Ugh, it's so heartbreaking, the level of loneliness you experienced. Glad you are out here making connections now. That "in the world but not of it" mentality really resonates for a long time. Doing theater and music helped drag me out of it, but I still feel it occasionally. You're doing a great job, Elly!
The loneliness is real! 23 years after my homeschool “graduation” and I still have very few close friends and awkward acquaintances. Thanks for your insight, Elly!
Damn. I've lost count how many times in your videos you've recounted a moment almost identical to my own, something most of humanity is blissfully unaware of what it's like to be. Thank you for taking the time to put your experiences into words.
Same! I kept thinking “I have to comment I had that same experience or thought!” And by the time the video was done I couldn’t remember them any more because there were so many similar experiences 😂
I just talked about Jesus Freaks in a recent video. What a wild time it was reading stuff like that as a kid. As always I super relate to you. Being told I was making the family look bad, feeling watched by other women and girls because I wasn’t acting “appropriately” or “dying to self” enough. Really is so isolating and damaging. I hate to think there are other kids out there who are being raised like we were.
Yes !!! I used to write poems about being a martyr and dream about growing up to be a missionary! 😂🥴 When I tell people about it now I realize how bizarre that was. But I love the point she made about how harmful it is to ALWAYS be “in the world not of it”. Even now as an agnostic atheist I still struggle to feel belonging, or even giving proper importance to “the pleasures of the world” that we were taught was sinful/unnecessarily
I remember being in Sunday school around 7 or 8 years old, and the story was about a Christian martyr that was murdered in Tibet. Supposedly a gun was held to his head and he was asked if he was a Christian. We were asked if we would be able to do the same thing. I honestly didn’t know…it sounded so scary, and I felt so guilty for years about it!
I completely agree. And when I eloped and went No Contact at 21 my parents saw it as bringing shame on the family. My mother STILL hasn’t forgiven me for that and once told me that the stress of it caused her to get a divorce (which is ridiculous because my mom was abusive toward my dad.)
What stuck out to me was, one reason to homeschool being school shootings, which are horrific, yet the same people pushing homeschooling are the same ones who reject gun control. 🤔
People homeschool for a variety of reasons. Especially post covid. Perhaps in the past, it was mainly Christian fundamentalists, but that has rapidly changed.
I homeschooled our son because he was so unhappy in school that year. I chose an American history curriculum based on the labor movement. All but one of the other local homeschool families were “conservative Christians,” and I remained the Den Mother for his close group of Cub Scout friends. So my son was exposed to Christian conservative ideas, his den-mates’ more mainstream ideas as well as my own deeply-held labor (leftist) beliefs. I don’t think it’s wrong to let your children know what you think and what you value. He grew up into a activist in socialist causes and groups, and is considerably more leftist than we (his parents) are. Our other son (who we homeschooled during a different year) started out that way, but differentiated into a more libertarian type of thinker. I remember talking with my sons a lot about ideas. I frequently said, “They are nice folks,but I don’t agree with all their ideas.”
It's the family dynamic. I was public schooled and my family was secular but abusive. I turned out extremely anti social because of it. It depends heavily on your home life.
yes, I was thinking the same thing. It is not a very nice family that home schools you until the 11th grade then signs you up a week late for a large school in grade 11! That is callous.
I feel so sad for her, her parents seem so unpathethic and unloving, awful people. Sad she had to grow up like that with parents who caused her so much trauma. The problem is too that sounds like her parents only homeschooled to brainwash and indoctrinate and not because they actually wanted to teach.
I could not agree more. And also, I think this “warning” to parents about homeschooling is ineffective a lot of the time because most toxic parents don’t know they are providing a toxic environment for their kids, unfortunately. :( I like to think that kids going to public school, having the experience of so many teachers/adults and kids helps to make their parents’ shortcomings effect them less negatively. I think this would be true whether the parents are healthy (yet, flawed of course) or dysfunctional/toxic.
I’m 35 and my parents don’t believe for one second that our home environment was anything but a loving Christian home. To me, it was toxic and a sad and miserable place devoid of love :(
A parent of mine considered 'nice and kind' brought in a violent, uneducated, stupid, drugging and boozing, manipulative and tyrannical step-parent who almost destroyed me. The importing parent was a passive abuser--every bit as toxic as the abuser. Religion had nothing to do with it.
Thank you so much Ellie for sharing your story. I wasn't homeschooled. I went to regular public school. You see I grew up in a Christian home. I gave my life to Christ at age nine. Because of me having a learning disability I was in special ed most of my schooling and even though my upbringing was more mainstream than what you experienced because of the challenges I faced I was over protected. Called names like "retarded" and "slow" and always felt behind accudemicly and mentally so I know what it feels like to feel isolated and always under "the radar" of other people. I just spoke and did and lived however I was "told" to. Now in my thirties I'm deconstructing from it all. Not from christianity but, from living under the influence of being someone who can't do this and shouldn't be that. Ya know what? Forget it!!!! I'm just going to live for Christ and live in freedom and just do what I want because when you try to please people you get burned out and tired but, if you live for God and yourself you are free. I hope this isn't all over the place. Like I said before my heart breaks for you. So glad you no longer lived the way you did. Take care and have a great day 😊
You were told in your religion, that Jesus said: " my kingdom was no part of this world ", however, in reality, since 80% of Christian Fundamentalists voted Republican, those religionists ARE, indeed, ' part of the world ', and very active in supporting right wing politicians, who cut Senior Nutrition Programs for poor seniors and single mothers, and ALSO restricted voting rights for people of color in the backward Republican states, and who gleefully, like Southern Methodist Jeff Sessions, supported mr Trump's separation of toddlers from the families of those desperate Central Americans refugees. Those Republican Religionists then agreed with mr Trump, that: " there are fine people on both sides " of the Charlottesville KKK, and American Nazi party, and mr Trump's Proud Boys, AND the Proud Boys' driver who drove into the peaceful protesters, to kill that woman. --- they still support the Republican party's values, and mr Trump, who they like to depict as a " Cyrus ", yet who has all the vanity, and _no accomplishments_ of a Nebuchadnezzar. They're only ' Republican Religionists ' ; they have no any semblance of the desire to be followers of any valuable Christian thinking.
Hi I’m new here. Idk how I even found your channel but I’m glad I did. I know you hear this constantly but hearing your experience is super validating. Thanks for your courage and vulnerability ❤️
Maybe I'm bias because I was homeschooled so badly but I almost feel like homeschooling should be illegal. It's sketchy to separate your kids from others because you think you can give them a better education and life experience than a literal school.
I think homeschool should be allowed (as some children really aren’t meant for the public school system), provided it’s VERY regulated. For example yearly inspection where: - the curriculum taught is reviewed - the child HAS to sit exams for minimum the main topics (maths, English and the sciences) and HAS to score the minimum required for their year group to continue. Otherwise they are forced to stop homeschooling. - there has to be proof in the annual inspections of regular contact with other children (sports, arts clubs etc). These inspections are to be done without the presence of the parent.
@Sophie I'm so sorry your school experience wasn't good. It's absolutely nice to hear a different perspective. Our reason to homeschool our middle daughter was because she is disabled. We took homeschooling as a full-time job. Lots of science experiments, art projects, tutoring sessions, ballet classes, piano lessons, harp lessons, weekly classes in our local private school, etc. We also followed the government curriculum. In my country, homeschool kids have to take annual tests to track their progress, health assesments, and home inspections. It was also back in the day where kids still go out to play, so she was never alone. We never limit her chance to make friends. I get it is not for everyone.
If allowed I think it should be highly regulated. But I think the same thing about private schools. Especially high schools. I went to a high school where there were 15 students in 9th through 12th grade. My graduating class was 3 students. We had no labs, one teacher covering 4 grades, I taught myself physics, chemistry, and biology from ACE paces, while the rest of the subjects were abeka books. We students pretty much taught ourselves French, and typing
I think it’s really sad how homeschooling has morphed into such a sad state. By itself it doesn’t need to be heteronormative, white nationalist, Christian, or isolating. It’s unfortunate that it’s tied to these basically cult like organizations. As someone who I’d describe as having relatively liberal views, I had the privilege to chose homeschooling after elementary school because I think I prefer it to the public school system, and it worked! I was able to skip several years of math and sciences while having more free time to hang out with friends on an almost daily basis, including going to like the mall/an amusement park every weekend. I’m glad you are out of that and I hope homeschooling can evolve into something better
I had a wonderful home school experience, my mom chose home schooling because of my educational needs, I graduated at 16 and while there were negatives to the experience I received an education equal to a public school one. You are spot on, it’s all about reasoning. I am not a supporter that anyone should home school, it is a HUGE commitment.
Omg I forgot about calling it "big church" until you mentioned it! I also usually opted for that too & it lead to me hearing some pretty dark things about Hell & the rapture that scarred me. I was able to escape homeschool fairly young, but I relate to a lot of your story. I'm autistic & trans so being part of a fundamentalist Christian church was so hard for me. I was constantly criticized & punished for being myself. My social skills suffered severely from my family's reclusive behavior and the "in, not of the world" mentality that I was taught on top of my autistic traits not being understood or diagnosed. I'm sorry you experienced this kind of upbringing. Thank you for sharing so much. Finding your channel is so helpful for me. I also appreciate that you referred to this as a cult because it has been hard for me to get people (even therapists) to understand the religious trauma I experienced in a similar "religion" (cult) since it's not what they imagine a cult looks like.
I’m a straight cis girl, but I relate so hard to the rest of your comment. I literally felt like I was treated with the same rejection and judgment the LGBTQ community gets. I just wasn’t what my parents wanted me to be. Got perfect grades and never did anything actually wrong, but my personality wasn’t right, I wasn’t a perfect submissive girl. I was brainwashed, but not brainwashed enough for them ;)
Also, “children’s church” wasn’t an option for me. My parents didn’t “believe” in it. And then they moved us to a small cult-y-er homeschool church that didn’t even offer Sunday school for kids at all because they didn’t believe in “separating families”
I relate so hard to being seen as well-meaning but weak. I was ALWAYS getting rebuked for being too enthusiastic and loud. I was regularly punished for being too happy when I got to socialize.
Thank you for this video!! I was homeschooled for non-religious reasons and actually had a really great experience, so it's really eye-opening (and heartbreaking) to learn about the ways it can be used to abuse children. Your videos have also made me realize that a lot of the families at the (fully secular) co-ops I attended who I always just viewed as "vaguely religious" were probably fundamentalist Christians (families with 7-12 kids with working dads and stay-at-home-moms were very common). It's made me think a lot about my old BFF who was in one of those families and ended up traumatizing me by her reaction after I came out as gay. Now that I've realized her family was definitely fundie and I've been able to recontextualize what I know about them, I actually have a lot of sympathy for her-it seems like that's a really awful environment to be raised in. Thank you for all your videos.
I can relate to the loneliness, but it wasn't from a lack of my parents trying to make me socialize. While I didn't grow up in a fundie family, I was surrounded by them at co-op, and as the closeted lesbian who loved anime, hard rock, and hot topic, I really stood out and felt out of place. It didn't help that I got outed by a teacher. I was being SA'd by a close friend at the time, and when all that drama with my family went down, I just shut everyone out to protect myself. I didn't want to be assaulted anymore, or treated like a predator for liking girls. So I really relate to the loneliness, but from the opposite side of the spectrum. I was the "rebellious" kid that people avoided, and I never felt like I could connect because I didn't trust God at all and I felt like an outcast for just being me. I know this probably sounds weird, I just wanted to share with you, in case you were ever curious what it was like on the other side of the homeschool spectrum. You kinda become a bit of a target when your parents and you aren't with the rest of the crowd. I actually got bullied more by the righteous kids because I was so open with my true beliefs. I'd like to clarify that for me, homeschooling really great. It fit my personality and I was pushed academically to the point I graduated high school with 27 college credit hours. My parents tried to force me to socialize, but after the abuse I went through from my friend and the rejection I felt, I had no interest in talking to anyone I didn't meet online, so my isolation was partially my fault.
Wow, I really relate to the disconnection you talk about. I went to a Christian college after homeschooling, but of course they weren't Christian enough for my family. I always felt disconnected. I got invited to several weddings that I skipped on the day because I didn't feel connected to the people who invited me. In retrospect, that is crazy. They wouldn't have invited me if they didn't think of me as a friend, but I was so indoctrinated into being isolated I couldn't see their gesture as true friendship. Unfortunately because of my actions I lost these friendships but through life experiences and counselling I have made lifelong friends after this.
For many children, homeschooling is a better option, but I agree, it’s about the reason why. Education should ideally be about what is best for the child.
Ellie you are so amazingly honest and frank your testimonies are always so interesting, horrifying and funny if that makes any sense. All those years trying to meet the requirements of an invisible deity where almost any activity had to be evaluated as to whether it brought you closer to Jesus. You lived in a kind of emotional North Korea.
Your honesty and desire to learn about the "blind spots" of your childhood are inspiring! I didn't grow up fundie, but Catholic, but even so it's challenging to deconstruct the damaging ideologies I grew up with. And as a religious studies major, I love your content for a critical, but still insider, perspective on fundamentalist. Your AWANA video was fantastic. Keep it up!!
I know of multiple reasons for homeschooling outside of religion. Traveling Families who like freedom Those with specially abled children Kids with unique sports abilities who need an alternative schedule for time to train. Families that want a smaller school for their kids that have stay at home Moms...and they all gather inside of a library conference room to hold lessons. Kids who have experienced trauma who live with a new family may not be ready to intergrate. And...kids with acute illnesses where the environment would cost them in their health. I did go to a public school. I was not strictly raised Christian. I kept a strong internal moral compass...I'm in my early 30s and people still apologize for using bad language around me... 😆 I love listening to your stories. You have a great narrator voice. Keep being amazing!
I feel so sad so many people had bad home school experiences. I was home schooled (without the fundamentalism) and as a 36 year old woman now I don't regret a moment! I learned, I had tons of activities with other kids. I'm still best friends with people from our small town theater group where i stated acting at 13. ALL my public school friends have ptsd and trauma from their high school experience. I have nothing but good memories of my home school experience. I'm so lucky to have grown up with being home schooled was a possibility, but also upset that there's no way to ensure all kids are having that same experience.
19:11 This entry sounds so different from the usual entries you made at this time. Something about it unsettles me, like it's not really you talking. I'm always so grateful that you share your entries with us. I wrote a lot as a child, but it never felt safe because I knew my parents had no issues going through our things. Your work inspires me to go back and reexamine my own past and reclaim my love of writing. Thank you.
Hi Elly, thanks so much for this amazing vid! I was raised in a religious cult by a mom with a lot of mental and physical health issues, and I was homeschooled and severely socially isolated as well as abused in many ways by my mom, so sadly I'm a hot mess now I'm in a safe living environment, especially since I'm a gay trans dude, so I got a lot of hate from my mom for being trans while she was still alive (I took care of her until she died cause she refused to go to the doctor for her bad heart problems, so learning what enmeshment is is so helpful to me cause it perfectly describes me and my mom's codependent relationship). Thanks so much! Love how you've expressed in various of your vids how you came to terms with your bi identity cause that is very much how I realized both my trans and then later my gay identities. Also love how you're trying to teach your kid how to be her own person. Since I hope to be an adoptive dad one day and I currently help my roomie take care of her 11 and 13 year olds, I really appreciate any good examples of parenting done right I can find. Have a lovely day!
Hi, Im a mom to a 13 year old trans teen. I wanted to tell you thank you for taking care of your mom even though she didn't accept you for yourself. That says so much about your character. My son will be attending public school for the first time since their transition. They are also a gay trans dude so I've been struggling with being overprotective. But your comments help me realize that I need to let go a bit and let him get out there more. I also wanted to say you sound like you're on the right track to being a great dad. Good luck!
I relate so hard to agonizing over simple decisions. Making sure it’s what god wants. I feel like I missed out a lot because I or someone else told me it’s not what god wants
I've been watching your videos since the algorithm recommended one. I was never in this lifestyle or religious view, but I enjoy learning about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, fundamentalism and cults more broadly. I enjoy that you include book recommendations. I have added this one and White Evangelical Racism to my ever-growing TBR pile. I forgot to comment on your other video about the science binder , but I found that particularly shocking. As an outsider, you kind of have an idea in your head about what this kind of homeschooling might look like. But I was imagining, for the most part, regular schooling but with evolution and sex ed taken out or censored heavily. Sort of like Catholic school, but more intense. But yours shows how little education is actually given and that it is much worse than what we might think. I think this important as outsiders to understand, because we probably overestimate how much knowledge people in situations like yours would have. You mentioned you went to an Anglican school for a time. If you take requests, would you consider doing a video comparing/contrasting that experience to your family beliefs? I grew up in it until I was about 13, and even though it is mainstream, I still think a lot of the views of mainstream church are harmful and I would be curious to see your view.
Wow! I think you read my question! I am learning a lot thru your videos. Thank you. I am a white, cis woman, lesbian atheist and public school graduate. I have just recently learned about CHRE because a friend of mine is involved with them and is herself an ex-fundie (her term). She is working with my non-profit which advocates for LGBTQ+ youth in Virginia. Anyway, even though I knew of the Duggars and had even watched some of their shows wayyyy back, I never really thought about what might have been going on behind closed doors. Then just last year I went to a picnic with CHRE and met more people who had similar experiences to yours. And it really shed new light on things and I felt that I needed to learn more. So I am glad I found your channel, I think you're doing a great job, and thank you.
Recently found your channel on my long, difficult exvangelical journey. I'm sure I'd say much the same as most of your positive comments, cuz this channel is great! But I think I have a compliment to give you may have not heard before. You've got some excellent video descriptions. Those things can range from worthless to a total gold mine of helpful time codes, links, and further explanation. You're killing it in the video description game.
jfc do all awana groups gather in the same yellow wall bad light gray office carpet rec room. "ooo say something like the holy spirit" im having flashbacks
People need to educate themselves on what a cult actually is and/or can be! When you say the word “cult” most people automatically think of Jonestown, Heaven’s Gate, or Charles Manson’s group, but they are just one small example of what a cult can and does look like. Cults are NOT just some crazy, foreign concept that only exist in movies!! Cults are happening all around us, unfortunately; in our neighborhoods, in the suburbs, in busy cities and tiny towns alike. You may work with someone who’s trapped in a cult, they may be friends/acquaintances, or even family! Cults are a WAY bigger problem than most people realize.
When you mentioned the village, I laughed to myself because that was my same experience. I was ensconced by that film because I saw my own isolated, lonely homeschooled self in the blind girl.
I was homeschooled through all of middle school once the christian school of my parents denomination shut down in our area over lack of money. I was already an introvert at the time and I thought the Christian schools I was in had sucked anyway (looking back, they did) so I actually didn't mind it at first. I kinda liked it for the wrong reasons though, like my mom getting tired of teaching and just letting me play video games (E rated of course) halfway through the day or her doing a bad job at teaching and then just helping me cheat most of the tests she could so I wouldn't fall behind. I didn't miss the other interactions with kids at the time. I did still have a little through my church and even some neighborhood kids but half of them moved away and my younger sibling also told them that their denomination was wrong so they quit hanging out with us then (yeah even here religion caused problems.) At the time, I was legitimately happy with just TV, video games and internet access (my parents actually let me use it, that said, excluding listening to some profane songs I actually didn't use it in ways they wouldn't have approved of, me later learning I was asexual surely helped with this.) That said looking back, even if middle school is often the worst part of school for a lot of people, I do realize I missed out on a lot now. Those are the last ages you can do sleepovers without it getting weird and I literally never had a sleepover or did other middle school things. My mom eventually realized she wouldn't be able to teach me in high school so I was then thrown into public high school and excluding having to be given a math support class, I did excellent in most subjects and did decently socially for my situation. I think part of this is because once I got a taste of proper school, I loved it and wanted to rapidly fit in it. My social life still stunk though as my parents were helicopter parents but even just at school, having friends was nice and a handful of times, my parents did let me do stuff with them outside of school. But hey at least I can comment on all three types of schools now. Private religious schools: trash but at least there's social interaction. Homeschool: Horrible and mine had zero social interaction. Public school: mine was excellent, I realize some are trash though.
I wasn’t in a cult, but I was in a dysfunctional family growing up with an abusive mother who was obsessed with looking good to others. & I was forced to go to church growing up. & when I expressed hating it I was told that I never tried to like it. & I said that I was lonely & hated how different I was I was told that I was giving them a chance. When I said that I disagreed with the lessons I was told that church would be different when I became an adult. At 18 when I decided that they couldn’t pressure or guilt me into going anymore I stopped & over time I grew to accept that I was not a Christian I wasn’t home schooled either. But I have social anxiety from being schizotypal & having avoidant personality disorder. This makes being around people a nightmare for me. I was forced into a lot of social activities growing up to help, but ultimately it did the opposite If you read this please know that your story made me feel less alone & I am very grateful to you for that
Is it weird that I started tearing up watching this vid? I grew up very similarly, Christian homeschooled since 1st grade. Im gay and never felt comfortable in church. I stopped believing (Idk if I ever really believed tho) around 14 but never told my parents and would attend church, youth groups and retreats my entire childhood. I was only surrounded by white, conservative, Christian kids my entire life. I feel robbed of a normal childhood and believe I would be happier if I did attend public schools. ANYWAY, great vid and remember you aren't alone in your experience ❤️
I really want to homeschool my children for kindergarten and first grade so that i can give them the best start for learning by having one on one personalized education.
I was homeschooled and relate to so much of this!! I was desperate for some life answers and often acted out (similar to your sibling Annie, I believe from what I’ve seen other videos they’ve talked on) so to my homeschool co-op peers, I was excluded for being a “bad kid”, and bullied by my youth group peers for being the homeschooled weirdo. Love your channel so so much thank you for sharing your experience. I’ve spent years blocking out my childhood because I always felt that no one understood my situation, but watching your videos makes me feel SO HEARD 💛💛
Okay, what you said about the movie The Village: was that something your parents let you watch, or did you see it on your own? Were they aware that it mirrored your upbringing so closely?
Oh god, is this relatable. T___T Super SUPER enmeshed, fake, "perfect" on the outside, me being the model of a polite, well-behaved, pure, godly "girl"... Realizing later in life that I'm bi, genderfluid, and that this was a very toxic environment took years of deconstruction and healing.
Oh wow, the amount of control is so relatable. I would be called rude very often over the littlest things, sometimes just asking questions. It didn't help that I was homeschooled too (from pre-k to high school, where I started going at the age of 15) and my social group was very heavily controlled up until that point. Thankfully my parents values a secular and scientific curriculum but when I got into public school I still had to re-learn some things, especially about socializing, which I'm still doing nearly a decade later. The excuse that I was autistic (which I now doubt based on how my mom determined that) was used to give me a leniency on social situations that frankly I didn't need while simultaneously behind closed doors I would be lectured on the apparent shortcomings of my social skills, which had to be catered to my mother. I later determined just based on speaking to others that I as actually a very average person and my mental issues were less a form of autism (at most I may have asburger's syndrome but I'm not comfortable saying that for sure without diagnosis) and more because of trauma (generational, emotional and spiritual). I think that homeschooling is valuable if it's done right. I think children who are natural autodidacts like I was or have special needs/outstanding situations that traditional schooling doesn't accommodate well are valid reasons, and I also think people have a healthier religious worldview when they interact regularly with other worldviews. I learned a lot more very quickly as a homeschooler and as a public schooler I was often bored or confused, college/uni is really the only academic situation where I was, and still am, adequately challenged while also being respected. Also I don't know if it's this way in every state, but from what I was told in the state where I homeschooled at there needed to be proof that we kids were learning about things (writing assignments, book reports, worksheets, etc.) and failure to submit that every year means that CPS would get involved to put the child through public or special needs school. I think that something like that should be the norm, although with that system in the state parents could fib their child's homework (and we knew a mom who did that) and many parents in our area still homeschooled for religious reasons and I was the odd one out for knowing a bunch about mythology instead of Bible verses.
I have been Christian homeschooled since kindergarten. Now nearing the end of twelfth grade. It doesn't bother me about the whole lack of a social life thing. When I'm around other kids, I'm just numb with silence. I've seen it all. Parents melting down about rules, salvation insecurities, rapture fears, church-hopping, mental breakdowns, general dysfunction... I'm not sure I agree with your position, though, and I feel guilty about listening to this. I'm super conflicted and I feel like I'm losing my grip on my conscience, because my parents have always been the center of my moral universe. Edit: i am now a second year college student and wow. I have deconstructed and changed, so, so much. A lot of that inner conflict is gone, some is still there, but i definately have gained confidence and a sense of identity apart from my parents. Thank you, Elly. You helped start this process in my life.
It's okay.....take your time....it's completely alright to be conflicted....I've been there too...❤️ Just come to your own conclusions at your own time.... sending well wishes 💞
You are loosing your grip on ‘conscience’, you are forming your OWN conscience rather then relying on your parents. With time as adults we have to become thinkers for ourselves, we may take some of what our parents taught us but most people also form their own ideas about the world. It’s part of growing up!
I was probably where you are describing when I was your age (also homeschooled k-12). It’s a lot to think about. Take your time, life is long…I’d just encourage you to continue your journey of seeking knowledge and developing your own critical thinking skills. Learning how to write research papers and identify scholarly sources in college helped me a lot (to develop critical thinking skills). But mainly, just being curious and asking questions and seeking the answers to those questions is huge. One thing I started to notice was a pattern where Christians reinforce their beliefs by listening to what other Christians say on the subject. For example, instead of talking to atheists about what they believe, a Christian friend of mine read a book by ANOTHER Christian that talked about what atheists believe (at the time, I considered myself to be an atheist, and was pretty put off by a Facebook post he made about what I supposedly believe…which wasn’t accurate at all lol). IMO, if you want to learn about atheists, ask actual atheists about what they think, you know?? I see the same thing happen on Fox News a lot…people opposed to the political left constantly tell people watching what people like me (a progressive) supposedly believe. Whenever I meet a conservative and tell them I’m a liberal (after they have talked to me and warmed up to me), their eyes just about pop out of their head. They are shocked to learn I, in fact, do not have three heads and razor teeth, have no desire to take their guns away, and actually sound pretty reasonable. Coming from the same background, I understand guilt and how all of that works. I’d also say, if asking questions and seeking out information makes you feel guilty, well….there’s something wrong with what you’ve been made to believe, because no one should feel guilty for learning. I also heard recently, from an (emotionally healthier) Christian perspective, that questioning things is how you build a foundation of true faith in a religion. If you’ve never questioned something, but only done or believed what you’ve been told, have you really even chosen to believe it for yourself? Or are you just indoctrinated into it, ya know? For me, questioning the inconsistencies I saw led me to a spiritual but not religious path. But there are many, MANY Christians out there who have strengthened their connection to Christianity and what they truly believe as a result of seeking out answers from a variety of sources (not just biased Christian sources)
I just found this channel and WOW I relate so much. I was homeschooled all the way through (I actually graduated early so I could be a missionary for a year… I took Jesus Freak way too literally 🥴😂). I’m the 3rd of 8 kids (3 of which were adopted) And my older sister and I were heavily parentified from an early age (my mom used to joke “have teenagers before you have kids!! It’s so much easier”). We changed co-ops/curriculums pretty much every year which stunted a lot of my education and social interaction. However, 4 out of the 8 of us have dyslexia, so in that regard being homeschooled through the 90s/2000s may have actually been more supportive to us at that time… Idk. My 5 younger siblings still live at home, homeschooling on a ranch 30-45 minutes from any of their friends, and I worry about them a lot… Especially the kids who aren’t white or don’t fit the gender/sexuality boxes we were raised in. Although my parents are very loving, they were also extremely absent due to their own traumatic childhoods. I was so ashamed of this life I actually used to never tell anyone I was homeschooled lol. But trauma recovery therapy and people like Elly who share their experiences so openly inspired me to revisit my childhood and try to heal some of the lasting damage.
I wonder if you hadn't felt such an intense desire for deeper connection with others then, if you'd be making these videos now? In saying this, by no means do I want to downplay your suffering then, only to say that the longing that it produced may be a key motivation for the intense drive with which you engage with us all through these videos now. I hope your teenage self is proud of the rich connections she created through you - both her through her words then (in the diaries), and through your adult self accompanying her words. I hope that she feels that she is no longer alone; that we are all here with her, empathizing, sympathizing, listening, learning and loving her.. and you, and ourselves, all together!
omg I wanted that book and journal because I loved DC Talk as a kid but my mom wouldn't let me get either of them because she thought they would be too scary. Now I thank her for that!
My in-laws, both veterinarians and former peace corp volunteers along with a group of friends, all liberal and well educated decided to homeschool. Mine were in public school. My daughter did enrichment with them as I worked with the kids on wildlife science, public speaking, theatre, and government. Most of them came back into regular school in 9th grade. My one nephew went to private while the other joined my daughter in public. They socialized in other home school circles but other than that, they were all so isolated that they were the weird kids when they came back to school. One nephew is in med school now that he’s 33 and the other does computer support. I’m not sure what the others are doing tho one of them went on to prestigious advanced degrees in biological sciences. It can turn out well for kids with “normal” parents but they don’t learn social skills unless the parents teach them and expose them to outside groups, clubs, whatever.
Elly, i really think you should write a book. The way you talk and the way you wrote even as a child are very captivating and you have a lot of important stories to tell
Homeschooling results are often so damn depressing, add Jesus in and it's a perfect cocktail for breaking people. All my HS friends with religious backstories are tragedies or people who can't function at all now.
Omg Awana 😤 I was a leader for this for middle school girls. I didn’t really know what it was, as I was newly pulled into this cult in my late teens/early 20s. Every time I left I felt sick. I worried that I was doing it wrong. Not leading the girls in a godly enough way, causing god to make me feel sick
This makes me glad I was never exposed to cults as a kid because I think I would have been a prime target. I went to public school but I was very socially awkward and brain-foggy so I would have really related to that idea of “in the world but not of it” and feeling like I didn’t belong in the real world. I was also the goody two shoes kid and didn’t get any pop culture references (no cult stuff, just my personality and the fact that I didn’t like to watch TV or listen to popular music). I was just shy and I found popular culture intimidating. I also tended to think I was secretly smarter/better than everyone else even though I was at the bottom of the social ladder, and that would have fit perfectly with cult recruiting tactics.
I was homeschooled up until 7th grade, and although I didn't come from a religious family, I relate to your isolation very much. My mother was militantly ashiest, but she thought the world was very dangerous and wanted to protect me from things like chemicals, fast food, all portrayals of violence, etc. So she just didn't want me around other kids in general. Because I didn't even have church groups, siblings, or any extracurricular activities, my only socialization came from neighborhood kids, and I was never allowed to visit their houses or bring them into my house. Watching your videos, I realized something: for a period of about two years starting when I was 9, I was almost completely alone with my mother. I can't believe I never realized that before. We had moved to a neighborhood where there were only two other children - two boys, one of whom was much older than me, and the other much younger, and I didn't spend time with them. Unsurprisingly, I started to get depressed for the first time while we lived in that neighborhood. I also started to become a lot more like my mom. She was able to shape my beliefs and turn me into a really fearful person. Homeschooling can really hurt people, and I'm glad you're speaking up about what can happen when it's done for the wrong reasons.
You are AMAZING and so well spoken. It makes me sad that you experienced the traumatic things you discuss in your videos, many of which I identify with as I came from a similar upbringing. It is encouraging seeing what a wonderful person you are and how you have broken the cycle of abuse with your child. I'd love to see a video (if you don't already have one) about your parenting techniques and what has worked well for you. Thank you for making videos and sharing your story!
I have commented so many times.....lol, but I love how respectful you are towards other beliefs and how open you seem to be. Homeschooling can be beautiful if done right like you said. I always wanted to homeschool, even when my kids were babies. I mean, before I got married I lived with a wonderful family who homeschooled one of their amazing children, and sent the other to a Christian school, but I saw how close they were as a family and how social and amazingly sweet both kids were. When I had my kiddos, I really wanted to homeschool them....because I love teaching and that was just an exciting thing to me, but my hubby really wanted the kids in public school because he was terrified of homeschool and had never experienced seeing kids in homeschool. So when the pandemic came along, one of the teachers told me I get to homeschool my kids....lol. I loved the teachers, but hated public school and so did my kids. A few months after the pandemic we chose remote (which was a nightmare). By November, I headed over to the local public school administration, gave them a diploma and notice of intent. All 3 of us were nervous and super excited to homeschool. I said to my husband, I'm sorry, but I could not do the remote anymore. My family has thrived with homeschool. But I love watching your videos, cause it's good to know the damage I can do if I don't do this right. Homeschool is not for everyone, but it does fit our family. And there are a lot of things in public school that kids and parents have to be vigilant with. But for some kids public school is a safe haven, especially kids who are being abused or don't have food at home. So homeschool is not for everyone.
Your experiences as a homeschooled student really incapsulate why I am, in general, a little weary of homeschooling. I'm a teacher and unfortunately a majority of the students I have seen leave public schools for homeschooling were pulled for not the correct reasons. I see homeschooling parents get incredibly defensive of their choice, which is a red flag to me as well. I hear the justification that their kids still get socialization through co ops, but I know this groups can still be isolating. I think if we allow homeschooling, stricter enforcement of the curriculum needs to be carried out, as well as the homeschooling adult going through some sort of "credentialing process".
Another K-12 homeschool kid here. I second your comment and every one of Elly’s points lines up with my experience as well. I also taught piano for quite awhile after college, so I was able to gain perspective from a substantial cross-section of homeschool and public school kids. The public school kids I had as high schoolers were better educated than I was through homeschool (of course, their parents were also invested in their education and they mostly took AP classes). But the homeschool kids…oof. I quickly learned to be wary of them. They were often very strange to work with and more difficult to teach. And I could usually tell their home life was unhealthy as well, which was sad and relatable given my upbringing 😞
"Whoever the Son sets free, is free indeed" may His grace lead you back to Him. He loves you, the sin & confusion as a consequence seoerates you from Him. "Return you backsliding children and I will heal your backsliding ".
Oh Elly, wow I resonate so much with your videos. I am the oldest of 5, and grew up ATI/IBLP, in AWANA, homeschooled, we went to the Above Rubies conference every year, along with knowing the Campbells personally. A lot of my deconstruction now is very similar to yours. I am a gay guy, living with my grandparents now and taking care of them. A lot of the feelings I think I have are maybe some resentments towards my parents. I feel that our childhoods were somewhat robbed from us, in the form of parentification, physical abuse, and emotional terror. When my parents would read books like "To train up a Child" or also doing another program called "Growing Kids God's Way", it seemed that they were further empowered to continue these destructive attitudes. I love my parents, but when no effort is made to right a wrong or fix the past with an apology and change of behavior, those same sad feelings remain. Thank you for being a voice to folks that were raised in the same environment. Your videos bring a lot of peace because of the truth being exposed based on experience.
No one is immune to propaganda or confirmation bias, but people who care about facts and truth make sure to stay aware of their own bias and work to learn to develop research and critical thinking skills. I haven’t met any fundie Christians that care about learning and truth. I’ve only met fundie Christians that feed their confirmation bias with a steady stream of their own carefully curated propaganda.
11:28 You said that because it was true, and instead your mom took it personally; Sidenote, she "was" a bad mom, in spite of how much she may have actually loved you. I'm so sorry Elly for all the years of isolation, and how you were deprived of healthy socialization during those precious crucial young years. I too (as I said in another one of your videos) was homeschooled and experienced much of the same as you (I DESPERATELY wanted to go to public school but I didn't wanna hurt my mom's feelings). All we can do now is learn from it, and seeing you have this awesome channel and educating others on everything you went through (and more importantly, shedding light on the toxicity of christianity in all it's many forms) is so INSPIRING!!!! Good job Elly!!! Keep growing and shining!!!!!!!!!!! :)
I went to public school all my life but also went to a church twice a week that had us reading the Jesus Freak journal and promoted all that craziness. Very confusing also for me as a bisexual girl. I tried real hard to be what I thought God wanted 😔
Hi, new subscriber here. I don't know how I stumbled on to the first video I saw of yours but I didn't even know what "Fundie" meant so obviously I wasn't brought up in a fundamentalist religion. Had I not been listening to a couple of people on You Tube talking about the Duggers I wouldn't have known anything about these kinds of cults or how many are out there. You are certainly helping other people who are questioning how they were brought up, but you're also educating people like me who never experienced anything like that. Re: home schooling, like you mentioned shootings and the pandemic may be valid reasons to home school; however, in my past work experiences a lot of home schooling was to hide abuse. There should be random checks for anyone doing home schooling. If they object then they should lose the right to be able to home school. Thanks
Thank you for sharing your experience. My childhood was not as extreme, but there are so many similarities. I always felt like the other kids at my church and youth group were more "normal" than me somehow, even though they were supposed to be like me.
I just want to tell you that I can SOOOOO relate to everything in this video, including the journal entries. I was a goodie two shoes too, so judgy, and my parents were proud of me too. I was so unprepared for real life.
Thank you for this video, and the others about your homeschooling. I feel like I grew up two "degrees" from you. Two of my close friends in high school would have been kids in your Awana group (no idea how to spell that, sorry). I wasn't nearly as deep in it (we were Catholic), but I did attend a lot of those meetings/summer camps/bible weekends with them, and it was encouraged by my parents. I've spent a lot of time unpacking how the Catholicism effected me, but it's funny how much this brings up that I hadn't thought about. Mostly just realizing how deep it goes. "Jesus Freak" is literally running through my head, and it's been more than 20 years since I've heard that song. ETA: I want to be clear that I do not mean to invalidate anyone's experience, nor am I trying to say that my experience was the same. It's just interesting how much of a scale there is to this kind of indoctrination.
I empathize with this so much ❤️❤️❤️ related so much to this and even joined a religious cult after highschool but I'm so glad you are sharing your story.
Oh my god there is so much to unpack here. The level of gross your family was is not even on a chart. They knew they were terrible people, however you simply stating that you were sad that you couldn’t be like the rest of the kids was seen as disrespect because they didn’t want the world to know that they weren’t good people. Sounds logical. The guilt tripping is real. I guess they’ll do anything so that the world doesn’t know that they’re not good parents.
I know of someone who homeschools her kids and she’s a fundamental Christian. She has 3 kids and is pregnant with the 4th and there’s been months at a time where she doesn’t do any homeschooling for her kids. She says her teaching her daughter how to help out in the kitchen can be part of schooling because that’s something she needs to know when she grows up. I’m concerned that her kids are going to grow up to be uneducated and have issues in the workplace or in the university. Well at least her sons will have issues in the workplace or in college. I think her daughters will probably prioritize getting married to someone in their cult and focus on having as many kids as possible before menopause. Her mom had 14 babies and it seems like she and her siblings are following in their footsteps. I don’t make comments to her about her decision on how to raise her kids, because that’s not my place at all. But in my mind I don’t think her kids are getting the proper education that they need.
yeo homeschool can be used to hide abus Its so sad. I technically homeschool my son whose autistic because the public school failed him. But half of his schooling is with his behaviour consultant and 4 other kids. And we dont isolate. sad the religious fundie give homeschooling a bad name
I’m binge watching you so much tonight. It’s an insomnia night. I relate to you so much. So I was born and raised in a Greek Orthodox family. I’m an only child with both biological parents who stayed married for 52 years until my dad passed in 2020. I went to public school until 7th grade. When I started 8th grade in the fall of 1991, for a variety of reasons my parents put me in a fundie Christian school affiliated with a baptist church. I was instantly thrust into this culture. It was definitely different coming from a second generation Greek Orthodox American family. My whole identity was shaken. It’s a unique story. I had to stop associating with my extended family (19 cousins and all their spouses and kids). I ended up being pressured to go against my parents a lot, because they were not “really Christian’s”. If only I had kept my diaries like you did. I would do something like this. Keep up the good work. After my freshman year, we moved to Arizona and I went to a public school but the trauma affects me to this day.
I don’t have another word for this, ironically, but your channel is a blessing. I also grew up in a secluded homeschooled family. The deep vacuous loneliness and social anxiety still hang onto me like a shadow. However, I’m proud to say I’m now a senior in college pursuing a writing career. I’m out as a non-binary bisexual, I am an atheist, and I have never felt more free in my life. Your channel has helped me heal and understand my life a little bit more. Thank you so much.
Homeschooling is such a foreign concept for me. I'm from Germany and homeschooling is forbidden here. Even Jehova's witnesses and Children from other cults have to send their kids to school. And not only german kids, any kid who lives in germany (yes, also refugees and people with foreign nationality with the exception of a diplomats child). And I like that. There are some rare cases where home schooling/ online schooling is allowed. A kid that's too sick to attend regular school (although hospitals usually have a hospital school). Another reason is when a student is pregnant. One of my classmates was allowed to do half a year of homeschooling before and after birth. At the start of the pandemic, they actually had to change the law to allow online schooling.
Ugh, it's so heartbreaking, the level of loneliness you experienced. Glad you are out here making connections now. That "in the world but not of it" mentality really resonates for a long time. Doing theater and music helped drag me out of it, but I still feel it occasionally. You're doing a great job, Elly!
The loneliness is real! 23 years after my homeschool “graduation” and I still have very few close friends and awkward acquaintances. Thanks for your insight, Elly!
I’m about 18 years out, and I am FINALLY starting to feel more confident about who I am and social interaction. The struggle is real…..
Damn. I've lost count how many times in your videos you've recounted a moment almost identical to my own, something most of humanity is blissfully unaware of what it's like to be. Thank you for taking the time to put your experiences into words.
Same! I kept thinking “I have to comment I had that same experience or thought!” And by the time the video was done I couldn’t remember them any more because there were so many similar experiences 😂
I just talked about Jesus Freaks in a recent video. What a wild time it was reading stuff like that as a kid.
As always I super relate to you. Being told I was making the family look bad, feeling watched by other women and girls because I wasn’t acting “appropriately” or “dying to self” enough. Really is so isolating and damaging. I hate to think there are other kids out there who are being raised like we were.
Yes !!! I used to write poems about being a martyr and dream about growing up to be a missionary! 😂🥴 When I tell people about it now I realize how bizarre that was. But I love the point she made about how harmful it is to ALWAYS be “in the world not of it”. Even now as an agnostic atheist I still struggle to feel belonging, or even giving proper importance to “the pleasures of the world” that we were taught was sinful/unnecessarily
I remember being in Sunday school around 7 or 8 years old, and the story was about a Christian martyr that was murdered in Tibet. Supposedly a gun was held to his head and he was asked if he was a Christian. We were asked if we would be able to do the same thing. I honestly didn’t know…it sounded so scary, and I felt so guilty for years about it!
I completely agree. And when I eloped and went No Contact at 21 my parents saw it as bringing shame on the family. My mother STILL hasn’t forgiven me for that and once told me that the stress of it caused her to get a divorce (which is ridiculous because my mom was abusive toward my dad.)
What stuck out to me was, one reason to homeschool being school shootings, which are horrific, yet the same people pushing homeschooling are the same ones who reject gun control. 🤔
RIGHT YOU ARE!!!!!! but how to get them to see their "logic"
Avid gun control advocate and home school mom of 4 here. Please don't judge, we exist!
People homeschool for a variety of reasons. Especially post covid. Perhaps in the past, it was mainly Christian fundamentalists, but that has rapidly changed.
@@erikacook3056 no parent should be allowed to control the information their child learns under the guise of being their 'teacher'.
I homeschooled our son because he was so unhappy in school that year. I chose an American history curriculum based on the labor movement. All but one of the other local homeschool families were “conservative Christians,” and I remained the Den Mother for his close group of Cub Scout friends. So my son was exposed to Christian conservative ideas, his den-mates’ more mainstream ideas as well as my own deeply-held labor (leftist) beliefs. I don’t think it’s wrong to let your children know what you think and what you value.
He grew up into a activist in socialist causes and groups, and is considerably more leftist than we (his parents) are. Our other son (who we homeschooled during a different year) started out that way, but differentiated into a more libertarian type of thinker.
I remember talking with my sons a lot about ideas. I frequently said, “They are nice folks,but I don’t agree with all their ideas.”
It's the family dynamic. I was public schooled and my family was secular but abusive. I turned out extremely anti social because of it. It depends heavily on your home life.
yes, I was thinking the same thing. It is not a very nice family that home schools you until the 11th grade then signs you up a week late for a large school in grade 11! That is callous.
I feel so sad for her, her parents seem so unpathethic and unloving, awful people. Sad she had to grow up like that with parents who caused her so much trauma. The problem is too that sounds like her parents only homeschooled to brainwash and indoctrinate and not because they actually wanted to teach.
I could not agree more. And also, I think this “warning” to parents about homeschooling is ineffective a lot of the time because most toxic parents don’t know they are providing a toxic environment for their kids, unfortunately. :( I like to think that kids going to public school, having the experience of so many teachers/adults and kids helps to make their parents’ shortcomings effect them less negatively. I think this would be true whether the parents are healthy (yet, flawed of course) or dysfunctional/toxic.
I’m 35 and my parents don’t believe for one second that our home environment was anything but a loving Christian home. To me, it was toxic and a sad and miserable place devoid of love :(
A parent of mine considered 'nice and kind' brought in a violent, uneducated, stupid, drugging and boozing, manipulative and tyrannical step-parent who almost destroyed me. The importing parent was a passive abuser--every bit as toxic as the abuser. Religion had nothing to do with it.
Thank you so much Ellie for sharing your story. I wasn't homeschooled. I went to regular public school. You see I grew up in a Christian home. I gave my life to Christ at age nine. Because of me having a learning disability I was in special ed most of my schooling and even though my upbringing was more mainstream than what you experienced because of the challenges I faced I was over protected. Called names like "retarded" and "slow" and always felt behind accudemicly and mentally so I know what it feels like to feel isolated and always under "the radar" of other people. I just spoke and did and lived however I was "told" to. Now in my thirties I'm deconstructing from it all. Not from christianity but, from living under the influence of being someone who can't do this and shouldn't be that. Ya know what? Forget it!!!! I'm just going to live for Christ and live in freedom and just do what I want because when you try to please people you get burned out and tired but, if you live for God and yourself you are free. I hope this isn't all over the place. Like I said before my heart breaks for you. So glad you no longer lived the way you did. Take care and have a great day 😊
You were told in your religion, that Jesus said:
" my kingdom was no part of this world ", however, in reality, since 80% of Christian Fundamentalists voted Republican, those religionists ARE, indeed, ' part of the world ', and very active in supporting right wing politicians, who cut Senior Nutrition Programs for poor seniors and single mothers, and ALSO restricted voting rights for people of color in the backward Republican states, and who gleefully, like Southern Methodist Jeff Sessions, supported mr Trump's separation of toddlers from the families of those desperate Central Americans refugees.
Those Republican Religionists then agreed with mr Trump, that:
" there are fine people on both sides "
of the Charlottesville KKK, and American Nazi party, and mr Trump's Proud Boys, AND the Proud Boys' driver who drove into the peaceful protesters, to kill that woman.
--- they still support the Republican party's values, and mr Trump, who they like to depict as a " Cyrus ", yet who has all the vanity, and _no accomplishments_ of a Nebuchadnezzar.
They're only ' Republican Religionists ' ; they have no any semblance of the desire to be followers of any valuable Christian thinking.
Hi I’m new here. Idk how I even found your channel but I’m glad I did. I know you hear this constantly but hearing your experience is super validating. Thanks for your courage and vulnerability ❤️
Maybe I'm bias because I was homeschooled so badly but I almost feel like homeschooling should be illegal. It's sketchy to separate your kids from others because you think you can give them a better education and life experience than a literal school.
I think homeschool should be allowed (as some children really aren’t meant for the public school system), provided it’s VERY regulated.
For example yearly inspection where:
- the curriculum taught is reviewed
- the child HAS to sit exams for minimum the main topics (maths, English and the sciences) and HAS to score the minimum required for their year group to continue. Otherwise they are forced to stop homeschooling.
- there has to be proof in the annual inspections of regular contact with other children (sports, arts clubs etc).
These inspections are to be done without the presence of the parent.
@@Bringon-dw8dx For me, it should be allowed but not recommended
@Sophie I'm so sorry your school experience wasn't good. It's absolutely nice to hear a different perspective. Our reason to homeschool our middle daughter was because she is disabled. We took homeschooling as a full-time job. Lots of science experiments, art projects, tutoring sessions, ballet classes, piano lessons, harp lessons, weekly classes in our local private school, etc. We also followed the government curriculum. In my country, homeschool kids have to take annual tests to track their progress, health assesments, and home inspections. It was also back in the day where kids still go out to play, so she was never alone. We never limit her chance to make friends. I get it is not for everyone.
If allowed I think it should be highly regulated. But I think the same thing about private schools. Especially high schools. I went to a high school where there were 15 students in 9th through 12th grade. My graduating class was 3 students. We had no labs, one teacher covering 4 grades, I taught myself physics, chemistry, and biology from ACE paces, while the rest of the subjects were abeka books. We students pretty much taught ourselves French, and typing
Homeschooling is illegal in Germany.
I’m literally crying right now. I have never heard anyone’s stories even similar to mine. Thank you for sharing your story. Xoxo
I think it’s really sad how homeschooling has morphed into such a sad state. By itself it doesn’t need to be heteronormative, white nationalist, Christian, or isolating. It’s unfortunate that it’s tied to these basically cult like organizations. As someone who I’d describe as having relatively liberal views, I had the privilege to chose homeschooling after elementary school because I think I prefer it to the public school system, and it worked! I was able to skip several years of math and sciences while having more free time to hang out with friends on an almost daily basis, including going to like the mall/an amusement park every weekend. I’m glad you are out of that and I hope homeschooling can evolve into something better
I had a wonderful home school experience, my mom chose home schooling because of my educational needs, I graduated at 16 and while there were negatives to the experience I received an education equal to a public school one. You are spot on, it’s all about reasoning. I am not a supporter that anyone should home school, it is a HUGE commitment.
Omg I forgot about calling it "big church" until you mentioned it! I also usually opted for that too & it lead to me hearing some pretty dark things about Hell & the rapture that scarred me. I was able to escape homeschool fairly young, but I relate to a lot of your story. I'm autistic & trans so being part of a fundamentalist Christian church was so hard for me. I was constantly criticized & punished for being myself. My social skills suffered severely from my family's reclusive behavior and the "in, not of the world" mentality that I was taught on top of my autistic traits not being understood or diagnosed. I'm sorry you experienced this kind of upbringing. Thank you for sharing so much. Finding your channel is so helpful for me. I also appreciate that you referred to this as a cult because it has been hard for me to get people (even therapists) to understand the religious trauma I experienced in a similar "religion" (cult) since it's not what they imagine a cult looks like.
I’m a straight cis girl, but I relate so hard to the rest of your comment. I literally felt like I was treated with the same rejection and judgment the LGBTQ community gets. I just wasn’t what my parents wanted me to be. Got perfect grades and never did anything actually wrong, but my personality wasn’t right, I wasn’t a perfect submissive girl. I was brainwashed, but not brainwashed enough for them ;)
Also, “children’s church” wasn’t an option for me. My parents didn’t “believe” in it. And then they moved us to a small cult-y-er homeschool church that didn’t even offer Sunday school for kids at all because they didn’t believe in “separating families”
I relate so hard to being seen as well-meaning but weak. I was ALWAYS getting rebuked for being too enthusiastic and loud. I was regularly punished for being too happy when I got to socialize.
Thank you for this video!! I was homeschooled for non-religious reasons and actually had a really great experience, so it's really eye-opening (and heartbreaking) to learn about the ways it can be used to abuse children. Your videos have also made me realize that a lot of the families at the (fully secular) co-ops I attended who I always just viewed as "vaguely religious" were probably fundamentalist Christians (families with 7-12 kids with working dads and stay-at-home-moms were very common). It's made me think a lot about my old BFF who was in one of those families and ended up traumatizing me by her reaction after I came out as gay. Now that I've realized her family was definitely fundie and I've been able to recontextualize what I know about them, I actually have a lot of sympathy for her-it seems like that's a really awful environment to be raised in. Thank you for all your videos.
I can relate to the loneliness, but it wasn't from a lack of my parents trying to make me socialize. While I didn't grow up in a fundie family, I was surrounded by them at co-op, and as the closeted lesbian who loved anime, hard rock, and hot topic, I really stood out and felt out of place. It didn't help that I got outed by a teacher. I was being SA'd by a close friend at the time, and when all that drama with my family went down, I just shut everyone out to protect myself. I didn't want to be assaulted anymore, or treated like a predator for liking girls. So I really relate to the loneliness, but from the opposite side of the spectrum. I was the "rebellious" kid that people avoided, and I never felt like I could connect because I didn't trust God at all and I felt like an outcast for just being me. I know this probably sounds weird, I just wanted to share with you, in case you were ever curious what it was like on the other side of the homeschool spectrum. You kinda become a bit of a target when your parents and you aren't with the rest of the crowd. I actually got bullied more by the righteous kids because I was so open with my true beliefs.
I'd like to clarify that for me, homeschooling really great. It fit my personality and I was pushed academically to the point I graduated high school with 27 college credit hours. My parents tried to force me to socialize, but after the abuse I went through from my friend and the rejection I felt, I had no interest in talking to anyone I didn't meet online, so my isolation was partially my fault.
as a nonbinary person it's so refreshing to hear a cis person voluntarily give their pronouns, so thank you. It really does help when you do that
Takes a lot of guts to share this stuff. It is so important to show people this side of religion.
Wow, I really relate to the disconnection you talk about. I went to a Christian college after homeschooling, but of course they weren't Christian enough for my family. I always felt disconnected. I got invited to several weddings that I skipped on the day because I didn't feel connected to the people who invited me. In retrospect, that is crazy. They wouldn't have invited me if they didn't think of me as a friend, but I was so indoctrinated into being isolated I couldn't see their gesture as true friendship. Unfortunately because of my actions I lost these friendships but through life experiences and counselling I have made lifelong friends after this.
I’m happy you see life in a fulfilling way now
Listening to you is so validating. We had very similar backgrounds, it’s so healing to feel seen like this. Thank you Elly ❤️
For many children, homeschooling is a better option, but I agree, it’s about the reason why. Education should ideally be about what is best for the child.
Ellie you are so amazingly honest and frank your testimonies are always so interesting, horrifying and funny if that makes any sense. All those years trying to meet the requirements of an invisible deity where almost any activity had to be evaluated as to whether it brought you closer to Jesus. You lived in a kind of emotional North Korea.
Just want to say that "emotional North Korea" is an amazingly descriptive phrase.
That's a good way to put it.
Your honesty and desire to learn about the "blind spots" of your childhood are inspiring! I didn't grow up fundie, but Catholic, but even so it's challenging to deconstruct the damaging ideologies I grew up with. And as a religious studies major, I love your content for a critical, but still insider, perspective on fundamentalist. Your AWANA video was fantastic. Keep it up!!
I know of multiple reasons for homeschooling outside of religion.
Traveling Families who like freedom
Those with specially abled children
Kids with unique sports abilities who need an alternative schedule for time to train.
Families that want a smaller school for their kids that have stay at home Moms...and they all gather inside of a library conference room to hold lessons.
Kids who have experienced trauma who live with a new family may not be ready to intergrate.
And...kids with acute illnesses where the environment would cost them in their health.
I did go to a public school. I was not strictly raised Christian. I kept a strong internal moral compass...I'm in my early 30s and people still apologize for using bad language around me... 😆 I love listening to your stories. You have a great narrator voice. Keep being amazing!
I feel so sad so many people had bad home school experiences. I was home schooled (without the fundamentalism) and as a 36 year old woman now I don't regret a moment! I learned, I had tons of activities with other kids. I'm still best friends with people from our small town theater group where i stated acting at 13. ALL my public school friends have ptsd and trauma from their high school experience. I have nothing but good memories of my home school experience. I'm so lucky to have grown up with being home schooled was a possibility, but also upset that there's no way to ensure all kids are having that same experience.
19:11 This entry sounds so different from the usual entries you made at this time. Something about it unsettles me, like it's not really you talking.
I'm always so grateful that you share your entries with us. I wrote a lot as a child, but it never felt safe because I knew my parents had no issues going through our things. Your work inspires me to go back and reexamine my own past and reclaim my love of writing.
Thank you.
I’ve never related to someone on RUclips so much. Thank you for what you do!!!❤️❤️
Hi Elly, thanks so much for this amazing vid! I was raised in a religious cult by a mom with a lot of mental and physical health issues, and I was homeschooled and severely socially isolated as well as abused in many ways by my mom, so sadly I'm a hot mess now I'm in a safe living environment, especially since I'm a gay trans dude, so I got a lot of hate from my mom for being trans while she was still alive (I took care of her until she died cause she refused to go to the doctor for her bad heart problems, so learning what enmeshment is is so helpful to me cause it perfectly describes me and my mom's codependent relationship).
Thanks so much!
Love how you've expressed in various of your vids how you came to terms with your bi identity cause that is very much how I realized both my trans and then later my gay identities.
Also love how you're trying to teach your kid how to be her own person. Since I hope to be an adoptive dad one day and I currently help my roomie take care of her 11 and 13 year olds, I really appreciate any good examples of parenting done right I can find.
Have a lovely day!
Hi, Im a mom to a 13 year old trans teen. I wanted to tell you thank you for taking care of your mom even though she didn't accept you for yourself. That says so much about your character. My son will be attending public school for the first time since their transition. They are also a gay trans dude so I've been struggling with being overprotective. But your comments help me realize that I need to let go a bit and let him get out there more. I also wanted to say you sound like you're on the right track to being a great dad. Good luck!
I relate so hard to agonizing over simple decisions. Making sure it’s what god wants. I feel like I missed out a lot because I or someone else told me it’s not what god wants
I've been watching your videos since the algorithm recommended one. I was never in this lifestyle or religious view, but I enjoy learning about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, fundamentalism and cults more broadly. I enjoy that you include book recommendations. I have added this one and White Evangelical Racism to my ever-growing TBR pile.
I forgot to comment on your other video about the science binder , but I found that particularly shocking. As an outsider, you kind of have an idea in your head about what this kind of homeschooling might look like. But I was imagining, for the most part, regular schooling but with evolution and sex ed taken out or censored heavily. Sort of like Catholic school, but more intense. But yours shows how little education is actually given and that it is much worse than what we might think. I think this important as outsiders to understand, because we probably overestimate how much knowledge people in situations like yours would have.
You mentioned you went to an Anglican school for a time. If you take requests, would you consider doing a video comparing/contrasting that experience to your family beliefs? I grew up in it until I was about 13, and even though it is mainstream, I still think a lot of the views of mainstream church are harmful and I would be curious to see your view.
Wow! I think you read my question! I am learning a lot thru your videos. Thank you. I am a white, cis woman, lesbian atheist and public school graduate. I have just recently learned about CHRE because a friend of mine is involved with them and is herself an ex-fundie (her term). She is working with my non-profit which advocates for LGBTQ+ youth in Virginia. Anyway, even though I knew of the Duggars and had even watched some of their shows wayyyy back, I never really thought about what might have been going on behind closed doors. Then just last year I went to a picnic with CHRE and met more people who had similar experiences to yours. And it really shed new light on things and I felt that I needed to learn more. So I am glad I found your channel, I think you're doing a great job, and thank you.
Oh noooo the phrase "Jesus freak" just made me remember Jr high and I just cringed so hard 😂
Recently found your channel on my long, difficult exvangelical journey. I'm sure I'd say much the same as most of your positive comments, cuz this channel is great! But I think I have a compliment to give you may have not heard before. You've got some excellent video descriptions. Those things can range from worthless to a total gold mine of helpful time codes, links, and further explanation. You're killing it in the video description game.
Oof hearing you invalidate yourself in these journal entries is so hard, so glad it sounds like you’ve found healing
jfc do all awana groups gather in the same yellow wall bad light gray office carpet rec room. "ooo say something like the holy spirit" im having flashbacks
People need to educate themselves on what a cult actually is and/or can be!
When you say the word “cult” most people automatically think of Jonestown, Heaven’s Gate, or Charles Manson’s group, but they are just one small example of what a cult can and does look like.
Cults are NOT just some crazy, foreign concept that only exist in movies!!
Cults are happening all around us, unfortunately; in our neighborhoods, in the suburbs, in busy cities and tiny towns alike.
You may work with someone who’s trapped in a cult, they may be friends/acquaintances, or even family!
Cults are a WAY bigger problem than most people realize.
When you mentioned the village, I laughed to myself because that was my same experience. I was ensconced by that film because I saw my own isolated, lonely homeschooled self in the blind girl.
I was homeschooled through all of middle school once the christian school of my parents denomination shut down in our area over lack of money.
I was already an introvert at the time and I thought the Christian schools I was in had sucked anyway (looking back, they did) so I actually didn't mind it at first. I kinda liked it for the wrong reasons though, like my mom getting tired of teaching and just letting me play video games (E rated of course) halfway through the day or her doing a bad job at teaching and then just helping me cheat most of the tests she could so I wouldn't fall behind.
I didn't miss the other interactions with kids at the time. I did still have a little through my church and even some neighborhood kids but half of them moved away and my younger sibling also told them that their denomination was wrong so they quit hanging out with us then (yeah even here religion caused problems.)
At the time, I was legitimately happy with just TV, video games and internet access (my parents actually let me use it, that said, excluding listening to some profane songs I actually didn't use it in ways they wouldn't have approved of, me later learning I was asexual surely helped with this.) That said looking back, even if middle school is often the worst part of school for a lot of people, I do realize I missed out on a lot now. Those are the last ages you can do sleepovers without it getting weird and I literally never had a sleepover or did other middle school things.
My mom eventually realized she wouldn't be able to teach me in high school so I was then thrown into public high school and excluding having to be given a math support class, I did excellent in most subjects and did decently socially for my situation. I think part of this is because once I got a taste of proper school, I loved it and wanted to rapidly fit in it. My social life still stunk though as my parents were helicopter parents but even just at school, having friends was nice and a handful of times, my parents did let me do stuff with them outside of school.
But hey at least I can comment on all three types of schools now. Private religious schools: trash but at least there's social interaction. Homeschool: Horrible and mine had zero social interaction. Public school: mine was excellent, I realize some are trash though.
I wasn’t in a cult, but I was in a dysfunctional family growing up with an abusive mother who was obsessed with looking good to others. & I was forced to go to church growing up. & when I expressed hating it I was told that I never tried to like it. & I said that I was lonely & hated how different I was I was told that I was giving them a chance. When I said that I disagreed with the lessons I was told that church would be different when I became an adult. At 18 when I decided that they couldn’t pressure or guilt me into going anymore I stopped & over time I grew to accept that I was not a Christian
I wasn’t home schooled either. But I have social anxiety from being schizotypal & having avoidant personality disorder. This makes being around people a nightmare for me. I was forced into a lot of social activities growing up to help, but ultimately it did the opposite
If you read this please know that your story made me feel less alone & I am very grateful to you for that
I love that you tell these stories with the bi flag behind you
Is it weird that I started tearing up watching this vid? I grew up very similarly, Christian homeschooled since 1st grade. Im gay and never felt comfortable in church. I stopped believing (Idk if I ever really believed tho) around 14 but never told my parents and would attend church, youth groups and retreats my entire childhood. I was only surrounded by white, conservative, Christian kids my entire life. I feel robbed of a normal childhood and believe I would be happier if I did attend public schools. ANYWAY, great vid and remember you aren't alone in your experience ❤️
I really want to homeschool my children for kindergarten and first grade so that i can give them the best start for learning by having one on one personalized education.
I was homeschooled and relate to so much of this!! I was desperate for some life answers and often acted out (similar to your sibling Annie, I believe from what I’ve seen other videos they’ve talked on) so to my homeschool co-op peers, I was excluded for being a “bad kid”, and bullied by my youth group peers for being the homeschooled weirdo. Love your channel so so much thank you for sharing your experience. I’ve spent years blocking out my childhood because I always felt that no one understood my situation, but watching your videos makes me feel SO HEARD 💛💛
I am crying. I had not realized how much trauma I was repressing from being homeschooled.
Thank you for this series of videos!
Virtual hugs from another homeschool survivor….
Okay, what you said about the movie The Village: was that something your parents let you watch, or did you see it on your own? Were they aware that it mirrored your upbringing so closely?
I am so sorry you weren't allowed to be a kid growing up and expressing your true self.
Oh god, is this relatable. T___T Super SUPER enmeshed, fake, "perfect" on the outside, me being the model of a polite, well-behaved, pure, godly "girl"... Realizing later in life that I'm bi, genderfluid, and that this was a very toxic environment took years of deconstruction and healing.
Oh wow, the amount of control is so relatable. I would be called rude very often over the littlest things, sometimes just asking questions. It didn't help that I was homeschooled too (from pre-k to high school, where I started going at the age of 15) and my social group was very heavily controlled up until that point. Thankfully my parents values a secular and scientific curriculum but when I got into public school I still had to re-learn some things, especially about socializing, which I'm still doing nearly a decade later. The excuse that I was autistic (which I now doubt based on how my mom determined that) was used to give me a leniency on social situations that frankly I didn't need while simultaneously behind closed doors I would be lectured on the apparent shortcomings of my social skills, which had to be catered to my mother. I later determined just based on speaking to others that I as actually a very average person and my mental issues were less a form of autism (at most I may have asburger's syndrome but I'm not comfortable saying that for sure without diagnosis) and more because of trauma (generational, emotional and spiritual).
I think that homeschooling is valuable if it's done right. I think children who are natural autodidacts like I was or have special needs/outstanding situations that traditional schooling doesn't accommodate well are valid reasons, and I also think people have a healthier religious worldview when they interact regularly with other worldviews. I learned a lot more very quickly as a homeschooler and as a public schooler I was often bored or confused, college/uni is really the only academic situation where I was, and still am, adequately challenged while also being respected. Also I don't know if it's this way in every state, but from what I was told in the state where I homeschooled at there needed to be proof that we kids were learning about things (writing assignments, book reports, worksheets, etc.) and failure to submit that every year means that CPS would get involved to put the child through public or special needs school. I think that something like that should be the norm, although with that system in the state parents could fib their child's homework (and we knew a mom who did that) and many parents in our area still homeschooled for religious reasons and I was the odd one out for knowing a bunch about mythology instead of Bible verses.
Your story reminds me of Turning Red a lot. Living for your parent's love and not being able to unleash your true self 🥺
I love your journal entries. Even as a young child, you’ve always been so eloquent!
I have been Christian homeschooled since kindergarten. Now nearing the end of twelfth grade. It doesn't bother me about the whole lack of a social life thing. When I'm around other kids, I'm just numb with silence.
I've seen it all. Parents melting down about rules, salvation insecurities, rapture fears, church-hopping, mental breakdowns, general dysfunction...
I'm not sure I agree with your position, though, and I feel guilty about listening to this. I'm super conflicted and I feel like I'm losing my grip on my conscience, because my parents have always been the center of my moral universe.
Edit: i am now a second year college student and wow. I have deconstructed and changed, so, so much. A lot of that inner conflict is gone, some is still there, but i definately have gained confidence and a sense of identity apart from my parents. Thank you, Elly. You helped start this process in my life.
It's okay.....take your time....it's completely alright to be conflicted....I've been there too...❤️
Just come to your own conclusions at your own time....
sending well wishes 💞
You are loosing your grip on ‘conscience’, you are forming your OWN conscience rather then relying on your parents.
With time as adults we have to become thinkers for ourselves, we may take some of what our parents taught us but most people also form their own ideas about the world.
It’s part of growing up!
I was probably where you are describing when I was your age (also homeschooled k-12). It’s a lot to think about. Take your time, life is long…I’d just encourage you to continue your journey of seeking knowledge and developing your own critical thinking skills. Learning how to write research papers and identify scholarly sources in college helped me a lot (to develop critical thinking skills). But mainly, just being curious and asking questions and seeking the answers to those questions is huge. One thing I started to notice was a pattern where Christians reinforce their beliefs by listening to what other Christians say on the subject. For example, instead of talking to atheists about what they believe, a Christian friend of mine read a book by ANOTHER Christian that talked about what atheists believe (at the time, I considered myself to be an atheist, and was pretty put off by a Facebook post he made about what I supposedly believe…which wasn’t accurate at all lol). IMO, if you want to learn about atheists, ask actual atheists about what they think, you know?? I see the same thing happen on Fox News a lot…people opposed to the political left constantly tell people watching what people like me (a progressive) supposedly believe. Whenever I meet a conservative and tell them I’m a liberal (after they have talked to me and warmed up to me), their eyes just about pop out of their head. They are shocked to learn I, in fact, do not have three heads and razor teeth, have no desire to take their guns away, and actually sound pretty reasonable.
Coming from the same background, I understand guilt and how all of that works. I’d also say, if asking questions and seeking out information makes you feel guilty, well….there’s something wrong with what you’ve been made to believe, because no one should feel guilty for learning. I also heard recently, from an (emotionally healthier) Christian perspective, that questioning things is how you build a foundation of true faith in a religion. If you’ve never questioned something, but only done or believed what you’ve been told, have you really even chosen to believe it for yourself? Or are you just indoctrinated into it, ya know?
For me, questioning the inconsistencies I saw led me to a spiritual but not religious path. But there are many, MANY Christians out there who have strengthened their connection to Christianity and what they truly believe as a result of seeking out answers from a variety of sources (not just biased Christian sources)
I feel you, I feel guilty as well
I just found this channel and WOW I relate so much. I was homeschooled all the way through (I actually graduated early so I could be a missionary for a year… I took Jesus Freak way too literally 🥴😂). I’m the 3rd of 8 kids (3 of which were adopted) And my older sister and I were heavily parentified from an early age (my mom used to joke “have teenagers before you have kids!! It’s so much easier”). We changed co-ops/curriculums pretty much every year which stunted a lot of my education and social interaction. However, 4 out of the 8 of us have dyslexia, so in that regard being homeschooled through the 90s/2000s may have actually been more supportive to us at that time… Idk. My 5 younger siblings still live at home, homeschooling on a ranch 30-45 minutes from any of their friends, and I worry about them a lot… Especially the kids who aren’t white or don’t fit the gender/sexuality boxes we were raised in. Although my parents are very loving, they were also extremely absent due to their own traumatic childhoods. I was so ashamed of this life I actually used to never tell anyone I was homeschooled lol. But trauma recovery therapy and people like Elly who share their experiences so openly inspired me to revisit my childhood and try to heal some of the lasting damage.
hi, you've got a binge-watcher 👋
I wonder if you hadn't felt such an intense desire for deeper connection with others then, if you'd be making these videos now? In saying this, by no means do I want to downplay your suffering then, only to say that the longing that it produced may be a key motivation for the intense drive with which you engage with us all through these videos now. I hope your teenage self is proud of the rich connections she created through you - both her through her words then (in the diaries), and through your adult self accompanying her words. I hope that she feels that she is no longer alone; that we are all here with her, empathizing, sympathizing, listening, learning and loving her.. and you, and ourselves, all together!
omg I wanted that book and journal because I loved DC Talk as a kid but my mom wouldn't let me get either of them because she thought they would be too scary. Now I thank her for that!
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
My in-laws, both veterinarians and former peace corp volunteers along with a group of friends, all liberal and well educated decided to homeschool. Mine were in public school. My daughter did enrichment with them as I worked with the kids on wildlife science, public speaking, theatre, and government. Most of them came back into regular school in 9th grade. My one nephew went to private while the other joined my daughter in public. They socialized in other home school circles but other than that, they were all so isolated that they were the weird kids when they came back to school. One nephew is in med school now that he’s 33 and the other does computer support. I’m not sure what the others are doing tho one of them went on to prestigious advanced degrees in biological sciences. It can turn out well for kids with “normal” parents but they don’t learn social skills unless the parents teach them and expose them to outside groups, clubs, whatever.
Elly, i really think you should write a book. The way you talk and the way you wrote even as a child are very captivating and you have a lot of important stories to tell
Homeschooling results are often so damn depressing, add Jesus in and it's a perfect cocktail for breaking people. All my HS friends with religious backstories are tragedies or people who can't function at all now.
atheist channel telltale uses the bite model to examine cults too! check him out! ❤
I love how honest you are, this is helpful to so many! Thank you for your bravery. You got a new subscriber in me!!
Heartbreaking. Evangelicals make God and Jesus look like monsters.
Yes-indeedie-corncob. They certainly do 😂
But I would also add that the Bible does that itself. At least the many war crimes and atrocities in the OT….
Omg Awana 😤 I was a leader for this for middle school girls. I didn’t really know what it was, as I was newly pulled into this cult in my late teens/early 20s. Every time I left I felt sick. I worried that I was doing it wrong. Not leading the girls in a godly enough way, causing god to make me feel sick
This makes me glad I was never exposed to cults as a kid because I think I would have been a prime target. I went to public school but I was very socially awkward and brain-foggy so I would have really related to that idea of “in the world but not of it” and feeling like I didn’t belong in the real world. I was also the goody two shoes kid and didn’t get any pop culture references (no cult stuff, just my personality and the fact that I didn’t like to watch TV or listen to popular music). I was just shy and I found popular culture intimidating. I also tended to think I was secretly smarter/better than everyone else even though I was at the bottom of the social ladder, and that would have fit perfectly with cult recruiting tactics.
I was homeschooled up until 7th grade, and although I didn't come from a religious family, I relate to your isolation very much. My mother was militantly ashiest, but she thought the world was very dangerous and wanted to protect me from things like chemicals, fast food, all portrayals of violence, etc. So she just didn't want me around other kids in general. Because I didn't even have church groups, siblings, or any extracurricular activities, my only socialization came from neighborhood kids, and I was never allowed to visit their houses or bring them into my house.
Watching your videos, I realized something: for a period of about two years starting when I was 9, I was almost completely alone with my mother. I can't believe I never realized that before. We had moved to a neighborhood where there were only two other children - two boys, one of whom was much older than me, and the other much younger, and I didn't spend time with them. Unsurprisingly, I started to get depressed for the first time while we lived in that neighborhood. I also started to become a lot more like my mom. She was able to shape my beliefs and turn me into a really fearful person.
Homeschooling can really hurt people, and I'm glad you're speaking up about what can happen when it's done for the wrong reasons.
You are AMAZING and so well spoken. It makes me sad that you experienced the traumatic things you discuss in your videos, many of which I identify with as I came from a similar upbringing. It is encouraging seeing what a wonderful person you are and how you have broken the cycle of abuse with your child. I'd love to see a video (if you don't already have one) about your parenting techniques and what has worked well for you. Thank you for making videos and sharing your story!
Really enjoyed this post! Keep up the good work!
🤗💕🤗
Watching this is so bizarre because it’s like I’m watching a video of my life growing up. I’ve never had anyone verbalize it, it was so hard.
I have commented so many times.....lol, but I love how respectful you are towards other beliefs and how open you seem to be. Homeschooling can be beautiful if done right like you said. I always wanted to homeschool, even when my kids were babies. I mean, before I got married I lived with a wonderful family who homeschooled one of their amazing children, and sent the other to a Christian school, but I saw how close they were as a family and how social and amazingly sweet both kids were. When I had my kiddos, I really wanted to homeschool them....because I love teaching and that was just an exciting thing to me, but my hubby really wanted the kids in public school because he was terrified of homeschool and had never experienced seeing kids in homeschool. So when the pandemic came along, one of the teachers told me I get to homeschool my kids....lol. I loved the teachers, but hated public school and so did my kids. A few months after the pandemic we chose remote (which was a nightmare). By November, I headed over to the local public school administration, gave them a diploma and notice of intent. All 3 of us were nervous and super excited to homeschool. I said to my husband, I'm sorry, but I could not do the remote anymore. My family has thrived with homeschool. But I love watching your videos, cause it's good to know the damage I can do if I don't do this right. Homeschool is not for everyone, but it does fit our family. And there are a lot of things in public school that kids and parents have to be vigilant with. But for some kids public school is a safe haven, especially kids who are being abused or don't have food at home. So homeschool is not for everyone.
Your experiences as a homeschooled student really incapsulate why I am, in general, a little weary of homeschooling. I'm a teacher and unfortunately a majority of the students I have seen leave public schools for homeschooling were pulled for not the correct reasons. I see homeschooling parents get incredibly defensive of their choice, which is a red flag to me as well. I hear the justification that their kids still get socialization through co ops, but I know this groups can still be isolating. I think if we allow homeschooling, stricter enforcement of the curriculum needs to be carried out, as well as the homeschooling adult going through some sort of "credentialing process".
Another K-12 homeschool kid here. I second your comment and every one of Elly’s points lines up with my experience as well. I also taught piano for quite awhile after college, so I was able to gain perspective from a substantial cross-section of homeschool and public school kids. The public school kids I had as high schoolers were better educated than I was through homeschool (of course, their parents were also invested in their education and they mostly took AP classes). But the homeschool kids…oof. I quickly learned to be wary of them. They were often very strange to work with and more difficult to teach. And I could usually tell their home life was unhealthy as well, which was sad and relatable given my upbringing 😞
"Whoever the Son sets free, is free indeed" may His grace lead you back to Him. He loves you, the sin & confusion as a consequence seoerates you from Him. "Return you backsliding children and I will heal your backsliding ".
Oh Elly, wow I resonate so much with your videos. I am the oldest of 5, and grew up ATI/IBLP, in AWANA, homeschooled, we went to the Above Rubies conference every year, along with knowing the Campbells personally. A lot of my deconstruction now is very similar to yours. I am a gay guy, living with my grandparents now and taking care of them. A lot of the feelings I think I have are maybe some resentments towards my parents. I feel that our childhoods were somewhat robbed from us, in the form of parentification, physical abuse, and emotional terror. When my parents would read books like "To train up a Child" or also doing another program called "Growing Kids God's Way", it seemed that they were further empowered to continue these destructive attitudes. I love my parents, but when no effort is made to right a wrong or fix the past with an apology and change of behavior, those same sad feelings remain. Thank you for being a voice to folks that were raised in the same environment. Your videos bring a lot of peace because of the truth being exposed based on experience.
You are not immune to propaganda
No one is immune to propaganda or confirmation bias, but people who care about facts and truth make sure to stay aware of their own bias and work to learn to develop research and critical thinking skills.
I haven’t met any fundie Christians that care about learning and truth. I’ve only met fundie Christians that feed their confirmation bias with a steady stream of their own carefully curated propaganda.
Thank you so much for making this video! It makes me feel so seen! I was homeschooled from kindergarten all through grade 12.
11:28 You said that because it was true, and instead your mom took it personally; Sidenote, she "was" a bad mom, in spite of how much she may have actually loved you.
I'm so sorry Elly for all the years of isolation, and how you were deprived of healthy socialization during those precious crucial young years.
I too (as I said in another one of your videos) was homeschooled and experienced much of the same as you (I DESPERATELY wanted to go to public school but I didn't wanna hurt my mom's feelings).
All we can do now is learn from it, and seeing you have this awesome channel and educating others on everything you went through (and more importantly, shedding light on the toxicity of christianity in all it's many forms) is so INSPIRING!!!!
Good job Elly!!! Keep growing and shining!!!!!!!!!!! :)
I wouldn't over-idealize the 'normal' world.
I went to public school all my life but also went to a church twice a week that had us reading the Jesus Freak journal and promoted all that craziness. Very confusing also for me as a bisexual girl. I tried real hard to be what I thought God wanted 😔
Hi, new subscriber here. I don't know how I stumbled on to the first video I saw of yours but I didn't even know what "Fundie" meant so obviously I wasn't brought up in a fundamentalist religion. Had I not been listening to a couple of people on You Tube talking about the Duggers I wouldn't have known anything about these kinds of cults or how many are out there. You are certainly helping other people who are questioning how they were brought up, but you're also educating people like me who never experienced anything like that. Re: home schooling, like you mentioned shootings and the pandemic may be valid reasons to home school; however, in my past work experiences a lot of home schooling was to hide abuse. There should be random checks for anyone doing home schooling. If they object then they should lose the right to be able to home school. Thanks
Thank you so much for making these videos. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone having lived the weird homeschooled, Evangelical childhood.
You are suuuuuuper not alone. I’ve discovered there are many of us survivors out there 😂😉
Thank you for sharing your experience. My childhood was not as extreme, but there are so many similarities. I always felt like the other kids at my church and youth group were more "normal" than me somehow, even though they were supposed to be like me.
I just want to tell you that I can SOOOOO relate to everything in this video, including the journal entries. I was a goodie two shoes too, so judgy, and my parents were proud of me too. I was so unprepared for real life.
I had the Jesus Freak book(not notebook) in college. I actually have the VOM symbol tattooed on my foot with two Bible verses🤦🏼♀️
Thank you for this video, and the others about your homeschooling. I feel like I grew up two "degrees" from you. Two of my close friends in high school would have been kids in your Awana group (no idea how to spell that, sorry). I wasn't nearly as deep in it (we were Catholic), but I did attend a lot of those meetings/summer camps/bible weekends with them, and it was encouraged by my parents. I've spent a lot of time unpacking how the Catholicism effected me, but it's funny how much this brings up that I hadn't thought about. Mostly just realizing how deep it goes. "Jesus Freak" is literally running through my head, and it's been more than 20 years since I've heard that song.
ETA: I want to be clear that I do not mean to invalidate anyone's experience, nor am I trying to say that my experience was the same. It's just interesting how much of a scale there is to this kind of indoctrination.
I empathize with this so much ❤️❤️❤️ related so much to this and even joined a religious cult after highschool but I'm so glad you are sharing your story.
Oh my god there is so much to unpack here. The level of gross your family was is not even on a chart. They knew they were terrible people, however you simply stating that you were sad that you couldn’t be like the rest of the kids was seen as disrespect because they didn’t want the world to know that they weren’t good people. Sounds logical. The guilt tripping is real. I guess they’ll do anything so that the world doesn’t know that they’re not good parents.
I know of someone who homeschools her kids and she’s a fundamental Christian. She has 3 kids and is pregnant with the 4th and there’s been months at a time where she doesn’t do any homeschooling for her kids. She says her teaching her daughter how to help out in the kitchen can be part of schooling because that’s something she needs to know when she grows up. I’m concerned that her kids are going to grow up to be uneducated and have issues in the workplace or in the university. Well at least her sons will have issues in the workplace or in college. I think her daughters will probably prioritize getting married to someone in their cult and focus on having as many kids as possible before menopause. Her mom had 14 babies and it seems like she and her siblings are following in their footsteps.
I don’t make comments to her about her decision on how to raise her kids, because that’s not my place at all. But in my mind I don’t think her kids are getting the proper education that they need.
Do you have resources for people who received a poor education in a private school?
yeo homeschool can be used to hide abus Its so sad. I technically homeschool my son whose autistic because the public school failed him. But half of his schooling is with his behaviour consultant and 4 other kids. And we dont isolate. sad the religious fundie give homeschooling a bad name
You were a straight up Mr. Collins. "In all humility..." wow, 🤣.
Oh, P&P was HUGE in my homeschool community hahahaha. I remember watching the vhs tapes on many of our “lunch breaks” at home lol
I’m binge watching you so much tonight. It’s an insomnia night. I relate to you so much. So I was born and raised in a Greek Orthodox family. I’m an only child with both biological parents who stayed married for 52 years until my dad passed in 2020. I went to public school until 7th grade. When I started 8th grade in the fall of 1991, for a variety of reasons my parents put me in a fundie Christian school affiliated with a baptist church. I was instantly thrust into this culture. It was definitely different coming from a second generation Greek Orthodox American family. My whole identity was shaken. It’s a unique story. I had to stop associating with my extended family (19 cousins and all their spouses and kids). I ended up being pressured to go against my parents a lot, because they were not “really Christian’s”. If only I had kept my diaries like you did. I would do something like this. Keep up the good work. After my freshman year, we moved to Arizona and I went to a public school but the trauma affects me to this day.
My nieces are homeschooled, so I worry about them and their education and futures.
Would be very interested if you are ever up for talking about EMDR!
When you say that you had to be detatched because you could be in the world not of it, it's so heartbreaking. 😞
I'm so glad these videos exist, I was homeschooled my entire life and I hated it
You are so endearing and good on camera sharing your stories! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank You for sharing your story, you are strong and inspiring 😍.
I don’t have another word for this, ironically, but your channel is a blessing. I also grew up in a secluded homeschooled family. The deep vacuous loneliness and social anxiety still hang onto me like a shadow. However, I’m proud to say I’m now a senior in college pursuing a writing career. I’m
out as a non-binary bisexual, I am an atheist, and I have never felt more free in my life. Your channel has helped me heal and understand my life a little bit more. Thank you so much.
I felt the same connection when I watched the same movie!
Homeschooling is such a foreign concept for me.
I'm from Germany and homeschooling is forbidden here. Even Jehova's witnesses and Children from other cults have to send their kids to school. And not only german kids, any kid who lives in germany (yes, also refugees and people with foreign nationality with the exception of a diplomats child).
And I like that.
There are some rare cases where home schooling/ online schooling is allowed.
A kid that's too sick to attend regular school (although hospitals usually have a hospital school).
Another reason is when a student is pregnant. One of my classmates was allowed to do half a year of homeschooling before and after birth.
At the start of the pandemic, they actually had to change the law to allow online schooling.
I am so sorry this happened to you.