PARENTING ADHD Tip #5: Things NOT to Say to an ADHD Child || Parenting ADHD || Homeschooling ADHD
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- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2017
- Parenting ADHD Tip #5: Things NOT to Say to an ADHD Child || Parenting ADHD || Homeschooling ADHD
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There's one thing, as someone with ADHD, I hate when someone says that "you're not trying" when really, I am trying so very hard to do one assignment. A whole lot of my effort is going into actually focusing. When someone says that I'm not trying, it's like saying I'm not good enough.
I have been guilty of saying that on occasion - in frustration and anger. I am trying so hard to be a compassionate parent to my kiddos, but sometimes we fail in the moment. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your chiming in. I want as much advice and insight as possible from people who have ADHD. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Truly. I am so grateful for the help.
When I was diagnosed, my psychiatrist mentioned that doing even seemingly simple tasks like getting dressed can require add much as 4x as much mental energy for someone with ADHD because of the effort that goes into not getting distracted. "You're not trying" = "I don't understand how your brain is different from mine".
Was always told, I was not fast enough ,"why are you so slow." All the time, no matter how much I tried to be faster at responding and acting. It really affected me as a kid, still kinda feel it to this day.
superfiver I hear this stuff almost daily at work and it seriously bothers the hell out of me like I try my hardest to do things fast enough and do things the way my boss says others do my brain works differently than theirs and if I'm getting the same end result what does it matter how I got there? It's literally just being nit picky and hurtful I've said something numerous times about how putting me down or telling me I won't be able to get it done in time comparing me to others isn't gonna give me the motivation to do it faster it's not something I try to do slow and not something I want to do slower than others it's in no way done intentionally and I bust my butt ten times harder than everyone else (my work load is a few extra things that noone else is required to do but I'm still required to finish the same time they are) and having ADHD on top of it makes things even slower for me but he doesn't care to see that at all in his mind it's nothing that should take any time at all and if he can do it fast than so can I. It totally sucks when noone around me other than my son understands what I'm dealing with daily. And I won't put the stress of seeing me upset and hurt on my son who is dealing with the same disease. I want him to know life can be lived and he can do the same stuff as everyone else can I don't want him to think of this as a bad thing I'm trying to teach him to find his way of coping with it plus a child doesn't ever need to be someone a parent talks to about their problems they don't need that stress they need to be a kid dealing with kid stuff. Sorry I'm babbling lol
:(
I have a 7 yr old son with ADHD and I find myself getting so angry with him! I hate the things I say when I'm mad. Thank you for sharing this advice because it really helps 😊
You are not alone! 🤗 It sounds REALLY crazy, but I was told to pretend I was a kardashian. Pretend that I am continually being recorded. At first, it was 100% phony. But eventually, it became my inner monologue and completely changed our relationship. It also helped him to learn to control his big emotions, by watching someone he loves and trusts learn how to do the same. ♥️
wow. That's gotta be an intense level of frustration. I think you should seek an evaluation of your own impulsivity control. I mean that objectively. I have majorly significant impulsivity issues with ADHD myself, and I've never been enraged at my son or felt the impulse insult him, but not because I'm better than you or anybody else. It doesn't even register on my menu. I think it's because I am deeply committed to remembering it on a neurological level because I see ADHD as a thing both me and my son struggle to cope with. Like yelling at him is kinda like yelling at myself as a little girl in a way, and the empathy is right there as a reflexive thing now. Maybe recording your interactions with him and playing them back to see what you really sound like will trigger some kind of buffer effect for the surge of cortisol and adrenaline. Also useful as heck: the "physiological sigh" is an instant adrenaline reducing technique you can practice. Sounds like goofy woo but it works for me.
If you do have ADHD, and theres a significant chance ya might be one of us, it's imperative to become as informed and consistent as possible, or your manifestation of the condition will have a detrimental derailing effect on your child's treatment. My psychiatrist confirmed the related research. I hope whatever happens, that you find what you need, the power you're seeking to respond the way you truly want to. Sometimes, just telling them in very calm descriptive words how you felt and that you're looking for a better way to act makes them feel so much better. Heck he'll probably be grateful you struggle just like he does and relieved to know you understand his little pains. And it could show him to keep trying and to talk calmly about emotions. Worth a shot. Good luck Dear. 💗
The guilt is so real!
Same.
Your insight will help both of you.
ADHD seriously ruined my childhood. I have so many memories of people saying “you’re just lazy” and “did you take your medicine?”, “ADHD isn’t real, that’s just an excuse”, “If I had something like that I’d never forget to take my medicine” the principal in fifth grade said that to me right after she told me that my hair looked stupid because I had used pencils to twist it into buns for fun. Feeling like I’m being made fun of by my parents when they laugh at something I’m excited about STILL drives me nuts. I’ll think about this stuff for months, even years afterwards. I’m so afraid to have biological children because I would never want to put a child of mine through that and even having it I would feel so unprepared and unable to soothe the stress that comes with it. The school systems just don’t know what to do with us. We don’t fit. Just constantly being told that my issues are made up when all I want is to live a normal life and do normal things is just so infuriating.
I can understand. I hope the adults who are sharing their stories on this thread, including you, know how valuable their stories are to current parents now. My heart hurts to think of how sad many of you still feel about your childhood and how it has impacted your self esteem. I hope you know how worthy and amazing you are now. Thank you for sharing.
I am crying because I said those things to my 8 years old boy as a mother I feel lost on parenting him I am trying to understand more and wishing that when he grows up he will be happy
U are not only stay strong nd up your head up I hve it myself I was told as a kids I was just slow nd stupid by my father ND that I will never learn or be able to do anything . But look am 29 years old nd hve 4 kids I am doing a good job all by myself I just find out my 4 year old has the same thing but I am gonna do what ever I hve to work with him ND help him get thought this never have him feel the way I did. Things will get better promise me it has for me 😇☺️
Since i read your comment I try to understand my daughter's excitement now and not wonder "is it really that serious?" I know how important it is for children to have a healthy childhood so they don't become jacked up adults. So I'm trying...not easy but I'm trying. And I pray that you can heal and be whole from all the things that hurt you as a child.😉
@@ProjectHappyHome I had problems with people who constantly complain and bemoan every little thing when I was growing up. I think this is where the depression and the feeling of not being good enough and the constant feeling of defeat comes from. Seriously I believe if people would stop the constant negativity and constant complaining it could really help tremendously.
who else is a kid/teen watching this with ADD/ADHD
Great question! If you have ADHD, do you have any comments (whether critical or not)? Or ideas for other videos that may help parents to parent with more compassion?
so i am 14 almost 15 and i have ADHD just with out the hyperactive part as well as disqraphia which is a weakened connection between the proses of the ideas in you head and putting it on to paper. Well for me i tend to notice for me is that distractions are a big problem for me espeshaly when im having a terrible day. one thing i that i have notice that helps me is lessening to music that i enjoy that i put together my self. i actually made a playlist that i lessen to when im doing homework. but sometimes this doesn't help because of my level of stress and i will deliberately try to find something to get my mind off of things. this has been increasingly more frequently because im a freshmen in high school in the USA. one of the things that i do in order to get my mind off of things is to draw. almost forgot to mention that me like many other ADHD people need stuff to fidget with in order to focus the best that i can but even then it can be a downfall considering the level of stress. overall stress is something that any and all people need to keep in mind and to always be aware of attitude an behavioral changes when someone is stressed. so i know this was all over the place and im sorry for that as well as not fully answering your question directly but i hope this helps.
This is very helpful, thank you! I try to give my son things to busy his hands during things like read alouds (Legos, drawing, pipe cleaners, beading, clay, putty), but I haven't figured out how to help him during some sit-down activities that bore him, like math. We play math games and everything, but some more boring things (like multiplication drills) do require some stretches of focused attention, and I hate feeling like I'm forcing him. Any tips? Oh, and one thing that has helped greatly is playing physical/breathing games like blowing a paper football across the table. Just to redirect his energy and bring his attention back.
so for me i have the oppose problem instead of math its langue arts for me, but i would suggest giving real life examples and there was this program/ game i used to use for multiplication but i forget what its called it was about an alian trying to escape i think. for me it was a great way to learn addition/subtraction and multiplication/division. and i do do physical activity through karate but im only allow my self to go when i am done with homework. (its language arts for me because of my disgraphea.)
Animal Lover28 I am!!
Omg I’m a late diagnosis ADHDer, us adults would appreciate this too. Just acknowledge small victories
"Tell me more." Is such great advice, I often get obsessed with history and fairytales and I love writing, and speaking about it makes me feel so good, and most the time no one around me is really interested or simply mentions something completely unrelated, and was never really listening.
It really hurts sometimes.
Hugs. I will remember your words when I listen to my son.
The feeling when someone judges any hyperfixation is freaking horrible. I can't help talking about whatever I'm fixated on because I'm so passionate and interested in it, and being put down over it is just devastating and hurtful.
Parents should be watching this
Thank you. As a grown adult who had ADD, I recall hearing all of those things as a kid. What made a big difference was having a mother who never gave up on me, and did the research and made the efforts to learn and adapt to my needs. Now I am a teacher, and can offer the compassion and patience that I often did not receive when I was a student growing up in a time when these things were less understood. I must admit, I never did learn how to clean my room, but at least I know where everything is...
Aww, that made me so happy! I hope I can grow up to become like your mom. I'm trying my best, but sometimes I feel like I fall short. I hope my son grows up proud of himself and happy with how he moves through the world. Your kids/students (I always call my old students my "kids") are lucky to have you. Happy New Year!
Poowawa TV I know right! Lol. The worst is when a parent or whoever, comes into your... slightly chaotic room or apartment, and they move things around trying to help you. Suddenly that something you left, in the center of round-about over there in the corner, has disappeared, you can't find it anywhere. Then they, exasperated usually, tell you where they may have placed it, and turns out it was in plain sight...
It's okay, we ADHD kids understand that you're trying your best, just as we are. We want to be good, and so of course we understand that YOU want to be good too. :)
I'm 35 and my mum never understood (no diagnosis until just the other day). But I always knew she was trying her best, because I was, too. It just frustrated me that nobody else could see that I was trying my best, because it always came out so... wrong. Like a tantrum or interrupting people or being rude without meaning to.
This helped me! Sometimes I feel so frustrated at my own lack of understanding or patience, but my son often reminds me that we love each other and we're both trying. So we can lean on each other as we grow alongside each other. :)
@@brittneyajri2708 same situation when I was young! My room or area always massed but I could find anything I want during it. But if the place was tidied, by my mother, my friend, even by myself, I could not find the thing immediately because I forgot where I put it just now… until my room massed again, I got back. I was told that was because I was lazy and found an excuse for my lazy.. until now my 4 years old son is doubted ASD but I don’t think so, and studied a lot on ASD, Asperger, ADHD, I think he might be ADHD, and reviewed myself when I was young, I though I might be ADD when I was young, but because I didn’t have problems with hyperactivity, and my academic was always be top in the class although I was 2 years younger than my peers, no one thought I might have problems with attention, only myself knew I never had attention in the classes when I was young, my brain was always blank, or there was a story imaging in my brain during the class. I was only focus on music class. Even few days ago I chatted with my mother( she was a maths teacher of my class in my primary school), she could not imaging that actually I never listened to her in her class, because my academic was good and she could not imagine how this happen.
I just stumbled across this channel and I am in tears because my four year old son is exactly this and I feel all of these things. I have felt so alone about everything and I just needed this. Thank you.
Oh, mama - sending you a virtual hug!! 🤗
As someone with Inattentive ADHD, your child really needs your emotional support. Encourage him when he's doing well but never discredit him of his accomplishments like, "the other day you did so well and now here we are". I'm 22 and sentences like that did some real damage. Cause at some point he's going to feel like no one understands and that he too, is alone.
I am in tears too. 4 year old daughter, single mom. I am trying everything to stop yelling. Is so helpful to know there are people going through the same feelings.
Neff Said Well said.
Melissa! Be strong, my son is 10 now I knew his condition when he was 5, since that age he swims! Its a very goog sport to release all their energy! It works
I am here near tears after reading some of the comments. I have a 10 year old daughter with ADHD. I try to learn as much as I can. I have always tried to watch what I say, but I definitely get frustrated sometimes. This video was a great reminder that I can do even better.
Omg this is an eye opener for me. I feel like the worse mother right now. I use all those mean words to my child I wasn’t thinking. Thank you for these tips as I’m struggling with my 9 year old. I try my best.
Oh, mama - I feel you! I respect you so much for admitting the hard truth. I could only make this video because I have done all these things as well. You aren't alone. Our kiddos are beautiful, but parenting ADHD can be extremely hard. We are all trying our best - I wish you so much luck!
Project Happy Home Thank You for the encouragement words. I appreciate it. I’m working on being a better mother.
Vivi Bones Vlogs
I WISH ME & YOU CAN RAISE OUR KIDS TOGETHER FOREVER & LEARN FROM EACH OTHER.. I'M A SINGLE FATHER DOING IT ALONE..
4 KIDS I HAVE CUSTODY OF..
I don't know the etiquette around recommending a channel on a different channel, but Jessica over at "how to ADHD" has taught me so much about having an ADHD brain - she's got tips and tricks to improve functioning in a format that's kid/ family/ adhd friendly. Not trying to be rude or detract from this channel which is well done and informative, just offering another resource.
Vivi Bones Vlogs Parenting is tough! I hope you aren't too hard on yourself! I'm still watching this video, and the, "I love you, but" really hit me in the chest. I've said that before, and I feel terrible. My ADHD son is a teen, and it's sssooooo difficult to navigate. Sometimes I find it very hard to praise, because I'm seeing so much negative. The hormones and attitude, the lack of effort and wanting to plop around and not be helpful. It has been driving me up a wall. I don't want to be so negative. I feel like I'm constantly on his butt.
I just found this channel, and I'm going to binge watch. Although our children are different ages, we can all relate. Best of luck with your kids! 🧡
This is everything that I needed this morning. Being a mom to a child with ADHD is so isolating sometimes. It’s so easy to spiral into that black hole of panicked thoughts. Thank you ❤️
I agree completely. It’s easy to spiral into negative fears and forget how to best help in the moment. Thanks so much for watching!
I'm a young adult with ADHD, and seeing this video has helped me to understand my parents' frustrations and actions, both as I was growing up and now. This is probably not a way in which you envisioned your video helping people, so I thought I'd leave you a comment to let you know that you're helping more people than you know. Thanks so much!
I’m so glad! I would love to learn from young people like you who have experienced the tender early years of ADHD. If you have any advice, I’d love to hear it.
I needed this 20 years ago... Still suffering with the fact I'm never good enough.
I am always afraid that my immature moments as a parent will leave my son feeling this way. So I’m doing my best to be the compassionate, mature adult. It can be hard, though. I hope you know you’re enough just the way you are now!
@ Tiffany: Yes, it's definitely long lasting. I struggle with it, too.
It won't, because you explain how you really feel afterwards. If you just left it at the frustration and anger without talking calmly afterwards and striving to be different next time, then yes, your son might end up feeling that way. But you're not doing that! :D
Tiffany, You are good enough!
For those of us who grew up ADHD/ADD in an era where it wasn't widely understood it will always feel a little demoralizing. But worry not the world is changing we have at our disposal the chance to grow from our experiences and to be better teachers mentors and parents to children and those younger than us that are struggling with what we struggle with.
When I was young and displayed ADHD traits like not being able to concentrate or complete a task my mom would ask "What's wrong with you?" She really meant "What's the matter?" or "What's the problem here?" and for her it was just an expression but it really instilled in me that my ADHD was something that was wrong with me as a person. It still carries on in me emotionally as a 29 year old, despite my mom being a great mom and human but I've never told her how much of an impact that had on me.
I got really emotional when you said the part about ADHD kids hearing more negative comments than neurotypical kids. That's 100% true. I had a lot of things going for me but all I remember about school was all the negatives. The times when people told me constantly: why haven't you done this/that. Why can't you.. Why won't you... Are you even trying? Try harder! You have so much potential but... Feeling ashamed that I hadn't completed something on time or that I didn't do well on tests. Feeling anxious about homework. And on and on about all the things I wasn't doing or accomplishing or getting done that seemed so easy for neurotypical people but that I was struggling so much with. Things that teachers or adults or even other kids said without thinking that I heard more than once and have stayed with me for many years.
I just couldn't understand why I wasn't capable of it even though I was trying so hard and putting in 10x more work than other kids. persevered
Reminding us that you're right here with us and that we will accomplish this together. was so important to me and something that our current school system really lacks. We need to remember not to gloss over the negatives, but instead to acknowledge them and see them more as challenges that we can overcome by finding things that work for us. We live in a neurotypical word so we need to develop resources, tools and strategies that work for our type of brain. We are not broken or defective. We just need someone to take the time to truly see us and understand us. I love that you're making videos about all of this and educating people about ADHD in a positive and understanding way. Great video ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your insights and personal experience. As a mom, I learn so much from adults with ADHD. Truly, thanks for sharing.
Great video! I'm homeschooling my 7 year old with ADHD and there is so many people who just don't understand and are lacking in compassion!
True! It has been so helpful to find people - both in real life and online - who can relate or are compassionate. I wish you the best with your child!
Can I ask both of you how it's going for you? I have just began this after knowing the struggle I had as a child with severe ADHD and seeing the start of it all with my 8 year old son struggle. My heart hurts knowing the hard time he has and I struggle blaming myself and I thought the only fighting chance he would have is if he homeschooled. But I have no friends or anyone I know who knows what I'm going thru and don't know if anyone who can tell me how it's going for them and so I would love to hear any advice or suggestions on how to make it easier and less stressful for the both of us. If you don't want to comment but feel like responding can you please email me at jesssiejaeger27@gmail.com (yes that has 3 s's lol). Thank you for your time have an amazing day!
Jessica and Waylon
@@sincitybaby2585 my 11 year old just got diagnosed and I struggle too every need to vent esmeraldaurteaga@yahoo.com 🙂
Ramon Flores thank you I'll definitely reach out and the same goes for you if you ever need someone to vent to my email is jesssiejaeger27@gmail.com yes that has 3s's lol. I think we all need to stick together and we will get thru it together cuz Lord knows it can't be done alone
My 6yr isnt diagnosed yet but pretty sure he is and im honeschooling him but its a hard struggle to just get him 2 do his phonics math and writing. And i have others who say well hed know how to do that if he was n school.
Thank you for this. I have ADHD and when I was a kid, I was called a dreamer and all I got from my mother was negativity. A lot of damage was done and it destroyed our relationship
I am so sorry. It’s not easy on either side of the relationship and sometimes I wish we had a manual before starting the parenting ADHD journey. I hope you know how awesome you are now!
Same my parents are so tough and cruel to me, they constantly tell me that adhd is just a excuse i use (even though i don't use it as an excuse) and yell and ground me for it. Im constantly depressed and cry every night and im at the point where i hate them for the way they treat me. I feel worthless and ashamed of myself
@Viji sara maybe step back from the teaching if it has you yelling. Some things we can manage ourselves so we need our own boundaries.
Oh my gosh... Completely resonated with me. When I lose my temper with my son, at the core, the reaction is typically associated with my fear over his struggles and how powerless it makes me feel. Thank you for posting this and reminding us parents to take accountability over our behavior and responses.
My 9 year old grandson has ADHD. I literally have to watch every word I say to him as he is super sensitive and will literally cry and this breaks my heart. The other day I simply asked him and his sister to make out a Christmas list. He was playing a game and boy he got all upset. I got him calmed down and told him that he did not have to do it right then and he was okay with that. I understand my grandson’s struggles as I have ADD. I was constantly compared negatively to my twin sister who doesn’t have ADD. Third grade was my worst year as my twin sister and I were in the same class. The teacher berating me and saying things like why can’t you be like your twin sister. Look how quiet she is and she isn’t constantly fidgeting and staring or thumping her pencil on her desk! Boy I try to be very careful with grandson and not compare him to his sister.
Oh, my - having a twin without ADD must have been rough, particularly in the same class. My middle child is the epitome of calm, and it's hard to remember not to compare. Parenting a child (a marvelous, creative, brilliant) with impulse control, difficulty with executive function, and emotional hypersensitivity isn't easy, but at least we're all trying our best to give them the best learning and growing environments. I wish you the very best! Your grandson is lucky to have such an understanding grandma.
You're a great grandma. Just seeing that you've watched a video and trying to learn more about ADHD is so awesome❤️
This is how my son is! (And me!!! Also adhd here!!) I never know what will set my son off. I might just tell him a funny story from when he was little and suddenly he’s crying then he’s angry that I’m confused as to why he’s upset and… then other times I say a similar thing and he’s giggling with me… it’s difficult, I feel frustrated often and it makes me feel anxious because I think oh god… is this how people feel around me? And yes ha they do. I just wish more people knew about adhd and add and understood it and took it seriously bc a lot of people brush it off and invalidate it and don’t see it as something that can be seriously difficult to live with :/ and they also don’t see how amazing we can be in the right environments…
Just discovered my husband and boys have ADHD. This was a really helpful and encouraging video. Thanks for sharing.
You're so welcome! If you have any video requests on the topic, please don't hesitate to let me know. I'd rather make videos that are helpful than fluff. :)
Nailed my feeling. A lot of my frustrations come from fear. Mom of child with ADHD, Anxiety, and Autism. I have a lot of fear. I try really hard to watch what I say. I go outside for a break.
That’s a great idea. I’m trying to take more breaks myself when I feel myself start to get worked up. Sitting down on the floor for a second helps a lot! Thanks for watching!
I am one of the many people who have been late diagnosed with ADHD, and currently raising a 5 year old who is at least ND. I came seeking parenting tips for how to be a better parent because no one took the time when I was a kid to work with me. I cannot express how much I teared up when you expressed that most of that pent up emotion I feel when trying to help my daughter through her own emotional dysregulation is fear/panic that I won't manage to help her figure out how to properly navigate life.
Thank you for helping me become a little more in-tune with myself, even if it's just for this moment.
I am so glad this gave you even a moment of comfort. You are not alone, and you can do this. 💚
Now as an adult with ADHD this just brings back memories of my not so "Motherly"loving mom. Too bad youtube wasn't around in the late 90's-early 2000's. My mom could've definitely used a lesson in the verbal abuse and emotional category. It just motivates me to be a better parent than she was. Thanks for the tips!
Thanks for the kind words. I have bad moments where I don't respond as compassionately or gently as I could. I hope that my apologies and better behavior the rest of the time soothe my son and improve his feelings of self-worth. I'd love to know what you think would have helped the most - what would you have wanted to hear from your mom during a meltdown/misbehavior? I so want to give my son all the love and support he needs. But I am only human, and sometimes I fail. I'd love your advice and honest opinion. Oh, and Happy New Year!
Does your mom have ADHD too? I'm an adult with ADHD, and I wasn't diagnosed until very recently. Two of my three children have been diagnosed. I'm pretty sure my mom has ADHD but she never got the help she needed to manage her own ADHD nevermind help me with mine.
Anne Woods My older brother was diagnosed in childhood, my other older brother (in the middle with my second oldest sister) was just labeled a problem child, and all his teachers washed their hands clean of him. Well he to this day, has not been diagnosed, and has been labeled by the judicial system as a problem adult. And I the baby wasn't diagnosed until mid-way through my first year of college; wanted to know that I wasn't stupid, that there was a reason for why I was a bit (quite a bit sometimes) off from my peers.
When I think on it, I could possibly see my mom having had it; she comments about how school wasn't easy for her, and how she struggles with some things still, but I could also see some aspects of it in my dad.
And possibly having attention deficit still, in a mild way, and both having full-time jobs and five kids... I can see how with all that, they could miss such things. They also never thought to ask why all of a sudden I was having second and third helpings, at all meals at home practically (I didn't know this, or at least at how young I started doing it, until I was vocal with my parents as to why and how I put on an extra 30 lbs between 2nd and fifth grade). --The obvious reason to me now, is depression. I was solving the issues, filling the void, with food. I must have sensed that I was different, and would never be one of those girls everyone would want to know. I would never be fully accepted, and desired by others. And those feelings and sentiments still linger.
Both full-time, with five kids, things fall through the cracks.
same here. if i had a dime for every time i heard " you're lazy " or "he just doesn't apply himself " i would have retired at 20
J Antonio I totally agree with you but it wasn’t my mother it was my father yeah our parents generation they just don’t understand but now that we’re grown and we understand it and there’s more awareness and now we can help our children in a way that our parents couldn’t and didn’t know how to help us
Praising my daughter works really well. I love watching her face light up & it makes her do more of the same things that I praise her for:)
And the next time someone says something rude, you can nicely say: "Thats interesting, why would you ask me that/say that?"
Most people will just be honest with you about their feelings at that point & it diffuses the tension.
Great video! Im going to start trying the "Thats not how WE do things" phrase! Thanks so much💖
That’s a really good tip. I know that sometimes an opportunity to clarify can open the space for understanding and harmony. Instead of automatically shielding, I should offer that space for good intentions. Thanks!
Project Happy Home 💖
As an adult with ADHD, I would like to be able to give "Thumbs up" to this video more than once... Great tips and good explanations, I hope will help other neurotypicals to understand us better.
Thank You.
Thanks so much for the encouragement!
Thank you for this video. I have a 10 year old with ADHD. His very first teacher was very negative and was not willing to help him. She actually apologized when she saw me for not understanding what he is going through. I get complaints about his behavior everyday. But I know my child is different, and I love him. Thank you everyone for your input. My son can’t read, but he loves math and science and loves draw, and to build things. He may not be the brightest but he is very capable of his daily life skills. I learned to have patience and I have learned a lot about him to help him along the way.
How can your 10 year old not read that’s disgraceful
@@doyouhearthepeoplesing2 he has a learning disability
Without going into great detail I am trying to explain to my family how we can be different but the same. Think of yourself and others as a computer. Some of us operate with Windows some with Lynx and others with Android and we can all operate a dictionary, calculator,and maps ECT but sometimes have difficulty communicating with each other without a interfaceing program.
We all have to learn how to communicate with each other by using and developing our own interfacing programs that is flexible. This explanation is making a difference to help us understand each other. I am not sure which program I am running BUT I have been perfecting and updating my interfacing programs all my life...... I hope this can help.
Thank you so much for this video. My 8 year old daughter has ADHD and also having a 1 year old I find myself being tired often and not being able to stay as calm as I'd like to. Thank you for the reminder, I'm going to make an effort to breathe and keep the negative comments to myself today and everyday. I recently found your channel and I love it, by the way!
I'm so sorry that this comment went unanswered for so long! I've been swamped with moving stuff and it must have fallen thru the cracks. I so appreciate you watching and taking the time to comment. After we move and the dust settles, I hope to make more ADHD-related videos. Best wishes to you and your family!
Hi, my name is Peter and I'm 26 years old. I just watched a video by yours for the first time ever and I'm really amazed at how well you were able to explain the way it feels to have ADHD.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to know I’m in the right ballpark. I so want to be the best mom I can be to my kid - sometimes I fail miserably, but I want him to feel loved and supported, at least most of the time. Thanks again - it means a lot.
I didn't get at from adult to often but I did once in awhile but over years i just learn to dish it out back at them
You just put my fears to words.. I always worry that he would be a 30 year old who would need instructions on getting his things done.. Nice tips Ma'am.
+mj, yes, sometimes we need to talk some sense into ourselves, right? It helps to remember that they’re still young individuals, just feeling their way through. Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment - I so appreciate it.
mj: Unless he's got SEVERE mental development issues in addition, I can't understand why there is this belief that a 30 yr would need basic life instructions. It's kind of insulting that parents think so poorly of their child's abilities that they would project this failure DECADES into the future. Your kids are ABSORBING your negative energy & despair.
As a person with ADHD, I can say that a 30 yr old with ADHD, unless as I stated previously, has other major mental conditions, will actually be able to get things done. Building a routine is of course paramount but in time we develop our own routines & methods of dealing with things through trial & error even if it seems weird to neuro-typical people. As long as it works for us, isn't that what matters?
I have a 7 year old with ADHD. Here is what I’ve learned before I started to research more about how to parent an ADHD child.
1. One task at a time
2. Watch your words
3. Anger solves nothing
4. Consequences happen the 1st time but only when necessary - as in you have to punish ADHD kids different because they can’t control their impulses so you can’t be SUPER hard on them.
Great advice! Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom!
Refreshing energy you are brining to ADHD and RUclips! On a day where I felt I was going it alone I now know other families are doing their best to be compassionate and loving on the path of raising spectacularly unique future grownups! Thanks
Thanks so much for watching and taking the time to comment! I love meeting other families on the same journey - and I LOVE how you described it as "the path of raising spectacularly unique future grownups"!!
That was EXCELLENT, Tanya! Thank you so much for sharing this. It is so important for all parents!
Thanks, my friend! I agree, the more I learn about parenting an ADHD child, the more I realize that this applies to parenting ALL children. ❤
what shoulddo parents whose child cannot communicate with other
So true.
Thank you for your honesty, compassion and all your wonderful advice! Thank you. Your children have a great mom! This is great advice for all parents to just give love and trust to your child. If we could all keep your words in our hearts, what a kinder world it would be. Really
Loved listening to you Tanya. Thank you very much for the insight.
I think these tips can be used for parenting all children whether having ADHD or not. Great reminders!
This is unbelievably helpful. My son has had these symptoms for years but was never diagnosed until the pandemic as a teenager. I am saying and doing all the wrong things and I really am learning about this on the fly. I’m trying to learn so much to help me understand and help him. Mind blowing and opening all at the same time.
Ok after watching this I feel like I’m on the right track. Thank you so much for this. It’s nice to be able to put words to it and fear is definitely what I feel when I get upset that my son keeps doing the same thing over and over.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement and wonderful ideas! I’m just finding your Chanel and I love your outlook and energy!
You’re so articulate! This is spectacular!
Thanks for watching and taking the time to leave such a kind comment!
Excellent tips. And I love your humility. My firstborn daughter is 8 and has ADHD and I found myself nodding throughout this video. So many things I've said out of frustration and fear, and so many times where I've quickly realized I need to be vulnerable with my daughter and admit my shortcomings. I'm glad I'm in good company. I just want others who don't have ADHD-diagnosed children to be careful not to assume my child is "bad" when she melts down when a routine is broken, or she is struggling to sit still and focus because her learning style is much more tactile. These kids tend to have big emotions, affectionate hearts, and a well of creativity in them. They can try one's patience but they will always be worth it.
Omg, THANK YOU for making this video! This is priceless.
Some of the things I told my kid this morning tore my heart. I learnt a lot watching this. Massive thanks.
This is the best video I've ever seen on the internet!, Welldone Tanya!! Xx
Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to be encouraging!
U r doing great! I
Absolutely agree! Thank you so much for this video!
What an honest and vulnerable discussion.Thank you so much.Please continue with this work.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you for your honesty and allowing all the rest of us imperfect parents also be imperfect, and be more understanding of our own emotions while we’re dealing/coping/struggling with ADHD in the house. 👍🏻🤔
This was GREAT! Any remarks on intelligence, or lack thereof, I would take to heart, and I always remembered the negatives over the positives.
Amazing video and fabulous tips! 💛💛💛
Thanks, my friend!
I’m having such trouble with my six year old (almost 7) with him listening. It’s been almost a month of him just not listening no matter what. I feel like I’m doing everything I can so now I am just binge watching these kind of videos
I went through the same process! I’ve found lots of helpful resources at additudemag.com and understood.org. Good luck!
Thank you so much!!!! Bless you!
Thank you so much for discussing the root of fear and anger. That is such a life changing obstacle. Kudos.
I found your presentation very helpful. It provides the clarity I need to relate with my 10 year old, and avoid all the negativity that can only be damaging and hurtful.
Once more, thanks a lot 🙏
I stumbled across this by accident, and I just have to say that you seem like a caring and sensitive parent. As someone with ADHD, I can only imagine the struggle of raising someone with it, and seeing how thoughtful you are with your words and treatment of your child is amazing. Keep doing you. Your kids are so lucky to have you. 💛
This is one of the sweetest comments I’ve ever received. Thank you for your kindness. 💚
As an incredibly emotional older child with ADHD this is awesome to see! Thank you. I think a lot of these things go completely unnoticed when they are actually incredibly hurtful.
You are awesome for sharing your experience. Thank you! 💚
Love everything about this video. I also try to limit anything that might hurt their self esteem and progress. But some days are hard and I actually step away from the situation if I can so I can pull myself together. Great video as always :)
Thanks, my friend. I know, all of this stuff we learn in response to our kiddos' more challenging behaviors really applies to all our children. ADHD has made me grow and stretch into a better version of myself - and that has been a boon to all my kids, not just my son. They are here to teach US, just as much as the other way around. XO!
Thank you for sharing this with us! Great support to these parents.... to know that there is a positive life out there for them. All these wise rules applicable for every child, I should say. We all not perfect parents, but trying to be as much as we can. Hope everybody will pick smth from this video to apply in life.
Been binge watching. "I love you, but..." ouch. I do that but have never heard it from the other angle. I think this has really hit Such a deep chief and I don't want to use it across the board. Thank you, my friend for these videos.
I have said it so many times to G7 - ouch, indeed. "I love you AND" has been a much gentler way to my kiddo's heart. We are not perfect, mama, but we can be better. Thank you for watching, my dear friend.
Yep, "I love you but..." really says that your love is conditional.
That, when they do that thing you don't like, you DON'T love them.
Of course, this is ridiculous to an adult, but to a child it would feel like they have to earn love.
Often, people with ADHD can't stop thinking, so they will eventually reason that mom doesn't love me when I do these things -> I always do these things because I have ADHD -> mom doesn't love me because I have ADHD.
That sounds almost rid ridiculous but when you add up a sum of parents behaviours (say, you also do the "why can't you be more like your sister") then you can see how they can come to that conclusion.
It's good to watch channels like "How to ADHD" to see how people with ADHD cope as adults and what they feel and go through and solved their problems.
Great job on the video very thoughtful and understanding.
As a child with A.D.H.D, I can legally say this:
Something I really hate when somebody says to me, “you need to try” or “focus!” or “your not trying your best!” When I really am trying my hardest on math or gym or anything else. I’m glad we have people on the internet like you who can make life easier for both kids and parents. I’m glad we have support from experienced people like you.
And I don’t know if your a doctor or anything, but does not wanting to eat/small appetite come with A.D.H.D or is that something along the lines of depression? I don’t have depression, but I have so much enegery yet I barley eat anything. This kind of makes me worried about this like that I’m going to die of starvation one day. Is this normal for so called, “explosive children” or is this something different?
Actually since ADHD equals impulsivity you sometimes eat to much. About the small appetite it might be the medication.
Are you on medication that can be a side effect
I am a doctor, but I don’t specialize in child development or learning differences. I’d advise you to seek the advice of a medical expert in the field. I’m sorry you’re in a rough patch. I have shared several resources and ideas that have helped us in this playlist:
ruclips.net/p/PL1uCN8r0fLD4DeMRkTx2UA844HKsx11FY
Best video on ADHD that must be seen by all parents with ADHD children
Hi I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a piece of mind that I'm not alone in this and that their other parents that are going through the some situation of having a child with ADHD I want to say thank you for making this video
Aw, thanks for taking the time to leave such kind encouragement. 💚
Hi Tanya, a beautiful video. As a parent of three Asperger kids, a lot of what you said applies. I was nodding wholeheartedly! As a mum of a now 13 year old, a lot of these focused organisational skills are now intact for the future. He's still a beautiful scatterbrain but that's usually because he is thinking of higher things...the Big Bang, fuel crisis...nuclear fusion! Ha! Best wishes to you and your family X
How have I not replied to this yet?? I blame moving stress. The Big Bang, fuel crisis, nuclear fusion - haha, I love it! Sounds familiar. How blessed are we that we have these remarkable, scatterbrained little geniuses to raise? Best wishes to your family as well!!
Love this video thanks very much for your honesty. I am a mother who has ADHD and my oldest was diagnosed today. You mention things we say to our children out of frustration can negatively impact them this is so true! Before the diagnosis I started to realize the things I say or how I say them she always seemed to take them negatively when that was not my intent. But one of the biggest things I had to change was me speaking about her brothers achievements or rewarding him around her.I was never comparing them but she would see that he got something for grades and would then compare herself saying I’m not as good as him. So now we try to keep his grades,achievements between him and us(parents). It has help so much with her feeling down on herself especially since he is much younger.
Thank you so much. As a parent of a son who, most likely, has ADHD and is struggling right now at age 5, I'm truly grateful for your advice.
This was something I really needed to hear. None of us are perfect. Thank you for making this video. My daughter is very hyperactive. We haven't tested her for ADHD, though I do see the symptoms of it. I don't want anyone labeling her just so the teachers or family could look at her differently or separate her out.
She needs individual attention to deliver the best results. Yes, I've been through every bit of emotion what you just described here... frustration, calling names, being fearful of her future and the why's. I'm learning that its my own emotional despair, my little girl don't have to bear my cross. Perhaps I just need an energy bar or some sleep. I'm going to watch your video couple more times and make some positive change...thank you.
I rewatch this video sometimes as well - it's not easy to be kind and patient all the time, and we're just people, too, mama. I wish you and your daughter the best!
My elder daughter has ADHD. Its hard especially in a cntry like India where everything is so competitive. Sometimes I am really scared for her.
Thanx for the advice. I am doing everything to help her. In my view Unconditional love is the best meds for her.
I love your open-hearted view! Especially in a society where it can be hard to embrace difference.
How old is ur daughter?
My son is 4 and recently diagnosed with adhd
I also have a daughter with adhd .
@@pujagupta2044 hey, can we connect on social media to form a group?
@@namratsingh9043 can we connect on social media
Thank you for sharing I needed to hear this. I struggle with adhd myself and my 7 year old has been diagnosed with adhd.
I’m so incredibly grateful I found your channel. What a blessing you are to parents of children that have ADHD. Thank you so much for your honesty and advice!!!
Thanks so much for the kind words!
My parents tell me I’m going to cause a divorce, and that I am tearing my family apart. They have no idea how much it hurts. They have had me go to 5 different therapists and 2 of them “gave up” on me. Also, they tell me that I’m going to fail out of school and going to be homeless and need to work at McDonalds. They have no idea that we never forget those things.
I’m so sorry that you carry that on your heart. It must weigh on you. If I can be of any comfort, it would be to realize that parents make a lot of mistakes - and sometimes they say things they don’t mean in the middle of parental tantrums and meltdowns. We are not perfect - far from it, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it was a cruel thing to say. But they may not have meant it. I’m sorry. Hugs. Your words are a reminder to me to be careful with my words. Thank you.
Project Happy Home ❤️
Reading your comment made me sad! Don't GIVE UP YOURSELF! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN! YOU WILL!
I'm sorry and feel for you, Jessilynn. You do have a bright future. It may not look exactly like what your parents envisioned, but you will be ok and will thrive. Let them know how you feel along the journey, including how their comments hurt you. Grow together in better understanding. God bless.
thank you
Thank you for this video... You speak with such compassion and kindness.
I love your humble attitude and it is just so good to know you are going through something similar
💚
Great reminders. I'll share this & watch it over & over. Thanks heaps. Bless you 🌼🌺🌸
Nice video! Keep it up!
Thanks for the encouragement!
@@ProjectHappyHome yes, it is an extremely beautiful attitude 👏 thank you for sharing it 🙏
When I was 13 my dad said I had a 3 year old brain and I’m gonna be 15 on July 1st and I still remember and probably always will and be asked if I was stupid before when we were doing homework, whitch is why I stopped asking help for anything with my dads help when I was in 5th grade and he also asked why I can’t be normal more then once
Hugs. We are more than we know - and certainly more than others may believe.
I just want to say, thank you! I can relate to everything that mentioned in this video. Thanks so much.
You’re so welcome! It’s not easy, but we can all band together as parents and do better for our kids. I know I appreciate all your comments that let me know I’m not alone.
Wow! Thank you so much!! I love your video!! I really needed to hear that! Very helpful tips and beautifully put as well! Thank you!!
Who else here hates when the teacher calls on you and you forgot the whole lesson . I just say this back."I DON'T KNOW" and no I don't have ADHD , I have ADD.
That is a sucky feeling. It’s happened to me as well. 😐
Diagnostically you have the inattentive presentation of ADHD. (So do I). They've done away with ADD as a separate diagnosis.
Probably, but based on how frequently they update the DSM, it might be labeled something else in a hot minute. :) Personally, I think the 3 categories they currently have are woefully inadequate.
Add is adhd js
I have ADHD too, and I h a t e when that happens. Once I was so sure I got the answer, raised my hand, and my mind went completely blank. The teacher didn't believe me when I said "I forgot" so I just kinda joked it off. Luckily I have a friend in that class with ADHD and she completely understood
Thank you for this, I really needed it. My 6 year old daughter has adhd and I've done most of these due to frustration, not an excuse in anyway, but I do apologise. The hardest time is bed time, she has as much energy as she does in the day and wont stay in bed. I think the lack of sleep makes her adhd so much worse?
Sleep can definitely be tricky - establishing good sleep hygiene habits around light exposure and electronic devices can be helpful.
I'm glad that you did this video, I'm not a parent but I have adhd that went undiagnosed until adulthood, some of my friends have adhd as well, giving their children a far increased chance of having adhd brains.
This vlog really made me think of a lot of the ways I was treated growing up, and about how to encourage myself and others to approach adhd children and better contextualize the world for our type of thought patterns.
Neurotypical people, and adhd people alike have a limited understanding of our differences, and I'm confident your video will help bridge that gap of understanding. Much love.
Thank you so much for your tips and advice . Also being transparent about being a parent.
I just subscribe!! My 10 yr old son has a lot of sign on having ADHD , he is very smart ,and he is loving too ...its just been hard lately because i had a great system with him and a sudden changed in school with his IEP has derailed all my hard work...i feel so drained...i am going to request to his pediatrician for an evaluation ...so if he actually does has ADHD some teachers and school staff could understand more and be careful in how they speak to him....do you give you child any type of medication or any type of vitamins for his whole hypertension and his outburst he has?......thank you so much for these tips !
Oh, mama, it can be so draining at times. I'm sorry that your son is having a hard time with the recent changes at school. We don't use any prescription medications, but I do use some supplements. Here is a great article that may give you more info: www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-supplements-fish-oil-zinc-iron/
But remember, it is always wise to discuss any supplements with your doctor before giving them to your child. "Natural" does not always mean "safe," and it helps to optimize dosages with a medical professional based on your child's age/weight.
Can you more video like this.
Currently, I’m doing several videos on the Parenting an Emotionally Complex Child series - you may find those helpful. Is there a particular topic you’d like to see?
I was told adout 2 weeks now my son have ADHD. We chose to do no meds. Where doing diet. I wish someone would make a meal planning for kids with ADHD.
Y'know, just your calm and smiley voice makes this seem much easier than it is. Lots of support and a thumbs up to you!
Aw, thanks! And thanks so much for watching!
thank you very much, I have ADHD and so does my 8 year old and it's extremely difficult. you've really helped me.
My son is now 13 years old with ADHD and I've called him stupid out of anger and frustration and I felt like the worst person in the world after.
I think we’ve all been in similar situations, friend. It is not easy to parent someone who has difficulties inherent in ADHD, like listening the first time or remembering basic self care/housekeeping routines. Let me repeat, it is NOT easy. And we’ve all said things we regret. But every moment is a new opportunity to begin anew. To love a little better. Love is a verb as much as a feeling. If we keep working on how we love, we will be fine. I make mistakes with all my kids every day - but I try to apologize when I’m wrong and make up for the hurt with more good than bad. It’s the trying - the striving - that counts. Much love, Mama!
my mom did too but I know she still love me.. I know I also have adhd and take medication
Try not to beat yourself up too much. The fact that you knew you could do and should do better means you are a great mom. No one is perfect. You won't make that mistake again :) Onward and upward. xo
It's okay - us ADHD'ers often blurt out things we don't mean at all, so just tell us that you are SO sorry, you really didn't mean what you said, and explain calmly how you actually feel and say what you wanted to say instead of getting angry. We get it because we're in that position so often ourselves, saying something we don't mean and immediately regretting it.
At what age was your child diagnosed?
I don't know why I'm crying or I might know but I might be trying to ignore it. I was a really happy go lucky kind of person in my childhood days and teenage but age I grew older constantly letting down my parents I've really come to believe that I can't do anything. I'm very impulsive and forgetful creating all kinds of mess. My sister is afraid whenever I go out 'cause I might get in trouble or do something stupid. It's not that I'm trying to be a troublemaker but I end up doing it anyway. I'm super hyper, chatting with everyone making them laugh but I can't ignore even a little hurtful word, it might not even be a hurtful word but I get hurt all the same, it doesn't take much to discourage me, I tend to over think the negative things and find negativity even in positive things. When someone incourages me I become happy and start opening my heart and unnecessarily start annoying them, at least that's what when I stop for a moment to think, then I'll over think again and ruin my own mood"!! It's a never ending cycle. I know no one cares about it but at least I could vent my frustration here. And thank you for the video😄
Ah, I’m so sorry for your hurt. May I tell you something? You are not alone in feeling misunderstood by those you love best. Regardless of their opinions, you must first learn to lean into the beautiful you-ness of you. And if some traits are more troublesome than helpful, learn how to mold them into strengths instead of weaknesses. If you suspect you have ADHD or anything else, seek help - through websites (understood.org and additudemag.com are great), books, and counselors. You can do anything. Everything. Do not be limited by the fear and misunderstanding of others. The fear often comes from love. So give them grace and grow into the best version of yourself. Not for them. For you. I wish you luck. And joy!
Project Happy Home Thank you for your encouraging words.
Thank you very much for this information. I really appreciate the reminders.
AWESOME POINTS and TIPS! My son is 8years old. I wish I knew these before. Thanks for sharing and enlightening us!
So much of these just, wow. Man. Yes and ugh.
Little by little, my friend. I am improving in my speech to my kiddos little by little. Love having your ear and support on my journey.
SodbusterLiving she is just trying to help
It isn't that we don't have enough emotional control, the problem is that we have too much. Because, seriously, who's gonna listen to us? We're just the stupid ADHD kids. Of course we're gonna react. We're just a burden. Or at that's how people act. We internalize everything. And hyperactive emotions are part of the diagnosis. We cram all that anger, stress, and frustration into ourselves, and it consumes us, until there is no chance of us being happy. And then one tiny, little thing goes wrong. And we explode. We can't keep it in any longer. And that isn't our fault. Besides, I have a lot of emotional control. I have to sit as MY CLASSMATES JOKINGLY THREATEN TO *RAPE* EACH OTHER. And I sit there, wishing I could do something, but not wanting to make the classroom louder. So, even though I have every right to lash out, I don't. And I am far more mature then anyone in any of my classes. I always get good grades in class and on tests. So please don't say this stuff like all kids with ADHD are like that, because we aren't.
This breaks my heart a little. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I hope I’m working to lessen this feeling in ADHD kids by discussing these things with parents out there. It can be hard for us to mature at the same time that we are juggling new parenthood. I’d appreciate any advice you have on how we can love our kids harder and make them feel more whole. And when I said that ADHD children can lack emotional control, I mean that physiologically, they actually do have a harder time with emotional feedback loops than their similar-age peers. So we as parents need to be cognizant of that - though, obviously, the brain matures and catches up in several respects. I did not mean to denigrate you in any way, and I’d love to continue the conversation so we can work toward more understanding.
Olivia's crazy Corner Oh, my heart is so with you! I am the mother of a now 23 yr old adhd child. The true feelings & thoughts of the child were never considered by school staff. I did all I could to help my son with no assistance from the schools. Big hugs to you as you go forward. Know there are people who understand & are on your side. Pls read my previous comment to this channel for more info!
Greg Dettenweitz Thanks! A lot of teachers forget that kids have been dealing with this for years, while they've only met said kids that year. They think that they know what the kids need in order to focus, when everyone needs something different. People forget that these beautiful kids know themselves better then anyone else.
Tanya....almost cried....thanks so much....you hit the nail on the head.
Aww, you’re welcome. We’re all in it together.
Love this! I think these are great tips to keep in mind with all children, as well. I have one special needs child and one typical child. It is far too easy, especially as a homeschooler (with so much extra time spent with the children as well as the pressure of being the main person responsible to deliver a good, competent, human to their adult selves) to get frustrated/carried away (with both of them) and say things that are far more hurtful than we imagine. I think being intentional in our parenting is so important. I work on it every hour of every day and still mess up massively. Thank you for the good reminder.
I agree, Ashley. Being intentional in our parenting applies to all our kiddos - my son's ADHD has helped me recognize failings in my own behavior that may not have been so obvious if I only had neurotypical kids. So it's been a blessing in that way - to our entire family, not just my son.
As an adult with adhd, you shouldn’t describe your kid as an -adhd child.- People are not their diagnoses.
I agree. But I make videos about being the parent of a child with ADHD. And saying the literal words “ADHD child” makes these videos more easily findable online. It’s a practical measure. I assure you that my child has never heard the phrase. And if he sees my video, I will simply clarify the reason. But more than this, the preoccupation with “names” and “labels” harkens back to the negative associations with the name. Would anyone take issue if I called him a “genius child”? Because he also happens to be that. I don’t use that either because, as you suggest, we are all so much more than the sum of our parts. But even those parts which society has deemed negative may, in fact, hold endless brilliance. I am proud, proud, proud of my ADHD kid, and he is proud of himself as well. He knows he is twice exceptional. He reads about it and is gentle with himself as he grows and stumbles and learns in this world. He is curious and kind and swift of thought. And his ADHD wiring is a part of his lovely whole. What we “should” do is encourage our kids to acknowledge themselves and all their nuances - and to be kind to themselves as they grow into adulthood. Labels and words hold the meaning we give them. Think of ADHD as a different way of seeing and processing the world, and suddenly it’s not the insult you seem to perceive it to be.
I don’t see it as -adhd- an insult- I see it as an opportunity to explain the differences between neurotypicality and neurodivergence and how seeing the world differently is good, as you’ve explain.
Choosing to define people by their diagnoses is a choice and your kid will hear it from other people if that’s what we allow as educators, parents and advocates. I hope your video helps people but I also think we have a responsibility to try harder to not stigmatize adhd precisely because we know better.
Project Happy Home *explained
I think this is my personality why take pills to hide yourself am i right
@@ProjectHappyHome this precise keyword you used helped me find this useful and practical video, thank you so much :)
I tell myself if I am allowed to feel this angry then so are my children
Exactly. Well said.
Thank you Thank you Thank you for this post! The honesty helps me not feel so alone! And your tips are so practical!
I appreciate the video and thanks for helping me with tips! 🌻
Beautifully said. Thank you so much .
This was just what I needed to hear as a parent today. Simply Thank you.
Thanks so much for taking the time to say that - it brightened my day.
Wow, I am going through this too, with my 7yr. old daughter homeschooled...and this was much needed for practice and monitoring her and the people around her with what they say, so thank you much!
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching!
I needed to hear this…Thank you for sharing your insights & tips🙏🏽
You are so welcome 💚
Thank you so much for sharing your life and offering support! I have to tell myself at least once a week that my son won't be a 30 yr old who can't remember to brush their teeth and I have proof with an older child who does live on his own who can accomplish these things... because we practiced everyday! I have never found myself saying " I love you, but...". When these moments come up I will remind my son that this is where our performance is and this is our goal. I break things down even simpler. If I feel something is still a hard task after multiple tries I will honestly tell him that it seems like we need to break things down a little more to make it a goal we can achieve and we talk about what we can do to succeed. I believe the main tool for any child is getting that meeting and feedback about life, but when it comes to an ADHD child it helps them to see they can achieve and clearly understand what the next goal is. That is what I find help's my son's self esteem the most. When he has a bump in the road, like an assignment left at school, I let him know that it's going to happen, what we could do to prevent it, and most importantly that I am there to help him through it all. As for medication, another thing most people don't understand is that medication isn't as simple as an allergy pill you take in the morning. We've medicated our child because it was aggravating his chronic hive and itching condition, allowing him to come off of multiple other medications for those conditions. A year later, we're still baby stepping as we evaluate the doses. When you work with the proper people, they don't see the medication as the fix. They see it as a step in helping this individual's situation and believe that no two formulas work for everyone. Our son may need his medication raised in the future, but there is no hurry since we aren't seeing that as a fix. We have a team of people around him who help him meet his goals at his specific level. The good news is that medication can be a good choice for some children. My son was able to get into an advanced school just two weeks after starting medication because he could focus. Also, our search for ADHD answers allowed him to be diagnosed as gifted. No matter which method is best for the child, support is what they need most. Again, thank you for the support for other parents by sharing your family's story. ADHD is a common thing people are aware of, but I think even we sometimes forget just how much we're overwhelmed by our fears in our ability to see our children succeed.