People like you guys are the reason he'll never be able to do a special with a shirt on lol. I honestly wouldn't have even noticed his shirt was on or off
@@louise4778 Absolutely Russians are simply the slightly more violent Frozen cousins of Americans. As an American myself I can safely say Russia is simultaneously America's greatest enemy and most terrifying friend. It's like an Anime rivalry. They try to kill each other occasionally, and have fought and argued constantly and magically are still friends and no one knows how or why but everyone knows they don't want to face both at the same time.
@@brockmeeks1695 lol. If you think your average 28 year old is smart enough to not do stupid shit you either younger than him and think your hot shit or you have a very boring life. 28 is still a fucking kid nowadays.
@@johnathanera5863 please don't curse us young souls. We have been pissing ourselves enough and can't wait to grow old enough to be a sane adult. Such horrible possibility of still acting messed up like a kid at the age of 28… just why don't you kill me with the blunt words "Ya never gonna success-saaaaad"
SpaceManDawn Good eye, man! Freddie and the guys at RocketJump are friends. We shot this very close to where they've shot shorts. Also PlayfightVFX, who does a lot the effects for VGHS, did this with us. Good people!
this guy & jon huck were my favorite story tellers from this show but so far every episode's been worth watching... even ari shaffir's kinda growing on me
Приколы
Ready to rumble? Check out the craziest fight stories from This Is Not Happening here: ruclips.net/p/PLD7nPL1U-R5oyyo90i2VkGb7ImrDKdYBg
Your gay
I love how straight forward he starts out also the!!!!!!! Machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a Florida Man U are correct
@@noworriesmate8287 is that meant to be an insult bc if it is I know
M
Bert Kreischer gives out such florida and russia energy with a seasonal mix of honey badger
Well he is the machine
Why do u alaways over think ur jokes AJ.? Think about something besides urself !!!🐻🐊🦡
Oh Mi
A fat honey badger
I know right
Hard to recognize him with a shirt on
Yup
So goddamn true.
Literally didn't even realize it was him until maybe a minute or 2 in and thought: "He's wearing a shirt!"
Now I gotta see him shirtless
I knew it
_Then I pull up to the bear and I'm like "I'm the machine!" and the bear like "he's the machine!"_
Bear: So, I understand you're the machine
i agree! precisely correct man
And all he went shot for shot all night with that bear and all he knew how to say in his language was I’m the machine and I f cats
_"Don't you know 'oo I am?!"_
why is his shirt on
Not hung over I assume.
Weird huh
Undercover
People like you guys are the reason he'll never be able to do a special with a shirt on lol. I honestly wouldn't have even noticed his shirt was on or off
Bert Kreischer might be the best story teller to ever live.
ye
@@iprrdm6353 No he isn't, he is a bit overweight though.
@@iprrdm6353
Fat or not, he's great at story telling
Idk, Joey Diaz is pretty damn good, too lol
white priveledge
5:43 am
Me:Ima got to bed now
*sees title*
Me: you know what
"On second thought..."
then it spirals into you watching like 7 more videos of him 😂
@@dreamsneverdie53 7? those are rookie numbers
Ryan Young you right tho. I mean I was just talking about what pops up on your recommended under the video
@@dreamsneverdie53 oh, yeah, you're right
He was meant to be born in Russia
He's the Machine of course he is!
I think Russians and americans are way more similar than they might think
He was born in the wrong country.
Yes
@@louise4778 Absolutely Russians are simply the slightly more violent Frozen cousins of Americans. As an American myself I can safely say Russia is simultaneously America's greatest enemy and most terrifying friend. It's like an Anime rivalry. They try to kill each other occasionally, and have fought and argued constantly and magically are still friends and no one knows how or why but everyone knows they don't want to face both at the same time.
Little did we realize that 9 months later, he gave birth to a baby grizzly
He's still carrying it's twin....
With Micky Mantle genes.
What the actual fuk...I'm ded😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀
i concur. unequivocally correct man
I AM THE MACHIIINE!!
Rogal Dorn fuck it, I'M THE MACHINE!!!!
Fuck it, HE'S THE MACHINE!!!
Rogal Dorn so, I understand you're the machine?
mavpa1994 Fuck that bitch, this is Russia
i like that he didnt tell that story on the show about great stories
“It spins me around doggy style, puts me in a bear hug and said- I understand you have marshmallows”
@Katelyn Gallagher bro shut the hell up
This man just said, "I was 28 years old, I didn't know any better."
Yeah, so what?
Brendan Nolan Hey it’s Kyle
Yeah, I caught that too. the bro douche is strong with this one. At least he’s not a grown man that’s into shoes like Brendan Schuab.
@@brockmeeks1695 lol. If you think your average 28 year old is smart enough to not do stupid shit you either younger than him and think your hot shit or you have a very boring life. 28 is still a fucking kid nowadays.
@@johnathanera5863 please don't curse us young souls. We have been pissing ourselves enough and can't wait to grow old enough to be a sane adult. Such horrible possibility of still acting messed up like a kid at the age of 28… just why don't you kill me with the blunt words "Ya never gonna success-saaaaad"
"my wife is so southern, when she talks the whole room smells like biscuits"😂😂😂fav bert line ever🤘
Much better lovestory than twilight
lmao
Lol
Between him and the bear, right?
Agreed
Hell that German broad who face fucked him in Amsterdam with a 12 inch Dildo is a better love story than twilight
i don't care if this story is bullshit, I had never laughed at a story so much! this guy is amazing.
So it's not bull?
James Hambrick Jr. nope. It’s a bear.
But for real... story is non-BS.
Maybe this will help?
m.imdb.com/title/tt0373914/
The machine one I laughed a bit more
obviously its fake bert is known to lie about everything
"I fought a bear one time" that has to be the most random and funniest intro to a comedy show XD
We can all learn from him.
"I was 22 when I joined the russian mafia"
"Go limp, please be talking to me right now" that line had me in a fit of laughter
Someone had way too much fun with that intro.
Who had fun? And also how do you know?
@@josephblanchard6248
I am with you we demand answers!
It is obviously Michael Bay
Was laughing so hard I couldn't bear it lol
nice lol
Hahah Good one
One could say it was...unBEARable? hahaha
Beary funny guys...
So punny.
This gave me a few real belly laughs. I've never seen anything by him, just knew of him. Gotta look into him now.
Yes....yes you do. You've missed alot
Mike Siegler you sir need to hear "the machine" story
The Machine meets The Russian Mafia😂 watch that. Its hilarious
This is the 3rd or 4th time I've watched this and I just realised that whenever he said Helen Keller, I thought of Ameilia Arheart
That's even better !
His stories are the best I LOVE THE MACHINE!!!!
Didnt know guys wrestle bears in this century, but damned if Burt didnt find the place that still does.
How in the hell do people come up with jokes/stories like this? Incredible gift! Well done, so funny!!
How am I a moron for not knowing? Moron. :P
YacobMan7 People went through this shit, then made it entertaining.
Yeah it's crazy!
These are real stories. Look into his story called "The machine". It's pretty funny.
Pretty sure he is the same dude that van wilder the movie is based off as well
The picture this man creates in my mind.. and the finale love story.
“You do on Thursday” 🤣🤣🤣
This is the best series CC has every put out. It's just perfect.
well, i believe this has been the best one yet, fantastic
Who else can say they tongue kissed a bear
A lot of people from South Florida would raise their hands xD
I mean my ex gf technically counts as a bear so lol
Katiegreatie4 Tony Hinchcliffe
Who else WOULD say they tongue kissed a bear?
Many in the gay community
Should’ve said “I’m the machine” and the bear would’ve stopped.
Fuck yeah! THE MACHINE!!! WOOOO!!
Everyone drink!
I know THE MACHINE is from the Russian Mafia story but what is what made the mafia love THE MACHINE
He really is a great storyteller. I'm dead!! 😂😂😂
This is without a date one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life
oh my days I have legit tears of joy from this story
Fuckin Bert is great him and Joey Diaz are legendary story tellers
+Sean Quinn how dare you sir. i should spit vodka in your face... his name is YA MACHINO!
Exact same thoughts.
And it was in that moment that I realized . . . I would have never done that for her.
"I'm 28. I don't know any better." LOL.
"Is my really really good friend"
Hmm..idk about that,even a good friend doesn't slip drugs in your drink.
This was actually pretty good! I love it!
"A really, really good friend of mine..." This was def before the whole "Ari dosed Bert with ecstasy" incident 😂
"What happened?"
"You lost the fight with the bear."
The opening looks like it was filmed in Freddie W's lot.
SpaceManDawn Good eye, man! Freddie and the guys at RocketJump are friends. We shot this very close to where they've shot shorts. Also PlayfightVFX, who does a lot the effects for VGHS, did this with us. Good people!
It has been 2 long years since i laughed that hard, i literaly am in a bus and i ve been cracking laughs for 3 whole mins, loved the bear joke
I've watched so much comedy before and I've never had to pause because I was laughing to much until today thank you
"Okay? I'm pretty f'ing far from okay..."
Saw bunch of your videos, finally a real stand up comedian. Amazing content pal
That's the most romantic story I've ever heard.
This is one of my FAVORITE videos of all time 💀😂❤️
the intros are consistently amazing
I don't think it's ok that I have never seen Bert in a shirt, and suddenly he has two, count 'em, two shirts on.
The funniest story I have ever heard.
bert is actually amazing
Dude this was on par with the Machine story! I laughed so hard I cried and then so hard I couldn’t make a sound!
this guy & jon huck were my favorite story tellers from this show
but so far every episode's been worth watching... even ari shaffir's kinda growing on me
I love it, he's a Florida guy and he is absolutely hilarious.
Best storyteller EVER!!!
I always love the intros
Different intro for every episode. This one is fucking bananas!
+ceebee27sts I fucked a banana once. Not proud, just happened.
I don't see how you found that apeeling.
different intro maybe, same people in the crowd
Bert: "I fought a bear once"
Bert: *Leaves*
Absolutely love Bert.
Love that Members Only jacket, Ari!!!
Never heard a bear, but I feel his impression is spot on.
This, Joey Diaz and Jim Breuer's stories are the best ones, crack me up everytime !
just love this guy
That is Art. Bravo Bart!
"I understand you are the machine"
Bert is one of the best Stand-ups today :)
That story is amazing
I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. This guy is freakin' hilarious!!!
if you ever see me fightin in the forest with a grizzly bear, HELP THE BEAR
𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒈𝒐𝒏 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕
john steel i could easily overpower a bear in a one on one fight.
I think I would have rather been mauled by the bear than date raped by it. At least I would have kept my dignity
A good white boy that profile pic scares me
Not gonna question this...but ok
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And virginity
One American comedian I think is hilarious as an English guy is definitely this man! 10/10
Love the way he always talks about his wife, proof real love exists💜
This is not the machine, the machine does not wear shirts
Then who is it?
Imagine if he's Fighting the bear and a Russian shows up and knocks it out then says "no one messes with the machine"
😂😂😂i actually cried from laughter why this man is so funny?!
He is the machine
Powerful Bert Kreischer
He does have the Mickey Mantle gene
"That's when I knew... I would've never done that for her" 😂😂
Dude...those Mechs at the beginning intro thing...Dey was dope.
he is just amazing
Im sitting down in a chair wheezing like Im out of breath 😂
Same, Had to take a few shots off my inhalers :D
At least he added some new things in this joke. I really wish he would have a new hour.
The machiiiiiine is amazing dude!!🎉😂😂😂
0:54 “this is not happening”
Ahhh 2015 the good days :)
Me in class: Who does that for a living
My teachers before a test: You do on Thursday
great opening
Hes amazing
this is a blast
The 'MACHINE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM THE MACHIINE
This guy is good! Great material and even better delivery
Any woman that sees her man get tea bagged and raped by a bear, and still marries him,
THAT'S A KEEPER!!!!!
Wow he has his shirt on
He reminds me so much of my 8th grade Bio teacher! Looks like him, sounds like him, and gives off the same energy as him!
I love how he is called the machine in real life
Is there footage of this? I need to see this
Search Hurt Burt on TBS
soo hilarious! Could barely breathe I was laughing so hard!
this was so good
The machine!!
1 min intro on 8 min video... why?