I feel the same way with computers 100%. I think I got into them as a kid because they are predictable. They aren't going to decide that they're tired of what you're doing or ask you to do something for them. You have full control and you can take your experience in whatever direction you please, then you can walk away and not engage with it again until you want to. I also feel like a computer or phone is an extension of myself, so it can be unnerving for other people to use them. However, having been on the other side (doing the repairs) in many cases, I will say that most often the reaction to any funny/weird/interesting stuff on a PC basically amounts to "heh" and then promptly forgetting about it.
Definitely with you there. A computer offers you the freedom to pick up and drop whatever and wherever your interest takes you, and doesn't take it personally. Sometimes I don't do something in the real world due to not being able to do it as I personally need to. Computers definitely give me the freedom. Good point 👍🏻
My computer is definitely a special interest of mine too! Before having kids I sunk SOOO many hours into Skyrim and the Bioshock games. I love immersing myself in those worlds and forgetting the things I can't control in the real world for a little while.
i have the same relationship with my pc but i never saw it as special Interest. To me it was more like an addiction but i think you are probably right.
Paul, I’ve recently discovered your channel, and I’m loving every bit of it! I’m in the process of trying to get an evaluation for autism, which I’m thoroughly convinced I am, and I relate quite a lot to your experiences. I’m gaining more courage to tell others about my situation, but it’s difficult without an official diagnosis, which takes a lot of time and money in the US. Thanks for what you do! You’re helping me.
Oh, man...anticipating purgatory! I feel that. I see your guitar peeking out from the shadows behind you. Does playing guitar/putting thoughts and feelings into song appeal to you these days? That's been my go-to/savior in times of upheaval. That and knitting/crochet. I realize they are all very rhythmic and repetitive...essentially stim activities. I'd lose my shit if I couldn't do those things. I just double-dog-dared the Universe to allow everything go smoothly for you. You deserve all the love and support and good things the Universe has to offer. Expect miracles! 🌞😎💛
Haha the universe has to now after a double dog dare! The guitars offer something entirely different. Whereas the PC offers a world I prefer, playing music gives me a way to make sense of how I feel. My music is never impressive to hear, but I can explain the reason for every line for hours! So I can only play when I need to find a way of letting 'me' out if that makes sense?
Hi Paul! RUclips must be to me what your PC is for you. A comforting escape for your brain. Yes indeed the world is “Bongo cookies” 😂 and while that expression is hilarious, the reality of how violent, dangerous, and uncaring people have become is not. Stay safe out there and I hope your Saturday turns out better than expected. Take care!
Thank you Marie, and it is scary how terrible the world is and how selfish people are becoming. I'd do a video on my thoughts, but I reckon they'd be banned! Maybe I still will, just on a different platform where I don't mind being booted off 😂 The car passed its MOT with an all clear, so that's a relief.
Hi Paul, I relate to you completely re your pc being your special interest. About 4 years ago, my pc was on the blink, and I was fretting because I didn't have the money to get it mended. Even though I had a decent mobile phone, I never liked using it for watching videos or doing anything that I classed as important. I liked, and felt comfortable, sitting on my chair using my pc. I felt a sense of space, which is very important to me, but in quite an intimate space, that really suited me. I don't really watch TV, so my pc was a massive part of my life. I also get very attached to the things I use a lot. So, my pc failed, and I sort of felt heartbroken! As if I'd lost someone I loved! I had no choice but to start using my smart mobile phone for the things I used to do on my pc. Within a couple of weeks, I had changed my whole outlook, and decided that my mobile phone was sooooo much better than a pc for virtually everything. . . . I think that it's 'us' who develop attachments to our devices, as opposed to our devices being the greatest creations on earth! I guess that is the same thing as having a special interest? I think that it's about attachment, but also feeling safe with familiar and reliable things? Because we struggle with human emotions and creating the connections that we really would like, we create them with objects and devices? Lots of love to you 💖
Definitely. Our special interests become special because we find them and attach ourselves to them. That is the case for me and the PC. I don't watch much TV either so I have to rule that out, and I stick my phone in the draw when I'm not using it. People gasp when I'm in public without it! My first evening without it is tough. My night is so different than usual and not for good reasons! Although I did watch the What Is A Woman documentary and found it amazing. I wouldn't normally watch something like that.
Hey Paul, great video as always. I am still laughing at Bongo Cookies😂. Putting a nail in a wall and having the wall fall down is a sitcom episode right there! I’m just sayin’. So cool that you actually have a good boss. I have had one or two of those before. It is shocking. I totally get the PC thing. That is not just about special interest but also about change. A double whammy. Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Fire up the old laptop and see what happens😱. Also good luck with the car. I always worry that they will “find something”. It’s like going to the doctor! I had to replace my computer because it started to die. Had it ten years. It was hard but I do like the new one better actually. Is the course you are taking the one you wanted to take at the old job? Exciting! Take care and hang in there! Thanks for posting always a bright spot in my day.
Hey Bryan. Very true, the change is unsettling. The PC does for me what a pacifier does for a baby! I'm hoping it comes back sooner than later, and my plans in place do half of what I hope they will! And no doubt about the car, I've spent more in repairs on it than I did for the actual car 😂
Oh no about your PC! There's gotta be remote geek PC squad that can come to your house & diagnose your PC for not much money. Ah, just heard you're taking it--so much work. Fingers crossed on your computer, that it is fixed quickly & cheaply. I'm not the computer person in our house--but that sucks! I too love my PC---when it's got a virus or something....it throws off my whole routine/vibe. Stressful-but your gameplan (see what I did there) on having the xbox football game in place is genius & will likely reduce your anxiety. I feel ya tho!
Haha, boom! I live somewhere that has 2 PC shops...that only deal with laptops for some reason, and anyone else is not a registered company...and NO ONE...and I mean no one gets to come to my house. Even if it would be beneficial to me. I just have something that sees my house as the small spot of Earth that's mine to be mask free, and anyone coming past my door makes me put it on again. I know it won't, but it makes me fearful of feeling unsettled in my own retreat!
Hey Paul! Special interests are, by definition, special. Your video makes perfect sense to me. My family knows when there is something keeping me away from my special interest. I become sooo grumpy, I feel like a tiger in a cage, you know what I mean? It’s not easy finding a distraction for that feeling so I hope you’ll have your computer back next week.
I know the feeling. I didn't get my recharge over the weekend, I was bored, lost, didn't know what to do with myself, pacing around, couldn't focus on anything at all I tried...I hope its back sooner than later as I didn't realise how much I wouldn't recharge without it.
I laughed my ass off when you talked about the doctor dressed in a clowns costume 😂. I imagined how I'd come in jogging pants to work and go into a meeting with a client, acting like I usually do at work. They'd think I'm a mad person. Clothing is something really important in this society.
It really is, and I'm no idea why! A brain surgeon can do the job due to education, not the clothes...although I am a bit if a hypocrite, as if I see someone doing food shopping in their pyjamas, I just think it's disgusting. But I guess that is more about having standards 😂
Any chance the fan intake vent on the computer is plugged up? Dust and pet hair can collect there and things in the computer could overheat if it gets plugged up and stop working properly. It would be a quick fix to clear the air intake vent and save a trip to the repair shop if that's the problem.
Unfortunately not. I took it for repair a few weeks back and the noise didn't happen when I took it (go figure), but then up to this point, the noise has gotten worse. I filmed it, sent it them, and they said the Master Cooker unit is going so needs replaced. They gave it a clean when I took it in too, just in case.
My Aspie daughter bought a laptop to use while the super computer she really wanted was on back order. When the super computer arrived she gave me the laptop! Worked for me!
Haha, win win! I get that as I was almost walking out with a half good replacement when I dropped it off for repair earlier. My bank account thanked me for not buying it, but my anxiety is mad at me 😂
Computers are a special interest of mine as well, turned into a great career too. Considered trying to replace the fan yourself? It's usually quite easy. lots of videos about how to do it, otherwise I'd be happy to help as well.
I appreciate that, and maybe going forward it's more something I'll aim to do...as the drop off was a lot more chaotic than I imagined. Plus with it under warranty, I wanted it done for free! All I remember was the guy on the phone telling me about wiping off gel, reapplying etc...that's far more than I thought. I just imagined unplugging something and plugging something else in 😂 Maybe I can give you a shout when it comes time to build a custom!
I’m glad it’s not just me that is useless at DIY, my company once sent me too a young ladies new flat to build some flat pack furniture, I told them that they were sending the wrong person for the job and they chose not to listen, while building the bedside table the instructions told me to turn the side of it over to attach the next piece, I tried to do this but soon noticed that I had used the wrong screws and had screwed it into the new wooden flooring 🥺
Ouch! I'm a shocker at anything outside of painting. It's annoying as when I get people in to do things, they always say 'and why can't you do this?', but there are things I've tried that I don't fancy doing again! Most DIY projects are up there on that list.
This is a topic i dont see talked about much, even on youtube. Neglecting my special interests was the reason i ended up finding out i had something going on a bit different to other people. Computer is a tool to my special interest (making art) so losing my computer will kill me when it dies haha
mate, I am undiagnosed and currently on a waiting list and the way you have explained the relationship with your computer is exactly how i feel about mine, only my connection to gaming is very intense to the point where my wife calls my pc "my mistress". I love console gaming as well. During times when i didnt have a PC because i had no money or time were, in hindsight, some of the darkest times of my life. In another video you talk about unconscious routines (of which i realise i have many)... I also wonder if there is such a thing as unconscious special interests?
I reckon there is. Most interests we are aware of, but like you say, the PC does more than just interest me. It lets me escape shut off and be the master of my own world that I want to be in. I think unconscious ones for me would be comfy clothes in the house. They're not just baggy or stretchy. They bring me a contentment. So I think there will be other things we're not aware of because it's just what we do, but it's more than just a basic level of interest.
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop when “Thank you” becomes some other kinda…. “#%?& you”, feel that one! 🤣 Oh no the knee! Pain during physical therapy long term isn’t a good direction to proceed without some good outcome result. Darn. Hope you find a better answer to that problem. Frustrating how physical therapy and or psychological therapy is the first go to when they don’t wanna do the real work of identifying the physical problem sometimes. Yay for the “New Boss” personal touch to increase your comfort zone. Now I will have to check back past the waffle time to hear about losing your special interest. Ouch! My special interest became my children once I had them. Then they grow up and they don’t wanna be your special interest anymore and no one wants to hear about their goings on anymore, and they don’t want you talking about their goings on anymore, and it’s tough. 20+ years into a special interest and then it’s just gone. Now what 🤷♀️. Don’t wanna repeat the cycle with grandkids, nope, not gonna go there 💔
Haha, it's good when your kids become your special interest...kind of need to I guess!! But doing again with grandkids seems one step beyond for me too! I can barely manage a cat and a dog 😂
Wow, it seems the powers that be really didn't want you to enjoy your special interest at all! I hope your spirits didn't take too much of a battering. Greatly put in the poem though 👍🏻
Absolutely mate, you NEED your special interests!!! And for you that's your PC 😔 I'm sorry it has a booboo!! I would do nothing but worry before, during and directly after if I had to send one of my valuable devices off for repair, it'd drive me so insane. I'd meltdown for sure. If anything happens to my WiFi, TV, phone or if anything happened to my beloved Nintendo switch or DS I'd fall apart. I know it's "first world problems", I do, but I'd fall the f apart. I got serious second-hand irritation for you with this! 😫 I can't express how much I relate to adopting that "knowing my luck/things don't go simply for me" mindset. It's years of being psychologically tormented by unknowns, unexpecteds and inconveniences that throw me straight into meltdown/shutdown. Years of constant anxiety. You know what they say; To resist change is to resist life. It's no wonder to me that I resist life!!! Fingers crossed that your car's MOT and your PC repair all just goes completely smoothly for once and you can resume your special interests as normal! Your special interests are essential for your emotional wellbeing 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 As for the knee, same thing happened to me years ago! I must've twisted it or something (honestly no idea what I did) and it became so painful I was limping for weeks. I was a dog walker and kennelhand at the time, working with very ableist, two-faced people who just treated it as an inconvenience (my entire work like has been nothing short of traumatic tbh). The emotional impact was just as big as the physical pain just as you're explaining. I had a lower leg MRI scan and they decided what you can probably predict ... they saw nothing wrong 😅 It made me feel like it was all in my head but it 10000% was not!! I will say mine just sorted itself eventually but I did have to shell out around 20 pound for a knee support which I wore religiously in the meantime. I'm happy for you (touch wood, not cursing it) that your new job is seeming more humane so far! I hope your boss takes care of his employees because I know you work very hard 🙂 I'm sure (I imagine) you've recieved an email btw from good ol' RedBubble ourr Paul 🤩 I've finally been able to order one of your sweatshirts today that I've had in my basket for months!! I love the design so much and I especially wanted to get super oversized because that makes me happiest to be in 😁 Thankyou for creating a brilliant design that I'm gonna love wearing (touch wood it gets here and all goes smoothly etc, once again don't wanna curse it!) Rooting for you and your devices, mate! 😁😄 And I very much hope your knee just sorts itself out like mine eventually did 🦵 Shower your beautiful furbabies with love and affection for me lmao! 🥰 Take care of yourself ourrrrr Paul 🙏😃
Haha, yep that's it. Worry worry worry at every twist and turn. Expecting the car to come back with a thousand things wrong, and the PC to not have the issue fixed and take about three months to come back...or it'll get lost. There is no way all will be smooth, I couldn't tell you a time where something was! The emotional impact on an injury is worse than the injury to be honest. The last thing I need venturing into the world is more anxieties 😂 I'll have a nosy on RedBubble and see the orders, and you're on the money with oversized...sooo much better on clothes, and McDonalds orders 😂 I need to get on with some more, but I need a PC for that and it's on its way to the booboo shop. I think I'll need a treat by the end of the day with the stress 😂
@@AdultwithAutism Oh how I can relate! 😣 But I never feel like I can express that to just anybody for fear of being a downer! I'm always conscientious of not getting anyone down, but at least you, me and other autistic folk get how debilitating the stress and anxiety of each little thing is. It's impossible to know what's gonna happen, which is awful! I went to my PIP tribunal today and I felt like it was a disaster. On top of that, I don't have the luxury of getting my decision from them the same day, I've gotta wait weeks for the answer in the post. I'm already losing my mind, it's torture. That's the catch indeed, you need your PC to make more magic! I hope it's all smooth sailing for once 🙏 at least this once! I've pretty much committed to always expecting the worst case scenario too though, in attempt to reduce meltdowns when I get bad news/bad things happen unexpectedly. Oversized McDonald's is also the only correct choice too, you're right!
The PIP thing is ridiculous you don't get a decision the same day. I considered doing through the process as I have been keeping track of my 'additional costs' that are led via Autism, and it's not small...and most of them come through work related activities. So I work, to earn money, to have to spend most of it on consideration if that makes sense? But I know the process is utterly horrible and makes you feel like you've done something wrong instead of trying to assist you. But I need a PC regardless to start the process...Still not back yet. Not good, that'll be another weekend without my recharge.
@@AdultwithAutism Oh man, I wonder if giving the booboo shop a ring and chasing them up will be worth a shot 😣 I know how vile making phonecalls is, but maybe a bit of applied pressure to the booboo shop wouldn't be a bad thing 😬 I feel like those who get the most are those that shout the loudest! And the opposite seems to often apply for those that don't shout at all. Though I despise any and all confrontation so this would be hell for me too! Really got everything crossed for you! 🤞🏻 You're absolutely right about PIP!!! I honestly think my tribunal was traumatic because I can't actually let myself think about it still. It's a humiliating process. That being said!... I found out today that I've won my appeal! We were given the number for one of the guys who work there and told we could phone today on the off chance he knows the outcome, and luckily he did! So my mom got off the phone, came in and told me 🤩 Whilst that's good news, it does however mean I'm now part of the PIP circus for the foreseeable/ rest of my life 🎪 I tell you, like you touched on in a previous video, it's picking your poison. I know I really can't work, at least not for a while, I'm absolutely broken from how my life was prior to my major burnout 2 or so years ago but I definitely feel like you work for PIP in a way! You certainly don't survive the process with your pride in tact. If you did wanna pursue PIP as an option for yourself though, (if my negativity hasn't put you off 🤣) Try not to worry, it's not based on whether or not you work but moreso how your everyday is affecting you (stress leading up to things, recovery needed after things etc). You'd definitely benefit from advice throughout from professionals though I reckon! Every step leading up to tribunal, all I got was zero points, lies on my reports about my abilities and I was essentially being gaslit to death by DWP, but tribunal is an entirely separate and independent part of the process that apparently around 80% of the claimants win. Most claimants, up until tribunal, are shafted over and over with zero points and "No"s, but it can be worth it to stick at it and keep fighting. I'd reccomend phoning 'Fightback' (can be found on Facebook) and just ask what your options are for support, if you're at all interested. Facebook also has PIP pages where I'm sure others can suggest other organisations like Fightback that handled the whole thing for you. I wasn't aware such organisations existed until last minute, when I had like a week until my tribunal, but hopefully you'd get some support from them or at least very useful info. Some do charge, but in a way it's a bit of a no win no fee situation for most and even so, fees would be a percentage/amount of your backpay (as PIP takes approx a year from your first application to the end, so if you win you're backpaid for that year). Just food for thought. It sucks that you should have to work so drainingly hard to fund your expenses that're due to your autism, which you never asked for and have to struggle with every day! You're entitled to financial support imo, but if I'd have known more about the professionals that can handle most of it for you at the start of my claim, I'd have likely utilised them because it's hellish without enough help! Right, it's a dissertation again I'm really sorry, so I'm just gonna conclude by saying your RedBubble sweatshirt arrived today and it's perfect! 🤩 I love it, thankyou again, keep smiling, ourrr Paul! 😊
I'm glad you won your appeal, well done 👍🏻 I'm not on Facebook so haven't got access to support pages like that. I've looked at the PIP form and it's very tailored to try to miss people like me and either has you with a capacity or absolutely none at all and doesn't trigger for the areas I have great struggles within. I think when I have the energy, I'll look into it and video the process. Glad the sweatshirt got there, even I haven't got a sweatshirt from there yet 😂
Can't believe the doctor hasn't even done a scan on your knee! Like an ultrasound and/or CT scan.. I feel like that should be the first thing to try. Maybe try a walking stick to take some weight off your bad leg, even if you just use it around the house. Just got to RUclips how to walk with one so you do it correctly (hold in the opposite hand to the bad leg). I know what it's like to suffer with chronic pain and it deffinately brings me down sometimes, too. Hang in there
I'll keep Smiling...hopefully. I know, it's a bad state with me and doctors. They pretty much do what they can in house, then send you away long enough that it might sort itself, or you're left with no choice. It's not fun mentally though!
So, I've been reading about creation...about how thoughts, and maybe more importantly feelings, draw into existence that which we focus on, or believe to be true, whether consciously or subconsciously...and you popped into my mind. I love your moanings about all the relatable, frustrating realities of living in a neurotypical world, but I heard you say that nothing ever works out for you, and that got me wondering if that is only true because that is what you feel and believe. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a happy happy joy joy kinda gal, but I have pulled myself out of hell by at least becoming more neutral and unattached to outcomes. Like, if I want something that I don't have, that tells the Universe a story of lack, which then becomes reality. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think, for me, it was because I had developed major trust issues early on, and held a deep-seated belief that I am bad/broken/undeserving, that I lived in hell for as long as I did. Trauma is truly a bitch. The "professionals" told me I was mentally ill and that I would have to take pills for the rest of my life. They lied. It wasn't mental illness, but mental carelessness due to sheer lack of knowledge/understanding. I find minding my mind to be difficult. I don't seem to be a natural born mediator. It's so easy to fall back into the deep ruts that lifelong habits have worn into the mind...but I catch it sooner than later these days, and can challenge the thoughts and beliefs before they create more discord, disorder and discontent. I'm a work in progress. Lots of unlearning to do! My God, have I rambled? 🙃 Anyway, I hope you're well. You always tell us to keep smiling, so I'm gonna do the same for you. Keep smiling, Paul! (I'll double dog dare you if I have to. 😜) 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂
Interesting stuff! For me, I'm just hit with the misfortune. I want the bare minimum and never get it...and when I do, I'm shocked and overjoyed that something went right. My car going in for its MOT and passing without a single advisory...that was a shock and I was happy. My PC problem, I've already been told I'm a liar as they don't see the issue. But when I take them through what's wrong and why, they accept it, but tell me that PCs get older and don't function as well as brand new. As much as I'm fully aware of that, the fact that the fan now sounds like an angle grinder and shakes my floor is still an issue I want resolving. Especially as its under warranty, parts and labour! Honestly, I keep my bar extremely low on purpose as if I wanted things my standard, I'd forever be unhappy as I'm a perfectionist most of the time. But the best way to summarise it is, it's like I give everyone like workers, contractors etc a picture and some crayons, and tell them to colour within the lines. And when they're all finished, no one coloured within the lines. I give clear instruction for minimal return and still don't get it 9 times out of 10. Hence why I rely on myself for everything I can control, I won't let me down.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you. I got my hopes up with the job I started last week, but I didn't make it through the third shift. I was given the impression they were sensitive to the needs of differently abled people and would be accommodating, but that wasn't true at all. It sucks to have to expect incompetency and a lack of understanding/caring. It sucks that people say things that are untrue just to keep up appearances/cover their asses/shirk responsibility. It sucks to know that everybody is doing their best and it's so often not good enough. A couple things I say to myself frequently are, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," and, "I pity the fool." Sometimes I can even remember to laugh at myself for having thought it would be different. But...see...the car thing turned out fine, so the statement "nothing ever works out for me" simply is not true. Strike it from your lexicon!! 😜
It is rubbish. People should just treat others how they want to be treated, it'd make the world nicer overnight! Sorry you had to be the one to suffer the shortcomings of others. My car may have passed its inspection, but so it should after spending over 700 quid on a valve only a couple of months ago 😂
Something they're maybe not considering...it's plain inflammation. Pain caused by inflammation. Alot of us (autistics) have to be gluten free or dairy free. I REALLY hate this & food isn't nearly excited as fun now that I don't eat wheat. I went 6 yrs gluten free w/a partner, then back on 1-2 years & got up to 200lbs/didn't sleep/had inflammation. I think the fact that gluten problems & autism are connected...really makes me mad. It's just not fair. Not trying to give you advice, just offering an explanation for your pain, that doctors wouldn't address...ie diet. When I ate gluten, when I crouched down-getting back up was difficult bc my joints, muscles. OK--soapbox, ended.
I don't mind advice Di, don't worry. Personal experiences are always valuable and I appreciate you sharing. I've had the thought of doing one of those DNA with food allergens combined tests to see what I'm made from maybe your message has just brought that idea forward a bit. If I do have an intolerance, maybe I can look to restructure and see if it can help?
Doesn't make sense to do have physical therapy before imaging. They tried doing that with my husband's back and it was so painful i told him to stop and to demand imaging.turns out he needed surgery on his spine. He could have hurt himself if he had done the therapy. Dr.s are such a miss... Playing videogames definitely is a world I enjoy. I know we have people who are purists but theres this great mod SS2 for fallout 4 I ran across and its really cool. Like setting up settlements like sims. 😅
I'm not a fan of fibbing, not when it comes to ailments. They're not making it worse, but it's doing absolutely nothing to help either. I'll keep it truthful and let them exhaust themselves until they have no option but to offer a scan. Plus the speed this year is going, the end of July will soon come around!
Okay, the PC isn't the interest, what I can do on it is. I get to escape the world I have to live in, and go to a world I prefer. So if that's an emotional support item, then count it 👍🏻
I feel the same way with computers 100%. I think I got into them as a kid because they are predictable. They aren't going to decide that they're tired of what you're doing or ask you to do something for them. You have full control and you can take your experience in whatever direction you please, then you can walk away and not engage with it again until you want to.
I also feel like a computer or phone is an extension of myself, so it can be unnerving for other people to use them. However, having been on the other side (doing the repairs) in many cases, I will say that most often the reaction to any funny/weird/interesting stuff on a PC basically amounts to "heh" and then promptly forgetting about it.
Definitely with you there. A computer offers you the freedom to pick up and drop whatever and wherever your interest takes you, and doesn't take it personally. Sometimes I don't do something in the real world due to not being able to do it as I personally need to. Computers definitely give me the freedom. Good point 👍🏻
My computer is definitely a special interest of mine too! Before having kids I sunk SOOO many hours into Skyrim and the Bioshock games. I love immersing myself in those worlds and forgetting the things I can't control in the real world for a little while.
I love Skyrim. It was one of the first games I transferred over when I got this PC. I'm the same, I like going to the other world to forget this one!
Same😊😊😊
@turtleanton6539 👍🏻
i have the same relationship with my pc but i never saw it as special Interest. To me it was more like an addiction but i think you are probably right.
I drop it off tomorrow, if I don't sleep properly over the anxiety about it...I won't be surprised!
Paul, I’ve recently discovered your channel, and I’m loving every bit of it! I’m in the process of trying to get an evaluation for autism, which I’m thoroughly convinced I am, and I relate quite a lot to your experiences. I’m gaining more courage to tell others about my situation, but it’s difficult without an official diagnosis, which takes a lot of time and money in the US.
Thanks for what you do! You’re helping me.
Thank you for the kind words, and good luck on your journey!
Oh, man...anticipating purgatory! I feel that. I see your guitar peeking out from the shadows behind you. Does playing guitar/putting thoughts and feelings into song appeal to you these days? That's been my go-to/savior in times of upheaval. That and knitting/crochet. I realize they are all very rhythmic and repetitive...essentially stim activities. I'd lose my shit if I couldn't do those things.
I just double-dog-dared the Universe to allow everything go smoothly for you. You deserve all the love and support and good things the Universe has to offer. Expect miracles! 🌞😎💛
Haha the universe has to now after a double dog dare!
The guitars offer something entirely different. Whereas the PC offers a world I prefer, playing music gives me a way to make sense of how I feel. My music is never impressive to hear, but I can explain the reason for every line for hours! So I can only play when I need to find a way of letting 'me' out if that makes sense?
Well done Paul! Keep going. Your voice is heard and important. Keep cool over there.
Thank you. The weather is a bit cooler today thankfully! But I need to get some ice creams in...just in case.
Hi Paul! RUclips must be to me what your PC is for you. A comforting escape for your brain.
Yes indeed the world is “Bongo cookies” 😂 and while that expression is hilarious, the reality of how violent, dangerous, and uncaring people have become is not. Stay safe out there and I hope your Saturday turns out better than expected. Take care!
Thank you Marie, and it is scary how terrible the world is and how selfish people are becoming. I'd do a video on my thoughts, but I reckon they'd be banned! Maybe I still will, just on a different platform where I don't mind being booted off 😂
The car passed its MOT with an all clear, so that's a relief.
Hi Paul, I relate to you completely re your pc being your special interest. About 4 years ago, my pc was on the blink, and I was fretting because I didn't have the money to get it mended. Even though I had a decent mobile phone, I never liked using it for watching videos or doing anything that I classed as important. I liked, and felt comfortable, sitting on my chair using my pc. I felt a sense of space, which is very important to me, but in quite an intimate space, that really suited me. I don't really watch TV, so my pc was a massive part of my life. I also get very attached to the things I use a lot. So, my pc failed, and I sort of felt heartbroken! As if I'd lost someone I loved! I had no choice but to start using my smart mobile phone for the things I used to do on my pc. Within a couple of weeks, I had changed my whole outlook, and decided that my mobile phone was sooooo much better than a pc for virtually everything. . . . I think that it's 'us' who develop attachments to our devices, as opposed to our devices being the greatest creations on earth! I guess that is the same thing as having a special interest? I think that it's about attachment, but also feeling safe with familiar and reliable things? Because we struggle with human emotions and creating the connections that we really would like, we create them with objects and devices? Lots of love to you 💖
Definitely. Our special interests become special because we find them and attach ourselves to them. That is the case for me and the PC.
I don't watch much TV either so I have to rule that out, and I stick my phone in the draw when I'm not using it. People gasp when I'm in public without it!
My first evening without it is tough. My night is so different than usual and not for good reasons! Although I did watch the What Is A Woman documentary and found it amazing. I wouldn't normally watch something like that.
Hey Paul, great video as always. I am still laughing at Bongo Cookies😂. Putting a nail in a wall and having the wall fall down is a sitcom episode right there! I’m just sayin’. So cool that you actually have a good boss. I have had one or two of those before. It is shocking. I totally get the PC thing. That is not just about special interest but also about change. A double whammy. Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Fire up the old laptop and see what happens😱. Also good luck with the car. I always worry that they will “find something”. It’s like going to the doctor! I had to replace my computer because it started to die. Had it ten years. It was hard but I do like the new one better actually.
Is the course you are taking the one you wanted to take at the old job? Exciting! Take care and hang in there! Thanks for posting always a bright spot in my day.
Hey Bryan. Very true, the change is unsettling. The PC does for me what a pacifier does for a baby! I'm hoping it comes back sooner than later, and my plans in place do half of what I hope they will!
And no doubt about the car, I've spent more in repairs on it than I did for the actual car 😂
Oh no about your PC! There's gotta be remote geek PC squad that can come to your house & diagnose your PC for not much money. Ah, just heard you're taking it--so much work. Fingers crossed on your computer, that it is fixed quickly & cheaply. I'm not the computer person in our house--but that sucks! I too love my PC---when it's got a virus or something....it throws off my whole routine/vibe. Stressful-but your gameplan (see what I did there) on having the xbox football game in place is genius & will likely reduce your anxiety. I feel ya tho!
Haha, boom! I live somewhere that has 2 PC shops...that only deal with laptops for some reason, and anyone else is not a registered company...and NO ONE...and I mean no one gets to come to my house. Even if it would be beneficial to me. I just have something that sees my house as the small spot of Earth that's mine to be mask free, and anyone coming past my door makes me put it on again.
I know it won't, but it makes me fearful of feeling unsettled in my own retreat!
Hey Paul! Special interests are, by definition, special. Your video makes perfect sense to me. My family knows when there is something keeping me away from my special interest. I become sooo grumpy, I feel like a tiger in a cage, you know what I mean? It’s not easy finding a distraction for that feeling so I hope you’ll have your computer back next week.
I know the feeling. I didn't get my recharge over the weekend, I was bored, lost, didn't know what to do with myself, pacing around, couldn't focus on anything at all I tried...I hope its back sooner than later as I didn't realise how much I wouldn't recharge without it.
Yes😊😊😊
I laughed my ass off when you talked about the doctor dressed in a clowns costume 😂.
I imagined how I'd come in jogging pants to work and go into a meeting with a client, acting like I usually do at work. They'd think I'm a mad person.
Clothing is something really important in this society.
It really is, and I'm no idea why! A brain surgeon can do the job due to education, not the clothes...although I am a bit if a hypocrite, as if I see someone doing food shopping in their pyjamas, I just think it's disgusting. But I guess that is more about having standards 😂
Any chance the fan intake vent on the computer is plugged up? Dust and pet hair can collect there and things in the computer could overheat if it gets plugged up and stop working properly. It would be a quick fix to clear the air intake vent and save a trip to the repair shop if that's the problem.
Unfortunately not. I took it for repair a few weeks back and the noise didn't happen when I took it (go figure), but then up to this point, the noise has gotten worse.
I filmed it, sent it them, and they said the Master Cooker unit is going so needs replaced.
They gave it a clean when I took it in too, just in case.
My Aspie daughter bought a laptop to use while the super computer she really wanted was on back order.
When the super computer arrived she gave me the laptop!
Worked for me!
Haha, win win! I get that as I was almost walking out with a half good replacement when I dropped it off for repair earlier. My bank account thanked me for not buying it, but my anxiety is mad at me 😂
Computers are a special interest of mine as well, turned into a great career too. Considered trying to replace the fan yourself? It's usually quite easy. lots of videos about how to do it, otherwise I'd be happy to help as well.
I appreciate that, and maybe going forward it's more something I'll aim to do...as the drop off was a lot more chaotic than I imagined. Plus with it under warranty, I wanted it done for free! All I remember was the guy on the phone telling me about wiping off gel, reapplying etc...that's far more than I thought. I just imagined unplugging something and plugging something else in 😂
Maybe I can give you a shout when it comes time to build a custom!
I’m glad it’s not just me that is useless at DIY, my company once sent me too a young ladies new flat to build some flat pack furniture, I told them that they were sending the wrong person for the job and they chose not to listen, while building the bedside table the instructions told me to turn the side of it over to attach the next piece, I tried to do this but soon noticed that I had used the wrong screws and had screwed it into the new wooden flooring 🥺
Ouch! I'm a shocker at anything outside of painting. It's annoying as when I get people in to do things, they always say 'and why can't you do this?', but there are things I've tried that I don't fancy doing again! Most DIY projects are up there on that list.
This is a topic i dont see talked about much, even on youtube. Neglecting my special interests was the reason i ended up finding out i had something going on a bit different to other people. Computer is a tool to my special interest (making art) so losing my computer will kill me when it dies haha
mate, I am undiagnosed and currently on a waiting list and the way you have explained the relationship with your computer is exactly how i feel about mine, only my connection to gaming is very intense to the point where my wife calls my pc "my mistress". I love console gaming as well. During times when i didnt have a PC because i had no money or time were, in hindsight, some of the darkest times of my life. In another video you talk about unconscious routines (of which i realise i have many)... I also wonder if there is such a thing as unconscious special interests?
I reckon there is. Most interests we are aware of, but like you say, the PC does more than just interest me. It lets me escape shut off and be the master of my own world that I want to be in.
I think unconscious ones for me would be comfy clothes in the house. They're not just baggy or stretchy. They bring me a contentment. So I think there will be other things we're not aware of because it's just what we do, but it's more than just a basic level of interest.
@@AdultwithAutism absolutely agree.
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Always waiting for the other shoe to drop when “Thank you” becomes some other kinda…. “#%?& you”, feel that one! 🤣
Oh no the knee! Pain during physical therapy long term isn’t a good direction to proceed without some good outcome result. Darn. Hope you find a better answer to that problem. Frustrating how physical therapy and or psychological therapy is the first go to when they don’t wanna do the real work of identifying the physical problem sometimes.
Yay for the “New Boss” personal touch to increase your comfort zone.
Now I will have to check back past the waffle time to hear about losing your special interest. Ouch!
My special interest became my children once I had them. Then they grow up and they don’t wanna be your special interest anymore and no one wants to hear about their goings on anymore, and they don’t want you talking about their goings on anymore, and it’s tough. 20+ years into a special interest and then it’s just gone. Now what 🤷♀️. Don’t wanna repeat the cycle with grandkids, nope, not gonna go there 💔
Haha, it's good when your kids become your special interest...kind of need to I guess!! But doing again with grandkids seems one step beyond for me too! I can barely manage a cat and a dog 😂
I see that I used my kids as special interests too.
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I empathise. If you put a search in YT for "Pugnans Deo" you'll find out just how much! It's no wonder I had to find a new special interest.
Wow, it seems the powers that be really didn't want you to enjoy your special interest at all! I hope your spirits didn't take too much of a battering. Greatly put in the poem though 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Thanks!
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Absolutely mate, you NEED your special interests!!! And for you that's your PC 😔 I'm sorry it has a booboo!! I would do nothing but worry before, during and directly after if I had to send one of my valuable devices off for repair, it'd drive me so insane. I'd meltdown for sure.
If anything happens to my WiFi, TV, phone or if anything happened to my beloved Nintendo switch or DS I'd fall apart. I know it's "first world problems", I do, but I'd fall the f apart.
I got serious second-hand irritation for you with this! 😫 I can't express how much I relate to adopting that "knowing my luck/things don't go simply for me" mindset. It's years of being psychologically tormented by unknowns, unexpecteds and inconveniences that throw me straight into meltdown/shutdown. Years of constant anxiety. You know what they say; To resist change is to resist life. It's no wonder to me that I resist life!!!
Fingers crossed that your car's MOT and your PC repair all just goes completely smoothly for once and you can resume your special interests as normal! Your special interests are essential for your emotional wellbeing 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
As for the knee, same thing happened to me years ago! I must've twisted it or something (honestly no idea what I did) and it became so painful I was limping for weeks. I was a dog walker and kennelhand at the time, working with very ableist, two-faced people who just treated it as an inconvenience (my entire work like has been nothing short of traumatic tbh).
The emotional impact was just as big as the physical pain just as you're explaining. I had a lower leg MRI scan and they decided what you can probably predict ... they saw nothing wrong 😅 It made me feel like it was all in my head but it 10000% was not!! I will say mine just sorted itself eventually but I did have to shell out around 20 pound for a knee support which I wore religiously in the meantime.
I'm happy for you (touch wood, not cursing it) that your new job is seeming more humane so far! I hope your boss takes care of his employees because I know you work very hard 🙂
I'm sure (I imagine) you've recieved an email btw from good ol' RedBubble ourr Paul 🤩 I've finally been able to order one of your sweatshirts today that I've had in my basket for months!! I love the design so much and I especially wanted to get super oversized because that makes me happiest to be in 😁
Thankyou for creating a brilliant design that I'm gonna love wearing (touch wood it gets here and all goes smoothly etc, once again don't wanna curse it!)
Rooting for you and your devices, mate! 😁😄 And I very much hope your knee just sorts itself out like mine eventually did 🦵 Shower your beautiful furbabies with love and affection for me lmao! 🥰 Take care of yourself ourrrrr Paul 🙏😃
Haha, yep that's it. Worry worry worry at every twist and turn. Expecting the car to come back with a thousand things wrong, and the PC to not have the issue fixed and take about three months to come back...or it'll get lost. There is no way all will be smooth, I couldn't tell you a time where something was!
The emotional impact on an injury is worse than the injury to be honest. The last thing I need venturing into the world is more anxieties 😂
I'll have a nosy on RedBubble and see the orders, and you're on the money with oversized...sooo much better on clothes, and McDonalds orders 😂 I need to get on with some more, but I need a PC for that and it's on its way to the booboo shop.
I think I'll need a treat by the end of the day with the stress 😂
@@AdultwithAutism Oh how I can relate! 😣 But I never feel like I can express that to just anybody for fear of being a downer! I'm always conscientious of not getting anyone down, but at least you, me and other autistic folk get how debilitating the stress and anxiety of each little thing is. It's impossible to know what's gonna happen, which is awful!
I went to my PIP tribunal today and I felt like it was a disaster. On top of that, I don't have the luxury of getting my decision from them the same day, I've gotta wait weeks for the answer in the post. I'm already losing my mind, it's torture.
That's the catch indeed, you need your PC to make more magic! I hope it's all smooth sailing for once 🙏 at least this once! I've pretty much committed to always expecting the worst case scenario too though, in attempt to reduce meltdowns when I get bad news/bad things happen unexpectedly.
Oversized McDonald's is also the only correct choice too, you're right!
The PIP thing is ridiculous you don't get a decision the same day. I considered doing through the process as I have been keeping track of my 'additional costs' that are led via Autism, and it's not small...and most of them come through work related activities. So I work, to earn money, to have to spend most of it on consideration if that makes sense? But I know the process is utterly horrible and makes you feel like you've done something wrong instead of trying to assist you.
But I need a PC regardless to start the process...Still not back yet. Not good, that'll be another weekend without my recharge.
@@AdultwithAutism Oh man, I wonder if giving the booboo shop a ring and chasing them up will be worth a shot 😣 I know how vile making phonecalls is, but maybe a bit of applied pressure to the booboo shop wouldn't be a bad thing 😬 I feel like those who get the most are those that shout the loudest! And the opposite seems to often apply for those that don't shout at all.
Though I despise any and all confrontation so this would be hell for me too! Really got everything crossed for you! 🤞🏻
You're absolutely right about PIP!!! I honestly think my tribunal was traumatic because I can't actually let myself think about it still. It's a humiliating process.
That being said!... I found out today that I've won my appeal!
We were given the number for one of the guys who work there and told we could phone today on the off chance he knows the outcome, and luckily he did! So my mom got off the phone, came in and told me 🤩
Whilst that's good news, it does however mean I'm now part of the PIP circus for the foreseeable/ rest of my life 🎪 I tell you, like you touched on in a previous video, it's picking your poison.
I know I really can't work, at least not for a while, I'm absolutely broken from how my life was prior to my major burnout 2 or so years ago but I definitely feel like you work for PIP in a way! You certainly don't survive the process with your pride in tact.
If you did wanna pursue PIP as an option for yourself though, (if my negativity hasn't put you off 🤣) Try not to worry, it's not based on whether or not you work but moreso how your everyday is affecting you (stress leading up to things, recovery needed after things etc).
You'd definitely benefit from advice throughout from professionals though I reckon!
Every step leading up to tribunal, all I got was zero points, lies on my reports about my abilities and I was essentially being gaslit to death by DWP, but tribunal is an entirely separate and independent part of the process that apparently around 80% of the claimants win.
Most claimants, up until tribunal, are shafted over and over with zero points and "No"s, but it can be worth it to stick at it and keep fighting.
I'd reccomend phoning 'Fightback' (can be found on Facebook) and just ask what your options are for support, if you're at all interested. Facebook also has PIP pages where I'm sure others can suggest other organisations like Fightback that handled the whole thing for you. I wasn't aware such organisations existed until last minute, when I had like a week until my tribunal, but hopefully you'd get some support from them or at least very useful info.
Some do charge, but in a way it's a bit of a no win no fee situation for most and even so, fees would be a percentage/amount of your backpay (as PIP takes approx a year from your first application to the end, so if you win you're backpaid for that year).
Just food for thought. It sucks that you should have to work so drainingly hard to fund your expenses that're due to your autism, which you never asked for and have to struggle with every day! You're entitled to financial support imo, but if I'd have known more about the professionals that can handle most of it for you at the start of my claim, I'd have likely utilised them because it's hellish without enough help!
Right, it's a dissertation again I'm really sorry, so I'm just gonna conclude by saying your RedBubble sweatshirt arrived today and it's perfect! 🤩 I love it, thankyou again, keep smiling, ourrr Paul! 😊
I'm glad you won your appeal, well done 👍🏻
I'm not on Facebook so haven't got access to support pages like that. I've looked at the PIP form and it's very tailored to try to miss people like me and either has you with a capacity or absolutely none at all and doesn't trigger for the areas I have great struggles within.
I think when I have the energy, I'll look into it and video the process.
Glad the sweatshirt got there, even I haven't got a sweatshirt from there yet 😂
Can't believe the doctor hasn't even done a scan on your knee! Like an ultrasound and/or CT scan.. I feel like that should be the first thing to try.
Maybe try a walking stick to take some weight off your bad leg, even if you just use it around the house. Just got to RUclips how to walk with one so you do it correctly (hold in the opposite hand to the bad leg).
I know what it's like to suffer with chronic pain and it deffinately brings me down sometimes, too. Hang in there
I'll keep Smiling...hopefully. I know, it's a bad state with me and doctors. They pretty much do what they can in house, then send you away long enough that it might sort itself, or you're left with no choice. It's not fun mentally though!
So, I've been reading about creation...about how thoughts, and maybe more importantly feelings, draw into existence that which we focus on, or believe to be true, whether consciously or subconsciously...and you popped into my mind. I love your moanings about all the relatable, frustrating realities of living in a neurotypical world, but I heard you say that nothing ever works out for you, and that got me wondering if that is only true because that is what you feel and believe. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a happy happy joy joy kinda gal, but I have pulled myself out of hell by at least becoming more neutral and unattached to outcomes. Like, if I want something that I don't have, that tells the Universe a story of lack, which then becomes reality. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think, for me, it was because I had developed major trust issues early on, and held a deep-seated belief that I am bad/broken/undeserving, that I lived in hell for as long as I did. Trauma is truly a bitch. The "professionals" told me I was mentally ill and that I would have to take pills for the rest of my life. They lied. It wasn't mental illness, but mental carelessness due to sheer lack of knowledge/understanding. I find minding my mind to be difficult. I don't seem to be a natural born mediator. It's so easy to fall back into the deep ruts that lifelong habits have worn into the mind...but I catch it sooner than later these days, and can challenge the thoughts and beliefs before they create more discord, disorder and discontent. I'm a work in progress. Lots of unlearning to do! My God, have I rambled? 🙃 Anyway, I hope you're well. You always tell us to keep smiling, so I'm gonna do the same for you. Keep smiling, Paul! (I'll double dog dare you if I have to. 😜)
🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂
Interesting stuff! For me, I'm just hit with the misfortune. I want the bare minimum and never get it...and when I do, I'm shocked and overjoyed that something went right.
My car going in for its MOT and passing without a single advisory...that was a shock and I was happy.
My PC problem, I've already been told I'm a liar as they don't see the issue. But when I take them through what's wrong and why, they accept it, but tell me that PCs get older and don't function as well as brand new. As much as I'm fully aware of that, the fact that the fan now sounds like an angle grinder and shakes my floor is still an issue I want resolving. Especially as its under warranty, parts and labour!
Honestly, I keep my bar extremely low on purpose as if I wanted things my standard, I'd forever be unhappy as I'm a perfectionist most of the time.
But the best way to summarise it is, it's like I give everyone like workers, contractors etc a picture and some crayons, and tell them to colour within the lines. And when they're all finished, no one coloured within the lines. I give clear instruction for minimal return and still don't get it 9 times out of 10.
Hence why I rely on myself for everything I can control, I won't let me down.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you. I got my hopes up with the job I started last week, but I didn't make it through the third shift. I was given the impression they were sensitive to the needs of differently abled people and would be accommodating, but that wasn't true at all. It sucks to have to expect incompetency and a lack of understanding/caring. It sucks that people say things that are untrue just to keep up appearances/cover their asses/shirk responsibility. It sucks to know that everybody is doing their best and it's so often not good enough. A couple things I say to myself frequently are, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," and, "I pity the fool." Sometimes I can even remember to laugh at myself for having thought it would be different. But...see...the car thing turned out fine, so the statement "nothing ever works out for me" simply is not true. Strike it from your lexicon!! 😜
It is rubbish. People should just treat others how they want to be treated, it'd make the world nicer overnight! Sorry you had to be the one to suffer the shortcomings of others.
My car may have passed its inspection, but so it should after spending over 700 quid on a valve only a couple of months ago 😂
Something they're maybe not considering...it's plain inflammation. Pain caused by inflammation. Alot of us (autistics) have to be gluten free or dairy free. I REALLY hate this & food isn't nearly excited as fun now that I don't eat wheat. I went 6 yrs gluten free w/a partner, then back on 1-2 years & got up to 200lbs/didn't sleep/had inflammation. I think the fact that gluten problems & autism are connected...really makes me mad. It's just not fair. Not trying to give you advice, just offering an explanation for your pain, that doctors wouldn't address...ie diet. When I ate gluten, when I crouched down-getting back up was difficult bc my joints, muscles. OK--soapbox, ended.
I don't mind advice Di, don't worry. Personal experiences are always valuable and I appreciate you sharing. I've had the thought of doing one of those DNA with food allergens combined tests to see what I'm made from maybe your message has just brought that idea forward a bit. If I do have an intolerance, maybe I can look to restructure and see if it can help?
@@AdultwithAutism I'd like to know how that turns out for you. I may look into the same for myself.
If I do one in the future, I'll pop a video up about it 👍🏻
Doesn't make sense to do have physical therapy before imaging. They tried doing that with my husband's back and it was so painful i told him to stop and to demand imaging.turns out he needed surgery on his spine. He could have hurt himself if he had done the therapy. Dr.s are such a miss...
Playing videogames definitely is a world I enjoy. I know we have people who are purists but theres this great mod SS2 for fallout 4 I ran across and its really cool. Like setting up settlements like sims. 😅
I have used that Sim Settlement mod. I also downloaded a game called Mist Survival. Still a Beta game, but always enjoy survival open world games. 👍🏻
You need an mri!
I am with you, and hopefully when they have exhausted their routes of wasting time and resources, they'll have to offer me one.
Tell them that the exercises are making your knee worse.
I'm not a fan of fibbing, not when it comes to ailments. They're not making it worse, but it's doing absolutely nothing to help either. I'll keep it truthful and let them exhaust themselves until they have no option but to offer a scan. Plus the speed this year is going, the end of July will soon come around!
Might I suggest that your PC isn't your special interest, and that it is more so an emotional support item?
Okay, the PC isn't the interest, what I can do on it is. I get to escape the world I have to live in, and go to a world I prefer. So if that's an emotional support item, then count it 👍🏻