i really appreciate that you mentioned how we can be mistaken for narcissists (especially since public interest in narcissists has seemingly grown in recent years). i wanna scream "i promise i actually do love and care for you i just dont know how to show it all the time!!!" lol
Soo true! I was unaware for a long time that I came off like a Narc or "bitchy/snobby". My hubby finally told me that that is usually how I come off for 1st impressions. I can't believe I didn't realize the lack of eye contact, not initiating conversation or giving short responses because of being uncomfortable would be misconstrued that way. DUH🤦🏻♀️. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years (since high school). We STILL struggle with communication and other things related to autism. It's constant work but worth it!
My partner: Heres a thing I need some support on. Me: I can relate to that by telling a story of my own experience and thus show my support! My parrner- why do you always make it about you? Me-
OMG.I HAD THE SAME EXACT THING OF BEING DISGUSTED BY PEOPLE WHEN I REALIZED THEY LIKED ME. I thought I was the only one!!! I didn’t date until I was 21. I’m having an assessment in August.
Same here, Proserpine... I'd never heard anyone said it with the exact same words and feelings I use until Olivia did it here... yep yep yep. Also on a waiting list for my assessment...fingers crossed for it soon.
I assumed I had fearful-disorganized attachment ... But I do have a lot of characteristics of autism but I have ADHD and work in biomedical research so my autism characteristics aren't noticed in that environment.
This is my ideal set up. I would love to find a guy one day that is okay with separate bedrooms because my ability to process touch and need for space comes and goes in phases. Some weeks, don't even think about touching me, others, "all the hugs!" Plus, we could have sleepovers in our own house and treat ourselves with s'mores or something. :)
The point about feeling gross about someone liking you back was interesting. I relate in a backwards way, where often someone I hadn't really noticed or had just met would be flirty and would show interest. I would get really shy and be creeped out by it. Then after they've moved on and quit expressing interest in me, I'd suddenly start to get a crush on the person - but by then it was too late.
Yep yep yep. In the 3rd grade, a boy told me I was cute and I CRIED. And tattled on him. The teacher didn’t “get” why I was so upset, she said “it’s a compliment”. I didn’t get it either tbh, I just remember saying “I don’t want boys to feel that way about me”. Found out much later I’m bi but also the more I learn about autism the MORE IT MAKES EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE. For a long time as an adult I thought that maybe I was one of those people that lost attraction sexually the more comfy I got with a person… because that was the experience for so long. still not quite figured out but I am happy to say I’m in a 4 year relationship and the “sexual feelings” are still there! Even if it’s more stable now and my sex drive is not through the roof…
I was so anxious to hear what your thoughts were about children. I wasn’t surprised when you said you didn’t want any or couldn’t stand their crying. This is exactly how my family member feels.
I 100% get that about the feeling switch when you find out they like you. Even about the sexual stuff, it's not that I'm repulsed by it but I sometimes just forget it exists and my bf has a pretty high sex drive so sometimes I offend him (sort of? he finds it funny but I still worry he's actually offended sometimes) when I'm like "oh you want sex?" because I just thought we were hanging out and I missed all of his signals to move things along haha
Lol! I can totally relate! Thanks so much for watching and sharing your take. :) Thankfully, Alex has a pretty low sex drive. I tried to get him to talk about it but as you could see he wasn't having it LOL!! :P
I'm having my assessment next week (I'm 24), and I wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences! I've always seen myself as some strange kind of monster because of things like needing my space so badly, being anxious about new things / emotional proximity, and my feelings vanishing when someone liked me back. It gives me hope to see that you made it work.
@Mar Umi...good luck! I am pretty confident that a diagnosis will give you at least some sense of relief. Knowing WHY you've always been a certain way and understanding yourself is a huge step!
I'm so honored this video could give you some hope. The right one is out there for you, and I know you can make it work too when the time and person is right. Best of luck on your assessment, too!!
@@robiesmum1 hmmm that probably depends on your country. I would recommend going through some subreddits to see what all the options are where you live. But I'm sure there are official sources as well. I was very lucky -- all I had to do was contact a local association and I got an affordable assessment by two psychologists who specialise in autism. I had an interview on the phone first, then one of my close friends had to answer questions about me so they'd have another information source, and then I had a 2h30 interview in person for them to gather more info and put it all together.
I'm autistic and realized pretty recently that most of my repulsion in relationships from touch and from reciprocated feelings actually stemmed from me Not being interested in men!! Obviously could also be an autism thing as seen by lots of the comments, but sometimes a good look inward might reveal something else!! I was always super comfortable in relationships with men if there was no pressure to have sex and we could just remain friends that lived together, but I have actual romantic desires with women!
Thank you both for this vid. My son, Alex, is in a relationship with a woman w autism, and i found this to be a comfort to ME, surprisingly. I know that he TRULY loves her and that she loves him, too...even when she cant show it.
I'm so glad this video could bring you comfort!! Your Alex is a saint, and I promise his girlfriend loves him even when, like you said, she can't show it.
I felt the same way about the kid thing. My hubby and I have 3 kiddos. And I got Sooo lucky! My kids have always been quiet and understanding. I 💯 can NOT deal with other peoples children though.lol. I'm 41, and have a 20yo,19yo & 16yo. My oldest son & daughter are both out of the house now & active military hundreds of miles away. Kids are alot like clay. While u have to let thier personalities shine. They are good at molding and adapting to the home environment they have. Like I said Noise, especially multiple noise simultaneously(like TV going , kids toys and conversations at the same time) is a HUGE trigger for me. My kids adapted to quiet play very young and were great sleepers even as babies. But, it's an individuals choice whether mother/fatherhood is right 4 them. So, I respect your choices whatever they are. 😊
Thanks so much for sharing this with me! That's amazing your children have been so understanding. You make me confident that I could maybe do motherhood one day. So, thank you again :)
I am so glad I came across this.... I am easily overwhelmed by noise, it's a serious trigger for me... I always just assumed this was my anxiety playing out but now i am beginning to question if i may be on the spectrum because so much of what is said in this video are things i struggle with and in all other videos...it just makes sense. Does anyone know how to get an assessment? I have a cousin my age who is autistic.I never imagined that what I have struggled with could be becuase I may be on the spectrum. until my eyes were opened.crazy to think so many others out there feel like me. This channel is a godsend.
@@OliviaHops motherhood is hard in general but seeing how you feel ,and already being a mom ,not to disheartening you buy I do struggle with those things, except coming into it, you are gaining the tools you need and have a support group who understand your struggles and this is something i havent had yet. So maybe once i can get those things , it will help greatly. I think you would be a wonderful mother one day. Being on the spectrum may make things harder, but definately not impossible.🙂💕
This is so empowering. In 2014, I was in a relationship once with an autistic person, which sadly didn’t go well. Yes a lot has changed since then. Having your boyfriend come on the video for a little Q&A has given me some helpful tools to keep in mind. You are very lucky to be with someone who will be a part of your autism journey and will flow with your learning differences when the adaptation happens and seven years or more can be rare. Wishing you and Alex much happiness in the coming years.
My husband is NT, laid back, and the complete opposite of me as well! Our wedding anniversary is actually tomorrow! Thank you for sharing this video I appreciate how honest you are and I completely relate to many things you mentioned. Thank you Alex for joining! My husband plays video games too!
I'm asexual and it was really hard for me to do sexual stuff with my boyfriend first. I was very afraid and a bit repulsed by those things. Luckily my bf didn't pressure me to do anything and let me decide when we do what. I think it took me ~9 months to feel finally ready. I just thought regularly about sexual situations and me in it, which was kinda gross to me at first but somewhere along they way I kinda got used to it and got more comfortable with it so I guessed why not try it one time. Now I even like to do sexual stuff with him, what really surprised me. Just wanted to share this, maybe it helps someone who deals with similar things :)
@@OliviaHops I know someone who is now a psychiatrist, but in undergrad and medical school and beyond she used to identify as asexual and then suddenly wasn't anymore many years into her relationship. I wonder more, years later, what she thinks about it. I don't mean this in a way to minimize her experiences, but I wonder if it's driven by stress/anxiety and how the microbiome affects mental processes... My psychiatrist friend became plant-based/vegan and some years later she seemed to have a lot of changes. She also seems like she could be on the spectrum... That's why I'm friends with her maybe hahaha
😮 I am fascinated -- while I identify as "sexual," I cannot seem to get into a relationship. How does this happen? Is this a personality thing? Maybe I reject interests too much...
I found your video very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I am on the asexual spectrum myself and just wanted to add to the asexuality comment to raise awareness for anyone who may not know that much about it: Like autism, asexuality is a spectrum and can present differently in different people. Some asexuals are completely repulsed by sex, some are indifferent, and some actually like it under the right circumstances. Even in people that are not asexual, the importance of sex can vary greatly depending on the person. The important part is that there's nothing morally wrong with wanting or not wanting sex, just as there is nothing morally wrong with wanting or not wanting to have kids. You should never feel forced into a life you don't want to have or feel guilty about the way you are. But since those decisions also affect your partner, it's important to be honest with them about it. Sometimes compromises can be reached that everyone is happy with, and sometimes the two people just aren't compatible enough to continue the relationship.
Yes! It's so nice to hear someone else talk about the weird repulsion thing!! I could feel very strong feelings for someone but once it was reciprocated it was like a nightmare scenario for my brain and I've still never understood why. Part of me thinks it's an attachment trauma issue but I'm not sure!
I'm pretty sure this is an asexual spectrum trait (although trauma can certainly play a part), I know op said they didn't really like to label but it really sounds like they fit perhaps a blend of a couple asexual identities. I'm on the asexual spectrum and I fit somewhere in the demi-sexual/grey-sexual area. Finding the label/words that best describe me really helped in furthering the communication between me and my husband. (It's still a struggle, but for me at least, every little bit helps)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I really thought I was! And also, this other person commented that this is apparently called "Lithromantic." She sent me this link and WOW, it is SO relatable! Check it out and let me know what you think: aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Lithromantic
@@OliviaHopsWhile this does describe me, I don't get how this isn't just a trauma response (e.g. limerance). Like, what would distinguish between trauma and orientation?
@@Heyu7her3I believe they’re very, very interconnected - as with anything having to do with the way our brains are wired. While I appreciate that labels are a necessary part of human language so we can, ya know, communicate…when it comes to describing the mental/emotional realm, it’s not always nature vs. nurture. Most of the time it’s nature *plus* the way in which we were (or weren’t) nurtured Even when it comes to proven physical and chemical differences in a persons’ brain, the way life happens to us inevitably creates even further differences in how we express the labels we’re given
Oh my goodness your feelings towards relationships when you would figure out they liked you back, is exactly what I feel! You speaking on this gives me a lot of hope because I do want to have a relationship, but I thought I was broken because I always immediately felt like I didn't like them when I figured out they liked me. Thank you for mentioning this. It gives me a lot of hope.
You and your content are most helpful and surprisingly accurate for my daughter and I … so reassuring we r not the only ones!! Your experiences and what u share resonate and feel so genuine! Please please please keep posting regularly if possible. Thank you! 💜
Thank you for being so honest in this video. You speak about a lot of issues I find in my relationships, and like you say, there is often a lot of guilt attached to them.
I have 2 kids! autistic and everything you said I related to. to the tee sensory issues. i wear noise cancelling earmuffs when there having temper tantrums. helps a lot. i over heat and temp is another issue and touch is a lot when I'm overwhelmed. i have a fan. I'm working on knowing when I'm spinning out and ways to combat it but I'm lucky enough my fiance can catch me too and help me before it happens. there's moment when I need a breather but I've worked out ways around the kids ! thought id be the 40 yr old single aunt w/ no kids 4 yrs ago! crazy how quickly things changed but its also completely normal to not want kids. i have a friend who wont even hold my kids. or be alone with them. she freaks out when I go to the bathroom. everyone's got their own thing! just have to respect each other!
Thanks so much for watching my video and for sharing a little bit about your life with me! I really appreciate the comments. They're very encouraging that maybe one day I could do motherhood! God Bless you and your family!
About the kid part: I get it. A LOT. Ive always hated kids and don't know how to function around them at all. I have to bite my tongue and realize I am talking to kids instead of my adult friends or something. Like I speak slower and have to be more upbeat and playful. When I met my boyfriend, I wanted kids with him. I want them now because I know he will make an amazing partner with our kids and will help me when I experience burn out and can't function.
It's okay! It just means it's not the right one. I was searching all through high school because I wanted to try out a relationship. Obviously nothing ever worked out. It was when I was least expecting it that Alex showed up. I know it's a cliche, but that's really how it happened!
@@DeborahAnnsuperversatile Me too. I was 30+ and thought relationships weren't for me and gave up on the idea. A few months later I met my boyfriend! We have been together 10 years.
I had a crush on the same guy for three years in high school. Any guy who was interested in me repulsed me, but my crush never did so that wasn't a problem! As an adult a similar pattern continued until finally (at 33!!!!) I met my husband, who is also very different from me!
This is so darn cute!! You guys do seem like the perfect match and this video gives me hope that there’s someone out there who can deal with all of my craziness too!! thanks for creating this both of you!! 💜
Aw, thanks so much, Liv!! There is absolutely someone out there for you. Alex deals with my craziness and somehow STILL loves me and WANTS to be with me. Blows my mind! LOL!
Would you consider making a video on how you do housework (scheduled or always changing when things get done etc.) and living with your partner/spouse and their response to it. Also do you struggle with clutter? For you does managing your belongings come easily? I struggle with clutter and making decisions. Working at a household task until it is finished before going onto the next thing is hard for me to do so I have lots of started unfinished tasks pretty much all the time. If I'm hosting guests I work tirelessly and then I usually have a meltdown when I can't get it all done and their arrival is quickly approaching. Can you relate to any of this, are opposite of me (always completing tasks and maybe got frustrated when you lived with someone like me in the past, or balanced and don't struggle with any of this?
Thanks Olivia for such a sincere presentation. You are a lucky girl to have Alex in your life! He is the perfect guy for you and it looks like He really loves you! 💞
Hello, I have been diagnosed last year at 40 years old. Definitely relationships are very challenging for us, because of so many reasons, like changing plans, routines, etc. But I would say sex life is one of the most difficult things of all, as you im not very interested and very sensitive, so for your partner is a big issue even if they don’t recognize it, is a struggle for both. Just for looking at Alex face I can tell he have feelings about it but he doesn’t acknowledge them. Have you ever try to go to therapy together? It helped a lot to me and my partner.
You're description of Alex sounds just like my dad who does have Aspergers. Not saying that as diagnostic for Alex, just that someone can be laid back, go with the flow, easy going, and still be autistic - or not. My dad is hilarious too, deeply loyal, very steady, a good provider, non-judgmental - and has a host of other autistic traits.
You are the perfect girl for certain kind of people. Your boyfriend is very lucky!! A girl that doesn't play psychological tricks against men, what a blessing!!! Now, if you also don't care about money, if you don't mind your boyfriend bot having enough money, you are a miracle
YES! You are NOT alone. I liked a guy that seriously looked like Patrick Swazy annnnd he actually had a big crush on me when I got older and I totally totally totally didn't want to be in a relationship with him. I've been in unhealthy relationships though--- not good. But I am 33 and been with my husband for 12 years- happy ending. I am not diagnosed yet- so it's CRAZY that my husband and I are learning about this now. I totally need to do videos- like I am excited to talk about how growing up in a small school- someone in my class had aspergers and everyone totally knew and he was antagonized and it was aweful- I learned SO MUCH from him. NO idea i was autistic. I will comment somewhere if a doctor says I am not but like- my hunches are usually right and I just can't wait to learn more and get to a point where I am ME more.
Also, my boyfriend LOVES that I am a tom boy! I don't like a lot of girly things, but at the same time I do. I prefer sports, cars, Legos, and things that require my masculine dominated side of my brain. I love getting my nails done, fashion, and make up. Everything else is mostly "masculine"
Think about ways you could arrange help with having kids. Afford someone to come a few hrs a day or take child at designated times and dates. Plan breaks so you get breaks. It really helps.
Also people should be aware that any older child that is adopted will have trauma that needs to be worked through and will come out in different ways. They are also very likely to have some kind of special need or disability (even if it's not yet diagnosed when they meet them.)
@@OliviaHops Who knows? You may end up adopting a child with autism who's been through trauma that only you can help, understand, and empathize with their unique needs. That's kinda how I got my own diagnosis, I became surprised at how much I was able to empathize and care for my son after his diagnosis.
I just discovered these videos with you and I am diagnosed with add on the autism spectrum. For me i never wanted kids, i felt so stressed about it. Also i never wanted to be married. I am now married and have a daughter haha. If you meet the right person things just work I guess haha. I wish you all the luck
Lol! Yes! So nervous!! He acts totally different with me, but is super shy around people he doesn't know and, apparently, a camera! Thanks so much for watching and for your kind comment. God Bless
Never apologize about not wanting intimacy or being unable to do so. There is NOTHING wrong with it and there is no reason to change. Embrace yourself!
I always had romantic/crush feelings from a young age, but I was completely not into the idea of kissing. Had a total of 3 short kisses from all the dates/boyfriends over the years (ages 16-25). Finally allowed kissing with my husband when we were dating, but it made me laugh at first. Such an unnecessary thing to smoosh your mouth with someone else... between the breath and possible spit and tongue, who thought THAT was a good idea?! Nothing else is an issue, but I tolerate my hubby kissing me (still don’t care for French kissing). Just make sure I can breathe cool air or I feel like I might suffocate.
I was referred to a psychiatrist about 2 years ago (when I was 18) to get an autism assessment, but the psychiatrist told me that there was no way I could because I had a boyfriend. The same guy also put me on ADHD medication but told me I couldn’t actually have it because I got good grades in school😂 I’m hoping this next psychiatrist will be a little more open-minded🤞
You give Alex an opportunity to chime-in and make-fun-of or have-fun-with the subject of your bodily functions ... and he opted not to / seemingly didn't have the latent readiness/capacity to nudge you under the bus for a laugh. Nothing. This is envianle of both of you. I have made fun of my Woman's body for a laugh much more than just once. I am slowly allowing these shoelaces to be untied and I am a work in progress. Thank you, Alex for embodying inter-gender respect and honor and empowerment.
If you decide to have kids maybe you could get a nanny to help you, that way you can have a child but there is someone with you for support, and you can take a nap when you need to💛Love from sweden.
err... Autistics being sterotypically "asexual", or disliking / avoiding sex, isnt quite true. As a group, they actually display the same range of sexuality as normal people, including hypersexuality. Many with touching sensatory issues may have issues with touching and cuddling, but no issue with the act of sex itself. For others it can even become the thing they hyper-fixate on, or become part of their repetitive behaviors. For other Autistics, their sex life is completely normal. Do some autistics avoid or not like sex? Of course... but that doesnt apply to all of them.
I'm autistic and a mother of 4. I never wanted kids until God took the choice from me. I still don't like other people's kids touching me but it's so much different when it's your own child.
Having the right partner makes all the difference when having kids. We have 3 kids and I would not be able to do it if it wasn’t for my husband. Looks like you found the right guy. What’s taking so long to put a ring on it? 🤣You already living together and apparently living the married life. Good luck! 👍🏼
I also the less affectionate person in my relationship, But happily married with kid and I think our marriage is holding on great ^^ You guys are very good together, cute couple! wish you both the best
I am 58 and very much like you. I have not had been able to keep relationships. I have one long term friend that calls to check on me because she understands. Mostly people usually think I am self absorbed because I am not alert to them. I have a hard time letting people in or touch. I am a loaner that doesn’t want to be but doesn’t want someone around all the time.
Olivia Hops were probably on the aromantic spectrum. It looks like she was lithromantic, meaning that she would lose romantic attraction to someone when she knew that her feelings were reciprocated. So answering their question, it happens to other people.
Hi Olivia about children, I am an autistic mum and honestly it can be hard sometimes (sensory wise) but if you have a supportive partner, you can get through anything :D
I just had the first serious relationship in 15 years and the first intimate experience since the breaking bad finale aired on cable. It ended horribly after he picked a fight after I had already had a terrible day at work. He refused to let it go and I realized I was talking to an actual narcissist. I had a severe meltdown after our fight last night and now I'm spending our cancelled date night realizing he spent 4 hours gaslighting me then went radio silent except for a heart emoji. I'm 41 years old and this was my first serious boyfriend that I thought actually liked me back. I was wrong and now the shame is overpowering. It's worse that we actually had sex a week ago and I know he did this to just have an excuse to make me be the bad guy and tank the relationship. As much as I know we weren't meant to be having to spend tonight alone with my dogs just really hurts. I was going to show him my place for the first time and go to a fun speakeasy after making him dinner. Now I'm going on day two of not eating because if I try I know I'll just throw up. This just sucks. I feel exactly the same way I did when I was an undiagnosed autistic teen.
It's much better to wait for kids. I appreciate your self-reflection and assessment. In 10 years you may feel differently or it may be that a child-free life is best for you.
I feel this soo much I'm 25 and Iv just start to realize that I could be on the spectrum while I was looking up stuff for my 2 year old son who I'm 85%sure is on it
Not true about the kids. Lolol. I have 3. The sensory overload is real, but you get through it with your own children. It's hard to explain, but their feelings and needs are your focus, you deal with yours later.
Yes, texting and writing helps me communicate clearly as well, which I find odd because I Very often say to people that face to face communication is the only way to communicate with the very least chance of misunderstanding anything, out of all modes of communication. I now officially shall edit that and begin to often say that the mode of communication that will be the least misunderstood is communication with back ground music to match each emotion that begins to exist throughout each person while talking. Ooo!!! Someone out there, please make a note and invent this: A device with different emotion-buttons on it and a way you can customize/pick what song (from an emotion-music-expert-picked-list for each) goes with each button. In advance, I and all others who want this to exist thank you and hope you make a small (medium or large) fortune. If you're reading this and are unsure whether it's already patterned or not yet, no harm in checking . . . riiight? And please do be quick about making it exist. Ideally I'd like it to exist before and while the next generation grows older.
or if you think if a better version of this idea that will benefit people more and can be made even more affordable, by all means, make and/or invent and patent that!!!
To me it sounds dangerous and scary to have a child just to please another person, while hating children. I dont like children, they are annoying and want constant attention, also very loud, I looked after children, and having ones own children is a lifetime commitment and a lifetime sensory overload, they suck out all the life energy from a person, not to mention the financial side- I dont want to spend my money on something that extremely annoys me and I hate..ahha. Even people who say like children have huge struggle raising kids.....I believe 80% of people should not have kids as most people are mentally unbalanced, neurotic, depressed, narcisstic and are a bad examples, they dont care about health, the environment, the planet....My kids are my cats (dogs also sensory overload to me, their barking is annoying, they are too energetic just like kids), we are amazingly tuned in with my cats, their purring is soothing, they dont need constant attention, we can just be along, I am the happiest with my cats :)
So glad to hear this! I feel exactly the same, so perhaps I'm not as weird as I thought I was. Thank you so much for this video, it must have been so awkward to record this with your boyfriend. Bye from Belgium!
I cant wait to share these two videos with my therapist. I came to terms about ten years ago with my inability to have a healthy relationship. I experienced the same thing as you about crushes.
I joined a seminar and it was all about coping mechanisms and counseling. The speaker said if we date someone, we should ask if they have history of autism or other mental disorders if they do have we should reject them. It kinda made me upset. I am an autistic with a teacher's license
Hey Olivia! Kiss Alex a dozen times for enduring this torture! I do suspect that him being extremely nonchalant and laid back is a bit of an exaggeration! Seems like a great gentle and shy guy, you are so lucky to have him.
Lol!! I suppose he does deserve some thank you kisses! But yes, he is very gentle and an amazing man. I'm very lucky to have him. Not sure he's luck to have me lol! He was raised by a single mom and an older sister, so he's very respectful to women.
I don't mind physical contact for me i had to be sure i felt completely safe with my partner and when i could i noticed that i didnt hate physical contact at all actually was a big eye opener
When a switch suddenly goes off and attraction turns to revulsion without that person doing something harmful to us, it is a fear of intimacy that was triggered.
Saying "I love you" is still really difficult for me. Friends, lovers, family have been verbally affectionate with me and have said that to me and I really appreciate hearing it but I just cringe when I hear those words come out of MY OWN mouth especially if it's not something I'm compelled to say atm. It's not that I don't love them, I just have trouble expressing it.
Every video I've watched that you have done has been me I'm really relieved to have a label to what I think is wrong it's not as terrifying as what it might have ended up being I feel like I can deal with this label in a better way than what I was thinking it might be
I can complete relate with the feelings dropping when someone confesses their feelings. I've broke up with guys over that in the past. I've had to remind myself that I had feelings for someone & I think some of it is when that happened at times I felt like the relationship was boring at that part. It was like my brain realized the Dance of Attraction was over.
I'm autistic, and the guy I met when I was 16 is going to be my husband in May, on our fourth birthday. ❤ We sleep together and cuddle together, we have sex but not much, but we are inseparable. We're each other's first and last. He's autistic as well.
omg Olivia! I stumbled across your channel yesterday and have been binge watching your videos. EVERYTHING that you experience is my daughter. and when you stared talking about relationships (she's only 13 I thought finally something she's not) NO. Right now a little boy (again) has become disgusting and irritates her why? her crush started liking her back. no joke. I made an appt yesterday to get her tested after seeing your video ty ty ty ty ty ty ty
I’m a libra and the instant someone likes me back or reciprocate my same feelings it’s a done deal .. I’m also asd. Astrology and science .. best of 2 worlds.
To me there isn't much worse than being touched, especially when I'm not expecting it or when I'm feeling grumpy and/or moody. It's just an invasion of my personal space. To me it feels like when you rub a cat's fur backwards, it's almost painful. I too could go the rest of my life without sex and be just fine, although there are times I like having a hug, but only when I say so. And I like foot massages, just don't travel to any other part of my body. Lol. I pretty much make it impossible for a guy to want to be with me. Also, women are the worst! I don't mean to offend anyone, but I don't have the patience for anything women are into, never have. Clothes, makeup, knick-knacks, selfies, flowers, children, homemaking, gossip - all of that stuff repulses me and I don't want to be around it. When I hear my sisters and mom talking about keeping photos and wearing jewelry and doing their makeup, and all the other things they're into, first I shake my head to myself because it all seems so pointless and a waste of time, then my brain zones out and I leave the room mentally. I just don't get it.
ahhh so much yes to this video! definitely could not date another ND like me, would be a bit treacherous. more than a bit lol. i thought it was just me.... i also could not stand ppl for long, i could not see how i would be able to like anyone long term. and def lost interest when a guy would reciprocate interest. married for 5 years now, so there's hope!
Thank you so much! This really helps me as female teen with autism my self. I really do appreciate it. Also I am currently seeing someone who also has autism and some of the things you explained makes more sense why he acts the way he does
Kudos to Alex! Forced by his girl friend to get on camera and talk about your deep feelings and sex... Where is an earthquake when you really need one! 😄 I feel you, bro. Just kidding, but this guy really is into you. Your life may be complicated, but you are a lucky girl. So many people struggle to find a significant other.
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i really appreciate that you mentioned how we can be mistaken for narcissists (especially since public interest in narcissists has seemingly grown in recent years). i wanna scream "i promise i actually do love and care for you i just dont know how to show it all the time!!!" lol
Soo true! I was unaware for a long time that I came off like a Narc or "bitchy/snobby". My hubby finally told me that that is usually how I come off for 1st impressions. I can't believe I didn't realize the lack of eye contact, not initiating conversation or giving short responses because of being uncomfortable would be misconstrued that way. DUH🤦🏻♀️. Hubby and I have been together for 20 years (since high school). We STILL struggle with communication and other things related to autism. It's constant work but worth it!
Exactly!! We aren't trying to be, we just forget! Thanks for watching
I am 50 and my daughter told me she thinks I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder because of my autism. It’s frustrating.
My partner: Heres a thing I need some support on. Me: I can relate to that by telling a story of my own experience and thus show my support! My parrner- why do you always make it about you? Me-
Yep
OMG.I HAD THE SAME EXACT THING OF BEING DISGUSTED BY PEOPLE WHEN I REALIZED THEY LIKED ME. I thought I was the only one!!! I didn’t date until I was 21. I’m having an assessment in August.
Same here, Proserpine... I'd never heard anyone said it with the exact same words and feelings I use until Olivia did it here... yep yep yep. Also on a waiting list for my assessment...fingers crossed for it soon.
I thought I was the only one, too!! So glad I'm not lol! Best of luck to you with your assessment!
Best of luck in your assessment, too, Chris!
I also recognise this
I assumed I had fearful-disorganized attachment ... But I do have a lot of characteristics of autism but I have ADHD and work in biomedical research so my autism characteristics aren't noticed in that environment.
My husband and I have separate bedrooms and I LOVE it. I’m undiagnosed but definitely autie. We can visit each other when cuddles are needed 😍👍
That's AWESOME!! Love it!!
Perfect scenario.
This is my ideal set up. I would love to find a guy one day that is okay with separate bedrooms because my ability to process touch and need for space comes and goes in phases. Some weeks, don't even think about touching me, others, "all the hugs!" Plus, we could have sleepovers in our own house and treat ourselves with s'mores or something. :)
@@carla8478 you're describing my dream scenario!
People call me crazy because of this but I love it
The point about feeling gross about someone liking you back was interesting. I relate in a backwards way, where often someone I hadn't really noticed or had just met would be flirty and would show interest. I would get really shy and be creeped out by it. Then after they've moved on and quit expressing interest in me, I'd suddenly start to get a crush on the person - but by then it was too late.
Yep yep yep. In the 3rd grade, a boy told me I was cute and I CRIED. And tattled on him. The teacher didn’t “get” why I was so upset, she said “it’s a compliment”. I didn’t get it either tbh, I just remember saying “I don’t want boys to feel that way about me”. Found out much later I’m bi but also the more I learn about autism the MORE IT MAKES EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE. For a long time as an adult I thought that maybe I was one of those people that lost attraction sexually the more comfy I got with a person… because that was the experience for so long. still not quite figured out but I am happy to say I’m in a 4 year relationship and the “sexual feelings” are still there! Even if it’s more stable now and my sex drive is not through the roof…
I was so anxious to hear what your thoughts were about children. I wasn’t surprised when you said you didn’t want any or couldn’t stand their crying. This is exactly how my family member feels.
I 100% get that about the feeling switch when you find out they like you. Even about the sexual stuff, it's not that I'm repulsed by it but I sometimes just forget it exists and my bf has a pretty high sex drive so sometimes I offend him (sort of? he finds it funny but I still worry he's actually offended sometimes) when I'm like "oh you want sex?" because I just thought we were hanging out and I missed all of his signals to move things along haha
Lol! I can totally relate! Thanks so much for watching and sharing your take. :) Thankfully, Alex has a pretty low sex drive. I tried to get him to talk about it but as you could see he wasn't having it LOL!! :P
I'm having my assessment next week (I'm 24), and I wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences! I've always seen myself as some strange kind of monster because of things like needing my space so badly, being anxious about new things / emotional proximity, and my feelings vanishing when someone liked me back. It gives me hope to see that you made it work.
@Mar Umi...good luck! I am pretty confident that a diagnosis will give you at least some sense of relief. Knowing WHY you've always been a certain way and understanding yourself is a huge step!
I'm so honored this video could give you some hope. The right one is out there for you, and I know you can make it work too when the time and person is right. Best of luck on your assessment, too!!
How do we go about being diagnosed whether we have it or not? I'm scared to find out, but it would answer alot of questions.
@@robiesmum1 hmmm that probably depends on your country. I would recommend going through some subreddits to see what all the options are where you live. But I'm sure there are official sources as well.
I was very lucky -- all I had to do was contact a local association and I got an affordable assessment by two psychologists who specialise in autism. I had an interview on the phone first, then one of my close friends had to answer questions about me so they'd have another information source, and then I had a 2h30 interview in person for them to gather more info and put it all together.
You're just me. You're literally me, and it makes me so happy that I'm not just out here floating lol. Thank you for sharing!!
Aw thanks so much for watching and sharing this with me!! I'm so glad I'm not alone either!!
Me tooooo!!! I’m really glad you (everyone) got to the comments first
I would have obsessed about if I’m self creating scenarios.
Me too!!
I'm autistic and realized pretty recently that most of my repulsion in relationships from touch and from reciprocated feelings actually stemmed from me Not being interested in men!! Obviously could also be an autism thing as seen by lots of the comments, but sometimes a good look inward might reveal something else!! I was always super comfortable in relationships with men if there was no pressure to have sex and we could just remain friends that lived together, but I have actual romantic desires with women!
Same realized I was a lesbian so I don’t feel this way anymore
Thank you both for this vid. My son, Alex, is in a relationship with a woman w autism, and i found this to be a comfort to ME, surprisingly. I know that he TRULY loves her and that she loves him, too...even when she cant show it.
I'm so glad this video could bring you comfort!! Your Alex is a saint, and I promise his girlfriend loves him even when, like you said, she can't show it.
I felt the same way about the kid thing. My hubby and I have 3 kiddos. And I got Sooo lucky! My kids have always been quiet and understanding. I 💯 can NOT deal with other peoples children though.lol. I'm 41, and have a 20yo,19yo & 16yo. My oldest son & daughter are both out of the house now & active military hundreds of miles away. Kids are alot like clay. While u have to let thier personalities shine. They are good at molding and adapting to the home environment they have. Like I said Noise, especially multiple noise simultaneously(like TV going , kids toys and conversations at the same time) is a HUGE trigger for me. My kids adapted to quiet play very young and were great sleepers even as babies. But, it's an individuals choice whether mother/fatherhood is right 4 them. So, I respect your choices whatever they are. 😊
Thanks so much for sharing this with me! That's amazing your children have been so understanding. You make me confident that I could maybe do motherhood one day. So, thank you again :)
I am so glad I came across this.... I am easily overwhelmed by noise, it's a serious trigger for me... I always just assumed this was my anxiety playing out but now i am beginning to question if i may be on the spectrum because so much of what is said in this video are things i struggle with and in all other videos...it just makes sense. Does anyone know how to get an assessment? I have a cousin my age who is autistic.I never imagined that what I have struggled with could be becuase I may be on the spectrum. until my eyes were opened.crazy to think so many others out there feel like me. This channel is a godsend.
@@OliviaHops motherhood is hard in general but seeing how you feel ,and already being a mom ,not to disheartening you buy I do struggle with those things, except coming into it, you are gaining the tools you need and have a support group who understand your struggles and this is something i havent had yet. So maybe once i can get those things , it will help greatly. I think you would be a wonderful mother one day. Being on the spectrum may make things harder, but definately not impossible.🙂💕
Funny to hear you talk about the idea of having separate houses in a marriage or romantic relationship, because that has always been my ideal.
That feels expensive as hell! _(only thing that makes relationships make sense to me is the ability to split costs... oh, and taxes)_
Alex is awesome and seems to have his stuff together. It was great to "meet" him.
Thanks so much, Kelly! I will tell him! :) Thanks for watching!
This is so empowering. In 2014, I was in a relationship once with an autistic person, which sadly didn’t go well. Yes a lot has changed since then. Having your boyfriend come on the video for a little Q&A has given me some helpful tools to keep in mind. You are very lucky to be with someone who will be a part of your autism journey and will flow with your learning differences when the adaptation happens and seven years or more can be rare. Wishing you and Alex much happiness in the coming years.
My husband is NT, laid back, and the complete opposite of me as well! Our wedding anniversary is actually tomorrow! Thank you for sharing this video I appreciate how honest you are and I completely relate to many things you mentioned. Thank you Alex for joining! My husband plays video games too!
I didn't have time to watch the video, can you please tell me what NT means?
Neurotypical :)
@@whitneymason406 Ah, yes I get it. Thanks!
Thanks so much for watching and sharing this with me, Whitney!! Wishing you the best anniversary today!! God Bless!
I'm asexual and it was really hard for me to do sexual stuff with my boyfriend first. I was very afraid and a bit repulsed by those things. Luckily my bf didn't pressure me to do anything and let me decide when we do what. I think it took me ~9 months to feel finally ready. I just thought regularly about sexual situations and me in it, which was kinda gross to me at first but somewhere along they way I kinda got used to it and got more comfortable with it so I guessed why not try it one time. Now I even like to do sexual stuff with him, what really surprised me. Just wanted to share this, maybe it helps someone who deals with similar things :)
Thanks so much for letting me know that there is possibly hope! Glad you got everything figured out :)
@@OliviaHops I know someone who is now a psychiatrist, but in undergrad and medical school and beyond she used to identify as asexual and then suddenly wasn't anymore many years into her relationship. I wonder more, years later, what she thinks about it. I don't mean this in a way to minimize her experiences, but I wonder if it's driven by stress/anxiety and how the microbiome affects mental processes... My psychiatrist friend became plant-based/vegan and some years later she seemed to have a lot of changes. She also seems like she could be on the spectrum... That's why I'm friends with her maybe hahaha
😮 I am fascinated -- while I identify as "sexual," I cannot seem to get into a relationship. How does this happen? Is this a personality thing? Maybe I reject interests too much...
Truly appreciate the candor and humor you bring to this video. You are an adorable couple....
Aw, thanks so much, Cynthia!! Thanks for watching!
I found your video very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I am on the asexual spectrum myself and just wanted to add to the asexuality comment to raise awareness for anyone who may not know that much about it:
Like autism, asexuality is a spectrum and can present differently in different people. Some asexuals are completely repulsed by sex, some are indifferent, and some actually like it under the right circumstances. Even in people that are not asexual, the importance of sex can vary greatly depending on the person. The important part is that there's nothing morally wrong with wanting or not wanting sex, just as there is nothing morally wrong with wanting or not wanting to have kids. You should never feel forced into a life you don't want to have or feel guilty about the way you are. But since those decisions also affect your partner, it's important to be honest with them about it. Sometimes compromises can be reached that everyone is happy with, and sometimes the two people just aren't compatible enough to continue the relationship.
Alex looked so relieved when the filming finally ended. :)
LOL!!
Yes! It's so nice to hear someone else talk about the weird repulsion thing!! I could feel very strong feelings for someone but once it was reciprocated it was like a nightmare scenario for my brain and I've still never understood why. Part of me thinks it's an attachment trauma issue but I'm not sure!
I'm pretty sure this is an asexual spectrum trait (although trauma can certainly play a part), I know op said they didn't really like to label but it really sounds like they fit perhaps a blend of a couple asexual identities. I'm on the asexual spectrum and I fit somewhere in the demi-sexual/grey-sexual area. Finding the label/words that best describe me really helped in furthering the communication between me and my husband. (It's still a struggle, but for me at least, every little bit helps)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I really thought I was! And also, this other person commented that this is apparently called "Lithromantic." She sent me this link and WOW, it is SO relatable! Check it out and let me know what you think: aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Lithromantic
@@OliviaHopsWhile this does describe me, I don't get how this isn't just a trauma response (e.g. limerance). Like, what would distinguish between trauma and orientation?
@@Heyu7her3I believe they’re very, very interconnected - as with anything having to do with the way our brains are wired. While I appreciate that labels are a necessary part of human language so we can, ya know, communicate…when it comes to describing the mental/emotional realm, it’s not always nature vs. nurture. Most of the time it’s nature *plus* the way in which we were (or weren’t) nurtured
Even when it comes to proven physical and chemical differences in a persons’ brain, the way life happens to us inevitably creates even further differences in how we express the labels we’re given
I like being alone but not actually alone! I like someone else being in the house, just so there's someone else there.
Oh my goodness your feelings towards relationships when you would figure out they liked you back, is exactly what I feel! You speaking on this gives me a lot of hope because I do want to have a relationship, but I thought I was broken because I always immediately felt like I didn't like them when I figured out they liked me. Thank you for mentioning this. It gives me a lot of hope.
You and your content are most helpful and surprisingly accurate for my daughter and I … so reassuring we r not the only ones!! Your experiences and what u share resonate and feel so genuine! Please please please keep posting regularly if possible. Thank you! 💜
Thank you for being so honest in this video. You speak about a lot of issues I find in my relationships, and like you say, there is often a lot of guilt attached to them.
I have 2 kids! autistic and everything you said I related to. to the tee sensory issues. i wear noise cancelling earmuffs when there having temper tantrums. helps a lot. i over heat and temp is another issue and touch is a lot when I'm overwhelmed. i have a fan. I'm working on knowing when I'm spinning out and ways to combat it but I'm lucky enough my fiance can catch me too and help me before it happens.
there's moment when I need a breather but I've worked out ways around the kids ! thought id be the 40 yr old single aunt w/ no kids 4 yrs ago!
crazy how quickly things changed
but its also completely normal to not want kids. i have a friend who wont even hold my kids. or be alone with them. she freaks out when I go to the bathroom. everyone's got their own thing! just have to respect each other!
Thanks so much for watching my video and for sharing a little bit about your life with me! I really appreciate the comments. They're very encouraging that maybe one day I could do motherhood! God Bless you and your family!
About the kid part: I get it. A LOT. Ive always hated kids and don't know how to function around them at all. I have to bite my tongue and realize I am talking to kids instead of my adult friends or something. Like I speak slower and have to be more upbeat and playful. When I met my boyfriend, I wanted kids with him. I want them now because I know he will make an amazing partner with our kids and will help me when I experience burn out and can't function.
I sadly have not found a romantic relationship yet. My mind only changes if I do find the right one I feel.
It's okay! It just means it's not the right one. I was searching all through high school because I wanted to try out a relationship. Obviously nothing ever worked out. It was when I was least expecting it that Alex showed up. I know it's a cliche, but that's really how it happened!
@@OliviaHops that's very true. It happens when least expected.
@@DeborahAnnsuperversatile Me too. I was 30+ and thought relationships weren't for me and gave up on the idea. A few months later I met my boyfriend! We have been together 10 years.
I had a crush on the same guy for three years in high school. Any guy who was interested in me repulsed me, but my crush never did so that wasn't a problem! As an adult a similar pattern continued until finally (at 33!!!!) I met my husband, who is also very different from me!
All these comments are super revealing and deep, and I'm over here like he didn't eat dessert !?!
your channel is so lovely, I feel extremely safe. thank you Olivia ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing that with me! I'm so honored you can feel safe here.
You must have done a HUGE amount of work, because you communicate to us really well!
This is so me! I’ve never been diagnosed, but always wondered why I am so different. I’ve always had the hardest time being affectionate.
You are not alone!!
is it really autism though? There are so many other things it can be.
I’m very high strung. My husband is the complete opposite. He doesn’t get stressed out at all. Glad you found your person!
This is so darn cute!! You guys do seem like the perfect match and this video gives me hope that there’s someone out there who can deal with all of my craziness too!! thanks for creating this both of you!! 💜
Aw, thanks so much, Liv!! There is absolutely someone out there for you. Alex deals with my craziness and somehow STILL loves me and WANTS to be with me. Blows my mind! LOL!
@@OliviaHops That truly means so much to me, thank you! In Dutch we have an expression, for every pot there is a lid :) There’s love for everyone! ❤️
Would you consider making a video on how you do housework (scheduled or always changing when things get done etc.) and living with your partner/spouse and their response to it. Also do you struggle with clutter? For you does managing your belongings come easily? I struggle with clutter and making decisions. Working at a household task until it is finished before going onto the next thing is hard for me to do so I have lots of started unfinished tasks pretty much all the time. If I'm hosting guests I work tirelessly and then I usually have a meltdown when I can't get it all done and their arrival is quickly approaching. Can you relate to any of this, are opposite of me (always completing tasks and maybe got frustrated when you lived with someone like me in the past, or balanced and don't struggle with any of this?
I can relate!
Thanks Olivia for such a sincere presentation. You are a lucky girl to have Alex in your life! He is the perfect guy for you and it looks like
He really loves you! 💞
Yes, I am SO lucky to have Alex! He treats me like a queen. Thanks for watching my video
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m undiagnosed at the moment, but my boyfriend is also neurotypical and I see so much of us in this video 💕
That's so awesome to hear, Nadia! Thanks so much for watching!
Hello, I have been diagnosed last year at 40 years old. Definitely relationships are very challenging for us, because of so many reasons, like changing plans, routines, etc. But I would say sex life is one of the most difficult things of all, as you im not very interested and very sensitive, so for your partner is a big issue even if they don’t recognize it, is a struggle for both. Just for looking at Alex face I can tell he have feelings about it but he doesn’t acknowledge them. Have you ever try to go to therapy together? It helped a lot to me and my partner.
You're description of Alex sounds just like my dad who does have Aspergers. Not saying that as diagnostic for Alex, just that someone can be laid back, go with the flow, easy going, and still be autistic - or not. My dad is hilarious too, deeply loyal, very steady, a good provider, non-judgmental - and has a host of other autistic traits.
Very interesting! Thanks for sharing, Kristi!
You are the perfect girl for certain kind of people. Your boyfriend is very lucky!!
A girl that doesn't play psychological tricks against men, what a blessing!!!
Now, if you also don't care about money, if you don't mind your boyfriend bot having enough money, you are a miracle
You're adorable Olivia. You are helping so many people. May Gid continue to have favor over you and Alex.
YES! You are NOT alone. I liked a guy that seriously looked like Patrick Swazy annnnd he actually had a big crush on me when I got older and I totally totally totally didn't want to be in a relationship with him. I've been in unhealthy relationships though--- not good. But I am 33 and been with my husband for 12 years- happy ending. I am not diagnosed yet- so it's CRAZY that my husband and I are learning about this now. I totally need to do videos- like I am excited to talk about how growing up in a small school- someone in my class had aspergers and everyone totally knew and he was antagonized and it was aweful- I learned SO MUCH from him. NO idea i was autistic. I will comment somewhere if a doctor says I am not but like- my hunches are usually right and I just can't wait to learn more and get to a point where I am ME more.
My partners so chill too and emotionally grounded even if he is not feeling that way he appears very grounded!
Also, my boyfriend LOVES that I am a tom boy! I don't like a lot of girly things, but at the same time I do. I prefer sports, cars, Legos, and things that require my masculine dominated side of my brain. I love getting my nails done, fashion, and make up. Everything else is mostly "masculine"
I relate sooooo much the thing about saying "I love you" before vs. after having been in a relationship! Just overall very relatable video lol
So glad I'm not the only one! Lol! Thanks so much for watching! :)
Dear Olivia Hops,
Thank you So Much for posting videos and also thank you So Much for having this channel here on youtube.
Sincerely,
Eliza
Think about ways you could arrange help with having kids. Afford someone to come a few hrs a day or take child at designated times and dates. Plan breaks so you get breaks. It really helps.
Before you plan to adopt an older kid, I suggest reading a book titled 'The primal wound' by Nancy Verrier
Also people should be aware that any older child that is adopted will have trauma that needs to be worked through and will come out in different ways. They are also very likely to have some kind of special need or disability (even if it's not yet diagnosed when they meet them.)
Yes, I'm very aware of this. But, I do feel God is pulling on my heart to possibly help a child in need one day in the future.
@@OliviaHops Who knows? You may end up adopting a child with autism who's been through trauma that only you can help, understand, and empathize with their unique needs. That's kinda how I got my own diagnosis, I became surprised at how much I was able to empathize and care for my son after his diagnosis.
Thank you for covering this topic honestly!
Thanks so much for watching!
I just discovered these videos with you and I am diagnosed with add on the autism spectrum. For me i never wanted kids, i felt so stressed about it. Also i never wanted to be married.
I am now married and have a daughter haha. If you meet the right person things just work I guess haha. I wish you all the luck
Alex - relax! You seem nervous. You’re adorable! Be yourself. It’s awesome! You are both #RelationshipGoals
Lol! Yes! So nervous!! He acts totally different with me, but is super shy around people he doesn't know and, apparently, a camera! Thanks so much for watching and for your kind comment. God Bless
Never apologize about not wanting intimacy or being unable to do so. There is NOTHING wrong with it and there is no reason to change. Embrace yourself!
Love how much you *glow* when you talk about Alex. Best wishes to both of you. :-)
I always had romantic/crush feelings from a young age, but I was completely not into the idea of kissing. Had a total of 3 short kisses from all the dates/boyfriends over the years (ages 16-25). Finally allowed kissing with my husband when we were dating, but it made me laugh at first. Such an unnecessary thing to smoosh your mouth with someone else... between the breath and possible spit and tongue, who thought THAT was a good idea?! Nothing else is an issue, but I tolerate my hubby kissing me (still don’t care for French kissing). Just make sure I can breathe cool air or I feel like I might suffocate.
Tongue is nasty, ugh
I was referred to a psychiatrist about 2 years ago (when I was 18) to get an autism assessment, but the psychiatrist told me that there was no way I could because I had a boyfriend. The same guy also put me on ADHD medication but told me I couldn’t actually have it because I got good grades in school😂 I’m hoping this next psychiatrist will be a little more open-minded🤞
Look for good terapist❤️
Bizarre. You need an ADHD diagnosis to get medication. So he diagnosed you with something he thinks you don’t have. Not a good doctor.
You give Alex an opportunity to chime-in and make-fun-of or have-fun-with the subject of your bodily functions ... and he opted not to / seemingly didn't have the latent readiness/capacity to nudge you under the bus for a laugh. Nothing. This is envianle of both of you. I have made fun of my Woman's body for a laugh much more than just once. I am slowly allowing these shoelaces to be untied and I am a work in progress. Thank you, Alex for embodying inter-gender respect and honor and empowerment.
If you decide to have kids maybe you could get a nanny to help you, that way you can have a child but there is someone with you for support, and you can take a nap when you need to💛Love from sweden.
err... Autistics being sterotypically "asexual", or disliking / avoiding sex, isnt quite true. As a group, they actually display the same range of sexuality as normal people, including hypersexuality. Many with touching sensatory issues may have issues with touching and cuddling, but no issue with the act of sex itself. For others it can even become the thing they hyper-fixate on, or become part of their repetitive behaviors. For other Autistics, their sex life is completely normal.
Do some autistics avoid or not like sex? Of course... but that doesnt apply to all of them.
I'm autistic and a mother of 4. I never wanted kids until God took the choice from me. I still don't like other people's kids touching me but it's so much different when it's your own child.
I think it's so wonderful that you build furniture, Olivia! I have to have someone do it for me because I don't have any patience!!!!!😫
Having the right partner makes all the difference when having kids. We have 3 kids and I would not be able to do it if it wasn’t for my husband. Looks like you found the right guy. What’s taking so long to put a ring on it? 🤣You already living together and apparently living the married life. Good luck! 👍🏼
I also the less affectionate person in my relationship, But happily married with kid and I think our marriage is holding on great ^^
You guys are very good together, cute couple! wish you both the best
I realized just now that I’ve watched every single one of your videos lol
The thing about feelings vanishing when you find they have interest reminds me of limerance…a trauma response that I deal with on a regular basis!
It is also a miracle for me to have my husband in my life. 🙂 I find so many similarities my experiences and yours.
I am 58 and very much like you. I have not had been able to keep relationships. I have one long term friend that calls to check on me because she understands. Mostly people usually think I am self absorbed because I am not alert to them. I have a hard time letting people in or touch. I am a loaner that doesn’t want to be but doesn’t want someone around all the time.
Thank you for sharing Alex with us. Tell him that he's great... Of course YOU are, and thank you, Olivia.
Olivia Hops were probably on the aromantic spectrum. It looks like she was lithromantic, meaning that she would lose romantic attraction to someone when she knew that her feelings were reciprocated. So answering their question, it happens to other people.
Hi Olivia about children, I am an autistic mum and honestly it can be hard sometimes (sensory wise) but if you have a supportive partner, you can get through anything :D
I just had the first serious relationship in 15 years and the first intimate experience since the breaking bad finale aired on cable. It ended horribly after he picked a fight after I had already had a terrible day at work. He refused to let it go and I realized I was talking to an actual narcissist. I had a severe meltdown after our fight last night and now I'm spending our cancelled date night realizing he spent 4 hours gaslighting me then went radio silent except for a heart emoji. I'm 41 years old and this was my first serious boyfriend that I thought actually liked me back. I was wrong and now the shame is overpowering. It's worse that we actually had sex a week ago and I know he did this to just have an excuse to make me be the bad guy and tank the relationship. As much as I know we weren't meant to be having to spend tonight alone with my dogs just really hurts. I was going to show him my place for the first time and go to a fun speakeasy after making him dinner. Now I'm going on day two of not eating because if I try I know I'll just throw up. This just sucks. I feel exactly the same way I did when I was an undiagnosed autistic teen.
It's much better to wait for kids. I appreciate your self-reflection and assessment. In 10 years you may feel differently or it may be that a child-free life is best for you.
I feel this soo much I'm 25 and Iv just start to realize that I could be on the spectrum while I was looking up stuff for my 2 year old son who I'm 85%sure is on it
When you argue, or disagree what is it about?
Do you ever have issues with trust?
Do you ever question loyalty?
Olivia and Alex, this is wonderful! Thank you both so much!
Not true about the kids. Lolol. I have 3. The sensory overload is real, but you get through it with your own children. It's hard to explain, but their feelings and needs are your focus, you deal with yours later.
Yes, texting and writing helps me communicate clearly as well, which I find odd because I Very often say to people that face to face communication is the only way to communicate with the very least chance of misunderstanding anything, out of all modes of communication.
I now officially shall edit that and begin to often say that the mode of communication that will be the least misunderstood is communication with back ground music to match each emotion that begins to exist throughout each person while talking.
Ooo!!! Someone out there, please make a note and invent this:
A device with different emotion-buttons on it and a way you can customize/pick what song (from an emotion-music-expert-picked-list for each) goes with each button.
In advance, I and all others who want this to exist thank you and hope you make a small (medium or large) fortune.
If you're reading this and are unsure whether it's already patterned or not yet, no harm in checking . . . riiight?
And please do be quick about making it exist. Ideally I'd like it to exist before and while the next generation grows older.
or if you think if a better version of this idea that will benefit people more and can be made even more affordable, by all means, make and/or invent and patent that!!!
To me it sounds dangerous and scary to have a child just to please another person, while hating children. I dont like children, they are annoying and want constant attention, also very loud, I looked after children, and having ones own children is a lifetime commitment and a lifetime sensory overload, they suck out all the life energy from a person, not to mention the financial side- I dont want to spend my money on something that extremely annoys me and I hate..ahha. Even people who say like children have huge struggle raising kids.....I believe 80% of people should not have kids as most people are mentally unbalanced, neurotic, depressed, narcisstic and are a bad examples, they dont care about health, the environment, the planet....My kids are my cats (dogs also sensory overload to me, their barking is annoying, they are too energetic just like kids), we are amazingly tuned in with my cats, their purring is soothing, they dont need constant attention, we can just be along, I am the happiest with my cats :)
So glad to hear this! I feel exactly the same, so perhaps I'm not as weird as I thought I was. Thank you so much for this video, it must have been so awkward to record this with your boyfriend. Bye from Belgium!
I cant wait to share these two videos with my therapist. I came to terms about ten years ago with my inability to have a healthy relationship.
I experienced the same thing as you about crushes.
I joined a seminar and it was all about coping mechanisms and counseling.
The speaker said if we date someone, we should ask if they have history of autism or other mental disorders if they do have we should reject them.
It kinda made me upset. I am an autistic with a teacher's license
Hey Olivia! Kiss Alex a dozen times for enduring this torture! I do suspect that him being extremely nonchalant and laid back is a bit of an exaggeration! Seems like a great gentle and shy guy, you are so lucky to have him.
Lol!! I suppose he does deserve some thank you kisses! But yes, he is very gentle and an amazing man. I'm very lucky to have him. Not sure he's luck to have me lol! He was raised by a single mom and an older sister, so he's very respectful to women.
So cute: I can forgive him. I don't know why, I guess because I love him. It's a miracle right!
Another awesome upload. Double dose of cuteness too. Knowledge is the key 👨🎓👩🎓
Thanks so much for watching and the kind compliment!
I don't mind physical contact for me i had to be sure i felt completely safe with my partner and when i could i noticed that i didnt hate physical contact at all actually was a big eye opener
I used to be like you said you used to be! If I had a crush on someone…as soon as I knew they liked me back I was repulsed by them.
Yay! I've been waiting for this video! Looking forward to meeting your SO! 😊
Thanks for patiently waiting for it!
When a switch suddenly goes off and attraction turns to revulsion without that person doing something harmful to us, it is a fear of intimacy that was triggered.
Saying "I love you" is still really difficult for me. Friends, lovers, family have been verbally affectionate with me and have said that to me and I really appreciate hearing it but I just cringe when I hear those words come out of MY OWN mouth especially if it's not something I'm compelled to say atm. It's not that I don't love them, I just have trouble expressing it.
You ARE a younger version of me! Thank you for sharing. Alex is a perfect fit and you two are a very cute couple!
Every video I've watched that you have done has been me I'm really relieved to have a label to what I think is wrong it's not as terrifying as what it might have ended up being I feel like I can deal with this label in a better way than what I was thinking it might be
I can complete relate with the feelings dropping when someone confesses their feelings. I've broke up with guys over that in the past. I've had to remind myself that I had feelings for someone & I think some of it is when that happened at times I felt like the relationship was boring at that part. It was like my brain realized the Dance of Attraction was over.
Where can I get me an Alex???
I'm autistic, and the guy I met when I was 16 is going to be my husband in May, on our fourth birthday. ❤ We sleep together and cuddle together, we have sex but not much, but we are inseparable. We're each other's first and last. He's autistic as well.
Thank you both !! You are a cool couple and explain everything so nicely and openly !!! Take care and enjoy yourselvelves !!!
omg Olivia! I stumbled across your channel yesterday and have been binge watching your videos. EVERYTHING that you experience is my daughter. and when you stared talking about relationships (she's only 13 I thought finally something she's not) NO. Right now a little boy (again) has become disgusting and irritates her why? her crush started liking her back. no joke. I made an appt yesterday to get her tested after seeing your video ty ty ty ty ty ty ty
I’m a libra and the instant someone likes me back or reciprocate my same feelings it’s a done deal .. I’m also asd. Astrology and science .. best of 2 worlds.
To me there isn't much worse than being touched, especially when I'm not expecting it or when I'm feeling grumpy and/or moody. It's just an invasion of my personal space. To me it feels like when you rub a cat's fur backwards, it's almost painful. I too could go the rest of my life without sex and be just fine, although there are times I like having a hug, but only when I say so. And I like foot massages, just don't travel to any other part of my body. Lol. I pretty much make it impossible for a guy to want to be with me.
Also, women are the worst! I don't mean to offend anyone, but I don't have the patience for anything women are into, never have. Clothes, makeup, knick-knacks, selfies, flowers, children, homemaking, gossip - all of that stuff repulses me and I don't want to be around it. When I hear my sisters and mom talking about keeping photos and wearing jewelry and doing their makeup, and all the other things they're into, first I shake my head to myself because it all seems so pointless and a waste of time, then my brain zones out and I leave the room mentally. I just don't get it.
ahhh so much yes to this video! definitely could not date another ND like me, would be a bit treacherous. more than a bit lol. i thought it was just me.... i also could not stand ppl for long, i could not see how i would be able to like anyone long term. and def lost interest when a guy would reciprocate interest. married for 5 years now, so there's hope!
So glad there is hope!! Thanks so much for watching and commenting :)
Thank you so much! This really helps me as female teen with autism my self. I really do appreciate it. Also I am currently seeing someone who also has autism and some of the things you explained makes more sense why he acts the way he does
Kudos to Alex! Forced by his girl friend to get on camera and talk about your deep feelings and sex... Where is an earthquake when you really need one! 😄 I feel you, bro. Just kidding, but this guy really is into you. Your life may be complicated, but you are a lucky girl. So many people struggle to find a significant other.