an Egyptian author called Ahmed Khalid Tawfiq said : " when you give up some type of addiction , the biggest problem for you will be your free time . when you beat your free time , you can beat your addiction . "
@@bradyrobertson5697 he wasn't shaming him, he was shaming the people who demoted him (in his defense). Also learn to use punctuation, your comment is near unreadable.
This comment actually made me stop n think about it. It's true. Thanks for that insight. Now my goal is clear. I've to find what's that deep problem in my life. Then no addition n no problems
@@randomdude9135 you still need to fight through the biological aspect. It is not like that one day you discovered your root cause, then your addiction cured.
I believe it's worthy to consider the spiritual aspect around it as well. A strong belief in God and a good deal of sobriety surely has helped me ovet the years against addictions in general. Stay in Jesus. Cheers.
Porn's not really a major problem for me, though I occasionally relapse, but it's the _memories_ of all the porn from over the years that hurt me. I'd give anything to rip that sick crap out of my head.
Meaty Meaty Moo I feel you, because I still suffer from porn addiction. I hope one day to be free, but that future is very bleak. I apologize for my pessimism.
I have been there ,almost cut my hand off coz struggled with masturbation and worst of it all I never touched a prostitutes vagina then use the same hand to feed myself, I punish myself coz I took myself there at that point and continue to handle edible stuff with it. I gotta pay the price for the crap I did
I think we've just been overthinking addiction all these decades. We're mostly just lonely. And mostly because we're just not paying authentic attention to each other.
Humans are quite severely unequipped when it comes to communication. And communication is the key to connecting which is the key to ending loneliness. Animals communicate better than we do. It's our very ability and limitless capacity to surpass our instinctive nature that puts us above any known living being. But it's that same capacity that makes us particularly vulnerable to loneliness.
Mad respect for him admitting his faults, especially as a pastor. Society tends to judge religious and faith oriented people more than themselves. No ones perfect. Don’t play with hypocrisy. Look in the mirror and tell me you’re better than everyone.
I finally gave it up after realizing it wasn’t just affecting my relationships with my wife and kids, it was something I needed to give up for me, for my mental state. The first month was very difficult. What I found was after a full month without it, my relationships got better with every single person in my life. I felt less angry. I felt more in sync with my wife and co-workers. It was crazy when I found out how bad it really was for me. And I would have never known had I not stuck with it in the long term. I am now years into my “sobriety” and I’ll never go back.
It took me losing my ex GF to see the damage it caused on us and her mental state. Trashed my stash and don’t have the desire to consume it anymore. Need to find the root issue within myself.
So crazy how this addiction can be looked at as comical or funny, but it's crazy how crucial it is to everyday life for a lot of people. Abstaining from porn can/will change your entire life for so much better. It's a damn struggle though..
@Fyltrix Flix i used to tell myself that god is watching me when i do these things and how will this ever benefit me and stuff i dont really know what to tell you lol
An addiction isn't your fault, but doing nothing about it is!! I'm so proud of you for what you have accomplished & admitted. To beat addiction, the first thing you need to do is admit you have a problem!! Thank you, for your honesty!!
Approval isn't love. You might "feel loved" but real love does not approve of behavior that harms yourself of others. Love would work with you to stop that behavior.
I feel that alot of you guys aren't getting what he meant by addictions like porn giving you approval. Let me put it differently. Whenever you leave your comfort zone, by learning something new, studying or approaching a girl, there's is this feeling of insecurity that comes with it. Your body's trying to fill in this gap somehow and in the past you've done it by watching porn which provided you with an instant pleasurable feeling almost without any effort. It served you as an easy escape route from the feeling of being unsure. In the future you have to learn to deal with such feelings as uncertainty that come along on the path of living a healthy life without using porn or any other drug.
Thank you, sir. This is exactly what I wanted to read. That is how I felt about what he said. I feel that he discussed a topic that is somehow trivial, but he stepped on something way(!) deeper than that. It's not just about quiting your addiction, that is the outcome that reults from changing your mentality, your lifestyle and the way you perceive the world. Addictions are vicious cycles, to escape them you have to leave your comfort zone, which puts a lot of pressure on you, pressure that can make you relapse...
When he started talking about not being able to handle rejection, I felt that. The idea of failing or being told no in any facet of life is terrifying to me.
This is so real! I'm a woman yet I identify wholehearted with this man. Using pornography as a deterrence from my pain. Thank you Jesus for this message.
In a world full of lies, corruption, and hypocrisy, it is wonderful when someone tells the truth in order to help others even if it exposes themselves. This was really a great testimony because we all have addictions that destroy our self-esteem and keep us from a relationship with God who is the only one that can feel that emptiness.
Great respect from some one who is this brave to open up such a huge inner struggle, and is ready to be vulnerable in order to help people. As Jason Mahr, I want to take my bravery step to and confess that I also have been trying to fight this addiction for a couple of years. I find out that as much as I tried to fight against it, it comes back in one way or another. I think that Jason Mahr got a point, there is something deeper than pornography that keeps you into that bad habit. Just wanted to get this out there and hopefully win in confidence every single day.
Porn isn't objectively a bad thing. The problem is bad porn. In the right hands, pornography can be created that fosters intimacy, self-confidence, and peace. The real problem is that the porn I'm describing as edifying makes up maybe .0001% of all porn.
This was truly eye-opening; i can see now how I've always been unaware of my fear of rejection. Thank you for helping me realize this fear and link it to my addiction. It has changed my life
6 months porn free. I don't necessarily believe approval is the underlying base for this or many addictions although it might be for some. Decent talk regardless.
Hey, Aleksandar. Yes, my life has changed quite a bit. Many changes were gradual and barely noticeable until I did some reflection. I actually made a video on my channel about my 6-month lifestyle change. Be sure to check it out if you want to know what those changes were and feel free to comment any questions you may have. Cheers!
Hey, mikeMcoa. I began my journey of quitting porn about 2 years ago. At first, I was relapsing often even if I made it to a month or so. I believe the difference this time around is that I kept myself as busy as possible. Whenever I felt an urge, I would work on something such as school work, doing my chores, or going for a walk. I would say after about 3 months, the momentum was in my favor. Urges still come up but it had less control. I hope this may help you on your journey!
Finally a good point about pornography. People try to prove it with science but it isn't good enough. As Jason mentioned we try to use pornography to escape our lives but if we fix our lives maybe it will be less of an out we reach for. I will keep it in mind. Thanks.
@@ioftenarguewithidiots.3811 if a loving God would send one of his creations to eternal hellfire for behaving in way that he doesn’t agree with, then God isn’t loving and doesn’t deserve our love.
I wish my husband would come clean and allow us to move forward but still here we are stuck in limbo because he will not disclose or get honest with me. I feel jealous of this mans family that he is striving for a better life with God and those around him ( though I know I shouldn’t, I wish this were my husband with the gift of desperation to come clean) Thank you for showing me not every man is stuck in addiction and unable to get well. Amen 🙏
Approval? No, I don't think so. For many people, porn is a coping mechanism for major depression, albeit an unhealthy coping mechanism. Several good friends use porn to drown out traumatic memories, but it only made things worse. There is no one answer for why people use porn, and regardless of whether or not you look at it, I congratulate those who choose to gain control of their lives instead of letting porn control them.
"To drown out traumatic memories".. now guess what: How did they feel, when those traumatic incidents happened? They felt rejected, on a massively deep level. It all comes back to the one problem: Feeling rejected, thus feeling unimportant / irrevelant. Life then becomes meaningless, without meaning, our soul dies. That's why we fear rejection, althoug we don't know it consciously.
I’ve been battling this addiction for 9 years I’m 21 years old today and I still find myself going back to it…..it has affected my life in so many ways to the point where I kind of feel lost but with the grace of god I know this is something I would eventually overcome
Man I went a year no pmo no fapping and I slipped into a damn hole man I’m back at it trynna beat this damn thing. I thought it was gone out my life but that’s where people are usually wrong. Once an addict you can always be an addict again in a snap of a finger. I beat this once I will beat it again and again
it will get easier to beat every time. remember, recovery isnt linear and slipups/relapses are a matter of when not if. what matters is how you prepare for them so that when they come you can get over it quicker than the time before. eventually theyll get further & further apart, and quicker & quicker to beat, and theyll become totally insignificant
The shame and guilt that envelops you immediately after is emotionally devastating! Then in a few hours it all passes and every tomorrow it all repeats!
Thank you, Jason, for having the courage to share your testimony. I was married to a man who struggled with this subject for 44+ years of our marriage. At 44 1/2 years I walked out of the marriage. My guess is that he had so much guilt and shame that he couldn't own up to his addiction. Sadly, he died of Covid last year. For those of you who have succumbed to this addiction (and any other addictions) PLEASE get help. Have courage to face your weaknesses in order to restore trust between the ones you love. Hopefully you can make things right before the destruction of trust that happened to us. With God ALL THINGS are possible. Be honest with yourself and the ones you love. Be strong and courageous so you can testify like this brave man has done.
Well done, that took some balls. We are not honest enough with our struggles and our feelings. Denial is a cancer we need to face up to as humans. Dead straight honesty. Well done!
Way to be brave bro. MANY of us can totally relate. I have been in recovery for 8 years. I would say you should find a real community of other guys who struggle. Like you have indicated there's a real need underneath, but it's not always the need of approval. It varies by person.
ok thank you! i want to ask if i will be not do the jacolism in 1 month, do i can get a sick? because me and my friends talk about it that if we will be not put away our sperm cell we can get a sick is that true? i really want to know because im shy to ask my parents! sorry for my bad english !
Jacolism. Haven't heard that before but I think I understand what you are asking. Stopping anything that has become habitual or compulsive won't be easy, but it won't make you sick. Contrary to popular thought your penis won't fall off if it's not used. You will be uncomfortable, very much so at times, but try to focus on the bigger picture of why you are doing this in those moments. Pray and ask God to help you do this. He will walk with you through this. Where are you from?
THAT WAS MORE THAN WONDERFUL I CRIED. THANKS.. its goodto know other people overcome this addiction. I hope someday all people can deal with their problems and not use other bad scapes...
It's the youtube comment section. Pretty much every video has ridiculous arguments and bigotry. Doesn't mean the people who are interested in a real discussion should be silenced too. I'm always skeptical of a youtube channel that disables comments or likes/dislikes.
I agree with you. I have no problem siffing through the computer warfare in the name of having meaningful and productive dialogue on different topics. Unfortunately, a lot of people that run channels on the site choose to be politically correct and non-confrontational in the name of maximizing subscription potential.
You said it "You can't stop", it is already in your mind. Your thoughts build your reality, if you say that you can't, then you can't, what about if you think and say that you CAN stop it?
Relapsed after day 15, but weirdly, I don't feel saddened about it since I saw a glimmer of what my life could be. So I'm starting again, and taking it day by day with hope in my mind!
Most of the time the sadness is not there on the 1st time you do it. It will come around 1-2 weeks later when you realise you failed and did it every day and hide it to yourself
Thank you this was really good to hear. I pray that all Christian men who fight this fight find freedom through God and remain in obedience to God 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I’m seeing this 4 years after it was posted…. This was what I needed to change my life for the better. Thank you for this TED talk! I appreciate your vulnerability 💕
Reminds me of in a nutshell. Video on addiction. The lesson learned here is that we use addictions to numb the pain. It's counterproductive because it only makes things worse.
menurutku sih, pornografi bukanlah masalah, pornografi sama kayak kecanduan lain yang adalah prilaku. banyak orang menggunakan pornografi untuk mengobati masalah sebenarnya. bagiku hampir setiap pecandu lainya, masalahnya adalah: perlunya persetujuan, siapa sih yang gak ingin approvell? dan akan menjadi masalah, kalo kita gak bisa tangani penolakan. ketika kita merasa ditolak, kita menjadi depresi, dan ketika kita mengalami depresi, kita mencari sesuatu yang dapat membangkitkan perasaan kita lebih baik. dan disitu kita ngebuka pintu bagi segala jenis kecanduan dalam hidup kita. justru yang berbahaya bukan pornografi dan kecanduan lainnya, yang bahaya justru karena memberikan kita pelarian dari realita. dan yang menarik adalah, kita menjadi kecanduan pada apa yang membuat kita merasa disetujui. jadi, bukan menghilangkan pornografi atau kecanduan lainnya (meskipun itu hal yang bagus), tapi bagaimana cara kita menangani penolakkan? kecanduan cuma gejala dari masalah yang lebih dalem aja sih, jadi jangan biarin penolakkan membentuk identitas kita.
Great thing about our new media is, that it can expand minds and be seen years later for the first time and discussed and rediscovered by a new generation of people that have had the same experiences as them, during different times and still have the same meaning. Books started this idea, but they never gave the ability to have a discussion with someone years later that was affected by it in such a small timeframe, and have the ideas be seen by all at the same time.
I appreciate your candor, and relating addictions to a need for approval. I have overcome addictions with alcohol and food, so I relate to the power of addictions. I hope you get through to many.
That is true strength!! He shows himself very vulnerable and not as that unreachable perfect idol. But many of us only talk here in the comment section, anonymously on the internet, but not in real life. This already is part of the problem I guess. Any germans here btw?
I got that feeling again. With the same feeling I gave up smoking, with the same feeling I gave up eating sugar. It's the moment of realization that it is nothing more than lying to yourself, an attempt to trick your mind and make it seem a bit happier for a while. Oh, God, I've got so much to reconsider now! :(
I look up to you because you’re able to acknowledge this fault that millions of men struggle through . A real winner doesn’t only admit defeat but analyzes why and grows because of it.
Praise God He set me free...it was torment for me....it was all fine and dandy until it started to effect me emotionally physically and mentally. ....it took me weeks to get over viewing just a short time of it.....and i would cry for days....my mistake was constantly trying to quit by my own strength
Very late to the party, just wanted to comment that this year is the year I end this addiction. This really spoke to me. Thanks for the inspiration. I got this
I think that is the shortest ted talks and also the one that hit me the hardest. Hit the nail on the head to the extent it brought me to tears. Thank-you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing this with us.
Wow that last part about using porn to deal with rejection really resonates with me.. I've struggled to deal with porn for the last 10 years, dealt with ED on and off for the past 6. It's been hell, even makes me think about just ending it all sometimes.
Try reading the Alcoholics Anonymous book (what they call "the big book"). Substitute the word "alcohol" for porn and be prepared to be overwhelmed and have your world change forever. Better yet, attend a few "open meetings" (meetings that are open to the general public attending). It is considered acceptable to simply state "I am an addict" when attending. I had countless failed attempts with NoFap (I even paid for the coaching etc) and I figured I was just a failure. Turns out I had a MUCH bigger overall problem that my AA brothers are helping me heal from. Today I am 37 days clean, sober, and porn free and I honestly don't see any reason why I would ever go back to misery again... Instead of just avoiding using, I'm actually healing the problem.
A friend of mine said that when he stopped smoking, one of the side benefits was that he got a pay raise ($$$ not spent on cigarettes). I'm so glad I never took up smoking.
Oh, if you think I wasn't horny you're out of your mind. I was dong push ups to make the feeling go away lol. But that's the measures you take to break an addiction. It's very healing in the end and I don't have any uncontrollable desires anymore :) Cheers
when you have the erge to ejaculate just distract your mind get up and do something else. Get up and talk to a family member about something random or go eat some food. If you are alone inside your house go outside and walk around the block. Trust me just get up and do something else. Count to 3 and get up with all your might and do something else.
Right on. What helped me before I last relapse I’d play my favorite types of music like jazz or underground/alternative HipHop songs and instrumentals and then praying and meditating as a big plus for me too. Good thing is that I can start all over again and not let nothing keep me down
you mean like some people are so fed up with the dating scene that they settle? yea it happens. if theyre lucky they eventually get back on the scene and try again. if not, well...there are worse fates i suppose.
the more you get addicted to porn and masturbating to porn, the more insecure you feel about yourself and you have more trouble dealing with actual people. my argument was that the video is wrong, porn use is not the symptom as he says it is. i contend that porn use is the underlying problem.
The brains reward system is our greatest motivator until we fall into the false worlds of addiction where we damage ourselves by engaging in counterproductive behaviors that blind us to the reality that we are not living our best lives.
Such a succinct and beautiful talk from this brave guy! It reminds me of another TED talk about addiction where the speaker explains the hypothesis that a mediation/alleviation for addiction can also be attributed to the formation of communities that support and accept each other, in opposition to loneliness. To all those who are suffering from addiction out there, don't give up hope! Seek out ways to best help you. You will find a way!
Psychiatry and psychology say it's highly addictive. While there are definitely other factors involved like loneliness or feeling of worthlessness, it's inaccurate to claim it's not a physiological problem.
Lot of support and help is needed to overcome this sickness. I feel if you can venture into the wild and not carry your cellphone with you, you are guaranteed success. Just avoid being eaten alive by wild animals.
As a man of Christ I struggle and still struggle to this day with this . God will forgive your sins and loves and cares for you all. I hope that you can know God and know about him and if not still keep going on.Keep fighting soldiers 💪🏾❤️
BluisRaw02 distract yourself with something else whenever you get the urge (just make sure that whatever else you’re doing isn’t addictive). For example to stop myself from eating when I’m bored I just drink some water whenever I want to eat.
ok, good thing all these people are quitting porn for their own sexual health, but can we also talk about the disgusting culture porn has created? it's a disturbing, abusive and violent industry, that renforces misogynie to our boys from a very young age ( girls too of course, but mostly boys). The fact that rape porn, incest porn, lolita porn and all these genres exist and are pretty much the most watched ones, is DISTURBING. Porn gets more and more violent everyday and all this violence will eventually start being recreated in real life. Its not normal that someone gets aroused by fucking "rose butts"... There's another video on porn issues called "why I stopped watching porn- by ran gravieli" and it has a lot of better points than this one tbh. I don't really like things that are based on religion or only talk about the individuality. Porn industry has to be stopped not only for men's sexual health, but also women's.
"How we handle rejection" - The root cause of negative/unhealthy/unproductive behaviors - "Striving for approval" - "Do not allow the rejection of life negatively affect your identity" - Good stuff!
This dude reminds me of a chubbier, less masculine version of my dad. He always encouraged me to be my best self and do the right thing no matter how hard it is. He always told me "if it was easy, everyone would do it!" NoFap for life
an Egyptian author called Ahmed Khalid Tawfiq said :
" when you give up some type of addiction , the biggest problem for you will be your free time .
when you beat your free time , you can beat your addiction . "
الله غالب well .. with more time youre more likely to beat your junk again lol
This is the most real thing I've read in a while. This is right where I'm at in life.
That's true
One of the Great Line I've ever heard
Really true
That's why he is a good pastor. He admits he is human. I have so much respect for him.
Lorenzo Caldwell
What, y would he be anything else if he's a pastor.
rtha: They already demoted him to janiter. Clearly, they prefer hypocrites.
I do agree that hypocrisy has been a major weakness in the church. From the pews as well as the pulpits.
As most pastors do
@@bradyrobertson5697 he wasn't shaming him, he was shaming the people who demoted him (in his defense). Also learn to use punctuation, your comment is near unreadable.
I think the spiritual root to all addictions is the need to be loved.
And something to do (i.e. vocation, purpose). Purposelessness breeds discontent. But I agree that love is key.
ya i agree
And in scientific terms, Serotonin not Dopamine.
Josh Nielsen Smart men!
This is the answer to my addiction
"Addiction is just a symptom of a deeper problem." Nice one. Big respect for this man.
"Addiction is a symptom for a deeper problem."
This comment actually made me stop n think about it. It's true. Thanks for that insight. Now my goal is clear. I've to find what's that deep problem in my life. Then no addition n no problems
@@randomdude9135 you still need to fight through the biological aspect. It is not like that one day you discovered your root cause, then your addiction cured.
Most problem is lack of self love
I believe it's worthy to consider the spiritual aspect around it as well. A strong belief in God and a good deal of sobriety surely has helped me ovet the years against addictions in general. Stay in Jesus. Cheers.
Santanu Mohapatra I want love ☹️
Porn's not really a major problem for me, though I occasionally relapse, but it's the _memories_ of all the porn from over the years that hurt me. I'd give anything to rip that sick crap out of my head.
so true
Meaty Meaty Moo I feel you, because I still suffer from porn addiction. I hope one day to be free, but that future is very bleak. I apologize for my pessimism.
Auzzy Friez why watch the sick things?
well but you can theres only one wayy menn, just ask me
I have been there ,almost cut my hand off coz struggled with masturbation and worst of it all I never touched a prostitutes vagina then use the same hand to feed myself, I punish myself coz I took myself there at that point and continue to handle edible stuff with it. I gotta pay the price for the crap I did
I think we've just been overthinking addiction all these decades. We're mostly just lonely. And mostly because we're just not paying authentic attention to each other.
William Krapek True, we just need some tinder love and hugs.. preferably from hot chicks from time to time
Humans are quite severely unequipped when it comes to communication. And communication is the key to connecting which is the key to ending loneliness.
Animals communicate better than we do.
It's our very ability and limitless capacity to surpass our instinctive nature that puts us above any known living being.
But it's that same capacity that makes us particularly vulnerable to loneliness.
Adopted Hippo I hear you for the preferred choice of hot chicks ...dogs are nice too but they tend to lack in the boobs department :)
William Krapek amen
loneliness is also an illness
Mad respect for him admitting his faults, especially as a pastor. Society tends to judge religious and faith oriented people more than themselves. No ones perfect. Don’t play with hypocrisy. Look in the mirror and tell me you’re better than everyone.
Porn is a thief of time. For some, years of your life gone.
HigherWisdom so is work. just think of how many hours of your life you have spent just to p rent for a month.
Everything is thieves example. Relationships, doing your hobbies, work, making money and *EVERYTHING!* So stop.
On phone
You could say everything is a waste of time, everything enjoyable takes up time
saved alot of guys alot of money, though.
I finally gave it up after realizing it wasn’t just affecting my relationships with my wife and kids, it was something I needed to give up for me, for my mental state. The first month was very difficult. What I found was after a full month without it, my relationships got better with every single person in my life. I felt less angry. I felt more in sync with my wife and co-workers. It was crazy when I found out how bad it really was for me. And I would have never known had I not stuck with it in the long term. I am now years into my “sobriety” and I’ll never go back.
Let's connect!
So happy for you! Amen. That is beautiful.
It took me losing my ex GF to see the damage it caused on us and her mental state. Trashed my stash and don’t have the desire to consume it anymore. Need to find the root issue within myself.
How can I stop it I need help
How did you kick it David?
So crazy how this addiction can be looked at as comical or funny, but it's crazy how crucial it is to everyday life for a lot of people. Abstaining from porn can/will change your entire life for so much better. It's a damn struggle though..
Drew...no YOU are crazy, turd!
Did you try doing it. How do you feel looking at ladys around you.
DrewVillain it should be banned. Let people fantasize for god sake.
Yep it’s a struggle alright. But it’s definitely worth the fight to work on overcoming it that is for sure
Jon Vester keep telling yourself that buddy :)
Nofap community where you at
Black White Guy In America I wish
Philippe Shady during the Ted talk?
Day 12!
Just started today
Yoooooo!
Wow, when he said the part about the need for approval, that hit deep.
eatgrass123 what exactly does he mean by approval
Approval means being accepted by others.
H. A. So that's y ppl do things?
I don't get how the two relate
They don't relate Michael. There are hateful women posting here telling you that masturbation is harmful.
day 42, my grades went from 50%-60& to 70%100%
This is awesome. I'm going down the path. Congratulations
what a g
Did the grades go above 100 after day 50 😂
@Fyltrix Flix i used to tell myself that god is watching me when i do these things and how will this ever benefit me and stuff i dont really know what to tell you lol
@@aqil4519 me too brother
An addiction isn't your fault, but doing nothing about it is!! I'm so proud of you for what you have accomplished & admitted. To beat addiction, the first thing you need to do is admit you have a problem!! Thank you, for your honesty!!
The better way for him to say it would have been, " We get addicted to what makes us feel loved". Approval, to me, is just another form of love.
Well put my friend.
Approval isn't love. You might "feel loved" but real love does not approve of behavior that harms yourself of others. Love would work with you to stop that behavior.
He did say, "addictions are a symptom of a deeper problem"
Are you addicted to your mother's love?
I feel that alot of you guys aren't getting what he meant by addictions like porn giving you approval. Let me put it differently. Whenever you leave your comfort zone, by learning something new, studying or approaching a girl, there's is this feeling of insecurity that comes with it. Your body's trying to fill in this gap somehow and in the past you've done it by watching porn which provided you with an instant pleasurable feeling almost without any effort. It served you as an easy escape route from the feeling of being unsure. In the future you have to learn to deal with such feelings as uncertainty that come along on the path of living a healthy life without using porn or any other drug.
Leavur I
You confused me the more.
thanks for explaining . As being a foreigner, i feel much more easy to get it after your explanation.
Thank you, sir. This is exactly what I wanted to read. That is how I felt about what he said. I feel that he discussed a topic that is somehow trivial, but he stepped on something way(!) deeper than that. It's not just about quiting your addiction, that is the outcome that reults from changing your mentality, your lifestyle and the way you perceive the world. Addictions are vicious cycles, to escape them you have to leave your comfort zone, which puts a lot of pressure on you, pressure that can make you relapse...
Very very smart!
Good explanation, thanks for that!
Day 210. No urges.
have you kept it up
Dawg
Wow awesome 👏
How'd you do it
God bless you
I admire this pastors' courage, generoisty and the need to help people with his experience ...
Thank you!
Religion is for dumbasses.
When he started talking about not being able to handle rejection, I felt that. The idea of failing or being told no in any facet of life is terrifying to me.
This is so real! I'm a woman yet I identify wholehearted with this man. Using pornography as a deterrence from my pain. Thank you Jesus for this message.
Be happy Farrah as your name means happinnes ;)
God bless you Farrah.
living up to your name I see.
Anacleto lol
His name is Jason, not Jesus.
In a world full of lies, corruption, and hypocrisy, it is wonderful when someone tells the truth in order to help others even if it exposes themselves. This was really a great testimony because we all have addictions that destroy our self-esteem and keep us from a relationship with God who is the only one that can feel that emptiness.
Brave man and good speech. Coach Cory Wayne once said that addiction comes from an inability to feel
just relapsed. starting over today. haven't gone longer than 3 weeks in a while. pray for a brother.
101 days of nofap....
life has improved so much
How
How are things since you left this comment, have you managed to keep it going?
Any updates pal...
Updates?
Great respect from some one who is this brave to open up such a huge inner struggle, and is ready to be vulnerable in order to help people. As Jason Mahr, I want to take my bravery step to and confess that I also have been trying to fight this addiction for a couple of years. I find out that as much as I tried to fight against it, it comes back in one way or another. I think that Jason Mahr got a point, there is something deeper than pornography that keeps you into that bad habit. Just wanted to get this out there and hopefully win in confidence every single day.
Not a matter of approval for me. To me, porn is the underlying problem here to things like lack of social skills, anxiety, etc.
Same here. Go NoFap!
is your social anxiety a need to be accepted tho?
Better Every Day porn is a fruit, not a root
Porn isn't objectively a bad thing. The problem is bad porn.
In the right hands, pornography can be created that fosters intimacy, self-confidence, and peace. The real problem is that the porn I'm describing as edifying makes up maybe .0001% of all porn.
handicappedhero Problem is, nobody really watches that type of porn.
I just started to refrain completely from this Filth, wish me luck!
This was truly eye-opening; i can see now how I've always been unaware of my fear of rejection. Thank you for helping me realize this fear and link it to my addiction. It has changed my life
6 months porn free. I don't necessarily believe approval is the underlying base for this or many addictions although it might be for some. Decent talk regardless.
Jerry Chamnichanh did ur life change even a little bit?
Hey, Aleksandar. Yes, my life has changed quite a bit. Many changes were gradual and barely noticeable until I did some reflection. I actually made a video on my channel about my 6-month lifestyle change. Be sure to check it out if you want to know what those changes were and feel free to comment any questions you may have. Cheers!
Hey, mikeMcoa. I began my journey of quitting porn about 2 years ago. At first, I was relapsing often even if I made it to a month or so. I believe the difference this time around is that I kept myself as busy as possible. Whenever I felt an urge, I would work on something such as school work, doing my chores, or going for a walk. I would say after about 3 months, the momentum was in my favor. Urges still come up but it had less control. I hope this may help you on your journey!
Thank you
Jerry Chamnichanh
Finally a good point about pornography. People try to prove it with science but it isn't good enough. As Jason mentioned we try to use pornography to escape our lives but if we fix our lives maybe it will be less of an out we reach for. I will keep it in mind. Thanks.
I'm stopping today wish me luck
Good luck, man. Stay strong.
You’ve got this !
You can do it man! Us both! Fuerza! 👊♥️
So it's been a month..how you doing? Today is day one for me
So...
A minute of pleasure, and an eternity of Suffering. not in a religous Context though.
Correct all the same
Very Shakespearean.
It's true in religious context also
@@ioftenarguewithidiots.3811 no
@@ioftenarguewithidiots.3811 if a loving God would send one of his creations to eternal hellfire for behaving in way that he doesn’t agree with, then God isn’t loving and doesn’t deserve our love.
All those in favor of nofap✊✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿
In favor of nofap I like the real thing better lol
Brian is masturbation a sin?
david new there are no sins.
david new::: yes lust of the eyes.. Adultery as well
PP Hyjynx God's real my guy
2 hours nofap, i am with you
5min nofap here
same here
yup
3days here
Wide Mind 8 months?
I wish my husband would come clean and allow us to move forward but still here we are stuck in limbo because he will not disclose or get honest with me. I feel jealous of this mans family that he is striving for a better life with God and those around him ( though I know I shouldn’t, I wish this were my husband with the gift of desperation to come clean)
Thank you for showing me not every man is stuck in addiction and unable to get well. Amen 🙏
Approval? No, I don't think so. For many people, porn is a coping mechanism for major depression, albeit an unhealthy coping mechanism. Several good friends use porn to drown out traumatic memories, but it only made things worse. There is no one answer for why people use porn, and regardless of whether or not you look at it, I congratulate those who choose to gain control of their lives instead of letting porn control them.
Totally Rad Chad If it was only that easy to not let the evil demon that is porn control your life...congrats to you. I still suffer. 😭😭😭
Have you heard of escape? You can escape your problems watching tv playing video games and fapping.
would it help if I said coping mechanism?
"To drown out traumatic memories".. now guess what: How did they feel, when those traumatic incidents happened? They felt rejected, on a massively deep level. It all comes back to the one problem: Feeling rejected, thus feeling unimportant / irrevelant. Life then becomes meaningless, without meaning, our soul dies. That's why we fear rejection, althoug we don't know it consciously.
@@SavoryAndFlavor traumatic doesnt always mean rejection.
This video was a real eye opener! After watching this I am encouraged to laugh at rejection-because it has no power over me! God bless you.
I’ve been battling this addiction for 9 years I’m 21 years old today and I still find myself going back to it…..it has affected my life in so many ways to the point where I kind of feel lost but with the grace of god I know this is something I would eventually overcome
Addiction and depression work together. Depression leads to addiction, addiction leads to more depression and vice versa
victor Jemiseye Yes that is very very true and it really sucks for us bipolar type 1 and 2 people unfortunately
Man I went a year no pmo no fapping and I slipped into a damn hole man I’m back at it trynna beat this damn thing. I thought it was gone out my life but that’s where people are usually wrong. Once an addict you can always be an addict again in a snap of a finger. I beat this once I will beat it again and again
This is what happen to me bro
Tried getting an accountability software and partner it will keep you in check it will force you to.
it will get easier to beat every time. remember, recovery isnt linear and slipups/relapses are a matter of when not if. what matters is how you prepare for them so that when they come you can get over it quicker than the time before. eventually theyll get further & further apart, and quicker & quicker to beat, and theyll become totally insignificant
The shame and guilt that envelops you immediately after is emotionally devastating! Then in a few hours it all passes and every tomorrow it all repeats!
Thank you, Jason, for having the courage to share your testimony. I was married to a man who struggled with this subject for 44+ years of our marriage. At 44 1/2 years I walked out of the marriage. My guess is that he had so much guilt and shame that he couldn't own up to his addiction. Sadly, he died of Covid last year. For those of you who have succumbed to this addiction (and any other addictions) PLEASE get help. Have courage to face your weaknesses in order to restore trust between the ones you love. Hopefully you can make things right before the destruction of trust that happened to us. With God ALL THINGS are possible. Be honest with yourself and the ones you love. Be strong and courageous so you can testify like this brave man has done.
Well done, that took some balls. We are not honest enough with our struggles and our feelings. Denial is a cancer we need to face up to as humans. Dead straight honesty. Well done!
You don’t realise till you try and quit, I’m going through that now
For 15 years... It's so hard to give up
Takes a lot of courage to speak out loud about this.. your courageous man!
Thanks! Check out my new series of podcasts!
Way to be brave bro. MANY of us can totally relate. I have been in recovery for 8 years. I would say you should find a real community of other guys who struggle. Like you have indicated there's a real need underneath, but it's not always the need of approval. It varies by person.
saw someone naked online oh god I need to recover
can i ask something?
@Naithz Ananaz Not sure who you are directing the question to, but if it is to me then sure you can.
ok thank you! i want to ask if i will be not do the jacolism in 1 month, do i can get a sick? because me and my friends talk about it that if we will be not put away our sperm cell we can get a sick is that true? i really want to know because im shy to ask my parents! sorry for my bad english !
Jacolism. Haven't heard that before but I think I understand what you are asking. Stopping anything that has become habitual or compulsive won't be easy, but it won't make you sick. Contrary to popular thought your penis won't fall off if it's not used. You will be uncomfortable, very much so at times, but try to focus on the bigger picture of why you are doing this in those moments. Pray and ask God to help you do this. He will walk with you through this.
Where are you from?
“The thing is, I’ve been living a lie.” Gary Fogel.
“Just one? I’m living like 20,” George Costanza.
My whole life is a sham! 🤣🤣🤣
THAT WAS MORE THAN WONDERFUL I CRIED. THANKS.. its goodto know other people overcome this addiction. I hope someday all people can deal with their problems and not use other bad scapes...
Awesome Lecture. ! Hats off to the guy and sharing his insight . Thanks Sir !
Thanks!
lol comments aren't disabled for once
Yes why do they disable comments and stop people from discussing the video further. Its retarded.
Because the Keyboard Warriors usually end up engaging in a highly intense religious/race war that creates unnecessary chaos.
It's the youtube comment section. Pretty much every video has ridiculous arguments and bigotry. Doesn't mean the people who are interested in a real discussion should be silenced too. I'm always skeptical of a youtube channel that disables comments or likes/dislikes.
I agree with you. I have no problem siffing through the computer warfare in the name of having meaningful and productive dialogue on different topics. Unfortunately, a lot of people that run channels on the site choose to be politically correct and non-confrontational in the name of maximizing subscription potential.
Moe Zuiter . 👎 ctrl surfboard I'll oy cu 6h czar
I’m addicted and I’ve tried many times to quit but I can’t stop..
You said it "You can't stop", it is already in your mind. Your thoughts build your reality, if you say that you can't, then you can't, what about if you think and say that you CAN stop it?
I don’t know if I have it in me to stop, I’ve tried many times and failed..
I’m a failure
Idk if you are an individual of faith or not however I managed to stop after praying for years about it.
Check out easy peasy ebook
Relapsed after day 15, but weirdly, I don't feel saddened about it since I saw a glimmer of what my life could be. So I'm starting again, and taking it day by day with hope in my mind!
U. Offor good call and good attitude
Most of the time the sadness is not there on the 1st time you do it. It will come around 1-2 weeks later when you realise you failed and did it every day and hide it to yourself
Thank you this was really good to hear.
I pray that all Christian men who fight this fight find freedom through God and remain in obedience to God
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I’m seeing this 4 years after it was posted…. This was what I needed to change my life for the better. Thank you for this TED talk! I appreciate your vulnerability 💕
Yes porn is the problem.. #nofap
Hah. It's only a problem if you're addicted.
No it's a problem it's a sin
i agree.
Day 12!
Wrong. Effects take place, addiction comes quite late. Other come earlier.
Reminds me of in a nutshell. Video on addiction. The lesson learned here is that we use addictions to numb the pain. It's counterproductive because it only makes things worse.
menurutku sih, pornografi bukanlah masalah, pornografi sama kayak kecanduan lain yang adalah prilaku. banyak orang menggunakan pornografi untuk mengobati masalah sebenarnya.
bagiku hampir setiap pecandu lainya, masalahnya adalah: perlunya persetujuan, siapa sih yang gak ingin approvell?
dan akan menjadi masalah, kalo kita gak bisa tangani penolakan.
ketika kita merasa ditolak, kita menjadi depresi, dan ketika kita mengalami depresi, kita mencari sesuatu yang dapat membangkitkan perasaan kita lebih baik.
dan disitu kita ngebuka pintu bagi segala jenis kecanduan dalam hidup kita.
justru yang berbahaya bukan pornografi dan kecanduan lainnya, yang bahaya justru karena memberikan kita pelarian dari realita.
dan yang menarik adalah, kita menjadi kecanduan pada apa yang membuat kita merasa disetujui.
jadi, bukan menghilangkan pornografi atau kecanduan lainnya (meskipun itu hal yang bagus), tapi bagaimana cara kita menangani penolakkan?
kecanduan cuma gejala dari masalah yang lebih dalem aja sih, jadi jangan biarin penolakkan membentuk identitas kita.
Great thing about our new media is, that it can expand minds and be seen years later for the first time and discussed and rediscovered by a new generation of people that have had the same experiences as them, during different times and still have the same meaning. Books started this idea, but they never gave the ability to have a discussion with someone years later that was affected by it in such a small timeframe, and have the ideas be seen by all at the same time.
I appreciate your candor, and relating addictions to a need for approval. I have overcome addictions with alcohol and food, so I relate to the power of addictions. I hope you get through to many.
I so respect this man for his humility and his honesty.
That is true strength!! He shows himself very vulnerable and not as that unreachable perfect idol.
But many of us only talk here in the comment section, anonymously on the internet, but not in real life. This already is part of the problem I guess.
Any germans here btw?
I got that feeling again. With the same feeling I gave up smoking, with the same feeling I gave up eating sugar. It's the moment of realization that it is nothing more than lying to yourself, an attempt to trick your mind and make it seem a bit happier for a while. Oh, God, I've got so much to reconsider now! :(
The deepest need of human beings is the need to be loved, accepted and appreciated!
I look up to you because you’re able to acknowledge this fault that millions of men struggle through . A real winner doesn’t only admit defeat but analyzes why and grows because of it.
"Addictions are only a symptom of a deeper problem"(6:24) I KNOW THIS FIRSTHAND!
Praise God He set me free...it was torment for me....it was all fine and dandy until it started to effect me emotionally physically and mentally. ....it took me weeks to get over viewing just a short time of it.....and i would cry for days....my mistake was constantly trying to quit by my own strength
Very late to the party, just wanted to comment that this year is the year I end this addiction. This really spoke to me. Thanks for the inspiration. I got this
I just want to put this out there, that was an amazing speech. Big love to you, big guy.
Wow. This is shorter than any other ted talks but it hits me like a truck. Thank you Jason. May God bless you.
And now another deep question.
How many of us wrote the comment below only to be approved by other viewers of the video?
I think that is the shortest ted talks and also the one that hit me the hardest. Hit the nail on the head to the extent it brought me to tears. Thank-you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing this with us.
Thank you for your Rare Honesty... You are a GEM. I once heard someone say - you are not what you do so don't get mixed up
Supriti Phani thanks!
@@jasonmahr6327 - most welcome
"Fear of Rejection", that hit me harder than a truck
Wow that last part about using porn to deal with rejection really resonates with me.. I've struggled to deal with porn for the last 10 years, dealt with ED on and off for the past 6. It's been hell, even makes me think about just ending it all sometimes.
TheAlmightyClipse Hang in there pal. If possible, find someone you can confide in. It's a huge help.
what's ED?
Haku erectile dysfunction
Try reading the Alcoholics Anonymous book (what they call "the big book"). Substitute the word "alcohol" for porn and be prepared to be overwhelmed and have your world change forever. Better yet, attend a few "open meetings" (meetings that are open to the general public attending). It is considered acceptable to simply state "I am an addict" when attending. I had countless failed attempts with NoFap (I even paid for the coaching etc) and I figured I was just a failure. Turns out I had a MUCH bigger overall problem that my AA brothers are helping me heal from. Today I am 37 days clean, sober, and porn free and I honestly don't see any reason why I would ever go back to misery again... Instead of just avoiding using, I'm actually healing the problem.
+Mchael L. Dunn
that sounds very interesting! thanks for sharing.. I wonder, what do u do there? how do they help u heal?
By far the best talk I've heard on this important subject. Thank you!
A friend of mine said that when he stopped smoking, one of the side benefits was that he got a pay raise ($$$ not spent on cigarettes). I'm so glad I never took up smoking.
This was super deep and helpful, thank you for sharing.
2 months in and it's totally worth it :)
I tried that and just got horny
Oh, if you think I wasn't horny you're out of your mind. I was dong push ups to make the feeling go away lol. But that's the measures you take to break an addiction. It's very healing in the end and I don't have any uncontrollable desires anymore :) Cheers
X-Waffles keep up the good work!
hello if u see this I would really appreciate it if u text me on Instagram @ d13sss
I would have amazing pecs if I did that.
when you have the erge to ejaculate just distract your mind get up and do something else. Get up and talk to a family member about something random or go eat some food. If you are alone inside your house go outside and walk around the block. Trust me just get up and do something else. Count to 3 and get up with all your might and do something else.
shout out
Amen
Right on. What helped me before I last relapse I’d play my favorite types of music like jazz or underground/alternative HipHop songs and instrumentals and then praying and meditating as a big plus for me too. Good thing is that I can start all over again and not let nothing keep me down
Yung Snoop thanks
Jack Holly at least he tryed
Good speech, but I disagree a bit. I think the addiction to porn is the problem and the social problems are the symptoms.
you mean like some people are so fed up with the dating scene that they settle? yea it happens. if theyre lucky they eventually get back on the scene and try again. if not, well...there are worse fates i suppose.
ultimatepedrodude330 No that isn't what I said
what did you mean then?
the more you get addicted to porn and masturbating to porn, the more insecure you feel about yourself and you have more trouble dealing with actual people. my argument was that the video is wrong, porn use is not the symptom as he says it is. i contend that porn use is the underlying problem.
i suppose thats a fair point.
The brains reward system is our greatest motivator until we fall into the false worlds of addiction where we damage ourselves by engaging in counterproductive behaviors that blind us to the reality that we are not living our best lives.
Remember billion of people suffer , not only you. So let’s work together and be so amazing because in the end all our dreams will happen
just realized how the world needs vulnerable people instead of cool peoples.!!!!
This is genius brother
Thanks
Jason Mahr nj
Mark 1:15 KJV
And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.
What is the Gospel ?
God is *at hand.*
Pretty much.
"Addictions are just a symptom of a deeper problem"
Such a succinct and beautiful talk from this brave guy! It reminds me of another TED talk about addiction where the speaker explains the hypothesis that a mediation/alleviation for addiction can also be attributed to the formation of communities that support and accept each other, in opposition to loneliness. To all those who are suffering from addiction out there, don't give up hope! Seek out ways to best help you. You will find a way!
Psychiatry and psychology say it's highly addictive. While there are definitely other factors involved like loneliness or feeling of worthlessness, it's inaccurate to claim it's not a physiological problem.
This statement seems to contradict itself. You're saying it's a physiological problem and backing it up with psychology, correct?
Thank you pastor for being honest! This video is so refreshing to see a church leader being real and authentic .
Jennifer Lynn Adams thank you very much!
He's misrepresenting gospel as being useful advice. Should be a felony.
Wow! Thanks for sharing your genuine experience with us. It might help me to overcome my addiction.
Lot of support and help is needed to overcome this sickness. I feel if you can venture into the wild and not carry your cellphone with you, you are guaranteed success. Just avoid being eaten alive by wild animals.
As a man of Christ I struggle and still struggle to this day with this . God will forgive your sins and loves and cares for you all. I hope that you can know God and know about him and if not still keep going on.Keep fighting soldiers 💪🏾❤️
man this hit like a ton of bricks. I have had this addiction for such a long time. the addiction for needing approval.
My longest streak is 34 days. The urges are unbearable! I just relapsed again last night.
BluisRaw02 distract yourself with something else whenever you get the urge (just make sure that whatever else you’re doing isn’t addictive). For example to stop myself from eating when I’m bored I just drink some water whenever I want to eat.
@@firstlast1598 yeah I gave up. I can't fight the urge and don't really understand why I would anyway
BluisRaw02 what do you mean
@@firstlast1598 I mean I'm gonna continue to beat it
BluisRaw02 thats really sad please don’t give up
ok, good thing all these people are quitting porn for their own sexual health, but can we also talk about the disgusting culture porn has created? it's a disturbing, abusive and violent industry, that renforces misogynie to our boys from a very young age ( girls too of course, but mostly boys). The fact that rape porn, incest porn, lolita porn and all these genres exist and are pretty much the most watched ones, is DISTURBING. Porn gets more and more violent everyday and all this violence will eventually start being recreated in real life. Its not normal that someone gets aroused by fucking "rose butts"... There's another video on porn issues called "why I stopped watching porn- by ran gravieli" and it has a lot of better points than this one tbh. I don't really like things that are based on religion or only talk about the individuality. Porn industry has to be stopped not only for men's sexual health, but also women's.
salem saberhagen I totally agree.
Who is "rose butts"?
i disagree with you.
Loving ourselves completely is the healer
"How we handle rejection" - The root cause of negative/unhealthy/unproductive behaviors - "Striving for approval" - "Do not allow the rejection of life negatively affect your identity" - Good stuff!
This dude reminds me of a chubbier, less masculine version of my dad. He always encouraged me to be my best self and do the right thing no matter how hard it is. He always told me "if it was easy, everyone would do it!"
NoFap for life
Mason Stahl why didn’t you just say he reminds you of your dad and throw out the insult part?
That letter he wrote was really powerful.
Owen Goward thanks!