I'm the one who created this list when I researched and wrote Aspergirls in 2009 (under the name Rudy Simone). I'm very pleased it has taken on a life of its own and brings comfort to so many.
Very glad to hear this and grateful for the list you for creating it which is awesome and mom on the spectrum for bringing awareness to it so we found it and acknowledging your name that you wrote it under.
My husband doesn't understand why if we're going to another state to visit friends, I positively don't want to stay at their house. I want to stay at a hotel. I have to feel like I have my own space. Anyone else feel like that?
I didn’t understand til an adult. I actually went to a party as a high schooler. I didn’t know how to “talk” so sat in the same chair all night. Went on a date. “Don’t you talk”. It was horrid. I finally learned when I started waitressing at Dennys lol. Back in the day they had a script you HAD TO follow. When greeting. When taking ordered. When people left. I was able to progress beyond that. Hated school, the social aspect was overwhelming. It’s nice to learn these things now that I’m older … there was no help and no internet back then
I'm not a girl but so many of these ring so true for me and most of my adult life...sorry to use this as a launch pad but how do people manage that injustice parts?
You are not autistic either, darling, most likely not. You just have intellect. I thick 90% of those boxes and I’m not autistic, I went to therapy, trust me, my therapist would have known! This is a very dangerous chart which has no scientific base whatsoever, I know aspis who are into the color pink and collect Barbies obsessively and they sucked as students. This chart makes it look like that if you are a woman with intellect, you have a mental disability, which is highly sexist.
Ah I so wish these things made sense for me. I went through a diagnosis process and I was convinced I was autistic. I thought this day would be the day everything made sense. Apparently I ticked every box but when asked if I rock I said no. This was the one thing that meant I couldn’t be diagnosed with autism. Five years on I still feel aggrieved and almost like I’ve been chucked out of a club I thought I belonged in. I was diagnosed with social pragmatic communication disorder and ADHD but I was so sure I had autism
I always thought that everyone was experiencing what I was experiencing but they were able to handle it waaayy better than me. Especially when my family reinforced that thought. They would say that other people are going through what you’re going through you just have to do this or that. When it came to socializing, they would tell me I just have to practice and it would be so depressing for me because no matter how much I “practiced” is was so hard every single time. So for a long time I thought I was just broken or weak-minded.
I felt so strongly about injustices since I was a little girl. When people crossed that line, I was the one calling it out. Despite being an intensely shy, quiet person. I would always feel angry that I had to keep a lid on it. Until I burst. I struggle keeping close friends. I don't like small talk. I dislike the company of many. I prefer my own company. I don't mind talking to strangers. I keep only one barely a friend. I struggled to look at people's eyes. Or talking to them. I am just at a loss with how 'small talk people' get along so well. Sluggishly, going through the same routine everyday. I like variety every day. I run towards the complex. I've shown hyperfocus in all my chosen jobs. I gravitate towards self-help. I am prone to staring at clouds to calm me down. Depression, overwhelm, anxiety, facial blinks, and throat gutteral sounds to stretch - internal tension. And I don't take meds as I hate the taste of them. I take care of my mental health with natural foods, and work hard to exhaustion to sleep. Struggle with sleep. Look so young all my life. I wear so many masks. The hardest thing for me is to pick one career. And now I learn that my weirdness could be autistic?.. wait. I hear a record rip.
When I found I needed glasses as a young adult on my own, I purposely didn't get them for a very long time and I wore them only when absolutely necessary, because I found so much relief in not being able to clearly see the expressions on people's faces, the minute giveaways of their thinking and feelings. As for the small-talk, I discovered a couple decades on that I really NEEDED to learn to do that for my own sake, to help relax about life. So I practiced on cashiers and people you interface with routinely like that, but that took no ongoing commitment to keeping up. If you can admire any ol' flower and bit of nature on a path then you can learn to smile and chat and pass idle time with a person. Disengage focus. It helps so much to take life easier. And believe it or not, it gives a sense of accomplishment for those of us who are uncomfortable or disdainful of such banal triviality. Granted, what I have to say in these passing exchanges might often leave some wondering, because I'm just not made from the same mold and I'm literally "full of it" I like to say (tons of data and observations logged in me like the reference section of a library) and my way of associating things isn't the most conventional, I'm sure you relate. At an even later stage of life, when a massive health crisis crashed my entire means of living in all respects, I found that meditation brought a world of enjoyment that infiltrated the physical everyday reality, especially if you're keenly observant. This has been a lasting and fulfilling pleasure. Explore the other planes and types of consciousness and you'll likewise find a lot to relate to there in multidimensional realms... which I think is quite possibly a key r-e-a-s-o-n we have difficulty with the ordinary, because a strong part of autistic sense IS there. Best conversations I've ever had are not with people, nor myself (concise, insightful, humorous, sincere and charming - all the things we crave).
Wow! Aside from the internal tension characteristics (I have my dad’s extra cheerful genes, and deep connection to God which I’m sure help), you just described me. I intentionally chose my specific profession which has allowed me to have a variety of different positions under the same profession. Over the years, I’ve half-jokingly told people I have autism to explain my quirks, now I’m pretty sure. Cool.
I think the injustice thing bothers autistic people uniquely bc of the comfort we get from rules. When you are being unjust you are breaking some sort of social contract. We also have to put a lot more effort into learning what the social contract IS in the first place, so when someone breaks it it's distressing
Wow. This actually makes sense. For me it's more is it really necessary to be that mean? Like, what do you even get from being unjust? It doesn't make logical sense.
I’m autistic atheist living in a Muslim country sharia law bothers me so much the treatment of women bothers me so much too I feel like I’m gonna explode crying and I did many times and guess what my Muslim family they don’t see a problem it’s ridiculous
This makes loads of sense. I just suspect my diagnosis but throughout my time living with my parents, my dad contradicted his own stupid rules a lot and it would INFURIATE ME to the extent I would end up having a full blown temper tantrum argument with him over it. Like I have had to put myself through so much emotional contortion to accommodate this bullshit because my literal survival depends on it and here you are making me question that with your contrary behaviour… to this day even thinking about those times still fills me with an unholy, seeing-red level of rage.
Yea, I've been pretending to be social my whole life, and no one has ever understood why I hate being social because they see how "good" I am with people, but really I am just acting because I don't know what else to do. Thank you for making this video. :)
I am the same. After getting bullied through elementary and middle school, I found my people in high school. We were all weirdos. Many have since been diagnosed as autistic. I learned to talk to people though, which helped in college, where I did not find a weird group that I fit in with. A coworker who studies psychology was shocked when I took his personality test and came up as shy, because I am so outgoing at work. It's an act, but I guess I'm pretty good at it, because he thought I did the test wrong.
Yeah, I’m a pro a doing the social thing. I hate it. I hate talking in the phone and I’ve had multiple call center jobs, cuz I’m good at it. I loathe small talk, but I’m so good at it, because I had to figure it out. It’s a script.
All. The. Traits! I’m over 70. I am undiagnosed, or rather self-diagnosed. I was,officially diagnosed as neurodivergent. All these things I find out about myself make me want to cry because they all make all the difficult things I have gone through understandable. So I’ve been through a whole life of things I didn’t understand about myself, and been labeled as lazy, or unsociable, or overbearing, all kinds of things that are contradictory, or just plain weird. Ah well. I’m good at masking.
Same. I'm 63 and just grappling with this too, and I relate to ALL of these. It feels like grief-if only I had known as a kid or young adult, maybe so many things could have turned out differently.
@@karennygard6704I feel the same. I'm 42, and I got diagnosed recently. Imagine having some support and reasonable adjustments as a child, teenager, even as an adult. Or simply knowing that you're NOT weird, broken, lazy, etc. I feel grief for the life I could have had
@@AlissaSss23 That's where the grief comes from. If I had had support or even understanding earlier in life, I might have avoided a lot of things that have caused harm in my job, life and relationships. I suppose knowing what it is might be some comfort, but it also makes me feel broken in an unfixable way, since I was never taught to see this divergence as okay. There is no "power of positive thinking" or behavioral therapy that's going to fix the way I am wired, and people who have known me for years might think I'm using it as an excuse for rudeness if I "come out" to them. I'm still sorting my way through all of these thoughts.
I've "solved" it for myself by just always staring people straight in the eye when they're talking to me. I can keep that up for a good 5 minutes before my internal conversation about the fact that I'm staring at them starts drowning out their voice. Works for most situations.
I'm 65 and I've always had problems with eye contact too. Sometimes I just concentrate on their nose, eyebrows or something else just so that I can pay attention to what they're saying. Many times I miss the content of the conversation due to being uncomfortable with the eye contact. This was a problem when I was employed as well trying to understand verbal instructions.
Realizing why people kept looking behind them when we talked in my younger years... because I was constantly shifting my eyes not to look at them directly so I could focus. That in turn made them question if something was behind them 😂. This video was insightful to me even as a male.
Same here. I tend to stare at the ceiling while talking or listening and everyone ends up looking in the same direction to see what I’m actually staring at.
Same!! Being misunderstood every goddamn day is the bane of my existance and why I just stay "shut down" now at this point. No use in trying to re-boot
I relate to ALL of them!!! I am currently taking my first steps towards getting a diagnosis. I’m 58 and have been beating myself up my whole life for being different/weird/awkward, etc.
@@hattie9794 I spoke to my GP. We finally found a decent doctor in our practise. She gave me a form to fill in (which indicates strongly that I am autistic) and told me to make an appointment to see her again to discuss it. Christmas and life got in the way so I’ll be making an appointment next week.
@@hattie9794 sorry, I meant to add that I asked her what was happening with my referral, as I had had a phone appointment with a different doctor during the Covid lockdown and she had said she would refer me. She hadn’t. There wasn’t even a record on my notes that I’d asked!!! I feel comfortable with the “new” doctor so would have just brought it up out of the blue anyway, had I not previously asked somebody else. I hope you manage to ask too.
I am everything here - except I don't have a savant talent - but so many things I had no idea were characteristics of autism and it's blowing me away. Passion for justice. OMG. Intense anger when situations are unfair for other people. Always fighting for the underdog. Always aware of others not feeling included. DESPISE social situations. Was better with them in early to mid adulthood, but now, I just cannot even be bothered to try because it is just so awful. Only social stuff is basically when I take my kids to a birthday party and at this point, I'd rather go hid in the bathroom and play on my phone for the whole party. I ALWAYS have felt that I have no personality of my own because I am always morphing into whomever I am with. Have you seen the Woody Allen movie, Zelig? That is me. I think I have had had lots of friends throughout my life due to having a sense of humor, but now looking back, I sometimes question if some people I thought of as close friends really did not see me the same way. So many social situations throughout life (like being a bridesmaid multiple times in my 20s) where I just didn't get the memo and had no idea what I was supposed to do, but everyone else seemed to know what to do. Like wait, I was supposed to go with the bride to the hairdresser at 6 am to keep her company while she got her hair done for the wedding? Why didn't someone just tell me that? I think I am going to start a separate channel from my frugal stuff and dumpster diving to just delve into my autism and tell stories, because like you, this is all I want to talk about.
Oh, justice! I even put my life in danger several times becouse of it. But bridesmaid?! Noone even thought of asking me for that role! I've always been obviously "weird" though I couldn't be diagnosed as a child and I also can't be diagnosed as an adult with an iq above average in my country. I do have psychology as my special interest. I started reading about it in my teenage years and I'm 45 now. Recently I had to do some psycho test for a assassment which didn't go well at the end and I even went to a neighboring country becouse of that. However, psychologist who was supposed to do that test with me before I take results to a doctor asked some stupid question and I told her it was nonsense and had nothing to do with what she was supposed to do and she answered how she studied psychology for 12 years. I sad "wtf?? I've been studied almost 30 years!" 😂 Anyway, everything mentioned, I guess...
@@Hugo_Mali what country? I don't think you need someone else to diagnose you. They are just going to ask you the same questions you ask yourself. You know this is you, if this is you. I don't need a doctor to confirm what I know to be true. Unless we are getting medicated, honestly what's the point of seeking out validation from a medical doctor.
@@freakinfrugal5268 I know I don't need anyone's validation but I've really stucked lately due to some recent issues and I'de like to see if those meds work. I went so far at the end when I couldn't be diagnosed that I even tried to find a few pills illegally just to check it out, so I could decide if I was going to bother with more docs or not but I couldn't find anything but some garbage which I wouldn't take. I'm from Bosnia. Edit: I was talking about adhd meds... I'm both autistic and adhd, I'm pretty sure.
It's so hard to be diagnosed so late in life. While I spent years with people who made fun of me, demanded too much from me and constantly berated me for having 100 percent of these traits that I could not help. Life has been such a struggle I wish there was more awareness that you cannot just demand social norms and energy from people whom it damages so intensely all the time.
I relate with your comment immensely! Since becoming more aware of how my autism presents after my children were both diagnosed with it as well, I try to educate others where I can so hopefully they don’t have to struggle so much with what we struggled with growing up. 💖Your comment makes me feel so seen but also sad that you had those experiences. Thank you for sharing.
I'm now 60 yrs old .. ive worked with autistic people most of my life, but mostly on the end of the spectrum with significant support needs .. so I never recognised myself as possibly autistic. Im now discovering the differences of female autism.. I tick most boxes on your list. Thank you for sharing.. its very helpful x
I worked with autistic people with high support needs too, and I was incredibly good at it, but it did send my nose off the trail as it were when it comes to my own (possible) autism too.
@@MomontheSpectrum, I rarely comment on any video, but I really must thank you for this one. It enabled me to identify a co-worker as an Aspie. She's a Physics Engineer and had been incognito since she joined the company. You should have seen her face when I discreetly asked it to her. She just couldn't believe that I, who have no medical or psychological training, had gotten her, whereas she had to tell her parents about it. We have since become friends. I'm not sure she's told her husband about it, though.
Just a couple of days ago, one of my friends who was recently diagnosed as autistic told me that she firmly believed that I was as well. I have tentative diagnoses of ADHD and CPTSD. This video appeared in my 'recommended for you' list a little while ago. I can definitely identify with 90% of what's on that list. I'm currently looking for another therapist, and when I find one, I'm definitely going to have to have a discussion about getting tested to find out just what's up with me. The sad thing is, I've struggled with all of this all of my life, and now, at 59 years old, I'm finally beginning to find that my entire life wasn't just 'laziness' or not paying attention, or being 'arrogant', or any of the other derogatory things that have been said to me or about me. Thank you so much for putting this out there.
I've also often been called 'stuck up', and still have trouble with eye contact. I've had to work really hard at being socially normal, it doesn't come naturally to me at all. I'm 42 though so I've managed lol.
@@PeppermintPat the “stuck up” part! Really used to sting me. I’m thinking “no, I’m not stuck up, I’m just not fully participating in the conversation because I don’t know you well enough yet. The fact that you’re prejudging me based on what you think is my facial expression justifies what I’m thinking!!”🙄 and then, in my case, it can also go the other way, like do I ever shut up? “ my internal monologue “I am sorry, I felt comfortable enough to chat openly with you, obviously you don’t deserve it”. I am often vindicated by finding out that people I get on the best with actually have an ADHD or autism diagnosis.
Wow! Learning to be social by watching. That's exactly what I did. As a young woman, I lived in a high profile, artsy town. I went to a lot of exhibit openings because I loved the art and the fancy hors d'oeuvres. 😊 But I had to socialize and interact with people, which I found to be painful if not virtually impossible. There was a lady, very high socially, who I thought was amazing! I used to watch her speaking and intonation, her expressions, hand movements, energy level, how she engaged people. I got it down to a science. Many years later, people think I'm really outgoing when they don't know how I really rather be home doing crossword puzzles.
I learned to imitate social skills really well too, which I almost regret cause when you seem talkative and engaging then people expect that from you all the time. I was in the email queue at my old job, and my boss wanted to put me on the phone queue cause "you're so good at talking to people!". After the horror subsided I tried to explain that I'm really not, I'm just a good actress and I know how to be professional at work but I actually really hate talking to people. Talking to people I don't know(especially angry people, which made up a LOT of our customers) is actually physically uncomfortable for me and sometimes even traumatizing. He countered that with "but you talk to me just fine!" Yes... cause I _know_ you. You're predictable. I know your mannerisms, your temperament, and I am reasonably comfortable with you. But I would rather rip out my toenails with rusty bolt cutters than answer phones and talk to unpredictable strangers all day long, who might start yelling or cursing at me at any moment. It seems impossible for a lot of people to understand that just cause someone seems to be doing something successfully doesn't mean it's easy or enjoyable for them.
@brandywineblogger1411 I am absolutely enjoying your avatar pic! And your bass music videos are great! I love jazz band music. Also, I have to agree on the topic of learning social cues and habits through watching people, and through TV media. My aunt was a nurse who loved everything music, theatre, and art. She instilled in us kids the importance of learning as much as we could about everything that made us passionate. I chose puzzles, dancing and art. Problem-solving is my strongest skill even today. ☺
This is amazing how much I fit this. I always knew I was different. My brother is on the spectrum, and he was treated so much more gentle than I was, despite us both having the same issues. When I recently tried to ask my mom for help to get a diagnoses (I needed evidence from family members to show to doctor) - she said 'you're not autistic. Girls can't have autism. That's just your Gemini nature'. Devastated.
I don’t believe in horoscopes or the personalities associated with them. I’m an Aries and so supposed to be fiery, confident and bold. I’m not really any of those things. Plus, the constellations star signs are based on, and the times of the year they were tied to when the zodiac was originally developed have shifted out of sync over thousands of years.
I just turned 42 and still get talked to like I am younger! It makes me feel better knowing that there are other females out there I can REALLY relate to what I go through every day.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD, not autism, but I think I have them both. I'm also very young for my age (39) and sometimes I worry that people think I'm immature. Sometimes I can be a bit hyperactive when I talk, which I feel people deem as childlike. It kind of bothers me, but at least I understand why I do it. It's weird but there are traits that I have that I really couldn't care less what people thought about them, but this trait I find kind of embarrassing and I don't know why. Like, I know neurotypical people who are childlike, so why should it matter if I am?
@@MomoSimone22 even if they are childlike, I think it's the level of naivety that persists to a much later age of autistic people. Also the sense of curiosity and wonder, that is beaten out of neurotypical people, persists much longer, if it ever goes away. We may have trauma, but we still wonder. We still want to know why. We ask for more details to understand, and in doing so, also appear more childish.
I am an adult diagnosed autism. Elementary and middle school was traumatic because I just wanted to fit in with the girls. During the summer before 9th grade, my older brother helped me mirror emotions and responses. High School was better. I’m really into math and science. I was a trauma nurse but finally I am very close to my bachelor’s degree in physics. I was actually relieved after I was diagnosed. It made me understand that nothing is really wrong with me; my brain is just wired differently.
I found the word “neurodivergent” last year! That’s me! I’m also a nurse, who is a nurse manager. I started realizing that my whole staff was neurodivergent, also! We are the “dream team.” No one calls off. No one leaves - they just “find us” and stay. All the other teams have mad call off and turn-over rates. We’re happy working together. We understand and accept each other’s differences.
@@dwlsn93 That’s great to hear, because we know how hard the profession is when you have adequate staff, let alone a bunch of call-offs when no one to replace that shift. I found my niche in trauma/er. Maybe all of them were neurodivergent too 😊 I worked hospice as a CHPN for a few years. My BFF worked for them, so wanted me to tag along. I found it easy being emotionally there for the patient, and a struggle when working for the family. I learned to be a good listener and that giving hugs didn’t kill me. I can handle a lot of physical pain, but emotional pain is sometimes unbearable. Do you have that characteristic as well?
@@allisonchains113 I'm 67 and a recently retired RN. I always knew I was 'off', have been divorced twice and am just now figuring this out. It's traumatic but also a relief. I have a brother, a son, a daughter, a granddaughter and a grandson on the spectrum.
I've been wondering lately if I am. I always felt like when I was a kid there was just something I was missing. Kids just seemed to know how to be with each other. I'd watch and try to pretend to be like that so I could have friends.
Wow this is me all over. I am 75 and always suspected I was Asperger's. I taught Austic children among my many careers and suspect my son is too. I have been misunderstood pretty well my entire life. Animals and nature is a strong part of my life and a very small social circle.
I married a women who became a surgeon and this is her. We are now divorced but in the past I misinterpreted her behaviours and took offence to them. It wasn’t until years later I realised she was on the spectrum through being told my middle daughter was, and once I did some research it all made sense. I see my ex wife differently now.
the funny thing is that some of family members the researcher used as a basis for the Highly Sensitive Person syndrome ended up being diagnosed with autism later on, lol. i found this out by reading the book Unmasking Autism
I also keep going back and forth between HSP an Autism for myself. I am 52 and I’m just now realizing I have spent my whole life masking or in some cases trying to mask.
Yeah, I relate to about 90%, too, but I think it's my being HSP + ADHD. I've often felt like I "don't know how to friend" because I didn't know how to do the fun stuff and I never had the "girly" interests as an adult. But I also attributed that to my queerness. I still have trouble with eye contact when I'm talking, but I can absolutely look at someone fully present and make extended eye contact when the other person is talking. I've just always been uncertain about how much is too much when I'm talking and "doesn't this feel as intense to them as it does to me??" So ...at 42, I'm still on the fence. 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve always known it as just HSP, not HSP Syndrome. Syndrome implies there’s something wrong when it’s just a natural trait; a bit like saying someone w blue eyes has blue eyes syndrome.
I always thought it was because I was a younger mom than my kid’s peers but nope, I just didn’t fit in nor did I care to. And my kid was social butterfly!
I'm 41 and in the process of getting a formal diagnosis... I can see myself in all of those. Thank you for putting this together. It is very helpful. I feel like I have found my community and I feel less scared of this diagnosis that I am 99.9% to get next week. Thank you 💖
Totally the same here about eye contact. When I was in high school, my dad told me he noticed I never made eye contact and he thought this was very bad, socially. So I worked on that. So I look at people's eyebrows. I have no desire whatsoever to look at someone's eyes. Gross. Except my 3 daughters', who all have beautiful blue eyes. But eye contact while talking to someone?! That is horrifying. Why would ANYBODY want to do that?!
For me making eye contact feels very personal. Like if a stranger is touching me. I don’t like the feeling. I feel very uneasy…unless it is someone I feel comfortable with (close family or friends)
@@emma58242 Same to me, like if they can look into my eyes for too long they can see my soul and my insecurities and I'm way too modest to let them see anything.
I'm a huge fan of "stare pensively off in the distance" because it avoids eye contact, and the person you're talking to gets the impression you're being more philosophical. Also, I love group conversations, because you just look at whoever is looking at the other people in the group and not at you.
I really appreciate you making a video about this. I was a "gifted kid" growing up, but my parents (who, ironically, have multiple mental illnesses or neurodivergency themselves) refused to ever understand my struggles because I was smart. I finally got a diagnosis for my GAD at 19 (I am 21 f), but once I started anti-depressants, I still noticed there was definitely something else there. I first suspected that it was ADHD (which I do have some symptoms of), but when I got officially tested, it said I did not have ADHD, which I was a bit confused about. Now that I have been doing more research, I came across your videos, and I check almost all of the boxes. Thank you so, so, much for bringing this stuff into light. I am nervous to talk to my psychiatrist about it (I have a problem for feeling guilty about "having too many issues" even though they are things I can't control, and bringing it up to professionals) but I am considering doing so soon.
I have more or less the same story, and the older i get the harder it is to find motivation. I'm not coping now but I always have so none of my family want to even try to understand never mind listen to some simple tips and strategies to help us all. They are so caught up in the stigma of the label they don't want to listen. This really hurts inside as if my family don't care who does? I also can't afford a diagnosis i live Northern Ireland and there is no help for adult adhd or asd 😮💨.
I feel the same way about having "too many issues". I am also nervous about bringing up this topic with my therapist. However, we've been working together for 10 years now and I KNOW he won't reject me, so I am going to bring it up tomorrow. I know I will feel better about it when we can speak openly.
@@sandyg3772 That's great! Good for you! I can definitely relate, and being 10 years out of therapy myself I can tell you it is so worth it! Even though I still struggle in some areas of my life, therapy has taught me the skills to deal with it and to improve the conversations I have with myself about it. And I've finally found the courage to start talking about it with people outside of my (small) inner circle. It's such a relief to not always feel like I need to mask, or like I'm a nuisance to everyone around me. The main response I've gotten is that people just don't understand what we are going through, but they're willing to learn.
I'm seriously speechless......I relate to almost all of them! Diagnosed looong ago with ADD, but never with autism (I'm 56). This só puts me, my life in perspective! Thank you!!!
I had to train myself on the eye contact because I realized even though I was looking at peoples mouths rather than their eyes, they still picked up on my poor eye contact. Forcing myself to look into the eyes of actors on TV really helped me improve in that area.
bridge of nose or eyebrows is the target!! seems like you're looking in the eyes! I used to look at mouths too but felt that they could detect my poor eye contact lol.
I did theatre day camp as a kid because one of my teachers told my mom "she's so shy she'll never be able to do anything if you don't fix it"...which is an awful thing to say, but one of the directors at that camp noticed I wouldn't make eye contact and told me to just look at his eyebrows instead. Changed my life. And that camp became the best part of my life for seven years.
The passion for justice is accurate, and is a fantastic trait! Among vegans there's an overrepresentation of above average IQ-people, high education and indeed autism. I think that is a fantastic strength, vital indeed for a better world for everyone, no matter who they are born as. Thanks for the wonderful video :)
Wow really?! I'm vegan and STRONGLY leftist ;) It baffles me how people can not seek out the truth and then disregard it if they happen to come across it.
@@persimmonpudding6178 I have 4 boys and 1 girl. My daughter is 33 this year. We had a light argument Easter Sunday where I stormed off offended by her remarks. Today she come over and told me she thinks she has autism, I listened and learned. All this time and I finally heard my daughter for the first real time. Now to begin the healing. She is Vegan and strong to the left as well, all about social justice. Now I know.
@@Mummabelinda It's so great that you listened and are taking the time to learn more. Being Autistic can be a very isolating and difficult experience, and sometimes it's suppressed under the surface as someone tries to cope with life by putting up a mask, even since childhood. I'm really glad you're there for her, and I hope you come to understand each other even more over time!
I clicked on this video out of simple curiosity. I was shocked to find that I relate to nearly all of them. I’m 59 years old. Wow! I haven’t really found myself struggling in life, except for not really understanding why other people feel or react like they do. And yes, I can fake it. The one thing that helped me, was the Myers-Briggs personality test. I tested as an INTJ, which is rare, especially in women. I felt like it explained so much. There are also lots of jokes about how the INTJ personality is really another way of saying ASD. Maybe the jokes aren’t wrong.
I came across this video randomly as well, although I've suspected autism for the last few months. I'm also an INTJ Meyers-Briggs. I've never heard that joke before but it does fit!
I’m 22 and i have a lot of interests similar to like a 15-16 year old. I also feel younger than i actually am. I have ASD and didn’t know this was a trait so it makes me feel a little better
I really appreciate you making this video. I haven't told many people in my life, but I have been truly wondering if I might be on the spectrum. I have GAD, social anxiety, depression, and OCD. I wasn't diagnosed with anything until I was 15 (and 19 for OCD). Social situations have always been my biggest struggle. I am the kind of person who hates small talk and surface level friendships. I want deep, meaningful friendships, which have been extremely difficult to find. My sensory issues were ignored for the majority of my life, and I was basically told to suck it up as a child. I was considered fairly gifted as a child, but my anxiety has always held me back a bit. I truly believe I am currently experiencing Autistic Burnout, and no one can fully understand how I feel. I was always on top of school work, always turning assignments in early, placed in honors/AP classes. I am currently a semester away from graduating college, and I am the kind of exhausted that cannot be put into words. I cannot handle anything- assignments, meeting classmates/professors, studying, any of it. I think in a black and white mindset, and to me there is no "grey." Injustice, especially social injustice, angers me to the point where I have had panic attacks because I feel I have zero control over it. I am overly empathetic, to a point where I will continue to have relationships with people who harm me mentally because I feel for them. I have always preferred animals and little kids over people, or much older people, but people my age are so confusing to me. I've always been told I am mature for my age, but I hate it because I cannot relate to others. I used to do lots of creative things, but lately, I haven't been doing any of it due to this pure mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion. My therapist doesn't think I have ASD but describes me as someone in that "category" in regards to my sensory issues and anxiety and such. I think the reason I don't present to her as someone with ASD is because I have never been able to describe my thought process to her- it is unlike anyone I have ever met before, and there are many things that are "normal" for me that I know are not normal for others. One of the reasons I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until I was 19 is because I just never really thought to mention the way I would wager with myself, how the intrusive thoughts affected me, and the way I live my life essentially avoiding triggers and such.
I relate to almost everything in the chart. I've been called sensitive all my life, extravagant and/or weird, I look younger and people always think I am because of how I behave, I looove carpentry, furniture flipping and any DIY with wood, I studied psychology and have been updating my knowledge all my life even though I don't work as a psychologist, I've worked in many different types of jobs, I've studied many different things always changing my interests, justice is absolutely important to me (I'm vegan...), I touch my face and hair all the time, I always wear comfortable clothes and trainers (and have been called out on that hahah), I've lost jobs and frienships for reasons I can't really understand, growing up socialization was very much a conscious effort always looking and analyzing what people did and how they did it so I could do the same, I'm really sensitive to movement around me, lights and sounds, I can get easily overwhelmed just walking in a busy street.. I really can't. I get really stressed. I love nature and animals, I'm very physical when happy (and can't understand why people aren't) and the list goes on and on. I think it's about time I try to get diagnosed 😅 Thanks for this video!
Your life story and interests sound so very similar to mine. I was (late) diagnosed autistic a year ago at the age of 59. Getting the diagnosis made everything make sense so I now understand and make allowances for myself. It hasn’t changed how I now live my life, it just confirmed why I live like I do. 🙄
What's "Normal" anyway? it's Ok to be quirky or "different". I've felt like a weirdo most of my life but I've finally started to accept myself & If u don't like me that's your problem.( Unless I've acted v.inappropriately ) It would be a pretty boring world if everyone acted the same...!
My goodness, where to start. Imagine being 40 years old and being told you need to be tested for Autism. 🙁 I've had my suspicions for awhile as my 16 yr old daughter is on the spectrum. I've known all my life that I was/am not like other people. I fit so many of the characteristics that it's blindingly apparent now. There are two oddities about me, according to my therapist. One, I am extremely empathetic. I mean on an uncanny level. I can tell how you're feeling even when you're hiding it just by looking at you and being close to you. The other oddity is I learned how to camouflage from others so well, that it took my 2 different therapist half the year to realize there was "something different". I didn't hide anything on purpose, it's just what I've done all my life. Now, I just have to take the step and make the appointment. I'm also Adhd.
Me too! I never considered autism until a few months ago because with male autism, the lack of empathy/understanding another's emotions is one of the more pronounced traits. So interesting how it manifests differently in females.
My mother is anti doctors/Western medicine. I think I hit EVERY point, to one degree or another. But, if I get tested my mother will disown me. I'm not sure it's worth it. Masking it has worked enough for 40+ years.
Almost every one of them on the list for me.…. When my son was 7, he was finally diagnosed with Autism, and that’s when I spent the next six months crying constantly, because I realised that I had almost all the traits of autism myself. It was an emotional time of slowly coming understand why I had such a difficult time fitting in all my life, (especially my teens and twenties). I saw a therapist in my 40’s and she “unofficially” diagnosed me with Autism. I’m a whole lot kinder to myself now that I know why I am this way. ❤
I grew up among artists so none of this strikes me as strange or unusual. As an artist, trying to figure out the introvert part was a big deal and honoring that and grateful for. There is a time to be with people and a time to be alone doing art. I'm glad you have that figured out for yourself and family. Nice video.
I'm glad you did too. I've noticed that artists are often being portrayed as being quirky, and if you ever see musicians perform, you will often see them engaging in behaviors or stimms that are quite dramatic and noticeable. But often, these help them to concentrate and excel at their art.
@@laurelmentor404 I went to a concert with the singer Stacy Kent who does a kind of dance at the intro either trying to get with the rhythm of the musicians or to get the musicians to come up in tempo. They did the intro three time before she started to sing. I have a friend who is pianist who starts a set drinking strong coffee. You are right.
I also come from a family of artists and never considered myself challenged until I hit adulthood. In fact, I was in gifted Ed. But navigating the world of neurotypical people has been challenging. Supporting myself financially has been challenging. I want to go back to being an artist tbh.
About 95% of that chart fits my daughter. :o) The best I have seen/heard. She wasn't diagnosed as autistic until she was 33. In grade school, she tested out as having learning/emotional disabilities - because 30 years ago, girls couldn't be autistic unless they were profoundly autistic. Her life has improved so much since we got the diagnosis. Thank you for this.
How has your daughter's life improved since she got the diagnosis? Did she get any treatment? As a mother of an autistic boy, having researched this topic, I cannot see how one's life can improve just by getting diagnosed unless they either get treatment or start taking care of their emotional and physical needs better. I think the diagnosis can sometimes affect the person's relationships and career. Not many people would want to marry someone with autism or give them a job. That's the sad truth. I have read somewhere from someone with ASD that they got fired the next day after their employer found out about their diagnosis.
@@marias5088These are good questions, Maria. My adult daughter was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD 2 years ago, and she does seem to be somewhat happier and more focused, perhaps because she understands better why she is a certain way, and figures out how to adapt. She has also gotten medication to help her specific type of ADHD, but it’s been a bit of trial and error. For myself, I can easily see that I have the same traits (but not ADHD), and was told by the psychologist who diagnosed her, and spoke to myself and my husband at length as part of the diagnosis, that “unofficially” it’s highly likely that we are also on the autism spectrum. But what good would an official diagnosis do me at my age? Sure, I could tell an employer that I have a disability they need to accommodate, but 1) I don’t like to think of it as a disability, and 2) they will almost certainly be thinking, ‘That’s great, but could you please go be autistic over there so that I don’t have to deal with it?’ Among my friends and acquaintances, I have been extremely selective in who I say anything to, because most people have a lot of inaccurate preconceptions of what it means to be on the autism spectrum. And really, the last thing I need is people’s judgment.
Omg. "I can't actually hear the words that are being said when I make eye contact with someone." -- Literally me. Literally have no idea what you said if I'm making eye contact. My best friend knows when I'm looking away as she's talking I am processing what she's saying. And I just finished watching your other "16 Traits of ASD in Women" and am holding back tears. Relating to many of the things you spoke about. I still don't know if I am because I feel like a normal person at 33 years old, but at the same time I don't, and have always felt slightly like an outsider, and unable to do things the same way as most people, unable to handle things or accomplish things the same way.
I just found you yesterday. I've never been diagnosed, but I check almost everything on your list. I learned masking very early one. But I still screw up social cues. I did have to turn off the video and walk around a bit when you mentioned stimming. I didn't know other people did the teeth clicking thing. And because I come from a very musical background, it's always to some song in my head. Thanks so much for your work here and putting yourself out like this.
Holy hell, I’ve done the teeth clicking to the beat of a song all my life! Also, I’ve always had more muscle/less cellulite in my left leg because it’s always going ninety miles an hour when I’m sitting lol
Around age 50 I was diagnosed, when I finally saw a psychiatrist, with "Atypical personality disorder" which means you don't fit into the labels of personality disorders. Now 70 I watched your video and I hit every item you mentioned with a big YES except not having a personality. I became a headstrong person and so I was fired, walked out, laid off many times. Somehow I made it to 62 by hook or by crook and started receiving social security. OMG the injustice that people experience makes me very angry. Very interesting and thanks for the video and the chart. Also suffered from depression since I was 7 years old. Now my emotional state is pretty good with help of Vipasanna or Mindful Meditation.
I have lost so many jobs because of calling out injustices. I have an “over-developed”sense of fair play and I guess it drives people CRAZY!! I’m 62 and self-identified, after raising two Fragile-X sons to adulthood… LOL 40 years later I figured out I’m on the spectrum too! (Hubby knew before I did.)
We are labeled "autistic" when it's the rest of the population who should be labeled. THEY are the problem, not us!! We are the few "normal" people, we are God's people, the way He originally created us!!
WOW. I so appreciate this. 50+ with a young adult on the spectrum and I am convinced I masked so well I fooled myself! I relate to 95% of this and once I hit menopause early at 38 that's when this all started becoming super apparent for me much like it was very apparent when I was a young kid. I am convinced this is why I developed autoimmune issues. So much masking + exhaustion I didn't know I was doing. Thank you!
Wow! I was affirming almost all points. I was already suspecting that I'm also on the spectrum because even as an adult, I am expressive --- extremely expressive --- when I'm happy or overwhelmed. I would even squeal. When I try to control myself, I feel like a time bomb, but people around me don't understand and would tell me "Act like an adult". I hate that. It's hard to make people understand me though, so I just clam up. It's a struggle to fit in sometimes. 😢
i feel like i’ve been riding the “researching ADHD diagnosis to suspecting i may actually be autistic (or both)” pipeline for nearly 2 years. this chart was such a relief and so relatable. ok gonna go binge the entire rest of your channel now!!! thank youuuuu lol
Big same, I actually recently got diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type, however, still being in the early stages of treatment with meds and therapy, I still feel like maybe once I learn more info, then that might be the piece of the puzzle? But then seeing these videos or videos of people with both, I feel like I relate to them so much more than just ADHD.... So it's definitely still on the docket to take a look into autism after the treatments have given me more time to process. Some of the super specific examples here fit me SO well its actually shocking...
I was about 8 when my younger brother was first diagnosed. Looking back, it’s very obvious that in my family it’s a genetic trait. My father, grandfather, and even great-grandfather, all have autistic tendencies. I remember being given a test to see if I was on the spectrum, too, but I “failed” it and was told I was definitely not autistic. Of course, this was the late 90s, and I was given the “male” test. Fast forward 11 years, I’m struggling in college, end up coming home and my mom takes me to a psychiatrist. Turned out, yeah, I have like 80% of these traits. And the ones that I don’t have can be explained by my traits being more closely aligned with Asperger’s. I know that’s considered a bad word now, but at the time it was still accepted, and that is my “official” diagnosis.
I loved this -- the most helpful thing I think I've found about adult-diagnosed autism, especially in women ... I'm 74 and just figured out (with the help of some gentle nudging over the years from therapists and one ND knitting teacher :) that I'm autistic and I have to tell you that it's pretty weird to contemplate this late in the game. So much now makes sense but at the same time, so much could have been different had I known. I've been aware of masking for most of my life but didn't know what is was/what to call it; it certainly saved my life in many ways and let me stay employed, raise my daughter as a single parent, and 'get by' for the most part. But, oh, the grief at what I've lose but not being able to/knowing how to be myself... Thanks so much for this; your commentary was great.
I just found you. I'm also an autistic mama, but I can't get a formal diagnosis. Listening and watching you just makes me happy, because you feel like a kindred spirit. Thank you for posting this shorter list of traits.
I am a mother of 3 who has been dealing with all of these “symptoms “ for YEARS! I have an appointment to be evaluated and hopefully diagnosed soon. If I am infact autistic it would explain so much! Thank you for doing what you do!
OMG this is so much of me! I am 65 and a potter. I have learned to interact with my customers online by mirroring their tone and phrases etc. This is a strategy I had to learn in order to survive
Yeah omg. I struggled so hard as a teenager and young adult trying to figure out how to socialize. And the whole thing with sex and everything. I hyped it up so much in my mind. I remember having such extreme social anxiety when I moved out on my own that I couldn't even go to the grocery store. I was sooooo worried about eye contact, my body language etc etc. I felt like an alien and like everyone was gonna know that I was an imposter and none of this stuff came naturally to me. I felt so slow, stupid and alone and just awkward and weird cause I always got comments about being too quiet, or people laughing at me for not getting a joke, or being singled out because I was inflexible about planning social outings. And then on top of it I had a class on giving presentations in business school where we were recorded on video and then the teacher would critique your presentation and give pointers and a lot of it was about tone of voice, body language, eye contact, posture and just everything that I was already painfully aware of and anxious about. So it just made my social anxiety so much worse! I could hardly talk to people cause I'd get so nervous about how I was coming across. I'd blurt things out, rush through sentences, forget to breathe, worry about whether I was making appropriate eye contact, whether I'd chosen a good subject to talk about that the other person would enjoy etc. I had no idea how to relate to other people my age "normally". I notice I don't worry as much about that now. I still worry a bit but it's not as crippling. I just have accepted at this point in my life that I'm "weird" and that's never gonna change so I might as well just accept that not everyone is gonna feel comfortable around me and that's fine. The right people will. I've learned to be more confident in my divergent nature and to look upon people who look down on me as silly. To see that they are the ones who have a problem with me, and it's not that I am a problem.
That chart is amazing! Thank you for putting in the work to refresh it and make it accessible for more people. I always thought I was “just weird.” People bash social medial as a toxic waste of time, but videos like this encouraged me to finally get evaluated by a psychologist the summer I turned 40. I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. There’s was only one thing on that chart that was, “meh, not so much.” And since my diagnosis, it all finally makes sense! I’m not an alien, or a “freak,” I’m a completely normal person with ASD/ADHD. ❤
SAME 👍 This stuff is very important! Normalization of female disorders,and shining lights onto under diognosis in women's ASD/ADD had made me want to be an advocate for my mental health
I've lived for 40 + years and never really undestood all the things I struggle with. Been diagnosed with dysthymia (for being emotionally flat), social phobia (don't like social things) and generalized anxiety (because anxiety). This was diagnosed hastily without much in dept work or time spent and I've never felt any of it fits. Then the pieces finally started falling into place and looking at this 90% of this is so relatable. When I went to my doctor she said "there was no need to send me to get tested/diagnosed for this because I'm not a child, so I don't need help, and I've managed to get a bachelor/achieved things so I can't possibly be autistic".. Yea my life is a mess, took me to 40 years of age to get that bachelor (trying various things for 20 years) can't hold down a job and I can't seem to grow up and everythign wears me out. I need answers but I don't know what to do now. There's no real support for this kinda thing in my country and I wish I had some answers and ways to work trough this. Now I'm just left self diagnosing and that's no good. I don't want to go around assuming I'm one thing if I am not, but I really would like to know why I am like this. 🥴
Gosh I've been researching so so much about this recently and sometimes I've gotten to the point I'm in tears because I am trying to understand what is wrong with me for so so long. I always dressed comfortably, even sometimes breaking my schools dress code because i wore black sports leggings that were really comfortable to me. I've made so many toxic friendships over the last 9 years, I was always socially awkward, i couldn't fit in with anyone else, i was quiet, everyone would make jokes i never understood. I was bullied for 3 years and i ended up having to put up a fake persona around others just so I could fit in. I still do this now. I always see my friends have unique personalities and I never was able to see myself for me. I always picked up some traits from them, I don't know who I am. The dealing with stress with routines hit me hard because I've been doing this all my life. I've had a routine for years that helped me cope with stress. The tiniest little change to my schedule, even by 5 minutes would send me off a rollercoaster of emotions and I'd be thrown off all day because of it. I've always felt happy when i was home in my corner doing my art in peace and quiet, but when I'd go to any of my friends' house I always felt awkward, i couldn't speak to them, couldn't ask simple needs such as where's the bathroom or I'm really hungry can we get something. I was always considered a 'special' kid. I was told I was born with a gift, a talent. I've had a talent for Karate and Art - art mostly all self taught. I always had trouble understanding people too. I can never understand what one tells me, it takes me DAYS to comprehend, HUNDREDS of times of me rereading what they've told me over and over untik it finally hit me. I always had to ask others for support to tell me what one has meant to say. I've been incredibly emotional all my life too and i never understood why. Recently ive been having immense mood swings and was about to book an appointment to the therapist to see if i have Borderline personality disorder or Bi polar. I've already been diagnosed with Depression, Social anxiety and PTSD. I always get so overwhelmed because of stuff around me that is difficult for me to comprehend. I know I'm going way too deep into this and can continue on describing what i experience but it'll be so long to read,, but truly i want to understand.. if i may be on the spectrum or am i overthinking it and assuming it.. i literally relate to almost all of these except like, 3-5. I'm 17 and I've brought this up to my mom but she dismissed me. I truly don't know what to do..
Im so sorry to hear you’ve been dismissed. Hopefully since you’re 17, you will be able to branch out soon and pursue the help and support you feel you need. For now I would say to continue researching wherever you are led, use info that is helpful to you and keep track of it so you can share it with a diagnostician some day. And try to plug into a community where you can connect with others like you. I have a video over an online community called ASDirect that you may find helpful! Thanks for your comment.
Judging by all of the likes you got... You have been heard and related to. It seems you have quite a few friends here! Take care, my friend. It is safe here.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is tough without support. I am older & have recently realized (no "official" diagnosis) that I must be on the spectrum. My parents never would have accepted a diagnosis of autism even though my dad called me "mental" all the time. Please don't be discouraged. You can make it through this difficult time.
Few years ago I commented on one one your videos about whether I could be autistic or not. Now at 28 a realzied I am, after a ton of research and watching videos! I hope I can get a diagnoses soon.
I am not diagnosed as autistic - and not really sure if I am - but this chart is so me. And school was so hard socially, being perceived as the shy, sensitive and stuck up smart kid that had such a hard time making friends and doing home work 😢. When I realized I could just try to get worse marks and dress in a way to attract boys so they liked me - I figured out how to make friends, but I was so socially awkward and drank just to be able to have conversations. Is that masking? Autistic traits? Is it worth attempting to get a diagnosis? And the whole having to create a rigid schedule just to handle daily life and responsibilities is me. I have a notebook full of schedules that I try to follow just to cope with daily tasks and life is just feeling more and more overwhelming. Hmmm
7:28 High functioning autistic here with Celiac disease as my gut issue. I also have hyper mobile EDS, another thing I find unusually common with ASD, and Narcolepsy. I'm a flappy bendy sleepy boy that passes out if I eat bread. Wheeee.
Not autistic but I am diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, I related to everything a lot. I did laugh when you mentioned we wouldn’t be in a room with trains all day everyday, but I work in an archive digitizing train photography so it’s almost everyday. Not one of my special interests, but I find the routine of my job comforting most of the time.
I am diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and ASD. I suggested both of these diagnoses to my psychiatrist (who was treating me for depression) who, in the early 2000s, was surprised and then certain that I was correct. I had learned to appear neurotypical from an early age when I first went to preschool and realized I had no idea what others were doing. I didn't know how to play, how to interact. It was terrifying. I recall having to work very hard to "memorize" how to be around others. It was painful, stressful. The point about injustice is incredibly accurate!. I was recently working in a school for students with special needs. Many of these students were diagnosed with ASD. A situation occured whereby a behavior specialist really laid in to two of my students about their behavior without trying to understand the reasons for the behavior. This is not to say the behavior was acceptable. The point is that there was no teaching as to why the behavior was unacceptable nor were they given suggestions as to how to respond differently. Yelling at these students was NOT ok. She did this after I had already spoken with the students and they were now confused by the mixed messages. When I approached the principal about this, she told me that students with ASD won't even remember being yelled it from one day to the next and not to worry about it !! I no longer work at this school but I am still trying to advocte for these students. I am still furious - this happened in Aug 2022 - and I feel like I am against a brick wall. The more I cannot get the higher ups to understand, the angrier I become. It is difficult for me to accept that these people will likely never understand, and more so, will never care to. It is so frustrating and so difficult to let it go. On a positive note, I love being "quirky" and tend to attract such people. My daughter also is on the spectrum and I continually remind her of her gifts of which there are many. Thankfully, she is so confident that she does not care what others think of her. I should learn from her :) Thanks for reading.
I relate to the majority of these. I have CPTSD, but never thought about autism until I heard it from a woman's perspective. Thank you for validating us. Thanks for all your hard work ❤️🙏
Very helpful chart! I felt like a related to almost everything! The tricky/ frustrating thing is that I feel like nobody would believe me because I dont think people see these traits in me (plus my family already thinks I'm a hypochondriac). Thank you for sharing!
Totally get it. I think that's one reason I waited so long to tell my husband I thought I was on the spectrum. I've also felt I was sooo many other things... (ADHD, highly sensitive person, OCD) and to be fair, I was some of those things... but definitely was worried about coming across as THAT person. At the end of the day, it's your life. If identifying as autistic brings you more peace and self-compassion/understanding, TAKE IT! :)
I hear you! "Will anybody believe me" is constantly on my mind now that I'm pursuing formal diagnosis. If you think about what an internal experience autism is, it does sometimes come down to being believed or not... Which is something autistics struggle with most of our lives (not being believed, I mean). That's why we need fellow autistics. So we can believe and affirm each other 🙂
I have extremely bad genes so maybe this is just me but I feel like so many people have conditions they find some way to cope with without diagnosis. I have almost every single issue from both sides of my parentage except my dad has psoriasis and I only have eczema, though he smokes and I don't, and my ear feel full a lot but my mom had to have tubes put in to drain hers because they don't on their own. I thought just one passed me over, I was 'too old' to have much chance at all of getting migraines and then I started getting brainstem migraines at 21.
I’ve never been diagnosed or anything, but I’ve wondered. In school I was extremely quiet. One time some guys were kind of bugging me about it-like, “can’t you talk?” and I found that with being put on the spot like that, I literally couldn’t talk. In adult life, I had a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital for awhile…but I could come home on weekends. My husband said that the first few weekends I came home, I just sat and stared catatonically at the wall for the most part. I remember that as having SO MUCH anxiety that I couldn’t do anything else.
This was absolutely spot on for me, today is my 4th attemp asking my psych for an assessment. Her reasoning every single time is that my communication skills are far too elevated, its upsetting!!!
I am reeling. My therapist suggested I might have autism as well as ADHD. I knew about the ADHD, but autism? I always thought it only looked like extraordinary attorney Woo or the participants of Dating on the Spectrum. But I relate to a lot of these. This is a lot to take in right now. My nephew is on the spectrum and my dad has ADHD. But... I just thought I knew what it looked like. I'm replaying my whole life right now. 😳🥺 It's dizzying.
Yes the initial discovery of all of this can be quite overwhelming. There is no rush to process it all. Take care of yourself and everything will unfold in its own time. 💓
I relate to the entire list but for two items (or the appropriate opposite statement when needed), and I'm a 34yo male recently diagnosed. This profile isn't exclusive to women, it's just that young girls are generally more "socially intelligent" than young boys and are more prone to developing masking very early on. What can I say... I was a smart boy.
this is exactly why i wish people didn't turn "autism in girls often goes undiagnosed" into "only autistic girls have these traits." it alienates boys w/ those traits and to a lesser extent (imo) girls with the more typically male traits.
Every single one. 🤯 My daughter is on the spectrum and I’ve only just begun to process that I might be too. Videos like this have been really eye opening and helpful.
Thank you SO much for sharing this chart and information. I have worked in the Autistic community for more than 10 years as a leader in my organization and a fierce advocate for all people with developmental disabilities. I am very passionate about equity and social justice and facilitate/coordinate workshops in Seattle on the subject. I have developed relationships with dozens and dozens of folks on the spectrum and have long suspected that I myself might be on the spectrum. I never sought diagnosis because in the last few years I have been really happy in my life, career and relationships. 5 years ago I began to remember complex sexual abuse by my father growing up, and that was a turning point in my life. After a lot of work in healing and letting go of some trauma, I began to feel so much happier and attracted the first healthy, committed long term relationship in my life. We are getting married next month :) After watching a few of your videos, I was absolutely astounded by how many traits I have that you discuss (15/16 and most of the chart in this video). I felt understood for literally the first time in my life. Thank you! I had more severe traits as a child and adolescent, but have learned in my 45 years to cope and adapt to expectations in society and life. I did really well in school and was in the talented and gifted program so I guess no one thought to diagnose me in the 80's. I am beginning to see that there is so much more to understand about how my brain works and I really want to seek a diagnosis and explore support options. I also want to be able to request accommodations at work. I have just emailed my doctor to ask if my insurance covers the diagnosis and where to start with the diagnostic process. I took the Aspie, which I loved and found really easy to answer the questions, and got a 145 out of 200 on the Autism cluster and 80 on the neurotypical. I took the AQ but found it really difficult to understand and answer and I got a 28. I have subscribed to your channel and thank you so much!!!
I am a mental health counselor and I just want to tell you that I am so thankful for you videos! I was helping a client for over a year before something clicked and I thought "maybe it's ASD". Your videos are a great tool to help women understand what this means and connect with others and resources!
I was diagnosed with adhd a few months ago. I’ve always wondered if there was something else going on as well, but I understand the overlaps with adhd. But having it explained from this angle just rings 100%. I can’t believe it and will have to process it, then consider an assessment.
So many things on this list are eye opening for me in understanding my childhood. I was PAINFULLY shy, hated large gatherings (dad constantly socialized), hate making eye contact, and hubby and I are 100% homebodies unless we can go out with each other.
I'm in my 30's. I have been struggling all my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression & Generalised Anxiety Disorder ... Last week I was talking to my psychologist (who specialises in trauma) and she wants me to be assessed for ASD. This chart has been most helpful and I relate to 99% of it. Thank you.
OMG! This is so insightful! I was diagnosed 10 years ago at age thirty. But I've had a really hard time accepting it, because I never knew how autism presents itself in women. I thought maybe there was a chance my therapist was wrong and I was normal after all. But after seeing this chart, there's no denying it anymore. I relate to everything you mentioned. Thank you for making this video! Things like this really help to make sense of it all and also to explain to others what I'm going through.
This is me! I was diagnosed bipolar. Cptsd,anxiety, panick disorder. I think I am autistic. I always thought I could be. My recent psychiatrist told me to see a neuropsychiatrist. So I am on that path right now.
This is me. I am 50 years old and my God I never even realized that I was normal in my abnormalities if that makes sense. I got the bipolar diagnosis and I have texture issues that are severe, I can't look people in the eyes but I fake it well, I have an easier time writing than talking. I get overwhelmed with people. I have serious gastrointestinal issues, I bit my nails so badly that I damaged them and it took them until just recently to heal mostly. It's so me. Every single thing is me. Thank you for these videos.
All except the shy thing. I felt like the works was my stage. I created this girl that I pretended to be and she existed all through school. Now that I’m old I’m a lot more shy but I think it’s more like a “wait and watch” strategy than true shyness. Thank you for posting!!!
I'm going to get tested but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. I just realized how I've been "acting" or pretending in social situations my entire life. masking. Wow. I feel sad but grateful. Thank you so much.
I see myself all over this checklist, with only a few exceptions. I don't have an odd appearance, as far as I can tell, but I continually get mistaken for being much younger than I am. One time, when I was working as a cashier in a store, a customer thought I was a teenager when I was fully 39 years old. Which was not all a bad thing. Oh gosh, this wasn't meant to be a brag comment. But it was annoying too, to be thought of as a kid when I hadn't been one for decades. I would have been happier if the customer had thought I was 29 😂
I totally get it. It doesn't sound braggy. I understand because people talk down to me a lot like I'm younger or don't know as much. I am called "hon", "darlin", "sugar", "honey" when others I'm with are not. Also I used to work in a high school which made it awkward when other teachers would interact with me. It was like they didn't know I wasn't a student until an awkward amount of time later.
@@MomontheSpectrum I came to say the same. I'm sick of people talking to me like I'm a child. I mean it stopped few years ago when I was about 40 but they still see me as much younger.
@@blueswallow3096 It was totally unreal... The customer was talking about grandparents for some reason and then asked about MY grandparents and when I said they'd all passed on, she was like, "No, you're way too young to have lost all four." That was when I had to admit my age and she could hardly believe it. Though what she thought a teenager was doing behind the counter in a store at 11am on a weekday, I don't know. Maybe she thought I was a recent graduate 😂
@@sueannevangalen5186 I get you haha. When I was in my early 20's I was working in a store and a customer asked me if I was part of the staff. When I said yes she said "but your only a child". Another time a customer asked me if my "parents" where there. She was referring to my boss hahaha
Dear Chris, you won the grandma lottery! Living with both of them , so blessed! I was born only months after my maternal grandmother died of complications of diabetes. My paternal grandmother inspired me in many ways, but I lived far away from her. She was 98 and she had dementia. So glad you are getting to visit the Philippines again. You are so ambitious, you are tough on yourself. Relax and enjoy yourself. Your Tagalog will improve. Your candor in uour videos is commendable. I appreciate also how graceful a communicator you are. As a former caregiver of my mother, I feel you. For me bathtime wasn't difficult but daily dental care was tough for me. Caregivers have days that are complex. There are tough moments and there are very rewarding moments. I am glad u were able to clean out the things from her room and make it into an office. She would like that. Thank you gor continuing to post as you work through you're grieving. So many pf us former caregivers are grieving alongside you. I applaud the privacy of your relationship. So many details of your life aren't any business of others. Including $. Thanks for continuing talking about grandma. She is no question someone we look up to. I am thinking and praying of your family. Your grandma Lola and your Mom are in our prayers too.
My mom is likely on spectrum, as are other family members. No diagnoses... Watching videos like this one reminds me to have grace when I'm frustrated that we aren't on same page.
Your channel has been a complete eye opener to me. I can relate to almost every single item on that chart. I changed careers from being a physiotherapist to studying psychology and then a masters in human cognitive neuropsychology with the intention of trying to understand why people say and do the things they do. Learnt a lot about myself which made me just feel a bit more uncomfortable in my own skin. But your channel is starting to help me understand myself a bit better. Thank you for this content.
one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about me when I was little was if I saw someone I knew from school, I'd avoid them. She'd say, "isn't that your little friend, so and so? Wanna say hello?" and I'd be like, "no, I'm not friends with them." On occasion they would see me and come up to me and act all friendly and cheery and hug me and I'd act as if I was thrilled to see them. lol. I did this often. My mom found it hilarious and said I was such a fake. But the truth was, I only considered a small number of people my friends and even if some people may have considered me to be one of their friends, they were just an acquaintance to me...because friendship was a very specific category with strict criteria. I am only realizing now that my "fakeness" as a child was literally just masking. I have an adhd diagnosis that I got last year (at 38) and now (at 39) I am realizing that is not the whole picture. Wild stuff. Always learning...even about ourselves. Kinda great when you think about it that way.
Wow, that really describes my younger daughter. She often says she has few or no friends but everyone from her school seems to adore her when we run into them.
The thing about being angry at injustice is that it's like... ALL the injustices. It's not super weird to be angry at, say, a black person doing more jail time than a white person for the same crime, but someone cutting in line at the grocery store? Someone taking up two seats on the bus? All the little injustices of the world that neurotypical people usually just "tut-tut" over, it drives me crazy. You spend your whole childhood learning that those types of behaviors are wrong, you spend your whole life trying to remember them in order to fit in, and then someone breaks the rules and nobody cares?? It's so irritating. I hate it. I can't even maintain eye contact on zoom calls, or look into my *own* eyes in mirrors or in photos. I don't know how you'd describe it, but it's always this feeling of intense and utter panic if I look into someone else's eyes when I know they can see me. I don't have a problem looking at photos of other people's faces.
I can relate to what you said about little injustices so much… I thought I was alone in my reaction to people being inconsiderate and that I have anger issues.
As you went through the list, I got increasingly emotional as I related to almost every single trait. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and self-diagnosed as OCD, but now I think I need to discuss this with my doctor. In a way, it's a relief to know that I'm not just "particular" or "difficult". Thank you for posting this!
I feel gut punched, I have always thought I was adhd, and/or on the spectrum… I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, I’m 34 and people say im 34 going on 21 🤷♀️ people tell me I remind them of their kids. I get carded everywhere and have very young features. I can’t wear uncomfortable clothing. I always think I’m different because of things that upset me that don’t upset others. I checked off 90% of these boxes. This is wild. Whoa.
With the social aspect, I do so much better when my friends are neurodivergent or more leaning toward autistic. Most of my friends and aquaintances fall in this category. It's great because we can go for months without seeing eachother and pick up like we hung out last week. I've always been very social. But when I was a kid, I was too weird for most people and wanted friends desperately. Looking back, the people I did befriend always had strong autistic traits. I actually really love girly things, but I hate going to salons in general. Mostly because I have to do mental olympics and mask so much, figuring out where to draw the line in the conversation before it gets too weird or unpleasant. The person who does my hair is also neurodivergent (believes she's autistic too. I get that vibe from her). I really don't like to go to other people even if it costs less. Plus, she puts the good stuff in my hair too. :p I feel very awkward around women my age unless that group of women are in a shared interest. I'd rather go to a D&D night (having never played D&D) than go to a Zumba class. I could never decide on one career. Right now, I'm all over the place in things that I do for money. I have my regular job (web developer, graphic designer). But I make jewelry, I draw, I'm learning 3D, I plan on making 2d and 3d asset packs for games once I get better. I want to make games. Before the pandemic, I was doing events and drawing speed pet portraits. So it's generally in the realm of art and design, but never concrete enough to be specific. I'm literally a jack of all trades in a lot of areas too. I'm more useful than a master of one.
I relate to almost all of these. I’m 32 and just had this nudge to start looking up female autism traits. I’ve always felt I’m different from everyone else and that something is wrong with me. Thank you for this video. I’m super glad this is the first I chose to click on starting this journey.
I found your channel! I am recently diagnosed with ASD and also have diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. Never occurred to me that some of the reasons I developed an ED was due to sensory sensitivity and gastrointestinal discomfort
I have every single one of these traits but my lifelong masking game has been so strong I don’t think family and friends would take me seriously. I struggle intensely sometimes, but privately, and it’s exhausting. I don’t know where to begin to get a diagnosis or how to improve the situation.
I got the strangest responses from most of my family, who I thought would say wow that explains everything. Hubby was the only one who got it right. He yelled, "your autistic!" and hugged me and we laughed. Others said, "the internet can make you think you have anything" or just gave me a 👍in response to a text. Unfortunately, my parents died a couple of years before I figured this out. I think they would have been very interested and mom would have watched 1,000 videos to learn all she could. Maybe you could try sending them a short video like this one that goes over the traits for females and just say, "I relate to every single one of these traits".
@@maciees just keep watching her videos and any others that seem helpful. Now you know you’re not alone. 🤗 You don’t have to get a diagnosis unless you think it will help you. I have no desire to get evaluated but I don’t use conventional healthcare at all. 😬
I'm in the same boat. Diagnosis should only come from a psychologist or LCSW that specializes in adult autism. BUT ... they will ask you why you think you are. So start keeping a journal. Start with this video. Write down the 1st item and the specifics of why it resonates with you (actual examples). If it doesn't fit/partially fits, write that down. Do it for all the items. Then find more info online. NOT just the "Do you have autism" info, but also look for just as many articles of "Why you aren't autistic and what else it could be". (i.e. balance things out - it's easy to just see things that align with your viewpoint). As you think of things in your daily routine that seem to fit (or just as important - not fit). Going into a psychologist/LCSW appt with specific examples will give you a good starting point. Writing it down let's you re-evaluate. Again - even keep track of the autism spectrum qualities that don't fit you (and why they don't). Also the qualities you have that you wonder about, but they aren't listed as an "autism quality" I don't put much faith in online tests (of any kind). They are usually geared to someone offering a service, so it's in their best interest to say you "have a strong likelihood". Stick with videos like this - she has personal experience of being a woman who got diagnosed later in life. People diagnosed as kids will have a different frame of reference than us.
I'm the one who created this list when I researched and wrote Aspergirls in 2009 (under the name Rudy Simone). I'm very pleased it has taken on a life of its own and brings comfort to so many.
Thank you so much for creating this 🙏🏼
THANK YOU. women and their specific problems are sooo often overlooked in medical field - it's infuriating.
Thank you for everything you've done for autistic women, including me! 🥰
I love your book & I was just thinking this chart came from it
Very glad to hear this and grateful for the list you for creating it which is awesome and mom on the spectrum for bringing awareness to it so we found it and acknowledging your name that you wrote it under.
My husband doesn't understand why if we're going to another state to visit friends, I positively don't want to stay at their house. I want to stay at a hotel. I have to feel like I have my own space. Anyone else feel like that?
I get you 100%. I too feel the same. 😁
Agree I don't want to be in their way and I don't want them to be in my way
Yes
Yes I can’t stand having my own area wherever I am .
@@pinkgummybear766 did u mean not having your own area ?
I didn’t understand til an adult. I actually went to a party as a high schooler. I didn’t know how to “talk” so sat in the same chair all night. Went on a date. “Don’t you talk”. It was horrid. I finally learned when I started waitressing at Dennys lol. Back in the day they had a script you HAD TO follow. When greeting. When taking ordered. When people left. I was able to progress beyond that. Hated school, the social aspect was overwhelming. It’s nice to learn these things now that I’m older … there was no help and no internet back then
I can totally relate!
I am 58 years old and I am 95% of this chart!!!!!!!!!! I am crying tears of joy, so many things in my life make sense. I am NOT crazy!!!!!
You're not crazy! And you're not alone. Glad you're here! 👋
55 here just wow. 💯 % identify.
I'm not a girl but so many of these ring so true for me and most of my adult life...sorry to use this as a launch pad but how do people manage that injustice parts?
You are not autistic either, darling, most likely not. You just have intellect. I thick 90% of those boxes and I’m not autistic, I went to therapy, trust me, my therapist would have known! This is a very dangerous chart which has no scientific base whatsoever, I know aspis who are into the color pink and collect Barbies obsessively and they sucked as students. This chart makes it look like that if you are a woman with intellect, you have a mental disability, which is highly sexist.
Ah I so wish these things made sense for me. I went through a diagnosis process and I was convinced I was autistic. I thought this day would be the day everything made sense. Apparently I ticked every box but when asked if I rock I said no. This was the one thing that meant I couldn’t be diagnosed with autism. Five years on I still feel aggrieved and almost like I’ve been chucked out of a club I thought I belonged in. I was diagnosed with social pragmatic communication disorder and ADHD but I was so sure I had autism
I always thought that everyone was experiencing what I was experiencing but they were able to handle it waaayy better than me. Especially when my family reinforced that thought. They would say that other people are going through what you’re going through you just have to do this or that. When it came to socializing, they would tell me I just have to practice and it would be so depressing for me because no matter how much I “practiced” is was so hard every single time. So for a long time I thought I was just broken or weak-minded.
Yep. Totally. I have also felt that others must just be way better at not showing overwhelm. Cause I feel it A LOT.
@@MomontheSpectrum Yup, I get this from my husband, or rather, he's very confused about why I get so overwhelmed.
I still hear this because I am mentally ill (bi-polar).
Ditto ditto ditto, me too.
Gaslighting from family is fun bc a lot of this traits are genetic 🙃 that could be a reason why ur parents think it's normal
I felt so strongly about injustices since I was a little girl. When people crossed that line, I was the one calling it out. Despite being an intensely shy, quiet person. I would always feel angry that I had to keep a lid on it. Until I burst. I struggle keeping close friends. I don't like small talk. I dislike the company of many. I prefer my own company. I don't mind talking to strangers. I keep only one barely a friend. I struggled to look at people's eyes. Or talking to them. I am just at a loss with how 'small talk people' get along so well. Sluggishly, going through the same routine everyday. I like variety every day. I run towards the complex. I've shown hyperfocus in all my chosen jobs. I gravitate towards self-help. I am prone to staring at clouds to calm me down. Depression, overwhelm, anxiety, facial blinks, and throat gutteral sounds to stretch - internal tension. And I don't take meds as I hate the taste of them. I take care of my mental health with natural foods, and work hard to exhaustion to sleep. Struggle with sleep. Look so young all my life. I wear so many masks. The hardest thing for me is to pick one career. And now I learn that my weirdness could be autistic?.. wait. I hear a record rip.
Omg same here I'm kind of glad that there's a reason better than being called weird or crazy
Me too, spot on!!!!!
When I found I needed glasses as a young adult on my own, I purposely didn't get them for a very long time and I wore them only when absolutely necessary, because I found so much relief in not being able to clearly see the expressions on people's faces, the minute giveaways of their thinking and feelings. As for the small-talk, I discovered a couple decades on that I really NEEDED to learn to do that for my own sake, to help relax about life. So I practiced on cashiers and people you interface with routinely like that, but that took no ongoing commitment to keeping up. If you can admire any ol' flower and bit of nature on a path then you can learn to smile and chat and pass idle time with a person. Disengage focus. It helps so much to take life easier. And believe it or not, it gives a sense of accomplishment for those of us who are uncomfortable or disdainful of such banal triviality. Granted, what I have to say in these passing exchanges might often leave some wondering, because I'm just not made from the same mold and I'm literally "full of it" I like to say (tons of data and observations logged in me like the reference section of a library) and my way of associating things isn't the most conventional, I'm sure you relate. At an even later stage of life, when a massive health crisis crashed my entire means of living in all respects, I found that meditation brought a world of enjoyment that infiltrated the physical everyday reality, especially if you're keenly observant. This has been a lasting and fulfilling pleasure. Explore the other planes and types of consciousness and you'll likewise find a lot to relate to there in multidimensional realms... which I think is quite possibly a key r-e-a-s-o-n we have difficulty with the ordinary, because a strong part of autistic sense IS there. Best conversations I've ever had are not with people, nor myself (concise, insightful, humorous, sincere and charming - all the things we crave).
Crazy how you just explained me.
Wow! Aside from the internal tension characteristics (I have my dad’s extra cheerful genes, and deep connection to God which I’m sure help), you just described me. I intentionally chose my specific profession which has allowed me to have a variety of different positions under the same profession. Over the years, I’ve half-jokingly told people I have autism to explain my quirks, now I’m pretty sure. Cool.
I think the injustice thing bothers autistic people uniquely bc of the comfort we get from rules. When you are being unjust you are breaking some sort of social contract. We also have to put a lot more effort into learning what the social contract IS in the first place, so when someone breaks it it's distressing
That makes so much sense, I've never thought about that!
Yes yes yes definitely agree
Wow. This actually makes sense. For me it's more is it really necessary to be that mean? Like, what do you even get from being unjust? It doesn't make logical sense.
I’m autistic atheist living in a Muslim country sharia law bothers me so much the treatment of women bothers me so much too I feel like I’m gonna explode crying and I did many times and guess what my Muslim family they don’t see a problem it’s ridiculous
This makes loads of sense. I just suspect my diagnosis but throughout my time living with my parents, my dad contradicted his own stupid rules a lot and it would INFURIATE ME to the extent I would end up having a full blown temper tantrum argument with him over it. Like I have had to put myself through so much emotional contortion to accommodate this bullshit because my literal survival depends on it and here you are making me question that with your contrary behaviour… to this day even thinking about those times still fills me with an unholy, seeing-red level of rage.
Yea, I've been pretending to be social my whole life, and no one has ever understood why I hate being social because they see how "good" I am with people, but really I am just acting because I don't know what else to do. Thank you for making this video. :)
Totally me
I am the same. After getting bullied through elementary and middle school, I found my people in high school. We were all weirdos. Many have since been diagnosed as autistic. I learned to talk to people though, which helped in college, where I did not find a weird group that I fit in with. A coworker who studies psychology was shocked when I took his personality test and came up as shy, because I am so outgoing at work. It's an act, but I guess I'm pretty good at it, because he thought I did the test wrong.
Me at a party with women I don’t know well : be the support person cleaning the kitchen refilling drinks, etc. Even if I don’t know the hostess well.
Me too
Yeah, I’m a pro a doing the social thing. I hate it. I hate talking in the phone and I’ve had multiple call center jobs, cuz I’m good at it. I loathe small talk, but I’m so good at it, because I had to figure it out. It’s a script.
All. The. Traits! I’m over 70. I am undiagnosed, or rather self-diagnosed. I was,officially diagnosed as neurodivergent. All these things I find out about myself make me want to cry because they all make all the difficult things I have gone through understandable. So I’ve been through a whole life of things I didn’t understand about myself, and been labeled as lazy, or unsociable, or overbearing, all kinds of things that are contradictory, or just plain weird. Ah well. I’m good at masking.
Same. I'm 63 and just grappling with this too, and I relate to ALL of these. It feels like grief-if only I had known as a kid or young adult, maybe so many things could have turned out differently.
I'm confused. How did they diagnose you as neurodivergent? That's such a wide, vague umbrella. That's not a real diagnosis. Is it ADHD? ASD? OCD?
@@karennygard6704I feel the same. I'm 42, and I got diagnosed recently. Imagine having some support and reasonable adjustments as a child, teenager, even as an adult. Or simply knowing that you're NOT weird, broken, lazy, etc. I feel grief for the life I could have had
At least now (very late, but better late than never) you know you were not lazy, difficult, etc. And you worked really hard and you did your best ❤
@@AlissaSss23 That's where the grief comes from. If I had had support or even understanding earlier in life, I might have avoided a lot of things that have caused harm in my job, life and relationships. I suppose knowing what it is might be some comfort, but it also makes me feel broken in an unfixable way, since I was never taught to see this divergence as okay. There is no "power of positive thinking" or behavioral therapy that's going to fix the way I am wired, and people who have known me for years might think I'm using it as an excuse for rudeness if I "come out" to them. I'm still sorting my way through all of these thoughts.
One vivid memory of my childhood was my mother always telling me to make eye contact with people. It's still hard for me and I'm 73 years old.
I've "solved" it for myself by just always staring people straight in the eye when they're talking to me. I can keep that up for a good 5 minutes before my internal conversation about the fact that I'm staring at them starts drowning out their voice. Works for most situations.
@@Matjemeisje I do that too, most times the others look away because they get uncomfortable with the amount of eye contact
I can do eye contact, but it def feels weird and I worry that I over do it. It's either too much or too little and always a very conscious effort.
44 and I have reached a stage of hoping people just guess I'm a tad Autistic and let it pass. (I am mild Aspergers, so "a tad Autistic" is accurate.)
I'm 65 and I've always had problems with eye contact too. Sometimes I just concentrate on their nose, eyebrows or something else just so that I can pay attention to what they're saying. Many times I miss the content of the conversation due to being uncomfortable with the eye contact. This was a problem when I was employed as well trying to understand verbal instructions.
Realizing why people kept looking behind them when we talked in my younger years... because I was constantly shifting my eyes not to look at them directly so I could focus. That in turn made them question if something was behind them 😂. This video was insightful to me even as a male.
ugh people do this with me all the time, I'm like, no there's nothing there! I just can't look at you while I talk!!
Haha I'm loving this thread yall! Autistics unite!!
@@electrapoptart exactly! 🤣
Same here. I tend to stare at the ceiling while talking or listening and everyone ends up looking in the same direction to see what I’m actually staring at.
@@houki8636 At least you're not alone! :)
As soon as I'm misunderstood, I shut down towards the person for good.
is this autism? i feel like i hold grudges but it can never be the same anymore as long as they actively talk to me.
Same!! Being misunderstood every goddamn day is the bane of my existance and why I just stay "shut down" now at this point. No use in trying to re-boot
Right, sucks but thats how it ends up.
I feel the same. But being on the other side, being shut out by someone who identifies as autistic and feels I misunderstand them, drives me crazy.
@@annwagner5779 gatekeepers
I relate to ALL of them!!! I am currently taking my first steps towards getting a diagnosis. I’m 58 and have been beating myself up my whole life for being different/weird/awkward, etc.
There’s nothing wrong with you! You are a beautiful person.
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you so much! 💖
Where did you go? How did you bring it up? I am 51 and this is hitting home on so many levels
@@hattie9794 I spoke to my GP. We finally found a decent doctor in our practise. She gave me a form to fill in (which indicates strongly that I am autistic) and told me to make an appointment to see her again to discuss it. Christmas and life got in the way so I’ll be making an appointment next week.
@@hattie9794 sorry, I meant to add that I asked her what was happening with my referral, as I had had a phone appointment with a different doctor during the Covid lockdown and she had said she would refer me. She hadn’t. There wasn’t even a record on my notes that I’d asked!!! I feel comfortable with the “new” doctor so would have just brought it up out of the blue anyway, had I not previously asked somebody else. I hope you manage to ask too.
I am everything here - except I don't have a savant talent - but so many things I had no idea were characteristics of autism and it's blowing me away. Passion for justice. OMG. Intense anger when situations are unfair for other people. Always fighting for the underdog. Always aware of others not feeling included. DESPISE social situations. Was better with them in early to mid adulthood, but now, I just cannot even be bothered to try because it is just so awful. Only social stuff is basically when I take my kids to a birthday party and at this point, I'd rather go hid in the bathroom and play on my phone for the whole party. I ALWAYS have felt that I have no personality of my own because I am always morphing into whomever I am with. Have you seen the Woody Allen movie, Zelig? That is me. I think I have had had lots of friends throughout my life due to having a sense of humor, but now looking back, I sometimes question if some people I thought of as close friends really did not see me the same way. So many social situations throughout life (like being a bridesmaid multiple times in my 20s) where I just didn't get the memo and had no idea what I was supposed to do, but everyone else seemed to know what to do. Like wait, I was supposed to go with the bride to the hairdresser at 6 am to keep her company while she got her hair done for the wedding? Why didn't someone just tell me that? I think I am going to start a separate channel from my frugal stuff and dumpster diving to just delve into my autism and tell stories, because like you, this is all I want to talk about.
So glad you’re here! Thanks for the comment.
Oh, justice! I even put my life in danger several times becouse of it. But bridesmaid?! Noone even thought of asking me for that role! I've always been obviously "weird" though I couldn't be diagnosed as a child and I also can't be diagnosed as an adult with an iq above average in my country. I do have psychology as my special interest. I started reading about it in my teenage years and I'm 45 now. Recently I had to do some psycho test for a assassment which didn't go well at the end and I even went to a neighboring country becouse of that. However, psychologist who was supposed to do that test with me before I take results to a doctor asked some stupid question and I told her it was nonsense and had nothing to do with what she was supposed to do and she answered how she studied psychology for 12 years. I sad "wtf?? I've been studied almost 30 years!" 😂
Anyway, everything mentioned, I guess...
@@Hugo_Mali what country? I don't think you need someone else to diagnose you. They are just going to ask you the same questions you ask yourself. You know this is you, if this is you. I don't need a doctor to confirm what I know to be true. Unless we are getting medicated, honestly what's the point of seeking out validation from a medical doctor.
@@freakinfrugal5268 I know I don't need anyone's validation but I've really stucked lately due to some recent issues and I'de like to see if those meds work. I went so far at the end when I couldn't be diagnosed that I even tried to find a few pills illegally just to check it out, so I could decide if I was going to bother with more docs or not but I couldn't find anything but some garbage which I wouldn't take. I'm from Bosnia.
Edit: I was talking about adhd meds... I'm both autistic and adhd, I'm pretty sure.
@@Hugo_Mali oh I see. My husband also takes medicine for adhd. Do you find it helps?
It's so hard to be diagnosed so late in life. While I spent years with people who made fun of me, demanded too much from me and constantly berated me for having 100 percent of these traits that I could not help. Life has been such a struggle I wish there was more awareness that you cannot just demand social norms and energy from people whom it damages so intensely all the time.
I understand. I'm sorry to hear you have dealt with so many years of invalidation!
Thanks for your empathy and educating people!@@MomontheSpectrum
I relate with your comment immensely! Since becoming more aware of how my autism presents after my children were both diagnosed with it as well, I try to educate others where I can so hopefully they don’t have to struggle so much with what we struggled with growing up. 💖Your comment makes me feel so seen but also sad that you had those experiences. Thank you for sharing.
I'm now 60 yrs old .. ive worked with autistic people most of my life, but mostly on the end of the spectrum with significant support needs .. so I never recognised myself as possibly autistic. Im now discovering the differences of female autism.. I tick most boxes on your list. Thank you for sharing.. its very helpful x
you're welcome. Thanks for your comment, Suzanne, and for the work you're doing!
I worked with autistic people with high support needs too, and I was incredibly good at it, but it did send my nose off the trail as it were when it comes to my own (possible) autism too.
@@MomontheSpectrum, I rarely comment on any video, but I really must thank you for this one. It enabled me to identify a co-worker as an Aspie. She's a Physics Engineer and had been incognito since she joined the company. You should have seen her face when I discreetly asked it to her. She just couldn't believe that I, who have no medical or psychological training, had gotten her, whereas she had to tell her parents about it. We have since become friends. I'm not sure she's told her husband about it, though.
Just a couple of days ago, one of my friends who was recently diagnosed as autistic told me that she firmly believed that I was as well. I have tentative diagnoses of ADHD and CPTSD. This video appeared in my 'recommended for you' list a little while ago. I can definitely identify with 90% of what's on that list. I'm currently looking for another therapist, and when I find one, I'm definitely going to have to have a discussion about getting tested to find out just what's up with me. The sad thing is, I've struggled with all of this all of my life, and now, at 59 years old, I'm finally beginning to find that my entire life wasn't just 'laziness' or not paying attention, or being 'arrogant', or any of the other derogatory things that have been said to me or about me. Thank you so much for putting this out there.
Theres a LOT of overlap between adhd and autism symptoms and yes you can have both. Thats why it is important to consult with professionals.
Same at 62💙
I've also often been called 'stuck up', and still have trouble with eye contact. I've had to work really hard at being socially normal, it doesn't come naturally to me at all. I'm 42 though so I've managed lol.
@@PeppermintPat the “stuck up” part! Really used to sting me. I’m thinking “no, I’m not stuck up, I’m just not fully participating in the conversation because I don’t know you well enough yet. The fact that you’re prejudging me based on what you think is my facial expression justifies what I’m thinking!!”🙄 and then, in my case, it can also go the other way, like do I ever shut up? “ my internal monologue “I am sorry, I felt comfortable enough to chat openly with you, obviously you don’t deserve it”. I am often vindicated by finding out that people I get on the best with actually have an ADHD or autism diagnosis.
@@931i yes, although it depends a lot on which so-called "professionals" !!
Wow! Learning to be social by watching. That's exactly what I did.
As a young woman, I lived in a high profile, artsy town. I went to a lot of exhibit openings because I loved the art and the fancy hors d'oeuvres. 😊
But I had to socialize and interact with people, which I found to be painful if not virtually impossible. There was a lady, very high socially, who I thought was amazing! I used to watch her speaking and intonation, her expressions, hand movements, energy level, how she engaged people. I got it down to a science. Many years later, people think I'm really outgoing when they don't know how I really rather be home doing crossword puzzles.
I used to try to learn from tv shows, especially when it comes to joking.
I learned to imitate social skills really well too, which I almost regret cause when you seem talkative and engaging then people expect that from you all the time. I was in the email queue at my old job, and my boss wanted to put me on the phone queue cause "you're so good at talking to people!". After the horror subsided I tried to explain that I'm really not, I'm just a good actress and I know how to be professional at work but I actually really hate talking to people. Talking to people I don't know(especially angry people, which made up a LOT of our customers) is actually physically uncomfortable for me and sometimes even traumatizing. He countered that with "but you talk to me just fine!" Yes... cause I _know_ you. You're predictable. I know your mannerisms, your temperament, and I am reasonably comfortable with you. But I would rather rip out my toenails with rusty bolt cutters than answer phones and talk to unpredictable strangers all day long, who might start yelling or cursing at me at any moment. It seems impossible for a lot of people to understand that just cause someone seems to be doing something successfully doesn't mean it's easy or enjoyable for them.
@brandywineblogger1411 I am absolutely enjoying your avatar pic! And your bass music videos are great! I love jazz band music.
Also, I have to agree on the topic of learning social cues and habits through watching people, and through TV media. My aunt was a nurse who loved everything music, theatre, and art. She instilled in us kids the importance of learning as much as we could about everything that made us passionate. I chose puzzles, dancing and art. Problem-solving is my strongest skill even today. ☺
This is amazing how much I fit this. I always knew I was different. My brother is on the spectrum, and he was treated so much more gentle than I was, despite us both having the same issues. When I recently tried to ask my mom for help to get a diagnoses (I needed evidence from family members to show to doctor) - she said 'you're not autistic. Girls can't have autism. That's just your Gemini nature'. Devastated.
Same.
Might be worth printing a pile of research out for her… but go get a Dx for yrself before that..
so sorry 😞 women are treated way worse medically…
I don’t believe in horoscopes or the personalities associated with them. I’m an Aries and so supposed to be fiery, confident and bold. I’m not really any of those things. Plus, the constellations star signs are based on, and the times of the year they were tied to when the zodiac was originally developed have shifted out of sync over thousands of years.
That’s super duper shitty omg. How enraging
That is so frustrating. I think most neurodivergent women or women with mental issues face the same discrimination
I just turned 42 and still get talked to like I am younger! It makes me feel better knowing that there are other females out there I can REALLY relate to what I go through every day.
I'm the same age, and definitely feel young for my age. I'm still into video games and love kpop lol.
People with adhd too
@@i.336 Right?! I swear it's really starting to piss me off in my old age. lol
I have been diagnosed with ADHD, not autism, but I think I have them both. I'm also very young for my age (39) and sometimes I worry that people think I'm immature. Sometimes I can be a bit hyperactive when I talk, which I feel people deem as childlike. It kind of bothers me, but at least I understand why I do it. It's weird but there are traits that I have that I really couldn't care less what people thought about them, but this trait I find kind of embarrassing and I don't know why. Like, I know neurotypical people who are childlike, so why should it matter if I am?
@@MomoSimone22 even if they are childlike, I think it's the level of naivety that persists to a much later age of autistic people. Also the sense of curiosity and wonder, that is beaten out of neurotypical people, persists much longer, if it ever goes away. We may have trauma, but we still wonder. We still want to know why. We ask for more details to understand, and in doing so, also appear more childish.
I am an adult diagnosed autism. Elementary and middle school was traumatic because I just wanted to fit in with the girls. During the summer before 9th grade, my older brother helped me mirror emotions and responses. High School was better. I’m really into math and science. I was a trauma nurse but finally I am very close to my bachelor’s degree in physics. I was actually relieved after I was diagnosed. It made me understand that nothing is really wrong with me; my brain is just wired differently.
I found the word “neurodivergent” last year! That’s me! I’m also a nurse, who is a nurse manager.
I started realizing that my whole staff was neurodivergent, also! We are the “dream team.” No one calls off. No one leaves - they just “find us” and stay. All the other teams have mad call off and turn-over rates. We’re happy working together. We understand and accept each other’s differences.
@@dwlsn93 That’s great to hear, because we know how hard the profession is when you have adequate staff, let alone a bunch of call-offs when no one to replace that shift. I found my niche in trauma/er. Maybe all of them were neurodivergent too 😊 I worked hospice as a CHPN for a few years. My BFF worked for them, so wanted me to tag along. I found it easy being emotionally there for the patient, and a struggle when working for the family. I learned to be a good listener and that giving hugs didn’t kill me. I can handle a lot of physical pain, but emotional pain is sometimes unbearable. Do you have that characteristic as well?
@deewilson446 That's awesome!! I personally prefer the term Neurospicy 😆 We just a little different, but still fun!
@@allisonchains113 I'm 67 and a recently retired RN. I always knew I was 'off', have been divorced twice and am just now figuring this out. It's traumatic but also a relief. I have a brother, a son, a daughter, a granddaughter and a grandson on the spectrum.
I just got diagnosed tonight at age 34!! I spent my whole life feeling odd and exhausted and out of place!
Congrats on the dx! That was a big day for me. Lots of emotions to process that will most likely be delayed, fyi! 😆❤️
I was 35 when I was diagnosed. Kept waiting for my "awkward phase" to end. It never did. Had depression, SPTSD, and anxiety.
What methods were used to determine your diagnosis?
@@JDMimeTHEFIRST What is sptsd please/ the S part?
I've been wondering lately if I am. I always felt like when I was a kid there was just something I was missing. Kids just seemed to know how to be with each other. I'd watch and try to pretend to be like that so I could have friends.
Wow this is me all over. I am 75 and always suspected I was Asperger's. I taught Austic children among my many careers and suspect my son is too. I have been misunderstood pretty well my entire life. Animals and nature is a strong part of my life and a very small social circle.
Have you heard of Animism?
Love, love, love nature and animals.
Asperger’s doesn’t exist anymore, it’s the autism spectrum. (Plus the name comes from a Nazi)
I have stronger relationships with my cat, birds and squirrels than people.
I married a women who became a surgeon and this is her. We are now divorced but in the past I misinterpreted her behaviours and took offence to them. It wasn’t until years later I realised she was on the spectrum through being told my middle daughter was, and once I did some research it all made sense. I see my ex wife differently now.
Too bad you weren't able to accept her when you were married
@@elisemiller13too bad youre a cruel mean person
I'm glad you view her in a better light after discovering that
@@elisemiller13 I still don’t accept her, but I understand her. Just because there is understanding of behaviour doesn’t excuse the behaviour.
@@IdontspeakBro.I'm glad she got away from you
I relate to probably 95% of this. I always attributed it to Highly Sensitive Person syndrome (see Dr. Elaine Aron’s books) but now I’m wondering
the funny thing is that some of family members the researcher used as a basis for the Highly Sensitive Person syndrome ended up being diagnosed with autism later on, lol. i found this out by reading the book Unmasking Autism
I also keep going back and forth between HSP an Autism for myself. I am 52 and I’m just now realizing I have spent my whole life masking or in some cases trying to mask.
I've been told I'm HSP too.
Yeah, I relate to about 90%, too, but I think it's my being HSP + ADHD. I've often felt like I "don't know how to friend" because I didn't know how to do the fun stuff and I never had the "girly" interests as an adult. But I also attributed that to my queerness. I still have trouble with eye contact when I'm talking, but I can absolutely look at someone fully present and make extended eye contact when the other person is talking. I've just always been uncertain about how much is too much when I'm talking and "doesn't this feel as intense to them as it does to me??" So ...at 42, I'm still on the fence. 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve always known it as just HSP, not HSP Syndrome. Syndrome implies there’s something wrong when it’s just a natural trait; a bit like saying someone w blue eyes has blue eyes syndrome.
Be social for my kids’ sake is one of the hardest things of parenting for me.
Same here! I find it so awkward and energetically depleting.
💯💯
❤
it's one of my reasons to be childfree by choice
I always thought it was because I was a younger mom than my kid’s peers but nope, I just didn’t fit in nor did I care to. And my kid was social butterfly!
I'm 41 and in the process of getting a formal diagnosis... I can see myself in all of those. Thank you for putting this together. It is very helpful. I feel like I have found my community and I feel less scared of this diagnosis that I am 99.9% to get next week. Thank you 💖
How does one go about getting a formal diagnosis? Curious how to start.
I also want to know how to get the formal diagnosis process started? I wonder if the testing is covered by insurance 🤔.
I got my formal diagnosis covered by insurance. My assessor listed it as an anxiety assessment (which might have helped get it approved!)
Hey I'm 40 I'm really doing sand this is all amaz5i ddnt know.
I’m like all of these
Totally the same here about eye contact. When I was in high school, my dad told me he noticed I never made eye contact and he thought this was very bad, socially. So I worked on that. So I look at people's eyebrows. I have no desire whatsoever to look at someone's eyes. Gross. Except my 3 daughters', who all have beautiful blue eyes. But eye contact while talking to someone?! That is horrifying. Why would ANYBODY want to do that?!
Now that I wear glasses, I find it easier to making eye contact. I guess bcuz my eyes are kinda hidden behind the glasses or something like that.
For me making eye contact feels very personal. Like if a stranger is touching me. I don’t like the feeling. I feel very uneasy…unless it is someone I feel comfortable with (close family or friends)
6ft was a good rule. I loved that rule.
@@emma58242 Same to me, like if they can look into my eyes for too long they can see my soul and my insecurities and I'm way too modest to let them see anything.
I'm a huge fan of "stare pensively off in the distance" because it avoids eye contact, and the person you're talking to gets the impression you're being more philosophical. Also, I love group conversations, because you just look at whoever is looking at the other people in the group and not at you.
I really appreciate you making a video about this. I was a "gifted kid" growing up, but my parents (who, ironically, have multiple mental illnesses or neurodivergency themselves) refused to ever understand my struggles because I was smart. I finally got a diagnosis for my GAD at 19 (I am 21 f), but once I started anti-depressants, I still noticed there was definitely something else there. I first suspected that it was ADHD (which I do have some symptoms of), but when I got officially tested, it said I did not have ADHD, which I was a bit confused about. Now that I have been doing more research, I came across your videos, and I check almost all of the boxes. Thank you so, so, much for bringing this stuff into light. I am nervous to talk to my psychiatrist about it (I have a problem for feeling guilty about "having too many issues" even though they are things I can't control, and bringing it up to professionals) but I am considering doing so soon.
I have more or less the same story, and the older i get the harder it is to find motivation. I'm not coping now but I always have so none of my family want to even try to understand never mind listen to some simple tips and strategies to help us all. They are so caught up in the stigma of the label they don't want to listen. This really hurts inside as if my family don't care who does? I also can't afford a diagnosis i live Northern Ireland and there is no help for adult adhd or asd 😮💨.
I feel the same way about having "too many issues". I am also nervous about bringing up this topic with my therapist. However, we've been working together for 10 years now and I KNOW he won't reject me, so I am going to bring it up tomorrow. I know I will feel better about it when we can speak openly.
@@sandyg3772 That's great! Good for you! I can definitely relate, and being 10 years out of therapy myself I can tell you it is so worth it! Even though I still struggle in some areas of my life, therapy has taught me the skills to deal with it and to improve the conversations I have with myself about it. And I've finally found the courage to start talking about it with people outside of my (small) inner circle. It's such a relief to not always feel like I need to mask, or like I'm a nuisance to everyone around me. The main response I've gotten is that people just don't understand what we are going through, but they're willing to learn.
Hey, why would you say you’re gifted? Were you in advanced classes? How would you describe giftedness?
@@sandyg3772 I feel the same also. I have even had other people, even my ex husband, say that I was "TOO MUCH"!
I'm seriously speechless......I relate to almost all of them! Diagnosed looong ago with ADD, but never with autism (I'm 56).
This só puts me, my life in perspective! Thank you!!!
I had to train myself on the eye contact because I realized even though I was looking at peoples mouths rather than their eyes, they still picked up on my poor eye contact. Forcing myself to look into the eyes of actors on TV really helped me improve in that area.
Oh goddd I can't stand when actors/newscasters look right. At. The. Camera. Drives me NUTS
bridge of nose or eyebrows is the target!! seems like you're looking in the eyes! I used to look at mouths too but felt that they could detect my poor eye contact lol.
I used to look at mouths, but have trained myself to look at the space intween their eyes.
I did theatre day camp as a kid because one of my teachers told my mom "she's so shy she'll never be able to do anything if you don't fix it"...which is an awful thing to say, but one of the directors at that camp noticed I wouldn't make eye contact and told me to just look at his eyebrows instead. Changed my life. And that camp became the best part of my life for seven years.
Oh same here
The passion for justice is accurate, and is a fantastic trait! Among vegans there's an overrepresentation of above average IQ-people, high education and indeed autism. I think that is a fantastic strength, vital indeed for a better world for everyone, no matter who they are born as. Thanks for the wonderful video :)
You’re welcome! Thanks for your comment.
Wow really?! I'm vegan and STRONGLY leftist ;) It baffles me how people can not seek out the truth and then disregard it if they happen to come across it.
@@persimmonpudding6178 same! Also vegan and also very strongly leftist, as is my husband. (Who is also autistic.)
@@persimmonpudding6178 I have 4 boys and 1 girl. My daughter is 33 this year. We had a light argument Easter Sunday where I stormed off offended by her remarks. Today she come over and told me she thinks she has autism, I listened and learned. All this time and I finally heard my daughter for the first real time. Now to begin the healing. She is Vegan and strong to the left as well, all about social justice. Now I know.
@@Mummabelinda It's so great that you listened and are taking the time to learn more. Being Autistic can be a very isolating and difficult experience, and sometimes it's suppressed under the surface as someone tries to cope with life by putting up a mask, even since childhood. I'm really glad you're there for her, and I hope you come to understand each other even more over time!
I clicked on this video out of simple curiosity. I was shocked to find that I relate to nearly all of them. I’m 59 years old. Wow! I haven’t really found myself struggling in life, except for not really understanding why other people feel or react like they do. And yes, I can fake it. The one thing that helped me, was the Myers-Briggs personality test. I tested as an INTJ, which is rare, especially in women. I felt like it explained so much. There are also lots of jokes about how the INTJ personality is really another way of saying ASD. Maybe the jokes aren’t wrong.
I came across this video randomly as well, although I've suspected autism for the last few months. I'm also an INTJ Meyers-Briggs. I've never heard that joke before but it does fit!
Heh. Diagnosed as autistic late in life, and also INTJ. That's funny.
I could have written your comment except I am 51 and INFJ. I hope you find peace.
I’m 22 and i have a lot of interests similar to like a 15-16 year old. I also feel younger than i actually am. I have ASD and didn’t know this was a trait so it makes me feel a little better
I had many similar moments where I felt "seen" in how different I am!
I feel younger at age 47. People think my little sister is older than me because I don't act my age.
When I looked at my Google ad analytics a while back, they thought I was about 25 years younger than I am, and male!
I really appreciate you making this video. I haven't told many people in my life, but I have been truly wondering if I might be on the spectrum. I have GAD, social anxiety, depression, and OCD. I wasn't diagnosed with anything until I was 15 (and 19 for OCD). Social situations have always been my biggest struggle. I am the kind of person who hates small talk and surface level friendships. I want deep, meaningful friendships, which have been extremely difficult to find. My sensory issues were ignored for the majority of my life, and I was basically told to suck it up as a child. I was considered fairly gifted as a child, but my anxiety has always held me back a bit. I truly believe I am currently experiencing Autistic Burnout, and no one can fully understand how I feel. I was always on top of school work, always turning assignments in early, placed in honors/AP classes. I am currently a semester away from graduating college, and I am the kind of exhausted that cannot be put into words. I cannot handle anything- assignments, meeting classmates/professors, studying, any of it. I think in a black and white mindset, and to me there is no "grey." Injustice, especially social injustice, angers me to the point where I have had panic attacks because I feel I have zero control over it. I am overly empathetic, to a point where I will continue to have relationships with people who harm me mentally because I feel for them. I have always preferred animals and little kids over people, or much older people, but people my age are so confusing to me. I've always been told I am mature for my age, but I hate it because I cannot relate to others. I used to do lots of creative things, but lately, I haven't been doing any of it due to this pure mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion. My therapist doesn't think I have ASD but describes me as someone in that "category" in regards to my sensory issues and anxiety and such. I think the reason I don't present to her as someone with ASD is because I have never been able to describe my thought process to her- it is unlike anyone I have ever met before, and there are many things that are "normal" for me that I know are not normal for others. One of the reasons I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until I was 19 is because I just never really thought to mention the way I would wager with myself, how the intrusive thoughts affected me, and the way I live my life essentially avoiding triggers and such.
I relate to almost everything in the chart. I've been called sensitive all my life, extravagant and/or weird, I look younger and people always think I am because of how I behave, I looove carpentry, furniture flipping and any DIY with wood, I studied psychology and have been updating my knowledge all my life even though I don't work as a psychologist, I've worked in many different types of jobs, I've studied many different things always changing my interests, justice is absolutely important to me (I'm vegan...), I touch my face and hair all the time, I always wear comfortable clothes and trainers (and have been called out on that hahah), I've lost jobs and frienships for reasons I can't really understand, growing up socialization was very much a conscious effort always looking and analyzing what people did and how they did it so I could do the same, I'm really sensitive to movement around me, lights and sounds, I can get easily overwhelmed just walking in a busy street.. I really can't. I get really stressed. I love nature and animals, I'm very physical when happy (and can't understand why people aren't) and the list goes on and on. I think it's about time I try to get diagnosed 😅 Thanks for this video!
Your life story and interests sound so very similar to mine. I was (late) diagnosed autistic a year ago at the age of 59. Getting the diagnosis made everything make sense so I now understand and make allowances for myself. It hasn’t changed how I now live my life, it just confirmed why I live like I do. 🙄
It's so hard trying to act "normal"...Everything has been so on point. Thank you!!!
What's "Normal" anyway? it's Ok to be quirky or "different". I've felt like a weirdo most of my life but I've finally started to accept myself & If u don't like me that's your problem.( Unless I've acted v.inappropriately ) It would be a pretty boring world if everyone acted the same...!
My goodness, where to start. Imagine being 40 years old and being told you need to be tested for Autism. 🙁 I've had my suspicions for awhile as my 16 yr old daughter is on the spectrum. I've known all my life that I was/am not like other people. I fit so many of the characteristics that it's blindingly apparent now. There are two oddities about me, according to my therapist. One, I am extremely empathetic. I mean on an uncanny level. I can tell how you're feeling even when you're hiding it just by looking at you and being close to you. The other oddity is I learned how to camouflage from others so well, that it took my 2 different therapist half the year to realize there was "something different". I didn't hide anything on purpose, it's just what I've done all my life. Now, I just have to take the step and make the appointment. I'm also Adhd.
Yes to all of this! Especially being super empathetic on a very high level. So glad you're here and part of the community.
Saaaamme!
Me too!
Me too! I never considered autism until a few months ago because with male autism, the lack of empathy/understanding another's emotions is one of the more pronounced traits. So interesting how it manifests differently in females.
My mother is anti doctors/Western medicine. I think I hit EVERY point, to one degree or another. But, if I get tested my mother will disown me. I'm not sure it's worth it. Masking it has worked enough for 40+ years.
Almost every one of them on the list for me.…. When my son was 7, he was finally diagnosed with Autism, and that’s when I spent the next six months crying constantly, because I realised that I had almost all the traits of autism myself. It was an emotional time of slowly coming understand why I had such a difficult time fitting in all my life, (especially my teens and twenties). I saw a therapist in my 40’s and she “unofficially” diagnosed me with Autism. I’m a whole lot kinder to myself now that I know why I am this way. ❤
I grew up among artists so none of this strikes me as strange or unusual. As an artist, trying to figure out the introvert part was a big deal and honoring that and grateful for. There is a time to be with people and a time to be alone doing art. I'm glad you have that figured out for yourself and family. Nice video.
I'm glad you did too. I've noticed that artists are often being portrayed as being quirky, and if you ever see musicians perform, you will often see them engaging in behaviors or stimms that are quite dramatic and noticeable. But often, these help them to concentrate and excel at their art.
@@laurelmentor404 I went to a concert with the singer Stacy Kent who does a kind of dance at the intro either trying to get with the rhythm of the musicians or to get the musicians to come up in tempo. They did the intro three time before she started to sing. I have a friend who is pianist who starts a set drinking strong coffee. You are right.
I also come from a family of artists and never considered myself challenged until I hit adulthood. In fact, I was in gifted Ed. But navigating the world of neurotypical people has been challenging. Supporting myself financially has been challenging. I want to go back to being an artist tbh.
About 95% of that chart fits my daughter. :o) The best I have seen/heard. She wasn't diagnosed as autistic until she was 33. In grade school, she tested out as having learning/emotional disabilities - because 30 years ago, girls couldn't be autistic unless they were profoundly autistic. Her life has improved so much since we got the diagnosis. Thank you for this.
How has your daughter's life improved since she got the diagnosis? Did she get any treatment? As a mother of an autistic boy, having researched this topic, I cannot see how one's life can improve just by getting diagnosed unless they either get treatment or start taking care of their emotional and physical needs better. I think the diagnosis can sometimes affect the person's relationships and career. Not many people would want to marry someone with autism or give them a job. That's the sad truth. I have read somewhere from someone with ASD that they got fired the next day after their employer found out about their diagnosis.
@@marias5088These are good questions, Maria. My adult daughter was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD 2 years ago, and she does seem to be somewhat happier and more focused, perhaps because she understands better why she is a certain way, and figures out how to adapt. She has also gotten medication to help her specific type of ADHD, but it’s been a bit of trial and error. For myself, I can easily see that I have the same traits (but not ADHD), and was told by the psychologist who diagnosed her, and spoke to myself and my husband at length as part of the diagnosis, that “unofficially” it’s highly likely that we are also on the autism spectrum. But what good would an official diagnosis do me at my age? Sure, I could tell an employer that I have a disability they need to accommodate, but 1) I don’t like to think of it as a disability, and 2) they will almost certainly be thinking, ‘That’s great, but could you please go be autistic over there so that I don’t have to deal with it?’
Among my friends and acquaintances, I have been extremely selective in who I say anything to, because most people have a lot of inaccurate preconceptions of what it means to be on the autism spectrum. And really, the last thing I need is people’s judgment.
Omg. "I can't actually hear the words that are being said when I make eye contact with someone." -- Literally me. Literally have no idea what you said if I'm making eye contact. My best friend knows when I'm looking away as she's talking I am processing what she's saying. And I just finished watching your other "16 Traits of ASD in Women" and am holding back tears. Relating to many of the things you spoke about. I still don't know if I am because I feel like a normal person at 33 years old, but at the same time I don't, and have always felt slightly like an outsider, and unable to do things the same way as most people, unable to handle things or accomplish things the same way.
I just found you yesterday. I've never been diagnosed, but I check almost everything on your list. I learned masking very early one. But I still screw up social cues. I did have to turn off the video and walk around a bit when you mentioned stimming. I didn't know other people did the teeth clicking thing. And because I come from a very musical background, it's always to some song in my head. Thanks so much for your work here and putting yourself out like this.
Hi! Thanks so much for your comment and for taking the time to share your experience here. Welcome to the community!
I do the teeth clicking thing too!
I have a song in my head most of the time as well.
Holy hell, I’ve done the teeth clicking to the beat of a song all my life! Also, I’ve always had more muscle/less cellulite in my left leg because it’s always going ninety miles an hour when I’m sitting lol
Around age 50 I was diagnosed, when I finally saw a psychiatrist, with "Atypical personality disorder" which means you don't fit into the labels of personality disorders. Now 70 I watched your video and I hit every item you mentioned with a big YES except not having a personality. I became a headstrong person and so I was fired, walked out, laid off many times. Somehow I made it to 62 by hook or by crook and started receiving social security. OMG the injustice that people experience makes me very angry. Very interesting and thanks for the video and the chart. Also suffered from depression since I was 7 years old. Now my emotional state is pretty good with help of Vipasanna or Mindful Meditation.
Im 62. Sister, you checked every box for me 100% . Wow, I waited my whole life to know this.
Thank you!
I have lost so many jobs because of calling out injustices. I have an “over-developed”sense of fair play and I guess it drives people CRAZY!! I’m 62 and self-identified, after raising two Fragile-X sons to adulthood… LOL 40 years later I figured out I’m on the spectrum too! (Hubby knew before I did.)
Thanks for your comment ❤️
It may be that the non autistic person’s sense of justice is underdeveloped
We are labeled "autistic" when it's the rest of the population who should be labeled. THEY are the problem, not us!! We are the few "normal" people, we are God's people, the way He originally created us!!
Thank you for your comment Lynn, I am struggling with this only having just been diagnosed. May I ask you for any advice from your experiences?
@@andyquelch9652 I am not qualified to give advice. Best of luck.
Autistic trait: An affinity for charts.
❤❤❤
And infographics ❤
WOW. I so appreciate this. 50+ with a young adult on the spectrum and I am convinced I masked so well I fooled myself! I relate to 95% of this and once I hit menopause early at 38 that's when this all started becoming super apparent for me much like it was very apparent when I was a young kid. I am convinced this is why I developed autoimmune issues. So much masking + exhaustion I didn't know I was doing. Thank you!
You’re welcome! Thanks for your comment.
Wow! I was affirming almost all points. I was already suspecting that I'm also on the spectrum because even as an adult, I am expressive --- extremely expressive --- when I'm happy or overwhelmed. I would even squeal. When I try to control myself, I feel like a time bomb, but people around me don't understand and would tell me "Act like an adult". I hate that. It's hard to make people understand me though, so I just clam up. It's a struggle to fit in sometimes. 😢
Tell me about it…I flap my hands 😭😭 & gasp really loud .
i feel like i’ve been riding the “researching ADHD diagnosis to suspecting i may actually be autistic (or both)” pipeline for nearly 2 years. this chart was such a relief and so relatable.
ok gonna go binge the entire rest of your channel now!!! thank youuuuu lol
You're welcommmmeeee :)
Same. I have so many different diagnosis's but when I look at Neurodivergent or ASD, I can relate to all most all if the behaviors listed above.
Big same, I actually recently got diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type, however, still being in the early stages of treatment with meds and therapy, I still feel like maybe once I learn more info, then that might be the piece of the puzzle? But then seeing these videos or videos of people with both, I feel like I relate to them so much more than just ADHD.... So it's definitely still on the docket to take a look into autism after the treatments have given me more time to process. Some of the super specific examples here fit me SO well its actually shocking...
I was about 8 when my younger brother was first diagnosed. Looking back, it’s very obvious that in my family it’s a genetic trait. My father, grandfather, and even great-grandfather, all have autistic tendencies. I remember being given a test to see if I was on the spectrum, too, but I “failed” it and was told I was definitely not autistic. Of course, this was the late 90s, and I was given the “male” test.
Fast forward 11 years, I’m struggling in college, end up coming home and my mom takes me to a psychiatrist. Turned out, yeah, I have like 80% of these traits. And the ones that I don’t have can be explained by my traits being more closely aligned with Asperger’s. I know that’s considered a bad word now, but at the time it was still accepted, and that is my “official” diagnosis.
I have 80-85% of these characteristics, and half of them strongly. But I doubt I’m autistic?
@@joysoul4089 Why do you doubt it if I might ask?
I loved this -- the most helpful thing I think I've found about adult-diagnosed autism, especially in women ... I'm 74 and just figured out (with the help of some gentle nudging over the years from therapists and one ND knitting teacher :) that I'm autistic and I have to tell you that it's pretty weird to contemplate this late in the game. So much now makes sense but at the same time, so much could have been different had I known. I've been aware of masking for most of my life but didn't know what is was/what to call it; it certainly saved my life in many ways and let me stay employed, raise my daughter as a single parent, and 'get by' for the most part. But, oh, the grief at what I've lose but not being able to/knowing how to be myself... Thanks so much for this; your commentary was great.
can relate to almost everything statement on that chart and to you also.
I just found you. I'm also an autistic mama, but I can't get a formal diagnosis. Listening and watching you just makes me happy, because you feel like a kindred spirit. Thank you for posting this shorter list of traits.
You’re welcome! Glad you’re here. Welcome to the community!
I am a mother of 3 who has been dealing with all of these “symptoms “ for YEARS! I have an appointment to be evaluated and hopefully diagnosed soon. If I am infact autistic it would explain so much! Thank you for doing what you do!
OMG this is so much of me! I am 65 and a potter. I have learned to interact with my customers online by mirroring their tone and phrases etc. This is a strategy I had to learn in order to survive
So interesting!! Thanks for sharing.
Yeah omg. I struggled so hard as a teenager and young adult trying to figure out how to socialize. And the whole thing with sex and everything. I hyped it up so much in my mind. I remember having such extreme social anxiety when I moved out on my own that I couldn't even go to the grocery store. I was sooooo worried about eye contact, my body language etc etc. I felt like an alien and like everyone was gonna know that I was an imposter and none of this stuff came naturally to me. I felt so slow, stupid and alone and just awkward and weird cause I always got comments about being too quiet, or people laughing at me for not getting a joke, or being singled out because I was inflexible about planning social outings. And then on top of it I had a class on giving presentations in business school where we were recorded on video and then the teacher would critique your presentation and give pointers and a lot of it was about tone of voice, body language, eye contact, posture and just everything that I was already painfully aware of and anxious about. So it just made my social anxiety so much worse! I could hardly talk to people cause I'd get so nervous about how I was coming across. I'd blurt things out, rush through sentences, forget to breathe, worry about whether I was making appropriate eye contact, whether I'd chosen a good subject to talk about that the other person would enjoy etc. I had no idea how to relate to other people my age "normally". I notice I don't worry as much about that now. I still worry a bit but it's not as crippling. I just have accepted at this point in my life that I'm "weird" and that's never gonna change so I might as well just accept that not everyone is gonna feel comfortable around me and that's fine. The right people will. I've learned to be more confident in my divergent nature and to look upon people who look down on me as silly. To see that they are the ones who have a problem with me, and it's not that I am a problem.
"They have a problem with me, not that I am a problem" That's gold!
That chart is amazing! Thank you for putting in the work to refresh it and make it accessible for more people.
I always thought I was “just weird.”
People bash social medial as a toxic waste of time, but videos like this encouraged me to finally get evaluated by a psychologist the summer I turned 40.
I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD.
There’s was only one thing on that chart that was, “meh, not so much.” And since my diagnosis, it all finally makes sense! I’m not an alien, or a “freak,” I’m a completely normal person with ASD/ADHD. ❤
SAME 👍
This stuff is very important!
Normalization of female disorders,and shining lights onto under diognosis in women's ASD/ADD had made me want to be an advocate for my mental health
I've lived for 40 + years and never really undestood all the things I struggle with. Been diagnosed with dysthymia (for being emotionally flat), social phobia (don't like social things) and generalized anxiety (because anxiety). This was diagnosed hastily without much in dept work or time spent and I've never felt any of it fits. Then the pieces finally started falling into place and looking at this 90% of this is so relatable. When I went to my doctor she said "there was no need to send me to get tested/diagnosed for this because I'm not a child, so I don't need help, and I've managed to get a bachelor/achieved things so I can't possibly be autistic".. Yea my life is a mess, took me to 40 years of age to get that bachelor (trying various things for 20 years) can't hold down a job and I can't seem to grow up and everythign wears me out. I need answers but I don't know what to do now. There's no real support for this kinda thing in my country and I wish I had some answers and ways to work trough this. Now I'm just left self diagnosing and that's no good. I don't want to go around assuming I'm one thing if I am not, but I really would like to know why I am like this. 🥴
Gosh I've been researching so so much about this recently and sometimes I've gotten to the point I'm in tears because I am trying to understand what is wrong with me for so so long. I always dressed comfortably, even sometimes breaking my schools dress code because i wore black sports leggings that were really comfortable to me. I've made so many toxic friendships over the last 9 years, I was always socially awkward, i couldn't fit in with anyone else, i was quiet, everyone would make jokes i never understood. I was bullied for 3 years and i ended up having to put up a fake persona around others just so I could fit in. I still do this now. I always see my friends have unique personalities and I never was able to see myself for me. I always picked up some traits from them, I don't know who I am. The dealing with stress with routines hit me hard because I've been doing this all my life. I've had a routine for years that helped me cope with stress. The tiniest little change to my schedule, even by 5 minutes would send me off a rollercoaster of emotions and I'd be thrown off all day because of it. I've always felt happy when i was home in my corner doing my art in peace and quiet, but when I'd go to any of my friends' house I always felt awkward, i couldn't speak to them, couldn't ask simple needs such as where's the bathroom or I'm really hungry can we get something.
I was always considered a 'special' kid. I was told I was born with a gift, a talent. I've had a talent for Karate and Art - art mostly all self taught.
I always had trouble understanding people too. I can never understand what one tells me, it takes me DAYS to comprehend, HUNDREDS of times of me rereading what they've told me over and over untik it finally hit me. I always had to ask others for support to tell me what one has meant to say. I've been incredibly emotional all my life too and i never understood why. Recently ive been having immense mood swings and was about to book an appointment to the therapist to see if i have Borderline personality disorder or Bi polar. I've already been diagnosed with Depression, Social anxiety and PTSD. I always get so overwhelmed because of stuff around me that is difficult for me to comprehend.
I know I'm going way too deep into this and can continue on describing what i experience but it'll be so long to read,, but truly i want to understand.. if i may be on the spectrum or am i overthinking it and assuming it.. i literally relate to almost all of these except like, 3-5.
I'm 17 and I've brought this up to my mom but she dismissed me. I truly don't know what to do..
Im so sorry to hear you’ve been dismissed. Hopefully since you’re 17, you will be able to branch out soon and pursue the help and support you feel you need. For now I would say to continue researching wherever you are led, use info that is helpful to you and keep track of it so you can share it with a diagnostician some day. And try to plug into a community where you can connect with others like you. I have a video over an online community called ASDirect that you may find helpful! Thanks for your comment.
Judging by all of the likes you got... You have been heard and related to. It seems you have quite a few friends here! Take care, my friend. It is safe here.
Thank you for your testimony 🙏🏻 ♥️ I hear you and believe you! Cuz I think we are finding answers and super grateful for this channel🌻
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is tough without support. I am older & have recently realized (no "official" diagnosis) that I must be on the spectrum. My parents never would have accepted a diagnosis of autism even though my dad called me "mental" all the time. Please don't be discouraged. You can make it through this difficult time.
You're young unlike me (31), you got time. Research, try things, reach out, you'll get there.
Few years ago I commented on one one your videos about whether I could be autistic or not. Now at 28 a realzied I am, after a ton of research and watching videos! I hope I can get a diagnoses soon.
I am not diagnosed as autistic - and not really sure if I am - but this chart is so me. And school was so hard socially, being perceived as the shy, sensitive and stuck up smart kid that had such a hard time making friends and doing home work 😢. When I realized I could just try to get worse marks and dress in a way to attract boys so they liked me - I figured out how to make friends, but I was so socially awkward and drank just to be able to have conversations. Is that masking? Autistic traits? Is it worth attempting to get a diagnosis?
And the whole having to create a rigid schedule just to handle daily life and responsibilities is me. I have a notebook full of schedules that I try to follow just to cope with daily tasks and life is just feeling more and more overwhelming. Hmmm
This chart is a lifechanger for me. I was diagnosed 5 years ago and still struggle explaining to someone else how it manifests in my life
7:28 High functioning autistic here with Celiac disease as my gut issue. I also have hyper mobile EDS, another thing I find unusually common with ASD, and Narcolepsy. I'm a flappy bendy sleepy boy that passes out if I eat bread. Wheeee.
Not autistic but I am diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, I related to everything a lot. I did laugh when you mentioned we wouldn’t be in a room with trains all day everyday, but I work in an archive digitizing train photography so it’s almost everyday. Not one of my special interests, but I find the routine of my job comforting most of the time.
I am diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and ASD. I suggested both of these diagnoses to my psychiatrist (who was treating me for depression) who, in the early 2000s, was surprised and then certain that I was correct. I had learned to appear neurotypical from an early age when I first went to preschool and realized I had no idea what others were doing. I didn't know how to play, how to interact. It was terrifying. I recall having to work very hard to "memorize" how to be around others. It was painful, stressful. The point about injustice is incredibly accurate!. I was recently working in a school for students with special needs. Many of these students were diagnosed with ASD. A situation occured whereby a behavior specialist really laid in to two of my students about their behavior without trying to understand the reasons for the behavior. This is not to say the behavior was acceptable. The point is that there was no teaching as to why the behavior was unacceptable nor were they given suggestions as to how to respond differently. Yelling at these students was NOT ok. She did this after I had already spoken with the students and they were now confused by the mixed messages. When I approached the principal about this, she told me that students with ASD won't even remember being yelled it from one day to the next and not to worry about it !! I no longer work at this school but I am still trying to advocte for these students. I am still furious - this happened in Aug 2022 - and I feel like I am against a brick wall. The more I cannot get the higher ups to understand, the angrier I become. It is difficult for me to accept that these people will likely never understand, and more so, will never care to. It is so frustrating and so difficult to let it go.
On a positive note, I love being "quirky" and tend to attract such people. My daughter also is on the spectrum and I continually remind her of her gifts of which there are many. Thankfully, she is so confident that she does not care what others think of her. I should learn from her :)
Thanks for reading.
I relate to the majority of these. I have CPTSD, but never thought about autism until I heard it from a woman's perspective. Thank you for validating us. Thanks for all your hard work ❤️🙏
Very helpful chart! I felt like a related to almost everything! The tricky/ frustrating thing is that I feel like nobody would believe me because I dont think people see these traits in me (plus my family already thinks I'm a hypochondriac). Thank you for sharing!
Totally get it. I think that's one reason I waited so long to tell my husband I thought I was on the spectrum. I've also felt I was sooo many other things... (ADHD, highly sensitive person, OCD) and to be fair, I was some of those things... but definitely was worried about coming across as THAT person. At the end of the day, it's your life. If identifying as autistic brings you more peace and self-compassion/understanding, TAKE IT! :)
@@MomontheSpectrum thank you for your kind words and encouragement :)
I hear you! "Will anybody believe me" is constantly on my mind now that I'm pursuing formal diagnosis. If you think about what an internal experience autism is, it does sometimes come down to being believed or not... Which is something autistics struggle with most of our lives (not being believed, I mean). That's why we need fellow autistics. So we can believe and affirm each other 🙂
@@sueannevangalen5186 yes I agree, it's really helpful to have others in your corner!
I have extremely bad genes so maybe this is just me but I feel like so many people have conditions they find some way to cope with without diagnosis.
I have almost every single issue from both sides of my parentage except my dad has psoriasis and I only have eczema, though he smokes and I don't, and my ear feel full a lot but my mom had to have tubes put in to drain hers because they don't on their own. I thought just one passed me over, I was 'too old' to have much chance at all of getting migraines and then I started getting brainstem migraines at 21.
I’ve never been diagnosed or anything, but I’ve wondered. In school I was extremely quiet. One time some guys were kind of bugging me about it-like, “can’t you talk?” and I found that with being put on the spot like that, I literally couldn’t talk.
In adult life, I had a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital for awhile…but I could come home on weekends. My husband said that the first few weekends I came home, I just sat and stared catatonically at the wall for the most part. I remember that as having SO MUCH anxiety that I couldn’t do anything else.
This was absolutely spot on for me, today is my 4th attemp asking my psych for an assessment. Her reasoning every single time is that my communication skills are far too elevated, its upsetting!!!
I am reeling. My therapist suggested I might have autism as well as ADHD. I knew about the ADHD, but autism? I always thought it only looked like extraordinary attorney Woo or the participants of Dating on the Spectrum. But I relate to a lot of these. This is a lot to take in right now. My nephew is on the spectrum and my dad has ADHD. But... I just thought I knew what it looked like. I'm replaying my whole life right now. 😳🥺 It's dizzying.
Yes the initial discovery of all of this can be quite overwhelming. There is no rush to process it all. Take care of yourself and everything will unfold in its own time. 💓
I relate to the entire list but for two items (or the appropriate opposite statement when needed), and I'm a 34yo male recently diagnosed. This profile isn't exclusive to women, it's just that young girls are generally more "socially intelligent" than young boys and are more prone to developing masking very early on. What can I say... I was a smart boy.
Thanks for clarifying this point! Super important.
thanks. I feel the same. and diagnosed this year at 48
this is exactly why i wish people didn't turn "autism in girls often goes undiagnosed" into "only autistic girls have these traits." it alienates boys w/ those traits and to a lesser extent (imo) girls with the more typically male traits.
yes, one of my best male friends is autistic (as am I) but he fits this chart even more than I do, he's such a sweetheart, I love him!
Every single one. 🤯 My daughter is on the spectrum and I’ve only just begun to process that I might be too. Videos like this have been really eye opening and helpful.
I am 60 and just was diagnosed as high functioning. So many traits in this list are present in my life.
Thank you SO much for sharing this chart and information. I have worked in the Autistic community for more than 10 years as a leader in my organization and a fierce advocate for all people with developmental disabilities. I am very passionate about equity and social justice and facilitate/coordinate workshops in Seattle on the subject. I have developed relationships with dozens and dozens of folks on the spectrum and have long suspected that I myself might be on the spectrum. I never sought diagnosis because in the last few years I have been really happy in my life, career and relationships. 5 years ago I began to remember complex sexual abuse by my father growing up, and that was a turning point in my life. After a lot of work in healing and letting go of some trauma, I began to feel so much happier and attracted the first healthy, committed long term relationship in my life. We are getting married next month :)
After watching a few of your videos, I was absolutely astounded by how many traits I have that you discuss (15/16 and most of the chart in this video). I felt understood for literally the first time in my life. Thank you! I had more severe traits as a child and adolescent, but have learned in my 45 years to cope and adapt to expectations in society and life. I did really well in school and was in the talented and gifted program so I guess no one thought to diagnose me in the 80's. I am beginning to see that there is so much more to understand about how my brain works and I really want to seek a diagnosis and explore support options. I also want to be able to request accommodations at work. I have just emailed my doctor to ask if my insurance covers the diagnosis and where to start with the diagnostic process.
I took the Aspie, which I loved and found really easy to answer the questions, and got a 145 out of 200 on the Autism cluster and 80 on the neurotypical. I took the AQ but found it really difficult to understand and answer and I got a 28. I have subscribed to your channel and thank you so much!!!
I am a mental health counselor and I just want to tell you that I am so thankful for you videos! I was helping a client for over a year before something clicked and I thought "maybe it's ASD". Your videos are a great tool to help women understand what this means and connect with others and resources!
I was diagnosed with adhd a few months ago. I’ve always wondered if there was something else going on as well, but I understand the overlaps with adhd. But having it explained from this angle just rings 100%. I can’t believe it and will have to process it, then consider an assessment.
So many things on this list are eye opening for me in understanding my childhood. I was PAINFULLY shy, hated large gatherings (dad constantly socialized), hate making eye contact, and hubby and I are 100% homebodies unless we can go out with each other.
I'm in my 30's. I have been struggling all my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression & Generalised Anxiety Disorder ... Last week I was talking to my psychologist (who specialises in trauma) and she wants me to be assessed for ASD. This chart has been most helpful and I relate to 99% of it. Thank you.
12:40 definitely experienced a similar situation thinking to myself “you mean most people aren’t like this/deal with this?”
So eye opening! Life is a lot different for those of us on the spectrum.
OMG! This is so insightful! I was diagnosed 10 years ago at age thirty. But I've had a really hard time accepting it, because I never knew how autism presents itself in women. I thought maybe there was a chance my therapist was wrong and I was normal after all. But after seeing this chart, there's no denying it anymore. I relate to everything you mentioned.
Thank you for making this video! Things like this really help to make sense of it all and also to explain to others what I'm going through.
You're welcome.
This is me! I was diagnosed bipolar. Cptsd,anxiety, panick disorder. I think I am autistic. I always thought I could be. My recent psychiatrist told me to see a neuropsychiatrist. So I am on that path right now.
This is me. I am 50 years old and my God I never even realized that I was normal in my abnormalities if that makes sense. I got the bipolar diagnosis and I have texture issues that are severe, I can't look people in the eyes but I fake it well, I have an easier time writing than talking. I get overwhelmed with people. I have serious gastrointestinal issues, I bit my nails so badly that I damaged them and it took them until just recently to heal mostly. It's so me. Every single thing is me. Thank you for these videos.
You’re very welcome I am glad they have been helpful to you. Thank you so much for sharing part of your journey with me!
All except the shy thing. I felt like the works was my stage. I created this girl that I pretended to be and she existed all through school. Now that I’m old I’m a lot more shy but I think it’s more like a “wait and watch” strategy than true shyness. Thank you for posting!!!
you're welcome! thanks for your comment
I'm going to get tested but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. I just realized how I've been "acting" or pretending in social situations my entire life. masking. Wow. I feel sad but grateful. Thank you so much.
I see myself all over this checklist, with only a few exceptions. I don't have an odd appearance, as far as I can tell, but I continually get mistaken for being much younger than I am. One time, when I was working as a cashier in a store, a customer thought I was a teenager when I was fully 39 years old. Which was not all a bad thing. Oh gosh, this wasn't meant to be a brag comment. But it was annoying too, to be thought of as a kid when I hadn't been one for decades. I would have been happier if the customer had thought I was 29 😂
I totally get it. It doesn't sound braggy. I understand because people talk down to me a lot like I'm younger or don't know as much. I am called "hon", "darlin", "sugar", "honey" when others I'm with are not. Also I used to work in a high school which made it awkward when other teachers would interact with me. It was like they didn't know I wasn't a student until an awkward amount of time later.
@@MomontheSpectrum I came to say the same. I'm sick of people talking to me like I'm a child. I mean it stopped few years ago when I was about 40 but they still see me as much younger.
Oh wow, I'm 30 and people sometimes think I'm up to 10 years younger. But you it's on another lever hahaha
@@blueswallow3096 It was totally unreal... The customer was talking about grandparents for some reason and then asked about MY grandparents and when I said they'd all passed on, she was like, "No, you're way too young to have lost all four." That was when I had to admit my age and she could hardly believe it. Though what she thought a teenager was doing behind the counter in a store at 11am on a weekday, I don't know. Maybe she thought I was a recent graduate 😂
@@sueannevangalen5186 I get you haha. When I was in my early 20's I was working in a store and a customer asked me if I was part of the staff. When I said yes she said "but your only a child". Another time a customer asked me if my "parents" where there. She was referring to my boss hahaha
The chart highlighted certain traits that I did not consider before. I'm actually shook.
Dear Chris, you won the grandma lottery! Living with both of them , so blessed! I was born only months after my maternal grandmother died of complications of diabetes. My paternal grandmother inspired me in many ways, but I lived far away from her. She was 98 and she had dementia. So glad you are getting to visit the Philippines again. You are so ambitious, you are tough on yourself. Relax and enjoy yourself. Your Tagalog will improve. Your candor in uour videos is commendable. I appreciate also how graceful a communicator you are. As a former caregiver of my mother, I feel you. For me bathtime wasn't difficult but daily dental care was tough for me. Caregivers have days that are complex. There are tough moments and there are very rewarding moments. I am glad u were able to clean out the things from her room and make it into an office. She would like that. Thank you gor continuing to post as you work through you're grieving. So many pf us former caregivers are grieving alongside you. I applaud the privacy of your relationship. So many details of your life aren't any business of others. Including $. Thanks for continuing talking about grandma. She is no question someone we look up to. I am thinking and praying of your family. Your grandma Lola and your Mom are in our prayers too.
My mom is likely on spectrum, as are other family members. No diagnoses... Watching videos like this one reminds me to have grace when I'm frustrated that we aren't on same page.
Your channel has been a complete eye opener to me. I can relate to almost every single item on that chart. I changed careers from being a physiotherapist to studying psychology and then a masters in human cognitive neuropsychology with the intention of trying to understand why people say and do the things they do. Learnt a lot about myself which made me just feel a bit more uncomfortable in my own skin. But your channel is starting to help me understand myself a bit better. Thank you for this content.
You’re welcome! Your journey sounds fascinating. A lot of people on the spectrum study psychology.
I’m 30 and my late ASD diagnosis is just beginning to sink in. My heart screams “EXACTLY/ I KNOW, RIGHT?!” watching this.
one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about me when I was little was if I saw someone I knew from school, I'd avoid them. She'd say, "isn't that your little friend, so and so? Wanna say hello?" and I'd be like, "no, I'm not friends with them." On occasion they would see me and come up to me and act all friendly and cheery and hug me and I'd act as if I was thrilled to see them. lol. I did this often. My mom found it hilarious and said I was such a fake. But the truth was, I only considered a small number of people my friends and even if some people may have considered me to be one of their friends, they were just an acquaintance to me...because friendship was a very specific category with strict criteria. I am only realizing now that my "fakeness" as a child was literally just masking. I have an adhd diagnosis that I got last year (at 38) and now (at 39) I am realizing that is not the whole picture. Wild stuff. Always learning...even about ourselves. Kinda great when you think about it that way.
Wow, that really describes my younger daughter. She often says she has few or no friends but everyone from her school seems to adore her when we run into them.
Holy cow! I do this too!
Isn’t that just being authentic? Most people are fake/masking so we are forced to mask. When u take out the mask..you become more authentic.
The thing about being angry at injustice is that it's like... ALL the injustices. It's not super weird to be angry at, say, a black person doing more jail time than a white person for the same crime, but someone cutting in line at the grocery store? Someone taking up two seats on the bus? All the little injustices of the world that neurotypical people usually just "tut-tut" over, it drives me crazy. You spend your whole childhood learning that those types of behaviors are wrong, you spend your whole life trying to remember them in order to fit in, and then someone breaks the rules and nobody cares?? It's so irritating. I hate it.
I can't even maintain eye contact on zoom calls, or look into my *own* eyes in mirrors or in photos. I don't know how you'd describe it, but it's always this feeling of intense and utter panic if I look into someone else's eyes when I know they can see me. I don't have a problem looking at photos of other people's faces.
I can relate to what you said about little injustices so much… I thought I was alone in my reaction to people being inconsiderate and that I have anger issues.
As you went through the list, I got increasingly emotional as I related to almost every single trait. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and self-diagnosed as OCD, but now I think I need to discuss this with my doctor. In a way, it's a relief to know that I'm not just "particular" or "difficult". Thank you for posting this!
I feel gut punched, I have always thought I was adhd, and/or on the spectrum… I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, I’m 34 and people say im 34 going on 21 🤷♀️ people tell me I remind them of their kids. I get carded everywhere and have very young features. I can’t wear uncomfortable clothing. I always think I’m different because of things that upset me that don’t upset others. I checked off 90% of these boxes. This is wild. Whoa.
With the social aspect, I do so much better when my friends are neurodivergent or more leaning toward autistic. Most of my friends and aquaintances fall in this category. It's great because we can go for months without seeing eachother and pick up like we hung out last week. I've always been very social. But when I was a kid, I was too weird for most people and wanted friends desperately. Looking back, the people I did befriend always had strong autistic traits. I actually really love girly things, but I hate going to salons in general. Mostly because I have to do mental olympics and mask so much, figuring out where to draw the line in the conversation before it gets too weird or unpleasant. The person who does my hair is also neurodivergent (believes she's autistic too. I get that vibe from her). I really don't like to go to other people even if it costs less. Plus, she puts the good stuff in my hair too. :p I feel very awkward around women my age unless that group of women are in a shared interest. I'd rather go to a D&D night (having never played D&D) than go to a Zumba class.
I could never decide on one career. Right now, I'm all over the place in things that I do for money. I have my regular job (web developer, graphic designer). But I make jewelry, I draw, I'm learning 3D, I plan on making 2d and 3d asset packs for games once I get better. I want to make games. Before the pandemic, I was doing events and drawing speed pet portraits. So it's generally in the realm of art and design, but never concrete enough to be specific. I'm literally a jack of all trades in a lot of areas too. I'm more useful than a master of one.
I've been looking for a safe space & reading these comments I feel safe, not alone at all. Thank you!
I relate to almost all of these. I’m 32 and just had this nudge to start looking up female autism traits. I’ve always felt I’m different from everyone else and that something is wrong with me. Thank you for this video. I’m super glad this is the first I chose to click on starting this journey.
I found your channel! I am recently diagnosed with ASD and also have diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. Never occurred to me that some of the reasons I developed an ED was due to sensory sensitivity and gastrointestinal discomfort
This video has solved most of the unanswered ?'s and difficulties in my life. I'm 64 years old. Thank you for this channel. 💖
I have every single one of these traits but my lifelong masking game has been so strong I don’t think family and friends would take me seriously. I struggle intensely sometimes, but privately, and it’s exhausting. I don’t know where to begin to get a diagnosis or how to improve the situation.
I got the strangest responses from most of my family, who I thought would say wow that explains everything. Hubby was the only one who got it right. He yelled, "your autistic!" and hugged me and we laughed. Others said, "the internet can make you think you have anything" or just gave me a 👍in response to a text. Unfortunately, my parents died a couple of years before I figured this out. I think they would have been very interested and mom would have watched 1,000 videos to learn all she could. Maybe you could try sending them a short video like this one that goes over the traits for females and just say, "I relate to every single one of these traits".
I checked every single one of these boxes too....I don't know what to do with this information.
@@maciees just keep watching her videos and any others that seem helpful. Now you know you’re not alone. 🤗 You don’t have to get a diagnosis unless you think it will help you. I have no desire to get evaluated but I don’t use conventional healthcare at all. 😬
@@lauranilsen8988 thank you :)
I feel seen.
I'm in the same boat. Diagnosis should only come from a psychologist or LCSW that specializes in adult autism. BUT ... they will ask you why you think you are. So start keeping a journal. Start with this video. Write down the 1st item and the specifics of why it resonates with you (actual examples). If it doesn't fit/partially fits, write that down. Do it for all the items.
Then find more info online. NOT just the "Do you have autism" info, but also look for just as many articles of "Why you aren't autistic and what else it could be". (i.e. balance things out - it's easy to just see things that align with your viewpoint). As you think of things in your daily routine that seem to fit (or just as important - not fit).
Going into a psychologist/LCSW appt with specific examples will give you a good starting point. Writing it down let's you re-evaluate. Again - even keep track of the autism spectrum qualities that don't fit you (and why they don't). Also the qualities you have that you wonder about, but they aren't listed as an "autism quality"
I don't put much faith in online tests (of any kind). They are usually geared to someone offering a service, so it's in their best interest to say you "have a strong likelihood". Stick with videos like this - she has personal experience of being a woman who got diagnosed later in life. People diagnosed as kids will have a different frame of reference than us.