Cheaters!! || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry and Justin discussing stories from listeners dealing with a partner who has cheated. It's not always so black and white, and it can be hard to move on when you love someone.. but can someone cheat and then be a good partner? How do you get that trust back? Going to need your advice on these ones!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
05:28 -- Story 1
13:59 -- Story 2
25:17 -- Story 3
35:42 -- Story 4
47:19 -- Story 5
LMAO not the episode starting with Jerry’s lightsaber 😭
RN for 14 years here. I left my ex-husband halfway through the program. I had to go on welfare for a while, but I got through it. Now I make more money than my ex-husband ever did. The nursing program is brutal. It changes you into a stronger person. You can do this! You are worth it. ❤️
Props to you 👏 I really hope op sees your comment bc it could be really inspiring for her ❤
Story 1,
I have been cheated on with the man I am currently with, 4 years ago. We had 2 kids at the time. One being only 6 month old at the time.
He has to be willing to have conversations, not where you’re shaming/ blaming him, but about your feelings, as well as his.
Also, talking with therapist, she told me the only way for me to get passed it is if my husband was sorry, and kept saying sorry, to this day, if feelings get brought up, he says sorry again, tells me how it’s the biggest mistake he made etc, genuinely.
If he can’t say sorry and mean it, and keep doing it, if it were me, I would move on.
Story 2: please reach out to your campus for resources! On my schools campus we have resources for emergency funds, single parents, victims (RVSP is what it’s called at my university) that also helps with emergency housing for victims and a food pantry with supplies for children. The resources are there you just need to start asking
I can relate to so many of these stories. I was cheated on and was stuck in a situation where it was like getting rejected every day and it feels like you life is over. But now 2 years later in the best relationship of my life with a man I found through looking into fly fishing lol. Found some dudes on instagram and followed and watched some live streams on ig and got invited in and did some drawings while they tied flys. This made so many authentic friends. And found my now person. The main point is that I focused on my wants and likes and found a person by doing the things I love and was interested in. Fly fishing of all things.
Story 2: I had a horrible year in 2023. I had to move 4 times in 365 days and 5 times in 400 days. I was betrayed by a lot of people lost "friends" I broke up with my ex in 2021 because he wouldn't commit. That's not your person. If your core beliefs don't line up, if they don't support you, if you fight more then you have peace or fun, someone else out there is meant for you. Don't hold yourself back by staying. Look into websites like roomies, see if a friend wants to move in. Do it on the DL so you don't have that person knowing and possibly the situation getting worst. You deserve better, you will get better. You've come this far, you can go on a little longer. Don't look at the long stretch take it day by day and good luck to you.
Story 2- as a fellow nurse, I know it’s hard to do both, but you HAVE to get a job.. you CAN do it and it IS possible. You can do hard things! even part time or babysitting when you can. You have to become independent financially and remove yourself from the living situation. I think Jerry’s advice of checking in w other students /find roommates it a great idea. But you cannot walk around in eggshells waiting for when he decides he’s done housing you.
Story 4: Leaving is the hardest thing. You’re already halfway there. 5 years from now, you’ll look back and be so proud of yourself. Stay strong. 💪
Jelly of the lightsaber. Thanks so much for the intro was so sweet
Yayyyy, it’s 4am and I couldn’t sleep. This will be my lullaby now😂🎉🎉🎉
That's exactly what I was thinking 😅 and it's 4:57am where I am right now lol 😆 we gonna sleep good tonight 😴💤 (and I will rewatch tomorrow😊)
Story 2: 100% she needs to try to get out of there ASAP. There may be options through her university - there is a program at mine for students struggling with housing, foid insecurity, clothing, and mental health support. There may be people in the area wanting to just rent out a room, and a room rent is often way more affordable. When I was in grad school too, I applied for public assistance and received Food Stamps to help me get through and supplemented with food pantry food. Those supporta are there for these type of hard times. Working a part time job while in school is no joke, but it can be done and the short term hardship would be worth getting away from that toxicity.
love you guys. between this podcast and two hot takes i’ve grown so much and learned to recognize red flags in my relationships. i ended things last year after 4 years together. it’s been rough but this podcast continues to encourage me to work hard and be better for myself. ❤
Was about to start doing some homework and love that yall just posted ❤️
I take notes on your shows and try to remember the key words you say to help me in my daily life! I am so grateful for this show
Story 2: I also lived in an abusive environment ( mostly mental but also at times physical) during part of my time in school. It was very hard and left me feeling so hopelessly depressed I developed deep " cant get up" depression and an ED I still at times ( rarely compared to back then ) struggle with 6 or 7 years later. My encouragement to you is despite how hopeless it feels it will be over soon. The way I made it through is I also stayed at other people's homes/ other places. I slept on friends floors, on church benches ( probably wasnt the best solution friends homes is best option) I did everything I could to be out of the house in the day and if I was sleeping there came back late enough that all I'd have to do is get ready for bed and sleep ( but also not late enough for people I was living with to be mad). Study at friends houses, school libraries, empty classrooms, coffee shops, even your car ( if you have one) parked in an area you feel safe. The less time around your husband and the less time in that home environment the better for you. I focused on my studies extra hard in an effort to work toward the goal of getting out of my home environment and I got the best grades I've ever gotten. Let this bad situation inspire you! Also like Jerry and Justin said getting money to move out is also essential. I know especially nursing is really hard and doesn't leave alot of free time. If you are able though a part time job, a weekend job a job on your campus ( that's what I did) a summer job ( I also did that) can really go a long way saving alittle at a time. Also like Jerry and Justin said cutting back on luxury spending to save money. If you have any joint accounts try and separate them quietly, like mentioned in the video if you can see a lawyer and see what options you have. I'll be praying for ya. Just remeber you can do it 💪 👏. December ( I think that's when you finish your program?) will be here before you know it.
Just a quick add on: I'm very proud of you for knowing when enough is enough and for having the courage to make a game plan for leaving. The game plan is the biggest step. After that all there is left to do is follow through which can be hard but I know you can do it 💪. We believe in you!
Story 3: I'm not the OP, but this story is me to a T. I needed to hear this, and the advice from Jerry & Justin. Thanks guys.
Story 4: I was with someone who I thought was my soulmate. He cheated on me with a close friend and coworker. My whole world was blown away. I was down for months. All I can say is that it does get better. You will find yourself again. And you'll find someone who fulfills everything he fulfilled, without betraying you and hurting you. Hang in there, babes.
My husband got into indoor climbing recently and it's been a great way for him to exercise and meet new friends. It seems like a lot of climbers are helpful and friendly.
Story 3 really resonated with me. I could understand the social anxiety and the fear of betrayal. However, is important to find healing and find yourself first. Often find that sometimes the way we think other people perceive us is all in our head, and it actually might be better than you think. Putting yourself out there goes along way it’s very intimidating at first. But find things that you love doing in the rest will follow. Be sure to hit up community spaces, events that you like, and try to meet people there. Hang in there! You got this! ❤
Uhh i was getting ready to go to the bed and didnt know what to play ❤
Love u guys! Day on THT girly and father knows best, u guys make my day🫶🏻
Best way to start my Wednesday!
story 3: you also have to work on putting yourself out there a little bit-yes someone might just come and put you under their wing one day and start inviting you to hang out/do social events as was the case for Justin-but also you can do things to increase the chances of that happening. especially as an adult the chances are slimmer of people going out of their way to talk you if you seem like a reserved person and might just generally think that you dont want to be involved with them. so it might be a good idea to start trying to put yourself out there instead of waiting for people to come to you. start trying to make some conversation with people, if you go to grab food/ coffee and there are a couple people from your program around ask them if they want you to grab anything for them, ask people questions about what you're doing in class etc. and you might not make longlasting or deep friendships with these people but eventually you'll find people who you vibe with perfectly
Love the Father knows cast
Happy Birthday, Morgan! 🎉
I just wanna say my daughter is 15 months old and I listen to ya’ll at work (she comes to work with me) and everytime your intro song comes on on here and the one on THT she starts dancing she LOVES it lmao 😂❤
Story three. If you do love reading, find a book club because it is a perfect spot for finding new friends. My local Barnes & Noble’s has a book club for each genre and they meet up every month. It’s a lot of fun.
I actually love the lighting the lightsaber gives off in the dark.
Story 4: Feeling lost after breakup due to cheating. I have gone through a few breakups and I understand how much it hurts, but honestly, you just have to keep yourself busy. Find events that are going on around you, or hobby classes or groups on things you are even a little bit interested in. It will allow you time to temporarily escape from the situation and put it on pause so you aren't letting yourself wallow in it for hours, days, or even weeks. The biggest thing you will need to keep consistent will be to take a full-on break from them, as in blocking them on social media, calls, texts, and even email for at least 3 months.
Story 4: We all go through it and come out stronger even though at the moment it might not feel like it. I dated a man for 5 years that I thought I would marry. I had to move back with my family. Everything felt different. Everywhere I'd go alone felt different. This was weeks before covid as well so going out with friends was impossible. I laughed when Justin said to go skydiving because I went skydiving after my break up. Something about your problems feeling so small up in the sky, releasing them up there and knowing that you were so brave jumping out of plane!!!! (With a parachute of course) lol I focused on myself. Got super fit. Surrounded myself with family, my dogs. Eventually friends after lockdown was over. Got a promotion at work. Bought a new car, I've traveled so much and eventually found a new man who treats me great. I know it sucks right now. But focus on yourself and surround yourself with family/ friends, find new passions. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. You're just missing being comfortable with him. You deserve so much better. You are strong and you are brave.
Happy Birthday Morgan. I just turned 30 last month. We’re Pisces sisters.❤
story 4: my heart hurts so much for you because i know exactly how you are feeling. the world DOES seem grey and it’s so hard finding joy in anything.
do not go back, no matter how much it hurts. no matter how much you may want to. he made his decision & did not consider you in any aspect.
it’s going to take time. i know it feels like these emotions will never go away but slowly, they begin to die down. i highly recommend therapy if possible to help you process your emotions.
you’ll have to focus on yourself and find anything that helps distract you. i have been reading a lot of poem books about love, heartbreak, and healing. i write my thoughts down in my phone whenever they become too much. i leaned into my support system.
i know you said you don’t want to burden your family because they don’t understand, but sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. my mom didn’t understand my breakup, but she did what she knew best and that was letting me cry into her arms and comfort me with sweet words.
you are not a burden. it is okay to lean on people for support. that’s what your loved ones are for.
i’m sending so much love to you right now. you are stronger than you think and i know that you will be able to heal from this. be patient with yourself and keep going!! you are making it through the worst part and there is light at the end of the tunnel. you’ve got this ❤
If you cheat on someone, you do NOT love them. Period. If someone cheats on you, they do NOT love you. And if you allow them to cheat and stay with them, you are teaching them how to treat you. Have some self respect and leave.
I understand the concept “would you care about everyone your new partner slept with in the past”.
No. I wouldn’t.
But I would care if they cheated on their previous partners.
It’s a line they are comfortable crossing.
Story 3: This is advice for if you feel like you can do this ( I know social anxiety can be alot so no pressure, don't feel pressured.) In your own time if you decide you want to start conversations with people a way that typically works out well is do a quick visual sweep of a person. Try and pay attention to what they are wearing or what they are doing and comment on that. For example I was at the store today and needed help with self checkout. I feel nervous talking to store employees ( I don't know why it's just a thing) but I called the employee over because I needed the help. I noticed when he walked up his name tag had a bright yellow ducky 🐤 on it. So I explained to him what I needed help with and as he silently started helping me I just said " I like the ducky on your name tag by the way" and then he smiled and it sparked a whole conversation. If scanning someone quickly like that feels too intense a go-to conversation starter at the beginning of the week is "how was your weekend?" They will probably give a short answer like "it was good," then you say " yeah? That's good. What did you do?" That leaves them a while to give a big detailed response. At any customer service setting a good go-to is " how has your day been going?" Theyll probably give a short good you. And then you say good or whatever and then ask something like " has it been busy today," or "is this the start or end of your work day," that normally gets them talking. At school you could maybe ask the person next to you if they would want to study for your next quiz together and if they say yes then great if they say no then just say " okay no worries just thought I'd ask." The main keys to making friends is first show an interest in people. People love talking about themselves even if they don't know it. It makes them feel seen and cared about by you because you 1. Asked about them and 2. Actually listened to their response showing you cared about it. The second key is don't be afraid of rejection. We all get turned down when we ask people if they want to hangout. It's nothing about you. Don't dwell on it and move on and try again with someone else. Also smiling always helps, it makes you seem approachable.
Story 2 - be smart about it. See lawyer, take your receipts that he cheated. Keep him in the dark about it and take his money. He thinks he can just treat you like shit and be cocky anout it? Good riddance.
Can you speak to your university for a hardship fund / bursary? Any form of support they could offer? Speak to them and see what they can help you with. Can you get loans? Or can you increase your loans? Just for the time being. You have to do what you have to do. All the best! You got this. You don't need that loser. Just remember every rejection is spirits protection. It will feel awful for a bit and then things will be even better than before. All the best love❤ you can do it! 💖
23:37 for story #2, she should check if her university has some form of student wellness page bc they often do and have some housing resources, it would also be a good idea to talk to her counselor in university
I love how Jerry’s word for infidelity is “explored”
Story 2: If you're unsafe, go to a women's shelter. Otherwise, is there a friend you can rely on? Do you have a car you can stay in temporarily? Try to wait until December if you can.
Cheaters always cheat. The loyalty and trust in the relationship is broken. The relationship is broken. Never lower your self respect just because someone else couldn’t keep their pants on. Move on to something better. ❤
For the 2nd story i hope she doesnt give up, continue to work hard and in a few years when she is reaping the benefits of her hard work this time in her life will just be a learning experience. I cant help but to think this will end up being a situation where after all the "fun" and "freedom" wears off he will realize what hes lost and beg to come back but im praying she will be healed and know that she deserves so much better than this. Honestly that man is a whole red flag factory the way he just switched up one day and started to treat her like shit. Anyway if you see this girl finish school ! Dont give up youll look back and see how far you have come and there is a man out there for you and its NOT this sorry excuse of a man. Good luck❤❤❤❤
We could use a DTD & DTG? (Dump the Gal) episode for sureeee
I’ve never been this early! Whooo🎉😂
Story 3--Try a support group. I am sure that they have anxiety support groups. You may need friends there or a potential love interest. If that's too much too much then I would definitely seek therapy. And make sure that you Get along with your therapist and He or she understands you. You have every right to switch your therapist as many times as you wantI don't know what hobbies you have but if you have a dog go to a dog walking park. If you crochet go to a crochet club. If you were out of obviously go to . If you were out obviously go to a gym.. I think you catch what I'm saying But I definitely would look into support groups. They're all there for the same reason Remember . You're not alone
Story 2 is basically my exact situation rn I quit my job to be a stay at home mom/ wife and he’s always cheating while I’m home being super loyal I’m always being down graded and told I’m not a good mom ( I’m a step mom to his 3 kids)
Story 2: Ask your friends if any of them have a room for rent or if they know someone with a room for rent. Get whatever job you can to make money to pay that rent and get out ASAP
How do we write in.?
I cheated on my boyfriend a few months into our relationship. I remember how painful it was for him, and I felt so horrible and was lucky to have his forgiveness. I just found out a few weeks ago that my same boyfriend of almost 10 years now cheated on me a few months ago. His mother has always hated me, but the day I found out was because she was being so sweet and called me her daughter in law for the first time. Then she told me the truth after I had felt crazy for months. He came clean and answered all of my questions and showed me everything I needed to see. He let me cry and told me how sorry he was, and I truly do believe and forgive him. His mother tried to break us up, and she thought she did. Now she's been completely cut off. Our lives have been so much better, and we're so much more open and loving. Maybe people won't agree with this, but it can be fixed in certain situations.
Edit: His mother was always super abusive. The reason we got our first place together was because she physically assaulted us. She would call every single day and scream about how he never helps her, even though he'd take her to the store every day. She only lived 3 blocks away.
It’s so frustrating whenever Justin is half way through a really interesting point that goes straight over Jerry’s head, leading to Jerry interrupting and completely derailing the conversation 😓
To OP of Story #2: That husband is so threatened by the success you’re about to have! Get out of that marriage before getting your RN license because once you start having your own RN money he will try to come back. Find a room to rent from someone . You’re at the end of your schooling you’ll get through it but just get out of that environment. Remember the end goal
Dad I need some love too today 🥺
i’m from chicago anyone want to get coffee and talk about this podcast?! lol
I suggest working in a restaurant. I did that all throughout nursing school. You make great money. You have some flexible hours. Sometimes you only work 4 hours and you can make like $150 to $300. And if you work for weekends you'll be banking money. Trust me you just have to find a good restuarant. Also if it's the same on the books it will look like you're not making anything. So you would be accepted more so for Student grants. You will definitely get student loans. Just big enough to just get yourself a studio apartment. Get away from this D. bag... If you wanna ask any questions please do. I went to nursing school for6 years And work In a restaurant the entire time. Between school and work. Because remember They have breakfast lunch and dinner.. So hopefully you can .. So hopefully you can get a.. So hopefully you can get a . So hopefully you can get a nice manager that will work with you. I wish you the best. And I'm very sorry that you're soon to be ex-husband Is a child
Why are we still supporting betterhelp?? Girl research
Came here to say this. I'm hoping it's just because they have a contract to finish out 🤞🏻
I thought they switched to talk space 😢
@sarahwbs they had it on two hotcakes way after it was exposed and contracts can be discussed. They've had a lot of questionable sponsors on both pods. I think it's just money.
Omg yes !
@@chrystia5462 so two hot takes 100% is sponsored by talk space now and emphasizs security and up to date HIPPA. I bet FKS is coming but still under contract with better help.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORGAN 🎉❤
Story number 2 you might need to ask one of the students yes they might have their issues but anyone would love a roommate when you’re in school to save money as long as you’re a great roommate and person. I’m so sorry your ex is an ass
I had to pack my stuff up and move in with horrible family members because at least I knew were I stood with them and I had to work 2JOBS to get the money I need to get my own place.
Where would you like her to go? You keep saying she needs to get out That's obvious. Everyone knows this. Especially her. She already stated she has no Family. And the friends that she has won't let her stay there long-term because of her dog. Why don't you rent her a room out. I'm sure she'd love it.. You Think everything is so easy. Down below I suggested nursing it is the fastest and most money you can make With reasonable hours. And jerry once again you cannot collect alimony Until you are completely divorced. And guess what that costs money. And a lot of states don't even have alimony
You sound dumb. They never said it was easy. She has places to go