Spot on Darren. Narcisists are antagonistic, egotistical, envious, greedy and stubborn- if you get in a relationship with one you are bound to lose. With a narcissist you are in a perpetual catch 22.
Wow, Darren, you are an encyclopedia on narcissism. Huge respect to you, for all the clients who have been supported or guided by your knowledge in understanding of the narcissists in their life and maybe eventually learning the strength to live their lives without the narcissists controlling them. Everything you have said here is true. I have experienced all this from just one major narcissist in my past who has no access to me for a long time now. Gone. A sad struggle in many ways to achieve that. 👍 👌
They not only ruin special occasions but also solemn occasions. My sister's narc husband threw a fit the night after my mom's funeral. She wanted to be with her seven siblings and he kept calling her every couple of minutes.
Problem is everyone is accused of being entitled now and the media tells everyone that they deserve everything for free or without having to work for anything.
They always say the quiet part out loud at some point, they tip their hand, then they have told you so they don’t have to worry about being responsible for their deceptive behavior the other 99.9% of the time. See, they told you, so now it’s your fault for being so dumb to believe their act. This was an actual statement from a narc. Use it as you want or ignore it and keep believing the best version of them.
Sometimes the truth slips out of their mouth accidentally. I was told once this sentence: "the one who understand you, can jail you". At that time it sounded so weird I didn't pay attention to it. Now I know my sister said that if she revealed her true self, I would have held her accountable. She called me Jiminy Cricket too.
When I first met my narcissist mother in law, before I realized what was going on (it took me a few years to learn she is a narc), she would say these incredibly rude things or just argue with me about the stupidest little things (like what food to serve at my wedding) and then she would just say “I have to say what I think. I’m abrasive. But I always have good intentions!” And then her flying monkeys would attack me with the same ridiculous claims as if it is perfectly fine to belittle someone and treat them like dirt as long as you have good intentions and that you just can’t help but be abrasive. I think that was one of the only honest things she’s ever said to me.
My narcissist made an ultimatum recently related to a complicated problem, when I asked what she meant, she didn't have an answer. I asked her THREE times, 'What do you mean by that?'. And she kept her mouth shut because she had no leverage. They are the worst poker players and always overplay their hands.
Hi, Darren! You really said a mouthful, but even so, there's so much more crazy-making inside a narcissist. Like you said, they want to make everything good their own, and they waste everyone else's time and resources. It's the saddest state of affairs because there's no satisfaction on either side. You helped me Break Free in every way by explaining the ins and outs of narcissism in such great detail. The fact that you understand it all so thoroughly that you can give such great examples makes me wonder if you are (or were) in a situation where you have to continue dealing with a narcissist. I really would like to hear what influenced you to become a counselor, therapist, whichever word you prefer, if you ever want to share this.
Hi Darren, I just want to thank you again for sharing all of your insight on NPD. It has really helped me and my family relax by gaining some understanding of the difficulties we have experienced. Up to the time my wife discovered your channel and shared it with me I never knew what NPD behavior entailed and it was like a weight lifted off our shoulders. In our case it is one of my brothers that exhibits these traits and had been causing both of us a lot of heartache. Now that we are better informed our heartache has turned to compassion, but with a no contact boundary.
was w my narc gf off and on for 8yrs. the only time she was ever honest, not lying to me was when she made this statement a couple times while we were together, and it would come completely out of the blue, "sometimes i feel like a 3yr old". what a off the wall, odd thing, for a full grown, adult woman, to say? after the fact, and having a full understanding of narcissism, what she was honestly saying was she did not understand herself.
'Sensitive' is Narcspeak for our qualities of living insightfully and honestly and perseveringly - so it's actually a compliment 😅 It was a fave of my MumNarc's from when I was a boy. She eventually packed up her woeful lack of insight and died at 94 a while ago and I found one doesn't grieve for a mother who lacked empathy or competent knowledge of what love is. I grieved though for my opportunities missed in her as a Mum and for her bleak love blind existence. In Narcspeak that's 'living' but for the rest of us it is not, its walking death. Rejoice that you're called 'sensitive', they'd only be jealous - if they had any insight.😊
A woman I know called her Narc husband "the leader of the opposition". He would oppose every suggestion she made, even what to have for dinner. So she started to mess with him by suggesting they have his favourite meal. 😂
*Innocent bystanders* - they are not so innocent - (maybe they are cowards, or thoroughly bullied themselves) but I have the impression some of them are abusing by proxy.
Spot on and excellent insight. I'm at the final stages where the spouses world has collapsed because of her wrong doings. Everyone has abandoned her and since I want a divorce and I'm it playing into her narrative anymore, she knows how bad she's hurt me, she's sorry, she's changing, etc. Too little, too late. I won't give another opportunity to be destroyed.
My ex used to quote a lot "it's all about the narrative" and once accidentally admitted to me that he wasn't made for monogamy (which he denied saying.... only it was on text!) I used to call him 'whack-a-mole legend' because of the constant inconsistencies and contradictions in his stories
i find when they project and accuse you of what they're doing. I listen to what they're saying as it's what they're doing. Or when they tell you what you are thinking and doing when they have no idea. It's just made up in their head.
Two accounts my ex husband said to me long before we were married “ Don’t ever call me a liar “ & “ Every relationship I had failed, I must be the common denominator “
Hi, Darren! I admit I love listnin' to ya! But gettin' to see ya, too, is just gravy! I always make you as large as I can on my phone's screen so I can see your beautiful eyes. You're a handsome man with a very expressive face and an awesome accent!😉 I wish ya'd say some things in your native language sometime, because I've never heard that. My late husband was Danish, and most people in the United States have never heard a Danish accent. Have a good day!
Spot on Darren. Narcisists are antagonistic, egotistical, envious, greedy and stubborn- if you get in a relationship with one you are bound to lose. With a narcissist you are in a perpetual catch 22.
the only win you can get on one is no contact. preferably dumping them, before they dump you.
Wow, Darren, you are an encyclopedia on narcissism. Huge respect to you, for all the clients who have been supported or guided by your knowledge in understanding of the narcissists in their life and maybe eventually learning the strength to live their lives without the narcissists controlling them. Everything you have said here is true. I have experienced all this from just one major narcissist in my past who has no access to me for a long time now. Gone. A sad struggle in many ways to achieve that. 👍 👌
They not only ruin special occasions but also solemn occasions. My sister's narc husband threw a fit the night after my mom's funeral. She wanted to be with her seven siblings and he kept calling her every couple of minutes.
if its a occasion, any occasion, they will go out of their way to ruin it.
In my social group I called a woman "entitled." She looked me in the eye and said "I AM entitled. "
Problem is everyone is accused of being entitled now and the media tells everyone that they deserve everything for free or without having to work for anything.
show me one that isnt?
They always say the quiet part out loud at some point, they tip their hand, then they have told you so they don’t have to worry about being responsible for their deceptive behavior the other 99.9% of the time. See, they told you, so now it’s your fault for being so dumb to believe their act.
This was an actual statement from a narc. Use it as you want or ignore it and keep believing the best version of them.
Sometimes the truth slips out of their mouth accidentally.
I was told once this sentence: "the one who understand you, can jail you". At that time it sounded so weird I didn't pay attention to it. Now I know my sister said that if she revealed her true self, I would have held her accountable. She called me Jiminy Cricket too.
I just figure when they're being cruel, they're being honest.
👍
👍
👍
EXACTLY!
When I first met my narcissist mother in law, before I realized what was going on (it took me a few years to learn she is a narc), she would say these incredibly rude things or just argue with me about the stupidest little things (like what food to serve at my wedding) and then she would just say “I have to say what I think. I’m abrasive. But I always have good intentions!” And then her flying monkeys would attack me with the same ridiculous claims as if it is perfectly fine to belittle someone and treat them like dirt as long as you have good intentions and that you just can’t help but be abrasive. I think that was one of the only honest things she’s ever said to me.
been there. everything they say/do is a lie.
Thanks I needed that,😊
thank you
My narcissist made an ultimatum recently related to a complicated problem, when I asked what she meant, she didn't have an answer. I asked her THREE times, 'What do you mean by that?'. And she kept her mouth shut because she had no leverage. They are the worst poker players and always overplay their hands.
Hi, Darren! You really said a mouthful, but even so, there's so much more crazy-making inside a narcissist. Like you said, they want to make everything good their own, and they waste everyone else's time and resources. It's the saddest state of affairs because there's no satisfaction on either side. You helped me Break Free in every way by explaining the ins and outs of narcissism in such great detail. The fact that you understand it all so thoroughly that you can give such great examples makes me wonder if you are (or were) in a situation where you have to continue dealing with a narcissist. I really would like to hear what influenced you to become a counselor, therapist, whichever word you prefer, if you ever want to share this.
Hi Darren, I just want to thank you again for sharing all of your insight on NPD. It has really helped me and my family relax by gaining some understanding of the difficulties we have experienced. Up to the time my wife discovered your channel and shared it with me I never knew what NPD behavior entailed and it was like a weight lifted off our shoulders. In our case it is one of my brothers that exhibits these traits and had been causing both of us a lot of heartache. Now that we are better informed our heartache has turned to compassion, but with a no contact boundary.
It's all about: authority/dominant truth
was w my narc gf off and on for 8yrs. the only time she was ever honest, not lying to me was when she made this statement a couple times while we were together, and it would come completely out of the blue, "sometimes i feel like a 3yr old". what a off the wall, odd thing, for a full grown, adult woman, to say? after the fact, and having a full understanding of narcissism, what she was honestly saying was she did not understand herself.
She was telling you exactly how she actually felt, because that’s where she’s stuck, developmentally.
This is so common, it seems I can’t believe it when I see it
Computer says NO.....
Why do you care about these ppl soooo much. Fix em or KEEP it MOVIN
My family thinks I’m being a “sensitive” rude person. But, I’m just trying to steer clear of my abuser.
The victim is too often blamed! I totally feel your pain. ❤
'Sensitive' is Narcspeak for our qualities of living insightfully and honestly and perseveringly - so it's actually a compliment 😅
It was a fave of my MumNarc's from when I was a boy. She eventually packed up her woeful lack of insight and died at 94 a while ago and I found one doesn't grieve for a mother who lacked empathy or competent knowledge of what love is. I grieved though for my opportunities missed in her as a Mum and for her bleak love blind existence. In Narcspeak that's 'living' but for the rest of us it is not, its walking death.
Rejoice that you're called 'sensitive', they'd only be jealous - if they had any insight.😊
A woman I know called her Narc husband "the leader of the opposition". He would oppose every suggestion she made, even what to have for dinner. So she started to mess with him by suggesting they have his favourite meal. 😂
Been there, lived through that! So frustrating!
*Innocent bystanders* - they are not so innocent - (maybe they are cowards, or thoroughly bullied themselves) but I have the impression some of them are abusing by proxy.
when they tell you why they love you and it's nothing about you except the ways in which you betray yourself to appease them
Spot on and excellent insight. I'm at the final stages where the spouses world has collapsed because of her wrong doings. Everyone has abandoned her and since I want a divorce and I'm it playing into her narrative anymore, she knows how bad she's hurt me, she's sorry, she's changing, etc. Too little, too late. I won't give another opportunity to be destroyed.
0 contact my friend.
Thank you - they always double down 🎲 🎲
My ex used to quote a lot "it's all about the narrative" and once accidentally admitted to me that he wasn't made for monogamy (which he denied saying.... only it was on text!) I used to call him 'whack-a-mole legend' because of the constant inconsistencies and contradictions in his stories
I remember the moment when my brother blurted out” I’m not going to tell you what I intend”. Unguarded moment.
they always f up and slip. either intentionally, or unintentionally.
i find when they project and accuse you of what they're doing. I listen to what they're saying as it's what they're doing. Or when they tell you what you are thinking and doing when they have no idea. It's just made up in their head.
They know they’re wrong or they wouldn’t hide the truth so when they admit it & not just through reflexive projection plz BELIEVE
Darren is just making sure we are paying attention. There's no such thing as narc honesty of course 🤣
Two accounts my ex husband said to me long before we were married “ Don’t ever call me a liar “ & “ Every relationship I had failed, I must be the common denominator “
Wow! That was so on point!
Hi, Darren! I admit I love listnin' to ya! But gettin' to see ya, too, is just gravy! I always make you as large as I can on my phone's screen so I can see your beautiful eyes. You're a handsome man with a very expressive face and an awesome accent!😉 I wish ya'd say some things in your native language sometime, because I've never heard that. My late husband was Danish, and most people in the United States have never heard a Danish accent. Have a good day!
This accent is from Northern Ireland.