Not literally because no one living has experienced hell, but I do agree with a point you've made in that I have asked myself the question "what's the point of overthinking?" and in being an overthinker I seem to be more intuitive sometimes to the point of being seemingly prescient...and maybe that's the point. ...?
As an over thinker I have come to realize that my mind wants to over contemplate things. I have found that all my decisions must first go to God. It seems to work for me.
Yesss! If we had a device or appliance that wasn't working to it's full capacity or there was aspects of it we didn't understand, we go back to manufacturers guide/instructions because they created the product and know it inside and out and we're no different, we have to go back to our creator who knows how every organ and wire of our brain works and where the source of the malfunction inside of us is that's crossing us over from functioning healthy to unhealthy and guide us. God bless you.
Holy. Crap. In over forty years NOBODY has ever articulated or understood how my mind and emotions work like you just did. For decades I have analyzed every thought, word, and action of mine and everyone else’s on a minute by minute basis. I’ve finally been in a process of healing, growth, and discovery for a year or more, so I guess I was ready to stumble on this video. Thank you!
I signed my job away six months after losing my son with teenage cancer. 13 years ago and i still replay that decision that i see as wrong! I am addicted. X
YES!!! I overthink ALLLLL decisions in my life and I am always anxious! Then, I can't make a decision until someone tells me what to do! It is so FRUSTRATING!
I wish I heard this video a year ago. I was struggling a lot with these obssessive thoughts :( It was exhausting, I became anxious and paralyzed. I could not understand so many things and kept pondering and going in circles in my head. I've gotten better since then but am thankful for videos like this to help me understand myself more and what I can do to help myself.
I am an artist. Good to know my creativity is the reason I am this way . I feel like I have to overthink every decision but I am also great at detail and decorating and just being creative in general
It’s so good to hear this , I’m a people pleaser and I make outrageous effort to make everyone happy , I shouldn’t be that bothered If I’ve made an effort , you’re right you need to establish what is enough and stay in the moment
Me too! I struggle with being a people pleaser big time to the point where I put myself on the back burner. It can be exhausting. This video was so helpful! I'm being intentional on not overthinking. I am starting therapy up again.
Shalom if you pray every day every night and every moment you feel low obsessive or fearful and anxious. The all higher God with bless you with peace and grace.
I catch myself overthinking so much, it’s crazy and exhausting, my overthinking has caused problems in my relationships, and I catch myself in the act of it but my mind just keeps running and running and it’s so draining.
I love the part that you said it's ok to talk to yourself lol. I find myself wanting to do that because it's a good way to get my feelings out but then I will kind of judge myself and say to myself ok this is not normal stop talking to yourself. Lol. So thank you for that comment it just gave me freedom .
I talk to myself all the time I do it nearly everyday especially when I have things on my mind and I need to express myself and get it off my chest. I personally think it’s better to talk to myself and come to a decision myself rather than having to expose my thoughts and feelings to somebody else that may not understand me or even worse go and tell other people about what I just told them as there is a lot of disloyal people out there nowadays and I don’t trust many people but I can always count on myself and trust myself. I try to be my own best friend, it’s me myself and i ! I try and speak to myself the same way I would speak to a good friend. I’m not saying don’t have any friends and don’t trust anybody but sometimes there are somethings which are best kept to yourself as you know telling other people your stresses doesn’t get you anywhere and it doesn’t solve your problems like I said sometimes people only make matters worse but that’s for you to decide. Girl just babble your heart out all day long, ain’t nothing wrong with it we all need to babble and let steam off and frustration sometimes!
This is amazing, I thought I was alone and then see all these comments. I also overthink, a lot. Dealing with a narcissistic ex, we lost our son a cpl of months ago which brought us together. He started flirting with me, then remembered he has a girlfriend. After calling to check on him, he all of a sudden he lashed out at me, talking bout the past, his opinion of me, trying to engage me in an argument, taunting me to the point of tears. It appears that he enjoyed it. He pulled me into this and now pushing me away like he hates me, hurts like hell, I didn't deserve it. Thank you Stephanie, the videos help me to look at things differently.
Most over-thinkers are people who are highly intelligent. They have a set of goals and values and they want their lives to be lived according to them, mistake-free so to speak (although deep inside they know there are always mistakes and nobody's perfect, not even them). They're perfectionists who want the comfort of knowing everything's going according to plan. It's not being selfish or patronizing others, it's creating scenarios in your head and trying to play by these rules you've created to know you won't fall deep into uncertainty. I know this about myself, and when there are surprises in life they're triggering my feelings of being at risk or not being able to know what's going on, which is very frightening. I believe it has something to do with instability during childhood and not being able to protect myself from constant changes. It has evolved into the urge, or not even the urge but the need, to always live my life the best way I can and know I'm smart enough to control it. I don't want surprises to control me. I don't think it's a bad sign, but I do know how hard it is and I just need to balance it so I don't get overwhelmed. So my tactic now is to always keep in mind that things might not go according to plan, and sort of recreate a plan B just in case. And even if it doesn't work accordingly, it's ok to feel bad, I've learnt to learn from such experiences.
Laura Gadille I know the feeling girl!! I have generalized anxiety disorder and it’s a consistent thing and I have to be consciously aware of every single occurrence in order to learn how to react to it. Everyday work in progress. Hang in there
I am an overthinker and it makes me feel depressed and distressed at times. I want everything to go well and when things don't go as planned I feel insecure and disappointment. Overthinking can result in negative thinking and uncomfortable feelings. I have been uncomfortable and have feelings of insecurity. I had to keep working on the negativity of overtinking and being afraid of judgemental and unacceptance behaviors of other people. This stems from childhood because we all want to be accepted and loved by our parents, teachers, peers and others. Self-love and self-respect are the basis and foundation of our mental well-being and positive self-image. This is a process and will take years to overcome this negative emotion and a lack of personal self-development.
there might be also fear of emptiness and feeling of nothing which brings fear. You have to fill that empty place which is fearful by overthinking which becomes a comfort zone...
Wowwwww, this is truly your gift!! I just subscribed today, and I have been listening to many of your videos and thinking, "I should pay her for this free therapy!!" Thank you so much! I resonate 1000%!!😀
Stephanie... I mentioned to a friend that I find strength and clarity watching your videos. Decisions are constant and you can’t please everyone. Overthinking is sometimes inevitable, but I do take short breaks. Thank you for helping me create a different version of myself.
I need help in this area. You hit the nail on the head. People are quick to speak up about addiction that are known cause they are noticable like alchohol abuse in stuff, but what about the ailent addictions which most dont speak of that's hurting people like over thinking due to worry and fear of unknown and lack of control of unknown . Or cause of wanting to not be rejected . As a child nothing was every good enough and you become a people pleaser . Etc... I been asking God for deliverance from all this . Your vids are a blessing. I'm learning to identify the attacks . I will start to feel a certain way it all starts with thoughts which play on emotions . Find what the thought is making you feel and identify the attack . Overcome by knowing your true identity in Christ.. The lies most times come as a what if type of thought.
I am a extreme over thinker and it drains me everyday. Everything you said is correct. When you said addiction yes I also believe it’s like an ocd that repeats itself and I feel as though if I don’t overthink enough somehow I’m doomed and whatever decision I make will definitely be bad like I have to overthink to make sure everything will be okay and it’s so draining and exhausting trust! It’s a viscous cycle and it’s even the worst when something bad happens or somebody upsets me or hurts my feelings I keep tirelessly overthinking the whole scenario on rewind and play trying to figure out what happened why it happened and what could I have done to change the outcome and most of all did I make the right decision in that moment! I need help to break free from this I just wanna live in peace and not waste my brain power overthinking about every stupid thing!! There’s better things to do!!
This video was FANTASTIC Stephanie. Part of my overthinking/obsessive thinking is I am a VERY STRONG empathic and people pleaser. Also, my MBTI is INTJ. Yes, a highly empathetic INTJ. I always have read we are cool, aloof, and emotionally distant. Not me. I agree with both reasons I overthink. I will say, however, it has saved me alot of grief wanting to make great decisions in our INSANE world. My motto is "ready, aim, fire" . NOT " ready, fire, aim" Thanks for pointing out where I need to grow, these are my "blind spots". Blessings to you Stephanie
This video was so helpful and so insightful! I knew I was always wanting a solution and problem solving but not to the extent I do this esp on certain situations. I also know I'm a people pleaser to the point where I think of everyone else before I think about myself. I need to intentionally work on that as well. I have been intentional on not over thinking today. Accepting I won't get answers in a certain situation and I have to provide my own closure and not obsessing about it and it helps for sure! I started therapy back up and that helps so much too! We talk a lot about acceptance, what we can control, our part in things, and boundaries at work which helps too as that reminder. Thank you for this video!
OMGOSH! I knew I was an over thinker/co dependent / people pleaser and had NO IDEA what that meant in how I make decisions! My eyes are finally open I hope this helps me make different habits. I’m 50 and never knew what these things meant in my life. My goodness- THANK YOU
Oh Stephanie, I wish I could give you a hug. Your videos are helping me so so much. I have a big life change happening in the next week and I'm gaining so much calm & strength from what you are teaching here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, I struggle with this almost daily with (sometimes) the smallest of decisions. It's exhausting just knowing that there are decisions I have to make. I mull things over and over to the extreme and think about the effects way into the future on bigger decisions. My mind goes in circles. So many times I have been so fed up with myself not making the decision, I finally just force myself to choose quickly. When this happens, it's usually not the right choice. Then it's the metal cycle that goes along with making wrong choices. Then there are times that I realize that not choosing is also a choice.
I've been struggling with lack of decisiveness for years. Right now I have to deal with the biggest decision of my life and I'm cracking up. I put a deposit on a house, but there are a lot of pros and a lot of cons to consider. I have only few more days to make up my mind and the amount of stress this situation caused me is unbelievable. I'm still 50/50 on it. What I did today is I booked a psychic, something I never consider I would do but I see no other way to deal with this! Overthinking is a very underestimated mental health issue.
My friend sent me this video because recently I’ve been in a rut and it’s due to my anxiety about my career. This video made me realize that recently I noticed that I tend to overthink my next decisions because I’m scared of the “what comes next” or being judged and because of this, I end up stuck in that thought and not continue with my day as productively as I could have. You’ve given great insight and tools to help with these issues that all seem to be linked with overthinking. The “things to remember“ and tips resonated with me and I can’t wait to incorporate them into my daily routine. Thank you!
Thank you for this all this information, I am that over thinker, people pleaser, Codependent . Right now I’m learning to self reflect and work on self love . I always put others before myself and learned I am exhausted and forget about me. I let go of the abusive Narcissist and now seeking ways to help me get mentally healthy again.. so I will take these tools and start making time for myself..
Yes I totally agree that our over thinking is a way to help us control things in our life and make things go the way we want them to go. And it can often help us do well but sometimes can overwhelm and make us anxious. We have to find a balance. Great video!
Thank you so much. I’ve been really struggling with understanding my narcissistic partner and what she has been doing and why the horrible things she has done happened to me. I’ve been religiously watching your videos and they seem to be the only things that hold me together. God bless you.
Hi Stephanie , I don’t know if u will ever read this comment, but this was the first video I watched after my discard. I was thinking why am I obsessively thinking about the incident whereas the other person just moved onto other supply. Then while going through the comments i someone commented about empath narc dynamic. I understood what happened. It’s almost an year now. I saved this video in my playlist. I just wanted to thank u and that comment person . Thank u for being the first person who introduced me to this new world. U saved my life cuz I was not in my right mind. I hope u read it. U are my angel . I wish u all the very best. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻.I just hope this message reaches u 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Most of the subjects you talk about I relate to immensely. Especially overthinking. I'm 42. I have done this most of my life until the point of what you mentioned where you get so exhausted you just stop thinking at all. Like nothing matters either way. I had an extreme episode is my early 20's of this. Anyway..now I'm finally "tired of being tired" and I'm getting help with all my issues. Thank you for posting all of these videos. I listen everyday. I started this recently. You are making such a huge difference!
My mother is a narcissist and she _judged_ everything I did, nothing I was ever *good.* For years I could not do anything and lived on unemployment money. I felt all I did was wrong. Thanks Stephanie.
You are describing me to a T… Everything you’re mentioning is everything that I do and feel. I didn’t even realize I was obsessing to the extent I was until I saw your video. And don’t ya know, I’ve stopped in the middle of this comment to “think and rethink” what I want to say a million times!! I too think this is similar to an addiction. I feel that I can say that because I have an addictive personality. I’ve been addicted to many things in my life; shopping, men, validation, drugs, and now overthinking. Thanks for your videos! I appreciate what you do!
You hit the nail on the head. I just came across your videos. Please keep making them. I have been struggling the past few years. Since my dad died his passing brought up a lot of old old stuff that I never took care of because I didn’t know about my own programming. Things are making more sense I think my actual process is going to take years because my programming is so messed up. You video’s are great thank you sharing your knowledge with everyone.
This is yet another incredible analysis by Stephanie Lyn who is really an amazing philosopher of how we think. She records on a library of subjects. Why people are over thinkers is because of a desire to control outcomes based on fear, the kind of fear we felt as children. Ms. Lyn is always so deep, what a great communicator. I agree that on such a subconscious level some people are addicted to overthinking, it is like the addiction to gambling, it works through operant condition. Lyn encourages you to identify obsessive thoughts, to self-parent yourself through avoiding choices based on fear. I highly endorse Ms. Lyn's words, she improves this world one awesome video at a time! Thank you for elevating everyone's self-awareness! -James, Seattle
Such a perfect video. I'm an over thinker. It's been a struggle my whole life. The washing the hands thing hit home... I brush my teeth. It calms me down. I need to work on things that trigger me. Thank you. I love your videos.
Oh my gosh. This IS my life!!! I'm in tears right now because I've had a couple people that I loved very much leave me telling me I'm controlling but never understanding how that could be because my intentions are so good and there's no duplicity or power in me. Also, for the last year I've been thinking that something about me seems similar to that of an addict but I'm not "addicted" to anything per se. I even asked my sister who is a recovering addict but I keep getting no where with trying to figure this out. So far everything you speak on is so sound and hitting the nail on the head for me. THANK YOU THANK YOU. thank you for being kind and measured about all these hard topics and even about the people who hurt other people. I'd love help recovering
Im seriously thankful for your channel... i found it at the perfect time and i feel like your in the room talking only to me... your helping me remember how strong i am and i love you for that🤗❤ my therapist hasn't talked to me like this
Stephanie, I just have to say that your videos have really helped me implement your techniques in my everyday life. I have been in relationships with narcissistic abusers, had narcissistic friends, been used, and I’m the queen of overthinking and I literally go through all your old videos to learn points from everything. My mom just found out she has a mass in her breast and is going in for a biopsy next week and I’m so scared and pray it’s not cancer but I’m trying not to overthink and worry unless I have something to worry about if the time comes. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos for us. Your are really selfless because if you really wanted to you wouldn’t give all this free advice. Keep the vids coming!! 💜😊
Update, my mom was infact diagnosed with breast cancer but only 1.2 cm big and she already had the lumpectomy. It hasn’t spread to her lymph nodes thank God so she will most likely only need radiation to make sure it doesn’t recur 🙌🏻🙏🏻
She is amazing!! She touches every aspect perfectly and provides worthwhile and eye opening analyzes of these aspects.. I have learned so much from her and it's a shame how many people don't know these basic concepts. I struggle with unaware older people in the family who are their 60s who I expect to know these things and it's disappointing the lack
Thank your for this. The hardest part is the shame and judgment from families when there's a failure and the lack of understanding and support. I hope More people can listen to these videos and incorporate them i
It's a pause button Keeps you stuck in limbo Prevents you from making a decision Avoiding disappointment One decision leads to another It's not final It's an ongoing process It's ok Acceptance Keep moving forward Focus on what you want versus what you need Get clear on what you really want Shake the shame Shake the fear Shake the guilt Shake the illusion of perfection Do what you know is right for you Accept the possibility of unpleasant fallout The pain is temporary The long term gain is worth the short term pain Being stuck in indecision is paralyzing Anxiety Stress Overwhelm Trust yourself Be patient with you Be kind to you of It's a daily practise Acceptance is key Honor your truth Feel the fear and do it anyway Overcome the fear Overcome analysis paralysis You can do this You will be ok Living in the sidelines is no life at all Do what you love Follow your Joy Stay in the moment Stay present Don't psyche yourself out Don't let fear keep you stuck Override your fear Face your fear Say fcuk you to fear
Absolutely great advise. So many times, in these days, people overthink for many reasons; especially that they don't want to offend others, or maybe because they have so much compassion for others, their brains, temporarily overload with thought. The genuine compassion for others can sometimes get sidetracked by the chemical interactions (not always wanted) in the brain. That's when folks need to regroup their emotions and refocus the purpose of humanity and what love means.
Yes this is me....and it started when l was only a young toddler by a mother and father that where very difficult to relate too.... rejection was something I was taught by both my parent's who alway's struck me as emotionally blank, especially my mother !
You hit it on the nail. You described me. My 16 year old son is the o e that told me exactly what I am. With him and my fiancé. It’s because I always worry about the future and making sure he understands that he needs his life to go on a right road
And he tells me that he can’t open up to me with something, because I make it into something big. I start talking about other stuff to him and his future. And he has to think about his decisions and I go on and on. He tells me you just said and thought all this when I only told u one small thing. OMG!!!! He says it pulls him away from talking personal with me & I want him to open up to me. I am really trying. Thank you sooo much. 😊
Great video. A girl that i love with all my heart left me suddenly after a long relationship. It happen a year and a half ago.since then i can't stop think about it. I think about it 24/7 why she left me, why we are not together, what could i do then, what should i do now. Im over thinking about her, i think, because in my thoughts i still can feel her.
Once again, a video I needed to see from you. I have been having severe anxiety and panic attacks for weeks, and it has got to the point where I can’t sleep and function at work. I have pain in my whole upper body, my chest feels tight and my heart beats too fast - all the time. I am about to fall apart. Thinking about my unsecure future, all my interactions with people, everything I say and do, the fact that I need so much attention and love from others in order to be happy about myself. I am going to use your advice right now, tonight. Thank you.
This is sooooooo me. Im not a pleaser but i have soon many creative ideas coupled with responsibilities. And I’m debilitated and stressed! This video is right on time
All the time Stephani talks, I have feelings that she stalk my life and mainly my personalitie and then just report :D she is speaking to my inner child with so laser perfection like no therapist ever before. Thank you Stephani so much for what you doing...you don't even know that your videos came to me when I needed most and only thanks to them (and my awareness) I probably save many years of miserable life.
that is so true Stephanie... it's the need to control and yes, it is an addiction. I woke up today very early and had to get up at 6 in the morning, because my thoughts were juts too overwhelming... They started coming like at 4 AM, and finally I had to get up, because I just couldn't stand this obsessing thinking. I started my computer and opened youtube and your video popped up about what I was experiencing that early morning. All what you're saying here is true. The need to control is also about fear of making wrong decision, because you don't want to make mistakes anymore. I've committed many mistakes in the past, and now before making any major decision I tend to overthink and analyze every little detail, because I am afraid I will make a mistake and it will cost me a lot.
I'm holding you to it. It's a hell ride like no other. Your delivery on the subject of narcissistic abuse is so grounded and easily digestible. I'm disassembled from the abuse. cPTSD off the charts. Anyway, thanks for your offerings. 🙏
I’ve been going MONTHS overthinking the same situation from September to now...December. My brain is exhausted, don’t sleep more than 4 hours a night and I wake up thinking about the same thing for hours in bed. Enjoyment is removed from everything, I am depressed, have much more anxiety, body aches, I think I am physically sick from it, my immune system feels weak, I feel weak, I am more confused than I ever have been. I lost my sense of reality and being present, I never speak to people. It’s like it’s only getting worse.
Please understand that you aren't alone sweetie. I am this way also and I have narcolepsy on top of it. I must get 10 hours of sleep to function and lately that isn't happening. I will pray for you
I do like that shirt of yours. I've seen it in quite a few videos now. Happy making content! I like seeing the diffrent kinds of clothes you wear. You always come across as very natural. I try to imagine how clients feel when they're in your company
This is so me. I totallly agree. I have lived this life forever. That is why people took advance me. My coworkers tell me this. I am so much stronger for what my parents did not have to teach me. Men who are narcs will not effect me anymore.
Hello 👋🏻 Stephanie! I am a new subscriber and a dedicated “binge watcher” lol...and I really appreciate all your videos!! I am a major over thinker and in the last 2 months I fell into a terrible place, within myself. I feel now...like this is what I HAD to experience to be able to finally change my perspective and manage and cope with my constant thoughts and years of emotional 😭 abuse, with some physical. I NEED YOU TO KNOW... that you have helped me soooo much! I have always been self assured, self confident and outgoing, until over the past 10 years or so...all the emotional turmoil that I was covering up with “survival” and staying busy just so I didn’t have to “face” the pain...finally all came crashing down on me over this 2 month timespan. I knew in my soul I would make it through...but have NEVER experienced something so horrific (not even from the abuse). I am on the climb back upwards and to find you, was meant to be for me. We are similar minded and I’ve always thought I could take on anything...I was close to giving up. I am feeling more and more relief in time and realizing patience is key 🔑 😃. I appreciate you taking the time out of your life to help all of us cope with the stressful struggles and learn such great techniques to put it all in its place! You ARE AMAZING!! Thank you 🙏🏻 soooo much! And you’re stunningly gorgeous as well 😍. Thank you for helping all of us who desperately need all your wisdom, experience and insight! Namaste 🙏🏻.
Over thinking is a curse. I have lived with it my whole life. Always afraid of failure. This video is so great! Have always been a fixer and want to make people happy and don't want to fail even though I know to fail is human. Also I have always been my worst critic. Thanks for this video
Great content! Thank you. I am working so hard on this and always remind myself “Merla, your intuition already knows what to do, you don’t need to think about it.” Now I try to do that for every little thing - what to eat, what shirt to wear....just to prove to myself that I can count on myself. I now see the importance: it doesn’t matter what the decision is (giant or tiny)..accepting my inner truth without questioning is the greatest form of self love, not doing that means I am abandoning myself. I had to get to the point where the idea of losing myself in overthinking nauseated me more than any fear of making a wrong decision. And when I look back in life, overthinking made me talk myself out of the truth.... and I’ve always come back to what i already knew to be the truth! It’s a waste of time. My life is better than ever. But it takes a lot of work! Unrelated - but your makeup is beautiful! What products do you use?
I found your site, as I was searching to understand co- dependency. I have listend to you a few times, and I am so glad that I came across you. You explain things so easily for a person to understand. I feel that I have always had good self awareness, but at times lack clarity on how my feelings. Your videos are amazing. Thank you from your "name sake" Stephanie.
Thinking deeply is very pleasurable for me. I know this is a part of my overthinking addiction. But beyond that, I am definitely from the first camp and never fully realized it. I was nodding, so I knew it at some level, but I guess I've never heard it in words. Thanks! Lots to think about. Hopefully I don't obsess too much! 😂
Thank you so so much, Stephanie. I am an overthinker. This has led me into my present situation where I can't even think about what is good for me... Thank you so so much for these TIPs. Your videos have given me a clear view of a situation in which I am... A few of my questions have got answered also. I am looking forward to seeing more of your videos cause I am sure it will lead me to be a better parent of myself.
Wow, Stephanie. This is easily my favorite of your videos. You described me almost to a scary degree. Your second theory on addiction makes so much sense and explains a lot of my prior/current behaviors. I am quite intrigued to give your hand washing/in the present moment tip a try. Your prior videos helped me leave an abusive marriage, emotionally process and deal with it, and see myself as the awesome person I know I am, but forgot I was for a while. Keep doing what you're doing.
Thank you for your video - you literally described me. Whenever I try to be creative or do a creative project -> overthink -> end up confused and doing nothing. Thank you once again for sharing your tips, really helpful ✨💙
Interesting you mentioned wearing a Watch, I started a Watch collection and I find for me that keeps me in the moment and reduces stress whenever I work on my collection. I also work on making incremental decisions to repair, buy or sell so I see the progress of those decisions displayed in it. I’ve also watched this video twice, I’m not obsessing ☺️ but I’ll probably go a third just to absorb it totally. I usually feel that way after seeing your videos. There’s a lot of substance there to extract.
Stephanie you've just saved my life You're the best coach l've ever seen i do really relate to every word you've said & those tips were exactly what i needed ❤
I love this issue thank you for all the tips! I have found that making art is where I can healthy obsess. And this is one of those issues I feel like I didn't know anyone else had oh, I know that's kind of naive but I can definitely be a worrier... but my art can take my negative obsessing. Also in art the terms it is to "over work" something when you've gone too far. So art helps me be able to work a project and know when to stop. Thanks for you channel!!!
Those people who think talking to yourself is weird. We all have conversations with ourselves and we can hear it if we take the time to listen. I paint when I want to be in the moment. And, you're right, it would be so dumb to just expect a person to just stop, when they don't know how to. Just say no. But, how. I just try to live in the moment. I try to fixate on something I enjoy doing in that moment.
The changing the focus one for panic attacks can also help with obsessive worrying. I know I used to struggle with not being able to get myself in the moment whenever my thoughts would loop with worrying about things I can't control, or past mistakes, things like that. So I started using the five things in your environment exercise. This is similar to that for worrying.
Thank you. I will parent myself and be kind to myself. I also remind myself to embrace my dark side- I accept myself completely with unconditional love including all the imperfections. I love the idea of doing some thing in the moment to stay present like you suggested thank you Stephanie.
Hi Stephanie. Once we realize they are just thoughts , , for me the mental obsession lifts. Sometimes. The brain can't recover until it feels safe. Thank you Stephanie. Bob
Stephanie, this was such a helpful video thank you. I really suffer from over thinking especially with dating and it drives me crazy! I am in such fear of making a mistake that it affects me meeting people. I will definitely try your mindfulness techniques.
Sometimes it is because there is a constant fear of being hurt or in pain , of losing a loved one , or thinking how to protect them or make life easy for them ... but that leads to so many issues for them , in addition to messing our own mind and health .
I ran across your videos while dealing with an ex who is a narcissist and since have really felt you understand why I’m going through! I’m a 23 year old black gay male and I have to say I really appreciate you putting your videos out because growing up I went to a creative arts school in south Philadelphia there I felt at home and myself but my home life was so different because of my sexuality .. I didn’t have the worst of the coming out experiences but it’s the emotional and mental stressors that I see now are manifesting negatively in my life that once were things I leaned on to cope with not being what my parents wanted me to be. I had to lie and always try to stay 3 steps ahead of my parents ( and how hard is that when they have already lived my life ) so since then I have always mad decisions after going over and over and over what I needed to do so I felt as little pain and disappointment to my parents . It’s exhausting now I have no self esteem and I’ve always battled with that because I was never good enough for my parents for being gay . 😪
Oh sweetie.. I’m so glad you found the channel and I hope you are learning that you are enough. You have always been enough and will always be enough! It is just about getting rid of those old thoughts and patterns that are no longer serving you and replacing them with the good stuff we were suppose to learn growing up.
I have definitely been in a position where I couldnt handle any questions. That I just let go and felt like I was too overwhelmed to even think about it. Thankfully my husband knows when I'm at my limit and he helped me figure things out.
I am an overthinker to the point of mental exhaustion. I am extremely intuitive and it can be hell..literal hell at times
Not literally because no one living has experienced hell, but I do agree with a point you've made in that I have asked myself the question "what's the point of overthinking?" and in being an overthinker I seem to be more intuitive sometimes to the point of being seemingly prescient...and maybe that's the point. ...?
use ur mind only to do the tasks...otherwise switch it off like a car engine
@@evka24 ohh ok
I'm so frustrated bwith myself and have been watching your videos over and over
@@evka24 that’s great perspective thank you
One great way to stop overthinking is to remember that even if the worst-case scenario happens, you’ll probably be OK.
Thanks for the wonderful tip !
I keep seeing your comments on self love / LOA channels , they are very insightful .
Love your videos as well :)
"probably be OK" is not reassuring. Lol
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS probably be ok? That doesn’t help..
I know, it just hurts to think about it.
😐🙂yes.
As an over thinker I have come to realize that my mind wants to over contemplate things. I have found that all my decisions must first go to God. It seems to work for me.
William....would welcome the chance to talk with you...Jim
I've came to believe that God is either everything or nothing..
Nuno Coelho So you believe in zero-sum reality?
Cast it all on Him, Mr Sharp. God bless you on your walk.
Yesss! If we had a device or appliance that wasn't working to it's full capacity or there was aspects of it we didn't understand, we go back to manufacturers guide/instructions because they created the product and know it inside and out and we're no different, we have to go back to our creator who knows how every organ and wire of our brain works and where the source of the malfunction inside of us is that's crossing us over from functioning healthy to unhealthy and guide us. God bless you.
Holy. Crap. In over forty years NOBODY has ever articulated or understood how my mind and emotions work like you just did. For decades I have analyzed every thought, word, and action of mine and everyone else’s on a minute by minute basis. I’ve finally been in a process of healing, growth, and discovery for a year or more, so I guess I was ready to stumble on this video. Thank you!
ME TOO!
I signed my job away six months after losing my son with teenage cancer. 13 years ago and i still replay that decision that i see as wrong! I am addicted. X
YES!!! I overthink ALLLLL decisions in my life and I am always anxious! Then, I can't make a decision until someone tells me what to do! It is so FRUSTRATING!
I wish I heard this video a year ago. I was struggling a lot with these obssessive thoughts :( It was exhausting, I became anxious and paralyzed. I could not understand so many things and kept pondering and going in circles in my head. I've gotten better since then but am thankful for videos like this to help me understand myself more and what I can do to help myself.
How are you now
I am an artist. Good to know my creativity is the reason I am this way . I feel like I have to overthink every decision but I am also great at detail and decorating and just being creative in general
It’s so good to hear this , I’m a people pleaser and I make outrageous effort to make everyone happy , I shouldn’t be that bothered If I’ve made an effort , you’re right you need to establish what is enough and stay in the moment
Me too! I struggle with being a people pleaser big time to the point where I put myself on the back burner. It can be exhausting. This video was so helpful! I'm being intentional on not overthinking. I am starting therapy up again.
Shalom if you pray every day every night and every moment you feel low obsessive or fearful and anxious. The all higher God with bless you with peace and grace.
I catch myself overthinking so much, it’s crazy and exhausting, my overthinking has caused problems in my relationships, and I catch myself in the act of it but my mind just keeps running and running and it’s so draining.
I love the part that you said it's ok to talk to yourself lol. I find myself wanting to do that because it's a good way to get my feelings out but then I will kind of judge myself and say to myself ok this is not normal stop talking to yourself. Lol. So thank you for that comment it just gave me freedom .
I talk to myself all the time I do it nearly everyday especially when I have things on my mind and I need to express myself and get it off my chest. I personally think it’s better to talk to myself and come to a decision myself rather than having to expose my thoughts and feelings to somebody else that may not understand me or even worse go and tell other people about what I just told them as there is a lot of disloyal people out there nowadays and I don’t trust many people but I can always count on myself and trust myself. I try to be my own best friend, it’s me myself and i ! I try and speak to myself the same way I would speak to a good friend. I’m not saying don’t have any friends and don’t trust anybody but sometimes there are somethings which are best kept to yourself as you know telling other people your stresses doesn’t get you anywhere and it doesn’t solve your problems like I said sometimes people only make matters worse but that’s for you to decide. Girl just babble your heart out all day long, ain’t nothing wrong with it we all need to babble and let steam off and frustration sometimes!
I'm so thankful to find videos like this on RUclips.
This is amazing, I thought I was alone and then see all these comments. I also overthink, a lot. Dealing with a narcissistic ex, we lost our son a cpl of months ago which brought us together. He started flirting with me, then remembered he has a girlfriend. After calling to check on him, he all of a sudden he lashed out at me, talking bout the past, his opinion of me, trying to engage me in an argument, taunting me to the point of tears. It appears that he enjoyed it. He pulled me into this and now pushing me away like he hates me, hurts like hell, I didn't deserve it. Thank you Stephanie, the videos help me to look at things differently.
Most over-thinkers are people who are highly intelligent. They have a set of goals and values and they want their lives to be lived according to them, mistake-free so to speak (although deep inside they know there are always mistakes and nobody's perfect, not even them). They're perfectionists who want the comfort of knowing everything's going according to plan. It's not being selfish or patronizing others, it's creating scenarios in your head and trying to play by these rules you've created to know you won't fall deep into uncertainty. I know this about myself, and when there are surprises in life they're triggering my feelings of being at risk or not being able to know what's going on, which is very frightening. I believe it has something to do with instability during childhood and not being able to protect myself from constant changes. It has evolved into the urge, or not even the urge but the need, to always live my life the best way I can and know I'm smart enough to control it. I don't want surprises to control me. I don't think it's a bad sign, but I do know how hard it is and I just need to balance it so I don't get overwhelmed. So my tactic now is to always keep in mind that things might not go according to plan, and sort of recreate a plan B just in case. And even if it doesn't work accordingly, it's ok to feel bad, I've learnt to learn from such experiences.
My anixety makes me over think and it sucks.
Laura Gadille I know the feeling girl!! I have generalized anxiety disorder and it’s a consistent thing and I have to be consciously aware of every single occurrence in order to learn how to react to it. Everyday work in progress. Hang in there
I on meds for it it's extremely exhausteateting*
AniCakes same here...my brain goes on override...I hate having GAD😞
It makes me nauseous
Me too
I am an overthinker and it makes me feel depressed and distressed at times. I want everything to go well and when things don't go as planned I feel insecure and disappointment. Overthinking can result in negative thinking and uncomfortable feelings. I have been uncomfortable and have feelings of insecurity. I had to keep working on the negativity of overtinking and being afraid of judgemental and unacceptance behaviors of other people. This stems from childhood because we all want to be accepted and loved by our parents, teachers, peers and others. Self-love and self-respect are the basis and foundation of our mental well-being and positive self-image. This is a process and will take years to overcome this negative emotion and a lack of personal self-development.
This is exactly what my life has been about. I'm 71 and I'm tired from over thinking. I've totally in fear!
It's called decision fatigue, it's very real, thank you for all you do Stephanie!❤️
there might be also fear of emptiness and feeling of nothing which brings fear. You have to fill that empty place which is fearful by overthinking which becomes a comfort zone...
Great video this makes me feel more human. I’m an over thinker because of fear of social anxiety and it’s hell trying to approach women I like.
Wowwwww, this is truly your gift!! I just subscribed today, and I have been listening to many of your videos and thinking, "I should pay her for this free therapy!!" Thank you so much! I resonate 1000%!!😀
Stephanie... I mentioned to a friend that I find strength and clarity watching your videos. Decisions are constant and you can’t please everyone. Overthinking is sometimes inevitable, but I do take short breaks. Thank you for helping me create a different version of myself.
I need help in this area. You hit the nail on the head. People are quick to speak up about addiction that are known cause they are noticable like alchohol abuse in stuff, but what about the ailent addictions which most dont speak of that's hurting people like over thinking due to worry and fear of unknown and lack of control of unknown . Or cause of wanting to not be rejected . As a child nothing was every good enough and you become a people pleaser . Etc...
I been asking God for deliverance from all this . Your vids are a blessing.
I'm learning to identify the attacks . I will start to feel a certain way it all starts with thoughts which play on emotions . Find what the thought is making you feel and identify the attack . Overcome by knowing your true identity in Christ..
The lies most times come as a what if type of thought.
I am a extreme over thinker and it drains me everyday. Everything you said is correct. When you said addiction yes I also believe it’s like an ocd that repeats itself and I feel as though if I don’t overthink enough somehow I’m doomed and whatever decision I make will definitely be bad like I have to overthink to make sure everything will be okay and it’s so draining and exhausting trust! It’s a viscous cycle and it’s even the worst when something bad happens or somebody upsets me or hurts my feelings I keep tirelessly overthinking the whole scenario on rewind and play trying to figure out what happened why it happened and what could I have done to change the outcome and most of all did I make the right decision in that moment! I need help to break free from this I just wanna live in peace and not waste my brain power overthinking about every stupid thing!! There’s better things to do!!
This video was FANTASTIC Stephanie. Part of my overthinking/obsessive thinking is I am a VERY STRONG empathic and people pleaser. Also, my MBTI is INTJ. Yes, a highly empathetic INTJ. I always have read we are cool, aloof, and emotionally distant. Not me.
I agree with both reasons I overthink.
I will say, however, it has saved me alot of grief wanting to make great decisions in our INSANE world.
My motto is "ready, aim, fire" . NOT " ready, fire, aim"
Thanks for pointing out where I need to grow, these are my "blind spots".
Blessings to you Stephanie
Steph you’re a wonderful creature, I am so grateful that I found your channel
You are so incredibly gifted at how you share this knowledge in such a digestible way. I appreciate your time and effort you put into each video!
This video was so helpful and so insightful! I knew I was always wanting a solution and problem solving but not to the extent I do this esp on certain situations. I also know I'm a people pleaser to the point where I think of everyone else before I think about myself. I need to intentionally work on that as well. I have been intentional on not over thinking today. Accepting I won't get answers in a certain situation and I have to provide my own closure and not obsessing about it and it helps for sure! I started therapy back up and that helps so much too! We talk a lot about acceptance, what we can control, our part in things, and boundaries at work which helps too as that reminder. Thank you for this video!
I am major over thinker. Everyone tells me that. It keeps me awake at night. Great video. I needed it.
OMGOSH! I knew I was an over thinker/co dependent / people pleaser and had NO IDEA what that meant in how I make decisions! My eyes are finally open I hope this helps me make different habits. I’m 50 and never knew what these things meant in my life. My goodness- THANK YOU
Oh Stephanie, I wish I could give you a hug. Your videos are helping me so so much. I have a big life change happening in the next week and I'm gaining so much calm & strength from what you are teaching here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, I struggle with this almost daily with (sometimes) the smallest of decisions. It's exhausting just knowing that there are decisions I have to make. I mull things over and over to the extreme and think about the effects way into the future on bigger decisions. My mind goes in circles. So many times I have been so fed up with myself not making the decision, I finally just force myself to choose quickly. When this happens, it's usually not the right choice. Then it's the metal cycle that goes along with making wrong choices. Then there are times that I realize that not choosing is also a choice.
I've been struggling with lack of decisiveness for years. Right now I have to deal with the biggest decision of my life and I'm cracking up. I put a deposit on a house, but there are a lot of pros and a lot of cons to consider. I have only few more days to make up my mind and the amount of stress this situation caused me is unbelievable. I'm still 50/50 on it. What I did today is I booked a psychic, something I never consider I would do but I see no other way to deal with this! Overthinking is a very underestimated mental health issue.
Who was it that said, "To purchase a house one must first forfeit one's soul"?
My friend sent me this video because recently I’ve been in a rut and it’s due to my anxiety about my career. This video made me realize that recently I noticed that I tend to overthink my next decisions because I’m scared of the “what comes next” or being judged and because of this, I end up stuck in that thought and not continue with my day as productively as I could have. You’ve given great insight and tools to help with these issues that all seem to be linked with overthinking. The “things to remember“ and tips resonated with me and I can’t wait to incorporate them into my daily routine. Thank you!
Thank you for this all this information, I am that over thinker, people pleaser, Codependent . Right now I’m learning to self reflect and work on self love . I always put others before myself and learned I am exhausted and forget about me. I let go of the abusive Narcissist and now seeking ways to help me get mentally healthy again.. so I will take these tools and start making time for myself..
Yes I totally agree that our over thinking is a way to help us control things in our life and make things go the way we want them to go. And it can often help us do well but sometimes can overwhelm and make us anxious. We have to find a balance. Great video!
Thank you so much. I’ve been really struggling with understanding my narcissistic partner and what she has been doing and why the horrible things she has done happened to me. I’ve been religiously watching your videos and they seem to be the only things that hold me together. God bless you.
Hi Stephanie , I don’t know if u will ever read this comment, but this was the first video I watched after my discard. I was thinking why am I obsessively thinking about the incident whereas the other person just moved onto other supply. Then while going through the comments i someone commented about empath narc dynamic. I understood what happened. It’s almost an year now. I saved this video in my playlist. I just wanted to thank u and that comment person . Thank u for being the first person who introduced me to this new world. U saved my life cuz I was not in my right mind. I hope u read it. U are my angel . I wish u all the very best. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻.I just hope this message reaches u 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Most of the subjects you talk about I relate to immensely. Especially overthinking. I'm 42. I have done this most of my life until the point of what you mentioned where you get so exhausted you just stop thinking at all. Like nothing matters either way. I had an extreme episode is my early 20's of this. Anyway..now I'm finally "tired of being tired" and I'm getting help with all my issues. Thank you for posting all of these videos. I listen everyday. I started this recently. You are making such a huge difference!
My mother is a narcissist and she _judged_ everything I did, nothing I was ever *good.* For years I could not do anything and lived on unemployment money. I felt all I did was wrong. Thanks Stephanie.
Thank you for this video. OMG, I was tripping out over a small issue and now I feel better. ☺️ Thank you!
You are describing me to a T… Everything you’re mentioning is everything that I do and feel. I didn’t even realize I was obsessing to the extent I was until I saw your video. And don’t ya know, I’ve stopped in the middle of this comment to “think and rethink” what I want to say a million times!! I too think this is similar to an addiction. I feel that I can say that because I have an addictive personality. I’ve been addicted to many things in my life; shopping, men, validation, drugs, and now overthinking. Thanks for your videos! I appreciate what you do!
My grandma always said, "Focus on what you CAN control. Think of the worst and best scenario......what will probably happen will be in the middle"
You couldn't be more accurate with the way I've been living. It's exhausting and so full of anxiety. I hate it.
Your videos are so incredible. They are so timely! I cannot thank you enough.
So enlightening. Thank you for caring. You've set me on the right path.
You hit the nail on the head. I just came across your videos. Please keep making them. I have been struggling the past few years. Since my dad died his passing brought up a lot of old old stuff that I never took care of because I didn’t know about my own programming. Things are making more sense I think my actual process is going to take years because my programming is so messed up. You video’s are great thank you sharing your knowledge with everyone.
This is yet another incredible analysis by Stephanie Lyn who is really an amazing philosopher of how we think. She records on a library of subjects. Why people are over thinkers is because of a desire to control outcomes based on fear, the kind of fear we felt as children. Ms. Lyn is always so deep, what a great communicator. I agree that on such a subconscious level some people are addicted to overthinking, it is like the addiction to gambling, it works through operant condition. Lyn encourages you to identify obsessive thoughts, to self-parent yourself through avoiding choices based on fear. I highly endorse Ms. Lyn's words, she improves this world one awesome video at a time! Thank you for elevating everyone's self-awareness! -James, Seattle
Such a perfect video. I'm an over thinker. It's been a struggle my whole life. The washing the hands thing hit home... I brush my teeth. It calms me down. I need to work on things that trigger me. Thank you. I love your videos.
Thanks for the advice Stephanie Lyn I'm the biggest over thinker I just think ,then depression sets in think so so much been like this all my life
Oh my gosh. This IS my life!!! I'm in tears right now because I've had a couple people that I loved very much leave me telling me I'm controlling but never understanding how that could be because my intentions are so good and there's no duplicity or power in me. Also, for the last year I've been thinking that something about me seems similar to that of an addict but I'm not "addicted" to anything per se. I even asked my sister who is a recovering addict but I keep getting no where with trying to figure this out. So far everything you speak on is so sound and hitting the nail on the head for me. THANK YOU THANK YOU. thank you for being kind and measured about all these hard topics and even about the people who hurt other people. I'd love help recovering
Im seriously thankful for your channel... i found it at the perfect time and i feel like your in the room talking only to me... your helping me remember how strong i am and i love you for that🤗❤ my therapist hasn't talked to me like this
Stephanie, I just have to say that your videos have really helped me implement your techniques in my everyday life. I have been in relationships with narcissistic abusers, had narcissistic friends, been used, and I’m the queen of overthinking and I literally go through all your old videos to learn points from everything.
My mom just found out she has a mass in her breast and is going in for a biopsy next week and I’m so scared and pray it’s not cancer but I’m trying not to overthink and worry unless I have something to worry about if the time comes.
Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos for us. Your are really selfless because if you really wanted to you wouldn’t give all this free advice. Keep the vids coming!! 💜😊
Update, my mom was infact diagnosed with breast cancer but only 1.2 cm big and she already had the lumpectomy. It hasn’t spread to her lymph nodes thank God so she will most likely only need radiation to make sure it doesn’t recur 🙌🏻🙏🏻
@@MakeupByMe79 hi, just saw your comment now and I’m praying for you and your mom🙏🏽
She is amazing!! She touches every aspect perfectly and provides worthwhile and eye opening analyzes of these aspects.. I have learned so much from her and it's a shame how many people don't know these basic concepts. I struggle with unaware older people in the family who are their 60s who I expect to know these things and it's disappointing the lack
Thank your for this. The hardest part is the shame and judgment from families when there's a failure and the lack of understanding and support. I hope
More people can listen to these videos and incorporate them i
It's a pause button
Keeps you stuck in limbo
Prevents you from making a decision
Avoiding disappointment
One decision leads to another
It's not final
It's an ongoing process
It's ok
Acceptance
Keep moving forward
Focus on what you want versus what you need
Get clear on what you really want
Shake the shame
Shake the fear
Shake the guilt
Shake the illusion of perfection
Do what you know is right for you
Accept the possibility of unpleasant fallout
The pain is temporary
The long term gain is worth the short term pain
Being stuck in indecision is paralyzing
Anxiety
Stress
Overwhelm
Trust yourself
Be patient with you
Be kind to you of
It's a daily practise
Acceptance is key
Honor your truth
Feel the fear and do it anyway
Overcome the fear
Overcome analysis paralysis
You can do this
You will be ok
Living in the sidelines is no life at all
Do what you love
Follow your Joy
Stay in the moment
Stay present
Don't psyche yourself out
Don't let fear keep you stuck
Override your fear
Face your fear
Say fcuk you to fear
I definitely overthink until Im confused 😵
Bly om te sien iemand Afrikaans ook na die luister!
Absolutely great advise. So many times, in these days, people overthink for many reasons; especially that they don't want to offend others, or maybe because they have so much compassion for others, their brains, temporarily overload with thought. The genuine compassion for others can sometimes get sidetracked by the chemical interactions (not always wanted) in the brain. That's when folks need to regroup their emotions and refocus the purpose of humanity and what love means.
Yes this is me....and it started when l was only a young toddler by a mother and father that where very difficult to relate too.... rejection was something I was taught by both my parent's who alway's struck me as emotionally blank, especially my mother !
My parents also as well as physically strike me
You hit it on the nail. You described me. My 16 year old son is the o e that told me exactly what I am. With him and my fiancé. It’s because I always worry about the future and making sure he understands that he needs his life to go on a right road
And he tells me that he can’t open up to me with something, because I make it into something big. I start talking about other stuff to him and his future. And he has to think about his decisions and I go on and on. He tells me you just said and thought all this when I only told u one small thing. OMG!!!! He says it pulls him away from talking personal with me & I want him to open up to me. I am really trying. Thank you sooo much. 😊
Great video. A girl that i love with all my heart left me suddenly after a long relationship. It happen a year and a half ago.since then i can't stop think about it. I think about it 24/7 why she left me, why we are not together, what could i do then, what should i do now.
Im over thinking about her, i think, because in my thoughts i still can feel her.
Once again, a video I needed to see from you. I have been having severe anxiety and panic attacks for weeks, and it has got to the point where I can’t sleep and function at work. I have pain in my whole upper body, my chest feels tight and my heart beats too fast - all the time. I am about to fall apart. Thinking about my unsecure future, all my interactions with people, everything I say and do, the fact that I need so much attention and love from others in order to be happy about myself. I am going to use your advice right now, tonight. Thank you.
You have 'resetted' my mind through this video. I really feel better now. Great video! Thank you, Stephanie! ❤
Thank you for all your words. I’m at a point in life right now at 31 that your worlds are helping me out so much every day❤
This is sooooooo me. Im not a pleaser but i have soon many creative ideas coupled with responsibilities. And I’m debilitated and stressed! This video is right on time
All the time Stephani talks, I have feelings that she stalk my life and mainly my personalitie and then just report :D she is speaking to my inner child with so laser perfection like no therapist ever before. Thank you Stephani so much for what you doing...you don't even know that your videos came to me when I needed most and only thanks to them (and my awareness) I probably save many years of miserable life.
that is so true Stephanie... it's the need to control and yes, it is an addiction. I woke up today very early and had to get up at 6 in the morning, because my thoughts were juts too overwhelming... They started coming like at 4 AM, and finally I had to get up, because I just couldn't stand this obsessing thinking. I started my computer and opened youtube and your video popped up about what I was experiencing that early morning. All what you're saying here is true. The need to control is also about fear of making wrong decision, because you don't want to make mistakes anymore. I've committed many mistakes in the past, and now before making any major decision I tend to overthink and analyze every little detail, because I am afraid I will make a mistake and it will cost me a lot.
Really great video. Thank you. Coming back to the world after being married to a narcissist sociopath is a fight for sanity.
Yes it is but once you get it back and become a healthier version of yourself life gets better and becomes amazing!!
I'm holding you to it. It's a hell ride like no other. Your delivery on the subject of narcissistic abuse is so grounded and easily digestible. I'm disassembled from the abuse. cPTSD off the charts. Anyway, thanks for your offerings. 🙏
I’ve been going MONTHS overthinking the same situation from September to now...December. My brain is exhausted, don’t sleep more than 4 hours a night and I wake up thinking about the same thing for hours in bed. Enjoyment is removed from everything, I am depressed, have much more anxiety, body aches, I think I am physically sick from it, my immune system feels weak, I feel weak, I am more confused than I ever have been. I lost my sense of reality and being present, I never speak to people. It’s like it’s only getting worse.
Please understand that you aren't alone sweetie. I am this way also and I have narcolepsy on top of it. I must get 10 hours of sleep to function and lately that isn't happening. I will pray for you
I do like that shirt of yours. I've seen it in quite a few videos now.
Happy making content! I like seeing the diffrent kinds of clothes you wear. You always come across as very natural. I try to imagine how clients feel when they're in your company
This is so me. I totallly agree. I have lived this life forever. That is why people took advance me. My coworkers tell me this. I am so much stronger for what my parents did not have to teach me. Men who are narcs will not effect me anymore.
Hello 👋🏻 Stephanie! I am a new subscriber and a dedicated “binge watcher” lol...and I really appreciate all your videos!! I am a major over thinker and in the last 2 months I fell into a terrible place, within myself. I feel now...like this is what I HAD to experience to be able to finally change my perspective and manage and cope with my constant thoughts and years of emotional 😭 abuse, with some physical. I NEED YOU TO KNOW... that you have helped me soooo much! I have always been self assured, self confident and outgoing, until over the past 10 years or so...all the emotional turmoil that I was covering up with “survival” and staying busy just so I didn’t have to “face” the pain...finally all came crashing down on me over this 2 month timespan. I knew in my soul I would make it through...but have NEVER experienced something so horrific (not even from the abuse). I am on the climb back upwards and to find you, was meant to be for me. We are similar minded and I’ve always thought I could take on anything...I was close to giving up. I am feeling more and more relief in time and realizing patience is key 🔑 😃. I appreciate you taking the time out of your life to help all of us cope with the stressful struggles and learn such great techniques to put it all in its place! You ARE AMAZING!! Thank you 🙏🏻 soooo much! And you’re stunningly gorgeous as well 😍. Thank you for helping all of us who desperately need all your wisdom, experience and insight! Namaste 🙏🏻.
Over thinking is a curse. I have lived with it my whole life. Always afraid of failure. This video is so great! Have always been a fixer and want to make people happy and don't want to fail even though I know to fail is human. Also I have always been my worst critic. Thanks for this video
Great content! Thank you. I am working so hard on this and always remind myself “Merla, your intuition already knows what to do, you don’t need to think about it.” Now I try to do that for every little thing - what to eat, what shirt to wear....just to prove to myself that I can count on myself. I now see the importance: it doesn’t matter what the decision is (giant or tiny)..accepting my inner truth without questioning is the greatest form of self love, not doing that means I am abandoning myself. I had to get to the point where the idea of losing myself in overthinking nauseated me more than any fear of making a wrong decision. And when I look back in life, overthinking made me talk myself out of the truth.... and I’ve always come back to what i already knew to be the truth! It’s a waste of time. My life is better than ever. But it takes a lot of work!
Unrelated - but your makeup is beautiful! What products do you use?
thank you so much for this merla! ♥️
I found your site, as I was searching to understand co- dependency. I have listend to you a few times, and I am so glad that I came across you. You explain things so easily for a person to understand.
I feel that I have always had good self awareness, but at times lack clarity on how my feelings. Your videos are amazing. Thank you from your "name sake" Stephanie.
Omg!
This sounds like me !
Thank you for sharing your thoughts ,expierences.
This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Qqaa
Thinking deeply is very pleasurable for me. I know this is a part of my overthinking addiction.
But beyond that, I am definitely from the first camp and never fully realized it. I was nodding, so I knew it at some level, but I guess I've never heard it in words. Thanks! Lots to think about. Hopefully I don't obsess too much! 😂
Thank you so so much, Stephanie. I am an overthinker. This has led me into my present situation where I can't even think about what is good for me... Thank you so so much for these TIPs. Your videos have given me a clear view of a situation in which I am... A few of my questions have got answered also. I am looking forward to seeing more of your videos cause I am sure it will lead me to be a better parent of myself.
Thank you very much. This is exactly my story.
Wow, Stephanie. This is easily my favorite of your videos. You described me almost to a scary degree. Your second theory on addiction makes so much sense and explains a lot of my prior/current behaviors. I am quite intrigued to give your hand washing/in the present moment tip a try.
Your prior videos helped me leave an abusive marriage, emotionally process and deal with it, and see myself as the awesome person I know I am, but forgot I was for a while.
Keep doing what you're doing.
this channel is a Godsend!
I talk to myself constantley out loud when im alone. It feels terapeutic
Thank you for your video - you literally described me. Whenever I try to be creative or do a creative project -> overthink -> end up confused and doing nothing. Thank you once again for sharing your tips, really helpful ✨💙
Interesting you mentioned wearing a Watch, I started a Watch collection and I find for me that keeps me in the moment and reduces stress whenever I work on my collection. I also work on making incremental decisions to repair, buy or sell so I see the progress of those decisions displayed in it. I’ve also watched this video twice, I’m not obsessing ☺️ but I’ll probably go a third just to absorb it totally. I usually feel that way after seeing your videos. There’s a lot of substance there to extract.
Stephanie you've just saved my life
You're the best coach l've ever seen
i do really relate to every word you've said & those tips were exactly what i needed ❤
Love your advice, but you should really do one skin care routine video !! Your skin is so nice ✨
AGREE!
What's your secret 😊
Oh man, she’s spot on. That’s me.
This is 100% me. Also raised by parents with poor communication and very aware of how everyone sees them afraid of judgement.
you've changed my life, thank you so much.
I love this issue thank you for all the tips! I have found that making art is where I can healthy obsess. And this is one of those issues I feel like I didn't know anyone else had oh, I know that's kind of naive but I can definitely be a worrier... but my art can take my negative obsessing. Also in art the terms it is to "over work" something when you've gone too far. So art helps me be able to work a project and know when to stop. Thanks for you channel!!!
Those people who think talking to yourself is weird.
We all have conversations with ourselves and we can hear it if we take the time to listen.
I paint when I want to be in the moment.
And, you're right, it would be so dumb to just expect a person to just stop, when they don't know how to. Just say no. But, how. I just try to live in the moment.
I try to fixate on something I enjoy doing in that moment.
We are always talking to ourselves. Our inner dialogue is everything
The changing the focus one for panic attacks can also help with obsessive worrying. I know I used to struggle with not being able to get myself in the moment whenever my thoughts would loop with worrying about things I can't control, or past mistakes, things like that. So I started using the five things in your environment exercise. This is similar to that for worrying.
Thank you. I will parent myself and be kind to myself. I also remind myself to embrace my dark side- I accept myself completely with unconditional love including all the imperfections.
I love the idea of doing some thing in the moment to stay present like you suggested thank you Stephanie.
Hi Stephanie. Once we realize they are just thoughts , , for me the mental obsession lifts. Sometimes. The brain can't recover until it feels safe. Thank you Stephanie. Bob
I am one who tends to overthink things. I do that in almost everything I do. Thanks for the insight.
Stephanie, this was such a helpful video thank you. I really suffer from over thinking especially with dating and it drives me crazy! I am in such fear of making a mistake that it affects me meeting people. I will definitely try your mindfulness techniques.
Sometimes it is because there is a constant fear of being hurt or in pain , of losing a loved one , or thinking how to protect them or make life easy for them ... but that leads to so many issues for them , in addition to messing our own mind and health .
I ran across your videos while dealing with an ex who is a narcissist and since have really felt you understand why I’m going through! I’m a 23 year old black gay male and I have to say I really appreciate you putting your videos out because growing up I went to a creative arts school in south Philadelphia there I felt at home and myself but my home life was so different because of my sexuality .. I didn’t have the worst of the coming out experiences but it’s the emotional and mental stressors that I see now are manifesting negatively in my life that once were things I leaned on to cope with not being what my parents wanted me to be.
I had to lie and always try to stay 3 steps ahead of my parents ( and how hard is that when they have already lived my life ) so since then I have always mad decisions after going over and over and over what I needed to do so I felt as little pain and disappointment to my parents . It’s exhausting now I have no self esteem and I’ve always battled with that because I was never good enough for my parents for being gay . 😪
Oh sweetie.. I’m so glad you found the channel and I hope you are learning that you are enough. You have always been enough and will always be enough! It is just about getting rid of those old thoughts and patterns that are no longer serving you and replacing them with the good stuff we were suppose to learn growing up.
I have definitely been in a position where I couldnt handle any questions. That I just let go and felt like I was too overwhelmed to even think about it. Thankfully my husband knows when I'm at my limit and he helped me figure things out.
I liked, “Be Patient with Yourself.”