I prefer to say "autism can be disabling" rather than "I'm disabled". Documenting everything is always a great idea. Here we call it CYA or covering your butt. It's a nice euphemism rather than actively thinking that the worst could happen.
Perfect timing as my husband is going through a dispute a work over accommodations (he's ADHD). I would add to your advice to join a union, if you can - his rep has been brilliant & supportive & the union will help with any legal support if it goes to tribunal.
I have Autism and i 100% believe that Autism and Neurotypical workplaces can never coexist. The employment stats for Autistic people back up this assertion and my own lived expearience.
@@AdultwithAutismI’m running into this problem right now. I’m an electrical apprentice and after 4 years I’m finding out that you can’t keep running on 140% for long periods of time.
I was bullied by my boss. I worked remote in accounting and he would ask where I was and why I talk to my staff so much etc. I started getting paranoid and not sleeping at all. I knew if I disclosed I had a disability and needed a few accommodations he would get more abusive. HR was worse than him, how sad is that? Then he’d say he loved working with me and my staff said they felt like family with me. WTF. I am 65 and live in the US and… I am very good at the work I do. Their loss I guess.
That stinks my fiance is having similar issues with his car. Aww poor kitty, please give kitty love from me. Glad you’ve been able to advocate for yourself and get reasonable accommodations. Well done Paul. Please do another live,that was fun
I have been able to get reasonable adjustments at work without disclosing my autism. Advocating for myself was a skill I learned early. Only those who ask have the possibility to get what they need from an employer.
@@the_exiled_soul First, there are some prerequisites before anything that follows is achievable. 1 - Reasonable accommodations require dealing with reasonable people (Paul made this point too) 2 - The accommodation can be tied to another condition. 3 - It also helps if you have a good track record with the company prior to making requests (have demonstrated your skills and value). There are two primary accommodations I have asked for and received. Both were asked for and given before I knew that I was autistic. One was a window adjacent cubicle which was tied to seasonal affective disorder and eye strain and headaches from the fluorescent lights. Fluorescent lights are a sensory trigger for my autism, and natural light lessens the effects of the artificial lighting. My seniority in the company made this one easier (more years, better location). The second was part time work and a portion of that time work-from-home. This was tied to burnout, which I now know was due to autism. Note that this was before 2020, when work from home became more commonplace. Now, everyone in the office is given the option to WFH 2 days per week. The company I work for leaves decisions on these matters (part time, remote work) to the discretion of the individual’s manager. I was fortunate to have a manager at the time that had gone through burnout and had taken a sabbatical to recover, so was very amenable to my request. This did require a pay cut commensurate to the reduction in hours, so this was not without a cost to me. I have been attempting recently to increase my WFH hours, but have been unsuccessful making that argument, due to new and less open minded management, so success is not guaranteed. I don’t think disclosure is worth the risk to get this additional accommodation. There are other smaller things, like declaring that I will not participate in work social events. But no one cares about those, so it was just setting personal boundaries that everyone respected. Again, reasonable people make things like this easy. Plus, I’m seen as negative and overly serious, so no one wants me around to ruin the “fun” for others. My situation and requests are unique to me, so I’m not sure how valuable this will be, but there it is. And to repeat the point in the OP, one needs to ask in order to open up the possibility of receiving accommodations.
Thank you for this. I'm in burnout and been off work for the last week, planning to get signed off next week too. But this has helped me realise that some of the issues at my workplace are not even down to me and my autism, it's down to employers not doing what they said they would or colleagues not completing their jobs properly. These are things that affect other staff too, but I guess I feel it more due to my autism, does that make sense? So is this just bad management that I end up blaming myself for because I can't cope with it....I have confused myself again now! But thank you for helping me get some of my thoughts in order!
I nearly walked of my job because they told me I can’t work from home because their policy is to not allow anyone to work from home when they are on probation. Even though I gave them a letter from nhs specifying that I will need adjustments because of autism. Luckily I spoke with someone who is a barrister he said what I’m asking doesn’t cost the company and it’s reasonable so now I’m allowed to work 2 days at home.
3:18 Paul, I sooo enjoy your podcasts. As the mom of a 23 yo son with high functioning autism, it's very reassuring to hear another adult who shares in his experiences. My concern is this - he is very overweight due to only eating cheeses, crackers and milk. And he has no desire to change that. He will soon start a p/t job, but would be happy to stay in bed on RUclips 22 hours a day. How do I push him to LIVE a little? At some point, won't that become depression beyond living?
The safety net he has to do those things needs to not be as...safe. People do what they get away with, Autism or no Autism. Some of the down time he takes for granted needs to be earned. Slowly but surely, participate in household chores, own washing and ironing, get some shopping in, vacuuming, clean windows etc Always offer two choices of things you currently do both of. He has to pick one of them. One is better than none 👍🏻
If I feel overwhelmed, I’d like to be able to take a short break to get things together…..you know, like smokers get breaks to smoke. You can only hold in the urine for so long and you have to go to the toilet eventually. Being overwhelmed feels a bit like that, you can only hold it in for so long before you need relief
It’s not a pet - it’s caring for a living breathing organism and giving it the best life possible. My canine companion is getting lumps but she’s still ok and still doing her natural instinct hunting stuff/chasing (German pointer). It boils down to - people are garbage in general. I just try to deal with animals now and going to animal sanctuaries (which ironically) animals are there due to garbage humans in the first place.
Some of the reasonable work accommodations I sometimes make are not because of my autism and are because of my shorter 5ft/60 inches tall height. Other times I ask for reasonable accommodations related to my low muscle tone caused by my autism that makes it difficult to lift 50 lbs or more and other reasonable accommodations related to my auditory processing disorder (APD) like providing me with written instructions instead of auditory (verbal) instructions and when I have to do different tasks that change all the time like graphic design for example, providing me a written list of tasks to be done. Plus here in the USA, you don't have to use your diagnosis of autism to get reasonable accommodations on the job at all.
You don't always have to disclose your disability or that you have one. You can explain to your supervisor how certain accommodations would help you do your job better. That's what I've done in a couple of positions and it works well, residual if you're willing to be flexible and/ or negotiate.
True, but it relies on having a good boss. For the bad ones, unfortunately you have to convince them by reminding them you are legally covered. Shouldn't be that way, but it is. My work history is a testament to it.
@@fionamitchell4336 just checked it and it’s to a lot of providers. At the moment I’m currently waiting for a response from the NAS. As the GP did send a letter (put it as an email) to them regarding the urgency. They supply grants and other avenues from what I researched but it’s still a long winded process. I’ve basically been winging it and sort of guiding the GP as he really had no idea on any autism providers.
I've started therapy through the VAMC about three weeks ago. What good/harm will it do me to be or not to be diagnosed? I feel like I'm on the spectrum but the therapist has not diagnosed me.
So sorry about your cat, I would try putting him on a very very low carb diet, which means getting him off dry food completely as its full of grain and vegetables and other nonsense cats dont need. I think its definitely worth a go. As for your car, stay away from anything French and go for Japanese. I am becoming less and less able to tolerate the pfaff and nonsense of the neurotypical world as I get older. I am done with placating and suffering in silence. I do what I need to do to get the job done. If they dont like it they can get someone else to do it.
I prefer to say "autism can be disabling" rather than "I'm disabled".
Documenting everything is always a great idea. Here we call it CYA or covering your butt. It's a nice euphemism rather than actively thinking that the worst could happen.
Perfect timing as my husband is going through a dispute a work over accommodations (he's ADHD). I would add to your advice to join a union, if you can - his rep has been brilliant & supportive & the union will help with any legal support if it goes to tribunal.
redinthespectrum.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/600-list-of-reasonable-adjustments-for-neurodiverse-employees-already-in-their-jobs.pdf
I have Autism and i 100% believe that Autism and Neurotypical workplaces can never coexist. The employment stats for Autistic people back up this assertion and my own lived expearience.
A personable boss and reasonable adjustments can make the world of difference. Without that boss though...I hear you.
@@AdultwithAutismI’m running into this problem right now. I’m an electrical apprentice and after 4 years I’m finding out that you can’t keep running on 140% for long periods of time.
Lord, I wish I lived where you live! Instead, I'm stuck here in the U.S. with people who still don't believe that autism exists!
People still don't think it's real here either. Sorry, I didn't mean people, I meant idiots.
I was bullied by my boss. I worked remote in accounting and he would ask where I was and why I talk to my staff so much etc. I started getting paranoid and not sleeping at all. I knew if I disclosed I had a disability and needed a few accommodations he would get more abusive. HR was worse than him, how sad is that? Then he’d say he loved working with me and my staff said they felt like family with me. WTF. I am 65 and live in the US and… I am very good at the work I do. Their loss I guess.
That stinks my fiance is having similar issues with his car. Aww poor kitty, please give kitty love from me. Glad you’ve been able to advocate for yourself and get reasonable accommodations. Well done Paul. Please do another live,that was fun
So sorry to hear about your car and kitty! That really stinks to begin with, let alone when multiple things hit together.
I have been able to get reasonable adjustments at work without disclosing my autism. Advocating for myself was a skill I learned early. Only those who ask have the possibility to get what they need from an employer.
redinthespectrum.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/600-list-of-reasonable-adjustments-for-neurodiverse-employees-already-in-their-jobs.pdf
Would you be able to share a bit more on how you did it / what you said in order to get these adjustments without disclosing autism? Thank you
@@the_exiled_soul First, there are some prerequisites before anything that follows is achievable. 1 - Reasonable accommodations require dealing with reasonable people (Paul made this point too) 2 - The accommodation can be tied to another condition. 3 - It also helps if you have a good track record with the company prior to making requests (have demonstrated your skills and value).
There are two primary accommodations I have asked for and received. Both were asked for and given before I knew that I was autistic. One was a window adjacent cubicle which was tied to seasonal affective disorder and eye strain and headaches from the fluorescent lights. Fluorescent lights are a sensory trigger for my autism, and natural light lessens the effects of the artificial lighting. My seniority in the company made this one easier (more years, better location).
The second was part time work and a portion of that time work-from-home. This was tied to burnout, which I now know was due to autism. Note that this was before 2020, when work from home became more commonplace. Now, everyone in the office is given the option to WFH 2 days per week. The company I work for leaves decisions on these matters (part time, remote work) to the discretion of the individual’s manager. I was fortunate to have a manager at the time that had gone through burnout and had taken a sabbatical to recover, so was very amenable to my request. This did require a pay cut commensurate to the reduction in hours, so this was not without a cost to me.
I have been attempting recently to increase my WFH hours, but have been unsuccessful making that argument, due to new and less open minded management, so success is not guaranteed. I don’t think disclosure is worth the risk to get this additional accommodation.
There are other smaller things, like declaring that I will not participate in work social events. But no one cares about those, so it was just setting personal boundaries that everyone respected. Again, reasonable people make things like this easy. Plus, I’m seen as negative and overly serious, so no one wants me around to ruin the “fun” for others.
My situation and requests are unique to me, so I’m not sure how valuable this will be, but there it is. And to repeat the point in the OP, one needs to ask in order to open up the possibility of receiving accommodations.
I can only work at home with my own schedule which matches my needs, how I feel that day and so on. So I am a freelancer.
Thank you for this. I'm in burnout and been off work for the last week, planning to get signed off next week too. But this has helped me realise that some of the issues at my workplace are not even down to me and my autism, it's down to employers not doing what they said they would or colleagues not completing their jobs properly. These are things that affect other staff too, but I guess I feel it more due to my autism, does that make sense? So is this just bad management that I end up blaming myself for because I can't cope with it....I have confused myself again now! But thank you for helping me get some of my thoughts in order!
Thank you Paul. You’ve really give me good a for thought here!
redinthespectrum.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/600-list-of-reasonable-adjustments-for-neurodiverse-employees-already-in-their-jobs.pdf
I nearly walked of my job because they told me I can’t work from home because their policy is to not allow anyone to work from home when they are on probation. Even though I gave them a letter from nhs specifying that I will need adjustments because of autism. Luckily I spoke with someone who is a barrister he said what I’m asking doesn’t cost the company and it’s reasonable so now I’m allowed to work 2 days at home.
Hi so glad I read this. I'm going through the same thing.
Life saver. Thank you Paul 👊
👊🏻
3:18 Paul, I sooo enjoy your podcasts. As the mom of a 23 yo son with high functioning autism, it's very reassuring to hear another adult who shares in his experiences. My concern is this - he is very overweight due to only eating cheeses, crackers and milk. And he has no desire to change that. He will soon start a p/t job, but would be happy to stay in bed on RUclips 22 hours a day. How do I push him to LIVE a little? At some point, won't that become depression beyond living?
The safety net he has to do those things needs to not be as...safe. People do what they get away with, Autism or no Autism. Some of the down time he takes for granted needs to be earned. Slowly but surely, participate in household chores, own washing and ironing, get some shopping in, vacuuming, clean windows etc
Always offer two choices of things you currently do both of. He has to pick one of them. One is better than none 👍🏻
Appreciate your view, thank you for sharing. Reasonable adjustments have been on my mind, your videos have been helpful.
Glad to help
Gorgeous reasonable summary!
If I feel overwhelmed, I’d like to be able to take a short break to get things together…..you know, like smokers get breaks to smoke.
You can only hold in the urine for so long and you have to go to the toilet eventually. Being overwhelmed feels a bit like that, you can only hold it in for so long before you need relief
Great video. Thank you
I am sorry to hear about your kitty. I genuinely hope you are coping as best you can. I understand how hard it is when a pet is unwell
Losing a pet is so hard 😢
It’s not a pet - it’s caring for a living breathing organism and giving it the best life possible. My canine companion is getting lumps but she’s still ok and still doing her natural instinct hunting stuff/chasing (German pointer). It boils down to - people are garbage in general. I just try to deal with animals now and going to animal sanctuaries (which ironically) animals are there due to garbage humans in the first place.
Thank you. Thank you!
Some of the reasonable work accommodations I sometimes make are not because of my autism and are because of my shorter 5ft/60 inches tall height. Other times I ask for reasonable accommodations related to my low muscle tone caused by my autism that makes it difficult to lift 50 lbs or more and other reasonable accommodations related to my auditory processing disorder (APD) like providing me with written instructions instead of auditory (verbal) instructions and when I have to do different tasks that change all the time like graphic design for example, providing me a written list of tasks to be done. Plus here in the USA, you don't have to use your diagnosis of autism to get reasonable accommodations on the job at all.
You don't always have to disclose your disability or that you have one. You can explain to your supervisor how certain accommodations would help you do your job better. That's what I've done in a couple of positions and it works well, residual if you're willing to be flexible and/ or negotiate.
True, but it relies on having a good boss. For the bad ones, unfortunately you have to convince them by reminding them you are legally covered. Shouldn't be that way, but it is. My work history is a testament to it.
35 - even diagnosis is 36 month wait. Don’t have a spare £3800 lying around. Absolute hell at the moment.
If your in England look up ‘right to choose’ you may be able to get fast tracked assessment
@@fionamitchell4336 just checked it and it’s to a lot of providers. At the moment I’m currently waiting for a response from the NAS. As the GP did send a letter (put it as an email) to them regarding the urgency. They supply grants and other avenues from what I researched but it’s still a long winded process. I’ve basically been winging it and sort of guiding the GP as he really had no idea on any autism providers.
I've started therapy through the VAMC about three weeks ago.
What good/harm will it do me to be or not to be diagnosed?
I feel like I'm on the spectrum but the therapist has not diagnosed me.
It's just good to know. I'm glad I had it confirmed...otherwise I'd always have wondered without an official diagnosis.
So sorry about your cat, I would try putting him on a very very low carb diet, which means getting him off dry food completely as its full of grain and vegetables and other nonsense cats dont need. I think its definitely worth a go. As for your car, stay away from anything French and go for Japanese. I am becoming less and less able to tolerate the pfaff and nonsense of the neurotypical world as I get older. I am done with placating and suffering in silence. I do what I need to do to get the job done. If they dont like it they can get someone else to do it.