I'll never tell someone how to identify but I just want to point out that bisexuality is still bisexuality no matter how much you may lean towards women or men.
Sexuality is a very complex subject. Some lesbians may have found men to be attractive but that doesn’t mean they would want to date them. If someone says they’re a lesbian, then they’re a lesbian. If someone says they’re bisexual, then they’re bisexual. Everyone has their own feelings and preferences, and you shouldn’t deny how someone may feel a label defines them.
@@songtrivia arf.. It's not how things work. You can find someone attractive, but being personally attracted to the person is a whole different story. If you have lived experiences of BEING attracted to a man, and you still do even after figuring out you have homosexual tendencies as well, then it's okay to just accept you're bi and you know.. Leave lesbians alone lmao
How were the bisexual women not vetted out of participating in this video? And why is it so hard for people who have attraction to both sexes (even if there is a strong preference for one over the other) to admit they are bisexual? Being Bi is valid!
It’s frustrating to have male attraction included in a lesbian group. You are correct it’s okay to be bi . It’s harmful to actual lesbians to have women say they are attracted to men and calling themselves lesbians. It adds to the it’s just a phase stigma that society already carries
@@Victori.A1 It's important to gatekeep spaces. That's why bisexuals shouldn't be in homosexual spaces. It muddies up the water. It makes men think they can "turn" one.
This is so disappointing. Watching this video back to back after Jubilee's video. Lesbians CAN'T fall in love with men. That isn't "comphet"! That's just attraction! Lesbians don't find men attractive.
@@user-uk5dy4hh7glol. Totally not true. Lesbian divorce rates say otherwise. Up to 70% of lesbian couples end up in divorce. Almost twice as much as gay men. Most women hate equality and split 50/50 even Les.
I am literally shocked at how almost everyone of them would forgive their ex if they cheated on them. I know that boundaries and definitions of cheating are different for everyone, but still I am just shocked. Cheating on someone is true disrespect in my opinion and I feel like everyone's main goal (or at least high on the list of goals) is to be respected in a relationship, so I can't imagine people just genuinely being able to accept being disrespected in that way. But that's just my opinion.
If you're straight, I think it's a little different because you're conforming to an outline that's already laid out for you. It's important to most people to stay within that. I know my sister would have a field day if her partner cheated. For me, it's a boundary decision. If they step over my boundary - whatever it is - that's the betrayal. If you're sleeping with other people, I'd just want to know you're coming home to me. I would just need to be the primary partner. I'm a forgiving person and if we've talked it through, I'm fine with it as long as they check in with me and ideally, I'd get to know anyone they end up liking. I am fine knowing that maybe I can't give them everything they need, you know? With most queer people, I think - it's about the personality, the friendship, and sure, the romance/sex, but that's not the most important thing.
@@katelyn4358 I have a question: what do you exactly mean with "an outline that's already laid out for you?" Do you mean straight people are more likely to not accept cheating? And also just to be a little bit more clear, I am part of the queer community as well and I am attracted to the same sex. I think it's all about our own preferences and, like I said, we all have different views on this topic so I can definitely understand your point of view, but I guess it is just different from mine. I have a clear boundary which is that if my partner suddenly decides they want to fill their needs by being with someone else then I think they are better of being with someone else that suits them and/or their needs better, or someone who doesn't have that boundary I have. But I do find your comment interesting, because you said something about being "the primary partner" but how can you be assured that you are, indeed, their primary partner? Wouldn't you get worried sometimes or get competitive with the other person/people you're partner is getting on with?
@@vimeaux Great questions! I didn't realize you were a part of the community, but I did imply that straight people have a harder time with the open relationship thing, and I truly think they do. It's the result of patriarchy bullshit, unfortunately. It really has a grip on heterosexual romance. For example, if a woman cheats on a man, there's a ton of societal baggage, and vice versa. The man may feel emasculated, he might think the woman's unclean somehow, etc. It sucks for everyone. You're right - it is definitely a personal preference thing, and has a lot to do with compatibility between partners. Monogamy is a perfectly valid, absolutely lovely boundary. If it feels comfortable for you, you should absolutely uphold that standard. If someone crosses that boundary, you are WELL within your right to be upset and leave them. They wouldn't deserve you, because they crossed your boundary. My boundary doesn't have much to do with monogamy or polyamory, honestly. I would be thrilled to be in a monogamous relationship. But if my partner wanted to open it up or explore, I would support them. My boundary is about communication. I would feel like they were cheating - or betraying me - if they kept secrets about it. I would feel horrible if they didn't feel comfortable telling me and did it anyway. I never would want to control anyone, but I expect a two-way conversation with a partner. As far as assurances go, I'd just trust them. That's it. It's something we'd talk about together. If I can't trust my partner to center me in our relationship, then we should just break up. I like to think that whoever I am with would be adult enough to come to me about anything they're feeling, even if it might hurt to hear. It would keep both of us from feeling betrayed, and give us the opportunity to stay compassionate rather than blow up at each other. Then we could just talk about where we go from there.
@@katelyn4358 "You can't give them what they need". Cheating is a choice. You don't accidentally make them lose their pants and accidentally get fingers in their vaj. There is some heavy logistics involved in f*cking someone. From acknowledging each others attraction (which could also include actively pursuing someone), which can take some time, to finding the right location, to getting into the mood, the act of banging itself… At so many points this person could have stopped and told themselves no. We are not uncontrollable toddlers having foam at our mouths and acting feral when we see candy. We are adults with empathy and feelings and a frontal lobe. Of course we can and will be attracted to anyone we find hot, being in a relationship doesn't change that. But loving someone is a choice, we make choices not to deliberately hurt a person and to cherish the relationship. If you agreed from the beginning to banging multiple people, whatever. But how are you even able to do this behind someone's back if you really deeply cared about this person... You know, you sound like a nice person, but it says nothing about if you're a good judge of character. It's statistically impossible that every person you have been and will be in a relationship with, is a good person, most likely you will have some selfish assh*les. And fine, if it's a good person who just made a mistake. But assh*les will have their field day with you because those are pretty low expectations you have. There are good people out there who generally are very respectful and cherish a relationship. Don't expect any less and don't settle for any less.
Yeah idk what to say here really because have I dated men, before coming out, yes. Was I anywhere even CLOSE to in love with them? No. In fact all three broke up with me because I "didn't really seem interested"
@ville__ Nah bro, those people are born gay. It is to do with the prenatal hormone environment when they are babies in the womb. It is said that a lack of prenatal testosterone for the baby in the womb makes somebody later become a bisexual or homosexual man rather than a heterosexual man. In the case of females, too much prenatal testosterone for females when they are in the womb could make them lesbian or bisexual rather than heterosexual. Anyway, people are born with their sexual orientation. They did not choose to be gay, it's something innate in them. I used to think that being gay was a choice too. But then I researched more into the matter and it shows that they do not choose to be gay. Also, there is no one 'gay' gene, but I think there are clusters of genes that...when in combination...make someone become more likely to be gay. Also, it is said that the later sons in a family are more likely to be gay because of biological reasons. For example, let's say that a mum and a dad have 3 sons. It is said that the youngest son (the 3rd son) is more likely to be gay compared to the eldest son or the middle son because of biological reasons. I think some scientific studies were saying this. Matt Walsh makes a good point about how delusional some extreme Trans activists are though. Matt Walsh made a funny and good documentary with the 'What is a woman?' documentary and he showed the clowns around the world who believe in the extreme Trans activist ideology. I respect Trans people and I know that Gender Dysphoria is real, but nowadays you have clowns who say that Trans men are real men and Trans women are real women when biologically speaking that's not true and also they deny the truths in biological sex i.e. that there are only 2 sexes. Gay people suffer because they are born gay...and when oppressive Governments want them to change sexual orientation...they can't do so because it is something they are born with...just like how you and I are born straight. Think about it this way, why would they want to choose to be gay when it comes along with a lot of backlash in society? They are born gay and they can't change that. I have nothing against LGB people and I respect Transgenders but nowadays there are also clowns in extreme Trans activist ideology who are anti-science.
I don’t know how to feel about adding “lesbian” women who state they like men in a romantic way…There’s a difference between experimenting and dating men in the past but then there’s, I am attracted to men. It pushes this notion that if the right guy comes by, a “lesbian” could “turn” straight. Now I have tried to in the past to please my family and society. But it was never possible. So in a way, it’s actually harmful to have individuals who fall more into the bi or other queer categories in this video. Sure it’s not okay for me to say your not a lesbian because you slept with a man or you happened to be in a loving relationship with one but if we’re being literal here, that is not a lesbian (or the definition of how one is). You can be emotionally connected to the opposite gender as a “lesbian” but in a romantic way…idk. But that’s just my opinion.
you are absolutely right. as a bisexual woman this frustrates me too because the internalized biphobia is insane. to me it is really important to be an ally to lesbians and not obscure or appropriate yall’s identities with all the lesbophobia yall face, even though i’ve only ever dated women and am often read as gay. i know that i am nonetheless attracted to men, and that is something actual lesbians don’t have a capacity for! simple as that. it’s one thing to misunderstand your identity or realize your sexuality later in life, but to be 100% aware of your opposite sex attraction and still identify as lesbian is plain offensive
Interesting how almost every one of these “lesbians think the same” or “lesbian discussion” videos have a guest who is likely bisexual in denial and the comments point this out, yet videos focused on gay men are clear in that as gay men they have no desire for women and you almost never see anything about gay men liking women in the comment sections. This to me shows that even within the LGBT community women’s sexuality and orientation gets pressured into being connected with men. Lesbians exclude men from our dating pool but even some likely bisexual women will try to make loopholes to normalize the homophobic idea that we can.
Sexuality is fluid for some people. Not everyone, but for some. It’s possible these women don’t have that attraction anymore because they spoke about it in the past tense.
@@EyeconicLaura why would you rather hold the belief that sexuality is “fluid” thereby invalidating gay people who insist their homosexuality ISN’T fluid, rather than entertain the idea that sexuality is fluid… for bisexuals. those “some people” for whom it is fluid are bisexual. preferences may change over time, even to extreme degrees, but sexual orientation is innate.
How can you be a lesbian if you have been in love with men??? Maybe you can feel some type of attraction towards them, sure, but being in love seems like a pretty big deal to me
Let's not bring back the "gold star" thing - that's essentially what you're getting at. It's really, really not cute. Compulsory heterosexuality is a hell of a drug, and personality is everything to a lot of people.
@@katelyn4358 Being a victim of comphet and actually being in love with a man is two completely different things. If you’ve genuinely been in love and enjoyed being with a man how is that being a lesbian? Being in love with a man through genuine attraction is not comphet. And no, no matter how great a personality a man has a lesbian would never have a genuine attraction to one. It would purely be platonic love.
no you're so right. i have never been in love with a man before??? let alone having a crush on one. a prev comment mentioned "gold star" and this isn't even that. gold star is in relation to having slept with a man previously and the phrase wasn't even coined by lesbians.
@@katelyn4358nah it’s not the same. It sounds like the chick in the video has internalized biphobia if she’s capable of being romantically in love with a man and still claims today that she was in love in that relationship.
Thanks for doing an episode focusing on lesbians! I'm a gay cis man but always wish that there was more lesbian representation, particularly in spaces that focus on all different subsets of the queer community. Nice to see it here, Brian!
They is alot of lesbian representation. It just depends on wat area of social media you are on . But I just feel people don't really think lesbians experience homophobia to an extent like gay men which is true.
They're not bisexuals. They are lesbians. There are many different ways you can fall in love, out of love, whatever. Some people come out late for many reasons. Some people end up dating their best friends of the opposite sex because they think that's what romantic love is. Men are not the enemy, either. I've dated a few, and they were amazing people. I did not feel right in any of those situations, but that was something I had to figure out and own up to. I grew up Catholic. Breaking out of the hetero mold can be scary, you know? So these people, if they find the label "lesbian" comfortable, they should use it. In some ways the word is either stigmatized or fetishized anyway, so there is a little bravery to take into account here. If they weren't sure, they wouldn't claim it.
Two of them literally said they were IN LOVE with those men, I don't think someone is in love with someone you only see as a friend. I think that two of these women are bisexuals with female preference
This video really unintentionally addresses a big issue in the lesbian community which is that we can't even get a group together to talk about our experiences as lesbians because so many bisexual women just call themselves lesbians and then try to speak for us. These people are enabled by well-meaning "allies" who are too afraid of hurting their feelings or accused of being exclusionary/gatekeeping to just say "I see that you label yourself a lesbian but we'd really like to just hear from women who aren't attracted to and cannot fall in love with men." You know, the actual definition of being a lesbian.
Exactly, I feel like as lesbians we have our own lesbian exclusive community, things we go through, the experiences, liking women, not being privileged. Where as bisexual women don't go through the same things and definitely have a very different experience, I feel like they could never actually understand what it feels like being a lesbian and going through those hardships. I also notice a lot of them dating men like 80% of the time and being men-centered a lot. Being bisexual and lesbian is a different type of queer and we as lesbians deserve to have the possibility to connect to other lesbians. Not even talking about how bi women mostly don't even get how it's problematic bringing their boyfriends to lesbian places.
10:23 what is she talking about. "Giving myself an easy label" girl, you're not a lesbian. Lesbians dont fall in love with men. If you decided it was just easier to call yourself a lesbian just because you are married to a woman, thats not it. Being with a woman doesnt make you less bi. Stop claiming labels that arent yours
This to me seems like a really narrow understanding of the label. Sexuality is a spectrum, even within one label. If she identifies with that label and it feels comfortable, it is hers. I use it because I only feel fulfilled in relationships with women. Have I had relationships with men? Sure. They were great people. I never felt right in my body when I was with them, but I cared a lot about them. I think we need to give one another a little more grace, here, because everyone's journey is different. This attitude, which I totally understand, reminds me of the "gold star lesbian" concept, which I really dislike. Exclusionary language has no place in our community. No one is less of a lesbian because they've tried to understand themselves and made meaningful connections with men. If I'm being honest, one of those "men" ended up being a trans woman, anyway. We're all just trying to be people, and whichever label makes her most comfortable should be what she uses.
@@katelyn4358 this has nothing to do with being a gold star lesbian. I, as a lesbian myself, have been in relationships with men, but you would never hear me say I was in love, I hated it, I felt awful. I did it because of comp het. It's the fact that she has been IN LOVE with men. That automatically means you're not a lesbian
@@mintytaehyun_2523 I'd have to disagree with you, but that's fine. I don't think loving someone automatically makes anyone anything. I also felt wrong in relationships with men. That said, I did love who they were. One of them is still my best friend. Who are we to say this person didn't have a similar experience? "In love" may mean something different to them. It's their life, and if they want to identify in a similar way to me, I have no problem with that. What you're doing, intentionally or not, is trying to dictate their identity through rigidly defining the label, and I just think that's wrong. Of course, you can disagree with me! That's totally fine! But it's difficult not to believe them given they're in a video that hundreds of thousands of people will see and are using the word "lesbian" to describe themself. There's a bit of bravery in that. This is why I mentioned the gold star thing. Some people use it to determine whether or not someone's a "real" lesbian, which is just gross. I don't see it so much anymore, but I remember it - and feeling like shit about it - vividly. I think exclusionary attitudes are dangerous, no matter the intention. Anyway, I don't doubt them. BUT I will say, many people change their labels over time, and if that happens for them, that's cool too. Just because they use the term "lesbian" doesn't mean it takes anything away from my experience! I'm still going to date the women I date, love the women I end up loving, and hopefully, find a nice person to spend my life with. I hope that, if they want that, they find it too. I hope they call themself a lesbian while doing it, if that feels right.
@@katelyn4358 Sexuality is on a spectrum in the Kinsey scale sense. But homosexuality is at the far end of that scale and is NOT meant as a measure of how gay someone is. The spectrum refers more to the degrees of same sex attraction individual bisexuals experience. Labels should be exclusionary by their very nature. I don't want to have to explain what kind of lesbian I am because other people choose to appropriate that word for themselves. A lesbian is exclusively same sex attracted. If you are something outside of this, you should call yourself something else. There's nothing kind about diluting words right out of their meaning. I do agree with you that lesbians who have been with men should have the right to call themselves lesbians, but only if they are now exclusively same sex attracted. A person's sexual orientation can change over time, but this doesn't negate the meaning of words that are meant to describe specific people. Labels are not meant to be a free for all. So exclusionary language absolutely does have a place in our community, and this type of exclusion is actually quite affirming for recognizing what differentiates a lesbian from a bisexual woman. We all deserve labels that describe us accurately. Also the term gold star is a descriptor not a ranking.
I'm surprised there were so few people who don't feel included in the queer community. I often didn't feel queer enough. There are so many, you are only gay if you dress this way, talk this way, sit, act etc. And if not you must be straight. Really made me feel unaffirmed growing up and made me question if I was actually straight and just idk doing it for attention, even though I don't like attention. Also, I get needing safe spaces but you never know if someone is in the closet and your exclusion makes those spaces not safe for them.
I've been out for about 15 years, and totally involved in the community, and I feel less included than ever. So many boxes and stereotypes that I don't fit into, to the point that people are questioning me. Like, I've been dating women exclusively since I was 19, I've been married to a woman for 7 years, I'm pretty sure I'm fucking gay.
I agree, I’m bi but I’m dating a man and I often feel like I can’t bring him into queer spaces because I’ll be not welcomed for appearing “straight”. When lesbians find out I’m queer they get excited and as soon as I say “but I’m dating a man” they instantly lose interest in even befriending me. I’m still a part of the community so I don’t get it, like we can’t just be in between communities why can’t we be accepted in both
no offense, but a couple of these people arent even lesbians, and the selection this time really wasnt diverse enough. They all seem to come from a priviledged place and dont seem to represent the community overall. just really dissapointed in this vid
4:36 surprised that nobody strongly agreed. i think it plays into the lesbianism for the male gaze thing a LOT and normalizes fetishization and pretty much invalidates us especially with a lot of those titles referring to the videos as friends messing around. also like.. your sexuality being an adult film category aimed towards men sucks ass bro thats gotta stop or be evened out somehow
@@shelleypryde6454doesn’t matter honestly what you ID as. Acknowledging the definition of a noun isn’t gatekeeping. You are still bisexual even with a 99% attraction to same sex but 1% attraction to opposite sex. By definition a lesbian cannot be attracted or fall in love with a male and that is not something that can be changed. You’re promoting erasure. A lot of people are fluid honestly which puts them on the bisexuality spectrum. I can identify as a horse but that doesn’t mean I am one. It’s not gatekeeping to meet the literal only requirement for a definition
@@shelleypryde6454lesbians aren’t attracted to men we aren’t gate keeping anything. If you look up the definition of a lesbian nothing about being attracted to men is on there but is when it comes to being bi or pan . We’re tired of people excusing it with the it’s a spectrum defense, you come out as a lesbian not the other way around. And it feeds into the it’s a phase mentality that society already has
@@phoebes2036it’s projection from women who want to identify as lesbian but also are secretly attracted to men and want to excuse it. It’s bothersome because lesbianism is a woman attracted to women and we have these other women making us look bad , it’s gotten to the point where it feels like one single handedly has to undo the damage they are creating
why do you feel like you don't belong? There are so many straight people (especially men) who've never had a relationship and still they're super sure about their sexuality. If you know you're a lesbian, you're a lesbian. If you're not sure, but want to be percieved as a lesbian, you're a lesbian. If you say you're a lesbian, you are. Dating women isn't what makes you a lesbian just as dating men wouldn't be what makes you straight. If never dating a woman made you not belong, that would mean that every single lesbian doesn't belong. The fact that you don't relate is understandable. Sexuality is about atraction but what is most often discussed are relationships. but I bet you don't relate when straight relationships are discussed either.
I sometimes feel the same as a gay man who's never dated, but I get affirmation from the fact that I enjoy the same stuff that many people in the gay community do, I enjoy and share the same humor, I had similar experiences to most gay guys growing up, I get angry and sad when I'm faced with homophobia like all of us should... there are so many more shared experiences aside from our dating lives that make us part of the community. Hang on to them.
I'm not a Lesbian but I'm glad that we're seeing Lesbian contents! We usually don't really hear a lot about Lesbian experiences and perspectives, and I've always been wondering whether they really feel accepted in the LGBTQ community, and I'm happy to see that Majority of them in this video felt accepted and that they really love and take a huge pride to be part of the LGBTQ community. Lesbians are awesome. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🏳️🌈
@@Imetwurld_ that’s actually not true. Wlw couples are heavily sexualized bc of male gaze and porn. People also don’t take lesbian couples seriously because they think it’s “not real” or “they just haven’t met the right guy yet” homophobia affects men and women in different ways.
@ville__ uuh no! Coming from a lesbian who tried to be straight from the time she started to date all the way until early 20's I found out that I was not in fact straight. Sure one can try to force themself to be with the opposite sex, but uh they are just in hard core denial. Telling a gay person that it's a choice is like going up to a straight man and going "be with that guy. If it's a choice then it should be easy." Every person that I have stated "if it's a choice then why do you get offended when someone calls you gay going im straight?" Usually no answer, but it is in fact not a choice and such propaganda is harmful. If a person is bi they can't choose who they fall for in the end same goes for pan people. Straight privledge is a thing and it's important to recognize that especially when so many people are trying to make our lifestyle a criminal offense when it shouldn't be it's love and its natural. Yes LGBT animals exist throughout the animal kingdom this including people.
It’s interesting how you never see videos like this with gay men normalizing the idea that you can be a gay man and still have an attraction and desire for women.
@@Victori.A1 Agree, it shows misogyny honestly with how people push loopholes to try to argue lesbians can be with men but never as much do the same with gay men and women
Next time could we have lesbians who are not making it sound like they could easily be with any gender and sex as long as it`s a "nice person"? Well, I guess I don`t fit in the queer community because I`m a lesbian who only wants to be with women and to me being a lesbian is same sex attraction and not just about "what a nice person"
No you’re right, some of these women aren’t even lesbians, admitting that they’re been in love with men.. comphet is a real thing, but that doesn’t make you fall in genuine love.. really disappointing video, especially since this will be an example homophobic people will use against the real lesbian community
It’s honestly harmful to lesbian people to call BISEXUALS lesbian. I would argue it’s borderline homophobic. Definitions used to MEAN something. It’s totally fine to be bisexual, enjoy your life. Stop calling yourself a lesbian…..
I feel like people misunderstood a lot in this video ( or maybe their have other preferences, maybe they are bisexal), because there is no logical explanation regarding how you could identify as a lesbian and say that you where attracted to men a thousand times in your life, but you "prefer" women, that just doesn't seem right. Neither for the lesbians, nor for the bisexuals. Attraction is one thing, lesbians can objectively find men handsome or "attractive" without it beinf serious, but saying you have been in love, is a total different story. This is a bad representation.
As a gay man, I feel like I am very much in touch with both my masculine and feminine sides. On a normal day to day basis I present more on the masculine side but I also occasionally like to dive into a bit of a more feminine appearance. Pinks and rainbows and unicorns and cut off shirts and I’ve even done eye liner or nail polish. I’ve even done drag in the past for shows in the nightclub I worked in and it felt fun to feel pretty and feminine. I struggled for so long to be comfortable with my sexuality and a big part of that has now brought me to a place where I love all sides of myself. When it comes to a partner, I am naturally drawn to the more masculine guys but I want them also to be be in touch with the innate feminine energy within themselves.
@ville__ nah my friend. I've been attracted to girls since I was literally in elementary school .. didnt realize it until I got to high school and actually gave it some thought (grew up very religious). I'm married to a man but my attraction for both men and women don't just go away. Are you maybe suppressing any homosexual feelings yourself ?
I understand being friends with your ex but there is a point where you have to ask yourself why you wanna be so close to your past relationship ? Idk I personally wouldn’t keep those pics up because they don’t represent my life at this moment just my opinion
Yeah, i am naturally affectionate so i cannot distinguish between friendly and flirting. I love how close their answers tend to be. There were very few issues that you saw distinct separation. Also interesting how close to neutral they tended to be on the majority of the questions
I am absolutely not always comfortable in "queer" spaces for the simple reason that nowadays we cannot even reunite between lesbians (too many women call themselves that while literally having been in love with men and wanting sex with them, which falls into the bi women category), can barely speak about our sexual orientation without being called transphobic or exclusionary, and have so many internal issues regarding vocabulary that did not exist before the past decade. Most of the time internet lesbian spaces feel more safe, which sucks, we should feel good and safe to speak among each others in real spaces. Even then, I've seen teen lesbians being bullied (by the wider "queer" community) out of their tumblr or twitter accounts for daring to speak about their lack of attraction towards males and that's enough reason not to not exactly feel comfy in this community now, I wish it was different but unfortunately the lesbian community specifically is targeted by a lot of hatred (by non-lesbians) that we can internalise and perpetuate on our own.
I hate those in open relationships who look down on monogamy, acting as though somehow people in monogamous relationships are missing out on something or are not being true to themselves because humans are capable of loving multiple people. Judging monogamous relationships for not believing in your outlook on life is no better than people in monogamous relationships judging those in open relationships.
a lot of context cut out in this video, I could tell a lot of these people were saying more than is actually shown in the video. and the rest of what they said is important too. in comparison to other videos you've done this is shorter in minutes too. I want to hear more of what lesbians have to say, not less
I wouldn't forgive cheating. I take cheating as a sign that you don't want to be in this relationship, so either we change the relationship or we end it. And discussing this in the beginning can help, because not all of us are built for monogamy, but the act of cheating is such a breach of trust, if it's an intentional choice to get a cheap thrill, I'm no longer interested. I get how a person could end up kissing a stranger by accident.
3:05 in my opinion, it's more about what makes you feel useful, loved, confident or simply because it's natural. For a masculine woman to be more galant during dates might just be because it's part of her values to treat her partner through actions of services. If she's the one who repair stuff at home, maybe it's just because she's the handy woman of the two. Not because "masculine/feminine energy". But rather personality. Those roles happen to be gendered, but they're only personality traits. Women can have personality traits that are considered masculine, it doesn't mean she's "heteronormative" with her feminine counterpart. It's only when people force themselves into those roles out of insecurity that this might be a sign of internalized homophobia or whatever.
12:08 I definitely agree here. It is hard for me (I'm a lesbian myself) to fit in the queer community because I don't align with a lot of stuff that is done and said nowadays. I get the impression that there isn't much diversity of thought and if you are not a "woke" person you easily become excluded and called racist, transphobic, homophobic etc. I think that's very sad because it kinda divides the LGBT people into two parties. But personally... I don't care if I fit in the queer community because being gay is not who I am and there are a lot of other communities related to my hobbies and interests where I fit into 🤷🏻♀️
@notville_ No it isn't. It's partly in your genes if you are gay or not. And (hypothetically) if it is a choice then I'm asking you: Why are people gay in countries where they literally get murdered for being gay? If it would be a choice there would be nobody that's gay in these countries because that would be very dangerous and stupid... So why do you think being gay is a choice?
@NotVille_ It isn't but you're choosing to expose yourself as a r3tard rn so that's hilarious. Go on bro. Keep replying that lie on every comment you see in lesbian videos. Keep showing how smoothbrained you are.
@ville__you're probably an incel... 😂... Aren't able to get a girl, so here harrassing lesbians on internet... What a cop out dude... Just meet a lesbian irl... I bet you won't dare to warn one ever again... 😂
one of the biggest eye opening to my sexuality, and also probably the first time i ever felt love was AGES ago when i was about 16 a girl from online who was also my age had been sending me a lot of valentine's day gifts and sent me a really sweet card. after that, i can remember sneaking into my dad's car to get some private time to talk with her on the phone and it was always just very cute, and innocent stuff... i miss that feeling of learning my sexuality.
14:22 100% agree, especially from a straight trans man's perspective. I went to a lot of events in my early 20s and I noticed the more I passed, the more people treated me differently, to the point where "I'd become the problem" because I was a straight person at the gay club. This stuff can be situational depending on the group, it just sickened me that such a welcoming place had become so cold and distant.
I am super forward when I’m flirting 😂 every girl I’ve flirted with knows right away that I’m flirting and serious. I do it in a way that is relaxed, no pressure, but very forward. No straight girl is going to be like “will you be my gf because you’re amazing” hahahaha The feeling has always been reciprocated I think too because I can sense when someone is into girls.
i am going to go with no. I mean. I'm a mom and we don't all think alike. I'm a 53 year old woman and we don't all think alike. etc etc. but I'm going to watch anyway!
@@carriesurawski that's not what lesbian means, stay in your lane stop mansplaining lesbians, it means exclusive sexual and romantic attraction to women. If the label feels too strict for you then guess what, you're not that thing.
Nope. No pictures of an ex up on the Facebook of my partner or mine. No, not all lesbians think the same. I would disagree that all the women on this program were lesbian and not bisexual.
Very disappointed with this video. It's extremely irresponsible for the creator of these videos to have not one, but multiple women talk about their attraction to men. Even admitting to have been IN LOVE with men. These are bisexual women calling themselves lesbians. You are platforming bisexual women to tell the world that lesbians just need to find the right man, because, according to them, you can love and sleep with men while being a lesbian. P.S. interesting how you saw none of this in the gay men video. +1 for misogyny along with the lesbophobia. And the fact that it’s literally the first thing you hear from this video. The actual f?
@kamilasanchez3788 what is with bisexual people thinking everyone is capable of liking both sexes? I could have been killed in my country for being a lesbian, but sure, keep mansplaining me how lesbians can like men ever. THE DEFINITION MEANS EXCLUSIVE ATTRACTION TO WOMEN ONLY, GO TF AWAY
@kamilasanchez3788 saying they'd consider it for brownie points =/= full on saying you've loved and slept with the opposite sex, stop embarassing yourself
@kamilas3788 Multiple women in the video admitted to having been in love with men in the past and did not say it was because of compulsory heterosexuality. When you intentionally choose to platform people who talk about being in love with men, while also talking about being lesbian, and without questioning/ challenging it, you are complicit in implying that lesbians can be attracted to men. It is really annoying when this video and the one made by Jubilee include people who say they are lesbian openly talk about attraction to men with zero questioning. It shouldn't be that hard to find lesbians that aren't attracted to men for these types of videos.
what is wrong with you? you do know people live in the same misogynistic and patriarchal society you’re claiming the video is perpetuating? many women, bi or lesbian, explored dating men and trying to be straight or straight passing before fully discovering their sexuality. MANY of my friends believed they were bi and loved another gender before being with their same gender and realizing they’re gay. it’s gross of you to diminish and say their experiences and lives aren’t valid. not everyone is a golden gay.
I know this isn't exactly related to the video, but I thought I'd comment anyway. I'm an unlabeled female. No preference for gender, but sometimes I'm more attracted to masc or fem (it fluctuates). But my friend is lesbian, and I have a boyfriend, right? As soon as I told her that she told me I only get half of pride month which makes no sense? Like, just because I'm in a straight relationship takes away my gayness. And I've talked with some other friends of mine who are apart of the community and they agree that it makes no sense. Idk it's just very confusing, and to come from someone in the community, too, is so baffling.
I’m straight, but I have been finding these Jubilee videos on the queer community fascinating for some reason. This video clarified to me that not all lesbians appear or behave “butch” or masculine. That said, the more feminine lesbians in this video did appear still queer to me in some way. I am not usually surprised when a young generation queer female says they are lesbian even if they dress more feminine because they do still look “queer”. It may also be the vibe they give off? I’ve only been surprised twice when people told me they were queer but looking back, I realize it’s actually not surprising at all I just wasn’t actively paying attention to that
6:30 Maturity. Openess is a lack of depth. If you fail to do the necessary introspection and be intimate with your partner it's much easier to be open. When you have that depth, you recognise its difficult to be truly vulnerable and *genuinely* open with one person. [Opinion, not fact. Others can see it differently but our generation is wuite shortsighted about sex, love & relationships. With age comes a sense of responsibility and accountability. Being "free" seems childish and lasts as long as one avoids themselves - in my opinion.]
The older woman with the shorter hair seems so sweet, I hope she finds love or just more caring partners in general
Agreed
the girl with funky blue glasses on IS THE DEFINITION OF MY TYPE ! YOU EXIST?!😭😳😳😳
"when I knew, I knew..." 🤭
I'll never tell someone how to identify but I just want to point out that bisexuality is still bisexuality no matter how much you may lean towards women or men.
Sexuality is a very complex subject. Some lesbians may have found men to be attractive but that doesn’t mean they would want to date them. If someone says they’re a lesbian, then they’re a lesbian. If someone says they’re bisexual, then they’re bisexual. Everyone has their own feelings and preferences, and you shouldn’t deny how someone may feel a label defines them.
@@songtrivia attraction and finding someone attractive are different. I didn't say lesbians can't objectively find someone attractive.
sooo true!
@@songtrivia arf.. It's not how things work. You can find someone attractive, but being personally attracted to the person is a whole different story. If you have lived experiences of BEING attracted to a man, and you still do even after figuring out you have homosexual tendencies as well, then it's okay to just accept you're bi and you know.. Leave lesbians alone lmao
@losermetalhead for real. Let's have some critical thinking guys. Please
How were the bisexual women not vetted out of participating in this video? And why is it so hard for people who have attraction to both sexes (even if there is a strong preference for one over the other) to admit they are bisexual? Being Bi is valid!
No one said it wasn't, tell bisexuals to stop forcing their way into lesbian spaces!
It’s frustrating to have male attraction included in a lesbian group. You are correct it’s okay to be bi . It’s harmful to actual lesbians to have women say they are attracted to men and calling themselves lesbians. It adds to the it’s just a phase stigma that society already carries
@ville__ you chose the strong weed today I see
@losermetalhead they don't act like being bi is bad. They act like not including bisexuals into everything is bad! Even lesbian spaces
@@Victori.A1 It's important to gatekeep spaces. That's why bisexuals shouldn't be in homosexual spaces. It muddies up the water. It makes men think they can "turn" one.
This is so disappointing. Watching this video back to back after Jubilee's video.
Lesbians CAN'T fall in love with men. That isn't "comphet"! That's just attraction!
Lesbians don't find men attractive.
@notville_ you comment that on almost every comment you really don't have a life don't you?
@NotVille_babe if it was a choice, believe me no woman in this world would choose to stay with a men
@losermetalhead we're obviously talking about the unholy attraction type dude
@@user-uk5dy4hh7glol. Totally not true. Lesbian divorce rates say otherwise. Up to 70% of lesbian couples end up in divorce. Almost twice as much as gay men. Most women hate equality and split 50/50 even Les.
@losermetalhead
No, no, no
Unless they're bisexual 😅
Women with sunglasses and earmuffs looks so cool! I love her style 💛
@ville__are you in the closet or something? Why are you stalking these videos and commenting multiple times each vid 😂😂😂
sounds like you know how it is to feel gay@ville__
@NotVille_ You didn't come out of your father's anus. Stop simping for him.
ONG MY EYES KEPT DRIFTING TO HER
Y’all need one with black lesbians that includes studs cause studs specifically are always left out of any conversation
@notville_me when i am stupid
@notville_🤣😂 even if it was I'd still choose to be gay, so what's your point?
@notville_Bro it’s you again. What are you doing here.
And nonbinary lesbians. They mentioned them but not even one was there.
@ville__being straight is also a choice. Everything is a choice at the end of the day. However, feelings for someone isn’t a choice.
I am literally shocked at how almost everyone of them would forgive their ex if they cheated on them. I know that boundaries and definitions of cheating are different for everyone, but still I am just shocked. Cheating on someone is true disrespect in my opinion and I feel like everyone's main goal (or at least high on the list of goals) is to be respected in a relationship, so I can't imagine people just genuinely being able to accept being disrespected in that way. But that's just my opinion.
literally same, as a lesbian i could never forgive my partner if she cheated, i was pretty surprised to see their answers
If you're straight, I think it's a little different because you're conforming to an outline that's already laid out for you. It's important to most people to stay within that. I know my sister would have a field day if her partner cheated.
For me, it's a boundary decision. If they step over my boundary - whatever it is - that's the betrayal. If you're sleeping with other people, I'd just want to know you're coming home to me. I would just need to be the primary partner. I'm a forgiving person and if we've talked it through, I'm fine with it as long as they check in with me and ideally, I'd get to know anyone they end up liking. I am fine knowing that maybe I can't give them everything they need, you know? With most queer people, I think - it's about the personality, the friendship, and sure, the romance/sex, but that's not the most important thing.
@@katelyn4358 I have a question: what do you exactly mean with "an outline that's already laid out for you?" Do you mean straight people are more likely to not accept cheating? And also just to be a little bit more clear, I am part of the queer community as well and I am attracted to the same sex. I think it's all about our own preferences and, like I said, we all have different views on this topic so I can definitely understand your point of view, but I guess it is just different from mine. I have a clear boundary which is that if my partner suddenly decides they want to fill their needs by being with someone else then I think they are better of being with someone else that suits them and/or their needs better, or someone who doesn't have that boundary I have. But I do find your comment interesting, because you said something about being "the primary partner" but how can you be assured that you are, indeed, their primary partner? Wouldn't you get worried sometimes or get competitive with the other person/people you're partner is getting on with?
@@vimeaux Great questions! I didn't realize you were a part of the community, but I did imply that straight people have a harder time with the open relationship thing, and I truly think they do. It's the result of patriarchy bullshit, unfortunately. It really has a grip on heterosexual romance. For example, if a woman cheats on a man, there's a ton of societal baggage, and vice versa. The man may feel emasculated, he might think the woman's unclean somehow, etc. It sucks for everyone.
You're right - it is definitely a personal preference thing, and has a lot to do with compatibility between partners. Monogamy is a perfectly valid, absolutely lovely boundary. If it feels comfortable for you, you should absolutely uphold that standard. If someone crosses that boundary, you are WELL within your right to be upset and leave them. They wouldn't deserve you, because they crossed your boundary.
My boundary doesn't have much to do with monogamy or polyamory, honestly. I would be thrilled to be in a monogamous relationship. But if my partner wanted to open it up or explore, I would support them. My boundary is about communication. I would feel like they were cheating - or betraying me - if they kept secrets about it. I would feel horrible if they didn't feel comfortable telling me and did it anyway. I never would want to control anyone, but I expect a two-way conversation with a partner.
As far as assurances go, I'd just trust them. That's it. It's something we'd talk about together. If I can't trust my partner to center me in our relationship, then we should just break up. I like to think that whoever I am with would be adult enough to come to me about anything they're feeling, even if it might hurt to hear. It would keep both of us from feeling betrayed, and give us the opportunity to stay compassionate rather than blow up at each other. Then we could just talk about where we go from there.
@@katelyn4358 "You can't give them what they need". Cheating is a choice. You don't accidentally make them lose their pants and accidentally get fingers in their vaj. There is some heavy logistics involved in f*cking someone. From acknowledging each others attraction (which could also include actively pursuing someone), which can take some time, to finding the right location, to getting into the mood, the act of banging itself… At so many points this person could have stopped and told themselves no.
We are not uncontrollable toddlers having foam at our mouths and acting feral when we see candy. We are adults with empathy and feelings and a frontal lobe. Of course we can and will be attracted to anyone we find hot, being in a relationship doesn't change that. But loving someone is a choice, we make choices not to deliberately hurt a person and to cherish the relationship.
If you agreed from the beginning to banging multiple people, whatever. But how are you even able to do this behind someone's back if you really deeply cared about this person...
You know, you sound like a nice person, but it says nothing about if you're a good judge of character. It's statistically impossible that every person you have been and will be in a relationship with, is a good person, most likely you will have some selfish assh*les. And fine, if it's a good person who just made a mistake. But assh*les will have their field day with you because those are pretty low expectations you have.
There are good people out there who generally are very respectful and cherish a relationship. Don't expect any less and don't settle for any less.
The girl with the curly hair & blue glasses is so pretty 😍
She is!! Love her personality too she seems like a good person
So...shes been in love with many men but is somehow a lesbian? Girl bye. Its okay to be bisexual 🙄
Yeah no comment. I’ve never been in love with a guy( only pretended before I came out )
honestly like what....
Yeah idk what to say here really because have I dated men, before coming out, yes. Was I anywhere even CLOSE to in love with them? No. In fact all three broke up with me because I "didn't really seem interested"
You do know there's plenty of lesbians who dated a men before coming out , abd they're are still lesbians
i can maybe get like her loving a man but it ended up not being a romantic love sureeee but be fr ur bi with a heavy fem lean
let’s go lesbians 🙏🙏
Let's go 🎉🎉🎉
Lesbian relationships are the worst
Let's go straight men (I'm a straight man). Lesbians are cool too.
@ville__Telling people you’re gay, is a choice. Being gay, baby I did not choose this trust me 😭
@ville__ Nah bro, those people are born gay. It is to do with the prenatal hormone environment when they are babies in the womb. It is said that a lack of prenatal testosterone for the baby in the womb makes somebody later become a bisexual or homosexual man rather than a heterosexual man. In the case of females, too much prenatal testosterone for females when they are in the womb could make them lesbian or bisexual rather than heterosexual. Anyway, people are born with their sexual orientation. They did not choose to be gay, it's something innate in them. I used to think that being gay was a choice too. But then I researched more into the matter and it shows that they do not choose to be gay. Also, there is no one 'gay' gene, but I think there are clusters of genes that...when in combination...make someone become more likely to be gay. Also, it is said that the later sons in a family are more likely to be gay because of biological reasons. For example, let's say that a mum and a dad have 3 sons. It is said that the youngest son (the 3rd son) is more likely to be gay compared to the eldest son or the middle son because of biological reasons. I think some scientific studies were saying this. Matt Walsh makes a good point about how delusional some extreme Trans activists are though. Matt Walsh made a funny and good documentary with the 'What is a woman?' documentary and he showed the clowns around the world who believe in the extreme Trans activist ideology. I respect Trans people and I know that Gender Dysphoria is real, but nowadays you have clowns who say that Trans men are real men and Trans women are real women when biologically speaking that's not true and also they deny the truths in biological sex i.e. that there are only 2 sexes. Gay people suffer because they are born gay...and when oppressive Governments want them to change sexual orientation...they can't do so because it is something they are born with...just like how you and I are born straight. Think about it this way, why would they want to choose to be gay when it comes along with a lot of backlash in society? They are born gay and they can't change that. I have nothing against LGB people and I respect Transgenders but nowadays there are also clowns in extreme Trans activist ideology who are anti-science.
I don’t know how to feel about adding “lesbian” women who state they like men in a romantic way…There’s a difference between experimenting and dating men in the past but then there’s, I am attracted to men. It pushes this notion that if the right guy comes by, a “lesbian” could “turn” straight. Now I have tried to in the past to please my family and society. But it was never possible. So in a way, it’s actually harmful to have individuals who fall more into the bi or other queer categories in this video. Sure it’s not okay for me to say your not a lesbian because you slept with a man or you happened to be in a loving relationship with one but if we’re being literal here, that is not a lesbian (or the definition of how one is). You can be emotionally connected to the opposite gender as a “lesbian” but in a romantic way…idk. But that’s just my opinion.
@notville_ I wish. I’d happily become straight if it was
you are absolutely right. as a bisexual woman this frustrates me too because the internalized biphobia is insane. to me it is really important to be an ally to lesbians and not obscure or appropriate yall’s identities with all the lesbophobia yall face, even though i’ve only ever dated women and am often read as gay. i know that i am nonetheless attracted to men, and that is something actual lesbians don’t have a capacity for! simple as that. it’s one thing to misunderstand your identity or realize your sexuality later in life, but to be 100% aware of your opposite sex attraction and still identify as lesbian is plain offensive
Interesting how almost every one of these “lesbians think the same” or “lesbian discussion” videos have a guest who is likely bisexual in denial and the comments point this out, yet videos focused on gay men are clear in that as gay men they have no desire for women and you almost never see anything about gay men liking women in the comment sections.
This to me shows that even within the LGBT community women’s sexuality and orientation gets pressured into being connected with men. Lesbians exclude men from our dating pool but even some likely bisexual women will try to make loopholes to normalize the homophobic idea that we can.
Sexuality is fluid for some people. Not everyone, but for some. It’s possible these women don’t have that attraction anymore because they spoke about it in the past tense.
@@EyeconicLaura why would you rather hold the belief that sexuality is “fluid” thereby invalidating gay people who insist their homosexuality ISN’T fluid, rather than entertain the idea that sexuality is fluid… for bisexuals. those “some people” for whom it is fluid are bisexual. preferences may change over time, even to extreme degrees, but sexual orientation is innate.
How can you be a lesbian if you have been in love with men??? Maybe you can feel some type of attraction towards them, sure, but being in love seems like a pretty big deal to me
Let's not bring back the "gold star" thing - that's essentially what you're getting at. It's really, really not cute. Compulsory heterosexuality is a hell of a drug, and personality is everything to a lot of people.
@@katelyn4358 Being a victim of comphet and actually being in love with a man is two completely different things. If you’ve genuinely been in love and enjoyed being with a man how is that being a lesbian? Being in love with a man through genuine attraction is not comphet. And no, no matter how great a personality a man has a lesbian would never have a genuine attraction to one. It would purely be platonic love.
no you're so right. i have never been in love with a man before??? let alone having a crush on one.
a prev comment mentioned "gold star" and this isn't even that. gold star is in relation to having slept with a man previously and the phrase wasn't even coined by lesbians.
Lesbian isn’t a super strict definition and sexuality can be fluid. Stop gatekeeping queer language
@@katelyn4358nah it’s not the same. It sounds like the chick in the video has internalized biphobia if she’s capable of being romantically in love with a man and still claims today that she was in love in that relationship.
Thanks for doing an episode focusing on lesbians! I'm a gay cis man but always wish that there was more lesbian representation, particularly in spaces that focus on all different subsets of the queer community. Nice to see it here, Brian!
They is alot of lesbian representation. It just depends on wat area of social media you are on . But I just feel people don't really think lesbians experience homophobia to an extent like gay men which is true.
@@Imetwurld_not true at all.
@NotVille_ Have love in your heart for everyone
@@Imetwurld_gay males not oppressed 😂
Why put bisexual women in a lesbian video?? You didn't do this with the gay men video!
They're not bisexuals. They are lesbians. There are many different ways you can fall in love, out of love, whatever. Some people come out late for many reasons. Some people end up dating their best friends of the opposite sex because they think that's what romantic love is. Men are not the enemy, either. I've dated a few, and they were amazing people. I did not feel right in any of those situations, but that was something I had to figure out and own up to. I grew up Catholic. Breaking out of the hetero mold can be scary, you know? So these people, if they find the label "lesbian" comfortable, they should use it. In some ways the word is either stigmatized or fetishized anyway, so there is a little bravery to take into account here. If they weren't sure, they wouldn't claim it.
@@katelyn4358 Lesbians don't fall in love with men wtf is wrong with you? The lesbian label is only for LESBIANS
Two of them literally said they were IN LOVE with those men, I don't think someone is in love with someone you only see as a friend. I think that two of these women are bisexuals with female preference
@@katelyn4358sounds like just throwing the label around at this point
And? @@Airgirl881
This video really unintentionally addresses a big issue in the lesbian community which is that we can't even get a group together to talk about our experiences as lesbians because so many bisexual women just call themselves lesbians and then try to speak for us. These people are enabled by well-meaning "allies" who are too afraid of hurting their feelings or accused of being exclusionary/gatekeeping to just say "I see that you label yourself a lesbian but we'd really like to just hear from women who aren't attracted to and cannot fall in love with men." You know, the actual definition of being a lesbian.
Exactly, I feel like as lesbians we have our own lesbian exclusive community, things we go through, the experiences, liking women, not being privileged. Where as bisexual women don't go through the same things and definitely have a very different experience, I feel like they could never actually understand what it feels like being a lesbian and going through those hardships. I also notice a lot of them dating men like 80% of the time and being men-centered a lot. Being bisexual and lesbian is a different type of queer and we as lesbians deserve to have the possibility to connect to other lesbians. Not even talking about how bi women mostly don't even get how it's problematic bringing their boyfriends to lesbian places.
Male or female (at birth or not) Once is curious, twice is maybe there's something here, and after that you are homosexual or bisexual.
Exactly, speak it louder sis
Lesbian? Being in "LOVE" with men ??? What?? Am I hearing this right or Am I finally tripping? 😂
They included a bisexual in it. As usual, lesbians are being shamelessly disrespected.
like I’m not one to label someone but you definitely are romantically attracted to men girl like
10:23 what is she talking about. "Giving myself an easy label" girl, you're not a lesbian. Lesbians dont fall in love with men. If you decided it was just easier to call yourself a lesbian just because you are married to a woman, thats not it. Being with a woman doesnt make you less bi. Stop claiming labels that arent yours
This to me seems like a really narrow understanding of the label. Sexuality is a spectrum, even within one label. If she identifies with that label and it feels comfortable, it is hers. I use it because I only feel fulfilled in relationships with women. Have I had relationships with men? Sure. They were great people. I never felt right in my body when I was with them, but I cared a lot about them. I think we need to give one another a little more grace, here, because everyone's journey is different.
This attitude, which I totally understand, reminds me of the "gold star lesbian" concept, which I really dislike. Exclusionary language has no place in our community. No one is less of a lesbian because they've tried to understand themselves and made meaningful connections with men. If I'm being honest, one of those "men" ended up being a trans woman, anyway. We're all just trying to be people, and whichever label makes her most comfortable should be what she uses.
@@katelyn4358 yes sexuality is a spectrum. and she’s on the spectrum of bisexuality LOL. nothing to do with the gold star stigma.
@@katelyn4358 this has nothing to do with being a gold star lesbian. I, as a lesbian myself, have been in relationships with men, but you would never hear me say I was in love, I hated it, I felt awful. I did it because of comp het. It's the fact that she has been IN LOVE with men. That automatically means you're not a lesbian
@@mintytaehyun_2523 I'd have to disagree with you, but that's fine. I don't think loving someone automatically makes anyone anything. I also felt wrong in relationships with men. That said, I did love who they were. One of them is still my best friend. Who are we to say this person didn't have a similar experience? "In love" may mean something different to them.
It's their life, and if they want to identify in a similar way to me, I have no problem with that. What you're doing, intentionally or not, is trying to dictate their identity through rigidly defining the label, and I just think that's wrong. Of course, you can disagree with me! That's totally fine! But it's difficult not to believe them given they're in a video that hundreds of thousands of people will see and are using the word "lesbian" to describe themself. There's a bit of bravery in that.
This is why I mentioned the gold star thing.
Some people use it to determine whether or not someone's a "real" lesbian, which is just gross. I don't see it so much anymore, but I remember it - and feeling like shit about it - vividly. I think exclusionary attitudes are dangerous, no matter the intention.
Anyway, I don't doubt them. BUT I will say, many people change their labels over time, and if that happens for them, that's cool too. Just because they use the term "lesbian" doesn't mean it takes anything away from my experience! I'm still going to date the women I date, love the women I end up loving, and hopefully, find a nice person to spend my life with. I hope that, if they want that, they find it too. I hope they call themself a lesbian while doing it, if that feels right.
@@katelyn4358 Sexuality is on a spectrum in the Kinsey scale sense. But homosexuality is at the far end of that scale and is NOT meant as a measure of how gay someone is. The spectrum refers more to the degrees of same sex attraction individual bisexuals experience. Labels should be exclusionary by their very nature. I don't want to have to explain what kind of lesbian I am because other people choose to appropriate that word for themselves. A lesbian is exclusively same sex attracted. If you are something outside of this, you should call yourself something else. There's nothing kind about diluting words right out of their meaning. I do agree with you that lesbians who have been with men should have the right to call themselves lesbians, but only if they are now exclusively same sex attracted. A person's sexual orientation can change over time, but this doesn't negate the meaning of words that are meant to describe specific people. Labels are not meant to be a free for all. So exclusionary language absolutely does have a place in our community, and this type of exclusion is actually quite affirming for recognizing what differentiates a lesbian from a bisexual woman. We all deserve labels that describe us accurately. Also the term gold star is a descriptor not a ranking.
I'm surprised there were so few people who don't feel included in the queer community. I often didn't feel queer enough. There are so many, you are only gay if you dress this way, talk this way, sit, act etc. And if not you must be straight. Really made me feel unaffirmed growing up and made me question if I was actually straight and just idk doing it for attention, even though I don't like attention. Also, I get needing safe spaces but you never know if someone is in the closet and your exclusion makes those spaces not safe for them.
@ville__scientifically not true. Also why are you on this videos?
@ville__being straight is a choice then by ur dumb logic 🍅 🍅
I've been out for about 15 years, and totally involved in the community, and I feel less included than ever. So many boxes and stereotypes that I don't fit into, to the point that people are questioning me. Like, I've been dating women exclusively since I was 19, I've been married to a woman for 7 years, I'm pretty sure I'm fucking gay.
the thing is, you weren't born gay or straight, u just love the person/human u love so thats okay if u dont feel queer enough
I agree, I’m bi but I’m dating a man and I often feel like I can’t bring him into queer spaces because I’ll be not welcomed for appearing “straight”. When lesbians find out I’m queer they get excited and as soon as I say “but I’m dating a man” they instantly lose interest in even befriending me. I’m still a part of the community so I don’t get it, like we can’t just be in between communities why can’t we be accepted in both
no offense, but a couple of these people arent even lesbians, and the selection this time really wasnt diverse enough. They all seem to come from a priviledged place and dont seem to represent the community overall. just really dissapointed in this vid
@notville_are u talking to a mirror?
Which ones?
How can you be a lesbian and still be in love with men?
Title instead should’ve been “Do All Lesbians AND Bisexuals…”
4:36 surprised that nobody strongly agreed. i think it plays into the lesbianism for the male gaze thing a LOT and normalizes fetishization and pretty much invalidates us especially with a lot of those titles referring to the videos as friends messing around. also like.. your sexuality being an adult film category aimed towards men sucks ass bro thats gotta stop or be evened out somehow
also like.. why are half of them literally bi bro i have never disagreed with a video more
putting bisexuals in a video about lesbian experience... nice
None of them identified as bisexuals stop gatekeeping the lesbian label. Gayekeeping is for heteronormativity not for us cmon
@notville_BRO
@@shelleypryde6454doesn’t matter honestly what you ID as. Acknowledging the definition of a noun isn’t gatekeeping. You are still bisexual even with a 99% attraction to same sex but 1% attraction to opposite sex. By definition a lesbian cannot be attracted or fall in love with a male and that is not something that can be changed. You’re promoting erasure. A lot of people are fluid honestly which puts them on the bisexuality spectrum. I can identify as a horse but that doesn’t mean I am one. It’s not gatekeeping to meet the literal only requirement for a definition
@@shelleypryde6454lesbians aren’t attracted to men we aren’t gate keeping anything. If you look up the definition of a lesbian nothing about being attracted to men is on there but is when it comes to being bi or pan . We’re tired of people excusing it with the it’s a spectrum defense, you come out as a lesbian not the other way around. And it feeds into the it’s a phase mentality that society already has
@@phoebes2036it’s projection from women who want to identify as lesbian but also are secretly attracted to men and want to excuse it. It’s bothersome because lesbianism is a woman attracted to women and we have these other women making us look bad , it’s gotten to the point where it feels like one single handedly has to undo the damage they are creating
The gurl in the cat ears is whole vibe love her and slay mama slayyy
She also did like 10 outfit changes
Interesting casting choices… including it seems like all cis women and women who have been in love w men ???
neither bisexuals or men should be there
Men don't belong in lesbian spaces so....
Finally someone who says it@@lova6130
didn't only 3 of them say they'd been in love with/been attracted to men??? still weird casting but no need to misrepresent it to make your point
As a lesbian, I sometimes feel like I don't belong or relate to other lesbians because I never dated a girl, well anyone before
why do you feel like you don't belong? There are so many straight people (especially men) who've never had a relationship and still they're super sure about their sexuality. If you know you're a lesbian, you're a lesbian. If you're not sure, but want to be percieved as a lesbian, you're a lesbian. If you say you're a lesbian, you are. Dating women isn't what makes you a lesbian just as dating men wouldn't be what makes you straight. If never dating a woman made you not belong, that would mean that every single lesbian doesn't belong. The fact that you don't relate is understandable. Sexuality is about atraction but what is most often discussed are relationships. but I bet you don't relate when straight relationships are discussed either.
why not?
Never dated a guy... But more than sure that I'm a raging homosexual... 😂
I sometimes feel the same as a gay man who's never dated, but I get affirmation from the fact that I enjoy the same stuff that many people in the gay community do, I enjoy and share the same humor, I had similar experiences to most gay guys growing up, I get angry and sad when I'm faced with homophobia like all of us should... there are so many more shared experiences aside from our dating lives that make us part of the community. Hang on to them.
@ville__ babes, you're commenting that so much.. I think you might be bi 🤔
I’ve never seen a group of people stand in between the lines as much as this group.
I'm not a Lesbian but I'm glad that we're seeing Lesbian contents! We usually don't really hear a lot about Lesbian experiences and perspectives, and I've always been wondering whether they really feel accepted in the LGBTQ community, and I'm happy to see that Majority of them in this video felt accepted and that they really love and take a huge pride to be part of the LGBTQ community. Lesbians are awesome. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🏳️🌈
I think the reason they are lesser lesbian content on perspective and experiences is due to the fact homophobia affects queer men more... I think .
@@Imetwurld_ that’s actually not true. Wlw couples are heavily sexualized bc of male gaze and porn. People also don’t take lesbian couples seriously because they think it’s “not real” or “they just haven’t met the right guy yet” homophobia affects men and women in different ways.
@ville__ being straight is a choice then too.
@ville__ uuh no! Coming from a lesbian who tried to be straight from the time she started to date all the way until early 20's I found out that I was not in fact straight. Sure one can try to force themself to be with the opposite sex, but uh they are just in hard core denial. Telling a gay person that it's a choice is like going up to a straight man and going "be with that guy. If it's a choice then it should be easy." Every person that I have stated "if it's a choice then why do you get offended when someone calls you gay going im straight?" Usually no answer, but it is in fact not a choice and such propaganda is harmful. If a person is bi they can't choose who they fall for in the end same goes for pan people. Straight privledge is a thing and it's important to recognize that especially when so many people are trying to make our lifestyle a criminal offense when it shouldn't be it's love and its natural. Yes LGBT animals exist throughout the animal kingdom this including people.
@@Gulegardiners this makes alot of sense .my bad .
It’s interesting how you never see videos like this with gay men normalizing the idea that you can be a gay man and still have an attraction and desire for women.
We actually talked ab that in “do tops and bottoms think the same”!
Cuz that makes you bi, not gay!
@@Victori.A1 Agree, it shows misogyny honestly with how people push loopholes to try to argue lesbians can be with men but never as much do the same with gay men and women
@NotVille_how does that correlate..
@@zikami2759 Straight over that one's head, whoosh.
Next time could we have lesbians who are not making it sound like they could easily be with any gender and sex as long as it`s a "nice person"?
Well, I guess I don`t fit in the queer community because I`m a lesbian who only wants to be with women and to me being a lesbian is same sex attraction and not just about "what a nice person"
No you’re right, some of these women aren’t even lesbians, admitting that they’re been in love with men.. comphet is a real thing, but that doesn’t make you fall in genuine love.. really disappointing video, especially since this will be an example homophobic people will use against the real lesbian community
It’s honestly harmful to lesbian people to call BISEXUALS lesbian. I would argue it’s borderline homophobic. Definitions used to MEAN something. It’s totally fine to be bisexual, enjoy your life. Stop calling yourself a lesbian…..
Exactly, what happened to words having meaning???
I feel like people misunderstood a lot in this video ( or maybe their have other preferences, maybe they are bisexal), because there is no logical explanation regarding how you could identify as a lesbian and say that you where attracted to men a thousand times in your life, but you "prefer" women, that just doesn't seem right.
Neither for the lesbians, nor for the bisexuals.
Attraction is one thing, lesbians can objectively find men handsome or "attractive" without it beinf serious, but saying you have been in love, is a total different story.
This is a bad representation.
As a gay man, I feel like I am very much in touch with both my masculine and feminine sides. On a normal day to day basis I present more on the masculine side but I also occasionally like to dive into a bit of a more feminine appearance. Pinks and rainbows and unicorns and cut off shirts and I’ve even done eye liner or nail polish. I’ve even done drag in the past for shows in the nightclub I worked in and it felt fun to feel pretty and feminine. I struggled for so long to be comfortable with my sexuality and a big part of that has now brought me to a place where I love all sides of myself. When it comes to a partner, I am naturally drawn to the more masculine guys but I want them also to be be in touch with the innate feminine energy within themselves.
I wish the girl with the earmuffs was able to talk more on that last prompt. It sounded like what she said was edited out
@ville__ nah my friend. I've been attracted to girls since I was literally in elementary school .. didnt realize it until I got to high school and actually gave it some thought (grew up very religious). I'm married to a man but my attraction for both men and women don't just go away. Are you maybe suppressing any homosexual feelings yourself ?
I understand being friends with your ex but there is a point where you have to ask yourself why you wanna be so close to your past relationship ? Idk I personally wouldn’t keep those pics up because they don’t represent my life at this moment just my opinion
@ville__ i personally don’t believe it is Tho lol just like i know i liked boys as a kid im sure they know they liked girls who cares anyways
Yeah, i am naturally affectionate so i cannot distinguish between friendly and flirting.
I love how close their answers tend to be. There were very few issues that you saw distinct separation. Also interesting how close to neutral they tended to be on the majority of the questions
them going to all the wrong sides. wrong questions... everything's wrong!!!!
dam u got nothin to do @ville__
@ville__ nope lmao and it'll never be. but being dumb is a choice! so i think you should stop
Only confusing thing is that there was 2 women in this video who said they had been in love with men...
The girl with the curly hair and bangs is giving Kehlani energy 🌟
I am absolutely not always comfortable in "queer" spaces for the simple reason that nowadays we cannot even reunite between lesbians (too many women call themselves that while literally having been in love with men and wanting sex with them, which falls into the bi women category), can barely speak about our sexual orientation without being called transphobic or exclusionary, and have so many internal issues regarding vocabulary that did not exist before the past decade. Most of the time internet lesbian spaces feel more safe, which sucks, we should feel good and safe to speak among each others in real spaces. Even then, I've seen teen lesbians being bullied (by the wider "queer" community) out of their tumblr or twitter accounts for daring to speak about their lack of attraction towards males and that's enough reason not to not exactly feel comfy in this community now, I wish it was different but unfortunately the lesbian community specifically is targeted by a lot of hatred (by non-lesbians) that we can internalise and perpetuate on our own.
The girl in the blue glasses is gorgeous!
Can't assume anything of anyone.
I hate those in open relationships who look down on monogamy, acting as though somehow people in monogamous relationships are missing out on something or are not being true to themselves because humans are capable of loving multiple people.
Judging monogamous relationships for not believing in your outlook on life is no better than people in monogamous relationships judging those in open relationships.
Protect and uplift lesbians!!
Disappointing as always... can we stop putting bisexuals in videos about lesbians please
the comment about not being butch bc you’re “soft” rubs me the wrong was sooooo bad. i need ppl to get out of this mindset before i shrivel up and die
Can we do women who’ve only been with women
stop putting bisexual women in lesbian only spaces!!!!
a lot of context cut out in this video, I could tell a lot of these people were saying more than is actually shown in the video. and the rest of what they said is important too. in comparison to other videos you've done this is shorter in minutes too. I want to hear more of what lesbians have to say, not less
omg the girl w the blue glasses 😭😭😭 i think im in love
Those blue glasses are so cool!
I wouldn't forgive cheating. I take cheating as a sign that you don't want to be in this relationship, so either we change the relationship or we end it. And discussing this in the beginning can help, because not all of us are built for monogamy, but the act of cheating is such a breach of trust, if it's an intentional choice to get a cheap thrill, I'm no longer interested. I get how a person could end up kissing a stranger by accident.
How high was hat girl lol
3:05 in my opinion, it's more about what makes you feel useful, loved, confident or simply because it's natural. For a masculine woman to be more galant during dates might just be because it's part of her values to treat her partner through actions of services. If she's the one who repair stuff at home, maybe it's just because she's the handy woman of the two. Not because "masculine/feminine energy". But rather personality. Those roles happen to be gendered, but they're only personality traits. Women can have personality traits that are considered masculine, it doesn't mean she's "heteronormative" with her feminine counterpart. It's only when people force themselves into those roles out of insecurity that this might be a sign of internalized homophobia or whatever.
12:08 I definitely agree here. It is hard for me (I'm a lesbian myself) to fit in the queer community because I don't align with a lot of stuff that is done and said nowadays.
I get the impression that there isn't much diversity of thought and if you are not a "woke" person you easily become excluded and called racist, transphobic, homophobic etc.
I think that's very sad because it kinda divides the LGBT people into two parties.
But personally... I don't care if I fit in the queer community because being gay is not who I am and there are a lot of other communities related to my hobbies and interests where I fit into 🤷🏻♀️
@notville_ No it isn't. It's partly in your genes if you are gay or not.
And (hypothetically) if it is a choice then I'm asking you: Why are people gay in countries where they literally get murdered for being gay? If it would be a choice there would be nobody that's gay in these countries because that would be very dangerous and stupid...
So why do you think being gay is a choice?
Yeah, I think all of those women are left lining
@NotVille_ It isn't but you're choosing to expose yourself as a r3tard rn so that's hilarious. Go on bro. Keep replying that lie on every comment you see in lesbian videos. Keep showing how smoothbrained you are.
omg those blue tortoise shell glasses are so hot
I LOVE WOMEN !
Nah women are overrated, statistically lesbian relationships are the most toxic
I am a proud gay women.
If you don't like the gay / lgbt community than why choose to stay and lurk on our contact. Spread LOVE not Hate.
@ville__no its not. this is common sense, people wouldn’t risk their lives and relationships with family out of choice
@ville__ oh, no honey I did not choose this.
@ville__you're probably an incel... 😂... Aren't able to get a girl, so here harrassing lesbians on internet... What a cop out dude... Just meet a lesbian irl... I bet you won't dare to warn one ever again... 😂
That girl in hat and glasses is soo hot, like the way she's chilling and vibing and sipping her cup 🥴💟
The way she moves the way she walks, I t myself can’t get enough…
one of the biggest eye opening to my sexuality, and also probably the first time i ever felt love was AGES ago when i was about 16 a girl from online who was also my age had been sending me a lot of valentine's day gifts and sent me a really sweet card. after that, i can remember sneaking into my dad's car to get some private time to talk with her on the phone and it was always just very cute, and innocent stuff... i miss that feeling of learning my sexuality.
Girl in the gray tank w the blue glasses, gimme one chance oml you’re so pretty 😭
YEESSSSS!!!! I FEEL HEARD!! THANK YOU BRIAN😚😚😚
14:22 100% agree, especially from a straight trans man's perspective. I went to a lot of events in my early 20s and I noticed the more I passed, the more people treated me differently, to the point where "I'd become the problem" because I was a straight person at the gay club. This stuff can be situational depending on the group, it just sickened me that such a welcoming place had become so cold and distant.
i love being a lesbian 😊
@ville__ tf!! no it’s not 🤣💀
@ville__shut the hell up
"After that, you're just being stupid, because it's not a mistake; it's a behavior."
Let's go lesbians... Let's go.... 😊
I am super forward when I’m flirting 😂 every girl I’ve flirted with knows right away that I’m flirting and serious. I do it in a way that is relaxed, no pressure, but very forward. No straight girl is going to be like “will you be my gf because you’re amazing” hahahaha
The feeling has always been reciprocated I think too because I can sense when someone is into girls.
Good discussion, but damn editor way way to many camera angle shifts at a time like wtf 0_0
So, it's not a lesbian video but a queen women video? Be honest in the title of your videos please
i am going to go with no. I mean. I'm a mom and we don't all think alike. I'm a 53 year old woman and we don't all think alike. etc etc.
but I'm going to watch anyway!
This sis what I needed to see !!
need more diversity in cast, interesting
so you’re lesbian if you’re attracted to men but prefer women? i don’t understand this
i feel like lesbians can be attracted to men without a desire for romantic/sexual connections
@@carriesurawski they literally said in the video they have “fallen in love” with men
@ville__ being straight is a choice…
They are not lesbians
@@carriesurawski that's not what lesbian means, stay in your lane stop mansplaining lesbians, it means exclusive sexual and romantic attraction to women. If the label feels too strict for you then guess what, you're not that thing.
Loved watching! I’d love to be including for an Indian women panel-do all Indian women think the same! Let’s do it!
i love everyone here. so fun and sweet and kind!
This was a great group of ladies
Nope. No pictures of an ex up on the Facebook of my partner or mine.
No, not all lesbians think the same. I would disagree that all the women on this program were lesbian and not bisexual.
I've been doing that for a while haha ❤
Love these videos ❤
Very disappointed with this video. It's extremely irresponsible for the creator of these videos to have not one, but multiple women talk about their attraction to men. Even admitting to have been IN LOVE with men. These are bisexual women calling themselves lesbians. You are platforming bisexual women to tell the world that lesbians just need to find the right man, because, according to them, you can love and sleep with men while being a lesbian. P.S. interesting how you saw none of this in the gay men video. +1 for misogyny along with the lesbophobia. And the fact that it’s literally the first thing you hear from this video. The actual f?
literally. why would they ask all that
@kamilasanchez3788 what is with bisexual people thinking everyone is capable of liking both sexes? I could have been killed in my country for being a lesbian, but sure, keep mansplaining me how lesbians can like men ever. THE DEFINITION MEANS EXCLUSIVE ATTRACTION TO WOMEN ONLY, GO TF AWAY
@kamilasanchez3788 saying they'd consider it for brownie points =/= full on saying you've loved and slept with the opposite sex, stop embarassing yourself
@kamilas3788 Multiple women in the video admitted to having been in love with men in the past and did not say it was because of compulsory heterosexuality. When you intentionally choose to platform people who talk about being in love with men, while also talking about being lesbian, and without questioning/ challenging it, you are complicit in implying that lesbians can be attracted to men.
It is really annoying when this video and the one made by Jubilee include people who say they are lesbian openly talk about attraction to men with zero questioning. It shouldn't be that hard to find lesbians that aren't attracted to men for these types of videos.
what is wrong with you? you do know people live in the same misogynistic and patriarchal society you’re claiming the video is perpetuating? many women, bi or lesbian, explored dating men and trying to be straight or straight passing before fully discovering their sexuality. MANY of my friends believed they were bi and loved another gender before being with their same gender and realizing they’re gay. it’s gross of you to diminish and say their experiences and lives aren’t valid. not everyone is a golden gay.
I am gay man and I dont why but I find lesbians so harmonic and peaceful. gay men are just so stubborn and hot-headed 😂😂
Great content!
Yasssss!!!!!! Love it 🤗🤗✨✨✨ thanks brian 🤗✨
great video! really enjoyed this one
Why did they add bisexuals in here
MOVE OUT THE WAY LESBIANS INCOMIIIINNNGGGG
being bisexual is okay lol
I love my fellow lesbians 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I LOVE WOMEN
one day i hope to be in a room full of lesbian lasses like this, frfr omfl; i feel like where i am rn is pretty hard to find some
I know this isn't exactly related to the video, but I thought I'd comment anyway.
I'm an unlabeled female. No preference for gender, but sometimes I'm more attracted to masc or fem (it fluctuates). But my friend is lesbian, and I have a boyfriend, right? As soon as I told her that she told me I only get half of pride month which makes no sense? Like, just because I'm in a straight relationship takes away my gayness. And I've talked with some other friends of mine who are apart of the community and they agree that it makes no sense. Idk it's just very confusing, and to come from someone in the community, too, is so baffling.
She’s amazing for putting in perspective that it is same gender love and there is still ppl hating on that
Thank you ❤
Will the girl w the blue glasses marry me?
I’m straight, but I have been finding these Jubilee videos on the queer community fascinating for some reason. This video clarified to me that not all lesbians appear or behave “butch” or masculine. That said, the more feminine lesbians in this video did appear still queer to me in some way. I am not usually surprised when a young generation queer female says they are lesbian even if they dress more feminine because they do still look “queer”. It may also be the vibe they give off? I’ve only been surprised twice when people told me they were queer but looking back, I realize it’s actually not surprising at all I just wasn’t actively paying attention to that
the girl at the front looks like raze from valorant
Let's go lesbiannnsss
the casting was not it
The basic premise of Do all xyz think the same is bloody flawed
ayeeee i’m a lesbian
bisexuals….
6:30 Maturity. Openess is a lack of depth. If you fail to do the necessary introspection and be intimate with your partner it's much easier to be open. When you have that depth, you recognise its difficult to be truly vulnerable and *genuinely* open with one person.
[Opinion, not fact. Others can see it differently but our generation is wuite shortsighted about sex, love & relationships. With age comes a sense of responsibility and accountability. Being "free" seems childish and lasts as long as one avoids themselves - in my opinion.]