Honestly at that point I’d stop paying and tell her that it’s just the cost of the way she’s been treating him.. until she can treat her own son with love and respect then she gets none of the money back.
See, I hope they _do_ hear it, so they can make the difficult decision to remove this greedy, mean woman from their lives. I bet there are so many other ways she's treated the middle kid like poo, to hear her vocalize it to thousands of people might give him the push he needs to cut contact
she's just saying she wishes she didn't have to bring this up to him. it was on her daughter's priority list to be debt free and pay back her loan. they're all educated and gainfully employed; it's not like he's a bum and she's successful and she wishes her son wasn't a bum. although, there would be nothing wrong with her thinking that way if that was the case
@@BrianErwinIt’s not what you mean that matters, but how it’s received. Mom telling her son she wishes he were different is gonna be pretty hard to recover from.
wishing your child was like someone else is not cruel. My daughter has lots of tattoos and she insists on dating felons who cheat on her. Of course I wish she was like someone else. I wish she was like a women who has enough self worth not to date losers who mistreat her. I worked hard to make sure she could go to college. I mistakenly thought college educated women did not tolerate abuse. Boy was I wrong.
I will double down on that...I would never make this financial agreement with my child. Period. I am one of the parents (not looking for an argument here, just my personal values) who will pay the entirety of my child's education to the extent I am able. If I can't afford to, well, that's just the end of it.
Terms are they pay what they can, how initial payment was 250 because he was broke graduate. Per the verbal contract now that he’s in a better place he owes more. If he lost his job mom would have been fine not charging him. Unlike a bank
@@socketyellow3Terms are that he pay what was agreed, which he is doing. If the $250 payment was temporary, that should have been explained as part of the terms.
Just like some employers now saying people are "quiet quitting" because they're doing exactly what their job description says, they're mad they're not doing 10x the work for the same pay, or going above and beyond.🤣🤣🤣
@@MobileGamingChronicles right??? When did fulfilling your job description become quitting? *you keep using that word, but I don’t think it means what you think it means*
People like her are so exhausting. She's getting exactly what she agreed on and she is secretly fuming and feels treated unfairly. Lady, you agreed to this. You set this up. You even started out by saying "It was important to us that our kids go to college". Did he even want to go or was he pushed?
AND: she could kindly tell her son that they (her husband ! too) want him to increase the payment. Son can say yes or no - what kept her from addressing it with the son (she has a good relationship with - or so she says). He may be a bit negligent and if they nudge him to honor his contract in a meaningful way (19 years payment is not really a mature attitude towards this debt) it could be a good thing for him. Might keep him from throwing money at things he does not need (like a new car) and teach him to budget. But she cannot even address it in a friendly and mature manner. She is disapponted that he is not "like his sister" and steps up voluntarily. Well he missed the chance to be the better man, that is true. Likely he could have voluntarily paid more even if it is only 350 bucks. She makes a lot of assumption what he makes and about his raises (as if companies would not undercut the people they hire all the time). She / they could kindly ask him if 250 bucks was really the best he could do w/o stressing himself. Maybe he has a good job when it comes to responsibility - but not pay. Maybe he is shortchanged. Maybe he lives carefree - then asking him to pay them more would do him good. But she needs to ask in a mature NON-JUDGEMENTIAL way. One CAN alter the conditions of a contract within family or friends - if the other party agrees to it. But she does not even think of doing it the proper way - she gets on national radio and wants validation that she is hard done by. I wonder what the husband thinks of this.
@@franziskani I'd be willing to bet that she has never said anything and she's just quietly seething and expecting everyone to read her mind. At best, she has been passive aggressive about it.
I thought I heard her say pay whatever they can? Maybe not. It means different things to different people. That’s the problem with it being so vague. It could either mean literally eating the cheapest food & spending absolutely nothing to cover the most of his debt or live a normal life and pay what you feel you can handle. Realistically she has no idea which is closer to reality. Doesn’t know his salary or expenses.
We cash-flowed both of our children’s college tuition, no strings attached. Today they are gainfully employed professionals. That was the best money I ever spent. They owe me nothing!
@@Alex-wp9oo going to stunt their growth... that could be going to their houses, futures, investments, etc to get them ready to have kids and continue the genetic linage of your bloodline... the WHOLE point is to PASS it forward and down... you give to them... they give to them... they give to them... on and on and on... thats how your genes thrive!! This is so much bigger than just you Karen😐
Why not american parents ask their children for money? I dont get it actually, you bring them to life and you are responsible for everything under some circumstances ofc.
@@dilaranur-iu8vn in the U.S. young people don’t have much money or opportunity to earn. Working wages don’t really provide wealth here, ownership does, and it takes a lot of capital to be approved for loans etc. to get that. Unlike other countries, here a young person cannot find work that would support them much less their parents. Being old enough to have owned a home for the past 15 years or a business is when you can afford more than your own food rent and medical care. The movies don’t paint an accurate portrayal of American life for 90% of us.
Never, ever say that you wish one kid was more like their sibling!! What a dreadful mother! She literally just said that to millions of strangers. She needs therapy!
I agree a mom should love all her kids equally and greatly knowing their own unique quirks, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and plans for the future. She knew who he was long before she ever made any deals.
if your parents had said to you, here's some money, you pay me back when you can ok? and you agree to that. are you going to keep the money for 20 years?
@@vasco1610 ... yes? Why not? Those were the terms. And the worst part about this is the mother doesn't even know the kids financial situation. She's just assuming he makes a lot and has extra money to give her. He could be struggling financially and barely even be able to give the $250 payments. She has no clue...
yes, even if you're making good money and can pay your mom back? you guys keep saying 250 were the terms but those were not the terms. the terms were that you would give her the money back when you have it. look, it's unlikely he can't afford more than 250 a month, he didn't even raise it to 300, he's not interested in returning the money and that's what she's unhappy about. if he was an honest person he would talk to her and say "look I know I need to pay you back this money, but I'm really struggling and I can't give you more than the 250 right now." she would be totally fine with that, maybe she would even tell him to not pay it for a bit, but he doesn't disclose it. it's probably because he has more money to give her but doesn't want to. you can never know for sure, but when you're close to someone you can tell whether that person is struggling financially or not.@@crazy_mind-ox8if
The loan was not a gift. It was a loan--interest free. Where she is wrong is that they led him to believe it would be $250/mo. with no possible change stated
@@beverlyweber171 I took it that the commenter was talking about themselves. That they never forgot that THEIR parents gave them a "gift" and then reneged and said it was a "loan"
Yes, and you just know that every time she talks to her son, she brings up the money and what he "should" do. She was convinced that she was going to be vindicated in this call and she'd be right and he'd be wrong.
@@fatemad4012 I’m a male. I have 3 siblings. One older brother, one older sister, one younger brother. Here’s my childhood: My older brother got special treatment because he was “their first born”. My older sister got special treatment because she was “their only daughter”. My younger brother got special treatment because he was “their little baby”. I was just… there. I’m 41 now. The dynamic has not changed.
Mom of three here. My middle one is the kindest, most loving, and thoughtful soul on the face of this earth. Everyone loves him. While his older and younger siblings also have some good qualities, I actually wish they could be more like my middle child.
What does this woman have to complain about? She has 3 adult children who have completed college, and are PAYING HER BACK!!!!!! She wants to control how he manages his money. She is just guessing that money brings him anxiety. I am betting that money brings HER anxiety.
Toxic parents are the worst. Unfortuantely my parents were extremely toxic and would always use money to manipulate me. For example anytime we had a disagreement my mom would remove me from her will and my dad is a pathological liar. So I had to cut them both out of my life and my life has been so much better. I lost weight and my finances are finally coming together. This woman reminds me of my mother.
Yeah you cant just remove your children from your will lol. Thats not up to you. You can do your best to spend it so there is nothing left, but your children will still have a claim is anything is left when you die.
What was the point of agreeing to pay for 25% of his schooling if she was able to lend the other 75%? Just pay for the whole thing or don't at all. Publicly shaming her kid for following the rules SHE set up is ridiculous.
@@cooleobrad You trust your kid to pay it back and you know you need it to retire. You don't need it when your kid is starting college, but 10 years later, you do.
She didn’t say the child valued the education, she did. What did the son want? They could have had them do junior college, and commute to make it completely affordable . The junior college tuition and transfer could be done for a total of 40k. That would be 15 k to pay back vs 60, perhaps eliminating any debt at all. Shes controlling, projecting and manipulating her son.
“It’s so hard to be a parent to adult children”. Well, you really aren’t supposed to “parent” them once they reach adulthood. If they still require “parenting”, then there was some level of failure on mom and dad’s part.
Exactly! My parents always told me and my siblings that they parented us when we were young so we could be friends when we’re old. The four of us love to hang out with our parents now because of how they raised us. They have no interest in parenting us now, but they love to sit down and just talk about life with us.
Parenting adult children is limited to answering questions when asked, listening when they talk to you, and being a pleasant grandma/mother-in-law. That's it.
I’m most irritated about Jennifer comparing her kids, lol. She’s trying to move the goalpost to turn him into the other kids. It’s not about changing the terms; it’s about changing him. Love Jade’s experience
Honestly the worst part is her comparing her son to his sister. That’s horrible. You can accept him for who he is while still being a parent and trying to guide him in the right direction. I’m sure there’s good qualities about him that his sister lacks too.
@socketyellow3 how she literally admits she has no idea what he makes. She doesn't knownhis debt to income ratio. She's making an assumption that he can pay more.
@@socketyellow3 life has gotten extremely expensive in the last two years alone. You have no idea if he's gotten raises that haven't kept up with inflation.
don't be ridiculous. we all understand what it means, it's not a literal statement. if this guy is making enough to pay for nice vacations and a new car, etc... he should be paying back a higher amount on his loan instead, every month. he's not keeping his end of the deal.@@ElevatedAgenda
@@vasco1610 Yes, and then they worked it out together and agreed $250 per month was what he could handle, and they set that amount in stone. If you wanted it to be a fluctuating amount of "hey you just got a raise, keep up your same standard of living and pay me more" then she should have indicated that when they made the agreement. Honestly I'd be scared if that was the deal I had. Where I'd be forced to pay more because I got a raise. It'd probably incentivize me to never make more money because if I started out at $50,000 a year, and then next year I ended up with a salary of $200,000, but couldn't enjoy the benefits of having a much higher paycheck for a few months because now this damn payment to my mother is going to go up dramatically, that'd suck. It'd basically be like this: The Son: Oh hey, I was at $50,000 for a year spending $250 a month. After a year, I'd have paid off $2500 of the $57,000 to put me at $54,500. I just jumped up in salary to $200,000. From making $3,505 a month to $12,397. The Mother: Terms of our agreement, pay whatever you can. Since you were fine making payments at $250 at $50,000, all the extra money now becomes the terms. Your payments are now $9,142 a month. After 5 months of those payments you only owe us $8,790 left which will be your last payment. Then you can enjoy your $200,000 a month salary you've been making after 6 months :) Who the hell would agree to that? That's worse than loan sharks. If he made those kinds of payments back of his own volition, sure. If he's forced fuck that.
I can’t believe her response to John’s comment at 7:00. John shared something wise and insightful about how she has made her son feel inadequate and she just jumps right back to the money.
he's really not, the deal is that he would pay her back depending on how much he can handle. he's spending money on other stuff instead of returning the money that was lent to him, he's not keeping up his part of the deal, he should be ashamed of himself.
She (they !) could just tell him that they now would like to see him increase the payment. Let's say 500 - 600 USD per month. - she knew the grand total very precisely. Grand total of 57.750 - at 1:30. She is petty (or highly accurate. Mindset f an accountant. Not to make light of that skill / trait - but it is not appropriate when you deal with your child). Might also be that her husband is not concerned. And there is resentment (at least HER resentment) - else she could just bring it up with her son BEFORE she goes on national TV. (she wants validation). I also have an idea that they do not even need that money so much. he may have chosen a field that takes longer and is more expensive. She is not "worried" about the other son because the open amount is not that much - so does that son also only pay 250 per month ? But in his case it is O.K. because .....
She's also ridiculous because she pressured her kids to going to college "because it was really important to her" and only covered 25% of it, saddling them with the other 75%, in loans to her. That's like giving somebody a down payment for a house in a neighborhood that they can't really afford. Parents do that all the time trying to "help" their kid and instead it sets them up for a lifetime of struggle living in the neighborhood that they can't afford. It'd be different if they paid for the whole house, but the 10% down payment wasn't really "helping" their adult child.
in the case of the other one is ok, because he'll be able to return the money in time for her retirement. the other one is essentially keeping the money for 20 years making it almost a gift, and it wasn't a gift it was a loan. it was a loan for the other 2 kids too, he's subverting the rules to keep money that wasn't given to him.@@franziskani
She needs the money. She was about to say that and stopped herself. I would pay her but keep my distance. Her son doesn't need to negotiate that was the terms
horrible read on the situation. she hasn't demanded anything from him yet, she's just saying that the deal was for him to pay her back as soon as he could and he doesn't seem to be interested in doing that. he's going to pretend that the deal was 250 a month for 20 years and he's going to effectively keep the money that was lent to him, instead of paying it back like his siblings did.@@aschulte7502
This is probably a TLDR... but I have a huge problem with parents like the caller in this video. My parents had a dairy farm and my sister and I were their free labor our entire lives up to adulthood. My sister got married and moved on after high school. My parents kept guilting me into coming back home and helping them on their farm. At one point I was charged with a crime, my parents helped me out by hiring a defense attorney (an expensive one) and upon further review of the state's case the judge dismissed the case "with prejudice" because I'd been wrongful accused/charged. Afterwards my Dad wanted me to repay the cost of the expensive attorney, but because I'd spent so much of my life 'helping my parents out' I didn't have money to spare. So, I told them "No. I am not reimbursing you." Which caused my Dad to rampage (sorta like this caller) and would tell everyone how I'd taken advantage of my parents and that I'd victimized them. His rhetoric was so extreme that 'uninvolved parties' would take it upon themselves to confront me about *my awfulness* and all I could ever tell the vigilantes seeking justice for my parents was "I haven't harmed them. My parents have prepaid me for their end-of life care..." Then in 2017, my father was diagnosed with a partially necrotic heart and went into steep decline. My sister visited a few times, but I was there for my Dad ... every single day. (Dirty diapers, catheters, everything) I did extra efforts so my Mom didn't have to shoulder the burden of his swift decline. He passed away in 2018. Now I am the primary caregiver for my Mom (who largely let herself go after my Dad passed away). I guarantee you that over the years my actions repaid the $20k price my parents paid for the attorney with interest. It makes me sick when I hear about parents expecting their grown children to repay them for their higher education costs and end up wondering why their grown children put them in nursing homes. 🤯🤦♀️❤️🩹
$10 says most of that went in one ear and out the other. And, she's the type of mom to control her kids' lives past adulthood, because "mother knows best." So, she's going to take matters into her own hands and make his life miserable, because she has no boundaries (or, has already done so, and was calling in for self-validation).
Lady, he is paying you exactly what you agreed! How does she even know he isn’t struggling just to pay the $250 when she doesn’t know what he earns? Is this woman for real?
my in-laws blessed us with the chance to buy a car from them, and pay them a set amount monthly for 4 years, with zero interest. we recently mentioned to them that we were hoping to pay it off completely soon (just over 1 year in) and they were like "why??? it's interest free! put your money elsewhere" - such a different mindset lol
My college was paid for by my parents. I fully intend on paying 100% for my kids’ college. Have fun putting all your children into mountains of debt to ‘teach them a lesson’. My kids will be way ahead of yours because of your principles.
Yes must be nice having the bragging rights that your college was 100% pay for and that somehow you will be able to pay 100% for your kids college But the fact that your children will not have to pay for their own college or work to earn to pay the money for it will mean that it will mean less to them
@@chrisstevens3567 moral superiority? Whatever crap you're unnaturally high on you need to get off of. One of the best things in life a young person can learn is the value of earning something not just something given to him her. You have a lot of homework to do apparently class dismissed
@chrisstevens3567 what kind of stupid crap are you going to tell me next? That counter steering is not a thing in the motorcycle or bicycling world? Get real Look I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing to pay for your kids college. But it's always better if the child can earn something. The act of earning something makes that child growing into adult value effort. That also instills a certain life value into his or her heart in context of looking for a proper mate of similar quality of human being. This is called critical thinking skills and planning ahead. Way too much of my generation and younger do not value effort and when they're always given something and never have to earn it, they don't respect it as much nor the person who gave it to them. That's part of what wrong worh thr world today...too much entitlement attitudes
Just wasted 10 minutes of my life listening to this controlling mother who is suffering a situation she created. The best reason to pay her back as soon as possible would be to have nothing further to do with her.
@@MrWarren1991that payment he’s been doing more then screws him. That’s a confirmation that he owes her the money that they likely have text record of telling him the balance or remaining amount.
This woman is totally in the wrong and is overbearing and controlling. I could never imagine “lending” my child money for college. I either have it or I don’t. Just pay for his college and let it go! What is it with people and money?! They get so greedy. I’m sure this woman would take a bullet for her children but when it comes to money people get super funky. Greed - one of the seven deadly sins!
Nothing wrong with lending money to your children. They have to pay someone. But this was more of a control thing like Dave and his FIL where the food taste different. Her son is feeling that
she's absolutely in the right, she said she would loan the money not give it and that he would pay it back when he could. he has money more to give her and he's spending it on other stuff instead, he's not keeping up with his part of the deal.
@@lindaparks4486 I think the point is, if you're in a position where you can lend $50k+ to your adult child, why would you not be in a position to just gift it instead? If she really needed the $50k so badly, she shouldn't have lent it to him in the first place.
Not really. The daughter paid off in 5 years didn’t she say? $10k a year is an acceptable amount. $250… hey, agreement is agreement. He’s holding his end of the bargain. Mom just didn’t math right.
The woman sounds controlling. First of all the dream of college was hers not her sons. Second she comes up with a convoluted repayment scheme which effectively tethers him to her. Its just gives me bad vibes.
I think it’s more “if my son would just be more ambitious, I would love him more.” He’s content making enough to live and she wants him to be driven to make more money… and thus make enough to pay off $50k+ in less two years.
I'm sure it wasn't a " this is the payment forever " type of conversation. I'm sure it was a " what can you afford right now?" Type of conversation, and the miscommunication was that they didn't relay their expectation of increased repayment as his financial situation grew.
Just imagine a bank telling you your payment has gone up since you make more money… The mom here really messed this up, the kid is doing what they agreed to
@socketyellow3 Other than the monthly payment amount, the terms of this agreement were far too nebulous. "This amount to start, and then over time, pay what you can" is a meaningless thing to agree to.
Wish they had asked the caller about her financial situation. Is she struggling? Is she a millionaire? It would shed light on the debt with the son to know more about her.
So at 50 they could lend him the money for college, to save him the interest to a bank. At 56, they'd like to put it back into their retirement. Nothing wrong with that at all. I still think she's in the wrong with regard to her call, but not in lending, not giving, the money!
$250 a monh is actually a hefty sized student loan. Why not just say hay, is it possible to increaase the loan? If he says no, then that's that. And then say, well, when you are able, please increase the loan. And now the conversation is over. So he graduated from college and is abiding by the terms of the agreement and she still wants something else. Be satisfied that your children are successful and that that $250 per month is happening. So what if it takes 19 years. A lot of people struggle to pay student loans. Let is go. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Enjoy your son and his success.
If it were me as a parent, I would be so proud that my kids graduated and were doing well in their lives and being good people. That’s all a parent could wish for. If that’s the case with her son, just be happy for him. Life is too short.
The terms were pay what you can afford. Common sense would say if you make more money, you could afford a higher payment. That's literally how student loans work in the real world.
Average wage raise is 3% per year. after a few years, she could make the assumption he is making 10% more money, and would anticipate him paying more. It sounds like he took it literally that all he had to do was pay 250 a month, until she dies. More likely she wont ever see the sum of that money. Oh well, just a lesson for the rest of us.
@str8nashtygaming466 did you look at rent prices and inflation in the last year or two? And he needs some savings too for emergencies. So yeah, maybe that's all he can affort.
Coming from a Latino household I really don't understand the way Americans treat their kids. It's like they want them to become fully grown adults at age 18 while not giving them any support or guidance! You're supposed to help out your kids, you put them in this world, helping their education is not a favor.
Certain Americans see only little kids and Adults. Once you turn 18 you're an Adult because the law said so and you should be immediately be as mature, responsible and personally developed as a 35 year old. There is no gray area because that would require nuance and critical thinking.
I'm so glad my mother is not a greedy, controlling, unfair, dishonest freak like this woman. Why are they also psychoanalysing her son? He is keeping up his side of the agreement, period. There is no going around anything about having anxiety about money, blah, blah. They agreed to $250 monthly, he's paying it, end of the story.
I like when there’s 2 personalities on 1 video. They usually give better advice including both good finance and good relationship. That’s a well blanced team
I agree with most comments on this thread but not yours. If you make a deal to pay your parents back and they loan you money. PAY IT BACK, However, her being the way she is about how fast he pays it back is bullcrap. She must stick to her end of the deal as well, and he is paying her back. Also, she is a horrible mother for saying she wished he was more like his siblings. That is disgusting.
I would have borrowed money from my parents for 0% interest if they would have offered it. That would’ve saved me a lot of money. And especially at that age. Now in my 50s… I’ll take the interest! Not worth just what you see here. The borrower is slave to the lender.
It is so appreciated that it was pointed out that this was a mistake on the part of the parent and she needed to hear that, she needed to be given a healthy perspective on the matter so she could see a way through it. Great job once again from the Ramsay team.
@juliancain3872 all she wants is an indication that he is committed to returning the money. He is simply refusing to talk about his finances and he's going to keep pretending that the deal was 250 forever so he can keep this chunk of money that isn't his.
@@vasco1610 Considering he is paying back the amount that was agreed upon, and never missing a payment, thus keeping his end of the bargin, I'm calling that commitment, and I'm having a hard time believing your argument that he just wants to keep the money. It also sounds to me like this mother hasn't actually tried to have a conversation with her son about this. My guess is she prodes around at the topic of money, but doesn't actually address the topic of repayment of the loan. You can't expect people to read your mind, you have to clearly state your intentions, there is no "but he should want to," or "she should have don X if she." That simply isn't the real world.
Don’t be acting like $250 a month is nothing. That’s what you agreed on, he’s paying it and never missed a payment, and it’s what you get frfr for loaning it to the kids vs gifting it
She's going to put a strain on their relationship over $50? She said even just $50 more. If you don't need that money leave it alone and stop wanting your son to be like his sister.
I'm glad she's not my mom. Gee, you're not doing what I want like your siblings did, so boo on you. John's right - he FEELS that not-good-enough disappointment from her. I know one thing...if I were he and heard this call, I'd get a bank loan and pay her every penny tomorrow and wash my hands of her except for exceptional things like weddings, funerals, etc.
You made an agreement, he has met the terms. You cannot demand he pay it back faster, that is wrong. You can start a conversation to see if he is willing to change the terms, you cannot make him. She CAN forgive the debt. She has no right to inspect his finances to reset the terms of the loan. It is a loan, not child support.
@@GAFB1122 well maybe you love and respect your parents. Seems to me that would be pretty hard in this case. I would never borrow the money in the first place but that is so not the point.
If this caller were an unrelated single woman seeing the son, asking for more, more as his income went up, Mama would be the first one behind the scenes to call her a gold digger.
If you're gonna have kids and expect every single dime to be paid back to you don't have kids. It's a selfless responsibility. Treating your kids like this is crazy.
The son is paying the loan back as they agreed. He's not wrong. He's showing responsibility, actually. That mother is getting ready to possibly destroy her relationship with a son who seems good.
She resents how long it's taking. Probably wants to remodel her house or buy a car and is regretting that the money is no longer immediately available to her.
@@missdemeanor3524 She could address it - just ask him if he can pay more. He might say yes, and they meet at 400 or 500 a month. No hassle no hard feelings. Instead she seethes over it, makes assumptions and calls a show - all but addressing it directly. She is not an adult, that addresses financial things in a direct and non-manipulative manner. I think she assumed he would be a good boy and hurry to pay them down. Now she is disappointed. And she is not worried about the other son ! because the amount is not big. However - does this son pay more than 250 bucks. And could HE afford more.
The worst part of this ... the mother never once said she needed the money. She could simply set up her will to pay the kid less than siblings in the amount of the loan and be done with it.
She said something like, “his whole life he’s ignored money…”. So, she knew going into this agreement that he probably wouldn’t prioritize paying off the loan. It’s not like he isn’t paying, he’s just making the minimum payments. That’s all he’s obligated to do. They were the ones who wanted to bless him by paying the interest. If he stops paying the loan, then yes, they would have a reason to be upset but he’s doing exactly what they asked him to do.
I wish they had asked about the mom and dad’s financial picture. I would bet they are doing just fine and have plenty of retirement savings. She could just consider the $250 per month as if it were a small pension. 😆
@@greggpurviance7252 did I say it was "at issue"? I only expressed curiosity about it, and the Mom not being hard up for money would just make wanting to change the agreement look even worse on her part.
I have the opposite problem. My mom acts like she does not want to pay me back. She told me by a certain date I would have my money back and she has not kept her word.
She sounds like my Mom! Never satisfied. Always scheming. My mouth made movements in the negative ways. I went to College & paid my own way! I am the oldest & my Mom, every opportunity said that she wished I was more like my sisters. I am so glad you told her that she was in the wrong!!! I am a proud woman, with a very cool life, with kids & a Hubby that is outside of her perimeter of living life! & I am ok with that!!!
She’s extremely lucky that he is paying at all and extremely lucky that he is paying on time! So many people lend to family and never get a penny back. Yeah it’s $250 a month for 19 years, but he’s going to figure it out when he’s 29 or 30 and pay it off to get it over with. But even if he doesn’t, he’s PAYING ON TIME! She is BLESSED to have 3 AMAZING children who ALL pay their debts! She should count her blessings!
@@righand I tend to agree with you but I don’t know if that money came from their retirement funds and now they don’t have enough cash flow. But yeah, new and aspiring parents out there: start a 529 as early as possible, if you want to browbeat your kids to attend college later on.
I hope the callers kids never hear this call. The moment she said “I wish he was more like his sister” told me everything I needed to know.
Oh I guarantee that wouldn’t be news to him. I’d give 2 to 1 odds that she’s said it directly.
@@annemarie3811I wouldn’t place a dime against you
Honestly at that point I’d stop paying and tell her that it’s just the cost of the way she’s been treating him.. until she can treat her own son with love and respect then she gets none of the money back.
As a middle child, she had told and shown him his whole life. He's used to it by now.
See, I hope they _do_ hear it, so they can make the difficult decision to remove this greedy, mean woman from their lives.
I bet there are so many other ways she's treated the middle kid like poo, to hear her vocalize it to thousands of people might give him the push he needs to cut contact
“I wish he was more like his sister”…. Poor guy
she's just saying she wishes she didn't have to bring this up to him. it was on her daughter's priority list to be debt free and pay back her loan. they're all educated and gainfully employed; it's not like he's a bum and she's successful and she wishes her son wasn't a bum. although, there would be nothing wrong with her thinking that way if that was the case
How is he a bum? He's holding up his end of the deal.
@@ThePolypam Read it again. He never said the son was a bum...just the opposite actually.
@@jgjg3848 I think you need to read what Brian commented above me.
@@BrianErwinIt’s not what you mean that matters, but how it’s received. Mom telling her son she wishes he were different is gonna be pretty hard to recover from.
There is nothing more cruel than a parent saying they wish their child was like someone else... Heart breaking.
right, this Woman makes me feel so bad
Don't worry those kid's wish their parents was like someone else too.
wishing your child was like someone else is not cruel. My daughter has lots of tattoos and she insists on dating felons who cheat on her. Of course I wish she was like someone else. I wish she was like a women who has enough self worth not to date losers who mistreat her. I worked hard to make sure she could go to college. I mistakenly thought college educated women did not tolerate abuse. Boy was I wrong.
Traumatized women with low self esteem tolerate abuse... regardless of college education
@@KS-kr4okI’m curious was her dad around?
I couldn't imagine entering an agreement with a child and being mad when that child becomes an adult and continues to honor that same agreement.
I will double down on that...I would never make this financial agreement with my child. Period. I am one of the parents (not looking for an argument here, just my personal values) who will pay the entirety of my child's education to the extent I am able. If I can't afford to, well, that's just the end of it.
Many parents would be thrilled to have that.
i can never imagine LOANING my kid money. and then being greedy and wanting to up the payments
“He’s never missed a payment.” So what’s the problem? 😂 he’s literally abiding by your terms. Mom needs to take several seats.
Terms are they pay what they can, how initial payment was 250 because he was broke graduate. Per the verbal contract now that he’s in a better place he owes more. If he lost his job mom would have been fine not charging him. Unlike a bank
@@socketyellow3Terms are that he pay what was agreed, which he is doing. If the $250 payment was temporary, that should have been explained as part of the terms.
The problem is he is not like her gold girl
Just like some employers now saying people are "quiet quitting" because they're doing exactly what their job description says, they're mad they're not doing 10x the work for the same pay, or going above and beyond.🤣🤣🤣
@@MobileGamingChronicles right??? When did fulfilling your job description become quitting? *you keep using that word, but I don’t think it means what you think it means*
People like her are so exhausting. She's getting exactly what she agreed on and she is secretly fuming and feels treated unfairly. Lady, you agreed to this. You set this up. You even started out by saying "It was important to us that our kids go to college". Did he even want to go or was he pushed?
AND: she could kindly tell her son that they (her husband ! too) want him to increase the payment. Son can say yes or no - what kept her from addressing it with the son (she has a good relationship with - or so she says). He may be a bit negligent and if they nudge him to honor his contract in a meaningful way (19 years payment is not really a mature attitude towards this debt) it could be a good thing for him. Might keep him from throwing money at things he does not need (like a new car) and teach him to budget.
But she cannot even address it in a friendly and mature manner. She is disapponted that he is not "like his sister" and steps up voluntarily. Well he missed the chance to be the better man, that is true. Likely he could have voluntarily paid more even if it is only 350 bucks.
She makes a lot of assumption what he makes and about his raises (as if companies would not undercut the people they hire all the time).
She / they could kindly ask him if 250 bucks was really the best he could do w/o stressing himself. Maybe he has a good job when it comes to responsibility - but not pay. Maybe he is shortchanged.
Maybe he lives carefree - then asking him to pay them more would do him good. But she needs to ask in a mature NON-JUDGEMENTIAL way.
One CAN alter the conditions of a contract within family or friends - if the other party agrees to it. But she does not even think of doing it the proper way - she gets on national radio and wants validation that she is hard done by.
I wonder what the husband thinks of this.
@@franziskani I'd be willing to bet that she has never said anything and she's just quietly seething and expecting everyone to read her mind. At best, she has been passive aggressive about it.
@@franziskaniit’s not altering the contact, the literal requirement is how much they can pay. If lose job it’s 0, if get raise it’s more
@@socketyellow3 That is not what was said in the video.
I thought I heard her say pay whatever they can? Maybe not.
It means different things to different people.
That’s the problem with it being so vague. It could either mean literally eating the cheapest food & spending absolutely nothing to cover the most of his debt or live a normal life and pay what you feel you can handle.
Realistically she has no idea which is closer to reality. Doesn’t know his salary or expenses.
We cash-flowed both of our children’s college tuition, no strings attached. Today they are gainfully employed professionals. That was the best money I ever spent. They owe me nothing!
Seriously, set your kids up for success. Siphoning more and more money away from them when you’re just getting started in life is stupid.
@@Alex-wp9oo exactly. They have such an advantage over some of their colleagues who are struggling with student loan debt.
@@Alex-wp9oo going to stunt their growth... that could be going to their houses, futures, investments, etc to get them ready to have kids and continue the genetic linage of your bloodline... the WHOLE point is to PASS it forward and down... you give to them... they give to them... they give to them... on and on and on... thats how your genes thrive!! This is so much bigger than just you Karen😐
Why not american parents ask their children for money? I dont get it actually, you bring them to life and you are responsible for everything under some circumstances ofc.
@@dilaranur-iu8vn in the U.S. young people don’t have much money or opportunity to earn. Working wages don’t really provide wealth here, ownership does, and it takes a lot of capital to be approved for loans etc. to get that.
Unlike other countries, here a young person cannot find work that would support them much less their parents. Being old enough to have owned a home for the past 15 years or a business is when you can afford more than your own food rent and medical care.
The movies don’t paint an accurate portrayal of American life for 90% of us.
Never, ever say that you wish one kid was more like their sibling!! What a dreadful mother! She literally just said that to millions of strangers. She needs therapy!
... and on top of that the son is doing everything he agreed to. He got the better end of the deal but that is not on him.
I agree a mom should love all her kids equally and greatly knowing their own unique quirks, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and plans for the future. She knew who he was long before she ever made any deals.
if your parents had said to you, here's some money, you pay me back when you can ok?
and you agree to that.
are you going to keep the money for 20 years?
@@vasco1610 ... yes? Why not? Those were the terms. And the worst part about this is the mother doesn't even know the kids financial situation. She's just assuming he makes a lot and has extra money to give her. He could be struggling financially and barely even be able to give the $250 payments. She has no clue...
yes, even if you're making good money and can pay your mom back?
you guys keep saying 250 were the terms but those were not the terms.
the terms were that you would give her the money back when you have it.
look, it's unlikely he can't afford more than 250 a month, he didn't even raise it to 300, he's not interested in returning the money and that's what she's unhappy about.
if he was an honest person he would talk to her and say "look I know I need to pay you back this money, but I'm really struggling and I can't give you more than the 250 right now."
she would be totally fine with that, maybe she would even tell him to not pay it for a bit, but he doesn't disclose it. it's probably because he has more money to give her but doesn't want to.
you can never know for sure, but when you're close to someone you can tell whether that person is struggling financially or not.@@crazy_mind-ox8if
Changing the deal makes you the jerk. My parents pulled a similar thing on me, changing a "gift" into a "loan," I've never forgotten.
It's definitely difficult to reconcile. Just have to draw a boundary for your own sake. Similar situation happened to me so I can empathize.
The loan was not a gift. It was a loan--interest free. Where she is wrong is that they led him to believe it would be $250/mo. with no possible change stated
@@beverlyweber171 I took it that the commenter was talking about themselves. That they never forgot that THEIR parents gave them a "gift" and then reneged and said it was a "loan"
And probably will never forgive.
Forgive and forget. It’s not worth holding on to. I’m sure you’re parents had the best intentions but they just messed up
This woman is going to alienate her middle child out of her life.
She already has.
She has
"I'm elderly and my children won't talk to me."
She's been doing it his whole life. This is nothing new to him.
Spoiled
Kudos to John and Jade for calling this mom out.
The worst meddling manipulative moms are the ones who act like and think they are just the sweetest kindest ones in the world
Yes, and you just know that every time she talks to her son, she brings up the money and what he "should" do. She was convinced that she was going to be vindicated in this call and she'd be right and he'd be wrong.
Eh.
And the world buys it!
The “mouse” like high pitched voice from an adult woman, possibly middle aged, tells A LOT
@@DoritoBot9000 Best @name ever!
Every middle kid’s life: “I wish he was more like his sister!” Sincerely, a middle kid.
Preach, sister. Lol
Why middle kids are so unlucky?
@@fatemad4012 I’m a male. I have 3 siblings. One older brother, one older sister, one younger brother. Here’s my childhood:
My older brother got special treatment because he was “their first born”. My older sister got special treatment because she was “their only daughter”. My younger brother got special treatment because he was “their little baby”. I was just… there.
I’m 41 now. The dynamic has not changed.
So awful… I feel bad for this kid
Mom of three here. My middle one is the kindest, most loving, and thoughtful soul on the face of this earth. Everyone loves him. While his older and younger siblings also have some good qualities, I actually wish they could be more like my middle child.
What does this woman have to complain about? She has 3 adult children who have completed college, and are PAYING HER BACK!!!!!! She wants to control how he manages his money. She is just guessing that money brings him anxiety. I am betting that money brings HER anxiety.
She brings him anxiety I'm sure.
@@ThePolypam Exactly. He’s anxious about money… when his mother is meddling and pestering him. About his tax refunds! Way over the line.
Loser mother. You agreed on $250 never missed a payment. Get real lady.
Some parents put kids in this world and act like supporting them is an act of extreme kindness and selflessness. No! It's the damn basic
@@MaffSallesafter the age of 18 nope.
Toxic parents are the worst. Unfortuantely my parents were extremely toxic and would always use money to manipulate me. For example anytime we had a disagreement my mom would remove me from her will and my dad is a pathological liar. So I had to cut them both out of my life and my life has been so much better. I lost weight and my finances are finally coming together. This woman reminds me of my mother.
Yeah you cant just remove your children from your will lol. Thats not up to you. You can do your best to spend it so there is nothing left, but your children will still have a claim is anything is left when you die.
@@Mikael-jt1hk not really. You can definitely remove your children from the Will. and give them all to someone else or donated to nonprofit.
She was so ready for them to dog out her son and give her the “oh, poor you” sympathies. 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
She definitely sounds like the kind of person that wants a pat on the back when she literally caused the situation
@Juann-ci5vhFound the awful mom
What was the point of agreeing to pay for 25% of his schooling if she was able to lend the other 75%? Just pay for the whole thing or don't at all. Publicly shaming her kid for following the rules SHE set up is ridiculous.
They probably weren’t able to do that for all three. I don’t think that’s strange.
@@wordsalad01100%
@@eleo_b If you're not in a place to gift $50k, I don't think you're in a place to lend $50k either.
@@cooleobrad You trust your kid to pay it back and you know you need it to retire. You don't need it when your kid is starting college, but 10 years later, you do.
She didn’t say the child valued the education, she did. What did the son want?
They could have had them do junior college, and commute to make it completely affordable .
The junior college tuition and transfer could be done for a total of 40k. That would be 15 k to pay back vs 60, perhaps eliminating any debt at all.
Shes controlling, projecting and manipulating her son.
“It’s so hard to be a parent to adult children”.
Well, you really aren’t supposed to “parent” them once they reach adulthood.
If they still require “parenting”, then there was some level of failure on mom and dad’s part.
What is adulthood? The government age of consent? Don't bother parenting Katie. You suck at it or have sucked at it.
Exactly! My parents always told me and my siblings that they parented us when we were young so we could be friends when we’re old. The four of us love to hang out with our parents now because of how they raised us. They have no interest in parenting us now, but they love to sit down and just talk about life with us.
True except for special needs kids who need support
Parenting adult children is limited to answering questions when asked, listening when they talk to you, and being a pleasant grandma/mother-in-law. That's it.
@@annetawney2408 except if they are special needs
I’m most irritated about Jennifer comparing her kids, lol. She’s trying to move the goalpost to turn him into the other kids. It’s not about changing the terms; it’s about changing him. Love Jade’s experience
she laughed about it too. she's a yenta
The son is doing EXACTLY what he was asked to and this woman is a nightmare. She should just admit she resents him.
The deal was what you can afford at the time…. That’s 0 if they fired and more if they paid more.
@@socketyellow3 The agreement is $250, want to raise it? Tell them flat out you want to change the agreement.
When you told him $250 a month it would take 19 years then and now. This is on you Mom!
Why is $250 a month a problem? She plans to have her child in her life, doesn’t she?
@@sct4040yeah that’s crazy
Honestly the worst part is her comparing her son to his sister. That’s horrible. You can accept him for who he is while still being a parent and trying to guide him in the right direction. I’m sure there’s good qualities about him that his sister lacks too.
He has never missed a payment. Mam you are absolutely in the wrong.
Yet he broke the deal by not paying how they agreed to. 250 wasn’t forever, it was just what he could afford to at the time.
@socketyellow3 how she literally admits she has no idea what he makes. She doesn't knownhis debt to income ratio. She's making an assumption that he can pay more.
@@socketyellow3 life has gotten extremely expensive in the last two years alone. You have no idea if he's gotten raises that haven't kept up with inflation.
"can i make a payment plan".. woman, he's on one.. $250/month until it's paid off... and by your calculation, it's 19 years. that's the plan..
She nodded yes but meant no. $250/ mo was the deal. If that really wasn’t what you wanted, that’s on you.
Bank: “hey, so remember that loan we agreed on? I don’t like it anymore, so why don’t you pay me more?”
Like come on, that’s ridiculous.
nope, the deal was, you pay me as much as you can handle.
@@vasco1610"as much as you can handle" equals you live in a box in the woods, eat canned beans and pay everything else that you possibly can.
don't be ridiculous. we all understand what it means, it's not a literal statement. if this guy is making enough to pay for nice vacations and a new car, etc... he should be paying back a higher amount on his loan instead, every month. he's not keeping his end of the deal.@@ElevatedAgenda
@@vasco1610 Yes, and then they worked it out together and agreed $250 per month was what he could handle, and they set that amount in stone. If you wanted it to be a fluctuating amount of "hey you just got a raise, keep up your same standard of living and pay me more" then she should have indicated that when they made the agreement. Honestly I'd be scared if that was the deal I had. Where I'd be forced to pay more because I got a raise. It'd probably incentivize me to never make more money because if I started out at $50,000 a year, and then next year I ended up with a salary of $200,000, but couldn't enjoy the benefits of having a much higher paycheck for a few months because now this damn payment to my mother is going to go up dramatically, that'd suck. It'd basically be like this:
The Son: Oh hey, I was at $50,000 for a year spending $250 a month. After a year, I'd have paid off $2500 of the $57,000 to put me at $54,500. I just jumped up in salary to $200,000. From making $3,505 a month to $12,397.
The Mother: Terms of our agreement, pay whatever you can. Since you were fine making payments at $250 at $50,000, all the extra money now becomes the terms. Your payments are now $9,142 a month. After 5 months of those payments you only owe us $8,790 left which will be your last payment. Then you can enjoy your $200,000 a month salary you've been making after 6 months :)
Who the hell would agree to that? That's worse than loan sharks. If he made those kinds of payments back of his own volition, sure. If he's forced fuck that.
I can’t believe her response to John’s comment at 7:00. John shared something wise and insightful about how she has made her son feel inadequate and she just jumps right back to the money.
I was expecting her to say he was paying like $20 or nothing at all lol. He's holding up his end of the deal. She's ridiculous.
he's really not, the deal is that he would pay her back depending on how much he can handle. he's spending money on other stuff instead of returning the money that was lent to him, he's not keeping up his part of the deal, he should be ashamed of himself.
She (they !) could just tell him that they now would like to see him increase the payment. Let's say 500 - 600 USD per month. - she knew the grand total very precisely. Grand total of 57.750 - at 1:30. She is petty (or highly accurate. Mindset f an accountant. Not to make light of that skill / trait - but it is not appropriate when you deal with your child).
Might also be that her husband is not concerned.
And there is resentment (at least HER resentment) - else she could just bring it up with her son BEFORE she goes on national TV. (she wants validation).
I also have an idea that they do not even need that money so much.
he may have chosen a field that takes longer and is more expensive.
She is not "worried" about the other son because the open amount is not that much - so does that son also only pay 250 per month ? But in his case it is O.K. because .....
She's also ridiculous because she pressured her kids to going to college "because it was really important to her" and only covered 25% of it, saddling them with the other 75%, in loans to her.
That's like giving somebody a down payment for a house in a neighborhood that they can't really afford. Parents do that all the time trying to "help" their kid and instead it sets them up for a lifetime of struggle living in the neighborhood that they can't afford. It'd be different if they paid for the whole house, but the 10% down payment wasn't really "helping" their adult child.
in the case of the other one is ok, because he'll be able to return the money in time for her retirement.
the other one is essentially keeping the money for 20 years making it almost a gift, and it wasn't a gift it was a loan. it was a loan for the other 2 kids too, he's subverting the rules to keep money that wasn't given to him.@@franziskani
She needs the money. She was about to say that and stopped herself. I would pay her but keep my distance. Her son doesn't need to negotiate that was the terms
The title should be 'My kid is not paying me back fast enough!"
"I'm unilaterally changing the terms of a loan without notifying the borrower, and I'm pissed that he isn't reading my mind."
horrible read on the situation. she hasn't demanded anything from him yet, she's just saying that the deal was for him to pay her back as soon as he could and he doesn't seem to be interested in doing that. he's going to pretend that the deal was 250 a month for 20 years and he's going to effectively keep the money that was lent to him, instead of paying it back like his siblings did.@@aschulte7502
This is probably a TLDR... but I have a huge problem with parents like the caller in this video. My parents had a dairy farm and my sister and I were their free labor our entire lives up to adulthood. My sister got married and moved on after high school. My parents kept guilting me into coming back home and helping them on their farm. At one point I was charged with a crime, my parents helped me out by hiring a defense attorney (an expensive one) and upon further review of the state's case the judge dismissed the case "with prejudice" because I'd been wrongful accused/charged. Afterwards my Dad wanted me to repay the cost of the expensive attorney, but because I'd spent so much of my life 'helping my parents out' I didn't have money to spare. So, I told them "No. I am not reimbursing you." Which caused my Dad to rampage (sorta like this caller) and would tell everyone how I'd taken advantage of my parents and that I'd victimized them. His rhetoric was so extreme that 'uninvolved parties' would take it upon themselves to confront me about *my awfulness* and all I could ever tell the vigilantes seeking justice for my parents was "I haven't harmed them. My parents have prepaid me for their end-of life care..." Then in 2017, my father was diagnosed with a partially necrotic heart and went into steep decline. My sister visited a few times, but I was there for my Dad ... every single day. (Dirty diapers, catheters, everything) I did extra efforts so my Mom didn't have to shoulder the burden of his swift decline. He passed away in 2018. Now I am the primary caregiver for my Mom (who largely let herself go after my Dad passed away). I guarantee you that over the years my actions repaid the $20k price my parents paid for the attorney with interest. It makes me sick when I hear about parents expecting their grown children to repay them for their higher education costs and end up wondering why their grown children put them in nursing homes. 🤯🤦♀️❤️🩹
@@aschulte7502she didn’t change anything….. the deal was they pay what they can at the time. Get fired? 0. Get raise? More payment next month
"Can I create a payment plan?"........ You already did! You created a plan of $250/month. That is the deal.
……. As much as they can was the deal, if they lost their jobs it would have been 0. In the raise case it increases. Not they hard to understand
@@socketyellow3 I missed the "as much as they can" part.
$10 says most of that went in one ear and out the other. And, she's the type of mom to control her kids' lives past adulthood, because "mother knows best." So, she's going to take matters into her own hands and make his life miserable, because she has no boundaries (or, has already done so, and was calling in for self-validation).
Never loan money, to anyone, that you can’t afford to lose.
This^
Totally agree. I live by that!
These are the kind of parents that people go no-contact with for all the right reasons.
Good for y’all for not supporting abusive mothers . Kids need that .
What you need to do is help your child figure it out instead of focusing on who’s to blame . You’re not a victim and you’re not the topic .
Poor people can only afford poor thoughts . The man deserves hope .
Lady, he is paying you exactly what you agreed! How does she even know he isn’t struggling just to pay the $250 when she doesn’t know what he earns?
Is this woman for real?
I’d rather pay interest than deal with mom debt collector
my in-laws blessed us with the chance to buy a car from them, and pay them a set amount monthly for 4 years, with zero interest. we recently mentioned to them that we were hoping to pay it off completely soon (just over 1 year in) and they were like "why??? it's interest free! put your money elsewhere" - such a different mindset lol
My college was paid for by my parents. I fully intend on paying 100% for my kids’ college. Have fun putting all your children into mountains of debt to ‘teach them a lesson’. My kids will be way ahead of yours because of your principles.
Yes must be nice having the bragging rights that your college was 100% pay for and that somehow you will be able to pay 100% for your kids college
But the fact that your children will not have to pay for their own college or work to earn to pay the money for it will mean that it will mean less to them
@@motoryzen it is. It’s better than touting moral superiority while my children have 1k a month payments on their student loans. To each their own.
@@chrisstevens3567 moral superiority? Whatever crap you're unnaturally high on you need to get off of. One of the best things in life a young person can learn is the value of earning something not just something given to him her. You have a lot of homework to do apparently class dismissed
@chrisstevens3567 what kind of stupid crap are you going to tell me next? That counter steering is not a thing in the motorcycle or bicycling world? Get real
Look I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing to pay for your kids college. But it's always better if the child can earn something. The act of earning something makes that child growing into adult value effort. That also instills a certain life value into his or her heart in context of looking for a proper mate of similar quality of human being. This is called critical thinking skills and planning ahead.
Way too much of my generation and younger do not value effort and when they're always given something and never have to earn it, they don't respect it as much nor the person who gave it to them.
That's part of what wrong worh thr world today...too much entitlement attitudes
@@motoryzen thats incorrect. you speak in absolutes as if you can see the future or something 😂.
The middle child and this mom’s relationship is about to get sour, and she will be sitting there going “Why can’t he be like his sister????” 🤦🏽♀️
“I wish he was more like his sister”
I hope he takes this loan to the final minute. He 100% feels this when he interacts with his family. Poor dude.
Just wasted 10 minutes of my life listening to this controlling mother who is suffering a situation she created. The best reason to pay her back as soon as possible would be to have nothing further to do with her.
Eh tbh, she has no legal way to collect, if you are severing the relationship don't even pay it back....
@@MrWarren1991that payment he’s been doing more then screws him. That’s a confirmation that he owes her the money that they likely have text record of telling him the balance or remaining amount.
This woman is totally in the wrong and is overbearing and controlling.
I could never imagine “lending” my child money for college. I either have it or I don’t. Just pay for his college and let it go! What is it with people and money?! They get so greedy. I’m sure this woman would take a bullet for her children but when it comes to money people get super funky. Greed - one of the seven deadly sins!
Exactly either you have the money to pay for your child’s college or you don’t!!
Nothing wrong with lending money to your children. They have to pay someone. But this was more of a control thing like Dave and his FIL where the food taste different. Her son is feeling that
she's absolutely in the right, she said she would loan the money not give it and that he would pay it back when he could.
he has money more to give her and he's spending it on other stuff instead, he's not keeping up with his part of the deal.
@@lindaparks4486 I think the point is, if you're in a position where you can lend $50k+ to your adult child, why would you not be in a position to just gift it instead? If she really needed the $50k so badly, she shouldn't have lent it to him in the first place.
Money makes people weird.
‘His whole life he just ignored money.’ So you knew he was that way about money and then you loaned him money. You created this situation.
It’s all about control. That’s why you never do business with people like that. You either give them money or don’t. Let it go.
He’s doing what YOU asked !
What a miserable controlling mother. I would bet all 3 kids moved far away from her at first chance.
Not really. The daughter paid off in 5 years didn’t she say? $10k a year is an acceptable amount. $250… hey, agreement is agreement. He’s holding his end of the bargain. Mom just didn’t math right.
@@amyx231or just didn’t say let’s do 250$ for 12 months then raise it up to 500$ after you have some time to get your finances together
The woman sounds controlling. First of all the dream of college was hers not her sons. Second she comes up with a convoluted repayment scheme which effectively tethers him to her. Its just gives me bad vibes.
What I hear: “if my son would just give me money, I would love him more”
I think it’s more “if my son would just be more ambitious, I would love him more.”
He’s content making enough to live and she wants him to be driven to make more money… and thus make enough to pay off $50k+ in less two years.
I don’t know why she lent him the money if she needed it back quicker then she agreed
I'm sure it wasn't a " this is the payment forever " type of conversation. I'm sure it was a " what can you afford right now?" Type of conversation, and the miscommunication was that they didn't relay their expectation of increased repayment as his financial situation grew.
Control over the son.
She doesn't need it. She just doesn't like the middle child as much as she likes her other 2, so she's trying to find a way to punish him.
what kind of shitty parent loans their kids money anyway? You give them the money or you tell them to get it themselves. End of story.
She’s wrong. He’s keeping up his end of the bargain. She’s going to drive him away. You can’t change the rules mid game. Shame on you lady.
She literally is like hey I know you got a tax return, cough it up! She wants control
Just imagine a bank telling you your payment has gone up since you make more money…
The mom here really messed this up, the kid is doing what they agreed to
Or imagine the government telling you that you owe more taxes because you make more money.... Oh wait....
@@siva47931government taxes are not a loan
You’re right, and I agree with you. But this is literally exactly how student loans work.
But that was literally part of their agreement, he would put what he can. If you make more you can pay more
@socketyellow3 Other than the monthly payment amount, the terms of this agreement were far too nebulous. "This amount to start, and then over time, pay what you can" is a meaningless thing to agree to.
Wish they had asked the caller about her financial situation. Is she struggling? Is she a millionaire? It would shed light on the debt with the son to know more about her.
My thought
You can't be mad at your son for abiding to the terms you set.
And for the love of god, dont loan money to family. Gift it or give nothing.
So at 50 they could lend him the money for college, to save him the interest to a bank. At 56, they'd like to put it back into their retirement. Nothing wrong with that at all.
I still think she's in the wrong with regard to her call, but not in lending, not giving, the money!
$250 a monh is actually a hefty sized student loan. Why not just say hay, is it possible to increaase the loan? If he says no, then that's that. And then say, well, when you are able, please increase the loan. And now the conversation is over. So he graduated from college and is abiding by the terms of the agreement and she still wants something else. Be satisfied that your children are successful and that that $250 per month is happening. So what if it takes 19 years. A lot of people struggle to pay student loans. Let is go. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Enjoy your son and his success.
If it were me as a parent, I would be so proud that my kids graduated and were doing well in their lives and being good people. That’s all a parent could wish for. If that’s the case with her son, just be happy for him. Life is too short.
My mum wants me to give her 2/3 of my income
Not all parents are to be respected
2/3? Like I pay a fair bit but it's mostly voluntary extras because my parents charge me so little board. 2/3 is nuts.
I have a plan for you: you have to go to college and become deeply indebted to me. Now give us back our money faster than we agreed.
She's mean.
This mother is ridiculous! You can’t change the terms after the fact!
The terms were pay what you can afford. Common sense would say if you make more money, you could afford a higher payment. That's literally how student loans work in the real world.
@@str8nashtygaming466 she doesn't really know what he can afford though, does she. She's assuming. Not okay to assume.
Average wage raise is 3% per year. after a few years, she could make the assumption he is making 10% more money, and would anticipate him paying more. It sounds like he took it literally that all he had to do was pay 250 a month, until she dies. More likely she wont ever see the sum of that money. Oh well, just a lesson for the rest of us.
@str8nashtygaming466 did you look at rent prices and inflation in the last year or two? And he needs some savings too for emergencies. So yeah, maybe that's all he can affort.
Jade 'you're in the wrong.'
AGREED! Come on, Mom, a deal is a deal!
Why do people love money so much? This is the love of money.
So many strings attached. Sheesh
Coming from a Latino household I really don't understand the way Americans treat their kids. It's like they want them to become fully grown adults at age 18 while not giving them any support or guidance! You're supposed to help out your kids, you put them in this world, helping their education is not a favor.
Certain Americans see only little kids and Adults. Once you turn 18 you're an Adult because the law said so and you should be immediately be as mature, responsible and personally developed as a 35 year old. There is no gray area because that would require nuance and critical thinking.
The son is doing what she and he agreed upon.
I'm so glad my mother is not a greedy, controlling, unfair, dishonest freak like this woman. Why are they also psychoanalysing her son? He is keeping up his side of the agreement, period. There is no going around anything about having anxiety about money, blah, blah. They agreed to $250 monthly, he's paying it, end of the story.
I like when there’s 2 personalities on 1 video. They usually give better advice including both good finance and good relationship. That’s a well blanced team
You mean the caller?
This is gross. Don't pay for your kid's college if you expect it back.
I agree with most comments on this thread but not yours. If you make a deal to pay your parents back and they loan you money. PAY IT BACK, However, her being the way she is about how fast he pays it back is bullcrap. She must stick to her end of the deal as well, and he is paying her back. Also, she is a horrible mother for saying she wished he was more like his siblings. That is disgusting.
You clearly don't comprehend this situation in the slightest.
I would have borrowed money from my parents for 0% interest if they would have offered it. That would’ve saved me a lot of money. And especially at that age. Now in my 50s… I’ll take the interest! Not worth just what you see here. The borrower is slave to the lender.
If you can't afford to loan it, don't do it 😑
It is so appreciated that it was pointed out that this was a mistake on the part of the parent and she needed to hear that, she needed to be given a healthy perspective on the matter so she could see a way through it.
Great job once again from the Ramsay team.
Amen Jade - Give or don't give there is no "lending" to family members without baggage.
I would never loan money to my kids. Either I’m going to pay for it as a gift or just tell them I can’t afford it, let’s figure something else out.
He's doing exactly what they agreed to. He's probably socking away hundreds of thousands of dollars in a 401K. Lol.
“I love him to death but he owes me money”- helicopter controlling mom
she never told him the money was a gift.
The moment she opened with "let me just say it's so hard being a parent to adult children!" I was like alright this lady's a control freak 😂😂
@@vasco1610 But she's not communicating what the terms are and gets angry when she doesn't get what she wants.
@juliancain3872 all she wants is an indication that he is committed to returning the money.
He is simply refusing to talk about his finances and he's going to keep pretending that the deal was 250 forever so he can keep this chunk of money that isn't his.
@@vasco1610 Considering he is paying back the amount that was agreed upon, and never missing a payment, thus keeping his end of the bargin, I'm calling that commitment, and I'm having a hard time believing your argument that he just wants to keep the money. It also sounds to me like this mother hasn't actually tried to have a conversation with her son about this. My guess is she prodes around at the topic of money, but doesn't actually address the topic of repayment of the loan. You can't expect people to read your mind, you have to clearly state your intentions, there is no "but he should want to," or "she should have don X if she." That simply isn't the real world.
The entire agreement sounds bad to start with. Why was it a percent and not "we can contribute $X and you're responsible for the rest."
Don’t be acting like $250 a month is nothing. That’s what you agreed on, he’s paying it and never missed a payment, and it’s what you get frfr for loaning it to the kids vs gifting it
This is gross. You shouldn’t be your kids’ bank.
She slams her middle child at every turn. I feel so bad for this guy
This shit made me so sad for that kid. Like he's already the middle child. SMH
Stop the payments, bin her off. Some parents really aren't worth it.
I think we all know, even though she shouldn't mention his sister if they have this conversation, she absolutely will.
She's going to put a strain on their relationship over $50? She said even just $50 more. If you don't need that money leave it alone and stop wanting your son to be like his sister.
I'm glad she's not my mom. Gee, you're not doing what I want like your siblings did, so boo on you. John's right - he FEELS that not-good-enough disappointment from her.
I know one thing...if I were he and heard this call, I'd get a bank loan and pay her every penny tomorrow and wash my hands of her except for exceptional things like weddings, funerals, etc.
You made an agreement, he has met the terms. You cannot demand he pay it back faster, that is wrong. You can start a conversation to see if he is willing to change the terms, you cannot make him. She CAN forgive the debt. She has no right to inspect his finances to reset the terms of the loan. It is a loan, not child support.
While all that is true, if I owed a family member money to include Mom/Dad, I would pay it off asap!! Going above and beyond, demonstrates character!
@@GAFB1122 I agree, I would want to pay it off asap. Bad enough having to owe a bank. Nothing nags quite like family.
@@GAFB1122 well maybe you love and respect your parents. Seems to me that would be pretty hard in this case. I would never borrow the money in the first place but that is so not the point.
It isn't hard when you raise them to be responsible people with morals and values.
I cannot imagine ever feeling like this about my precious children 😅
If this caller were an unrelated single woman seeing the son, asking for more, more as his income went up, Mama would be the first one behind the scenes to call her a gold digger.
If you're gonna have kids and expect every single dime to be paid back to you don't have kids. It's a selfless responsibility. Treating your kids like this is crazy.
I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further
🤣🤣oh god I know that reference🤖🐓
The son is paying the loan back as they agreed. He's not wrong. He's showing responsibility, actually. That mother is getting ready to possibly destroy her relationship with a son who seems good.
But, he is making the payments and has never missed a payment. What is wrong with her?
She resents how long it's taking. Probably wants to remodel her house or buy a car and is regretting that the money is no longer immediately available to her.
@@missdemeanor3524 She could address it - just ask him if he can pay more. He might say yes, and they meet at 400 or 500 a month. No hassle no hard feelings. Instead she seethes over it, makes assumptions and calls a show - all but addressing it directly. She is not an adult, that addresses financial things in a direct and non-manipulative manner.
I think she assumed he would be a good boy and hurry to pay them down. Now she is disappointed. And she is not worried about the other son ! because the amount is not big. However - does this son pay more than 250 bucks. And could HE afford more.
thats what I thought??? I can see why the daughter paid it back so fast, she didn't want mom to be in her hair....... Poor son Jesus christ.
The worst part of this ... the mother never once said she needed the money. She could simply set up her will to pay the kid less than siblings in the amount of the loan and be done with it.
She said something like, “his whole life he’s ignored money…”. So, she knew going into this agreement that he probably wouldn’t prioritize paying off the loan. It’s not like he isn’t paying, he’s just making the minimum payments. That’s all he’s obligated to do. They were the ones who wanted to bless him by paying the interest. If he stops paying the loan, then yes, they would have a reason to be upset but he’s doing exactly what they asked him to do.
Imagine him stumbling across this video and hearing his mom say "I wish he was more like his sister" If I heard that it would crush me
I wish they had asked about the mom and dad’s financial picture. I would bet they are doing just fine and have plenty of retirement savings. She could just consider the $250 per month as if it were a small pension. 😆
No one's financial picture is at issue. They had an agreement
@@greggpurviance7252 did I say it was "at issue"? I only expressed curiosity about it, and the Mom not being hard up for money would just make wanting to change the agreement look even worse on her part.
@@dw1419 they didn't ask, because it wasn't an issue
@@greggpurviance7252 did you know that people are allowed to wonder about things? I have no interest in this pointless back and forth.
They paid for 3 kids to go to college without borrowing money. They’re very comfortable.
I have the opposite problem. My mom acts like she does not want to pay me back. She told me by a certain date I would have my money back and she has not kept her word.
She sounds like my Mom! Never satisfied. Always scheming. My mouth made movements in the negative ways. I went to College & paid my own way! I am the oldest & my Mom, every opportunity said that she wished I was more like my sisters. I am so glad you told her that she was in the wrong!!! I am a proud woman, with a very cool life, with kids & a Hubby that is outside of her perimeter of living life! & I am ok with that!!!
He’s living up to their agreement!!!
She’s extremely lucky that he is paying at all and extremely lucky that he is paying on time! So many people lend to family and never get a penny back.
Yeah it’s $250 a month for 19 years, but he’s going to figure it out when he’s 29 or 30 and pay it off to get it over with.
But even if he doesn’t, he’s PAYING ON TIME!
She is BLESSED to have 3 AMAZING children who ALL pay their debts! She should count her blessings!
my parents also loaned me money for college and I’d rather owe the bank than owe them ugh
If there is any lesson that I have learned this past year is that dynamics in relationships change when loaning money is involved
Never set an expectation for someone to take out a major loan and you aren’t the one paying it. Expecting college means you’ll pay for it.
She should have made the kid take a student loan out just like other parents do
Exactly
No she should have paid for the kids college as a gift to them. This is sick!
@@TammySmith-nb6seresponsible parents aren’t loaning their own children money they can’t pay back
@@righand I tend to agree with you but I don’t know if that money came from their retirement funds and now they don’t have enough cash flow. But yeah, new and aspiring parents out there: start a 529 as early as possible, if you want to browbeat your kids to attend college later on.
@@drtij_dzienzI was gonna say the same thing.