I had undiagnosed ADHD, everyone told me I had it, and I was finally diagnosed in my 30s. I’m now trying to teach myself these things while teaching my own ADHD children and a nephew that is ADHD & ODD and came from a high trauma situation. I felt like me and my children were “functional “ (we weren’t really) but my nephew forced me here because it was so out of control, and now I’m learning SO many helpful things. It’s still really hard, because I’m trying to create new habits for myself as well….but I can already see some of the benefits! I appreciate you
6 year old grandson was diagnosed with ADHD. He is not combative and doesn’t yell at anyone. He just can’t seem to remember how to behave. If we say left, he goes right. We say stop aggravating the dogs and he does it anyway. He speaks out of turn and never stays still. If he has 5 minutes of nothing going on he is saying “I just don’t know what to do now”. He feels like he always has to be doing something. It becomes so difficult not to just want to allow him on his electronics because we are exhausted. We don’t let him have them all the time but we run out of things for him to do and honestly energy to keep him entertained. I homeschool him and we get through it daily but it can be a bit exhausting. We’ve tried visible chart reward system, taking things away but I know we along with our daughter are missing an ingredient or few. They live with my husband and I. We want to do the best for him, but we are struggling. All of us are.
What if the parent is the one with ADHD and they find it really really hard to stay consistent? How do I teach consistency when I fail at it so badly? SOS
Hey just wanna say I feel for you, I'm a single dad with two kids that are having issues and my ADHD and whatever other issues I have are making it almost impossible to show up in the way I want/need to and often I feel like I'm making their lives worse, it's really bad sometimes...I pray we all get the help we need
Hi my name is Ryan and I have ADHD I'm noticing my son has it as well and for the past six months or so he has been displaying all the traights that would suggest ODD. This makes it so much harder but I am also living in a different state then my son and daughter which I'm sure also plays a factor. I just want to help my kids...what can I do from where I'm at?
So sorry for the late response! I saw your comment awhile ago and added your question to my list of video topic ideas. I should have a video out about that within a month or so!
My 5 year old granddaughter was born with DS. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Last year when she was in pre-K she started exhibiting aggressive conduct towards her classmates. She hit, threw her cup at them, and kicked them. This year I has gotten worse. Now she will kick, hit, bite, pull hair, and push them. We babysit her full time. She doesn’t exhibit these behaviors towards us. She will throw a fit occasionally, but not often. Her mom is at her wits end trying to figure out how to teach her that her behavior is unacceptable. I’m so glad I found this video! I’m going to forward it to her.
Thank you so much for this video, I so appreciate it! My middle kiddo most likely has ADHD (runs in family and scored in range of ADHD on Vanderbilt but we're needing to figure out the next step). My daily struggle with her is that she seems so hostile, gets angry, loud, and controlling. Seems because I'm the parent home with her the most (we homeschool), that she pushes back on my authority at every turn. It's so exhausting and I'm in tears every day. I wonder if she has ODD too... I don't react well to her meanness and outbursts of serious anger issues. I try to be calm but seems if she doesn't get what she wants she makes everyone crazy with her loudness and mean attitude. I'm so at a loss...But this video is very helpful so far, I'm going to listen to the rest now.😉
17 year old grandson with ADHD and ODD consistently answering “no” to everything immediately without thinking about what was even said🥴. We have been using your tools and they work. His brain scan shows his “brain is on fire”. Continuing to implement your techniques. Thank you for your teaching.
I heard a saying today that goes if you can’t hear it you will feel it. Unfortunately I think many of these children are going to have a life full of pain. Because they are hard way learners
We have a 4-year-old who strongly demonstrates ODD behavior. He's extremely defiant and will answer literally any request (no matter how small) with a resounding "NO" and will basically do the opposite of whatever you ask him to do. His tantrums are violent- he hits, throws, kicks walls, and screams as loud as he can like he's trying to overpower you. In his toddler years I kinda brushed it off as normal terrible two's and terrible three's, but the older he gets the wore extreme the behavior becomes. He often targets his older brother and his teacher and other students at school so I need to get to the bottom of this STAT. I feel like we have tried everything under the sun to help redirect his behavior. As you can imagine, it gets incredibly difficult to maintain your cool when every day is a power struggle and the strain his behavior puts on our family is felt by every member. Unfortunately, I'm having a very difficult time finding resources for dealing with ODD in a child his age, since these types of behaviors are far more common in older children. Do you have any suggestions? You mentioned in the video that taking things away is not a preferred punishment, but then, what is for this age? In the past we have resorted to time-outs and taking toys and other highly coveted items (tablet, tv, etc) away when he has outbursts, and rewarding him by returning those items when he demonstrated good behavior or has a good day at school, etc.
Great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Hi Danielle, I am in the same boat with my (almost) 4 year old. Have you had any success with a method that worked since you wrote this 8 months ago? Thanks!
What I am going to say may sound horrible, but years and experience have shown me empirically that when the odd kids' support system fails, for whatever reason (death, illness of carers, parents' burnout, siblings' "sew-yee-side"...) a lightbulb moment happens to them. Of course nobody wishes trauma on anybody, much less a child, but when the unconditional love and safety foundations are taken away, they do realise they cannot get away with it any longer. It is a brutal scenario, but I have seen it happen and the drastic change in behaviour is quite relevant, almost shocking, because it makes you wonder "you were capable of it all along...!?"...
I started watching this and had a moment of hope because you were able to accurately describe ODD and ADHD. And then, you went to your first step of role-playing the incident and how to behave the right way. I would NEVER get that far with my 2 ODD kids. They would NEVER go along with that. That would require cooperating with me to do the role play. Believe me, I've tried. So right away, this method, like everything else I've tried over almost 2 decades (my kids are far apart in age) won't work for us
It doesn’t matter what I say. It could be asking for help with something, or saying a dog is brown. My son’s immediate reaction is “why” or “and?” With a an attitude/disgust to his tone. I don’t know how to get him to just converse normally.
Hello. We have 3 sons. 16,12 and 8. My 16 year old has anxiety and adhd. 12 year old anxiety and adhd and now seeing depression at times. He is very moody. 8 year old becoming very hyper and is extremely argumentative. He consistently yells at me, back talks and refuses to admit wrong doing. I'm weary. I know we caused much of this with our dysfunction. However, we are trying to turn a corner. It's so hard to feel hopeful after so many years of bad parenting but I know and believe things can change. I just need help knowing where to begin. Thank you!
Sorry for the late response! That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
My son becomes very defiant especially when his ADHD meds wear off. Most nights even we made him promise all day that bedtime will be peaceful and over and over he promised during the day, when the time comes he lies on the floor with a smirk on his face and tells us he can’t walk or his foot hurts etc. This is just one example but I just wanted to keep it brief. Many thanks for any advice you can provide.
I have tried so many things, turned to so many so-called experts. Your program is finally something that is changing my self, my family and especially my son’s heart. I am very grateful!
Nearly 7 in 1st grade, who absolutely will not do what he is asked and is not safe for him or others. He is a powerful, and confident person who is always trying to find a way to "beat the system" still waiting for his diagnosis.
Sounds like a more extreme case of ODD. I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to discuss it on my next weekly Support Group call that happens Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Does anyone have any diet advice on any particular foods make them worse apart from the obvious sugar? Dairy and gluten?? Grains?? Ever tried it? I want to try it but my god it's so hard isn't it!
There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope, I promise! If you're feeling low on skills and principles at your disposal, I definitely recommend looking into my online TSG Parenting Course. It goes in-depth on what skills and principles are needed, teaches about them, then lays out how to implement them into your home. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ You’ve got this!
I love the open ended comment from the video maker! Hang in their your not alone my 6 year old is ,like my mother said , hope you have 6 more like you! I have apologized to my mother on behalf of going through my kids behavior and think what my mother went through 😢 you do the best you can and know they need you, nobody has the right answer in being a parent regardless of situation! Good parent doesn't give up and doesn't give up! Don't forget you are human and can only take so much ASWELL! The fact you endure means you are a good parent and love your child!
My 7 year old son is really struggling with his emotions. He doesnt like being told no, he doesnt listen and im often repeating myself. He has meltdowns to the point he isnt able to breath, shouts, screams, wont do simple tasks without rewards, its really hard, because his behaviour is so flippant, at school he is quiet and would never act the way he does at home. Alot of people would look at him and not know that this is sometthing were struggling with 😫
My son just got dx with adhd combined and ODD. He has a lot anger, low self esteem, and never takes accountability for his actions or success. He says hes stupid and cant do what all the other kids do because of that. My parenting technique isnt helping him and i feel sometimes makes his behavior worse. I have some mental conditions myself that i have struggled my whole life to manage, barely able to myself, and now i am really struggling to help my son too.
What i find really difficult is trying to coparent with someone who has a permissive parenting approach, when my 7 year old has ODD and possible Reactive attachment disorder. It is like a constant back and forth with him. He is so angry, he refuses to do anything and tells me he hates me, he hurts his siblings, its like he cant help himself. 😢
10 year old neice has all the type 3 adhd symptoms. Getting her tested as soon as possible. She lies compulsively. And we have tried every type of punishment and absolutely nothing is working. Need help please.
What if the child refuses to role play? My son shuts down after the initial explosion/tantrum and it seens like it's settled down, the moment we want to talk about it he flares up again and screams he doesnt want to talk about it and runs off.
I am a first year elementary EBD teacher and I was wondering if you could recommend any resources to help me in helping my students with adhd and odd in my classroom.
Great question! I do have some videos about TSG in the classroom already, though they don't specifically focus on ADHD and ODD. Here are the links: TSG in the Classroom Part 1: ruclips.net/video/N_duINIsbfA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 2: ruclips.net/video/ROc6ke-xOJU/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 3: ruclips.net/video/FPJVZRPL9B8/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Podcast episode: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-118-tsg-in-the-classroom/ You've got this!
Hi! I work as an Elementary School teacher for second grade and I'd love to have these four books for children, but is there any way one could have them in digital? Buying the ebook, or something? Thank you in advance!
Yes, absolutely! We just released our digital bundle of the children's books! Here's the link to purchase it: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/digital-childrens-book-treasury/ I hope this helps!
this is so affirming to me because I grew up with ADHD and I've now recently become a step parent to a child who I'm sure has ADHD and I've just been trying to push all of the things that I noticed my parents caved on when I was younger because I know if I had more forced structure as a kid the structure im trying to build as an adult wouldn't seem so daughnting
I care for a child who misunderstands my intention, one instance was a child used their hands to respond to another child who has interrupted their play, I said in this moment "gentle hands" took about five seconds for the child to respond, keep in mind I was at their level to talk as this is what I was trained to do, anyways I too got a Wack from this child, I didn't expect a reaction like that, My response to that was "that's not Okay" the child walked off kicking / shoving anything in their path. is there a way to handle this unique characteristic.? Thanks ^_^
The behaviors I’m seeing are: anger/aggression as a result of something someone else is doing that is not liked. Resulting in destruction of property, hitting others, obsessing about others/not being able to see or acknowledge their part in the situation. I’m also now seeing complete refusal to follow directions and rules. This looks like outright ignoring verbal direction/redirection, literally running away from the house, trying to distract, refusing to communicate, hiding in closet.
I am grandma of a very defiant 8 year old. His dad is constantly yelling at him and mom just gives up. When he goes into confrontational mode there is nothing I can say or do that gets him out of it. It's awful. Suggestions
I am a public school teacher. I am wondering why I am seeing more and more students with these behaviors. I teach small children, so I am often the first professional to spend a lot of time with them, and to get them support. Do you have a theory of why many of our children are ODD?
I have an 11-year-old boy who absolutely hates to be told no. He argues with everything I say and refuses to be told no. He will manipulate us into getting what he wants, even if he sneaks to get it. He struggles with self-image, although he has more than MOST children. His diagnosis is ADHD, ODD, and anxiety. I am about to my breaking point on how to parent him. He has had everything in his room taken out because of his defiance but that doesn't even matter to him. He just moves on to the next thing (ADHD). He is so defiant but the most compassionate child you have ever met. It is so confusing to understand what is going on in his little mind. We have no resources here to help and I am searching the internet because I am at the end of my rope. I NEED HELP PLEASE!!! He is now struggling in school and the school system is testing him AGAIN for special ed. I think he is struggling because his anxiety and depression are getting worse by the day. I'm so broken... :(
That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
Sounds like our child. I love the “it’s probably just you are a terrible parent’ attitude and looks from others. This has been going on since he was tiny. I have two other children that are nothing like this.
Have a level 4 foster kiddo. 9 and a half. ADHD. Has become physical but is so far very responsive to your teachings. What do we do if he is becoming physical?
That's fantastic! One thing I did with my family when I did treatment foster care was institute the "5-Second Rule." In essence, my family knew that if, at any time, I were to call out "5 second rule!", they would all run to their rooms and close the doors (one of the few times we allowed closed doors in our home) and wait for me to come get them. Once I went to get them, they knew that there would be a treat/reward, since that's what we practiced and taught would be the case. This kept people out of harms' way and got them removed from the situation so I could handle the urgent situation at hand without worrying about the safety anyone else. Another thing you can do is what is called a soft hold. I teach this to people in my 3-day intensive Parenting Mastery Trainings mainly, since it's not something to just throw around on the internet. But essentially, you have to physically contain the person in a way that won't harm you or them. For age 9, I would get him on his knees, then sit on his legs behind him (or kneel/sit). Next, get his arms crossed on his chest, then hold those in place with one of your arms. Your other arm is going to be used to hold his head against one of your shoulders so he can't thrash and hurt you both. One of the biggest things while you're in this hold is to be thinking "I love you. I love you. You're safe." Model deep breathing and encourage them to get calm while in this hold. Once they're past wanting to hurt things or people, then you can let them go and have a calm discussion about what should have happened and what negative consequences have been earned because of the behavior.
My husband was diagnosed in his late teens with ADHD and ODD. We now havr to daughters and my oldest is showing alot of symptoms of ADHD and ODD. She is only 3 so to young to be diagnosed yet, sympyoms I noticed are, she will hyperfocus on things like screens or toys she likes a lot, difficulty sleeping, hard to keep her focused if it's not intersting her, she will just take off from activities and jump from toy to toy. Talks a lot, but is a bit behind in her speech. She is super stubborn, puts up a fight to do most things I ask her to do or try to help her with, like getting dressed, go to be, wash herself... She throws tantrums a lot. I love her so very much but it is so hard to parent, as a child I was the complete opposite
And I laughed when you said don't take things away. My hisband told me this story of how his mom punished him by taking a toy or a game away. While she was out of the house he proceded to take eveything away from her by throwing everything that was in her bedroom out of the window into the yard 😨
Thanks for telling me! It sounds like she needs help engaging her prefrontal cortex. The biggest thing to help them understand is that they don't make sound decisions when they're not calm. So, they need to get calm. To do this, help them analyze what their body physically feels like when they start to get upset or overly excited. If they can recognize the point when their body is about to go out of control, then they can begin to regulate those things. Next, they need a game plan. Once they've recognized that they're about to go out of control, what do they do next? Give them a physical cue (acting as a positive trigger to help the body snap out of the emotional process), such as taking a small step back, folding their hands in front of them, etc. Then, have them do a quick calming exercise, such as taking three deep breaths, closing their eyes and counting to 5 or 10 out loud, etc. Lastly, they need to apply a skill, such as Following Instructions, Accepting "No" Answers, or Disagreeing Appropriately. Help them understand which one they need if they don't already know. Once you've got your plan into place, then you can role play putting the plan into action. Use a common scenario that they struggle being calm in and physically act it out (pretending to start to get angry, recognizing the emotion, putting the plan into motion, and using the skills needed). To summarize: 1. Analyze body and mind (for emotional recognition) 2. Have a physical cue to start game plan and engage "front brain" 3. Do quick calming exercise 4. Apply needed skill(s) to solve issue Keep in mind, though, that what I just shared with you isn’t going to be as successful as you hope without learning the proper skills and principles of Self-Government yourself. I share 5 teaching styles that are invaluable for parents and are perfect to support them in teaching their children the skills that THEY need. Here are some links that can help you learn the skills you'll need too: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-mastery/ These videos of the skills being used with a small child could help you too. ruclips.net/video/x-QUNSXkUls/видео.html&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieQ%3D%3D ruclips.net/video/tYYsYMcN9RA/видео.html&pp=ygUqbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieSBkaXNhZ3JlZSBhcHByb3ByaWF0ZWx5 I hope this helps clear things up!
This gives me some type of ... not nostalgia... but it takes me back to growing up in a household that didn't understand me and blamed me for not being normal/neurotypical like it was my choice. I have a deep longing for things to have been different, but now I'm learning to reparent myself and it has been the most difficult yet rewarding thing ever.
Wow, this feels very supportive, as you described what we do since it’s been working best for us. BUT of course I learned something new and this helps VERY MUCH by staying on our path and still improve to help my child become a better, more stressless and healthier version of himself.
My 6 year old daughter is resisting every single thing! She is obsessed with her negative thoughts and constantly provoking me into arguments. She doesn’t respect boundaries and loves manipulating. Every morning she throws a tantrum not to go to school. Should I home school her instead? I can’t take it anymore. I’m a single parent without any help
I’m a father of a 4 year old boy with ADHD and is not that hard for me to discipline my kid because he fears me , my strong voice my strength and body size scares him so i personally don’t need any help with him because he’s like an angel when he’s with me . But here’s the problem he’s only a good kid when’s he’s around me but around his mother at daycare or with someone he doesn’t know he’s a problem .. What should i do ?
Oldest daughter now 16 with ODD and ADHD makes verbally rude comments they are hurtful to me (mom) and sister and she says she can’t see or understand how rude and or hurtful they are. Also very controlling with us. It’s all very upsetting it causes us all to lose our peace.
I'm so sorry to hear that! I don't know a lot about your situation, but it sounds like the behavior needs to be addressed, not the words being said. It could be helpful to teach her the skill of Disagreeing Appropriately. I'm sure there are loads of other things that could help. If you're interested in digging in deeper, feel free to check out my online TSG Parenting Course: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope that helps!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment wonderful thank you! Yes, in listening to your videos I was thinking the exact same thing. I will start with the skill of disagreeing appropriately. Thank you! And then I will look into your additional curriculum. Thank you again!
Your comment could have been my own. 14-year-old daughter turned oppositional when she turned 11. She steals the piece from our home and is teaching the younger siblings how to behave. I'm not a doormat of a mother so I consistently push back and nothing has been successful in 3 years. She's mean, she consistently insults and calls all of us names. I've tried all of the advice from these videos. She doesn't stop.
15 year old daughter raised on TSG principles will comply, but resents that she doesn’t have control. She withdraws, refuses to talk, won’t hug us or even let us casually touch her while passing or chatting (personally bubble). It’s like she’s saying “fine, I accept your no and drop the subject, but you will pay.” She is happy and demonstrative when getting her way.
Thank you for bringing this up! In a nutshell, your daughter isn't actually accepting the "no" answer if she can't drop the subject. Withdrawing verbally, physically, and emotionally when she usually is outgoing means that she is most likely harboring a grudge about something, which means she hasn't dropped the subject. If she can't do all the steps to the skill she needs to use, then she's not doing it completely and needs to be corrected. I'd love to go more into detail on this, so I've added this question/situation to my list of questions to be answered on my Support Group call this Wednesday morning at 8am Mountain time. If you'd like to log onto the call and hear a more in-depth answer, here's the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
How early can you determine if they have ODD or ADHD? I have a 15 month old and he seems to have more ODD behavior but again he’s so little that idk 🤷🏻♀️ He just grunts when I even ask him for a kiss and walks off lol, doesn’t want to eat most of the time… but then he does listen a lot and can follow instruction so 🤷🏻♀️ maybe I’m overthinking about everything
Which ones? I know shipping is expensive to get physical material from the States to the UK, but we've done lots of work to make the materials accessible to more people. We have many things available digitally. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/digital-childrens-book-treasury/ www.amazon.com/Parenting-House-United-Childrens-Self-Government/dp/B09NF7R61P/ref=sr_1_1?crid=373S0PKNZBUEO&keywords=parenting+a+house+united+2nd+edition+nicholeen+peck&qid=1706718294&sprefix=parenting+a+hous%2Caps%2C323&sr=8-1 Above is the link to get my main book in either audio or Kindle versions. I hope that helps you a little bit!
I have acquired an 11 and 12 year old through a new relationship. They are girls and I find myself losing steam on how to deal with their messes. One has become a clepto and the other no matter what I sat to her she says okay or I didn't know. I find myself repeating myself daily about chores and cleaning up.
My daughter fits this profile, one of the things I struggle with is she gets really mad when corrected, but also yells at me for complimenting or bragging on her, she says it embarrasses her, and this is just the 2 of us, no one else around. Any thoughts there? Or has anyone seen this and know how to move forward. I try to put it back in her court and say, "How can I teach you as a parent, what's a way I can do this that will not frustrate you?" this has so far been without success.
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
My son is 9 years old and refused to control himself or self government so I have to get the control and to push him do the thing so ended by that he became with no personality say yes for everyone for everything plus doing things behind my back?? It’s soooo frustrating what is that ?
It sounds like he might be manipulating himself away from confrontational situations, as they could be a source of trauma for him. I don't know your exact situation, but these videos could help: ruclips.net/video/-8lp00j2LqA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgbm8gYW5zd2Vy ruclips.net/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/видео.html&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m ruclips.net/video/xavYdtwOL2o/видео.html He needs skills and consistent correction, as well as calmness in himself and in his parents. I hope these help!
This is good information, but my 6yo son is extremely defiant and has become very violent with me and refuses to talk through anything. He will threaten me that if I don’t allow him to do what he wants he is going to have a “bad night” which means he is going start throwing things at me, kicking the walls, physically attacking me, etc. I try to avoid power struggles or walk away to allow him to calm down, but he will chase me and demand I come back and gets even more aggressive/agitated. I don’t know how to implement teaching techniques when he doesn’t listen to my authority at all.
Sounds like a more extreme case of ODD. I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to discuss it on my next weekly Support Group call that happens Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
My step son has major issues with being impulsive, he will agrumentaly debate with "Anyone" adult or child, he constantly corrects others when the mess up, he has very little patience, he has a very quick temper. He likes to take over control when playing with other kids and throws fits and actsouts when the other kids dont want to do his idea. He is academically ery smart. And hates to admit ever being wrong, worse than most kids Ive been around. These behaviors are to the point that my other 2 children dont want to hangout with him. Now he never shouts, or yells. He will do these things in a way that trys to not get caught. For instance one time I caught him throwing a bog rock into the woods infront of his step siblings and some friends bc he was made about how they were all playing a certain game. When he saw that i had just saw what he did he, his entire body language changed. He knew it wasnt ok, bit that got caught. I feel like something meeds to be done, but I donr know how to bring this up to my husband, his father. These traits are not ok. What is what Im seeing. How do we approach this. How do I react to him during thses instances. I need severe guidance please!
My son is 4 and he gets in trouble for literally everything he does because of his adhd I mean everything. It’s frustrating and it upsets me I’m scared for my little boy. I wish he’d just listen and make right choices instead of poor choices 😢
my son has adhd and he s almost 5 and the thing we struggle with is his inability to finish simple tasks without me reminding him because he is getting distracted, i tried using a timer and that made him more focused on it then the task it self and then panicking and bursting in tears, now i have to repeat the order for 5 to 6 times. and that is not what i want , the task could be putting on shoes or as simple as close the door.
PS I'm wondering your thoughts Nicholeen if it's ever too late for an ADHD kiddo to learn these behaviors? I mean this in earnest curiosity because my middle child has something for sure and she's already just about to be 12. She started behaviors at about 2 but I thought it was just the trying 2's. Then in elementary school I thought it was because of issues at school, then family stress, and then Covid (change of being at school to being at home). Now after 3 1/2 yrs of homeschool, the behaviors are getting worse for sure. I so want to see her freed from what seems like a type of suffering, and I want desperately for our home and family life to be healthy...Are we too late?
That is a fantastic question! These resources might help you in your efforts: TSG in the Classroom Part 1: ruclips.net/video/N_duINIsbfA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 2: ruclips.net/video/ROc6ke-xOJU/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 3: ruclips.net/video/FPJVZRPL9B8/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Podcast episode: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-118-tsg-in-the-classroom/ I'd also be happy to address your question in person on my weekly Support Call, if you'd like a more personalized answer. teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You've got this!
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
My son is 11, recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, he used to be so happy and now every day when it comes to being told to do something or to not do it…he does the complete opposite with yelling, cursing, hitting, throwing things. He’s not so little anymore so he is hurting myself and his 5 year old brother. When they are playing together and he wants his brother to do something…if little brother doesn’t comply my oldest will hit him. We started medication but still are having these issues. He behaves well other than not wanting to complete work at school at times but no verbal or physical abuse at school. Every day is a challenge for him and I just feel like I’m failing him
My sin was just diagnosed with ODD and I don't really know how to educate myself so that I can properly help him ... I love my child but I don't know what I'm doing .. I need help ...
You are very right about the praise angering them. Nobody (outside of the field of those trained and educated like you) understands this part or why it doesn't work when they just suggest to you to give positive reinforcement for everything. They can't compute when you explain to them that they don't want to be praised and it does nothing to motivate them. The more I praise her positivity (my daughter) the more it angers her and makes her want to do something to kill the praise and I suppose return the dynamic to one where she does what she wants, I guess? I don't really understand this behavior either to be honest, like what is the driving force behind them having that response. I forsee this part being the hardest with the roleplaying because she will not want to do a roleplay where she does anything besides what she wants. Can you help me understand what's the deal with them opposing the praise and why does it not motivate them?
Ok so growing up, I was a praise-hater! Depending who it came from. Praise embarrassed me, bc it only reinforced that the person giving the praise is in the position of authority, and I was not. It felt like rubbing it in my face that as a child I was a second class citizen. You know, child- class with their special menu of shitty food offered at restaurants and expectation to grin and bear the condescending tones and oversimplification with which many adults speak to children. Im trying to think of who I would accept praise from and what was different. I don’t know. Sorry. I think I was best for the people who were most non-reactive to my tantrums and calming. The people who sidestepped battles without engaging in a power struggle. Better to give their way before they fight you than to let it go so far they’re challenging you. As a parent now that seems impossible. Wish I could help more.
My son has autism level 2 and odd. His biggest problem is that he often refuses to do basic stuff without me having to spend hours every day in order to make him brush his teeth, make homework etcetera. Another big problem is that he often doesnt listen when I am saying no to fpr example ice cream. He just goes and grab one. So, these situations are hard to roleplay about. Would it be possible to use your method for this? I am thinking about subscribing.. would it be worth it for us?
In addition to all the issues you illustrated, we are struggling with the issue of how the older child (with ADHD and/or ODD) interacts with his younger sibling. He is 9, and his younger sister is 3.5 years younger. He doesn't give her space, he is controlling over her and, while it's clear he loves and cares about her, he does not do well with her getting attention without him. Even when instructed, he has trouble letting her answer for herself. In addition to training ourselves how to help him, how do we properly referee his interactions with his little sister? Thank you
My six year old is so stubborn and unless he catches on to something immediately he does crazy things to avoid actually trying . It’s like instead of doing it wrong while trying he will do something wrong on purpose😢
It sounds like he likes the feel of control in what he's doing. So, if he can't control something new, he reverts to something he CAN control and predict: bad behaviors.
My 7 year old son definitely doesn't understand self government. He is in behavioural therapy and we start calm and try to give him choices explaining how he can continue with XYZ behaviour and it will lead to a consequence or he could do what we are asking it will lead to a good solution. He will fight to the death to keep doing what he is doing whether it is not getting off a device (even if we have given him warnings like 5 more min etc) not agreeing to put a coat on, getting into the shower or out so bedtime isn't late. It seems no matter the ask he ignores us often or pushes back to do the complete opposite. Any advice is appreciated!! He has ADHD and some ODD
I have a 15 year old that displays all the behavior of either ODD or ADHD. She’s been like this all her life, so it’s not a teen thing . She’s also homeschooled for the last 3 years. Will this course be relevant to teen years?
The online TSG Parenting Course is totally geared for helping with teens, as well as addressing ODD and ADHD. We have so many families that are experiencing things similar to you and they've seen lots of success! Many parents will actually have their teens do the course with them so that everyone is learning at the same pace. It should be a perfect fit for your situation! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ You've got this!
I have an 8 year old princess who has ADHD.. lately we’ve been getting constant phone calls and emails regarding behaviors at school. Not listening, testing boundaries, getting sent to the office. I’ve googled and googled and can’t find any information. Please help:(
My 3 year old son has strong signs of ADHD he can’t handle his emotions and get angry and aggressive especially against authority and when he struggles with something. He will throw things or hit and kick me and scream and pull faces at me while he will only scream and pull faces at others in the house and sometimes he will throw things with them as well but mostly it is me who gets the worst end of it even is someone else corrected him He can’t concentrate an one thing at a time and is very busy! And my other problem is his dad my Husband also has ADHD so when it comes to emotions I sit with 2 that is getting angry and then I Must handle 2 sometimes it is getting to much my husband is trying but I understand he also struggles but sometimes I feel like I am alone with 2 ADHD kids please help
OMGoodness! Single dad full custody of my 7 year old mini me. He has been diagnosed w ADHD/ODD. I am being tested for ADHD myself. I, on the otherhand have PTsd from Iraq. I have reached out everywhere, only to be promised help but never delivers. Drs wont get back to me after starting meds so the script has gaps in the dosage. The school is a joke, I even reached out to city officials and get blown off. Im being assaulted everyday. I am losing, and my ship is sunk. just treading water, wearing down tho.
Wow! You've got quite the handful! I'd be happy to help. It is important to remember, however, that the change you're looking for is something that will take some time with deliberate, consistent action and learning of skills and principles. I answer questions about this type of situation a lot on my Support Group and meet individually with parents to personally coach them as they implement those skills and principles into their daily life as they learn. Here are a few links that could help you: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/mentoring-call-with-nicholeen/ teachingselfgovernment.com/contact/ I hope this helps!
I grew up diagnosed ADHD and ODD. Grew out of ODD but maintained combined presentation ADHD into adulthood. I now have 2 children, of which my daughter is ADHD and my son is ADHD and ODD. I am having issues with communication with my son without raising my voice or getting mad that he doesn't seem to get things that are "simple" (for me) to understand. I definitely need some fingers pointed into some sort of program to work on MY parenting first as I know that the bedrock of our familial success HAS to form on my behavioral responses first before I can build that missing trust with them. Where, however, should I look?
My granddaughter age 5. Has been diagnosed with ODD. She can become violent very quickly. Her first four years of her life were horrible. She is seeing a psychologist. We gained temporary custody and are trying to help her. Praying we can.
My son is 5. He is big and strong. He tends to get in trouble because he ends up hurting kids when playing. He doesn't know his strength! His restlessness got him isolated on the carpet 😢
It depends what the specific situation is. Will he take it if pressured? Or are you having to literally force it into him? Either way, it sounds like he's not following instructions and needs to be corrected. That's the short, "in a nutshell" answer. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope that helps!
Hi Nicholeen, what we see in our 8 years old son is a struggle when it comes down to sit still and do his homework. Simple exercises that should not last more than 20 mins are turning into 45 mins due to constant loud whining, kicking the chair, smacking the pencil, sometimes even tears. E. gets easily distracted and can’t sit still. While he’s in this mode, I keep reminding him what a good job he’s already doing and that mistakes are normal. Not to get so frustrated, I ask him to keep his focus… then it turns into him being disrespectful to me. Raising his voice , saying that he knows! So I send him to a quiet space for 7 mins and go get him and ask him if he’s ready to take a deep breath and try it again 😖 suggestions? Ideas? I have added chores as consequences too. We already own your 4 books and read them every night.
I'd love to go more in depth on this question! Since my response would be too long to type out here, I've added your question to the list of questions I'm going to answer on my Support Call this Wednesday (September 20, 2023) morning at 8am Mountain time. If you'd like to be present for the answer and discuss it with me and have access to it after the call is done, here's a link for you: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you!
My Son does the exact same thing! What works for me is I have a super basic schedule on a chalkboard, can use anything. And I have #2 after school - Homework/ reading, 1 chore I tell him once we get home it’s straight to homework and once thats done he can say hi to his hamster and play whatever he wants. I tell him the quicker he finishes his homework the more time he has to have fun. He understands this and it works for the most part. He even tells me to give him space during his reading time and while he’s doing other assignments. I will give him a small snack break if he needs but I put a timer for like 5 minutes. They do well with timers. I also incentivize him, I tell him if he does good in school and does his homework for the week and his chore he gets $5 at the end of the week. He loves that money 💰 Of course he will ask me when I do his reading timer all the time if its up. I tell him if he keeps asking I’m going to add 10 more minutes as his teacher said 20-30minutes and I was being very nice by doing the 20. We have to stick to what we say, they can tell when our boundaries are weak. They are like really good attorneys/ sales people. So be on your A game or they will win. Knowing my Son needs to know why for everything helps, when I’ve already explained why and he keeps pushing and I literally told him I gave him the answer, I will ask him if he understands what I said sometimes he says, all I heard was blah blah blah blah lol I make sure he hears and once I know he got it I tell him, I already made a decision, he spoke, I spoke and I’m not having this conversation again or I will not answer. If he comes back, I remind him of what I said that I was done. He says “ oh yeah”
I did a class titled, "The Value and Mastery of Emotions", which could b of use to you. Here's the link: teachingselfgovernment.com/the-value-and-mastery-of-emotions/ I hope this helps!
From the sound of it, ADHD and ODD are two completely different mental health concerns. (i.e. not being able to focus and understand vs. being able to, but refusing to) So why do they often overlap so much?
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
My grandson has ADHD AND ODD. He’s going to therapy and on meds now. He has a strict teacher. His class had a fundraiser and he raised $250 and his class one pizza for the most raised. His teacher wouldn’t let him have pizza because he had one problem to finish. It’s happened before with donuts. He thinks his teacher hates him. Is this appropriate discipline for him
My kid is 3 and half years old . We are in the south part of India. In our country many couldn't even understand about the ODD type behaviour. They just taken then under the adamant category. Im handling my kid single handedly. She does exactly the opposite to what we say . She doesn't like the word or command NO . By what age will she act normal . Its really energy consuming. Setting boundaries is a big task. Please suggest me some basic ideas to follow first
It sounds like both of you are lacking skills to communicate effectively. I don't know if there's a specific age where children become okay with "no" answers if they haven't been given the skills they need to understand them and see that there are other options. I would recommend getting the online TSG Parenting Course, as that will go in depth on the skills and principles to improve communication and understanding on both sides of the situation. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope that helps!
My son is very impulsive at scool ,he is constantly talking when the teachers explain,he well not take a no for an answer,and he can't finish a task or a homework,he is 7 😢i need help
It sounds like he might be entitled and doesn't understand his role. I would recommend getting my book, "Roles" and read it with him. The online TSG Parenting Course would be super helpful for you too. Here are the links to find those: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/ I hope this helps!
You're welcome! There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I have an 8 year old son who is recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. And I have ADD and self diagnosed ASD. I find it extremely difficult to regulate myself, let alone help him with regulation and self governence. Life is chaotic at best. Help!
12 yo daughter, adhd defiance, lying on small things but the big situations she reacts responsible. Disorganization as well. Consequences at home have lost value. If I take her phone or tablet she sneaks in and gets them. She is restricted from being on social media after a certain hour and leaves both phone and tablet in our room but then sneaks in and boldly brags about being on until the wee hours in the morning. I tried rewarding successful nights and tried removing items completely. We talk and communicate to a certain point but I feel like it's shallow. Maybe looking for attention? It's worrisome for many reasons. Where do we start addressing this?
Is There A Number We Can Call To Have A Mini Session On What We Are Handling In The Household?? Too Much Factors To Explain On A Comment Or Even On A Public Space...
Yes there is! Thank you for asking! Here's the link to help you out: teachingselfgovernment.com/consult-with-a-teaching-self-government-parenting-mentor/ Happy to help however we can!
Every day when I say hello to my little guy I can see his brain churning as he moves from a smile to a scowl thinking through how he wants to present today. I’m sure he’s revisiting the day before in his mind to figure out if there is something to be mad about. I try to help him choose to be happy, but I’m also worried/ careful to not make him reliant on my help to regulate his attitude. Suggestions?
Not completing instructions for the ADHD and not dropping the subject for ODD. Are 7 and 9 yrs olds too old to use the calm down spot? I’m struggling to move onto the rule of 3.
No, they're not too old, but pretty close. If you'd like some help with the Rule of 3, I would recommend asking a more specific question on my weekly Support Group calls (found here: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/) or purchasing a meeting with one of my certified mentors to help you personally. Here's a link for the mentor meetings: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/mentor-session/ I hope this helps!
I am terrible with command encouragement, as I never experienced positive feedback growing up. How do you get them to do tile play? All three of my teens just laugh at me.
That is a great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Do you have tips for ADHD and addiction? My son just ate 51 Chocolate bars in the last 6 days - they were supposed to be for a fundraiser. They were put away until we could go out selling again, but he snooped around until he found them and binged.
My adhd asd 7yo has started doing what we call "long goodbyes" where he says goodbye and blows kisses over and over to the point where hes missing the bus bc he has to run back and say goodbye to his dad for the 15th time. You also have to reapond to each kiss and each goodbye or he gets frustrated and the routine is drawn out even more. Its incredibly frustrating especially when we are trying to get things ready or be somewhere on time. We dont want to discourage him showing love by any means and we dont know how to help him with this behavior in a way that wont make him feel bad just for saying he loves us...but this cant go on. We feel like hes just holding our attention hostage and its keeping eveyone from doing the things they need to get done. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
It happens! The only thing to keep in mind with ODD is that they might choose to do negative behaviors a bit longer than those who don't have ODD. But, other than that, everything I share and teach applies!
My daughter is just defiant overall. She refuses to do what is requested of her, she is destructive, doesn't respect other people's property and is making life unpleasant for everyone around her.
Can you recommend an approach for adults who are ADHD and ODD? I have a client who is 40 yo but presents like an 8yo- emotional dysregulation, takes no personal responsibility, constantly oppositional, vindictive, refuses to follow rules (they don’t apply to them), blames everyone else for their problems, engages in risky behavior, impulsive, inattentive, and highly exhausting to engage with as they argue with you about everything! Throws tantrums like an 8yo too- slams doors, throws things, and yells expletives.
This is somewhat of a special case, but not too much is different. The TSG approach works for anyone at any age (physical and mental). This client needs skills and consistency. I would recommend you and your client's main caretaker take the online TSG Parenting Course and start implementing what's taught there. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
I think my brother has ODD as well, he is 16 and he is constantly doing impulsive things that are dangerous - he got arrested for the first time today for showing a fake gun to his friend in public... A few things that he does that really bother me - when he hugs me he squeezes me super tightly knowing that it hurts me, he puts me in choke holds, he is very argumentative, when he was younger we ran out of milk and we found him on the kitchen floor stabbing the empty milk jug with a knife while crying, one time my mom told him he couldnt have a soda so he grabbed a full can of sprite out of the fridge and threw it as hard as he could at my forehead and i had to get stitches, etc. the list goes on but I am now trying to figure out ways to help him (he is already diagnosed with ADHD)
I'm so glad you're looking for ways to help your brother. Such sisterly love! It sounds like he is definitely missing out on some skills and principles that could really help him. I hope you look more into Teaching Self-Government. If you have more questions, I'd be happy to answer them on my weekly Support Group calls. teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
There's definitely hope! There are so many families that use this system with their children that have these very same diagnoses. If you're looking for a good place to start, I would start with the Calm Parenting Toolkit. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps!
Have a 9 year old who is ADD (non hyperactive) and ODD. I can never get through to him with words. Only threats. It’s killing me. His dad is not a disciplinarian which leaves it all on me and I’m the step mom. I tell his dad all the time that this is not a good role for me as I have trouble controlling my anger and he does not so he is better suited for discipline. But he just won’t. He is also afraid his ex will try to take him to court over discipline so that doesn’t help. But as a woman, I want to be the nurturer. I keep telling him that his son will just end up hating me more and more if I keep being the sole disciplinarian in the household. He has no built in obligation to love me, so me being “the mean one” doesn’t help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I cry every time I have to spank him. And that’s few and far between, but it kills me every time because I know I reacted in anger. Help.
When something is difficult or I give a consequence for a negative behavior, my son shuts down. He refuses to work through problems or set goals when something gets difficult. He tells me he doesn't care about the consequences that are set.
Hello, My daughter is 13. I don't have a diagnosis but I suspect my daughter has ADHD and ODD. Especially after listening to your information in this video I'm not sure how I can set up all the stuff I need to at this age. Is it too late to put these practices into place? How can I help her? We have a good relationship and good communication. She's incredibly intelligent however she is refusing to do school - we homeschool - she's behind because she's refusing to do school and she's not taking consequences. I've (just by sheer luck) always talked to her in a similar manner but not done role playing. When I talk to her I do the following: I tell her what she did wrong, tell her what should happen, and tell her the consequence - but I don't have a way to enforce the consequence. She just simply doesn't show up. That's what I've been calling it. She just stays in her room, goes for a LONG walk for hours, hides in the house in different place. When she does this I approach it by adding chores or explaining that she can't do this in the future at a job or in a relationship etc. Crash and burn right? I need to find out if it's too late and how to have her "show up" for her consequence. That's the real problem in our discipline loop here.
Nope! It's not too late at all! There's definitely hope! There are so many families that use this system with their children (teens included) that have these very same diagnoses. If you're looking for a good place to start, I would start with the Calm Parenting Toolkit. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ It sounds like she's lacking skills to communicate how she feels and could need more consistency with teaching and maintaining those. I would discuss the Four Basic Skills that I teach to everyone with her, which made my home life a breeze in comparison to most homes. And this was with troubled foster teens as well! Here are a few links that could be helpful for you and your family: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ Some videos: ruclips.net/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/видео.html&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m ruclips.net/video/z6a1-JJXoz4/видео.html I hope these help!
A 5 yo who constantly runs away ( off school campus, near major roads) from school and school holiday care. He says he is looking for his Mum when he does this. He has difficulty concentrating, walks around the room when all other kids are sitting and listening. At times he deliberately hurts others, like hair pulling, hitting, biting. He is great in a one on one situation but can’t handle group activities. Mum tries to stay calm with him but is at wits end to know how to help him.
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I had undiagnosed ADHD, everyone told me I had it, and I was finally diagnosed in my 30s. I’m now trying to teach myself these things while teaching my own ADHD children and a nephew that is ADHD & ODD and came from a high trauma situation. I felt like me and my children were “functional “ (we weren’t really) but my nephew forced me here because it was so out of control, and now I’m learning SO many helpful things. It’s still really hard, because I’m trying to create new habits for myself as well….but I can already see some of the benefits! I appreciate you
6 year old grandson was diagnosed with ADHD. He is not combative and doesn’t yell at anyone. He just can’t seem to remember how to behave. If we say left, he goes right. We say stop aggravating the dogs and he does it anyway. He speaks out of turn and never stays still. If he has 5 minutes of nothing going on he is saying “I just don’t know what to do now”. He feels like he always has to be doing something. It becomes so difficult not to just want to allow him on his electronics because we are exhausted. We don’t let him have them all the time but we run out of things for him to do and honestly energy to keep him entertained. I homeschool him and we get through it daily but it can be a bit exhausting. We’ve tried visible chart reward system, taking things away but I know we along with our daughter are missing an ingredient or few. They live with my husband and I. We want to do the best for him, but we are struggling. All of us are.
What if the parent is the one with ADHD and they find it really really hard to stay consistent? How do I teach consistency when I fail at it so badly? SOS
Same I have ADHD and so does my son, and his dad has depression, we’re all screwed up 😂
Wow took the words out of my head. I would like an answer for your question too. Cuz I struggle with my adhd
Hey just wanna say I feel for you, I'm a single dad with two kids that are having issues and my ADHD and whatever other issues I have are making it almost impossible to show up in the way I want/need to and often I feel like I'm making their lives worse, it's really bad sometimes...I pray we all get the help we need
Hi my name is Ryan and I have ADHD I'm noticing my son has it as well and for the past six months or so he has been displaying all the traights that would suggest ODD. This makes it so much harder but I am also living in a different state then my son and daughter which I'm sure also plays a factor. I just want to help my kids...what can I do from where I'm at?
So sorry for the late response! I saw your comment awhile ago and added your question to my list of video topic ideas. I should have a video out about that within a month or so!
I am struggling right now and this is so helpful to me.
My 5 year old granddaughter was born with DS. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Last year when she was in pre-K she started exhibiting aggressive conduct towards her classmates. She hit, threw her cup at them, and kicked them. This year I has gotten worse. Now she will kick, hit, bite, pull hair, and push them. We babysit her full time. She doesn’t exhibit these behaviors towards us. She will throw a fit occasionally, but not often. Her mom is at her wits end trying to figure out how to teach her that her behavior is unacceptable. I’m so glad I found this video! I’m going to forward it to her.
Thank you so much for this video, I so appreciate it! My middle kiddo most likely has ADHD (runs in family and scored in range of ADHD on Vanderbilt but we're needing to figure out the next step). My daily struggle with her is that she seems so hostile, gets angry, loud, and controlling. Seems because I'm the parent home with her the most (we homeschool), that she pushes back on my authority at every turn. It's so exhausting and I'm in tears every day. I wonder if she has ODD too... I don't react well to her meanness and outbursts of serious anger issues. I try to be calm but seems if she doesn't get what she wants she makes everyone crazy with her loudness and mean attitude. I'm so at a loss...But this video is very helpful so far, I'm going to listen to the rest now.😉
17 year old grandson with ADHD and ODD consistently answering “no” to everything immediately without thinking about what was even said🥴. We have been using your tools and they work. His brain scan shows his “brain is on fire”. Continuing to implement your techniques. Thank you for your teaching.
I heard a saying today that goes if you can’t hear it you will feel it. Unfortunately I think many of these children are going to have a life full of pain. Because they are hard way learners
Sorry for the late response! You're so very welcome! I love hearing improvements like this! Keep it up!
We have a 4-year-old who strongly demonstrates ODD behavior. He's extremely defiant and will answer literally any request (no matter how small) with a resounding "NO" and will basically do the opposite of whatever you ask him to do. His tantrums are violent- he hits, throws, kicks walls, and screams as loud as he can like he's trying to overpower you. In his toddler years I kinda brushed it off as normal terrible two's and terrible three's, but the older he gets the wore extreme the behavior becomes. He often targets his older brother and his teacher and other students at school so I need to get to the bottom of this STAT. I feel like we have tried everything under the sun to help redirect his behavior. As you can imagine, it gets incredibly difficult to maintain your cool when every day is a power struggle and the strain his behavior puts on our family is felt by every member. Unfortunately, I'm having a very difficult time finding resources for dealing with ODD in a child his age, since these types of behaviors are far more common in older children. Do you have any suggestions? You mentioned in the video that taking things away is not a preferred punishment, but then, what is for this age? In the past we have resorted to time-outs and taking toys and other highly coveted items (tablet, tv, etc) away when he has outbursts, and rewarding him by returning those items when he demonstrated good behavior or has a good day at school, etc.
Great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Same boat ❤️
Hi Danielle, I am in the same boat with my (almost) 4 year old. Have you had any success with a method that worked since you wrote this 8 months ago?
Thanks!
What I am going to say may sound horrible, but years and experience have shown me empirically that when the odd kids' support system fails, for whatever reason (death, illness of carers, parents' burnout, siblings' "sew-yee-side"...) a lightbulb moment happens to them. Of course nobody wishes trauma on anybody, much less a child, but when the unconditional love and safety foundations are taken away, they do realise they cannot get away with it any longer. It is a brutal scenario, but I have seen it happen and the drastic change in behaviour is quite relevant, almost shocking, because it makes you wonder "you were capable of it all along...!?"...
"Work is the antidote for sick character" is a fantastic statement, and #truth !
I started watching this and had a moment of hope because you were able to accurately describe ODD and ADHD. And then, you went to your first step of role-playing the incident and how to behave the right way. I would NEVER get that far with my 2 ODD kids. They would NEVER go along with that. That would require cooperating with me to do the role play. Believe me, I've tried. So right away, this method, like everything else I've tried over almost 2 decades (my kids are far apart in age) won't work for us
It doesn’t matter what I say. It could be asking for help with something, or saying a dog is brown. My son’s immediate reaction is “why” or “and?” With a an attitude/disgust to his tone. I don’t know how to get him to just converse normally.
Hello. We have 3 sons. 16,12 and 8. My 16 year old has anxiety and adhd. 12 year old anxiety and adhd and now seeing depression at times. He is very moody. 8 year old becoming very hyper and is extremely argumentative. He consistently yells at me, back talks and refuses to admit wrong doing. I'm weary. I know we caused much of this with our dysfunction. However, we are trying to turn a corner. It's so hard to feel hopeful after so many years of bad parenting but I know and believe things can change. I just need help knowing where to begin. Thank you!
Sorry for the late response! That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
My son becomes very defiant especially when his ADHD meds wear off. Most nights even we made him promise all day that bedtime will be peaceful and over and over he promised during the day, when the time comes he lies on the floor with a smirk on his face and tells us he can’t walk or his foot hurts etc. This is just one example but I just wanted to keep it brief. Many thanks for any advice you can provide.
I have tried so many things, turned to so many so-called experts.
Your program is finally something that is changing my self, my family and especially my son’s heart.
I am very grateful!
Nearly 7 in 1st grade, who absolutely will not do what he is asked and is not safe for him or others. He is a powerful, and confident person who is always trying to find a way to "beat the system" still waiting for his diagnosis.
Sounds like a more extreme case of ODD. I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to discuss it on my next weekly Support Group call that happens Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Does anyone have any diet advice on any particular foods make them worse apart from the obvious sugar? Dairy and gluten?? Grains?? Ever tried it? I want to try it but my god it's so hard isn't it!
ADHD and ODD child. Third Grade now. my booze budget has doubled since he was born. This IS a challenge, and these concepts should be promoted more.
There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope, I promise!
If you're feeling low on skills and principles at your disposal, I definitely recommend looking into my online TSG Parenting Course. It goes in-depth on what skills and principles are needed, teaches about them, then lays out how to implement them into your home.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
You’ve got this!
I love the open ended comment from the video maker! Hang in their your not alone my 6 year old is ,like my mother said , hope you have 6 more like you! I have apologized to my mother on behalf of going through my kids behavior and think what my mother went through 😢 you do the best you can and know they need you, nobody has the right answer in being a parent regardless of situation! Good parent doesn't give up and doesn't give up! Don't forget you are human and can only take so much ASWELL! The fact you endure means you are a good parent and love your child!
My 7 year old son is really struggling with his emotions. He doesnt like being told no, he doesnt listen and im often repeating myself. He has meltdowns to the point he isnt able to breath, shouts, screams, wont do simple tasks without rewards, its really hard, because his behaviour is so flippant, at school he is quiet and would never act the way he does at home. Alot of people would look at him and not know that this is sometthing were struggling with 😫
My son just got dx with adhd combined and ODD. He has a lot anger, low self esteem, and never takes accountability for his actions or success. He says hes stupid and cant do what all the other kids do because of that. My parenting technique isnt helping him and i feel sometimes makes his behavior worse. I have some mental conditions myself that i have struggled my whole life to manage, barely able to myself, and now i am really struggling to help my son too.
Laughing or smiling at you when you are trying to talk to them about their behavior, like they’re enjoying the incident.
It happens, usually when they're trying to get an emotional reaction out of you. This is called a power struggle.
What i find really difficult is trying to coparent with someone who has a permissive parenting approach, when my 7 year old has ODD and possible Reactive attachment disorder. It is like a constant back and forth with him. He is so angry, he refuses to do anything and tells me he hates me, he hurts his siblings, its like he cant help himself. 😢
10 year old neice has all the type 3 adhd symptoms. Getting her tested as soon as possible. She lies compulsively. And we have tried every type of punishment and absolutely nothing is working. Need help please.
What if the child refuses to role play? My son shuts down after the initial explosion/tantrum and it seens like it's settled down, the moment we want to talk about it he flares up again and screams he doesnt want to talk about it and runs off.
I am a first year elementary EBD teacher and I was wondering if you could recommend any resources to help me in helping my students with adhd and odd in my classroom.
Great question! I do have some videos about TSG in the classroom already, though they don't specifically focus on ADHD and ODD. Here are the links:
TSG in the Classroom Part 1: ruclips.net/video/N_duINIsbfA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Part 2: ruclips.net/video/ROc6ke-xOJU/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Part 3: ruclips.net/video/FPJVZRPL9B8/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Podcast episode: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-118-tsg-in-the-classroom/
You've got this!
Hi! I work as an Elementary School teacher for second grade and I'd love to have these four books for children, but is there any way one could have them in digital? Buying the ebook, or something? Thank you in advance!
Yes, absolutely! We just released our digital bundle of the children's books! Here's the link to purchase it:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/digital-childrens-book-treasury/
I hope this helps!
this is so affirming to me because I grew up with ADHD and I've now recently become a step parent to a child who I'm sure has ADHD and I've just been trying to push all of the things that I noticed my parents caved on when I was younger because I know if I had more forced structure as a kid the structure im trying to build as an adult wouldn't seem so daughnting
I care for a child who misunderstands my intention, one instance was a child used their hands to respond to another child who has interrupted their play, I said in this moment "gentle hands" took about five seconds for the child to respond, keep in mind I was at their level to talk as this is what I was trained to do, anyways I too got a Wack from this child, I didn't expect a reaction like that, My response to that was "that's not Okay" the child walked off kicking / shoving anything in their path. is there a way to handle this unique characteristic.? Thanks ^_^
The behaviors I’m seeing are: anger/aggression as a result of something someone else is doing that is not liked. Resulting in destruction of property, hitting others, obsessing about others/not being able to see or acknowledge their part in the situation. I’m also now seeing complete refusal to follow directions and rules. This looks like outright ignoring verbal direction/redirection, literally running away from the house, trying to distract, refusing to communicate, hiding in closet.
I am grandma of a very defiant 8 year old. His dad is constantly yelling at him and mom just gives up. When he goes into confrontational mode there is nothing I can say or do that gets him out of it. It's awful. Suggestions
I am a public school teacher. I am wondering why I am seeing more and more students with these behaviors. I teach small children, so I am often the first professional to spend a lot of time with them, and to get them support. Do you have a theory of why many of our children are ODD?
I have an 11-year-old boy who absolutely hates to be told no. He argues with everything I say and refuses to be told no. He will manipulate us into getting what he wants, even if he sneaks to get it. He struggles with self-image, although he has more than MOST children. His diagnosis is ADHD, ODD, and anxiety. I am about to my breaking point on how to parent him. He has had everything in his room taken out because of his defiance but that doesn't even matter to him. He just moves on to the next thing (ADHD). He is so defiant but the most compassionate child you have ever met. It is so confusing to understand what is going on in his little mind. We have no resources here to help and I am searching the internet because I am at the end of my rope. I NEED HELP PLEASE!!! He is now struggling in school and the school system is testing him AGAIN for special ed. I think he is struggling because his anxiety and depression are getting worse by the day. I'm so broken... :(
That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
Sounds like our child. I love the “it’s probably just you are a terrible parent’ attitude and looks from others. This has been going on since he was tiny. I have two other children that are nothing like this.
Have a level 4 foster kiddo. 9 and a half. ADHD. Has become physical but is so far very responsive to your teachings. What do we do if he is becoming physical?
That's fantastic! One thing I did with my family when I did treatment foster care was institute the "5-Second Rule." In essence, my family knew that if, at any time, I were to call out "5 second rule!", they would all run to their rooms and close the doors (one of the few times we allowed closed doors in our home) and wait for me to come get them. Once I went to get them, they knew that there would be a treat/reward, since that's what we practiced and taught would be the case. This kept people out of harms' way and got them removed from the situation so I could handle the urgent situation at hand without worrying about the safety anyone else.
Another thing you can do is what is called a soft hold. I teach this to people in my 3-day intensive Parenting Mastery Trainings mainly, since it's not something to just throw around on the internet. But essentially, you have to physically contain the person in a way that won't harm you or them. For age 9, I would get him on his knees, then sit on his legs behind him (or kneel/sit). Next, get his arms crossed on his chest, then hold those in place with one of your arms. Your other arm is going to be used to hold his head against one of your shoulders so he can't thrash and hurt you both. One of the biggest things while you're in this hold is to be thinking "I love you. I love you. You're safe." Model deep breathing and encourage them to get calm while in this hold. Once they're past wanting to hurt things or people, then you can let them go and have a calm discussion about what should have happened and what negative consequences have been earned because of the behavior.
My husband was diagnosed in his late teens with ADHD and ODD. We now havr to daughters and my oldest is showing alot of symptoms of ADHD and ODD. She is only 3 so to young to be diagnosed yet, sympyoms I noticed are, she will hyperfocus on things like screens or toys she likes a lot, difficulty sleeping, hard to keep her focused if it's not intersting her, she will just take off from activities and jump from toy to toy. Talks a lot, but is a bit behind in her speech. She is super stubborn, puts up a fight to do most things I ask her to do or try to help her with, like getting dressed, go to be, wash herself... She throws tantrums a lot. I love her so very much but it is so hard to parent, as a child I was the complete opposite
And I laughed when you said don't take things away. My hisband told me this story of how his mom punished him by taking a toy or a game away. While she was out of the house he proceded to take eveything away from her by throwing everything that was in her bedroom out of the window into the yard 😨
Thanks for telling me! It sounds like she needs help engaging her prefrontal cortex. The biggest thing to help them understand is that they don't make sound decisions when they're not calm. So, they need to get calm. To do this, help them analyze what their body physically feels like when they start to get upset or overly excited. If they can recognize the point when their body is about to go out of control, then they can begin to regulate those things. Next, they need a game plan. Once they've recognized that they're about to go out of control, what do they do next? Give them a physical cue (acting as a positive trigger to help the body snap out of the emotional process), such as taking a small step back, folding their hands in front of them, etc. Then, have them do a quick calming exercise, such as taking three deep breaths, closing their eyes and counting to 5 or 10 out loud, etc. Lastly, they need to apply a skill, such as Following Instructions, Accepting "No" Answers, or Disagreeing Appropriately. Help them understand which one they need if they don't already know. Once you've got your plan into place, then you can role play putting the plan into action. Use a common scenario that they struggle being calm in and physically act it out (pretending to start to get angry, recognizing the emotion, putting the plan into motion, and using the skills needed).
To summarize:
1. Analyze body and mind (for emotional recognition)
2. Have a physical cue to start game plan and engage "front brain"
3. Do quick calming exercise
4. Apply needed skill(s) to solve issue
Keep in mind, though, that what I just shared with you isn’t going to be as successful as you hope without learning the proper skills and principles of Self-Government yourself. I share 5 teaching styles that are invaluable for parents and are perfect to support them in teaching their children the skills that THEY need. Here are some links that can help you learn the skills you'll need too:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-mastery/
These videos of the skills being used with a small child could help you too.
ruclips.net/video/x-QUNSXkUls/видео.html&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieQ%3D%3D
ruclips.net/video/tYYsYMcN9RA/видео.html&pp=ygUqbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgYmFieSBkaXNhZ3JlZSBhcHByb3ByaWF0ZWx5
I hope this helps clear things up!
This gives me some type of ... not nostalgia... but it takes me back to growing up in a household that didn't understand me and blamed me for not being normal/neurotypical like it was my choice. I have a deep longing for things to have been different, but now I'm learning to reparent myself and it has been the most difficult yet rewarding thing ever.
Wow, this feels very supportive, as you described what we do since it’s been working best for us.
BUT of course I learned something new and this helps VERY MUCH by staying on our path and still improve to help my child become a better, more stressless and healthier version of himself.
That's awesome!
My 6 year old daughter is resisting every single thing! She is obsessed with her negative thoughts and constantly provoking me into arguments. She doesn’t respect boundaries and loves manipulating.
Every morning she throws a tantrum not to go to school. Should I home school her instead? I can’t take it anymore. I’m a single parent without any help
What if I have undiagnosed adhd trying to raise a 6yr ASD/ADHD and a 4yr with ADHD... do you have any resources to help parents like myself?
I’m a father of a 4 year old boy with ADHD and is not that hard for me to discipline my kid because he fears me , my strong voice my strength and body size scares him so i personally don’t need any help with him because he’s like an angel when he’s with me . But here’s the problem he’s only a good kid when’s he’s around me but around his mother at daycare or with someone he doesn’t know he’s a problem .. What should i do ?
He’s probably acting out with everyone else because he’s scared of you
Oldest daughter now 16 with ODD and ADHD makes verbally rude comments they are hurtful to me (mom) and sister and she says she can’t see or understand how rude and or hurtful they are. Also very controlling with us. It’s all very upsetting it causes us all to lose our peace.
I'm so sorry to hear that! I don't know a lot about your situation, but it sounds like the behavior needs to be addressed, not the words being said. It could be helpful to teach her the skill of Disagreeing Appropriately. I'm sure there are loads of other things that could help. If you're interested in digging in deeper, feel free to check out my online TSG Parenting Course: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope that helps!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment wonderful thank you! Yes, in listening to your videos I was thinking the exact same thing. I will start with the skill of disagreeing appropriately. Thank you! And then I will look into your additional curriculum. Thank you again!
Your comment could have been my own. 14-year-old daughter turned oppositional when she turned 11. She steals the piece from our home and is teaching the younger siblings how to behave. I'm not a doormat of a mother so I consistently push back and nothing has been successful in 3 years. She's mean, she consistently insults and calls all of us names. I've tried all of the advice from these videos. She doesn't stop.
15 year old daughter raised on TSG principles will comply, but resents that she doesn’t have control. She withdraws, refuses to talk, won’t hug us or even let us casually touch her while passing or chatting (personally bubble). It’s like she’s saying “fine, I accept your no and drop the subject, but you will pay.” She is happy and demonstrative when getting her way.
Thank you for bringing this up! In a nutshell, your daughter isn't actually accepting the "no" answer if she can't drop the subject. Withdrawing verbally, physically, and emotionally when she usually is outgoing means that she is most likely harboring a grudge about something, which means she hasn't dropped the subject. If she can't do all the steps to the skill she needs to use, then she's not doing it completely and needs to be corrected. I'd love to go more into detail on this, so I've added this question/situation to my list of questions to be answered on my Support Group call this Wednesday morning at 8am Mountain time. If you'd like to log onto the call and hear a more in-depth answer, here's the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
How early can you determine if they have ODD or ADHD?
I have a 15 month old and he seems to have more ODD behavior but again he’s so little that idk 🤷🏻♀️
He just grunts when I even ask him for a kiss and walks off lol, doesn’t want to eat most of the time… but then he does listen a lot and can follow instruction so 🤷🏻♀️ maybe I’m overthinking about everything
Cant get your books on the uk!
Which ones? I know shipping is expensive to get physical material from the States to the UK, but we've done lots of work to make the materials accessible to more people. We have many things available digitally.
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/digital-childrens-book-treasury/
www.amazon.com/Parenting-House-United-Childrens-Self-Government/dp/B09NF7R61P/ref=sr_1_1?crid=373S0PKNZBUEO&keywords=parenting+a+house+united+2nd+edition+nicholeen+peck&qid=1706718294&sprefix=parenting+a+hous%2Caps%2C323&sr=8-1
Above is the link to get my main book in either audio or Kindle versions.
I hope that helps you a little bit!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment
The children's ones, thank you
I have acquired an 11 and 12 year old through a new relationship. They are girls and I find myself losing steam on how to deal with their messes. One has become a clepto and the other no matter what I sat to her she says okay or I didn't know. I find myself repeating myself daily about chores and cleaning up.
My daughter fits this profile, one of the things I struggle with is she gets really mad when corrected, but also yells at me for complimenting or bragging on her, she says it embarrasses her, and this is just the 2 of us, no one else around. Any thoughts there? Or has anyone seen this and know how to move forward. I try to put it back in her court and say, "How can I teach you as a parent, what's a way I can do this that will not frustrate you?" this has so far been without success.
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
Wonderful video!! Thank you for always sharing your knowledge, skills and wisdom!
My pleasure!
My son is 9 years old and refused to control himself or self government so I have to get the control and to push him do the thing so ended by that he became with no personality say yes for everyone for everything plus doing things behind my back?? It’s soooo frustrating what is that ?
It sounds like he might be manipulating himself away from confrontational situations, as they could be a source of trauma for him. I don't know your exact situation, but these videos could help:
ruclips.net/video/-8lp00j2LqA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgbm8gYW5zd2Vy
ruclips.net/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/видео.html&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m
ruclips.net/video/xavYdtwOL2o/видео.html
He needs skills and consistent correction, as well as calmness in himself and in his parents.
I hope these help!
This is good information, but my 6yo son is extremely defiant and has become very violent with me and refuses to talk through anything. He will threaten me that if I don’t allow him to do what he wants he is going to have a “bad night” which means he is going start throwing things at me, kicking the walls, physically attacking me, etc. I try to avoid power struggles or walk away to allow him to calm down, but he will chase me and demand I come back and gets even more aggressive/agitated. I don’t know how to implement teaching techniques when he doesn’t listen to my authority at all.
Sounds like a more extreme case of ODD. I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to discuss it on my next weekly Support Group call that happens Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Have you ever looked into using omega 3 fatty acids for mood improvement? Have you had his iron and vitamin D levels tested?
Hi. I want to sign up for the training. What do I have to do?
Thanks.
Hi just at thé answers of the posts just above yours or just below yours🙂
My step son has major issues with being impulsive, he will agrumentaly debate with "Anyone" adult or child, he constantly corrects others when the mess up, he has very little patience, he has a very quick temper. He likes to take over control when playing with other kids and throws fits and actsouts when the other kids dont want to do his idea. He is academically ery smart. And hates to admit ever being wrong, worse than most kids Ive been around. These behaviors are to the point that my other 2 children dont want to hangout with him. Now he never shouts, or yells. He will do these things in a way that trys to not get caught. For instance one time I caught him throwing a bog rock into the woods infront of his step siblings and some friends bc he was made about how they were all playing a certain game. When he saw that i had just saw what he did he, his entire body language changed. He knew it wasnt ok, bit that got caught. I feel like something meeds to be done, but I donr know how to bring this up to my husband, his father. These traits are not ok. What is what Im seeing. How do we approach this. How do I react to him during thses instances. I need severe guidance please!
My son is 4 and he gets in trouble for literally everything he does because of his adhd I mean everything. It’s frustrating and it upsets me I’m scared for my little boy. I wish he’d just listen and make right choices instead of poor choices 😢
my son has adhd and he s almost 5 and the thing we struggle with is his inability to finish simple tasks without me reminding him because he is getting distracted, i tried using a timer and that made him more focused on it then the task it self and then panicking and bursting in tears, now i have to repeat the order for 5 to 6 times. and that is not what i want , the task could be putting on shoes or as simple as close the door.
PS I'm wondering your thoughts Nicholeen if it's ever too late for an ADHD kiddo to learn these behaviors? I mean this in earnest curiosity because my middle child has something for sure and she's already just about to be 12. She started behaviors at about 2 but I thought it was just the trying 2's. Then in elementary school I thought it was because of issues at school, then family stress, and then Covid (change of being at school to being at home). Now after 3 1/2 yrs of homeschool, the behaviors are getting worse for sure. I so want to see her freed from what seems like a type of suffering, and I want desperately for our home and family life to be healthy...Are we too late?
Where do I get your books from please??
What's the link for TSG University if I'm saying it right.
Sorry for the late response! Here's the link for the Parenting University Package:
teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-university/
You've got this!
What do I do with a four year old that is ADHD/ODD and destructive in the classroom?
That is a fantastic question!
These resources might help you in your efforts:
TSG in the Classroom Part 1: ruclips.net/video/N_duINIsbfA/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Part 2: ruclips.net/video/ROc6ke-xOJU/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Part 3: ruclips.net/video/FPJVZRPL9B8/видео.html&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t
Podcast episode: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-118-tsg-in-the-classroom/
I'd also be happy to address your question in person on my weekly Support Call, if you'd like a more personalized answer.
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You've got this!
How can I reinforce boundaries of physical confrontation from my son please.
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
My son is 11, recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, he used to be so happy and now every day when it comes to being told to do something or to not do it…he does the complete opposite with yelling, cursing, hitting, throwing things. He’s not so little anymore so he is hurting myself and his 5 year old brother. When they are playing together and he wants his brother to do something…if little brother doesn’t comply my oldest will hit him. We started medication but still are having these issues. He behaves well other than not wanting to complete work at school at times but no verbal or physical abuse at school. Every day is a challenge for him and I just feel like I’m failing him
My sin was just diagnosed with ODD and I don't really know how to educate myself so that I can properly help him ... I love my child but I don't know what I'm doing .. I need help ...
You are very right about the praise angering them. Nobody (outside of the field of those trained and educated like you) understands this part or why it doesn't work when they just suggest to you to give positive reinforcement for everything. They can't compute when you explain to them that they don't want to be praised and it does nothing to motivate them. The more I praise her positivity (my daughter) the more it angers her and makes her want to do something to kill the praise and I suppose return the dynamic to one where she does what she wants, I guess? I don't really understand this behavior either to be honest, like what is the driving force behind them having that response. I forsee this part being the hardest with the roleplaying because she will not want to do a roleplay where she does anything besides what she wants. Can you help me understand what's the deal with them opposing the praise and why does it not motivate them?
Ok so growing up, I was a praise-hater! Depending who it came from. Praise embarrassed me, bc it only reinforced that the person giving the praise is in the position of authority, and I was not. It felt like rubbing it in my face that as a child I was a second class citizen. You know, child- class with their special menu of shitty food offered at restaurants and expectation to grin and bear the condescending tones and oversimplification with which many adults speak to children. Im trying to think of who I would accept praise from and what was different. I don’t know. Sorry. I think I was best for the people who were most non-reactive to my tantrums and calming. The people who sidestepped battles without engaging in a power struggle. Better to give their way before they fight you than to let it go so far they’re challenging you. As a parent now that seems impossible. Wish I could help more.
My son has autism level 2 and odd. His biggest problem is that he often refuses to do basic stuff without me having to spend hours every day in order to make him brush his teeth, make homework etcetera. Another big problem is that he often doesnt listen when I am saying no to fpr example ice cream. He just goes and grab one. So, these situations are hard to roleplay about. Would it be possible to use your method for this? I am thinking about subscribing.. would it be worth it for us?
Thank you for your video's. My daughter has NVLD and it's a struggle. I hope to implement the tools you have taught. Thank you.
You're welcome! I wish you the best in your implementation. You've got this!
In addition to all the issues you illustrated, we are struggling with the issue of how the older child (with ADHD and/or ODD) interacts with his younger sibling.
He is 9, and his younger sister is 3.5 years younger. He doesn't give her space, he is controlling over her and, while it's clear he loves and cares about her, he does not do well with her getting attention without him.
Even when instructed, he has trouble letting her answer for herself.
In addition to training ourselves how to help him, how do we properly referee his interactions with his little sister? Thank you
My six year old is so stubborn and unless he catches on to something immediately he does crazy things to avoid actually trying . It’s like instead of doing it wrong while trying he will do something wrong on purpose😢
It sounds like he likes the feel of control in what he's doing. So, if he can't control something new, he reverts to something he CAN control and predict: bad behaviors.
My 7 year old son definitely doesn't understand self government. He is in behavioural therapy and we start calm and try to give him choices explaining how he can continue with XYZ behaviour and it will lead to a consequence or he could do what we are asking it will lead to a good solution. He will fight to the death to keep doing what he is doing whether it is not getting off a device (even if we have given him warnings like 5 more min etc) not agreeing to put a coat on, getting into the shower or out so bedtime isn't late. It seems no matter the ask he ignores us often or pushes back to do the complete opposite. Any advice is appreciated!! He has ADHD and some ODD
I have a 15 year old that displays all the behavior of either ODD or ADHD. She’s been like this all her life, so it’s not a teen thing . She’s also homeschooled for the last 3 years. Will this course be relevant to teen years?
The online TSG Parenting Course is totally geared for helping with teens, as well as addressing ODD and ADHD. We have so many families that are experiencing things similar to you and they've seen lots of success! Many parents will actually have their teens do the course with them so that everyone is learning at the same pace. It should be a perfect fit for your situation!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
You've got this!
I have an 8 year old princess who has ADHD.. lately we’ve been getting constant phone calls and emails regarding behaviors at school. Not listening, testing boundaries, getting sent to the office. I’ve googled and googled and can’t find any information. Please help:(
My 3 year old son has strong signs of ADHD he can’t handle his emotions and get angry and aggressive especially against authority and when he struggles with something. He will throw things or hit and kick me and scream and pull faces at me while he will only scream and pull faces at others in the house and sometimes he will throw things with them as well but mostly it is me who gets the worst end of it even is someone else corrected him He can’t concentrate an one thing at a time and is very busy! And my other problem is his dad my Husband also has ADHD so when it comes to emotions I sit with 2 that is getting angry and then I Must handle 2 sometimes it is getting to much my husband is trying but I understand he also struggles but sometimes I feel like I am alone with 2 ADHD kids please help
OMGoodness! Single dad full custody of my 7 year old mini me. He has been diagnosed w ADHD/ODD. I am being tested for ADHD myself. I, on the otherhand have PTsd from Iraq. I have reached out everywhere, only to be promised help but never delivers. Drs wont get back to me after starting meds so the script has gaps in the dosage. The school is a joke, I even reached out to city officials and get blown off. Im being assaulted everyday. I am losing, and my ship is sunk. just treading water, wearing down tho.
Wow! You've got quite the handful! I'd be happy to help. It is important to remember, however, that the change you're looking for is something that will take some time with deliberate, consistent action and learning of skills and principles. I answer questions about this type of situation a lot on my Support Group and meet individually with parents to personally coach them as they implement those skills and principles into their daily life as they learn.
Here are a few links that could help you:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/mentoring-call-with-nicholeen/
teachingselfgovernment.com/contact/
I hope this helps!
I grew up diagnosed ADHD and ODD. Grew out of ODD but maintained combined presentation ADHD into adulthood. I now have 2 children, of which my daughter is ADHD and my son is ADHD and ODD. I am having issues with communication with my son without raising my voice or getting mad that he doesn't seem to get things that are "simple" (for me) to understand. I definitely need some fingers pointed into some sort of program to work on MY parenting first as I know that the bedrock of our familial success HAS to form on my behavioral responses first before I can build that missing trust with them. Where, however, should I look?
never mind. You answered my questions.
My granddaughter age 5. Has been diagnosed with ODD. She can become violent very quickly. Her first four years of her life were horrible. She is seeing a psychologist. We gained temporary custody and are trying to help her. Praying we can.
My son is 5. He is big and strong. He tends to get in trouble because he ends up hurting kids when playing. He doesn't know his strength! His restlessness got him isolated on the carpet 😢
Please reply. 7year old son refuses to take his medication for ADHD?
I know a kiddo who wears a patch vs. taking a pill. Not sure if that would work for your kiddo.
It depends what the specific situation is. Will he take it if pressured? Or are you having to literally force it into him? Either way, it sounds like he's not following instructions and needs to be corrected. That's the short, "in a nutshell" answer.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope that helps!
Hi Nicholeen, what we see in our 8 years old son is a struggle when it comes down to sit still and do his homework. Simple exercises that should not last more than 20 mins are turning into 45 mins due to constant loud whining, kicking the chair, smacking the pencil, sometimes even tears. E. gets easily distracted and can’t sit still. While he’s in this mode, I keep reminding him what a good job he’s already doing and that mistakes are normal. Not to get so frustrated, I ask him to keep his focus… then it turns into him being disrespectful to me. Raising his voice , saying that he knows! So I send him to a quiet space for 7 mins and go get him and ask him if he’s ready to take a deep breath and try it again 😖 suggestions? Ideas? I have added chores as consequences too. We already own your 4 books and read them every night.
I'd love to go more in depth on this question! Since my response would be too long to type out here, I've added your question to the list of questions I'm going to answer on my Support Call this Wednesday (September 20, 2023) morning at 8am Mountain time. If you'd like to be present for the answer and discuss it with me and have access to it after the call is done, here's a link for you:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you!
My Son does the exact same thing! What works for me is I have a super basic schedule on a chalkboard, can use anything. And I have #2 after school - Homework/ reading, 1 chore
I tell him once we get home it’s straight to homework and once thats done he can say hi to his hamster and play whatever he wants. I tell him the quicker he finishes his homework the more time he has to have fun. He understands this and it works for the most part. He even tells me to give him space during his reading time and while he’s doing other assignments. I will give him a small snack break if he needs but I put a timer for like 5 minutes. They do well with timers. I also incentivize him, I tell him if he does good in school and does his homework for the week and his chore he gets $5 at the end of the week. He loves that money 💰
Of course he will ask me when I do his reading timer all the time if its up. I tell him if he keeps asking I’m going to add 10 more minutes as his teacher said 20-30minutes and I was being very nice by doing the 20.
We have to stick to what we say, they can tell when our boundaries are weak. They are like really good attorneys/ sales people. So be on your A game or they will win.
Knowing my Son needs to know why for everything helps, when I’ve already explained why and he keeps pushing and I literally told him I gave him the answer, I will ask him if he understands what I said sometimes he says, all I heard was blah blah blah blah lol I make sure he hears and once I know he got it I tell him, I already made a decision, he spoke, I spoke and I’m not having this conversation again or I will not answer.
If he comes back, I remind him of what I said that I was done. He says “ oh yeah”
Our issues is controlling emotions, and detaching from one thing to the next
I did a class titled, "The Value and Mastery of Emotions", which could b of use to you. Here's the link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/the-value-and-mastery-of-emotions/
I hope this helps!
From the sound of it, ADHD and ODD are two completely different mental health concerns. (i.e. not being able to focus and understand vs. being able to, but refusing to)
So why do they often overlap so much?
That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
My grandson has ADHD AND ODD. He’s going to therapy and on meds now. He has a strict teacher. His class had a fundraiser and he raised $250 and his class one pizza for the most raised. His teacher wouldn’t let him have pizza because he had one problem to finish. It’s happened before with donuts. He thinks his teacher hates him. Is this appropriate discipline for him
Schedule pls
I'm not sure what you're referring to here...
My kid is 3 and half years old . We are in the south part of India. In our country many couldn't even understand about the ODD type behaviour. They just taken then under the adamant category. Im handling my kid single handedly. She does exactly the opposite to what we say . She doesn't like the word or command NO . By what age will she act normal . Its really energy consuming. Setting boundaries is a big task. Please suggest me some basic ideas to follow first
It sounds like both of you are lacking skills to communicate effectively. I don't know if there's a specific age where children become okay with "no" answers if they haven't been given the skills they need to understand them and see that there are other options. I would recommend getting the online TSG Parenting Course, as that will go in depth on the skills and principles to improve communication and understanding on both sides of the situation.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope that helps!
My son is very impulsive at scool ,he is constantly talking when the teachers explain,he well not take a no for an answer,and he can't finish a task or a homework,he is 7 😢i need help
It sounds like he might be entitled and doesn't understand his role. I would recommend getting my book, "Roles" and read it with him. The online TSG Parenting Course would be super helpful for you too. Here are the links to find those:
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
I hope this helps!
Does he get enough omega 3 fatty acids, magnesium and vitamin D?
Names of books for ages 4-6 plz
Thank you so much. We’re exhausted. Mornings it takes a village to get her going and even then…
You're welcome! There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I have an 8 year old son who is recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. And I have ADD and self diagnosed ASD. I find it extremely difficult to regulate myself, let alone help him with regulation and self governence. Life is chaotic at best. Help!
12 yo daughter, adhd defiance, lying on small things but the big situations she reacts responsible. Disorganization as well. Consequences at home have lost value. If I take her phone or tablet she sneaks in and gets them. She is restricted from being on social media after a certain hour and leaves both phone and tablet in our room but then sneaks in and boldly brags about being on until the wee hours in the morning. I tried rewarding successful nights and tried removing items completely. We talk and communicate to a certain point but I feel like it's shallow. Maybe looking for attention? It's worrisome for many reasons. Where do we start addressing this?
Is There A Number We Can Call To Have A Mini Session On What We Are Handling In The Household?? Too Much Factors To Explain On A Comment Or Even On A Public Space...
Yes there is! Thank you for asking! Here's the link to help you out:
teachingselfgovernment.com/consult-with-a-teaching-self-government-parenting-mentor/
Happy to help however we can!
Every day when I say hello to my little guy I can see his brain churning as he moves from a smile to a scowl thinking through how he wants to present today. I’m sure he’s revisiting the day before in his mind to figure out if there is something to be mad about. I try to help him choose to be happy, but I’m also worried/ careful to not make him reliant on my help to regulate his attitude. Suggestions?
I have 2 foster kids that are stealing and one that has started Vaping what do I do I have tried every thing
Not completing instructions for the ADHD and not dropping the subject for ODD. Are 7 and 9 yrs olds too old to use the calm down spot? I’m struggling to move onto the rule of 3.
No, they're not too old, but pretty close. If you'd like some help with the Rule of 3, I would recommend asking a more specific question on my weekly Support Group calls (found here: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/) or purchasing a meeting with one of my certified mentors to help you personally. Here's a link for the mentor meetings: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/mentor-session/
I hope this helps!
I am terrible with command encouragement, as I never experienced positive feedback growing up. How do you get them to do tile play? All three of my teens just laugh at me.
That is a great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Do you have tips for ADHD and addiction? My son just ate 51 Chocolate bars in the last 6 days - they were supposed to be for a fundraiser. They were put away until we could go out selling again, but he snooped around until he found them and binged.
My adhd asd 7yo has started doing what we call "long goodbyes" where he says goodbye and blows kisses over and over to the point where hes missing the bus bc he has to run back and say goodbye to his dad for the 15th time. You also have to reapond to each kiss and each goodbye or he gets frustrated and the routine is drawn out even more. Its incredibly frustrating especially when we are trying to get things ready or be somewhere on time. We dont want to discourage him showing love by any means and we dont know how to help him with this behavior in a way that wont make him feel bad just for saying he loves us...but this cant go on. We feel like hes just holding our attention hostage and its keeping eveyone from doing the things they need to get done. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
My son has had adhd for a few years and the odd is new this year
It happens! The only thing to keep in mind with ODD is that they might choose to do negative behaviors a bit longer than those who don't have ODD. But, other than that, everything I share and teach applies!
My daughter is just defiant overall. She refuses to do what is requested of her, she is destructive, doesn't respect other people's property and is making life unpleasant for everyone around her.
Can you recommend an approach for adults who are ADHD and ODD? I have a client who is 40 yo but presents like an 8yo- emotional dysregulation, takes no personal responsibility, constantly oppositional, vindictive, refuses to follow rules (they don’t apply to them), blames everyone else for their problems, engages in risky behavior, impulsive, inattentive, and highly exhausting to engage with as they argue with you about everything! Throws tantrums like an 8yo too- slams doors, throws things, and yells expletives.
This is somewhat of a special case, but not too much is different. The TSG approach works for anyone at any age (physical and mental). This client needs skills and consistency. I would recommend you and your client's main caretaker take the online TSG Parenting Course and start implementing what's taught there.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
are they also a narcissist? That's hard to change cluster B types
I think my brother has ODD as well, he is 16 and he is constantly doing impulsive things that are dangerous - he got arrested for the first time today for showing a fake gun to his friend in public... A few things that he does that really bother me - when he hugs me he squeezes me super tightly knowing that it hurts me, he puts me in choke holds, he is very argumentative, when he was younger we ran out of milk and we found him on the kitchen floor stabbing the empty milk jug with a knife while crying, one time my mom told him he couldnt have a soda so he grabbed a full can of sprite out of the fridge and threw it as hard as he could at my forehead and i had to get stitches, etc. the list goes on but I am now trying to figure out ways to help him (he is already diagnosed with ADHD)
I'm so glad you're looking for ways to help your brother. Such sisterly love! It sounds like he is definitely missing out on some skills and principles that could really help him. I hope you look more into Teaching Self-Government. If you have more questions, I'd be happy to answer them on my weekly Support Group calls.
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
I have a 7 yo and a 5 yo with ADHD combined presentation. Just recently diagnosed and on meds.
How does this course work with adhd or ODD with kids who have brain injuries from trauma or FASD?
He has add, ADHD, odd, detachment disorder, I NEED extreme help with him.. I'm at an emotional breakdown with him.. he's now 18
There's definitely hope! There are so many families that use this system with their children that have these very same diagnoses. If you're looking for a good place to start, I would start with the Calm Parenting Toolkit.
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps!
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you for responding back to me..
Have a 9 year old who is ADD (non hyperactive) and ODD. I can never get through to him with words. Only threats. It’s killing me. His dad is not a disciplinarian which leaves it all on me and I’m the step mom. I tell his dad all the time that this is not a good role for me as I have trouble controlling my anger and he does not so he is better suited for discipline. But he just won’t. He is also afraid his ex will try to take him to court over discipline so that doesn’t help. But as a woman, I want to be the nurturer. I keep telling him that his son will just end up hating me more and more if I keep being the sole disciplinarian in the household. He has no built in obligation to love me, so me being “the mean one” doesn’t help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I cry every time I have to spank him. And that’s few and far between, but it kills me every time because I know I reacted in anger. Help.
When something is difficult or I give a consequence for a negative behavior, my son shuts down. He refuses to work through problems or set goals when something gets difficult. He tells me he doesn't care about the consequences that are set.
Hello, My daughter is 13. I don't have a diagnosis but I suspect my daughter has ADHD and ODD. Especially after listening to your information in this video I'm not sure how I can set up all the stuff I need to at this age. Is it too late to put these practices into place? How can I help her? We have a good relationship and good communication. She's incredibly intelligent however she is refusing to do school - we homeschool - she's behind because she's refusing to do school and she's not taking consequences. I've (just by sheer luck) always talked to her in a similar manner but not done role playing. When I talk to her I do the following: I tell her what she did wrong, tell her what should happen, and tell her the consequence - but I don't have a way to enforce the consequence. She just simply doesn't show up. That's what I've been calling it. She just stays in her room, goes for a LONG walk for hours, hides in the house in different place. When she does this I approach it by adding chores or explaining that she can't do this in the future at a job or in a relationship etc. Crash and burn right? I need to find out if it's too late and how to have her "show up" for her consequence. That's the real problem in our discipline loop here.
Nope! It's not too late at all! There's definitely hope! There are so many families that use this system with their children (teens included) that have these very same diagnoses. If you're looking for a good place to start, I would start with the Calm Parenting Toolkit.
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
It sounds like she's lacking skills to communicate how she feels and could need more consistency with teaching and maintaining those. I would discuss the Four Basic Skills that I teach to everyone with her, which made my home life a breeze in comparison to most homes. And this was with troubled foster teens as well!
Here are a few links that could be helpful for you and your family:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
Some videos:
ruclips.net/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/видео.html&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m
ruclips.net/video/z6a1-JJXoz4/видео.html
I hope these help!
A 5 yo who constantly runs away ( off school campus, near major roads) from school and school holiday care. He says he is looking for his Mum when he does this. He has difficulty concentrating, walks around the room when all other kids are sitting and listening. At times he deliberately hurts others, like hair pulling, hitting, biting. He is great in a one on one situation but can’t handle group activities. Mum tries to stay calm with him but is at wits end to know how to help him.