Coworkers are ‘situational acquaintances’ at best. You are only cordial with one another because you’re getting paid to be. As soon as you leave the company, you will never see/hear from most of them again. This is a hard lesson to learn but a necessary one.
After 21 years in the military, stationed with thousands of people over the years, I regularly keep in touch with one guy, two others intermittently. I’ve been screwed over many times by coworkers that flipped on me over some work drama, were two faced, or had their own agenda. Be sociable and friendly, but keep 99% at arms length, especially with today’s PC culture.
NEVER tell lies to coworkers even if they are bugging you to find out your personal business. Also if you need a shoulder to cry on NEVER choose a co-worker. Big mistake.
Yes 😢 I learned it the hard way. Talked to an oldie woman thinking she's mature and said she'll keep it a secret but the very next day, blurted everything to everyone about my depression and coworkers took it negatively thinking I hated them. She's vile 😭
I don't come to work to make friends. That being said, I am always friendly and social. I care about my coworkers, but I keep a safe mental boundary. I understand that they are not meant to last.
This is the proper approach to take. People have to be at work 8+ hours a day/5+ days a week. You don’t want to spend 1/3+ of your day in a miserable place. Keeping it friendly WITH BOUNDARIES makes work tolerable. Become friends with your coworkers AFTER you leave the company or AFTER they leave the company.
Story time... A new guy started, and being as he was completely new to the area and company, i was giving him a verbal tour of the building. He stops me and says, " Look, I'm here to work, not make friends." I'm like cool bro do your thing. I'm guessing he gave that attitude to everyone because a week later he said "why is everyone here so unfriendly. I replied probably because they are here to work and not make friends. Dude left soon after that and wasn't missed 😂😂😂😂
I’m friends with my coworkers at work, never outside of work. Meaning while I’m there I’ll talk culture, sports, politics, whatever. I’ve also learned you should try to avoid politics and religion, especially politics. If you say something political someone doesn’t like it doesn’t matter how cordial you are they will find a way to smear you behind your back and discredit you. The amount of backstabbing and people talking about you negatively to other people is something that happens a lot in restaurants. It’s not a nice profession.
Plot twist: most of your friends are not your friends either. Most people are only in your life because there’s some sort of mutual benefit to do so. Hobbies, interests etc. change those and most of those friends will no longer hang around either. In your time of need, when problems start and when people begin to see you as something other than a good time they’ll leave and abandon you. Generally speaking. You have maybe 1-2 real friends in your entire life.
“Most people are only in your life because there's some sort of mutual benefit to do so. Hobbies, interests etc. change those and most of those friends will no longer hang around either.” Yes, when people have nothing in common anymore they usually stop being friends. What are people supposed to do? Be around others that irritate and bore them? Get off the high horse and learn the basic of relationships! 😂
Unfortunately far too many people take this to an extreme. I've suffered at many jobs because nobody is making friends. They are all backbiting, vengeful and fearful. The best thing that can happen at jobs like this is when the job ends (sad).
Unfortunately, connections are important. Friends in high places is not a bad idea. It could mean the difference between being laid off, sending a 100 resumes but only landing 3 interviews and remaining unemployed for the next 24 months OR being laid off but finding a new job shortly after after a few calls.
I've had work friends that I've kept in touch with years after I left the company we worked for. Within the past year, I heard from a friend that I worked with 20 years ago. No friendship is perfect, and with any friendship, there's potential circumstances where a friend will prioritize something above the friendship. That doesn't mean the friendship isn't real. It's good to be aware that friendships have limitations, and the context of a friendship can determine what the limitations are, but that doesn't mean they're not real. Let's not look for excuses to be sociopaths please.
1000% agree. Was looking for a comment like this. At 40 some of the best friends I have started from us working together. And those friendships didn’t stop when one of us left the company. Now if he said everyone that acts friendly toward you is not your friend, I’d agree.
Same here, friends of 20+ years. It surprises me how many comments are in agreement. If you have to be as cautious as what this guy is saying you might just work in a crap environment. Idk, I'd say 🖕to any job i had to have this mentality for. No wonder people are buried in their phones and don't talk to each other anymore.
THANK YOU ! I been reading these comments (on my 20 minute break from work lol) and this was the first one I saw that was normal 😂 I don't understand this mindset of being terrified of your coworkers at all, so what if they gossip about you or whatever, like fuck is someone gonna go to the boss like "he's depressed so give me his promotion"? Obviously not 😂 is this an office job thing? What a horrible culture
It sucks when one of your co-workers live in the apartment beneath you and gossip about your personal life constantly. I have to remind myself no contact with that person every once in while and little reminders of their behaviour to not try to be friends with them. They are not working at the same place anymore but it is frustrating.
That's literally everyone. A proverb goes watch what you tell anyone because a friend today can be an enemy tomorrow. My father told everything to my mother which she weaponized everything against him. Another proverb goes. A smart man learns from himself while a wise man learns from others.
@@freeshrugs63 Its the law of the jungle. NEVER tell them your personal business or try to make friends with them. It's not fair on you or them. Some people manipulate others by 'friendship'. As a young woman I was suckered into a 'friendship' with a co-worker that turned out to be my worst nightmare. It's not being lonely, it's surviving.
When you leave your current job, bear two things in mind: 1. The next day you are history. A thing of the past. 2. Nobody will miss you - at least not for long and not in any way that will matter to you. This isn't cynicism. These are merely the facts of corporate life. Oh...., and 3....Never go a reunion. Ever.
All true. When I retired I was not invited to the retirement party for several employees because of my dispute with a follow worker. It didn't matter to me as I didn't matter to them. Just basic truths about employment here. You're right--- do your job and say goodbye when you're done. It's over.
Not necessarily, you just need to consider their motivations and why they’re here. They’re there to provide for their family’s not because they like you.
I remember five years ago, as my company was taken over by another, my boss Stacey called me into her office to talk at me about imminent changes that would be occurring. She asked me what I felt about them. When I said nothing, she said “you can talk to us, you’re among friends here”. I laughed in her face, as I already knew from interacting with her over the previous many years she was the perfect example of “with friends like you, who needs enemies”.
Should I call the police, have them arrested and lock up these cowardly lazy bullies who are so miserable and super jealous of top workers, jealous that i own a condo, got money. Bums will always be bums. Bums only attract losers like them. Working 40 years as a top worker. Never let these fools ever win. 56 here trying to destroy my reputation with defamation of character. Saying I go harassing's women , stalking them, drinking, I'm crazy, insecure, unstable. All 100% pure bs. My managers all know who I am. Never been suspended. Gaslight me, using flying monkeys, gang stalking me. Been doing this to me for the last 16 years. This is criminal? But they never get fired. I need solid proof. No one wants to investigate. Maybe I should hire an investigator. lol Get them to do a lie detector test. My managers want to go nothing to be afraid of the bullies. Huge red flag. Gang stalking in my condo to have people be scared of me and to hate me thinking that they will kick me out. I'm very respectful and have owned my condo for 14 years. Bullies at work are so jealous. I just ignore it at work and in my condo or should i do something about it since it will never stop trying to destroy me?
@beatle-x2hIf someone is getting in your face you need to stand your ground and let that person know that you don’t tolerate that sort of behavior, what are you doing to people to make them shout your name or get in your face? If anyone got in my face it would end up in a fight regardless of where I am, but I don’t cause any problems so that doesn’t happen. You must be doing something really annoying to be getting picked on like that as an adult at work.
Very true. I had a 'Friend' I met in Church and had known for 21 years. She started continually asking to borrow small amounts of money, which graduated to 5K on two occasions (which I declined) then the cherry on top 'Would I be a good friend and agree to Guarantee a loan of 75 K she had racked up in bad credit card debts'? Of course I said NO. She never wanted 'advice' on how to save money or get out of debt, she just wanted money - my money. Oh we are both women, and when she got married recently, I was not even asked to be a bridesmaid. despite her previously saying she regarded me as her 'Sister' (when she was trying to get money out of me), and had 14 bridesmaids - some she had known half that time.
@@robw2486 thats common issue with friends or relatives. Next time dont let them know you have money. You can make an alibi or if they ask 5k give her or him 1k or any small amount regardless if she or he can pay or not in the future🙂
Told a coworker I was in the process of moving, and she told our boss. My replacement came soon afterward. My boss terminated me, and that was that. Lesson I had to learn in my 20s. I had another job lined up within 2 days, and the work environment was soooo much better. Calm, great boss, wonderful team, worked at a computer without having to deal with patients etc. A few months after that, I moved into my condo. Now I have a beautiful home, so that was a blessing in disguise. No thanks to her 😂
why would your boss replace you because you were moving? this really makes no sense. now if your boss terminated you because you were planning to quit i have seen that a dozen times
Because my personality is welcoming and I’m extroverted, my coworkers often ask me to hangout after work. It is a strict boundary for me not to hangout with coworkers. Keeping work and personal life separate causes you much less headaches down the line.
Learned this lesson after telling a coworker about a (admittedly sizable) raise I got. I told her not to tell anyone, and it shouldn't have mattered to her; she still earned more than me. She literally blurted it out to the next person to walk by. Couldn't keep quiet for 5 minutes. I still give her grief for that.
@@christophertrojanowski2769 She shouldn't tell anyone. Salary discussions among coworkers is almost always against company policy and can often result in termination. Aside from that, it's in extremely poor taste to tell someone how much money you make, or ask how much they make.
I learned a long time ago that coworkers are not your friends. Just ask yourself if that coworker would stand up and sacrifice themselves for you. Usually the answer is no. I can recall being young and naive and after my coworkers and I discussed poor conditions at work, I decided to do something about it and spoke to management. Not one coworker stood with me. Not one. They all complained and whined, but none of them stood up to be counted when it mattered. I’m also glad you said HR is not your friend either. That’s true as well.
Where I work, a man retired. The man’s pension was held up because he divorced his wife soon after retiring. The wife was still working at the company, and in a fairly senior role. Apparently, the company decided that he was not a nice man, and no longer deserved a pension.
I needed to hear this today. I accepted a new role in the company I work for, been here since 2018. I worked with the same coworkers recently for the last 3 years, 8 of us, we all got really close. Depression set in when NONE of them sent me a quick text like “hey how’s the new role treating you?”. Nothing! I literally speak to only 2 coworkers from the beginning at this company because we’ve been through losing family members & pets etc. Thanks for making me realize my coworkers aren’t really my friends.
@@rc8124omg 😅😅😅 that’s so true.. Wait does that mean if you’re smiling and happy that someone with a sharp knife will backstab you Or Does it mean that they smile at you all nice but really are just going to stab you in the back 😅😅
Remember the song "Smiling Faces" by Undisputed Truth? It's all true. Jealousy and envy are dangerous. Also, the night has eyes and walls have ears. Keep your mouth shut at work. People at work will sell you out in a heartbeat. This video should be required viewing for anyone entering the workforce.
I'm one of the older people at my job and sometimes I feel like I'm in high school. There is a lot of immaturity and clique-forming. Even at events outside work, the same people hang out together. I have met some people that I like being around, even have common interests with, and that are professional. It made me realize that while it's possible to be friendly with your co-workers, in most cases they are NOT your friends, and honestly, I don't want to be friends with some of them.
I have 2 colleagues in my office who talk all day. Since my desk is in the middle I always feel I am in the way and feel I should leave so they can have their alone time together. I have even asked them if they want me to leave as I do feel I am intruding in their space.
@@chrisgast I agree. My 2 colleagues are always in each other's office all day talking and I am left out. I have told them that I feel I am in the way and I should leave but they say I shouldn't feel that way. I guess I feel they are above me and I am in the way.
One of the hard lessons that took me a decade of adulthood to really understand is that friendship is mostly for children. I've only managed to keep 1 friend since my teenage years, and I've never met him in person. Family really is everything, because nobody else cares about you. People only care about what value they can extract out of you.
You know what else isn’t your choice? Where you are born, who is enrolled at the schools you attend, who lives in your neighborhood etc…it’s all situational, and always has been. You treat people with respect and get to know the ones you’re with every day, and chances are you might actually be friends outside of those “situational” circumstances.
Now that's a "finding the nose on your own face" great point! People (In the workplace or out) tend to feed off of the vibes you put out. If you're standoffish, distant, or TOO enclosed what you're doing is (intended or not) building a sandbox on a beach. ..You're not blending in, you're standing out & apart (not in a good way) in the workplace (with co-workers as well as your boss). There ARE people who make friends at work & some of those friends go on to become our wives/husbands or best man/maid of honor. Shame that oftentimes our human tendency is to focus on the negative (or peoples worst instincts).
Stay away from off-hours, company events that you are not required to attend. Make up excuses if you have to. If you do attend, by all means, stay away from the alcohol and leave early. Better to be considered anti-social than to risk saying or doing something wrong at these events.
My coworker told me he attended a house party with other coworkers there. He is a muscular man and he said the women there were grabbing onto his arms. He left early and went he returned to work. People took it and ran with it and made it into something it wasn't.
Well, that's an understatement. People in general are not your friends. Always remember a "friend" today can be an enemy tomorrow and that should solve all your problems. Even family. All two-faced. If people are gossiping to you then THEY'RE GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU ! Just because someone seems friendly and smiles at you doesn't mean they're your friend. Quite the contrary. Jealousy is very real.
I’m currently a student. I see a pack of ppl talk smack about someone. Then when someone from the pack leaves, that person gets talked about. There are some people who retired. Once those people left, people went back to work and it was as if they never existed. Not once have they been remembered or mentioned.
That's just how people are, lots of fakes and snakes. Sometimes people will be mean, you just have to deal with it unfortunately. I feel like the general attitude in this comment section tho is just terrified paranoia. One dude said he doesn't even let his coworkers know his car or his birthday 😂 I don't understand this mindset at all and I'm glad
@@ThePigsmasher I don’t blame him. I once faked a phone call because someone was walking behind me who I didn’t want to know what car I drove. I waited 5 mins and went to the garage. The guy was sitting in his car just looking at me. So I faked another phone call and he left immediately when he realized I knew he was watching. You gotta watch out for these people
I agree with this guy. Employers are not you friends. My ONE(s) rule... would you be friends with that person organically outside of work? If the answer is no, then you have your answer. NEVER share information. NEVER let them see the car you drive (I would leave after colleagues, no joke). NEVER talk about home life.
@@ericsparksWith the rise in mental illness, I wouldn't put it past people to stalk you for simple things like what you wear and drive. You can never be too careful, ever.
Is actually prudent. Having a nice or better car than colleagues or a boss can create envy and bad feelings via competitiveness. A successful friend purposely commutes in an older honda. Same goes for where you live; if a nice area, be vague, or get a PO Box in a nearby regular area. Bling, watches, handbags.. leave it for the weekends, be neutral and understated at work. People in general are safer when they believe they have more or better things than you. Is a well known strategy utilized by old money folks. Ever wonder why they drive 10 yr old cars and wear old cashmere pullovers.
One of the hardest lessons I learned from 25 years in the classroom is to compartmentalize everything! COVID lockdown was a reckoning for me regarding quality of life. I prioritize mental health, work during contract hours only, and keep work and personal life completely separate. I’m not going to get any recognition from my work because of this attitude, but, I’m a lot better teacher and co-worker because of it.
Never include coworkers in your personal social media links. This includes Facebook, IG, X, and even LinkedIn in some cases. Keep your profiles private and not searchable if possible. Always assume that someone from your company can and will find your social media posts.
There was a lady at my job that got fired because she called out sick a few days straight. She actually went on a trip someplace. The pictures were all over her FB! Well, someone in her department saw the FB pictures and told the manager. She was let go not long after.
I've had a "friend" at work, and this person thought they were better than they were. So, maybe a year passed by, and I got a promotion, and they didn't, and this person tried to get me in trouble and possibly terminated.
I like to play down my strengths and joke about my weaknesses. Then when I smash an interview or an exam, it really winds up the haters as they have decided I'm a lot less smart than I am.
Great video👌. I was representing a group of nurses fighting for better work conditions when I worked in the UK 🇬🇧. Meetings were held and everyone was sharing their grievances to me. So I took these to management and a big meeting was held. When asked to show hands those supporting me on the claims that the work conditions were bad, none raised their hands. Now the spotlight was on me 😂😢. I was the trouble maker and my employer at the time made sure that my life was hell after that. I had to resign that job. None of those folks ever came to my assistance. So folks, never try to be a super hero at work and never think your coworkers are your friends. They are just looking out for number 1 and you will be the super zero and not the hero 😂
We had an annual meeting where one of our supervisor stated that "I don't care about your family or personal life, just come here to work." He had some personal issue and the rest of us had to pick up the slack and our manager didn't like that I said I'm here for the department and paycheck, not the supervisor. Of course he didn't like it because they've been buddy-buddy for years.
I had an assistant manager tell my store manager abt a medical issue I had going on. The next day during a work meeting, the store manager said “I don’t care if you guys have …, that’s not an excuse.” And even though he didn’t mention me, I knew that the assistant manager told him because she blurted out a laugh, and looked down. I’m glad that stupid restaurant closed down
@ I was off guard by everything that I closed myself off from her. A year later (I had her on insta), I invited her to go out, and the day of the date, I deactivated my insta and haven’t turned back. Wasn’t very nice of me, but I didn’t feel bad doing it to her.
I used to terminate interviews when an interviewer would become effusive about how the company populace is a close knit "family". I have no problem with "team" but family no. The family dynamic is also code that you are required to socialize with this crowd.
I saw my boss literally lie about a coworker as she suspended him. I stood up for right and against wrong. He quit. Then they came after me for no reason. Within a few years I was canned and had to sue. No odd o worked with would even respond to a text. 5 years later, after the bad boss left I heard from a few of them telling how bad it sucked after I left. People are afraid to be targeted. Especially at high paid career level jobs.
They're your co workers not your friends but then cliques form and then it becomes personal. Unfortunately, I've worked with many people who don't know how to act professional and everything is personal and a lot of people hard time separating personal and business. Don't get me started on the holiday parties and work functions.
There are many coworkers like that and wait for the right moments to betrayal you in the moments. Can't understand why or how, that's why we stick with remain silent and focus on the job.
They say to make allies however, if you can. I once had a couple of ladies at work I thought were my friends. One was so nice to me, gave me an xmas gift. When I got harassed and lost my job by one boss who lied about me, I was all on my own, she even told me she would not support me. He is right, you won't see these people ever again.
Why I feel no obligation to eat with coworkers in lunch breaks, and instead, eat alone in my own convenience. Coworkers come and go, and attachments are unnecessary. Your employer, including the military, will preach family all they want, but you will soon learn that in the end, everyone are just human beings. Go to work on time, do your job, make your money for the day, and go home.
That's why after 35 years old I became introvert and love it.. being introvert is not loneliness it's solitude with yourself... away from drama and negative energy...it's pure peace tranquility and pacification vibe 😃👍🏼👊👏🤙
In general, friendships are only truly desirable when neither of the friends have any other interest in the friendship than maintaining the friendship for friendship's sake.
I work for a family business, everyone is “family” I pretty much let it known I don’t like half of them and not to talk to me unless it’s about work. Thank you Kobe Bryant for that attitude.
I've always made it a personal obligation to be respectful and helpful but also be firm on boundaries. Many people like to cross boundaries like it's no one's business when in fact they are exposing the type of character they have, which is very useful in the future.
@@chrisgast ugh this is a lesson i need to learn. People sense they can push my boundaries because i have a hard time saying NO. I end up helping put people who dont really deserve my time or get into iffy situations.
Yep very solid advice. Supposed "friends" outside of work are usually the same way, I've always called them "fair weather" friends-they are around if you can provide entertainment, money or a good time for them. If you have a rough time in life they always disappear and want nothing to do with you. At least that's my experience here in the US.
This is a great video ❤ Everything you said is 100% correct. I had the misfortune of this happening to me many years ago. Hard lesson to learn but I've come out the other side, however it definitely took some time to readjust
@@YAMISOOLD2009 There’s no PLEASING Corporate……EVER. Even if you meet the goals, they raise them, meet them again, risen again. They’re never satisfied. Of course it’s ALL about money, not people (they like to speak about a “caring environment” for workers……please!! They don’t give A F !!! Before I retired, for my last two years, I took care of MYSELF at work, making sure I reaped as many benefits as possible, and then took some MORE!!! ….then I quit!! 😎😀🥂👌
This all boils down to us being at the mercy of someone else. Someone else decides whether we eat, keep a roof over our heads, and or live comfortably. In an environment like that, true connections will almost never occur.
Oh, BOY, is this TRUE!! Take this advice to heart! Be cordial and respectful, but never allow the people you work with into your personal life. It’s hard, especially if you’re an outgoing person, but take it from me, the old adage of “other people are Hell” definitely is proven every day in the workplace.
I learned this lesson the hard way after working at a job for 8 years, being super close with a lot of coworkers, and then having them all abandon me once they found out my beliefs afterwards. Then every job after that was rinse and repeat. People not ever keeping in touch, etc. I just gave up trying to make friends at my jobs period. At my current job, I don't even bother trying to talk to people. It's like it gets worse with every single job I get.
So true. I’m retired now, but I had two experiences with complaints filed against me for petty reasons, but HR treats them all like death penalty cases. They actually employed full-time investigators who were former federal prosecutors. In interviews, co-workers made up outright lies to get on the record as being cooperative. Taken together, their stories were so outrageous my immediate leadership knew it was BS and backed me up. Fact remains, they did it and HR created the environment that allowed it to happen.
I think that's really sad. Some of my closest friends are those I met in the workplace. If you're going to spend 8 hours day with coworkers, it really helps if you actually like them. You're probably not going to be friends with everyone, but I think it's good to have at least one person you're close to. After all, it was Shannan Watts's colleague turned best friend that alerted law enforcement to her disappearance.
Your advice is spot on. I’m a GM in my company and I’m going to require my subordinates to watch your video so that they can become an outstanding members of the IPTs they’re assigned to. Such a great way to build up my teams!
So true. I’ve been in the working world for 15 years and this is true. I thought I had some close, close friends that naturally dissolved once I moved companies. Luckily I’ve never had anyone to be sunk or sink a coworker, but they’re not friends. Talk to them about your weekend like it’s a publicised event (i.e. be PR savvy), don’t tell them about your home life good or bad. They can use it against you.
Recieved an email from the boss asking me to choose what day I prefer so all of us (boss, myself, and 3 co-workres) can go out to lunch for "Friendsgiving". After a HUGE eye roll, I replied with a date but honestly in my mind it's 100% pointless and another added expense coming out of my pocket. Don't forget about the "mandatory" birthday and Christmas party as well where presents are expected. It's all bs, but not attending at this point is a sure fire way to get fired as well. Office politics are horrible.
A coworker has a mistake of saying she was autistic and had ADHD. The way she annoyed everyone by saying that is impressive. She could literally sue all of them for being so mean but they only do it behind her back. Granted, she complains all the time which is annoying but she doesn't deserve them being so mean. That is why I never said I was highly sensitive and probably had ADHD too. Never diagnosed but I my boyfriend and a friend who are both confirmed ADHD told me I had very clear symptoms. But this information is very personal and to be shared only with peopke who genuinely care about you. I learned this the hard way. So I keep it in mind because it creates some additional challenges at work but I also keep it to myself. The work place litteraly uses you in exchange for money so they need you functional.
I'd argue that ALL friendships are situational and vunerable to life's problems. Just move out of town or deal with a major crisis (divorce anybody?) and you'll soon find out! If you accept that all friendships can expire, then there's no reason NOT to consider a coworker a friend. Lastly, where you work matters. I'm an American living and working in France. French workers enjoy bulletproof job security and you can still find people who've been with the same company for 20+ years. Under those conditions, it's possible to have cowoking friendships that outlast traditional friendships. If you enjoy someone's company and hang out, they're a friend until otherwise.
Exactly! I've had a case of backstabbing 'friend' at work. So what? I've also made many amazing friends at work. Thank god I'm not living in fear, lonely, just to avoid a risk that is inherent to any relationship. The amount of people here who think this is good advice is heartbreaking. We are human beings. We thrive together.
I remember at a new job I meet this person and it seem like we made a good connection. I truly saw that person as a friend until I started seeing things that looked like jealousy and when she got in trouble for something she would Try to drag me down too. Never again will I trust anyone no matter how nice they seem
The truth really is nobody is your friend. Your manager, CFO, AP Director, HR, co-worker, and the owner are not your friends. They will look for any way to get you fired. It feels as if when you are at work you are in a war zone. It sucks that we can't become friends with people that we spend 40 hours a week! Yes that's 40 hours of our life a week with these people and we need to keep our distance. It also comes down to profession as well. Office jobs are among the most toxic positions and toxic people. The best thing to do is do your work, get your money, and f***k all of them. If you want friends, then find them outside of work.
The HR rep who is my direct boss at my job will ask us what we think our coworkers “are thinking” about a situation. I always respond that I don’t know what they are thinking, but I can easily assume my coworkers are telling my boss what they think I’m thinking, which will unlikely be accurate. HR runs the office on gossip and assumptions.
I try and try to not count on these "friendships". I've been burned and I'm learning and still learning. And watch social media like linked in. Your company monitors this
@@rufustfirefly7389why u can’t be friends at work it’s not like theirs a problem even if we their to make money I want friends to chat with as well why some company’s make it so complicated why is this even if it’s a job or a day hab center that we go too why make this policy
It depends on what you mean by friend. Aristotle’s 3 levels of friendship is a good way to see friends. 99% of coworker friends fall into the first category of “friendship of utility”. You work together and are friends working for the same goal, and can enjoy each others company while working. It is a legitimate friendship, just not the deeper level that maybe you’re thinking of when you say friend (who would possibly be self sacrificial and jeopardize their own income to testify in a legal battle to defend you). By your high standard of friendship, most of your friends probably are not your friends.
My coworker ratted me out for something that was none of his business. I was friends with my boss and he dragged his feet for me when writing a report to HR about it. He never wrote the report. Sometimes friendships at work are good. You just have to know when they're real.
Don't people know to keep their work life and personal life separate? This was a common knowledge when I entered the workforce decades ago. Everyone knew to do it, and any gossips were dismissed as troublemakers. What happened to that?
Yeah it's weird, I started working when I was 17 and I already knew this very well even then. I'm surprised many people are this naive well into their 20's and later.
Seems every generation has to learn old lessons. The last couple of 'empowered' generations think they know it all. They act overly familiar, too soon; ask personal or intrusive questions and assume all levels of staff are equal so why can't they hv a corner office too after all they've been there for 6 mos.
I understood these concepts before my employment in the United States Navy from day one. I was 19 at the time. Met a world of people in there throughout the years, 21 years later, i stay in touch with one maybe once a year.
My motto, when l was in the work environment, say very little, fly under the radar, in other words don’t be the problem child, be respectful of everyone- do my job, stay out the supervisors office, if my name came up, l would want to be said that he’s a good worker, you won’t have any trouble out of him and they didn’t-Retired now
Some of the nastiest people ive met was at work, But also some of the nicest and most genuine. Alot of lessons learned from the nasty ones but it made me for the better. Nothing beats meeting and getting to know the very few good ones that have your back through the rough times. They are like a breath of fresh air. All in all, be friendly, wholesome, genuine and authentic. Learn from your mistakes and other's mistakes. Don't be afraid to make friends.
I have several strong friendships with people I no longer work with but we also spent time outside of work and had other interests. But yes, its always good to be friendly and social with people you work with - just don't lie to yourself or be surprised to find they aren't the ties that bind.
@@Fan-zx1lz that's why we need universal basic income. But in fact I was talking about that other life: the one beyond of working hours. That one isn't sick nor trash.
Generally I agree. One line I have always used to see clearly is the basic test of do each of you spend time personally at each other's homes, how often, and how well do you know each other outside of professional lives. That is a reasonable test. Unless you are being set up it is a fair and reasonable test. Also remember some people go the other extreme and get married as they met at work.
Rather harsh. I was a a schoolteacher, and over the course of a career - we were all long-serving at the same school, we built up friendships and relationships that have lasted into retirement.
This is very sweet and I’m happy for you. I think this video is more aimed at corporate, which is more dog eat dog. I have teacher friends too who are lucky to have solid friends at work. Plus it sounds like you’re retired? It’s a different world now unfortunately. Less jobs for qualified people. 😢
@niewieder99 I think you're right. I'm in the UK and the culture is changing, Teaching is becoming more micro managed for starters. I am retired. Thank God!.
Not harsh at all. Teachers and maybe nurses and probably some non profit types of careers where people really work with a sense of mission and passion for what they are doing can develop a commradrie that develops into real friendship. But these exceptions do not negate what the majority of corporate workers learn sooner or later in their careers. What this man outlines so well.
Been at the same company 35 years. Have numerous friends that are from the beginning. Friends that took jobs with competition are still close - it’s a small world. No reason to be petty to anyone.
I've kept my mouth shut and done my best to stay out of trouble and I've _still_ gotten dragged into other's drama. Many times it's impossible to avoid the drama quicksand.
At the end of your day at work once everybody gets in their cars they're gone they go in their own directions they've got their own life they've got their own personal close friends you are just there for the time being when you're working with them you are not a friend and when you leave you never hear from any of them
Uh oh, you better end the friednship right now!!! Just say that some guy on RUclips said it's a bad idea, and he has glasses and a tie, so he's definitely smart.
In my 30 year career this has been my philosophy. I have kept my friend group separate from my work group and it’s actually been a big factor in staying professional and getting promoted in the organization.
Through all of life this is how friendships go though. Your friends as a kid were your neighbors and classmates, as they moved on in life or changed schools they mostly drifted away. Its no different with coworkers. Maybe relationships can also be different from the dynamics of the workplace as well. I dont work tech, I work what is basically labor. So working closer together likely means you create closer bonds. Ive seen with others and personally made friends that lasted well beyond working together. Im still friends with someone I havent worked with in almost 10 years, however its still mostly true that when you split from eachother at work the friendship will fizzle or just immediately end.
I was cordial with my co-workers, sometimes I'd go to lunch with them, but never partook any activities with them and never outside the work environment. Co-workers to me are just that, a working relationship and nothing more.
This is 1000% true. It amazes me how many people don't get that those people are there to make money, not friends. So they have zero loyalty to anything there but themselves. They'll throw anyone and everyone under the bus if it means they'll come up.
Workplace politics are so bad that I’m saving all these comments. These are such good comments. I’m saving into a word document. Also sidenote, sadly at church this can be the same , Not all church folk are kinfolk.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Most times your friends aren’t even your friends.
I agree with your statement
RIGHt???!!!
People make many friends to fill their empty soul. Quality over quantity
How true!!!!
You don’t needs friends.
Coworkers are ‘situational acquaintances’ at best. You are only cordial with one another because you’re getting paid to be. As soon as you leave the company, you will never see/hear from most of them again. This is a hard lesson to learn but a necessary one.
Absolutely. And if something happens at work that puts you in a troublesome spot they will not have your back
💯
Same with school and college
Facts
After 21 years in the military, stationed with thousands of people over the years, I regularly keep in touch with one guy, two others intermittently. I’ve been screwed over many times by coworkers that flipped on me over some work drama, were two faced, or had their own agenda. Be sociable and friendly, but keep 99% at arms length, especially with today’s PC culture.
Avoid work cliques. It’s the worst people in the office. Usually a narcissist and their flying monkeys.
This is 💯
💯💯
Nah. Not “Usually a narcissist and their flying monkeys.” /
Sounds like the wicked witch.. ha
Yep!!! 😑🙄😬
NEVER tell lies to coworkers even if they are bugging you to find out your personal business. Also if you need a shoulder to cry on NEVER choose a co-worker. Big mistake.
Yes 😢 I learned it the hard way. Talked to an oldie woman thinking she's mature and said she'll keep it a secret but the very next day, blurted everything to everyone about my depression and coworkers took it negatively thinking I hated them. She's vile 😭
@@eurika297 Trust no one at work
@@eurika297don’t ever tell anyone at work you have depression. It will backfire
Don’t tell them your personal business though either.
@@audreyandrea460 A good comment I saw here recently said it all "Name, Rank and Serial Number." Good advice.
Do your job. Make your money. Go home.
Exactly right sir
Well said 👏 👌 👍
@@SuperImmortal24 Thanks.
@@Payne.. Thanks and God bless.
That's right 😊
I don't come to work to make friends. That being said, I am always friendly and social. I care about my coworkers, but I keep a safe mental boundary. I understand that they are not meant to last.
My thoughts exactly!
This is the proper approach to take. People have to be at work 8+ hours a day/5+ days a week. You don’t want to spend 1/3+ of your day in a miserable place. Keeping it friendly WITH BOUNDARIES makes work tolerable. Become friends with your coworkers AFTER you leave the company or AFTER they leave the company.
Story time...
A new guy started, and being as he was completely new to the area and company, i was giving him a verbal tour of the building. He stops me and says, " Look, I'm here to work, not make friends." I'm like cool bro do your thing.
I'm guessing he gave that attitude to everyone because a week later he said "why is everyone here so unfriendly. I replied probably because they are here to work and not make friends.
Dude left soon after that and wasn't missed 😂😂😂😂
I’m friends with my coworkers at work, never outside of work. Meaning while I’m there I’ll talk culture, sports, politics, whatever. I’ve also learned you should try to avoid politics and religion, especially politics. If you say something political someone doesn’t like it doesn’t matter how cordial you are they will find a way to smear you behind your back and discredit you. The amount of backstabbing and people talking about you negatively to other people is something that happens a lot in restaurants. It’s not a nice profession.
Don’t be friendly or social. People may take it the wrong way.
Plot twist: most of your friends are not your friends either. Most people are only in your life because there’s some sort of mutual benefit to do so. Hobbies, interests etc. change those and most of those friends will no longer hang around either.
In your time of need, when problems start and when people begin to see you as something other than a good time they’ll leave and abandon you.
Generally speaking. You have maybe 1-2 real friends in your entire life.
“Most people are only in your life because there's some sort of mutual benefit to do so. Hobbies, interests etc. change those and most of those friends will no longer hang around either.”
Yes, when people have nothing in common anymore they usually stop being friends. What are people supposed to do? Be around others that irritate and bore them? Get off the high horse and learn the basic of relationships! 😂
And those 1-2 are on your will. 😂😂
@@kidpowers9614 You proved him more right while looking stupid. 😂😂
Exactly.
110%. I think I can count good friends on one hand.
My mother used to always say "Make money. Not friends."
Unfortunately far too many people take this to an extreme.
I've suffered at many jobs because nobody is making friends.
They are all backbiting, vengeful and fearful. The best thing that can happen at
jobs like this is when the job ends (sad).
@@ChristopherHudetzit’s just sad and it’s not just coworkers it’s family members too in general
@@ChristopherHudetzno one is saying backstab, just be cordial and that’s it don’t try to be friends with them
Wisdom
Unfortunately, connections are important. Friends in high places is not a bad idea.
It could mean the difference between being laid off, sending a 100 resumes but only landing 3 interviews and remaining unemployed for the next 24 months OR being laid off but finding a new job shortly after after a few calls.
One reason why remote work can be a better option.
100%
@@solegonz762 remote work is hard to find. A good one
It's not all it's cracked up to be, but yes, it's an option.
But even in remote jobs now, they still force "team-building" activities.
@@andromedastar4900 I wouldn't fancy that. I don't even go to their Christmas parties lol.
I've had work friends that I've kept in touch with years after I left the company we worked for. Within the past year, I heard from a friend that I worked with 20 years ago. No friendship is perfect, and with any friendship, there's potential circumstances where a friend will prioritize something above the friendship. That doesn't mean the friendship isn't real. It's good to be aware that friendships have limitations, and the context of a friendship can determine what the limitations are, but that doesn't mean they're not real. Let's not look for excuses to be sociopaths please.
Capitalism breeds sociopathy
I agree I’ve made great friends at work
1000% agree. Was looking for a comment like this. At 40 some of the best friends I have started from us working together. And those friendships didn’t stop when one of us left the company. Now if he said everyone that acts friendly toward you is not your friend, I’d agree.
Same here, friends of 20+ years. It surprises me how many comments are in agreement. If you have to be as cautious as what this guy is saying you might just work in a crap environment. Idk, I'd say 🖕to any job i had to have this mentality for. No wonder people are buried in their phones and don't talk to each other anymore.
THANK YOU ! I been reading these comments (on my 20 minute break from work lol) and this was the first one I saw that was normal 😂 I don't understand this mindset of being terrified of your coworkers at all, so what if they gossip about you or whatever, like fuck is someone gonna go to the boss like "he's depressed so give me his promotion"? Obviously not 😂 is this an office job thing? What a horrible culture
You can be easily replaced and forgotten by your coworkers once you leave a job. Your family is not replaceable
You actually can nowadays replace family members.
@@mbc86xl only the married kind i guess.
@@mbc86xl Only from shiity upbringing
This hits hard.
Family is worthless too
Never divulge personal information. Make it a point to know as little about your co-workers as possible. Keep all co-workers at arm length.
amen
How lonely and sad.
It sucks when one of your co-workers live in the apartment beneath you and gossip about your personal life constantly. I have to remind myself no contact with that person every once in while and little reminders of their behaviour to not try to be friends with them. They are not working at the same place anymore but it is frustrating.
That's literally everyone. A proverb goes watch what you tell anyone because a friend today can be an enemy tomorrow. My father told everything to my mother which she weaponized everything against him. Another proverb goes. A smart man learns from himself while a wise man learns from others.
@@freeshrugs63 Its the law of the jungle. NEVER tell them your personal business or try to make friends with them. It's not fair on you or them. Some people manipulate others by 'friendship'. As a young woman I was suckered into a 'friendship' with a co-worker that turned out to be my worst nightmare. It's not being lonely, it's surviving.
When you leave your current job, bear two things in mind: 1. The next day you are history. A thing of the past. 2. Nobody will miss you - at least not for long and not in any way that will matter to you. This isn't cynicism. These are merely the facts of corporate life. Oh...., and 3....Never go a reunion. Ever.
All true. When I retired I was not invited to the retirement party for several employees because of my dispute with a follow worker. It didn't matter to me as I didn't matter to them. Just basic truths about employment here. You're right--- do your job and say goodbye when you're done. It's over.
Why is a reunion a bad idea?
@@AttilaM-p6xProbably because the majority of people are fake and jealous 🤔
You got that right. The very next day you are history.
What’s wrong with a reunion?
Not trying to build a relationship with anyone at work, their first resort will be betrayal once things go south.
Especially when they tell HR how bad your grammar is.
Lawyers are literally the scum of the earth, and all they do is sow discord and division
Not necessarily, you just need to consider their motivations and why they’re here. They’re there to provide for their family’s not because they like you.
@@AtomicB-zq2cw I once DID have a coworker with sloppy grammar.
Yep.
I remember five years ago, as my company was taken over by another, my boss Stacey called me into her office to talk at me about imminent changes that would be occurring. She asked me what I felt about them. When I said nothing, she said “you can talk to us, you’re among friends here”. I laughed in her face, as I already knew from interacting with her over the previous many years she was the perfect example of “with friends like you, who needs enemies”.
Should I call the police, have them arrested and lock up these cowardly lazy bullies who are so miserable and super jealous of top workers, jealous that i own a condo, got money. Bums will always be bums. Bums only attract losers like them. Working 40 years as a top worker. Never let these fools ever win. 56 here trying to destroy my reputation with defamation of character. Saying I go harassing's women , stalking them, drinking, I'm crazy, insecure, unstable. All 100% pure bs. My managers all know who I am. Never been suspended. Gaslight me, using flying monkeys, gang stalking me. Been doing this to me for the last 16 years. This is criminal?
But they never get fired. I need solid proof. No one wants to investigate. Maybe I should hire an investigator. lol Get them to do a lie detector test. My managers want to go nothing to be afraid of the bullies. Huge red flag. Gang stalking in my condo to have people be scared of me and to hate me thinking that they will kick me out. I'm very respectful and have owned my condo for 14 years. Bullies at work are so jealous. I just ignore it at work and in my condo or should i do something about it since it will never stop trying to destroy me?
you should've remained cordial. Laughing in her face just gave her a reason to hurt you later on. that was a rookie move on your part
Trust no one, suspect everyone.
@beatle-x2hIf someone is getting in your face you need to stand your ground and let that person know that you don’t tolerate that sort of behavior, what are you doing to people to make them shout your name or get in your face? If anyone got in my face it would end up in a fight regardless of where I am, but I don’t cause any problems so that doesn’t happen. You must be doing something really annoying to be getting picked on like that as an adult at work.
Mafia Sayings " TRUST NO ONE LEAVE NO TRACE" 😊
@beeatle-x2h It always matters what you do.
Very true. I had a 'Friend' I met in Church and had known for 21 years. She started continually asking to borrow small amounts of money, which graduated to 5K on two occasions (which I declined) then the cherry on top 'Would I be a good friend and agree to Guarantee a loan of 75 K she had racked up in bad credit card debts'? Of course I said NO. She never wanted 'advice' on how to save money or get out of debt, she just wanted money - my money. Oh we are both women, and when she got married recently, I was not even asked to be a bridesmaid. despite her previously saying she regarded me as her 'Sister' (when she was trying to get money out of me), and had 14 bridesmaids - some she had known half that time.
@@robw2486 thats common issue with friends or relatives. Next time dont let them know you have money. You can make an alibi or if they ask 5k give her or him 1k or any small amount regardless if she or he can pay or not in the future🙂
Told a coworker I was in the process of moving, and she told our boss. My replacement came soon afterward. My boss terminated me, and that was that. Lesson I had to learn in my 20s. I had another job lined up within 2 days, and the work environment was soooo much better. Calm, great boss, wonderful team, worked at a computer without having to deal with patients etc. A few months after that, I moved into my condo. Now I have a beautiful home, so that was a blessing in disguise. No thanks to her 😂
why would your boss replace you because you were moving? this really makes no sense. now if your boss terminated you because you were planning to quit i have seen that a dozen times
@@psilocybemusashipeople love telling self-serving half truths
Isn’t it all thanks to her?
My ex supervisor told her girlfriend she didn't like me but I stayed a few more months then I left they were also making me do other co workers job
I've learned at a young age that a lot of people have boring lives. So, everything they hear is daily conversation, even if it'd your business.
Because my personality is welcoming and I’m extroverted, my coworkers often ask me to hangout after work. It is a strict boundary for me not to hangout with coworkers. Keeping work and personal life separate causes you much less headaches down the line.
You've got the right mix of being friendly and approachable but also a private person with clear boundaries. Power to you.
My husband is the same but he has multiple excuses as to why he can’t go to a bar after work. His weeknights are already booked.
You’re smart.
Learned this lesson after telling a coworker about a (admittedly sizable) raise I got. I told her not to tell anyone, and it shouldn't have mattered to her; she still earned more than me. She literally blurted it out to the next person to walk by.
Couldn't keep quiet for 5 minutes. I still give her grief for that.
Next time, don’t tell that to a female coworker
@@christophertrojanowski2769 She shouldn't tell anyone. Salary discussions among coworkers is almost always against company policy and can often result in termination. Aside from that, it's in extremely poor taste to tell someone how much money you make, or ask how much they make.
@@IrishChola7I wish I could like this 100 times.
I learned a long time ago that coworkers are not your friends. Just ask yourself if that coworker would stand up and sacrifice themselves for you. Usually the answer is no. I can recall being young and naive and after my coworkers and I discussed poor conditions at work, I decided to do something about it and spoke to management. Not one coworker stood with me. Not one. They all complained and whined, but none of them stood up to be counted when it mattered. I’m also glad you said HR is not your friend either. That’s true as well.
Where I work, a man retired. The man’s pension was held up because he divorced his wife soon after retiring. The wife was still working at the company, and in a fairly senior role. Apparently, the company decided that he was not a nice man, and no longer deserved a pension.
Your coworkers won't lend you money either. At most once. Whereas a family member will
I needed to hear this today. I accepted a new role in the company I work for, been here since 2018. I worked with the same coworkers recently for the last 3 years, 8 of us, we all got really close. Depression set in when NONE of them sent me a quick text like “hey how’s the new role treating you?”. Nothing! I literally speak to only 2 coworkers from the beginning at this company because we’ve been through losing family members & pets etc. Thanks for making me realize my coworkers aren’t really my friends.
Boy is this true
"The bigger the smile the sharper the knife"
you're absolutely right😂😂😂
@@rc8124omg 😅😅😅 that’s so true..
Wait does that mean if you’re smiling and happy that someone with a sharp knife will backstab you
Or
Does it mean that they smile at you all nice but really are just going to stab you in the back 😅😅
@@BrooklynBaby100 I have a bad feeling that applies to both.
They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, the backstabbers.
Wow! I never heard that one before.
Remember the song "Smiling Faces" by Undisputed Truth? It's all true. Jealousy and envy are dangerous. Also, the night has eyes and walls have ears. Keep your mouth shut at work. People at work will sell you out in a heartbeat. This video should be required viewing for anyone entering the workforce.
You are absolutely correct ! I had mentioned Smiling Faces song to a few of the coworkers I thought were friends.
I'm one of the older people at my job and sometimes I feel like I'm in high school. There is a lot of immaturity and clique-forming. Even at events outside work, the same people hang out together. I have met some people that I like being around, even have common interests with, and that are professional. It made me realize that while it's possible to be friendly with your co-workers, in most cases they are NOT your friends, and honestly, I don't want to be friends with some of them.
I have 2 colleagues in my office who talk all day. Since my desk is in the middle I always feel I am in the way and feel I should leave so they can have their alone time together. I have even asked them if they want me to leave as I do feel I am intruding in their space.
Yeah, some adults never grow up until it's too late, if they ever do.
@@chrisgast I agree. My 2 colleagues are always in each other's office all day talking and I am left out. I have told them that I feel I am in the way and I should leave but they say I shouldn't feel that way. I guess I feel they are above me and I am in the way.
None of them for me.
One of the hard lessons that took me a decade of adulthood to really understand is that friendship is mostly for children. I've only managed to keep 1 friend since my teenage years, and I've never met him in person. Family really is everything, because nobody else cares about you. People only care about what value they can extract out of you.
You know what else isn’t your choice? Where you are born, who is enrolled at the schools you attend, who lives in your neighborhood etc…it’s all situational, and always has been. You treat people with respect and get to know the ones you’re with every day, and chances are you might actually be friends outside of those “situational” circumstances.
Good point but the house usually wins on this situation
Life doesn’t work that way, people suck
But you can make the best of it- might as well.
Now that's a "finding the nose on your own face" great point! People (In the workplace or out) tend to feed off of the vibes you put out. If you're standoffish, distant, or TOO enclosed what you're doing is (intended or not) building a sandbox on a beach. ..You're not blending in, you're standing out & apart (not in a good way) in the workplace (with co-workers as well as your boss). There ARE people who make friends at work & some of those friends go on to become our wives/husbands or best man/maid of honor. Shame that oftentimes our human tendency is to focus on the negative (or peoples worst instincts).
Stay away from off-hours, company events that you are not required to attend. Make up excuses if you have to. If you do attend, by all means, stay away from the alcohol and leave early. Better to be considered anti-social than to risk saying or doing something wrong at these events.
Most people do not realise they are still at work.
My coworker told me he attended a house party with other coworkers there. He is a muscular man and he said the women there were grabbing onto his arms. He left early and went he returned to work. People took it and ran with it and made it into something it wasn't.
There’s nothing wrong with attending company events. But off hours can be risky
What kind of profession you have to be so scared? I never had this issue, and I am working for 30 years...
@@ludmillabogucharska3182
Work events are still work.
Well, that's an understatement. People in general are not your friends. Always remember a "friend" today can be an enemy tomorrow and that should solve all your problems. Even family. All two-faced. If people are gossiping to you then THEY'RE GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU ! Just because someone seems friendly and smiles at you doesn't mean they're your friend. Quite the contrary. Jealousy is very real.
That’s why I live alone and have a handful of friends. My family is mostly all gone due to cancer or some other medical reason.
Well said I work mainly in a female working environment and I'm shocked by all the backstabbing and bitching as a man its an eye-opening. 😮
I’m currently a student. I see a pack of ppl talk smack about someone. Then when someone from the pack leaves, that person gets talked about. There are some people who retired. Once those people left, people went back to work and it was as if they never existed. Not once have they been remembered or mentioned.
You’re young. Eventually you’ll learn about these things, I used to be naive and think people at work cared about me
@@Jay-i9g5c Sounds like you’re in the wrong circle of people. Earnest people exist and know how to weed out toxicity.
That's just how people are, lots of fakes and snakes. Sometimes people will be mean, you just have to deal with it unfortunately. I feel like the general attitude in this comment section tho is just terrified paranoia. One dude said he doesn't even let his coworkers know his car or his birthday 😂 I don't understand this mindset at all and I'm glad
@@ThePigsmasher I don’t blame him. I once faked a phone call because someone was walking behind me who I didn’t want to know what car I drove. I waited 5 mins and went to the garage. The guy was sitting in his car just looking at me. So I faked another phone call and he left immediately when he realized I knew he was watching. You gotta watch out for these people
Shit is crazy
I agree with this guy. Employers are not you friends. My ONE(s) rule... would you be friends with that person organically outside of work? If the answer is no, then you have your answer. NEVER share information. NEVER let them see the car you drive (I would leave after colleagues, no joke). NEVER talk about home life.
the car thing is tough. won't they see you pulling into work?
What a terrified life you live LOL
You hide your car? For what reason? Sounds more like extreme paranoia.
@@ericsparksWith the rise in mental illness, I wouldn't put it past people to stalk you for simple things like what you wear and drive. You can never be too careful, ever.
Is actually prudent. Having a nice or better car than colleagues or a boss can create envy and bad feelings via competitiveness. A successful friend purposely commutes in an older honda. Same goes for where you live; if a nice area, be vague, or get a PO Box in a nearby regular area. Bling, watches, handbags.. leave it for the weekends, be neutral and understated at work.
People in general are safer when they believe they have more or better things than you. Is a well known strategy utilized by old money folks. Ever wonder why they drive 10 yr old cars and wear old cashmere pullovers.
One of the hardest lessons I learned from 25 years in the classroom is to compartmentalize everything! COVID lockdown was a reckoning for me regarding quality of life. I prioritize mental health, work during contract hours only, and keep work and personal life completely separate. I’m not going to get any recognition from my work because of this attitude, but, I’m a lot better teacher and co-worker because of it.
I’ve said this many times to many people: employment is transactional. Don’t take it personally, do your job, get your pay, go home.
@@joesantamaria5874 Plain and simple.
To sum this up, most offices are toxic. Dont be a jerk, but keep the walls up and DONT fully trust anyone.
@beeatle-x2h take out boxes crumble but don’t compare to the walls of an office
Never include coworkers in your personal social media links. This includes Facebook, IG, X, and even LinkedIn in some cases. Keep your profiles private and not searchable if possible. Always assume that someone from your company can and will find your social media posts.
Shouldn’t be posting bs on social media anyway
Same what i did😊
Twitter, not muskrat social. Who TF says x unironically? 🤢
There was a lady at my job that got fired because she called out sick a few days straight. She actually went on a trip someplace. The pictures were all over her FB! Well, someone in her department saw the FB pictures and told the manager. She was let go not long after.
That's why I make fake accounts to avoid RH rtds to not bugging me with their lurking bs @@anbar1179
They are never your friends, they are there to compete with you.
I've had a "friend" at work, and this person thought they were better than they were. So, maybe a year passed by, and I got a promotion, and they didn't, and this person tried to get me in trouble and possibly terminated.
Not always
I like to play down my strengths and joke about my weaknesses. Then when I smash an interview or an exam, it really winds up the haters as they have decided I'm a lot less smart than I am.
Yes.they are here to compete.thats it
You will only appreciate this video when you actually live through HR issues.
Ain't that the truth!
@beeatle-x2h what!!!!! I wont even bother.
Great video👌. I was representing a group of nurses fighting for better work conditions when I worked in the UK 🇬🇧. Meetings were held and everyone was sharing their grievances to me. So I took these to management and a big meeting was held. When asked to show hands those supporting me on the claims that the work conditions were bad, none raised their hands. Now the spotlight was on me 😂😢. I was the trouble maker and my employer at the time made sure that my life was hell after that. I had to resign that job. None of those folks ever came to my assistance. So folks, never try to be a super hero at work and never think your coworkers are your friends. They are just looking out for number 1 and you will be the super zero and not the hero 😂
You have to play the game,read the room.The office queen,power tripping boss,ball lickers.Keep your enemies close.Get self employed if you can.
We had an annual meeting where one of our supervisor stated that "I don't care about your family or personal life, just come here to work." He had some personal issue and the rest of us had to pick up the slack and our manager didn't like that I said I'm here for the department and paycheck, not the supervisor. Of course he didn't like it because they've been buddy-buddy for years.
I had an assistant manager tell my store manager abt a medical issue I had going on. The next day during a work meeting, the store manager said “I don’t care if you guys have …, that’s not an excuse.” And even though he didn’t mention me, I knew that the assistant manager told him because she blurted out a laugh, and looked down.
I’m glad that stupid restaurant closed down
Did you confront that manager?
@ I was off guard by everything that I closed myself off from her. A year later (I had her on insta), I invited her to go out, and the day of the date, I deactivated my insta and haven’t turned back. Wasn’t very nice of me, but I didn’t feel bad doing it to her.
that's why i never go to job part'ys and stay low profile, never tell them more then they need to know.
I’ve decided to stop going to work parties and happy hours
literally wtf do you think that an apostrophe in the middle of (mis-spelt) 'parties' is for?
@@baldeagle4710 Soon you'll be stopping birthday cards, Christmas cards, Secret Santas, Baby Showers, Retirement presents, leaving presents, flowers for sickness and funerals - have I missed anything?
@@rufustfirefly7389 I stopped going to weddings, never been to a baby shower, last funeral I went to was 10 years ago
I used to terminate interviews when an interviewer would become effusive about how the company populace is a close knit "family".
I have no problem with "team" but family no.
The family dynamic is also code that you are required to socialize with this crowd.
“Family” is a toxic word within my family.
I saw my boss literally lie about a coworker as she suspended him. I stood up for right and against wrong. He quit. Then they came after me for no reason. Within a few years I was canned and had to sue. No odd o worked with would even respond to a text. 5 years later, after the bad boss left I heard from a few of them telling how bad it sucked after I left.
People are afraid to be targeted. Especially at high paid career level jobs.
They're your co workers not your friends but then cliques form and then it becomes personal. Unfortunately, I've worked with many people who don't know how to act professional and everything is personal and a lot of people hard time separating personal and business. Don't get me started on the holiday parties and work functions.
I despise work "parties". They need to away with the dinosaurs and bubonic plague.
There are many coworkers like that and wait for the right moments to betrayal you in the moments. Can't understand why or how, that's why we stick with remain silent and focus on the job.
Yup
The infamous holiday party hookups. Now sexual assault phoney clains
I hear you loud and clear!
Never drink more than 1 drink at work function. Ideally 0 drinks.
They say to make allies however, if you can. I once had a couple of ladies at work I thought were my friends. One was so nice to me, gave me an xmas gift. When I got harassed and lost my job by one boss who lied about me, I was all on my own, she even told me she would not support me. He is right, you won't see these people ever again.
Some of my best friends were previously my coworkers. We became friends at work and when we moved on we kept in touch. It's awesome.
Why I feel no obligation to eat with coworkers in lunch breaks, and instead, eat alone in my own convenience. Coworkers come and go, and attachments are unnecessary. Your employer, including the military, will preach family all they want, but you will soon learn that in the end, everyone are just human beings.
Go to work on time, do your job, make your money for the day, and go home.
Thats a mistake. Do 1 lunch with co workers a month. Doesn't mean you have to gossip, etc.
That's why after 35 years old I became introvert and love it.. being introvert is not loneliness it's solitude with yourself... away from drama and negative energy...it's pure peace tranquility and pacification vibe 😃👍🏼👊👏🤙
In general, friendships are only truly desirable when neither of the friends have any other interest in the friendship than maintaining the friendship for friendship's sake.
I work for a family business, everyone is “family” I pretty much let it known I don’t like half of them and not to talk to me unless it’s about work. Thank you Kobe Bryant for that attitude.
Right on. Excellent advice. Another point, your Boss is NEVER your friend. You can be friendly but don't trust them as an actual friend.
As I’ve said many times over “there are no friends at work there are only friendly colleagues”
I've always made it a personal obligation to be respectful and helpful but also be firm on boundaries. Many people like to cross boundaries like it's no one's business when in fact they are exposing the type of character they have, which is very useful in the future.
@@chrisgast ugh this is a lesson i need to learn. People sense they can push my boundaries because i have a hard time saying NO.
I end up helping put people who dont really deserve my time or get into iffy situations.
They get paid to be nice to you not hang out
👏👏👏
@@BASESKIZL Thirty years ago it was very common for people to meet their spouse’s at work.
@@allermenchenaufder yeah 30 years ago that’s about when they started calling it sexual harassment.
@BASESKIZL 😂
@@BASESKIZL Wmn ☕
Yep very solid advice. Supposed "friends" outside of work are usually the same way, I've always called them "fair weather" friends-they are around if you can provide entertainment, money or a good time for them. If you have a rough time in life they always disappear and want nothing to do with you. At least that's my experience here in the US.
Fun fact: almost everyone you meet pass 25 is not your friend.
And making friends after the age of 25 is pretty much impossible. Everyone is in work mode and they don’t socialize
Almost. In 20 years I was able to get a couple of new friends
Sounds sad, what if friends are the only thing that gives you pleasure?
Yes and the reason you used to have so many friends is you didn't have enough bills due at the end of the month.
@@gio957 so having bills makes people not want to have friends?
This is a great video ❤ Everything you said is 100% correct. I had the misfortune of this happening to me many years ago. Hard lesson to learn but I've come out the other side, however it definitely took some time to readjust
……I can’t tell you HOW HAPPY I am to be retired!!!!!
Me too!
It’s was hell!
Soon to be too ,sick and tired of all these boot licking and incompetent managers
Me as well. What a nightmare corporate life was!
@@YAMISOOLD2009 There’s no PLEASING Corporate……EVER. Even if you meet the goals, they raise them, meet them again, risen again. They’re never satisfied. Of course it’s ALL about money, not people (they like to speak about a “caring environment” for workers……please!! They don’t give A F !!! Before I retired, for my last two years, I took care of MYSELF at work, making sure I reaped as many benefits as possible, and then took some MORE!!! ….then I quit!! 😎😀🥂👌
Me too! It was like navigating a minefield
This all boils down to us being at the mercy of someone else. Someone else decides whether we eat, keep a roof over our heads, and or live comfortably. In an environment like that, true connections will almost never occur.
That sounds like an incredibly sad life to live ... might want to restructure some things and adjust priorities to support your independence.
@@halfsourlizard9319That's most people's lives. It's called capitalism and a job. Not everyone is an entrepreneur.
Only God provides with no conditions. That is the lesson
Your statement. It could not be more right. You nailed it.
Yes. I despised this life, and left the corporate world as soon as I could at 39. Took a long time to become semi-independent.
Oh, BOY, is this TRUE!! Take this advice to heart! Be cordial and respectful, but never allow the people you work with into your personal life. It’s hard, especially if you’re an outgoing person, but take it from me, the old adage of “other people are Hell” definitely is proven every day in the workplace.
I avoid my coworkers as much as possible.
🤣🤣🤣
I learned this lesson the hard way after working at a job for 8 years, being super close with a lot of coworkers, and then having them all abandon me once they found out my beliefs afterwards. Then every job after that was rinse and repeat. People not ever keeping in touch, etc. I just gave up trying to make friends at my jobs period. At my current job, I don't even bother trying to talk to people. It's like it gets worse with every single job I get.
So true. I’m retired now, but I had two experiences with complaints filed against me for petty reasons, but HR treats them all like death penalty cases. They actually employed full-time investigators who were former federal prosecutors. In interviews, co-workers made up outright lies to get on the record as being cooperative. Taken together, their stories were so outrageous my immediate leadership knew it was BS and backed me up. Fact remains, they did it and HR created the environment that allowed it to happen.
I think that's really sad. Some of my closest friends are those I met in the workplace. If you're going to spend 8 hours day with coworkers, it really helps if you actually like them. You're probably not going to be friends with everyone, but I think it's good to have at least one person you're close to.
After all, it was Shannan Watts's colleague turned best friend that alerted law enforcement to her disappearance.
It’s nice to have conversations in every short burst, but at the end of the day as an employee, we must keep it professional.
Your advice is spot on. I’m a GM in my company and I’m going to require my subordinates to watch your video so that they can become an outstanding members of the IPTs they’re assigned to. Such a great way to build up my teams!
Please don’t that’s just lunacy
So true. I’ve been in the working world for 15 years and this is true. I thought I had some close, close friends that naturally dissolved once I moved companies. Luckily I’ve never had anyone to be sunk or sink a coworker, but they’re not friends.
Talk to them about your weekend like it’s a publicised event (i.e. be PR savvy), don’t tell them about your home life good or bad. They can use it against you.
Recieved an email from the boss asking me to choose what day I prefer so all of us (boss, myself, and 3 co-workres) can go out to lunch for "Friendsgiving". After a HUGE eye roll, I replied with a date but honestly in my mind it's 100% pointless and another added expense coming out of my pocket. Don't forget about the "mandatory" birthday and Christmas party as well where presents are expected. It's all bs, but not attending at this point is a sure fire way to get fired as well. Office politics are horrible.
Just go to the damn lunch
I would get sick that day lol
I’m glad more people feel like me. Okay, money making time and that’s it. Thank you
A coworker has a mistake of saying she was autistic and had ADHD. The way she annoyed everyone by saying that is impressive. She could literally sue all of them for being so mean but they only do it behind her back. Granted, she complains all the time which is annoying but she doesn't deserve them being so mean. That is why I never said I was highly sensitive and probably had ADHD too. Never diagnosed but I my boyfriend and a friend who are both confirmed ADHD told me I had very clear symptoms. But this information is very personal and to be shared only with peopke who genuinely care about you. I learned this the hard way. So I keep it in mind because it creates some additional challenges at work but I also keep it to myself. The work place litteraly uses you in exchange for money so they need you functional.
I'd argue that ALL friendships are situational and vunerable to life's problems. Just move out of town or deal with a major crisis (divorce anybody?) and you'll soon find out! If you accept that all friendships can expire, then there's no reason NOT to consider a coworker a friend. Lastly, where you work matters. I'm an American living and working in France. French workers enjoy bulletproof job security and you can still find people who've been with the same company for 20+ years. Under those conditions, it's possible to have cowoking friendships that outlast traditional friendships. If you enjoy someone's company and hang out, they're a friend until otherwise.
Exactly! I've had a case of backstabbing 'friend' at work. So what? I've also made many amazing friends at work. Thank god I'm not living in fear, lonely, just to avoid a risk that is inherent to any relationship. The amount of people here who think this is good advice is heartbreaking. We are human beings. We thrive together.
I like that- friendship can be temporary!! Not everyone was meant to stay in your life forever.
I remember at a new job I meet this person and it seem like we made a good connection. I truly saw that person as a friend until I started seeing things that looked like jealousy and when she got in trouble for something she would Try to drag me down too. Never again will I trust anyone no matter how nice they seem
The truth really is nobody is your friend. Your manager, CFO, AP Director, HR, co-worker, and the owner are not your friends. They will look for any way to get you fired. It feels as if when you are at work you are in a war zone. It sucks that we can't become friends with people that we spend 40 hours a week! Yes that's 40 hours of our life a week with these people and we need to keep our distance. It also comes down to profession as well. Office jobs are among the most toxic positions and toxic people. The best thing to do is do your work, get your money, and f***k all of them. If you want friends, then find them outside of work.
They're now called "Situationships". That sums it up
This more applies to women.
@@Theresonlyonetruth1 I agree, but I have known a few to let their guard down after a personal crisis.
Try gastronony, you will sonn apper back to office
fire you?
well worse is they will hide informations or misinform you to their advantage during working periods
The HR rep who is my direct boss at my job will ask us what we think our coworkers “are thinking” about a situation. I always respond that I don’t know what they are thinking, but I can easily assume my coworkers are telling my boss what they think I’m thinking, which will unlikely be accurate. HR runs the office on gossip and assumptions.
It's hard enough to maintain one true friendship with somebody, let alone any of your coworkers.
Never gossip in their BS that’s how they want to control and set you up to be fired.
yes and NEVER tell a lie
@@rufustfirefly7389 well..when people arrive at work and say "good morning" that's already a lie
@@Mr.RgdiasI just say, “morning.”
Learned that the hard way yesterday and good thing i had a fail safe against this person.
Explain 😮
I try and try to not count on these "friendships". I've been burned and I'm learning and still learning. And watch social media like linked in. Your company monitors this
Yes they do. A colleague of mine was sacked for saying derogatory things about a manager on social media.
@@rufustfirefly7389why u can’t be friends at work it’s not like theirs a problem even if we their to make money I want friends to chat with as well why some company’s make it so complicated why is this even if it’s a job or a day hab center that we go too why make this policy
I am retired now, but agree with everything you said and one reason I have not taken a part time job. Toxic.
It depends on what you mean by friend. Aristotle’s 3 levels of friendship is a good way to see friends. 99% of coworker friends fall into the first category of “friendship of utility”. You work together and are friends working for the same goal, and can enjoy each others company while working. It is a legitimate friendship, just not the deeper level that maybe you’re thinking of when you say friend (who would possibly be self sacrificial and jeopardize their own income to testify in a legal battle to defend you). By your high standard of friendship, most of your friends probably are not your friends.
My coworker ratted me out for something that was none of his business. I was friends with my boss and he dragged his feet for me when writing a report to HR about it. He never wrote the report. Sometimes friendships at work are good. You just have to know when they're real.
Don't people know to keep their work life and personal life separate? This was a common knowledge when I entered the workforce decades ago. Everyone knew to do it, and any gossips were dismissed as troublemakers. What happened to that?
Yeah it's weird, I started working when I was 17 and I already knew this very well even then. I'm surprised many people are this naive well into their 20's and later.
Seems every generation has to learn old lessons. The last couple of 'empowered' generations think they know it all. They act overly familiar, too soon; ask personal or intrusive questions and assume all levels of staff are equal so why can't they hv a corner office too after all they've been there for 6 mos.
Some coworkers act like they are cool with you one day then act like they don’t know you the next.
I understood these concepts before my employment in the United States Navy from day one. I was 19 at the time. Met a world of people in there throughout the years, 21 years later, i stay in touch with one maybe once a year.
My motto, when l was in the work environment, say very little, fly under the radar, in other words don’t be the problem child, be respectful of everyone- do my job, stay out the supervisors office, if my name came up, l would want to be said that he’s a good worker, you won’t have any trouble out of him and they didn’t-Retired now
Some of the nastiest people ive met was at work, But also some of the nicest and most genuine. Alot of lessons learned from the nasty ones but it made me for the better. Nothing beats meeting and getting to know the very few good ones that have your back through the rough times. They are like a breath of fresh air.
All in all, be friendly, wholesome, genuine and authentic. Learn from your mistakes and other's mistakes. Don't be afraid to make friends.
I have several strong friendships with people I no longer work with but we also spent time outside of work and had other interests.
But yes, its always good to be friendly and social with people you work with - just don't lie to yourself or be surprised to find they aren't the ties that bind.
We live in a sad sick world. 🌎 this world is trash.
Strive for heaven. Follow Christ
@joshuaJohnson : Yes it is especially when we are with cruel employers.
Sure we don't. There's more to life than work. Carpe diem my friend
@@Timmerdetimmerdetim Everything cost money, for that Money we have to fight like anything. World is unequal one reason is Money.
@@Fan-zx1lz that's why we need universal basic income.
But in fact I was talking about that other life: the one beyond of working hours. That one isn't sick nor trash.
Generally I agree. One line I have always used to see clearly is the basic test of do each of you spend time personally at each other's homes, how often, and how well do you know each other outside of professional lives. That is a reasonable test. Unless you are being set up it is a fair and reasonable test.
Also remember some people go the other extreme and get married as they met at work.
Rather harsh. I was a a schoolteacher, and over the course of a career - we were all long-serving at the same school, we built up friendships and relationships that have lasted into retirement.
This is very sweet and I’m happy for you. I think this video is more aimed at corporate, which is more dog eat dog. I have teacher friends too who are lucky to have solid friends at work.
Plus it sounds like you’re retired? It’s a different world now unfortunately. Less jobs for qualified people. 😢
@niewieder99 I think you're right. I'm in the UK and the culture is changing, Teaching is becoming more micro managed for starters. I am retired. Thank God!.
Same here. I'm also a teacher, and the best friends I have are fellow teachers I met through work.
Not harsh at all. Teachers and maybe nurses and probably some non profit types of careers where people really work with a sense of mission and passion for what they are doing can develop a commradrie that develops into real friendship. But these exceptions do not negate what the majority of corporate workers learn sooner or later in their careers. What this man outlines so well.
@@YAMISOOLD2009 I think you're right, now that I think about it. It is sad, though.
Been at the same company 35 years. Have numerous friends that are from the beginning. Friends that took jobs with competition are still close - it’s a small world. No reason to be petty to anyone.
Are those friends men?
And when you leave that company most of those friends will vanish.
I've kept my mouth shut and done my best to stay out of trouble and I've _still_ gotten dragged into other's drama. Many times it's impossible to avoid the drama quicksand.
At the end of your day at work once everybody gets in their cars they're gone they go in their own directions they've got their own life they've got their own personal close friends you are just there for the time being when you're working with them you are not a friend and when you leave you never hear from any of them
@beatle-x2h right
I befriended a co-worker back in 1990, and we're still friends.
Uh oh, you better end the friednship right now!!! Just say that some guy on RUclips said it's a bad idea, and he has glasses and a tie, so he's definitely smart.
Yeah almost all of my close friends are present or past coworkers
It can most definitely occur. People do make long lasting bonds and friendships at work. It's just rare in my experiences
Happy for you. It is rare.
If both of you are working for different employers, a situationship can blossom into friendship
In my 30 year career this has been my philosophy. I have kept my friend group separate from my work group and it’s actually been a big factor in staying professional and getting promoted in the organization.
Through all of life this is how friendships go though. Your friends as a kid were your neighbors and classmates, as they moved on in life or changed schools they mostly drifted away. Its no different with coworkers. Maybe relationships can also be different from the dynamics of the workplace as well. I dont work tech, I work what is basically labor. So working closer together likely means you create closer bonds. Ive seen with others and personally made friends that lasted well beyond working together. Im still friends with someone I havent worked with in almost 10 years, however its still mostly true that when you split from eachother at work the friendship will fizzle or just immediately end.
I was cordial with my co-workers, sometimes I'd go to lunch with them, but never partook any activities with them and never outside the work environment. Co-workers to me are just that, a working relationship and nothing more.
Also any co-worker trying to be your friend, be wary. My "friend" was just digging for information and sizing me up to eventually harrass and control
This is 1000% true. It amazes me how many people don't get that those people are there to make money, not friends. So they have zero loyalty to anything there but themselves. They'll throw anyone and everyone under the bus if it means they'll come up.
Workplace politics are so bad that I’m saving all these comments. These are such good comments. I’m saving into a word document. Also sidenote, sadly at church this can be the same , Not all church folk are kinfolk.