Ughhh I feel this. I'm 27 and still have never had a partner. Figured I should focus on myself and wait until I'm the kind of person I want to be when I'm in a relationship. Would rather be alone than in a toxic relationship!
As a male of 36 I second this. Made the mistake of getting involved with an older woman when I was 27, ended up being an relationship and constantly reminded of what I’m not - I could be this, I could be that, not at my potential. Also was abusive a lot further (not physically). Stayed with her because she had her own issues so I put it down to that and felt like being a man at that time was helping her through and sacrifice my own feelings. So ive stayed well clear of anyone since because I feel I’m not good enough. Not a big head but I get fair attention from women but I completely shut anything down before it begins, not even sex right now. Still on the road of being comfortable with myself again, so I completely agree with you and don’t make the mistake I did!
Thanks for being so open about your life. I also have a hard time with close relationships, mostly because I feel too overwhelmed being around people. I always feel like I have to hide my true ADHD-self. I also never really tried to date anyone. Spending time alone is the only way I can recharge my energy, which doesn't mean that I never feel lonely. I just don't want to be a burden on a person that I love.
Asagi I Hope by sharing my life it helps! I love being around people if they allow me to be me. I’m lucky to have people like this in my life...but I do enjoy being alone...like you it recharges me.
Asagi Thanks for sharing your experiences. From a guy on the other side, I’ll say, it helps a lot to hear this. You should try not to feel you are a burden. All relationships takes work, even relationships between two non-ADHD individuals, so please do not think that you are being a burden. If the person really loves you and wants the relationship, then be up front about your challenges, and let them decide on if they can be there through the thick and thin of the relationship you two are building together. Give it a chance.
I didn’t get into my first relationship until 8 months ago (i just turned 30), with a fellow ADHD person who gets me….and I wasn’t even looking lol. Was worth the wait to find my “person”- i hope you find yours when you’re meant to! I totally had the same thoughts & feels on it as you
Wow! This is my exact situation with dating! I just started connecting it to my ADD when I read into ADHD and relationships! I’m 22, I’ve never had a bf and I’ve had the opportunity a couple times but I ended up pushing them away. I’ll be all about them for a split second, but then I’ll get nervous, overthink and then it turns to boredom and I stop communicating. Every time I attempt to date again I say I’m gonna try harder and not let my thoughts get in the way, but it happens every time...*sigh*
I feel you, I just ended a relationship because I felt so overwhelmed and I ended it even though I love the guy. I would always mess things up. and everything I would try to date again and tell myself I won't repeat the same mistakes.... I would repeat those very same mistakes! I'm coming to realise that being single is definitely the root to go. I was once single for 5 years and I did so well for myself, I guess sometimes we with ADHD struggle to understand our partners because we are too busy trying to understand ourselves and we overthink etc. It's a lot to process.
@@emilkadd 2 years later! It’s gotten better. I think it was just a struggle with intimacy. I don’t have that at all. Never even experienced PTSD. I do hear that ADHD and BPD overlap in some ways tho
Oh my god this is so ridiculously relatable. I struggle so hard with either complete disinterest or being wayyyyyyy too eager and scaring off someone I really like. Thank you so much for sharing, it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone in the struggle!
phew that drove me crazy when I was single (married my first gf whom I met in my late 20's). I constantly struggled w/ thinking that there was something wrong w/ me. I wish I knew about my ADHD back then. I guess one positive is that ADHD weeds out a lot of phony ppl, b/c my ADHD made me very genuine when approaching women (awkward, but genuine)....I don't have any "game" and didn't have any interest in that fake garbage. The person always knew that I was interested, right away. Unfortunately, the majority of women whom I met treated that level of honesty like it was taboo. Looking back, I'm so glad that I didn't date them. My wife has a beautiful honesty, and here in year 12 of our marriage, it's still amazing.
@@dctrbrass wow! I love this so much! thanks for sharing. And wow! and you married you're first girlfriend! So cool! What a story! I don't always see all my comments anymore...especially from older videos. so happy i happened to see this one!!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to share!
I have ADHD, I'm 26 and have never been in a relationship myself. Just like you, and many other people who suffer from ADHD. We struggle with developing and maintaining relationships. If I'm not mistaken we are one the highest groups of people who end up getting a divorce. I have always been looking for a woman to give me a chance and accept me for who I am. But I haven't managed to find that yet. Coming from a male prospective with ADHD, it's alot harder. Most women will turn down a man who comes off socially awkward in anyway. Men are more forgiving and acceptable to social awkwardness.
Hearing you say that you have a relationship with Jesus and have ADHD made me feel so validated. I accepted Jesus into my heart a few months before my diagnosis. Sometimes it feels like the two are contradictory, and it places me in this constant internal conflict. Now I wanna be your friend😊
As a candidate for ADHD, I totally understand this video. Im 24 and never had a boyfriend or even dated. My "love life" never goes beyond unrequited crushes. I get totally fixated on the guys I like and It becomes unhealthy. Right now I feel like I got to have a man! This video is perfect for me. I have to be content first.
I can soooo relate! I'm 25 and never had a bf. Thaaaaank you! i wanted to know about relationships and add/adhd and came across this. So I glad I did! This literally brought me comfort to know I'm not alone in this. ❤❤❤
You are but just one of two Content Creators that I do not skip ads. Much respect to your channel. Great topic, and very relevant to at least my circumstance. Being in love obviously has its challenges, and with that said, I still refuse to give up on my girl. Thank you for sharing such details on your personal life’s experiences relating to being in relationships. That must’ve taken an ENORMOUS amount of courage on your part. Hope you find your perfect match some day, and get to experience the absolute joy of being in love in a committed long term relationship. It truly is a beautiful thing. Signed- Love Sick Puppy!
You are fantastic. Thank you for this. I am 33 single, live alone etc blah. Just thinking how strange it is looking back on this from just before the pandemic, we were all so happy with our lives, and you even mention isolation is so helpful for us to get to know ourselves. Little did we know we’d have a year+ to get to know (and love) ourselves 🥰🌷🌷🌷🌷 thank you again
a year plus... seriously! It has paid off for me in so many ways. really learned a lot about myself and like you said got to know and love myself a lot more. So glad you have stumbled into my little world!
Thank you so much for this video! 💗 I used to beat myself up for oversharing or being quiet during dates, and this helps explain that it's just my adhd. My social awkwardness, anxiety and not knowing what or how much to speak makes relationships hard. Learning to accept and love myself is next step in my journey.
Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad my video helped.♥️ love that you are going to work towards loving your self as the next step. It’s so important. I’ve learned a lot about myself these past few years and definitely not as hard on myself. 🥰
I relate to this so hard. The stars just never align in the dating scene. I'll be 31 this year and have not been in a relationship either and I'm glad I'm not alone based on the comment sections. I think my Adhd also has just instilled this fear in me that I'll never genuinely like a person for the long-term (only in those adhd bouts of fascinations) and end up becoming bored with them. I fear that I won't commit and even break someone's heart. Better off single than hurt someone unnecessarily, but I still do my best to put myself out there regardless.
In the U.K., we don’t really see ‘dating’ as separate from being in a relationship. I’ve only ever been in 2 relationships, but I married my second after 7 years together. I think generally people are in too much of a hurry. A good, solid, long lasting relationship always boils down to friendship, because we’re ALL annoying, flawed human beings, and sexual attraction alone will not have you weather through that storm.
Thank you sooo very much for your openness and vulnerability on this topic. I relate so damn much. I'm 26, recently finally diagnosed and medicated for ADHD that I now realize has impacted my whole life. I've been single forever lol, never been in a LTR relationship before - just a string of short lived dating and hookups. I decided to give dating another chance recently as I feel like I understand myself a lot more than pre-diagnosis - but wow idk man. The fact that my feelings are so intense when I think I connect with someone, the overthinking, the rumination and anxiety, the loss of focus on myself and my own goals, its exhausting. It sucks because I've always felt like a hopeless romantic, I love the idea of partnership and believe that, if healthy, it has the ability to help you grow so much. Really just trying to take whatever comes my way in the dating realm slowwwwwlyyyyy, and try to let my intense feelings come and go before acting upon them/saying something I may regret later. And being honest about my ADHD brain and its "defects" Not giving up hope, though, but not going to chase it.
Hello, I agree with a lot of what you said Ardelle. I'm 46, had only two relationships, the second ending in marriage and then a divorce 7yrs later. One phrase you said particularly echoed my thoughts. I could see myself being married with kids or single but there seems to be a comfy duality with other things as well and was thinking whether it may be and ADHD thing. I don't hear most people talking in a duality type way. The other issue is that being a guy and still being expected to 'make the first move' my RSD kicks in all the time but I'm working on it.
Man, I can’t imagine being a guy with adhd and RSD. I relate, maybe why I’m so single …still. Even after this video being a few years ago. I still love the idea of having kids a husband…a family. the whole kit and kaboodle. Or I can see myself staying single for the rest of my life. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve given it all to god.
Everything you say makes sense. Im 49 and was diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks back. Relationships require so much head space. Yeah the overpationate thing or utter boardom situation. Only two short Relationships. Thinks make sense now looking back at my choices and experiences. Self sabotage tick lol. If people upfront cant accept you its a gift in a way cause they arent worth it. Meaning if you have to explain yourself constantly its time to walk away. You a very attractive and honest. Someone will be super happy to be with you. Yep avoid destructive relationships always.
Thanks for this video Ardele, this video is so relatable. I’m 25 and only been in two short-term relationships. However, a lot of your experiences in dating are very relatable
Thank you for sharing this! Completely agree about being content in yourself first, and that’s where I struggle. So good to hear you say your happy. I’ve not been in your relationship for 6 years and find i do like my own space and routine a lot. But there’s a lot more I’m working on within myself before I want it from the right person xx 💋
Girl, hearing you is like hearing myself in my life. I appreciate this video 💕 I feel better in not pursuing a relationship right now. Still dating me and finding out who I am first 🥰
I’m sure this video resembles with many of us. I sabotaged relationships that were good, married someone who I couldn’t stand after 6 month, but was afraid to be single and lonely so much that I continued this marriage for 9 years, but unhappy, miserable When I divorced I didn’t want any relationships anymore.
I get everything you’re saying, I feel the same. You’d make someone very happy, it’s all about everything aligning up, the energies around us often dictate what happens and we are powerless. That might sound as an excuse to some but it’s not. I was really looking forward to seeing someone this morning but couldn’t because I got really sick, thought I had Corona virus but it’s a viral infection which slightly less dramatic. Thanks again for you’re amazing honesty! 😉
Im male 34 with adhd and i keep myself single. Yes, i said i KEEP myself single. I have most of what women are looking for, im not a monster, i have a no mortgage property, and i have a decent job, amongst other things 😉. With all of those positives, there is still the adhd. This can cause a lot of chaos in relationships, so i just avoid it now. This lady's story is very common for adhd people on both sides. It ends up as a form of intentional isolation. Also, it's actually hard to tell if the other person is in to you because facial expressions and other social things are difficult. Edit I read that back and its not meant to be a brag fest. Im trying to say that with adhd/autism, relationships can be impossible even if you have a lot going for you. It's mostly self sabotage, unfortunately 😕.
I actually really love your whole video I personally do feel like a sense of societal pressure to be in a relationship from tv, movies, family, friends, couples culture essentially. I do feel loved by my Goddesses and content by myself but I really benefited from this video because it was awful thinking I'm a broken person for not dating I just didn't feel as desirable as neurotypical people even I tried to be true to myself and avoid making social faux pas and tried to weed out any toxic behavior in myself, it's a huge relief to know I'm not literally alone in the struggle to withstand the flood of social norms
I relate. I’m 32 and never had a relationship other than a chaotic, dysfunctional 3 year situationship. (Spoiler: he was even more messed up than I was.) I’m currently in an intentional dating hiatus and pretty much no one I explain my decision to gets why I don’t “just get a boyfriend” like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
It's so frustrating when everybody else thinks that getting a boyfriend/girlfriend is the easiest thing in the world. It makes me feel worse, as if there's something really wrong with me... At least we know how to live with ourselves and not be dependent of a partner, because a lot of people don't know how to be single and wind up in a toxic relationship.
Thanks a lot for the video. It does help to know that other people struggle as well with the same problems and that rejection is not due to me as a person not being enough but me just going way too much and deep into the conversation. Was in a really bad mood before I watched the other video about isolation and this one. Gonna check out some of the others as well. Thanks a lot for making my saturday evening a bit less painful.
I just discovered ur channel and Ardelle, you are an amazing woman. You're smart, GORGEOUS, well spoken and christian (correct me if im wrong on that one). In my opinion ur a perfect whole package. Too bad I'm literally 17 and ur in ur 30s because I would so marry u. Keep doing what ur doing, where do I find more like u? 🤣
That you can be so beautiful (by any objective standard), and coherent, and still "never having had a relationship" shows how isolating this ADHD/ASD thing can be...
Perhaps true. I can’t disagree. Or I’ve been told recently by a guy who said I was the most fascinating woman he’s ever met…that he was “intimidated by me” 🤷🏻♀️😅 cool. 😎
There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve had a similar experience. I’ve only had one girlfriend and dated 3 people people for the exact same reasons. People underestimate what a giant profound impact ADHD has on our lives professional and personal.
I just stumbled on your channel a week ago and found this video today but oh my goodness is this so relatable on many different levels. I'm also a Christian, I have ADHD but I am content with being single mainly because I'm aromantic. So slightly different reasonings.. But we're all made differently and that's what makes life fun, right? Anyway, I'm enjoying your content about ADHD, keep it coming.
Yay! Welcome to the community! I’m working on more content I just struggle with time management 😵💫 but this encourages me to keep going! And glad others relate to me. My story is definitely not common. 🤷🏻♀️😌
@@ArdelleVision hey, at least you started your content! I'm badwith time management as well, want to start my own channel and haven't even started one haha.
Thank you for being so open and honest about yourself and your life! It really is relatable and just validates again that we’re not alone and it’s okay ! 💛
I think you're doing the right thing. If you doubt a guy or a woman, usually you're right. I see girls at 20 getting deep into relationship etc. It's wrong because at 20, you haven't even discovered yourself - if you invite a man into your life too quickly, it means you'll never get to realise your true potential in terms of other better guys that you could actually like or love & you, them. I'd rather die lonely than settle with someone I doubt. Also if you start dating too early, too young, if your boyfriend turns out to be abusive, you might never get to know that such behaviour is wrong. Because like it or not, most women who end up in abusive relationship, the abuser in most cases is their first boyfriend ie the only guy they ever knew 😬 You're a beautiful and smart woman, you don't need to rush, eventually the right guy will show up but knowing you could be a bit too apprehensive naturally, work a bit on your fear as well because if a guy loves you & hopefully you too love him, he wouldn't give a damn about your social awkwardness, nothing else matters but you 😁 I'm not autistic but I know I can be a bit demisexual - a trait known in autism because I could see a fine girl who may like me etc. But I'd never rush into how feel about her. It can be good & bad thing because all my younger brothers & sisters have kids but me. The point is I'm now 46 & still don't have a kid 🤫 I doubt women too much and it's a problem.
Well said, until we are content with who we are and whole unto our self, no one can ever fill those needs for us. 2 broken or insecure people do make one complete couple no matter how much it is desired. There is something much worse than being by our selves and that is being with the wrong person. Thanks for sharing with people it's OK to be single and open for a relationship than trying to force one. Never works.....Good topic.
Jesus Christ brings us the truest, deepest, and most satisfying meaning and purpose. I have recently come out of a short-term relationship, which was devastating to end. She was a true friend beforehand, but I think a lot of what came out of me during the course of the relationship (only 2 months, but my first in 6 years) was nothing short of chaotic and intense. I resonate a lot with what you've said, especially the sense of being fine on your own. I am using this time for learning and working to be that better person within myself. Thanks for the vid!
I never really put it down to my ADD. Ive never had a proper relationship either in adulthood. Ive had 2 boyfriends and both didnt last long. One was about a day and the other 4 months but i didnt really like him, just went out with him because of my friends lol. I have low self esteem and im shit at communicating in social situations, even with friends. It often feels unnatural. I too would have loved to settle down and had kids but have excepted i wont now. So am considering fostering a child. Im 35 now, and am so content living with no other human. I can do as i please. My issue is i seem to attract people that take advantage of my soft nature and they will try manipulating and controlling me. Mind games can really take their toll and im not wanting that in my life. It took till i was 30 to become exceptant of being single for rest of my life,unless seone very special comes along but sadly i dont trust guys either. I know of many married, angaged or family men that cheat on their other half. So i lost trust and dont think that makes for a healthy relationship either. My friends and family assumed or made jokes about being gay because theyd say, how can a good looking young girl not have a boyfriend so for some reason assume people are automatically gay then. I explain to people but they dont understand. So glad you did this video, i dont feel so silly now and realise that its most likely my ADD that makes me like it. Its nice you have found something else to focus on. My older sister is a christian and used to do all sorts of naughty things, lots guys, drink and drugs. Her life was going down a bad path. But she became a christian/follower and now her life has changed. I life is about that now and she is completely changed. I imagine like her, you are happy with you and God. I do believe in it but myself cant follow it but totally understand it. For me my focus is helping animals and spreading awareness about cruel practices of the meat, dairy and egg industries. This keeps me from focusing on me and my issues because its far more important than my little life. Thanks again for video
Ardele! You are amazing! Full stop. You are so much more than your adhd and you have so much to offer. However, I do struggle with that myself and I haven't been in a proper relationship in 15 years. Some dating stories Yes, like you.. I also go through stages where I feel really frustrated to others when I am very happy as I am. But I have difficulties in my relationships with men due to insecurities. It is very painful and makes me loose my balance. I am also focussi g on myself and my wellbeing atm. 💟💟💟
Laila Pastor it makes me so happy to hear you are also focusing on yourself and wellbeing. Thanks for sharing this. Yeah. I’m more content now with myself than I have been in the past...like...ever. The happiest and most content I’ve ever been. I appreciate your kind words! You too...are amazing. You are enough. As am I. I love this community!!!🤗🤗🤗🤗
Awright Ardelle. I love your channel. I have Scottish ADHD which is way off the spectrum. Relationships are impossible for me because I don't trust people who like me. Also when I do go on a date I just can't sit still, I am like an Octopus playing a drumkit! 🐙😁
So beautiful! And my pattern is the future projecting and ending it.... And the boredom factor.... I love your openness and honesty... love your take here, I think you are right on with being ok with yourself and being loved outside a relationship.... wow, so beautiful and refreshing
Hi! Commenting at 7mins just to say that i quickly subscribed when you mentioned about being a Christian! 🥺🥰 Also, though i have been in relationships before, they are mostly unhealthy and been single for so long now because of the same reasons and situations as you. Also just recently been diagnosed with ADHD two months ago 🥺
I'm a 29 yo bisexual male with diagnosed ADD, inattentive type, and had no idea the reason I've never had an exclusive "relationship" was likely because of it. I have felt like a loser most of life, despite being "attractive". Thank you sooo much for your videos. I've cried at some point during most of them 👍
Hello Ardelle, I have just recently found your video and I am relating and enjoying your conent. With regards to this topic... I have been diagnosed with severe depression, ADHD & dysthemia. This makes being in a relationship or dating or even friendship non existent. I believe that I am not worthy of being loved or liked and my self loathing always tells me that I would never even get the attention of someone as gorgeous and amazing as you. Anyway, that's my story.
I've had a lot of issues in my life. Including childhood trauma... The thing is... if one is expecting to "wait" to be in a relationship until you feel that you're more or less "healed", the healing process won't ever really come. Serious relationships will expose you to situations you'd otherwise not go through. Meeting the right person and spending time with that person in a loving relationship will hold up a mirror to you and actually SHOW you all your fears and and inner-child side of yourself. Thus, it would allow you to act accordingly and fix those things with help and therapy... Given of course, you're NOT a narcissist and are willing to recognize and address those issues.
Ive seen my friends go thru it- I’ve always thought it to be a sign of weakness- to think u need someone to love u- to feel “complete”- they usually get a dog or something- I don’t have the attention span for a relationship- I’ve just never cared enough- I’ve had opportunities but i was too bored to care- i like being independent- i like boredom and alone time- now im in school at 33- i’ll rather read my law books- i am content and i can wait.
My ADHD symptoms are severe I was untreated until I was 38but now I'm noticing the Adderall is giving me really violent mood swings so I'm constantly at the gym some f****** angry most of the time but I know that I have low tolerance right now I'm aware of people's inability to be honest with me since I hold my heart on my shoulder being ADHD and I do have more of a hardened look in my face because of what I've been through and how I've opened up very vulnerably to people and it is my learning curve and being single for almost 21 years since I've had a son that's 20 years old right now that I've never seen because of my inability to see people as what they are but I am learning and it's a difficult lesson I don't want it to change me
Just to suggest this -- my experience: I tried concerta, adderall, ritalin, and vyvanse. All gave me terrible side effects. My natural physician tested me and gave me DHA (a brain chemical that a lot of ADHD'ers are very low in). Get a good quality one, like Nordic Naturals or Standard Process. It works exactly like the drugs, w/ zero side effects.
You're obviously doing "covering" in this video, but I can relate to your views. I'm 36M and my longest was 3 years of roller coastering and in hindsight it was terrible, but I can't help myself being super envious when seeing my friends doing the part you did not mention, when they're content and happy with life together.
Legit, Ardelle I don't know if you're still single, BUT, as a guy with ADHD who is probably the same age, I genuinely recommend you try finding guys with ADHD. I've dated a couple women with ADHD and honestly it's SUPER fun because we both don't judge each other and it's never boring since we always have quirks and things that keep daily life fun and interesting. I've also struggled with dating for similar reasons...I'm either too bored and they can't keep up with my eccentricity or bizarre brain OR I find that the women I put one a pedestal just aren't that into me. BUT if you can find a man who has ADHD like you who understands that and who is on the same wavelength, it can be REALLY validating AND fun at the same time. It helps if they are as smart as you as well...
I used to want a relationship, I have (sort of) and would constantly be told I should learn to be happy by myself. Which I was undiagnosed ADHD and I found it impossible to do that, even going to so many doctors that would just ask "why can't you work a second job? Many people do it. Men aren't chronically fatigued or chronically exhausted." Also getting judged by people who think I'm 'entitled millennial' I hate it. Their families get SSI and somehow if someone else has a legitimate health problem, regardless if they just want proper diagnosis and treatment, it doesn't "exist" to them. "Everyone else is lazy" Which I've worked two full time jobs through my 20s and got a degree, became a programmer. Not sure how, and I used to wonder why I had to work so hard and it could take weeks to prepare for a job interview. Then finally diagnosed at 40. Begin to accept myself and okay being alone. Now people want to argue with me about being with someone, I can never win.
I was wondering when you were going to talk about this. I thought it odd that a smart, funny, beautiful woman talking about her life never mentioned a significant other.
I scared away someone I was in relationship with for 4 months It was long distance relationship and we met 3 Times the time he came to meet me This is the first time I meet my fears face to face and I became really insecure later and some of the issue I had because of my ADHD and some because of me anticipating how my ADHD will ruin my relationship And it happened it was self fullfing prophecy, I will not say it's all about me but I do think all this has contributed massively I'm turning 30 soon but I would say it seems 30s bringing some more stability and would say ADHD struggles are so real especially when you don't take medication and you are trying to figure it out all by yourself .. Allah with us insha'Allah ❤️
HEY GUYS! I'm 24 it was My first relationship. in one week I jump all the phases. 4 months she was already with anxiety and I was Bored. We broke up, find out I was a rebound relationship. She back with her ex in just 3 weeks after breakup. And I was sent directly to the Psychiatrist and Psycologist. Obviously I have dated before but, it's always the same men. I'm in a rush or Bored. Yes she always complained about me talking to much.
Sadly, I'm 36 years old and I'm really just figuring this all out now. I used to travel a lot for work through my mid-20's and early-30's, so I just kinda blamed my lack of relationship stability on my chosen path (although internally, I always knew there was some issue with me that I just couldn't put my finger on). This previously also gave me an excuse to not really have any self-reflection, but I still couldn't really figure out why, more often than not, I'd fail with women repeatedly. Fast forward to now: After a few recent dating flubs in which I essentially overshared too early and drove these beautiful women away, it's caused me to look inwardly at what the root cause might be. All signs are pointing to ADHD and certainly a component of RSD, the more I look into this. I really have quite a bit to work on if I would like to have another meaningful long-term relationship in the future. I had a couple in my late teens/early 20's, which is probably what caused me to "run" in the first place after things fizzled out. Looking back, I likely became too needy and required my own validation after things got somewhat comfortable and then started to deteriorate because of my own internal shortcomings. It's really a lot to process, but at least I've finally recognized what the inherent issue is. Now, I need to focus on strategies to boost my own self-esteem, learn some boundaries and really be honest with myself about what I'm feeling and take time to process those emotions before I put myself into a conundrum. Thank you for your honesty and I hope that someday you'll be able to find a truly meaningful relationship in the future. It really is a great feeling, and I very much miss it, myself. BTW, I completely agree with you about dysfunctional relationships and having viewed those from the periphery all our lives. It sounds like you and I are the same age, so parental divorce, abusive relationships and divorce amongst nearly everyone we know is a commonality for our generation. Until recently, most of my closest friends have all been single because of many of these same factors. However, with more of them getting married now in their mid-late 30's and starting families, it's also been part of the motivation for me to reflect on some of my own off-putting personality traits. Heavy stuff, but at least it's all starting to make sense! It's truly baffling/frustrating that as a person of higher than average intelligence and success on so many levels, there's something I haven't had the ability to overcome and recognize sooner. I'm hoping that with a lot of my own self-reflection, learning and potentially therapy, it will help me fill that little void I've always known was there. Keep up the good work! I'm sure this was a difficult video for you to make, but it's an extremely valuable one regardless of where people are on the success scale of intimate relationships as an ADHD personality.
I’m 27 and I’m in a relationship… I don’t know how long it’s been or when it started but we live together and I can say this is probably the only one relationship I’ve had that’s an actual relationship… for the last 26 years I was always single but I didn’t considered myself “single” I just didn’t find peace in my heart when I was around dates or blind dates . When I met this guy it was like we knew each other and weirdly enough he understood what I meant to say when I couldn’t remember the most simple words .. it’s been about a year we live together and I’m not only learning I might have adhd but I’m learning that people can be super supportive of you even when you don’t believe in you . Thank god I met my best friend(that word can be an understatement). I never knew I was missing another human being . This whole time I thought I was missing on how to be happy on my own . Turns out I’m a happy person it’s the word that made me level down the happiness .(what I mean is..tune into yourself because what you’re feeling is the answer to what your mind has been looking for) sorry .
I've had horrible luck with relationships over the last 6 years. The first woman I fell for cheated on me. Last October, I fell for a woman who was my best friend at the time. She turned me down and got engaged to one of her exes. They broke up in February. In June, she got together with another man and 2 1/2 months later they got married. 7 weeks later, they divorced. I'm permanently scarred up by my previous relationships. I love your videos and I think you're absolutely gorgeous
yo honestly, you're lucky you haven't been a relationship. Just date until you find someone you could see yourself being with. I have gotten stuck in a string of committed relationships because I can't help myself.
Thank you for sharing your life with others. I completely connect with what you are saying. By the way, have you read The Scattered Mind, by Gabor Mate? If you haven't, I strongly encourage you to read it. It was an eye opener to me.
Wow a very Attractive lady with the same problem as me. I'm 39. With ADHD. Never been in a serious relationship. I've had a lifetime battle with anxiety, low self-esteem and low self-worth. And it's has taken me so long to believe in my own. Value as a man. I hoping to meet someone like you miss. I am going to try my hand at dating. And like you I've seen my fair share of bad relationships and marriages.. I think the number one the biggest things I want from a lady. Is someone that can understand and be sympathetic of my ADHD being a problem. I'm on some pretty strong Adderall and some anxiety meds so it helps.
Did you push away potential lovers? My ex with ADHD is also 39 and before me, never had a relationship. He also has ROCD I believe, but untreated, and no meds for ADHD. As I research the topic, I realise we fell into the trap of parent/child dynamic and he was avoidant, distracted and focusing on my "flaws" and creating problems to sabotage it. It is so sad because there was a lot of love and he could not accept it and take the risk of being hurt. I also believe his parents traumatised him and had a chaotic relationship, and now he believes he is better off single.
One thing that women really take for granted, at least you can still get laid even if you are weird as fuck. Guys who are weird end up virgins in their 30s. At least you know what sex is like even if you never had a relationship.
Based on the comments it seems like a lot of us are in the same boat with you, in one way or another very strained in our relationships or struggling to find any at all. I also lean on the guidance from the self (the soul's intellectual) and with much help from entheogens like Mushrooms, Marijuana, and DMT which have shown me ways to commit to making humanity and earth better for the generations to come- through ideation and increasing the love I can offer to the world and anyone around me. If we have children or we don't, all life is still our family and our gift to cherish and protect. For those of you who hurt from being alone, it doesn't mean your love and energy cannot bring life to others. You may be an unsung hero and not see reciprocation of love- in ways you'd ideally see, but like Ardelle is saying this is about you. You are still an important part of this universe no matter what your life is like.
I’m a male around your age with adhd who is in the same position pretty much. lol I also see people in the comments with similar situations. Glad it’s not just me.
I’m almost 44 and never had any relationship in my life. I used to chase man I don’t really like in the past. Now I’ve become not interested into dating after I started taking my ADHD medicine last year.
All my retionships have been car crashes and im 51 now lol....As much as i try to make things work for every good thing i do i screw up with my impulsive behaviour chuck alcaholl into the ADHD mind and its like pulling a pin off a grenade..I always end up dunped in the end..And i dont blame them lol
I’m 22 and in my first relationship. My boyfriend just got diagnosed with adhd and I’m thinking I might have it too because I relate a little bit too much to him hahahahaha. I’ll see my therapist next week and talk about it :)
Girl you are gorgeous. There is nothing wrong with being eccentric! That’s what my therapist told me!!
Michelle Espino omg I love that! Thanks girl!😊
Ughhh I feel this. I'm 27 and still have never had a partner. Figured I should focus on myself and wait until I'm the kind of person I want to be when I'm in a relationship. Would rather be alone than in a toxic relationship!
so much of this i resonate with. thank you for sharing.
As a male of 36 I second this. Made the mistake of getting involved with an older woman when I was 27, ended up being an relationship and constantly reminded of what I’m not - I could be this, I could be that, not at my potential. Also was abusive a lot further (not physically). Stayed with her because she had her own issues so I put it down to that and felt like being a man at that time was helping her through and sacrifice my own feelings. So ive stayed well clear of anyone since because I feel I’m not good enough. Not a big head but I get fair attention from women but I completely shut anything down before it begins, not even sex right now. Still on the road of being comfortable with myself again, so I completely agree with you and don’t make the mistake I did!
Holly cow! Same!!! Feels good to know I'm not alone in this
Thanks for being so open about your life. I also have a hard time with close relationships, mostly because I feel too overwhelmed being around people. I always feel like I have to hide my true ADHD-self. I also never really tried to date anyone. Spending time alone is the only way I can recharge my energy, which doesn't mean that I never feel lonely. I just don't want to be a burden on a person that I love.
Asagi I Hope by sharing my life it helps! I love being around people if they allow me to be me. I’m lucky to have people like this in my life...but I do enjoy being alone...like you it recharges me.
ArdelleVision
Going through the she needs to be alone now phase too as we speak. I guess I just have to be patient.
Lawd Have Mercy! 😔
Asagi
Thanks for sharing your experiences. From a guy on the other side, I’ll say, it helps a lot to hear this. You should try not to feel you are a burden. All relationships takes work, even relationships between two non-ADHD individuals, so please do not think that you are being a burden. If the person really loves you and wants the relationship, then be up front about your challenges, and let them decide on if they can be there through the thick and thin of the relationship you two are building together. Give it a chance.
I didn’t get into my first relationship until 8 months ago (i just turned 30), with a fellow ADHD person who gets me….and I wasn’t even looking lol. Was worth the wait to find my “person”- i hope you find yours when you’re meant to! I totally had the same thoughts & feels on it as you
Wow! This is my exact situation with dating! I just started connecting it to my ADD when I read into ADHD and relationships! I’m 22, I’ve never had a bf and I’ve had the opportunity a couple times but I ended up pushing them away. I’ll be all about them for a split second, but then I’ll get nervous, overthink and then it turns to boredom and I stop communicating. Every time I attempt to date again I say I’m gonna try harder and not let my thoughts get in the way, but it happens every time...*sigh*
My life in a paragraph 🥲
Me too! Omg👀😭
I feel you, I just ended a relationship because I felt so overwhelmed and I ended it even though I love the guy. I would always mess things up. and everything I would try to date again and tell myself I won't repeat the same mistakes.... I would repeat those very same mistakes! I'm coming to realise that being single is definitely the root to go. I was once single for 5 years and I did so well for myself, I guess sometimes we with ADHD struggle to understand our partners because we are too busy trying to understand ourselves and we overthink etc. It's a lot to process.
Look into BPD. Traits you describe are common with BPD.
@@emilkadd 2 years later! It’s gotten better. I think it was just a struggle with intimacy. I don’t have that at all. Never even experienced PTSD. I do hear that ADHD and BPD overlap in some ways tho
Its SO hard to find a guy who can handle the devil of a woman who has ADHD T_T
Starie Blue 😂felt this....
We do actually have some un rivelled skills and much to give :)
same w/ a lady, in my experience. I didn't date until I was 27.
Same with ADD guys.
Two devils are better than one hahaha
Oh my god this is so ridiculously relatable. I struggle so hard with either complete disinterest or being wayyyyyyy too eager and scaring off someone I really like. Thank you so much for sharing, it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone in the struggle!
seriously though. glad you relate. helps me realize others "get it"
phew that drove me crazy when I was single (married my first gf whom I met in my late 20's). I constantly struggled w/ thinking that there was something wrong w/ me. I wish I knew about my ADHD back then. I guess one positive is that ADHD weeds out a lot of phony ppl, b/c my ADHD made me very genuine when approaching women (awkward, but genuine)....I don't have any "game" and didn't have any interest in that fake garbage. The person always knew that I was interested, right away. Unfortunately, the majority of women whom I met treated that level of honesty like it was taboo. Looking back, I'm so glad that I didn't date them. My wife has a beautiful honesty, and here in year 12 of our marriage, it's still amazing.
@@dctrbrass wow! I love this so much! thanks for sharing. And wow! and you married you're first girlfriend! So cool! What a story! I don't always see all my comments anymore...especially from older videos. so happy i happened to see this one!!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to share!
@@ArdelleVision aww thank you! Your vids are such an amazing help for me.
I have ADHD, I'm 26 and have never been in a relationship myself. Just like you, and many other people who suffer from ADHD. We struggle with developing and maintaining relationships. If I'm not mistaken we are one the highest groups of people who end up getting a divorce. I have always been looking for a woman to give me a chance and accept me for who I am. But I haven't managed to find that yet. Coming from a male prospective with ADHD, it's alot harder. Most women will turn down a man who comes off socially awkward in anyway. Men are more forgiving and acceptable to social awkwardness.
Hearing you say that you have a relationship with Jesus and have ADHD made me feel so validated. I accepted Jesus into my heart a few months before my diagnosis. Sometimes it feels like the two are contradictory, and it places me in this constant internal conflict. Now I wanna be your friend😊
As a candidate for ADHD, I totally understand this video. Im 24 and never had a boyfriend or even dated. My "love life" never goes beyond unrequited crushes. I get totally fixated on the guys I like and It becomes unhealthy. Right now I feel like I got to have a man! This video is perfect for me. I have to be content first.
I can soooo relate! I'm 25 and never had a bf. Thaaaaank you! i wanted to know about relationships and add/adhd and came across this. So I glad I did! This literally brought me comfort to know I'm not alone in this. ❤❤❤
You are but just one of two Content Creators that I do not skip ads. Much respect to your channel.
Great topic, and very relevant to at least my circumstance. Being in love obviously has its challenges, and with that said, I still refuse to give up on my girl.
Thank you for sharing such details on your personal life’s experiences relating to being in relationships. That must’ve taken an ENORMOUS amount of courage on your part. Hope you find your perfect match some day, and get to experience the absolute joy of being in love in a committed long term relationship. It truly is a beautiful thing.
Signed-
Love Sick Puppy!
You are fantastic. Thank you for this. I am 33 single, live alone etc blah. Just thinking how strange it is looking back on this from just before the pandemic, we were all so happy with our lives, and you even mention isolation is so helpful for us to get to know ourselves. Little did we know we’d have a year+ to get to know (and love) ourselves 🥰🌷🌷🌷🌷 thank you again
a year plus... seriously! It has paid off for me in so many ways. really learned a lot about myself and like you said got to know and love myself a lot more. So glad you have stumbled into my little world!
Again....very very accurate. I'm 40 and single. Never married. But I do have an amazing son! Bonus!
Deidra Soper that is a bonus! 🤗🤗🤗I would love kids one day...sigh....
Thank you so much for this video! 💗 I used to beat myself up for oversharing or being quiet during dates, and this helps explain that it's just my adhd. My social awkwardness, anxiety and not knowing what or how much to speak makes relationships hard. Learning to accept and love myself is next step in my journey.
Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad my video helped.♥️ love that you are going to work towards loving your self as the next step. It’s so important. I’ve learned a lot about myself these past few years and definitely not as hard on myself. 🥰
I relate to this so hard. The stars just never align in the dating scene. I'll be 31 this year and have not been in a relationship either and I'm glad I'm not alone based on the comment sections. I think my Adhd also has just instilled this fear in me that I'll never genuinely like a person for the long-term (only in those adhd bouts of fascinations) and end up becoming bored with them. I fear that I won't commit and even break someone's heart. Better off single than hurt someone unnecessarily, but I still do my best to put myself out there regardless.
In the U.K., we don’t really see ‘dating’ as separate from being in a relationship. I’ve only ever been in 2 relationships, but I married my second after 7 years together. I think generally people are in too much of a hurry.
A good, solid, long lasting relationship always boils down to friendship, because we’re ALL annoying, flawed human beings, and sexual attraction alone will not have you weather through that storm.
Yep that's me 43 and never having been in a relationship! Still trying to work on me.. hope that doesn't take too long😥😩church meetings will help😆😇
Thank you sooo very much for your openness and vulnerability on this topic. I relate so damn much. I'm 26, recently finally diagnosed and medicated for ADHD that I now realize has impacted my whole life. I've been single forever lol, never been in a LTR relationship before - just a string of short lived dating and hookups. I decided to give dating another chance recently as I feel like I understand myself a lot more than pre-diagnosis - but wow idk man. The fact that my feelings are so intense when I think I connect with someone, the overthinking, the rumination and anxiety, the loss of focus on myself and my own goals, its exhausting.
It sucks because I've always felt like a hopeless romantic, I love the idea of partnership and believe that, if healthy, it has the ability to help you grow so much.
Really just trying to take whatever comes my way in the dating realm slowwwwwlyyyyy, and try to let my intense feelings come and go before acting upon them/saying something I may regret later. And being honest about my ADHD brain and its "defects"
Not giving up hope, though, but not going to chase it.
Omg! Thank you for sharing this! I so relate! Obviously. Haha.
Hello, I agree with a lot of what you said Ardelle. I'm 46, had only two relationships, the second ending in marriage and then a divorce 7yrs later. One phrase you said particularly echoed my thoughts. I could see myself being married with kids or single but there seems to be a comfy duality with other things as well and was thinking whether it may be and ADHD thing. I don't hear most people talking in a duality type way. The other issue is that being a guy and still being expected to 'make the first move' my RSD kicks in all the time but I'm working on it.
Man, I can’t imagine being a guy with adhd and RSD. I relate, maybe why I’m so single …still. Even after this video being a few years ago. I still love the idea of having kids a husband…a family. the whole kit and kaboodle. Or I can see myself staying single for the rest of my life. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve given it all to god.
So proud of you. I lauuuuughed as you shared about your dating/no-relationship experience because this is so relatable.. been there, done that. 🎈❤️🙈
Everything you say makes sense. Im 49 and was diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks back. Relationships require so much head space. Yeah the overpationate thing or utter boardom situation. Only two short Relationships. Thinks make sense now looking back at my choices and experiences. Self sabotage tick lol. If people upfront cant accept you its a gift in a way cause they arent worth it. Meaning if you have to explain yourself constantly its time to walk away. You a very attractive and honest. Someone will be super happy to be with you. Yep avoid destructive relationships always.
U are basically describing me. It starting to feel like a curse but I'm glad on u found yours. May it blossom into a good one.
Thanks for this video Ardele, this video is so relatable. I’m 25 and only been in two short-term relationships. However, a lot of your experiences in dating are very relatable
Thank you for sharing this! Completely agree about being content in yourself first, and that’s where I struggle. So good to hear you say your happy. I’ve not been in your relationship for 6 years and find i do like my own space and routine a lot. But there’s a lot more I’m working on within myself before I want it from the right person xx 💋
I can totally relate to this. You have a talent for public speaking. Thank you for making this video. God is good!
Girl, hearing you is like hearing myself in my life. I appreciate this video 💕 I feel better in not pursuing a relationship right now. Still dating me and finding out who I am first 🥰
I’m sure this video resembles with many of us. I sabotaged relationships that were good, married someone who I couldn’t stand after 6 month, but was afraid to be single and lonely so much that I continued this marriage for 9 years, but unhappy, miserable
When I divorced I didn’t want any relationships anymore.
I absolutely admire your transparency in this one and how you share about your faith. Really needed this. Thank you ❤️
I get everything you’re saying, I feel the same. You’d make someone very happy, it’s all about everything aligning up, the energies around us often dictate what happens and we are powerless. That might sound as an excuse to some but it’s not. I was really looking forward to seeing someone this morning but couldn’t because I got really sick, thought I had Corona virus but it’s a viral infection which slightly less dramatic. Thanks again for you’re amazing honesty! 😉
Im male 34 with adhd and i keep myself single. Yes, i said i KEEP myself single. I have most of what women are looking for, im not a monster, i have a no mortgage property, and i have a decent job, amongst other things 😉. With all of those positives, there is still the adhd. This can cause a lot of chaos in relationships, so i just avoid it now. This lady's story is very common for adhd people on both sides. It ends up as a form of intentional isolation. Also, it's actually hard to tell if the other person is in to you because facial expressions and other social things are difficult.
Edit
I read that back and its not meant to be a brag fest. Im trying to say that with adhd/autism, relationships can be impossible even if you have a lot going for you. It's mostly self sabotage, unfortunately 😕.
I actually really love your whole video I personally do feel like a sense of societal pressure to be in a relationship from tv, movies, family, friends, couples culture essentially. I do feel loved by my Goddesses and content by myself but I really benefited from this video because it was awful thinking I'm a broken person for not dating I just didn't feel as desirable as neurotypical people even I tried to be true to myself and avoid making social faux pas and tried to weed out any toxic behavior in myself, it's a huge relief to know I'm not literally alone in the struggle to withstand the flood of social norms
I relate. I’m 32 and never had a relationship other than a chaotic, dysfunctional 3 year situationship. (Spoiler: he was even more messed up than I was.) I’m currently in an intentional dating hiatus and pretty much no one I explain my decision to gets why I don’t “just get a boyfriend” like it’s the easiest thing in the world.
It's so frustrating when everybody else thinks that getting a boyfriend/girlfriend is the easiest thing in the world. It makes me feel worse, as if there's something really wrong with me... At least we know how to live with ourselves and not be dependent of a partner, because a lot of people don't know how to be single and wind up in a toxic relationship.
Ardelle, I just want to say I'm enjoying the view into your personal journey. It's enlightening.
haha I'm so glad!
Thanks a lot for the video. It does help to know that other people struggle as well with the same problems and that rejection is not due to me as a person not being enough but me just going way too much and deep into the conversation. Was in a really bad mood before I watched the other video about isolation and this one. Gonna check out some of the others as well. Thanks a lot for making my saturday evening a bit less painful.
Been binge watching your videos and just wanted to finally comment to say this hairstyle/ makeup/ lip color is amazing in you!😍❤️
I just discovered ur channel and Ardelle, you are an amazing woman. You're smart, GORGEOUS, well spoken and christian (correct me if im wrong on that one). In my opinion ur a perfect whole package. Too bad I'm literally 17 and ur in ur 30s because I would so marry u. Keep doing what ur doing, where do I find more like u? 🤣
HAHA thanks for this kind comment. Praying for you to find a good girl
That you can be so beautiful (by any objective standard), and coherent, and still "never having had a relationship" shows how isolating this ADHD/ASD thing can be...
Perhaps true. I can’t disagree. Or I’ve been told recently by a guy who said I was the most fascinating woman he’s ever met…that he was “intimidated by me” 🤷🏻♀️😅 cool. 😎
There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve had a similar experience. I’ve only had one girlfriend and dated 3 people people for the exact same reasons. People underestimate what a giant profound impact ADHD has on our lives professional and personal.
I just stumbled on your channel a week ago and found this video today but oh my goodness is this so relatable on many different levels. I'm also a Christian, I have ADHD but I am content with being single mainly because I'm aromantic. So slightly different reasonings.. But we're all made differently and that's what makes life fun, right?
Anyway, I'm enjoying your content about ADHD, keep it coming.
Yay! Welcome to the community! I’m working on more content I just struggle with time management 😵💫 but this encourages me to keep going! And glad others relate to me. My story is definitely not common. 🤷🏻♀️😌
@@ArdelleVision hey, at least you started your content! I'm badwith time management as well, want to start my own channel and haven't even started one haha.
@@SmoothCoastBeats 😂 i hear that. Took me years to finally start one!
Thank you for being so open and honest about yourself and your life! It really is relatable and just validates again that we’re not alone and it’s okay ! 💛
I think you're doing the right thing. If you doubt a guy or a woman, usually you're right.
I see girls at 20 getting deep into relationship etc. It's wrong because at 20, you haven't even discovered yourself - if you invite a man into your life too quickly, it means you'll never get to realise your true potential in terms of other better guys that you could actually like or love & you, them. I'd rather die lonely than settle with someone I doubt.
Also if you start dating too early, too young, if your boyfriend turns out to be abusive, you might never get to know that such behaviour is wrong. Because like it or not, most women who end up in abusive relationship, the abuser in most cases is their first boyfriend ie the only guy they ever knew 😬
You're a beautiful and smart woman, you don't need to rush, eventually the right guy will show up but knowing you could be a bit too apprehensive naturally, work a bit on your fear as well because if a guy loves you & hopefully you too love him, he wouldn't give a damn about your social awkwardness, nothing else matters but you 😁
I'm not autistic but I know I can be a bit demisexual - a trait known in autism because I could see a fine girl who may like me etc. But I'd never rush into how feel about her. It can be good & bad thing because all my younger brothers & sisters have kids but me. The point is I'm now 46 & still don't have a kid 🤫 I doubt women too much and it's a problem.
Well said, until we are content with who we are and whole unto our self, no one can ever fill those needs for us. 2 broken or insecure people do make one complete couple no matter how much it is desired. There is something much worse than being by our selves and that is being with the wrong person. Thanks for sharing with people it's OK to be single and open for a relationship than trying to force one. Never works.....Good topic.
Omg. This is the topic I've been looking for. To see how it relates to this new discovery that I have adhd. At 57 yrs old.
I'm very intune with your view on this it's very understandable to me being adhd myself,I appreciate your honesty and courage to expose this.xo
Jesus Christ brings us the truest, deepest, and most satisfying meaning and purpose. I have recently come out of a short-term relationship, which was devastating to end. She was a true friend beforehand, but I think a lot of what came out of me during the course of the relationship (only 2 months, but my first in 6 years) was nothing short of chaotic and intense. I resonate a lot with what you've said, especially the sense of being fine on your own. I am using this time for learning and working to be that better person within myself. Thanks for the vid!
I never really put it down to my ADD. Ive never had a proper relationship either in adulthood. Ive had 2 boyfriends and both didnt last long. One was about a day and the other 4 months but i didnt really like him, just went out with him because of my friends lol.
I have low self esteem and im shit at communicating in social situations, even with friends. It often feels unnatural.
I too would have loved to settle down and had kids but have excepted i wont now. So am considering fostering a child.
Im 35 now, and am so content living with no other human. I can do as i please. My issue is i seem to attract people that take advantage of my soft nature and they will try manipulating and controlling me. Mind games can really take their toll and im not wanting that in my life.
It took till i was 30 to become exceptant of being single for rest of my life,unless seone very special comes along but sadly i dont trust guys either. I know of many married, angaged or family men that cheat on their other half. So i lost trust and dont think that makes for a healthy relationship either.
My friends and family assumed or made jokes about being gay because theyd say, how can a good looking young girl not have a boyfriend so for some reason assume people are automatically gay then. I explain to people but they dont understand.
So glad you did this video, i dont feel so silly now and realise that its most likely my ADD that makes me like it.
Its nice you have found something else to focus on. My older sister is a christian and used to do all sorts of naughty things, lots guys, drink and drugs. Her life was going down a bad path. But she became a christian/follower and now her life has changed.
I life is about that now and she is completely changed.
I imagine like her, you are happy with you and God.
I do believe in it but myself cant follow it but totally understand it. For me my focus is helping animals and spreading awareness about cruel practices of the meat, dairy and egg industries. This keeps me from focusing on me and my issues because its far more important than my little life.
Thanks again for video
I feel the same about people using you for their own advantage. It's very annoying.
Ardele! You are amazing! Full stop. You are so much more than your adhd and you have so much to offer. However, I do struggle with that myself and I haven't been in a proper relationship in 15 years. Some dating stories Yes, like you.. I also go through stages where I feel really frustrated to others when I am very happy as I am. But I have difficulties in my relationships with men due to insecurities. It is very painful and makes me loose my balance. I am also focussi g on myself and my wellbeing atm. 💟💟💟
Laila Pastor it makes me so happy to hear you are also focusing on yourself and wellbeing. Thanks for sharing this. Yeah. I’m more content now with myself than I have been in the past...like...ever. The happiest and most content I’ve ever been.
I appreciate your kind words! You too...are amazing. You are enough. As am I. I love this community!!!🤗🤗🤗🤗
You made this community. That's a superpower😜
Right on, girl! Love this!
thank you!
I have been working on a power point for the past 7 hrs and only have the Title. How did I end up on this video I don't know. Glad I found it.
Awright Ardelle. I love your channel. I have Scottish ADHD which is way off the spectrum. Relationships are impossible for me because I don't trust people who like me. Also when I do go on a date I just can't sit still, I am like an Octopus playing a drumkit! 🐙😁
YOOO WHEN U SAID U ACCEPTED JESUS I GOT SO HAPPY 😭😭💯💯💯
I have recently found i have adhd, just found, by watching this, i never had a relationship. I dont know how to feel about this..
Yeah same here
So beautiful! And my pattern is the future projecting and ending it.... And the boredom factor.... I love your openness and honesty... love your take here, I think you are right on with being ok with yourself and being loved outside a relationship.... wow, so beautiful and refreshing
Hi! Commenting at 7mins just to say that i quickly subscribed when you mentioned about being a Christian! 🥺🥰 Also, though i have been in relationships before, they are mostly unhealthy and been single for so long now because of the same reasons and situations as you. Also just recently been diagnosed with ADHD two months ago 🥺
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for subscribing! That means the world to me 🥰
Thank you for your videos these helped me understand myself and see my own flaws so I could gain a grip on my adhd
wtf this is literally me lol
Loved this video! Thank your for your vulnerability… I knew it all along tho…. You are my sister ❤
I'm a 29 yo bisexual male with diagnosed ADD, inattentive type, and had no idea the reason I've never had an exclusive "relationship" was likely because of it. I have felt like a loser most of life, despite being "attractive".
Thank you sooo much for your videos. I've cried at some point during most of them 👍
Hello Ardelle,
I have just recently found your video and I am relating and enjoying your conent.
With regards to this topic...
I have been diagnosed with severe depression, ADHD & dysthemia.
This makes being in a relationship or dating or even friendship non existent.
I believe that I am not worthy of being loved or liked and my self loathing always tells me that I would never even get the attention of someone as gorgeous and amazing as you.
Anyway, that's my story.
This sounds like me. But wow what some of us women would give to have a man who is aware of himself and can express this kind of vulnerability.
'I'm more content now than I have ever been' I think I needed to see this video tonight!!!
I've had a lot of issues in my life. Including childhood trauma...
The thing is... if one is expecting to "wait" to be in a relationship until you feel that you're more or less "healed", the healing process won't ever really come.
Serious relationships will expose you to situations you'd otherwise not go through. Meeting the right person and spending time with that person in a loving relationship will hold up a mirror to you and actually SHOW you all your fears and and inner-child side of yourself. Thus, it would allow you to act accordingly and fix those things with help and therapy... Given of course, you're NOT a narcissist and are willing to recognize and address those issues.
Ive seen my friends go thru it- I’ve always thought it to be a sign of weakness- to think u need someone to love u- to feel “complete”- they usually get a dog or something- I don’t have the attention span for a relationship- I’ve just never cared enough- I’ve had opportunities but i was too bored to care- i like being independent- i like boredom and alone time- now im in school at 33- i’ll rather read my law books- i am content and i can wait.
And a great sense of humor❤❤❤❤❤
My ADHD symptoms are severe I was untreated until I was 38but now I'm noticing the Adderall is giving me really violent mood swings so I'm constantly at the gym some f****** angry most of the time but I know that I have low tolerance right now I'm aware of people's inability to be honest with me since I hold my heart on my shoulder being ADHD and I do have more of a hardened look in my face because of what I've been through and how I've opened up very vulnerably to people and it is my learning curve and being single for almost 21 years since I've had a son that's 20 years old right now that I've never seen because of my inability to see people as what they are but I am learning and it's a difficult lesson I don't want it to change me
Just to suggest this -- my experience:
I tried concerta, adderall, ritalin, and vyvanse. All gave me terrible side effects. My natural physician tested me and gave me DHA (a brain chemical that a lot of ADHD'ers are very low in). Get a good quality one, like Nordic Naturals or Standard Process. It works exactly like the drugs, w/ zero side effects.
You're obviously doing "covering" in this video, but I can relate to your views. I'm 36M and my longest was 3 years of roller coastering and in hindsight it was terrible, but I can't help myself being super envious when seeing my friends doing the part you did not mention, when they're content and happy with life together.
Legit, Ardelle I don't know if you're still single, BUT, as a guy with ADHD who is probably the same age, I genuinely recommend you try finding guys with ADHD. I've dated a couple women with ADHD and honestly it's SUPER fun because we both don't judge each other and it's never boring since we always have quirks and things that keep daily life fun and interesting. I've also struggled with dating for similar reasons...I'm either too bored and they can't keep up with my eccentricity or bizarre brain OR I find that the women I put one a pedestal just aren't that into me. BUT if you can find a man who has ADHD like you who understands that and who is on the same wavelength, it can be REALLY validating AND fun at the same time. It helps if they are as smart as you as well...
This is a great to put it out, really great video!
I see the faith in your eyes!
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I always so alone in this. 😭
I used to want a relationship, I have (sort of) and would constantly be told I should learn to be happy by myself. Which I was undiagnosed ADHD and I found it impossible to do that, even going to so many doctors that would just ask "why can't you work a second job? Many people do it. Men aren't chronically fatigued or chronically exhausted." Also getting judged by people who think I'm 'entitled millennial' I hate it. Their families get SSI and somehow if someone else has a legitimate health problem, regardless if they just want proper diagnosis and treatment, it doesn't "exist" to them. "Everyone else is lazy" Which I've worked two full time jobs through my 20s and got a degree, became a programmer. Not sure how, and I used to wonder why I had to work so hard and it could take weeks to prepare for a job interview. Then finally diagnosed at 40. Begin to accept myself and okay being alone. Now people want to argue with me about being with someone, I can never win.
wise words you have. 1cor. 7 around vs 36? To be content in every circumstance. enjoy whatever situation we r presently in.
I was wondering when you were going to talk about this. I thought it odd that a smart, funny, beautiful woman talking about her life never mentioned a significant other.
I scared away someone I was in relationship with for 4 months
It was long distance relationship and we met 3 Times the time he came to meet me
This is the first time I meet my fears face to face and I became really insecure later and some of the issue I had because of my ADHD and some because of me anticipating how my ADHD will ruin my relationship
And it happened it was self fullfing prophecy, I will not say it's all about me but I do think all this has contributed massively
I'm turning 30 soon but I would say it seems 30s bringing some more stability and would say ADHD struggles are so real especially when you don't take medication and you are trying to figure it out all by yourself ..
Allah with us insha'Allah ❤️
Thank you so much for this video!!!!!!! Glad to know, that i am not alone. You are not alone, too!!!
HEY GUYS! I'm 24 it was My first relationship. in one week I jump all the phases. 4 months she was already with anxiety and I was Bored. We broke up, find out I was a rebound relationship. She back with her ex in just 3 weeks after breakup. And I was sent directly to the Psychiatrist and Psycologist. Obviously I have dated before but, it's always the same men. I'm in a rush or Bored. Yes she always complained about me talking to much.
Sadly, I'm 36 years old and I'm really just figuring this all out now. I used to travel a lot for work through my mid-20's and early-30's, so I just kinda blamed my lack of relationship stability on my chosen path (although internally, I always knew there was some issue with me that I just couldn't put my finger on). This previously also gave me an excuse to not really have any self-reflection, but I still couldn't really figure out why, more often than not, I'd fail with women repeatedly. Fast forward to now: After a few recent dating flubs in which I essentially overshared too early and drove these beautiful women away, it's caused me to look inwardly at what the root cause might be. All signs are pointing to ADHD and certainly a component of RSD, the more I look into this.
I really have quite a bit to work on if I would like to have another meaningful long-term relationship in the future. I had a couple in my late teens/early 20's, which is probably what caused me to "run" in the first place after things fizzled out. Looking back, I likely became too needy and required my own validation after things got somewhat comfortable and then started to deteriorate because of my own internal shortcomings. It's really a lot to process, but at least I've finally recognized what the inherent issue is. Now, I need to focus on strategies to boost my own self-esteem, learn some boundaries and really be honest with myself about what I'm feeling and take time to process those emotions before I put myself into a conundrum. Thank you for your honesty and I hope that someday you'll be able to find a truly meaningful relationship in the future. It really is a great feeling, and I very much miss it, myself.
BTW, I completely agree with you about dysfunctional relationships and having viewed those from the periphery all our lives. It sounds like you and I are the same age, so parental divorce, abusive relationships and divorce amongst nearly everyone we know is a commonality for our generation. Until recently, most of my closest friends have all been single because of many of these same factors. However, with more of them getting married now in their mid-late 30's and starting families, it's also been part of the motivation for me to reflect on some of my own off-putting personality traits. Heavy stuff, but at least it's all starting to make sense! It's truly baffling/frustrating that as a person of higher than average intelligence and success on so many levels, there's something I haven't had the ability to overcome and recognize sooner. I'm hoping that with a lot of my own self-reflection, learning and potentially therapy, it will help me fill that little void I've always known was there. Keep up the good work! I'm sure this was a difficult video for you to make, but it's an extremely valuable one regardless of where people are on the success scale of intimate relationships as an ADHD personality.
You are thoughtful and caring, qualities. You shouldnt be single youre lovely :)
I’m 27 and I’m in a relationship… I don’t know how long it’s been or when it started but we live together and I can say this is probably the only one relationship I’ve had that’s an actual relationship… for the last 26 years I was always single but I didn’t considered myself “single” I just didn’t find peace in my heart when I was around dates or blind dates . When I met this guy it was like we knew each other and weirdly enough he understood what I meant to say when I couldn’t remember the most simple words .. it’s been about a year we live together and I’m not only learning I might have adhd but I’m learning that people can be super supportive of you even when you don’t believe in you . Thank god I met my best friend(that word can be an understatement). I never knew I was missing another human being . This whole time I thought I was missing on how to be happy on my own . Turns out I’m a happy person it’s the word that made me level down the happiness .(what I mean is..tune into yourself because what you’re feeling is the answer to what your mind has been looking for) sorry .
I've had horrible luck with relationships over the last 6 years. The first woman I fell for cheated on me. Last October, I fell for a woman who was my best friend at the time. She turned me down and got engaged to one of her exes. They broke up in February. In June, she got together with another man and 2 1/2 months later they got married. 7 weeks later, they divorced. I'm permanently scarred up by my previous relationships.
I love your videos and I think you're absolutely gorgeous
A.J. O'Ryan I just decided to work on myself. Still single. And I’m still happy. 😻
A.J. O'Ryan also....sorry for all that you’ve been going through...
@@ArdelleVision That's exactly what I'm doing right now
@@ArdelleVision I'm just taking it one day at a time
I hope you found someone special ❤. Im 38 and only just addressing my issues
yo honestly, you're lucky you haven't been a relationship. Just date until you find someone you could see yourself being with. I have gotten stuck in a string of committed relationships because I can't help myself.
appreciate your words of wisdom. :)
Thank you for sharing your life with others. I completely connect with what you are saying. By the way, have you read The Scattered Mind, by Gabor Mate? If you haven't, I strongly encourage you to read it. It was an eye opener to me.
Heck yeah definitely cool video Ardelle 👍🏽
I've never been in a relationship either and I'm fine with it... The right one will come with time, one day I'll be ready ❤️
Wow a very Attractive lady with the same problem as me. I'm 39. With ADHD. Never been in a serious relationship. I've had a lifetime battle with anxiety, low self-esteem and low self-worth. And it's has taken me so long to believe in my own. Value as a man. I hoping to meet someone like you miss. I am going to try my hand at dating. And like you I've seen my fair share of bad relationships and marriages..
I think the number one the biggest things I want from a lady. Is someone that can understand and be sympathetic of my ADHD being a problem. I'm on some pretty strong Adderall and some anxiety meds so it helps.
Did you push away potential lovers? My ex with ADHD is also 39 and before me, never had a relationship. He also has ROCD I believe, but untreated, and no meds for ADHD. As I research the topic, I realise we fell into the trap of parent/child dynamic and he was avoidant, distracted and focusing on my "flaws" and creating problems to sabotage it. It is so sad because there was a lot of love and he could not accept it and take the risk of being hurt. I also believe his parents traumatised him and had a chaotic relationship, and now he believes he is better off single.
One thing that women really take for granted, at least you can still get laid even if you are weird as fuck. Guys who are weird end up virgins in their 30s. At least you know what sex is like even if you never had a relationship.
Ardell is full of wisdom and great advice, thanks for sharing.
Based on the comments it seems like a lot of us are in the same boat with you, in one way or another very strained in our relationships or struggling to find any at all. I also lean on the guidance from the self (the soul's intellectual) and with much help from entheogens like Mushrooms, Marijuana, and DMT which have shown me ways to commit to making humanity and earth better for the generations to come- through ideation and increasing the love I can offer to the world and anyone around me. If we have children or we don't, all life is still our family and our gift to cherish and protect.
For those of you who hurt from being alone, it doesn't mean your love and energy cannot bring life to others. You may be an unsung hero and not see reciprocation of love- in ways you'd ideally see, but like Ardelle is saying this is about you. You are still an important part of this universe no matter what your life is like.
I understand
I’m a male around your age with adhd who is in the same position pretty much. lol I also see people in the comments with similar situations. Glad it’s not just me.
Ive been in relationships pretty much my whole life, and im still struggleing to become secure in myself. Come a very long way, but still a bit to go.
Wow. This is me.
I’m almost 44 and never had any relationship in my life.
I used to chase man I don’t really like in the past. Now I’ve become not interested into dating after I started taking my ADHD medicine last year.
I can count the times I gone an throwing my story trying to relate with someone
Oh my-this is a powerful message.
Still waiting to get diagnosed for ADHD 51 years on lol..Nightnare in the UK unless u go private..GP literally says 5 years to diagnose !!
All my retionships have been car crashes and im 51 now lol....As much as i try to make things work for every good thing i do i screw up with my impulsive behaviour chuck alcaholl into the ADHD mind and its like pulling a pin off a grenade..I always end up dunped in the end..And i dont blame them lol
I am exactly the same!!! Never been in a relationship and I have adhd and having the same underwhelming feelings often times
I’m 22 and in my first relationship. My boyfriend just got diagnosed with adhd and I’m thinking I might have it too because I relate a little bit too much to him hahahahaha. I’ll see my therapist next week and talk about it :)