Childhood Signs of My Bisexuality | Bi Erasure in Christian Fundamentalism
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- This video is about the bi erasure I experienced growing up in Christian fundamentalism. I share the queerphobic teachings of my homeschool community and three childhood signs of my bisexuality that I wasn't able to recognize until adulthood.
CW: bi erasure, queerphobia, misogyny, & religious trauma. Also, grooming + sexual assault in a book series from 12:35 - 17:09.
My new pronouns: • Happy Pride Month 🏳️🌈...
[Bisexuality Resources]
"Bi+ Info: What it Means to Be a B(ee)" by the Bisexual Resource Center: biresource.org/bi-info/
"Bisexual Erasure" by GLAAD: www.glaad.org/accordionview/b...
"Bisexuality+ and Christianity" by J.R. Yussuf and Rachel Siden: biresource.org/bi-info/bisexu...
[Timestamps]
00:00 - Bi erasure in christian fundamentalism
03:17 - Childhood sign #1: Age 4
07:43 - Childhood sign #2: Age 13
12:34 - Childhood sign #3: Age 16/17 [CW: grooming + SA]
17:09 - Bi & Queer people are valid!
[Background Music]
Title: Still
www.hooksounds.com
Image Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a black tank top and a flower crown in the bisexual flag colors. On the desk are two lit candles, two green plants, and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are screenshots and video clips to illustrate her points. There is also a short clip at the end of their dog Nova (a black Beagador) on a walk.
#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #BiVisibility #Queer
At 11ish a girl in my youth group cut her hair short and came out. I thought she was really cute but I told myself it was because she looked like Zac Hanson so totally hetero. I couldn't stop thinking about her and was obsessed. Fundies did what fundies do and she was isolated but one of the older leaders was like "kristal you're strong in your faith I need you to try and help her" .... there were lots of awkward back rubs at the altar and once when we were praying she reached out and held my hand and like rubbed it with her thumb. I put a bandaid on that spot so it wouldn't wash off...because you know...Christian agape love... its a holy covenant between friends 🥴
oh my godddd my heart
100% straight behavior right here
@@creeperdoge7573 I love you and want to hold your hand forever... just two gal pals being gal pals 🤣
The rush of joy I got at hearing “my pronouns are she/they” was something else! I’ve been watching this amazing channel for a while now and I am so incredibly happy that you’ve formed a space where you feel comfortable saying that. As a they/them, I appreciate this incredible addition to the They Users Council (made up of anyone who uses they, both alongside other pronouns or on it’s own.)
Can you please explain she/they? I don't understand it. I'm not trying to be argumentative. I honestly don't understand. I get they/them. If she identifies with she, why not "her"? Please, give my comment a like so I know you responded. I don't have my settings set so I know when people respond to comments.
@@DaveCM It's not about the "her" part! She/they pronouns just means that Elly is comfortable with people referring to her with both she/her/hers pronouns and they/them/theirs pronouns. The nuances are different for everybody (some people have a preference for one set of pronouns but are okay with the use of another set, and others like both sets equally and use them interchangeably), but the gist is that Elly uses both she/her and they/them pronouns :) Like, "This is Elly. I really like her videos! Their goal to educate people about Christian fundamentalism is truly admirable. She's such a well-spoken person. I wish them all the best." would all be correct ways to refer to Elly.
I did not write the original comment, but I'm pretty sure she/they is supposed to mean you identify with being female and non binary, or feel you are a mix of both. I could be wrong, but I hope this helps.
I too am happy to welcome another addition to The Mysterious They. We are legion!
@Parker Jones Thank you so much for the warm welcome to the They Users Council! So grateful to be included :)
I grew up in a Christian homeschooling community that was not quite fundamentalist but was still restrictive, oppressive, and most definitely unaccepting. Now, as a bisexual trans man, looking back on my childhood it is crazy to me that I made it out and figured out who I am and how to love myself and not repress my feelings. Anyway, my first ‘queer experience’ was when I was seven, having a play date with a girl from my co-op, and we played Spiderman. I was Spiderman and she was Mary Jane and we recreated the upside down kiss with me hanging off her bed. It was cute and sweet and innocent. Nobody else saw us but I assume she must have told her mother or father because I was never allowed to see her again after that day, and shortly afterwards my family was actually kicked out of the homeschooling group all together and (unfortunately) joined another one. It is so healing to hear other queer people’s experiences growing up in these kinds of environments and making it out in adulthood, makes me feel less alone for sure!
That is such a sweet story! Thank you for sharing :)
Love the flower crown! As a woman married to a man trying to figure out if I'm bi while valuing monogamy is such a complicated thing. I grew up fundie and learning from strong people like you helps so much!
Hey all cats no gluten! I am there will be cats and also no gluten! Lol
As a bi nonbinary person I want to say you're amazing. Bi women are amazing 💝
Hello all cats no gluten (love this username)! I'm a pansexual cis woman in a monogamous marriage with a cis man. Queerness and monogamy definitely don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can be both, value both, and experience fullness in both simultaneously! Although, being in a relationship that reads to others as only straight/cis can feel complicated. I wish you growth, peace, and whatever else you may need on your journey!
When I came out as bisexual at the age of 25 I'd already been in a monogamous relationship with my masc partner for 6 years (going on 14 this fall.) I know there's so much to unpack in this jouney, I just wanted to reinforce that no matter the relationship you are in it doesn't define your sexuality. You still count.
The way I see it, someone can find more than one race attractive and be open to being with someone of any race. That doesn't mean that if they have an Asian partner that need to have an African partner and a European partner too. It means the role of partner has open casting but once you've picked who the role goes to casting is finished.
I find it fascinating to think about how many people in past historical eras might have been bisexual and not known it. I’m sure people who were completely gay realized that they didn’t feel attraction to the opposite sex, but did bisexual people realize they were bi? My grandmother was gay. She married a man in the 1950s, divorced him in the 1970s, and married a woman in 2011. After Nana died, I asked her widowed gay partner if Nana ever had any attraction to men whatsoever. Robin said no, Nana was completely gay as far as she could tell. But it does bring up so many questions for me about bi people throughout history.
It's what I wonder about ace people in history. How many of us were out there, without even realizing it? Either going along with the expected social norms and marrying "as they should" or becoming that "spinster" or "eternal bachelor".
@@Rhaifha I mean nunneries because a big thing at certain periods due to women committing to God because they either were lesbian, ace, or troubled in another way. Could be a thing misread throughout history.
@@Rhaifha I read an article about an older woman who knew there was something “off” about her but smothered it down and got married and had a daughter. After some time and a divorce, her daughter showed her information about asexuality on Tiktok and the mom realized she had been that all her life but never knew it was a thing. Not gonna lie, that story was kind of heartbreaking.
@@Rhaifha I dated a guy who found out he was asexual after dating me. No, I was not offended. He’s honestly a great guy and since he moved out of the country, I’m gonna visit him in the fall. Def. one of those moments when you know the guy is lucky to be 24 years old in 2015 with easy access to Google.
I do think that people in the past that were bi-sexual and didn't know there was such a term- knew something was off internally. That they were not completely satisfied with their life. I am sure there were many instances of men and women who were bi-sexual before the industrialized age, suffered a lot in their life having to conform to tradition and society. If they were wealthy enough they may have been able to have mistresses/ I don't know the term for male mistresses - lol. We actually have accounts of some royalty in the past that were bi/lesbian/gay, had affairs, but were married and had kids.
Thinking back, I can remember similar signs indicating that I am straight...early crushes and childhood thoughts. However because being straight is seen as a default, we often don't introspect. So in a sense, the assumption of straightness, takes something away from everyone because we don't get a chance to explore and discover our identities authentically. I wish early relationships could be more free of rigid gender roles and social expectations.
As a bisexual she/they who was brought up in a baptist-adjacent church, I just wanted to say that your videos are so cathartic. My family weren't fundies, but I did get a nasty dose of the church's bi erasure and homophobia. I remember being 7 and watching a cartoon scene where a bunch of guys were fawning over a pretty lady and thinking "wow, boys are so lucky because they get to fall in love with girls." That ivy ring story was adorable! It's interesting how a lot of us can look back on our childhoods and find queer experiences before we even knew anything about LGBT identities.
oh god i relate to this hardcore. i’m bisexual and nonbinary and have dealt with so much internalized homo/bi&transphobia due to my mom and my ex church. it’s been so difficult to break out of. happy pride to ALL queer folks, but an extra special one today to those of us from the fundie world. 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️ ✨
Ah, the "practice kiss" - a friend of mine and I did that in my room when I was 11. I remember liking it and thinking it was nice, but I didn't seem to enjoy it as much as she did so I wondered if maybe I was doing something wrong. (In contrast, the few kisses I've had with guys, I haven't really enjoyed at all.) I also had more crushes on girl friends than I did on boy friends pretty much my entire life. But it wasn't until I was 32 when I looked back on my experiences and desires that I realized that I'm asexual.
I had always figured that it was my fundie background that was holding me back and making me hesitant to really go any further. It wasn't until I was 32 and living with my asexual roommate/partner that I realized that I really enjoy just cuddling and being near him, but not feeling any pressure to actually do anything sexual and that I didn't want to do anything sexual with anyone.
I like to call myself "bicuddly" or "pancuddly" although I admit that I do have a preference for women. Men tend to smell bad, you know? lol
Man, this is the cutest and most relatable sit I have ever heard. I didn't grow up religious at all, but bi erasure is definitely a problem in mainstream society, as well. Until the last five years or so, I didn't recognise what it meant that I always wanted short hair as a young child, and that the year when I had my first crushes on boys, I was also obsessed with Beyoncé's Crazy in Love video, Pirates of the Carribean (more specifically, Keira Knightley), and Mean Girls (more specifically, Lindsay Lohan). When I had sex dreams, sometimes I used to be Harry Potter in them, having sex with my close female friends, haha
when I was little I had a friend who was also a girl, and one day we had a play wedding with her little sister as the officiant. The thing is, while I put on a white dress and she wore the closest we could get to look like a tux, it wasn't like we were clearly defined as a bride and groom, we just wanted to match the aesthetic that we'd seen in every wedding as an example. Even in the game, we were both girls, just one was in a "suit" instead. It's a very cute memory for me.
I am 42 years old, and I only came out as bisexual to my parents last month, because I was too scared before. My late husband of 24 years knew from the beginning of our relationship, as did my friends and my siblings. We weren’t fundies, but my parents were definitely much more conservative when I was a kid. I clearly recall my parents calling homosexuality immoral and an abomination. They have gotten much more liberal since then, even coming out in support of gay marriage, so I thought it might be okay. Surprisingly, they were okay with it. I am even going to a local Pride event this weekend (my first ever)!
Have a merry pride!
Thank you, and to you as well!
@@yaoipervette392 Thanks, we'll have our local pride week next week :)
That's a super uplifting story :)
Gives me hope that one day.....🤞
Thank you so much for another wonderful video sharing your story. I’m a lesbian, but I thought I was bi from the ages of 14-21 due to compulsory heteronormativity- really and truly having been convinced that I was attracted to men because society so forcefully told me that I should be. I was raised in a Protestant church that was not exactly fundie, but was much more conservative than I was aware at the time. I internalized a lot of harmful beliefs, especially towards myself. It’s taken me a long time to heal from that, but I can really say that I’m in a better place now, and I hope you are too. I always relate to your videos so much, and this is no exception. Happy Pride, Elly ❤️🌈 love the bi flower crown!!
that's really interesting that your first gay awakening came with robin hood! we did not have any religion growing up, but i can relate because my first crush was on maid marian. i didn't realize i was a lesbian until i was an adult, but that is my first gay moment.
My first crush was also on lady Marian! (And Robin Hood too, I remember it very very clearly)
Congrats on your updated pronouns and happy Pride! Once again, I relate to your experiences so profoundly. I didn't recognize my bisexuality until my 20s either and the crushes I had on girls while growing up, I interpreted as jealousy - I was jealous of her perfect lips, I couldn't possibly want to kiss them!
I'm so grateful we share an escape story too and I hope you continue to heal and thrive 💗💜💙
That's very much the F*ck me-> f*ck you pipeline
I just want to say that your daughter is SO fortunate to have you, Ellie! ❤
She’s going to grow up without feeling shame over having to hide who she is and how she feels, and that’s because YOU chose to step out of the sheltered box in which you were raised, and start questioning!
We love a brave queen!! 👏🏻
I think a lot of us are able to relate to this video, which is extremely comforting. I’ll never forget the time I was 7 or 8 years old, and I was with and I was so filled with happiness that I accidentally said “I love you,” immediately feeling embarrassed. She said “I love you too.” The feelings that I had for her made me feel shame until I got older and was finally aware that I queer and trans, and then the story became something very special to me. I love the way you said that your stories were both queer and innocent, that is something many of us are raised to believe is a juxtaposition. Thanks for making such great videos! ❤️
Ah, yes. The fundie world where-for women-everyone is either a predator or their savior.
I remember growing up dreaming about an equal partnership where we both trusted each other equally and took turns trail blazing. It always felt unattainable. Maybe I could get close to something like that, but never completely. My best case scenario was getting a guy who reluctantly and humbly took charge all the time, but then I dated someone who voiced that idea and I still felt like a pet or a kid. Big ‘ol nope for me.
I showed sign of bisexuality starting at 8 years old when I started thinking that my childhood animated characters both boy and girl were sexy. I know it sounds weird regarding which characters I had a crush on. That went on for years and then I came out to my two mothers a while back last year.
Sometimes I feel like my bisexuality is at a shallow level when it's clear that I've shown stronger signs growing up. But in the end, I'm still bi and it suits me very well. 💖💜💙
Hey, listen, Esmeralda from “Hunchback of Notre Dame” and Li Shang from “Mulan” were very influential childhood crushes 🤩
Not weird at all. Gay RUclipsr Jessica Kellgren-Fozard said her first crush was a tv character on an animated cartoon. And, have you seen every Disney prince and princess? How could you not crush on them? Lol
@@laurenconrad1799 I had a crush on freakin zhu zhu pets i just didn’t wanna specify who they were 😆😆 I know many others have crushes on animated characters. I still do but not zhu zhu pets anymore 😆😆
I love the bi pride as a bi woman myself who also uses she/they pronouns. I grew up in a religious house as well thinking it isn’t possible to be attracted to more than one gender. Now that I realize I am, I love it.
I relate. First time i got exposed to h0m0phobia was then I was like 2. My grandma and my mom told me it was evil. I think it was because I saw a les couple or something. But I disagreed then. My little kid brain was like "mm that cant be right, they just love each other". And then many years later, in middle school, I started realizing I was bi. Now Im out socially to friends and in public. Just not to my family 😂 Im too scared. Coming out as an athiest was bad enough 😶🌫️
You’re doing great haha I can’t even come out as atheist to my fam, much less bi/pan. I think they might know both though and honestly my mom would probably be accepting. It’s everyone else. Ughhh but it’s awesome that we are able to be true to ourselves after growing up in that kind of environment !
Happy Pride, Elly, and Happy New Pronouns! Always honored to be able to join you on your journey and through your growth. Thank you for allowing us to be here!
Also, Topanga from Boy Meets World was one of the first characters from my childhood that certainly had me wondering why my "this is a crush" meter would go off for both her and Shawn Hunter! I think I reasoned it away by convincing myself I "admired" her. And that's still true, but that was not all, haha.
As a child, I adopted masculine behaviours sometimes, but it was more of a desire for power--did not turn out to be bisexual. I was ready for feminism.
That ivy ring story is so beautiful. It’s just so sweet and reminds me of a girl version of Haku and Chihiro in Spirited Away
I actually think bisexuality is SO much more common than any of us know. I just think its hard for people to even realize they are bisexual because the rhetoric that surrounded bisexuality was so negative for decades, like mostly people saying bisexual people arent real and that you’re either gay and too afraid to come out fully, or that you’re straight and just trying to be unique or “sexy”. So anyone who is bi or curious may just assume the same gender attraction feelings they have are just normal for straight people to feel, like so many bi people will identify as straight their whole lives because we grow up in a heteronormative society so the straight side of your bisexuality just takes over and you dont even question your feelings towards people of the same gender. There are so many factors that go into this, i think its mostly bi erasure and homophobia (internalized and in general). For me personally, a big part of it comes from being afraid of coming out and then realizing i was wrong or something. I remember when i was younger i watched a ton of lgbtq youtubers who would all do collabs together in the early 2010s and some of the stuff they would say about bisexual people like literally crushed my spirit. Im a girl so if i were to come out as bi, I’d be dating other girls so what lesbians had to say about bisexual people mattered to me and some of the youtubers i watched would talk/joke about bisexual women not actually liking women, or they’re going through a phase and that they’ll just leave their lesbian partner for a man eventually. And because of that, i am so afraid of claiming to be bisexual because what if im not? The only sexual encounter ive had with a girl was a terrible experience for me because i was 16 years old and black out drunk and i didnt even want to and i didnt like her, and having that experience just pushed me even more into “no no i dont like girls i hated that experience” but like, obviously i would hate that experience whether it was with a girl or a boy. I just say im straight when people ask, because i know i am romantically and sexually attracted to men but i also know im at least homoromantic, i guess im just afraid of that not being valid so i dont want to say it out loud
i’m relieved i wasn’t the only person with a “kissing practice” story. i remember asking the girl i “practiced” with if she would like girls if it wasn’t a sin. she said “no because i don’t like girls.” that shocked me. i thought EVERYONE would be gay if it wasn’t a sin. so funny looking back at that memory.
I've had people try to tell me what my own childhood memories mean too. It's maddening.
I’m proud of you for putting this out here and it’s SO relatable. As soon as I heard your story about your idea to practice kissing, my first thought was “holy shit why didn’t 14-yo me think of that?? It’s genius!” 🤣
So glad i found this channel💖💜💙you’ve helped me heal through and talk more about my religious trauma
Us boys (I'm now retired) were told that playing or associating with girls was sissy . I've always blamed this for my extreme shyness with girls when my biological clock told me that i desperately wanted to date them, I found i couldn't even ask them the time! Parents just leave your kids be
These descriptions of your ardor for girls just warm my heart so much. I love hearing people's childhood "forbidden mystery crush feelings" stories for some reason. Everything being in private makes it so much more, like, sacred or something. (Although that word may not be so great in this context.)
@ 8:35 brought back memories of a girl I was in love with in my early 20s. We were best friends and spent a lot of time together.I never told her, but I wonder if she figured it out 🤔
I was devastated when she started dating a man (not even a nice one!) She ignored me completely after that, as she gave priority to him. All the heartbreak was compounded by the fact that I was deeply religious and I "knew" that my love for her was a sin.
Thank you for sharing your story!
I had an awareness that I was bisexual as a child because my parents were secular and I had access to that information, but the religious side of my upbringing, the church I went to with my grandma, quickly taught me this was something I needed to hide and it took me until I was 25 to come out in great part because of this.
I still find a lot of this relatable with regard to both compulsory het and gender, as I'm nonbinary but had no awareness as a child that there were options beyond "boy" and "girl" and gender roles were heavily enforced within my church.
The little girl and ivy story is so sweet 🥹
I feel like you are glowing more and more each video you post.
Wow thank you! :)
I'm so happy to see you flourish and expand as you find the love for yourself that you deserve! you are such a sweet and caring person, your videos make that so clear, and I relate to you a lot as an eldest child and bisexual gender queer human, it's so wonderful of you to speak out about your experiences, and seeing you explore and embrace your sexuality and gender has been so encouraging for me on my own journey of self discovery ❤
you're the bomb shizz my dear, I wish you all the happiness 🌈 🎉
Thank you so much! Wishing you happiness too :)
Thank you so much for posting your videos. I am a trans man that was raised severely fundy and I have so much trauma from it. Your videos help me tremendously and I love seeing your journey out of fundamentalism. It’s so validating and makes me feel like I’m not alone ❤️
That was such a sweet story. So glad that you’ve been able to find comfort and confidence in your identity ❤️
Happy pride from a fellow enby! What a great video, I especially enjoyed hearing about your ivy rings, what an adorable story! It's fairly relatable too, I don't have any memories from that young but it did remind me of when I finally figured out that I could be attracted to any gender, and suddenly that time in grade school when I really wanted to be friends with a certain girl made a lot more sense. Obvious in retrospect, but when you're raised to be religious and being straight is the goal, it can be hard to make the connection. Glad you've made it, and love the flower crown!
LOVE hearing your point of view!!
Elly, I love your channel so much! The work that you do by exposing fundamentalism for what it is is so important, and I can't stop watching every video you post.
Oh my. I think you just explained to me my own childhood/development and sexuality. Thank you so much for making the content that you make
Thank you for sharing your story! I identify with so many of the things you share! I am currently deconstructing after being in the IFB my whole life. Sharing your story makes me feel validated! ❤️❤️
Everything you say from about 2:45-3:05 is spot on to my exact experience growing up in the Evangelical church. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm so proud of your bravery processing your trauma, healing, and coming out as bi! ❤️
I look so forward to all your videos Elly! As a fellow bisexual person raised in a religious household, thank you for sharing your experiences 😊
Thank you for continuously uploading. You are truly one of my favorites to watch here, I turned to you in a hard moment of doubt and the joy and healing this channel has brought makes it all worth it
Happy pride :)
I LOOOVED the part about having you and your friend kiss!! That’s awesome! I definitely did stuff like that when I was young too. I thought it “didn’t count” bc it was another AFAB. (I now identify as gender fluid) I definitely related to all of these points! Especially the ones about girls “not counting”.
Thanks for this video!! ❤️❤️❤️
This is my first time commenting on a video of yours and I want to give you my support and admiration. So many people can be Bi-phobic and I am happy to have someone to look to and feel validated. You are a very brave person! I wish you nothing but happiness. 💜💙💗
Thank you for sharing your story. I think you are so brave and strong and smart. So glad you are figuring out things now.
Hey Elly, great to hear the perspective from another bi person, especially one in a situation I'm not super aware of. I'm Catholic but interesting to see the erasure in Christian Fundelmentalism
The story you shared about your childhood memory reenacting the Robin Hood scene was SO WHOLESOME!!
I'm a straight guy, but I have some very weird kinks. Your videos are really opening my eyes to how brainwashed and traumatized I am. I've been deeply wounded my whole life and never even realized it until recently.
I found this video really interesting! Thank you for sharing! I remember having a similar experience to the ring exchange when I was in early grade school
Thank you for this. I had moments like this all growing up. 💙💜💗
I've left a comment previously on our similarities of bisexuality and growing up fundamentalist. I've connected with other former fundie kids, and there seems to be quite the crossover in many areas!
Bi erasure in my family was due to our black and white fundamentalist thinking. Even then, the focus was mostly on gay men. Lesbianism was never mentioned unless it was during a misogynistic tirade about women or mothers losing their "natural affection" which bounced from mothers not truly loving their children to loving other women. I guess it just depended on the mood of the speaker.
Due to that bi erasure, I struggled internally with my feelings, yet they were never named. I decided it was the Lord calling me to minister to women. That I had a heart for women. That I could help and serve women for the Lord. That would explain this strong longing, right? My obsession for certain people in my life? Yes, that had to be it.
On top of having attraction toward men, and very strong comphet, it didn't hit me that I could be anything but straight until I reached my mid-twenties. I was married, and had a child. After a few years of wrestling and agonizing alone, I finally came to terms and it just clicked. Finally felt right, and I no longer struggled. Life continues!
I grieve the experiences I should have had for a normal development of my sexuality, and the intense repression I lived with for the majority of my life (my first moment happened at the age of 7-9 range), but I'm happy to know myself now.
I love your headband 😭😭😭
I always hope to see a new video from you in my recommended list, happy Pride month, keep doing things in your way and your time.
Elle. Voice in the Wind was my most favorite during my teenage years!!!!
i actually bought them a year ago and was disgusted by her portrayl of Prometheus’s relationship. as well as oh so much more!
i’ll gladly mail them out to you if you want. i have no need to be reminded ever again of their disgusting nature.
I think reading that one little excerpt was enough for me!
@@ExFundieDiaries then i’m pulling a Greg Locke and burning them all.
even seeing them in my trunk of my car this afternoon i realized how evil they are.
Thank you for sharing your story ✨💜
Ahhh, I love the flower crown! 😍💗💜💙 I need one! 😅
The ivy ring story is so wholesome 🍃
Happy Pride Elly!!!!! Love this channel so much
What a lovely, comforting, powerful video. My parents were so shocked when I came out as a lesbian...not in a supportive way though, predictably.
(Speaking for first crushes, mine were so embarrassing! I liked the lady mechanic and pilot from the Disney movie Atlantis, if we're talking fictional. If we're talking real, there was a girl in my class who I thought was SO "cool". Her hair was pretty, she was popular, and she gave me her Claddagh bracelet to wear, and I designed a written code, so we could swap secret notes in class. Real subtle, huh?🤣
Oh heck yeah Atlantis! That whole movie was awesome! 😄 I really wish disney gave Kida more representation as a Disney princess! She's an amazing strong character and deserves it.....
I had a MAJOR crush on her as a kid 😄
The mechanic girl was super cute too :)
The Ivy ring memory might be the the most wholesome thing I've heard all week.
You weren't the only one who reread steamy passages in christian fiction books over and over again lol.
I too grew up reading Rivers' books. I obsessively read the Mark of the Lion series (as a cluelessly closeted lesbian). Maybe it was because I was hyper-focused on Marcus, relating so much to Hadassah, and deep in CompHet, but I only saw Callaba as a toxic person. I never equated her toxicity with her being queer. She was also married to a gay man in the book, who slept with young boys. While this is historically accurate, it was that relationship that disturbed me far more than Callaba. Raised in a very conservative christian family (who still cannot know I'm lesbian, for my own safety), I too have been unlearning and deconstructing the lessons I've learned from a young age. In fact, due to the comphet and such, I only in the past few months realized that my exbff and I dated nearly a decade without labeling that. I always thought we were like sisters, but understand better now. So I'm working on calling her simply my Ex.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I’m a new subscriber and I enjoy your content.
I was rooting for your "practice" kiss to happen the whole time. Thank you for sharing this personal part of your story.
You and that girl playing out a romantic moment without any gender differentiations sounds so sweet. I don't feel any romantic attraction to girls but I do feel like women's bodies are the most physically attractive. I've just recently realized that maybe it's not normal for a woman to feel that way about other women.
I'm sure what you meant was "not straight" but I just want to say that your feelings are totally normal and valid.
@@shinyary2 Yes, to clarify I mean growing up being taught that opposite sex attraction is the expected norm.
Thank you for sharing!
I'm living for your Francine Rivers takedowns at this point
I am also someone who had no idea I was bi for most of my life. I’m so proud to be a bisexual person, and I feel like that part of me was being erased for so long (I sometimes still feel that way)
Hi, Honey! I'm a 76 year old grandma in Northern California, but I am so pleased to hear your story. I seriously identify with it because I went to Catholic school in the '50's. Family & community didn't say "queer", they used other words, but rarely even spoke of people who were like us - we were "protected" by never hearing queer people referred to in any way, unless we were talked about in exactly the same bigoted tone black people were talked about. But mostly we didn't exist, we were so evil. I get it. All these years later, these people disgust me. I can protect myself from abuse because I have learned its name - just like I finally found out about narcissism. They didn't teach "red flags" in school when I was growing up. Now, I have long talks with my 24 year old granddaughter who is bi like me and whose father is a narcissist. Thanks.
New subscriber here! I have been watching your videos and it was interesting hearing about you experiences.
Plus, I recommend introducing your daughter to the Moomin books. The woman who created the characters and the stories, Tove Jansson, was openly Bi herself. So there's a lot of positive lgbtq+ undertones and portrayals, making these books pretty progressive for the time came out in. (mid 1940s to early 60s). And to this day, they remain as very important icons in the pride movement, particularly in the Nordic countries.
I know I’m super late commenting on this, but I just wanted to express how much I appreciate you for making these videos ❤ I wasn’t raised “fundie” per se, because my childhood church was more “fundie adjacent” than anything- but that church was definitely not affirming by any stretch. So I also internalized a lot of horrible messages about LGBT in general, but particularly about bisexuality itself. I actually came out as “gay” at one point because I genuinely did not understand that bisexuality was a valid sexual orientation.
Glad you and your sibling are finding your voices and finally getting to be your true selves 😊
Thank you for this video. It articulates well how Christianity can really, really be used to control people's thoughts to the extent they don't understand themselves, they shut down parts of themselves.
I just found your channel and I absolutely already crushing on you so hard! Lol on the not creepy side I just want you to know that I didn’t grow up Fundy but I did grow up as a born-again Christian maybe 1 foot outside of that because my parents were not strict about it! I was very much someone who labeled myself a Jesus freak so I guess maybe I kind of had aspect of fundamentalism in my own practice even as a teenager and years later I have left Christianity along time ago and I’m now and atheist and also bisexual and also fairly recent to acknowledging and coming out!
Wow... I really related to this story since my own is so similar. The church I grew up in was a little less extreme, but it still thoroughly smothered my bisexuality. Of course, once I got out to the main stream I ran into whole bunch more bi erasure which led me to not realize my identity for several years after that but... Oh well
Thank you for sharing your story!
Our paths are so similar, it's honestly really lovely for me to hear about someone else's journey. Looking back on my own child/young adulthood, so many of the "Oh she's cool I want to be like her/be her friend" and "I can acknowledge that a woman is beautiful without being attracted to her" instances were crushes, and my high school bff was really probably a bit more than that, we just didn't realize. I think I was in college before I heard about bisexuality, and I was in my mid-20s before I fully understood and embraced being bi. Now I'm in my 30s, have a wonderful queer community around me, and am about to marry an incredible woman!
The flower crown is so cute! Bisexuals UNITE!
I LOVE your videos. Thank you for your transparency!
Thank you for making this important content. It really resonates with me.
I had a ongoing crush on a girl when I was 13 yo. Like for most of the school year. I also had a crush on several boys at that same time. I brushed off the girl crush as a fluke or something. I knew I wasn’t a lesbian because of my attraction to boys.
It would be many years before I would even hear the word “bi-sexual”. And many more years before I would identify as bi.
Another interesting thing. In high school I dated a fellow classmate whom presented at that time as male. A couple years ago, I learned that they are trans and have transitioned to female.
Happy pride month from one she/they to another!!! I think my earliest sign that I was gay was when I was playing with one of my childhood friends. We were pretending this decorative ball thing on a podium in her grandma’s yard was a crystal ball and saying we could see each other’s futures and when she told me I was gonna marry a guy I got kinda upset and was like “wait. I don’t wanna marry a guy!” And I had NO inclination that being gay was wrong till my grandmother told me that drake and josh was pushing “the gay agenda”. I had no idea what that meant so I asked my mom and she got mad at my grandma. Lol.
I didn't grow up in a fundie community, but grew up in a conservative christian culture.
I'm bi and cis female, and I recall innocently crushing on one of my girl friends as a young girl, all but 4-5 years old. I didn't know about it at that time, but when I started exploring myself in my tween years, and was realizing I was crushing on another girl, while another girl was crushing on me, I realized what was going on. By this time, I did know I was bisexual though, and it's sad that this sort of culture represses sexuality so much in our "exploratory" phases/ages.
Although I've explored my female attraction, most of my serious relationships have been with males. I've had a loving and open relationship to explore more of my female attractions, and I'm so grateful for communities like yours, where we can open up about our attractions, and sharing our bi-ness (and all the others as well)
Thank you for sharing. Although I wasn’t raised under religious fundamentalism, like you, I didn’t know that bisexuality existed until much later in life. Up until then, I dismissed all my crushes on girls and women as ‘something else’ but not legitimate attraction.
Awww I've got a little bi flower crown too it's just not as obvious as yours. I also grew up thinking it's not okay to be gay (I didn't even know what being gay for most of my life)
“Belle because she won over her captor with her quiet and gentle spirit.” Um, no she didn’t. She refused to take his shit and stood up for herself many times.
Robin Hood is how I knew I was bisexual. They were both so dreamy.
Congrats on the pronoun update! My favorite pop star (Hikaru Utada) recently came out as she/they too. You’re in good company! 🥰
I'm non-binary, and I really appreciate this video.
When I first started to question my gender identity at around 16 I was constantly doubting myself and my feelings. I really struggled to accept that I just happened to be one of the genderqueers when for my whole life it had been shoved into my head that I was a girl and would always be a girl.
It wasn't until I started looking back onto my childhood and noticing so many signs that I began to feel more comfortable with that part of myself.
It was reassuring to be able to point to things in the past and say, "see, you're not crazy, you've always been this way, you just didn't know it at the time."
4:56 I remember that song. I had it on 45 before my double digits. I finally saw the film on TV in the 80's, worth it.
Fellow bi here btw.
Of course your favorite movie was robin hood, he was a queer icon! I'm an asexual lesbian and even I remember having a crush on him, I think every queer person is legally required to love that movie.
I was pleasantly surprised to see your updated pronouns. :) I'm a nonbinary/genderqueer demipan and give no craps about what pronouns people use for me. :P Normally it's "she" since my outward appearance is quite feminine.
Thank you for telling your story. :) I wasn't raised religious and my mom taught me at a young age that gay people are normal, which was quite open-minded for the 80s. Kinda ironic since she found it hard to accept me when I dated my first female. It hurts to this day, even nearly 20 years later. I'm always fascinated by those who were raised in a religious household with the way they slowly come to terms with who they are as they age, while also letting go of what they were taught growing up. Some don't get that opportunity, so I'm very curious about the kinds of minds that stay in one mindset, while others question.
A cool vid idea for you might be to talk about how you discovered your "they" identity, since it's a new revelation. :) Happy pride month! 🌈
Iam 62 iam just finding out now about this interesting world i also had a church upbringing as well...
ONE OF US ONE OF US
I knew I was bisexual when I was 12.i didn't know what it was called, though, or if I would be a pariah if I let anyone know about my crushes on girls. I came out in college, and my parents didn't really care. I am happily married to a man,(21 years!) but luckily I was able to date women before I met him. So I didn't regret not exploring my sexuality .
Could you do a video on if your husband is still Christian? Did you lose your faith together? Or does such a video already exist, and I missed it? I identify with so much of what you share and it is a healing experience to hear it. Love, another bi girl who figured it out once I was married to a man 😉 (whom I love very much to be clear, but still..)
I think the first time I heard the word “Bi” was in a Smosh video years ago, and now here I am 💖💜💙
Happy bride. We are bi and we are visible!