Mental Drain || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry, Morgan, and Justin discussing stories from listeners who are dealing with mental drain in one form or another. Whether it's exhaustion from taking on too much at home or questioning if a relationship is still right for you, we all experience mental drain in one way or another. Be sure to chime in on these ones, even if you don't have personal experience!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
03:01 -- Story 1
11:22-- Story 2
22:31-- Story 3
35:40 -- Story 4
48:27 -- Story 5
Morgan's Dad must be really proud having such a headstrong and empathetic daughter. I would love for my daughter to be sure of herself like Morgan is when she is grown up 🩷
True that!!!
I just want to point out that the woman asking how to approach her husband to do more is not asking for “help”. That would imply it’s her task and he is going to “help” her with it. She is advocating more equity in division of labor.
Thank you! I was soooo annoyed by what they were saying. If you’re two adults living in the same household, it’s not help it’s just both doing their part. I couldn’t be with a partner that doesn’t understand this on their own. I wouldn’t even want to have a conversation about it. But that’s me.
This!!! They kept emphasizing that she should be cautious when opening the dialogue for “help” around the house in order to avoid offending or confronting the husband. It shouldn’t be the wife’s responsibility to tiptoe around her husband’s potential fragile ego when bringing up an equitable division of labor around the house they both live in. He’s not a child
@@annie6807 1000000% this!
Hey Morgan: I know you said last episode of THT that you guys are still learning so Im trying to be empathetic to that. This is a learning opportunity. Please start calling abuse absue. Do not recommend people try to work it out with abusers. Please start offering resources to help survivors instead of trying to reason on the side of the abusers. These surviors value your opinion and influence and are asking you specifically for advice.
I remember when I was in an abusive relationship, knew it was abusive, but was in such heavy denial and so insecure that I oftentimes looked for validation from others that things were NOT okay. If it had been me writing in, looking for permission to run, I probably would have cried hearing the FKS family advising me to try to stay again.
@kelseycranwell5015 me too I'm so happy you got out
This is absolutely BAFFLING to me. The word abuse was literally mentioned and they just skated over it and actually suggested "try therapy". OP could be in serious danger.
i don’t think i’ve ever disagreed with their takes more than i did this episode honestly
Like all these stories are so fucked up and theyre like oh give it another try lmao what
Right! I was really shocked and confused…. I almost did not make it to story 5!
Story 1: no, you don’t move your kids 15 hours away from their dad to live with your mom and dad. figure out how to be self sufficient close by enough for the kids to have both parents. it likely wouldn’t even be allowed by court for her to move that far unless dad agreed
2: just ask him to carry more weight. you’re equals.
3. this relationship sounds toxic, they need to both move on. OP’s gf didn’t cheat, she broke up with OP before she did and OP didn’t accept the breakup and pressured her to promise loyalty and celibacy despite not even being together. they just aren’t each others person.
4. so this relationship is the only they’ve ever known and it’s full of “jealousy, abuse, infidelity, he takes no accountability”. her idea of a “great sex life” is frequent sex life, even if it’s because he makes her feel guilty when she doesn’t want to. he’s a couch potato in their garage who doesn’t clean. i don’t think they’ve ever known a happy, healthy relationship. this story is my exact fear as a 20-something year old who has seen friends in toxic relationships. that one day after marriage and kids they’ll back and see they wasted decades on not love, but attachment and contentment.
5. sound advice. OP just needs to keep an open mind and heart till she finds the right one
I think they're getting just a little too high beforehand lol
Story 4, it’s incredibly wrong to tell your partner they must do something to you sexually as a punishment or a form of proof that you love him. This is harsh but I don’t think he even cares about that anymore and just likes using you. The cheating isn’t ok obviously from either side but this is also something that feels like assault to me. And he is giving no effort at the same time is a huge red flag to look out for.
Yeah it’s 100% abuse and assault. And making her feel bad and pressuring her into having sex when she doesn’t want to is also assault.
I was really uncomfortable listening to that and hearing them all advise to give it go. It's clear he doesn't love her, he's cheated on her multiple times, he's sexually abusing her, doesn't help around the house or anything else, what is there? I wonder if the fks gang thought about if it was one of their good friends, would this be the advice they'd give that person? Give this marriage another go because you've been together so long.... smh
Am I the only one annoyed with the response to story #2? Doing stuff around the house as a man is not helping the woman it’s being an adult.
im glad i saw your comment cause i was about to comment the same thing lol
Yep! When giving their advice, both Jerry and Justin kept using the word “helping” regarding the housework. Whether they meant it this way or not, that word implies that those tasks are her duty and by participating he is stepping up, when in fact he is equally responsible for their shared home, and has been SLACKING! Especially when you consider that she’s got a full time job and he doesn’t! 😬
Story 4: He coerced her to do sexual activities as a punishment. All of his fibers is doing everything out of revenge. There is no love left in the relationship and whatever's left is just spite. I truly believe OP and the guy should not be together anymore.
right. what happened to the “once you start keeping score it’s already over” take from the previous story? she cheated which was awful. he’s pressuring her to have sex she doesn’t want which is also awful.
And am I crazy or did I hear in story 4 that her husband literally FORCED her to do oral sex. Is that not literal marital sexual assault? I don't think OP knows that is assault.
Story 4: What that husband is doing to his wife is sexual assault and abuse. She needs to leave him and not even think about getting back together with him to try to make it work.
Story 4: RUNNNNN!!! He punished her with that!! DISGUSTING!! It’s SA
Im honestly very disappointed that you guys failed to acknowledge the sexual abuse in story 4. OP said her husbands guilts her into sex even when she doesn’t want it and that he used oral sex to “punish” her. THAT IS ABUSE. OP even mentioned that there has been abuse in the relationship before. I hope y’all address this in the next episode bc the advice given and how y’all approached it was not it. Very irresponsible.
I am a little confused with this episode. I automatically thought she needs to run as fast as possible.
@@Nowaybozaythis. it’s their first and only relationship since childhood, there’s “jealousy, abuse, infidelity (on both ends)”. he holds no accountability. he refuses counseling. he makes her feel bad when she doesn’t want sex. is keeping score by asking for oral to make up for her infidelity. he is a couch potato in the garage who doesn’t clean…i don’t think these two have ever known a happy healthy relationship.
They just did it in their other show too. You can see Morgan trying to acknowledge it because of the backlash they got last episode of Two Hot Takes for victim blaming
THANK YOU I thought I was going mad when I heard them all suggesting therapy and encouraging OP to try again?? Abusers don't change, man
Exactly how I felt. How could one miss the importance of the sexual abuse?
This episode serves as a great reminder that if your story is ever mentioned on this show, READ THE COMMENTS. The community may be able to give you the answer you needed, then everybody else drops the ball.
Story #4 OP is absolutely being abused and should run for the hills (with her kids) at this point. There is no fixing nor enough amount of therapy to fix that sorry excuse of a man!! I was so disappointed when FKS family didn't out right point the sexual abuse/assault that OP had gone through. Please, OP if you're reading this, take your kids and go. The actions that that man had inflicted/continue to inflict on you will not go away (speaking from experience). Only seperating yourself from him will save you 😭
They never seem to acknowledge sexual abuse or assault unless the poster says the words.
Tht just did it too
He literally forced her to perform sexual acts on him?! They should NOT be together anymore. This is not a relationship.
Story 3 - My gut is telling me that the entire reason for the spontaneous, quick break up was so that she could sleep with someone else but not technically be cheating. Maybe I’m wrong but it doesn’t sit right.
For sure what happened. The least this writer could do is be done for good and move on and hold the pattern accountable. If years later they cross paths fine but YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!!!
"The glass has been broken too many times it to be put back together" I loveeee that quote Morgan 👏 👏 👏
Morgan I’m proud of you for getting the fool me once quote right the first time.
Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me three times and it’s back to you again
I'm sorry love you guys but your takes on these SA stories lately have been interesting to say the least.
It's DANGEROUS
Story 3: the person who cheated was 100% entertaining this other relationship prior to the “break up”.
She just now realizes she lost you and is trying to get her safe space back. I.E. the OP. Don’t do it, OP. Let that person go.
For story number four I have a similar dynamic in my family in regards to my mothers and fathers relationship. They were high school sweethearts married young and had me and my siblings young as well. My dad has had a few affairs over the years when I was younger and my mother never quite healed from it. I remember being a child and being scared that they would eventually divorce they are still together 20 years later and still have the same arguments rooted in my dads infidelity. Similar to the husband in this story my father also doesn’t really believe in counseling and therapy. Looking back now as an adult I wish they would’ve divorced along time ago instead of staying together for the sake of the kids. Their relationship issues has left both me and my two brothers with our own set of trauma. Because of this I would never settle for a relationship where I’m the only one fighting to keep it because I’ve seen my mother go through that and i absolutely refuse to let my future kids see a dynamic like that.
All I could think during the 3rd story was "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"
Story 5 has me needing to chime in...
Especially as a woman on a reproductive timeline, this can be really hard. I'm 32, single, and not exactly close to a relationship forming with anyone, and that's my choice right now. Everyone around me is building their own families, and it can feel like you're aging out of these opportunities, even if you've got some solid time left. I've been in rather intensive therapy for over 3 years, and I'm learning now WHY I don't have a husband and kids: I was never in the right place to meet the right person. I was allowing people with strong narcissistic traits close to me because I permitted a lot of boundary violations and justified a lot of behaviours, because it felt normal to me. If I DID find myself with a husband and kids from any of my bad relationships, I'd be in much more trouble than I was, being able to leave these people in my past with no strings attached. I don't know what op's past is, but maybe there's a very positive reason why things are on the timeline that they're on. I decided a couple years ago that I would entertain the option of fostering children to pass on wisdom and help a child find their way in life, and now it's my main goal for my future family. This decision not only feels so right in my soul, but it also takes the pressure off the reproductive timeline. I had to mourn my lost time and the potential of never finding the right person in time to naturally have kids, so I admit it wasn't exactly an easy path to peace. But I'm at peace with what happens, and I hope op can be too. I hope my comment can help someone going through the same thing.
First story: I was in a similar situation. My breaking point was when I saw my kids crying hysterically after they saw me and their father fight. That was when I made my decision to leave because I did not want them to grow up thinking that that was normal. Their dad told me that I will never meet anyone like him again and that no one will want me because of my stretch marks. It took me a long time to get over that but I am in a great place now. My kids mostly live with me but I told their grandparents that they are always welcome to see them and that I will not take that away from them.
Let Jerry have his moment with next weeks theme!! He is sooo happy!!!!
Exactly what I was thinking! I love them all, but at times I feel like Morgan is taking over and not letting Jerry have his show anymore. I feel like I don’t hear him talk as much as them either. I really want to hear what he has to say. I really hope he gets to do his theme next week.
Story 4: I know it’s easy to say from an outside perspective but it this was me I would be 1 million percent done. The sexual punishment is literally so wrong. It’s coercion and not okay in any way shape or form. I also really don’t like how he has had affairs and hasn’t taken accountability but when you had an affair he continuously holds it above your head. I don’t even think counseling is a possibility. I think this is toxic and abusive and for the sake of me and my kids, I would leave. I’d also want to make sure I show my kids a good example and show them what they should and should not stand for in a partner.
As someone who has experienced sexual coercion and has trauma from that, I want to see OP be okay and safe. I wish this part was addressed by FKS. Please OP, take care of yourself.
Best of luck to OP. Wishing her all the best and hoping she is well and finds peace in the situation.
I needed to hear that quote that Justin read many times, because I struggled with that for years. Thank you for sharing!
That quote omg so true! I used to be so passive in my previous job and I learnt to put boundaries in place and I ended up leaving that job as they made me out to be the bad guy for that! It took me so long though as I felt selfish and aggressive! But no it’s a huge part of self care and self love being assertive with our happiness!
Yesssssss Let's GOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!! Love this community
Always love these episodes!
I was just listening to you guys and I went back to pick another episode, and I saw this one! Great timing!🥳
Literally same!!!
This helped me get through work today 🥰
First story- do not take those children anywhere especially over state lines unless you have a custody agreement already in place! Without that he can file with the courts and get you charged with kidnapping or parental alienation. The only way you can flee a relationship like that without setting up a custody agreement first, you must go to a domestic abuse shelter. That is your only safe Haven to do it without them being able to take legal action on you. If she files first for custody, she will have a much better chance- if he files first he will have a solid chance at slandering her and making it look like she is trying to alienate him as a parent- and she will likely lose.
Caution, caution, caution, in these cases!!!!!!
Story 2: If you have the means to do so, outsourcing your chores helps so much. I spend $40 biweekly to get my laundry (and my partners) picked up from our apartment, washed, dried, folded and delivered back to our door. We just have to put it away! It has been amazing for us.
We also eat out a lot and have tried the sent to you meals like Factor, so that we don’t have to cook. We do some cooking now but those meal kits and ordering takeout helps a lot!
This whole time I thought Holly was the sister in law 😭😭
LOL
Just as I was looking for something to listen to ❤
7 minutes ago! I’m so lucky today! Much love to the fks and tht fam!
The third story: I’ve been through that multiple times with the same person. They will do it again and you will keep taking them back.i regret following my heart and not my mind.
Let’s gooo something to listen to as I work hope yall are doing amazing much love
For Story 4, why in the world are you guys suggesting her being with him as an option. He’s severely abusive. Im so confused with some of you guy’s takes
This & last week's THT episode have me questioning my subscription to both channels. Both situations were very serious & they didn't even acknowledge that.
@@candiedolives5340 Which episode/story was that? I might avoid it... Story 4 was a mess, I had to stop listening!
The fact she, the writer, also wants to stay is beyond wild to me. Her husband punishing her with sex? Wtf is that? She needs to leave IMMEDIATELY!
Story 2: when two adults live in the same household there’s no “helping” out. It’s simply about each person doing their part. Phrasing it as “helping” is an outdated patriarchal concept, please stop.
Story 4: There is no working things out here or going to couples therapy. OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What you describe is sexual abuse, that is not a good sex life and not something you should be put through. The fact that he says he isn’t the problem is terrifying. Please leave. I’m a child of divorce and it was such a relief for me when my parents announced it, I could feel all the tension and pain between them all the time. Staying in an abusive situation for your children is never helpful for them. They learn how to treat themselves by what you do and how you treat yourself. Modelling staying in something that is bad for you for their sake is not going to work out in their favour in the long run. Take care of yourself, you’re more than worth it!
Story 3 she did cheat! She agreed not to sleep with anyone else and went and did it. I feel like she used the break up as an out so she could sleep with the girl
And story 4- the husband is coercing her into sex and is a huge red flag. I would run for the hills, that is sexual abuse
That's terrible advice for the first story...unless I'm misunderstanding...
The mom said she wants to move out of state and doesn't want a custody battle.
If she leaves with the kids, he will likely get custody. She needs to get it approved before she moves.
I honestly don’t think they have any reading comprehension
once the sexual abuse was mentioned in the fourth story, i chocked on my food and had to take a break from eating, how fucking disgusting
Forcing someone to perform sexual acts as punishment is sexual assault. Please leave story 4 ❤
Story 3: Leave that toxic waste… she doesn’t want you she wanted to cheat and she did.
Story 2: OP I highly recommend taking vitamin D to help with your seasonal depression!! For YEARS I haven’t dealt with seasonal depression and this last year was the first year that I started taking vitamin D and it has genuinely helped me not feel that depression
I’m looking forward to the move on and don’t look back episode!!
Story 1: Leave for yourself, but more so for your children. I grew up with a narcissistic parent. If I could have gotten my parent to leave the other, I would have as Inl am still suffering from the after effects. There is more that your children see than you even realise and they may be facing abuse. Protect yourself and your children. Move where you feel happy and safe.
Story 4: Am I insane? Are all 3 of these people actually advocating for OP to get back with her husband after therapy etc etc.... when he's sexually abusing her (and probably emotionally and physically)? OP straight up says he makes her have sex when she doesn't want AND punishes her with oral sex! Plus, do we know his age? She was 15 when they got together. She doesn't know what a healthy relationship even looks like. I get that there's kids, but as they always say on this podcast, you can raise kids better without a shitty husband. They're being really lenient on the husband, what's up with that?
Thought the view count was low and was so baffled... then realized I was just crazy early💀💀
Wow these stories really live up to the thumbnail. I was mentally drained by story 3 and didn’t finish the whole episode.
#TeamJerry! Move On & Don’t Look Back! Love you all, tho. 🥰 ✈️
💯 I need a short of the quote at the beginning. PLEASE
I second this! I need to try to write it down
Love being early!!
Story 3: the ops girlfriend is wrong but I’m going to be the devils advocate and say that op should have never pushed her gf into the boundary of not sleeping with other people. It seems that op had to persuade gf to agree to this term. Yes gf should have said “hey I want to see other people, if we end up back together then so be it” I just don’t think either of them are in the clear and gf might need to be single for a while.
this. girlfriend didn’t cheat, she broke up with OP before she did and OP didn’t accept it
I want papa jerry’s theme!!
Yayyyyy❤❤
Don’t even tell #4 to work it out. We all know that guy is a loser and those kids are suffering. She’s gonna have false hope to stay.
My vote would be for Dad’s theme because it is father know something no offense Morgan!!!
Story 1: unless the dad is just totally fine with the mom taking the kids and moving, i'm not sure that she'll even win the custody agreement and be able to take them 15 hours away... i imagine if they split custody they will have to stay in the same state?
Exactly this
yep. as it should be, really
A little random, but why hasn't the "THT" neon moved to the studio where you do that one?
Story 4: Never, ever, ever go to therapy with your abuser, because he will learn to manipulate more and better. 😔💔
Oh no what’s wrong with poor Holly ❤😢
Just told my boyfriend the coconut story he is loosing his mind.
Can someone please post the quote or the time stamp of it
Don’t look back is the one
I break up with y partner everytime we fight but I have borderline personality and i dont mean to do it safe to say my partner understands now and lets me calm down before drawing conclusions.
Not people in the comments acting like they read each story 5 times to digest everything before giving their "hot take" I think people forget that they do like to try to find options for the person to get their ideal outcome. Idk, yall have some hot takes in the comments for sure.
Story #2-man, you guys really failed here-especially you Jerry. First, housework is not her job that she needs to ask for help with. It’s their job together. She shouldn’t need to pussyfoot around and be all “oh you work so hard, such strong muscles, what a man.” No way. And make it seem like it’s his idea to help? Please! What is this 1950? Also, you stated he was supporting the family-I’m pretty sure she said she is the main financial support. (Which doesn’t really matter, except it seemed to play into the reason you think she should stroke his ego and play the weak woman). As for his jobs, as a married couple, they really should be able to sit down and talk about their income and job prospects. What is his long-term goal? Is he working towards his goal? Maybe his jobs pay low, but provide non-monetary benefits of learning the trade, meeting important contacts, etc. If that’s the case, she needs to realize that the short-term struggle is leading to his goal. On the other hand, maybe the husband is telling her he’s working and he’s actually hanging with friends and playing video games (she did say sometimes he isn’t paid). My advice: sit down, talk about the housework first. Do a chore chart. Then talk about the bigger issue of his employment.
(Jerry, I still can’t believe your advice. Do better.)
Early ❤🎉
This episode was a lot of too soft takes imo, the household labor story and especially #4, get out you are being abused!
In my opinion, husband opened up the marriage. He has no right to be upset.
Who else knew gf from story 3 was about to cheat? 🙋♀️
Between this episode and that last THT… y’all are just ignoring the SA and it’s really disturbing to hear.
I was feeling sick by the end of the write in & Jerry's first thought was "a relationship takes 2 people who want it"?!?! A "punishment" of oral sex is abuse & disgusting, she even said it felt wrong.
First story- is this dasd even safe to have any custody of their kids?
Story number 4 was SO triggering as a divorcee of a sexual abuser. DITCH HIM. Your children will be okay, but you have to display emotional regulation for them to have a healthy example.
Firssst!
Absolutely not to the first write in. I’m tired of the trend that the kids always belong with the moms. 15 hours? No ma’am. HE can come live in her new state? Again no ma’am. The relationship is toxic I agree, and she should get out of the relationship, but taking the kids away from the dad just because of the parent’s toxic relationship is not the answer. Taking kids away from the other parent IS NOT the answer. There is no logical way for a 15hr difference to work with kids that are in the school system. There is no mention of him being a bad dad at all, so tired of this narrative.
HIIIII ✌🏼🩵
Move on and don't look back 🫡
story 4 is marital rape. point blank period. she needs to leave
Very disappointed in reactions on story 4 I hope yall address this in the next video cause the abuse underlining her story is so obvious what the heck guys
Im sorry but with story 4, you guys failed her MISERABLY. That woman needs to leave her abusive husband immediately. She doesn’t need to go to couples therapy with him. She needs to get away.
You guys avoiding calling sexual abuse for what it is is such a miss and makes me question the credibility if your "advice"
can jerry PLS stop speaking over morgan all the time 😭 and over justin for that matter it’s so annoying
Finally a comment about this 😭 maybe I’m overreacting but sometimes it feels like he’s so full of himself, always wants to say his part, speaks over others, and sometimes Morgan or Justin can say their opinion then Jerry just repeats what was just said as if he’s the one who came up with it. It’s starting to annoy me so much 😭
@@theaholmberg4809 😭 it’s probs more of a dad thing than a jerry thing but it’s so triggering bc my dad does the same thing
I also feel like Morgan gets overstepped by the male voices on female issues
I can’t with Morgan’s baby voice , “I haven’t got to go cause of the BOYS 😢” QUITTTTTT it’s cringy