MADAME WEB (Spoiler Review) - Her Web Connects ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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Sony's Madame Web has set a standard so low that even shills are struggling to say nice things about it. It's indefensible. Join us, as we cast this faux Spiderman "film" into a most deserved fire.
Music by @whitebataudio
#madameweb #moviereview #marvel #mcu #sonypictures #dakotajohnson #spiderman #sydneysweeney
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I cried when Dakota Johnson said to the villain “I know you said it’s not my business, but I’m MAKING IT *MADAME* BUSINESS” inspirational stuff
We were in awe.
Wait that’s a real line?!
@@matteobattaglia9929yes this is what madame web says before destroying the patriarchy
*no it’s not a real line*
I fell for that 😭@@eanderson9599
The funny thing is that we aren't wrong to actually believe lines like that might be real. lol I thought "It's Morbin' Time" was actually in Morbius. lol@@matteobattaglia9929
"They're so allergic to money" 😂
Who is here because Brett Cooper spoke of this channel on her video?
🤚🏼
Me too
My favorite part was how they reworked the "with great power comes great responsibility" line to relate to her lol it really brought the whole movie together.
Not only this "film" forgot to explain why would those 3 teenage girls decide to kill Sims, but it also turned its own plot into a self-fulfilling prophecy without any buildup or reason for it.
Solid writing.
@@hardcutreviews Solid like dog turds.
Someone I know accurately described the look of this as "Final Destination meets Nancy Drew confused w/ The Terminator". Madame Web from the comics doesn't have any major story arcs nor runs instead is a blind pre-cognitive elderly woman who assisted Spider Man numerous times. As for the other Spider-Women, again, they have no relation to Madame Web in the comics and are knockoffs of Spider-Man w/ little relation between any of the three. If a writer came in who was a comic book fan knowing these characters and perhaps had interest in telling an interesting story perhaps this movie coulda turned out much different but clearly that wasn't Sony's MO.
"It's never been done before..." LOL! INDEED.
What's more sadder, watching this in theaters on Valentine's Day or being alone on Valentine's day?
Watching this movie alone on Valentine’s Day 😅
Pepsi saves the day: the movie.
Dakota Johnson basically becomes Mrs. Garrett. That actually would've been a better origin story.
Congrats on the 5k subs 🥳. Your content, no lie, up there with the biggest movie review channels. Its just chatting about movies with a bud.
Thanks, dude. We’d chat about this stuff for hours if we didn’t have to edit it afterwards.
@@hardcutreviews Subscribers have doubled (and the some) since this comment.
Should have called it, “Ma’am Web”
'Wham'adame Web
I love the skit at the very beginning! Was giving me portlandia vibes!😂
Omg… you guys are getting good! I’ve recently watched a old Siskel and Ebert review and your reviews put them to shame
Haha, I don’t even think we can accept a compliment like that. They were the gold standard for a long time and we just love to bullshit.
@@hardcutreviews well maybe if they lived to “bullshit” a little more rather than inhaling their own farts (South Park reference) it could have made them a little more palatable.
And let’s face it, they were the “Gold Standard” because they were forced on us.
We didn’t really have much of a choice.
Did they know their stuff? I guess? Sure… but they also probably got into the position they did by trading babies blood.
Or a compromising trip to so private island somewhere.
Because it sure as hell wasn’t based on their colorful personalities, appeal, or relatability to the target audience!
Actually your right… you probably should reject even being put in the same discussion as those two.
In fact you guys are like the Bizaro-Siskel & Ebert.
I don’t think those guys would have gone anywhere near reviewing “Thanksgiving”, “Silent Night” or “Violent Night”!
They were far too “reputable” to spend their time viewing such “movies” lol
Keep it up fellas!
Spit take on the thumbnail! BRAVO! 👏 👏 👏
I cried when they said “you are the Madame of this web, you are Madame web.”
I feel like this could’ve been a really unique slasher-style story if the script was in better hands. Like, Spider-Man mixed with Scream would’ve at least been a better starting point!
Anything would have been a better starting point. If they wanted to treat it like a thriller, they should have gone all in.
this intro is so good lmaooooo
Wait… “It’s Morbin time” is a REAL quote??? I always just thought that was like an essence extracted by the fans.
No it’s not real, lol. It was just too good not include.
No its not in the actual movie, I think someone make that with AI haha
Did I get this right? They made a feminist movie where it takes 4 or 5 spider-women to match the powers of spider-man?
Half right. None of the girls have powers except one. And she barely knows how to use them until the end. He probably should have killed them all in the first act.
@@hardcutreviews Even more hilarious
There are scenes where the villain is literally attacking less important people surrounding the main characters for no reason when he should be going straight for them. @@Draugo
@@hardcutreviews The more I hear of this movie the more I'm starting to think it's made this way deliberately as some sort of weak attempt at gaslighting. They want to be able to point to it and say "Look, we made a movie that had decent looking women in attractive clothes in them, without heavy politics and it still bombed. Can't be the DEI that's the problem."
Bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off for them.@@Draugo
0:18 😂😂😂 Consider the patriarchy dismantled
A video I watched recently looked at all of the lines that were inserted through ADR, and theorized that in the movie the viillain was supposed to be a completely different person from the comics, and his vision was that he would be killed by Spider-Man but the studio lost the rights to put Spidey in their movie so had to throw in the scene with the three girls having superpowers. I don't know if I believe it, but I do think there were a ton of changes we will never know about.
haha this is amazing! love the channel! happy i found it!
Glad you covered the rules of "premonition mode". Not many reviews have. It was a confusing AF hinderance, not a "gift" at all. Keep it. 🤣
Great channel. Subbed.
Thanks, dude. A little consistency goes a long way in a story.
It's always a good day when HardCut uploads. I was so excited to see your review of this one.. I could tell this intro was coming 😂
We didn’t want to do it… but we knew we had to. Always glad to see you pop up in the comments. 👍🏻
@@hardcutreviews haha. Legends! Thanks so much guys
Congratulations!
You earned my subscription with:
"Diversity hire director"
Although in all fairness, the ham wallet who directed this movie is now quite dark enough to be an actual "diversity hire..."
I’m only 40 seconds in....bravo guys. Bravo.
New sub! (Thanks Brett for letting us know about you!) Another movie to add to the "Never Watch" list!
Recently found you lot, great reviews, keep up the good work.
Thanks, dude. Appreciate it!
Watch all your videos... Love the reviews from the bros
Bring on Kraven and Venom 3 😮
omg the wigs soon as this started...love this 💯
We don’t bring the girls on often but when we do, they get fired up.
phffff....the crusty white dog line caught me off guard
If you take only one thing away from this video… it’s that Scheller ❤️ Rocky.
So courageous.
Everyone knows that the Greatest power anyone could have is being a Woman and the greatest threat ever is the Patriarchy. I can't wait for the sequel. Great review guys!
Lmfao!!!The patriarchy😂😂😂
Congratulations on the 5K (now 6K and counting)! 🎉🎂 it’s unfortunate that you had to celebrate it with a clunker like Madame Web, but alas…. The next one will be better! Cheers! 😅
We take the little victories any way they come, haha. Thanks for watching and sticking with us!
I just found your channel today, plus one subs
4:15 😂😂😂 Purple hair!
2003 Final Destination 2 said then Madame Webb's movie is going to die😂😂😂😂
Great intro 😂that was funny. I’m surprised you all don’t have more subscribers.
YT isn’t kind to our brand of humor, haha.
After the Peruvian scene, they should've showed what the villain did after(became rich/influential) and then have the dream. After seeing how he developed after the amazon crime scene, and seeing how he got super powers(spider was expected to be a medicine) and how he ends, how he becomes the terminator. We could also understand that the spider girls killed him because he's a villain. All this could be done in the first 8 min, and then relegate him as the Mr X(Resident Evil 2 game) character that appears to haunt the girls.
It is hard to believe that the baby got shipped to the U.S. real quick during the 70's. So it would be more credible for her to stay with the tribe. She would appear to appear to the girls(ghost) and guide them to survive. 3 girls who meet, and become "sisters" while surviving a terminator's attempt. Since M.Webb is a clairvoyant, she helps them survive and meet near the end. The girls get a chance to be seen developed thru this crisis, like Sara Connor. Since this movie was intended to be a female thriller, so it gets the chance.
17:32 - No. Its not stupid. Its like in the Nicholas Cage's NEXT. The character was not a military, badass. He just used future knowledge that constantly changed through his actions. So, Webb using that to entrap a terminator she cannot fight melee, its the best course of action. Now, how it is done, that's they failed. M.Webb as someone this terminator never faced, she could've appeared(specter?) and make him fell into deadly trap(Patrick Swayze's GHOST). Use also the "finally got my revenge on you, scumbag!" motif reveal from her, so we get some kind of closure for what he did at the beginning.
The movie could end after finally meeting, showing growth after surviving the crisis, and accepting how they take responsibility not only for their lives; but to a better future by saving lives as spider girls. This leaves more room if they decide to integrate with the Venom universe later in another movie. All in all, its got potential; but the end result...is worst than the 90's Fantastic Four that never got released?
It may not be overtly woke in regards to it preaching a message through dialogue/plot, but the very concept of taking the symbolic identity and prestige of Spider-Man and functionally redistributing it to various genders and various races is kinda what Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is all about. Yes, there have been female versions of popular characters dating back to the 60's and 70's, but their creation wasn't motivated by the kind of political activism and moral panic that has captured most of modern entertainment.
This is a great point. The mere fact this dumpster fire exists is a direct result of everything wrong in Hollywood.
Great video and review. I subbed. Don't forget Chekhov's Pepsi...😂😂😂😂😂
My favorite channel 🎉
😆 I love you guys, This movie looks hilariously bad.
We were laughing quite a bit so it was almost worth the 2 hours. Almost.
I love that we are still trying to believe that Sydney Sweeney is a teenager. There is nothing about her that tells us she’s a kid.
Ma-DUMB Web
Your openings are so funny. Keep up the good work.
Appreciate it, dude. Thanks for watching.
This is amazing 😂
Bret "the hitman" Hart glasses 😂😂. he wore them better.
Thank you for your service.
Brett Cooper led me to this masterpiece.
First movie with a strong female lead...
It’s never been done before.
The three girls are characters, they are mcguffins, a plot device only 15:01
Sheller ❤️Rocky crusty white dogs ftw
This was a good review. I also like how it's just bad
So bad.
I kinda liked it haha! Eye candy aside.
Gotta respect the bravery to admit you like this film, haha. 👍🏻
@@hardcutreviews obviously not a good film as a whole but marvel stuff even the bad like morbius she hulk I can at least kinda enjoy. Eternals tho ouch terrible.
Brett Cooper sent me
yes
a little harsh 4:27
Oooof this shit sucks worse than the movie
Thanks for letting us know. We’ll deactivate the channel right away.
😂😂😂😂 Right away!@@hardcutreviews
This was absolutely cringe guys. Do less.
Good call. We’ll shut the channel down today.
My favorite part is when Dakota Johnson mumbled, "It's webbin' time!" then farted and smirked.
Sony just doesn’t understand what would sell movie tickets.
I don't think even Wolverine with his healing factor would go barefoot on a New York subway !
Lol. Yeah, if you blink you’ll miss the fact he’s barefoot. Yet his feet are covered in the faux Spider-Man costume. Perfect.
the guy on the left looks so much like Scott Thompson from kids in the hall in this drag getup haha, it's trippin me out
Excited for "Iron Lady-Man" coming 2026.
I cant wait for the female led Project X sequel. Yes, its real.
How do you guys not have more subs.
YT hates pushing channels that don’t conform.
A movie existing BECAUSE of the agenda is not far removed from a movie being infused with the agenda.
That thumbnail though 😆
Dakota Johnson hasn't taken so much punishment since Mr. Grey!!!!
Facts.
Funny shirt Matt ;) Congrats also on finally reaching 6k subscribers! Such a cool milestone. I think I might wait for this movie to hit a streaming service before I watch it. I cannot wait to treat it like a comedy. That director should leave hollywood immediately!
I'll give this movie one tiny redeeming point: It wasn't about some giant blue sky beam, or some villain hoping to obliterate the Earth, or some multiversal threat that will wipe out all of existence. It was about a crazy guy wanting to kill a few kids. That obviously doesn't justify the rest of the movie for being crap, but it's one thing it has over all the other superhero movies that come out these days.
Yeah that’s a great point. They could have really leaned into this being a thriller but they didn’t commit. Would have been into something like that.
loved this review. Instant sub.
Appreciate the follow.
Congratulations on your subscribers, you deserve so much more! Your videos are flawlessly edited and your opinions are very honest and grounded, also funny. Sending hugs from México.
Appreciate that! Thanks for watching!
Sims should have been a Sim, a character from that computer game speaking only that gibberish language. It would have improved the movie, no doubt.
My first video with you guys, love ya.
You know it’s odd that the director looks more like comic accurate Madame Web than the actual actress that plays the character. Can’t wait to not see Kraven, it’s kravin time!
Mediterranean Josh Groban 🤣 Also to add to what you guys said at the 8:30 mark - the whole idea of him hunting them down would have been more interesting if it wasn't in sequential order and you had to work it out as you went along and piece it together yourself, but what am I saying?? The studio wouldn't have been this clever 🙄
They could have had some real fun with the thriller aspect and kept the audience guessing… about anything.
@@hardcutreviews 🤣 absolutely. I think if Madame Web was played as closer to the comics, an older, blind woman, sitting atop a webbed-throne, and it was a multiverse film involving the Peter Parker's or some of the previously portrayed characters from the larger Marvel universe it could have been interesting. But it certainly wouldn't be out this year! This was made as a quick buck so Sony can hold on to the rights and it shows. Since Morbius and Venom Let There Be Carnage nobody is falling for it now.
No quick bucks here, lol. This is a heavy loss. @@JohnDavidSullivan
Great job reaching 5000 subs guys! I’ve been a subscriber for about a year and it’s been a fun ride so far, keep having fun guys! Great job
Thanks for sticking with us through the ups and downs, dude. It’s definitely been a fun ride so far.
I like how you guys dressed differently in this one because you looked kinda the same in the older vids 🙂👍
Our wives agree with you, haha.
I lost this channel for a while. I'm glad i found it again. Since the fellas over at Red Letter Media got bought by Disney. i quit seeing their stuff
Glad to have you back.
This movie was obviously made to retain rights to spiderman IP. They knew they were making a terrible movie and tricked the actors to participate. They got paid so i dont really feel too bad for them.
100%. They have to pump out at least 1 film a year to hold on to it. At least they could attempt to turn a profit.
Ngl i would rather watch the movie "Next" again. It handles the idea of short term premonition way better
All you had to say was… Nick Cage is in it. Sold.
😂😂
Italian Spider-Man should have been in it!
The film would have had a bigger box office opening if it did.
I loved the video, thanks so much for the non pr intro, needed the laughs jajajajajja. Subscribed :)
It will never not be funny that some poster displays for this movie…feature an empty chair.
I know it’s for selfies, but it’s still funny.
I expected this movie to be bad, but Gollee, it was worse than bad. Thanks for the great review and congrats on 5,000 subs!
Thanks, dude!
Congrats on nearing 6K. Keep growing the channel!
Thanks, dude!
The marvels was literally worse on every possible level 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Opinions vary, lol.
Congrats guys.
Thanks, dude.
Was watching this and was thinking, why mention your rule if your just gonna break it a second after , just seemed like the rule thing you could just left out
We’d only be breaking the rule if the film was still technically well made. This wasn’t. There were a lot of technical issues so we dropped below the “3” cutoff.
4:18 bro why why is every ep about you accusing everyone to be an sjw
Look at that picture!! Am I wrong??
@@hardcutreviews yes bcs women come in all shapes and sizes, here ill do you you are a teenage Zach Snyder fanboy and your friend`s a stoner
Ok, but the difference is, I don't care. @@mikayelalikhanyan1587
@@hardcutreviews hell if you don't care how this looks whatever, but if there is a part that does, it just seems odd that you put this feminist message crap in every video as if its a part of the film, It comes off that you see girls your age to be wild swinging sex machines that all want to bang the first guy they see then the legion of feminists put a stop to that and had you guys on the curb for no reason, but cmon you guys don't do sports and you aren't that hot to have that anyway and its more disturbing that you guys go this far trying to put down all these actors as if any of them care either
@@hardcutreviews hell man if you don't care how this looks whatever, but if there is a small part of you that does then I gotta say it's very odd that you talk about how there is a feminist message here even though there isn't one, it comes across that you guys don't meet girls your age and it's like you have this idea that women are this wild, sex crazy, force that just throws themselves to the first guy they see, and now these feminists came along and ruined the fun for everyone for no reason, bro if that's how you feel then why aren't you looking the part? neither of you plays sports, you both aren't fit and you just expect girls to like you that way.... I don`t think it's feminism's fault guys