CPTSD: how to heal from it (WITHOUT getting frustrated with yourself!)
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- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2024
- www.spartanlif...
This new course has been developed specifically to massively accelerate your healing/therapeutic process by removing a little-known block that is holding everyone back.
So you're willing to go to therapy and do courses.
You’ve spent your hard earned money on sessions, books, seminars.
You’ve made the effort and given it an embarrassingly large amount of time.
You’ve humbled yourself. You’ve “been vulnerable”. You’ve revealed your inner most to total strangers.
All in the name of therapeutic progress so you can get back to living your normal life.
And yet…
Progress is patchy. Its slow.
You move forward. Then you move back. A modality or therapist seems to be working, only for you to later hit a brick wall or feel so dispirited you just want to give up.
Why?
There is a part of the healing narrative that is a little embarrassing for clients, therapists and coaches alike. It’s a prickly topic. Its boundary breaking and impossibly, excruciatingly intimate.
BUT
It is exactly and precisely here where the essential work is. We can create a catalyst to your process and your progress here.
Whether you are a therapist/coach or client (many are both, that’s ok too!) you need to understand this simple key element to push things forward.
Simple questions like this would be a start:
1. How would you rate your relationship with yourself on a scale of 1 to 10?
Do you retain new information easily or is it very difficult for you?
3. How efficient are you at regulating your emotions or do they frequently overpower you?
4. Can you pay attention for extended periods of time or do you drift off?
5. Do you often begin tasks only to abandon them half way through?
These are just simple (and not particularly penetrating) examples of questions we could ask clients/ourselves before beginning therapy or a course.
WHY?
Because these questions indicate the level of “boss ability” you have and whether you are a “good friend to yourself”.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?
Read the questions above. Arent all these things absolutely necessary to completing a course, a seminar, reading a book on psychology/healing or attending counselling/therapy for months?
This course is a lightweight, easy to consume and adopt first step towards developing better “executive function” and a stronger, more supportive relationship with the self.
If you DO have these two things in order:
-you will be able to retain information and organise your life more easily
- there will be less dramatic outbursts of emotion, theatrical cries of “WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH” and less interpersonal turbulence with the people in your life
- less temptation to use old/not helpful/poisonous coping strategies like drink, food, drugs, toxic relationships and so on to avoid the sense that “nothing you do ever works”
- better ability to concentrate and pay attention for longer periods on tasks you need to get done, skills you are learning and the therapeutic process in general
- you will feel optimistic and resilient, there will still be bad days but you will be able to track clearly the progress you are making which will keep you from the “pit of bleak despair”.
We must be able to be a supportive friend to ourselves for our brains to function properly.
This is a psychological and neurological issue. That means that elements of what blocks you are almost certainly physical. There is some debate but it is largely agreed “executive function”/”boss ability” is located in the prefrontal cortex.
If your brain is not functioning well, it will be unlikely you will be able to cope with the stress of real therapeutic work. Why would/should we expect you to cope with a counselling programme if you struggle to go to the shops without issue? It doesn’t make sense.
This course is simple, uses no jargon, is step by step and largely requires only the simplest written exercises (15 mins a day) and to listen to a couple of audio hypnosis before sleep, and one you can listen to while doing your daily chores.
This course will NOT recover a damaged executive function or self relationship completely but it will get you to a point where you can cope with and retain the progress you make in a coaching context.
www.spartanlifecoach.com/Loving-Inner-Guide-Course
This new course has been developed specifically to massively accelerate your healing/therapeutic process by removing a little-known block that is holding everyone back.
So you're willing to go to therapy and do courses.
You’ve spent your hard earned money on sessions, books, seminars.
You’ve made the effort and given it an embarrassingly large amount of time.
You’ve humbled yourself. You’ve “been vulnerable”. You’ve revealed your inner most to total strangers.
All in the name of therapeutic progress so you can get back to living your normal life.
And yet…
Progress is patchy. Its slow.
You move forward. Then you move back. A modality or therapist seems to be working, only for you to later hit a brick wall or feel so dispirited you just want to give up.
Why?
There is a part of the healing narrative that is a little embarrassing for clients, therapists and coaches alike. It’s a prickly topic. Its boundary breaking and impossibly, excruciatingly intimate.
BUT
It is exactly and precisely here where the essential work is. We can create a catalyst to your process and your progress here.
Whether you are a therapist/coach or client (many are both, that’s ok too!) you need to understand this simple key element to push things forward.
Simple questions like this would be a start:
1. How would you rate your relationship with yourself on a scale of 1 to 10?
Do you retain new information easily or is it very difficult for you?
3. How efficient are you at regulating your emotions or do they frequently overpower you?
4. Can you pay attention for extended periods of time or do you drift off?
5. Do you often begin tasks only to abandon them half way through?
These are just simple (and not particularly penetrating) examples of questions we could ask clients/ourselves before beginning therapy or a course.
WHY?
Because these questions indicate the level of “boss ability” you have and whether you are a “good friend to yourself”.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?
Read the questions above. Arent all these things absolutely necessary to completing a course, a seminar, reading a book on psychology/healing or attending counselling/therapy for months?
This course is a lightweight, easy to consume and adopt first step towards developing better “executive function” and a stronger, more supportive relationship with the self.
If you DO have these two things in order:
-you will be able to retain information and organise your life more easily
- there will be less dramatic outbursts of emotion, theatrical cries of “WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH” and less interpersonal turbulence with the people in your life
- less temptation to use old/not helpful/poisonous coping strategies like drink, food, drugs, toxic relationships and so on to avoid the sense that “nothing you do ever works”
- better ability to concentrate and pay attention for longer periods on tasks you need to get done, skills you are learning and the therapeutic process in general
- you will feel optimistic and resilient, there will still be bad days but you will be able to track clearly the progress you are making which will keep you from the “pit of bleak despair”.
We must be able to be a supportive friend to ourselves for our brains to function properly.
This is a psychological and neurological issue. That means that elements of what blocks you are almost certainly physical. There is some debate but it is largely agreed “executive function”/”boss ability” is located in the prefrontal cortex.
If your brain is not functioning well, it will be unlikely you will be able to cope with the stress of real therapeutic work. Why would/should we expect you to cope with a counselling programme if you struggle to go to the shops without issue? It doesn’t make sense.
This course is simple, uses no jargon, is step by step and largely requires only the simplest written exercises (15 mins a day) and to listen to a couple of audio hypnosis before sleep, and one you can listen to while doing your daily chores.
This course will NOT recover a damaged executive function or self relationship completely but it will get you to a point where you can cope with and retain the progress you make in a coaching context.
Thank you, here’s to showing up, showing up kind and healing with new understanding, new eyes and new ears to experience relationships in my life. Looking for work to take hold as progress at the point where I will not slip back without welcoming the moment to apply my greater understanding. C
Thank you! For many years prior to being so fortunate as to discover your channel and long before Dexter stole my idea, I had a very clear (and misguided) sense of what my dream job would entail. It's refreshing, uplifting and just a fantastic breath of fresh air and goodness to be exposed to someone with the wisdom, drive and discipline to handle what have to be some of life's greatest challenges the right way. If I can someday become a fraction of the inspiration you continually offer so selflessly, I'll die a happy man. ✌
trauma bonding! Oh, I get that!!
Hey Richard. I bought the course, and there are tech issues on the second page w the video not working above tutorial 2. When I go back to the previous page w video one and tutorial one, I can no longer access video one either. Please can you iron this out? Because I’d like to access the entire course and all videos as well as be able to Re-listen to the course material time and time again. Thanks.
This course is something new. You can start using new habits immediately and easily. And, keeping at it, I don't go into disaster mode which was to, people please, freeze, and overfunction. The red alert doesnt go off much, and when it does, you can shut the damn thing off. And do something better.
It takes daily work, there is no end-I’m 75 and started my healing at age 70. I must battle CPTSD every day for the rest of my life. But knowing this is a blessing compared to living my life in the throes of codependency! Thank you for, Richard, for being one of my guiding lights!
God bless you wiser one!!
You are amazing! 💜
Wow, you've inspired me at 47 years old. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your continuing path of healing.
Good luck in your continuous healing
You are an inspiration
Awww bless you x
"Your therapist can't cure you, because you're NOT sick." The way he words things, always so much better than any therapist!
For the people who are "so sick of being strong", I can totally relate to that. I have a friend whom, instead of replying "that sucks" will just constantly tell me "you're a strong woman", to the point where it has become a trigger.
Now when someone tells me I'm strong, I cry. It has become an insult to me. I don't need to be constantly reminded of who I know I am. Sometimes I just need some empathy, or a hug.
Edit: Great video! And much needed.
I'm strong enough now ok? Hugs💛
@@dontbecomeone9523 Ditto!
I couldn't relate to this comment more 👌
it actually indicates that they think you're weak but believe you need the 'pep-talk' of being told you're strong and that they know it's insulting to tell someone they're weak but try to hide what they really think lol but they should rather just recognize it's difficult and can make u feel and seem weak when ur not
@@Dippmip I'm constantly called strong because I have no family around me and haven't for 5 years. I'm 32. I've bought a house on my own and I have a career. People don't see me as weak. A lot of people tell me they don't know how they would cope in my position of having to be so self reliant from a young age. So I think you've missed the point there.
You are so ahead of your time.. no counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists in our area even recognise CPTSD let alone understand how long it takes to heal, or how to help you heal. I wish there were multiples of you, scattered around the world to help people.
hes really blunt which i always appreciated.
@@newyorkforever5779 me too
Right - our society's way of teaching is so wrong - I forget who it was that pointed this out years ago, some scientist, I think - he said that the way our textbooks are made do not actually "teach", but instead give us a word as a meaning, but if you don't understand what that word truly means, then you actually know nothing about the subject. It's more like knowing the name of something - that's what doctors and therapists learn in college - the names of stuff when they do not ever learn what those words truly mean. Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs showed ineffable concepts that our current languages cannot possibly explain, and the more people read them throughout their life, the more they learned.
I'm searching for a while now to get the right help cause I think I need it. But no one that knows about these things and even in the first session I notice the strange looks and immediately hear the starting of the cognitive therapy option 😐
Genius reply, in the UK you are doomed
I was severely abused as a child and I ended up marrying and divorcing a very abusive narcissist. I have dedicated myself to weekly intensive therapy to overcome my trauma and PTSD. 2 years in and doing great! I have found my sweet loving self again. I was also in MMA for 3 years. I understand the concept of strength and conditioning. Thank you for your content, Richard. ♡
Hi, same thing here... was like marrying my mom, then divorced. My narc ex unfortunately took my kids as hostages and brainwashed them. son is 21 and my baby girl is 15. I am feeling hopeless and ready to move away from them since they totally ignore me and abandoned me.
My girls are currently 4 and 3 my narc would do the same thing to me as I am completely dependent on him...so I rather stay and remain dead🥴
@@fleurettegodeffroy8090 I am so sorry. Please search for vids and articles and books on yr situation and find a strategy. There’s help out there if you don’t give up. I believe in you.
Comes back to the famous Yoda quote, "you must unlearn what you have learned." It does take time, consistency, and having compassion for yourself. Really good vid Richard.
Yes, it DOES take time - actually, it's more like you never stop learning about it - just when you think you have a good understanding, as long as you keep trying to learn more and are engaging, you keep getting hit with realizations and you understand it on deeper levels. It's like ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs - modern people say that they are a "primitive" form of writing, but actually, it is more advanced than our current languages - people have termed it "primitive" due to the fact that current academia cannot explain it. The Egyptian hieroglyphs explain things that words cannot, ineffable things, like a picture does, but also, ancient people who could read hieroglyphs learned more and more throughout their life from the same hieroglyphs - that is like what this is, learning about ourselves and our psychology.
@@SydMountaineer wow... really liked what you wrote. I want to highlight what you said that really resonated with me " ... you keep getting hit with realizations and understand it on deeper levels." Yes, this is me but I am struggling with the realization that I was manipulated, gas lighted, and never truly loved.
The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Having ADHD and CPTSD both has made my life a very painful struggle just to do basic normal things that normal people do. Because I was the scapegoat and black sheep in my family, I’ve learned to be merciless with myself. I now have fibromyalgia, and of course, I still try to work out like I did before I had it - relentlessly and, again, without mercy. I’m endlessly patient and forgiving, but not with myself. This is exactly what I need to hear. Thank you!
@KᎥภ_j You’re right, and it’s helpful to remember that, thank you!
How did you heal? I have the same as what you have and I block out everything in order to run away from life… I learnt how to not think but it’s ruining my life bec I learnt how to be “comfortably numb” where do you start if you can’t even think?
Me too
"The soft overcomes the hard. The calm overcomes the fast." | Tao te ching
This is why people follow your work for years. They are getting better. It is a way of life. Otherwise we fall back into old habits. Thanks Richard.
My biggest problem is the inability to remain in the present. Living in the moment is almost impossible for me. And I end up on RUclips all day in order to escape my own thoughts. (And not necessarily watching good things like this but most the time I watch other ppl that have had it worse then me so I can feel empathy toward them and not myself. Sigh 😔,,, I know I'm really screwed up).
It's ok. I've been doing that too. I'm in a lazy rut, aka avoiding thoughts & moving forward. Seeing someone else doing same thing short-term reassures me that I'm not alone. But it's annoying isn't it? Bc the catch is the procrastination & stagnation, bc I make caring for myself like Mount Everest. 🙄 Sending hugs & encouragement your way. 💞
Kindness, understanding,compassion helped me to go further than tyranny ever could. 😊
profound and very true!!
Ah that sounds good
Great analogy of the captain's deck on the Starship Enterprise. Complex trauma makes decision making, planning, organizing your thoughts a mess if nobody is at their station, there's no captain, the place is littered with trash. You've got to take time to clear your head, develop new positive habits, set some boundaries, take charge.
Totally agree, discipline time and repetition.CPTSD symtoms will wait and strike even if you consider yourself almost healed.
It's creating new neurological pathways as complex trauma caused brain injury - enlarged amygdala, shrunk hippocampus and less active front neocortex.
Putting it that way - it sounds like my poor brain suffered as well 👋🏼
Our poor brains. At least we keep trying. Give ourselves credit and a couple of pats on the back for even attempting baby steps. We are learning to undo the did
Inner critic. I’m 68 and I’m so fatigued with my inner critic. I over eat to drown my thoughts. I always want to be somebody else than me. This is a new layered message to just learning brain plasticity. I am so done with hearing Jesus will heal you. I come from a Christian toxic family. God is no loving father figure feel . Parents are no loving people in life. They won’t stay dead. Always returning in my dreams. Siblings male dissecting me so I told to stay out of my life. This is a promising message and I’m still raw. I go one foot forward and ten feet backwards. I’m up at two thirty trying to sleep listening to this.
When you said, "you're not sick" that was like a giant weight lifted when I heard that, and I got a little emotional. I didn't even know I needed to hear that. Thank you 💕
@RICHARD GRANNON I tried to use the #, not sure if I used it as you intended. Didn’t see anything from you, such as a group chat. Sent you a message.
Working through this course has been profound. I began with the fortress series and the consistent work over time has been the key to my progress. The growth I have experienced and the reduction of flashbacks and increased healing has been insane.
This course has been great.
Which course?
I am getting better at being kind to me. I like what you said about not saying anything to yourself that you wouldn't be comfortable saying to a child. Beautiful reminder. 😍
Who is here from anti prophet?
🙋
me
me
same
Me
My affirmation for today seems to be “it’s okay to have thoughts in my head” as if I try and hide that they exist. Good thoughts, bad thoughts. They are always there. And part of accepting me today is accepting this. Usually when I voice them they go away, but not always. But I can at least be okay with my own thoughts. No need to meditate them away. No need to deny their existence. Just accepting. "When people realize they are being listened to, they tell you things."
-Richard Ford "If mind and body is listened to by heart it will tell you things." - Hulda hurricane
Great comment.
I also observed that I needed to prove to myself that I could trust & depend on myself, and in doing so consistently, it became a key which opened the doors to all the grief, wisdom, & knowledge that my body & mind have to tell me. And then I acknowledge & integrate it (ie. HEALING PROGRESS). Keeps giving me more as long as I keep caring for myself. But I had to learn to listen to my body & care for myself first.
Although meditation & emotional literacy do help slow my thoughts & calm my senses.
Nice quote, I also find that people tell me things without speaking. Intuition up 1000% 🌟👁👁🌟
Woooow Synchronization. My mantra has been " I'm not my thoughts, I am my Actions"
By letting go of your own inner critic and trust in the process of peeling down the union sort of speek we Heal ourselves in our own tempo.
By accepting the the way of our thoughts aren't bad unless you making it into action, then we have a issue with the hurt inner child who is in pain reacting to everyone's opinion that it's not good enough and the way it is expressing it self in the outer world and inner punishment, self abuse and so on.
Just today my soul was talking seriously with my mates about my boundaries and the response was overwhelming and I got a whole new born respect from them.
So I'm on a good high today 😁
Wish you all the best 💚
i grew up with a covert narcissistic mother. this whole concept of being conditioned very clearly explains something that i've tried to explain to people who don't understand. my mother was sooo subtle that i can't really explain what she did or didn't do. but it was always, always there, and she taught us (me and my siblings) our value, not necessarily by what she said, but how she was with us (much like people don't understand how you raise a dog more by how you are with him/her than by how you train him/her).
thanks for explaining this so clearly. i really do appreciate it.
TIME & REPETITION = STRENG-SKILL🙏❤
I will writte down and put on the mirror 👊👊👊
Grannon you were instrumental in my CPTSD recovery. Thanks man
Thanks Richard! I appreciate the reminder to not make healing a re-traumatizing experience, but a place for self acceptance and love ❤️
Nice.
I have a very harsh inner critic. I blame myself for what I do, what others do, pretty much everything. I've realized that taking responsibility for other people's actions was something I picked up in childhood. If how my parents treated me was my fault,, it removed the conflicted feelings of anger vs love. I'd be angry at myself so that I could still love my parents. I've repeated that pattern over and over. I've been in EMDR therapy since Nov 2020 . It's helped some but it's not easy.
CPTSD and a shitty relationship with myself. I kinda figured out this is not going to be a quick fix. Appreciate your videos, Mr Grannon, both psychological and self defense. It baffles me too how can a person teaching violent intent (controlled, but still) be so caring to his sparring partner
At the age of 45 I said to myself enough. I had enough. I have changed. My priorities are now very clear. Never let narc back into my life. Have only emphatic and supportive friends. Never ever letting anyone back who will use me! I am standing myself tall with no fear to do what i want and how i want it and when i want it. I exist. I can read or watch a movie or eat ice cream or just be happy as i am. I am capable of loving myself and i am free to believe in anything and i can spend money how i wish since i have a job! And i matter. I do.
🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️ You do matter!
At 48 I 100% am in the same boat 🙌
I know Richard wouldn't like this being said, but lightly speaking I believe Richard is one of the messengers of God of our times giving us healing advices, life saving wisdom for those who listen carefully. Whether you like this Richard, I thank you for all your time and work that you put in to help so many of us, may God bless you! 🙏
I feel the same way! He has helped make a bad experience into a very healing one and I feel the same way about Sam Vaknin too.
@Darnedest Vader we all have rebellious ways, we all sin;)
All I can say is Amen 🙏
@@angela8351 yes, every single one💯
Your own personal Jesus.
"No one can tell me, when it's over."
What a kick in the gut. Just Damn!
LOVED THIS.......we are conditioned to repeat and think the Negative comments and assessments we’ve so often heard about and to ourselves.....(making us Double Victims of the aholes who did this to us)...we repeat their “Legacy” when we negatively self-talk...we are Agreeing with them !!!! Let Us NOT Agree and Make up our own Better, More Positive Attitude and Self-Love, or at least, self-acceptance..... WE CAN DO IT ! I just HATE that it supposedly takes so long - let’s blow it Outta the water...DO IT....and Shorten it’s very Life within us...... LOVE YOU RICHARD LOVE how you suggest we BE KIND - as KIND as we are to A Child..... GOOD ONE
100% right. Not many people are going to want to hear this, if they have cptsd that is.. I have been slowly healing for decades now, each type of therapy as not been a cure but a step towards that healing .. unfortunately so many think it's a one and done, some give up ..god knows I've been that person , a few times... Yes I still struggle now and again, and yes I have a way to go but when I think that once I couldn't go out the door, or chat with someone .. and now I can talk to people I meet, even catch public transport to see my son's ..I know all the listening to people like Richard is and was worth it... Don't give him guys keep going
Yesterday I had a nap cause it's like 100° here and dreamed that you came for a visit and I was beside myself with excitement to tell you how much you helped me and made it bareable.
So useful, thank you....I'm struggling big time with the abuse I'm giving myself right now. It's horrible and extremely isolating.
Thank you for this, Richard! And for creating a course at an affordable price for people. What a gift! I've spent 20 years healing CPTSD and I'm in a wonderful place now. I help others in my coaching and this is going to be so valuable!!! Xx
I finally feel validated and understood. Going to the grocery store and panicking or crying, or not being able to consistently go to work, always wondering what's wrong with me. Its not my fault and I can work on this
wim hof breathing realy helps calming your nervous system ,cured my panic attacks
You're looking quite fit,Sir. I struggle to restructure myself...and yes, I am my worst enemy..hyper critical and keeping myself down as I have been my whole life.(I am 64) When life rains down hard on me I can't cope...but if things are going along normally, I can cope. Right now....life is raining on me
Courage ❤
Same! Total despair. RAIN. One day at a time, one minute or second at a time. Hugs💛
In the rain too! Trying to learn to sing and dance in the rain and seek the rainbows!
@@elizabethgaribaldi7702 seek and you /we shall find them rainbows!?
Intelligent, strong, sensitive, experienced, wise, funny, real cool! Beautiful caring man. Just an observation. 🤩
Mr. Richard Grannon, each single video you make is a piece of diamond! Your words are so beautifully healer! Thanks so much. A gigantic hug from rhe Amazon, Brazil. Love sent your way.
Tim Fletcher is incredibly good. Like the source of the knowledge.
“Hurry up and heal you idiot” cracked me up hard 😂 I see how I got a good few of these voices in my head and I didn’t even realise it was that bad. It’s a normal way of handling threat because its all we ever heard, for me from day 1 all around. As someone reading the Kybalion, we actually create more oscillation, the up and downs in our life, by yelling at ourselves, so healing keeps getting sidetracked or sabotaged... it’s what narc childhood sets up. Remember “energy follows the structure” - it follows the path of least resistance, so it’s literally impossible to heal without creating a new channel down which it can run !! So I see as Richard is saying it’s important to lay the foundation and the space in which we heal! So important! Wow wow this is powerful AF. Thank you.
With that alone I feel 80% of my healing already in motion and available. 🙌🏽 law of attraction and law of rhythm at work. Everyone please know you are special and precious and you can take ALL THE DAMN TIME in the world to heal or arrive to a reality you feel safe and confident in.
This is a really good video explaining everything that is missed out in normal videos.
You can't bully yourself to heal.
90% of those who have had C-PTSD causations caused by chronic severe abuse and neglect will develop to some extent DID, or dissociative identity disorder. (Used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder.)
The very worst cases are those which were caused by the commencement of abuse pre-eight years old. Severe DID generally describes failed, awful and truncated life passages.
Post recent SCID-D assessment, it has been as if a light has illuminated my life for the first time. My life, it has been a sheer hell.
Antiprophet sent me here. I'm excited to begin my journey.
Strength-skill when I hear this I think of the word resilience. Thanks so much. These are incredibly helpful self-development videos. 💗
Thank you’s will not be enough. Thank you for being the person to do this. You’re a hero. Prayers for your health and your message.
A lot of your therapy work, specifically on PTSD has helped me tremendously. I think you are in a very noble profession - helping others is really the key to life, in my opinion. Thank you is an understatement and sending love, health and happiness to you and your family 💕
really good stuff, except for the part about treating yourself as a parent would treat a child. I have CPTSD because my parents were neglectful and abusive. I do not connect with the idea of a loving parent because neither i nor any of my dysfunctional friends had loving parents. I connect better with the idea of me being coached by the kind of teacher I am when I teach guitar. Patient, adaptable to the student's needs, generous in spirit, setting them up to succeed.
Yes I totally get it. When you've had an abusive parent it's hard to connect to that idea.
I think he means the ideal of a parent. The parent you wish you had. Or perhaps if it's too difficult to connect with parent-child perhaps think of a guide instead. I often think ( sounds silly but it helps me) of Mr miyagi and Daniel from the karate kid. A mentor, a coach, someone who give guidance with both love and understanding but also assertiveness and seriousness
That is very insightful since I also struggle with what a loving parent would behave like but a teacher, I get that. Thanks for the idea shift. I do know how to nurcher it is the correction or discipline part I need to make adjustments to and one definitely affects the other.
"the idea of me being coached by the kind of teacher I am when I teach guitar. Patient, adaptable"
Jesus, I had such toxic childhood and toxic environment, when I read this. You reminded me -
I literally went to guitar teaching as child - and our "mentor" was extremely rude, aggressive, loud mouth, screaming "person" that I ended up by quit it after few days, I ran in tears. Other kids also.
The same process repeated in school, driving license - the driver's instructor pushed me out of the car into the street when I warned him that I cannot continue driving if he would continue screaming at me.
@@ranc1977 ouch- those are incredibly toxic people who do not deserve the honor of teaching others
I truly can't thank you enough. Humbled, honored, and excited for shifting into a whole new perception :)
Learn to play guitar.... Its helped me no end!!
@Paddy T
I took voice lessons and it totally helped.
@@jonmason4791 interesting! iv been needing for new nuro pathways to help me get by day today, changes good and bad have happened for all sorts of reasons, I'm speaking and communicating much more clearly now, still climbing the hill so to speak. 🙏
@@paddyt4043 Don't give up! Learning a new language has helped alot. 5 years no contact, Im still being smeared online. Can no longer work because of it. I'm so f'n done with this sh*t
Ok, i know I'm over commenting at this point but "hurry up and heal, you idiot" had me in literal tears laughing at myself. THANK YOU!!! It is so nice to feel seen, even when it's an ad campaign.
I had light general body inflammation. When I found the source, my head cleared up, and I could take in lessons and reflect on things with less anger and bitterness.
Sometimes the biggest block is physical pain. If you can fix it first, it makes it easier to be consistently right or wrong in your actions, so you know what to work with.
I’ve been doing this for 20 years but it took awhile before the really good tools of today were available. Yes, it’s wax on and wax off and a lot of days that feel like you’re starting over, but then every six months or so you discover you’ve made a massive leap. Journaling your progress helps you see that you are actually changing because when you’re that close you sometimes can’t see. I am so glad I stuck with it- life is much better! Thank you for making these resources
It's a complete breakdown and rebuild to get to the other side, micro dosing can help
Thank you Richard 🙏
I have watched numerous videos on this topic. This is by far the best explained video I have seen . Your approach is non threatening & also very strong at the same time. Firm but gentle. It’s makes sense! Like …… it makes sense!!!!!!🙏🕊💖💎👑✅💯. Thank u💜🕊
This is a great reminder of the vitality of self-compassion
I realize anger doesn't help with speeding the healing process but i think it's crucial to adress it as it's been supressed for all those years without it we can't move forward
I strongly suggest Marty Glenn’s videos on inner child work
"Satir model of change", when transformation is initiated, chaos comes, lost in performance.... this is often mistaken for failure
It takes discipline even having to get out of bed at 9am is your repetition then I’m frickin awesome
As per usual, playing in the background and suddenly, I hear something..."it's makes it hard to go to the supermarket..." And as per usual, you have my attention, sir.
You're a top man, Grannon. Your work is incredibly valuable, helped me so much a few years ago and continues to do so.
So I’ve been suffering from a lot of trauma when I was younger (Still am) I got into toxic relationships and has been abused verbally with no one to help. When I tried to ask help from my parents they just disregarded me like it was nothing. So now I’m reaching out to a trusted relative and hopefully get the right treatment I need ❤
True the fear is debilitating. The fear
Its hard , you think your doing okay then you experience a wave of disgust in yourself and your own appearance .. your so exhausted by the feelings- just doing the things that you know will help are more than hard ... I resorted to Thomas halls sleep subliminals on confidence/ self esteem with rain to sleep, which did make me feel better in the short term
Healing from CPTSD is possible. It is a reprogramming of the mind and a healing of the spirit through spiritual trauma extraction. It takes a choice to accept and meet the various selves at points of trauma and learning to allow the gift of love to transform and heal.
Did you heal fully? I'm seeing great results with deep non-dual meditation and feeling whatever feelings arise in the moment with no distractions, but this stuff runs deep. The deeper you heal, the more awareness you have of other areas where you are still messed up.
@cavallopazzo340 It's definitely a process. I did. I had to approach it from a spiritual perspective. I did my 3 gratitude a day...and thought about those gratitude throughout the day. 3 months later, I noticed a shift. Simultaneously, I was working on my relationship with Heavenly Father and grounding myself. Lots of humor needed too. It's not about eliminating but integrating, accepting, and most importantly learning Love and leaning into a Love frequency.
"I can't cure you, you're not sick" is both the best and most painful thing I have ever heard. Thank you. ❤
I do agree with the analogy of the Infantry. I was in the Infantry and the longer you're in the less of screaming you hear. It's more about training it's more about getting things right than learning how to follow orders.
Thanks Richard
Yes I developed PTSD because of abuse
And I had years of therapy
Yes its been helpful
But you will always have flashbacks
Anything can trigger it
I finished my therapy 2018
But at this present moment
I feel I need a bit more therapy
Me too....but I've learned from my past experiences that there is nothing wrong with getting back into therapy (which I'm now doing) again, because I recognize I am at a place where I once again need some assistance in the stage I'm at in moving forward and healing.
We all need a little help sometimes. I now realize, therapy isn't going to "fix" me; that is my job. And these days, I'm great with that idea.
But therapy is absolutely an aid, assistance in digging deeper and resetting and finding more useful tools to CONTINUE on my journey forward.
No, no shame in doing therapy again. We're only human, and sometimes, we need assistance in getting back on track. ✌🏻😎❤️✨🌻
Interesting reflection on your part, as I finished some very helpful therapy with a Clinical Psychologist from 2010 to 2019, who assisted me to regain day to day functionality - which ultimately resulted in me being able to attend University and complete a degree .... however I've still struggled with functioning on a day to day basis (covid & lockdowns didn't help either). So, like you I felt I needed to get some more assistance and last year, 2022, I started more therapy, importantly with a different Clinical Psychologist. He has been focusing specifically on my C-PTSD and it has been transformational for me - in particular accessing a different clinician helped me to approach my healing journey from a different perspective, delivering me greater insight, self-empathy and the ability to re-engage with living. So follow you instincts, listen to your intuition and get some more therapy.
"In the process of healing any trauma if you identified CPTSD elements, you really, really must have a very good relationship with yourself. You ability to relate to your own self is critical. There are no quick fixes."
True.
From my own personal experience - I never was bullying myself directly. IT was more like general sense of deep covert self hatred for not being strong enough to fight back the real life bullies and difficult people.
Also what faulty CBT done is that I started to believe that I am sick for reacting to angry and difficult people - as if my personality and personal trait is sick because I react in panic to scum bags.
And one more thing -
trusting myself is tricky with Complex PTSD because there is toxic guilt inside us. It appears like anxiety - and it appears like inner voice - and it mash together with realistic reaction to difficult people and events - and we trust it, we do not distinguish between our true self (being nice warm sensitive person) and between toxic guilt and toxic shame which gives us bad memories, and false interpretations which seem as coming from us - but in reality it is virus, implanted programming from conditioning by someone toxic around us.
This means - when we try to trust ourselves - we will also trust these virus programming inside toxic guilt and become over-sensitive and being offended by everything.
This starts to be problem when we do encounter someone aggressive, toxic, intrusive - and then I try not to be over-sensitive and not offended - and then I end up with fawning, shutting up, people pleasing, negative politeness towards someone who is rude and who deserves to be alarmed and alerted to stop, someone whom we need to present with facts and truths.
You're a shining beacon of light for me right now. Thankyou ❤
This was so helpful for me today. I can't even stay in the truth of "abuse survivor" for more than about 5 minutes, and then that makes me just full of hatred for myself for having been on the receiving end, and for being incapable of staying there.
It's exhausting.
Thank you so much Richard. I love listening to your videos when I need mental support to help myself up again. I have followed you for long time and I still learn new things.
Everyone listening to this, you need to understand you are actually healthier than you realize. You didn't do this to yourself it was done to you the mind games gaslighting, triangulating, lovebombing, withholding etc. Some sick monster did these things to you but because you did love you did give you did care these are the evidences that you are healthy not unhealthy so take the time to be loving to yourself compliment yourself when you do anything, and you'll begin to heal much faster.
Thanks. I needed your words.
Excellent episode Richard. And thanks for your honesty on the latest episode with Pierre. Sounds like you really got thrown for a loop with that female. I really felt that, up until last October when my significant other was killed life was just sailing along. I was an owner of a treatment center and seemed to really have my act together until the Universe hit me with that knock out punch. With the help of your programs and with a lot of determination I'm back on track.
This guy is so insightful without being pretenious !!
Oh, great! This sounds as exactly what I need now. Im stucked too long and sick of myself doing nothing about. Ups, here we are 😉 To put it different way: Im finally ready to move forward!
You can’t imagine the impact this video has had on me!
It sounds like a great new course, love, patience and consistency over time...just what a pure baby needs from a good loving parent. Thank you for your continuing work and support Richard, you are right no one can force or bully that baby into growing quicker than it can...
Richard, can you please discuss the definition of ‘love’.
I’m thinking that ‘love’ is an intellectual, consciously made contract of mutual betterment (and potential sacrifice) to benefit both parties.
Rather than an emotional ‘feeling’ based on neurotic feelings of attraction, safety or gain of resources, pushed by popular entertainment.
There are several kinds/layers of love. The love you're describing does come from the intellect, originating in your will and requiring a choice. Once chosen, it never goes away because there is no expectation of return. There can be hope of return, though.
It's Gods built in fail safe, the spark that can't be put out until your last breath, because it's imbedded in your intellectual will.
What you describe is known as agape. Agape is the highest form of love. It's the kind God has for you...and now you know how you were made in his image. Yeah, if you love God back unconditionally like that, you'll know who God made you to be and your true dignity.
From many studies Time and repetition creates neruoplasticity before 25 years old. After 25 you need more focus, intent and trigger some neuroreceptors to activate neuroplasticity. That's why old people get angry when they try to learn new things. And you need to learn first how to overcome the frustration.
I need to rebuild how my executive function works. I cannot finish projects. I set it up for success, for finishing logically, organized, but will not complete. I can’t figure out why I’m listening to old critical voices that I’ve physically freed myself from. I’m frozen in place. I’m proving their assessments correct!
My son had agraphobia, he started with baby steps, now he takes himself off fishing, whenever he has some spare time. Now he hates being in the house. I am so very proud of him, he still has some bad day's, but pushes himself
Once again you nailed it and do so with such humility and compassion. I really respect you and see such divine Providence over your work. Keep going your such a LIGHTSOURCE
I don't have inner critic or bullying self. But what exhausts me is the constant mental chatter and rumination. Meditating helps me recognise I m being lost in thoughtd
You can still anger at the chatterbox in the brain because it's just an extension of the inner critic. Angrily say: "No! Stop ruining my life by filling my head up with nonsense!" Just be aware, that the inner or outer-critic may suddenly step in to fill the void, so be prepared to anger at that too. Can give you such a sense of inner peace and tranquility
Loving, self, guidance 🥰❤✔
I call it uninstaling maladaptive software and installing updated versions that are addaptive. Computer age and all. They have to know what fight or flight is. Then how to recoginze a trigger. Make your self safe in the moment. Identify original trigger (trauma or abuse or neglect) Compare that circumstance to current situation and modify behavior accordingly. Easier said than done. Step by step. about 18 months. for mild to moderate. All reconditioning.
Dude was curious what this was and I gotta say for my first video only 2:16 seconds in I can already tell you are a genuine and thorough guy can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this as I am just learning about it.
Hi Richard, I'm so grateful I have found your work again after glossing over your site and some videos 4 years ago when Trauma Bonded with a Narcissistic older boyfriend. Thanks for making the courses affordable, it's evident you have a true passion for helping others over making money.
It feels like the right time for me to enrol on this particular course now!
Sending you a massive hug from London Uk
Honoured our paths are crossing. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this important lessons. Will get this course sometime very soon
One Word for strength and skill together is “prowess”
Love your neighbor as yourself? Loving yourself is good for everyone!
Thank you 🙂
One of the best ways to define what makes a great therapist and teacher is proved in this video - being able to see things from another's point of view and circumstances, and realizing all of the details that are different for each person, but admitting it truly shows what someone is all about - it's obvious that Richard does everything he does to help others, first and foremost. This is also a sign of just how far he has come in his own healing.
@18:50 Thank you for your reminding me that I have done enough suffering and I have beat myself up enough over my foolish mistakes.
Thank you Richard Always timely wisdome....💖🙏
Well said Richard.... I worked as a teacher and met many teachers who trauma bonded the children in their classes shouting and abusing them... I never met a child who responded to being scremaed at I remember once going in as a locum teacher and the deputy head was screaming at the children who were literally off the wall and running around the classroom on and under the tables. She looked at me and said you wont last a minute with them... I though watch me .. I whispered and told them I was was so happy to meet them all that day..One little girl of 7 looked shocked and said ARE you a real teacher.... I asked why She said because you are smiling and happy..... THanks for that.... I grew up being my own harsh inner critique I will be my onw smiley teacher to myself.. Funny how many of us can coach others and yet abuse ourselves .... Self love is the name of the game now ... I notice when others said unkind things I seem on high alerrt to words from others but need to be awre of my own inner critique thankyou... I played Volleyball for England in my youth and he was a real rockweller it would not be allowed now... I toally agree screaming and shouting does absolutely nothing.... MY new mantra today will be " IS this loving me " agree with consistent daily action.
Cheryl Porter - youtube channel - she is a singing coach that is so positive and nurturing - I wish I had a mother like that.
Mind set absolutely knowing that negative thinking my world would crumple underneath me positive thinking has propelled me forward and into more healthy ways of dealing with the trauma