The Main Challenge of the INFJ Personality
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2020
- Follow me on instagram here: / claytonarnall
In this video, I explore what I believe to be the main challenge that many INFJ's face. Here's a few other videos you can check out if you like this one:
Boundaries: • How to Set Up Rock Sol...
People Pleasing: • INFJs: Stop Obsessing ...
"If you are an INFJ and everybody is happy with you, you're probably doing the wrong thing..." Wow!! You are such a beautiful person, Clay!
ikr it doesnt matter who i ask about who i am the answer is always: super nice friendly helpful and positive, im like thats great but that describes how i can be at times but not who i am, i dunno but it really bugs me at times that alot of people are great with me not seeming to have an identy whereas they are concerned.
@@terriheisel1150 I was the kindest most caring infj until I got emotionally destroyed and used over and over again. Now, after so many years I can actually embrace being hard on rude people and not feel like it’s my fault that they don’t like me. Fuck them really. They don’t deserve our kindness but getting here took being shattered and reconstructed.
@@isla4953 Im really sorry you had to go through all that, you can be proud of yourself that you can say no sooner now though, sadly we all have to learn new patterns, there are so many bad people out there, so we have to stick together and help eachother. Im sad you had to go through your pain but atleast you learnt from it.:)
This line really stood out to me and I think it's going to help me a lot.
That’s the best thing I have read all year.
this man is saving my mental health.
Totally agree and more!!!!
Me too! I've realized how special we are and all we have to offer that no one else does! It's beautiful!
I know im randomly asking but does anyone know a tool to get back into an instagram account??
I stupidly forgot my account password. I appreciate any assistance you can give me.
@Lee Marcus instablaster =)
@Darwin Zayd I really appreciate your reply. I got to the site thru google and im trying it out now.
Takes a while so I will get back to you later with my results.
I learned fairly early in life that being hated was the right way to be. Save a life (yours) by always staying true to yourself.
I learned this late 36 years of age. But better than never.
I needed to hear that today (well actually 30 some years ago, but today is good!)
I’m 33 and waking up to this.
I'm just learning this at 36 years old
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
And on that note...
I found out later in life that I don't need permission (I trust my maturity level, moral compass, intuition and empathy), and that being shameless is the way to go... haters can hate for all I care, because that negative energy belongs to them, not to me (INFJ-A).
"People are not going to get you if you are being yourself." 😂🤣 The story of my life. 😭 So I've learned to not be myself. Then I have to go find myself again.
Infjs cringe when people praises them. They may smile and said thanks, but in their head "am I really that worth of a praise?"
-----------------------------------------------
My personal rule that I made years ago is this:
"The less I know, the better".
Yes, it does sound ignorant but it's for my own protection. I'm protecting myself from all those negativities around me that may be having some negative impacts on myself. But this only applies to knowing about things that people do and not about knowledge in general.
HAHA! Well said. I fucking hate compliments! They sound so needless and alien.
thejiddy Indeed
@thejiddy You're describing yourself as traumatized, distrusting, and cut off. I get that on a personal level, but you have to learn to read others, understand them better, and develop yourself via psychology in whichever of it's many forms appeal to you personally. That's where balance is found so you can consciously open yourself up to the right people. ie, the NF's and introverts you can actually relate to. Otherwise, you're just cutting yourself off from the deep experiences you crave that make life worth living, since you'll inevitably throw out the baby with the bath water because, as a result of your own projections, those you can relate to will likely appear to you as just another guy, or girl, that will mess you up.
It's on us if we can't engage with people and manage our own level of vulnerability. For example, most people are merely acquaintances, so ask yourself how you do analyze people, or what do you need to know about people in order to discern if you can develop trusting relationships with them? If we can't answer these sorts of questions then we're the problem, and in a very real, and problematic way, since the world is in the state it's in precisely because we aren't emotionally developed in healthy ways, and project all our shit outwardly on to the world. You know, the definition of narcissism.
INFP here btw.
@Mackenzie L Sorry, I was replying to the OP. I corrected it.
thejiddy stated:
"I'm protecting myself from all those negativities around me that may be having some negative impacts on myself."
That tells me they've maybe been hurt, or even just affected by people in bad ways, and remain overly defensive as a result. So I'm just generally speaking to that idea. I look at such things from the standpoint of trauma and emotional development, since, if not developed, that's what'll continue to affect your life negatively, and largely in the context of what I've learned from people like Carl Jung, and Gabor Mate, as well as from my own personal experience and love of psychology. I'm actually empathizing with what they might be experiencing, and trying to share what I've learned about emotional trauma. I'm certainly not judging. I might be reading in to it too much, but hey, just go with it right? lol
"Perhaps the individual is guarded and rightfully so."
To what degree? That's a symptom of neuroticism rather than a solution to anything, isn't it? I've been overly guarded most of my life. But that's not healthy, or any way to live, and our narcissistic culture is certainly no ones friend (they have pills for that), so I've learned to watch what's going on in peoples personalities in terms of repressed emotions and the projections that go with them. These manifest as what you'll often experience as gas lighting, condescension, cruelty and manipulation, or an inability of some people to regulate their own emotions. In that, I'm able to gauge my level of vulnerability, or openness, and I can be more confident in myself in knowing who I can trust, and who needs to be kept at superficial level of persona.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum and needless to say, we live in a shallow culture with high levels of narcissism due to a real lack of emotional development and over identification with superficial things like jobs and status. Implicit in that is you're surrounded by adults with the emotional intelligence of children, so us sensitive types will not fair well unless we take it upon ourselves to understand who and what we're dealing with in the relationships we have throughout our lives and the world we spend it in. In turn, learning about, developing, and maturing our own emotions and well being. I think there's a real need in the world for sensitive and empathetic people to grow and become healthy, well developed individuals in order to help counter that inherent lack of emotional maturity we have today, and in my experience many INFJs are well suited to that. Hence my rambling on an INFJ channel lol.
@Mackenzie L Yes, you describe having a healthy barrier as opposed to how I read in to the OP's comment, I totally agree with that, and thank you, I learned it all the hard way lol.
"we keep guarded as to not let them in and in the process, the “good” ones pay the price...."
That's what I was getting at in my first comment. Something to be aware of for sure. It can easily be misinterpreted as you not liking them if not expressed, or as in my example, if someone was badly hurt previously, and is too afraid to open up at all, they may continue to suffer in the form of loneliness. Either way, a person sensitive to any such needs is required, and anything worthwhile takes time to develop through friendship anyhow. Cheers!
"People are not going to get you if you are being yourself." - nailed it
My Pastor said one time that he just didn't 'get me',,, and his wife asked me why I was so intense years earlier. At the time I didn't understand what either was saying, and after reflecting inwardly, started thinking something was wrong with me. Others have told me that I'm weird, or different and I never could understand why it seemed that I cared more about others....and yet the same was not ever reciprocated....Thanks Clay for shedding light on this. I'm not crazy, just different....it's how God made me!!!
This feels like I'm watching myself, it's so cool.
I've felt the same way since the first once I watched. I took the Meyers Briggs test recently and I started searching for what INFJ was. 2 years ago I tested as INFP. I found his video where he explains the difference between the 2 and I felt like I was watching myself... I've only ever felt that in my dreams. I have very vivid and intense dreams sometimes. Very realistic.. But watching him, it's like I'm watching myself in another body.. Its surreal.. Its like my dreams are kind of becoming reality, in a way.. I'm feeling the same bizzare intense emotions.. it's very cool! Lol
‘A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle’ Your insight is appreciated more than you could ever know Clay. Thank you
I thank God for the parents 🙏 that he blessed me with, they always knew that I was different and helped me to embrace my gift. I miss them and enjoy your videos. I care and appreciate your ministry. I am in a place of healing and listening to you is like icing on the cake 😀
Thank you 😊
@@rubyhaskins7480 You are truly blessed ❤️🤗❤️💪
this felt like the warm hug I needed while growing up
this
This comment made my eyes water
Yes!.....& i'm 65 yrs old...old enough to be mum or maybe ev3n grandma...proof we are never too old to find exactly what we need as long as our minds stay Open..
For myself I’ve had to learn that some people can’t be “saved” and don’t have the capacity to change. It’s getting past the cognitive dissonance and into acceptance of what is. ❤️
I won't kill myself today. I've known that for around a month now because of this site. I live because of you. Accept the cringeworthy praise or face the unjust criticism.... Serious as a heart attack by the way.
56 years and not even one of the 30 therapist that filled me with pharmaceuticals could tell me that this happened to someone else?
Me, I'm not broken.
I'm NOT BROKEN!
All of my love us for all of you out their....
Namaste, Pete
@@peterdanen7779 If that quote is right about how it is not a sign of sanity to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society then what does that say about INFJ struggling...?
❤️🤗❤️💪
Same. That saying becomes relevant in situations like that: "How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.".
Chilled yet super intense - me too, so true!
Yep that’s me. Like a duck, calm on the surface, while feet moving super fast underwater.
I never thought I was crazy I just thought people were stupid because they couldn’t understand my viewpoint
Same here 😆
I have said it is just ignorance on others part as it was My ignorance from the day I was born, learning from parents then looking over my 3 siblings and learning from a tutor who was a wrestling coach which taught me wrestling, and learning Ignorantly what life really is by the time I was in my fifties but really haven't grown in terms of mentality as so many of us do with even the heart-felt part of us at what ever level one has reached in benevolence for others lives. One sees a system that was supposedly hijacked by groups of men and even Conglamerates of Corps and also Government Officials sitting in seats of power that are on a higher class then all of Us who are not part of that hierarchy which only members are allowed.
When you turn 60 as an INFJ as I have there are so many Peoples Whose lands are in someone else's hands, not in our Indigenous hands no matter where One's people are from for it is all Corperatized...
I find it frustrating that people cling to or follow a cult-like mindset like the trumpers do. Think for yourselves!
@@bittersweet6507 you don't seem very INFJ like.
I googled 1 night "why is 99% of the world so f....ng stupid" and the first result at the top of results found was talking about a book where 15 chapters try to explain Everything 15 different ways an cant but only 1 chapter can do it with harmony
Someone once told me social media is like listening to everyone’s thoughts while walking down a rowdy street and woah...
Ojuolape wow-greatest explanation
Wow exactly when I deleted all of them my mind was weirdly quite and I always say the same to my my friends social media is like being locked in one room with thousands of people and listening to all of them all the time
The extroverted feeling is really the worst for me too. I used to be really bad at it when I was younger. I would put myself aside to please others and then I experienced that people will be unhappy with me when I stop the extroverted feeling. Especially with guys, I've had to be careful with this after I grew up. INFJ women really can attract the most horrible men if we are not careful about 'making them feel better', I'm careful about boundaries and dating these days. It's important to have healthy boundaries when dating, because you can sacrifice yourself in an attempt to get a relationship. Especially with the cultural upbringing that you have as a woman, it's even more dangerous to fall into the 'pleaser' role.
I am lucky enough to have a mother who is a very strong woman and have a lot of knowledge about psychology and she has always helped me cope throughout my life and tell me that I'm not crazy. It's really important to have that experience in your life as an INFJ.
Also about having everyone like you, I am going through that (again....) because I am currently in a situation where I am scared of other people's reactions. So thank you for this video! And just do you! Wow what a long comment...
I'm so glad you brought up the role gender can play in people pleasing, I was having similar thoughts. Our narrative around what makes a good partner and mother (I'm not a parent, but in general terms) is the definition of a people pleaser, a person who is willing to sacrifice anything for her family. A person who has a bottomless well of patience for others and shouldn't expect any patience in return 🙄 Dating is the best time to set those boundaries and expectations of what kind partner you're willing to be and what kind you're not, it's truth in advertising, not selfish. I'm so glad you have a parent that made sure you knew your worth, my mom encouraged my people pleasing because her narcissism benefited from it and it's made reshaping my brain around that an uphill battle. But I'm making progress 😊
@@jaimiehorton9669 I'm glad you are making progress! Having such a mother is really challenging, I have friends who are still struggling at the age of 30. Just remember to take good care of yourself
I really hate it the extroverted feeling. Trying to please every damn human on this Planet Earth. Today I have no more people pleaser and still learning skills and art of living wisely. I met too many narcissist type of damn human and some to my damn clients.
I have experiences like this too. It's like you try to be good to show off as polite to please everybody cause you can't stand bad comments and that's the point when guys think that you're acting like this just to get their attention cause you're into them. But it's not true as an INFJ I have that kind demeanor with everybody
Your comment just helped me in a very real way. The man I've supported for 7 years broke up with me today. Apparently he just realized he's not healthy enough for a relationship. He's right. But god it hurts after so much time invested in him as a person. I did exactly what you've described...it didn't get me what I wanted. Maybe I'll feel lighter soon, because I did feel like I was drowning in his issues.
This past year, I learned that I'm not crazy, but an INFJ... (still kind of crazy) Videos like this may seem like they are just for you, but I feel like you are speaking straight out of my own head. It helps a lot for newbies of the topic. Always make content for yourself first, and the people that need to see it will show up. Thanks for what you do!
I know exactly hat you mean. Relatively new revelation for me also, but then it all made sense. I still struggle. Enormously. But I understand myself, my perspective relative to others and many of my relationships and interactions so much better. This video was so, so relatable. You’ve earned a new subscriber.
Myself included, man. It’s so crazy to imagine others out there that feel like they can fit everywhere but belong nowhere. It’s a sad but gifting life.
Hahhaa ..damn..I'm laughing because that was my reaction...I'm glad your down this path...
I thrive on first hand experiences, right from the source. I can hear them, feel and see them but my mind replays scenarios until I understand the truth. It’s my knowing. The world knows I’m there safe place. Like I’ve never met a stranger.
I think it's healthy for INFJs to write out and openly define our boundaries. Meditations (Marcus Arelius) & The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Mark Manson) are both solid reads for INFJs. It's important to be self-defined and truly focus on what is benefiting YOU. Embrace being selfish because we are naturally more selfless. The negatives actualize the truth and show us how to grow...pushing for the positive can create problems. Be true to you and learn how to respond.
I’ve read both and agree they’re good reads. I also liked his follow up ‘Everything is F*cked, a Book about Hope’.
@@ClayArnall Yep. I think there's some really helpful stuff in both. I'm not one who's striving to be stoic or looking to Manson as gospel but they're just very accessible in respects to how we can curate our general thought process.
Thank you! I will definitely take the time to read these!
i read that too WOOOOOOH more power for us~
damn your comment is so me
I'm proud to say I've got my extraverted feeling down, in a good way. I can still be compassionate, kind, making others at ease but I've definitely mastered the art of marching to the beat of my own drum and not taking shit from no one. Took about 3 narcissistic relationships with "friends" and a burn-out to get this down, but hey I did it 😂
Recently, RUclips has been pushing videos to me calling this becoming a “Sigma” INFJ.
Very interesting analysis. I usually end up living my values, but often alone. The challenge is to accept what is and let things go, not change others.
Its like taking on the world, and when you describe yourself people misunderstand you EVERYTIME because they have the attention spans and empathy of a squirrel, i feel so alone. I am so negative right now that every little things pisses me off
chris x Be easy on yourself. The big lesson is to accept people as they are. Most don’t see the world the way you do and never will. It’s a journey. I have found that a meditation/spiritual practice is very helpful.
ctdali how do most people view the world in comparison to us
chris x good question. I find that I am generally a “big picture” person. I synthesize many details to get at a larger viewpoint or perspective. I am very goal oriented but like to daydream a lot. My daydreams/imagination are often very intense and the real word often doesn’t match up. This sounds silly but I feel like I am a Jedi knight in a star wars movie-very focused, looking at the big goal, I get frustrated with people who aren’t that way-intense yet dreamy (think Luke sky walker with Yoda). How are you???
it is funny because sometimes people (who are starting to know us) takes us for very calming, chill people. Then when they criticize something (or us) without thinking before speaking, and we have to show our "intense" mode, they think we have been fake, or not reasonable... and they tend to think we are not trustworthy, because we "appear so different from what we were". it just drives me insane... how people can be so superficial... in the past I really used to struggle with this, I couldn't make any friends - and then I decided to hide my "intense" mode. but that was just not healthy... nowadays i try to balance it a little more, but I guess it will always be a challenge...
thank you for this video, once again :)
Yes, when that intense side would show, I'd get comments like, "there are two people inside you"....clearly not intended as compliment.
This is true. It’s like I wear many hats. People treat people like they only have 1 layer. So when you don’t do what they THOUGHT you should’ve done, “you’ve changed.” Like, yeah. I did. 😂
True.. I got ya back ❤
"Either I am crazy, or everyone else is crazy" was what prompted me to see a therapist at the age of 12 just to find out. Therapist told me that I am of an elevated maturity and intellect, so it would appear that most people were strange or crazy. This started my journey in life were I understood that I was NOT the NORM. I became very selective of who I allowed into my 'inner circle'.
I prefer the value of someone's character. I have two actual friends, but several surface level people in my day to day life.
Thank you for your video.
This is my story too. I started questioning my own self during the primary school cause I have seen the difference even thought at that time I wasn't able to give an answer why , but after my psychologist told me that I was very mature and aware of my own personality I feel like blessed aside from the incapability to stop being a people pleaser
Thank goodness I’m not alone. Thank you for your story. I’ll follow suit. ;)
Love this comment, Mandy. You were lucky to not have been dealt a healthcare professional who didn’t want to appear less than you (even though you know that wouldn’t be the case). You were dealt a professional who was comfortable with letting you know the truth. And it sounds like you haven’t wasted it. More power to you.
I remember when I was in 1st grade, looking around the room and thinking "what is wrong with all these people?"
Woaahh I'm glad that I finally know that I am not alone. As early as second grade, I've always felt that I had a different thought process compared to my peers and I've always thought that maybe I was just incredibly delusional.
I can feel (Know) a person is a narcissist immediately. I can be around them more comfortably now, because i know their next move. If I have trouble with them, i can separate my feelings from theirs just by telling myself what are my feelings and what are theirs. This is very grounding.
I feel hated too haha , this is a new feeling to me because all my life I have been a people pleaser. Standing against others to embrace my values is still hard though, because deep within I seek harmony..
we just PEACE IN THIS WORLD D*MN*T
@@nivrrtakr2891 were weiting for the peace treaty 😂
@@Emir-hu5gy oh yes...but sadly world peace will never be achievable lol...that's why I practice stoicism...inner peace blah blah blah stuff like that cuz my mind is chaotic affff
Yeeeeeesssssss! And others don't understand that (the need for harmony) so it's super annoying. It's not about caring about other people's opinions, it's about the harmony.
I can relate too....ugh.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” Not crazy, just manipulated too long because I valued the opinion of others instead of trusting myself. PS - Thoreau was considered 'lowly' by worldly standards.
Ni and Fe battle is real. I'm in my 20's now and it seems that over time I prefer listening to Ni than acting based on Fe. At work I was the black sheep and my managers kept me away from higher positions because I didn't get along with them. Now I've started to act accordingly to what they want. I feel like I sell parts of my soul in those interactions but I see clearly how it helps me to get towards *my* personal goals (Ni kicking in). So... it's all basically a game I guess. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!
It sounds to me that you are listening to the Fe, not the Ni. I do see the Ni "goal" being given a chance to be seen through by doing so though.
Fuck the game, do you and stop betraying yourself for a future goal. You live here and now, every now now now. There is only now. If you fail yourself and submit to the will and wishes of others now, even when you reach a given goal in "the future", it won't taste as sweet as the projection of your mind ( imagination ) have made it seem to be. That is a 100% sure thing by the way.
Just felt called to share this so you don't get disappointed once arrived. It is not worth it to "sell parts of my soul", metaphorically or otherwise, to get to a goal that may or may not happen, and even if it does, it won't be the same Ni-Se(or Se-Ni) experience and fulfillment the ego/personality think it to be once it (seems) to come to fruition.
Of course, this is only discerning from a very limited basis of data, your comment, so I don't have all the context and so on.
You can reframe "selling part of my soul" to playing politics or being Machiavellian (the original concept of being evil for the common good). I know INFJs are highly self-reliant and we have a strong moral code , but reframing perspectives is an art for us too, it is a personal power to change how you feel about things if you want.
@@sirphil13 Yeah totally get ya
@@sirphil13 I love your comment
it took me almost five decades to get to the point where you are at and articulated so well in this video. Thank you for the clarity and confirmation!
Growing up I was the biggest people pleaser...and I grew to hate it. At some point in my late teens I realised that if I shut down and closed myself off socially, I wouldn’t have the consistent burden of worrying about everyone else’s feelings and opinions. To this day, I’m still trying to dig myself out of that hole and find a happy medium between concern for others and being unapologetically myself.
Such a deep, beautiful "discussion." Listening to you talk about this has helped me so much. As an INFJ, I have had to let go of keeping that perfect image in other people's eyes in order to live in my truth and be my genuine self. It doesn't make me popular when I go against the superficial social norm or the "brules," but I am at peace with it now. Others will never understand and that's okay.
Yes!
We understand!
why do people feel that we always have to be who they want us to be i need answers
INFJ is a walking contradiction, and I don't think we should try to be anything else. For me Ni and Fe in perfect harmony looks, and feels, like an intense, calm, assertive and really attractive Fe. And that is pure magic. I love when I'm there, I love when others are there, and others love when I'm there. It sure requires a strong Ni, but we do have that, although we tend to dismiss it sometimes. It's rarely a problem for me when I meet someone new. However, maintaining it over time in any type of relationship requiers strong boundaries, and that has been my problem through life, until recently. I'm upgrading myself to version 5.378.291 now, so that's history. I embrace the contradictions instead of trying so hard to be understood. Those who don't understand are free to leave so I can go out and find those who do. I put myself and my intuition first, we are never wrong, we are love, and when we are united, the Fe-love for others is unconditional and unlimited.
There is a lot of things I would like to hear your thougths about, but you shouldn't do a video for anyone else. Stay calm and intense and do your thing!
This was so beautifully written and struck so many chords within me...thank you for sharing this!
Thank you StephLove for your kind words 🙏 And I'm very pleased if it gave you something valuable 💞
I think we often struggle to find our truth, and at least I've been looking for it in Fe mode instead of looking inside where it's been waiting. When I did I found some attachment traumas I didn't even knew existed. Those have clearly been blocking my Ni and my capability to set boundaries. That put Fe in a position it couldn't handle and made me a people pleasing mess. But ofcourse in an INFJ contradictory and kind of strange covert way 😅
I’m still open to ideas if you have any :)
Kind of knew that Clay 😉🤩
Right now I'm thinking a lot about the connections between the INFJ personality, attachment traumas, the lack of self esteem, self love, integrity and boudaries in some areas of life. And if there is some basic boundaries INFJ's should have. Would absolutely love to hear if you have some thoughts.
Have about a million other things to, and we'll probably get to them later 😘 Just don't want to overwhelm you, I can get pretty intense you know 😎 It's a good thing that you live far, far away 🙃 You and me in the same place would probably mean trouble.
And really, I'll be grateful for whatever you choose to share. Every video so far has been like looking into my brain in some sense, and at the same time getting new thoughts from you. It's amazing 🥰
Only version 5.378.291? You must still be young...;) (chronologically speaking)
As an older, been around the block a number of times INFJ, I want to say to younger Intuitive feelers is that yes, we have struggles (inferior Se, I'm looking at you, where are my car keys dammit) our Ni/Fe pairing is a gift. Being able to sense another human in need is kind of what we are here for. Don't work so hard at protecting yourselves that you become useful to no-one. I have learned that we start like as jagged rocks in a river and as we are pushed down to the shore of the ocean, we have those rough edges smoothed away and become a beautiful stone. Is it an easy process, no, does it take effort to master your gifts, oh yes, Our Ni/Fe seems to be specifically designed to see people more clearly than other types, they are both people focused, I love my FE it is the external extension of my intuition, helping me to understand in real terms what my Intuition is picking up. it also helps me get in tune with those I am talking to, allowing them to feel comfortable in a discussion . We are not described as the Councillor for nothing. I agree with Clay, we need boundaries, but I don't think walls. are the answer. Meditate, pray, listen to your intuition, talk to people, read, feed your intuition with ideas and possibilities. Be alert and see things around you, learn the patterns. Embrace your abilities.
As a INFJ psychotherapist, I would like to say: This content is so valuable and validating to me. This creator has a way of explaining how I feel… very exciting and helpful to me because sometimes my brain seems like a spiderweb and every strand is an individual thought. I find it hard to focus in on why I feel what I’m feeling because there is just so much to sort through. It is much easier for me to focus in on someone else’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, cognitive functions. Thank you for this! I will be sharing with my fiancé to help him understand my thought process.
Here’s how; do not watch the news, choose your sources carefully, turn off all alerts, spend time completely alone in a dark room. As far as the extroverted feeling and keeping it in check, why should you? That is what the outside works tells you to assuage their own insecurities, be you. Who cares what they think. And as far as the chameleon thing goes; I don’t think this is a bad thing at all; I think it’s one of the greatest strengths. You don’t become the other person, you just understand them well enough to know how to get along with them, i. Such a way that it is very disarming, so as an INFJ you are privy to so much more info about others that is very useful in dealing with them. We take this with us to each new experience. It informs our entire view. I am probably 10 years older than you, so I think time helps tremendously. Don’t try to be something you aren’t, try to embrace this thing.
Are you an INFP or ENFP by chance? It seems like those two personalities find it quite natural to think the way you're thinking and I've heard similar things from INFP friends. I think due to the dominant introverted Fi, INFPs are so good at keeping true to themselves. It's what I strive for, but it is against my natural inclination.
This was a very good topic and one that really resonated with me. My whole life I've struggled with always putting other people's feelings over my own, to the point where I never really knew myself as a person. I know my interests and the random obsessions in my mind, but I don't know myself the way other types know themselves like ENFP and INFP. I definitely feel like my personal growth has suffered because I get too concerned over other people's feelings, thoughts, and opinions. I've also experienced being a shell of who I used to be when I think about my past relationships and how much I gave without getting much back in return. Part of that is definitely an issue with boundaries that thankfully I am aware of now.
Regarding when you go into 22:43, I just want to say that I am sorry you felt like the people in your Christian community turned against you over deciding to separate from your partner. I can understand where they are coming from, but I also understand why divorce happens. Each situation is different and those aren't decisions that are taken lightly, especially when children are involved. I think I recall watching another one of your videos mentioning you don't like religion, I don't know if a lot of it stems from your experience when you were separating, but I just want you to know that there are good people, Christian and non Christian alike, that will love you through thick and thin. I'm sure you know that, but just wanted to share that as a Christian myself.
I enjoy your videos and appreciate the time you take out of your day to share this with us. You have a very calm, peaceful energy on camera, and I appreciate the wisdom you have shared. I hope you keep up the good work!
"putting other peoples feelings above my own..." --- Thank you for saying that. It has helped me enormously m. I been doing that all my life. Suffer any emotion so others so others won't suffer even little negative emotion .We take the full force it seems to shelter others at times.
You are not crazy Clay ! 🙂
You are worthy !
You matter. Your voice matters.
Thanks.
I’ve definitely thought I’m crazy before because, most of the people who don’t understand are people who are close to you, or people you looked up to and known your whole life makes it even more harder smh.
The timing of the video is so perfect. My intuition tells me to go the artistic/unconventional way. Two month later I’m in profound doubt because there’s a need inside me to make my father proud of me, and the only way to do that would be to go back to school. I’ve done it once and ended up depressed. I chose to not make this mistake again and take my time before making any sudden decision to satisfy others. It’s okay to look for validation and support, but not at the expense of my own dreams and desires.
I hated school too...
The other thing is many of these parents change their mind. In 10 years if you are successful in your artistic endeavour I bet he'll be proud of you in the end. Even though they may see it now.
I held back to please my parents.. Watched my siblings displease them and do what they want.. In the end parents came round and everything was fine
40 years ago I gave up the 1 thing in my life that in had REAL passion for.. My bliss .. .. My life has never found anything to fill the hole that the music I gave up to make my parent s happy and reach "my potential".. ... Do it for me and all of the others That gave up their dream thinking maybe someone knew their heart better than they themselves. ❤
PLEASE, you will forever regret the decision . your parents will forgive you but if you are ANYTHING like me. .. And duh... .keep my info and let me know how it's going.
Namaste, from Astoria, Oregon
peterdanen1@gmail.com
Also Facebook/ Instagram
Anytime, Pete
Me too, I have a feeling of should I continue to study this subject where I don't want to fail them, but every time I burnout at the sem exam, and always tells myself nvm I can try again and now it's 4th year, I have so many failed so many and get to pass my main subject, and I told my family I have a feeling I didn't have the passion to study this, it's quite depressed especially all friends around you keep saying you can do it and they do well, while you didn't have strong foundation and my study environment is very cold and reality I can feel it.recently I call my family and told them this matter, so scared to how they will react, at the end they support me and now I decided to find some degree more suitable for me which I think is something about team managing and some stem education which is quite suitable for me now I know my personality as I rewind all my past experience,yeah this must be heaven for me,I think the reason why I face this issue is I didn't think seriously and choose a degree good enough and the overview of course is not explained too well and feels cool about that subject at that time, and I scored good at first but then it went down hill while when I studies other degree's sub subject I can get score with flying colours, maybe the reason is I always try to please other first that I think every degree I can master it because as you know infj can blend in nin any social types, and I try to use this mode to try study which burnout and depressed and sometimes find myself had a 180 degrees change inside out,which I think is weird because people around me have the passion to keep going, recently I just day dream during an exam and tell myself yeah it's time to change, I put down my own bravely and think why I am so bad at it and all this time sacrifice is it worth it? (Actually it's quite hilarious 😂)
Deep inside I know I can do anything except studying this degree(I always challenge myself for difficult job sort of testing my level fits where in the society)
In conclusion, I find that we infj is very greed at learning all the subject either it is main hobby or interested subject or not ,although some may do badly,but for a four year courses I recommend to choose something in the middle ground subject which combine all others, and study sub one more deeply and slowly afterwards down the road, we are good at combining.although It is dark old days, but I feel relief to find who I am and see myself clearer now.yeah I know myself better I can do better and not feeling lost, my friend sometimes say I can't read you I freak out , it's not that I am hiding anything it's just who I am ,I am self high expectation other low expectation and greed😂 I love everything but hate loving only one, finding this RUclips is a whole new world for me, turn depressed into actually there is someone like me and it make sense for me for any situation occurred from the past. If you are reading untill here thanks for having so much patience for me, we are all very caring for each other consciously, and remember to watch out for being manipulated, we will all have a not bad and good enough future.yeah and it's time to find a typical gf if lucky enough who can accept my behaviour,I need someone to resist my emphathy and can judge me with stable emotion, damn confident right now 😂 it's like I want to watch a video to make sure I am not a freak.i love my family and friends~good day to all of you I mean us all
To respond, I learned that you can't change people and their habits. People will learn and accept their flaws when they are ready for it. You can try to help them, but they might not necessarily even want your help or more importantly not be ready to hear what you have to say because they never thought about it to that extent. I realized that the best way to live and keep intact with yourself is to live your life to the fullest (career, love, etc.) and if people are ready to listen to their flaws, then you can give a helping hand.
Describe this as having a long fuse, but we have a strong sense of right and wrong. We definitely collect data, whether feelings, sensations, or physical perceptions, and we refine it into our set of morals, beliefs, and personal convictions. It may take time, but we eventually set boundaries, and we will not just accept someone breaking those boundaries without confronting them, particularly if someone is harming someone we love or that is a child or innocent.
Wanted to add that I respect your thoughts and feelings, even if I don't always agree with you on every subject. You are being refined, as we all are. We are always becoming.
what I've learned is that the "extroverted feeling" part is how we intuitively experience what others are feelings and we absorb that energy (whatever it is), and this drains us (obviously), hence the need to always make sure we have enough alone time to recharge... and to set boundaries for ourselves so we don't get used up.
This week has been really tough for me, I was fighting my Ni with Fe, and this is why my emotions have dropped down. Thank for this, because this was comforting, and helping me see that its okay thats its happening, cos I'm not alone.
I'm going to remember what you said now: "If other people are happy with you, you are probably doing the wrong thing, if people don't like you, you are doing the right thing."
Thank you. I am going to keep on striving towards this.
Step by step.
off topic but you're very handsome
Baby Benny as a fellow INFJ, I feel the complement, and can also empathize how Clay would respond (in mind) to said compliment 😂
I think that you're spot on on the Achilles heel being Extroverted feeling and Introverted Intuition. Sometimes I feel like I have more than one personality just because I can't help but to act so different with some people, specially friends vs family. Something that I learned recently though is the absolute necessity for INFJ's to integrate their aggression. I believe in Jesus, so I'm always going to try to be kind to everyone no matter what, BUT I also know that we need to get angry sometimes and be selfish. And it's actually possible to have our own voice heard, specially within our closest circle of friends, since we are more extroverted with them.
Clay this was a very thought provoking video. Its a good feeling to know, I am not alone with this personality type. It has been a journey! I know people look at us as unpredictable, two sides of a coin. Piss us off and we can become the 'Hulk', most times we are the 'Sage.' lol I have tried constantly to control the 'Hulk' and have done a great job at it. But, when people try me and take advantage of my kindness for weakness, then... there is a problem of unpredictability. I become so direct and factual, it takes people by surprise, in a mostly negative way, because of my hurt from them, I double whammy them with everything. Its my fault at times, being too nice, too helpful and following their wishes, with no concern for myself, not good. Boundaries are so important for everyone especially, introverts types, like the INFJ. Thank you for enriching us, with your own experiences. Peace to you.
Woah i just realized the importance of doing stuff for yourself and not for others. This video helped me so much and if you'd done any other video based on what other's want then this wouldn't have existed and i wouldn't have seen it. Even if you are experimenting or less people will watch these, the people who watch this are meant to.
Clay you explain all this INFJ stuff with the most INCREDIBLE, SUPERB clarity. It simply boggles my mind. I feel like we’re in a room together and you’re speaking directly to me and with the same thoughts as my own. I never felt anyone “get me” like you do. So often in life I feel like I’m speaking a foreign language and people just can’t understand what I’m saying or what I mean or why I’m saying it or they just get glazed over and you KNOW they aren’t getting you at all. That happens more often than not when I’m being my authentic self. But YOU, you make me feel completely heard and completely understood. My husband is an ESTJ and we cannot communicate on any level. He thinks I’m too vague or that my thoughts are too scattered and besides that he wants nothing to do with deep thinking. So we hardly talk at all and then he gets depressed because I’m not there sitting and watching what he wants on tv. He just likes my physical presence with no talking and I am quite put off by that. Anyway, I love every video you do and they all speak my language perfectly. I wish I knew you in person. We would be GREAT friends. I would bet anything on that. So thank you from my heart and please keep talking to me. 😁😉. You have really made a positive difference in my life.
Can you do a video about being able to think on your feet? Like as an Infj i find it so hard to verbalise the patterns i see in my brain. At times, i think they are just incommunicable. But then i see people like Jordan Peterson who talk the way i think and it’s such a relief knowing that cause it affirms my patterned thinking. I noticed that even you present your ideas in a similar way...like unwrapping and unravelling a present. It’d be awesome if you could consider this as an idea for your future video. Thanks!
I think the only way as an INFJ to think fast on your feet is to first be well researched on the topic, followed by time to give your Ni time to process and form conclusions. Jordan Peterson is a different personality - I would guess INTP personally - and that means he’s dominant Ti. INFJs can be solid in their Ti as well but it will never be as strong as the Ni which sometimes needs time to process. But once you’ve processed and formed conclusions you can freely talk. On these videos I only talk about subjects like that.
When listening to you it's like hearing my words come out of your mouth. It is so good for my head space to hear that I'm not crazy even tho I often feel like I am. I've always, always felt/been different than most of the people in my world. Thanks for the INFJ support!!!
It's pretty neat when we find out that there are other people in the world, that function in the same weird way.
It makes it a lot easier to accept that we aren't broken or crazy, just, as you say, different from most other people.
@@kristianjensen5877 exactly!
Hey you're speaking from your heart and are straight on. I just turned 61 and am learning to relish my INFJia - understanding that most will misunderstand me, celebrating those who do who thanks to the Internet are often far-flung, having my nerdgasms, not questioning myself after doorslams and listening to who people are rather than feeling the need to explain myself. This "coming out" has been a long process that started with me leaving my evangelical ethnic enclave as a teen all the way to my mother's death a couple of years ago. Whereas I took MBTI in my 20's, it's only been through input and videos like yours that the light bulbs are going off. That makes life bright and good - and tha you a beautiful gifted man. Thank you.
For an INFJ, you are such a natural speaking at the camera. I've watched quite a few of your videos and I absolutely love the way you could "talk continuously" without referring to any notes. How did you master that? I would have completely lost my train of thoughts. I need to "write down" my thoughts and read directly from the script. I get tongue-tied. Therefore, I prefer writing to talking.
Well to be honest I can cheat a bit with editing. I’ll read my notes, then talk for a bit, then refer to my notes again. Then edit it to be more seamless. But i try to only write point form so that I’m forced to create actual sentences on the fly rather than try to remember sentences I’ve written.
What you described there at the end is exactly what happened to me these pst years and it hit me so hard I was questioning everything I stood for and having these people around me none stop felt like a constant feeding of my demons. But I kept quiet because I didn’t want to upset people but I completely lost myself in that mess. When I broke free it showed how what I felt at my core about these people become true and I was casted out. Sad realization when people call themselves your friend but then don’t care about you one bit the moment you speak your truth. I love your videos it always resonates with me on such a deep level that often can make me feel alienated because most just don’t get it no matter how much I try to explain
This is so enlightening Clay. I see myself 100% in exactly what you are describing in this episode. You are one guy that truly understands the mindset of an INFJ personality. Thank you for your research and your RUclips videos on the subject of INFJs. Keep moving young man.
I don't know you but I want you to know that I love you to the moon and back. When I first found your channel, I think I was listening to your words as some kind of self-validation; I have always been different from everyone around me and thus, I've been alone or treated horribly. Listening to now, however, assists me on my journey forward, allowing me to see new perspectives and look inward as I'm learning why I feel like I do at any given point.
I felt the pain at the end of this video and could almost hear the tears you held back. I don't know what you're healing from or have been through, but I sincerely hope you find peace and healing from it. Hugs from Utah 💜
The most chill person while also being neurotic and anxious....yep
You are so describing what I have been through most of my life. Living without knowing and understanding who I was until last December when I discovered I was an INFJ. I didn't understand why I was a magnet for narcissistic people, why I was seen as a pushover or doormat. By understanding my personality type, I have been able to set boundaries and not feel guilty about it. I have also been working on making the adjustments necessary to lead a healthy life. Thank you for sharing, it really helps!
This is so true, we have so much input (conflict in news, sad events) in today's world and it overwhelms our Fe. We feel hopeless because we can't solve everything.
Once i had healthy boundaries in place, the new challenge was not crusading against the blatant, willful ignorance of people.
As an INFJ I can say, that your Videos helped me the most out of all INFJ Videos I have seen. I am always exited to see new content from you :)
Keep up the gread job
Hi Clay, I am giving you a big hug for your authencity and sharing with us - other INFJs with your feelings and thoughts. How well I can understand your way of life... I am participating in psyhotherapy and I am giving myself Lots of time in live now for learning how to manage myself... untill now, I Lost many illusions about life, friendship, mariage as well as I Lost some „friends” and husband but unexpectedly I feel more happy then ever before😁 Also Thank to you!!!!
Yaaassss it also includes a spiritual aspect of it all, intuition is a dominant part of being an empath for me of course....feeling, emotion, energies. Narcissists prey on Empaths. Awesome video!
Hi Clay, I am very happy to have found your podcast. I am 64 years old and have only recently started Investigated my INFJ personality. Wish I could have known this when I was younger. Having said that your observations and comments are right on target. Thank you
Perfect Clay,as a 44 year Infj, we learn thru the years, I went thru the same growing process as you. I LOVE YOUR INSIGHT AND THE WAY YOUR MIND WORKS. Well done, good content... you are making a difference in many peoples lives
people hate debating because they are narcissists and are afraid of being found out
They are more focused on turning the whole thing around than actually debating 😓😂
This is so succinct. I have been trying to put this experience into words for years. Thank you for hitting the nail on the head. It helps to feel understood.
Good discussion Clay. I’m a 62 year old INFJ and I resonate with many of the topics you describe. I have often wanted to get rid of this “extroverted feeling” part of myself because it pulls me directions the rest of me doesn’t want to go. I also have mixed feelings about church because it has been such a struggle feeling I should contribute more but at the same time holding back because I know I can burn out so easily. I’ve carved out a space at work that is not entirely comfortable but I can operate effectively and do mostly what I want, so I am grateful for that. I don’t think the internal struggle ever goes away.
I have never related to anyone’s experience or personality as much as you in my entire life... Can’t really believe it. Thank you sincerely for these videos.
2:35. Yes! That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I find this method better than journaling because I love speaking so much. It helps us INFJs due to the Fi critic. I like to think of it as my feelings are this own separate entity. And in order to discover how I feel, I need to have a conversation with this separate entity. Great video as usual.
So true, right? This might sound weird but I started self talking to handle my feelings because it's like my feelings have a louder voice than logic. Eg. When I feel anxiety pop in I say to it 'what's this about?' It replies something like, 'can't you see you're about to share a bunch of personal stuff?' To which I reply, 'Noted. I can handle it. GOODBYE.' Helps me to refocus.
I highly resonate with your content and just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us. Keep up the good work!
So glad I found this channel, it hits heavily with me
The whole time I'm watching this thinking, "Sir! You don't know my life!", and then I realized that you just explained my life perfectly lol. New subbie :)
Holy smokes. I want to cry and smile at the same time. I really needed this, even though I know these things, and would be able to tell someone else, I can’t seem to make it stick in my own head for myself. It seems to take layers and layers of hearing these truths about INFJs to finally “get it”. I also went through being severely rejected and misunderstood when I went through my divorce from a narcissist 20 yrs ago. I grew up in a hardline fundamental Baptist family and community. I was dominated by machocistic narcissists spewing hate. Not realizing I was wired up as an INFJ is, it caused immense inner conflict with a strong magnetism towards narcissists to find my worth 🤦🏼♀️. It wasn’t until a year ago or so that I stumble across another MBTI test, doing it once again for fun with my best friend, where we found we were both INFJs. We both began to voraciously devour info about our personality. What I’ve come to realize is that I’m not crazy or broken. Clay, this video today came at a perfect time. My present boss (covert narcissist) has consistently mocked and acted disgusted with me for some time, and I, of course, just pushed through it, laughing it off while feeling extremely clumsy & dumb around him (a familiar feeling). I thought I just needed to not stir the water so I could get a promotion and move on from there. Then COVID hit and all his power was taken away. He was told by HQ exactly what to do, first by taking away all his employees and then HQ making all his decisions. I watched this strong man disappear like a little child. It was surreal. I thought maybe this event humbled him and helped him find what is most important. Wrong. Once we starting ramping back up, his anger came back stronger than ever. I could feel his seething rage growing every day. Then one day at a manager meeting he exploded on me (not anyone else). Everyone was shocked, bc there was nothing I did wrong, in fact it was easily provable that HE was the one that did the thing he accused me of. Needless to say, my world was shaken. So in the last month or so (as he avoids me at all costs) I am once again, working through my how-to-survive-a-covert-narcissist procedures and poured myself into reaffirmation and joy. Going through these things seem unfair, but they are actually beautiful reminders that I am amazing human being. I really am starting to love this quirky INFJ person and the challenges we either evoke or work on to improve. I value myself more and more every day. Yep, I put up hard boundaries on my boss (which is why he is avoiding me) and am working, once again, on dialing back my people pleasing in order to honor myself. Thank you for all your encouragement to learn more about how we are wired and why we are the way we are. It is great affirmation, which we also love 😊.
Bo Lang These are great. Yes, I will definitely do the “appt with HR” thing. He is very observant so this will drive him nuts. I already sent an email to another branch manager that if there were any openings, I would love the opportunity to interview. That manager most likely sent him an email letting him know. Makes me smile just thinking about it. I did have to give up my idea that he would help promote me, but I really knew down deep he wasn’t planning on it. I’m glad this isn’t my first rodeo w/ this type of clown. I’ve had a lot of life lessons before this.
Hi. I’m just asking: can you defend yourself with your boss in a subtle way? For example can you tell him what he is doing calmly? You know Jesus did that only sometimes Jesus wasn’t so subtle. But could you say, “You sound angry. Where is that anger coming from?” Or somehow put the focus back on him when he is criticizing you. But keeping it subtle. You are a strong person. Admirable!
@@johurley9710 I have a toxic boss, in a meeting he said some things that weren't true and I calmly responded and within a few sentences he got all puffed up behind his desk saying OH! Now your getting defensive with me!
I was being very calm but At that point I realized I just needed to shut up.
In that meeting he yelled at me for various things and at the end said , you had better have major improvement in the next 2 months....or else!
So that was a threat. Only solution for me is find another job, which I'm actively doing.
really great insight. this sheds a lot of light on many internal + external conflicts i've experiences over the years. since discovering more things about my personality as an infj i can clearly see the people pleasing in my past that caused me to reject my own introverted intuition.
🙏🏾
You describe my head thinking so well - You're right about other people not 'getting it', when we see it straight away. Then we're accused of being intense or strange, and my favorite 'You're so direct'. After 46 years of 9-5, and many attempts to blend in, I have finally decided to walk this path alone - and somehow it feels right for the first time in my life I really am happy to have found your videos here; they provide much needed, long-awaited validation Thank you
My hard times understanding people's decisions in my almost 20 military career ending with depression makes so much sense now. Thank you
As always Clay, impeccable timing and impeccable presentation. This is so relatable on the deepest levels.
Thank you again Clay. Keep talking about what you want and I promise we’re all ears! Everything you say is insightful and tends to resonate with me (and it seems many others in the comments). Also, I encourage you to continue making these videos for YOU about topics for you bc I know how INFJs tend to be people pleasers and that isn’t always healthy. However, I also want to let you know that if you so choose, we would love to hear about your life experiences that have shaped you, however deep or shallowly you would like to get into them. It seems like you are able to pinpoint pivotal moments in your life that have shaped your character and I would personally be super interested in hearing about them. Hope all is well with you and yours!
That’s exactly right, you get more pleasure with the feeling of others, than with your own.
I am so glad I found your channel. I love learning from you. I used to work in a mental health and substance abuse treatment hospital. I don't have a degree, but all my patients from 18 to 80 loved me. I was an ear for them along with teaching them and assigning them homework related to their needs. When you were talking about people pleasing, it's so true of an INFJ, but I have often tried to get away from people pleasing ways in a mental health vs people pleasing as an INFJ. What do you think? There is truly a difference between a healthy vs unhealthy INFJ. I'm now realizing that. My ex is a narcissist big time. I see so many instances of when he gaslighted me and was unable to take responsibility. It makes me so mad because I didn't see it back then.
Excellent this helped me a lot in a current endeavor I’m undertaking.
Actually, I wanted to comment on my comment as I’ve thought about this concept the past couple days. It’s a really powerful idea. I think I’ve been victim to this for a long time, drastically caring, subconsciously, about everyone else’s mood and almost never prioritizing my own needs. It feels good to focus on me and detach. I imagine there’s a balance somewhere in between. I’ll keep an eye out in case you talk about this particular subject more. I think for me it plays quite a bit at work, as I feel like I have to have others like me for promotion and job security. But it takes a toll for sure.
Wow this makes so much sense. In my life the battle usually comes out between these two functions when dealing with authority figures. I suspect it is because I had a very dominent mother with narcissistic tendencies. Although I have been able to be a lot less people pleasing I still struggle with people like my boss who does not have the ability to see the bigger picture and I also tend to absorb his moods. I am really working on this and it is getting better though.
An infj myself, this is exactly what I have been discovering lately, and you're helping me make sense of this!
Thanks bro, I'm a imfj and 53 years old and a Christian who didn't find out the truth until a year and half ago and so is my daughter, and very introverted and spend all time alone and when I get around people it drains me, your right on setting boundaries are safe and sound, appreciate your openness and shares with.
Fe needs validation, and Fi can take advantage of that as it is an introverted function and introverted functions are the sources. Fe is looking to consume Fi.
Thanks for this!
I used to always think/say 'either I'm wayyy smarter than the rest of the world or I'm wayyy dumber than everyone else !' Because Nobody Ever could understand my deep values and feelings or my absolute beliefs!! I could understand everyone else but nobody understood me! Crazy! I am utterly THRILLED to have found your channel that you've given me so much comfort and strength and understanding that I've needed all my life! I can't thank you enough! This changes Everything! Explains everything! And yes, the less than 2% of the population CARE!! You are especially good at explaining what the truth is of an INFJ. Or at least of me! It's so fulfilling to listen to you describe every thought and feeling I've ever had!
When we choose a way of life that makes us happy and it is not what other people want us to be. Those people hate us and try to make us think we're crazy. Your spot on again.
Clay you are not alone in this 😊
When my Ni is not honored; I truly let myself down and others by assuming the Fe within me which is good sort of become all what I am and that is not the case.
Boundaries and setting them is an art. I’m doing this since 2016; and now I’m more comfortable constructing more distance (all civilized; returning some to strangers self with nothing there except love at human level and wishing them well).
Self love > is by checking our Fe and Ni> the part of knowing at times might trigger anxiety when we are not ready but at some point we learn that> once a realization comes even if our feelings tell us one thing then it means we are in for that lesson
Thanks for sharing; and for narcissist magnet 😉 we *sniff* them at distance. Pausing and reflecting on our energy and how we spend it; what grabs our attention, then, we are in a better position to know what we are inviting/attracting is well or not.
It becomes more rewarding as I age when a No is truly my act of self love to be at best mentally and emotionally. The 🐉 we want to drowse is actually my Chinese sign 😂 so ya I honor that side if the 🔥 wanna get out LOL
> I go inside 🐚 like a polite hermit crab 😂
Stay safe and well 🙏🏻😊
Do any of you feel as if we must always do things for the benefit of others? That just being okay with ourselves has to be validated somehow? Anyway, it's an ongoing job, to remember to put myself first, make myself happy and know that this is what pleases the people who love me, ie. family and friends.
I can't believe that he understands how I feel all the time. My husband is also INFJ-A just like me. Yes. I sometimes question about myself worth and myself fits in community. I tried to involve many groups: family, hobby group, churches, and community centers. I used to love helping people. More I help them, they treat me as a sucker or free slave. Same patterns over and over again. I almost feel like that I respect everyone and everyone disrespect me. I couldn't understand why I feel that way. After I understand INFJ and Narcissi, everything makes sense. Narcissists love my personality as their supply. All my relationships were codependent relationship with narcissists and trauma bonding.
I'm alone now and I am in peace and I have a very clear goal why I came to this world as INFJ. I may help people as what I always want to, but bigger and safe way to help them. I'm about to expose myself. This man helps me to understand myself and it's ok to be a youtuber who show his face and honesty of being how he feels.
“Infj’s end up super insecure and start to wonder if they’re crazy” couldn’t relate more 😂
For me as an ENFP it is quite insightful to see all the perspectives in the news especially with trump and to see the selfishness & unconsciousness at play.
I have a couple ENFP friends actually. They all seem better at this than me. I suspect it’s the combination of introverted feeling, which really helps them keep their core identity in check without excessive outside influence, along with extroverted intuition that thrives on looking at all the possibilities.
@@ClayArnall Definitely 👍🏻
@@laralebeu36 how do you feel similar or different than INFJs?
@@spring7643 Very different and somehow connected.
Yup, I totally agree.
The Fe is my biggest Achilles heel.
Controlling the Fe for me is almost as impossible for me as walking into a room with WiFi and not have that 2.4/5ghz enter my body OR walking into rain and not have the rain drops wet me.
I generally just witness the episode with some detachment knowing that once I am completely alone for a while and sleep it off, I'll get back my connection to Ni.
I deal with this only by controlling my surroundings,
By physically distancing and limiting my exposure to others (the most powerless method, because internally it is just impossible to not be influenced for me).
I hideout most of the time like a hermit, just to stay 'myself'/Ni connected.
I have questioned myself so many times about this, that why is my 'self/Ni' so damn fragile, that the slightly disturbance can completely knock out the connection.
Why is a connection to the self that everyone takes for granted, so weak for me?! that the slightest presence of the other or another vibe can knock out.
I actually crave for a room with absolute silence and completely sealed, so that I can just feel my damn self, which is so elusive to stay connected with.
Imagine if there was a curse like, 'you will lose yourself if there is even one other human in the room', I would be living that, lol.
Its like an involuntary hypnosis that just tunes into the other's freq and expectations.
I've read a ton about codependency, people-pleasing out of fear, and childhood conditioning from dangerous and negligent people around etc. I even understand those theories so well, I can easily write a personality report for any other person.
But the influence! Gosh.
And its not just one person, it is the whole feeling environment, everyone in it, the whole atmosphere.
I feel everything in the environment, the society, the situation, the weather, everything affects the VIBE.
And the damn news! It is guaranteed to destroy my good mood in seconds.
Once that happens, its like I have no damn option but to just ENDURE it till it passes.
It takes some hours of isolation and distraction to recover.
The only other option I have is to resist it, and that just makes things worse anyway.
So I just go through it without much resistance, and let it pass as I spend time in isolation and recover my Ni connection.
I feel you!!
Oh F# this comment.. Yes
Great video Clay. Really resonated with this one. Thanks so much.
Damn this is so spot on it makes me wanna die. The thing you said about where the battle between Ni and Fe leads is so freaking accurate. This was so great to watch, thanks for this
My bf always never listened to me when I would tell him the outcome of stuff months before it actually happened and I live saying I was right huh?and I don’t watch the news especially where I live in Atlanta it made me fearful of even going outside of my house and I’m setting boundaries for myself and the few people in my life...it’s draining to keep having to do for everyone and barely having time for my own mental health
Omg i can predict how things are gonna happen too! I’m an infj as well. Also, i don’t watch the news not because of fear but because it angers me. All their propaganda and scheming agendas being shoved just angers me.
@@nmercenary right, when I turn the news on now, or even just regular tv and commercials, it's almost equivalent to being at the zoo and trying to figure out the what the animals are doing.
Dharma Dharma i made the glorious mistake of reading Edward Bernay’s Propaganda. I haven’t seen the media, corporations, and the government the same since then. We’re nothing but herds to them, sadly.
@@nmercenary I know what you mean! I think I found his stuff in 2015? I watched the Century of Self video.
Be careful because the "I was right, I told you so" attitude can destroy a relationship. Even if it is not meant in a negative way.
What you're describing is being triggered into your "shadow self" and the intensity is, the more you ignore it or deny your shadow, the more intense the tidal pool becomes. Your ESTP version has its function... embrace your dark side to become your whole self.
It works for me when I'm reflecting on a difficult person, and it evokes a strong emotional response that it triggers, "what a minute that's my dragon coming out inside of me," (that's the war, it's with your shadow not with your hardwired cognitive functions) , and then I reframe that inner dialogue to a peaceful conclusion, that tames my dragon, and I'm more peaceful in person with that particular difficult person.
I suggest reading Jungian psychology about the shadow, try KWML.
Here's a better explanation:
ruclips.net/video/SZ90jN2R9n8/видео.html
I'll take a watch
This was everything I needed to hear! The way you express yourself is so familiar- I completely relate!!! Thank you for making this video!
Thank you for sharing. Exactly what I was dealing with today. Managing or taming Fe has always been challenging. Especially considering the social norm suggest men shouldn't have difficulty with it.
18:24 the key point 👍
If we hang onto our introverted intuition first, we might cause confrontations.
Hmmmm....
Yes, and we might need that to be authentic and have a fulfilled life at large. Can't avoid confrontations (and other Se-stuff) all of our lives, even though it is uncomfortable getting used to, for a while.
Namaste
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson it's just all starting to make sense, mechanically now. Yes, getting more comfortable with confrontation now that we're here at such a challenging time. Infj's have got to stick to their guns. They've done the work.
I loved this video. I had to go through exactly what you described (being hated by everyone around me) to BEGIN thinking that it is OKAY to have just myself believe in the things that I think. Yet, it is so heartbreakingly gratifying to have SOMEONE in the world who understands the way I am. The most devastating thing anyone could say to me has ever been, "Are you crazy?" when I am being most true to myself. It cut me every single time, but watching your videos, Clay, I am finally realising that the other person just NEVER THINKS DEEP ENOUGH and it is probably NOT THE FAULT OF EITHER ONE OF US..
You are the most authentic person I've heard!! I love it!!!