Full Episode: The Warning Signs Of Narcissists: Are They In Your Life? | The Mel Robbins Show
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- Опубликовано: 12 ноя 2019
- Mel's five warning signs to spot a narcissist; the personality type narcissists love to exploit.
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THE MEL ROBBINS SHOW is a 1-hour talk show hosted by the leading global motivational speaker and best-selling author of THE 5 SECOND RULE, Mel Robbins. Mel helps real people transform their lives by empowering them with the tools necessary to conquer their everyday problems and life’s biggest problems.
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There are many other warning signs of narcissists, and they can vary in intensity. But for the purpose of giving a general overview, this episode only talks about common narcissism signs to the most extreme degree. Thanks for watching, everyone!
Mel I watched your show a couple of times recently and was pleasantly surprised. God knows we are desparate for more like yours!! Bless you sweetie.
If you have narcissistic family why get the popcorn. Should the best thing is to get out too. I think my parents are both narcissistic and a sister I know is for sure. They have spent their whole lives making me feel small. I have given to them till I’m blue in the face. When is enough enough in a romantic relationship I’d be told get out or never get in. With family why should I reach for the popcorn stay for the show that usually ends with me getting abused?
So, how do I get over my Mom?
Brandi/ Mckenzie saved videos
Brandi/McKenzie I don't know your circumstances or age but I've healed and grown by coming to understand more about the cluster B disorders from Richard Grannon.
It's very hard to find a therapist that is educated in this mental illness. So many victims. This should be brought into the light.
Narcs in the beginning stages loves to listen to you so they can use it against you later. They also need to listen to study you.
Exactly, and who knows you better than your Mother?
It's true. On both counts.
@Sarah Bee A narc is a person who turns you into the police/narcotics officer. A narc is a tattle-tale. Narcs are also controlling and manipulative whenever possible = narcissist
This is Such The Truth
And they will rebember all your flaws
"If someone show you their true colors. Dont try to paint them with another color".
If you feel continuously confused by a relationship GET OUT!
It depends on the reasons!
It is hard when it is your mom
@@susannecarolinehoff7847 mine too. I hated her
@@wgrady222 that is really sad.. All my childhood I was afraid of her.. But today I can honestly say I love her. But that is cos God learned me about love. How to be loved and then how to love. It was a jurney and I had to trust God.. I had NO clue what love was.
But I am happy I love her now, I have forgotten everything (but I have PTSD cos of my childhood) I tell her that I love her. And I take what I get. Cos it is hard for her to respond to love. For me she is a little girl who needs a loooot of love and attention.
@@susannecarolinehoff7847 I appreciate it is sad , but sometimes when you are pushed too hard. its difficult to forgive I've tried for years and cant do it.
Sometimes ‘no contact ‘ is the only way to survive.
Unless you have small kids with them...then it's not so easy
@lena darling I believe you. I'm going through this now. Kids are refusing to see my ex and now shes taking me to court for this. She claims "alienation" ... try to prove mental abuse in court, nearly impossible
and that is so hard to do when it's your child. It took me 40 yrs.
LaLa H - I agree with you. Why would you want to call narcissist friends so you can argue, or have them try to manipulate you? Nothing changes with them. No contact is the sane way.
Or going "go contact" with your fist.
Narcs may ask "How are you?" But they will NEVER really care about how you are!
Yes!!! Blank out when you start to answer 🤦
Yup, they feel so superior and happy to kick you when you’re down. So evil and sad.
YES.
Facts
noooooooooo love
may i also add...a narcissist laughs at us when we cry after they accuse and abuse us
Truth. Actually when I broke and would cry he would get immediately happy. Sick.
Back in the earlier days of my relationship he would actually purposely make me cry bc he would get turned on..12 years down the road and I’m finally leaving, after he actually broke everything about me. It’s not worth it ladies, leave!
@@krystalgardiner5591 Good, do NOT. Look. BACK!
Omg! Yes! My ex did this! He'd laugh at me when I was upset.
Yes everytime i would cry he would giggle and when i called him on it. He would get after me and say " thats not me laughing thats me in shock that you would accuse me of laughing at you when you cry."
We need more on covert narcissism. They're the most dangerous.
Quantum Healing with Tena bravooooooo girl 💯💪😅
Oh girl you said it! Those ones will have you literally drained not knowing who tf you are after you get done
Quantum Healing with Tena I couldnt after more! Now they ARE the worst!
@Jennifer Love GOOD FOR YOU!! 💪❤️
Exactly my thoughts. My ex was one. They are incredibly deceiving. And do not have the same signs of an overt narcissist as discussed here. They appear quiet, and polite initially... but wolves in sheep's clothing.
“I’ve rarely seen a good natured toxic person 😂😂😂😂 👌 🎯 “
LOL
Empaths need to learn how to self protect
YES.
Many empaths are children who are immature and do not protect themselves. You gotta grow the hell up and realize there are evil sods in this world and you gotta get these sickoids outta ya life.
Toni Art, Amen. I’m a big time Empath. It’s gotten worse overtime when my oldest son got a kidney transplant. I’ve gotten to the point where i have anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve started meditating and looking within for strength because I can’t change what happens around me. I can only change how i react to it.
Donna Davis i had those they suck i m sorry you have to deal with those. All of my mental health issues went away after i got saved. I have no fear now. I am too busy learning how to be a blessing to others to think about myself lol. Spirituality mindfulness and prayer saved my life. My prayers are w u too !! Being an empath is a blessing you just have to reslize some ppl are happy being pathetic and do not want to change. Just leave them be. They have to want to improve
Im an empath and healer. I learnt the hard way but got out. Not stupid tho or immature 🤷🏾
I worked for a narcissist for eight months... drains the life out of you. Protect yourself!
@Cikgu Kucing - LoveKucing lucky to be in a position to walk away from a job… I wasn’t at the time.
💯
They aren't always partners.....a lot of them are "friends" . I call them Energy Vampires. RUN !
Trisha Williams I call them emotional vampires. They are both. Energy and emotional vampires.
You are right they look like you don't have life , just them
OR FAMILY!!!!!! My sister is THE WORST!!! EEEEEVIL BITCH!!!!🐞
1 out of 10 has NPD.
Trisha Williams or coworkers!!
I can't believe this happened to me. I was the perfect type of person a Narcissist wants. I am a huge empath and giver. I had no idea it would attract a predator like a Narcissist who had no empathy and invalidates my person. It's been incredibly dangerous. Now I am trying to grasp my own mind back daily.. and heal from the emotional trauma. I seriously need to learn how to self protect.
Sarah Hummel me too. Same feelings. Difficult
Its good for me to hear another person's story. Your thoughts are exactly how I feel right now. I've just started counselling to help me release him. I ended it 6 months ago after 3 yrs together but I still feel traumatised. Yes I'm a big empath and I'm sure that's what attracted him to me. Look at karmic relationships. I got a lot from it. I know your post was 6 mths ago but I just wanted to say hey it happened to me too. Hope you've managed to move on.
Sarah, you CAN do this! You can get through it and heal. You can FEEL again. You can learn to protect yourself. You learn your own way to fight for yourself when you go through transition AFTER YOU LEAVE. I know because I survived it and YOU CAN TOO. Have faith, fight for your self and never give up❤🌸
Thank you 😌💓😍☺️
@@sarahhummel4255 hey I hope you are happy now 😊 please be strong 💪 💖
Zero mention of the creepiest version of narcissism which is covert. They use gaslighting and stonewalling to make you actually insane. I'd rather someone never ask how I am
Exactly! This is a show about the obvious overt narcissist. Disappointing to see narcissism portrayed as just the grandiose type. The covert is so much more dangerous.
Elle Bee from my experience, coverts can morph back and forth depending on who they are dealing with and under what circumstances. Overts are normally people who do not have to answer to any type of authority and easily get what they want. But they probably acted as coverts at some point in their life. Coverts are very cunning, they have to finesse and charm their way first, but once they feel comfortable that they have you in their grip, they’ll take on the tendencies of an overt fairly quickly. I do absolutely agree though that coverts are more dangerous due to the fact that they are able to (for some time but NOT forever) keep their behavior well hidden. I’ve also noticed coverts do not tend to have close friends. They can and many do have a host of acquaintances (their audience) who would never view them as anything but likable and charming.
absolutely coverts are the worst - predatory like behavior. They lay traps constantly..
"We're socialized on the fairytale."
~ Dr. Ramani Darvasula
So true and so dangerous.
Dr. Ramani is always so insightful!
I do believe I may have just dodged a bullet after watching this 🤔😳
Hi Karen.
Me over here thinking. I just can see the good in him. Maybe I am too judgmental and next day he does it again and I feel like I am so stupid why do I let it happen again. Being with a narcissist is one the most draining experience ever
Oh my YES !!! My long time union with one has my self esteem down so low, I can't get an ant to crawl under here with me. Bj from NC.
Brenda Treants hope we all heal from them. We can do it.
Trueeeeeeee
Brenda Treants yes, tried to do that to me, but l know who I am in God and refused to allow it!
Keep bringing yourselves up
People struggle to leave narcissists because the narcissist trauma bonds (abuse version of Stockholm syndrome) the victim through an abuse cycle. It’s an emotional brain chemical addiction, or love addiction. The brain learns that after the “lows” of abuse, comes a “hit” of love when you make up. People in relationships with narcissists live for that love “high.” Many people in relationships with narcissists grew up with a toxic parent or caretaker, which makes it difficult for them to realize the situation is toxic in the first place. They often struggle with codependency, making them want to fix or help the narcissist. As she said on the show, society teaches us that we can turn a beast into a prince if we love someone enough, and it’s just not true.
Niki Meekins agree! We can’t make people change!! So we must change !!! Hard pill to swallow when you love these type of people... so crazy making !!
@P O J Definitely a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the path to emotional freedom. 💖
I can't like your comment enough!
@Bonnie Lee I think it’s very misunderstood and it’s harmful when people make “Why didn’t you just leave?” or “And that didn’t make you leave?” comments. It shames victims who don’t know what what’s happening to them and it makes healing more difficult.
Niki Meekins, I see what you're saying. I've seen them shoot back in the comment sections. An example: "Yeah well some people get taken by a used car salesman." A smooth talker, a liar, a manipulator who can put the fear in you to keep you from leaving. Or who, love bomb you, like you said. They also keep you confused. Just a lot of weird stuff all under the guise of a mask of sanity. I've even caught myself getting angry ( it was a murder show I was watching ) at the victim. I was so mad at her for not leaving. Then I had to calm my ass down and remember the horrible psychology and mind trickery going on that fooled her. Poor lady. But anyway. People don't understand just what is really tricky about it. And/or they get mad because it's horrible and why can't they see it?! Let's say that they do see it, but then they get tricked. Then little by little their self starts to erode. Eventually they can really leave. In my opinion and it's just an opinion. Women should follow the rule that once he gets abusive with you. You might not recognize the emotional but you definitely recognize the physical. Once that happens, leave. Don't go back. If you go back, then the psychopath may feel like he owns you even more so that when you do leave, he'll kill you. And, like I said, it's just an opinion. I have no statistics on the murder rate of when a lady leaves immediately and never goes back. It's just my thoughts on the matter that your odds are better if you follow that rule.
Behind every narcissist there's a DEMON! Fact!
It seems that way. But it's not scientific. If the same part of their brain in damaged or not working properly that also could explain why they all seem to have read the same manuel.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Know Love, nice scripture. It goes to show that throughout the ages they have had this disorder and/or people copying it to survive. You do realize that they thought it was the end times back then? It didn't come and people were leaving that movement. So then they came up with the scripture that a thousand years is like a day and a day a thousand years to God. So essentially they changed the definition of day. They kept preaching, we are in the last days. It's near at the door, we are in the last hour. The reason why people are still looking for the coming of God's kingdom with his son as ruler is because of that loop hole scripture. But a lie is a lie. You can't go changing the definition of day just because your prediction didn't come true just like a cheating spouse wouldn't get away with that move. Neither should a lying bible! Now let's reason this out as proof. If I were to go back in time and tell the apostle Paul, yes, but first God will send man to the moon, Paul would freak out! Because he would view that as never happening and here it was that he was preaching the end time. So simply because it happened it has surpassed even God's kingdom coming. In other words Paul would have said, no the kingdom will come first. Well it didn't folks. Back then it was hoped for, needed, imperative that God's kingdom rolling in with His son as ruler. So then you would have to say God changed His mind and decided to see the advancement of man rather than the advancement of His kingdom.
@@bonnielee7134 To each his or her own to believe or not believe! I choose to believe! I'm not here to argue back & forth about who's Wrong or who's RIGHT I'll leave that to you..My faith is not in Men's wisdom but in God's power! Flesh People Feed your fears Spirit People Feed Your Faith! A Fool immediately shows their annoyance, but the shrewd one overlooks an insult! My comment was to cosign with the original poster! Good Day
Know Love, You're a liar. Your post was put out there to teach everyone your message. I used to be Christian. I know this. Also the bible would have Christians convert nonbelievers into believers. I wasn't here to argue with you. I was here to tell you that the bible is a lie with proof. And I let the comment be out there for you and other poor people who would read your comment and fall for the lie. The lie of God saying, look at the signs and times as proof that I am God and can make predictions which proves my power so believe what I say. My comment was a warning to the would be readers that read your lie. Get It?
Great show. One thing I’d say regarding the “Don’t meet silence with silence.” is that I would extend it to “Don’t meet silence with silence except if they are a narcissist or an extremely toxic person because they aren’t worth the effort and may even take advantage of you bothering to call them on the phone/talk to them.” - not worth the effort after all the knowledge I’ve gained after being married to a narcissist for over 20 years & finally divorcing them this year - would have much sooner if more information was out there when I was younger !
congrats!!
My ex would ramble on about what he wanted, then later would say "we talked about that" in a way that made me feel stupid.... "we" did not talk, he did.
Omg 😭😭😭 I'm just realizing.
Sounds like what he did to me to I had just asked if he could do a few little things for me since i did everyrhing for him and in 4 months nothing was done just a few thing he was willing to do i guess what i was asking for wasnt alot of things I was just asking the wrong person
"I, ME, MY"....
Always 'Singular', NEVER 'Plural'......😕
The lady said it there 'Time with a narc is very lonely'
It sure is. I was more lonely in the years I was living (married) to the N, than I have been in decades since I left him. I have peace now, and I get away from toxic people. (Life is too precious to let Narcs destroy your happiness.).
So true. The narcissist is unable to truly be a partner, a part of the team, no real relationship with anyone else. The narcissist is oblivious. No empathy, though sometimes trying to portray themselves as being caring to pull back in the one they're trying to control. Some narcissists control by NOT doing. Roadblocks all the time. They spend every waking moment in a shallow desire to con others into thinking they're great. Some narcissists present themselves as shy and cordial yet their control is in disguise, quiet control of it all. Though we all have some narcissistic characteristics, and the narcissist can push us to exasperation to the point we have some of the traits, true narcissists deep down couldn't care less about anyone else. Just sad. Such a sad way to live.
Sarah Sanchez don’t despair. Just take care of yourself at this point; you need it. He may come around eventually. Focus on yourself and your kids right now.
@@laurawillingham1965 "Some narcissists control by NOT doing." I haven't thought of it that way. By the time the ex left I was doing everything, literally everything. Well, I did have him put the trash out for the garbage pickup. After he left I found a month's worth of trash in our cans. He hadn't done anything toward the end.
That's not what a narc is
Covert narcissist will ask how you are but it is still for his/her benefit. Falsely humble.
Yes cuz they never follow up upon it, especially not if it means taking responsibility for their actions or neglect thereof
Yes I'm now going to tell somebody that I've only gone on two dates with who I liked at first that we don't see eye-to-eye. I thought he was kind and humble when he would ask me about me and then he always turned what I said in the conversation to himself. When I called him on it finally oh, he said oh you have a temper don't you. I wasn't even mad. Then he said I'm just joking you know I'm just joking. My response I don't know if you're joking you seem to do this a lot.
Cynthia, jezzzuzz too lazy to love bomb? 😂 glad you got the red flag; I was joking...kiss off
True.. The narcissists I have known have nonstop asked me: "How are you? How do you feel about this and that..." However, in the end - they only care about themselves. They can be extremely sweet and helpful, but they are calculating, so the helpfulness comes with a prize...
They also expect thank you for things you don’t even want. That was eye opening. I couldn’t do anything right.
"Be decisive. Wrong or right. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision."
Love this
WOW...this is the exact story of me and my ex-fiancé. He had a lot of narcissistic traits, and I was the classic "pleaser" who wanted to support and save him at my own expense. I'm so glad I got out of that relationship and found my husband!
I dated him for six months. I couldn’t sleep one night when I was staying at his house... I got out of bed at 2:30 AM and left without a word. I was done being made to feel I was crazy and not good enough. I have never regretted it for a second.
So proud of you! It really keeps getting worse .. and worse .. and ...
Sabrina Tenney congrats 🥳 ... you’ll always deserve better
Sabrina Tenney 👍👍👍👍👍
Good on you very proud of you
Did the same. Once I made up my mind I was done I was done. Zero contact. Took me two year's to get over him.
My ex-husband, "I'm the smartest person I know." Me: "You must not know that many people."
😂🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol, my ex wife: "I'm the strongest person out there, i dont know anyone as strong as me".
i believed he was the smartest person I knew....he would never befriend another male of a couple that was equal status. And would then relish being the smartest man.
My husband: I’m a really great guy me: what???
This NEEDS to be taken seriously. Especially in the day and age of social media.... people just be eating up narcissism characteristics like candy! Her opening is spot on!!!
There needs to be an offender list just for narcissist. They destruct, demand and then disgard you.
Its better to use your own discretion...learn the ear marks of this type of behavior, and walk away.
Thanks from an 80-year-old who still has much to learn. Great show.
Great comment. Great name!
The nark likes to make themselves look like a hero. They are also no humble givers. If they give anything they have to brag about it or point it out. They need to hear how wonderful they are. They are strivers. They want recognition.
100% agree.
Absolutely I agree with you. TRUE
My ex was a narc. But he wasn't an achiever. In fact, he just doesn't want to do anything and wants to be served and spoon-fed with everything he desires. I finally left after 6 years.
True the bragging part, I have a friend who just decided to post me on insta..few days he confronts me on not liking this post or thanking him for making me famous, mind you I never even asked to be posted for that matter...U know as I reflected about it really made me angry because I felt like my privacy was being invaded...I've since set very strong boundaries....And I can say some narcs friends are not very easy to live I think u can only avoid...and press your foot down if you have to...
Yes! This man will cook me food, then stare at me to watch me eat it. If I don't eat it right away, he'll say, go ahead try it. Then when I eat it, hell say is it good? Even though he cooks the same food and I've eaten it plenty of times before. This makes me sick.
I was married to narcissist twice. Selfish, extremely jealous, arrogant, vain, entitlement, control, manipulative, antisocial, isolated you from everyone you know, lots of drama, extremely insecure, lack of respect, lack of accountability, immature, cheats…the list can go on!
They look for an empath/codependent/people pleaser/problem solver/caretaker/forgiver. If you are an empath/people pleaser because as a child, you were neglected by your caretaker. You feel that you have to do something in order to get love or attention. You become a self-giving, Narcissist only like to take, it’s all about them. Opposite attracts! The key to keep the narcissist at bay, the codependent needs to set the boundary, practice on the give and take rule. Not to tell them, watch on their action.
I’m so glad you included a female narcissist in this because it’s often overlooked!! I wish you had gone over subversive narcissism and how these people are super subtle about how they slowly break you down.
"Everytime I think of him, it makes me angry." She spoke my mind.
They do ask how you are, in the beginning. They act like how you are is the most important thing in their life.
Yep, love bombing. To me, a more accurate “tell” is how they treat you when there is absolutely zero benefit in it for them. Even this can be tough because they will do things for you while keeping score in the back of their minds. But they ALWAYS bring up this score later on in subtle ways. Well, I did THIS thing for you, so you should do THIS thing for me.
I agree. I very often don’t bother with ‘how are you’ because it’s so superficial, it’s small talk designed to sound nice with a fixed script to follow ‘How are you?’ ‘Oh fine, how are you?’ ‘Yeah, fine’... Ideal in its superficiality for a narcissist to maintain their image, but if you genuinely care, no! People don’t tend to mean it when they ask - try answering them more fully and you’ll see what I mean! 😁 I only ask when I’m spending time with someone and genuinely want to hear their answer.
Love Bombing
diane taylor my own mother was like this!! Unfortunately, her grandchildren had to learn it the hard way. As they were growing up she gave them what seemed like the world...They thought she hung the moon. As soon as they became young adults and the first time they didn’t bow down and kiss her feet and she realized she could not manipulate them anymore...That’s when the fury started ...it was heart breaking to see my niece and nephews 😢 hurt. My oldest sister was 14 when I was born and married at 18 and started having kids right away, so I grew up with them. My other sister and I tried to tell them but she had spoiled them so much they could not see it ...Maybe she had more than Narcissistic tendencies but I KNOW she DID have them!!
Bianca Cox sale with my mother! It’s very tough isn’t it? 😟
these people can also be in work environments. So painful and harmful.
Truth.
My boss
Absolutely. I had no idea how petty they are. I was harassed and fired over a female coworker smiling at me and an insecure coworker threw a tantrum over not getting all of the attention. I was the big bad monster who stole his thunder.
It could also be a boss😊
TO WHOM IM ALL BOUT BEING GREEN
They can show a lot of interest at first. It's part of the trap.
They ALWAYS do.
As well as the only time they’re interested.
MB Stephens,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
The narcissists in my life always ask how I am and how my day went. I found that the answers that I gave we're always used against me. Now it's just good, my day is good, I'm feeling fine.
Love Dr. Ramini (sp), I watch a lot of her RUclips videos and they have been very helpful in giving me the strength to get out of a very long term toxic relationship.
Mel, thank you for putting your shows on RUclips! They are very insightful.
Indeed. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
@@angelic3450 - and even things you don't say. Anything the N can use to hurt you in any way.. is fair game for the N. They love to see you suffer! It is their "supply". They feed off that. They are very cruel.
Love love love Dr R! 🤓
Julie Nickerson Yes, nobody really wants to know when they ask unless deep in conversation, so it’s a superficial social nicety ideal for a narcissist to use to maintain image.
My ex used to do that, luckily I was strong. I just shut up until I got divorced. Best decision ever!😁
One scary trait a narcissist has is the ability to appear empathetic as they absorb information from their target, then later use that information to attack the person's esteem later on or to betray them by revealing such information to a third party in hopes for that individual to harm their subject so that the narcissist doesn't get blamed for such harm.
I believe you've got to meet Silence with silence otherwise you're opening the door to let the narcissist back in and trying to reason with them does not and will never work because they're always right.
are full of great wisdom
True statement..
When there's nothing to argur with, then it shuts down quicker than if you do argue
Yes no contact is the norm and recommendation with narcissist.
I have been emotionally abused by my mother for 30 years and I have finally cut her off my life. All those 5 phrases of gaslighting is what I have heard a lot though. Best advice: cut off these people from your life. You deserve the best.
I'm so sorry that you mother was like that to you where you had to cut ties. But I am very glad you finally did cut the ties. Life is too short to deal with that kind of pain from someone that is supposed to have your back, not treat you like dirt all of the time.
I had the same mother. It took me many years to see who she really was. Very painful journey, she turned my siblings against me and mocked my feelings as she has done my whole life. I am free now.
Brother in law
Also mine. Sadly I never knew understood this until decades later.
Another gaslighting phrase “Do you tend to overthink things?”
Or “Oh, so that’s how you interpreted what I said, I understand now”
Omg yes
Or “you are so overdramatic”
nope cuz if its like that I no I will not mean it so why ask im not lazy I just like our own energy
Wow thats what he would always say this
The scary thing is they are observant and learn "appropriate" responses. I wish I knew this 15 yrs ago! I just finalized my divorce!
They only go to counseling to fix you. Not themselves!
Congrats on finalizing your divorce! Love to hear when people make a truly healthy decision for themselves no matter how difficult. We can only take accountability for ourselves. I dated a narcissistic sociopath for 4 years. It wasn't a relationship, it was a cage match filled with mind games, a Colosseum filled with hungry lions. So very grateful to have made the decision to leave. Remember that you are enough and you are worthy of so much more! Much love and light to you ❤☮☯️🕉🌌
@avi mae ~ Everytime I bring up marriage counseling to my husband of 10 years his response is, "Go for it, make an appointment...I guarantee you'll regret it" or something along those lines. I can't even count how many times he's told me about how 2 of his exes made appointments for relationship counseling, but stormed out on their first visits because they didn't like what the counselor had to say. Total BS!
Yupppp
@@findingmywaybacktome9312 I’ve heard that before
Gaslighting: “You just don’t remember correctly!!” Said to me during every argument. So happy I’m free of that now.
Omg or they lie to you and change what they say taking you think it’s your fault when try to communicate and out everything out there. It’s like you’re being manipulated
When dealing with a Narcisis is the best response when being criticized belittled is no response. You maintain your dignity and they are left shaking their head because they didn't get what they want. EMOTIONS
It can almost destroy the people pleaser as well. They take and take and leave nothing in their wake. After 17 years I left but barely with my sanity.
Being together now for 43 years, I am so low, I don't feel that I can make it on my own. Information shows, RUclips such as this will be helpful as I begin learn how to take care of myself. I've asked a good friend about a local person who maybe can help me. But knowing my record, I have not called for an appointment yet. Hopefully after I learn more from these shows, the courage to call will come. Thank you for this information. Brenda from NC
True I'm feeling this right now I did so much for him as a blessing and thats fine I wanted to be able to help him but then later everything changed with other toxic friends but he rather be with people using him than be with someone whos shows they really do care about him so im done with all the toxic people in my life for good
So glad to hear you're discussing this very important topic.
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. love your work, Lisa! ❤️👼🏻
Yay!! Lisa’s Team present!!
I love Mel because she is also been through a lot, and helps others with her vulnerability and openness about hard stuff... I love you ladies ♥️❤️🥰
Forgot to mention! You two!!
Wow!!
You guys aro so freaking inspiring 😍😍
Lisa A. Romano, any plans to interview Dr. Ramani?
rvufo thank you so much🙏
The second to last segment of the show had me in tears. As someone who has dealt with the pain of indecision, I appreciate you Mel for empowering women to tune in to their gut!! ❤❤❤
Was it heads or tails? I couldn't tell, I'm not American ! lol
@@eternalfmk7661 tails😉
And also, they DO ask you "how are you". In the BEGINNING. When they are eliciting all of your vulnerabilities, weaknesses AND things you value. They are on a reconnaissance mission at first, and this is part of the love bombing phase (which I didn't hear her talk about at all). They gather as much "stuff" on you as they can up front which for US makes us think of "intimacy" but for THEM, it is a WEAPON to use later. And oh boy do they ever.........
I never realised it.. I am a toxic too.This video sure gave me in-depth mirror of my behaviour. I will make improvements in myself from now on
Priyanka Bagade
We are ALL toxic!!!!
The bad toxic are the ones who feel they don’t need to do work.
Yes I’ve learned more about me and my shortgivings than I have about narcissists
@@sylviagomez9523 I agree with you .
If you're honest with yourself about yourself and are willing to work to change yourself, that's a good thing.
This day and age is creating more and more narcissists..technology, facebook, etc..everything is about me, me, me, I, I, I, and everything needs to happen now, now, now..instant gratification is the expectation now..it's shocking!
He would say he never said something that he for sure did. But, he’d also swear he told me something when he hadn’t like as if I was lying or making up that he hadn’t told me. It didn’t matter what you did or said to them, they said you were wrong regardless.
urthebest1122 this is called gaslighting! I was with a narc for 15 years! He did this too!
Yeah, my husband does this and will swear that "we" did something together when I wasn't even there! Eventually I figured out that these are probably instances he was with someone else and cheating on me.
shelby lane You know, That’s the same thing I thought. This person was not a spouse, thank goodness. But, for instance, on one occasion his grown son had hail damage on a car that I knew nothing about. A couple months later I’m told that he had to bring his son to the body shop to get his car out after being repaired. I asked him when did hail damage occur, that I knew nothing of this, and he went on to tell me that he told me dates and times and all about the damage. In actuality he told me nothing up until that point two months later. At that moment I had this sneaky gut feeling he must have someone else he’s close to and confiding in (another romantic relationship) and he told her but forgot who he told or that he only told one of us. What you just typed just confirmed what I felt as well. Bet both of these guys were not being loyal. Hope you got away.
Drove me nuts...
I reached a point when he'd deny I'd just walk away and not engage the gaslighting
I did divorce my mom... I lost a lot of family and friends (’friends felt I was wrong to walk away’).
It was well worth it!
Yep, my ex. Never asked how I felt; always accused me of everything...wanted everything and was never satisfied. He’s remarried now and he’s still trying to control my home.
8 minutes into the video I was like man they really need to have Dr Ramani on this show. She would really shed light on this disorder. And then she introduced her. Sweet!
Dr. Ramini has her own channel. Look her up
Dr. Ramani has some great insights!
@@MelRobbinsShow yes! And the entire show was so amazing and helpful. Thank you!
@@cyncitycaverley297 yes! I've learned so much from her, she helps me to make sense of my childhood.
Dr R has seen her share...
I say coming out of an 11year marriage .. Jesus is truly a healer who was able to heal me inside out..I see myself as my creator sees me .. turn to scripture to start healing
Amen!
Where do you suggest I start?
kimmi w It was through the grace of Jesus that I was able to forgive my mother and make my peace with her the day she died. He also took the sting of bitterness out of my heart and although I remember everything, it no longer hurts to think about it.
A Ungar Ask God to reveal to you through His Word, just how loved you are. He will direct you to the right Scriptures!
kimmi w ❤️🙏
I guess the 190 thumbs down are Narcissist. 🤦♀️
The one I knew and figured out would practically spit out the words ‘how are you’ BUT only when he dropped me off and I was practically out of his car. LMAO.
If you are constantly confused by someone in your life and if you feel completely and utterly drained after spending time with them, remove them from your life. An actual diagnosis or a diagnosis that is assumed is really not necessary.
Never doubt your gut instinct and always remember your worth.
OMG! I heard each of those 5 phrases from my ex!!! I dumped him after a very evident episode of gaslighting and it took some time to repair the damage but thank the Lord I got out when I did! If you see these warnings, GET OUT as soon as you can and seek healthy relationships to detox your mind!
Sarionne Hardister that’s so good you saw and acted.
The most important aspect of healing, and preventing those kind of people from being in one’s life...is to connect to oneself and figure out any attachment style issues or wounds that need to be healed. The Personal Development School and Alan Robarge, both on RUclips, have helped me :)
I think sometimes we can be addicted to Narcissists so remember to be kind to yourself when your detoxing or going cold turkey, Great talk Mel
I discovered about a year ago that my mother is a covert narcissist. It’s been a whirlwind having a name for this craziness. I feel like I’m in a psych ward. I’ve gone grey rock and am now hypersensitive to her bullshit. I want NOTHING to do with her. My dad wanted to workout this morning, I agreed. I walked outside and saw HER, I turned around and walked back inside. This woman never works out..... what is she she doing here???
I have to get TF away from her. She can’t take that I’m ignoring her. This is too much
I've been discarded by so many Narsasist I'm very blessed.
That means you have no suppy for them..they look for supply..
Narcissist are pathological liars. If their mouth is moving, they are lying. They destroy your self esteem. They pretend to love you, but they only love what you can give them. They have no empathy. They don't care if they hurt you. I also started having anxiety & panic attacks from this relationship
No coverage of covert narcissists - they're even worse.
Most dangerous ones.
I think the show was more on the regular narcissists that are more egotistical and everything is about them. The malignant ones fortunately, are not ones we see everyday. Not making light on them since I know many people have had them in their life. But the regular ones are the ones we don't often realize are narcissists. They are just everyday people like us, but with more desire to be the center of attention.
I had a co-worker who would ask something about me but then immediately say anything about themself. I might would answer I had a little headache but immediately they would go on about a headache they had and go on and on about how bad theirs was. Everything was a comparison and their situation was always more dramatic and severe. I had surgery but theirs was more detailed and major. This was incessant! There was others in the office who saw and heard this but just laughed about it but they all did see it. At least it wasn’t in my head! Friendship dissolved and I am better for it!
Very trivial.
These types were everywhere in school when I was growing up, in every social situation n every event....it was exhausting n made quality of life very little but I just assumed it was the norm. It’s also like this in my house- my mom’s problems are always bigger n more catastrophic than everyone else’s....so is her entitlement n lordship over everyone else 🙄 it doesn’t matter how empathetic I am or how much of my life I spent worrying abt her....she could care less
I dated one of those for 2.5 years .... only talked about himself and his interests... never asked about me.
I like the girl explaining how her friend was because that's a "Hoover". They try to suck you back in the relationship/ cycle of abuse and when they come back they act like nothing happened when they previously discarded you like yesterday's trash and just try to pick up right where they left off. It's bizarre behavior to say the least. I can honestly say it's the worst thing I've ever been through. Prayers to anyone that has been through this and is still in the healing process. I've been through breakups before but nothing that hurt like this. I am a firm believer of if you have never been through it you will never understand it.
1991windsor Perfectly stated.
Yes, perfect example of a hoover. Especially if they run into you in public after tearing you apart and raking you over the coals. It's all hugs and smiles and nothing ever happened. They either want their supply back and/or they have to protect their public facade.
AMEN, Sista!!!
I couldn't agree more, the hurt and damage I've been left to heal and clean up is like nothing I could have prepared for. I am strong and usually clear headed but felt so very lost by the end. BE CAREFUL OF THE SIGNS don't negate your gut and brain they know whats best .
Sonetimes if they don't need you, they eliminate you and leave you feeling like YOU did something wrong.
Yes... projection and gaslighting.
Amen
True thats alittle bit what happened to me but i put a stop to it
One of the best sayings I've ever heard in my life is: "Never try to teach a pig to sing, you only waste your time and annoy the pig". (Substitute narcissist for pig.)
Too many narcs around with the same exact behaviors. I'm beginning to think they are demons taking over a human shell. I've had clients and they've said the same exact words and scenarios as each other. Very scary.
Exactly! Due to my work as healer, I often deal with entities. Regarding my own experience I can say, that pathological narcissist are always possessed with demons. They are not born this way, often there is a fight between the "human soul" and the "demonic entity". When the demon wins, that's when people turn into pathological narcissist, psychopaths or even serial killers. All the same patterns.
Makes one wonder.
Sometimes I think my narc has the devil in him. Oh, the things that has come out of that mouth!
The demons name is Jezebel. Look up "the Jezebel spirit"
People talk about narcs sooo much. I think everyone needs to be aware that there are borderline narrcsassists that can fool you and fake emotions for long periods of time and the abuse can be very subtle, especially if you come from an abusive childhoods.
I think some people think of the word narcissist in terms of vanity or attention getter. There is such a difference between that and someone who is disordered and truly abusive to others. And you are right, the abuse can be very subtle, and then people don't even see it, and think it's you. They know how to single people out. One of my "ex" relatives used to whisper degrading things to me when others were just far enough across the room not to hear, then go back to being the center of attention. It's so sick.
It doesn't really matter if they're diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder because if they show the same as red flags the same size as nurses to do they're just as cruel and mean if you want to act like one just because of a diagnosis when does it mean to not just as cruel as this one is so my suggestion is if one isn't a narcissist but acts like one they're just as bad either way it doesn't matter the dinosaur not the act the same there are the same that mean cruel horrible demon possessed and you better run don't look back
It’s not just SO’s it’s also “friends” who think the world revolves around them and can’t get over themselves for 1 second to see what they are doing. The entitlement is maddening! Narcissistic personality disorder is a real thing!
Most of the narcissists I have known are very good at having long term relationships. They are horrible to their partners but even in the description here she dealt with some victims that were married to the narc for 20-40 years. So when she went off into narcissists are alone, no friends, no relationships that is wrong. Supply is everywhere and everyone is supply and they even lead whole other lives as a secondary sources of supply. They are always looking for supply. When they drop you it's because they know you are on to them but as long as they already have new supply. If the new supply doesn't work out they will be back. It's actually very hard to get rid of them and is one of my signs, they don't leave when you ask them to.
No contact is the only way to survive
I agree!
Just now finished watching this program on my computer, So just now heard Mel's closing remarks. She was so kind, she spoke to me but she does not know she did. I am in tears after listening to what was said. Thank you for your kind words and sharing this program on RUclips so I could find it. Bi from NC
Hi Brenda.
My now ex-wife once did say to me “You’re imagining things.” She’s bipolar AND a narcissist. I have cut all ties not only to her but my family of narcissists.
"I'll give you the world, but only if you give me half of it back." I have been told that... several times. Now I have a husband who buys me my favorite icecream just because he can't buy something for hisself without thinking of his family. Thank God for men like that.
I came across this show and loved it. Mel, you are awesome! Dr. Ramani, awesome! Our society is changing, and we need this type of education. The typical stuff taught in schools is great, but we need to teach mental health, how to have healthy relationships, and how to treat others. We need to learn how to protect our hearts, minds, and bodies. Thank you for choosing this topic. Great show! 💜
So so true. It's not that we have only just learnt this. We just haven't talked about it.
So true
After coming out of a 10 yrs marriage with a narcissist I felt empty, I didn’t know how I was, I didn’t recognise myself, I was just a piece of furniture in the house.
But after coming out of it I’ve learnt to love myself and how I want to be loved... it’s hard not putting people before you but I have to stop and think, they don’t love me how I deserve to be loved.
i hear that
Dr. *Ramani Durvasula* is our modern age model of how a human being can transcend this society.
We love Dr. Ramani too!
💛💛💛 Dr Ramani
Dr Ramani
Hi Mel and Dr. Ramani, you both probably both already have seen this, but I have discovered this in dealing with a Narcissist. The difference between asking a Narcissist a "WHY?" question VERSES a "HOW COME?" question. Asking someone "Why?" opens pandora's box with everything from: Because they can, because you are stupid, because you are wrong, because you are this or that, you, you you! They blame you, and on top of it point out there's something wrong with you. Asking someone "How Come?" a healthy person won't miss a beat and answer with something reflective about themselves, and typically engage in a normal dialogue with you. A Narcissist will be caught off-guard by the "How Come? because they aren't reflective. An awkward pause will occur, but so lighting-fast the Narcissist will scramble an answer of word-salad. Definition from the internet: The metaphorical expression word-salad refers to the practice of stringing together words that have no apparent connection to one another -
So true!
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I was with a Covert Narcissist for 2 yrs they know how to trick and dupe you into the relationship! I left and got a restraining order they a dangerous RUN forreal!
Run, run, run
I finally left because someone was going to die. I really felt like I could kill him because he made me so angry. I ran in the opposite direction. I didn't like the person I was becoming.
Tamah Taylor I can relate to how you feel. After 13 years of marriage to a covert narcissist, I have had enough. If I do not leave, one of us will end up deceased.
One of the best shows about narcissistic abuse and more,I highly recommend. I’ve seen them all.
I Grew up with a father that has Narcissism. Just knowing and having an answer to why my childhood was so horrible had given me peace. Educating myself about this disorder has really helped me cope and get past all the lies, gaslighting (I was “crazy” and very “emotional”), and abuse. He claims he’s had cancer like 9 times in my life. He constantly cheated on my mom, and I was scared anytime he would come home because his behavior was so unpredictable. BUT I now accept my father for who he is. I do wish he was different but I do love him and forgive him. If you are in a relationship with someone with this disorder, leave them. Especially if you have children with them. Don’t let your children grow up thinking and feeling like they are worthless and don’t matter. If you have a family member with this disorder and you are willing to stay connected, learn to create clear boundaries and always be very decisive even if they try to make you feel bad. Also, you will need to be ready for their lies and attempts to manipulate. Pick your battles.
My ex narc ALWAYS asked me what i was thinking or feeling......constantly.
He would use my responses against me
Yes I just left a relationship that was just like that.
I was engaged to him.. but life takes a turn and somehow protects you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
I always knew my mother has mental health issues but the turning point for me where I discovered she was a narcissist was when we were having a family gathering and she was taking a group picture. Everyone was situating and talking among ourselves. My mother got so upset that we weren't all (we're talking 30 people ages 1yr-60+) looking at her that she literally threw her digital camera, started crying, and ran away.
.....sense of entitlement seems to be a common denominator....
My sister was married to one for 26 yrs....the moment she refused to provide for him and and asked him to men-Up ,he packed up and left!
He actually did her a favor by leaving! Yes it hurts but she didn't need him he needed her
Try watching two narcissists married that is very terrifying and sad at the same time.
Patricia Knost, Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
This discribes Megan on the view. Every conversation circles back to her.
God just saved me from this EXACT personality type.
When the narcissist says “I really expected you would have committed suicide by now.” No one believed me w/ the mind games he played. Years later, so glad I’m out of that relationship. Karma finally had its turn. It’s been a long haul “finding me” again.
Proud of you.❤️
Swetha Krishna Murthy THANKS!!! 💖
Yep ex narcissistic husband told me with no hesitation that "life is an option ".
Audrelyn Durand So glad you got out alive!!! Good on Ya!!! Sister!!!
Bert S. Pitts stop with this bs! This is a scam, and you too are predators! Please, no one fall for this ☝️ SCAM!
They always gaslight, degrade under estimate your ability, they Will attempt to live vicariously through all of your beauty and ability ❤️
And even when it's a close family member, when they're toxic, you have to let them go.
My 10 year marriage to a narcissist did nothing to stop me still wanting to fix him and for him to love me back. I’m recovering but still 6 years on from separation I still can’t get over what happened.
the overts are one thing, need to be talking about the coverts. Coming out of a 22 yr marriage, 14 in therapy trying to tell therapists how he was treating me and nobody caught it. I figured it out on my own after seeing a book a woman posted on Instagram, so looked to see if it was available on audible. Then I saw The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist by Debbie Mersa. I listen to the sample and it was if I’d written it. When I confronted the therapists who missed it, I got all sorts of excuses, “hard to go off an opinion” “I only know what they tell me” (forgetting I was sitting right next to him telling her) “that’s painting with a broad stroke to just call someone a covert narcissist” but no apologies. And I’m a very good scapegoat. Now that I’m out and look back I can’t believe how insidious the abuse was and how much I thought was my imagination, wasn’t. I now think he’s more of a sociopath with some psychopathy sprinkled on top. Regardless, he’s very covert and they are the most dangerous because the abuse is invisible. This is a very good video that explains how they slip through the therapy cracks
ruclips.net/video/tOZygn9TqLw/видео.html
Yes yes Yes 💯💯💯👌
Yess!!! I was waiting for that
I one hundred percent agree Stacey Roberts.
I agree. It can save some physical lives and protect the qualities of other lives. I lost a loved one, to a covert narc, when I was a teen. The more we come to recognize their tactics, the less we are victims. Then, the more they apply their methods, the more they confirm their own diagnosis to us. It gives our choices, more support. (Of course they'll try to convince everyone you know, that they are sweet and it's you.) In addition to supporting the victims, getting this education out there, can help the victim's loved ones to see through them, as well. Then the gig is up & they'll have to search elsewhere for their sources of "supply". I am SO grateful to social media and the many RUclips content contributors on this subject.
Stacey Roberts I totally agree. There are so many out there but they’re *really* good at what they do. People need to be aware of the coverts.
"Thank you", "How was your day", I'm sorry", "Do you need help", "Are you OK"; all of these I have never once heard from my narc husband of 40 years.
I'm so sorry. How sad. I hope you're in a better place now.
My brother in law to my late sister
Please make a show about how to deal with a Narc at work! They are everywhere and there has to be a, solution how to deal with them cause you can't change your job all the time!
We all have them at work. If you work in a company and don't have any narcs at all, that is one hell of an awesome company. Just be glad you don't have to live with them. Feel bad for the poor family members that have to deal with them at home.
Doesn't answer my question how to deal with them at work 🙄
Great show. Narcissism awareness is very important ❣👍You can't imagine how many lives can be saved. Dr Ramani, you are brilliant. You are amazing. I hope some people will learn from your videos to run ...
Kind regards ❣
If this is your first time watching anything on narcissism please keep on researching the subject. The spectrum of traits can vary greatly. There are quiet observing narcs & narcs that will question you intensely about your life. Keep learning!!!
Narcs can be overt or covert too! Coverts are the most dangerous!
Shastina My mum’s a covert. Dangerous people to be around.
They’re like snowflakes, no two are the same and they are all fragile
James Mcmillan Ooo thank you! Perfect analogy. I have been seeking a short but sweet way to describe the spectrum. This also falls in line with Dr Emoto’s messages in water.
Yup, note: If you're wondering if you could be the narc, chances are you're not because true narcs can't self-reflect like that. Some people are more confusing because they don't meet quite all the criteria, but lots of people who spend time around or were raised by narcs develop "fleas" which are behaviors learned from the narc. Some empathy can be present, but the behavior seems almost normal until they realize.
That's me, the fixer, Loyal, rescuer and I have been with my narcissist husband for 15 years. Most of that has been hell. He is all you mentioned. I have aged sl fast and declined so much since then. Truth!
I was with a guy for 8 years and I had started to age from stress. Free 18 months
Oh gosh I'm 3 years in. Same.
I’m so happy to see this. Please do an episode on covert narcissists aka Malignant Narcissism. One just destroyed my life. I had no idea these people existed. I’d call them Animals they’re not even people.
C A i agree. Same here. Souless. Ice people
Not a good comparison. Animals are wonderful.
You can