Working a 9-5 While (Unknowingly) Autistic | AUTISM AT WORK
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
- In this episode of Autistically Me, I talk about why it's so challenging for Autistic adults to work a regular 9-5 job and my experiences doing so. I also go into depth about my bad experience working at my "dream" job at the NFL Network and their disgusting lack of understanding and accommodations for people with mental illnesses.
Instagram: @OliviaHops
Small Business: www.UnbakedBar.com
Autistic - Autism - ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - Autistic Adult - Autistic Female - Girls with Autism - Adults with Autism - Females with Autism - Women with Autism - Working While Autistic - Autism and Work - Autism and Jobs - NFL Network - Autism Girls
#ActuallyAutistic
The social part of working always feels like more work than the work part of the job.
AMEN
It is. I can feel more drain from 10 minutes if socializing at work compared to day 5 hours of me actually working hard by myself
This is why I feel extremely fortunate to have a job that allows me to adjust my schedule. If 5 days in a row feels like it's going to be too much, I take my "weekend" after 4. I'm also allowed to work weekends where I am mostly alone and able to be much more efficient without the distractions caused by coworkers. In fact, we've been busy for the holiday season so more people have been coming in to work on the weekends and it's driving up my stress levels, which means I've been working less days in a row.
I wouldn't call it a dream job. I'm not interested or challenged in any way besides the satisfaction of completing tasks, the pay is just enough to get by on, and there's not really room for advancement, but after almost three decades of enduring cycles of stress, meltdown and under/unemployment, it's pretty nice to be able to make a living somewhere that my work is appreciated and my "quirks" are tolerated.
Same here, when I work there are days where I feel mentally exhausted - I somewhat described myself as a battery that depletes over time
🎯 💯
As an autistic person I have actually quit every 9-5 job I've ever had and now moving to self employment. The reasons I've quit don't revolve so much around the exhaustion of keeping the mask up all day, but it's usually something unethical the company or the bosses are doing and I just cannot stand by it! All my coworkers would have the attitude of "yeah, that's just how it is...you'll get used to it..." and I'm like "NO! How on earth can you all just sit here and be okay with this??!" Since us autists are great at recognizing patterns, I'm able to recognize the pattern of doing nothing about an issue and so it gets worse and worse. The thought of no one standing up to stop whatever it is becomes too overwhelming and I have to quit
Oh interesting, my employment history is similar though I'm not diagnosed (yet). Almost every business I've worked for has gone through some sort of corporate buyout or restructuring where the working conditions (safety, ethics, etc.) decline way down to the point where I cannot go another day selling my labor to a horribly unethical abusive company and I walk out. My tolerance for injustice and abuse is extremely minimal and I don't understand the people that just continue working through it. I was once fired for standing up to a company's VP because she was literally intimidating and bullying us, telling us we were worthless and instantly replaceable and the most minor of mistakes would be disciplined to make sure we knew our place. Any time I bring up the topic of labor unions with coworkers, everybody backs away and won't entertain the thought for even a second. I don't get it. 😭
@@MuchToDoAboutNowt i'm undiagnosed as well, but am 98% sure about it. I think as autistics we are so valuable in terms of change! I have minimal tolerance for injustice as well and I am just baffled that people will sit there and take the abuse. The fact that we can't just sit there and take it is helping change the world imo
Totally agree, I couldn't stand my last job lack of ethics.
Masking is the most exhausting part of the day.
Yes, same here! "That's just how it is" ummm well "how it is" sucks.
I really hate office politics. The loud mouths were always the ones that messed around all day! They didn't do their work and yet they were the ones getting promoted.
Very true. All impression management whilst denigrating others.
This is SOOOOO TRUEEEEEE!!! GUHHHHH!!!
Totally agree!
Always.... Yes!
Oh wow, you spoke my mind, true, I had the same problem in every we workplace, I can't stand office politics and don't know how to deal with bitchy co workers.
I'm at a 9-5 job but we're a small company where everyone knows I'm autistic and they are amazing. It's my first job where I don't want to vomit before I go to work. I can have my noise cancelling headphones on, I can be weird, I can take time off when I get too overwhelmed and I work only 4 days a week. My favourite part is that everyone knows that they can count on me doing a great job BUT they have to write everything down otherwise I'm not gonna remember a thing 😅
THIS so hard.
Good for you! I’m so happy for you!
Where do you work? I'm on the spectrum and I'm struggling so much
@@niamaria8317 Its a little factory where we make LED lights. Mostly assembly work.
Sounds like heaven
I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but the more I learn about it, the more I feel like everything I’ve gone through finally makes sense. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I highly recommend the book Aspergirls! That’s a book that really helped me as well as Olivia!
Me too!
I'm exactly the same Alison, frustrating as I (not blowing my own trumpet) did a better job and still was the one who got picked on my the boss cause I didn't join in the workplace banta, been unemployed for 4yrs now.
@@traceyannsummers9819 Oh wow! I totally understand that though. I've never been diagnosed with asperger's but show most of the signs. I struggled with work too. I trained as an accountant and found I hated workplace culture and banter. So I spent a bit of time umemployed and then retrained as a painter decorator. Now I work for myself and am a lot happier.
same
I've been fired from every 9-5 job I've ever had, not because I sucked AT ALL, but because when *my* workload was done and I felt myself becoming bored, (instead of depression) I would do *other* people's work. If _that_ was not an option, I would start troubleshooting systems, trying to streamline and make the whole process simpler and more efficient for everybody at the company. The owner of the last company that I was fired from told me that I "ruffled feathers" and "intimidated the management". 🙄
I wish I could find a job at a company that would actually UTILIZE me and what I can do... 😞
Omg.. I totally get that, I always have problems with micro managers. I usually get fired when they see I can run circles around them, I've even tried dumbing myself down, Holy hell..now THAT'S exhausting.
Last job I put in my 2 weeks notice for got a "please leave immediately" response instead so perhaps fired in that case and qualified for unemployment for technically involuntary resignation before my notice date. Similar at a major tech corporation once but the manager gave the "option" of leaving early - little nudge of "you could always leave anytime." Terrible manager who even told me he hated being a manager. Perhaps he could always find a better fit too.
The taller trees get mown...
@@blueredbrick not even the taller trees, just different trees get fucked. People dont like different, they have their routine that they are so used to, and even if you try making it better/easier for everyone including yourself, the people will get overly defensive, they dont want to learn anything extra. it is very frustrating indeed, you just never feel like you belong at a job, just always feeling uneasy and often enough not even respected by co-workers.
@@liltunturi1251 true
This has to be THE BEST video about autistic women in the workplace! At 47 years old (I'm now 52) I found out that I was autistic. Your work experiences have been MY experiences...for my WHOLE LIFE!!! I was caught in a vicious cycle all that time...and , yes, PTSD is very real and it is excruciating!! It got so bad that I was suicidal. After many years, I FINALLY have some balance in my work/life. Even though I have 3 college degrees and have travelled and worked around the world, I now work as a housekeeper at a church. It may sound crazy, but I'm happy. It's quiet, I hardly see anyone, I keep active and can pray and listen to gospel music all day. I'm done "masking" for other peoples' sakes...too old and too tired for that. Keep up the amazing work....you're helping so many people!!! God bless you.
Sounds like an awesome job!
So happy you found a good job for you! gives me hope 😊
Yes that sounds good I'm fed up of masking to and I'm fed up of being bullied at work by people thinking they are better then me when they are clearly not we are all equal in god's eyes .
If you don't mind me asking how does ine attain 3 degrees? I really believe i need more than one to thrive but i do not look forward to the immense debt.
@@AccidentalWarrior144 Don't go and get more degrees. I have 2 and they aren't worth the paper they're written on. Keep life simple, stop giving a crap about what others think, do what makes you happy.
To blurting things out in the interview- I responded (in total seriousness) to "What's your greatest achievement?" with "Learning to walk." Thankfully the interviewer had a sense of humour...
It’s taken me so far in life 😂😅
One time I started a new job and during the orientation the person running it went around the room and asked us one at a time to say something that we enjoy doing.When it was my turn I said I really enjoy sleeping,and the whole room erupted in laughter.It was obvious they all thought I was trying to be funny,but I was dead serious.
@@FATMIKED5183 something like this happened to me. I was asked what is a great achievement of mine? I was caught off guard and I said GETTING AWAY FROM MY EX HUSBAND!
Lol that’s a brilliant reply!
lol ❤
I just got diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 and have struggled keeping a full time job. I mentioned this to the mental healthy nurse I've been seeing and she said that it makes total sense because I will need so much downtime to decompress and recover after my work day that I don't have time to do other things in my life and I'll end up burnt out very fast if the employer isn't accommodating. For the first time in my life I felt validated in my struggle to maintain working. I struggle even running my self-employed business because I struggle keeping things going constantly, especially when working with social media. Watching and hearing you talk about similar experiences feels so nice (although it sucks that others experience the same shitty things...)
Very relatable, needing massive downtime just to function.
This makes SO much sense for me. I'm just recently realizing I'm probably autistic, and I get so frustrated that I make lists and want to accomplish things after work, but I am always so tired I usually just hide in my room with headphones on
Same! I am 26 as well.
I am self-employed and have found list-making very helpful in keeping on top of the demands of my job.
I am an autistic female and I work in the engineering field. Numbers and logistics make me feel grounded and at ease. Finding that niche that you're good at, and maybe doesn't involve a lot of forced socializing was the key for me.
No youre not!
And you're more qualified than clinical psychiatrists to make that call? Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of@@liveuser8527
Highschool is forever. This is 100% true. There's always cliques and people just don't want to give you the benefit of the doubt if you're not 'One of Us', smh
All of this is so true. Feeling sick and exhausted emotionally effects the immune system as well. All of that exhaustion and physical illness eventually makes doing the work itself hard. It’s awful.
Yeah. Autism creates so many physical health symptons for me.
I'm a 65-year-old woman. I know I have autistic traits, but was never diagnosed. I spent a lot of years going from job to job and then spent quite a few years working as a temporary office worker in a large public company. I'd work for a boss in one department for a few weeks, and then move on to another department. People always asked me why I wanted to work as a temp. Now I know why after many years. When you know you're going to be at a job for only a few weeks, you don't have to befriend your coworkers, show team spirit or deal with social obligations. Now, I've had the same job for the past 13 years, but have suffered deeply with being an outsider there. COVID sent us all home to work and we're all working from home now on a permanent basis. That's quite a relief, because I couldn't stand the 'social noise' of people chatting when they should have been working and I dreaded walking into the lunch room. I hid my social awkwardness from coworkers by remaining aloof and I'm sure they all talked about me behind my back.
I can so relate. I am 59 and I preferred temp jobs for similar reasons. I’ve never been diagnosed but I have wondered because I have traits. My current job is WFH and it’s so much better for me.
That was a blessing you get to work from home permanently, I'm working hybrid and have work 3 days in office, I'm to the point I can't even do that with these coworkers I got, is it me or have people just gotten even worse to deal with l, and why do we have to be on a team, I really feel like I'm back in high school again, I'm being bullied as always because I never fit in with these people on the job, I'm so sick of this, I know they are going to fire me any day now I'm seriously thinking of just temping until I find a fully remote job
I feel this 100%
I'm 27, I graduated with a double major BA in sociology and Spanish and a 3.8 GPA, but work... I can do the JOB, it's the people and everything else, as you said. I only within the past year realized I may be autistic and it makes so much sense when I look back on struggling to cope with work. I really do feel like I have work PTSD because I wanted to help people and I've ended up in some very abusive (and violent) job positions. I'm currently just doing side gigs and fortunate that my husband makes excellent money and is supportive of me, but I almost daily have guilt that I'm not working a typical job or making money like I did. I feel like it's either suffer through horrible jobs, or suffer with the guilt of appearing lazy or unmotivated, even though I do work hard at home and through my side gig jobs.
Psychology and Languages and couldn't keep a job. I can relate to most of what you went through. I am happy for you that you are still young and have people who care. I realized am Asperger's at 42. There's so much help and alternatives. GB!❤
Don’t feel guilty. Be who you are & do what makes you happy. Don’t let yourself be defined by lthe world’s idea of work & what you “should” be doing. God bless your journey
I definitely relate to this. I have a teaching degree but just couldn't teach. I did well with the academic part of school, but not so well with the actual student teaching at the end. I almost flunked out during my first placement, but redeemed myself somewhat in my second placement since my supervisor gave me the chance to, so I ended up barely passing and still getting my degree. Part of the issue with my first placement was definitely the grade level (my first placement was kindergarten and I quickly learned that teaching really young kids wasn't for me; I just didn't have the energy level for it. Then my second placement was 4th grade and that's generally a pretty nice age to teach; they're still not snotty teenagers yet, but they're also old enough to be more independent and able to listen and have more self control). I do like kids and always enjoyed working with them, but teaching was just way too much. Dealing with the other adults (the parents and other teachers) was still really difficult. And my executive functioning deficits made it so hard for me to plan lessons (it really just felt like a huge, awful chore and wasn't very enjoyable at all) and I really just didn't have good classroom management skills. Again, especially with the younger kids who are just so all over the place and have such short attention spans. So despite having a bachelor's degree, I'm now working at a grocery store. And I'm still only a cashier and sometimes I feel embarrassed that I can't do something better or more "skilled." I'm wanting to try to at least move up to a higher position. (NOT a manager because I know I couldn't handle that). I've been cross training in the bakery department hoping to maybe try cake decorating or baking, but I'm struggling even just learning the "bakery clerk" role (mostly just packaging and labeling products and stocking them, because it's so fast paced and you have to have good time management skills. Which I do NOT.
@@CherryFrog321 I feel you there. I always struggle when time management is involved. It's like I can do the work but not if it's on someone elses time I like to take my time
“High school is forever.” You betcha. Mean girls are forever. If I ever end up in a nursing home, there will be mean girls. Diagnosed at 58. The scapegoat in a “Golden Child and the Scapegoat” family dynamic.
I have a theory it isn't High School forever it's human are animals forever... Which apartantly Queen victoria was the quite the mean girl in her youth to the point of letting a noble girl die from cancer because goship.
“Mean Girls” by Tina Faye should be required in Middle School. No other social group on Earth puts up with this kidult behavior.
I'm always targeted by mean girls, most of the time they are sociopaths and actually run everything at the job especially the men, if they don't like you for whatever reason, you bet they gone turn everyone in the office against you,starting fake rumors and everything bullies are what they are they are the main reason remote work should be mandatory especially for people that are autistic
Yep. This is why I just go to work to get paid, you'll never know if the smallest things can be used against you.
I think the main difference between neurotypicals and autistic people is that NTs, no matter what they are supposedly talking about, are always negotiating status issues within the group's hierarchy. We just don't get that kind of stuff. I treat everyone the same, for idealistic reasons, but also because I'm not socially intelligent enough to do otherwise. Trying to communicate outside of the "perfectly honest" mode is just so difficult. The whole "simian hierarchy" becomes really important after puberty, and we sort of lose it there. We can't keep up. Unfortunately, the hierarchical elements of social groups never disappear, so for us, it seems like we never escape the petty ego-games of high school. It's everywhere. I ran into in academia numerous times. It gets me fired from jobs or shunned socially. And looking back on my life, my ideas have been marginalized and attacked not only in academia, but even in my friend-groups, because I didn't have social status within these groups. There has always been some alpha male who was listened to, and if this person objected to anything I said, that idea would be rejected by the group. This happened as regularly as clockwork. I have gotten five books published, which is a hell of a lot more than any of the "alpha males" I've had to deal with. But I am still shunned within my interest-group. It's a form of bullying, and shows just how anti-intellectual NTs can be. Ideas don't receive validation through honest argument, but through status.
Can you do a video about jobs/careers that fit a person with autism?
Also maybe one about having/not having children?
Thank you so much for your work
I know for a fact that I'm an introvert and empath. But I suspect I may be be on the low spectrum of autism. I was recently fired from my job of 7 years because I "wasn't able to fulfill the duties as outlined in my role". What changed? New manager. You just mentioned so many things that I can identify with!
So sorry to hear that. Hope you find a good working situation soon
@@bethelmorris7703 thank you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you .
If you kept a job for seven years and you gave the reason why this tells me you’re actually more high functioning and not low functioning.
Cried at a job I love today so feels good to relate.
I have diagnosed ADHD but I'm pretty much sure I'm autistic as well.
My own aunt fired me from her bagel shop because I had punctuality issues and somehow that translates to me not caring and being lazy. The contrast between how deeply passionate I felt about my work and the literal love and sweat put into it and her perception of my work... Oooh boy
That shit put me in the hospital for two weeks and then I attempted suicide again not long after I got out of the hospital. Also freaking killed the bullshit idea that I lived in a meritocracy.
The echoes of my childhood lol people telling me to try harder, telling me if I cared then I would be better, me trying to figure out how to force myself to care more than I already do, thinking about it all so much that the concept of caring more losses all meaning. *Eye twitch*
Usually I hate my crappy jobs and I genuinely don't care but when I do care and it goes completely unappreciated because of social crap that shit stings.
It's happening again now, being a jewler is heavenly 90% of the time but that other ten percent is starting to wear me down. My supervisor moved me to a new desk and I hate it a lot, my coworkers are starting to realize I'm wierd and it shows, my supervisor cracks jokes about me looking sad and being difficult.
Fucking sucks I really thought this gig would be the one that saved me lol. I love the work itself and on a good day I'd work 12+ hours straight if they let me. When it's just me and some podcast in my earbuds working with my hands on these beautiful things and a boost from Adderall and sometimes caffeine, I'm at peace.
Untill my supervisor comes out of nowhere and says " Hey how's it going" and it startles the piss out of me and then when you respond organically after being startled they take it as a personal attack and change they're behavior around you. At that moment I knew I fucked yourself out of a positive relationship with a mentor in record speed.
I really hope things are going better for you now.
If not, could you perhaps try to get help from a counselor to find a good way to communicate the challenges and issues you have to your supervisor? It seems to me that if you could get your supervisor to understand your situation better, the problems might be solved.
Hi, I'm just reading your comment and it makes me so sad because it echoes what I've been going through for the past 9 months at this job in a company that I was so proud of landing (I'm a team assistant).
It's like walking on eggshells, the pressure is crazy and it's a vicious circle because the idea of knowing that it literally only takes 1 mishap from you and they're ready to jump to whichever short-sighted, paranoid and stupid conclusion they want to draw about you, which only causes more anxiety, exhaustion and depression and then makes it impossible not to have these 'mishaps'. It's like playing a game where all the rules are against you.
They don't give a damn about the quality and accuracy of your work, they don't give a damn about your authenticity and the real kindness that we're able to show to others even if we don't socialize in the same way. It's like the only thing that matters to them is your social persona, being a variation of a corporate robot that keeps doing and saying the same acceptable things over and over.
And reading your comment and reflecting of the 9 months of hell I've just spent at this job giving it my best and still being despised, mocked and judged on the daily by my bosses and coworkers, I realize there is NO point trying to fit in with a system that is just plain toxic and will crucify you at the slightest sign of difference. Fuck that shit. I'm 32 years old and I've finally realized I'll never be able to hold these kinds of jobs where hypocrisy and appearances are the norm. I want to live in integrity, in authenticity, and I'll tolerate no more of that BS. As long as we respect people and do a good job, we shouldn't have to fear being rejected for being ourselves and having our own personalities, that's messed up and so unfair.
Anyways I hope you're doing a bit better now and I hope you'll find something that allows you to thrive and be yourself
Very relatable, and what can you do? If you told your boss about your autism, that would just open up a whole other can of worms. Personally, I don't have the energy to mask for any extended period of time, so I have gotten fired from both office jobs and teaching jobs. I am a self-employed piano tuner now, and occasionally I lose customers by oversharing, by being too honest or too weird, but these are just single customers, and I can live with it.
If a mentor allows a startle response they caused to change their opinion of you, there’s very little they’d be able to offer. I’m sorry that bullshit is getting in the way of a great job.
Before I came to the conclusion that there’s a high chance of me being on the spectrum, I was always self harming/ suicidal, having meltdowns in the bathroom at work, constant burn out, going to sleep right after work because of mental exhaustion. I thought all this was “normal” and it was just depression when it got really bad. After finding out about ASD and studying up on it, everything in my life made perfect sense. It was like a miracle; like having amnesia your whole life, but then suddenly getting your identity back. Now I have less burnouts and even when I do, I’m better able to get through them and I don’t cut anymore. I’ve come a long way after accepting that I’m on the spectrum. It’s been two years of research and now I just have to get a diagnosis which is kind of scary because it feels like they can take back my identity if they don’t agree that I’m on the spectrum.
I worry about that too. This week I started binging videos on autism and I finally don't feel so crazy but I'm still too anxious to ever want to actually get tested
In the screening just sit back and look sickly for the doctors to eyeball you being sickly. I found that worked the best when i was hospitalized
They can't take back your identity! What you've learned is with you forever
I come out about 2 points into the normal range on the online tests. But so what? What's important is that the things in my life that ARE autistic explain so much. I don't need anyone to validate my experience. I don't expect accommodations, and anyway am self-employed. I have no intention of getting formally diagnosed. I fully believe that the "autism experts" on RUclips are probably better than 99% of the medical experts one might find. Also more likely to offer suggestions that actually work.
Wow! This is incredible. I couldn't have said it better. I get promoted at every job because Im an excellent technician and I inevitably quit because (a la promotion) I cant be a manager of humans(!) My last job I begged them to demote me because I cant handle the social garbage. They said no, and I quit after crying everyday. Im so good at what I do, I do really unique work, I just want to work, how can I not keep a job?? I hate unpredictability, and what is more unpredictable than not knowing if you'll be able to keep your house
My experience mirrored yours. If I talk about it, the hurt feelings from mistreatment and being misunderstood make me cry as if it were yesterday. You are brave to share your experience so honestly. It really helped me feel not so terrible. Thank you.
I get like that too
Hearing you talk at the end about your boss telling you you weren't doing your job well anymore just because you weren't happy & smiley really hit me, and tears swelled up for you. I'm sorry that happened! I can picture myself in the situation.
This is why I'm a big advocate in my workplace for 'DiSC' profiling, which encourages everyone in the office to acknowledge each others' value for their way of working, and accomodate each others working styles instead of discriminating against people for how they behave while they work (i.e. doing a great job, but being very reserved and untalkative).
god this is so relatable 😭 working at starbucks as an undiagnosed autistic was the worst. every time i came home after a shift i was a zombie and pretty much mute. I started hating myself too, probably because i didn't understand why i'd feel so drained and also because i hated being there but i kept going back the next day. I also thought that everyone hated me, and it didn't help that a coworker actually told me that a supervisor was talking bad about me when I wasn't there. I'll never forget how obsessed i was to find out why. What was wrong with me? Why do you hate me when i'm trying so hard to not fall apart and putting so much energy into my masks? there were many misunderstandings at times too, some that got me in trouble and other times i'd just get weird looks and I could never understand what I did wrong. when I finally got into a 9-5 career after months and months of failed interviews, i was fired within 2 weeks. I really don't think i can handle a 9-5 and it's really hard trying to find an alternative, but i'm trying. it's so frustrating 😞
I was just diagnosed and I’ve literally quit every job I’ve had 😭 I kept asking myself what’s wrong with me! I would end up in the emergency room mute like I literally could not talk. Since I was diagnosed last month everything makes so much sense now. Thank you for this video I will be discussing this on my channel.
Such similarities for most of us! Self-employment saved my sanity and self-esteem. I highly recommend it.
@@joan.nao1246 that’s why I started my RUclips channel last month . I know I have a long way to go but I hope eventually I can get there 😌
@@BriBooth I've been so motivated lately to start a RUclips channel especially after finding out that I'm most likely on the spectrum (not diagnosed yet). We got this! 😊💓
Amen sister!!!; Your experience echos mine.
I also have quit every job I've had, over stuff like overwhelm, breakdowns and meltdowns from the stress of changing demands, other people, and not fitting in. Everything was just unsustainable after a while, especially the corporate bullshit. Let's keep in mind, too, that most people need financial support in order to become self employed, I've been trying to do it "the right way" and not asking for help, and that is just impossible. There is not enough time in the day to both work a job and start a small business. If you don't have support, how do you ever make the leap?
I’ve always had trouble with the hiring process! Filling out applications is exhausting for me, and a lot of times I quit before I even finish. In the rare times that I actually got called for an interview, my anxiety would be so bad that I literally couldn’t make coherent sentences! It’s humiliating, and something I want to avoid at all costs! Another thing I struggle with is dealing with a fast paced environment. It creates a lot of stress and sensory overload!
Me exactly! I hate it so much
I hate those stupid star questions they ask you in interviews and I have found that "fast paced environment" means you are doing the job of 2+ people
Thank you 1,000 times for affirming what I’ve recently suspected at age 50. I feel like you’re saving me. I appreciate you.
Same here I’m 50 as well I wish that I had known this for the first half of my life
I’m 50 next year and after doing a tonne of research and parenting my asd 14 year old son I now know that I am also on the spectrum. I kinda had an epiphany when my sons paediatrician suggested to me that he believed I have adhd, but then I looked back at all my behaviours that set me apart from everyone else. I don’t really have friends, I just know lots of people, but choose to be alone, I like my company and get drained easily by others. I want to get a formal diagnosis but don’t have the money to afford it.
50 yr old, huh? These are the same Executive Functioning symptoms caused by a hormonal deficiency in women (i.e., menopause). I have all these issues as well- many due to hormonal deficiencies. Something worth checking out if 40+.
@@leanngarza401 No unfortunately that isn’t my case. I had to have a complete hysterectomy 15 years ago and have been on HRT since. But thanks for the concern!
Uhhh...I'm 99% sure you could sue that last boss into a cardboard box if you wanted to.
I would get “let go” for not working hard enough. I would hear from friends that it would take multiple people to do what I had been doing.
I CAN RELATE
I worked as a medical assistant for 2 years before going to medical school, and it was 2 years of feeling like an alien. I masked well enough to ace the interview. I masked well enough to get along with patients. And I always tried to be a friendly, cooperative coworker, but they were usually frustrated with how I communicated or felt like I didn't do enough to be a part of the team. When they were training me on the job, they couldn't understand why certain things were hard to grasp or why I had to do things differently to make it more efficient for me. I will never forget the time I basically got bullied for being slow at a task that was incredibly overstimulating for me, and was forced to stay 3hrs late to finish it.
I didn't know I was autistic. I stayed in the job because I wanted the experience for my medical applications. I learned so much at that job, but suffered so much. Felt so misunderstood and outcast. But I know they felt the loss of having an intelligent hardworker when I finally left.
Doctors offices are the WORST! too many pts, crappy equipment, worse training...
This almost made me cry 😢 People not understanding why you have to do things differently, and worse, not allowing you, is so 😭😭😭😭
I can relate. I found my dream job working at a water filtration place where I’m the only person operating and I know my schedule for an entire year in advance. I do have to deal with people occasionally but it’s a bearable amount 😊👍🏻.
That explains your username.
I've suspected for a long time that I'm autistic. I'm a 32 year old woman and your videos are helping me to wrap my head around it. This one in particular REALLY struck home. EVERYTHING you said I've experienced.
Your story towards the end reminded me a lot of my experience at my very first job working as a cashier. We had a long list of exhausting and unnecessary questions we HAD to ask the customer and HAD to be smiling the entire time. After awhile I would stop doing some of them because I was just so drained by the end of the day, and a lot of customers would get irritable for asking so many questions. So of course on one of the most tiring days I got a mystery shopper and they gave me a terrible customer experience grade. I got pulled into the office and told that apparently I had received the worst grade that they had ever gotten in the history of the store, and that they were assigning me a manager for retraining. She stood at the end of my cash register all day with a clip board making notes, and when I would look over to her she would put on a big bright exaggerated smile and point to her face as a reminder. It felt incredibly dystopian, and I cried in the bathroom every day during my breaks at that job. Very frustrating because I could fake it for awhile and knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't keep it up all day. Lessons about what I need out of a job learned the hard way.
I hated working for others so much, and KNEW that it was unsustainable, so I focused like a MANAIC on investing (a special interest) and becoming financially independent (aka "solving the money problem"). I got fired from my first job and 2 warnings at my second along the way, then went into business on my own (best thing to ever happen). A few years later I reached my goal and retired, then got bored, then started a RUclips channel about investing and have never been more fulfilled 🙂
RUclips is literally PERFECT for me. I don't need to deal with others, can work my own schedule and speak my mind 100% of the time. And because I don't *need* money, there's no pressure. I can make as much or as little content as I want. I only ever make videos because I want to, not need to.
It was excruciatingly difficult and painful to get to this point and took a decade of insane focus, sacrifice etc but man, it was worth it. I could not imagine working a job ever again.
A true success story !! Im on this route!
So happy for you!
Thank you for this amazing good news. I'm motivated to do this 💥
SMR!
Olivia I am going through this crap as we speak. Although I'm so sorry you felt ALL these horrible job experiences, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for voicing them so I can see it's not just me....all the thoughts and behaviors you mentioned now explain so much of my working life. Please keep making these videos for us... even though I LOVE the contagious joy you express, I just as much loved how vulnerable you were in your Depression video...that was POWERFUL and wonderful for us all to share in..thank you.
❤️🍀✨
Recently diagnosed neurodivergent at 47, your experience rings so true for my experiences in the workplace... I have lost so much confidence in my skills through the imposter syndrome, gaslighting and being misunderstood.
Would you mind if I did several wrestling moves on you...
Including the STONE COLD STUNNER and PEDIGREE ?
I discovered and self-diagnosed with autism about a year ago. The multiple jobs thing has been a hallmark of my life. My resume includes jobs in many fields; from newspapers, factories, self employed several times, a machinist after attending trade school and finally now as a self employed massage therapist (for almost 20 years now). I have to put all my jobs in small font size to fit it on one page.
The getting bored, depressed, anxious and not understanding why was a puzzle. You just solved it. The effort to mask is overwhelming and very difficult to maintain. Add to that the stresses of messing up, and some jobs simply were not my fault when they ended, but shifts in the economy. Anyhow, thanks so much for this video.
I too always did my very best to do the job itself...socially, however I was bullied, didn't fit in, or in some way found it extremely difficult to be in most workplaces. I had to leave one newspaper job because they refused to stop the editor from smoking in the enclosed space I was working in and I was not only pregnant, but it was making me sick to smell that smoke for hours.
So, yeah, there's hurt and anger involved and I hear it in your voice and identify very much.
I like my job now, control the situation on my own. One client at a time and not too many per day. Also I suspect many of my clients are also spectrum people...undiagnosed autistics included.
I’ve changed jobs every two years for awhile now. I finally got out of food service.. that’s hell. Now I’m in retail and the forced small talk is real. I put on a fake smile and try to be as normal as I can be. I know I slip sometimes when I catch myself biting my nails, swinging my arms, and cracking my knuckles too much. I don’t like downtime but I also don’t want to be the only person working. All my coworkers have time to chat and go on smoke breaks. I’m expected to work every second cuz I’m quiet. Life just seems unfair. I get depressed thinking about the meaninglessness of it all. I often dream of starting my own business. Maybe that’ll be my next adventure. Thank you for sharing your story.
I hope and pray you find something that suits you 🙏❤🙏
I was horrendous at interviews, and never managed to get a job in my chosen field, although I had post-grad. qualifications. Now I’ve ended up working nights at a dead-end job, but as most of the people I work with seem to be on the spectrum, to a greater or lesser extent, my lack of people skills are less of an issue. I’m so grateful to you for making these videos as I now have an explanation for why I am this way, and I no longer blame myself for things I cannot help. I don’t blame my family any more, either.
I am currently working as a school bus monitor, and this has to be the happiest I've been in a job. I definitely need the time to work and make money, for my own mental health. And the nature of the job allows me plenty of down time to unmask in-between routes, plus it's a routine that I don't have to control, so it's a routine I can keep. I love working with the kids, especially the preschoolers, and everything comes together for a job that I can love.
I hit about 2 years at each job before the social pressure and feeling incredibly alone and disconnected from everyone just burns me out. 9:07 lol exactly
I have a very similar work history. I did nannying for the longest, because usually the kids had a set routine and kids never judged me and I could play and relax with them. I got tired of the parents, they would regularly disrespect me and my time and even sometimes I felt in the middle of their marriage. 🤦🏻♀️ Now I’m in college, I’m really empathic and compassionate about people suffering. Now that I know I’m autistic, I’m struggling a lot with self doubt. I hope when I’m actually a therapist (if I can do it) things feel natural and I can do it long term. Having financial security is my biggest struggle so far, besides my sensitivities. It’s hard living in a world I seem incompatible with.
Perhaps you should buy CRYPTOCURRENCY..
You are autistic...read the charts and patters..
Only CRYPTO and NASDAQ have ourperformed inflation..
Those are the only 2 assets to have done this
5:20 Absolutely spot-on. I started a new job in March (after being at my previous underpaying job for five years) and I know I'm just not fitting in. People talk to me like a child, even though I'm very experienced and very good at my job (and I'm older than most of my colleagues!). It's so frustrating and I can't cope with it for much longer. It's just so very tiring...
Fantastic video and channel, by the way! It's so nice to listen to people who understand! 🙂
I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but have had 20 jobs so far. I’m never unemployed long but really struggle with the working world and quit when it’s gets too exhausting. I love working but really struggle with the mundane tasks, illogical and inefficient way of working.
At the beginning of quarantine, I was let go upon the time they were allowing people to return to work..cause my boss told me I was "OFF"....Even though I was early for work every day, kept to myself and did an amazing job. He even acknowledged that and told me how good of a worker I was..
I was a server.. for the sheer fact I was advised to push myself into social situations to help improve myself by my therapist. I had the same job for nearly 10 years before, that I absolutely loved..and worked with a small group of the same people..we were a family. It was easy and I was so used to it. So you can imagine, when I had to find work, fast..and enough to support myself..I thought serving would be my best bet.
Ever since my boss told me that.. I have insane anxiety. If he only knew how hard it was for me...and how far I had come..just for him to set me back....
I get the feeling it was simpler in the old days. As long as you were competent, it didn’t matter how much of a people pleaser you were.
So what’s changed?
No it was the same cos the managers who expect you to fawn are often fawners themselves that’s how they got there
Honestly, more people attended church and read the Bible before TV and radio. Different programming - that changed everything.
in the old days it was still only men who could get away with that. People pleasing is mandatory for women from birth.
The only way that one store can compete with another store is through friendly customer service. They believe that if your workers are friendly then that’s what makes the customers buy things from your store and choose your store instead of th either store. I call baloney on that- what makes people buy things is the cheaper price!! Not how much someone is smiling.
100% identify. What can I say but yet again a pathetically grateful thank you for your uploads. It's all so clear to me when I hear you say it out loud. Once more I am sitting here staggered that I am 53 years old and no diagnosis.
Thanks all the folk who are sharing comments too.
It all helps 🙃
Same here at age 50. This is mind blowing. I feel like I’ve wasted the first half of my life not knowing what was wrong with me. Hearing her say it out loud affirms and shocks me at the same time. Good luck on your diagnosis journey.
Watching this video was hard for me, it brought back a lot of stuff from what happened to me in the past couple of years. I've always been very committed to doing a good job, and good at finding efficient ways to work and get a lot done, but dealing with coworkers is torture. And unfortunately, I have this dreadful inability to quit once I get into a situation - partially because I'm afraid of being unemployed and having no income, partially because I get stuck in a habit and it's hard to change. So twice (one job for 8 yrs & one job for 7 yrs) I stuck out the increasingly awful bullying, them promoting the bully to be my supervisor, and all the gaslighting and being yelled at till the PTSD got too extreme. Except that now I'm afraid to deal with employers. I finally got the autism diagnosis last year, but I had also let my last employer know up front that I had anxiety issues and workplace PTSD issues when I had gotten that job, hoping this would help them to understand me, but nope. I did great at the job and loved the work, but it was more and more and more stressful as they kept piling on the work and the social expectations. And when I went to them for help because of the awful stress they just got irritable with me, and then angry when I started getting so stressed that I was at the point of having daily autistic meltdowns triggered by their 'meetings' to 'help my work process'. (I have never had a meltdown that was not directly associated with - being a teenager (long ago), losing a loved one, or work.) I think it's important to note that the employers at the last job weren't bullies like at the previous jobs, but they were just so very aggressively clueless. In a very harmful way. The worst was when she got so angry with me for me being so very stressed out by her but trying to do my best to still manage to function that she abruptly ended the zoom call. So now I'm in a position that I don't know what to do or how I can possibly deal anymore with employers. Unfortunately, I mask really well in interviews, and my awkwardness just seems initially I think like anyone who is new would be awkward so they don't think much of it. People just don't realize that my awkwardness never entirely goes away. I've also been accused of all sorts of crazy expressions (I'm snarky, I'm laughing at them when they're upset, I'm angry, I'm being disrespectful, etc) when all I want to do is be allowed to sit and do my work with people around me who are kind to me and to each other. I've been shut out of work cliques which, realistically, I don't care about (because cliques are just a different kind of social pressure), but then people look down on me because I'm not fitting in. I've had it with dealing with all that. I'm just done. - Thank you for your video though, I've really enjoyed your channel.
"people look down at me because I'm not fitting in" I relate so much. I just quit a job today because I could already feel this happening after just a week. I can't stand it. It brings back all the bullying I went through in middle school and other terrible jobs. I've decided to work for myself pretty sure it's the only way I can be happy
I was often told "the look on your face " type of things.How in the hell was I supposed to control what other people thought the look on my face at a given moment in time,would mean????
This was me working as a dishwasher at a busy resteraunt.Two days in I was by far the best dishwasher.The way I saw it it was far from rocket science.The tasks actually seem to be geared pretty well toward an autistic mind.Others loved the way I organized the dish window and how consistent I was.I just couldn't handle the stress of dealing with coworkers,especially the servers.I hung in for six months because I was affraid of not being able to find a new job soon enough,but then I hit my breaking point and just walked out one night.
difficulties with work is how I actually found out I am autistic. I just saw the story of someone who really struggles with keeping a job and the application process and everything that comes along with it due to being autistic and I related so hard to that so I looked into autism more and it just made all the little oddities and weird things and difficulties in my life make sense. My current job is an apprenticeship to become an event technician, which I am doing in a theatre. It's just so perfect for me: Due to the circumstances (I simply asked for an internship, got it and then was offered an apprenticeship and as it was already a few months late in the year to start one, there wasn't some nightmarishly bureaucratic application process), I didn't have to go through the whole application process, which I would have never been able to do. I also work odd, constantly changing hours which is actually perfect for me as a routine schedule, especially one where work starts early, is horrific for me. Although I love routines and hate change, that is one area where I need constant change. If I worked 9-5, I would become very depressed very quickly, at least under my current circumstances. My job is also a very social one, but even though it can get exhausting socially, I find it really enjoyable. One possible reason for this is that the type of socializing we do isn't coffee machine small talk at the office, but out of necessity (a lot of things are so heavy that you just can't really do anything with them on your own) and there is rarely any small talk, just deeper conversations and jokes. Also, I love my job (and also succeed at it thus far) because it's one of my special interests. I'm really lucky that the guy with a lot of power over my employment or unemployment there is reasonable, empathetic and tolerant towards differences.
I have found that I am fairly well suited to manual labor your boss usually doesn't care if you are smiling or polite, the work is usually easy to quantify and repetitive, and the pay is decent.
Great topic! Definitely needs more attention. I don’t think people understand also the societal guilt and frustration. I do good with the interview because I can read what they want and mirror, PLUS I am skilled but, after the first phase of “doing great” I start to go in decline. I used to be able to carry a job for months but, a few years ago I was diagnosed with Ménière’s disease and it turned the dial on all my challenges waaaaay up! I was doing a few weeks here and then another job. I was on three months at this new job last year and things really came to a head and I had a total break down. I don’t work now and I’m trying to redesign my life in a way that isn’t always grinding myself right to that edge. That it’s ok to not be ok, to be gentle with my self. -Nothing is worth your mental health (like you said). Im taking time to grow my art..heal❤️
I'm autistic with ADHD. I have this insatiable need to socialize but the inability to deal with small talk. I'm working in a large office with bright lights and lots of chatting and laughing people. it can be hard now that I'm 4 months deep and experiencing burnout. I think my manager is handling my accommodations well. She's validating my feelings, not debating when I need time off or just to work remotely from home and I can work anywhere and not just in my department. I can go work in an interview room which has enough space for just me.
I find it easier to work this job than others because everyone understands when to leave me alone and doesn't judge me when I make a mistake in social cues. EG, my desk buddy for a while let me know that it's rude to pick up a phone call no matter how important when in a conversation. I thought we had finished and I thought I had let him know I needed to pick that up but he taught me how to effectively and politely say "sorry I need to pick this up, would u mind if I did, it's really important?" and awaiting a response.
Paired with ADHD it can be hard to sit still all the time so I frequently go on walks around my workplace, I meet a lot of strangers and that's fun for me. Usually, it's the same "hi how are you? I'm good etc" so I don't have to remember their names or what they're up to. My manager embraces my creativity and is always up for trying new processes or chatting about my opinions about our marketing and running of things because I used to be the customer and know what the other end is like for this company.
I think working a 9-5 job for someone with this requires boundaries, a bit of hand-holding sometimes, and a LOT of flexibility within your workplace. I'm lucky enough that I found a company flexible enough and had a job available for my special interests (making processes easier and data basing for information)
For anyone watching, if you are neurodivergent and working 9-5 in a corporate-type job, it's important to disclose to HR your 'disability' (I hate calling it that, but sometimes it's an unfortunate necessity). Of course, you'll need a diagnosis and some assistance from your doctor or therapist (usually in the form of a letter). This legally protects you against the kind of abuse that Olivia mentioned in this video. You don't have to openly ask for accommodations, but just get it on the record so if your boss starts faulting you for not smiling, or socializing, or requires you to act in a way that is counter-intuitive or distressing to you, you have the American's With Disabilities Act to fall back on. Not saying anyone should stay in a toxic work environment, but if you have to because of life other circumstances (making the rent, buying groceries), or if you haven't found another place to land yet, you're protected against further nonsense and cannot be terminated on grounds like 'being disagreeable' or 'not fitting in with the company culture'.
I work at a software company and statistically there are a lot of people in that line of work that are on the spectrum. I exhibit a number of traits but have never been diagnosed. I can remember a number of incidents that I can see now had there basis in ASD.
I also work at a software company as a backend web-developer. I suspect that I have ASD and am on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist regarding this.
I do enjoy my job, however I have noticed that I struggle with a few things: when talking about a ticket, it's always in person or via video call - my auditory memory is atrocious and I barely remember anything that's said during the meeting afterwards, but they talk so quickly, I'm unable to make notes during the conversation. I also have to ask them to repeat things, as I don't catch it the first time. I wish I could get written feedback instead, but I think it would be too time-consuming for the other person. Another thing I struggle with is when tickets are too ambiguous - I often find that the Project Manager hasn't specified a ticket well enough, so before I can even start working on it, I have to ask the PM lots of questions. I can't just start working on something until I fully understand what needs to be done.
No-one else in my team seems to have these issues though and because I don't have a diagnosis, I don't want to ask for any accommocations, as I don't want to seem incompetent.
Can you relate to either of these issues?
Getting things done, quickly, efficiently, with hyper focus and precision, taught me that workplaces value the performance of "being busy" more than they do actual efficiency. It really bugged me that getting my work done faster than my peers was actually a negative in a neurotypical environment. I would have to take my finished work, stow it away for a few hours, and twiddle my thumbs in boredom or pretending to work on it until a sufficient time had passed that my peers would see that I had "worked hard enough" on it.
Last week I quit my dream job. While I received praise from my boss I was put on a micromanagement plan to ensure I was working, this didn't make sense and left me confused, anxious, and eventually depressed. I always thought I was just a high performer, high achiever that things would eventually bore me so I would quit but this 100 makes sense to me.
This was such an important video for me, I'm currently trying to decide what to do about my job in customer service. I just learned in the last month about being on the spectrum but never officially diagnosed, and so much makes sense now. Ever since I stopped masking as much at work, my management team has been trying to get me back there, but I can't do it anymore. I feel like watching this video and reading other comments has given me permission to free myself. Thank you.
It seems like a common theme is being under an inept boss who doesn't actually know how to measure the quality of their workers, and just defaults to "You no smile, you bad worker."
It's like they put our lessors in charge...
I am super methodical/perfectionist, so when I do a job I want to do it right! Was the only one out of my large training group at an insurance call center that was not promoted (worked there 2 years) simply because I did not take enough calls fast enough. Had my manager tell me that I needed to pick up the pace. I was so frustrated that I literally burst into tears in front of him and went into uncontrollable hiccup/gasp crying. I was so embarrassed and super ticked that they thought I wasn’t doing a good job when I was doing as best I could! I just got stuck on doing the best job possible w each call. Didn’t want to leave out any important notes for the other departments that may be handling that customer’s case. Fortunately, my hubby got a good job and I was able to quit and be a full time mom :)
This video was awesome. 👍 ✨ 🌟I have been to several therapists and explain my work situation but they did not understand. I'm still working out the PTSD...I got a babysitter too at work. My boss was not a nice lady and wanted to micromanage me because I didn't have the social skill. I had enough and quit. I haven't worked in three years and laboring on starting a business. Thanks for conveying your story.
i'm in the process of realizing that i'm autistic, and deciding if i should seek a professional diagnosis. i work as an office manager and receptionist, i greet people all day and deal with employees problems. before the pandemic i was so burnt out, depressed and just went home everyday and cried and went to bed i couldn't do anything beyond putting my son to bed at night. i still work in the same position, but since working from home for the last 1.5 years i'm not sure if i'm capable of doing that 'permanent mask' that i had before, and i don't want to, but i also am scared of looking or interviewing. even if i find a job posting that sounds really interesting i get super anxious and talk myself out of it before i even get past the application. all my experience is customer facing, i dug myself this hole, but i don't know how to get out of it.
Wow, I feel exactly the same! I also worked as an office manager, and everytime I started a job I got more and nore exhausted by the day, because of all the masking, phone calls, noises (and anxiety I felt). I'm currently really searching for a job where I can work from home, but there are hardly any office manager jobs that are from home... Currently getting tested for autism.
How are you, did you start another job?
So, after experiencing what you experienced in the professional feilds for 20 years I decided to try being a teacher's aid in autistic support. I absolutely love it!! I am amazing at it!! Except the same thing happened there. I had to drop my mask with my coworkers and boss. Then came the the talk about my work suffering when it wasn't. Then, came the rules, everything from not eating lunch with everyone and no longer being able to share what my life was like to no bathroom breaks. , , Every day, my boss had a new rule. The stress and pressure of the rules became so much. Plus, I was now aggressive and snapping at her and my anxiety was making her anxious I went to HR and asked to work with another teacher or at a different school and was told that leaving the understanding, caring classroom I was in would further be detrimental to my mental health. Obviously, me asking to transfer was another personal attack against my boss Now, I was no longer allowed to interrupt her or open the door. I quit and decided to sub for the organization. I applied for another position at another school and did not even get an interview even though I was the only applicant for the position and I was currently placed as a sub in that position and worked there for two months. Instead, I was encouraged to reapply to my previous position. To top things off, OVR says I can no longer work in this field, because I have personality conficts and I cannot just get over the PTSD from these experinces.
Anyway, your video gave me so much hope! I felt validated for the first time ever!
My plan now is to keep subbing, and maybe go back to school for my certifications against medical advice! Lol! After all, there is a huge shortage of AS teachers, so eventually soneone will hire me!
Thankyou❤️❤️❤️! Glad your not dealing with ignorant workplaces! Trading “dream job” for dream partner sounds like you won in the long run! They didnt deserve you anyway!
I’m so excited to farm with my fiancé someday... I want to stay home and take care of the home and farm and animals. I have a job in government now and I scrape by mentally. I’m so tired of being misunderstood by my boss. Also met my fiancé at work :)
I feel like the masking you described in an interview makes so much sense. I always feel confident and kind of pretend to be more of a people person when I interview. Then I wonder why I’m unable to keep up those feelings once the job starts. It’s because I’m pretending to be something I’m not, or masking, it sounds. Thank you for the validation and sharing your story! 💗💗
I've been looking for a job for 2+ months. I've been 'under employed' since March-ish. I currently work as a private English teacher independently and part time at an institute. I only have 2 private students and barely get by. A couple a months ago i decided to start looking for a proper job as a programmer(been studying for almost 2 years), English teacher, or anything that pays a constant wage. As a native speaking English teacher in a foreign country you'd think it would be easy to find a job(there arent many of us), but somehow i am just horrible at it. I've always had such a hard time finding a job, i think my current job at the institute is the only one I've ever had that wasn't quasi nepotism, all of my previous jobs have been through connections. What hurts the most is family and friends see me as lazy because i don't have a job that pays anything meaningful. Will admit i can try harder, but i think i speak for most people on the spectrum when i say going business to business and constantly applying to jobs or going to interviews is extremely draining. Interviews make me extremely anxious and can either send my hopes soaring or throw me into a pit of despair. Whenever i go around offering my services or asking for work, etc i feel so exposed. Sometimes people aren't very nice when i am doing this and that hurts even more.
Would it be possible to do a video on going through highschool with autism (unknowingly)
That video is already planned!! It’s one I’m very excited to do. Hopefully I’ll do it within the next month or so.
@@OliviaHops I cannot wait 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Thank you so much for everything seriously
@@OliviaHops excited to see this! I was skilled at becoming invisible in high school!
I didn't haha. I left school at 12
Undiagnosed Autism here, I thought i was alone when feeling so anxious when I was bored at work. I honestly, convinced myself that I was just lazy. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who feels so claustrophobic and anxious in workplace settings.
When you talk about being bored at work and being anxious about it, then getting depressed... IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!
I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with autism and now every thing is making sense. I always have resigned from my jobs, but now, I am conscious about my difficulties and limitations, also have the opportunity to work from home, a total controlled environment, I'm working again and really enjoying it!
Right now I'm right in the middle of where I would begin to burn out from my work routine, but actually, I'm starting to love even more my job. Even without the diagnose, just for the fact I acknowledge that I'm not a neurotipical person and I do struggle with every day stuff, I can now manage the things I need to do and cope with what I actually can do.
Thank you for putting your experience on the internet! If it wasn't for people doing autistic content as a late diagnosed adult, maybe I wouldn't be on the way of my own discovery of who I really am ♥
I'm currently not diagnosed with autism but am going through the process of diagnosis. This video just reminds me of the times that I tried to work but couldn't stay in the jobs, either my anxiety or other mental health issues would trigger off due to being bored or feeling like I'm not doing the job right etc and this would cause me to either be fired or leave or once I actually just didn't turn back up to work. I've always struggled in this aspect, I just thought it was because I was terrible at working but the more I look into autism and the different traits the more of myself that is making sense to me. I've always thought of myself as crazy because of the way I am but it's starting to make sense more and more. Thank you.
I’m so sorry your boss was unfair and condescending to you. I am in the middle of applying to work now and i am super anxious.
whoa... I TOTALLY relate to your experience. Just recently I got diagnosed AuDHD. I also have CPTSD. Im 40years old female.
Working while trying to fit in/act like neurotypical people had been so so difficult. and I didn't know why I had struggles. I went through multiple burnouts. I had nobody at work to lean to. I felt no one there didn't even care to listen to my struggles. Many of them say "Everyone has something that they struggle with." or they just talk about themselves right away when I tried to express my feelings or struggles. That made me feel I was invalidated.
I had put in 200% of energy towards work, yet I felt like I was treated like I only did 20%, if you know what I mean. I think many ND understand this.
My manager didn't give me evaluation until the very last minute of end of year period. So, the negative (constructive) feedback put me down a lot, even though I was aware that I started slacking because of burnouts and mental exhaustion from masking and struggles. I had meltdown in front of him. depression wave got worse, my emotional dysregulation as well. and I couldn't work any more. I took leave of absence and finally started seeing a therapist and a new family doctor. That's when I started digging into ADHD and ASD. I thought I only had PTSD before, but I felt I have something more.
I am still in the healing process. Learning about PTSD with resources and books. Having difficulty with self-compassion and acceptance still.
I am kind of stuck in my home (safe place) so my mask has been off. Soon I would like to go back to work, but I am scared that anxiety and depression may hike again.
I am emotionally more stable with ADHD meds and antidepressant now, but I think I still have all the struggles hiding in myself, because I haven't had a chance to "practice" what I learned from therapy. well, the other day, I had an instant rage towards a rude couple in a grocery store 😅 so yea.. ugh.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It is really so hard that people can be insensitive and inconsiderate to others. I wish EVERYONE was compassionate and kind to each other.
Ugh. I can fully relate to when you said when you get bored at work you get anxious. I experienced this a ton at my last job and it made me hate working there because I never knew what I was supposed to be doing or if it was okay to have down time or if my boss was mad I wasn't doing anything. I hated it.
So say you are starting to get bored at your current job. What steps should an autistic person take to prevent the anxiety/depression spiral that can be caused by boredom?
What gets you excited?
@@NJGuy1973 researching and chasing down details about specific ingredients, parts, syntax structure, etc. Basically making sense of small details is something I like.
@@rohar8739 There are software firms that hire autistic people to debug code and do beta testing due to their keen sense of detail. I interned at one of them.
@@NJGuy1973 How did you get started doing that?
@@rohar8739 I knew people who worked there. Search RUclips for the video "hiring autistic workers"
I always get into situations at work when my words or actions get misinterpreted as negative when they aren't. This leads to feeling misunderstood and that triggers anxiety, depression and doubt in myself. That causes lack of productivity and then it further causes my boss to view me as not a good fit. It's really hard to cope with feeling misunderstood all the time and then with their attitudes toward my mental health. I want to run a business to be able to change management styles and understanding for people in the job.
wow the boredom to anxiety to depression to meltdown cycle describes EXACTLY what happens to me at slow jobs
It is not the work it is the aggravation and the hassle. That goes with it.
Yes! It really resonated with me when you said it’s exhausting to keep up a fake act-we’re not slacking and it’s not that we don’t want to be there. Some of us are just exhausted from trying to fit in.
And holy crap. I think you just unlocked a key idea for me. I’m struggling at work and I can’t figure out why. But you said that we can struggle with verbal directions. That’s what’s happening to me, I just realized. Now it’s making sense why I’m failing so bad each week with a project. You’re so right about the verbal thing. I can’t believe I didn’t realize this. Maybe I can ask my boss to write down instructions or find some way to help me visualize tasks.
Olivia, you are a ray of light! I can not tell you how happy I am to have found you. You help me to understand my 8 yr old precious granddaughter. What a blessing!! Thank you for your time and effort to help so many people.
Thank you for this. I don't know of anyone else on the spectrum talking about horrible work experiences. I have been working at the same facility for nearly 16 years now. I have been getting able to work at different jobs and shifts over the years. Of course, I am underpaid, so they get a great deal by keeping me on. I Hate It. It's like a slow death.
On small talk, I salute autistic people because small talk are time stealers. Why talk none work related garbage at work that could divert your concentration & lead you into errors which could cost you your job? Why gossip about your private life at work? I don't think people at work are your true friends anyway to reveal them your private life. Another thing, I personally see work coleagues as potential competitors because when you've been there longer than them & they got promotted & you not, that's when you realised you were here to compete & climb a hierarchy & not necessarily make friends. Basically, all the private stuff you told them about you, are gossipped back to the managers who now know you too much to think you're suitable for the promotion either way, you got snitched by whom you thought were your best friend. I'm not autistic but I do mask friendship at work unfortunatelly I do :) :) They're just stupid work weirdo friends, they're not my real friends I'm sorry.
Oh my gosh you have just described my whole working life exactly. I too was self employed because I just didn't feel I fit anywhere. My last job I had definitely caused me PTSD the way I was treated by management. I'm 52 now and on a 3 year waiting list for autism assessment but it's too late, already destroyed my career and not likely to pick up another one now, even though I have a degree, and I always excelled in my work but there were always challenges I just could not overcome, particularly socially and environmentally, and I didn't know why. Like you, I now have the challenge of explaining to others that I believe I am autistic, but nobody believes because I am intelligent, and have 52 years of masking experience
I relate to this so, so much. I'm 32, and I've worked 30+ jobs. I've quit every one, mostly because of ethics, but almost equally because of overwhelm, stress, and generally not being able to cope. There was no room for my overwhelm, and socializing was a must but it was so exhausting. Thankfully I've dedicated a lot of time to an ocean conservation group that has a strong sense of justice, and I'm able to work part time from home with them. I honestly don't know what I would do otherwise.
There are no words to explain my excitement watching this video.
It is THE BEST I watched in my short but intense history of binging on the various videos of HFA.
Every word HITS HOME. It is shocking how relatable the content you bring is.
Also, comments are super valuable and relatable, too.
Your statistick of how many of us working on the positions under our abilities and educational level is my BIG A-HA moment.
Now I know why I have worked all my life as a sales assistant to be promoted to the shop manager(my highest achievement) with my BSHon.
I am no longer embarrassed, I don't feel as failure and as one commented, I kind of enjoy it. Yes, I dont need to pretend, a..crep, I can speak my autistic mind as I know I am not there for promotion anyway.
My mission, not willingly though is to bring changes to better for others who are not honest, frenk or courageous like I am.
Olivia, you are so MUCH APPRECIATED!!!!
Sensory issues are hell flowing over.
I am currently signed off sick from my job due to burn out. This is the second time in my life this has happened and I have only been working for 7 years because I was unemployed for a bit after school despite being very academic I couldnt face going to uni. I have quit every full time job i’ve had without another job lined up, I just literally get to the point where i’m so overwhelmed and stressed out I just have to walk out. I am an accountant and really like numbers but there is so much stress and more social aspects then people think. I identify a lot with what you said in this video.
The not smiling part for me was just like OMG THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD ME AT MY LAST JOB... and then I quit, too!
Thank you for your channel. My little boy is autistic and it takes so long to get help. We're in France. I've watched many of your videos and I relate to so much as not having any close friends and a strict routine I follow in order to keep my anxiety in check and a lot of other things like not understanding social cues even today. Your office experience happened to me 3 years ago at the same time I experienced a car accident and a break up with my son's father during the same month. I broke down at work and they told me the same thing. Autism is hard to detect in France among children so being an adult knowing I've always felt so different has become part of my routine if you like. I wouldn't even know what kind of help to ask for. I'm used to being alone and I'm used to not knowing what to say when I meet someone. But I decided to get help for my little boy when he was one years old and I can see how it can help him.
I’m the same way. I keep quitting jobs. Even jobs that I really like in the beginning. I never understood why. I wish more places were accommodating. Anytime I’d need a break and come back they seemed disappointed in me and that just ruins it for me.
I worked in food for a since I was 18, I was always over stimulated! Always burnt out. Then I became a waiter and experienced a melt down and quit. Now I work in dry cleaning and omfg it's perfect, everyone is just as quiet and awkward as me, the noises and smells can be to much, but thankfully we all agree and we all complain about it together and it helps alot. Also watching the dry cleaning machine really helps me visually stim, also I get captivated by the moving clothing rack, it's just so fascinating, so I am captivated by certain aspects of my job, which helps alot.
I am SO thankful to be watching you tonight ❤️❤️❤️❤️ You have helped me see so many things clearly!!!!!
I've never felt more validated 🥰😭✨🙏🏾 Thank you for this. You have no idea how much I need your video.
Thank you for this. It is a huge thing to hear our challenges be validated by others.
Wow!!! God created us all & There is a purpose and you were chosen to help so many girls and women to be aware of autism♥️🙏👍love you, how bold you are to come out and help so many. Plus you actually physically put yourself out there and do something about it. I’m very proud/impressed. Your awesome and sweet. Keep going and just do what you do however it will be. No pressure. Thank you for the info this far. It is appreciated. ♥️
Started working for a newspaper here too, at age ten, but delivery. Also started own business, non profit, unofficial at age six doing art for neighborhood planters. Your experience sounds challenging. It got you moving. Now you know why it didn’t last.
Omg my literal experience at my current job I like alot. Super comfortable, hybrid, getting my job done but I stopped smiling and now my boss thinks I'm not working. It's so aggravating
I am so there. I was called into the office and was told that I was a very hard worker, but not the right fit.
You’re just amazing for making and sharing your experiences, thank you for sharing! I’ve watched all of your videos now and I can now say that I’m definitely on the spectrum, I’ve had sensory issues, lack of eye contact, anxiety and depression and melt downs all my life, I melt down in the same ways you do with very similar triggers.life has been so hard for me and to finally find out as I stare down 50 feels liberating!
This is so amazing to hear, Elke! I'm honored my video could help you finally get some answers! That's my goal when I make them. So, thank you for taking the time to tell me they're helping. You're awesome. Best of luck with everything!
I suppose at almost 70 years old I'm a bit old to be diagnosed. Almost 100% of what you say resonates deeply with my own life experiences in the work force and in raising my 3 children. Gos bless you 😇💙🌻
I didnt know I was autistic for a majority of my life ( was identified at age 36 ) and was working sometimes upwards of 50 hours a week in hospitality . Ended up burnt out completely for decades , an alcoholic and habitual drug user just to function .
Thank you. I can relate so much with your struggle. I wish I had known I was autistic back then.
OMG you just described almost every single experience. I’ve had with a job at first. It starts off well. I have a smile in my face. I enjoy it then I get to a point where I don’t have a smile on my face is not that I’m not performing but then the bosses tell me that they think I’m not happy or they think I’m not doing a good job and the truth is I’m still doing my work and I’m still doing a great job. I just don’t have a smile on my face and there’s absolutely nothing wrong With me not having a smile on my face. I can still do my job and not have to smile and be happy about it as long as I’m still showing up to work and putting in the effort and doing what needs to be done I don’t know what the problem is. It just seems like all these normal people expect you to be some kind of fake all the time and it’s so obnoxious, especially in a professional environment professionals have smiles on their faces. It’s dumb.