"I Think He's Controlling The Money So I Can't Leave..."
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- Опубликовано: 23 мар 2024
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There is more here. But, the scary part is that if her husband died suddenly, she has no way to access any of the accounts. Finances need to be shared 100% in a relationship.
Yes, that was my first fear. She likely wouldn't know how to pay her rent/mortgage. Let alone make a life insurance claim.
Didn't she say it was a joint acct?
She's also clueless lol. Like in a vegetative state
she make the money something seem work, and i dont think all of it is on him.
Gambling, debt or worse
I don’t understand how a women who makes $105k a year doesn’t know how to walk into a bank and show them the debit card and ask for assistance to access her account…something not adding up…
I think she is afraid of this guy. She said he hasn't hit her, but he obviously intimidates her.
I’m not sure we can take 100% of what this lady is saying. She doesn’t know her own take home pay? That has nothing to do with her husband
Right? You can login into your HR site and figure that out. She has been willfully ignorant for the last 20 years
It’s an excuse for her to blame the husband for her open ignorance..
@@dacokc I know men that are the main breadwinners and do not know their take home. He earns it - that is enough. People have different "gifts" when it comes to admin stuff. Normally that should not be a problem in a SUPPORTIVE relationship with HONEST spouses. The spouse with more time and / or talent takes care of the adminstrative stuff and that includes the accounting, budgeting, paying of invoices and knows those numbers. Resp. has the numbers at hand if the other spouse happens to show some interest.
IF that was going on in HER marriage she would not call. She would have said to her husband: Honey can we sit down one afternoon, I would like to get a feel for the numbers and I would like to make a budget with you. And HE would accomodate HER. Even if he does not think a budget is really necessary. At least he would update her (and she could acknowledge his effort and contribution).
Also: she may have a varying amount (think commissions, sales, bonuses).
One partner playing the personal assistant can be a relief and a lot of help for the adminstratively challenged. Or the partner would be capable but has very little time and is thankful for the assistance (although in that case they rarely lose completely track of the numbers).
Relying on such offers of "help" can also be a trap, and set her up for abuse (if the husband, or a manager that is a friend of family member ABUSES that position).
And it is not a good idea in general to be completely clueless - in case the managing spouse gets very ill, has an accident or dies suddenly.
Yes. After all, it's a cruel patriarchy! That's the woke, feminist narrative today.@@dacokc
@@hasani9110 "willfully" is up for discussion. When a person is being manipulated and controlled, they are being victimized. It's crippling. It makes you a shell of the person you should be.
He could be having an affair, has a secret addiction, or a kid with another woman she doesn't know about. It starts with controlling and hiding the money trail...
Or she’s not trustworthy so he has his own boundaries. She seems clueless. Based on what I heard, I wouldn’t trust her with the money either.
Something makes me think that she's not telling the full story
I agree, she's hemming and hawing.
YEP
Most women don't lol
I don't think that's it. She's choosing her words very carefully. She mentions that her husband is insecure so she had made a habit of thinking very carefully about what she's going to say for fear of getting him riled up
If he had told her to log in herself, he'd be a jerk. If he logged in or "opened the book" himself and showed her, it's concerning. What a joke. She's insecure and may not be telling the entire truth.
she's not telling them everything
Lots more abuse.
Or she's crazy / big spender
@@shirleyshirley4188ofcourse abuse is ur first answer yall women all the same w that
Yep
@@xsgtxbigboy1655 does she sound like a big spender to you? She mentioned multiple times that she wants to create a budget and he refuses.
Women often say it’s abuse because many behaviors are abusive but a large portion of men don’t consider behavior abusive unless it’s physical. Women are used to the careful language other women use to excuse their partner’s emotionally and financially abusive behavior.
How can you be "overwhelmed and not know what you are looking at" when viewing a checking and savings account online?
It’s the stress of knowing he doesn’t like it.
@@lavenderkisses9461 More likely the stress of not knowing how to spin it to get the response she wants.
He was the one navigating while she looked over his shoulder. I bet he skimmed over things real quick.
And then her saying she’s the bread winner how could she possibly know?
But you make $100k a year
if you have a joint account, you can each have your own login information. I guess she never tried to do that
I suspect she's embarrassed that it's only in his name.
Yes and neither Rachel nor Jade even thought of that.
"I was looking at our bank accounts and was so overwhelmed." If your name is on the account you can set up your own login and password. It sounds like he's just taking care of her because she doesn't understand math. Who doesn't get their own check stubs also?
Yep she sounds really stupid. I wonder what she does for a living. I heard a huge amount of regret and fatigue when she said "she's the breadwinner". It sounds like the lure of being the boss babe is wearing off as she is now realizing she gets to work until she dies to provide for her family.
She said she was a main breadwinner so this one cannot be that stupid
Some companies do not send you a paystub. You have to go online and look but she could do that.
@@Jane5720
Many people belittling her here yet she clearly stated that she is the breadwinner. It sounds more like an emotional abuse where the wife is afraid of standing up for herself.
@@Jane5720plenty of dumb people making good money, Dave Ramsey episodes should’ve taught you that😂
This DEFINITELY needs a follow-up call. 🙏🏾👍🏾💪🏾
follow-up please!
What kind of adult gets confused by a bank statement? What is so confusing? It sounds like the reason he handles the finances is because she can't even decipher her paycheck
Barbie says math is hard
Me. Im not from US and haven’t actually understood it yet.
She was looking over his shoulder at a computer screen that he probably flashed and closed quickly or he never navigated to where she could see the actual account activity.
She doesn't know his take home ... pretty sure she is also part of her own problem...
She knew her income. Just not his...
She knews hers. SHE DIDNT KNOW HIS.
@@OopThereItIs77777 oops typo. Didn’t know why I typed “her” instead. Ugh guess these caller passed their stupid to me :(
@@mbank3832 Take it easy champ lol.
@@TheSoulCrisis will do lol and love Regina btw
This would have been a much different conversation had Dave taken this call.
Ok hold up… while she’s blaming her husband but it’s really her fault too for not being involved with finances to begin with. “I’m overwhelmed” is not an excuse. He may have control issues, but she needs to take responsibility of being so hands off.
No, she’s not in danger. She’s been irresponsible and he’s being controlling while not knowing how to manage the finances in general.
She needs to stop playing the victim and educate herself on finances and go to the bank to get the information.
I agree, she doesn’t know her take home pay… apparently that’s her husband’s fault
And she's the Bread winner
Yes. It takes two tango! 💃
she's overwhelmed because something ain't right
I'm so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever,hoping to retire next year.. Investment should always be on any creative man's heart for success in life ,
You're right, with my current crpyto portfolio made from my investments with my personal financial advisor Fergus Waylen, I totally agree with you
Yes I'm familiar with him. Fergus Waylen demonstrates an excellent understanding of market trends, making well informed decisions that leads to consistent profit.
I'm surprised that this name is being mentioned here, I stumbled upon one of his clients testimony on CNBC news last week.
Waylen has to be the best mentor I've met. He's copy-trading has been the best because I hop on it with $3000 and I'm up with $35,000 in profit. He's insights, information and versatility in the market is super
I didn't know you guys knew Fergus Waylen . He's been great and has helped me balance the scale in my trades and job with his insights and auto trades. This helps to avoid my emotions altering a trade.
She doesn't even know what her take-home pay is... and it's her husband's fault? Give me a break! Doesn't register on the truth meter. 🤥
Husband does not want her controlling money going out because she doesn't understand money coming in.
Actually this is common to ppl experiencing financial coercive control
@@teenindustry
But, she could literally just ask her boss for a copy of her paystub. That is why I think this might be a financial literacy issue mixed with a communication issue rather than a control issue. We just have way too little info to assume malice here.
She knew her income, just not his. You all sound like her husband now. Stop belittling her.
She knew HERs!!!!!!!!!
Willful helplessness does not mean you are a victim. I went through a similar issue with my ex. She wanted nothing to do with paying bills, staying on a budget, controlling her spending, doing taxes, etc. I asked her many times to be involved and work together to keep track of everything. She always said that she didn’t want to, that it was overwhelming(it isn’t) and trusted me. Little did I know, but she was telling everyone that I was controlling and using her money. It was a convenient and untrue narrative as I was the saver, and she spent much more than she made on frivolous things. After we split up(no kids together, thankfully) and she no longer had access to my income or anyone to be the voice of reason, she rung up over $50,000 in shopping-spree debt in 3 months while I flourished without the anchor around my neck. She no longer had me to blame, either. I’m getting similar vibes from this lady. There’s more to the story and I would love to hear his side.
“Willful helplessness”. You nailed it.
Ding ding ding!!! Nailed it.
This deserves to be pinned 🫡✅ well said
Same story as me. You nailed it 👍🏻
If he wasn't being controlling he would have given her the login information to sit down and use on her own to go over the account activity at her leisure. The fact that he forced her to quickly view the account over his shoulder tells you everything you need to know.
I wouldn’t tell him your plan to open a separate account. I’d wait til that night, ask for passwords in a very kind way. He pry wont do it, then have work off the next morning and head to the bank right away and have your next check ready to deposit into it as well. You messed up by not being part of the money right away, now this problem has multiplied 10 fold
She can create her own log in to the joint account. Duh.
@@DoctorSmartyPantsgo watch ENOUGH & tell me how that works
I hope she wasn’t slapped into tomorrow when she asked him for the logon information, and then announced the alternative of opening her own account. Something seems ‘off’ with this call, though, as she doesn’t know her take-home pay, and she can only estimate his annual pay (perhaps he’s paid a commission, which can widely vary?).
She has given absolutely control of her finances to her husband.
Not good.
The thing that is the big open question is does the husband even know that she wants more control, or has she bottled this up for years and never let him know. Those are very different scenarios. Based on this call, I can see both as potential realities. It is possible he is abusive, or he is just completely unaware that she wants to be involved. If he was really trying to hide something crazy like a drug problem, he wouldn't have even let her see the logged in account. So this is either a control issue, or a communication issue.
Given or he’s taken?
@@OopThereItIs77777 given! She said she’s the breadwinner and she doesn’t even know how much is on her tax form. How did he get all of this information and access to the account? And why doesn’t she know the password to view the account? And how long as this been going on? 20 years? Nah.
Dave Ramsey says couples should combine accounts... this is the risk of doing that.
It sounds like something is wrong with her, and he handles the finances because she has no clue
Your comment was almost the exact same comment I just left - she is clueless and it is not the husband's fault like team Rachel and Jade's default go-to.
Just because she doesn’t have a clue doesn’t mean she can’t learn. She’s not a child and you’re suggesting she deserves to be treated like one because of your lens on her.
@@jaes1346most times it’s easier to just handle it yourself than tell your wife 30 times the same thing.
He might control the money because she is clueless.
We’ll get divorced then but no one has right to your money 💰
@@queen.kristal8395tons of stay at home wife's handle the finances while the husband is the one earning it. Are you telling them as well to divorce?
@@MrTmenzo plenty of marriages share responsibilities but that's not what she described. She said he was withholding financial details & that's a problem. see the issue?
If she is clueless, that's still no reason to withhold information and refuse any visibility of it.
If she is clueless, maybe having more information and allowing her to be more involved as she is asking for would help?
Though it sounds like she's not clueless. She is trying to engage and budget, he just refuses to and says they can't afford anything, and won't even do a budget.
Situations I've seen like this usually the partner controlling the money and saying "we can't afford it" but not sharing any information or even balances is usually hiding money, either in secret savings account or secret spending or secret debt. HIDING information on joint accounts is financial abuse, likely financial infidelity, and sometimes actual infidelity.
Or the second option that’s more than likely, she is clueless because he controls the money
This is so sad. It is important for husband and wife to be equally involved in the finances.
A lot of women choose to not be involved. Call it willful ignorance or whatever but once married, some women feel like they've been absolved from the burden of handling finances. The way the divorce and child support laws are, they're kinda right in feeling that way....
So he logged on for her and still couldn't figure things out she was looking at...hmm
Yes that right there says quite a bit. She also stammered and never gave an answer to if he gave her the login passwords and such. The girls just took over assuming he didn’t. Then it some how became him hiding financial info even though logged her on to look at it for herself. Her being overwhelmed after being logged in isn’t having things hidden from her. The menu’s in these bank or credit union portals are pretty damn easy to navigate.
It sounds like he was the one going through the account, and she was just looking over his shoulder. The guy is a control freak. Very dangerous.
She have a debit card. You can see how much is in it.
All ATM's gives you a receipt.
She said he logged into the account for her. And she's saying she doesn't know anything?
All you hear is 1 side. And these 2 are assuming a lot.
Sounds like she is not telling the whole story.
She was saying she doesn’t know if they have enough because if she buys something she could over draft the account since she doesn’t know what pending bills are coming out
@@ering7733 SHe can still see how much is in the account.
@ering7733 she can go to the bank with her ID and get a print out of her account
@@ering7733 She can walk down to the bank and get a printout of the statement.
You just have to show that you are one of the account holder.
Something isn’t adding up and she’s not being truthful about the whole story. If it was really that bad, how hard is it to open a separate account elsewhere and redirect your direct deposit. She’s not saying something
You have never been abused & it shows
@@OopThereItIs77777I mean you’re correct I haven’t however, at 5:43 she states she isn’t being abused physically and that she doesn’t feel in danger sooooo I’m making an assumption that that’s not an issue here. She said she gets overwhelmed just by looking at the bank account so she just doesn’t. She’s not saying something or being all the way truthful and I stand by that.
@@tashanapink7688 Abuse is a whole lot more than physical and this lady exhibits all the signs of being a victim.
Seems like there’s a lot more to this that she isn’t sharing..
She should be able to go to her bank with her bank card and ask them to print off statements at the very least..
I think she was okay with being ignorant on all this stuff and just let him “handle” it all..
YEP.
This conversation would have went a completely different route if Dave was sitting in that room.
Would have gone*
Now wait a minute, So she doesn't know what she brings home? !!! Nor what they make combined " because he handles the taxes" . COMEON! You mean to tell me you cannot grab the tax return and read it ? !! You cannot log into your work accounts and see what you are being paid, what comes out for 401K or taxes... of course you can and he has no control over that. There are other things going on here than what is being said on this call. She threw up big red alarms all throughout the call. I call BS on a lot of this.
tax she has to sign it, all you do is LOOK,
hell you can get a copy of you taxes for the last 7 years
He is most likely cheating on her and spending the money and doesn’t want her to see that. He probably doesn’t even have a job and is just using her money. If she makes 105 and he supposedly makes 60, that’s 165,000 a year. Why would she be worried about spending any money, like for kids for school? Sounds like he’s spending most of it!!
How is it not her issue that she doesn't know how much she personally makes.
Would love to hear the other side here
I'm betting the husband doesn't even know that she is having these worries. It sounds like she might be bottling it up. A marriage councilor would be prudent. This sounds like a misunderstanding that started 20 years ago that just compounded on itself.
Rachel: "You're not the crazy one"
I beg to differ Rachel.
Where’s Dave? He needed to handle this call .
He would have fleshed her out a bit more. I think John Delony would’ve too. There were a lot of red flags and I think she needed to be called out a bit.
@@cathleencaratan3373
After hearing the entire call, this sounds like this could very well just be a communication issue. There isn't enough evidence to prove malice in this call. It sounds like they need to sit down and have a long discussion. They should probably have at least 1 session with a marriage councilor just to help the discussion along.
@cathleencarata3373 - DeLong woukd have picked up in exactly what it is: abuse
DEFINITELY needed Dave on this one - these personalities were not prepared for this type of call. The caller needs to contact a lawyer to discuss what is happening and lay out a clear plan of how to get a complete picture of the family financial situation. There is deception here and her 20 years of building may be a sham. If they have followed the Ramsey plan yet she is still unaware of how they are set financially, there is trouble. This has to get cleared up.
Dave would have walked her through this SO MUCH better.
Dave is a weenie
Is it a joint account? Go to the bank and get your own log in….
I'm not on board that her husband is the problem here. I get the feeling he handles the finances because she gets overwhelmed and wants to put her head in the sand. The fact she doesn't know her take home pay is a red flag to me and that she could be a bigger part of the problem then she is making it out to be.
I agree but it sure seemed like a good time for the girls to steer the conversation towards the controlling man argument as opposed to listening in detail to what the woman stated or sometimes stammered and danced around in others. Him logging her in after her being overwhelmed is contradictory to the finances being hidden from her.
@@middleagedcrazy5297 If he logged in for her. It is not hidden.
Exactly!!!!
@@jimmymcgill6778 Exactly! That’s my point.
Maybe she spent 1000s on stupid
I think both ladies jumped to massive conclusions. The caller, at best, was hesitant and seemed overwhelmed. Her information was spotty. There are two sides to every story and they heard only one. I think it is entirely possible that the husband has tried to involve her with the finances. He might have given up due to her perceived confusion/ignorance. Get both sides before condemning the other partner. I am utterly disappointed it the Ramsey ladies reaction and advice with this caller.
How does a couple go through FPU twice and not disclose their income to one another? Soooo sad and scary. 😨
How do you know they didn’t disclose their income to one another?
@@rrrealitycheck I was being sarcastic. I think the caller said she didn't know what her husband's income was and it made me think that would be impossible if they went through FPU.
I typically like Rachel but this call was stupid. She got off on the Deloney are you safe crap.
100%
Yeah, how horrible to ask someone if they’re safe. 🙄 what a stupid comment.
It's not crap if you aren't safe.
The question is, is she joint on these accounts? Or are they his accounts that she’s depositing her check into?
If they were joint accounts, she could set up her own online account access. This is what my husband and I have.
Either way, they are married. So legally, that is a distinction without a difference. In the case of a divorce, the account gets split up.
This is exactly why I’m NOT doing a joint account with my spouse/partner?! And I feel so sorry for this poor lady…😩🤦🏾♀️ She doesn’t even know how much money is in the account and she puts her money that she makes into this same account….😬
She is indeed the crazy one. Literally done this for 20 years🤦🏾♂️
facts. These women are so irrational
If its a joint account all she has to do is call the bank and verify her identity.
Yes! Why doesn’t she login to the online bank herself? It’s not hard to do. Something doesn’t add up in her story.
Throwing around the word ABUSE a little to lightly. How about some ownership for letting your husband control everything your whole marriage. She put herself in this situation where is the personal responsibility. Jesus. It's literally her fault for not knowing what is going on in her marriage. Nobody else. Being naive is a ridiculous defense.
She can go to the bank with her id and get the info
Omg, how can you not have the login to your joint account. I would say 'Girl open your own account and direct you paycheck there' then go to your bank and ask to go through your credits, then have that conversation with your husband once you understand the details.
She makes me feel like she doesn't have all the lights on. That could be why the husband does the finances
This is terrible advice given with a lot of assumptions and very limited information. She definitely hasn’t given all the facts and history how they got to this point with how their finance are managed.
so let me get this straight...she makes 105,000 and she is unsure how much he makes and she thinks he would say "we can't afford seeing a counselor"?? Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the husband says that as well but if she makes that much money alone, they can afford counseling....her and her husband need to see a counselor about this asap! I see a lot of red flags and it's concerning. I went to see a counselor for twice a month for almost 2 years straight with insurance not covering a dime & with an income of around $40K at the time and not living paycheck to paycheck...yeah, I had to sacrifice a lot and it sucked giving up a lot of things I really enjoyed doing but it was totally worth it mentally and financially
I think there is more to it of course but they need to talk through this and if the husband doesn't want to go to counseling, that's his choice and I think the wife should go to a counselor by herself to work through this situation.
There is dramatically more going on here than the caller presents. Without a doubt one-sided.
This is an odd call.
My mom was abused and I know how that looks. This lady paused hard when asked if he gave her the login info. She then goes on to stutter and then agrees that she had to look over his shoulder.
We are hearing one side of a very inconsistent story. Could she be unhappy in her marriage and is looking for someone to say she should get out?
It could be an abusive situation and it’s very possible. It’s also possible that neither one are good with finances. There’s a lot to unpack here and just talking about how abusive he is seems like an accusation more than a reasonable assumption.
This is learned helplessness. Go into the bank and get it sorted out immediately.
Idk guys. Not saying this guy is exactly right but she didn't say much and you went straight to "is there danger in the house?"
90% of these issues occur because couples ignore a proper finanace disscussion/plan prior to marriage. They go in blind in love and then find out their spouse has trouble with managing money or is hiding crap. Talk about money people so much that it eventually becomes romantic.
Well, the issues started when women joined the workforce.
I have the opposite problem!!! Married for 18 years with a 12 year old and 9 year old. I manage all the finances and investments. We both make six figures per year barely. My wife doesn't give a crap about finances! I tell her and she goes back to her smartphone. She just knows we have a net worth of 2.3 million. I'm the supersaver and my wife spends like she is in congress!! She goes out to eat all the time and I don't. She bought a brand new honda pilot in 2020 and I drive a 15 year old beater. Amazon packages show up on our door almost every day for her, it makes me mad. Now, she goes to those Amazon lockers to pick up the packages so I don't see what she is buying!! 🤣🤣🤣 I told her I'm retiring at 54.5 with the IRS rule of 55. I'm not working until I'm 70 to support her shopping addiction. She will keep working that's for sure
Get a divorce
You have a net worth of $2.3M. chill out, man
Red flag! Red flag! If you are sharing accounts/money, you are entitled to know where your money is going. If he will not share the banking info, you need to stop depositing money into your joint account. He is up to something, whether it is hiding money or just controlling you. You need to plan for the future for you and your kids.
Do like us. His, hers, joint. Both pay into the joint every pay check. If you can equally and that pays all the bills. The other are yours to do what you want.
The key word is "control". He makes it clear he is in CONTROL and there's no changing that, in his eyes.
If he's not willing to be a PARTNER, part of a team, than you're not in a marriage, you're in a dictatorship. I would leave.
Of course it has to be HIM that’s trying to control her right? It sure can’t be a result of her not being trustworthy I guess. Yeah, let’s just take her word for it that he’s controlling her and that it’s not because he has to set boundaries because she has a spending addiction. 🙄
A follow-up on this story would be interesting.
How is this lady so clueless. Step up, get your account info, take control of your familys finances.
This lady is a second account owner on a joint account, all she has to do is go to the bank and get her login information without her husband. She can do the budget completely without him and track the purchases with an app like every dollar or td my spend (if she’s a td account holder)
Create the separate accounts before issuing the ultimatums! Control dude can exist fine on his $60K
He’s clearly controlling but, it sounds like she has let him be that way. It’s time for her to take her power back.
This is her fault.... Shes making up stuff. These people are the literal worst. Shes a liar.
I didn't see that at all. I saw that she was nervous and didn't want to throw her husband under the bus but was unsure of herself. Your outlook seems a little unhinged tbh
You are naive@@kennedynguyen2036
You guys sure is the right choice. It seems like she had the information to log in and she was about to say she got overwhelmed trying to get in so he logged on for her.
Yes and that’s a complete contradiction of her not getting to see the finances. A little fact the girls just glossed over and flew right by as they steered the conversation about him to being controlling and accused him of not letting her see the financials.
I know someone whose partner would only let them look when they logged in but didn't have access themselves. It can be overwhelming if you haven't seen it in that format in many years
$105 000 and cant afford counseling? Wtf. It is scary how complacent adult's can be about their own money.
Don't they not have health insurance? Do they not have employer EAPs? Free counseling sessions.
Time for a lawyer.. she needs to have money withheld from her check. As an emergency fund.
You pick these men marry move in with and have kids with if we did pay half your bills you leave
My spouse and myself, have access to every password we have, and insists I see every account on paper.
This couple went through FPU twice - this doesn't make sense that the caller didn't have any idea how their money was being spent. Agreed with many others - there was more going on than she said. I am long time divorced. Don't miss those non-communitive conversations.
Never seen Rachel gaslight so hard. This woman just became a victim in 10 minutes. I wish they gave men this kind treatment. No brad you should definitely marry the single mom with two kids and $200k in debt. You’re going to be a hero for it. Versus he won’t give you the password, then you get YOUR money out immediately. Run take the kids and run 🤦🏾♂️
You literally just made up a situation to victimize yourself. The idea that its terrible for a woman to want to know what's going on with finances is insane
@@theveralanshow1170 I made it as an example of what she actually did and said on live radio….. this woman called into the show for financial help. And they saw a woman who was being financially abused, Rachel and Jade within seconds made very large leaps and claims into this ladies marriage. Without ever really questioning her at ALL. Thats the definition of gaslighting. And it’s sick, if Ken, George or John would EVER tell a man that he needs to “TAKE HIS MONEY OUT” of the family accounts for his own protection. That would be the end of their time on the show. Or as Dave would say there is no more your money and my money. It’s our money. Or maybe that used to be the message.
@@freewifi7163 I watched the same video. The ultimatum in question was that she either gets access to the financial info or separates finances. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, refusal to let her access the info is really bad and dangerous for her.
She can’t be this naïve being the one in the marriage making most of the money. Time to grow a backbone and confront an insecure control freak.
She’s lying. He’s not controlling her. She’s untrustworthy and he had some strong boundaries. It’s obvious from what she shared.
They coercing her to leave her marriage. Lol. Maybe she's been irresponsible in the post and dug them into a whole and he refuses to let it happen again....
These issues are more complicated than many realize. Most of the time joint accounts are ideal. My uncle had to restrict my aunt’s access to the primary checking because she was so impulsive… she’d clear it out without logging it then the mortgage would overdraw it. The budget she was on was not controlling, it was mathematical. And yes, Jon, she was safe. We don’t know the husbands side in this story
Being left out of the loop of her and her husbands financial situation could be because she's an impulsive spender, sure. It could also be because they're living at the edge of their means and are actually only surviving paycheck to paycheck, and her husband doesn't want to put undue stress on her. It could be because her husband is a compulsive gambler or pays the odd sex worker on the side. It could also be because of the common mental abuse, without even knowing it, of preventing her from having a financial peg to lean on if she wanted to leave the relationship. That goes the other way though, if someone has a bank account with thousands of dollars in it that their partner doesn't know about, it can look like they're planning to leave, even if it's just personal savings that they use for the odd luxury. We're only getting one side of this story.
That”ll be the day my husband withholds all the money, keeps financial info from me, & controls everything, especially if I am the breadwinner.🙄🙄
Seems like all was fine the last 20 years. Call sounds like they went through FPU and she is finally on board with the Ramsey way and wants him to switch up the whole budgeting method himself all while she's too overwhelmed looking at the basic login screen
Totally. Like oh lawd …. She brings home the money and he could be spending it on another chick without her knowing. 🤦🏼♀️
LOL the wife knows nothing about anything
As the sole bread winner, find it hard to believe that she doesn't know what is going on with her finances. Then again, she could be completely unaware if it all started from the beginning
his is where women make the mistake of allowing the man handle the money and then they are on the street when all hell breaks loose. This is what happened to a friend of mine. When I was mariied I had separate accounts
If she's on the account she can actually download the app and log in using the checking account number and she doesn't need his password. Me and my wife both have different passwords and login credentials for our banks that we use.
Bad advice. If it’s a joint account she can easily call customer service or go into the bank and ask for them to assist to create her own login for that bank account.
Sounds like she has direct deposit set up so she obviously has assess to the bank details. Easier to play the victim than actually put in the work to get out of the situation.
He’s also a breadwinner. He’s not making nothing.
She didn't even hear what she said: "I'm the breadwinner of the family" meaning she feels he's not doing enough. How are you the breadwinner and your husband is leaving you out of the finances? She wants to spend, he wants to save and because she earns more she feels like they should be spending more. What a dingus.
Doesn't matter. They BOTH should have access to finances..
That’s a reach. She said multiple times that she wants to create a budget and he refuses.
My ex financially abused me for years, he refused to work. I finally made my own account for my pay, and he went ballistic. I finally divorced him. Lots of these loser guys are financial abusers. Yes she is busy, and she doesn’t need to take care of another grown adult.
Very strange. Either she has a spending problem so he took over (which is normal with stay at home women handling the finances while the husband makes the money) or maybe he has a gambling problem?
I was a sahm and completely controlled the finances. Not because I wanted to but he wanted nothing to do with it as he was horrible with money. I kept him informed of what was happening but he didn't want to know
Sharon - you can go into your bank and ask them to setup your online account. You don’t need the login information from your husband. You can ask your brokerage firm for your own login as well. YOU can have access to everything all on your own. Every account owner has independent authority, that’s why they can make individual transactions. Take some accountability - it’s your money. How do you not know the budget? You are the bread winner. Be a grown up, lady.
I don't believe this woman at all. There is so much you can tell by the ignorance of her own income. I bet she spends more than they make and he's being the responsible one.
The problem is if he suddenly dies, she doesn't know anything financial!!!
It happened to me after 52 years of marriage my husband died suddenly and I had no clue about several bank accounts or hidden money. I can't find 1.5 million dollars. I'm 79
I would just go to the bank in person and ask what my balance is are
The audacity of the husband she makes more than him
N he’s taking control of finances. She needs to take control there’s secrets there from debt, gambling or cheating
I would love to hear his side of the story
Caller hit the nail on the head. Husband feels insecure about her earning more. Unfortunately relatable
with these types of calls it would be best if we heard his side of the story as well.
Ramsey Team, you should always have a male and female on each show to balance the perspective. These girls just jumped to a massive conclusion that’s probably totally wrong.
My wife is the free spirit in our relationship. She never looks at our accounts. I don’t think she’d know what to do with log in info if she had it, which sounds very much like this woman. If my wife asked to see it bank accounts, I’d do the same thing. I’d log in myself so she can look so it, and walk her through what’s there.
This woman’s cluelessness to her own finances absolutely does not mean her husband’s hiding something from her. It means she probably hasn’t shown interest and so he just handles it all. It’s how it works in my house. Gift them Every Dollar so they both have the budget on their phone. The husband needs to make a budget and she needs to pay attention to it.
There’s something very off with what she’s saying. How would she now even have paystubs to know her take home.
So many people that I work with never look at their stubs now that you have to log in to an app. While it seems odd to many of us, I think it's quite common.
Yes, especially now with MFA where you have to get a code to enter before you can access the account. It’s too many steps and ‘overwhelming’ for people.
Whoa these two made a lot of huge assumptions in this call.
No,she needs to go to the bank,pull her money out now. Open a new account where he has no access to. And get a new direct deposit going to the new account. Never give that type of control to any person…🙄
I agree with them , give him the ultimatum, don't tell him you're going to the bank, that gives him time to empty the accounts and completely shut her out of everything financial
She can ask her own local IRS about her own tax history and information! In person with a notepad and pen...
Just get separate accounts. Trust issues
How does she sign the joint tax returns without seeing the supporting documents?? The IRS will come after whichever partner they can catch for the money owed!!
Doesn’t know her own take home pay!? Hello, obviously she isn’t making the effort to manage her own affairs. She could easily see her HR / payroll team in her work and get pay statements to review, but she doesn’t. It’s really basic stuff she should know and do
I don't understand how someone who's smart enough to make that high of a salary would just turn their whole paycheck over to some dude who then has total control of their entire income?? To the extent that she has no access to her own information and has to beg for grocery money with two kids to take care of?? I truly don't get it..
Open the account first before you confront him! Get some money in that account.
She definitely called on the right day with two ladies on the panel. Is he controlling?? Possibly but abusive, absolutely not 🤦🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️✊🏾
I don’t believe a word she’s saying.