The ONLY way to disarm a toxic person is to refuse to engage with them further. Been there, tried everything - cutting them off is the only thing that works.
They 'get off on' any and every reaction you give them. And like the Miranda, they WILL use anything you say or do against you, in their personal court of law where they are judge, jury and executioner.
Aka, put my headphones on at work to tune out her grumbling and complaining!!! This works wonders, but it makes me feel kinda sad too, cause I want everyone to be happy and work with rays of sunshine, I feel so shut down! And I still feel like I absorb her negative energy through my pours, just by being near her...lol..
As I get older, I just walk away and cut them off. I am tired of having to give ANY energy to anyone whos only intention it to continue to manipulate and hurt people. At work, I do minimal interaction with people, in life, I just go do my thing. It is not worth my heart stress to deal with people anymore. People have no filter and think they can say and do what they want. I tend to try to get out of my head, go for a walk, work on art, play with my pets, even clean my house while watching a good movie and drinking some tea. Refocus is good. And on a simple note, I like your dress.
There will always be toxic people. You are your own gatekeeper. After awhile, you can identify them, and no need to change them or react to them. No hatred for them, but no need to make them your friend.
Did the walk away and minimize communication but they (people at work and neighbors) just do not get it. And I am always being interpret as snobbish and sarcastically being criticized as the troubled neighbor (just because I did my things within my house compound my way and not following some neighborhood's wannabe "LEADER" way of doing things). I am the owner of the house and being called out by this "LEADER" to shift out of my house - ridiculous, difficult, toxic and full of BS fellow. Even make me more determined to hold my grounds and out live the fellow and maintain my walk away strategy, as karma will catch-up.
Gino, you are so right. Just cut off a very toxic person. He literally hit all the charecteristics of an envious person. It was horrendous, no reasoning with it. He even lied about learning a language at a school that never taught it??!! He would literally lie about everything to compete in a competition HE created. He told me straight that he has no empathy and I believe him. He just landed a 40k a year job, his two best friends are struggling. I hope his friends dont do to him what he happily did to me.
Hi, Amen to that, that's asentially what I ended up doing with that person after 7 years, I've stopped working with that person, and I left the company agency I was with after 14 years, and still on my healing gerny. Be blessed my friend.
@@mimi45945 I’m so sorry that you had to go through the horrendous experiences that preceded this comment, but I am happy to see that you are much wiser as a result; keep looking forward, and you will find a whole new world of confidence before you.
@@grannygirl61812 Never let anyone blame you for their misfortunes, set backs or problems! Their life, happiness, success is THEIR responsibility, not yours. You are responsible for yours and yours alone! People who blame you for everything in their lives are looking for someone to take responsibility for them as they still have not grown up. Run! Hope this helps lovely!
Oh the back handed insult, know and love when they try that, opens them to ur fatality! But after so much bs I turn my conscience off and let asshole mode take over, don’t like being taken advantage of either...
@@andrewwenner2781 That's what I struggle to do, turn off my conscience and let them have it. I always feel bad for letting them have a taste of their own medicine. :/ Now, as soon as someone deflects and projects their bad behavior onto me, I walk away and stop having contact with them. If I can take accountability/responsibility for me screw ups and bad behaviour, so can another adult you know? It is one standard I have adopted to hold every other adult to so I can weed out these sorts of people. :)
@@JayJay-bo5kl, "Taking back your power" from those that "took it from you" is not a simple matter. The first thing that we need to realize, is that WE willingly gave them the power that they hold over us. Granted, we didn't understand what we were doing at the time ... But, we must understand it now, if we are to have any hope of changing it. Untangling ourselves from the power snare of a narcissist, requires "Self Empowerment"... a process by which, we become self-reliant and independent of the narcissist, by learning the ability to meet our own needs ... without the narcissist.
@Sandrina Otelli sorry to hear that dear but I didn't ask you what's wrong in your life, why do i feel as if i know you? Sixth sense kicking in. Mind you neighbours can be highly toxic especially if they are facists or exploiting children that's a dam No No right!!. Extremely harmful. Doubt that's your situation right
@Sandrina Otelli actually sandrina to disarm toxic people I shall ignore them toxic and fascist exploiting kids shame on them shame I too should get a good lawyer for all the hell iv been through don't you agree? Why is my Internet going dam crazy now Inc my phne what the hell.
Yes... and when they know you no longer fall for their lieing fantasy stories they hate,yes hate you and try so hard to discredit you to everyone who will listen and blindly believe them.
@@Iceis_Phoenix - Regardless, it all comes from them being insecure because somewhere in their past, they were verbally or physically abused. Instead of dealing with their own pain, they inflict pain because it makes them feel dominant after they had felt so weak and helpless.
Toxic people are unhappy, they aim to make people around them miserable. Observe, set boundaries, control your emotions and focus your attention on things that are important to you.
I made the mistake to react yesterday and I regretted so badly, I felt my energy leaving my body because of this pointless conversation! No communication at all with these people!
1. Breathe, be mindful and present 2. Set a new boundary and enforce it 3. Observe, depersonalize, detach, have a dissociative episode 4. Guard your attention, set/redirect your intentions and emotions focus 5. Phrasing, diffuse tension, deflect Never give emotional reaction, create a safe space for yourself and process. Don't give your energy away. Phrases: "That's interesting, I wonder why you say that." "That's possible, could be." "I see you feel strongly about that." "I would like to maintain a relationship of mutual respect." "Why don't we continue when you are feeling calmer?" "Have I done something to offend you?" "I see how upset you are about that. What do you think you will do about that?" "I hope you feel better."
They may not deserve it @karinsmith but those are gentlemen and gentlewomen are graceful and merciful by those who seek to initiate peace. Peace keepers shall inherit the earth
They are very opportunist ppl I have come across ...i have a sibling who used me in every possible way ...the moment she got a job she started behaving in a very toxic way towards me including hitting me .She has hit me several times before in the past and she tries to manipulate me n everyone including servants of my home against me.
Half the battle is won when you finally figure out what's going on. I thought I was just being overly sesitive, paranoid, etc., and begin to question my intuition. All of this is very good information.
This is so true, once you figure out you are not the problem they are you can take steps to rid yourself of them. Stop letting them make you feel like crap.
The key is: don't take ownership of anything the other person tries to throw onto you (their goal is to use you as their emotional dumpster), but DO take ownership for your own feelings and choices.
I can’t roll around in the mud with pigs, I’ll get dirty too. Life is too short to be unhappy. HAVE AS LITTLE INTERACTION WITH THESE PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!
Yaassssss......i REFUSE to feed that negative energy.....i am not interested nor am i their personal therapist....i don't give a shit lol....their problem not mine
@@aishwaryachaurasia6966 hey there, just wanted to say i have the same problem. i dont really have a solution to that either since i cant just walk away from my family, so i think youll have to either wait for you to reach an age where you can move out asap (for my country its 18) or talk to a therapist or someone you can trust. even though that may not solve the abuse, maybe it makes it a little easier to bear while you wait till you get to move out or get the help you need
@@fatcoochiee I'm 27 😭 we are orthodox in our beliefs in india when it comes to separation of young adults from parents. And the only way out is getting married, which means you'll have to risk your sanity again on a new family lol
I agree. But l also rinse out their coffee mugs in the toilet before I leave for the day. I smile next morning as they begin their passive aggressive nonsense.
7 Toxic People You Should Avoid: 1. Those who spread negativity 2. Those who criticize you all the time 3. Those who waste your time 4. Those who are jealous 5. Those who play the victim 6. Those who only care about themself 7. Those who keep disappointing you
This is going to sound so weird but I disarm the toxic people in my life by agreeing with them. For example: If I said No to something they wanted, and they label me as selfish, stingy, a bad person ... I say: "yeah you're right". And that's the end of it. If they want to still go on and tell me I'm "shameless", my reply to that is "yeah it is, pray for me". And I go about my day happily. Once I figured out that I didn't need validation from anyone and I knew myself, I didnt care what others thought of me ... I know who I am and why I do the things I do. I know I'm not malicious, so I dont owe anyone an explanation unless the situation warrants one, and what other people think isnt my problem or my business. I'm happy with my boundaries and theirs ... 😜🤣🤣
"Yeah it is, pray for me." 🤣🤣🤣 Had me in stitches, thanks for making light of this crap! And it also sounds like a great tactic, I'm going to integrate that into my treasure chest of anti-asshole ingredients. 👍🏻
@Nicoletta Ciccone She isn't your friend. Make a note in memos on your phone, dated. Get her recorded in case the object of her desire to harm does not believe you but is dazzled by the charmer. She.Is.Not.Your.Friend. In no way is her behavior friendship. Many fish in the sea. Get away. If they say stuff about others, they are saying it about you!
Do they realize the pain they are inflicting, or are they just cognizant of the energy they are receiving from their victims anguish? I was viewing a live feed of a narc husband just betraying his wife and she was in tears and he kept yelling at her, these are empty self absorbed people. The she expressed pain the louder he became it was literally watching a.black hole absorbing light.
Wow. Mental disorders have fixes. Medical fixes (medicines, therapy, etc) and these responses really make me think. This is the world we live in. These "mental disorders " are usually a result of trauma. Yes, you develop mental illness through trauma. And these behaviors are taught behaviors. In childhood.
Even in a lot of the situations in which you feel you have no choice... often you actually do have choices. Toxic boss? Do you really need THAT particular job? Or, could you begin looking for a better one? In a toxic relationship? What is keeping you there? I understand that if there are children involved, it is way more complicated... but you still have to ask yourself if staying in an unhealthy relationship is truly what's best for your children. Only you can decide where that line is.
@@madisonwalper6271 yeah it is still easy. Just decide not to be sucked into other people's bullsh*t. And if the parent is that toxic maybe they shouldn't be co-parenting. My ex is the king of toxicity. When I stopped falling into the bs...he stopped coming around my children. They are adults now and they know n understand that their dad is an a** who blames me for everything wrong in his life past present and future. We've not been together for 16 years and I could care less what he thinks or feels. 😂 Just walk away
@@alysonlentini1615 It is not an easy decision Rachel. Your life. Your happiness. Your family.... Whatever you do, no one can criticize you ... it's YOUR decision.,
Great way of looking at it. So many times i tried to understand the trecherous or spiteful behaviour of so called friends...I did not take the hints as these people were able to speak freely and directly to me..my life is so much better without them. I can concentrate again LOL
You would think growing up with a family of toxic people, you'd get pretty good at dealing with them. Unfortunately, I didn't learn those lessons. Instead, I just walked away. That was 5 years ago. Life is Amazing!
My whole family is toxic. I disowned my entire family 20 years ago. Never looked back. I did not pick my family but I can pick others and as soon as I see any toxic dismissive behavior I’m done done done.
Dwight Plock Kudos to you. It takes courage but we’ve proven one can do this. I’m so unlike my family it’s like I don’t have the same DNA. I’m the oldest of 7 siblings and the only one who told the truth and confronted my parents. They hated me and called me a liar. I said good riddance I’m done. I have total peace. They are all malignant narcissists and sociopaths.
Lara O'neal thanks. I was the youngest of 5 boys. but the 4 oldest were close to each other in age and I was 7 years after them. So they looked after each other while I was closest to my parents and looked after them. they took advantage of my parents in a horrible way as mom and dad became elderly. when I protested they took it out on me physically and verbally to the point I couldn't live in the house I inherited from mom ad dad. so I moved to another house without telling them my address or phone #. I've never been happier cutting them out of my life.
Dwight Plock Many Times the oldest kid has it the worst from parents. There may have been good reason that they did not like your parents that they experienced that u did not being the youngest. I’m glad u did what u did because u don’t deserve to be targeted by them. But what is missing here is the oldest sibling in your family should have shared with u why they hated their parents. I was the oldest also and I hated my parents at the time because my father molested me at age 5. My younger siblings hated me because I treated my parents with total disdain and for good reason. The younger siblings did not know this happened and never did know until I told them when I started my recovery process. Even when I told them they still wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t care because I knew the truth and they were in total denial. They did not want to believe this was true. So be it. I had to take care of myself. Just saying there could be something you’re did that ur not aware of. U can leave it the way it is and that’s up to you but u may want to ask one of ur older siblings was something done to them or one of them that ur not aware of. Ur oldest sibling should have explained to u what if anything happened. So that is not ur fault but when siblings are divided like this it is usually because the parents ARE GUILTY OF SOMETHING. I’ve educated myself thoroughly on this topic. Many books seminars and u name it. Read John Bradshaw’s book ON THE FAMILY. Also PROPLE OF THE LIE by Dr Scott Peck. Hope this sheds some light on ur siblings decisions. God bless.
thanks for the input Lara. I'm sorry you went through what you did with your father. I can understand your resentment, but glad you've studied up on it and seem to be moving forward. yes my brothers were abused partially, and I being the youngest probably had the easier time. my father used to beat one of my brothers when he lost sporting events(my dad was sports crazy). he's extremely narcissistic and bipolar now and is the one who pressured my mom into a 6 figure loan days after my dad died- dad wisely would not let him have the money. and he and another bro with attorney in hand pressured my mom into altering the will as she lay dying in the hospital. He was the main one who spearheaded the threats against me when I protested. another is bipolar and an alcoholic because he was forced into sports and had to be carried into the car kicking and screaming because he didnt want to go. and the oldest is on serious meds for depression- like you guessed, he did have it the toughest ,and never seemed to like me much, as I got away with much. so it was a dysfunctional family but I just haven't come to terms with them lashing out on me, when I tried to live my life after mom died 3 years ago; though it does have somethings to to do with their upbringing.a nother good book to read on that is "young John Kennedy", and his abuse from his tyrannical father Joe Kennedy. god bless!
The single most effective thing to say is...Thank you! Big smile. Narcs love to insult you. By thanking them and smiling, it completely disarms them. This works All the time! By saying thank you, you are really saying "i know you are threatened by all the great things you see in me and how I make you feel inferior."
“ Toxic people want to play’War on YOU’. Their games/their rules. The only way you win is to learn how to not play , which takes time and effort.. Stay off their playing field !
My daughter is very toxic . She is rude and yells, and is just a total hurricane. But I love her, and push through with my point and deliver it without taking anything she says personal. She just turned 24. And she still curls up with me if I’m in bed, she loves her mama and daddy. I don’t fight her... I just accept her. She knows she has a toxic personality too. She’s been that way since the day she was born. I love her so much it breaks my heart that people will not stay with her. I do blame myself for putting her in daycare when she was 5 months old. I think she needed me with her. She is young and beautiful but toxic 💔💔💔💔 Pray for my Ashley
Best advice I have ever read is don't pay toxic people with your reaction. all they want is to push buttons to display their pathetic "power". No reaction is no power for them. In the end it all boils down to learn how to control yourself and your emotions. Toxic people are mirrors of our weaknesses.
Shortana Well said. I find acting bored or disinterested works for my family Narc. I fake a yawn, go to the bathroom or cut her off with segues like 'I have to get going, I'm in the middle of something.' I also like the tai chi tools. I try to deflect with 'sorry to hear about your problem, You are smart, I'm sure you will figure it out,'
Ms. Cayenne I've been saying BECOME THE MIRROR. HOLD IT UP QUIETLY. DON'T ASK THEM ABOUT THEMSELVES - AT ALL! THEy'LL BE CONFOUNDED CONFUSED & GO AWAY.
The best thing I did was to cut them out of my life. Don’t cast pearls before swine. It is futile to reason with them especially when your physical and mental health takes a toll, or your life is in danger.
@@xsilverx1198 Be cordial and polite. Apply strict professionalism. Other than that distance yourself completely as possible from them. Give them no energy whatsoever and you'll be fine.
LOVE the "That's interesting" response. I used to work in nursing which is fraught with toxicity. And one of the few effective responses I learned to deflect those who constantly asked accusing, irrelevant questions was "Why do you ask?". Then when they usually responded with "Because I want to know!", I just calmly & pleasantly ended the conversation with "Interesting", and walked away. They soon stopped the accusing questions, and one notoriously toxic coworker suddenly retired when the word "harassment" was associated with her.
I noticed that when I encounter one of those snarky, condescending, mean online bullies if you click on their profile lo and behold they’re a nurse. What’s up with these people why are they so toxic.
@@Littlecatsanctuary You're right. Statistically, there's an over-representation of people from dysfunctional and/or abusive backgrounds in the crisis fields (like nursing, paramedics, police etc.) because crisis is their comfort zone. Something like 70% of nurses are from a dysfunctional family background, so the abusiveness spills over into the work environment. There's a saying in nursing, "Nurses eat their young", to describe the nurse-on-nurse bullying that is the real cause of the nursing shortage. Combine that culture, with their numbers, and unions which make them difficult to fire, and you've got the biggest girl-gang in North America. I read somewhere that medical schools don't want nurses after they've been in the field for more than five years because they're too inculcated with the mentality. But honestly, it's strangely validating to know that some non-nurses discern the toxicity, so thank you. P.S.: Check your nurse's pupils, a lot of them are working under the influence. :(
Toxic people need to stir up your emotions to manipulate you. So refusing to react sucks the oxygen out of their game and leaves them helpless. Drama is their oxygen and they can’t manipulate you without it. Don’t play their game and they will go away !
But in my case she became so frustrated that she told terrible lies about me. I found out later that she was an alcoholic and pill abuser. My relatives believed her, I think my in-laws believed her, but it was worth it to stand up to her and get her out of our lives. (We were advised by a respected professional to hang up the phone if she called and return her letters unread, via the post office. ) He was so very right, but we didn't expect the toxic fallout. Stay strong, folks on this page!
babyshark6957 Sounds like what I went through. I tried dealing with one person but the triangulation started as soon as I stood up for myself. Every mutual relation was told lies about me. I had to play the drama game and try to undo all those lies or give up those relationships. I gave them all up because it had happened before and it would happen again. If they are close family they never go away and they never stop back stabbing.
@Candy Shier, Can't understand why you treat the matter so casually. You've got to be serious; as if your life literally depends upon your actions. Step One usually involves joining a Nun Convent in a remote part of the world, for a year or two ... or at least until they are certain that you are dead. During this time, it is important to save all of your nickles and dimes, to put towards the cost of the plastic surgery, that will be the key to your reintegration with society. 😅
@Candy Shier, Ha. I was going only kidding about the Nun Convent, and the Plastic Surgery. But, I can tell that the narcs have taken advantage of your good nature. We all have dealt with that; for sure. That's why we're here, checking out " narcissist vids on RUclips. I'll tell you a little secret, that all of us empaths learn eventually... Narcissists do not have any power of their own. All of the "power" that they have, is what We and others like us, have nievely given to them. It's a symbiotic relationship, that we enabled from the start. And, it continues right up to the moment that we comprehend the workings of the parasitic nature of the thing. After which, the tables turn forever. We realize that the narc "needs us" but, we don't actually need them. This is the moment that the narc's world comes crashing down around them, and they "know ... that You know" and the gig is up. They can't use you anymore, because you've seen who they truly are inside, and you've lost all respect and value for them, due to your newly enlightened perspective. Sounds as though you've recently "crossed this threshold" with your own parasitic narc(s). Good for you, Candy. You are so much better than they have the capacity to comprehend.
1. Breathe 2. Set a new boundary with them of what you won't allow. 3. Observe the interaction as third person to depersonalize your role in their drama 4. Guard your attention and focus. Focus your mind on something else, something positive. 5. Phrase your response in a way that minimizes or deflects what they said. "thats possible", "that's interesting". You're welcome.
Except when you get into trouble when you want to do what you enjoy and they force you to come help which is basically heavy lifting while they stand around and gripe about random things.
Here's a response I like when they call you selfish: so it's not okay for me to be selfish and do what's right for me, but it's okay for you to be selfish and place demands on me. Lived (past tense) with a narcissist for 38 years. Living life free for 3 years
Not sure that’s true. The narc in my life, who’s causing me no end of energy-sapping aggravation, is attractive, busy, & successful. Interpersonally, his/her narcissism combines rage, paranoia, irrational accusations, Classic transference & projection, wild, manipulative mood swings, triangulation...everything toxic. It borders on psychopathy.
@@Guillan80 Easier said than done. I have had to walk away from very toxic, relentless family members. They made me ill in spit of me trying not to allow it. Walking away and never turning back was what I had to do.
So true .... Because it is healthy to work on a healthy relationship, we continue to try in multiple ways.... possibly for years ! Even after learning about Narcissism ..... it is difficult to believe this is your reality. However, the sick feeling Narcs give you, lets you know you’ve stayed too long ..... And need to get out , walk away now forever! For your own mental and physical health !!!
Exactly nor ever tell them about your ideas or plans either, because since they do not have any originality of their own and only know how to mimic and copy others, you can be for certain that they will steal those ideas or plans just to "one up you" and to also gathering the supply of attention and praise for themselves.
The narc wouldn't be interested anyway, they are shamelessly not interested because it is all about them, obviously. They are selfish and manipulative to the core. Best just give them as little as possible and move on. X
Whenever my late grandmother would get mad at my late grandfather and say, "I'm so mad at you right now," he'd reply, "And I don't blame you." It usually shut it down. 😁❤ I miss them.
BOTH my parents were " TOXIC " Sister too !! BYE!! I am now 55 .....BYE !! Took me 40 years..BYE !! You are a beauty by the way with all respect ! GREAT POST Thank you !
Cutting off for life from my only left alive family member, big sister, was my 60th birthday gift to me. The relief was a celebration: love being an awakened orphan with a mind of her own. God bless.🕯️🦋🕯️
Nikki Hinton, Me too at 60. Been three years. Folks are 83/84. It helps listening to these videos to support that decision. I grew up a scapegoat and didn’t think it was abnormal. Early on I was gaslighted by the, “poor little Tommy feeling sorry for himself” accusations. So I didn’t want to be called a victim so I just took it. But then I added up, recalled that the behavior that they are expressing now is a culmination of the behavior I grew up with and NOW I don’t have to, “get over it.” They are alive but gone. The ONLY reason I will go to my dad’s funeral is that, he won’t be there!
Marcy Nelson I was married to a very nice lady for twenty five years. Mother to my children. Her niceness was attracted me. I took a lot of the narcissistic traits into the marriage. And eventually I came to Alaska 11 years ago and she was going to follow but never did. That was my wake up call to look into my behavior. I blamed her, my dad, my brother and then it hit me right between the eyes. I was the problem. I’m a chiropractor and have learned to find the source of the problems first. I searched to find the source. I realized both parents were from dysfunctional families. Dad was the school yard bully and mom was a smartalic. They both dropped out of high school because they knew more. They had their first girl and boy golden children then they had us, twins, I was three and a half hours later and had adrenal exhaustion and needed more attention than a 20 year old with four babies could give. The golden child never did accept me and I was cooped up in the same bedroom and with the golden boy for 17 years and forced to just “get along”. Never did fit into that family. So they gossiped about me for the last time, well, that I know of anyway. I am now labeled arrogant and selfish and a smartalic. Because I shared what I learned in graduate school and they thought I was too big for my britches. It’s difficult to write and include all of the evidence that added up my overwhelming awakening that. But the last phone call to them that I needed support from a phony sexual assault charge, they kicked me to the curb by bringing up how I have always been so selfish and such a smartalic By citing examples from 39 and 40 years ago. They were so full of resentment and grudges I forgave them because of their rough beginning but they don’t get to participate in my life. Oh and they told me on that last phone call that they did so much more for us kids than I did for mine. So I wrote them at 29 page a letter explaining how three of their four kids are alcoholics with broken marriages. And the only non-alcoholic sibling I had had one child die from suicide, and her oldest golden boy got on crack cocaine and And everyone knows how that turned out.And how my two children are not alcoholics non-addicted productive members of society. They screamed to my sisters and that is when I fully understood the “flying monkeys” concept. Anyway stay close to nice people and stay awesome.
I did this to my mother who’s bullied me all my life...I stood up for myself...then she physically attacked me! It was very traumatic. So be careful too. Can be dangerous.
A E thank guys. All on this post. ❤️ I don’t live anywhere near her so now she has her ‘minions’ she sends to abuse me. It’s never ending. This year I’m moving away and changing my name by deed poll. No joke. I’m going INCOGNITO and free! 😊 when she finds out....she’ll probably MELT. Like the Wicked Witch of The West 😂 she’ll have to to find an new ‘supply’ a new ‘scapegoat’. I’m the free goat skipping across the fields of green!! 😁 HAPPY AT LAST. 42 years of abuse....THE END. 💪
vanessa southern I can relate, my mother hurt me physically causing injuries including trauma. I never imagined she could go this far and justice was never served cause she got a good attorney and deceived even her own shadow with every narcissistic trick she could think of. From fake bruises to canes and denture removal to fake hospital allegations. I was disgusted at many lies the system turned the blind eye to. While I had suffered a concussion from the 20lb weight bar she struck on my head mercilessly. To learn with vestibular system damage and my seizures from it that all along there was a tumor right under my injury. I thank God for a progressive recovery because the system was a mock together with her bullying. Sadly, I had to relocate spite all my losses, still to this day she defames and accuses me of harassing her when last I known I was the victim with PFA that never served its purpose. Yes I am very careful now and best alone than amongst a pack of hyenas.
"I wonder why you think that" comes across as an invitation for them to tell you, encouraging more engagement. If they are truly toxic, don't do this. The closest to this that I think might work is "it's interesting that you think that," and then walk away. We don't owe toxic drama queens our attention.
They might actually have something to say but are expressing themselves too strongly. Remember that you're not perfect. It will be very appreciated and facilitate communication if you can give them a chance to say their thing in a better way: it might be a legitimate complaint. So can you hear it? They might not mean to be rude. Of course, no one has the right to take out their misery on you or on anyone else, but they might feel really bad about the way they communicated and change their ways.
Another prase I use with my narcissist mother, is "your emotions are not my responsibility" and " what you think of me is not my responsibility", she was like what? Where? All confused.
marelena omg! Yes, confuse the narcissistic. Throw them of course. Absolutely!!!! Good for you. That’s part of turning the tables and taking back control. Be unpredictable and give them the reaction the least expected. Ha ha. Done it. It works.
Marelena...your comment is so on point, I can see a lot of my own family members reacting the same way your mother did. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. God bless.
I did something similar once. My mother was accusing me of "making" her do something, like the time she backed into someone in a parking lot and blamed it on me because I was "making her nervous." I told her "I'm not responsible for your behavior." She just made an offended sound and couldn't really argue with that, and walked off. It felt like such a victory because I didn't even plan it, it just came out of my mouth, and it stopped her from arguing. And the statement subtly insinuated that her behavior was unacceptable without having to say it.
True, toxic coworkers report me so many times, I got called many times I let all that happened and my mental health is ruined but not anymore, yesterday they try to report me again and the boss call me again probably want to threaten to fire me again but I took all my stuff and I walk away in front of her and all those damn coworkers. I had enough if toxic in my life. I deserve better job rather than that sloppy messy place.
Or somtimes they know somthing that could damage your family's happyness and the minute you distance they start little pasive threats.thats what im experiencing.my fear is allowing this nut to continuisly bombard me with her drama.she wont go away and when i ignore her she shells out drama.like calling police to my door and saying they herd a fight.i need prayer.im just cutting her off regardless of what she can do because if i continue giving her this control she will never leave me on peace.please pray for me.
Yep. Even worse when your toxic coworker is your covert narcissist husband and you are separated. We own the business together with 3 other people so I can't leave yet. I use gray rock and also put on my headphones with music from the Calm app.
@@ancamihaelamarian7293 Same... Surviving for many years. It like my work most of the time but I feel like they are al miserable fake happy smallminded jealous people. Always belittling and stabbing you indirect or direct. After I found a few house in another town, after stalking. I will quit that job. New start. New job or starting my own company. As long as i work there I feel stuck. I try my best and sports help me a lot to feel that I'm conquering stagnation but I want to live more. Constant fighting is costing energy. I'm still very bad at being silent. I'm an open book and I start to defend myself, or I tell and say things I didn't want to say! Counting to ten is what I'm going to try for sure. Maybe write it on my hand: ssshht count to ten step back you can do it!it's like these people want me to talk. When I'm silent I get uncomfortable. Because I feel all their tensions and thoughts. Maybe.. I don't know.
Vex T I know the feeling. I was not prepared for *ALL* of them to turn at once .... it was gross, surprising, depressing... *happened when I was 12 or 13* , but eventually I sought God *at 38, after 25 years of evil , manipulative, mental-emotional ABUSE* and Christ Jesus convinced me to surrender to _REST-IN-HIM & BE STRENGTHENED & TRANSFORMED_ by the *power-of-God AFTER BELIEVING THE ONE TRUE 'GOSPEL-OF-GRACE'* (careful, there are many counterfeit false-gospels-of-religion) , and that *transformation DONE TO ME* was not by the power of my own thinking (we are fallen beings, and our carnal thinking is also fallen) ... *Even so* , putting up that *boundary* to the ring leader of evil (My earth dad) caused him to recruit *all the flying monkeys* and wage a 25 year war against me. I can't believe how *mind-controlled* the others were *(and how mind-controlled I WAS TOO in ways I was BLIND to)* .......... but eventually , over time, I was able to give the *focus and attention of my mind to the Holy Scriptures* to _KNOW GOD & be taught BY GOD-in-CHRIST_ But they never wanted my attention *there...* because they were focused on *PURE EVIL WITCHCRAFT* to push guilt on me for setting a firm, *AND PERMANENT BOUNDARY* on my earth dad, and then *on ALL of them* that had been _recruited as 'Flying Monkeys'_ (they seethed hate and mocked me as a *Jesus-freak* , and still do) Merideth is correct, tey don't care what your emotion is: *1.)* Anger *2.)* Happiness (They will *manipulate* ANY emotion, they will twist it and _try to bastardize and wage the sick war_ based on whatever emotion you displaying to people that *you know you cannot display emotions to* , instead you *PUT CHRIST-IN-YOU ON DISPLAY, AND SHINE HIS LIGHT TO INVITE THEM OUT OF THE DARK, AND HIS SALT FLAVORS IN A WAY THEY WANT TO TASTE CHRIST & ARE DRAWN TO HIS LIGHT* , and that's why we *GIVE ALL GLORY (CREDIT) TO GOD BECAUSE IT'S ALL HIM* _working through us_ (although *FORGIVE THEM FOR ALL OF IT* , but do not get near any of them until *YOU HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH & ARE DISCIPLED BY GOD INTO MATURITY AFTER READING THE WORD & GROWING IN GOD'S GRACE* , and when they _CAN SEE & TASTE_ THE *SALT-n-LIGHT IN YOU & FLOWING THRU-YOU, POURING OUT OF YOUR CUP FREELY OVER ALL NEAR YOU* , they will want the same salt-n-light, and will want to be also *JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH* (beware, some will be invited to raging hate & jealousy to see peace of God upon you) *Once you are strengthened & transformed by GOD HIMSELF* , then you can plant the seed for them to be *turned toward God-in-FAITH toward Christ JESUS* to also be transformed by the *power-of-God.* (it's NOT our power) God is the *ONLY* one who can give *THE INCREASE* to any seed you plant, or *LIGHT POURED OUT ON THEM* They are *NOT CAPABLE* of being _transformed_ by the power of their own warped, broken, thinking.... and they are *master-deception-artists/actors* so you have to PRAY to know what *God is telling you* about re-building a relationship WITH THEM, *or continue WITH A BOUNDARY* because they are *plotting* one of their *covert-SCAMS* to get near you to cause problems, which in reality is a *foul-unclean-spirit* USING THEM, in order to wage a war *WITH YOU & AGAINST YOU* God is *LOVE* God-in-Christ is *OUR LIFE* _OUR EVERYTHING_ and *ALL* good that happens , or *BAD* you are protected from, or *TRANSFORMED* out of is because of the *1.) GOODNESS/GRACE/LOVE-MERCY/POWER OF GOD, *through our LORD & SAVIOR CHRIST JESUS.... WHO IS GOD IN THE FLESH.* _OUR ALL & OUR NEW LIFE IS HIDDEN:_ *IN CHRIST JESUS* and when we realize it and *BELIEVE IT & TRUST IT* , that's when you are *BORN AGAIN of the SPIRIT-OF-GOD in an instant of a change-of-mind and you are JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH * and then, the CLEANUP BEGINS, chasing programmed darkness out of YOUR SOUL FIRST..... and that's because *THE FATHER & THE SON COME LIVE IN YOU* , and you are sealed by the *POWER of the HOLY GHOST,* until the 'Day-of-Redemption' (all see this day, because ALL will leave the physical body at some point, and then that day arrives); so the *FULL GODHEAD,* with you, and *IN YOU* in "POWER" , and it shall *NEVER LEAVE YOU.* You put your *FOCUS & ATTENTION ON THE KJV-1611 PURE CAMBRIDGE EDITION, but beware of FAKE-CHRISTIANITY* _and none of those people will EVER affect you again_ , and you'll find yourself *PRAYING FOR THEM* and saying: _"FORGIVE THEM FATHER, THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!!!!"_ You'll also be praying: *Please, Abba Father, please draw them to the Son-of-God, Christ Jesus to BELIEVE, by FAITH-ALONE, so that they can be HEALED, TRANSFORMED, AND REBORN-OF-THE-SPIRIT-OF-GOD ALSO, AND CAN GROW IN YOUR GRACE ALSO FATHER.* This is how we bring the *POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST* with us into the world, to _BRING THE REAL 'LIGHT-OF-CHRIST' into the DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, so others can *BE HEALED BY THE 'LIGHT-OF-CHRIST' & POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST* _Once that happens and they KNOW WHO THEY ARE IN CHRIST_ , then all the boundaries can come down. I'm reaching a point *NOW* where I have been strengthened *SO MUCH BY GOD* at this point , that I don't need to maintain boundaries with them.... *_but the focus of my LIFE is never on them anymore,_* so they have moved on, found new targets for NARCISSISTIC-SUPPLY *(turning on each other because I had boundary for 20 years up)* , and my dad's sickness manifested into a rare form of *M.S.* in his 70's , putting him in a wheelchair, and he directs all his anger at the flying monkeys now to the point *THEY PUT UP BOUNDARIES ON HIM* , and I offered to assist on Naturopathy protocols that are proven to help the physical condition, *but was met with the SAME MALIGNANT SOCIOPATH BEHAVIOR* _that caused me to seek God in the first place, and put up boundaries in the first place_ but this time I was *NOT OFFENDED* _but fully aware that my earth dad needed the HEALING POWER OF THE GOSPEL OF GRACE_ , and I *said nothing* when comment after ignorant comment was hurled at me, *even mocking me for showing the Naturopathy PROVEN PROTOCOLS* for helping the condition. The foul unclean spirits that *have ruled that man's mind & tongue* for 60 years at keast of the 70 kept *mocking me* , saying: *I didn't know you were a doctor... last I checked you were a college DROPOUT.* (things like this) Even saying: *"Oh, I'm sorry, you know I love you , right? And hey, don't worry, some guys make it, and some guys don't."* Foul-unclean-spirits are *preying-on-you* if they think they can, but I call upon the *NAME OF THE LORD* , and that name is *CHRIST JESUS THE LORD & SAVIOR* _and they FLEE that Name_ It's *a battle GOD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU* _if you let Him, instead of thinking that you have all the POWER to fight all of it_ You don't *HAVE THE USE OF ALL THAT POWER OF GOD* , but that *POWER* is in you, if you are *JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH* , and the *HOLY GHOST IS UPON YOU* , so trust that *GREATER IS THE POWER IN YOU & UPON YOU* to guide you, and to go to battle *FOR YOU* , than the power of that evil in the world, and working through people being *MADE SICK BY THOSE FOUL UNCLEAN SPIRITS* and whatever inferior *"powers-of-the-air"* they operate with. You will *SEE* that your loved ones are *BEING MADE SICK* by those foul-unclean-things-UNSEEN(spirits) , and that is why God wrote *Ephesians 6 , verses 10-18* to us who are *AWAKENING & BEING ILLUMINATED IN CHRIST JESUS* , by the _POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST, now manifesting forth IN US as OUR LIFE AS CHRIST_ *Christ IN US* _the Hope of Glory_ you read about in the *BOOK OF COLOSSIANS* First you must read and fully understand: 1. *BOOK OF ROMANS* 2. *1 CORINTHIANS* 3. *2 CORINTHIANS* 4. *GALATIANS* 5. *EPHESIANS* 6. *TITUS* 7. *COLOSSIANS* (and then the *LAST 4* rounds out the *13 Epistles of Paul* to know you are *JUSTIFIED BY FAITH* , and immediately read the *GOSPEL OF JOHN* (which supports *APOSTLE PAUL'S GOSPEL* given directly to Paul from *CHRIST JESUS* who was already ascended into heaven when *CHRIST-IN-PAUL* , and *CHRIST JESUS* revealed that *GOSPEL WITH MYSTERIES REVEALED ONLY IN FULLNESS TO PAUL* , _AGAIN, REVEALED IN POWER IN PAUL_ the *POWER-of-the-Spirit* _revealed to us that it's IN US!!!_ (this is what *"THE-CHURCH-AGE"* is all about, and that's *NOT CHURCH-BUILDINGS, NOR IS IT RELIGIONS* but that *WE, THE JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH-CHILDREN-OF-THE-LIGHT-IN-CHRIST, - WE-ARE-THE-CHURCH "SEEN & UNSEEN"* ) _and you cannot receive that revelation & discernment until you are:_ *_JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH_* Which is why I listed those *Epistles of Apostle Paul to READ + The Book of John* (not 1John, 2John, or 3John yet, but the *BOOK OF JOHN* , also referred to as just *"JOHN"* )
Pam Lynch set *boundaries* on people ruled by *foul unclean spirits* _that own their thoughts/mind and will war with you, and try to pain you any way they (the unclean spirit) can._
I detached from them in peace and explicitly wished them well. However, thinking about my family can still drain my energy or make me feel guilty, although everyone is better off this way.
I have come across this video on a number of occasions. Every time I watch it, I walk away feeling stronger. Hard to remember these things when you’re emotional triggers have been tripped, but I think BREATHING will make all the difference. Thank you so much ❤️
That is where it gets tricky, I know all about what your going through, sometimes For me to not react in someway could make his actions worse, because he isn't getting what he wants, at that point My Ex Husband is really capable of anything. Over all her suggestions do help, but I have to tread carefully. I wish I could go No Contact but we have kids.
Elisa Baumgarte Talk to a malignant narcissist is like talk to an adult little kid who throws tantrum if he doesn't get on his way. I hope you stay strong, able to protect yourself and your children, and find your way out of this dangerous immature adult.
One thing we should all probably work on is being less toxic ourselves. Sometimes we get in a bad habit of treating the people we love and are close to worse than than complete strangers. Kids, parents, brothers and sisters. I see it a lot. We should always work on treating the people we love and are close to better than anyone else.
I wholeheartedly agree! Toxic people, are oblivious, but you can be toxic if you don't work on your own self reflection, we need to practice what we preach, be self aware!
Yes, exactly!, i got sucked in and didn't know how to get out at the beginning, i was just trying to be a kind and open minded person. But some people can just suck you in and take advantage of your kindness. Love you, needed to hear this.
I personally notice that Toxic people like to shock you to actually see how you will react,I choose not to bother myself with thier ignorance..Just get up and leave when these 👿are loose.
Cat lover This is more true than most know! Also known as Energy Vampires; were the 2 people involved able to be photographed with Kirlian Photography (shows colors of the energy vibrations all around a person) I bet anything one could see dark shades coming out of the narcissist toward their ‘victim’. Everyone can protect themselves from these vampires by learning to form strong energy boundaries. (See Many YTube vids by Donna Eden) because it’s not always possible or effective to just say & intend to create strong boundaries; depends a lot on your upbringing with respect to the patterns of communication, etc demonstrated throughout your childhood by both parents. And, what’s actually being done IS putting a cover of protection around the energy field that surrounds your body, 360 degrees! Way cool! So making a routine of forming an energetic boundary 1st thing in the morning can become a Godsend! Best wishes & blessings to all.
Used to have a friend like this, always making sarcastic "jokes" and raining on your parade. He can't keep friends for long, because he always has to talk people down to feel better about himself. Happy i got us tickets for Comic Con? "Have fun. I have a sex life..." Proud of my new tattoo? "Nice. Gay guys will love your tattoo..." Joined a martial arts dojo? "Having your midlife crisis already?" And the list goes on and on and on. So i just stopped seeing him, started enjoying my life, and now i am the "bad friend", altough no one else wants to hang out with him.
Tried it with my wife this morning.... She was complaining and normally I would react with anger and argumentative, self defense and feel really bad afterwards.Not. This time! I breathed first about 3 times and had a relief! Then I used the principles you said and executed them,no emotional attachment whatsoever. God it worked! She left the room in a huff.i still stuck with it and she reappeared minutes later, LESS ANGRY, and more pleasant when I started redirecting the conversation. She even kissed me after that. That is after looking at this video all week and doing meditation etc. I feel calmer and happy now and I will stick to this like glue from now on for the rest of my life . Thanks sooooo much!!
There is NO NEED to go through all the hoops this girl is talking about. The BEST solution to this problem is to get this person OUT OF YOUR LIFE and save yourself all the headaches. I have found that when I do this, EVERYTHING is instantly better in my life. People sometimes say things like "Life is too short to put up with this." But I say that life is too LONG to put up with this, ESPECIALLY when it's not necessary at all, even if you have to quit your job and find other employment. Can you just IMAGINE putting up with this crap all your life? No way!! Just dump that person. If enough people dump the narcissist, s/he will learn a lesson or lose all relationships. Either way, it's no skin off your nose.
Exactly and the reaction doesn't matter to them, because the primary and pathetic mission in life for these fake, envious and miserable empty shells is to constantly seek out ways in which they can project, blame, shame and control/manipulate others in order to keep their false sense of superiority and importance elevated and fed. After you've first educated yourself on all their tactics (bag of tricks), then it does become easier and easier to not only spot them, but also to make them vapor and keep moving forward with your life. One doesn't need the approval, acceptance or validation of a toxic nobody.
I agree but the problem is that sometimes you CAN'T avoid it get rid of the person. Maybe it's your boss or coworker. Maybe it's one member of your extended family and you don't want to disengage with the entire family. Maybe it's an ex spouse that you have to co-parent with because you're forced to by the courts. There are circumstances where you simple can't avoid them, so it's good to have skills and tactics.
I couldn't agree more and have personally been fortunate enough to be able to do what you suggest. However, not all people are as lucky as us. It would be lovely if that was always possible, sadly when people have a child together they sometimes have to deal with the other parent even if they don't want to and even if that person is very toxic. A friend of mine is going through that so I am glad I found this video because I can direct her to it and hopefully she can learn to not get caught up in the drama for the sake of her children.
Too easily said. When ur dealing with a colleague half your age, ur in your 60's, but still need to work; you know u won't get another job if u lose this one, coz of your age, and they know it too, you can't just walk away & go get another job. I'd love to just walk away, which is what I usually do with toxic people who wander into my life, but this time I can't. & She's managing to make everyone believe that I'm the problem. I feel like a sitting duck, waiting to be hit by the hunter's final bullet. I'm really good at my job, but she's managing to make colleagues & even our boss, doubt me. Its really frustrating.
Getting a reaction from someone is the main tool of the toxic person. They want control over you whether it is good feedback or bad. This is something that is SO HARD TO LEARN. It is natural to defend yourself but it is not about that for them because they DON'T CARE what you say. They only care that you said something. The key is to understand that they know exactly what they are doing. You do not have to explain to them, you do not have to be upset. Just refuse to deal with them. It is the only way!
I was in a toxic relationship where his entire family is even more toxic than he is. Both he and his sister would try to make me feel like I was worthless because my family wasn’t around. The thing is that my family is also toxic, so I am the one that chose to cut them out of my life, not the other way around. But I did long for my family, and they knew they could get to me that way. After a long time of them doing that to me, I realized this fact, and I didn’t care what they said to me. Once they realized they couldn’t use that to hurt me anymore, they stopped trying to use that. I finally worked myself up to enough courage and self-worth that I was able to leave that relationship. I was with him for nearly 12 years, and it’s been 4 since I left. It was the best decision I ever made.
You are brave and self-actualizing now! Be proud of that. Stand up to the backlash. The backlash to me was terrible. My mother spread lies for years, and I would get horrible letters from relatives telling me how terrible I was. It only stopped when she died, and it was four years after she died that I learned she was dead. Four years I lived in fear of her....
Growing up my Mom had a nasty backhand slap. When grown, I asked why she hated me, she responded I didn't hate you, I was jealous of your youth. It looked just the same to me. I was bullied by her and at school. Turn of events came about that removed me from her so her care was not up to me anymore. Almost lost my mind caring for someone who wanted the care of men. Learned this was wide spread. Today I am very very grateful. I give a VERY BIG SHOUT OUT TO THOSE WHO HAVE ESCAPED AND THOSE WHO ARE ESCAPING THIS INSIDIOUS ABUSE. Write about your experience so others can identify the symptoms. Get out of the boat of pain and go live YOUR life.
At least your mom was honest. Mine played the victim saying how much she loves me and what was wrong with me that I could not see that. She never said that to me directly but went around saying that to the rest of the family turning them against me too. She's gone now and some are starting to see that but it is too late now. The damage was done.
I can completely relate. It's a bitch growing up with a toxic mother and absentee father. In my family I was the "scapegoat", or invisible. It was always implied that I was mentally insuffient, barely passable in the looks department, etc. By 7th grade I was intuitively learning how to meditate and zone out. She was a gaslighter and triangulator. It seemed to be her mission to make everyone as miserable as she was. After years of being thrown under the bus, it had enough. When I turn 53, I cut her out of my life. It's a hard thing to do, to your own mother but it was an absolute imperative to my survival and sanity. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, the woman was a true snap case. But you can't define who you are by how others have treated you. I'm extremely accomplished, secure in myself and happy. What more could I ask for? I am proud of both of us for surviving their torment. Blessings to you.
Wow, it seem more people are having or is having issues with toxic mothers and fathers. Mostly due to jealousy. What's going on with that? It seems the toxic parents could be lacking mental or emotional maturity. I find that strange. As a parent, you'd want your child(ren) to do and be their best. You'd want to help them, not compete and make their lives miserable. It's like the parent is blaming the child for being alive and it's because of their, (the parent) actions that the child is here. So interesting.
@@Them353 I have noticed that people have very crooked motives for having children sometimes. Most would think one gets children out of love for these adorable human beings, but no - some parents get children for quite other reasons - to please their own parents, to be like all others, to bind their spouse to them, to have a reason not to work a tiresome job, to come across like a heroine, and the like. And many get children just out of mistake after unprotected, unresponsible sex. And really tragic is the children born after rape, where the mother is blamed for it. Girls should be taught to at least have condoms in their purse and not to consent to sex if they are ashamed to insist on their use. If one isn't mature enough to talk about prevention, one isn't mature enough for sex. Then it is better that a parent comes and brings the girl home from a party before anything sexual happens.
@@DNA350ppm I couldn't agree more. My parents got pregnant due to lack of responsibility and protection. My brother was that child. In 1956 with a Catholic upbringing you had to get married. I was the 2nd child and "daddy's" little girl, not " illigitimate" so adored by him, no guilt or shame. My mother felt displaced and it made her dispose me. She told me once if I hadn't come along they could have saved the marriage. Not good enough, they had my sister the last and grasping at straws child. Ironies, my mother told me she wanted a fourth. The didn't like kids but was obsessed with my father. And my brother and I are Irish twins, 14 months apart, which means she got pregnant again at 5 months. I never good really figure out how her mind worked, or what she was thinking.
You are absolutely right. This is a lifeskill that everyone needs to be coached in because toxic people exist in all our spheres and it is foundational that we know how to manage the interaction so that we can lead productive lives. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you so much. I'm definitely dealing with evil toxic people at my workplace. It's horrifying being harassed and bullied by these insane toxic nutjobs.
Same. Everyday I have to go through their false smiles knowing they talk shit behind my back, coming up with false accusations, judging, manipulating. Not one week go by without me thinking about quitting, or this will not come to a happy ending..
After 40 years I’ve finally realized that it’s not me. I’m surrounded my narcissists. My mother my cousin who I’m forced to live in her home my daughters father or what I call sperm donor because that’s all he’s been. They’ve all made me think I’m crazy for years. I’ can honestly say I’ve never done or said anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I can barely turn down a date because I’m afraid of hurting feelings. Thank you, you have a new subscriber.
I have recently become aware that my "best friend" of 26 years is a toxic person. I had people trying to bring it to my attention for years, I have finally seen it for myself. The tips in this video will be extremely helpful for me as I to disolve this relationship, which is currently a co-habitation situation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This is very insightful, because sometimes you can't always escape toxic people (they're in your home/job, etc). One thing I notice is that it's always better to be UNapologetic when saying no. Cut out "I'm sorry" from the dictionary; don't be sorry or appear regretful when refusing them. Be kind, but firm. Showing that we're sorry "for refusing" them gives them another advantage: guilt. I've learned that I can be polite, kind, but still firm and distance myself emotionally from these toxic people.
Protect yourself - I've been seeing a trauma therapist and one thing she has taught me is to protect myself through visualisation. I've used this technique when I've had to be very courageous when speaking my truth/standing up for myself with my family. It worked. She said to visualise wearing a space suit. I only needed to do this for a few seconds before I went into battle! (and doing some deep breathing). I wanted to share this as some people might find it helpful if you have to be in the presence of a narc/nasty people.
Very well put. Here is another one... Don't take the bait! You are so right when you said that people are NOT really looking for advice or help while being toxic. Usually they just want to unload on you. When someone name calls, devalues you, or attempts to shame you, they are rarely being anything other than selfish.
I've dealt with this type of toxic person who kept coming to me for advice. Eventually, I realized she was so problematic when she actually said to me that "you only focus on the positive". Uh that's when I knew that she wasn't looking for a solution to any of her problems. So I had to just cut her off.
ROFL, I love that retort "you only focus on the positive." So she actually realizes the positivity, but scorns it. They say it takes all kinds to make a world, but that's the first time I have heard of anyone complaining about positivity!
I agree. A toxic person wants you to fight with them, so just decide once and for all not to fight with this person. Your response can be, "We don't have to agree about this." "I am not going to argue with you. Why don't you tell me about..." and ask them to say something pleasant and positive that interests them. Once when a woman insulted our counter service at the deli, I just agreed with her. I said, yes, we could give much better service than we do. But she wanted a fight. So she loudly started to defend the store. Hilarious! A toxic person wants you to be upset, so simply determine to stay calm no matter what, even if only to spite them, but it works as well without spite. I find it funny when a toxic person tries to fight with me or hurt my feelings. I am not a flute or a drum to let them play upon my inner calm. Determine to stay calm. Set your mind on the truth if someone is hurling lies at you. Respond with the truth and don't back down. Say we don't have to agree about that. Just be ready for them to come at you with some new attempt to rattle you next time, because it is mighty frustrating when a manipulator can't make you feel something. You do not owe it to anyone to meet them on their emotional level. Stand back and stay calm. If they raise their voice, lower your voice. Let them match your emotional calm before you listen. Set the boundary by saying, why are you freaking out? no one is fighting you. No one is going to hurt you. Just talk normal, I can hear you, you do not have to be angry for me to hear you. These things work even with relatives and demented people. You are not going to let your inner calm be moved, and that is their problem, not yours.
keep your calm. you have dignity even when someone laughs at you. show them undeserved favor. They will ask themselves why they cannot get to you when it works on everyone else. You are who God says you are, not what anyone says to mock or ridicule. Forgive them in your heart because they do not realize what they are doing. Let them meet your emotional level of calm instead of meeting them at their lack of decency. It is the best revenge to stay calm and bless them from inside your awesome heart. let them become more like you. It is kind of funny that we almost enjoy being "wounded" but there is no future in self-pity. What you want is people to respect you too much to make fun of you. That may be the wrong expectation. Think of times when you laugh at yourself, not out of rejection, just because, well, we are funny sometimes, we do funny things. Change the subject by telling a good clean joke. Hey, do you know why you can't sell life insurance to anchovies? There are too many beneficiaries. Keep your dignity. Lighten up a little. Do you know why we don not see anchovies riding around in UFOs? Because they are too busy making crop circles. See? learn a few good jokes and change the conversation. You can do that if you give up feeling wounded.
U r so right, trust yourself, your body will tell you if a person is toxic, your pulse will go up, you may get a headache, your stomach will churn, when the person approaches u or when someone else mentions them , just by reading this my vital signs are all over the place just thinking about all this corrosive people destroying people for their own ego, avoid them like the plague , they cannot say enough sorries to undo the damage they have caused to you physiologically , emotionally, psychologically, they are wearing a mask when they are corgial, polite ect....they are divulging their true self when u start feeling awful in their presence , mask is off, time to run
You tell them you are very busy and you will call them back later on . Toxic persons often try to work out on your shame . Ask yourself why does it work ? The answer will hekp you .
Carole Meador Toxic persons like to meet person that try to be perfect in whatever they have to do . They use this caracteristic of the person. Peoples who go away toxic peoples don't realy have a chance to be the same .
Carole Meador , I just walked out of the house! Crazy assed bee atch didn't want me to start grade twelve. Straight A student and she said I was going to get a job and give her all my money because she owned me until I was 21. She was angry because all the summer berry picking money I earned was given to me as a check which I put in the bank. She couldn't get to it. So I went and registered at school the next morning after sleeping in my friend's dad's delivery truck all night. I got there walking at one a.m. Then I went to social services, got a woman from church to foster me and a police officer drove me to get my belongings. She had burned all my letters I received from my grandmother. About 180 letters over nine years. If they don't get their way, they take revenge. BTW, that year, easiest A grades I ever earned! I didn't have to clean houses on weekends and give her all the money. And she revoked my driver's licence. Parent has to sign if under 19 yo. So I had to send it back to the government. She saw me driving a guy's Cadillac and had a fit. So she took revenge.
EruditeObserver That woman is sadic . She try to harm you as much as she can . She wants to destroy you so you have to come back home and beg her to take you back . She must be the hell of a manipulator too. Make her publicity . Tell every one around how she is . Write a book . Go on a TV show . Etc... Burning the 180 letters of your grandmother is very crual .She is obviously jealous of you . You are probably too intelligent , too handsome , too succesful socialy , too bright ,you manage too well your life. I'm sorrry but , even though it is your mother,, you will have to visit her the least you can and the least longer you can . Minimum, minimum.minimum. Make yourself good friends and live with them . Your mother is a very sick person. Hope there is not a prriest around or a religious person who tell you to pardon her and go back to her house. She will never be correct with you . She is what she is and you want be able to change her even though you seem to be the best man on the earth . If she is wealthy a little bit , sue her for ruining your life . You will win.
EruditeObserver Wow. I would never think to do that to my child. I would die for my child, even stand in front of a bus. Wow. Just, wow. I am happy for you that you found your own way. And it's good that you are safe too.
I have neighbors who are super cheerful in demeanor though are very sneaky and ask weird probe questions, they compelled me to look up a video like this. Sad day
Same and be vigilant, because in my case that so called demeanor of super cheerful is all fake and proven to be entirely quite the opposite. There's a married couple across my home who are not only haughty and arrogant JW cult members, but extremely character disturbed and covert evil. Just a few days ago she approached me in her car (with her loud and fake sing song voice of calm) and with dramatics, outright lied about something in attempts to prevent/control me from doing something which brings me great joy outdoors on a daily basis. She was ignored, so later in the afternoon while in my back yard, she approached my fence (acting as though I was hiding from it) loudly yelling she knew I was in there, because she could see me. I immediately informed her that she wasn't entitled to my attention, then took called out on her earlier lies and all their evil doings which have been caught/recorded on my surveillance cameras. She was immediately shut up/ shut down after attempting to flip her provocation onto me, told to back off or they'd be sent a cease and desist letter and finally told that I didn't need their permission, acceptance, approval or validation of a nobody.
I live with one. New roomate, I avoid her like the plague. Older than me and very jealous. Keeps inviting me out only to try to bully me. It's weird. I now stay far away as possible.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm the caretaker for my narcissistic mother. One thing though -- I can't ask: "did I do something to offend you in some way?" ...that would be giving her power in her mind --validation that she was effective, and I'd be putting myself into victim mode...For me, the best response is no response, to distance myself from the situation. And when I'm in my own safe space, I use my pre-arranged triggers for happier thoughts so that her narcissism doesn't intrude into my precious private moments. Right now my daily mantra is: I cannot be responsible for anyone else's actions or thoughts, only my own actions and thoughts. There's really no way to win with a narcissist...walking away is always the best option, when possible.
There's no such thing as "returning accountability" back to a narcissist...that's saying you can reason with with them...You can't...their minds are just geared differently, so things like shame, guilt, accountability don't work...You can't play their own games either because of it...walk away...don't take on what they imply to other ppl about you either...you can't win...but you can survive if you can just walk away either physically and/or mentally.
Kat1791 I think not reacting and walking away are the best things to do. The reason she's saying to respond by saying, that's interesting, that's possible, is probably for when your in a situation, like some family get together that you really can't get out of being there. Toxic people and narcs thrive on getting a reaction out of you, resist the urge to snap back at them.
None of these tactics will work on a person that's thrives on violence,and bullying.Its like their obsess with being violent,and out right evil,and they thrive and feed off of it.
This a a job of an Empath person to try to make them understand. That they need help. I can deal with almost any type of person. Unless it's a social path. 😧 Crazy
I loved this topic because I realize the guilt I was feeling wasn't mine to own in the first place. I put my boundaries up and disallowed the behavior and I realize that the guilt put on me, I put back the responsibility on the other person.
I feel guilty too and I refuse to go into 2017 feeling this way the person who I'm dealing with I can't divorce them or cast this person out of my life. I love her to the moon and back so I have to find a way to deal with her because this been going on most of my life and enough is enough. I will use this to embrace change. I want respect and acceptance from her but that's not going to happen so I have to find another way.
Leslie Williams I feel the same way brother and sister and my other siblings married narcs too. So crazy to lose my family to this controlling bitch#*%s
Rie Rie HELLO RIE RIE I WOULD LIKE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU..I AM A COOL GUY LOOKING TO MEET SOMEONE NICE TO TALK TO AND ENJOY LIFE WITH.GIVE ME A MESSAGE ..SPECIALBREED OO726@GMAIL.COM
I see what she is saying, but it almost sounds incriminating. Like you aren’t capable. I think it might be better to say, “I already have a full plate and am not adding anything else to my plate right now. I’m practicing self-care.”
Sadly if it’s your sister or best friend... it’s sad to leave... but life is too short to deal with all drama & other shit! Leave & run as fast as u can. These people don’t change. Thank u for great info. Wish I had this info years ago♥️♥️
Also never be ashamed of yourself saying "ok, I'm out of here"after being insulted by somebdy because I think that's the smartest way to shut them up . It may sound like running away cowardly but sometimes it's not, it's rather being self-aware and kind.
poney Misty That's absolutely right. If you get up and leave before you are also yelling, and just sweep out of the room in a no-nonsense fashion, definitely leaves them sitting there being mocked by The Silence of your absence. as long as this is not someone's response to everything that upsets them, because then it looks more like avoidance which is cowardly.
@@ladymaiden2308 Who cares if you seem cowardly, it doesn't matter, the objective of the game is to get that person out of your life. Walking away is effective, walk away from dangerous toxic people, its not cowardly its smart.
@@darrenpat182 that's not what I was talking about. I was making the distinction between someone leaving someone toxic for the right reasons, and preferably before the toxic person manages to draw you into a screaming match. As opposed to a person who goes off the cuff throwing a tantrum and causing a scene every time they are displeased, but will storm off or hang up on you in a cowardly avoidance if you stand your ground.
This is happened to me, in the very first place I came there my gut feeling told me that place was messy and horrible I wanted to get out but I ignore it and I was so miserable and all people there are toxic, likes to backstab others, gossiping, bullies like to put down and sabotage my works untill I got called by the bully bos so many times, I had enough, one of them report me for ridiculous reason and I got called again, I was so done and couldnt take it anymore, I packed all my things and leave them without answering my boss leaving them speechless, I dont care anymore, I had reach the point that if I keep work there, I will lose my self, my confidence, my self esteem and the only things remains were anxiety and panick attack, I make the right decision to get out, it took big courage to do that, but I have to do it for my mental health sake.
don't play their game (s). play your own. sometimes the best tactic is just not to play. set those boundaries and stick to them, back out of the relationship slowly over time with unavailability, then phase them out of your life.
I had a dilemma today with someone ,and throughout the entire day I felt so distracted,anxious,and angry but this video calmed me down so much . I finally feel peace with myself . Thank you so much
Its really great that you are putting this stuff out there. i was in a a religious cult for 5 years in Israel, I just got out about 3 years ago, totally recognising all the tactics that you are exposing. Problem is the damage all that stuff does to your self image, it can take a while before you even think you have the right to fight back.
@@aena5995....run... run away, run far far away as far as you can, cross state lines if you are NOT a minor... leave everything behind, leave! do it suddenly... don't tell anyone... stay in a shelter for homeless, from there you can get into more permanent housing. There is help , but you have to LEAVE to get that help. I have been where you are in that familial relationships and they only get worse and can get deadly. They will absolutely flip everything on to you. RUN for you life.
1)Breathe three times before answering anything 2)saying 'no'. Set your boundary. 3) separate yourself from the world.(like in a movie). No emotional reaction. 4)gaurd your attention like your life 5) phrasing - returning responsibility to the rightful owner i) new boundary-selfish That's interesting, I wonder why you say that! ii)call u something That's possible... That could be the case.. iii)different opinions I see you feel strong about this. I have my opinion. We are gonna agree on this disagreement. iv)yelling I wanna come up with something that is good for all. Let's talk when you are calmer. v)back mouthing I'm sorry, did I do something wrong ? vi) complaining I see how upset about that. What are you going to do about that? vii) unavoidable I hope you feel better, I'll be in my room. Whenever you are free, we can talk. viii) jerk Generally people who are really very upset talk like this, I don't know why you are feeling that way...
I’ve tried everything to stop toxic family members. I’ll breathe, but never will I “nicely” say “maybe you’re right.” Fuck you bitch family. I’ve been trying to walk away for years. Time for me to stop being stupid! I’d rather be alone.
Great advice. Thank you for these tools on how to deal with toxic people. I have a neighbour who constantly drains me complaining about her life but does nothing! It's so frustrating. She has some lovely qualities but I notice she never asks how I am, just spews forth her problems non stop. Lately, I pretend I'm not home so I don't have to deal with her. She can't drive at the moment & needs assistance with errands & shopping. Last time I took her, she said she'd be 10 minutes & came out 45min later with no apology just more huffing & puffing. I understand why she receives little help as she doesn't seem to appreciate people's time.
2. When you say "no". You can simply say, "no, that won't work for me". 2. You can also excuse yourself to go the restroom. 3. I found that if breathe slowly and deeply and pray for the person while they are acting up then I am not caught up in their agenda. 5. You can also say, "hmm, you might be right", or "I might have to give some thought to that". Honestly, the best bet is just to get away from them. I found that it was just best to cut my losses and simply say that I don't care for these kinds of interactions and I can't participate. They throw a fit and will end whatever relationship that you have with them and it over.
If stuff gets serious, pretend to take notes and “get back with a reply” and then “forget” or answer with word salad and withhold information just like they do
I was in a relationship with a toxic person for 3 years, and I hate to blame the other or talk bad about them. But all the signs were there and I didn't figure it out or ignored it due to my attachment to them due to my unconditional love I felt I had for them. It took a serious life event for us to leave each other, looking back I wish I would have left sooner, but I couldn't. But if I had left sooner then I would be better off, I lost a lot over this. If your in a toxic relationship, it is best to get out, it'll hurt you bad in the long run.
James Steevens ...I don’t understand why you had such an intense relationship with someone who was so toxic to you. How can you have a deep attachment to someone ho doesn’t make you feel complete? I don’t understand.
Bob Marshal One usually doesn't get the up front veiw of the toxicity until further into the relationship and you are already attached and usually in love!!! And like James said he loves with an unconditional love, and with that one usually gives a lot of love and patience and does all they can to try and teach the person new ways of being and healing whatever has made the person so toxic!!! James Steevens I completely understand what you are saying and have gone through a similar experience!!! I gave over ten years and when it finally ended it left me feeling betrayed, abandoned, lied to, tricked, used, manipulated and even pressured into the relationship by the end and looking back, as this person held the power to cause me to lose my job, while I had three young children at home, so I feel you!!! I had some trust issues from a prior relationship and abandonment issues from the biological father of my children and this new person used that to their advantage, they were older and from a time when people understood the meaning of loyalty, commitment and the like, so I trusted him...he was friend long before there was a romantic relationship, but by the end of it I was accused of only wanting his money, I would just end up leaving him as he aged due to me being younger, I would end up cheating, he didn't want to start a new relationship by the time we were going to make everything official, yet he hooked up with someone he couldn't stand from work because she was closer to his age by half as much as I, just two days after he kicked me out of the house he said was mine and keeping everything he gifted to me and so forth and so on!!! This was over two years ago and I still struggle with the feelings he heaped on me!!! It's like I am healing myself from PTSD!!! The lesson I took away is similar to what you have said things would have been better to have just gotten out at first sign of the treatments and or issues.....but I know once I heal from the damages I will be a much stronger person and better off without him for sure!!!!! Blessings and love
I am dealing with one right now and is waiting for a good time to leave while I am working on myself. All these years it was all about his wants and needs. I am learning to say 'no' to his requests because he doesn't even care about my wants and needs in the first place. We good people have 'hope' that someone would change but nope those kind of selfish people will never change until it is too late.
I appreciate most of the points you make here about being emotionally neutral, and I see how some of those phrases could be helpful. However, I do not agree that a toxic person has a “right” to feel what they are feeling. If they are angry because someone set a boundary, they do not have a right to feel that way and express that anger because it is coming from selfishness. There is no way to change the narcissist - no way to make them feel better. Their misery is their own fault. Their feelings are not my responsibility.
The ONLY way to disarm a toxic person is to refuse to engage with them further. Been there, tried everything - cutting them off is the only thing that works.
True!!!
They 'get off on' any and every reaction you give them. And like the Miranda, they WILL use anything you say or do against you, in their personal court of law where they are judge, jury and executioner.
Mary Kaye Waterson SO well spoken!!!!
Mary Kaye Waterson That's absolutely right..They feed on any reaction..Ghosting is the best way to tear them down
Mary Kaye Waterson I agree, all toxic people have been removed immediately from my life
One of the best phrases I've learned and use is, "Observe, don't absorb."
...This!
YES!!!
Like that
💯
Give them a vaxine, that ought to take care of them!
"Never give an emotional reaction" positive or negative. I used to try to be positive in response to toxic people, but the best response is NONE.
lambchopxoxo probably true just hate that they get away with it. Hate it even more that they just start doing this to every person in there lives.
So true.
Thank you
Aka, put my headphones on at work to tune out her grumbling and complaining!!! This works wonders, but it makes me feel kinda sad too, cause I want everyone to be happy and work with rays of sunshine, I feel so shut down! And I still feel like I absorb her negative energy through my pours, just by being near her...lol..
Sarah Bruns wow exactly what I’ve just been through...I resigned lol
As I get older, I just walk away and cut them off. I am tired of having to give ANY energy to anyone whos only intention it to continue to manipulate and hurt people. At work, I do minimal interaction with people, in life, I just go do my thing. It is not worth my heart stress to deal with people anymore. People have no filter and think they can say and do what they want. I tend to try to get out of my head, go for a walk, work on art, play with my pets, even clean my house while watching a good movie and drinking some tea. Refocus is good. And on a simple note, I like your dress.
👍
If I didn't write this myself, I'd swear it was me that wrote it. Well, folks at least each of us knows we are not alone. Peace to all of you.
@@chrisz8585 Nope, we are all out here, just doing our thing!
There will always be toxic people. You are your own gatekeeper.
After awhile, you can identify them, and no need to change them or react to them. No hatred for them, but no need to make them your friend.
Did the walk away and minimize communication but they (people at work and neighbors) just do not get it. And I am always being interpret as snobbish and sarcastically being criticized as the troubled neighbor (just because I did my things within my house compound my way and not following some neighborhood's wannabe "LEADER" way of doing things). I am the owner of the house and being called out by this "LEADER" to shift out of my house - ridiculous, difficult, toxic and full of BS fellow.
Even make me more determined to hold my grounds and out live the fellow and maintain my walk away strategy, as karma will catch-up.
It took me decades to finally learn that as far as toxic people are concerned, your first loss is your best loss. Just walk away, and never look back.
good point ... trying to win a losing game ...
Gino, you are so right. Just cut off a very toxic person. He literally hit all the charecteristics of an envious person. It was horrendous, no reasoning with it. He even lied about learning a language at a school that never taught it??!! He would literally lie about everything to compete in a competition HE created. He told me straight that he has no empathy and I believe him.
He just landed a 40k a year job, his two best friends are struggling. I hope his friends dont do to him what he happily did to me.
Hi, Amen to that, that's asentially what I ended up doing with that person after 7 years, I've stopped working with that person, and I left the company agency I was with after 14 years, and still on my healing gerny. Be blessed my friend.
@@junkjunk2493 Exactly.
@@mimi45945 I’m so sorry that you had to go through the horrendous experiences that preceded this comment, but I am happy to see that you are much wiser as a result; keep looking forward, and you will find a whole new world of confidence before you.
Love it when a toxic person deflects and holds you responsible for your actions for daring to call them out on their nasty behaviour.
Yes this is so ttrue! They blamed me for all their dark ways, bad karma, then ffor a little moment i believed it!
@@grannygirl61812 Never let anyone blame you for their misfortunes, set backs or problems! Their life, happiness, success is THEIR responsibility, not yours. You are responsible for yours and yours alone! People who blame you for everything in their lives are looking for someone to take responsibility for them as they still have not grown up. Run! Hope this helps lovely!
Yes! This has mind f***ed me so many times.
Oh the back handed insult, know and love when they try that, opens them to ur fatality! But after so much bs I turn my conscience off and let asshole mode take over, don’t like being taken advantage of either...
@@andrewwenner2781 That's what I struggle to do, turn off my conscience and let them have it. I always feel bad for letting them have a taste of their own medicine. :/
Now, as soon as someone deflects and projects their bad behavior onto me, I walk away and stop having contact with them. If I can take accountability/responsibility for me screw ups and bad behaviour, so can another adult you know? It is one standard I have adopted to hold every other adult to so I can weed out these sorts of people. :)
Evil, toxic people will take advantage of your niceness.
Truth
Can you pls give some advise how to stop them taking advantage of you if they are those in some power and position?
@@JayJay-bo5kl,
"Taking back your power" from those that "took it from you" is not a simple matter.
The first thing that we need to realize, is that WE willingly gave them the power that they hold over us.
Granted, we didn't understand what we were doing at the time ... But, we must understand it now, if we are to have any hope of changing it.
Untangling ourselves from the power snare of a narcissist, requires "Self Empowerment"... a process by which, we become self-reliant and independent of the narcissist, by learning the ability to meet our own needs ... without the narcissist.
@Sandrina Otelli sorry to hear that dear but I didn't ask you what's wrong in your life, why do i feel as if i know you? Sixth sense kicking in. Mind you neighbours can be highly toxic especially if they are facists or exploiting children that's a dam No No right!!. Extremely harmful. Doubt that's your situation right
@Sandrina Otelli actually sandrina to disarm toxic people I shall ignore them toxic and fascist exploiting kids shame on them shame I too should get a good lawyer for all the hell iv been through don't you agree? Why is my Internet going dam crazy now Inc my phne what the hell.
Most of these people are bullies because THEY feel insecure. The best part is when they realize they can no longer control or manipulate you.
Yes... and when they know you no longer fall for their lieing fantasy stories they hate,yes hate you and try so hard to discredit you to everyone who will listen and blindly believe them.
It is the best part! When I finally got there,it was the same feeling I got when I found $ 50 on a sidewalk one time!!
He said I was insecure. Maybe a tad bit HE was TOXIC.
@@Iceis_Phoenix - Regardless, it all comes from them being insecure because somewhere in their past, they were verbally or physically abused. Instead of dealing with their own pain, they inflict pain because it makes them feel dominant after they had felt so weak and helpless.
@@pookiepookie8669 and they choose a strong to attack to make them vunerable or at least confused. Pathetic.
The best way to disarm a toxic person is to get them out of your life forever, they are no longer your problem.
If possible...sadly it is not always possible.
What if you can’t?
@@daimolight then protect your heart from ever letting them hurt you. You can do it I believe in you.
@@thumbprint7150 stay strong, gaurd your heart, believe in GOD'S love for you. He will bring you through this.
@Maria Lewis Probably if it's the father/mother of their kids for example...
Toxic people are unhappy, they aim to make people around them miserable. Observe, set boundaries, control your emotions and focus your attention on things that are important to you.
Toxic people feel as they are the victims and you could give each one a million dollars and they will never have enough nor be satisfied.
I made the mistake to react yesterday and I regretted so badly, I felt my energy leaving my body because of this pointless conversation! No communication at all with these people!
@@veddergirl3521 YOU hit the nail on the head!
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 what if youre not strong enough and you feel bad for them
Misery loves company!
1. Breathe, be mindful and present
2. Set a new boundary and enforce it
3. Observe, depersonalize, detach, have a dissociative episode
4. Guard your attention, set/redirect your intentions and emotions focus
5. Phrasing, diffuse tension, deflect
Never give emotional reaction, create a safe space for yourself and process. Don't give your energy away.
Phrases:
"That's interesting, I wonder why you say that."
"That's possible, could be."
"I see you feel strongly about that."
"I would like to maintain a relationship of mutual respect."
"Why don't we continue when you are feeling calmer?"
"Have I done something to offend you?"
"I see how upset you are about that. What do you think you will do about that?"
"I hope you feel better."
I love this. Honestly this will "confuse the enemy" as you keep your guard up & not waste your energy to that situation
Thanks 👍
Nice 😂😂😂😂
Thank you
@@RichardM333 Do you mean f - - k off?!!! 😂
Toxic people don’t deserve any kindness with our responses; they certainly don’t treat us with kindness.
Amen, Amen!
They may not deserve it @karinsmith but those are gentlemen and gentlewomen are graceful and merciful by those who seek to initiate peace. Peace keepers shall inherit the earth
@@blessonthrash4543 AMEN
They are very opportunist ppl I have come across ...i have a sibling who used me in every possible way ...the moment she got a job she started behaving in a very toxic way towards me including hitting me .She has hit me several times before in the past and she tries to manipulate me n everyone including servants of my home against me.
@Tuifiti I'm so not sure ...bcoz it certainly doesn't seem that way right now.
Half the battle is won when you finally figure out what's going on. I thought I was just being overly sesitive, paranoid, etc., and begin to question my intuition. All of this is very good information.
@Bucket with a face on it Well, good luck. Now that your realize whats going on, maybe you can have a little peace of mind.
Me too!
This is so true, once you figure out you are not the problem they are you can take steps to rid yourself of them.
Stop letting them make you feel like crap.
Yes, if you catch them in a lie and confront them they say you're paranoid.
Good! It's really nice when you realize you are being gaslighted.
The key is: don't take ownership of anything the other person tries to throw onto you (their goal is to use you as their emotional dumpster), but DO take ownership for your own feelings and choices.
I like this advice. 😊
I can’t roll around in the mud with pigs, I’ll get dirty too. Life is too short to be unhappy. HAVE AS LITTLE INTERACTION WITH THESE PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!
What if it's family people and your parents don't allow you to kick them out of your life 😭
Yaassssss......i REFUSE to feed that negative energy.....i am not interested nor am i their personal therapist....i don't give a shit lol....their problem not mine
@@aishwaryachaurasia6966 hey there, just wanted to say i have the same problem. i dont really have a solution to that either since i cant just walk away from my family, so i think youll have to either wait for you to reach an age where you can move out asap (for my country its 18) or talk to a therapist or someone you can trust. even though that may not solve the abuse, maybe it makes it a little easier to bear while you wait till you get to move out or get the help you need
@@fatcoochiee I'm 27 😭 we are orthodox in our beliefs in india when it comes to separation of young adults from parents. And the only way out is getting married, which means you'll have to risk your sanity again on a new family lol
I agree. But l also rinse out their coffee mugs in the toilet before I leave for the day. I smile next morning as they begin their passive aggressive nonsense.
7 Toxic People You Should Avoid:
1. Those who spread negativity
2. Those who criticize you all the time
3. Those who waste your time
4. Those who are jealous
5. Those who play the victim
6. Those who only care about themself
7. Those who keep disappointing you
My oldest brother. I am too the point of not acknowledging him Amy more as my brother.
Same with my brother I have gave him lots of money and bought him amny gifts,he says he will give my money back but he hasn't ever since
#8. 2-faced people who smile to your face then go and talk trash about you behind your back.
Remember,,,they are masters at their craft.....and 9 fingers always point back at them..
And you can have all these 7 people wrapped up into one!
This is going to sound so weird but I disarm the toxic people in my life by agreeing with them.
For example: If I said No to something they wanted, and they label me as selfish, stingy, a bad person ... I say: "yeah you're right". And that's the end of it.
If they want to still go on and tell me I'm "shameless", my reply to that is "yeah it is, pray for me".
And I go about my day happily. Once I figured out that I didn't need validation from anyone and I knew myself, I didnt care what others thought of me ... I know who I am and why I do the things I do. I know I'm not malicious, so I dont owe anyone an explanation unless the situation warrants one, and what other people think isnt my problem or my business. I'm happy with my boundaries and theirs ... 😜🤣🤣
"Yeah it is, pray for me." 🤣🤣🤣
Had me in stitches, thanks for making light of this crap! And it also sounds like a great tactic, I'm going to integrate that into my treasure chest of anti-asshole ingredients. 👍🏻
I LOVE it! Great one!
@Nicoletta Ciccone She isn't your friend. Make a note in memos on your phone, dated. Get her recorded in case the object of her desire to harm does not believe you but is dazzled by the charmer. She.Is.Not.Your.Friend.
In no way is her behavior friendship. Many fish in the sea. Get away. If they say stuff about others, they are saying it about you!
@Nicoletta Ciccone There are many good people. You will know them. They have peace about them. No need for a "friend" who threatens you. Just say, No!
Brilliant!🤣
Just laugh, and move on quickly. Throws them off. Always worked for me.
😂😘
My brother suggested this too! Well done you for adopting this response! 👍🏼
I actually laugh by accident at times bc it's so absurd to me what's being said. Just makes me "a d*ck" again. 😆
leave, leave, leave, they cannot change, they have a mental disorder, they will destroy you
@Warren Tucker lol so many fancy names, nah they're just wicked, no need for the devil in the detail
ABSOLUTELY! !!!!!!!!!
Leave
Do they realize the pain they are inflicting, or are they just cognizant of the energy they are receiving from their victims anguish? I was viewing a live feed of a narc husband just betraying his wife and she was in tears and he kept yelling at her, these are empty self absorbed people. The she expressed pain the louder he became it was literally watching a.black hole absorbing light.
Wow. Mental disorders have fixes. Medical fixes (medicines, therapy, etc) and these responses really make me think. This is the world we live in. These "mental disorders " are usually a result of trauma. Yes, you develop mental illness through trauma. And these behaviors are taught behaviors. In childhood.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, the only way to win is to go no contact.
Never reduce yourself to correct false narratives. 🙏
Just two tools one has to use: Your left and your right leg - just walk away.
not if you co-parent...
Even in a lot of the situations in which you feel you have no choice... often you actually do have choices.
Toxic boss?
Do you really need THAT particular job?
Or, could you begin looking for a better one?
In a toxic relationship?
What is keeping you there?
I understand that if there are children involved, it is way more complicated... but you still have to ask yourself if staying in an unhealthy relationship is truly what's best for your children. Only you can decide where that line is.
@@madisonwalper6271 yeah it is still easy. Just decide not to be sucked into other people's bullsh*t. And if the parent is that toxic maybe they shouldn't be co-parenting. My ex is the king of toxicity. When I stopped falling into the bs...he stopped coming around my children. They are adults now and they know n understand that their dad is an a** who blames me for everything wrong in his life past present and future. We've not been together for 16 years and I could care less what he thinks or feels. 😂 Just walk away
@@lswilcoxon i agree.
That was great reasoning 😅😂
-When someone tries their best to push me away.... I obey .... (easy and simple)
@@alysonlentini1615 It is not an easy decision Rachel. Your life. Your happiness. Your family.... Whatever you do, no one can criticize you ... it's YOUR decision.,
Great way of looking at it. So many times i tried to understand the trecherous or spiteful behaviour of so called friends...I did not take the hints as these people were able to speak freely and directly to me..my life is so much better without them. I can concentrate again LOL
You would think growing up with a family of toxic people, you'd get pretty good at dealing with them. Unfortunately, I didn't learn those lessons. Instead, I just walked away. That was 5 years ago. Life is Amazing!
I walked away from my toxic dysfunctional family almost 3 years ago and I’m so much more at peace!
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
I walked away 25 years ago 😂😂😂😂🖕FAMILY and FACEBOOK
My whole family is toxic. I disowned my entire family 20 years ago. Never looked back. I did not pick my family but I can pick others and as soon as I see any toxic dismissive behavior I’m done done done.
Lara O'neal I'm in the same situation as you. and I haven't looked back.
Dwight Plock Kudos to you. It takes courage but we’ve proven one can do this. I’m so unlike my family it’s like I don’t have the same DNA. I’m the oldest of 7 siblings and the only one who told the truth and confronted my parents. They hated me and called me a liar. I said good riddance I’m done. I have total peace. They are all malignant narcissists and sociopaths.
Lara O'neal thanks. I was the youngest of 5 boys. but the 4 oldest were close to each other in age and I was 7 years after them. So they looked after each other while I was closest to my parents and looked after them. they took advantage of my parents in a horrible way as mom and dad became elderly. when I protested they took it out on me physically and verbally to the point I couldn't live in the house I inherited from mom ad dad. so I moved to another house without telling them my address or phone #. I've never been happier cutting them out of my life.
Dwight Plock Many Times the oldest kid has it the worst from parents. There may have been good reason that they did not like your parents that they experienced that u did not being the youngest. I’m glad u did what u did because u don’t deserve to be targeted by them. But what is missing here is the oldest sibling in your family should have shared with u why they hated their parents. I was the oldest also and I hated my parents at the time because my father molested me at age 5. My younger siblings hated me because I treated my parents with total disdain and for good reason. The younger siblings did not know this happened and never did know until I told them when I started my recovery process. Even when I told them they still wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t care because I knew the truth and they were in total denial. They did not want to believe this was true. So be it. I had to take care of myself. Just saying there could be something you’re did that ur not aware of. U can leave it the way it is and that’s up to you but u may want to ask one of ur older siblings was something done to them or one of them that ur not aware of. Ur oldest sibling should have explained to u what if anything happened. So that is not ur fault but when siblings are divided like this it is usually because the parents ARE GUILTY OF SOMETHING. I’ve educated myself thoroughly on this topic. Many books seminars and u name it. Read John Bradshaw’s book ON THE FAMILY. Also PROPLE OF THE LIE by Dr Scott Peck. Hope this sheds some light on ur siblings decisions. God bless.
thanks for the input Lara. I'm sorry you went through what you did with your father. I can understand your resentment, but glad you've studied up on it and seem to be moving forward. yes my brothers were abused partially, and I being the youngest probably had the easier time. my father used to beat one of my brothers when he lost sporting events(my dad was sports crazy). he's extremely narcissistic and bipolar now and is the one who pressured my mom into a 6 figure loan days after my dad died- dad wisely would not let him have the money. and he and another bro with attorney in hand pressured my mom into altering the will as she lay dying in the hospital. He was the main one who spearheaded the threats against me when I protested. another is bipolar and an alcoholic because he was forced into sports and had to be carried into the car kicking and screaming because he didnt want to go. and the oldest is on serious meds for depression- like you guessed, he did have it the toughest ,and never seemed to like me much, as I got away with much. so it was a dysfunctional family but I just haven't come to terms with them lashing out on me, when I tried to live my life after mom died 3 years ago; though it does have somethings to to do with their upbringing.a nother good book to read on that is "young John Kennedy", and his abuse from his tyrannical father Joe Kennedy. god bless!
The single most effective thing to say is...Thank you! Big smile. Narcs love to insult you. By thanking them and smiling, it completely disarms them. This works All the time! By saying thank you, you are really saying "i know you are threatened by all the great things you see in me and how I make you feel inferior."
LianaV And thank you for this helpful suggestion, which I'll do my best to remember next time someone puts me down! 🙂
Foarte desteapta replica!!! BRAVO!!!!❤❤❤
“ Toxic people want to play’War on YOU’. Their games/their rules. The only way you win is to learn how to not play , which takes time and effort.. Stay off their playing field !
"The only winning move is not to play" - Wargames (starring Matthew Broderick)
My daughter is very toxic . She is rude and yells, and is just a total hurricane. But I love her, and push through with my point and deliver it without taking anything she says personal. She just turned 24. And she still curls up with me if I’m in bed, she loves her mama and daddy. I don’t fight her...
I just accept her. She knows she has a toxic personality too. She’s been that way since the day she was born. I love her so much it breaks my heart that people will not stay with her. I do blame myself for putting her in daycare when she was 5 months old. I think she needed me with her. She is young and beautiful but toxic 💔💔💔💔
Pray for my Ashley
Irma Herrera good luck with her. I will pray for you🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Sarah Vaughan Thank you God bless you ❤️
@@iqherrera learn parenting skills by watching RUclips
Just remember toxic people are never happy or satisfied, but you can be happy and live a full life.
Very true 👍
Best advice I have ever read is don't pay toxic people with your reaction. all they want is to push buttons to display their pathetic "power". No reaction is no power for them. In the end it all boils down to learn how to control yourself and your emotions. Toxic people are mirrors of our weaknesses.
Exactly! That's what these tactics and phrases are about because sometimes we can't be entirely No Contact depending on situations.
Shortana Well said. I find acting bored or disinterested works for my family Narc. I fake a yawn, go to the bathroom or cut her off with segues like 'I have to get going, I'm in the middle of something.' I also like the tai chi tools. I try to deflect with 'sorry to hear about your problem, You are smart, I'm sure you will figure it out,'
Ms. Cayenne I've been saying BECOME THE MIRROR. HOLD IT UP QUIETLY. DON'T ASK THEM ABOUT THEMSELVES - AT ALL! THEy'LL BE CONFOUNDED CONFUSED & GO AWAY.
Ms. Cayenne so true!! Tnx for reminder!😊
Ms. Cayenne k
The best thing I did was to cut them out of my life. Don’t cast pearls before swine. It is futile to reason with them especially when your physical and mental health takes a toll, or your life is in danger.
Swine (pigs, hogs) never pull any crap on anyone; only humans do sick things. Pigs and hogs are kind, loyal, loving, and very intelligent.
Love yo referring to the pigs and swines and peals
Ruth Harris Well Said!
But how exactly do you do it? Do you just walk up to them and say hey I don’t wanna be friends with you?? I’m so confused
@@xsilverx1198 Be cordial and polite. Apply strict professionalism. Other than that distance yourself completely as possible from them. Give them no energy whatsoever and you'll be fine.
I walk away....no words,all action......I don't cater to sickos
either run away or learn a self defence, it worked well for me! somebody
wake me up for the second reel. YAWN ZZZZZ ZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZ
Be on your guard...
Hard to walk away when ur married n they live with you, following u follow u from room to room
What if it's your mother who is very ill, will you still walk away?
+Saira Ailia Mothers are great at emotional blackmail. Take care of ur own life first. Tell her to get somebody else.
LOVE the "That's interesting" response. I used to work in nursing which is fraught with toxicity. And one of the few effective responses I learned to deflect those who constantly asked accusing, irrelevant questions was "Why do you ask?". Then when they usually responded with "Because I want to know!", I just calmly & pleasantly ended the conversation with "Interesting", and walked away. They soon stopped the accusing questions, and one notoriously toxic coworker suddenly retired when the word "harassment" was associated with her.
I noticed that when I encounter one of those snarky, condescending, mean online bullies if you click on their profile lo and behold they’re a nurse. What’s up with these people why are they so toxic.
@@Littlecatsanctuary You're right. Statistically, there's an over-representation of people from dysfunctional and/or abusive backgrounds in the crisis fields (like nursing, paramedics, police etc.) because crisis is their comfort zone. Something like 70% of nurses are from a dysfunctional family background, so the abusiveness spills over into the work environment. There's a saying in nursing, "Nurses eat their young", to describe the nurse-on-nurse bullying that is the real cause of the nursing shortage. Combine that culture, with their numbers, and unions which make them difficult to fire, and you've got the biggest girl-gang in North America. I read somewhere that medical schools don't want nurses after they've been in the field for more than five years because they're too inculcated with the mentality. But honestly, it's strangely validating to know that some non-nurses discern the toxicity, so thank you.
P.S.: Check your nurse's pupils, a lot of them are working under the influence.
:(
Toxic people need to stir up your emotions to manipulate you. So refusing to react sucks the oxygen out of their game and leaves them helpless. Drama is their oxygen and they can’t manipulate you without it. Don’t play their game and they will go away !
But in my case she became so frustrated that she told terrible lies about me. I found out later that she was an alcoholic and pill abuser. My relatives believed her, I think my in-laws believed her, but it was worth it to stand up to her and get her out of our lives. (We were advised by a respected professional to hang up the phone if she called and return her letters unread, via the post office. ) He was so very right, but we didn't expect the toxic fallout. Stay strong, folks on this page!
Bernanke
babyshark6957
Sounds like what I went through. I tried dealing with one person but the triangulation started as soon as I stood up for myself. Every mutual relation was told lies about me. I had to play the drama game and try to undo all those lies or give up those relationships. I gave them all up because it had happened before and it would happen again. If they are close family they never go away and they never stop back stabbing.
Same with bullies
babyshark6957 Exactly. Sometimes this just causes them to step up their game.
I’m going no contact with every single narcissist in my family from today.
Awe.
That's so sad.
You've just cut half of the world's population out of your life.
Enjoy!
@Candy Shier,
Can't understand why you treat the matter so casually.
You've got to be serious; as if your life literally depends upon your actions.
Step One usually involves joining a Nun Convent in a remote part of the world, for a year or two ... or at least until they are certain that you are dead.
During this time, it is important to save all of your nickles and dimes, to put towards the cost of the plastic surgery, that will be the key to your reintegration with society. 😅
@Candy Shier,
Ha.
I was going only kidding about the Nun Convent, and the Plastic Surgery.
But, I can tell that the narcs have taken advantage of your good nature. We all have dealt with that; for sure. That's why we're here, checking out " narcissist vids on RUclips.
I'll tell you a little secret, that all of us empaths learn eventually... Narcissists do not have any power of their own. All of the "power" that they have, is what We and others like us, have nievely given to them.
It's a symbiotic relationship, that we enabled from the start. And, it continues right up to the moment that we comprehend the workings of the parasitic nature of the thing. After which, the tables turn forever. We realize that the narc "needs us" but, we don't actually need them. This is the moment that the narc's world comes crashing down around them, and they "know ... that You know" and the gig is up. They can't use you anymore, because you've seen who they truly are inside, and you've lost all respect and value for them, due to your newly enlightened perspective.
Sounds as though you've recently "crossed this threshold" with your own parasitic narc(s).
Good for you, Candy. You are so much better than they have the capacity to comprehend.
You go girl!!!! Go for it
How did it go?
1. Breathe
2. Set a new boundary with them of what you won't allow.
3. Observe the interaction as third person to depersonalize your role in their drama
4. Guard your attention and focus. Focus your mind on something else, something positive.
5. Phrase your response in a way that minimizes or deflects what they said. "thats possible", "that's interesting".
You're welcome.
Thank you!
Where are the links that are mentioned in the video?
Thank you 😀 when you need help after being in their presence it can be difficult to sit through the whole video.
👍👍👌✌
Except when you get into trouble when you want to do what you enjoy and they force you to come help which is basically heavy lifting while they stand around and gripe about random things.
Here's a response I like when they call you selfish: so it's not okay for me to be selfish and do what's right for me, but it's okay for you to be selfish and place demands on me. Lived (past tense) with a narcissist for 38 years. Living life free for 3 years
Seriously there's alot of negative ppl and yet they dont have anything excited going on in their lives
They literally push away anything that might be interesting for their lifes with their toxic behaviour
They are the most boring and not talented people ever, thats why they are dragging you to their misery.
@@fordgt402 so true
They are scared what others will say if they do anything interesting, and they have a negative comment for anything interesting anyone else does.
Not sure that’s true. The narc in my life, who’s causing me no end of energy-sapping aggravation, is attractive, busy, & successful. Interpersonally, his/her narcissism combines rage, paranoia, irrational accusations, Classic transference & projection, wild, manipulative mood swings, triangulation...everything toxic. It borders on psychopathy.
Sometimes u just have to walk away because they just make u so ill 😌
Liz Quinn only if you allow them to.
@@Guillan80 Easier said than done. I have had to walk away from very toxic, relentless family members. They made me ill in spit of me trying not to allow it. Walking away and never turning back was what I had to do.
Liz Quinn That is what I have done. I tried to protect myself, but he kept threatening me about calling the cops and say I abused him.
So true .... Because it is healthy to work on a healthy relationship, we continue to try in multiple ways.... possibly for years !
Even after learning about Narcissism ..... it is difficult to believe this is your reality.
However, the sick feeling Narcs give you, lets you know you’ve stayed too long .....
And need to get out , walk away now forever! For your own mental and physical health !!!
So True, they blame you in everything, just walk away and live with life free of manipulation and peacefulness🧘🏻♀️
The concept of “NO” is alien to them
Kriptonite 👽
@@louse_mouse Our lives start making sense and meaning the time we start saying NO on principle and stand by that,the boundaries are drawn.
Brilliant, never share a hope or dream with a Narc, they will pour negativity all over it, be bland and uninteresting 🙏👍
Exactly nor ever tell them about your ideas or plans either, because since they do not have any originality of their own and only know how to mimic and copy others, you can be for certain that they will steal those ideas or plans just to "one up you" and to also gathering the supply of attention and praise for themselves.
So true, I never tell my mom anything because she has a criticism for everything.
The narc wouldn't be interested anyway, they are shamelessly not interested because it is all about them, obviously. They are selfish and manipulative to the core. Best just give them as little as possible and move on. X
Whenever my late grandmother would get mad at my late grandfather and say, "I'm so mad at you right now," he'd reply, "And I don't blame you." It usually shut it down. 😁❤ I miss them.
Wisdom from the libraries of our youths...
👊💩
BOTH my parents were " TOXIC " Sister too !! BYE!! I am now 55 .....BYE !! Took me 40 years..BYE !! You are a beauty by the way with all respect ! GREAT POST Thank you !
Nicky Depaola It took me 55 years! Wish I would've done it sooner.
Cutting off for life from my only left alive family member, big sister, was my 60th birthday gift to me. The relief was a celebration: love being an awakened orphan with a mind of her own. God bless.🕯️🦋🕯️
Nikki Hinton, Me too at 60. Been three years. Folks are 83/84. It helps listening to these videos to support that decision.
I grew up a scapegoat and didn’t think it was abnormal. Early on I was gaslighted by the, “poor little Tommy feeling sorry for himself” accusations. So I didn’t want to be called a victim so I just took it. But then I added up, recalled that the behavior that they are expressing now is a culmination of the behavior I grew up with and NOW I don’t have to, “get over it.” They are alive but gone. The ONLY reason I will go to my dad’s funeral is that, he won’t be there!
Same here 55 now took me 50 years 😉🧚♀️!!! Better later than ever !!!💓
Marcy Nelson I was married to a very nice lady for twenty five years. Mother to my children. Her niceness was attracted me. I took a lot of the narcissistic traits into the marriage. And eventually I came to Alaska 11 years ago and she was going to follow but never did. That was my wake up call to look into my behavior. I blamed her, my dad, my brother and then it hit me right between the eyes. I was the problem. I’m a chiropractor and have learned to find the source of the problems first. I searched to find the source. I realized both parents were from dysfunctional families. Dad was the school yard bully and mom was a smartalic. They both dropped out of high school because they knew more. They had their first girl and boy golden children then they had us, twins, I was three and a half hours later and had adrenal exhaustion and needed more attention than a 20 year old with four babies could give. The golden child never did accept me and I was cooped up in the same bedroom and with the golden boy for 17 years and forced to just “get along”. Never did fit into that family. So they gossiped about me for the last time, well, that I know of anyway.
I am now labeled arrogant and selfish and a smartalic. Because I shared what I learned in graduate school and they thought I was too big for my britches. It’s difficult to write and include all of the evidence that added up my overwhelming awakening that. But the last phone call to them that I needed support from a phony sexual assault charge, they kicked me to the curb by bringing up how I have always been so selfish and such a smartalic By citing examples from 39 and 40 years ago. They were so full of resentment and grudges I forgave them because of their rough beginning but they don’t get to participate in my life. Oh and they told me on that last phone call that they did so much more for us kids than I did for mine.
So I wrote them at 29 page a letter explaining how three of their four kids are alcoholics with broken marriages. And the only non-alcoholic sibling I had had one child die from suicide, and her oldest golden boy got on crack cocaine and And everyone knows how that turned out.And how my two children are not alcoholics non-addicted productive members of society. They screamed to my sisters and that is when I fully understood the “flying monkeys” concept.
Anyway stay close to nice people and stay awesome.
I did this to my mother who’s bullied me all my life...I stood up for myself...then she physically attacked me! It was very traumatic. So be careful too. Can be dangerous.
vanessa southern keep her away.....only that works
Don't let her to continue to bully you----- Remove her from your life if necessary---- as in move out--- don't involve yourself with her--- at all.
A E thank guys. All on this post. ❤️ I don’t live anywhere near her so now she has her ‘minions’ she sends to abuse me. It’s never ending. This year I’m moving away and changing my name by deed poll. No joke. I’m going INCOGNITO and free! 😊 when she finds out....she’ll probably MELT. Like the Wicked Witch of The West 😂 she’ll have to to find an new ‘supply’ a new ‘scapegoat’. I’m the free goat skipping across the fields of green!! 😁 HAPPY AT LAST. 42 years of abuse....THE END. 💪
vanessa southern I can relate, my mother hurt me physically causing injuries including trauma. I never imagined she could go this far and justice was never served cause she got a good attorney and deceived even her own shadow with every narcissistic trick she could think of. From fake bruises to canes and denture removal to fake hospital allegations. I was disgusted at many lies the system turned the blind eye to. While I had suffered a concussion from the 20lb weight bar she struck on my head mercilessly. To learn with vestibular system damage and my seizures from it that all along there was a tumor right under my injury. I thank God for a progressive recovery because the system was a mock together with her bullying. Sadly, I had to relocate spite all my losses, still to this day she defames and accuses me of harassing her when last I known I was the victim with PFA that never served its purpose. Yes I am very careful now and best alone than amongst a pack of hyenas.
My mom has a similar story with her mom
"I wonder why you think that" comes across as an invitation for them to tell you, encouraging more engagement. If they are truly toxic, don't do this. The closest to this that I think might work is "it's interesting that you think that," and then walk away. We don't owe toxic drama queens our attention.
They might actually have something to say but are expressing themselves too strongly. Remember that you're not perfect. It will be very appreciated and facilitate communication if you can give them a chance to say their thing in a better way: it might be a legitimate complaint. So can you hear it? They might not mean to be rude. Of course, no one has the right to take out their misery on you or on anyone else, but they might feel really bad about the way they communicated and change their ways.
Another prase I use with my narcissist mother, is "your emotions are not my responsibility" and " what you think of me is not my responsibility", she was like what? Where? All confused.
marelena omg! Yes, confuse the narcissistic. Throw them of course. Absolutely!!!! Good for you. That’s part of turning the tables and taking back control. Be unpredictable and give them the reaction the least expected. Ha ha. Done it. It works.
Marelena...your comment is so on point, I can see a lot of my own family members reacting the same way your mother did. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. God bless.
marelena Thatsxa good one....Thank you ! :-)
😂 excellent! 💪 (mine’s one too.)
I did something similar once. My mother was accusing me of "making" her do something, like the time she backed into someone in a parking lot and blamed it on me because I was "making her nervous." I told her "I'm not responsible for your behavior." She just made an offended sound and couldn't really argue with that, and walked off. It felt like such a victory because I didn't even plan it, it just came out of my mouth, and it stopped her from arguing. And the statement subtly insinuated that her behavior was unacceptable without having to say it.
Sometimes your trapped in a situation that has toxic people. Like at work
I feel the same now, and I m learning how to cut the ties with toxic co workers.....😔
True, toxic coworkers report me so many times, I got called many times I let all that happened and my mental health is ruined but not anymore, yesterday they try to report me again and the boss call me again probably want to threaten to fire me again but I took all my stuff and I walk away in front of her and all those damn coworkers. I had enough if toxic in my life. I deserve better job rather than that sloppy messy place.
Or somtimes they know somthing that could damage your family's happyness and the minute you distance they start little pasive threats.thats what im experiencing.my fear is allowing this nut to continuisly bombard me with her drama.she wont go away and when i ignore her she shells out drama.like calling police to my door and saying they herd a fight.i need prayer.im just cutting her off regardless of what she can do because if i continue giving her this control she will never leave me on peace.please pray for me.
Yep. Even worse when your toxic coworker is your covert narcissist husband and you are separated. We own the business together with 3 other people so I can't leave yet. I use gray rock and also put on my headphones with music from the Calm app.
@@ancamihaelamarian7293 Same... Surviving for many years. It like my work most of the time but I feel like they are al miserable fake happy smallminded jealous people. Always belittling and stabbing you indirect or direct. After I found a few house in another town, after stalking. I will quit that job. New start. New job or starting my own company.
As long as i work there I feel stuck. I try my best and sports help me a lot to feel that I'm conquering stagnation but I want to live more. Constant fighting is costing energy.
I'm still very bad at being silent. I'm an open book and I start to defend myself, or I tell and say things I didn't want to say!
Counting to ten is what I'm going to try for sure.
Maybe write it on my hand: ssshht count to ten step back you can do it!it's like these people want me to talk. When I'm silent I get uncomfortable. Because I feel all their tensions and thoughts. Maybe.. I don't know.
Sad to say family members be the main people doing this shit.
ghashiyah franklin
yep.
sad
Vex T
I know the feeling.
I was not prepared for *ALL* of them to turn at once .... it was gross, surprising, depressing... *happened when I was 12 or 13* , but eventually I sought God *at 38, after 25 years of evil , manipulative, mental-emotional ABUSE* and Christ Jesus convinced me to surrender to _REST-IN-HIM & BE STRENGTHENED & TRANSFORMED_ by the *power-of-God AFTER BELIEVING THE ONE TRUE 'GOSPEL-OF-GRACE'* (careful, there are many counterfeit false-gospels-of-religion) , and that *transformation DONE TO ME* was not by the power of my own thinking (we are fallen beings, and our carnal thinking is also fallen) ...
*Even so* , putting up that *boundary* to the ring leader of evil (My earth dad) caused him to recruit *all the flying monkeys* and wage a 25 year war against me.
I can't believe how *mind-controlled* the others were *(and how mind-controlled I WAS TOO in ways I was BLIND to)*
.......... but eventually , over time, I was able to give the *focus and attention of my mind to the Holy Scriptures* to _KNOW GOD & be taught BY GOD-in-CHRIST_
But they never wanted my attention *there...* because they were focused on *PURE EVIL WITCHCRAFT* to push guilt on me for setting a firm, *AND PERMANENT BOUNDARY* on my earth dad, and then *on ALL of them* that had been _recruited as 'Flying Monkeys'_
(they seethed hate and mocked me as a *Jesus-freak* , and still do)
Merideth is correct, tey don't care what your emotion is:
*1.)* Anger
*2.)* Happiness
(They will *manipulate* ANY emotion, they will twist it and _try to bastardize and wage the sick war_ based on whatever emotion you displaying to people that *you know you cannot display emotions to* , instead you *PUT CHRIST-IN-YOU ON DISPLAY, AND SHINE HIS LIGHT TO INVITE THEM OUT OF THE DARK, AND HIS SALT FLAVORS IN A WAY THEY WANT TO TASTE CHRIST & ARE DRAWN TO HIS LIGHT* , and that's why we *GIVE ALL GLORY (CREDIT) TO GOD BECAUSE IT'S ALL HIM* _working through us_
(although *FORGIVE THEM FOR ALL OF IT* , but do not get near any of them until *YOU HAVE BEEN JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH & ARE DISCIPLED BY GOD INTO MATURITY AFTER READING THE WORD & GROWING IN GOD'S GRACE* , and when they _CAN SEE & TASTE_ THE *SALT-n-LIGHT IN YOU & FLOWING THRU-YOU, POURING OUT OF YOUR CUP FREELY OVER ALL NEAR YOU* , they will want the same salt-n-light, and will want to be also *JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH* (beware, some will be invited to raging hate & jealousy to see peace of God upon you)
*Once you are strengthened & transformed by GOD HIMSELF* , then you can plant the seed for them to be *turned toward God-in-FAITH toward Christ JESUS* to also be transformed by the *power-of-God.*
(it's NOT our power)
God is the *ONLY* one who can give *THE INCREASE* to any seed you plant, or *LIGHT POURED OUT ON THEM*
They are *NOT CAPABLE* of being _transformed_ by the power of their own warped, broken, thinking.... and they are *master-deception-artists/actors* so you have to PRAY to know what *God is telling you* about re-building a relationship WITH THEM, *or continue WITH A BOUNDARY* because they are *plotting* one of their *covert-SCAMS* to get near you to cause problems, which in reality is a *foul-unclean-spirit* USING THEM, in order to wage a war *WITH YOU & AGAINST YOU*
God is *LOVE*
God-in-Christ is *OUR LIFE*
_OUR EVERYTHING_
and *ALL* good that happens , or *BAD* you are protected from, or *TRANSFORMED* out of is because of the *1.) GOODNESS/GRACE/LOVE-MERCY/POWER OF GOD, *through our LORD & SAVIOR CHRIST JESUS.... WHO IS GOD IN THE FLESH.*
_OUR ALL & OUR NEW LIFE IS HIDDEN:_ *IN CHRIST JESUS* and when we realize it and *BELIEVE IT & TRUST IT* , that's when you are *BORN AGAIN of the SPIRIT-OF-GOD in an instant of a change-of-mind and you are JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH *
and then, the CLEANUP BEGINS, chasing programmed darkness out of YOUR SOUL FIRST..... and that's because *THE FATHER & THE SON COME LIVE IN YOU* , and you are sealed by the *POWER of the HOLY GHOST,* until the 'Day-of-Redemption' (all see this day, because ALL will leave the physical body at some point, and then that day arrives); so the *FULL GODHEAD,* with you, and *IN YOU* in "POWER" , and it shall *NEVER LEAVE YOU.*
You put your *FOCUS & ATTENTION ON THE KJV-1611 PURE CAMBRIDGE EDITION, but beware of FAKE-CHRISTIANITY* _and none of those people will EVER affect you again_ , and you'll find yourself *PRAYING FOR THEM* and saying: _"FORGIVE THEM FATHER, THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!!!!"_
You'll also be praying: *Please, Abba Father, please draw them to the Son-of-God, Christ Jesus to BELIEVE, by FAITH-ALONE, so that they can be HEALED, TRANSFORMED, AND REBORN-OF-THE-SPIRIT-OF-GOD ALSO, AND CAN GROW IN YOUR GRACE ALSO FATHER.*
This is how we bring the *POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST* with us into the world, to _BRING THE REAL 'LIGHT-OF-CHRIST' into the DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, so others can *BE HEALED BY THE 'LIGHT-OF-CHRIST' & POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST*
_Once that happens and they KNOW WHO THEY ARE IN CHRIST_ , then all the boundaries can come down.
I'm reaching a point *NOW* where I have been strengthened *SO MUCH BY GOD* at this point , that I don't need to maintain boundaries with them.... *_but the focus of my LIFE is never on them anymore,_* so they have moved on, found new targets for NARCISSISTIC-SUPPLY *(turning on each other because I had boundary for 20 years up)* , and my dad's sickness manifested into a rare form of *M.S.* in his 70's , putting him in a wheelchair, and he directs all his anger at the flying monkeys now to the point *THEY PUT UP BOUNDARIES ON HIM* , and I offered to assist on Naturopathy protocols that are proven to help the physical condition, *but was met with the SAME MALIGNANT SOCIOPATH BEHAVIOR* _that caused me to seek God in the first place, and put up boundaries in the first place_ but this time I was *NOT OFFENDED* _but fully aware that my earth dad needed the HEALING POWER OF THE GOSPEL OF GRACE_ , and I *said nothing* when comment after ignorant comment was hurled at me, *even mocking me for showing the Naturopathy PROVEN PROTOCOLS* for helping the condition.
The foul unclean spirits that *have ruled that man's mind & tongue* for 60 years at keast of the 70 kept *mocking me* , saying: *I didn't know you were a doctor... last I checked you were a college DROPOUT.* (things like this)
Even saying: *"Oh, I'm sorry, you know I love you , right? And hey, don't worry, some guys make it, and some guys don't."*
Foul-unclean-spirits are *preying-on-you* if they think they can, but I call upon the *NAME OF THE LORD* , and that name is *CHRIST JESUS THE LORD & SAVIOR* _and they FLEE that Name_
It's *a battle GOD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU* _if you let Him, instead of thinking that you have all the POWER to fight all of it_
You don't *HAVE THE USE OF ALL THAT POWER OF GOD* , but that *POWER* is in you, if you are *JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH* , and the *HOLY GHOST IS UPON YOU* , so trust that *GREATER IS THE POWER IN YOU & UPON YOU* to guide you, and to go to battle *FOR YOU* , than the power of that evil in the world, and working through people being *MADE SICK BY THOSE FOUL UNCLEAN SPIRITS* and whatever inferior *"powers-of-the-air"* they operate with.
You will *SEE* that your loved ones are *BEING MADE SICK* by those foul-unclean-things-UNSEEN(spirits) , and that is why God wrote *Ephesians 6 , verses 10-18* to us who are *AWAKENING & BEING ILLUMINATED IN CHRIST JESUS* , by the _POWER-OF-GOD-IN-CHRIST, now manifesting forth IN US as OUR LIFE AS CHRIST_
*Christ IN US* _the Hope of Glory_ you read about in the *BOOK OF COLOSSIANS*
First you must read and fully understand:
1. *BOOK OF ROMANS*
2. *1 CORINTHIANS*
3. *2 CORINTHIANS*
4. *GALATIANS*
5. *EPHESIANS*
6. *TITUS*
7. *COLOSSIANS*
(and then the *LAST 4* rounds out the *13 Epistles of Paul* to know you are *JUSTIFIED BY FAITH* , and immediately read the *GOSPEL OF JOHN* (which supports *APOSTLE PAUL'S GOSPEL* given directly to Paul from *CHRIST JESUS* who was already ascended into heaven when *CHRIST-IN-PAUL* , and *CHRIST JESUS* revealed that *GOSPEL WITH MYSTERIES REVEALED ONLY IN FULLNESS TO PAUL* , _AGAIN, REVEALED IN POWER IN PAUL_
the *POWER-of-the-Spirit* _revealed to us that it's IN US!!!_
(this is what *"THE-CHURCH-AGE"* is all about, and that's *NOT CHURCH-BUILDINGS, NOR IS IT RELIGIONS* but that *WE, THE JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH-CHILDREN-OF-THE-LIGHT-IN-CHRIST, - WE-ARE-THE-CHURCH "SEEN & UNSEEN"* )
_and you cannot receive that revelation & discernment until you are:_
*_JUSTIFIED-BY-FAITH_*
Which is why I listed those *Epistles of Apostle Paul to READ + The Book of John*
(not 1John, 2John, or 3John yet, but the *BOOK OF JOHN* , also referred to as just *"JOHN"* )
It's usually the ppl u trust that hurt u more than a stranger bcuz they Kno ur vulnerabilities
Pam Lynch
set *boundaries* on people ruled by *foul unclean spirits* _that own their thoughts/mind and will war with you, and try to pain you any way they (the unclean spirit) can._
I detached from them in peace and explicitly wished them well. However, thinking about my family can still drain my energy or make me feel guilty, although everyone is better off this way.
I have come across this video on a number of occasions. Every time I watch it, I walk away feeling stronger. Hard to remember these things when you’re emotional triggers have been tripped, but I think BREATHING will make all the difference. Thank you so much ❤️
Yes, Breathing! If I can even remember that, I will have a good start.
The only thing about saying no is when they throw a fit and you get in trouble for it. It's scary when an adult has a a temper tantrum.
yes it is scary and it puts the victim in jail sometimes for defending themselves
Learn karate first, before you say no. :) Learn Ju jitsu.
That is where it gets tricky, I know all about what your going through, sometimes For me to not react in someway could make his actions worse, because he isn't getting what he wants, at that point My Ex Husband is really capable of anything. Over all her suggestions do help, but I have to tread carefully. I wish I could go No Contact but we have kids.
Elisa Baumgarte Talk to a malignant narcissist is like talk to an adult little kid who throws tantrum if he doesn't get on his way.
I hope you stay strong, able to protect yourself and your children, and find your way out of this dangerous immature adult.
Elisa Baumgarte
One thing we should all probably work on is being less toxic ourselves. Sometimes we get in a bad habit of treating the people we love and are close to worse than than complete strangers. Kids, parents, brothers and sisters. I see it a lot. We should always work on treating the people we love and are close to better than anyone else.
js7un You are completly right!
You are quite right.
js7un Totally agree!
I wholeheartedly agree! Toxic people, are oblivious, but you can be toxic if you don't work on your own self reflection, we need to practice what we preach, be self aware!
Absolutely
This is gold, thank you so much. A lot of times it's not possible to cut the toxic person out of your life--these tips help so much!
Christine On amen and unfortunately, yes... I have 16 more years to go, til our child turns 18 🙄 lol
Yes, exactly!, i got sucked in and didn't know how to get out at the beginning, i was just trying to be a kind and open minded person. But some people can just suck you in and take advantage of your kindness. Love you, needed to hear this.
I personally notice that Toxic people like to shock you to actually see how you will react,I choose not to bother myself with thier ignorance..Just get up and leave when these 👿are loose.
Amen to that my friend 😏👍
@@Steriosystem15 ✌
Emotional vampires! They suck the life and health right of you.
Cat lover This is more true than most know! Also known as Energy Vampires; were the 2 people involved able to be photographed with Kirlian Photography (shows colors of the energy vibrations all around a person) I bet anything one could see dark shades coming out of the narcissist toward their ‘victim’. Everyone can protect themselves from these vampires by learning to form strong energy boundaries. (See Many YTube vids by Donna Eden) because it’s not always possible or effective to just say & intend to create strong boundaries; depends a lot on your upbringing with respect to the patterns of communication, etc demonstrated throughout your childhood by both parents. And, what’s actually being done IS putting a cover of protection around the energy field that surrounds your body, 360 degrees! Way cool!
So making a routine of forming an energetic boundary 1st thing in the morning can become a Godsend!
Best wishes & blessings to all.
Cat lover I have dealt with emotional vampires. I know they exist.
You are right! When you walk away from someone like this, you are drained. Eventually if affects you physically and emotionally.
took me 2 years of recovery..still recovering...
Used to have a friend like this, always making sarcastic "jokes" and raining on your parade.
He can't keep friends for long, because he always has to talk people down to feel better about himself.
Happy i got us tickets for Comic Con? "Have fun. I have a sex life..."
Proud of my new tattoo? "Nice. Gay guys will love your tattoo..."
Joined a martial arts dojo? "Having your midlife crisis already?"
And the list goes on and on and on.
So i just stopped seeing him, started enjoying my life, and now i am the "bad friend", altough no one else wants to hang out with him.
Tried it with my wife this morning.... She was complaining and normally I would react with anger and argumentative, self defense and feel really bad afterwards.Not. This time! I breathed first about 3 times and had a relief! Then I used the principles you said and executed them,no emotional attachment whatsoever. God it worked! She left the room in a huff.i still stuck with it and she reappeared minutes later, LESS ANGRY, and more pleasant when I started redirecting the conversation. She even kissed me after that. That is after looking at this video all week and doing meditation etc. I feel calmer and happy now and I will stick to this like glue from now on for the rest of my life . Thanks sooooo much!!
Great job!!
@@earlaweese I hope you feel better soon and that you get over being mad at the world. There I tried it lol 😊
Maybe she finally felt that you listen to her
There is NO NEED to go through all the hoops this girl is talking about. The BEST solution to this problem is to get this person OUT OF YOUR LIFE and save yourself all the headaches. I have found that when I do this, EVERYTHING is instantly better in my life. People sometimes say things like "Life is too short to put up with this." But I say that life is too LONG to put up with this, ESPECIALLY when it's not necessary at all, even if you have to quit your job and find other employment. Can you just IMAGINE putting up with this crap all your life? No way!! Just dump that person. If enough people dump the narcissist, s/he will learn a lesson or lose all relationships. Either way, it's no skin off your nose.
Exactly and the reaction doesn't matter to them, because the primary and pathetic mission in life for these fake, envious and miserable empty shells is to constantly seek out ways in which they can project, blame, shame and control/manipulate others in order to keep their false sense of superiority and importance elevated and fed. After you've first educated yourself on all their tactics (bag of tricks), then it does become easier and easier to not only spot them, but also to make them vapor and keep moving forward with your life. One doesn't need the approval, acceptance or validation of a toxic nobody.
I agree but the problem is that sometimes you CAN'T avoid it get rid of the person. Maybe it's your boss or coworker. Maybe it's one member of your extended family and you don't want to disengage with the entire family. Maybe it's an ex spouse that you have to co-parent with because you're forced to by the courts. There are circumstances where you simple can't avoid them, so it's good to have skills and tactics.
I couldn't agree more and have personally been fortunate enough to be able to do what you suggest. However, not all people are as lucky as us. It would be lovely if that was always possible, sadly when people have a child together they sometimes have to deal with the other parent even if they don't want to and even if that person is very toxic. A friend of mine is going through that so I am glad I found this video because I can direct her to it and hopefully she can learn to not get caught up in the drama for the sake of her children.
Too easily said. When ur dealing with a colleague half your age, ur in your 60's, but still need to work; you know u won't get another job if u lose this one, coz of your age, and they know it too, you can't just walk away & go get another job. I'd love to just walk away, which is what I usually do with toxic people who wander into my life, but this time I can't. & She's managing to make everyone believe that I'm the problem. I feel like a sitting duck, waiting to be hit by the hunter's final bullet. I'm really good at my job, but she's managing to make colleagues & even our boss, doubt me. Its really frustrating.
@@shicruisin7004 I feel your pain... just hang in there and pray your hardest that she will leave... I have done this and it has worked.
Getting a reaction from someone is the main tool of the toxic person. They want control over you whether it is good feedback or bad. This is something that is SO HARD TO LEARN. It is natural to defend yourself but it is not about that for them because they DON'T CARE what you say. They only care that you said something.
The key is to understand that they know exactly what they are doing. You do not have to explain to them, you do not have to be upset. Just refuse to deal with them. It is the only way!
Andrew Boehmer Everything you're saying is so true.
I was in a toxic relationship where his entire family is even more toxic than he is. Both he and his sister would try to make me feel like I was worthless because my family wasn’t around. The thing is that my family is also toxic, so I am the one that chose to cut them out of my life, not the other way around. But I did long for my family, and they knew they could get to me that way. After a long time of them doing that to me, I realized this fact, and I didn’t care what they said to me. Once they realized they couldn’t use that to hurt me anymore, they stopped trying to use that. I finally worked myself up to enough courage and self-worth that I was able to leave that relationship. I was with him for nearly 12 years, and it’s been 4 since I left. It was the best decision I ever made.
You are brave and self-actualizing now! Be proud of that. Stand up to the backlash. The backlash to me was terrible. My mother spread lies for years, and I would get horrible letters from relatives telling me how terrible I was. It only stopped when she died, and it was four years after she died that I learned she was dead. Four years I lived in fear of her....
Thank you! 😇 I’m sorry that happened to you. She’s gone now, so you don’t have to worry about her anymore. Stay strong. ❤️
Thank you! 😇 I’m sorry that happened to you. She’s gone now, so you don’t have to worry about her anymore. Stay strong. ❤️
Thank you! 😇 I’m sorry that happened to you. She’s gone now, so you don’t have to worry about her anymore. Stay strong. ❤️
Thank you! 😇 I’m sorry that happened to you. She’s gone now, so you don’t have to worry about her anymore. Stay strong. ❤️
Growing up my Mom had a nasty backhand slap. When grown, I asked why she hated me, she responded I didn't hate you, I was jealous of your youth. It looked just the same to me. I was bullied by her and at school. Turn of events came about that removed me from her so her care was not up to me anymore. Almost lost my mind caring for someone who wanted the care of men. Learned this was wide spread. Today I am very very grateful. I give a VERY BIG SHOUT OUT TO THOSE WHO HAVE ESCAPED AND THOSE WHO ARE ESCAPING THIS INSIDIOUS ABUSE. Write about your experience so others can identify the symptoms. Get out of the boat of pain and go live YOUR life.
At least your mom was honest. Mine played the victim saying how much she loves me and what was wrong with me that I could not see that. She never said that to me directly but went around saying that to the rest of the family turning them against me too.
She's gone now and some are starting to see that but it is too late now. The damage was done.
I can completely relate. It's a bitch growing up with a toxic mother and absentee father. In my family I was the "scapegoat", or invisible. It was always implied that I was mentally insuffient, barely passable in the looks department, etc. By 7th grade I was intuitively learning how to meditate and zone out. She was a gaslighter and triangulator. It seemed to be her mission to make everyone as miserable as she was. After years of being thrown under the bus, it had enough. When I turn 53, I cut her out of my life. It's a hard thing to do, to your own mother but it was an absolute imperative to my survival and sanity. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, the woman was a true snap case. But you can't define who you are by how others have treated you. I'm extremely accomplished, secure in myself and happy. What more could I ask for? I am proud of both of us for surviving their torment. Blessings to you.
Wow, it seem more people are having or is having issues with toxic mothers and fathers. Mostly due to jealousy. What's going on with that? It seems the toxic parents could be lacking mental or emotional maturity. I find that strange. As a parent, you'd want your child(ren)
to do and be their best. You'd want to help them, not compete and make their lives miserable. It's like the parent is blaming the child for being alive and it's because of their, (the parent) actions that the child is here. So interesting.
@@Them353 I have noticed that people have very crooked motives for having children sometimes. Most would think one gets children out of love for these adorable human beings, but no - some parents get children for quite other reasons - to please their own parents, to be like all others, to bind their spouse to them, to have a reason not to work a tiresome job, to come across like a heroine, and the like. And many get children just out of mistake after unprotected, unresponsible sex. And really tragic is the children born after rape, where the mother is blamed for it.
Girls should be taught to at least have condoms in their purse and not to consent to sex if they are ashamed to insist on their use. If one isn't mature enough to talk about prevention, one isn't mature enough for sex. Then it is better that a parent comes and brings the girl home from a party before anything sexual happens.
@@DNA350ppm I couldn't agree more. My parents got pregnant due to lack of responsibility and protection. My brother was that child. In 1956 with a Catholic upbringing you had to get married. I was the 2nd child and "daddy's" little girl, not " illigitimate" so adored by him, no guilt or shame. My mother felt displaced and it made her dispose me. She told me once if I hadn't come along they could have saved the marriage. Not good enough, they had my sister the last and grasping at straws child. Ironies, my mother told me she wanted a fourth. The didn't like kids but was obsessed with my father. And my brother and I are Irish twins, 14 months apart, which means she got pregnant again at 5 months. I never good really figure out how her mind worked, or what she was thinking.
You are absolutely right. This is a lifeskill that everyone needs to be coached in because toxic people exist in all our spheres and it is foundational that we know how to manage the interaction so that we can lead productive lives. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you so much. I'm definitely dealing with evil toxic people at my workplace. It's horrifying being harassed and bullied by these insane toxic nutjobs.
Same. Everyday I have to go through their false smiles knowing they talk shit behind my back, coming up with false accusations, judging, manipulating. Not one week go by without me thinking about quitting, or this will not come to a happy ending..
After 40 years I’ve finally realized that it’s not me. I’m surrounded my narcissists. My mother my cousin who I’m forced to live in her home my daughters father or what I call sperm donor because that’s all he’s been. They’ve all made me think I’m crazy for years. I’ can honestly say I’ve never done or said anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I can barely turn down a date because I’m afraid of hurting feelings. Thank you, you have a new subscriber.
Stay strong x
Our cultures are killing us.we need a reset.
I have recently become aware that my "best friend" of 26 years is a toxic person. I had people trying to bring it to my attention for years, I have finally seen it for myself. The tips in this video will be extremely helpful for me as I to disolve this relationship, which is currently a co-habitation situation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Good luck and I hope you are by now, free of their toxicity. Enjoy the upcoming holidays
I cut a toxic “friend” of 20 years out of my life 3 years ago. I am sooooo much happier now. Good luck!
I had one of 34 years only to find out toxic so I did what was best and ended the relationship
This is very insightful, because sometimes you can't always escape toxic people (they're in your home/job, etc). One thing I notice is that it's always better to be UNapologetic when saying no. Cut out "I'm sorry" from the dictionary; don't be sorry or appear regretful when refusing them. Be kind, but firm. Showing that we're sorry "for refusing" them gives them another advantage: guilt. I've learned that I can be polite, kind, but still firm and distance myself emotionally from these toxic people.
Thank you. I'm learning to do these things with my husband, who I'm planning to divorce soon, because he's incredibly narcisstic and toxic.
Protect yourself - I've been seeing a trauma therapist and one thing she has taught me is to protect myself through visualisation. I've used this technique when I've had to be very courageous when speaking my truth/standing up for myself with my family. It worked. She said to visualise wearing a space suit. I only needed to do this for a few seconds before I went into battle! (and doing some deep breathing). I wanted to share this as some people might find it helpful if you have to be in the presence of a narc/nasty people.
@Ioana * that's what I was seeing on me: the Full Armour of God!!! 💕🙏🏼
Very well put. Here is another one... Don't take the bait! You are so right when you said that people are NOT really looking for advice or help while being toxic. Usually they just want to unload on you. When someone name calls, devalues you, or attempts to shame you, they are rarely being anything other than selfish.
I've dealt with this type of toxic person who kept coming to me for advice. Eventually, I realized she was so problematic when she actually said to me that "you only focus on the positive". Uh that's when I knew that she wasn't looking for a solution to any of her problems. So I had to just cut her off.
ROFL, I love that retort "you only focus on the positive." So she actually realizes the positivity, but scorns it. They say it takes all kinds to make a world, but that's the first time I have heard of anyone complaining about positivity!
I agree. A toxic person wants you to fight with them, so just decide once and for all not to fight with this person. Your response can be, "We don't have to agree about this." "I am not going to argue with you. Why don't you tell me about..." and ask them to say something pleasant and positive that interests them. Once when a woman insulted our counter service at the deli, I just agreed with her. I said, yes, we could give much better service than we do. But she wanted a fight. So she loudly started to defend the store. Hilarious! A toxic person wants you to be upset, so simply determine to stay calm no matter what, even if only to spite them, but it works as well without spite.
I find it funny when a toxic person tries to fight with me or hurt my feelings. I am not a flute or a drum to let them play upon my inner calm. Determine to stay calm. Set your mind on the truth if someone is hurling lies at you. Respond with the truth and don't back down. Say we don't have to agree about that. Just be ready for them to come at you with some new attempt to rattle you next time, because it is mighty frustrating when a manipulator can't make you feel something.
You do not owe it to anyone to meet them on their emotional level. Stand back and stay calm. If they raise their voice, lower your voice. Let them match your emotional calm before you listen. Set the boundary by saying, why are you freaking out? no one is fighting you. No one is going to hurt you. Just talk normal, I can hear you, you do not have to be angry for me to hear you. These things work even with relatives and demented people. You are not going to let your inner calm be moved, and that is their problem, not yours.
Fox1nDen thanks. But what does one do when the toxic person tries to demean you through Humour?
keep your calm. you have dignity even when someone laughs at you. show them undeserved favor. They will ask themselves why they cannot get to you when it works on everyone else. You are who God says you are, not what anyone says to mock or ridicule. Forgive them in your heart because they do not realize what they are doing. Let them meet your emotional level of calm instead of meeting them at their lack of decency. It is the best revenge to stay calm and bless them from inside your awesome heart. let them become more like you. It is kind of funny that we almost enjoy being "wounded" but there is no future in self-pity. What you want is people to respect you too much to make fun of you. That may be the wrong expectation. Think of times when you laugh at yourself, not out of rejection, just because, well, we are funny sometimes, we do funny things. Change the subject by telling a good clean joke. Hey, do you know why you can't sell life insurance to anchovies? There are too many beneficiaries. Keep your dignity. Lighten up a little. Do you know why we don not see anchovies riding around in UFOs? Because they are too busy making crop circles. See? learn a few good jokes and change the conversation. You can do that if you give up feeling wounded.
1. Guard you thoughts.
2. Guard yourself and property
3. Remain vigilant
4. Distance
5. Let it go
Thanks
one thing that helps me is to trust what i'm sensing about that person and not excuse it...
When people show you who they are, believe them.
@@sunnygirl87 Sooner or later people show you their true colors.
U r so right, trust yourself, your body will tell you if a person is toxic, your pulse will go up, you may get a headache, your stomach will churn, when the person approaches u or when someone else mentions them , just by reading this my vital signs are all over the place just thinking about all this corrosive people destroying people for their own ego, avoid them like the plague , they cannot say enough sorries to undo the damage they have caused to you physiologically , emotionally, psychologically, they are wearing a mask when they are corgial, polite ect....they are divulging their true self when u start feeling awful in their presence , mask is off, time to run
Amen
Agreed. Know THYSELF. Great job keep up the good work love
It's really sad when the toxic (abusive) people are both your parents
You tell them you are very busy and you will call them back later on . Toxic persons often try to work out on your shame . Ask yourself why does it work ? The answer will hekp you .
Carole Meador
Toxic persons like to meet person that try to be perfect in whatever they have to do . They use this caracteristic of the person. Peoples who go away toxic peoples don't realy have a chance to be the same .
Carole Meador , I just walked out of the house! Crazy assed bee atch didn't want me to start grade twelve. Straight A student and she said I was going to get a job and give her all my money because she owned me until I was 21. She was angry because all the summer berry picking money I earned was given to me as a check which I put in the bank. She couldn't get to it. So I went and registered at school the next morning after sleeping in my friend's dad's delivery truck all night. I got there walking at one a.m. Then I went to social services, got a woman from church to foster me and a police officer drove me to get my belongings. She had burned all my letters I received from my grandmother. About 180 letters over nine years. If they don't get their way, they take revenge. BTW, that year, easiest A grades I ever earned! I didn't have to clean houses on weekends and give her all the money. And she revoked my driver's licence. Parent has to sign if under 19 yo. So I had to send it back to the government. She saw me driving a guy's Cadillac and had a fit. So she took revenge.
EruditeObserver
That woman is sadic . She try to harm you as much as she can . She wants to destroy you so you have to come back home and beg her to take you back . She must be the hell of a manipulator too. Make her publicity . Tell every one around how she is . Write a book . Go on a TV show . Etc...
Burning the 180 letters of your grandmother is very crual .She is obviously jealous of you . You are probably too intelligent , too handsome , too succesful socialy , too bright ,you manage too well your life.
I'm sorrry but , even though it is your mother,, you will have to visit her the least you can and the least longer you can . Minimum, minimum.minimum. Make yourself good friends and live with them . Your mother is a very sick person. Hope there is not a prriest around or a religious person who tell you to pardon her and go back to her house. She will never be correct with you . She is what she is and you want be able to change her even though you seem to be the best man on the earth .
If she is wealthy a little bit , sue her for ruining your life . You will win.
EruditeObserver Wow. I would never think to do that to my child. I would die for my child, even stand in front of a bus. Wow. Just, wow. I am happy for you that you found your own way. And it's good that you are safe too.
2000 narcissistic don’t like this video 🤣. Thank you for the video.
I have neighbors who are super cheerful in demeanor though are very sneaky and ask weird probe questions, they compelled me to look up a video like this. Sad day
Same here
Me too.Happy i connected my thoughts here to handle them with maturity.
Same and be vigilant, because in my case that so called demeanor of super cheerful is all fake and proven to be entirely quite the opposite. There's a married couple across my home who are not only haughty and arrogant JW cult members, but extremely character disturbed and covert evil. Just a few days ago she approached me in her car (with her loud and fake sing song voice of calm) and with dramatics, outright lied about something in attempts to prevent/control me from doing something which brings me great joy outdoors on a daily basis. She was ignored, so later in the afternoon while in my back yard, she approached my fence (acting as though I was hiding from it) loudly yelling she knew I was in there, because she could see me. I immediately informed her that she wasn't entitled to my attention, then took called out on her earlier lies and all their evil doings which have been caught/recorded on my surveillance cameras. She was immediately shut up/ shut down after attempting to flip her provocation onto me, told to back off or they'd be sent a cease and desist letter and finally told that I didn't need their permission, acceptance, approval or validation of a nobody.
Great advice! Best is to walk away and avoid them, especially if you live with them.
I live with one. New roomate, I avoid her like the plague. Older than me and very jealous. Keeps inviting me out only to try to bully me. It's weird. I now stay far away as possible.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm the caretaker for my narcissistic mother. One thing though -- I can't ask: "did I do something to offend you in some way?" ...that would be giving her power in her mind --validation that she was effective, and I'd be putting myself into victim mode...For me, the best response is no response, to distance myself from the situation. And when I'm in my own safe space, I use my pre-arranged triggers for happier thoughts so that her narcissism doesn't intrude into my precious private moments. Right now my daily mantra is: I cannot be responsible for anyone else's actions or thoughts, only my own actions and thoughts. There's really no way to win with a narcissist...walking away is always the best option, when possible.
There's no such thing as "returning accountability" back to a narcissist...that's saying you can reason with with them...You can't...their minds are just geared differently, so things like shame, guilt, accountability don't work...You can't play their own games either because of it...walk away...don't take on what they imply to other ppl about you either...you can't win...but you can survive if you can just walk away either physically and/or mentally.
Kat1791 I think not reacting and walking away are the best things to do. The reason she's saying to respond by saying, that's interesting, that's possible, is probably for when your in a situation, like some family get together that you really can't get out of being there. Toxic people and narcs thrive on getting a reaction out of you, resist the urge to snap back at them.
Kathleen Campbell Good book.
its funny but increasingly i find the advice our mothers gave us to ignore toxic ppl is increasingly useful. i hope everybody has a good day.
None of these tactics will work on a person that's thrives on violence,and bullying.Its like their obsess with being violent,and out right evil,and they thrive and feed off of it.
This a a job of an Empath person to try to make them understand. That they need help. I can deal with almost any type of person. Unless it's a social path. 😧 Crazy
That's when it's time for a restraining order.
Sometimes you just have to cut them loose and never look back.
Very true well said
i just say cool in a monotone voice, as if they bore me.
Cool
Exactly!
@@KgwittheTEA true
I was getting cussed out by a neighbor and as i walked away she got louder so i looked at her an said I hear you. She seemed confused and stopped.
I love this response, but I’ll have to be careful it can piss them off and further bring you down the rabbit hole. But a good response I’ll use!
I loved this topic because I realize the guilt I was feeling wasn't mine to own in the first place. I put my boundaries up and disallowed the behavior and I realize that the guilt put on me, I put back the responsibility on the other person.
I feel guilty too and I refuse to go into 2017 feeling this way the person who I'm dealing with I can't divorce them or cast this person out of my life. I love her to the moon and back so I have to find a way to deal with her because this been going on most of my life and enough is enough. I will use this to embrace change. I want respect and acceptance from her but that's not going to happen so I have to find another way.
I know how you feel 100% . I am dealing with 2 such people.
Is it your sister. Mine is my sister so I feel the same way. It's super hard though.
Leslie Williams I feel the same way brother and sister and my other siblings married narcs too. So crazy to lose my family to this controlling bitch#*%s
Rie Rie HELLO RIE RIE I WOULD LIKE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU..I AM A COOL GUY LOOKING TO MEET SOMEONE NICE TO TALK TO AND ENJOY LIFE WITH.GIVE ME A MESSAGE ..SPECIALBREED OO726@GMAIL.COM
"It's not in my bandwidth" is a beautiful statement
I see what she is saying, but it almost sounds incriminating. Like you aren’t capable. I think it might be better to say, “I already have a full plate and am not adding anything else to my plate right now. I’m practicing self-care.”
Sadly if it’s your sister or best friend... it’s sad to leave... but life is too short to deal with all drama & other shit! Leave & run as fast as u can. These people don’t change. Thank u for great info. Wish I had this info years ago♥️♥️
I felt anxious watching this. Sometimes all I can do is react, it's hard to suddenly know how to respond!!!!!
Also never be ashamed of yourself saying "ok, I'm out of here"after being insulted by somebdy because I think that's the smartest way to shut them up . It may sound like running away cowardly but sometimes it's not, it's rather being self-aware and kind.
poney Misty
That's absolutely right. If you get up and leave before you are also yelling, and just sweep out of the room in a no-nonsense fashion, definitely leaves them sitting there being mocked by The Silence of your absence.
as long as this is not someone's response to everything that upsets them, because then it looks more like avoidance which is cowardly.
Don't be ashamed to be insulted😥
@@ladymaiden2308 Who cares if you seem cowardly, it doesn't matter, the objective of the game is to get that person out of your life. Walking away is effective, walk away from dangerous toxic people, its not cowardly its smart.
@@darrenpat182 that's not what I was talking about. I was making the distinction between someone leaving someone toxic for the right reasons, and preferably before the toxic person manages to draw you into a screaming match. As opposed to a person who goes off the cuff throwing a tantrum and causing a scene every time they are displeased, but will storm off or hang up on you in a cowardly avoidance if you stand your ground.
This is happened to me, in the very first place I came there my gut feeling told me that place was messy and horrible I wanted to get out but I ignore it and I was so miserable and all people there are toxic, likes to backstab others, gossiping, bullies like to put down and sabotage my works untill I got called by the bully bos so many times, I had enough, one of them report me for ridiculous reason and I got called again, I was so done and couldnt take it anymore, I packed all my things and leave them without answering my boss leaving them speechless, I dont care anymore, I had reach the point that if I keep work there, I will lose my self, my confidence, my self esteem and the only things remains were anxiety and panick attack, I make the right decision to get out, it took big courage to do that, but I have to do it for my mental health sake.
don't play their game (s). play your own. sometimes the best tactic is just not to play. set those boundaries and stick to them, back out of the relationship slowly over time with unavailability, then phase them out of your life.
I had a dilemma today with someone ,and throughout the entire day I felt so distracted,anxious,and angry but this video calmed me down so much . I finally feel peace with myself . Thank you so much
Its really great that you are putting this stuff out there. i was in a a religious cult for 5 years in Israel, I just got out about 3 years ago, totally recognising all the tactics that you are exposing. Problem is the damage all that stuff does to your self image, it can take a while before you even think you have the right to fight back.
How to deal with a toxic person: Walk away. End of story
...run...
@@adinashaina9977 wht if its ur sis and ur mom ? Or ur whole fam lol 💀💀💀
@@aena5995....run... run away, run far far away as far as you can, cross state lines if you are NOT a minor... leave everything behind, leave! do it suddenly... don't tell anyone... stay in a shelter for homeless, from there you can get into more permanent housing. There is help , but you have to LEAVE to get that help. I have been where you are in that familial relationships and they only get worse and can get deadly. They will absolutely flip everything on to you. RUN for you life.
What if they follow you?
@@daniellamendiola1294 keep running
don't react! always take a step back and don't let other people call the tune.
Don't react in public, maybe, but don't just "take it."
Another good phrase that I like to use.."I'm sorry you feel that way".
Kawaii: yes it does hit home doesnt it? another one is "sorry you lost your temper"...
🤣
Careful...that's what Narcissists say, because they CANNOT say, "I'm sorry about what I did/said." "I'm sorry" is kryptonite for a Narcissist.
@@juliemiller9760 OMG u are soooo right.
Going through that right now with a gaslighter. After experiencing it live I realize there is an epidemic of such Behavior. Well done 👍
When someone is irritating me on purpose and bragging about it, I'll just say, "Groovey Dude" and nothing else.
Walk
1)Breathe three times before answering anything
2)saying 'no'. Set your boundary.
3) separate yourself from the world.(like in a movie). No emotional reaction.
4)gaurd your attention like your life
5) phrasing - returning responsibility to the rightful owner
i) new boundary-selfish
That's interesting, I wonder why you say that!
ii)call u something
That's possible...
That could be the case..
iii)different opinions
I see you feel strong about this.
I have my opinion.
We are gonna agree on this disagreement.
iv)yelling
I wanna come up with something that is good for all. Let's talk when you are calmer.
v)back mouthing
I'm sorry, did I do something wrong ?
vi) complaining
I see how upset about that. What are you going to do about that?
vii) unavoidable
I hope you feel better, I'll be in my room. Whenever you are free, we can talk.
viii) jerk
Generally people who are really very upset talk like this, I don't know why you are feeling that way...
Sangeetha Kamala K Namaskar✨🧡✨
Yea good luck on that
They can drive you mad sometimes you don't have a time to think probably. fuck this them.
Thank you for the summary
I’ve tried everything to stop toxic family members. I’ll breathe, but never will I “nicely” say “maybe you’re right.” Fuck you bitch family. I’ve been trying to walk away for years. Time for me to stop being stupid! I’d rather be alone.
Great advice. Thank you for these tools on how to deal with toxic people. I have a neighbour who constantly drains me complaining about her life but does nothing! It's so frustrating. She has some lovely qualities but I notice she never asks how I am, just spews forth her problems non stop. Lately, I pretend I'm not home so I don't have to deal with her. She can't drive at the moment & needs assistance with errands & shopping. Last time I took her, she said she'd be 10 minutes & came out 45min later with no apology just more huffing & puffing. I understand why she receives little help as she doesn't seem to appreciate people's time.
Be glad that you couldn't think of that witty comeback, because that could have just delved you deeper into the conflict.
2. When you say "no". You can simply say, "no, that won't work for me". 2. You can also excuse yourself to go the restroom. 3. I found that if breathe slowly and deeply and pray for the person while they are acting up then I am not caught up in their agenda. 5. You can also say, "hmm, you might be right", or "I might have to give some thought to that". Honestly, the best bet is just to get away from them. I found that it was just best to cut my losses and simply say that I don't care for these kinds of interactions and I can't participate. They throw a fit and will end whatever relationship that you have with them and it over.
"I hope you feel better." (proceed to walk away) ☺ I ❤ it.
Good information! Another good deflector line is: “Thank you for sharing that with me”! ...as you walk away! ☺️
If stuff gets serious, pretend to take notes and “get back with a reply” and then “forget” or answer with word salad and withhold information just like they do
I like, "hmm, that's not the way I remember it". And then walk away.
I was in a relationship with a toxic person for 3 years, and I hate to blame the other or talk bad about them. But all the signs were there and I didn't figure it out or ignored it due to my attachment to them due to my unconditional love I felt I had for them. It took a serious life event for us to leave each other, looking back I wish I would have left sooner, but I couldn't. But if I had left sooner then I would be better off, I lost a lot over this. If your in a toxic relationship, it is best to get out, it'll hurt you bad in the long run.
James Steevens Never a failure, always a lesson yea and hindsight is foresight eh!! Same happened me, wont happen again that's fo sho lol
James Steevens ...I don’t understand why you had such an intense relationship with someone who was so toxic to you. How can you have a deep attachment to someone ho doesn’t make you feel complete? I don’t understand.
Bob Marshal
One usually doesn't get the up front veiw of the toxicity until further into the relationship and you are already attached and usually in love!!! And like James said he loves with an unconditional love, and with that one usually gives a lot of love and patience and does all they can to try and teach the person new ways of being and healing whatever has made the person so toxic!!!
James Steevens
I completely understand what you are saying and have gone through a similar experience!!! I gave over ten years and when it finally ended it left me feeling betrayed, abandoned, lied to, tricked, used, manipulated and even pressured into the relationship by the end and looking back, as this person held the power to cause me to lose my job, while I had three young children at home, so I feel you!!! I had some trust issues from a prior relationship and abandonment issues from the biological father of my children and this new person used that to their advantage, they were older and from a time when people understood the meaning of loyalty, commitment and the like, so I trusted him...he was friend long before there was a romantic relationship, but by the end of it I was accused of only wanting his money, I would just end up leaving him as he aged due to me being younger, I would end up cheating, he didn't want to start a new relationship by the time we were going to make everything official, yet he hooked up with someone he couldn't stand from work because she was closer to his age by half as much as I, just two days after he kicked me out of the house he said was mine and keeping everything he gifted to me and so forth and so on!!! This was over two years ago and I still struggle with the feelings he heaped on me!!! It's like I am healing myself from PTSD!!! The lesson I took away is similar to what you have said things would have been better to have just gotten out at first sign of the treatments and or issues.....but I know once I heal from the damages I will be a much stronger person and better off without him for sure!!!!!
Blessings and love
I am dealing with one right now and is waiting for a good time to leave while I am working on myself. All these years it was all about his wants and needs. I am learning to say 'no' to his requests because he doesn't even care about my wants and needs in the first place. We good people have 'hope' that someone would change but nope those kind of selfish people will never change until it is too late.
James Steevens your story like me..i dealing with toxic person I want end this story! Oh my god help me
I appreciate most of the points you make here about being emotionally neutral, and I see how some of those phrases could be helpful. However, I do not agree that a toxic person has a “right” to feel what they are feeling. If they are angry because someone set a boundary, they do not have a right to feel that way and express that anger because it is coming from selfishness. There is no way to change the narcissist - no way to make them feel better. Their misery is their own fault. Their feelings are not my responsibility.