. Being that we are all on a spectrum of our type. Thank you for being vulnerable with us about your 'fears and concerns' and reminding us that we are not alone.
Stay Handsome :)
Melissa
Um, yea. The washing machine example was spot on for me.😅
💖 Hang in there Frank, and the INXJs. 💖So much love to you.💖 I try to remember that all the “unseen” can be benevolent, even if it presents as chaos. I don’t know the meaning of everything, but that doesn’t make it meaningless. 💖
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. - Slim Shakey
💖
Chaos brings order. The old must be destroyed to bring the new. With eyes watching towards a future new and better (hopefully), the chaos of now isnt as scary.
@@Cymatic-Mage Wise words.
10,000 days; Love that quote!
If I had to describe my greatest fear, it would be to wake up one day and realize that everything I ever believed and put my faith in was a lie. That I missed that key piece of info, and all the naysayers were right, and I was the fool who couldn't understand. I spend so much time building my intellectual scaffolding, and I am willing to make alterations as needed, but I'm afraid that I'll find out that the foundational principles were wrong, and therefore the whole thing is wrong.
Even then, I could start again, so I think the greater fear is that I would lose confidence in my ability to perceive the truth. That everything would appear random, and the patterns would be invisible to me. That it would all be sound and fury, signifying nothing. Tossed upon an ocean of uncertainty, without even the hope of being able to swim or tell which way is land.
Great video, I think you nailed it! :D
10:30 yup, that’s my constant thinking...and then One can look like a conspiracy theorist 🤔
Thank you FJ, from a fellow INFJ
Thank you for sharing, you put my thoughts into words! I'm constantly bouncing between the Ni and Se functions - I feel like I'm always in my head, having to link everything to some pattern or meaning, even over the most novelist of eveyday things. It gets so exhausting!
And when things go wrong, as you described in the video, I am forced to get out of my head and deal with the present and it IS jarring! Because everything is random and I'm no longer attaching patterns to everything. I'm suddenly finding myself coming to the conclusion that perhaps everything is meaningless. To be honest, I find using Se relieving at times because I'm not thinking about a million things for once and actually living in the present moment. BUT I always fall back into this mindset that everything is pointless then, if this is what the reality is, this chaos, no meaning - then what's the point?
~ an infj uni student who stayed home today and had many a thoughts on her mind 😅
Wow. You really hit the nail on the head with concerns over the current coronavirus pandemic. Your comments are my sentiments exactly. I didn't realize this was particular to the INFJ thinking style. Very helpful video. It's still easier said than done, though. I've been predicting the current state since January with that trusty introverted intuition. It's hard to get into the present state and look around to see what's actually happening when ni has been working so well for me. 😅😭
10:25 wow Frank, I'm surprised again. We think totally the same thing and feel the same way about current situation. I'm always so much concerned and curious about the unknown side of events that I always miss what's going on now and I'm always late to take the necessary measures😄It's always too late when I wake up from my world of thoughts and come back to reality😄
Idk if this can inspires anyone (c'mon imma ENFP this is my job) but hey INFJ you're amazing for be afraid about everything, but don't worry too much, everything will be OK, even those things that seems to be terrible it need to happens just to make a balance in the world :) we can't always try to have the control, I know it's so hard I really know it, but stay cool and attractive as you always have been since long time. I love INFJs, you're a blessing for this world💕 and specially Frank James haha the same you said about what could happens later I was thinking the same, but its OK, everything will be OK🙌💕
I am at the end of my master and looking for a job that suits me. Now its all random and chaos. At my first job interview I was so afraid and confused... even the eseist qs where a huge step for me, because i had no focus into my inner self. I made plans and thought about many possible outcomes, but I realized: I cant plan any opportunity. Everything became pointless at all. But now I will try to stick more on the reality. What can I do now? Are there a plan B? How can i use my ni-ti in a professional way instead of my overwhelming Se in stress situation?
Hmm
As an ESFP, I've discovered I have a very turbulent relationship with two of my friends who both happen to be INFJ's. You've helped me understand them more in a few months than I have in 2 years. Sadly I don't know if our friendships can be saved at this point, but if they ever do, I know now how to navigate those relationships.
I'm an INFJ and I love chamomile tea😻
Valerian is awesome, too I drink them together(with ginger, honey and milk), it helps with muscle tension and also when feeling melancholy
Perfectly explained Frank James.
Fanning the flames.
Trying to keep control.
Scared of the unknown and chaos.
Wow you're making me self reflect.
Just woke up after having nightmare about being raided... I would say this video is accurate, but I was never ever to put my deepest fear into words. Explains why I am so triggered during this time (CoronaVirus Panic). Thank you.
This corona virus panic hasn't changed my life whatsoever, I seem to have been haunted by nightmares my entire life...
For some reason, I seem to be completely incapable of having an actual dreams, and everything seems to be some stupid nightmare where I'm always alone and running away...
*Sigh*. What I'd give for a happy dream for once in my life, why am I always alone in huge environments, that are cool, I enjoy flying, but I wish I wasn't always completely alone.
Never lose your spark FJ. It never is pointless, even if it seems that way. Sending you a virtual hug and encouragement!
basically waiting for the other shoe to drop. that's why we're always planning for it.
As an INFJ I really appreciate all of these videos. You’re the best FJ 😊
With the COVID-19 situation evolving, I am afraid that people I care about may get sick although even if they contracted the virus, they might be fine. The same goes about myself - even if I get sick, I'd be fine or if not, then what can I do about it?
I too wonder how all these restrictions would affect the economy. The stock market is one thing, but restaurants are having to depend on deliveries and take-outs here in Philadelphia (and many other cities, I believe). Other nonessential businesses cannot operate. There are so many homeless people here already. I'm able to work from home on salary but there are so many other people who are not as fortunate as I am.
It makes me so sad to see some of my friends taking cheap flights to 'have fun' without considering the possibility of spreading the virus to vulnerable people just because they are not currently sick or they wouldn't get seriously sick from a statistical standpoint. I get they have the 'right' to choose what they do, but this is one of the times when we really need to develop the 'Se' and compassion - and I think this is an opportunity for our society to mature and overcome the social divides.
I really feel comfortable watching and listening to you since you are an INFJ. Thank you for dissecting our soulssss
Yea, maybe I should do something about that check engine light in my car.
For some reason (demon Se i guess), each time I look at it, instead of thinking "oh I need to take this thing to the repair shop", I'm like "this thing is gunna stall any day now in the middle of traffic" *crippling anxiety*
This. The anxiety of having to deal with getting something fixed. Would it be easier to just get it fixed? Technically yes, but that means dealing with everything that comes with it. Haha