I was Groomed as an Autistic Teen | AUTISM IN GIRLS
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- ***This video discusses a form of sexual abuse known as "Grooming." If you are not comfortable listening to details of what this abuse entails and my personal story on how I was Groomed, please skip this video. TW.
If you are a victim of Grooming, please know it is NOT your fault. If you need help, please click the following link: www.fxnetworks...
In this week's video of Wired Different, I talk about Grooming. I discuss what it is, what the signs of it are, the link between someone's Autism and their vulnerability to be groomed, and my personal story on how I was Groomed starting at 14 years old.
To review the 7 Signs of Grooming list that I discuss in this video, please head over to Kati Morton's RUclips Channel (@Katimorton ), or click this link: • 7 Must Know Signs of G...
Thank you so much for your continued support of me and my efforts to bring awareness to females on the Spectrum!
Instagram: @OliviaHops
Small Business: www.UnbakedBar.com
Autism - Autistic - Autistically Me - Olivia Hops - ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - Actually Autistic - Autistic Adult - Autistic Woman - Autistic Female - Autistic Girl - Female Autism Traits - Girl Autism Traits - Autism in Girls - Autism in Adults - Late Diagnosed Autistic - Adult Autism Diagnosis - Grooming - Grooming Abuse - Sexual Grooming - Aspergers
#ActuallyAutistic
I didn’t find out I have autism until this year at 23. This happened to me when I was 15 too...and again at 18. You aren’t alone. Thank you for this
Olivia I just want to say thank you. I am autistic and wasn’t recognized until adulthood. Looking back it makes so much clearer for me. Particular my story of being abused over an over. This solidarity is so rare. I love your videos, keep it up darlin
Thank you so much for the support, Elizabeth! 💙 And I'm so sorry that you have been abused as well. We are strong and we can get through this. I'm here if you need me.
@@OliviaHops thanks love ❤️ your videos and you putting yourself out there means the world to me, and your videos have been super helpful explaining some stuff to my partner I hadn’t been able to on my ownz
I'm 57, and I only discovered I have Autism a few weeks ago. I was groomed as a 5th grader by an older guy, and I, too, fell for all the lies, believed he loved me, experienced heartbreak alone, and lived with guilt & shame for decades. To make matters worse, I'd see the man every year in adulthood when I returned to my home town for July 4th celebration at my parents' house. He would always come into the yard and speak to all my family members; his parents lived just up the street. To top it off, he'd often mis-identify me as my older sister, who was his age, and who I look a LOT like. Every year I had to play it off as nothing when he appeared.
Then, a couple of years ago, I was back home for my aunt's funeral, and the gossip around town was that the man had SA'd a cognitively disabled adult woman who could NOT have consented. I don't know how he was caught, but he's in prison now. I am disturbed at the thought of how many victims there are between me and the last one. I never told; I believed no one would believe or support me, and I think that's accurate. I didn't feel safe to tell, so I just carried it.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I went back home and went swimming at the lake where he groomed me. I am reclaiming my hometown for myself after decades of avoiding it in fear of seeing him. I feel free and can enjoy pleasant memories I made there instead of always safe-guarding my mind against the pain, guilt, and shame.
I'm glad you've made these painful discoveries at a much younger age than me, and I wish you well on your healing journey. I hope that the man who hurt you is no longer coaching or has access to young girls. I'm sorry for what you've had to suffer, and I'm glad you're talking about it and unburdening yourself. Be well, sister. It's not your fault; you were a child. He mis-used his position of power to prey on you; that was morally abhorrent and a crime. You didn't deserve to be abused that way. You are not responsible.
Take care of yourself. Thanks for making this video.
I'm so glad to read that you're reclaiming your space now, you're such a strong person for real :)
Similar thing happened to me, even into my adulthood I kept falling for manipulative people because of my naivity?? and it made me pretty much lose all my trust in people. One man even lied that he had a terminal illness and faked it in depth and manipulated his way into my life in such creepy ways! Yikes.
Do you (or anyone) have any tips how to learn how to catch on if someone is okay or not and how to get a little trust in ANY human being back? If you don't wanna respond I understand too of course, it's just that I stumbled upon this by coincidence and recognize it and am still struggling with it but nobody can give really helpful information from the sideline.. I'm about to go full hermit mode :p
@@explodingdog I'm sorry for what happened to you. I, too, fell for several manipulators, and after my last disastrous relationship in 2012, I decided to put my safety and well-being first and accept the single life for good. I poured myself into my teaching career, but after being targeted for harassment for anti-racist, pro-LGBTQ, pro-student rights work by local right wing bullies, I retired early. I joined 2 local community groups right away, but when leaders wouldn't hold religious leaders to account for following pandemic protocols, I left them in horror. I cannot sit idly by while community leaders put members at risk--not even for religious reasons. After 30 years in this town, I've run out of energy to try to fit in.
I have not figured out how to know if people are a threat to my well-being, so I've pretty much gone full hermit.
I have a few true friends, and a couple of musicians that I play with, but I spend most time alone, in the garden, in the woods, at the lake...Nature never disappoints. Feeling safe is far preferable to the turmoil of being in relationships w/ users. I hope for good things to come your way. Take care.
@@mizotter Oh my gosh, what you're saying sounds SO similar it's crazy. My last relationship was this year too and it was such a rollercoaster that had been going on for years and I just couldn't go on anymore, I felt like it was draining the last energy I had in me. I've been saying since a while now I want to just move away to a quiet place somewhere surrounded by nature, because I feel like I'm dying here with HORRIBLE neighbors and noise and shitty people constantly around me like they are in my house, and no 'safe' place to withdraw.. Wish I had the possibilty to actually move and I'd do it in a heartbeat!! Not sure how much longer I can do this, fighting to survive in this 'society' never seems to end, does it..? I felt it when I was a child, it never started feeling any different unfortunately even if I'm trying to adapt but to be honest I'm sick of 'adapting' because nobody gives a hoot and people are still nasty scumbags.. lol sorry but I seem to walk into the worst ones then I guess ;) And my best friend who was wonderful died in 2019..
@@mizotter Thank you so much for responding by the way and so fast too!
@@explodingdog I feel much the same way. I can't move for $ reasons, so I've just decided to focus on what gives me joy and avoid groups.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I lost 2 sisters in 2020 (to cancer, not covid), and I know that grief can also really affect us. I find nature much more comforting than most people.
Losing my sisters has made me feel WAY more vulnerable, but finding out I have autism has helped me understand so much of my life. It's quite ironic, since in my teaching career, I was known as the English teacher who worked especially well w/ people w/ autism! I even did a teacher research project on autism! LOL!
I'm autistic and was groomed by my first long term relationship. I was 17 and he was 23 when we met online. He groomed me and go to know me with the intent of becoming sexual the second I turned 18 knowing that I was inexperienced and this was my first relationship. I didn't know it was wrong. He abused me emotionally, gaslit me constantly and went through all the steps above.
17 to 23 is not an awe difference.
@@Obinsfnubf447if she didnt have enough maturity to properly consent it was still grooming. Do you know that even an husband can r@pe a wife?
@@etcwhatever Oh yeah. Lets say a 35 years old gets in a relationship with a 55 years old, then, when the relationship ends, years later will the person that was 35 at the time of the relationship establish it as "grooming" because she/he wasn't mentally mature enough to properly consent. Stop f'ing taking responsibility off the hands of young adults. 15 years olds, 100 years ago, had more responsibility than most 20 to 30 years olds today.
@@Obinsfnubf4471. There is a world of difference between a 17 and 35 year old.
2. A 17 year old lierally is a child and their frontal lobe is significantly less developed than a 23 year old
3. Obviously everything like this needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. But it is pretty cut and dry that somebody in their 20s shouldnt be dating underage teens.
4. This isnt a case of two fully grown adults. This is a case of an almost fully mature adult at 23 in a relationship with an immature 17 year old
5. Men often target younger women and girls because they are easier to manipulate and control.
@@Obinsfnubf447also, 15 year olds 100 years ago were still 15 year olds. Girls just did not have any agency over what way their lives went.
You just explained so many relationships I've been in... And I feel stupid too. I still get messages randomly from a few guys from years ago every now and then. And I fall for it every time. I'm 30 at the end of this year and I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship because of this. I can't tell if someone is genuine or not. I wish I could...
Me, too. Sending you lovingkindness. One thing I noticed in my pattern of taking toxic men back is that I was MUCH more susceptible when fertile. You may want to check your cycle and plan ahead to avoid them when you're most vulnerable. Be well, friend.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, too, Ashley. Please know you are NOT stupid. I know it's easier said than believed, and I'm obviously struggling to believe it myself, but neither of us are stupid. I fall for the texts every time, too. But, we are strong, and we can get through this. I'm here for you if you ever need anything. Also, you will find your person in time. There is someone out there who will genuinely love and care for you. 💜
I was with a narcissist for 10 years.. I didn't even get it at all, not until he became physical with his abuse. He would gaslight me all the time, and I wouldn't see it. I know that people often find me rude, and that I don't communicate well, so I researched communication to do the best I could. Lol. It was also nice to have someone around who was assertive and was good at making the little decisions that would take me forever to make. I felt like an idiot for a while because I never even realized that he was subtly putting me down and trying to isolate me. It didn't work, but I couldn't bring a person into our house without his permission. So I'd just go other places to hang with people. I thought he just didn't want other people's smell in his house.
Wow, that’s awful you’re very brave to be able to talk about it.
People like that are so sick. It’s even more disgusting when they target people like us, who have a harder time picking up on the situation. This needs to be stopped
Thank you for sharing your story! As a mom of a young autistic girl, I deeply appreciate your honesty. You are helping me help daughter. 💜
I'm so honored I could help you help your daughter, Amy! Thank you so much for watching and for your support. God Bless you both 💙
Same here!
show your daughter these videos. Don't just "tell her" or "help her".
I am soo proud of you. You are brave. I think everybody should watch this video - autistic or not. Your straight forward description of the process of grooming is better than what I can explain to my teenage kids. And then to follow up with your own experience showing how it correlates to those steps is powerful. He still has a hold on you while you experience shame and embarrassment. Please free yourself of holding yourself accountable or responsible for what happened to you. Predators have an evil ability to identify people who can be susceptible - adult or child. And their patience is otherworldly. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I pray that it is a monumental step in your healing.
Hi Jenny, thank you so very much for this comment. It means the world to me and really made me feel better. Sharing my story for the first time did actually help. I feel a weight has been lifted. Still a lot of healing to go, but I do believe this is the first step. Thank you for your support. Again, it means so much. 💙💙💙
Listening to this was like an autobiography. The whole saving texts and staring at them, being groomed for years, being led on and left on read... I really feel for you. And being neurodivergent makes this SO much harder. I'm sorry this happened for you, but you're definitely not alone.
As difficult as this was for you to do, thank you for taking the time to share your story. My hope for you is that in time, you will be kinder to yourself about what happened to you as a minor. An adult, you trusted, took advantage of you and it was not your fault. My concern is if this person is still involved with coaching.
As a neurotypical… I related to this really hard. Thank you for speaking out about this because my experiences were also never physically sexual and because of that I feel like people don’t think it’s that bad. There are many ways people can hurt you that can feel just as awful. (Not downplaying physical sexual abuse by any means) Especially as a young teenager when everything is intensified emotionally. Every time I would go back I knew I was so stupid to but depression and the craving for feeling special.. it’s a lot and I still feel dumb and hate on myself for it for welcoming him in each time. It’s taken time to heal and realize I deserve better. Things like being ghosted, gaslighted, and groomed are all so awful and I feel like it’s not taken seriously because “well it’s not as bad”
That guy sounds like a narcissist. They start “love bombing”, giving gifts and attention. They get you addicted and then pull back, causing you to feel confused. Then, when you react negatively they start gaslighting you, denying anything is wrong and making you feel crazy! Eventually, they discard you, and after some time start “hoovering” or sucking you back in! This has happened to me a few times as an adult, and it’s disgusting that he did this to you when you were a child!
You’re so brave to speak out about this. It’s TOTALLY not your fault. Sending you virtual hugs 🌟 Thank you
You need to inform the school district where he is employed. People like him don’t stop. I am sure he has a new person he is grooming. Also, you have legal standing to sue him and his school district. If the statute of limitations has run out, you can sue through a civil suit. He needs to lose his teaching license or he will do this again. I am so sorry this happened to you. Good luck!
Thanks for watching my video, Mary. He no longer coaches, and hasn't since he coached me 11 years ago. So thankfully, he is no longer around kids. Obviously he could still find victims another way unfortunately, but he at least no longer coaches teens.
She doesn’t “need” to do anything. It’s good to know she can do something, but It’s not her responsibility to stop him. The courts are pretty unkind to survivors, and not everyone has the wherewithal to pursue legal action.
This story really went straight to my heart. I know exactly how you’ve felt, I feel so ashamed of being so naive in relationships. If someone is nice to me, I have such a hard time not wanting to cling to them because they feel safe. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, so it makes sense why people on the spectrum can fall into this trap. The thing is, it’s not our fault because we’re honest and genuine with our feelings and then expect everyone else is too. I hope by telling your story, you also got some healing. Thank you so much for sharing, this scenario has happened to me as well and I also feel lucky that it didn’t get as far as I would have been willing due to circumstances. God looks out for us, I truly believe that.
Oh Olivia!
Thank you so much for the vid! I’m 48 and just found out I’m autistic. And this vid opened up my eyes to my history teacher who talked me into joining the swim team that he coached, and then went scuba diving with on the weekends…. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Don’t feel dumb at all! You were totally played. Esp the part where he told you he wasn’t necessarily with “the one”, told you that you were both twins then said he loved you. He was rationalizing against your own instincts to not get involved with a man already taken - saying he wasn’t taken and that you were the one he loved. Your sense of morality and not wanting to do that to another woman was used as added insurance to keep you quiet has anything gone wrong with his plan. It was totally calculated! Think about it - any other guy that was in a similar but “co”’adult relationship would have said “we’re breaking up.” But he knew it f he said that it would have lead to a more open and intimate relationship with you that could/would have landed him in jail. Please don’t feel bad on ANY level
You ARE brave
You are so courageous for sharing this incredibly personal story. It’ll help a great number of young women navigate through this horribly common practice. 🙏
Thank you so much for this comment, Kim. It really means a lot to me. I hope this can help anyone who is going through this. God Bless 💙
Olivia, I'm sorry you had this experience. Keep telling your story and the embarrassment and shame will fade. You will be able to connect with people who have similar situations. You will come to know yourself as strong and smart. Take care.
As a guy, I've definitely been psych abused a number of times in my life by both men and women .. didn't have the terms and contemporary labels such as "grooming" .. but the abuse was there and affected me to the point where I can recall each incident as if it were yesterday.
I really don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry that this happened to you and I hope you do find peace of mind and enough help with a therapist to get through all of it
Thank you for sharing this. You've helped me reflect on my own experience. I unfortunately encountered the person of my experience around 6 years later and decided to give him a hard time by asking if he was still doing it(I'm paraphrasing!), he responded with grow up.... 😵. It allows for doubt to creep in, because it's gaslighting! Although, I'm sat here now remembering him telling me that it was me, not him, at fault for putting his teaching career at risk. Just saying that proves he wasn't acting within the law, even though in his own sick mind he felt he wasn't responsible 😒
So thank you, it is a reminder to not let that negative self talk get a permanent seat st the table. He took advantage of me and my naivety. Plus there are a lot of signs I could have autism so I identify with that last piece of your video too 💛
I appreciate your openness and honesty, a lot of that happened to me several times over, even when I was much older. I knew it was vulnerable for a reason but didn't realize and put the two together be autistic and being groomed by a male. I'm 60 💕now and first realizing all of this now
You are not pathetic Olivia. You were a child and an adult took advantage of you. That’s it.
I’m so so sorry this happened to you. You were a child and you should’ve been protected. This is not your burden to hold, but the scars that it leaves are so valid. We all stand with you
Thank you so much for this kind comment, Keeley 💙 you just made me feel so wonderful. Your kindness means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to write this comment. God Bless 💙
Don't feel ashamed or stupid :(
Teenagers and especially non-neural typical ones can feel an extreme desire to belong and to be loved. Finding someone who 'gets you' is truly intoxicating, and its already hard enough for us to see the red flags when we got the blinders up and already have a hard time navigating relationships with others. These people go after the young and or vulnerable for a reason, we are easy pickings for them. Really imagine how you would feel if you found out this happened to a loved one instead of you. You wouldn't think they were stupid. You don't deserve blame, because there is no blame to give you. I am really sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a young daughter and I hope I can really protect her so she doesn't have to experience what we've experienced.
Thank you so much for sharing this Olivia. This has been very helpful for me to understand and come to terms with some of my past. I am a 39 year old male who realised 3 days ago that I am autistic. My step father abused me when I was a teenager and I have felt a lot of shame for taking so long to realise he was abusing me, your story has helped me realise I wouldn’t have had the social cues to understand what is appropriate, plus my people pleasing element.
Thank you for sharing and pouring your heart out. I know exactly what you are talking about. Had the same thing happen to me when I was 16 from a manager that was like 11 years older than me. I had the same issues with obsession and even cut myself over it... I was listening to a podcast by Sarah Hendrix who mentioned similar obsessive behaviors over a boy including self-cutting which is not uncommon among girls... I also saw a study yesterday that my husband showed me that females on the spectrum tend to gravitate towards males That are kind, gentle, and slightly immature and who flatter with obsessive attention. I think we are already seeking acceptance as neurodivergence in a neurotypical world which makes that more dangerous. You also hit the nail on the head with wanting to hang out with adults as a child. That was me. I was not diagnosed until I was 38 years old. Yes grooming can happen to neurotypicals and every girl loves attention and feeling wanted... But females on the spectrum have even additional traits that make them vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your final thoughts about autism and older people are really on point.
It reminder me of a situation I experienced, that was so close to becoming grooming. When I was in college, I lived in dorms (most of us had single private rooms) and I socialized with a lot of people. Some were international studients and a few of this group were older (I was 17-18 and this man in particular was in his late thirties). I had this naive concept of college, that it was a place to share ideas and to met people of different backgrounds and opinions. I spent some afternooms (less than 10 maybe) in this older guy's room, just talking, like I did with other people and groups. There was really nothing going on, we talked history and philosophy. Until he told me he dreamed about me... Then clarified that this was a "awoken dream". I left his room and never talked to him again. I thought I could be friend with a man, with people older than me. I was so disapointed, I felt cheated but I knew it was no my fault, appart from maybe my naivety.
Olivia, thank you for your vulnerability and courage. I hope that sharing this helps you to not feel embarrassed or ashamed. This was not your fault. You were so young, having a hard time, and being autistic. You are bringing so much good into the world.
I'm so glad you have understood what happened to you. Grooming isn't always sexual, either. It can be financial, cults groom people, drug dealers groom people, it can be about control, etc. It can happen to anyone NTs or on the spectrum when they are vulnerable in some way, like after a major life event, divorce, going away to college, etc
However, I'd suspect that people on the spectrum are much more often targets. Combined with not being good at reading social cues, people with autism have a harder time making friends, often like one-on-one relationships, and some other things you have said. Also more trusting of others' motives.
This is a very valuable video. The good feelings for a former groomer often persist. One way to help overcome them is to think the opposite, disgust toward the person (don't let it be toward oneself), for instance is something that can be used to at least compete with those feelings, so every time those "good" feelings arise, consciously feeling disgust while thinking of the person can be helpful. Also bad feelings toward oneself can be turned toward the groomer (shame or guilt is what they should feel, for instance). So, to all of us: Be careful out there!
Thank you for sharing your story about grooming. I'm so sorry the person who did the things he did had no remorse about keeping you on the hook - I can personally say I've experienced a similar situation with an older boy I used to work with at the time. The inappropriateness this person got me to agree and go along with got to a degree that I still feel ashamed to think of to this day of how many times I fell back into the stupid honey pot traps he'd leave for me.
I am struck by how brave you are in all your videos. Thank you for your openness.
Olivia, thank you so much for sharing. And you're correct, this isn't talked about enough and I'm really glad you shared your story. The way you told it was helpful too because it shows the way in which an adult could groom a child. Some of the signs were so subtle...
I had one question that came to mind when you talked about the guilt you are experiencing years later:
If you were making an agreement with someone and they did not disclose all of their intentions, but just showed you the benefits of the agreement, would you be at fault for not knowing their hidden intent? I ask this because I feel that you are absolutely not at fault because this groomer concealed his true intentions and put on the mask of someone who cared. You only responded to what appeared to be a friendship/ mentorship. Again, thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for making me feel a little less alone with autism and grooming . Its happened countless times and it's at a point where it's suicidal so thank you for talking about it and making me feel a little less alone
Thank you for sharing... I'm so deeply sorry that you've experienced this, but you are incredibly strong to share something so traumatic.
Thank you so much for this video, you have no idea how helpful just watching this today has been! I'm also Autistic and assigned female at birth and only in the past two days have been realizing that I went through something very similar from ages 12 to 15. Literal years of my life. I love how you highlighted in the end of your video some of the ways that make Autistic people more susceptible to this form of abuse and grooming in particular. Seriously, thank you so much. I wish you the best on your healing journey and want to reassure you that this was never your doing or your "fault." You're very brave and strong for sharing, and I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Lots of love, H
Thank you so much for your vulnerability! I know after posting something like this there can be a lot of conflicting emotions and questioning. You are helping many! And thanks for being honest about not feeling like making videos sometimes. I feel the same way!
I was in a relationship from 16 to 21 with a guy 21 years older, my guitar teacher at that time. It all started pretty much just like you described it. I've called it "trauma snowballing" for a while because I know if I'd not been that miserable and isolated at that time it never would've happened. I only recently figured I'm autistic though and I hadn't connected it yet. But it also makes sense. Anyway I really understand the shame, it's also been over for over 7 years and I still carry that with me. I know in my head that it wasn't my fault but that doesn't make the embarrassment go away this easily. Thank you for sharing.
Someone once told me "your were a child. If you love a child, you protect them. This was his responsibility to do so, not yours. Period." I really needed to hear that at that time, so... In case someone else here needs to hear this.
(Trigger warning/rape)
He is a textbook narcissist. He love bombed and groomed you but you never let it get physical so you are stronger and braver thank you realize. I’m autistic (now 55) and couldn’t read people either. I got used by an older guy who gave me drugs that sedated me so he and his friends could rape me while I was out of it. I felt guilty and ashamed for decades. But we have nothing to be ashamed of, sweet one. Nothing to feel guilty about. Thank you for speaking about it so openly and courageously about this issue. TO ALL UNDERAGE GIRLS: if a guy appears too good to be true, he is probably a narcissist or a predator. Learn everything you can about how to confidently say no and quickly deter these sinister cretins. If they appear jealous or possessive, RUN! Don’t do what I did and think it was a compliment. It’s not. Jealousy = insecurity. Honor your beautiful selves enough to have high standards and don’t fall for narcs! Love to all my au-some kindred spirits out there. Stay safe and smart. ♥️
It's very difficult for women to leave dark triad men, due to the emotions and unpredictability he gives them as women are emotional creatures
Wow, Olivia that was so raw! Thank you for sharing that incredibly difficult story. I hope it helped you too to talk about it and get it off of your chest. Your videos are so helpful to me as the mother of an autistic teen and you help my family to understand her more. We are watching all of your videos. My daughter won't watch them yet but I'm hoping that she will be able to bring herself to watch them soon because you are both so similar. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for making these amazing videos and helping so many people. I could see just how hard this video was for you. The pain was etched onto your face. I pray that you can recover from this in time. You are a survivor not a victim!! You survived!!! Im proud of you xxx
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's so common for autistic girls to be taken advantage of for so many reasons. I was also abused when I was a teen. For me it was three different boys a similar age to me, but I was younger emotionally/developmentally and they didn't listen when is said no.
It took me a long time to understand that it was wrong of them as I had so much guilt and shame.
The more girls (and parents) aware of this, the better, as prevention is so important.
Sending hugs 💕
Hi Olivia, I want to thank you for this courageous and vulnerable sharing, which is for me one of the most important videos you've made so far, to help protect others from falling into the same trap. I've experienced my own version of what you describe and I will be sure to show this video to my daughter to help make her aware 🙏
Im 41. I might be on the spectrum im still unsure..i always felt misunderstood growing up..when i was 19 a 62 year old man who kept horses in the same paddock as my horse, started grooming me by helping me train my horse...took me to horse auctions...I ended up in a 5 year secretive relationship with him and he forced me to have an abortion. You are such a beautiful person..thanks so much for sharing your story. ITs given me insight into how people with autism could be subject to grooming due to be too trusting.
I have adhd and possibly autism. I was 17 and he was 20. He was also my boss and had worked there for many years so I trusted him as a mentor who was seemingly intelligent and charismatic. I didn’t find out what happened to me until I was 20 by chance from an old coworker. They told me the other girls from my summer camp job had come forward, but that he had obviously always favored me and was demanding and condescending to them, so they didn’t think it had happened to me as well. And then I called another girl who he had “favored” a few days later and told her what was going on and what I had been through. Immediately she was both mortified and relieved to know she wasn’t insane for feeling abandoned and damaged after he ghosted us both at the same time. He told both of us we were his favorite. Learning that tidbit broke the last of the veil we had up that made us think we were special to him somehow. We sat there for hours coming up with fantastical imaginary revenge plots and scenarios where we could give him a piece of our mind. It was so easy to tell myself it was my fault, but when I realized he had hurt her the same way I was livid. She had never told a single soul any of it, and might never have felt validated, if we hadn’t all connected the dots.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share. I’m recently diagnosed AuDHD which makes me even angrier about my history of grooming and sexual abuse. I’ve been working up the courage to share my truth. Thank you for making me feel less alone ❤
It started at 4 years old for me. It purposefully dehumanizes children. It's no wonder people in the sex trades were hard wired for it via grooming as children. If you are a female in the spectrum prone to masking the possibilities are endless. I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't a go to job for many autistic men and women and that we would be over represented in the sex trades (for survival's sake) and the inability to establish relationships or keep jobs.
Wow. Thank you for talking about this. I have Asperger Syndrome, I'm a 42 year old male, and I'm currently being groomed by a woman younger than me. I feel horrible. The emotional and financial abuse is a lot to deal with. But I'll pull through.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you can be free of this abuse ASAP.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, too. You are strong and you can get through this. I'm here if you need me. Praying for you. 💙
@@OliviaHopscappp he wants brownie points he's playin
This happened to me when I was 14. A high schooler saw me in the hallway and well... you know the rest :C It really messed me up. Being autistic we are definitely so vulnerable, I've always been so naive. And just wanted anyone to like me and def agree with the adult thing...Seems like a lot of us hung out with older ppl.
Thank you , Olivia~ you are so brave for being so vulnerble in sharing your story with all of us. I know this will help others. You are a blessing. I am so sorry you went through this.
Hey Olivia - you could do EMDR for the trauma of this and be right much more quickly! Don’t wait 10 years to feel better! Thanks for sharing and understanding so fully your vulnerability.
Part II (my phone is being weird, I’ll try and spit this out)
Also, I’m sure of it, this guy is on the sociopathy spectrum. He was grooming you for so much more, you were incredibly smart to have gotten out as early as you did!
A sociopath sees how far they can push you, and if you say “no” then acquiesce later on, they know for the next time they can push you at least that far and then some. Small example: if you tell someone you never want to speak to them ever again and they leave 33 voicemails saying please call me before you respond, “hey! I’m serious! Stop calling!” they then know they’ll need to call at least 33 times to get you to talk the next time…. so then they end up calling 70 times before finally getting a response from you, “ I mean it!.” Next thing you know you may have to suffer 340 texts/calls before this person finally gives up.
All that to say, look at how crazy he was saying he loved you, posting a pic of his proposal, texting all night at his job (are you even sure of that? he could have had some of those nights off and was just getting drunk and god knows what else - maybe even looking at child porn, sorry to be gross, but he is clearly a dangerous liar, nothing he said in retrospect could ever have been trusted), etc.
If he did all that, and you told him off - he was thrilled at the next level of the game (if he was sorry or cared for you in even the most minuscule way he wouldn’t have ghosted you). He knew you wanted/needed a response and it thrilled him to stay silent, and fantasized about what level to take you to next. The Disneyland date proposal is so incredibly sick, he is the lowest of the low. He wanted some sort of relationship, I’m sure physical, and you were on the cusp of 18 where he couldn’t be jailed. This point was only the beginning, again, you actually got out early. He could have easily destroyed your entire life (“just” psychologically for years, if not gotten you pregnant with a child that tied you to him for decades, if not straight up suicide - all of which would have not only not horrified him but actually fed his ego more).
You’ve already been through enough, just chew the fat on what I’m about to say, but you could very simply send this video to the current school principal wherever he’s at. With a simple caveat saying that you don’t want to go to the police (I don’t even know what the legalities or statute of limitations is on this) but that you just want them to know. This video is so great incredibly well done, you wouldn’t have to add a thing much less be embarrassed about it. I’m sure you’re not the only one now, or in the future.
But most of all I just want to emphasize how incredibly smart you were in handling this situation when his true colors came out. Don’t ever be ashamed, he is the one that needs to be ashamed.
God bless you, sister. You’re true gold xx
Thank you for this. I was groomed by my highschool principal for four and a half years and this made me feel more valid ❤
Olivia, thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear of your on-going nightmare. Please don't ever feel ashamed or embarrassed! There isn't one person on this earth that hasn't been compromised or played with by someone who is predatory or just plain cruel.
I always hear how we all have to take something from our bad life experiences and learn from them. The good thing is, you are now aware of ppl like this predator coach & won't fall for that kind of manipulation ever again. And that's good!
Because I have been a loner (happily!) all my life basically whenever I am down, I look to stay busy with things that make me feel better. Things I love to do & know I exceed in it. You can focus on yourself & pat yourself on your back knowing something YOU DO is GREAT.
I am 66yo. I know that young ppl, like yourself can help feel better about themselves when they pursue a project that rewards them--makes them feel valued. What might that be for you?
I hope you find your way. Life is too short to spend it in regret & frightful memories.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so helpful and reassuring. I'm likely ASD and I was manipulated by a similar type of man in my early 30's, luckily I went to a counselor who was able to identify and help me move through it. But I am a very different person in the world because of that experience. I hope you find your peace. Mine came and went for the last 10 years. Now the feeling of peace last longer than the other hurricane of emotions. You will get there too. You're already doing the work! Looking forward to your next video.
Bless you and thank you for being so brave and humble to tell us all these details. It has helped me a lot. I too was groomed at age 10 by a minister and I was not diagnosed with my life-long multiple neuro-divergent traits until I was 57, and now at age 64 I am still dealing with the after-effects of all this. I am sure there are many others watching your video who are finding it helpful even though they might not all comment here to let you know. I feel optimistic that you are on a more healing path than my life took, so please don't let my case worry you about wondering how long things may take for you. You are doing a great job in this area, as well as in so many other areas that you make videos about.
this was very brave of you to share and i hope that you can one day reach a point where you no longer feel ashamed of what happened to you. you did nothing wrong
I was diagnosed at birth and i was exploited at 11. This dude wanted scat videos just bc he was "bored'' (read: horny), he asked me for a*s pics, toilet pics and nude pics, he was impatient and couldn't stand being ghosted for even a minute, and he NEVER left his sh*tty addiction. We attempted voice chatting and he didn't sound like a grown man, more so a kid. Then again, he could've at least been around 13+, but if that's the case, then why dœs he want to see scat videos if he's not 18+? And if he were 18+, then when and how did this fetish even start? Why hasn't he moved on??
He was the sole reason i never touched Hangouts again. I was grounded for half the year because of his pedophillic behavior and my ignorance. I had to be monitored to be safe and learn a lesson. He also came back to me for more bullsh*t but i blocked him this time.
You are very brave for telling your story. I can relate to not catching the queues of someone much older and showing such interest on me. It wasnt grooming but still, just missed out on all the supposed obvious ways he was showing interest on me. Youll recover... takes time but you are doing it lady!
You shouldn’t feel bad about your side of the story! He was a horrible person. It doesn’t make you stupid, it just means that you were young and trusting. I’ve also been groomed, and it’s the worst experience, but now that you fully understand it, you can empower yourself and heal ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind comment and for watching, Rebecca! I'm so sorry this happened to you as well. I hope you have been able to heal from your experience. This video has already helped me start healing from mine. Thank you again for your support 💙
I was groomed and had something happen that I've blocked out by my 5th grade teacher. He always had me and 3 other girls help him in class during recess. The only memory I do have of him is sitting on his lap and wanting to leave class for the day. The long numb walk from the class, through the playground, and to the bus. Those of us on the spectrum don't realize what ppl are doing. We don't pick up on a dangerous situation. I've gotten myself into some pretty bad...or could've been bad situations until I started just treating everyone like shit on purpose to protect myself. That defense mechanism was born out of two childhood situations I knew were not right, and went into my teen years keeping everyone at arms-length and ready to fight if anyone got near me. But that meant the most kindest ppl were also not embraced.
I'm sorry that happened to you
Thanks Olivia !!! ... this cracked the code of mystery hanging over our heads 17 years ... truly the most life changing RUclips I've ever watched ... Thanks Again
you’re not stupid. not at all. and you still aren’t over what happened because it seems you were deeply traumatized by your experience. it will take a lot of time and effort to be at a place where you can feel peace around this. i was abused in high school/early college and i really understand where you’re coming from. thank you for sharing and i am wishing you lots of love and healing 💗
Im autistic and I was groomed by my ENT doctor. We had a "relationship" 3 years. But it all was a lie, it was abuse. I was 27 years old, but he was my second partner in life, when I met him I was suffering the loss a friend that commited suicide, and my boyfriend left me 5 months before. My doctor knew I was vulnerable and I needee care and attention. He abused me and asked me to kept the secret, because was "antiethic". He dumped me during the pandemic, because I got sick of vestibular neuritis and I couldnt perform sexually, so he cheated and then left me for a prostitute. I was ashamed, he had 2 more "relationships" with his patients, always younger than him. That was in 2021, but I still aching, Sadly he is working in the same medical center, the medical board did nothing with the 3 reports of the other patients... I saw him by accident because we live in the same town, is devastating... he looks happy walking around with the girlfriend, she had a lot of surgerys, and looks like a porn actress, I was ashamed for being the toy of that kind of shallow, materialistic and depraved man, he wanted a sexual object, not a woman!😔
Thank you for sharing. There are so many girls who need to know about this. I think it is so easy to be manipulated by someone who is trying to use and deceive you. It takes a lot of courage to share such personal information, but you may well prevent an innocent person from being used and abused.
I was groomed at 20 by my boss who was 36+. I didn’t even know what grooming was and didn’t think it could happen unless you were a small child. It was until celebrities got called out that I read an article and saw the similarities. I was a volunteer at an art show and my groomer spotted me. He kept saying I was a hard worker, calling me his worker bee, sending me on errands during the art show and praising me. Requesting me to be his assistant during the show and later said he wanted to hire me as his intern as he was so impressed. I was a new art student and he owned a studio. It was too good to be true in hindsight but I didn’t realize it. I had also just moved to the city for school and didn’t know many people. He abused me for years while I was his unpaid intern. It makes me sick thinking about it. I was so naive. He would say I was too sheltered and immature when I tried to pull away. That I needed to grow up. I was his doll. Had to do everything he wanted since he was the “only one who understood me.” Took me on trips out of town to use me. But always in secret to not make everyone jealous. He flaunted girlfriends in front of my face and compared me to them. I was never his girlfriend. He would force me to go out with his older friends and call it “networking.” I truly thought he loved me. Anytime I would try to move on he would predict how my heart would get broken. He was always right and I trusted him more than I trusted myself after awhile. I still feel so bad about it. Took me years to realize it. Years.
Hi Olivia! I just found your channel last night, and have watched quite a few of your videos already. I have suspected for quite some time that I am autistic (somewhere on the spectrum), and I've researched into it before.
I had a similar experience when I was 16, except the man was 32 (waaay older than me!) and he was actually a good friend of my step dad. I can't remember how long it went on, probably less than a year, but it really damaged me emotionally and psychologically. I had also experienced sexual abuse as a very young child by a close family member, so I already had damage from that (and that abuse went on for years). You're right about the grooming, looking back I can see how he must have profiled me as an easy target. What made it worse was that he was my step dad's friend, and my parents didn't even try to protect me from him.
I understand the shame that you feel, but it is important to remember that it is NEVER a child's fault when they are taken advantage of by an older person. Children do not have an understanding of adult relationships, and it is wrong for an adult to take advantage of that innocence and naivete.
This is so sad and maddening. Grooming is all about power, especially within the remnants of patriarchy. May you heal well.
Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you'll come to see what the rest of us do so clearly. That you have zero responsibility in what happened TO YOU.
I think you are remarkable and brave for sharing this. I’m sorry this happened to you. Thank you for your bravery in doing this. I believe it will help a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing this. You are a very brave young woman. A 15 year old “at risk” girl was taken by groomers from her home and she is missing. Thank you for explaining this so articulately. There are some horrible people on social media that are making some rude and mean comments about this girl’s plight. Your video helps me pray more efficiently for her return if that makes any kind of sense. I am wishing you the very best life can bring.
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your personal, private story. I'm sure it helps many people.
You are very brave for sharing your story and KNOW it wasn't your Fault.
Bless you. Thank you for sharing your intimate story about this abuse. Im so appreciative of you. 💖💖💖
Olivia, thank you for being brave enough to share your most vulnerable experience. This is such a help to others.
Your story very tragically parallels my own in large regard. I was, over time, taken through the entire process of grooming at fourteen years of age by my band director. I got the full spectrum of it too. Getting close, being pals, special treatment, gifts, being made out to be a huge deal, isolating me, IMing me, you name it. I went on to high school in utter shame and fear, and had to live with seeing him another four years before completely getting away. That happened over fifteen years ago now. I am still fully coming to grips with it. To you and to anyone processing this sort of trauma: the more you sit with it and process it with a therapist, the easier it gets to tell the story and to accept it wasn't in ANY way on you. Children very much have brains, but we view the world in such a different way when we are young. A child has not yet learned better, where an adult HAS.
For me, as someone very recently diagnosed by a psychiatrist on the spectrum, I found that Cognitive Behavior Therapy, CBT, really helped me process the trauma to the point I could 'sit with it' and be alright talking about it without crying, no longer having nightmares, those kinds of things.
Thanks for sharing. Where you thought he "got" you, he was mirroring you to make you think you were like twins to help build your trust by the manipulation that you mentioned.
I am happy you attached a name to what happened to you.. its good to know you are not alone and there is a term for things. You are NOT quilty. You are a good person
The guilt lays toward the the groomer.
You know, autistic persons are often more comfortable around people who are younger, or older, than they are. I’m that way. So, my spouse is a bit older than me, and was my first relationship, and I remember being upset when her ex-boyfriend/rommate😟 told her he thought I was very naive. So, there’s that. I actually thought I wasn’t. I was groomed, in a way. She would jokingly tell people, “if you can’t find a good husband, raise one”. We’ve been married for 22 years now, with a 14 year dry spell. We (autistic persons) are just easy to manipulate, and victimize, especially when we’re young.
I'm on the spectrum myself I was 24 at the time when I had been groomed before by a 35 year old woman with BPD. They're known to be toxic as far as what my therapist told me when I described behavior patterns. I experience loneliness and she used that to her advantage to get sex out of me and assume it'd be victimless. We were on and off a lot too and I was convinced that her behavior was my fault when I was the kindest. So I dumped her, it got scary for me to a point I had police involved cuz she knew where I lived and worked. And for the justice system being sexist I tried for a restraining order but didn't get approved but she left me alone anyways because she knew I meant it and I wanted to be left alone so I got closure from that. Now being single for 2 years I still experience loneliness and desire for love but at the same time I'm too scared to be groomed again. And I honestly couldn't believe how long it took me to pin point that word and what it meant to pin point what I've been through. But after those years have passed and for her being mentally ill, I'm just hoping she gets better cuz when it comes to her mental illness being a factor to why she groomed me she honestly needs help
I want you to know that I'm sorry that happened to you, I understand it because I went through it when I was 7 for three years, I was really confused and I didn't understand why I was so afraid of that person. As I got older I started to understand more of it. I am 16 years old and I also have autism. I don't remember much from when I was little, all I really remember is the fear that they held against me.
Before I start watching the hideo I would like to mention that h immediately clicked because it’s so relatable. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable with any details, I was coerced into things I didn’t want to do and I repeatedly said no but the person kind of insisted so it happened and for a long time I didn’t even realize that it was sexual assault until a few months ago
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this
I was groomed since I was about 3. Thank you for speaking out, but I really just can't watch this. I have rage even now (I'm 63) about how I was treated. I'm not sure I will ever be able to get past the mistreatment my whole life from my siblings.
Thank you for sharing brave one. It happened to me at 48; glad I never slept with him. I hope this video helps someone get help / get out - be well! It's not our fault and no matter what perfectly logical sense it makes, our feelings and emotions don't always get the memo.
You are INSANELY brave for sharing this. I am so proud of you that it gives me goosebumps. 💕💕💕
Thank you so much for sharing your story ,.. Unfortunately,I can relate to your situation,but it was a family member that I trusted..
I'm sorry that happened to you
You are so brave! I hope sharing this helped relieve you of the shame. I was the same way as far as reading texts all the time and being obsessive.
I’m going through the exact same thing. I was groomed from 15-24 and it was my moms boyfriend. I still feel it’s my fault. My mom hates me and won’t forgive me. I’m 26 now and she just found out a few months ago, it hurts me. I’m also autistic so that doesn’t help. This has been incredibly stressful to the point of having panic attacks everyday. my mom was jealous, not concerned…
I'm so sorry this happened to you. They didn't have the term grooming around when I was young, differences in social norms then would have made the definition different. But, I believe that for eons, comparable things have been targeted at those of us with less social skills.
Thank you for this Olivia, may God bless and keep you.
Thank you so much, Andrea! God Bless you!! 💙
Autistic boys also need to hear and understand this message!! This can, and does, also happen to us!
Having Autism makes us easy prey for grooming, mole$tation, violence, almost anything. We have trouble knowing that it's even happening and it has happened to me. I cannot completely get rid of the guilt of it either even though I was the target and not the perpetrator. I hope that wasn't TMI.
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability 💕 You are so wonderful for sharing this. I can relate.
Your story will be a blessing on many lives.
Oh wow. Ive had such a similar situation, but it was on the internet. But i didnt see it either. And the worst part is, i will always blame myself for being stupid and not seeing thing properly. But i hope after 20 years i can let it rest. But i know there was a time like total strange people came up to me, telling me how disturbed and crazy i was, well i didnt knew the lies the man was telling about me. And i still dont know why. Ive met people for a men i didnt even knew in real life. I was like 13. And he was not who he told he was. Gladly i moved out, because everyone knew stuff about me which i didnt knew. But still i feel ashamed and i dont have any social media since im afraid i will have the same sort of situation. Because even Ive been in the situation i know it could happen to me again.
Im sorry for all the pain people went through because of me and a unknown men on the internet.
Thank you for sharing your story, I know that was difficult. But now I have a name for what happened to me, too... Thank you.
The beginning of this happened to me when I was a teenager. A much older man who was an authority at church. Looking back I think he was found out by the other adults because it stopped.
Even though most Neurotypicals don't say it, ABA therapy often leads to grooming from others. ABA teaches that an autistic person's ways of doing things is unacceptable and that they have to learn by Neurotypical standards. ABA teaches that the child can't say no because they have to listen and obey the person that teaching them. Later on in life, if that autistic individual never learned to say no, then they are most likely going to be groomed as an adult. Not saying ABA therapy is the only way an autistic person is set up to get groomed, but it is a factor of it.
I have a theory as to why neurodivergent people get so attached to people we talk to online.. innocently or not. When they message us so much, they become a part of our routine without us noticing. We don't see them as a part of our routine, but if we miss a day.. or if I missed a day of talking to the people I was talking to online when I was younger, I would feel so bad without knowing why. Maybe we didn't have anything to talk about that day, cool. I still felt awful. Because I hadn't done such an important part of my routine for the day. And when they ghost you.. that's... You never do recover from that.
You are so incredebly brave! for everything! for you finding out more, for you to accept and especially share this with all of us. Its such an important topic!
I hope that soon you will find release from the guilt because you did nothing wrong exept being human.
Blessings! ❤