All im happy for is that my dad beat me when i was little back in 05 shit in 18 now thank god my dad is and was hard on me I am seeing how most kids now a days are raised and thanking my dad literally for being stern with me .
I'd pity the actor who gets the role. He'd have to spend a lot of time perfecting his mannerisms and speech and then we'd probably still think "That isn't Joey"
Ostkreutz Rox Joey’s such a unique guy. He’s genuinely like no other person I’ve ever seen. But I believe that with the right actor, we could get something fucking hilarious!
@@aemailaccount5108 yeah when someone eats mcdonalds everyday, tell me they were meant to die of a heart attack by 45 lol. You should really do some research on diet and how much it affects you; especially how long you live for
@@ryangranato5010 you would have to be a idiot to eat McDonald's everyday but that being said I seen fat asses out live runners and health nuts. It does not matter you die when u die
Right on. I was just about to leave a very similar message. He's really got a talent for storytelling. I'd rather hear this than conventional stand-up "bits".
pittsburgh fan We all wan’t that kinda uncle that tells you fucked up shit when your parents aren’t around and brings hash to the family Christmas parties..
Smoked with Joey, and hung out with him for about 2 hours after a show in SF years ago. One of the funniest dudes I have ever had the chance to hang out with
This man is all about his authenticity! He doesn't give a shit, and he proudly wears his heritage upon his sleeve. Man, he's the depiction of a real person. He may have had his shitty days, but... No good person is without a tough life!
Its like Jordan Peterson said, you arent a good person because you are incapable of evil (or violence), you're only a good person if you know you're capable of bad shit, but choose not do do it.
@@CryptocurrencyInsider he's actually a really fucking good stand up guy and has been for years now you fuck. He admits to his fucked up wrongs, doesn't repeat them, and tries to do his best at being a better person every single day. So fuck you for being perfect and thinking it's ok to judge people who you know next to nothing about!
first you get ya chicken, and you put em in the eggs. like fermenting a fucking mother in her dead babies, it's fucked up right? and then you get ya bread crumbs...
Yeah dude I work for a tree trimming company contracted with the local electric company. Some of the stories I've heard from people who have worked here are the most insane shit. Mainly because this company will hire people fresh out of prison or out of a halfway house. The main boss says "we hire everyone except kid diddlers"
Yeah there's usually one fat older guy who is mouthy and fully of shit on most sites. Never amounted to anything so makes up shit to impress the younger ones.
He is an old dude.I'm a very boring person and have crazy stories i can tell so does most people but given his kind of life and his age of course he could just riff without having anything to think about to talk about.
@@nowwithmorekick just having stories isn't enough, you need to be an interesting character with good storytelling skills and charm. Joey is not just a guy that's lived an interesting life, he's a true stand-up comedian.
Growing up in the late 60's was a brutally honest time. I watched my dad pull a dude out of his car and beat the dude for whistling at my mom Dude was twice my dad's size My pop was raised in NYC in the 40's and 50's
He feels like a hunting buddy I’d have. Can just imagine him drinking and smoking pot just rambling on about stories as everyone else can barely breathe due to laughing so damn hard
The great thing about this guy is that if anybody else told this story it would be like this is just fucked up, some dude got beat up over nothing.. But with Joey fuckin Coco Diaz, he can make anything fuckin hilarious regardless of whether it's wrong or right. If he can make you laugh about somethin you shouldn't, then he's just great at his job
Strange how when you're a teen you love certain comics, like I used to love Dane Cook and then I grew up. When I used to see Uncle Joey's stand up at the same age I didn't much care for it but now that I'm grown I love the dude and his comedic energy. What a fuckin' champ!
My dad went hiking with his friends back in the 80s and convinced them to eat deer shit pellets after lying to them and saying it was a rare seasonal berry. He was quite the jokester.
Actually , you are right , but while he was tripping balls in his room , he heard her call out his name , but he did not answer cause he was high af and did not want her to see him . Some time passed he thought she went to sleep and he found her in the kitchen
when I was 7 I walked into a Payless shoe store with dad and he had the 23 year old that worked there by the throat for getting my 17 year old sister drunk.
My stepdad used to give me the choice - either I had to fight him, or I had to fight my sister's boyfriend or if he was gonna handle it then he was gonna end up in jail for it. So thanks to my ho-bag sister, who I love, I got an education in fighting quick. I didn't want my stepfather going to jail. It was fucked up cause I'm def not Bruce Lee
My dad beat up my cousins boyfriend for 8 bucks....then robbed him and gave me all the money....not sure if it was justified but I went home wit 58$ bucks to keep my mouth shut lol
“I had two fuckin felonies. So if you bitch slap someone you better make it a good one. You gotta stab him and shit. Cause if you’re walking on ice you might as well dance” goddamn I love uncle Joey l lol
It is particularly with Mr. Joey Diaz's unique combination of that very distinct raucous deep, voice and vastly experienced narrative style that one can truly appreciate what a delightful and culturally valuable audiovisual piece was assembled in 'This is Not Happening' The camera movement, lightning, framing and music just tie the knot for a really special occurrence. Thanks guys. I really appreciate your work
My dad gave me a push knuckle knife. Look it up. He told me that if a guy gives me trouble to punch him in the throat and to keep on walking. He demanded it back a few weeks later, he said I wasn't doing anything with it. Old school
Приколы
Ready to rumble? Check out the craziest fight stories from This Is Not Happening here: ruclips.net/p/PLD7nPL1U-R5oyyo90i2VkGb7ImrDKdYBg
Comedy Central Stand-Up Joey Diaz is the best stand up in this series
All im happy for is that my dad beat me when i was little back in 05 shit in 18 now thank god my dad is and was hard on me I am seeing how most kids now a days are raised and thanking my dad literally for being stern with me .
Stand up every fuckin comedian that's on here has A yeast infection
Is that ari?
Why can not I watch this video in turkey ?
Joey Diaz has to be a major character/voice actor in GTA 6.
He should be the new Lester
He is one in Mafia 3 so its not a strech
not even as a fictional character just joey diaz as joey diaz
If they bring it back to Vice City he needs to be a cuban kingpin.
dude FUCK YES
I swear this guy could narrate his entire life from birth and I'd listen to every damn second
You should check out Joey's episodes on the honeydew with Ryan Sickler. They're basically what you just described and they're incredible.
His podcast!
Amen💫 Love him
@@RBN406 That one almost broke my ribs I laughed so much!!
He does.....you should!
Joey’s life needs to be made into an HBO or Netflix series
frfr lol
YEEEESSS 😂
I would die. That would be so good.
I'd pity the actor who gets the role. He'd have to spend a lot of time perfecting his mannerisms and speech and then we'd probably still think "That isn't Joey"
Ostkreutz Rox Joey’s such a unique guy. He’s genuinely like no other person I’ve ever seen. But I believe that with the right actor, we could get something fucking hilarious!
As a cuban who grew up in miami, "WHA- HAPPING HEA" is literally how a lot of cubans talk lmao
Johnny Topside his Step dad was
Puerto Rican tho but it’s okay Same shit spelled different
Johnny Topside Im Cuban and I approve this 😂🇨🇺
Johnny Topside bro same im dead 😂
Yoel Romero 🤣
He grew up in NYC
*Gets on stage*
"this whole thing started when i got hit in the head with a lunchbox when i was like five lol"
please dont ever die joey
Jamish Mcquo like he has control over that
Gekyume Is the name actually you do have some with how healthy you live your life you can live for longer
@@taterchip6908 not true dude don't matter how healthy you try to live when your bodies done its done. Death is pre-determined
@@aemailaccount5108 yeah when someone eats mcdonalds everyday, tell me they were meant to die of a heart attack by 45 lol. You should really do some research on diet and how much it affects you; especially how long you live for
@@ryangranato5010 you would have to be a idiot to eat McDonald's everyday but that being said I seen fat asses out live runners and health nuts. It does not matter you die when u die
If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. - Joey Diaz
solid
cginsane22 coldest shit I've heard today.
joe never said that
+X RLONE X who's better than you???
wat
“If you’re walkin’ I’m ice you might as well dance”
Damn right brotha
That's my new life motto!
u mean "walking on ice"
What part was that at?
@@whatistau probably wrote it while being on acid
badass quote
He says he’s Cuban but he sounds and acts like an Italian mobster.
And that's why he played one on a video game
He grew up with Italians.
It was the era
Plus he grew up in NY
Thats how we talk. N im Colombian. But English, New York talk is what it is
That's because he's a real New Yorker. But he's played a bunch of mob roles and he's in the new Soprano's movie
No one can beat Joey Diaz at telling stories.
Right on. I was just about to leave a very similar message. He's really got a talent for storytelling. I'd rather hear this than conventional stand-up "bits".
Best in a long time, for sure. Joey Coco is my new favorite.
+joel romero I would love to just catch him in a bar and hear one of these stories over a few beers
joel romero Noreaga the rapper and Joey are even in my eyes bro.... no fucking lie
Jim Breuer maybe? :D
I want this guy to be my shifty uncle
pittsburgh fan We all wan’t that kinda uncle that tells you fucked up shit when your parents aren’t around and brings hash to the family Christmas parties..
I remember my shifty Uncle rip
My husband is that shifty uncle
I got a handful of shifty uncles but I barely ever see them
@@midnightawakens994 they're living their crazy stories lol
Joey Diaz is a result of a Cuban cigar coming to life
XD instead of pickle Rick... Cigar Joey lol
Ahhh this made me laugh harder than the segment! Hahahahahah! Still laughing a minute later.
Underrated lol
More like an angry hemorrhoid.
😂😂😂
Love how EVEN the bartender is totally enthralled with uncle Joey’s set.
Such a refreshingly unapologetic comic. "If you're walkin' on ice, you might aswell dance".
Trev Moran
Lol love that quote.
My fav line ever
Yeah I know I love this and I am using it next time, funny part about that is I can't even walk !!!!
Every family needs a Joey Diaz to hold shit down and be the man.
He spent his life stealing off norrnal working people,are you stupid ?
@@onwardupward9392 they probably meant Joey Diaz now and not when he was wronging people
Smoked with Joey, and hung out with him for about 2 hours after a show in SF years ago. One of the funniest dudes I have ever had the chance to hang out with
“If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance.” Lol
I embodied that phrase when I got fired from my job. I had a go at my boss.
"if you're walking on ice, you fucking dance."
Holy Shit man.
I loved that haha
That gave me chills.
"that's a Cuban Jewish woman, she knows the paydays comin" Joey never fails to make me laugh😂😂
I read this as he said it
And it made it 10x better
“It’s New York in the 70’s. Nobody’s sayin dick!” I love it!
Joey makes me wanna live my life back in the 70s and then I remember I’m black sooo I’m good right here 😂💀
At Benson's right
@adsfafad just because it was worse in the past doesn't mean it's not still bad
adsfafad because know theres cameras everywhere so they cant hang and beat blacks and latinos as much as they used to
Pnw Oeno lol?!?!!! WTF just seen a reply to my ‘replied comment’, was i F’n drunk?! What does that even say? Hahaha 😂
As you can see it IS ‘EDITED’.
Dayum. Facts tho
What I love about Joey Diaz is his routine isnt just one story, its like a common theme that goes through all of his life.
This man is all about his authenticity! He doesn't give a shit, and he proudly wears his heritage upon his sleeve. Man, he's the depiction of a real person.
He may have had his shitty days, but... No good person is without a tough life!
This guy is a damn lowlife. But can’t expect more if your mom is a crack fiend.
@@CryptocurrencyInsider ... Yea I like how he assumed the lady calling the cops was a republican....smh
Its like Jordan Peterson said, you arent a good person because you are incapable of evil (or violence), you're only a good person if you know you're capable of bad shit, but choose not do do it.
@@j.b.m4640 who cares?
Can you not put politics aside for a minute?
@@CryptocurrencyInsider he's actually a really fucking good stand up guy and has been for years now you fuck. He admits to his fucked up wrongs, doesn't repeat them, and tries to do his best at being a better person every single day. So fuck you for being perfect and thinking it's ok to judge people who you know next to nothing about!
This man just sounds like family. The way he talks brings back memories 😂😭
“And all of a sudden he started speaking perfect English” Fucking perfection
Joey could read recipes and it would be funny.
Terry Robinson it would be fucking tremendous
joel becker blue cheese everything!
first you get ya chicken, and you put em in the eggs.
like fermenting a fucking mother in her dead babies, it's fucked up right?
and then you get ya bread crumbs...
ivan sinful you don't just get the bread crumbs, you grab them by the nuts and throw them in there.
@@zaccoggin4568 and then you just start beating the FUCK out of it, BAM. BAM. BAM. Get that shit tender, you understand?
Joey Diaz is a national treasure. :)
Nicolaj Nielsen fucking bozo
Last Rights rapist lover... pervert. You like this sick fuck? You are a national disgrace.
I guess
@@terryfuldsgaming7995 why u such a little bitch lad
What a shitshow
"He was tremendous with a straight razor" 😂😂
Joey told 946 stories in 16 minutes and somehow we ALL followed and fwlt like we were all there playin every character 🤣
Man you can tell jiu jitsu has helped Uncle Joey a lot. He may look unhealthy in 2019, but he’s much healthier than 2013 uncle Joey
And quitting the hard drugs.
@@acs197 well.... ya never know
True but cigars are ruining his voice...
2 years later and he looks even healthier after moving to Jersey
If you're walking on ice, You might as well dance lol
if your gonna get wet, might as well go swimming!
if your gonna get warm, might as well jump in a fire!
~ if youre gonna get high you might aswell fly . . .
Opened the comments the second he said it lol whoa
hamza jajaja
I love hearing his stories. Reminds me of lunch time on construction sites.
None of the sites I work at are like that :(
Yeah dude I work for a tree trimming company contracted with the local electric company. Some of the stories I've heard from people who have worked here are the most insane shit. Mainly because this company will hire people fresh out of prison or out of a halfway house. The main boss says "we hire everyone except kid diddlers"
Yeah there's usually one fat older guy who is mouthy and fully of shit on most sites. Never amounted to anything so makes up shit to impress the younger ones.
"A man of a thousand weapons" Joey Diaz what a great funny dude
He's like a rapper takin people's life stories fuck him
"cause If your walking on Ice, you might as well dance" Love the way Joey D talks
Gar Funkle You gotta take a chance right? Columbus did.
alyxi columbus also cut the arms off indians if they didn't bring him gold.
+Keagan Cook fuck that guy
+Keagan Cook
money over everything
I’m native lol fuck Colombus
Thank god for statute of limitations so Joey Diaz can tell these stories. 😂
Didn't work out so well for bill cosby
@@portee9113 Big difference between the two. Unfair and insulting comparison.
I dig how Joey appreciates the hell out of his step dad.
I'm pretty sure that you don't accidentally call your step-dad "Dad" unless you really feel it.
He would be a terrific mobster in a movie. Just by his voice appearance and additude he'd be perfect 😁
Actually he voice acted in the video game Mafia 3 as a mob boss and immortalized in the game
have you never seen the sopranos
@@dannywes100 lol was gonna say this as well. He's in The Sopranos for what, the first season or two?
@@angelponce9568 he was like the 2nd mini boss in the game he was barely introduced
Attitude*
Joey Diaz has stories for days. Love it!
i see what u did there
He is an old dude.I'm a very boring person and have crazy stories i can tell so does most people but given his kind of life and his age of course he could just riff without having anything to think about to talk about.
@@nowwithmorekick just having stories isn't enough, you need to be an interesting character with good storytelling skills and charm. Joey is not just a guy that's lived an interesting life, he's a true stand-up comedian.
"When you're walking on ice, you might as well dance" love this quote!!!
“If your walking on ice, you might as well dance.”
😔👌💃
They remade Carrie. Is nothing sacred?! 😆
That part had me dying 😂😂
😂 "what happen here?"
Crystal Ramirez
Como se dice, how you say, "Wha happeng"? Wha happeng here!?
QUE PASO AQUI CONJONES 😂
Wha happeng puto??? Wha happeng?
“If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance”
I will now live by this
Growing up in the late 60's was a brutally honest time.
I watched my dad pull a dude out of his car and beat the dude for whistling at my mom
Dude was twice my dad's size
My pop was raised in NYC in the 40's and 50's
Sounds like your dad needs to go to prison lmao 😂
Your dad sounds like a sack o garbage
@@RxTerps Depends on the frequency and circumstance of the actions I'd say.
Context is a beautiful thing.
"If your walking on ice you might as well dance."
I didn't cry when I seen my dad kicked some ass but times have changed. ... hahha
dvastation.squad kids are pussies to the point of even a loud discussion in a bar gets them nervous and yes some threaten to call the police.
@Aaron Smith lmfao
@@quattro4468 why are you taking your kids to the bar is the better question
@@outlawanthony100 youre dad never to you to the local pub? Youre not gonna make it mate.
@@quattro4468 based off my dad not taking me to the bar I'm not gonna make it? Lol you got life figured out for sure 👌
He feels like a hunting buddy I’d have. Can just imagine him drinking and smoking pot just rambling on about stories as everyone else can barely breathe due to laughing so damn hard
Bert krieschers the cabin
This has to be the best intro ever. "It all started when I got hit in the head with a lunchbox" 🤣
The great thing about this guy is that if anybody else told this story it would be like this is just fucked up, some dude got beat up over nothing.. But with Joey fuckin Coco Diaz, he can make anything fuckin hilarious regardless of whether it's wrong or right. If he can make you laugh about somethin you shouldn't, then he's just great at his job
+Dan Bauer Spot on dude I totally agree, this dude radiates comedy
Wow you really couldn't of said it better
I'm sure he was talking about the Taxi driver that got beat up cause his mum made a bullshit story up lol
Shouldve gave her back her money for going the wrong way and getting them stuck in traffic.
"but times have changed" ' TIMES HAVE FKN CHANGED"- joey diaz
He’s literally one of the greatest story tellers of all time
Strange how when you're a teen you love certain comics, like I used to love Dane Cook and then I grew up. When I used to see Uncle Joey's stand up at the same age I didn't much care for it but now that I'm grown I love the dude and his comedic energy. What a fuckin' champ!
"?Que pason aqui cajone?"
Love the fact that he included his dads spanish dialogue. Joey is a master at storytelling.
Its pretty cool all these guys are friends in real life. Talk about a fun time
My dad went hiking with his friends back in the 80s and convinced them to eat deer shit pellets after lying to them and saying it was a rare seasonal berry. He was quite the jokester.
“If your walking on ice you might as well dance” was my senior quote
" I'm walking on thin ice, might as well dance" - the great Joey 'coco' Diaz
...
"if your walking on ice, you might as well dance" -Joey Diaz....
Brilliant.
Can we get Joey sainted, he's a legend.
The level of respect I have for his mother and her mets... unreal
When Joey was 13 years old he came back home one night high on acid and he found his mom dead.... Strong man.
Turbo Lazer true?
Tom Wood yeah he told the story about it too it’s a great story till the end
Actually , you are right , but while he was tripping balls in his room , he heard her call out his name , but he did not answer cause he was high af and did not want her to see him . Some time passed he thought she went to sleep and he found her in the kitchen
16
hes on fire on this set!
Bro I swear no body's better than joey diaz fr I love that guy he's funny asf
“If you’re walking on ice you might as well dance”~ true fucking shit
powerful Joey Diaz
when I was 7 I walked into a Payless shoe store with dad and he had the 23 year old that worked there by the throat for getting my 17 year old sister drunk.
Your dad's OG man.
Hahaha
My stepdad used to give me the choice - either I had to fight him, or I had to fight my sister's boyfriend or if he was gonna handle it then he was gonna end up in jail for it. So thanks to my ho-bag sister, who I love, I got an education in fighting quick. I didn't want my stepfather going to jail.
It was fucked up cause I'm def not Bruce Lee
Neg Ative regardless he taught you a important lesson ... and thus im sure nothing has ever happened to her under your watch :)
Damn how could he do that to your uncle ?
I like how honest, real, and unfiltered he is.
Joey’s able to intimidate the crowd into laughing with genuine badass humor 😂
My dad beat up my cousins boyfriend for 8 bucks....then robbed him and gave me all the money....not sure if it was justified but I went home wit 58$ bucks to keep my mouth shut lol
Dam hahahahahah im weak bro, ayee he probably cried in the car
Ray1994
So when you giving the money back?
@@sarplaninac13 never?
for that amount it sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to beat his ass
Yet youre running your mouth about it.
Joey is, without a doubt, the best storyteller ever. I could listen to him read a goddam phone book and still be entertained. Brilliant.
He's great but Dave chappelle is the godfather of story telling
Im so glad i stumbled on this. Im from NY, this guys reminds me of my uncle 😭😭😭
I like to think of Joey as everyone's uncle.
Such a kind human being.
I love it. My dad is that old school generation too. They did a lot of shit and they don't talk about nuthin!
he doesn't say um or like and everything flows perfectly
I love how joey talks about his stepdad. There's Some real affection when he brings him up.
"he'd make me banana milkshakes and teach me how to be a man"
Ikr? Exactly the kind I'd dad i want to be.
The sooner you start learning the guitar/piano and singing in spanish the better.
...
Seeing this guy having a conversation, exchanging views with Patrice O'neal would so fcking epic!
Him and Patrice would've been a legendary line-up man
You two are awesome for this. I think about the same thing all the time
RIP
"Man of a thousand weapons" sounds like a kung-fu movie.
What a Performance!! Great to hear the real life stories!! I was a youngster in the 70's BOY HAVE TIMES CHANGED. You Killed it Joey😎👍🏻
this Dude is the greatest story teller in the World no doubt
Theo Von
@@coreymoore1963 no.....just no
I love his comedy stories about the old NYC
NY up until the early 90's!! How i miss you sometimes!!!
Best one yet, truth will set us free..... thankyou
"Some fuckin republican"
Rofl
Sounds more like some social justice warrior now
hahahhaha. i get ur comment now.
Don Snuss he was tryna describe another type of person, not everything is a sjw problem ffs
you' a SJW
Joey Diaz is an auditory addiction!
“I had two fuckin felonies. So if you bitch slap someone you better make it a good one. You gotta stab him and shit. Cause if you’re walking on ice you might as well dance” goddamn I love uncle Joey l lol
I could listen to him telling crazy stories all day I love it...
He's my kind of crazy
Joey "It's New York in the 70's" Díaz
I think it's hilarious that I could hear Lee giggling in the background.
Hahahaha.... Right
Times sure have changed. Had me rolling the whole time. Was fun to watch. Great video
It is particularly with Mr. Joey Diaz's unique combination of that very distinct raucous deep, voice and vastly experienced narrative style that one can truly appreciate what a delightful and culturally valuable audiovisual piece was assembled in 'This is Not Happening'
The camera movement, lightning, framing and music just tie the knot for a really special occurrence.
Thanks guys. I really appreciate your work
We thru the gun in the Hudson 😂😂😂😂
I want to hear the story about Nico getting shot at the Santeria party!!
He would be a great middle and high school teacher
I’ve always loved Joey Diaz one of my fav comedians by far
My dad gave me a push knuckle knife. Look it up. He told me that if a guy gives me trouble to punch him in the throat and to keep on walking. He demanded it back a few weeks later, he said I wasn't doing anything with it. Old school
He's right about the 70s...
What a legend.
Idk how many times I've watched Joey's stand-up but it never gets old