This is where I am at a 60 yo. I got diagnosed with 'Autism with no intellectual disability' 4 years ago. With several physical medical issues it put me on the Disability Pension which was effectively early retirement. I had been put on antidepressants for 10 years plus. The thing is I wish I was diagnosed with ASD in my late teens/early 20s because I'd've been more confidant to get rid of toxic people, not people please and try and fix relationships, and get out of toxic workplaces much earlier. And do it without guilt. I have started to do this in the past 4 years and it is refreshing. I have moved to a town and live next door to a National Park. I've told my sister and mother it's best we never talk again after they continually trampled boundaries I'd set...... Surprise! Surprise! Remove a bad environment and you do not need anti-depressants
Hi Paul. I really enjoy your channel. Thank you for doing it. As I know it isn't easy. I am a 56-year-old male who is self-diagnosed with high functioning autism. I have an overwhelming amount of evidence and now it looks as though I may have passed this on to my son who is 18 years old. He exhibits all the classic behaviors such as lack of friends, obsession with certain activities, sensory issues with textures, foods and fabrics and he rattles off facts and figures constantly that no one cares about. If this is an ASD, I don't know what it is but no one, including those closest to me. Believe me. It's so frustrating that I'm going to find an adult testing center for myself so that I can prove that I have it. This way I may be able to talk to my son. But without that piece of paper saying that I have it. Absolutely no one will listen to me. It's very frustrating and I appreciate having you as a resource. Thanks again!
That piece of paper will help with that. Deeply frustrating as your word should be good enough to be heard without it...unfortunately that's not the way of the world 👍🏻
Maybe hold off on that for 6 months to keep yourself safe (if ur in USA) in the event Republicans win the election. Court rulings released by SCOTUS today are going to change the legal landscape here.
This is hell. I don t know if you know the stats but the average life expectancy of autist is 54 years and they make up over 40 percent of suicide victims. You should be proud of yourself, that you are still alive and even have been able to bring a son to adulthood.
I agree that the piece of paper has value. I was diagnosed at age 75! Not even my sisters would have believed me if I hadn't got the "official" diagnosis -- which was all based on what I told and showed to the psychologist. (Haha!) My son is 46 and he has a lot of autism characteristics, too. Not all the same as mine. Best wishes to you and your son!
If someone in my life doesn't have my best interests in mind, I stop having them in my life. I love and respect my family and friends and if they don't do the same, there is no reason to have them in my life. I stopped having contact to a lot of people in my past life. It's just right and an act of selfrespect and selflove for me.
I'm here because of Claire's recommendation (Woodshed Theory) and I am beyond grateful to have connected with such a wise and beautiful soul. I am slowly working my way through your videos and 3 videos in amd I've not only learnt so much but feel seen and understood for the first time in forever. Thank you!! Top quality channel. I don't fit in with the stereotypical "Autism community" being a 50 year old, late diagnosed, non-woke woman and i can honsetly say that your content is a breath of fresh air. Grounded. Honest. No nonsense. Real and raw. Not aimed at getting likes and validation. Thank you for the time and effort you put in and for being so vulnerable. It is much needed and truly appreciated...
I think the most important thing about youtube videos is resonating with them. And it's very useful to resonate with the things that you are getting wrong in your life. We don't need to hear so much the typical top 10 traits of austism, or what masking or shutdowns are. We just (or at least I just) want to feel a connection with someone who is getting the same things wrong as me, or along similar lines that I can resonate with. In regards to your opening quote, I feel if anything, more alone in a room with a thousand people.
Hi Paul, Part of my ASD makes me a complete time freak, I would rather be 2 hours early than 2 minutes late, I think that the reason for this is that it gives me time to settle in to whatever the given situation maybe, I think that if I did not do this I would have a lot of overwhelming sensory issues, I know I get on my work colleagues nerves as if they want a lift to work, they know that they are going to be there 40 minutes early to start their shift. I have tried to explain to them the reason that I’m like this, and I think that they kind of get it. I also annoy them by talking about my Casio watch collection, but I guess that this goes hand in hand with my version of Autism, it’s great to see you making a new video, and as always they are very much appreciated.
Definitely the same as you in relation to time management. I'd rather lose half a day to boredom waiting than have to gain a second back of being late. That feeling is horrible.
20 yrs ago i started taking psychiatric medications. Only now in my early 40s am I free of pharmaceuticals, and I can FINALLY start my life. What you said - these meds all "block" something, feels exactly right - they try to "fix" you through subtraction of mental traits alone. Maybe that works for some, but many of us need to do the slow and painful work of figuring out how our neurodivergent brains work - mostly alone - in some cases when we're way too f-ing old :)
I can measure the damage to my shortterm memory, I have heart damage now and strong chronique pain. This meds are poison. Read again: the neurotypicals are poisoning us. If I write "genocide" people think I ak overdramatic. But this is what it is: Average life expectancy of 54 years, suicide risk 13 times higher in autist women than in normal women. Can't wait to get out of here.
Very true. We have to know who we are, and do our best with what we've got. No one said it'll be easy! Only when all is exhausted should medication be considered.
Hi Paul, I enjoy your videos. I appreciate your honesty. It would be nice if you could talk about dealing with ableism, and also about the positive side of autism. Thanks
Hi Paul, thanks for this video! It hit me hard, in a good way. To me personally it is the best I’ve seen from you. I am a 53 year old Belgian woman who was recently diagnosed with autism. It felt like a relief: I am not crazy, I’m just differently wired. The pieces of the puzzle finally fell into their places. Anyway, I love your channel. You speak wise words and you are a wise, honest and good man. Really appreciate you doing this work! Very grateful 🙏🏻❤
Thank you for this! As someone who was diagnosed autistic at 44 and medicated for depression on & off since my teenage years, I can relate. For me personally (& it sounds like for you as well), accommodations were what was really needed.
Four years ago I was diagnosed as mildly autistic, high functioning etc. Prior to that I was on antidepressants; SSRIs. Autistic burnout, and crushing anxiety causing depression. This one was all from work; I was working with a Linux orchestration system that, well, felt like juggling hand grenades with the pin half out. So I was crapping myself trying to keep this horror on the road, and frankly the sane option was to walk away and find another job either in the same organisation or elsewhere. Things changed, systems changed, managers changed and the anxiety went away. The key to understanding the neurotypical humans is actually fairly simple: they're hardwired to try to work out where they are in the local social hierarchy. Humans only have brain space to truly know about 150 other humans in a group, but there are (apart from some very unusual and enlightened groups) more humans than that in the average person's social circle. Basically, the average neurotypical is buggered by hardwired instinct. They HAVE to work out where they stand socially, but they have too many other people to keep track of. So, they turn to proxies of status. Cars, for instance. A car is a box with a wheel at each corner that gets you to places. A box is a box is a box. Some have slightly different attributes like cheaper to run, do special stuff and so on but mostly it's a box on wheels. Some are more fashionable than others. Some of the really fashionable ones are basically so unreliable you pretty much want the tow truck people on speed dial, but they are more fashionable and so more desired and so people think if you use one of these you're higher social status than others. Barking mad, makes no sense at all; that's neurotypicals for you. Fashion in clothes. This is a similar thing, with added mimicry. I joke that it is best explained by a group of fashion designers in a pub, betting each other on what ridiculous thing they can make fashionable in the world. Thus far "Tea cosy hat" is winning, with "ripped to shreds trousers" mounting a stern challenge and the rest nowhere. I look at this, and the people who do it and they all call me mad. I can but laugh.
I wear hats, but not for fashion...I just like the pressure on my head! I hear you about the interest in material items. The one that blows my mind is women's handbags. It is a material bucket with straps...how can they cost what they do?! I have a bag from a supermarket that does exactly the same thing. There will never be a logical explanation for one costing more than £10.
@@AdultwithAutism oh I wear hats; being bald and tall low lintels are a risk, as is sunburn or cold. Hats for protection, mostly. Everything else is utilitarian.
Paul some people get scared of what they don't understand...you not having an agenda freaks them out....they don't get it. I get this alot. Dont care about job title, money, their house or status blah blah. Just be a good person. Totlly love how straight out the gate up front you are ✌🏻🐨🇦🇺
Hi Paul, thank you very much for your channel & videos, especially this one ...so glad you have a dog-companion, & that you have booked a holiday together, knowing what you like & need. I love deserted beaches/outdoor places in winter too, fresh & peaceful, & I miss beloved dog a lot. I was diagnosed asd & adhd & cptsd, aged 48 (6years ago). I've never taken medication, instinctive but also some experience of others incl my mother being 'numbed' / "zombified" as you describe, so I'm grateful for your affirmation of that. Also as a still-trying-to-recover- people-pleaser I really appreciate hearing your experiences & your three points of get rid of toxic people, leave toxic environments, & don't care about things one can't control. I enjoy your calm presentation & steady voice. Glad to read the comments here too: Autistics do seem to be generally more sensitive & honest than average. I agree, I also find it insane that anyone cares about the colour of another person's skin.. absolutely being a decent person is what matters. Best wishes from West Sussex, Judith
Clearly ‘typical’ doesn’t mean ‘better’ or ‘normal’ because I also never understood the concept of hating anyone but especially for things like color. I’ve always been able to see thru those things for the self hatred and envy that they actually are.
Paul, I'm a nurse of 35 years. You're spot on the money. First, i love that you have a dog. I took prozac for pmt years ago, and within one hour of taking it, my dog could have died, and i couldn't have cared less. It was horrible. I was a zombie, so that went into the bin!!! 20yrs on, I'm adhd with traits in autism. Like you, I'd rather put big pants on and acknowledge how I feel. I've escaped to Japan on holiday, to smell the roses and slow my head down. You're so right about toxic people and being a people pleaser. And God bless dogs xxx
I have a dual diagnosis because I took adhd medication. My adhd symptoms subsided and it became quite apparent I am also autistic. Prior to that, I had a depression diagnosis and was treated with an obscene amount of SNRI medications. I was numbed out for 2 decades prior to my adhd and autism diagnosis. Your views on medication make sense to me, I’m not sure why you were apprehensive to talk about it, I’m glad you did talk about it, I think my version of autism and yours are quite similar and I’m glad you share your experiences. The three things you mentioned is something I started to do instinctively once I was treated for adhd, prior to that I was too numb, too sad or just too damn confused to understand the importance of it beforehand.
Hi Paul, another great, thought-provoking video, thank you 🙂 I need to have a look through your back catalogue and see if you've already discussed pain perception and autism. How being autistic affects pain perception and how it also makes it difficult to communicate effectively with health professionals who perhaps don't believe the person who says they're in pain or don't believe the pain can be as serious or impactful as the person says it is. How that affects the person's mind and trust and confidence in the health system - to feel you're not believed or should feel ashamed for taking up their time because they don't seem to attach any importance to how you feel or how the situation is affecting your life. Anyway, that's my topic request for Paul's Pearls of Wisdom, but as I say, perhaps you've already done one on that, I haven't looked yet. Hope you're doing alright yourself just now. Matthew
Matthew, I have fibromyalgia as well as autism. My autism was diagnosed long after the fibro. Fibromyalgia is a central nervous system disorder in which one feels pain when nothing is really wrong with the part that is hurting. I think it's akin to autism sensitivities. In my case the pain is in muscles. The "pressure points" long used to diagnose autism are where the tendons join the musles to the bones. The pain moves around. Right now I have a very sore jaw. You might want to try to find out more about fibromyalgia, which literally just means "muscle and nerve pain." It's perplexing, because it's hard to know when one is really injured and when the pain can be safely ignored. Also, there's a good TED talk on chronic pain at ruclips.net/video/gwd-wLdIHjs/видео.html Best wishes!
@@marthamurphy7940 Hello Martha, thank you for your thoughts. Fibromyaligia doesn't sound like much fun at all, I hope your jaw pain stops soon. My pain is linked to a specific area and a vascular malformation for which I've already had two surgical interventions to try and sort out. It still hurts, though the doctors don't seem to think it should. I have an appointment with a chronic pain specialist soon, but in my previous consultations i've had trouble with things like ranking the pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and describing the pain itself, which has left me with the impression the doctors don't really believe what I'm saying to them. I'm still on the waiting list for my autism assessment, which is also frustrating because I can only say to the doctors that I believe I'm autistic but I don't yet have formal confirmation (or not) of that belief. I just wondered what other peoples' experiences of pain as an autist might be - is it a common issue, not being able to communicate about pain perception and feel on the same wavelength as the doctor listening? And yes, what pain can one safely attempt to ignore and what pain is actually giving important information and should be heeded. Awkward question. I'll have a look at the video you suggest. Here's one I watched the other day which seemed helpful, though still doesn't answer the question as to what pain can be ignored and what shoudl be heeded: ruclips.net/video/ZUXPqphwp2U/видео.html
Hi Matthew, I have spoken about it on and off. But as stated in these comments, having Dr's understand what I am trying to rely is impossible. They assume because it doesn't come from their textbook...then it cannot be real. It is worse when you have undiagnosed pain and issues, but because it doesn't show up on blood tests or scans...then it again mustn't be real...and then nothing! It is very frustrating, one I hear a lot of Autistic people, including myself struggle with greatly.
I’ve been in pain for about 25 years. It’s weird because there’s things that are documented- the severe hallux rigidus and bone spurs in my big toe, slipped vertebrae, extra ribs, etc but nothing is ever done. I had spine X-rays and looked at the results online and it said I had slipped vertebrae, osteophytes and bilateral lumbar ribs. I messaged the Dr because there was no follow up and she blew me off. The they ask if pain is shooting stabbing, etc? I don’t know I’ve never been stabbed to know how that feels and scale of 1-10 I don’t ever want to say ten because they’ll think I’m lying even tho when I’d walk in first thing I’d say was ‘I don’t want pills I won’t take them I want to be fixed’ and pain is perspective a 1 to you might be a 9 to me.
Another nice video Paul ! I don't take painkillers for the same reason : if something's wrong, I want to know it and know that I won't make it worse juste because de pill is hiding the pain from me. When I met my husband, I was incredibly miserable, in a toxic relationship and on medications for depression. I decided he was my last chance and threw the pills (and the toxic guy) away. 17 years later, really happy and with 3 children, we discovered we were both autistic, and we learn together how to deal with it 🙂
Hello Paul. I am 26 Male, USMC veteran and recently diagnosed with autism due to your videos. I have struggled so much through life and felt like such a burden to everyone around me, and now I finally know why. I still feel pretty shite but have a reason for it now, which makes life somewhat tolerable. Lol Thank you very much for that, and “crack on” as you folks say across the pond.
Dark Side of Autism. We need more of that. I’m so sick and tired of all the ‘Autistic superpower’, glamourisation, it’s so quirky and cool approach that, like, EVERYone else takes. It’s not belong with acceptance, and it sure as shit isn’t helping with understanding. Stuff like that makes people think Autism is just this silly little pastime. It’s just Bob being Bob. And it bloody isn’t! So. More Dark Side of Autism
I feel like certain parts of the media who talk about autism being a “superpower” also encourages infantilisation of many people on the spectrum. It’s often low-skill/ high need that gets praised. And don’t get me started on the stereotype of autistics having a superpower with maths. It was my worst GCSE and to this day, I struggle to calculate change when shopping
Well, there’s one specific topic, already. I’ll have a bit of think for more specifics and get back to you. Make sure to check what you’ve already done so it doesn’t end up being redundant
Hi paul, im scottish, and i can tell you the culture is so different up here. We tend to be quite thick skinned and our banter can be a bit brutal. Im still in Scotland but i work for an office in England. One thing i like about in scotland tho is you offend others less. I unknowingly upset some of my English colleagues more often than i have with Scots but thats autism for you - we offend people accidentally. Anyway, glad you are happier now and back where you are comfortable. Thanks for your videos you have helped me not feel so alone
I loved living where I was, unfortunately in my case it wasn't banter...but was drama. Lying, backstabbing etc. wasn't good. Edinburgh is still one of my favourite cities, and still met some good people. The idiots ruined it.
When people believe gossip, oh sometimes they do NOT believe it. They know it's not true. But it's a way to get you on the defensive, and then they can get the upper hand. And it's just part of what bullies and manipulators do to bond with others in the group, and keep somebody down, and keep them in "exploitable resource" mode.
Listening to you speak and how you think, is encouraging to me. I have said many of the same things, and think similarly. I could care less what people own or wear or drive. I care about who a person IS. I have been in rooms with many people and I do find that to be more isolating. Why another human being would dislike another human being because of their race makes no sense to me. I enjoy logical solutions that take multiple variables into consideration.
I also don't take any medication directly for Autism. I am on testosterone due to having Klinefelter Syndrome and majorly for the fact that I was randomly passing out due to low energy. I was recently on anti-depressants for which I believe I was going through Autistic burnout, I'm now off it because now I realise that was not depression. It was a result of being overwhelmed with life at that point in time, and now I've discovered ways to minimise things that I find overwhelming (such as LED lights, soft sounds, trying to limit stims). By minimising these overwhelming situations, I can gather more (I can't find the word) ... range? to deal with other overwhelming situations.
Adult Autism and Rage. What's the connection, how to deal with it, what's the feelings - how can carers (myself) help? Also, big up Graham 🙌🏻 Sounds like a great individual.
Thank you for sharing. Communing with nature has the same restorative effect on me, and this video makes me feel understood for the first time in a while.
Paul, I have really felt comfortable watching your videos since last year, and appreciate your approach, as it's very relatable. You have covered SO many topics which is so helpful. Life feels very difficult, complicated, even painful, when it comes to "coping with difficult people". I STILL can't figure it out 😞 My usual way is to do whatever I have to do to put distance between myself and "those mean people". For me, I include "toxic people" in with "people who are not safe". I feel better without abusers. I just can't handle it. Too draining and causes me meltdowns, anxiety, depression, PTSD triggered, etc. and the fact that my system cannot tolerate taking "medications". BUT I saw with myself, over time, after I got ASD, neurodivergent clarification, and I "accepted" that about myself, the "depression changed" to less oppressive, because I then felt like "oh THAT'S why I did that", all the way back to when I was a child. This is a journey, and I really appreciate your videos Paul. Dealing with people is always a welcome topic. Also having "friends".. OMG that's is so hard for me to navigate. All the best to you 😊
I eould love if you could do a video on why other people with ASD get annoyed with me when I see so many similar signs of my ASD in them. It mak3s no sense.
I'd need to know more about that unfortunately. That's a personal topic to you so not sure how I would convert it for me? I don't know many autistic people, but they do get annoyed when I point out ways to improve what they tell me is a problem...if that makes sense?
@@AdultwithAutism You are right, of course. Unless you have a number of other autistic friends/aquantances, the topic would not really apply to you. Thank you for replying and for your channel. What you wrote aboIut other autistics getting annoyed with you is exactly what I meant. Apparently, my traits annoy them as well ... I was only diagnosed with almost 100% autIsm this Monday, at 73 years old.
Hi, Cherry. I had a similar problem, when i got diagnosed with Autism at the age of 54, which was 4 years ago. I was so shocked about the reactions that I received, when I wanted to talk to my two brothers about it. I thought it was so interesting. Especially when I was thinking about some of the unusual things my parents did in the past. They were not really interested in talking about it. My youngest son was also not wanting to discuss it too much. Well, I thought long and hard about this one.(As we do) It wasn't until I read a book about Autism. It explained to me, how some people are so aware about the stigma, that they are worried that it will affect their reputation. They will go as far as to rubbish and bully these people, to make sure they don't fall out with the Neurotypical people. For me, that was a huge relief, just to know that. We really are nice people.
🤷♂I want to watch what you put out. I get why you're asking but I subbed because you were just saying how you feel in a respectful way, even if I don't always agree with all of it Sorry to hear you went through that! I've had similar experiences with "friends" No shame in taking medication if it's helping but I feel you shouldn't take it blindly! Demand answers from your Doctor! I have multiple friends/family who couldn't function without their medication but I also have a few friends and family member who were misdiagnosed and given medication that made them not want to be around anymore, then they had trouble convincing their Dr that they needed to come off it 😔
I'll still make videos without suggestions, but when it gets too busy like it is at the minute, nothing wrong with leaning into a bit of assistance. Otherwise I won't make anything during those times, and I want to stay active, just need the load lightening in some areas for now.
@@AdultwithAutism oh ya nothing wrong with asking! More vids about the things you do to stay level headed (like taking your dog to the beach) and life experience stories would be good!
Hi Paul. I’ve been working and living here in London for the past five years as a mental health nurse. I’ve also been on antidepressants for the past five years. I’ve never been fully okay and I’ve ultimately decided to move back home. I think I might be autistic too, and I want to take myself away from this toxic work environment and a society that I do not even comprehend. Hopefully I can get myself together, figure out my career choices and eventually stop taking the medication. I started watching your videos and I relate to your stories so much, so thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
Thanks for another great video Paul!👌 Please do a video about perfectionism too, and if you consider that a trait of autism or OCD. Would love to see your take on that🙂
Thanks Paul, beautifully said! I have exactly the same situation. Found myself in a very toxic situation with toxic people about four years ago, the doctor put me on Cltalopram for two years. A year into that psychiatrist worked out I’m autistic, a year after that they work out I’m inattentive ADHD. So after two years of mind/emotion numbing SSRIs, off them to and now two years of ADHD meds, I’ve got no idea who I am any more (though I do operate 30% better when the Concerta is working, 20% worse when it’s not). My plan moving forward now that I know myself and how my brain works, is to do as you say. Adjust my environment to fit.
I really enjoy your videos, they help me make sense of what up to now has been a mess with no help from GP etc because I'm past developmental age and because I work full time, thanks for taking the time to make these videos because up to now it's the only sense I've been able to make of my situation, best wishes mate 👍
I appreciate your sharing story. I have an ex that keeps coming to me for help. He treats me like shit when I do. I have been living on my own for years but every few months, he ends up homeless again and comes to me. I always give him the benefit of the doubt. Always think “this time it will be different.” Your advice is on point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What about one on poor executive function? I have made some major life decisions that were wrong in hindsight and its cost me bigtime. How can we avoid this and double check decisions? Great vids btw.
It’s taken me forever to finally understand and allow myself to prioritize my contentment. It’s a little sad that it takes so long for those of us late diagnosed though. For that reason, I’m very open with my son. I want him to enjoy his life as much as possible in this NT world.
It is a shame, I agree. The NT can be unforgiving...so we make our own! Just takes a while. Took me to the wrong side of 40 to be able to breathe out on occasion.
In my case, nothing. Maybe it depends on where you live. I do see a therapist, and she coaches me on "mistakes in my thinking" and how to make friends, but she doesn't have any special qualifications about autism. If you want some therapy, you'll probably have to look for it yourself.
I'd talk about it if I knew! I was given the diagnosis and then nothing afterwards at all. Had to figure it out myself ever since. No one to discuss it with or even ask a question to. The worst part was that I asked for an appointment, just one appointment with a specialist to discuss. The told me 'you won't be content with just one'...then offered me none at all. I'd love to cover it, if I actually knew what it entailed.
Once again, another great video. I’ve recently got back from holiday and in the last couple of days I had a really bad meltdown and it took me days to recover. I was diagnosed with having autism at the age of 19
Getting rid of toxic people can be sometimes difficult. For example if the toxic one is someone you are obligated to take care of and you cannot afford help. That, that scenario is a tragedy in itself. I know a few people who are recently going through this. Think about caregiver's burnout. You are right. Medicaments aren't the one and only solution for problems. But, the state should help those who cannot bear a heavy burden alone. Let's avoid sugarcoating in this issue. The world is a tough place to live in and survival is a hard work. Not everyone is capable of making it by default.
Heh, reading comments I feel extremely lucky that my meds are working in the way they are supposed to (including pain management). I'd tried life without antidepressants, for example, and it turned out they were responsible for bigger amount of help with pain than I'd realised before. And while I do have depression, it's no wonder considering conditions of my life, cptsd and other lovely abbreviations, and being Ukrainian in the heart of war for years. But I started being very conscious early and I planned escape from abusive home meticulously, so I went to study at uni at 16, which gave me time to breathe. I created work environment for myself (remote, no transport or peopling in the office, or overwhelming atmosphere and sounds) and it wasn't without a sacrifice but totally worth it. So I'm quite lucky in making right choices but I'm fully aware I could get devoured by abusers completely. I worked a lot but the element of luck was also so important! So there is a chance that I will be able to stop antidepressants in the future but for now my energy levels are almost non-existing without them. It's better evil, I guess. Also, I want to say that I don't feel anything in your vibe to be suspicious of 😊 radical honesty is best, to my taste. it may be hurtful but it's a communication path. Thank you for sharing your experience, your feelings and ideas!
I wish that I could get to that point. If I don’t take a sleeping pill I won’t even get sleepy. I have extreme anxiety so I take klonopin daily. Apparently I have a genetic variant the causes the comt enzyme to be over active and process the dopamine in my prefrontal cortex quicker than normal. It looks like I’m going to get on Ritalin and a Parkinson’s drug soon to help with
Really liked this video! I definitely had never taken medication to mitigate any of the issues that come with having an autistic brain in a non-autistic world. Have recently tried my luck with anti-anxiety meds though, in order to start taking meds for ADHD and see if I really need it, or if my long standing systems can get me through a bit longer without medication. Anyway, an idea for a video that I can come up with is how to define, or rather re-define, success for people with autism (or with invisble disabilities).
A small update about the medication I'm taking, for those who might be on the fence about if they should or not take them: for me, they are helping. Tremendously. In my case, I do really need them, in order to get through the day, work, and other people. They have been, to put it midly, life-saving. Don't think everyone needs to be on meds, even though I understand why they are seen as a viable treatment option, if you suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. For me, anixety has always been a big issue in my life, particularly at work. I could barely function. Now, I feel much more at ease, can think more clearly, and get through the day in one piece. I used to have debilitating migraines on bad days. Would stutter when speaking to people. And could barely use my voice from the strain I was making due to how anxious I was. Good days were when I could barely scrap by and get home in one piece and maybe watch a movie or play a videogame if I wasn't too exausted. Bad days don't get to this point anymore and I have so much more energy.
I have 4 kids, 3 out of 4, diagnosed autism. I am extremely sure I also have autism. I've already been rejected by neurotypicals. What if the neurodivergent community rejects me too? I don't much care about my outer appearance, but I know other people do care, and they will hurt you because of you appearance. That's terrifying😢
I’m on medication because life is too much to manage without it. I’ve done it all my life. I hate how it’s making me gain weight and the other side effects. I really want to just be me, but unfortunately the world is not accommodating.
My heart hurts to hear how your friend treated you. I am the same way and it's ruined my life.. and I feel like I can't ever get out now that I am also chronically ill.
The best part is that it is in the past. I was a different person, and my mistakes show me what I won't do again in the future. He is only one of ten thousand similar stories, I've had to make each an every mistake to find my lines. Strange that I need to let other peoples poor actions determine my boundaries though.
@@AdultwithAutism True enough and I can validate that side for sure as well. Oh I am sure you do.. unfortunately. And yes, I feel the same exact way.. backwards stuff to me that my brain & heart honestly can’t always wrap my head around that as to why others would want to do that.. Thanks for sharing your transparent vulnerable truth. 🙏
As far as I know a lot of autistic people have weird reactions to prescribed medications for mental health conditions (bipolar disorders, bipolar depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder to name some common mental health conditions). It would be nice to do a series on comorbidities with autism including language processing disorders (LPD) also known as expressive language disorder, receptive language disorder or mixed receptive-expressive language disorder (MRELD) without intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders (APDs) with and without intellectual disabilities and oral language disorders (also known as spoken language disorders) in autistic people with and without intellectual disabilities for example. I am beyond tired of seeing RUclips channels just dedicated to autistic people without intellectual disabilities who also have ADHD especially when I am autistic without any intellectual disabilities and no forms of ADHD at all, but has a generalized anxiety disorder, an auditory processing disorder (APD), a language processing disorder (also known as a mixed receptive expressive language disorder (MRELD)) and an oral language disorder (also known as a sound language disorder)).
Hey-oh Paul. I love your Darkside of Autism Playlist and it would be cool if you could make more of these videos. I just turned 30 and self diagnosed myself with high functioning aspergers. I really resonate with watching your content. I feel if I lived closer(I'm in the us) I would love to have a conversation with you over coffee or a beer. I'm not a social person but I would really enjoy your energy. Thank you so much
I'm 48, self-diagnosed, and on disabilty! Quick question, If you can't afford the Autism Spectrum Tests, does that mean you don't have Autism? The mental health professionals near me don't even want to acknowledge the fact I have many autistic traits because I'm not officially diagnosed with some form of Autism.
Around 80% of Autistics are unemployed or underemployed. Just want to point out that being Autistic isnt an excuse, as you say Paul, but I believe it a reason. Not on the part of the Autistic, but on the part of the alistic world. Ive always been a hard worker, loyal and reliable. But as a 39F I've always run into bizarre and sometimes dangerous work environments. Like you, I've been the focus of gossip and false accusations and as a female I've been harassed relentlessly. Ive always been able to do the job, but i dont like "office politics". Ive run into these issues all my life - but didnt find out I'm Autistic until age 35. Now I'm at a loss for how to earn an income in an environment that I wont burn out from masking in a short amount of time.. (and that I'll be safe from SA).
That's true. Many have tried and cannot get through, not because of work, but because of everything that surrounds it. This wasn't a work video, but I have talked in more detail in the workplace adjustments videos as to reasons we end up going down those routes. But I hope you come out on top 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Thank you! I'm trying to survive. I've seen your video on reasonable adjustments. I'm in the US, but it's interesting to hear about how things are done in the UK in regards to these issues. I wish you all the best!
I don't take medication for autism, which I believe to be caused by differences in brain structures. It's not a disease. I also have fibromyalgia (FMS), which is highly correlated with autism. (Meaning a lot of people have both.) I knew I had fms a long time before knew I was autistic. My doctor recommended an antidepressant and an anti-inflammatory taken together. Maybe it's the placebo effect, but it works for me. I'm not entirely pain free, but it allowed me to get on with my life. (Fibromyalgia is also not a disease -- it's a syndrome.) Some people may have sensitivity to any medication. I think people always have to work WITH their physicians to figure out what works for them. I wish blessings on everybody.
Autism is an amazing difference if managed and understood properly. It isn't Autism that is a problem, it is the way other people treat those with Autism. I've assumed I have Fibromyalgia for many years, but Doctors where I am do not take the condition seriously at all. I would have to go private to be heard unfortunately. But needless to say when 'Fibro Fog' kicks in, my days get monumentally much more difficult.
I take medication for my bipolar that not a good mix it also slowly damages the brain, or so I have been told. They tride me on an anxiety medication a few times I have massive adversefdects from them nasty. Most of my other problems are neurological, I would say that being Autisic is a minor thing compared to my agonising pain. I wake up every day. Bit that's life. You have to get on with things.
@AdultwithAutism well, I know this sounds morbid, but you, in the end, I am thankful I am still waking up if you gey what I mean. There are good things in life, mainly when I am on my own
The meds doctors have tried don't work on me as intended and actually function opposite . ..case in point. Injectable Anesthesia meant to fix teeth doesn't work in my mouth to numb my teeth properly... Re; ideas 4 your vids......hmmm? WoooW... Have to ehhh... Really consider and let you know... If thats okay 🎉😅😊 I hadn't thought of it as my end here has been completely passive roles of watching vids at all hours of the night...I tend to be a night owl cos i used to work 12 hours nightshifts for 25 years. I'm in Pacific NorthWest Stetes of both Oregon & Washington State...I live in both as a retiree pensioner & traveller since my retirement at a young age in my mid 40s.. I'm an explorer and like to travel past 20 years here in PNW (Pacific Northwest) I call "OreWa" a combination of both states 😊😅 I'm origionally from Nevada born Las Vegas and grew up in small towns in Lincoln County Nevada; which is: Panaca and Pioche & Caliente as well as in Vegas ...my ancestors were Pioneers who migrated from New York and Kansas & Arkansas settled in Nevada; a place called Rose Valley & Eagle Valley...Have I said too much already...😂 So I don't take meds for autism ...just 4 headache maybe and digestive upsets...
Also, it's not your fault, trauma therapy would teach you differently. Maybe your conditioning and way of being a massive big heart yet it's not your fault. They deserve to own that responsibility for their actions/inactions even if they don't ever own them and you can say yes, your responsibility to have changed and recognized all you tolerated but it's not your fault.
The only part I feel fault for, is neglecting myself for others. What I have offered others, they have never offered me. When I cut people out, I am never the one who loses anything. I see that these days.
You upped and left everything to help him and then he treated you like that. Like i said before i think we are normal and everyone else is abnormal going by their behaviour.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
This is where I am at a 60 yo. I got diagnosed with 'Autism with no intellectual disability' 4 years ago. With several physical medical issues it put me on the Disability Pension which was effectively early retirement. I had been put on antidepressants for 10 years plus. The thing is I wish I was diagnosed with ASD in my late teens/early 20s because I'd've been more confidant to get rid of toxic people, not people please and try and fix relationships, and get out of toxic workplaces much earlier. And do it without guilt.
I have started to do this in the past 4 years and it is refreshing. I have moved to a town and live next door to a National Park. I've told my sister and mother it's best we never talk again after they continually trampled boundaries I'd set......
Surprise! Surprise! Remove a bad environment and you do not need anti-depressants
Really glad you have a new route to walk...literally.
Hi Paul. I really enjoy your channel. Thank you for doing it. As I know it isn't easy. I am a 56-year-old male who is self-diagnosed with high functioning autism. I have an overwhelming amount of evidence and now it looks as though I may have passed this on to my son who is 18 years old. He exhibits all the classic behaviors such as lack of friends, obsession with certain activities, sensory issues with textures, foods and fabrics and he rattles off facts and figures constantly that no one cares about. If this is an ASD, I don't know what it is but no one, including those closest to me. Believe me. It's so frustrating that I'm going to find an adult testing center for myself so that I can prove that I have it. This way I may be able to talk to my son. But without that piece of paper saying that I have it. Absolutely no one will listen to me. It's very frustrating and I appreciate having you as a resource. Thanks again!
That piece of paper will help with that. Deeply frustrating as your word should be good enough to be heard without it...unfortunately that's not the way of the world 👍🏻
Maybe hold off on that for 6 months to keep yourself safe (if ur in USA) in the event Republicans win the election.
Court rulings released by SCOTUS today are going to change the legal landscape here.
This is hell. I don t know if you know the stats but the average life expectancy of autist is 54 years and they make up over 40 percent of suicide victims. You should be proud of yourself, that you are still alive and even have been able to bring a son to adulthood.
I agree that the piece of paper has value. I was diagnosed at age 75! Not even my sisters would have believed me if I hadn't got the "official" diagnosis -- which was all based on what I told and showed to the psychologist. (Haha!) My son is 46 and he has a lot of autism characteristics, too. Not all the same as mine. Best wishes to you and your son!
@@marthamurphy7940 thank you
I can relate to the part about friends or family not having my best interests, Difficult to face
Something I wonder about too
It is, but it is something that needs to be faced. And hopefully you will, when the time is right for you 👍🏻
If someone in my life doesn't have my best interests in mind, I stop having them in my life. I love and respect my family and friends and if they don't do the same, there is no reason to have them in my life. I stopped having contact to a lot of people in my past life. It's just right and an act of selfrespect and selflove for me.
I'm here because of Claire's recommendation (Woodshed Theory) and I am beyond grateful to have connected with such a wise and beautiful soul. I am slowly working my way through your videos and 3 videos in amd I've not only learnt so much but feel seen and understood for the first time in forever. Thank you!! Top quality channel. I don't fit in with the stereotypical "Autism community" being a 50 year old, late diagnosed, non-woke woman and i can honsetly say that your content is a breath of fresh air. Grounded. Honest. No nonsense. Real and raw. Not aimed at getting likes and validation. Thank you for the time and effort you put in and for being so vulnerable. It is much needed and truly appreciated...
I think the most important thing about youtube videos is resonating with them. And it's very useful to resonate with the things that you are getting wrong in your life. We don't need to hear so much the typical top 10 traits of austism, or what masking or shutdowns are. We just (or at least I just) want to feel a connection with someone who is getting the same things wrong as me, or along similar lines that I can resonate with. In regards to your opening quote, I feel if anything, more alone in a room with a thousand people.
Hi Paul,
Part of my ASD makes me a complete time freak, I would rather be 2 hours early than 2 minutes late, I think that the reason for this is that it gives me time to settle in to whatever the given situation maybe, I think that if I did not do this I would have a lot of overwhelming sensory issues, I know I get on my work colleagues nerves as if they want a lift to work, they know that they are going to be there 40 minutes early to start their shift. I have tried to explain to them the reason that I’m like this, and I think that they kind of get it. I also annoy them by talking about my Casio watch collection, but I guess that this goes hand in hand with my version of Autism, it’s great to see you making a new video, and as always they are very much appreciated.
Definitely the same as you in relation to time management. I'd rather lose half a day to boredom waiting than have to gain a second back of being late. That feeling is horrible.
20 yrs ago i started taking psychiatric medications. Only now in my early 40s am I free of pharmaceuticals, and I can FINALLY start my life. What you said - these meds all "block" something, feels exactly right - they try to "fix" you through subtraction of mental traits alone. Maybe that works for some, but many of us need to do the slow and painful work of figuring out how our neurodivergent brains work - mostly alone - in some cases when we're way too f-ing old :)
I can measure the damage to my shortterm memory, I have heart damage now and strong chronique pain. This meds are poison. Read again: the neurotypicals are poisoning us. If I write "genocide" people think I ak overdramatic. But this is what it is: Average life expectancy of 54 years, suicide risk 13 times higher in autist women than in normal women. Can't wait to get out of here.
Very true. We have to know who we are, and do our best with what we've got. No one said it'll be easy! Only when all is exhausted should medication be considered.
Similar to my situation 💜
Autism strengths and positives.
Indeedy 👍🏻
hi Paul so good to see you back !!! thank you for covering this topic so well.
Hi Gemma, thank you
Hi Paul, I enjoy your videos. I appreciate your honesty. It would be nice if you could talk about dealing with ableism, and also about the positive side of autism. Thanks
I will add them to the list. Thank you 👍🏻
Thank you for your perspective! I definitely relate to needing to feel my feelings rather than taking meds for the depression.
Thank you
Hi Paul, thanks for this video! It hit me hard, in a good way. To me personally it is the best I’ve seen from you. I am a 53 year old Belgian woman who was recently diagnosed with autism. It felt like a relief: I am not crazy, I’m just differently wired. The pieces of the puzzle finally fell into their places.
Anyway, I love your channel. You speak wise words and you are a wise, honest and good man. Really appreciate you doing this work! Very grateful 🙏🏻❤
Thank you for your kind words, they're appreciated
Brother..... I'm so glad I found your channel. Keep going and so will I!
Thank you for this! As someone who was diagnosed autistic at 44 and medicated for depression on & off since my teenage years, I can relate. For me personally (& it sounds like for you as well), accommodations were what was really needed.
Indeed they were.
Four years ago I was diagnosed as mildly autistic, high functioning etc. Prior to that I was on antidepressants; SSRIs. Autistic burnout, and crushing anxiety causing depression. This one was all from work; I was working with a Linux orchestration system that, well, felt like juggling hand grenades with the pin half out. So I was crapping myself trying to keep this horror on the road, and frankly the sane option was to walk away and find another job either in the same organisation or elsewhere.
Things changed, systems changed, managers changed and the anxiety went away.
The key to understanding the neurotypical humans is actually fairly simple: they're hardwired to try to work out where they are in the local social hierarchy. Humans only have brain space to truly know about 150 other humans in a group, but there are (apart from some very unusual and enlightened groups) more humans than that in the average person's social circle.
Basically, the average neurotypical is buggered by hardwired instinct.
They HAVE to work out where they stand socially, but they have too many other people to keep track of. So, they turn to proxies of status. Cars, for instance. A car is a box with a wheel at each corner that gets you to places. A box is a box is a box. Some have slightly different attributes like cheaper to run, do special stuff and so on but mostly it's a box on wheels.
Some are more fashionable than others. Some of the really fashionable ones are basically so unreliable you pretty much want the tow truck people on speed dial, but they are more fashionable and so more desired and so people think if you use one of these you're higher social status than others. Barking mad, makes no sense at all; that's neurotypicals for you.
Fashion in clothes. This is a similar thing, with added mimicry. I joke that it is best explained by a group of fashion designers in a pub, betting each other on what ridiculous thing they can make fashionable in the world. Thus far "Tea cosy hat" is winning, with "ripped to shreds trousers" mounting a stern challenge and the rest nowhere.
I look at this, and the people who do it and they all call me mad. I can but laugh.
I wear hats, but not for fashion...I just like the pressure on my head!
I hear you about the interest in material items. The one that blows my mind is women's handbags. It is a material bucket with straps...how can they cost what they do?! I have a bag from a supermarket that does exactly the same thing. There will never be a logical explanation for one costing more than £10.
@@AdultwithAutism oh I wear hats; being bald and tall low lintels are a risk, as is sunburn or cold. Hats for protection, mostly.
Everything else is utilitarian.
thank you for your videos, Paul. they've helped me a lot in the past months since discovering my autism
It's good to hear that, thank you
I feel like I've had a personal chat with you and enjoyed every second. The stuff about toxic people is just 100 percent true. Thank you.
Glad it came across that way!
"I just care that you're a decent person" 💯
Yup 👍🏻
Paul some people get scared of what they don't understand...you not having an agenda freaks them out....they don't get it.
I get this alot. Dont care about job title, money, their house or status blah blah. Just be a good person.
Totlly love how straight out the gate up front you are ✌🏻🐨🇦🇺
Hi Paul, thank you very much for your channel & videos, especially this one ...so glad you have a dog-companion, & that you have booked a holiday together, knowing what you like & need. I love deserted beaches/outdoor places in winter too, fresh & peaceful, & I miss beloved dog a lot.
I was diagnosed asd & adhd & cptsd, aged 48 (6years ago). I've never taken medication, instinctive but also some experience of others incl my mother being 'numbed' / "zombified" as you describe, so I'm grateful for your affirmation of that.
Also as a still-trying-to-recover- people-pleaser I really appreciate hearing your experiences & your three points of get rid of toxic people, leave toxic environments, & don't care about things one can't control.
I enjoy your calm presentation & steady voice.
Glad to read the comments here too: Autistics do seem to be generally more sensitive & honest than average.
I agree, I also find it insane that anyone cares about the colour of another person's skin.. absolutely being a decent person is what matters.
Best wishes from West Sussex, Judith
Thank you Judith, your comment is much apprecaited.
@@AdultwithAutism I'm glad :) ~ & thank you for responding, it feels really nice to get your message. Gentle sea breezes to you, Judith
Clearly ‘typical’ doesn’t mean ‘better’ or ‘normal’ because I also never understood the concept of hating anyone but especially for things like color. I’ve always been able to see thru those things for the self hatred and envy that they actually are.
Thanks Paul. I'm not a fan of medication either for very similar reasons.
Same. I don’t take meds for anything they’re just band aids they don’t fix anything
Thank you for your amazing videos - learning so much!
Thank you
Paul, I'm a nurse of 35 years. You're spot on the money. First, i love that you have a dog. I took prozac for pmt years ago, and within one hour of taking it, my dog could have died, and i couldn't have cared less. It was horrible. I was a zombie, so that went into the bin!!! 20yrs on, I'm adhd with traits in autism. Like you, I'd rather put big pants on and acknowledge how I feel. I've escaped to Japan on holiday, to smell the roses and slow my head down. You're so right about toxic people and being a people pleaser. And God bless dogs xxx
Enjoy Japan 👍🏻
I have a dual diagnosis because I took adhd medication. My adhd symptoms subsided and it became quite apparent I am also autistic.
Prior to that, I had a depression diagnosis and was treated with an obscene amount of SNRI medications. I was numbed out for 2 decades prior to my adhd and autism diagnosis.
Your views on medication make sense to me, I’m not sure why you were apprehensive to talk about it, I’m glad you did talk about it, I think my version of autism and yours are quite similar and I’m glad you share your experiences. The three things you mentioned is something I started to do instinctively once I was treated for adhd, prior to that I was too numb, too sad or just too damn confused to understand the importance of it beforehand.
Hi Paul, another great, thought-provoking video, thank you 🙂 I need to have a look through your back catalogue and see if you've already discussed pain perception and autism. How being autistic affects pain perception and how it also makes it difficult to communicate effectively with health professionals who perhaps don't believe the person who says they're in pain or don't believe the pain can be as serious or impactful as the person says it is. How that affects the person's mind and trust and confidence in the health system - to feel you're not believed or should feel ashamed for taking up their time because they don't seem to attach any importance to how you feel or how the situation is affecting your life. Anyway, that's my topic request for Paul's Pearls of Wisdom, but as I say, perhaps you've already done one on that, I haven't looked yet. Hope you're doing alright yourself just now. Matthew
Matthew, I have fibromyalgia as well as autism. My autism was diagnosed long after the fibro. Fibromyalgia is a central nervous system disorder in which one feels pain when nothing is really wrong with the part that is hurting. I think it's akin to autism sensitivities. In my case the pain is in muscles. The "pressure points" long used to diagnose autism are where the tendons join the musles to the bones. The pain moves around. Right now I have a very sore jaw. You might want to try to find out more about fibromyalgia, which literally just means "muscle and nerve pain." It's perplexing, because it's hard to know when one is really injured and when the pain can be safely ignored. Also, there's a good TED talk on chronic pain at ruclips.net/video/gwd-wLdIHjs/видео.html Best wishes!
@@marthamurphy7940 Hello Martha, thank you for your thoughts. Fibromyaligia doesn't sound like much fun at all, I hope your jaw pain stops soon. My pain is linked to a specific area and a vascular malformation for which I've already had two surgical interventions to try and sort out. It still hurts, though the doctors don't seem to think it should. I have an appointment with a chronic pain specialist soon, but in my previous consultations i've had trouble with things like ranking the pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and describing the pain itself, which has left me with the impression the doctors don't really believe what I'm saying to them. I'm still on the waiting list for my autism assessment, which is also frustrating because I can only say to the doctors that I believe I'm autistic but I don't yet have formal confirmation (or not) of that belief. I just wondered what other peoples' experiences of pain as an autist might be - is it a common issue, not being able to communicate about pain perception and feel on the same wavelength as the doctor listening?
And yes, what pain can one safely attempt to ignore and what pain is actually giving important information and should be heeded. Awkward question. I'll have a look at the video you suggest. Here's one I watched the other day which seemed helpful, though still doesn't answer the question as to what pain can be ignored and what shoudl be heeded: ruclips.net/video/ZUXPqphwp2U/видео.html
Hi Matthew, I have spoken about it on and off. But as stated in these comments, having Dr's understand what I am trying to rely is impossible. They assume because it doesn't come from their textbook...then it cannot be real. It is worse when you have undiagnosed pain and issues, but because it doesn't show up on blood tests or scans...then it again mustn't be real...and then nothing! It is very frustrating, one I hear a lot of Autistic people, including myself struggle with greatly.
@@marthamurphy7940I also have fibromyalgia, that Ted talk was excellent, thank you
I’ve been in pain for about 25 years. It’s weird because there’s things that are documented- the severe hallux rigidus and bone spurs in my big toe, slipped vertebrae, extra ribs, etc but nothing is ever done. I had spine X-rays and looked at the results online and it said I had slipped vertebrae, osteophytes and bilateral lumbar ribs. I messaged the Dr because there was no follow up and she blew me off.
The they ask if pain is shooting stabbing, etc?
I don’t know I’ve never been stabbed to know how that feels and scale of 1-10 I don’t ever want to say ten because they’ll think I’m lying even tho when I’d walk in first thing I’d say was ‘I don’t want pills I won’t take them I want to be fixed’ and pain is perspective a 1 to you might be a 9 to me.
Thanks Paul, its great to see a new video from you again.
Thank you
Thanks for nuggets of experience. So true 😊
No problem 👍🏻
Another nice video Paul ! I don't take painkillers for the same reason : if something's wrong, I want to know it and know that I won't make it worse juste because de pill is hiding the pain from me. When I met my husband, I was incredibly miserable, in a toxic relationship and on medications for depression. I decided he was my last chance and threw the pills (and the toxic guy) away. 17 years later, really happy and with 3 children, we discovered we were both autistic, and we learn together how to deal with it 🙂
Thank you
Yes!!! That’s how I feel about pills! I don’t need a band aid either fix it or…..
Hello Paul. I am 26 Male, USMC veteran and recently diagnosed with autism due to your videos. I have struggled so much through life and felt like such a burden to everyone around me, and now I finally know why. I still feel pretty shite but have a reason for it now, which makes life somewhat tolerable. Lol
Thank you very much for that, and “crack on” as you folks say across the pond.
We must crack on my friend.
Dark Side of Autism. We need more of that. I’m so sick and tired of all the ‘Autistic superpower’, glamourisation, it’s so quirky and cool approach that, like, EVERYone else takes. It’s not belong with acceptance, and it sure as shit isn’t helping with understanding. Stuff like that makes people think Autism is just this silly little pastime. It’s just Bob being Bob. And it bloody isn’t!
So. More Dark Side of Autism
I feel like certain parts of the media who talk about autism being a “superpower” also encourages infantilisation of many people on the spectrum. It’s often low-skill/ high need that gets praised. And don’t get me started on the stereotype of autistics having a superpower with maths. It was my worst GCSE and to this day, I struggle to calculate change when shopping
It’s
Happy to do more if you ever have specific topics I can dial in on 👍🏻
Infantilisation I will try and cover at some point, as there are a few triggers with that for me.
Well, there’s one specific topic, already. I’ll have a bit of think for more specifics and get back to you. Make sure to check what you’ve already done so it doesn’t end up being redundant
Hi paul, im scottish, and i can tell you the culture is so different up here. We tend to be quite thick skinned and our banter can be a bit brutal. Im still in Scotland but i work for an office in England. One thing i like about in scotland tho is you offend others less. I unknowingly upset some of my English colleagues more often than i have with Scots but thats autism for you - we offend people accidentally. Anyway, glad you are happier now and back where you are comfortable. Thanks for your videos you have helped me not feel so alone
I loved living where I was, unfortunately in my case it wasn't banter...but was drama. Lying, backstabbing etc. wasn't good. Edinburgh is still one of my favourite cities, and still met some good people. The idiots ruined it.
When people believe gossip, oh sometimes they do NOT believe it. They know it's not true. But it's a way to get you on the defensive, and then they can get the upper hand. And it's just part of what bullies and manipulators do to bond with others in the group, and keep somebody down, and keep them in "exploitable resource" mode.
Listening to you speak and how you think, is encouraging to me. I have said many of the same things, and think similarly. I could care less what people own or wear or drive. I care about who a person IS. I have been in rooms with many people and I do find that to be more isolating. Why another human being would dislike another human being because of their race makes no sense to me. I enjoy logical solutions that take multiple variables into consideration.
Thanks!
Thank you 😊
always a good chat from you with every video.
Many thanks
I also don't take any medication directly for Autism. I am on testosterone due to having Klinefelter Syndrome and majorly for the fact that I was randomly passing out due to low energy. I was recently on anti-depressants for which I believe I was going through Autistic burnout, I'm now off it because now I realise that was not depression. It was a result of being overwhelmed with life at that point in time, and now I've discovered ways to minimise things that I find overwhelming (such as LED lights, soft sounds, trying to limit stims). By minimising these overwhelming situations, I can gather more (I can't find the word) ... range? to deal with other overwhelming situations.
That makes sense to me. Coping mechanisms we can build in for the residual environment around us is what helps manage. Does for me anyway!
Always a pleasure. Learning more about myself and other people on the spectrum.
Thank you
Adult Autism and Rage. What's the connection, how to deal with it, what's the feelings - how can carers (myself) help? Also, big up Graham 🙌🏻 Sounds like a great individual.
Graham was brilliant.
Thank you for sharing. Communing with nature has the same restorative effect on me, and this video makes me feel understood for the first time in a while.
That's good to know, thank you
I have to regularly go to the water to calm my dysregulation and upset. I have a favorite brook that I go to and take photos - that is my medicine.
The water does so much. Not sure why, but I'm certainly not challenging it!
Paul, I have really felt comfortable watching your videos since last year, and appreciate your approach, as it's very relatable. You have covered SO many topics which is so helpful. Life feels very difficult, complicated, even painful, when it comes to "coping with difficult people". I STILL can't figure it out 😞 My usual way is to do whatever I have to do to put distance between myself and "those mean people". For me, I include "toxic people" in with "people who are not safe". I feel better without abusers. I just can't handle it. Too draining and causes me meltdowns, anxiety, depression, PTSD triggered, etc. and the fact that my system cannot tolerate taking "medications". BUT I saw with myself, over time, after I got ASD, neurodivergent clarification, and I "accepted" that about myself, the "depression changed" to less oppressive, because I then felt like "oh THAT'S why I did that", all the way back to when I was a child. This is a journey, and I really appreciate your videos Paul. Dealing with people is always a welcome topic. Also having "friends".. OMG that's is so hard for me to navigate. All the best to you 😊
Ah thank you, much appreciated Nee-na.
Thank you Paul, keep smile
I can so relate: ten years grave yard shift in state mental health hospital...
People pleasing, faking masking..
I eould love if you could do a video on why other people with ASD get annoyed with me when I see so many similar signs of my ASD in them. It mak3s no sense.
I'd need to know more about that unfortunately. That's a personal topic to you so not sure how I would convert it for me? I don't know many autistic people, but they do get annoyed when I point out ways to improve what they tell me is a problem...if that makes sense?
@@AdultwithAutism You are right, of course. Unless you have a number of other autistic friends/aquantances, the topic would not really apply to you. Thank you for replying and for your channel. What you wrote aboIut other autistics getting annoyed with you is exactly what I meant. Apparently, my traits annoy them as well ... I was only diagnosed with almost 100% autIsm this Monday, at
73 years old.
Hi, Cherry. I had a similar problem, when i got diagnosed with Autism at the age of 54, which was 4 years ago. I was so shocked about the reactions that I received, when I wanted to talk to my two brothers about it. I thought it was so interesting. Especially when I was thinking about some of the unusual things my parents did in the past. They were not really interested in talking about it. My youngest son was also not wanting to discuss it too much. Well, I thought long and hard about this one.(As we do)
It wasn't until I read a book about Autism. It explained to me, how some people are so aware about the stigma, that they are worried that it will affect their reputation. They will go as far as to rubbish and bully these people, to make sure they don't fall out with the Neurotypical people. For me, that was a huge relief, just to know that. We really are nice people.
🤷♂I want to watch what you put out.
I get why you're asking but I subbed because you were just saying how you feel in a respectful way, even if I don't always agree with all of it
Sorry to hear you went through that! I've had similar experiences with "friends"
No shame in taking medication if it's helping but I feel you shouldn't take it blindly!
Demand answers from your Doctor!
I have multiple friends/family who couldn't function without their medication but I also have a few friends and family member who were misdiagnosed and given medication that made them not want to be around anymore, then they had trouble convincing their Dr that they needed to come off it 😔
I'll still make videos without suggestions, but when it gets too busy like it is at the minute, nothing wrong with leaning into a bit of assistance. Otherwise I won't make anything during those times, and I want to stay active, just need the load lightening in some areas for now.
@@AdultwithAutism oh ya nothing wrong with asking!
More vids about the things you do to stay level headed (like taking your dog to the beach) and life experience stories would be good!
@27:30 This is exactly why I think we're meant to be a lot closer to Nature and living there.
Thank you for sharing!
Hi Paul. I’ve been working and living here in London for the past five years as a mental health nurse. I’ve also been on antidepressants for the past five years. I’ve never been fully okay and I’ve ultimately decided to move back home. I think I might be autistic too, and I want to take myself away from this toxic work environment and a society that I do not even comprehend. Hopefully I can get myself together, figure out my career choices and eventually stop taking the medication. I started watching your videos and I relate to your stories so much, so thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
All the best for your future 👍🏻
Thanks for another great video Paul!👌 Please do a video about perfectionism too, and if you consider that a trait of autism or OCD. Would love to see your take on that🙂
Will do
Thanks Paul, beautifully said! I have exactly the same situation. Found myself in a very toxic situation with toxic people about four years ago, the doctor put me on Cltalopram for two years. A year into that psychiatrist worked out I’m autistic, a year after that they work out I’m inattentive ADHD.
So after two years of mind/emotion numbing SSRIs, off them to and now two years of ADHD meds, I’ve got no idea who I am any more (though I do operate 30% better when the Concerta is working, 20% worse when it’s not).
My plan moving forward now that I know myself and how my brain works, is to do as you say. Adjust my environment to fit.
I really enjoy your videos, they help me make sense of what up to now has been a mess with no help from GP etc because I'm past developmental age and because I work full time, thanks for taking the time to make these videos because up to now it's the only sense I've been able to make of my situation, best wishes mate 👍
Glad they help. Thank you 👍🏻
I appreciate your sharing story. I have an ex that keeps coming to me for help. He treats me like shit when I do. I have been living on my own for years but every few months, he ends up homeless again and comes to me. I always give him the benefit of the doubt. Always think “this time it will be different.” Your advice is on point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What about one on poor executive function? I have made some major life decisions that were wrong in hindsight and its cost me bigtime. How can we avoid this and double check decisions? Great vids btw.
If I relate to it, I will do 👍🏻
It’s taken me forever to finally understand and allow myself to prioritize my contentment. It’s a little sad that it takes so long for those of us late diagnosed though. For that reason, I’m very open with my son. I want him to enjoy his life as much as possible in this NT world.
It is a shame, I agree. The NT can be unforgiving...so we make our own! Just takes a while. Took me to the wrong side of 40 to be able to breathe out on occasion.
Something I'd like to see discussed: Post diagnosis treatment. What happens when you get the call?
In my case, nothing. Maybe it depends on where you live. I do see a therapist, and she coaches me on "mistakes in my thinking" and how to make friends, but she doesn't have any special qualifications about autism. If you want some therapy, you'll probably have to look for it yourself.
I'd talk about it if I knew! I was given the diagnosis and then nothing afterwards at all. Had to figure it out myself ever since. No one to discuss it with or even ask a question to. The worst part was that I asked for an appointment, just one appointment with a specialist to discuss. The told me 'you won't be content with just one'...then offered me none at all.
I'd love to cover it, if I actually knew what it entailed.
Relationships with other autistic people and the hardships. My marriage and past has been quite the challenge
I'll add it to the list. Or try to, I'm not sure anyone I dated was Autistic.
Once again, another great video. I’ve recently got back from holiday and in the last couple of days I had a really bad meltdown and it took me days to recover. I was diagnosed with having autism at the age of 19
Hope you are on the better side of it.
@@AdultwithAutismit drained me for a few days, slowly getting back to it now.
Getting rid of toxic people can be sometimes difficult. For example if the toxic one is someone you are obligated to take care of and you cannot afford help. That, that scenario is a tragedy in itself. I know a few people who are recently going through this. Think about caregiver's burnout. You are right. Medicaments aren't the one and only solution for problems. But, the state should help those who cannot bear a heavy burden alone. Let's avoid sugarcoating in this issue. The world is a tough place to live in and survival is a hard work. Not everyone is capable of making it by default.
Heh, reading comments I feel extremely lucky that my meds are working in the way they are supposed to (including pain management). I'd tried life without antidepressants, for example, and it turned out they were responsible for bigger amount of help with pain than I'd realised before.
And while I do have depression, it's no wonder considering conditions of my life, cptsd and other lovely abbreviations, and being Ukrainian in the heart of war for years. But I started being very conscious early and I planned escape from abusive home meticulously, so I went to study at uni at 16, which gave me time to breathe. I created work environment for myself (remote, no transport or peopling in the office, or overwhelming atmosphere and sounds) and it wasn't without a sacrifice but totally worth it. So I'm quite lucky in making right choices but I'm fully aware I could get devoured by abusers completely. I worked a lot but the element of luck was also so important! So there is a chance that I will be able to stop antidepressants in the future but for now my energy levels are almost non-existing without them. It's better evil, I guess.
Also, I want to say that I don't feel anything in your vibe to be suspicious of 😊 radical honesty is best, to my taste. it may be hurtful but it's a communication path.
Thank you for sharing your experience, your feelings and ideas!
I wish that I could get to that point. If I don’t take a sleeping pill I won’t even get sleepy. I have extreme anxiety so I take klonopin daily. Apparently I have a genetic variant the causes the comt enzyme to be over active and process the dopamine in my prefrontal
cortex quicker than normal. It looks like I’m going to get on Ritalin and a Parkinson’s drug soon to help with
Great video mate. People are definitely nuts, there's no denying that.
They sure are
Really liked this video! I definitely had never taken medication to mitigate any of the issues that come with having an autistic brain in a non-autistic world. Have recently tried my luck with anti-anxiety meds though, in order to start taking meds for ADHD and see if I really need it, or if my long standing systems can get me through a bit longer without medication.
Anyway, an idea for a video that I can come up with is how to define, or rather re-define, success for people with autism (or with invisble disabilities).
I'll try and find a way to do a video like that.
A small update about the medication I'm taking, for those who might be on the fence about if they should or not take them: for me, they are helping. Tremendously.
In my case, I do really need them, in order to get through the day, work, and other people. They have been, to put it midly, life-saving. Don't think everyone needs to be on meds, even though I understand why they are seen as a viable treatment option, if you suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. For me, anixety has always been a big issue in my life, particularly at work. I could barely function.
Now, I feel much more at ease, can think more clearly, and get through the day in one piece. I used to have debilitating migraines on bad days. Would stutter when speaking to people. And could barely use my voice from the strain I was making due to how anxious I was. Good days were when I could barely scrap by and get home in one piece and maybe watch a movie or play a videogame if I wasn't too exausted. Bad days don't get to this point anymore and I have so much more energy.
really relatable. Thanks for sharing
Thank you
@28:13 I hope for you to feel God in your soul. ❤️ Its better than anything else!
I'd love a video on Executive function
Any part in particular, or more of an overview?
I would like this too. An overview would be good.
😊hi Paul. Would you please do a video of
Stoics on the spectrum.
That would be me of course. We'll at least that's what I think.
Thanks.
I have 4 kids, 3 out of 4, diagnosed autism. I am extremely sure I also have autism. I've already been rejected by neurotypicals. What if the neurodivergent community rejects me too? I don't much care about my outer appearance, but I know other people do care, and they will hurt you because of you appearance. That's terrifying😢
Many of the larger Autism communities aren't overly welcome unless you follow their narrative. But there will be some suitable smaller ones out there.
Adult Autism and Rage. What's the connection, how to deal with it, what's the feelings - how can carers (myself) help?
I will try to cover this in a future video. Thank you.
I’m on medication because life is too much to manage without it. I’ve done it all my life. I hate how it’s making me gain weight and the other side effects. I really want to just be me, but unfortunately the world is not accommodating.
It isn't, nor will it be unfortunately. We constantly have to re-adjust how we move forward avoiding the pitfalls as best we can.
My heart hurts to hear how your friend treated you. I am the same way and it's ruined my life.. and I feel like I can't ever get out now that I am also chronically ill.
The best part is that it is in the past. I was a different person, and my mistakes show me what I won't do again in the future. He is only one of ten thousand similar stories, I've had to make each an every mistake to find my lines. Strange that I need to let other peoples poor actions determine my boundaries though.
@@AdultwithAutism True enough and I can validate that side for sure as well.
Oh I am sure you do.. unfortunately.
And yes, I feel the same exact way.. backwards stuff to me that my brain & heart honestly can’t always wrap my head around that as to why others would want to do that..
Thanks for sharing your transparent vulnerable truth. 🙏
As far as I know a lot of autistic people have weird reactions to prescribed medications for mental health conditions (bipolar disorders, bipolar depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder to name some common mental health conditions). It would be nice to do a series on comorbidities with autism including language processing disorders (LPD) also known as expressive language disorder, receptive language disorder or mixed receptive-expressive language disorder (MRELD) without intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders (APDs) with and without intellectual disabilities and oral language disorders (also known as spoken language disorders) in autistic people with and without intellectual disabilities for example. I am beyond tired of seeing RUclips channels just dedicated to autistic people without intellectual disabilities who also have ADHD especially when I am autistic without any intellectual disabilities and no forms of ADHD at all, but has a generalized anxiety disorder, an auditory processing disorder (APD), a language processing disorder (also known as a mixed receptive expressive language disorder (MRELD)) and an oral language disorder (also known as a sound language disorder)).
Hey-oh Paul. I love your Darkside of Autism Playlist and it would be cool if you could make more of these videos.
I just turned 30 and self diagnosed myself with high functioning aspergers. I really resonate with watching your content. I feel if I lived closer(I'm in the us) I would love to have a conversation with you over coffee or a beer. I'm not a social person but I would really enjoy your energy.
Thank you so much
Thank you
I'm 48, self-diagnosed, and on disabilty! Quick question, If you can't afford the Autism Spectrum Tests, does that mean you don't have Autism? The mental health professionals near me don't even want to acknowledge the fact I have many autistic traits because I'm not officially diagnosed with some form of Autism.
Undiagnosed Autism is still Autism 👍🏻
@AdultwithAutism thanks so much! Cheers
Around 80% of Autistics are unemployed or underemployed. Just want to point out that being Autistic isnt an excuse, as you say Paul, but I believe it a reason. Not on the part of the Autistic, but on the part of the alistic world. Ive always been a hard worker, loyal and reliable. But as a 39F I've always run into bizarre and sometimes dangerous work environments. Like you, I've been the focus of gossip and false accusations and as a female I've been harassed relentlessly. Ive always been able to do the job, but i dont like "office politics". Ive run into these issues all my life - but didnt find out I'm Autistic until age 35. Now I'm at a loss for how to earn an income in an environment that I wont burn out from masking in a short amount of time.. (and that I'll be safe from SA).
That's true. Many have tried and cannot get through, not because of work, but because of everything that surrounds it. This wasn't a work video, but I have talked in more detail in the workplace adjustments videos as to reasons we end up going down those routes. But I hope you come out on top 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Thank you! I'm trying to survive. I've seen your video on reasonable adjustments. I'm in the US, but it's interesting to hear about how things are done in the UK in regards to these issues. I wish you all the best!
Can you make a video about alexithymia?
I'll give it a go in the future if I can. Thank you
I don't take medication for autism, which I believe to be caused by differences in brain structures. It's not a disease. I also have fibromyalgia (FMS), which is highly correlated with autism. (Meaning a lot of people have both.) I knew I had fms a long time before knew I was autistic. My doctor recommended an antidepressant and an anti-inflammatory taken together. Maybe it's the placebo effect, but it works for me. I'm not entirely pain free, but it allowed me to get on with my life. (Fibromyalgia is also not a disease -- it's a syndrome.) Some people may have sensitivity to any medication. I think people always have to work WITH their physicians to figure out what works for them. I wish blessings on everybody.
Autism is an amazing difference if managed and understood properly. It isn't Autism that is a problem, it is the way other people treat those with Autism.
I've assumed I have Fibromyalgia for many years, but Doctors where I am do not take the condition seriously at all. I would have to go private to be heard unfortunately. But needless to say when 'Fibro Fog' kicks in, my days get monumentally much more difficult.
@@AdultwithAutism I understand.
I take medication for my bipolar that not a good mix it also slowly damages the brain, or so I have been told. They tride me on an anxiety medication a few times I have massive adversefdects from them nasty. Most of my other problems are neurological, I would say that being Autisic is a minor thing compared to my agonising pain. I wake up every day. Bit that's life. You have to get on with things.
You do...always. Sorry to hear of the pain. I think it can be taken for granted to wake up feeling okay at times!
@AdultwithAutism well, I know this sounds morbid, but you, in the end, I am thankful I am still waking up if you gey what I mean. There are good things in life, mainly when I am on my own
Yes🎉
🎯👍
The meds doctors have tried don't work on me as intended and actually function opposite .
..case in point. Injectable Anesthesia meant to fix teeth doesn't work in my mouth to numb my teeth properly...
Re; ideas 4 your vids......hmmm?
WoooW...
Have to ehhh...
Really consider and let you know...
If thats okay
🎉😅😊 I hadn't thought of it as my end here has been completely passive roles of watching vids at all hours of the night...I tend to be a night owl cos i used to work 12 hours nightshifts for 25 years.
I'm in Pacific NorthWest Stetes of both Oregon & Washington State...I live in both as a retiree pensioner & traveller since my retirement at a young age in my mid 40s..
I'm an explorer and like to travel past 20 years here in PNW (Pacific Northwest) I call "OreWa" a combination of both states 😊😅 I'm origionally from Nevada born Las Vegas and grew up in small towns in Lincoln County Nevada; which is: Panaca and Pioche & Caliente as well as in Vegas ...my ancestors were Pioneers who migrated from New York and Kansas & Arkansas settled in Nevada; a place called Rose Valley & Eagle Valley...Have I said too much already...😂
So I don't take meds for autism ...just 4 headache maybe and digestive upsets...
Also, it's not your fault, trauma therapy would teach you differently. Maybe your conditioning and way of being a massive big heart yet it's not your fault. They deserve to own that responsibility for their actions/inactions even if they don't ever own them and you can say yes, your responsibility to have changed and recognized all you tolerated but it's not your fault.
The only part I feel fault for, is neglecting myself for others. What I have offered others, they have never offered me. When I cut people out, I am never the one who loses anything. I see that these days.
You upped and left everything to help him and then he treated you like that. Like i said before i think we are normal and everyone else is abnormal going by their behaviour.