Christian Fundamentalism Doesn't Always Look Like the Duggars
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- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2024
- This video is about how christian fundamentalism doesn't always look like the Duggar family from 19 Kids and Counting. To illustrate this, I talk about my homeschool experience in my middle school and high school years and some of the things I was allowed to do, including: wear pants and shorts, do certain kinds of dance, and play soccer. I explain why my parents made these exceptions for our family, despite being extremely fundamentalist in most other parts of our life and worldview. Thanks so much for watching!
[Videos Mentioned]
"Fundie Homeschooling | Loneliness, Isolation & Video Curriculum" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: • Fundie Homeschooling |...
"Who is Who in the Duggar Family?" by Gabs with Abigail: • Who is Who in the Dugg...
[Timestamps]
00:00 - Christian fundamentalism looks different ways
01:14 - Our fundie homeschool community
03:27 - Being influenced by the Duggar family
04:52 - My parents saw dance as a form of worship
08:41 - Legalism and using the bible as a rulebook
12:24 - Why I was allowed to play and coach soccer
14:54 - Evangelizing on secular soccer teams
17:47 - Devotionals on christian soccer teams
18:52 - Being coached by my dad and quitting the team
[Background Music]
Title: Presents to Everyone
www.hooksounds.com
Image description: This video starts with a collage of clips from the show "19 Kids and Counting" and home movies of Elly as a preteen and teen: wearing shorts, playing soccer, and dancing ballet. Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. After this collage, it shows Elly in the present, wearing a blue top with criss-cross straps in the front and a white cardigan, talking to the camera. She is sitting next to a desk with plants, lit candles, and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are pictures and screenshots to illustrate her points.
#ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture #ChristianPatriarchy #Exvangelical #CultSurvivor #FundieSnark #Duggars #19KidsAndCounting
As the secular home school kid in a group of fundamentalists, your Evangelism story really cracked me up. I was a regular target for evangelism growing up, I eventually started letting kids tell their parents they had converted me because they got a lot of praise and credit for it, and it didn’t seem to hurt anybody for me to tell them I’d started attending a church 😅 Looking back I hope that my fibs didn’t get anybody into trouble, just seemed to get my friends the kind of praise they never got.
You were a real one
That's adorable
No it's not going to hurt anyone however, you'll be going to hell in a handbasket LOL! ✌️🤟✌️🤟✌️
Thank you for helping, like legit you probably made an impact on those kids.
We are a secular homeschool family in the Bible Belt.
That story of the Duggars shutting their kid down for dancing made me really sad. Dance, or even just lyrical movement to a beat, is so ingrained in humans so much that even little babies do it instinctively. Denying yourself and others any small pleasure in life seems to be rule number one in most Fundamentalist communities. I think life is meant to be lived; it's basically suffering from birth to death so we might as well try to enjoy it.
I remember that clip... the baby was MAYBE 9 months old, and was 'dancing' to a musical toy...
In the Bible, David danced in front of the whole city. David was very loved by God.
Newer underswtood banning of the dancing. You cannot find any actual support for that from the Bible. On the contrary, any time dance in mentioned in the Bible, It is mentioned in the positive way. (I've red it through maybe 10 times years ago and I've always loved dancing, so I would have noted if there was anything against it). There are not many mentioned, but believe me all of them are positive.
This is one those signs that thse fundamentalist are truly not as biblical as they would like to claim. There are plenty of them, believe me. They often make very strange intrepretation of Bible and at the same time disminish much clearer passages on same matter than don't fit in their "world view". I have always said that there are no stay at home moms in the bible. Not a single one. You can choose that life style if you like it, but don't choose it because it is christian or biblical.
As far as I could recall, I spent a few years in a fundie Bible Presbyterian church which hated dancing, loud music, and all forms of entertainment such as movies and pop music were subject to extreme scrutiny and prohibited to church members. Life is too short to be part of this cult of suffering and so, I left in 2005. Whether I remain Christian or not, I am not going back to a fundamentalist church ever again.😊
I do nails and one of my clients has been opening up about her trauma. She's mentioned being physically and spiritually abused and helping 2 close friends escape their abusers
I used to think she might be referring to some far out esoteric new-age type of like, cult. But eventually I realized I think she just grew up in a part of evangelical America that I have no experience with Thanks for sharing this!
A lot of ML M's depend on Mormons and other conservative religious peole because they can sell stuff like essential oils at huge markups because it is "God-created".
A lot of anti vaxer sentiments are conservative and fundie religious, not just hippie "Woo" types worshipping a Mother Goddess figure! I was fairly shocked to find that out myself.
It's disturbing how well abusive organizations can conceal the things they are doing to those they prey upon :(
I'm glad your client is opening up, it can be so hard for people to learn how to trust again
They ARE in a cult
Thank you for being so kind, and helping people who want to get away from their oppressors.
BTW I have huge respect for nail people.
I can't do my own nails so I am grateful for those who can 💅
About the idea of certain things being "provocative" - ANYTHING can be a fetish. And if someone with that fetish decides to use that against the person, that's on the person with the fetish, not the person who wore that style. And when I say anything can be a fetish, I mean anything - including such supposedly "boyfriend-proofing" measures as unshaven armpit hair, and here's a big one - sweaters. As in, the "1sexy librarian" fetish. And I bet there are folks out there with a fetish for Duggar-style outfits, too. In short, there is no formula for preventing fetishes, and that isn't a reason not to wear what style you prefer when you're out and about, so long as you're observing health guidelines where needed, and proper boundaries when you're on the upper end of a power differential (this includes when you have household help members who aren't specifically tasked with intimate functions).
Yes! And that's why the burqa doesn't work. There is still a eye, a hand, a foot . . .
I’ve watched videos of Muslim fundamentalists talking about how women who wear heeled boots are being provocative. That they are purposely wearing shoes that make a noise when they strike the ground in order to attract male attention, why else would they wear such boots but to bring a mans attention to the thought of what lies underneath their clothing?
These are women who are wearing burkas…. Completely and entirely covered.
You can’t ever do enough because it’s the men who lack any control or accountability over their thoughts and actions.
@@dudeeveryone391 As if there aren't horse-related reasons for people to wear heeled boots. And you'd think that they would know that, given that a lot of them have livestock and at least some Middle Easterners are known for breeding horses on what was once a global highroad.
Then again, they're just like our own homegrown authoritarians in that they rewrite history for their own purposes, and ignore bits that are inconvenient to their cherry-picked doctrine (not least of which is the entire pre-Islamic history).
So very true! Thank you for posting your thoughts. Skirts are just easy access whereas jeans/ pants are far more protective. Just saying.
Exactly and it proves the point of why sometimes if you completely try to withhold something from someone as normal as legs or shoulders they will go crazy by the near thought of it .
I feel this one DEEPLY. I, too, often filled the role of son for my dad as the oldest of three daughters. He taught me to operate a chainsaw, to split and season firewood, and other kinds of woods craft. I have wondered whether, if my dad had a son, he would have done these things with him, instead. On the other hand, I genuinely LOVED prairie dresses and cooking and baking and sewing and knitting and taking care of younger children. I still love those things, but I have an uneasy relationship with those interests because they are so prescribed for me by patriarchy. I sometimes feel guilty that I had an easier time than my sisters growing up because I mostly *fit* my parents' ideal of femininity just naturally. Sigh. Deconstruction's a bitch. Thanks for sharing your journey.
I don't think you should feel guilt. It's not "feminine" women's fault if what they enjoy was defined as "textbook femininity" by the men who want to be in control.
as an agnostic stay at home stoner wife, it's ok to have feminine interests if they're genuinely yours. the fact that women in these fundamentalist cults are FORCED to do "feminine" things is what makes it problematic.
and yes deconstruction is a bitch lol
@@leinanightray4294 saying "you shouldn't feel guilty" is a wonderful sentiment and statement, but it can be so difficult for an apostate to get rid of the guilt or fear that was drilled into them. Especially when one is in a group from birth! A lot of atheists and formerly religious people who no longer believe still experience nightmares of Hell even though they haven't believed in such things for years. Scary how some thoughts can be so intrusive, and are used to control vulnerable people :(
@@leinanightray4294 The patriarchy forces these interests upon women and at the same time scorns them. Just a decade ago or even more recently the TV in the UK was scorning them too but more recently with programmes such as Kirstie's Homemade House and The Great British Sewing Bee they have made a comeback. You were supposed to get out and take dancing classes or join a choir instead. Everybody is so afraid now to take up a hobby or interest until the TV programmes push them. The time to do that is when you are going against a trend.
As someone who grew up Jehovah’s Witness, I can totally relate to your story about trying to evangelize your friend and feeling awful about it now. I gave a book to a friend once and she gave it back to me the next day. Things were never the same between us after that and I’m so embarrassed now. Kids should be playing and learning not trying to convert their friends. I just discovered your channel and I’m really enjoying it! Thank you for sharing!
You are right! Kids SHOULD be playing and learning- and it’s not their fault if they are forced to think they should be converting their friends instead of having fun with them! You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and if your old friend is a good person, I think she would understand if you explained and told her you regretted losing her friendship!
Oh, wow. It never occurred to me that the reason my dad made certain exceptions was because it was all the stuff he liked. It's always confused people when I say I grew up fundie and also listening to classic rock. He was a DJ on the side of being a Navy chef. So, yeah, that makes sense! What I did figure out early on was that the reason I was allowed to pursue academics (albeit the primary goal was that MRS degree, obv), be outspoken, give him advice, etc, was because he didn't have a cis son, I was the oldest, and he was raising us alone once I was a teen. He talked all the time about how I was the "woman of the house now, because your mom left," but also treated me a lot more like a "boy" as far as personality but also lost his shit any time I dressed even mildly androgenous and god forbid I ever consider cutting my hair! All of these contradictions confused the crap out of me, definitely delaying my understanding that I'm trans well into adulthood, and it all is so simple after watching your video: any exception he made to the hardcore fundie rules he had for us were to benefit him. Wow. 🤯 Thanks, yet again, for speaking your truth in such a public way so I could find my own in your stories. I cannot say thank you enough!
Sounds like a really confusing journey to becoming who you are. I hope your able to enjoy yourself without all that pressure.
Holy fuck is my story similar😂 my parents were so confused when I came out as non binary like…. They raised me to ride dirt-bikes, shoot and build shit cause his only son for years was autistic and didn’t go anywhere near those things. (Once I was older they adopted 3 more kids so another son came along who did those things and has since “replaced” me in his eyes)
So it's funny, I was homeschooled due to having a learning disability that wasn't being addressed by public school, and my Mom did her best to help my brother and I socialize. She founded a number of homeschool groups so we could socialize with other homeschoolers, and every time we got run out by the fundamentalist christians who joined up.
Secular and new age homeschooling is very popular where I live and the children are taken to learning and voluntering opportunities in the community and also with home schooled children to places of attraction where they can learn about history and nature. Fortunately the fundamentalist Christians who homeschool are in the minority and usually form their own groups.
Had a friend whos brother had turetts and they were homeschooled bc of the bullies his brother delt with. They too stuggled to find groups that were religous nuts
The lower central and southern most parts of my state seem to have the majority if fundie homeschool families. The northern part has the secular and newage families. I grew up knowing the fundies and boy was it a trip.
Ouch. Like you have one of the best reasons to be home-schooled.
You should have joined a free online schooling. You do it at home bur there's events my oldest daughter is in cyber school. They have regular teachers and it's just virtual
When you mentioned the word “queer” my heart cracked for you. I grew up in a similar world and can only imagine the trauma you went through to be able to be your true self. God made you exactly the way He wanted you to be and I’m sorry you didn’t have parents celebrating you for being authentically you.
The whole "my Dad wished he did raise us in skirts only" really hit home. I too was raised in a very fundamentalist household, and while yes, I didn't have to wear skirts unless it was a Sunday or Friday chapel at a Christian school I went to, I did have all of these strict modesty rules. The fundamentalism peaked in my teens, and I remember around that time I got into another argument about wanting to wear an article of clothing that wasn't allowed. My mom told me "Well, you should be thankful you are allowed to even wear pants. The Perry Girls (girls from a family that was even more fundamentalist that did require skirts) aren't even allowed to wear pants." Like she was saying 1) the rules are lax enough and 2) She was passively aggressively threatening to put me in skirts only. I was required to wear skirts and dresses to church into my mid/late teens, I know my mom fretted constantly if that was a right decision. I'm a Quaker now, which eschews any form of fundamentalism. And my mom and dad? They are so chill in religion now, they don't even go to church, and we discuss all the new shows that we enjoy. So even crazy fundie parents CAN change. And the funny kicker? I actually now LIKE wearing skirts and dresses. But they are 10000% my decision.
I was also required to wear skirts growing up. I really want to understand why grown men want there daughters to wear skirts? I genuinely want to know, what is wrong with these people? And I don’t mean this in a condescending way. I’m trying to understand.
@@jusssable My guess is because they view it as feminine and fundie dads typically view their daughters as property to simultaneously show off but also “protect” (from other men).
We had so many fundamentalist friends who would never have seen themselves that way, but they absolutely were. Compared to the Duggars many of these famous were “normal”, yet couldn’t listen to secular music or wear spaghetti straps. It’s good to see someone deconstructing the idea that all fundamentalists wear a uniform.
Sometimes the uniform is an Audio Adrenaline T-shirt and a chain wallet lmao
omg the vendetta against spaghetti straps!! xD
Oh, Elly, once again, your content is so relatable. We were also a pretty normal-seeming family with only two kids, very unusual for our IFB compatriots. We even went to public school and were allowed to do theater and music. However, the fundie-ness was right under the surface of it all, and my parents have expressed their regret in "allowing" me to attend a state university to get my music degree. Thank you for the steady stream of great videos; you're really helping fill the void until Dirty Rotten Church Kids pod comes back next year!
What a lovely compliment! I adore the DRCK pod!! :)
@@ExFundieDiaries Thanks to them, I now know the term "Jesus Juking" and GOOD GOLLY how great is it when you hear a word that describes something you had NO CLUE how to describe before!
@@dexterbunco4212 Also check out Belief It or Not (RUclips channel) and Behind the Bastards if you’re not already listening to those. Straight White American Jesus and Go Home Bible You’re Drunk are also great.
I had a conversation with my little sister recently and I brought up that we were raised quiverfull and her face just fell. Through all we went through she had always hung onto the idea that we weren’t actually quiverfull because my parents used some kind of birth control, so in her own mind we were all planned and wanted.
I felt so bad when I told her that Quiverfull doesn’t always look like 19 children. Sometimes it looks like 7 children; with 1 infant loss. It looks like two children born with congenital heart disorders, and multiple children with ADHD and/or Autism. The only 2+ year gaps between children were because of my brother’s death and my sister’s birth/hospitalization and ongoing fight for life. But after all that did they keep trusting god with their reproductive choices? Did they want as many children as god would give them? They absolutely did.
“Praise him with timbrel and dancing!” I always wondered why the duggars were against this.
I did this during my first job: the constant praying, giving God the glory for EVERYTHING, and constantly looking for ways to “witness.”
My mom was fundie light, but my dad wasn't a fundie at all, even though he was a deacon at our Bible church. I'm grateful that I had one parent that was grounded in normality when it came to religion.
"I could not take any credit for my soccer skills" Ooofff yeah I know this feeling. I never noticed it when I was younger because I was so brainwashed to think it was only natural that everything came from God so anything you did was God's. It wasn't until college when I was finally away from my parents and able to fully think on my own and form my own identity that I started loathing when my mom would say over the phone "I'm so glad God is giving you the wisdom to do well on your tests" and such. There was pretty much never "Wow, well done, you're doing so well, we're proud of you." I then struggled because "oh man, am I getting too proud and arrogant?" Took me years to undo that upbringing and get to a place where I could say "no, it's okay for me to take credit for my work."
I have a lot of friends like this. Homeschooled, gender roles enforced like crazy, only going by the word of the bible and not the spirit. They hate gay people and trans people, are covid deniers on the basis that the lockdowns closed churches, and most of them probably won't ever step inside a school because their parents refuse to send them to public school, and I really doubt their education is good enough to get them in university. This is particularly worrying to me for the girls because they don't really have any option other than marriage and motherhood. They are trapped in their little bubbles and are incapable of interacting with anyone who isn't fundamentalist Christian because even questioning their own beliefs is a sin (which is a problem when anybody who isn't Christian asks them about it), and they've been taught to be confrontational about their political views. No such thing as live and let live.
My family thinks they're bad people because of their crazy beliefs about a woman's place or about homosexuality. I'm not sure if I 100% disagree, but I like them despite all that other stuff. I'm not interested in talking to them about ANYTHING even tangentially related to religion or politics but maybe if they see that non-Christian fundamentalist people aren't evil or anything maybe eventually they'll stop restricting their thoughts so much
The most horrible thing though, is that their parents absolutely crippled their critical thinking ability, and I'll never forgive them for that.
Ooof I relate hardcore to your secular soccer friend. I had a similar experience, except I was the outsider living in the evangelical deep south as the only out atheist anyone knew. I had a friend who spent most of the time we knew each other (ironically also while playing soccer, lol I sort of started a movement when I moved there) trying to convert me, going so far to give me a bible with a similar inscription to the one you said you wrote where she also misspelled my name. Not gonna lie I harbored some lasting resentment for her for a while. Years and years later she friended me and facebook and I will fess up to having initially reacting in a petty way, asking if she remembered the bible or her efforts to change my beliefs, and she did what I didn't expect: she apologized and admitted that at some level she was trying to "save" me as a proxy for the battle she was waging with her growing understanding of her own sexuality. And all the years of resentment vanished. I'd heard a bit distantly about some of the hell she'd gone through while coming out in that deep south small town, and all I had left for her was empathy and well wishes.
If that secular soccer friend is worth a damn, I'm sure she has a similar sense of wistful hope for you to heal from your trauma. And if not, take some of mine.
It is such a strange world that you are describing. At least for me.
Thank for your honesty and forwardness.
It is really important to have voices like you.
As far as dancing goes, the Duggars already knew what Josh was up to before their show started. They were extremely sensitive to anything remotely sexual. So sad that even the very young girls had to wear leggings, but now we know why.
Oh Elly...you are and have always been worthy, of value, and more than ‘good enough.’ You are amazing and I love your heart, kindness and thoughtfulness. 💙
Your Dad with your clothing items reminds me of my Dad with media. Except when I was very young, he never "forbade" me from watching Harry Potter and the like, unlike a lot of the kids I went to school with. Instead, he shamed me and mocked the stuff I liked to try and get me to conform to his media preferences.
Im so sorry your dad put you thru that 😓 I hope you're in a better place now.
I have a family member that was forbidden to watch HP, yet her dad (a pastor) played World of Warcraft on a level that was insane. It still bothers me. I am a Christian, and personally am a BIG Harry Potter fan. Love the books, the movies, everything.
I wrote better novels than that. (See homepage.)
I had that with Top of the Pops. My mother would take a bath when it was on so she didn't have to watch it with me. But my father would enter the room and make racist remarks about some of the groups performing.
My dad would come in my room and cut all the horns off my unicorn plushies or go through my fantasy novels and throw them away because they were 'demonic.' I started tearing the covers off my books so he wouldn't see any unicorns or wizards on them.
I was raised similarly fundie. My parents were missionaries and so we were in different churches every week and my parents would discuss the sermons on the way home. They never found a conservative enough congregation for our home church, to this day they are church shopping because everywhere has doctrinal disagreements with them.
I was raised "fundamentalist" and then me and my mom converted to Catholicism in my late teens, and it was almost like having an entirety different religion in many ways. Like Catholics believe in evolution, my old church would never consider it, and they also tell people to have "disinterested friendships" with LGBTQ+ people, where my old church would never allow it, and they acknowledge and condemn domestic abuse including
"marital r*pe" and denounce the belief that men should have "dominian over" their wives,
there's obviously problems with the Catholic Church but "converting" into it required me to actually read the Bible in an academic context (RCIA) and they themselves even admit that Biblical scripture was "not infallible", and this realization world changing for me at the time and it also provided the logical toolbox for me to deconstruct my religion entirely later in life, I would personally say that the Catholic Church was an (marginal) improvement over fundamentalism but I personally didn't think it was good enough to keep me in personally.
My parents were influenced by fundamentalism as I grew up, and they too were church hoppers. Domestic Violence was at the root of it. We stopped going to one church when the pastor told Mom to go home and obey her husband, and there was another where Mom got some support, but Dad felt embarrassed. I believe that when a Christian finds a healthy but imperfect church, they should probably stay there. Otherwise, sins like wife beating and child abuse are too easy to hide.
@@anitalauer2715 I had a friend who was church hopping a lot and I told her to either take six months to a year off church going to get her head together or try a liberal church like the Quakers or United Reformed Church. There were few evangelical churches as nearly all of the conservative churches were fundamentalist ones. I attended one with her for a few months and then left church altogether. She complained to me that her Bible group leaders had dropped round uninvited and then complained about dust in her flat. She has a very small flat and loves crafts so it is very cluttered like a gift shop and difficult to dust around. I told her to call on them or at the next Bible study group meeting to give them a taste of their own medicine by looking for dust or crumbs and then out loud complain but she would rather try another church instead.
The same sort of thing would happen there and then she complained about certain people spreading lies about her in the new church so she had to leave that one as well. I didn't get that at first and then realised that they talk to newcomers but don't listen properly to what the newcomers say about themselves and then gossip about them based on what they thought they heard. So many fundamentalists dream up fantasies about people they hardly know and pin those fantasies on them instead of actually getting to know them. So if they decide that you are into the occult say they will pin their baseless fantasy onto you. And it's often down to the colours of the clothes you wear.
I just want to say how much I appreciate that you’re sharing your experiences. I’m amazed at how similar they were to mine. I was allowed to take dance classes, and wear knee length shorts(but long skirts to church), and was home”schooled”. I completely understand the social anxiety that you experienced, as I went through the same thing. Hearing your story is so validating to me and my growing up. Much love to you!
Oh yes! I was not allowed to dance but was put into gymnastics. Think about that! Not allowed to move your body with music yet put into an environment where small girls are thrown into gyms wearing leotards cut up above their thighs. At the time there were no alternative choices for the sport, sport-shorts and such. We wore high cut leotards with no tights 100% of the time. I am not opposed to gymnastics now but I am also not opposed to the wonderful world of dance.
Made me breath a sigh of relief my parents chose to be carefree and liberal with their Christianity. I was allowed to dress how I wanted, watch and read stuff I was into and go out with friends. My parents and I left the church like fifteen years ago and we are happy and healthy still. I have mental health issues, so I couldn't imagine how it would have been handled back then.
My former babysitter was very secular and near fundamentalist. She prevented her sons from watching anime, from reading manga and wasn't even allowed to watch Harry Potter. And when I met her eldest son for an Elementary school reunion, his mental health issues were so severe. He has severe anxiety and depression. I think it got better when his mom started to shy away from the fundamentalist belief.
I can relate to that style of fundamentalism you were raised in. I feel like there are two types of fundamentalist families: those who started out fundamentalist, and those who wish they had. Solid video!
I myself am a Fundamentalist, but nothing like the Duggars: never married, never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, nothing. It doesn't matter, because church isn't supposed to be a dating service, and Christian girls are more scarce than hen's teeth. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). Even so, come, Lord Jesus! Establish the Kingdom in Jerusalem, and keep the world safe from Democracy!
Your comment on the prairie dresses made me reflect on how much of fundie culture is just parents and ministers arbitrarily imposing their personal tastes on the people they control, especially if those tastes are archaic by the standard of their own generation. My dad was born in the 40s and hated all music produced from the 50s on (except he liked 80s Christian pop, which was...a choice). He would rant about how backbeats were inherently sinful. When he described how he wished I could look, it was basically a sexy blonde version of what his mom would have looked like in the 30s, right down to the style of shoes (he drew diagrams of the "perfect" heel). A lot of the churches and schools I went to basically set their standards of acceptability to whatever was old-fashioned and fuddy-duddy when the leader was a teenager. As if they all got bullied for being uncool as kids and decided to make their personal aesthetic the only acceptable one in the world.
Thank you for this. My best friend growing up was christian fundamentalist and I didn't realize it until much after the friendship ended. I was constantly so confused at the way she judged and treated me and why our friendship was such a struggle. Appreciate you sharing!
I agree. The judgemental attitude is so toxic.
I can relate to so much of this. Homeschooling from 5th to 12th. Never graduated. Never completed school. My parents just gave up. I cheated my way through most of my home school years. My dad was the abusive controlling "Godly" man. My mom was the stand by your man and still is woman. Thank you for sharing this and helping me realize I'm not the only one who sees how terrible all of that was!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. You do such a wonderful job of drawing attention to the fact that fundamentalism is not a one size fits all approach. I was raised in a secular, Jewish household and videos like yours give me more insight into the lived experiences of others. I really appreciate your bravery and compassion in sharing your story and experiences.
I was a nerdy secular kid who developed very late. So for most of middle school, I only fit into children's sizes, which meant I dressed rather modestly by default. This attracted the attention of fundie kids and we all sat together at lunch. My nerdiness meant I had an innate curiosity about everything, including religion. The subject came up at lunch one day and I asked my friends to clarify some of the logical inconsistencies in the Bible...like "If God created two people and they only had two sons who survived, where did everyone else come from?" The next day, all of my friends but one sat someplace else at lunch. When I politely inquired why they wouldn't sit by me anymore, they told me their parents told them they weren't allowed to talk to me. It stung a little at the time but now I'm grateful. And I can't help it but hope my questions planted a tiny seed of doubt in someone...
Where does it say they only had two sons?
@@wendymtzc Okay. So then they had lots of other kids that are never named in Genesis and those kids all had incestuous relations with each other and begat the entire human race? Or what? You see, these questions are precisely what the fundy kids in middle school were incapable of discussing so they chose to turn their backs on a friend rather than attempt an explanation.
@@monicajohnston8364 well there is a verse that states Adam had sons and daughters, and yes, that’s how the human race started, with intermarriage but I agree it’s sad those kids didn’t have an answer.
My original comment wasn't intended to spark a Biblical debate. My question was just an example of the type of basic questions I had as a 7th grader. My point is that fundamentalist parents are so afraid of exposing their children to secular scrutiny that they won't let them even talk to someone who is curious about their faith. One day, I had a lunch table full of friends...the next day, I'd been "shunned." If your belief is on such shaky footing that a curious 12 year old poses a serious threat, you might need to reevaluate.
@@monicajohnston8364 i know what you meant, and I agree that many religious parents fail to teach their children the very basics of their faith.
I'm Christian and I think my middle son got the "Rule Christian me" the most. Like no Santa, etc. I have apologized. As a parent we do the best we can. We worry about our kids. I'm sorry you suffered from your parents misguided efforts. You explain things very articulately and I appreciate your video. My youngest daughter is 16 now and I am really trying to let her be her self and wear what makes her feel good. She's on the dance team at her high school. She is a Christian but also a normal teenager and finding her own faith and own journey with spirituality. -I'm getting judgement but I feel pretty confident that I am doing right by her. I think the Bible is alive and useful but it can be so taken out of context. You are right that it's dangerous that you can pick a verse to back up anything you want. Anyways, I will watch more of your videos they are helpful to me as a parent!
What if she leaves the faith? Would you follow the Bible?
@@madamepaulettes5337 do you not want to be a better Christian and follow the word of god?
@@Dcm193 There's an interesting book called The Unseen Realm by Heiser that investigates scripture, the supernatural worldview during the time it was written, etc. It's really an interesting read, if you are interested in the Bible and context.
What about living a life in reality, without faith.
@@quercus4730 Jesus is reality. I have seen and experienced too much to believe that energy and all that ticks is just random chance. To believe in nothing beyond what we see and touch would be lying to myself. So I have a faith with a foundation. It isn't just based on a story. --If that is not your experience then it makes sense that you have a different perspective and belief system. --I do love listening to Ellie and I am curious why she reached her conclusions. She is so eloquent and thoughtful. She would never have a blind faith or believe in something just because her mama told her too. I respect that so much.
The reasoning of "(situation, belief or topic) is more restrictive than i have, there by my situation is not as bad" still sticks in my head this day.
So glad I've discovered your channel. After finding the former fundie subreddit friends your channel popped up and I'm so thankful it did. Thank you for your hard work and effort in exposing this world. It's my belief that the more extreme forms of Fundie.. only lead to tauma and complex mental health issues later in life. I truly hope all of those who have escaped or consider themselves survivors have found a healthy full life and true peace.
I appreciate the thought and time you put in your videos and love to hear your perspective.
Thank you for sharing, it’s courageous of you to speak so honestly and clearly. I also appreciate how you spoke with kindness and compassion about your younger self.
As a Christian homeschooling mom I love watching this and hearing your perspective. I hope to learn from your experience and do better for my children! Thanks for sharing this. ❤️
@@marvinmallette6795 it depends. Parents who homeschool because of Academics do a lot better than those who were homeschooled because of religious reasons.
For example, I was homeschooled for religious reasons and you’re right, it was a disaster plus I struggled in junior college and college because I had no idea what was going on. Not to mention I was socially awkward.
However, my cousin homeschool’s her son because he wants to go to college at 15.
@@marvinmallette6795 Some people live in remote areas so live too far from the nearest school to be able to commute there and back each day. It certainly beats boarding at schools which is what I am against most. Very common among the upper and upper middle classes in the UK and ex boarders have severe psychological issues affecting their marriages and careers.
@@elonr1018 some also homeschool because the school district either can’t or won’t help a kid who needs additional supports. My son needed more help and it was such a nightmare that I just pulled him for homeschooling. Now he is doing so much better because he can learn in a way that works for him. I think we may start seeing more people homeschool because of fear, in response to gun violence. I can’t say that for certain, but I will be interested to see what research shows in years to come.
@@laurenwasinger9436 here in Florida so many have taken advantage of Florida virtual school to get ahead in academics, study the way they want, avoid cultural and legal problems in school (such as shootings)
@@laurenwasinger9436 that's a very good point, i really hope your son keeps doing well! I saw another comment of yours about talking with him about social outlets; you seem like such a caring and attentive mom!
I believe homeschooling or remote learning will definitely pick up in homes that can afford it, however, a part of me really hopes that there will be more options available to students after the trials of remote learning and how it was a benefit in many cases for older students, and as you mentioned, can be safer in a world without many protections.
Thank you for your videos. They have helped me a lot ❤️
Hey, thank you for your awesome videos! I'm a progressive Christian, raised in a moderate (ie conservative but not extreme), and was partly homeschooled. Your experience helps me understand a whole other side of these paths that I never knew existed. I'm proud of your deconstruction journey 💜
So relating to your embarrassment in evangelizing to your teammate, looking back! Thank you for sharing this video. You’ve brought up a couple things I need to unpack some more about my home life growing up.
Elly I am so fascinated by your story and journey. You are doing such brave work by opening up to the world, and showing others that are in this hell that they CAN get out and life CAN get better.
Thank you for sharing... I appreciate your honesty and candidness. You have a great way of speaking and delivering your story! (I saw an episode with your sibling Annie, and that was a great one as well!)
Thank you for sharing your stories. I think it's important to understand Christian Fundamentalism in order to resist it, and your story here was very informative. I'm sorry you had a traumatic childhood. I think it's very brave and strong for you to move away from that. I hope you're much happier now.
you are so nice, hang in there! i grew up Southern Baptist so i kind of know how you feel. i am so glad you found the courage to come and talk about your experience.
Thank you for sharing. Your perspective really helps me empathize and understand some of the people in my life. ❤️
My mom forced me to go to religious school for years. Kind of messed me up in a way when I was taught suicide is one of the worst things you can do when my dad’s sister in law (my aunt suffering from schizophrenia and bipolar) attempted suicide multiple times even jumping off a huge bridge in my city before ultimately oofing herself when I was 10. I was taught to feel ashamed about it by my mom. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism (of which my mom is ashamed about and feels like she failed as a parent) I understood what schizophrenia does to a person and that it isn’t anyones fault.
Also I love the bi flag. I’m openly bi and I am a stan.
I also have lots of stories about my mom making me feel ashamed about being bisexual, wearing suits, clothes I want to wear, ext because of her religion.
Also when you mention your fam fell apart in 2008, my family fell apart in 08-09 too! Idk I found that as a commonality and I think that is ironic.
Your content is extremely relatable to me!!! I found you through your Donut Man Video….I think I saw every single film in that series as a child. Yikes on bikes! Thank you for these videos….it’s healing to see other people who have come out of fundamentalism and know I’m not alone. ❤️❤️
my best friend in elementary was part of a fundamentalist family. i graduated 3 years ago, she wouldve graduated with me if her mom hadnt moved them out to the middle of nowhere. i miss her and i really hope shes okay
Oh, this is so familiar to me in many ways. My parents were seventh day adventists and were banished from all the local churches for believing that everyone is going to be saved in the end and some stuff
They never said I’m not allowed to do something or wear something but they firmly stated what’s right and what’s wrong (very often it was contradictory so I, afraid to be a horrible person, got only that everything is wrong, especially what’s pleasant)
So I grew up knowing that caring about your appearance more than just being clean is the same as murdеr. I really fancied pretty dresses, makeup and all the “girly” stuff but all I was getting were oversized shirts and pants/shorts
So as a teen I was terrible jealous of everyone dressing a small bit stylish and I really fixated on this
For now, I wear almost only skirts, dresses and tight/open clothes and feel like myself, finally xd
I grew up more on the fundie lite end of things, but I still relate to a lot of what you're saying. definitely got yourself a new subscriber!
My family is more of a laid back type of Christians but most of the times it gets especially hard to talk to people outside of close family friends because a lot of things in my lifestyle are similar.
I have nine siblings all from blood and we all have the same parents, but telling people (mostly when trying to make friends) puts them off apparently like I'm "just another one of those crazy religious kids." And I can't help but to feel kind of ashamed of my upbringing, my parents think I feel lonely is because I'm autistic but honestly the autism by itself hasn't been the biggest of struggles for me. It's mostly always about coming from a strict Christian large family is where people get put
I absolutely love your channel keep up the great work
i’m happy u are able to be your authentic self now !!!! you are very strong!!❤️
relatable ASF. I went to a Christian school for 2 1/2 years and we were able to do a lot of normal things like theater and sports. but the curriculum was still heavy on apologetics and the history classes were eurocentric as fuck.
Thank you so, so much for sharing your story!! This makes me feel validated in my experiences as well. My parents were very close to this slice of fundamentalism and I didn’t recognize that for a long time because hey, they weren’t the Duggars, right? They let me do some things and expressed love for me occasionally, right? But, context is everything. Thanks again!
I don't think I would have resented being forbidden to wear pants as a child because I didn't like them. But being forbidden to dance? Being tasked with taking care of other kids and being expected to have a bunch later? Being constantly under watch? Ho boy. :[
I dont comment on videos but I had to thank you for your channel! I too grew up in a VERY strict Fundamental Independent Baptist Church which my father was Pastor. My only friends were the people at church, no outside friends. I was bullied constantly at public school due to the way I was forced to dress (I was not allowed to wear anything trendy...I wore saddle shoes in the 7th grade) that was in 1988. I was allowed NO extra curricular activities as that would interfere with church. No dancing, no music only hymns. I could go on, but I won't. I'm 47 and divorced as I never loved my husband but he was a good church going boy and that's what I was allowed to marry and I married him to get out of the house. My formative years were very very isolated and brainwashing. I'm still dealing with this today. I'm a mother to two children, I allow my children to be who they are. I dont push them to go to church or try to make them into a mini Christian Soldier. I will never ever be involved in organized cults again!!! Thank you again!
I'm do thankful for someone who isn't afraid to call out the toxic arias of this lifestyle and to know that I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about my life
I NEED TO POINT OUT: homeschooling does NOT necessarily equate with fundamentalism. My child enjoyed the freedom to pursue her own interests, she was a voracious reader and was fascinated with
history and archeology, built lifelong friendships with other homeschoolers and even went to an nSync concert😂. Homeschoolers of all ages did group activities ranging from roller skating to visits to historic sites to family cookouts. She eventually earned a PhD in medieval studies and lives in Wales. Homeschooling is a wonderful option for some kids
This was our "homeschooling" experience as well. My daughter (37) was just hired at Wake Forest in North Carolina after completing concurrent PhD's in Medieval Literature and Olde English Literature and a Masters degree in Poetry, All in 5 years at Berkeley. She really just enjoyed reading and writing so much that she virtually "homeschooled" herself. She is also a very kind and happy person which was always more important to me than what my kids were "doing"
@@melisaclark3110 that’s really wonderful. Congratulations!! I know homeschooling is not for everyone. Exceptional kids graduate from public high school. And it is sad for kids who are forced into it by their parents for whatever reason. But I always find myself speaking out and emphasizing that for many kids it is a wonderful option. In our case as well, community college provided an option to complete basic requirements in courses such as math or doing language that might be harder to undertake at home during the “high school” years
@@dexterbunco4212 there are numerous homeschool curriculums that do not have any religious agenda at all. Homeschooler does not equate with religious fundamentalism one bit.
Hi, I've been watching your vids for a couple of weeks now and a finding them both fascinating and horrifying. I'm so glad for you that you saw the light. Although I don't share the same experiences as you, in fact, I'm a biracial English woman of... a fair few years older than you!, I can actually identify with a lot of what you say, but especially in this one.
This is very TMI for me, but here goes.
My dad was 'born again' (in a very hypocritical way) when I was about 10 but started taking me to the Catholic church. Even before then he had some very odd and strict ideas of how to raise me though too. Anyway, it wasn't one of the strictest church and actually, it wasn't too bad considering; Catechism, Choir, Sunday school and eventually going to a great Catholic secondary school. was pretty much tolerable if not enjoyable and some of my own beliefs which I think I developed very early I didn't feel very conflicted about despite what I was learning. TBH school was an escape from life for me so I don't know how I would have coped without it and I was bullied a lot so that is really saying something.
However, after not too long he started going to a heavy spiritualist church and that is when things started getting weird and scary both in and out of home and got worse over the years. He even threatened to do a TI (the rapper) re my sexual status when I turned 16 which never happened and never would have here in the UK even in the 80s. And there was all sorts of other stuff too (and always had been even from very early on). He was also an abuser (my mum and other women through the years - again, hypocrite). I was also encouraged to dance and did from 4 to 16, my reading wasn't censored (it should have been!), but my TV watching was - very much so. I was also allowed to wear make up from about 13 onwards, there were lots of contradictory things going on for me.
There's a lot more, but the reason I'm saying this is to agree with you totally in that even though from the outside, things may not look stereotypically religiously abusive it can and still doesn't happen in many other ways and one thing I was subjected to for years was lectures. And I literally mean *hours long* lectures, including the one I got for my 16th birthday instead of any type of gift. It's not just Christian fundamentalists from the USA that go through these types of experiences and I think other individuals, young and not so young, could do with watching you discuss your experiences and also relate and perhaps begin the process of deconstruction.
Anyway, essay over now. Thanks very much for your openness and honesty. :)
Currently bingeing your videos. Would love to see your perspective on VBS. I went to VBS, brought friends, volunteered, and even led VBS groups at my church as a kid and a teen
Ex Mormon here, love hearing you share how you compared yourself to others with similar beliefs. I did that a lot as a kid as well - it really helps you normalize your situation lol. Love your channel and I look forward to your future content. 😊
youtube algorithm brought me here after binging Duggar videos and I have been loving your firsthand accounts!
Thank you for sharing your experience of growing up in a family of Christian fundamentalists.
It seems that RUclips advised me on your channel because of my interest in the Axp channel.
I was only part of an evangelical church for 5 years, in my late teens and early twenties. Prior to that, I was raised in a somewhat observant Catholic home. If I can identify with most of what you’re saying even after 5 years, I can’t imagine what it’s like growing up in an evangelical family.
PS The song you were referring to is “I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever,” from Delirious?/Hillsong. Definitely hits home as this was my era, and my worship team was very into Delirious? and Hillsong music.
I grew up in a small town, I was raised pretty secular, but was surrounded by religious people. I never realized how many people I grew up with who were victims of this way of life. Looking back almost half the people I knew where being raised Christian fundamentalist.
Thank you for bringing this up! You're so right. Fundamentalist can even show up in mega churches and communities that seem "trendy".
You hit the nail on the head in terms of the Duggars taking it to an extreme place that made you complacent towards the power that fundamentalism had in one's own life. I can't tell you how many times your videos have left me saying, "holy crap... we... we were fundamentalists? I didn't even realize!" Like, yeah, we weren't AMISH, so I would say to myself, "oh hey it's not like we are extreme or radicalized, blah blah blah." However, all of that patriarchy, all of the heteronormative bias, all the condescending micro-aggressions (and plenty of macro-aggressions for that matter) were still there being reinforced over and over and over.
I loved worship dance! I used to do it at home in private. I was embarrassed to do it at church because I thought I was too fat 🍩
It's kinda sad to think about the things I enjoyed but didn't feel I deserved to enjoy,if that makes sense 😁
I'm not like that any longer.
Watching this, I feel like in many ways I was fortunate to live in a missionary family. I went to public school my whole life!
While my family was definitely suuuper christian and had some slightly fundamentalist ideas (and obviously wanted to convert everyone), the whole "being in the world but not of it" kinda breaks down when you get out of those insular fundamentalist communities and are purposefully spending more time out of your comfort zone, getting to know people outside the religious community. Even though my parents were on the office/management side of things, in their Bible translation organization there was the permeating idea that you can't really convince people of Jesus' love if you can't relate to them, if you can't meet them halfway on some things. (Which is very related to translation and how you can't just translate sentences word-for-word.)
Ever heard of the Plymouth Brethren? If you do, run, run and don't look back. I was raised there. Thank you for telling your story. It is cathartic to listen to stories similar to my own.
I was employed at TBN. The people I worked with were lovely, good, assiduously honest, biblically educated individuals. I won’t go into every detail I observed when being employed at the network, which only became more extreme over time. If you want to know more about TBN, you may find much more information online. But despite my fondness for my coworkers, I did feel as if I had entered a political (not religious) cult, and my colleagues were in many ways prisoners to the rigid standards of the evangelical churches which they attended.
I rarely hear other people talk about growing up Nazarene. It’s refreshing to hear someone who had a similar childhood as me, and to hear how it was growing up in a religiously toxic environment.
It’s also not actually Nazarene. My Father had an M Div from Nazarene Theological Seminary. The fundamentalist stuff is a product of American Evangelicalsm and a wanna be Baptist attitude that had nothing to do with Nazarene history or doctrine.
It DID have some stricter rules as a result of its origins as a church for ADDICTS. Movies, dancing, and gambling were all banned because they were associated with burlesque halls. It wasn’t dancing that was banned, it was going to brothels and casinos. People sort of lost the trail because adhering to rules is easier to do than using your brain.
It doesn’t matter how beautiful the theology or doctrine, people will ruin it in the valley of their own fears. The original Nazarenes were ex drug addicts meeting on the beaches of LA.
I’m just mentioning it because most people don’t know and I think how stories get distorted is interesting. I never grew up in legalism because my Father was careful to teach actual theology and a non literal interpretation of the Bible. But the culture of all that stuff attracted everyone everywhere. We had to constantly fight against those expectations in our church.
I really admire your honesty.
Keep up the good work. We need more voices. We aren’t out numbered anymore, but we aren’t loud enough
There is fundamentalist*ish* stuff in "mainline' Protestantism. I was raised in Lutheran Missouri Synod. I was sent to a the christian school attached to our church. we weren't allowed to wear pants at school or church. Skirts had to be no more than 2 inches above the knee. No unchoreographed dancing, no smoking, drinking, no makeup until 16, no ear piercings, no tattoos, etc. There is an even stricter Lutheran denomination called the WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod). Michele Bachman belongs to that one. I ended up "converting" to an even more strict church as a young adult - I was gluten for punishment I guess. I finally broke free when I was 29 and was getting ex communicated for getting an order for protection from my husband who had been abusing me (BTW no one at church wanted to help when I told them what was happening).
Very sincere ... Thanks!
This eas a excellent episode.
watching/hearing your experience is a little wild - I grew up in a Baptist Christ in the 80s and 90s and some of the rules and modes of living are similar to yours. We could wear jeans and shorts (within reason) and watch TV but NO DANCING (well maybe ballet is OK) but dancing as worship would blow my parents' MINDS.
Born and raised Catholic however, our uncle got us into Pentecostal the true religion! I thought everything I did was a sin I would constantly pray for forgiveness... it will affect you for the rest of your life especially when it was all a lie! Truly I am so saddened by this however, they wanted you meaning the church to live by how they lived! Ever since I was a child I was always skeptical things just didn't sit right with me. Always was told you have to have faith and if things didn't work out you are not praying enough you aren't doing enough! No makeup no nail polish just dresses! I got out of the church over 30 years ago but still felt connected to God I am at a crossroad I have suffered many years with shame and guilt most of the times I didn't know what I was ashamed or what I was guilty of! You are strong woman and I'm so happy you saw the light! Quote from Shakespeare "This Beyond All: To Thine Own Self Be True"
I've had experience of that as well but voluntarily and each time stayed less than a year as it was so intense. There's only so much fear of the world you can take so that's why I left. I got no support in evangelical churches with what I had been through only from channels such as this after leaving fundamentalism altogether. Almost everything was forbidden and I was accused of playing with 'dollies' when I hadn't seen I was ten years old. Everything you own for enjoyment is seen as a 'dolly'; music, secular books, sports equipment and hobby equipment.
@@lemsip207 sorry that you had to go through that as well as I did it it was horrific I'm glad you came out! Do you have any struggles as of now?
@@winros Not really apart from meeting the odd fundy in secular places who wants to 'befriend' me while hiding at first they are religious. They always have an agenda and will always abuse me because I won't tread on eggshells around them. I haven't met any since the pandemic started though. The verbal abuse was unbelievable. Such as insisting on vising you at short notice and complaining how untidy your home is. They make nasty barbs such as "A womam needs to take care of herself" amd won't explain what they meant by that. Its just thought stopping cliches they come out with straight from the AA manual. Sorry, but I am not there to be treated like their AA sponsor treats them.
Or they send abusive texts straight after a phone conversation that you thought went well. Or they are pathological liars. One of them clamied her xat was hiding from me when I visited her and had never done that to any other visitors. I suspect that cat was hiding from her as she most likely mistreats it. She was incable of putting rubbish out into the communal bins and changing a light bulb.
It takes just a few weeks of attending a fundamentalist church for religious mania to set in whereas it took at least six months. It's a mental illness as you can't reason with them. Only curable by stopping going to church and deconstruction.
@@lemsip207 30 years later I can still smell the sisters breath I can picture their fake smiles and they're bulging eyes... WE'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT RIGHT? YOU'LL BE COMING BACK TONIGHT? JESUS WE'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT 7:00 OKAY PRAISE GOD JESUS LOVES YOU!
I do have a confession, when I was five I put a thumbtack on sister Betty's chair! I just remember her jumping up! I don't remember getting in trouble however, in my fragile little mind I knew hell was only minutes away before I would feel the burning and hearing the screams that still haunt me today!😰
Would I know today I would love to go to Pentecostal Church and just observe them and watch how they start to love bombing me! Feeling my head with nonsense and mystical stories and of course fire and brimstones! I'm going to leave this in as I am typing this I felt off my hammock chair and these are the words that I was saying... THAT'S NOT FUNNY THAT'S NOT FUNNY I CAN'T EVEN F****** RELAX! I CAN'T EVEN EAT THAT WASN'T FUNNY I HURT MYSELF !
I WAS ALL RELAXED WALKING BACK AND FORTH AND THEN I FELL OUT OF THE HAMMOCK CHAIR I GUESS IT'S GOD'S PUNISHMENT! 🤣🤣🤣
Dear Elly, this is the first video that I watched of you, but I'm going to watch the others too. This is a topic of great interest to me. Living in Eastern Europe, this sort of Christianity wasn't totally strange to me, I had some friends who were into more or less fundamentalist congregations. But here, that sort of thing is the rare exception.Most religious people here belong to one of the mainstream churches: Orthodox (in Eastern Europe mostly), Presbyterian, Lutheran, Catholic and so on... Not in the USA though. I went there for three years and I was shocked to see that in America that's more like the norm. So much so, that if someone says "I'm a Christian" people will automatically assume that they are Newborn Evangelical Fundamentalists. This cult-like and highly damaging approach to religion completely hijacked the very term itself. So how do you call people who - in various degrees - find value in the life and the teachings of Jesus, yet they live a normal life, try to be the best person they can be without torturing their families and children, without keeping an Old Testament and Paul's crap based military dictatorship at home, without hating, or despising everyone who doesn't do the same (unless they can convert them), people who accept proven facts of science as being the truth instead of relying on Bronze Age folklore to establish facts? I always felt very sorry for kids who were raised in the sort of stifling environment that you also describe. That's not a childhood, that's a training camp for a cult's spiritual army. Everything is about discipline, authority, obedience, subservience, self-blame, guilt trips. I'm glad that you got out of that world and that you're doing well, I wish you the best!
Elly, not sure if you covered this in another video. I am curious what your relationship is like with your parents now. Do you talk to each other? Do they have a relationship with your husband and daughter? How about your other siblings? How do you negotiate family togetherness or holidays? If these questions are too personal, I completely understand. So many of your viewers have strained relationships with conservative family members due to the political climate and because of Covid19 vaccines. To some degree, most of us can relate to these issues of becoming our own people with very different thoughts and beliefs than our families of origin.
Thanks for asking! I answered very similar questions in this Q&A video: ruclips.net/video/U70FKAob9bA/видео.html
@@ExFundieDiaries Thank you! I went back and watched it again for things I missed. I really appreciate you for a million different reasons!
This is really interesting because I had friends in homeschool group who were the denim skirt long hair no pants type. Loved them, even though I’m atheist now. I kind of worry for them.
While I grew up in fundamentalism I mostly went to private christian schools (all baptist except for one). I wasn’t homeschooled for very long, but I do relate to so much of this.
The song you’re thinking of is “I could sing of your love forever”! I still remember all the words haha yikes
I had(have) similar moments where in comparing myself to fundies like the Duggar’s I think, was my upbringing really that bad? And then I remember. It’s almost like I gaslight myself.
Also, hi fellow former soccer player!
Yes! I totally relate to that self-gaslighting.
Also, your channel looks awesome! Just subscribed :)
You have such a sweet spirit. May I ask if your parents are still in this religion? I am really enjoying your video. I love how caring you are towards Everyone.
So in a Quiverfull family, the man is the head of the family, and the wife is basically a baby factory and servant to the husband. What a horrible hand she was dealt.
It makes me so sad when people don't let their kids dance. Research shows that dancing to music helps little kids develop their motor skills!
Babies and toddlers instinctively move their bodies when they hear music
@@alepvl8951 Yes, I know! This movement helps their brains "map" their bodies If you will! It's very cool.
I was also raised in a fundi family. We attended the Church of God and there was a lot of trauma. Yes, power and control in the name of God. It messes with your head. I still have problems going to church. I was not home schooled but was not allowed to participate in most school activities. Dancing was a sin. Cheer was a sin. Being a majorette was a sin. Was not allowed to attend the movies or school dances. My childhood was sad and depressing. Oh, there was NO worship dancing in my home. Just sad.
That song you're thinking of is "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" by Dilerious?
It was my jam during my Tree Climbers fundie youthgroup
The level of mental and emotional abuse(even though well intentioned in their mindset) is the worst part of fundamentalist Christianity!
The damage done to these families is insidious, but it results in so many either losing their faith or turning to substance abuse, etc. I have seen it too many times and as a Christian it grieves me that they turn a loving God into a judgemental monster!
I love Gabs With Abigail too! So glad your video popped up in my feed! Ty for being strong and courageous by sharing your story. Can't wait to watch the rest of your videos!
🤗💖🤗
P.S. if you don't already check out Jen and James on the channel Fundie Fridays!
I love Fundie Fridays!! :)
I am 1 of 7 children. definitely grew up having to wear long skirts, dancing was not allowed & Modesty culture was Heavy. (We had to wear stockings to church all the time. you could not be seen wearing shoes without socks or stockings.) Men could not wear capris or shorts, they had to have their legs completely covered. No jewelry, it was looked down upon to have friends that were not a part of the church. Dating was very limited as we were not encouraged to date out of our church either. There were even certain words we couldn’t say. Like ‘party’. We had to say ‘birthday gatherings’ to make sure we were not ‘worldly’ individuals😫 I broke free after 23 years of growing up in that religion when I decided to marry my husband💓 (my husband grew up Jehovah’s Witness and he departed from that faith early on). Finding a partner that understood my strictly religious background and what that does to your mental state was a blessing for me. He was very patient and allowed me to have my own deconstruction journey without forcing it. I am loving my new-found freedom for the past 2 years. Now I wear make up, pretty jewelry, paint my nails and wear clothes that complement my body. I also have a newfound sense of confidence and I’m learning to trust my intuition and apply logic to everything (Not Blind Faith).
"Lord I feel like dancing, it's foolishness I know" - that's "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever", a seminal favorite with contemporary worship music
"She loved worship dance." Well, I guess someone has to.
I was raised in an LDS household. While I wasn’t fundamental Christian, I really could relate to this video in a lot of ways. Especially with the sports rules and devotional, we did that as well.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, you have a new subscriber too :)
I remember dancing jazz and ballet when I was in elementary school, but as I got older and continued wanting to dance, my parents only let me do "steps of praise", which was like a lyrical dance class.
Ugh, I've seen that in church services. It's like ballet but for five year olds as it's so slow and simplistic and there is no going on tip toes. It put me off dancing for a while until a friend dragged me along to ballroom dancing classes with her. Fundamentalists hate 'cheek to cheek' dancing hence the popularity of line dancing with them. They hate circle dancing too so barn dances have to be in lines or squares. Since then I've taken classes in samba, salsa and Broadway styles which consist of a lot of quick steps that you don't find in praise dancing.
Hi! Thank you for sharing your story. You might be aware, but just in case I eanted to let you know abouy Sheila Gregoir’s book «the great sex rescue». She also had a podcast. She’s done a ton of research about the negative consequenses of purity culture etc. Including the high incidence of vaginismus among christian women.
Yep, 20,000 women! It's cool stuff!
I remember seeing that episode of the duggars! I think they were in a toy store, and were talking about how they didn’t allow toys that played music bc it would lead to dancing. The baby found a toy and was bouncing to the beat and someone snatched them up and reprimanded them for dancing. It was so sad.
Can we talk about the term stay at home daughter? One can only assume that would become a stay-at-home mother.
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