i only recently realized i have a twisted sense of friendship. "friendship" is like a tamagochi: you need to take care of it or else it dies. i know that's basic human decency but i, personally, want to be left alone 95% of the time. but during that 5% i feel really lonely, knowing that i don't have any real friends because i only want to see them 5% of the time anyways. i recently met a friend who is ok with being that 5% and things are looking up, but everyone else hates me so maybe not hahahaha
@@silverdandylmao i know how you feel!! The 5% is my best friend and she’s totally okay with being the 5%, I’m that too to her and I’m fine with that! So thats the perfect balance and then I have a handfull of friends who I feel always somehow goes a little diva on me and I dont know man.. Maybe its not worth it, I really dont know..? I could honestly live with having only her was it up to me (which it is lol) but I also just feel like I can’t let the others down, but the whole thing plus guilt just gets too overwhelming for me..😅
That is me!!! That is why I've been so depressed for many years; that is why I clicked on this video. For me making friends is effortless, I love parties, love being the centre of attention. BUT cannot keep ANY of them! I get ghosted by everyone I've been friends with - WTF is up with that??????????????????
@@Annamoon14 same. at some point, i started seeing people as like tamagochi and that i need to keep them happy, like a checklist. being a friend is just so much work, i just can't handle it, so i just leave.
Making friends after the teenage years is hard. I'm in my 30's and it's really easy to isolate myself and never talk to anyone. I have to actively try to reach out to people. I don't want to be a hermit. Thanks Ardelle.
@@jimbocho660 To a very low extent. A good example of someone who was more tethered to reality than most would be Henry Cavendish, despite being *extremely* reclusive and going to truly excessive lengths in order to avoid most human interaction. He would change cherished and long held routines and even modify his house because of running into some situation that had the danger of involving an unexpected or (for him) probably unpredictable social encounter only once, all just to prevent it from happening again. Yet, he is one of the most accomplished scientists to have ever lived.
I had been diagnosed with ADHD at 52 years old in December 2020. I can talk to anyone with ease, making them feel comfortable in my company. I have instant humour, rapport, and empathy for everyone. I can't continue a connection with anyone.
I'm in college and it took my friends ghosting me to realize that I had a warped sense of friendship. I was part of a friend group not because I really liked them or had a lot in common with them. In hindsight, I viewed my friends like Tamagochi. You gotta remember to feed that friendship or else it dies and you'll be all alone. And the moment I started slacking off and being all ADHD they realized what a clusterfuck I was and backed out. IDK man, pre-med is toxic, there's no room for quitters here
I relate to this sooo much! I’m going through a hermit mode right now and just trying to focus on me. I realize that that I unconsciously become co-dependent with anyone I’m close to and this makes me end up resenting the person. I have to take breaks from people or I will just over support people until I literally can’t stand them. I always wondered why I get this way with everyone I get to know well. Thanks for sharing this, it helped give me insight into my newly discovered adhd life!! 🙏
This is so affirming. I am 28 and it is so difficult for me to make friends. I am isolating, defensive, desiring friends but also super insecure and annoyed with myself and feel so alone in life cause I love and am so thankful for my family but I want friends my age. It sucks cause after I broke up with my boyfriend in November and lost all of the friends I made through him. Going through that really messed me up and made me hate myself even more. I do have a few lifelong friends that I've been reconnecting with after drawing away from them. I am learning to love myself but its so heartbreaking knowing I really truly never have friends like I did in high school/2 yrs after hs. Everyone has their own lives which is understandable but I need to accept myself and accept others. Not put so much pressure on myself.
The issue I have is finding ways of meeting people who are not bad for me. I’ve been hurt and feel used with a friendship recently..I’ve decided not to spend time with that person anymore. I often connect with outsiders and so I keep myself in a role of trying to fix people and being a free therapist. Also understanding boundaries and knowing when people are taking advantage of my generous nature, I’m a little tired of being ‘the nice guy’!
So much of this was relatable. The comment about always joining your friends lives instead of it ever being about you. I also have changed from an extrovert to introvert.
I struggle a lot with keeping relationships. I have these random bursts of interest where I talk with my old friends and all that. But later I just become so tired and overwhelmed with the prospect of talking to people and communicating that I ghost them for several weeks. I still love them, I just can't communicate. I've drifted from so many people and the longer it goes on, the harder I know it will be to reconnect so I gave up. I don't want to die alone but the energy that I'd need to fix this is too much
I learned my lesson also to not be to open at first. Being at a job where I work closely with 80 people it taught me who I can trust. But after getting to know people for a few months I know who I can trust. If people don’t accept me that’s cool with me, I don’t mind being alone sometimes. I understand that I won’t like some people and it goes both ways. At the same time even if you don’t like them just show respect and some will still show respect. I struggle with communication and putting words together, some of my closest friends don’t have adhd but they have a sibling who does so they understand me. Thanks Ardelle for another informative video, you put some of my thoughts of my self into words.
Angel Acosta I agree with all you said. We all won’t like each other...but when I don’t enjoy a person I still show respect. And regard them as human. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was around 5. My parents had me on Ritalin but I used to pretend to take it because I choked on the pill one day and was terrified to take it after that (I still have problems swallowing pills lol). My parents eventually found out and didn’t make me take it anymore. I always thought I “grew out of it”. But after watching tons of videos on people’s experiences with adult ADHD, I’ve realized that I most definitely never grew out of it and just found my own ways to deal and cope with it. I now see how GREATLY my life was impacted by it, and now I wonder how different I would’ve turned out if I would have just taken my medication like I was supposed to... I’m also on the fence about starting medication again, but idk if I would have to go through the whole process of being diagnosed again since I don’t even think it’s in my medical records since it was over 20 years ago and never got help for it again after that. UGH I feel so overwhelmed just thinking about it. But thank you so much for your videos!! I feel like I’m not so alone. It’s so crazy to hear about all the similar struggles you went/go through that I also went/go through too. I always thought I was just dumb and weird...
It sounds like u may have learned a lot of different techniques since u were so young. Just my opinion. Do it now while u r still young. I was diagnosed 2 months ago when I just turned 50 yrs old and it is sooo hard for me. I am really struggling. The medication helps me to focus but it doesn't fix everything. I found a great therapist that specializes in ADD in kids and adults that has helped me a lot. But I wish I was diagnosed 30 yrs ago. But I can't go back just foward.
@@debbiemckenna5 I've recently been diagnosed and I am 35 years old. I understand when you say you're struggling. I am too and I'm trying to tell myself to take things one step at a time.
Hi Cait. I hope you pursued getting help since your posting. I suppose you know that medication alone won't do it. Practicing coping strategies is key, as hard as it is. It'll save you. Of course you learned coping techniques, that's great for you. You may occasionally be surprised that a trait you wondered about in yourself turns out to have a connection with ADHD. I was surprised. Try to join a support group or talk to a specialist in ADHD in adults, if you're up to it. And maybe you know all this already. :)
As a nurse may I mention it may be worth talking to your factor about your difficulty swallowing tablets as some medication can be safely crushed and added to ice cream or whatever to make it easier to swallow. For the record I was diagnosed though not until the age of 27. I also failed to continue with medication prescribed (though for different reasons) and am reconsidering this presently having learned recently about the wider symptoms of ADHD through RUclips videos such as this one.
interesting. I relate to you on some levels but... i try to reassess my expectations and give people grace the way i would want. because I want friendships!
I can be like this too unless its the right friends. I love animals, art etc and i seem to find friends that are also interested in those things. Several of my friends are vegan and very compassionate. I seem to get on with these friends most. You need to find like minded people, maybe by joining a hobby group of some sort. Hope you find some good friends, im sure you will.
Understand this I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 23, now 40 struggle with the whole friendship thing have a few close friends but mostly lots of acquaintances. Hoping to arrange an ADHD Assessment soon
Hello Ardelle, a few questions: 1. Why is it bad if you dont remember a name or mess up words? You say you feel bad when it happens but do you know why? 2. Could it be you find it exhausting to meet your friend because you suffer from social anxiety? the fears you describe (want to leave a good impression, fears to do things wrong) sound a lot like it. 3. You told us to find ourselves first before we go to meet other people. Have you ever tried a body scan meditation? it is fantastic. when you do it a few times you become able to just sit anywhere and feel good. This helps enormously as a preparation to meet friends. Cheers
Very different background than yours, but so many similarities. As a kid I made friends easily and didn’t really feel different. But the older I got and the more I got rejected/corrected the more I felt like an outsider. I agree that I think there can be a huge correlation to adhd and codependency issues, because we feel rejected so often we’re willing to do ANYTHING to feel love. Then after being taken advantage of, we can lose our trust of people and desire to interact, and would rather isolate. It’s taken me a long time to figure out that I do have people in my life who love and accept me for who I am, and I don’t have to pine over the friendships and relationships that don’t. I love myself, I am a really caring person and genuine friend. It’s hard learning how to let go of people who don’t see you for you. But in the end it’s so so so worth it. Thank you for sharing Ardelle, I really appreciate your vulnerability.
I'm a guy with adhd, and it's a struggle for sure, especially with relationships. I used to be on medicine but I haven't been on anything now in years.
Great message. I always knew I had adhd but at 45 I’m only learning about what it actually means and am realizing I’ve struggled all my life but only now am understanding what this actually means in everyday life. Was not able to put these struggles into sentences but am realizing I’ve struggled for a long time without being able to comprehend or verbalize it. Refreshing to know all of this but sad at the same time. Wish I knew this earlier. Thank you.
I have Tourette’s. Started about age 6. Tics waxed and waned throughout my life. I never new what they were until in my 50s when I attended a teacher special ed workshop. They discussed Tourette’s. Things made sense. However, my behavior wasn’t and I knew I wasn’t right. Little things upset my far more than the should. I’d be friends with someone. They’d do something that I felt wasn’t right and I’d just be gone. Not ever friends again. At 73yo, I learned that ADHD and OCD were comorbids of Tourette’s. Your video was like a replay of my life. I have a couple who are my absolute best friends, accepting me with all my faults. I’ve had 4 failed marriages. ADHD sucks but it’s comforting to know what’s going on and that I’m not the only one!
im crying bcs i can relate so much, i'm currently a sophomore in college and making friends is my struggle rn, i'm currently still working on self love and self acceptance. i wanna thank you for giving out such a positive energy to everyone💕😢
We NEED more Nathan’s! I misspeak all the time and people always feel the need to correct and therefore have slowly stopped speaking up and letting people know me.
i never comment on youtube but i found this video very relatable and helpful !! Thank you Ardelle for helping all of us with ADHD we value your knowledge very much !!
I had ADD and as a Kid I didn’t fit in because my pears though I was different and weird and I didn’t-have good social skills so I will annoy my pear due to lack of attention. As a 31 year I still struggle to make friend but not as much because I have better social skills
A lot of people like me and the ones who don't, don't matter, I don't value their opinion. I have achieved amazing things in my life especially considering having one hand tied behind my back due to the ADHD. Studying maths at the moment not overwhelmed by anything positive thinking and the MCT oil is working.
David-Paul Newton-Scott finally got Marc oil. Came in the mail the other day! excited to start using it! Need to stock up on fish oil too. I’m a work in progress...some days I care some days I don’t🤷🏻♀️😂
Wow I have actually impacted on someone out there this could set off a whole chain reaction when we get your MCT oil report. Don't overdo it if it is acting as a laxative you are taking too much. Spread it out over the day with meals.
You must be my twin. As somebody with adhd, I can relate with most of everything you said in this video. No your not a professional. Your better than the professional. Keep up the good work. Your videos have been a blessing to me ❤❤❤
12:20 it's that growth that helped me to understand the rarity of a friend. I only have a few, but I'm really holding them close. I just refuse to allow immature people get close to me anymore. I've had such a deep struggle with ADHD....don't know what I would do without the Lord. I think it's the anxiety that makes discernment really hard. I pray to have at least one friend like you, who really understands my struggle.
Omg, what you said about going straight to your dad after school to discuss the day & deeper questions on your mind was *exactly* me, too! That is spooky. In fact everything about the trajectory & the specific difficulties, is very similar to how its been for me. Thank you so much for making this video, I'm still learning about adhd and how to live the life I want despite it, so this was really helpful to me.
Damn, so relatable. I've known that I have ADHD for a while but never heard someone describe the same problems and concerns of connecting with others, personality, social fears and anxieties in a way that really applies to my life right now. Thanks for putting yourself out there, you've given helpful advice and perspective.
I've had the experience of hanging out in groups for weeks, even months, and noticing someone for the first time. Like, they would come up to me and say hey, and I would be like where did you appear from, who are you. Then making the realization that apparently we've been friends for awhile now, and I was just the only one who didnt know of the friendship.
I have had the same life experiences from childhood to adulthood. Kinda of crazy how many similarities and struggles. Glad to know I’m not the only one. Great advice! Much appreciated
When you said the part about trying to chime in at work when people are talking hit me hard. We had a company BBQ last week and nobody was talking to me to I mustered up the balls to chime in and one of them literally turns to me and says "that was a really weird way of putting that, and if you couldn't see WE were talking and by 29 you'd think you would know it's rude to wedge yourself into a conversation you weren't included in" so I grabbed my food and sat alone in my car. It was a conversation about freaking animals or something it's not like it was important but now because of it I'm terrified to even TRY to talk to anyone and just sit here by myself watching everyone else BS through the day because I'm the "weird" one nobody wants anything to do with
@@ArdelleVision yeah, our HR also happens to be the president of the company so there's no discipline for anyone he likes sadly. It's a loooong story honestly I just know I dread coming here every day yet I'm also terrified to leave because it's the only job I've been able to hold long term
This hit hard for me. I got into acting and a bad group of friends and it ruined a lot of my enjoyment of life and made me turn inward as well. You are not alone!
A video has never resonated with me as much as this one has! Thank you, seriously, so much for your content. I came to the realization that I most likely have ADD, having been evaluated for it years ago in adolescence and having nothing come of my test results. I can't tell you how many times I've been in social situations where I've been excited to meet new people, have shown interest, and either became too overwhelmed by my enthusiasm or lost interest (due to insecurity) altogether. The excessive self-disclosure I'm sure was confusing to those I befriended so quickly, especially in my tendency to "ghost" people so soon after meeting. The part when you describe becoming overly invested in the lives of your friends really hit hard, considering how often I find myself asking about their circumstances and avoiding disclosing how hard of a time I've been having. Sorry if this reads like some sort of academic essay 😅 I've been emailing a bunch of therapists recently! And for rambling, I just really appreciate you and your content. Thank you!
Wow... I grew up in Asia with a passion for American culture. You just described my live growing up as well. It’s amazing that it could be so similar emotionally. Thanks for sharing and yes it helps!!! Great vid!
I relate to this so much it’s unreal down to the never having been in a romantic relationship (though my timeline was a bit different from yours, the trajectory was spot on). Thank you for sharing and I’m definitely where you are right now. This is some great advice and I wish you the best in your friendship endeavors!
I love this, I'm newly diagnosed with ADHD at 40yr, and I never seem to be able to keep friends. No matter how much I mask, or be myself, Struggle going out ect . . . I understand its hard work for people.
Hi Ardelle, Every video you have posted has resonated with me. I have felt the same way, being diagnosed with ADHD at 34 has been eye opening. Thank you for the videos because this journey has been a struggle, and having these videos is refreshing.
I agree so much with you on this. I don’t ghost people but I don’t reach out to certain friends because I don’t want to seem too clinging or become the annoying sidekick that just wants to always hangout and stuff. So I try to only reach out to people at certain days or times.
I love all your videos thank you! I don’t have ADHD and my son doesn’t even have a diagnosis but I’m still truly enjoying what you’re teaching! I’d be your friend for sure 🙌 I’m in England though ha ha
I'm so glad I found your channel, im getting to the end of my rope the way I keep fucking up my life. I was diagnosed with Dep/anxiety 10 years ago and it makes a lot of sense that it was actually adhd all along, even growing up i knew I was different but I think the extra stress of daily adult life exposes it for what it really is. Thanks for all of your videos
I relate to so much of this, and I would be your friend in a heartbeat! I make friends pretty easily as an adult who just learned she has adhd. But soooooo much of my journey mirrors yours, and knowing I had adhd fills in the gaps for me. Thanks for the video!
Just recently started suspecting that i might be having ADD and stumbled across your videos. Every single one is resonating 100% and it's kind of frightening. Called my doctor today for an appointment. Thanks for this content
Girl, first of all I think you speak so well in your videos! But is speaking jumbled a thing of ADHD? I'm 36 yrs old and super new to this diagnosis and holy cow I've struggled my whole life with my thoughts being too fast for my tongue and I get so jumbled or quickly lose my train of thought and end up feeling like a complete idiot! "Hi I'm Tom!" 🤣 This has held me back from putting myself out there for fear of "who will take me seriously if I can't even explain my thoughts". Anywhoo this is very interesting thank you for this. Also in previous episodes you've mentioned topic ideas and I recently learned about the intense hormonal changes we get during our PMS phase vs neurotypicals because of decline in our already low dopamine levels. This helped me understand why I'm on such an extreme emotional roller-coaster the week before my period and why everything seems like the end of the world. I think it could help so many women. Lastly I want to send you love for the loss of your parents. I lost my Pops before Covid and went through a major depression, which is what began my growth journey in the first place. It was either that or drink myself in a dark hole... my adhd mind needed to cling to something. Its been a hell of a journey but girl you are an inspiration, I know it can't be easy but thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a shining light to all of us! 🙏
Now I understand why my dad would forget to call me on my birthday, especially the older I got and didn’t see him as often. Now I miss people’s birthdays more than I want to admit.
David-Paul Newton-Scott I did the same thing. A close friend was trying to give me some major life advice...I couldn’t help but point out a bird CAuse it was an odd time of day...needless to say...we used to be close...not so much anymore. That was before I knew I had adhd
Iv so never focused on my adhd. I think I was defn adhd as a kid but I was terribly bullied and traumatised and the trauma has just been part of my life so long. I came to this video bc at age 55 I seem to have regressed at making friends and I just dont now how to even try anymore. but I now hv cptsd so Im isolated alot. Iv been ghosted alot which is hard and sad. I finally spent the day beating myself up..the question going round and tound...what is it, why do I upset People😢. I made a list of the stuff I know I do, like overwhelm people with too much info. Listening to you, I can tick so many things off on my list. Being too friendly, sharing too much, sharing personal stuff too quickly, making inappropriate friends, being too friendly....socially awkward etc. What makes this harder is that I did finally figure most of it out before I got cotsd and burned out. I always struggled since school but now my adhd is bigger than my cptsd 😤 and Iv tried to make an acronym to remember when meeting people where I go wrong over and over.
Where do you live Ardele? I moved to London UK 10 years ago and it was very hard at the beginning. The second year I joined an amazing rollerblading group and that changed my life. I think sports groups are quite open in general. I did struggle with that when I was little but now I connect with people easily. But I know how hard it can be. If that helps skaters are a an amazing communities around the world! And some of my friends learned at their 50's or 60's so o barriers!!! Hiking, cycling , anything in a group that meet up regularly!! I am sure there must be something where you live. Let me know and I'll investigate skaters over there😉
Laila Pastor i never have been a part of a team. I should look into it. I broke my foot a couple years ago so I can’t be running or doing any major physical acts of adventure...although I’d want to...
Ardele- extend it to reading club, sewing club, painting, meditation, cinema club, cooking, anything!whatever you have in your area. I know here in London that part is easy because we have everything. But give something a try😊
I have a friend who has ADHD I met her from a charity organization support group I with I stood by with her where as most the charity organization support group trying avoid her because they don’t like her ADHD I didn’t like seeing anyone shunned out. I am high functioning autistic I at times have meltdowns sometimes the organization support charity group struggled dealing with that I can relate it’s similar effective. I understand that it’s a condition of disability not a narcissistic being of abusive nature. The support strategy support with adhd with not knowing which works best and not list strategies difficult to find. I do find mindfulness of someone who has ADHD is best first step supporting them it prevents arguments and outbursts or storming away from them. The ADHD mindsets quite different. monkey mind similar to autism but a lot more hyperactive then autism often difficult keeping up with ADHD plans they like speed cars on go that part so fast I autistic used to steady pace. ADHD feel more comfortable with there own ideas they’re tend burst if try alter a plan. They don’t like being told how do things similar to autism with demands they burst as autism vanishes. I can see how ADHD friends can compliment with autism friends in many ways. It’s interesting how it actually works. She loving friend her active nature has interesting ways she does a lot activities like various crafts and yoga classes various exercises classes and goes day trips out to places she has wide interest’s as much as knowledge interests I have as autistic side it’s strong compliment side we experience each end field. Think that was first part I did really liked about her ADHD.
I have such high standards for friends in my life and not worldly ones per say. I thought this was an INFJ thing but could it be an ADHD thing? I want depth with just a few people I admire and who admire me back. Right now, that's my best friend who lives in CA (from Italy) and my older sister. I'm 43 btw. lol. And I love flirting with guys because they seem to enjoy the entertainment of my "unique" personality (insert screech face) ...hard to find girls who are super silly, smart, deep, mature, creative, ..and it's not like they have friend apps! I'm here anytime sista! oh and I am also super close to childhood friends. Not sure what that means. Ok, sorry to be creeping your page. I am bc I know if I had a channel, I'd dig it. Kudos to you for representin' on camera I'm too terrified of criticism despite all the self love I have for myself. If you ever need a content writer, look no further! ahahaha
I have never been in a romantic relationship or any kind of relationship either. I am constantly seeing why I can’t have a romantic kind of relationship. As for friendships I also never really had any friendships or best friends but I just thought that it was because I was shy and I didn’t feel comfortable connecting with people. It wasn’t until high school when I got a bit more comfortable and I started to put myself out there. So I can definitely relate with your video here. For me it was university that really made me just be more social. And now I might be in a relationship and I think that he likes me although it is a long distance relationship but I am okay with that.
I got comfortable with socialization as an adult, & I can have a great conversation with friends & strangers. But now- QUARANTINE! I am a social person & I really miss being with folks in person. I've had to start visiting again, sitting at a distance.
I am quite an extrovert person but get the impression that people on meeting me regard me as a wise guy but really what you see is what you get, it makes interviews difficult as I am so informal. My latest interview they said I had a sense of humour and that's good. I though finally somebody who gets it. I got the job by the way.
David-Paul Newton-Scott yay! This is awesome. Yes...I interview really well for whatever reason. I come off smart and humorous...it’s once I get the job that I’m in for a challenge...🤪
Thanks with this coronavirus situation I may be postponing retirement another year and to be honest I love teaching. So I think I might as well make it interesting and try and get a job in the USA. My feasible options are Tuscon Arizona, Florida, South Carolina or Texas.
We are twin sisters from other misters girly. That is exactly what happened to me. Thank you for sharing your story! This honestly inspires me to share mine.
Omg how can we become friends? I relate to everything you said and would love to be your friend! Also a lady in my 30s with these same struggles! Also just thank you for the great video!
Such a great video. Right in the feels. I’d love to be your friend but I live in the UK 😭 If I ever come over I’ll give you a shout and if we are not exhausted can meet for coffee 🤣
Hello Ardelle, Thanks for sharing for your input in your video, I just have started to seek out information about ADD and ADHD after my doctor did say I may have ADD in one of his notes... In one form, he was filling out for me... I have a couple of questions about this video, how do you know you are oversharing when you 1st meet someone new in your life and what about after reconnecting with someone after some time... "10+ years" Also, How long of a conversation should I have to start with day-to-day stuff and the same with dates? have been in conversations for a long time, with that being said... Most of the time it's the 1st and last time talking in person... Have you covered this in a video so far and if yes what video(s)? Justin
I know this video is rather old, but I want to add a thing: My way of solving issues is by jumping into different perspectives and look at the issue from different view points. This means I'm mentally jumping through different personas and think about how I would feel and argue as a person with this view point. Devils advocate basically. I think this is a crucial step to understand other peoples motivation. And only if this motivation is understood, productive communication can happen.... (I think...) It's impossible for me to bring these different viewpoints across in a discussion. Every fucking time, people directly assume what I'm saying is my position. Even though I'm telling them it's not, but I want them to think this view point through to understand the issue better. It never works. And then we fight over the very first view point, even though I have 5 more to discuss and I also have a conclusion, but we never get there. I hate this so much... It's like I have this very clear picture of a situation in my head. I understand the motivations of everyone involved and eventually I have a solution that could work for everyone. But how can I communicate this when people get mad, interrupt, disagree at the fist word that doesn't align with their current view? Nowadays, I tend to just shut up and watch people arguing and disagreeing. Even when I know the solution right from the start. Sometimes they come to the same conclusion after a few hours. But mostly, the issue just stays unsolved and we just stop talking about it. It's insane.
My problem with making friends is that the people who want to be my friends, I find their company boring. The people who I'd like to become friends with, don't like my personality. At least I get along well with my dog. She's a border collie, which, if a dog had ADHD, a Border Collie is that dog. We (my dog and I) just "get" each other. LOL!
You should accept those boring friendships because those people will show up for you throughout life and you may not have to " maintain" them like the friendships you desire.
when u can’t sustain friendships and are constantly ghosting people....
Vince V the struggle...I’ve ghosted some peeps a time or two...then look back...like why’d I do that again? Oh yeah...cause I’m forgetful and aloof
ArdelleVision
Sounds like my SP
Damn!
If this isn’t me I don’t know what is
i only recently realized i have a twisted sense of friendship. "friendship" is like a tamagochi: you need to take care of it or else it dies. i know that's basic human decency but i, personally, want to be left alone 95% of the time. but during that 5% i feel really lonely, knowing that i don't have any real friends because i only want to see them 5% of the time anyways. i recently met a friend who is ok with being that 5% and things are looking up, but everyone else hates me so maybe not hahahaha
@@silverdandylmao i know how you feel!! The 5% is my best friend and she’s totally okay with being the 5%, I’m that too to her and I’m fine with that! So thats the perfect balance and then I have a handfull of friends who I feel always somehow goes a little diva on me and I dont know man.. Maybe its not worth it, I really dont know..? I could honestly live with having only her was it up to me (which it is lol) but I also just feel like I can’t let the others down, but the whole thing plus guilt just gets too overwhelming for me..😅
As an adult I've never had trouble making friends.
Just keeping them.
I struggle with ghosting people.
same girl
That is me!!! That is why I've been so depressed for many years; that is why I clicked on this video. For me making friends is effortless, I love parties, love being the centre of attention. BUT cannot keep ANY of them! I get ghosted by everyone I've been friends with - WTF is up with that??????????????????
@@leonikole335
People don't ghost me, I'm the one ghosting them, and it's so frustrating and makes me feel guilty always.
@@Annamoon14 same. at some point, i started seeing people as like tamagochi and that i need to keep them happy, like a checklist. being a friend is just so much work, i just can't handle it, so i just leave.
@@silverdandylmao This is like me
Making friends after the teenage years is hard. I'm in my 30's and it's really easy to isolate myself and never talk to anyone. I have to actively try to reach out to people. I don't want to be a hermit. Thanks Ardelle.
Emily Baker haha I don’t want to be a hermit either ..I catch myself going in phases of isolation then reaching out. Thanks for sharing!
Yep, I'm just like this.
There's nothing wrong with being a hermit.
@@TheFirstStud No there isn't, but some kind of human interaction - painful as it can be - is necessary to keep us tethered to reality.
@@jimbocho660 To a very low extent. A good example of someone who was more tethered to reality than most would be Henry Cavendish, despite being *extremely* reclusive and going to truly excessive lengths in order to avoid most human interaction. He would change cherished and long held routines and even modify his house because of running into some situation that had the danger of involving an unexpected or (for him) probably unpredictable social encounter only once, all just to prevent it from happening again. Yet, he is one of the most accomplished scientists to have ever lived.
I had been diagnosed with ADHD at 52 years old in December 2020.
I can talk to anyone with ease, making them feel comfortable in my company. I have instant humour, rapport, and empathy for everyone.
I can't continue a connection with anyone.
I have just had a working diagnosis at 57.
“I don’t need friends, they disappoint me”
I'm in college and it took my friends ghosting me to realize that I had a warped sense of friendship. I was part of a friend group not because I really liked them or had a lot in common with them. In hindsight, I viewed my friends like Tamagochi. You gotta remember to feed that friendship or else it dies and you'll be all alone. And the moment I started slacking off and being all ADHD they realized what a clusterfuck I was and backed out. IDK man, pre-med is toxic, there's no room for quitters here
I just turned 42 and realized I was ADHD at 40 once I conquered my bipolar.... It's been a wild ride.
I relate to this sooo much! I’m going through a hermit mode right now and just trying to focus on me. I realize that that I unconsciously become co-dependent with anyone I’m close to and this makes me end up resenting the person. I have to take breaks from people or I will just over support people until I literally can’t stand them. I always wondered why I get this way with everyone I get to know well. Thanks for sharing this, it helped give me insight into my newly discovered adhd life!! 🙏
This is so affirming. I am 28 and it is so difficult for me to make friends. I am isolating, defensive, desiring friends but also super insecure and annoyed with myself and feel so alone in life cause I love and am so thankful for my family but I want friends my age. It sucks cause after I broke up with my boyfriend in November and lost all of the friends I made through him. Going through that really messed me up and made me hate myself even more. I do have a few lifelong friends that I've been reconnecting with after drawing away from them. I am learning to love myself but its so heartbreaking knowing I really truly never have friends like I did in high school/2 yrs after hs. Everyone has their own lives which is understandable but I need to accept myself and accept others. Not put so much pressure on myself.
The issue I have is finding ways of meeting people who are not bad for me. I’ve been hurt and feel used with a friendship recently..I’ve decided not to spend time with that person anymore. I often connect with outsiders and so I keep myself in a role of trying to fix people and being a free therapist. Also understanding boundaries and knowing when people are taking advantage of my generous nature, I’m a little tired of being ‘the nice guy’!
I struggled with this too.
So much of this was relatable. The comment about always joining your friends lives instead of it ever being about you. I also have changed from an extrovert to introvert.
Been introvert from the start 😊 And it’s ok 👍
I struggle a lot with keeping relationships. I have these random bursts of interest where I talk with my old friends and all that. But later I just become so tired and overwhelmed with the prospect of talking to people and communicating that I ghost them for several weeks. I still love them, I just can't communicate. I've drifted from so many people and the longer it goes on, the harder I know it will be to reconnect so I gave up. I don't want to die alone but the energy that I'd need to fix this is too much
I learned my lesson also to not be to open at first. Being at a job where I work closely with 80 people it taught me who I can trust. But after getting to know people for a few months I know who I can trust. If people don’t accept me that’s cool with me, I don’t mind being alone sometimes. I understand that I won’t like some people and it goes both ways. At the same time even if you don’t like them just show respect and some will still show respect. I struggle with communication and putting words together, some of my closest friends don’t have adhd but they have a sibling who does so they understand me. Thanks Ardelle for another informative video, you put some of my thoughts of my self into words.
Angel Acosta I agree with all you said. We all won’t like each other...but when I don’t enjoy a person I still show respect. And regard them as human. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was around 5. My parents had me on Ritalin but I used to pretend to take it because I choked on the pill one day and was terrified to take it after that (I still have problems swallowing pills lol). My parents eventually found out and didn’t make me take it anymore. I always thought I “grew out of it”. But after watching tons of videos on people’s experiences with adult ADHD, I’ve realized that I most definitely never grew out of it and just found my own ways to deal and cope with it. I now see how GREATLY my life was impacted by it, and now I wonder how different I would’ve turned out if I would have just taken my medication like I was supposed to... I’m also on the fence about starting medication again, but idk if I would have to go through the whole process of being diagnosed again since I don’t even think it’s in my medical records since it was over 20 years ago and never got help for it again after that. UGH I feel so overwhelmed just thinking about it. But thank you so much for your videos!! I feel like I’m not so alone. It’s so crazy to hear about all the similar struggles you went/go through that I also went/go through too. I always thought I was just dumb and weird...
It sounds like u may have learned a lot of different techniques since u were so young.
Just my opinion. Do it now while u r still young. I was diagnosed 2 months ago when I just turned 50 yrs old and it is sooo hard for me. I am really struggling. The medication helps me to focus but it doesn't fix everything. I found a great therapist that specializes in ADD in kids and adults that has helped me a lot. But I wish I was diagnosed 30 yrs ago. But I can't go back just foward.
@@debbiemckenna5 I've recently been diagnosed and I am 35 years old. I understand when you say you're struggling. I am too and I'm trying to tell myself to take things one step at a time.
Hi Cait. I hope you pursued getting help since your posting. I suppose you know that medication alone won't do it. Practicing coping strategies is key, as hard as it is. It'll save you. Of course you learned coping techniques, that's great for you. You may occasionally be surprised that a trait you wondered about in yourself turns out to have a connection with ADHD. I was surprised. Try to join a support group or talk to a specialist in ADHD in adults, if you're up to it. And maybe you know all this already. :)
I’m going through the same.
As a nurse may I mention it may be worth talking to your factor about your difficulty swallowing tablets as some medication can be safely crushed and added to ice cream or whatever to make it easier to swallow. For the record I was diagnosed though not until the age of 27. I also failed to continue with medication prescribed (though for different reasons) and am reconsidering this presently having learned recently about the wider symptoms of ADHD through RUclips videos such as this one.
This is so true. Making friends definitely changes at each stage of life.
I just can't mantain the friendship thing. No matter what, they usually become just
acquaintance.
interesting. I relate to you on some levels but... i try to reassess my expectations and give people grace the way i would want. because I want friendships!
I can be like this too unless its the right friends.
I love animals, art etc and i seem to find friends that are also interested in those things. Several of my friends are vegan and very compassionate. I seem to get on with these friends most.
You need to find like minded people, maybe by joining a hobby group of some sort.
Hope you find some good friends, im sure you will.
Understand this I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 23, now 40 struggle with the whole friendship thing have a few close friends but mostly lots of acquaintances. Hoping to arrange an ADHD Assessment soon
Hello Ardelle, a few questions:
1. Why is it bad if you dont remember a name or mess up words? You say you feel bad when it happens but do you know why?
2. Could it be you find it exhausting to meet your friend because you suffer from social anxiety? the fears you describe (want to leave a good impression, fears to do things wrong) sound a lot like it.
3. You told us to find ourselves first before we go to meet other people. Have you ever tried a body scan meditation? it is fantastic. when you do it a few times you become able to just sit anywhere and feel good. This helps enormously as a preparation to meet friends.
Cheers
found this video after tons of failure in making friends. im crying rn because this is so true
HI! GLad you stumbled into my world and hope this video helps! having friends with adhd is possible!
Very different background than yours, but so many similarities. As a kid I made friends easily and didn’t really feel different. But the older I got and the more I got rejected/corrected the more I felt like an outsider. I agree that I think there can be a huge correlation to adhd and codependency issues, because we feel rejected so often we’re willing to do ANYTHING to feel love. Then after being taken advantage of, we can lose our trust of people and desire to interact, and would rather isolate. It’s taken me a long time to figure out that I do have people in my life who love and accept me for who I am, and I don’t have to pine over the friendships and relationships that don’t. I love myself, I am a really caring person and genuine friend. It’s hard learning how to let go of people who don’t see you for you. But in the end it’s so so so worth it. Thank you for sharing Ardelle, I really appreciate your vulnerability.
I'm a guy with adhd, and it's a struggle for sure, especially with relationships. I used to be on medicine but I haven't been on anything now in years.
I think my boyfriend is used to it, but it's still exhausting at times.
I absolutely love this comment. This is exactly how I feel. Living with ADHD is a struggle.
Great message. I always knew I had adhd but at 45 I’m only learning about what it actually means and am realizing I’ve struggled all my life but only now am understanding what this actually means in everyday life. Was not able to put these struggles into sentences but am realizing I’ve struggled for a long time without being able to comprehend or verbalize it. Refreshing to know all of this but sad at the same time. Wish I knew this earlier. Thank you.
I agree so much with spending time alone and getting to know yourself 💕then reach out. Such a great message!
I have Tourette’s. Started about age 6. Tics waxed and waned throughout my life. I never new what they were until in my 50s when I attended a teacher special ed workshop. They discussed Tourette’s. Things made sense. However, my behavior wasn’t and I knew I wasn’t right. Little things upset my far more than the should. I’d be friends with someone. They’d do something that I felt wasn’t right and I’d just be gone. Not ever friends again. At 73yo, I learned that ADHD and OCD were comorbids of Tourette’s. Your video was like a replay of my life. I have a couple who are my absolute best friends, accepting me with all my faults. I’ve had 4 failed marriages. ADHD sucks but it’s comforting to know what’s going on and that I’m not the only one!
im crying bcs i can relate so much, i'm currently a sophomore in college and making friends is my struggle rn, i'm currently still working on self love and self acceptance. i wanna thank you for giving out such a positive energy to everyone💕😢
It's really a struggle
Wanna be friends?
We NEED more Nathan’s! I misspeak all the time and people always feel the need to correct and therefore have slowly stopped speaking up and letting people know me.
i never comment on youtube but i found this video very relatable and helpful !! Thank you Ardelle for helping all of us with ADHD we value your knowledge very much !!
MidNigxt thanks so much for sharing this! Hope my videos help.🤗
I had ADD and as a Kid I didn’t fit in because my pears though I was different and weird and I didn’t-have good social skills so I will annoy my pear due to lack of attention. As a 31 year I still struggle to make friend but not as much because I have better social skills
A lot of people like me and the ones who don't, don't matter, I don't value their opinion. I have achieved amazing things in my life especially considering having one hand tied behind my back due to the ADHD.
Studying maths at the moment not overwhelmed by anything positive thinking and the MCT oil is working.
David-Paul Newton-Scott finally got Marc oil. Came in the mail the other day! excited to start using it! Need to stock up on fish oil too. I’m a work in progress...some days I care some days I don’t🤷🏻♀️😂
Wow I have actually impacted on someone out there this could set off a whole chain reaction when we get your MCT oil report. Don't overdo it if it is acting as a laxative you are taking too much. Spread it out over the day with meals.
Every word that you have spoken is exactly how I feel/ have felt. Thank you for making me feel not so alone ❤️
I'm so glad!
You must be my twin. As somebody with adhd, I can relate with most of everything you said in this video.
No your not a professional. Your better than the professional. Keep up the good work. Your videos have been a blessing to me ❤❤❤
12:20 it's that growth that helped me to understand the rarity of a friend. I only have a few, but I'm really holding them close. I just refuse to allow immature people get close to me anymore. I've had such a deep struggle with ADHD....don't know what I would do without the Lord. I think it's the anxiety that makes discernment really hard. I pray to have at least one friend like you, who really understands my struggle.
Omg, what you said about going straight to your dad after school to discuss the day & deeper questions on your mind was *exactly* me, too! That is spooky.
In fact everything about the trajectory & the specific difficulties, is very similar to how its been for me. Thank you so much for making this video, I'm still learning about adhd and how to live the life I want despite it, so this was really helpful to me.
Damn, so relatable. I've known that I have ADHD for a while but never heard someone describe the same problems and concerns of connecting with others, personality, social fears and anxieties in a way that really applies to my life right now. Thanks for putting yourself out there, you've given helpful advice and perspective.
I've had the experience of hanging out in groups for weeks, even months, and noticing someone for the first time. Like, they would come up to me and say hey, and I would be like where did you appear from, who are you. Then making the realization that apparently we've been friends for awhile now, and I was just the only one who didnt know of the friendship.
I have had the same life experiences from childhood to adulthood. Kinda of crazy how many similarities and struggles. Glad to know I’m not the only one. Great advice! Much appreciated
When you said the part about trying to chime in at work when people are talking hit me hard. We had a company BBQ last week and nobody was talking to me to I mustered up the balls to chime in and one of them literally turns to me and says "that was a really weird way of putting that, and if you couldn't see WE were talking and by 29 you'd think you would know it's rude to wedge yourself into a conversation you weren't included in" so I grabbed my food and sat alone in my car. It was a conversation about freaking animals or something it's not like it was important but now because of it I'm terrified to even TRY to talk to anyone and just sit here by myself watching everyone else BS through the day because I'm the "weird" one nobody wants anything to do with
Ugh. Wow. That’s painful. But it sounds like they were the rude ones geez. They said that in front of everyone???
@@ArdelleVision yeah, our HR also happens to be the president of the company so there's no discipline for anyone he likes sadly. It's a loooong story honestly I just know I dread coming here every day yet I'm also terrified to leave because it's the only job I've been able to hold long term
This hit hard for me. I got into acting and a bad group of friends and it ruined a lot of my enjoyment of life and made me turn inward as well. You are not alone!
A video has never resonated with me as much as this one has! Thank you, seriously, so much for your content. I came to the realization that I most likely have ADD, having been evaluated for it years ago in adolescence and having nothing come of my test results. I can't tell you how many times I've been in social situations where I've been excited to meet new people, have shown interest, and either became too overwhelmed by my enthusiasm or lost interest (due to insecurity) altogether. The excessive self-disclosure I'm sure was confusing to those I befriended so quickly, especially in my tendency to "ghost" people so soon after meeting. The part when you describe becoming overly invested in the lives of your friends really hit hard, considering how often I find myself asking about their circumstances and avoiding disclosing how hard of a time I've been having. Sorry if this reads like some sort of academic essay 😅 I've been emailing a bunch of therapists recently! And for rambling, I just really appreciate you and your content. Thank you!
Ah It’s so so helpful to see that other people have the same problem and that we’re not alone. If only we could all meet each other in real life lol
Wow... I grew up in Asia with a passion for American culture. You just described my live growing up as well. It’s amazing that it could be so similar emotionally. Thanks for sharing and yes it helps!!! Great vid!
I relate to this so much it’s unreal down to the never having been in a romantic relationship (though my timeline was a bit different from yours, the trajectory was spot on). Thank you for sharing and I’m definitely where you are right now. This is some great advice and I wish you the best in your friendship endeavors!
I love this, I'm newly diagnosed with ADHD at 40yr, and I never seem to be able to keep friends. No matter how much I mask, or be myself, Struggle going out ect . . . I understand its hard work for people.
Thank you for sharing your story! It gave me a new prospective on friendships and my ADHD.
Hi Ardelle, Every video you have posted has resonated with me. I have felt the same way, being diagnosed with ADHD at 34 has been eye opening. Thank you for the videos because this journey has been a struggle, and having these videos is refreshing.
I agree so much with you on this. I don’t ghost people but I don’t reach out to certain friends because I don’t want to seem too clinging or become the annoying sidekick that just wants to always hangout and stuff. So I try to only reach out to people at certain days or times.
It helps in many ways to hear your take on this. Thanks for sharing the many struggles of having ADHD.
Oh and, L.A. misses you. 🙂
Rene P haha nice! I miss l.a...😭
I love all your videos thank you! I don’t have ADHD and my son doesn’t even have a diagnosis but I’m still truly enjoying what you’re teaching!
I’d be your friend for sure 🙌 I’m in England though ha ha
I'm so glad I found your channel, im getting to the end of my rope the way I keep fucking up my life. I was diagnosed with Dep/anxiety 10 years ago and it makes a lot of sense that it was actually adhd all along, even growing up i knew I was different but I think the extra stress of daily adult life exposes it for what it really is. Thanks for all of your videos
Yes, I felt that when you said ADHD and codependency go hand-in-hand.
I relate to so much of this, and I would be your friend in a heartbeat! I make friends pretty easily as an adult who just learned she has adhd. But soooooo much of my journey mirrors yours, and knowing I had adhd fills in the gaps for me. Thanks for the video!
Hey do you wanna be friends with me?
Just recently started suspecting that i might be having ADD and stumbled across your videos. Every single one is resonating 100% and it's kind of frightening. Called my doctor today for an appointment. Thanks for this content
Girl, first of all I think you speak so well in your videos! But is speaking jumbled a thing of ADHD? I'm 36 yrs old and super new to this diagnosis and holy cow I've struggled my whole life with my thoughts being too fast for my tongue and I get so jumbled or quickly lose my train of thought and end up feeling like a complete idiot! "Hi I'm Tom!" 🤣 This has held me back from putting myself out there for fear of "who will take me seriously if I can't even explain my thoughts". Anywhoo this is very interesting thank you for this. Also in previous episodes you've mentioned topic ideas and I recently learned about the intense hormonal changes we get during our PMS phase vs neurotypicals because of decline in our already low dopamine levels. This helped me understand why I'm on such an extreme emotional roller-coaster the week before my period and why everything seems like the end of the world. I think it could help so many women. Lastly I want to send you love for the loss of your parents. I lost my Pops before Covid and went through a major depression, which is what began my growth journey in the first place. It was either that or drink myself in a dark hole... my adhd mind needed to cling to something. Its been a hell of a journey but girl you are an inspiration, I know it can't be easy but thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a shining light to all of us! 🙏
Now I understand why my dad would forget to call me on my birthday, especially the older I got and didn’t see him as often. Now I miss people’s birthdays more than I want to admit.
The whole time that I've been watching your stuff I've just been like... I wish we could be friends.. :-(
I am definitely at the point of sitting around a bunch of empty jars. I guess maybe I should take the lid off of a few of them.... maybe.
Down the Worm Hole haha I hear you. I have a few filled up and brimming over...and then nothing new for a few years...eek
I have ZERO friends. Like at all. Lord know I try though
Pre diagnosis I REALLY cheesed off a very good friend of mine with my talking over. I am very careful with that now I hope he has forgiven me.
David-Paul Newton-Scott I did the same thing. A close friend was trying to give me some major life advice...I couldn’t help but point out a bird CAuse it was an odd time of day...needless to say...we used to be close...not so much anymore. That was before I knew I had adhd
I shouldn’t be watching this at 2 AM when I have to be up in 4 hours but that’s how we function 😂
Yep 😂
Yo same
Impressive, how you are able to analyze and remember your dilemas through growing up!!!
Iv so never focused on my adhd. I think I was defn adhd as a kid but I was terribly bullied and traumatised and the trauma has just been part of my life so long.
I came to this video bc at age 55 I seem to have regressed at making friends and I just dont now how to even try anymore.
but I now hv cptsd so Im isolated alot. Iv been ghosted alot which is hard and sad. I finally spent the day beating myself up..the question going round and tound...what is it, why do I upset People😢. I made a list of the stuff I know I do, like overwhelm people with too much info. Listening to you, I can tick so many things off on my list. Being too friendly, sharing too much, sharing personal stuff too quickly, making inappropriate friends, being too friendly....socially awkward etc.
What makes this harder is that I did finally figure most of it out before I got cotsd and burned out. I always struggled since school but now my adhd is bigger than my cptsd 😤 and Iv tried to make an acronym to remember when meeting people where I go wrong over and over.
Where do you live Ardele? I moved to London UK 10 years ago and it was very hard at the beginning. The second year I joined an amazing rollerblading group and that changed my life. I think sports groups are quite open in general. I did struggle with that when I was little but now I connect with people easily. But I know how hard it can be. If that helps skaters are a an amazing communities around the world! And some of my friends learned at their 50's or 60's so o barriers!!! Hiking, cycling , anything in a group that meet up regularly!! I am sure there must be something where you live. Let me know and I'll investigate skaters over there😉
I live in London too I guarantee we have the same psychiatrist small world, try MCT oil Holland and Barratt.
I'm sure 100% we don't. But I'll try that 😉
Laila Pastor i never have been a part of a team. I should look into it. I broke my foot a couple years ago so I can’t be running or doing any major physical acts of adventure...although I’d want to...
But roller blading sounds fun. I love in Saint Louis MO
Ardele- extend it to reading club, sewing club, painting, meditation, cinema club, cooking, anything!whatever you have in your area. I know here in London that part is easy because we have everything. But give something a try😊
I have a friend who has ADHD I met her from a charity organization support group I with I stood by with her where as most the charity organization support group trying avoid her because they don’t like her ADHD I didn’t like seeing anyone shunned out. I am high functioning autistic I at times have meltdowns sometimes the organization support charity group struggled dealing with that I can relate it’s similar effective. I understand that it’s a condition of disability not a narcissistic being of abusive nature. The support strategy support with adhd with not knowing which works best and not list strategies difficult to find. I do find mindfulness of someone who has ADHD is best first step supporting them it prevents arguments and outbursts or storming away from them. The ADHD mindsets quite different. monkey mind similar to autism but a lot more hyperactive then autism often difficult keeping up with ADHD plans they like speed cars on go that part so fast I autistic used to steady pace. ADHD feel more comfortable with there own ideas they’re tend burst if try alter a plan. They don’t like being told how do things similar to autism with demands they burst as autism vanishes. I can see how ADHD friends can compliment with autism friends in many ways. It’s interesting how it actually works. She loving friend her active nature has interesting ways she does a lot activities like various crafts and yoga classes various exercises classes and goes day trips out to places she has wide interest’s as much as knowledge interests I have as autistic side it’s strong compliment side we experience each end field. Think that was first part I did really liked about her ADHD.
ADHD people are just subconscious angels.... A lot of what they do in life subconsciously is angelic. We are like the dark angels, aka Archangels.
Amazing ! As usual! You’re great at talking ! Good work keep it up
Katie omg thanks so much! With kind comments like these I will! 🥰
There is so much I want to say on how much your life parallels mine in so many ways, that I couldn't write it all here.
I can't maintain friendships just with people from a Township! With that figure 8 hospitality! I get along better with men all my life than woman
I have such high standards for friends in my life and not worldly ones per say. I thought this was an INFJ thing but could it be an ADHD thing? I want depth with just a few people I admire and who admire me back. Right now, that's my best friend who lives in CA (from Italy) and my older sister. I'm 43 btw. lol. And I love flirting with guys because they seem to enjoy the entertainment of my "unique" personality (insert screech face) ...hard to find girls who are super silly, smart, deep, mature, creative, ..and it's not like they have friend apps! I'm here anytime sista! oh and I am also super close to childhood friends. Not sure what that means. Ok, sorry to be creeping your page. I am bc I know if I had a channel, I'd dig it. Kudos to you for representin' on camera I'm too terrified of criticism despite all the self love I have for myself. If you ever need a content writer, look no further! ahahaha
Greetings from Finland! 🇫🇮 Thanks for really helpful, honest & high quality videos. I can totally relate on these. Just got diagnosis as 30 yo
Girl this was my life.. thank you for your courage I relate so much!
I have never been in a romantic relationship or any kind of relationship either. I am constantly seeing why I can’t have a romantic kind of relationship. As for friendships I also never really had any friendships or best friends but I just thought that it was because I was shy and I didn’t feel comfortable connecting with people. It wasn’t until high school when I got a bit more comfortable and I started to put myself out there. So I can definitely relate with your video here. For me it was university that really made me just be more social. And now I might be in a relationship and I think that he likes me although it is a long distance relationship but I am okay with that.
I got comfortable with socialization as an adult, & I can have a great conversation with friends & strangers. But now- QUARANTINE! I am a social person & I really miss being with folks in person. I've had to start visiting again, sitting at a distance.
I am really interested in a friendship with you though:P
Right! She sounds like a great friend to have :)
This was E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
Tasha D 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻yes! Hope it helped. 🤪😝
I am quite an extrovert person but get the impression that people on meeting me regard me as a wise guy but really what you see is what you get, it makes interviews difficult as I am so informal. My latest interview they said I had a sense of humour and that's good. I though finally somebody who gets it. I got the job by the way.
David-Paul Newton-Scott yay! This is awesome. Yes...I interview really well for whatever reason. I come off smart and humorous...it’s once I get the job that I’m in for a challenge...🤪
Thanks with this coronavirus situation I may be postponing retirement another year and to be honest I love teaching. So I think I might as well make it interesting and try and get a job in the USA. My feasible options are Tuscon Arizona, Florida, South Carolina or Texas.
I love your name. Also, I relate to so much of what you said❤️❤️❤️
Thoughtful and wise
Cheers🍾
For all of adhd's
We never give up💪
We are twin sisters from other misters girly. That is exactly what happened to me. Thank you for sharing your story! This honestly inspires me to share mine.
So relatable, thank you :)
Deborah Pullins yes! Glad you relate!
So so so true.... I do that on Drs appointments and just about everything else...
Wow this is powerful!! Thank you for sharing 🤍
wow ardelle, it's like you're dascribing myself too...so similar
Omg how can we become friends? I relate to everything you said and would love to be your friend! Also a lady in my 30s with these same struggles! Also just thank you for the great video!
Such a great video. Right in the feels. I’d love to be your friend but I live in the UK 😭 If I ever come over I’ll give you a shout and if we are not exhausted can meet for coffee 🤣
I wish I could go to the uk! 😭
Men, also dedicate yourself to a spa day; I've seen those toes and they are dying for love
Your lipstick is such a nice colour
I'm still fearful about making friends.
I'm guilty of too much too soon, broaching boundaries, and other stuff.
I believe there is a connection of the two.
You don't sound very messed up. You sound very normal.!!😊
🫣🥹
Merry christmas Ardelle
Hello Ardelle,
Thanks for sharing for your input in your video, I just have started to seek out information about ADD and ADHD after my doctor did say I may have ADD in one of his notes... In one form, he was filling out for me... I have a couple of questions about this video, how do you know you are oversharing when you 1st meet someone new in your life and what about after reconnecting with someone after some time... "10+ years"
Also, How long of a conversation should I have to start with day-to-day stuff and the same with dates? have been in conversations for a long time, with that being said... Most of the time it's the 1st and last time talking in person...
Have you covered this in a video so far and if yes what video(s)?
Justin
This is so interesting, thank you for sharing your story!
Bubbe's Girl yes!
Thank you so much for this video ❤️🙏🏾
I feel so understood.
:)
I can totally relate.
Insanely relatable
I know this video is rather old, but I want to add a thing: My way of solving issues is by jumping into different perspectives and look at the issue from different view points. This means I'm mentally jumping through different personas and think about how I would feel and argue as a person with this view point. Devils advocate basically. I think this is a crucial step to understand other peoples motivation. And only if this motivation is understood, productive communication can happen.... (I think...)
It's impossible for me to bring these different viewpoints across in a discussion. Every fucking time, people directly assume what I'm saying is my position. Even though I'm telling them it's not, but I want them to think this view point through to understand the issue better. It never works. And then we fight over the very first view point, even though I have 5 more to discuss and I also have a conclusion, but we never get there. I hate this so much...
It's like I have this very clear picture of a situation in my head. I understand the motivations of everyone involved and eventually I have a solution that could work for everyone. But how can I communicate this when people get mad, interrupt, disagree at the fist word that doesn't align with their current view?
Nowadays, I tend to just shut up and watch people arguing and disagreeing. Even when I know the solution right from the start. Sometimes they come to the same conclusion after a few hours. But mostly, the issue just stays unsolved and we just stop talking about it. It's insane.
wow. this spoke into words feelings i didn't know others had. i totally relate to this and never realized i do something similar.
@@ArdelleVision Thanks for responding. I'm glad I'm not alone with this.
@@hagnbike same 🥰
I’m 30 and experiencing the same with friendships right now.
My problem with making friends is that the people who want to be my friends, I find their company boring. The people who I'd like to become friends with, don't like my personality.
At least I get along well with my dog. She's a border collie, which, if a dog had ADHD, a Border Collie is that dog. We (my dog and I) just "get" each other. LOL!
You should accept those boring friendships because those people will show up for you throughout life and you may not have to " maintain" them like the friendships you desire.
Thank you for sharing this!
I'm 54 and this video is exactly like me.
Am proper loving so called lock down in the UK as I don't have to interact with any one this is just like another day at home for me 🤣🤣🇬🇧
i have wondered as well about there possibly being a link between a.d.h.d and codependency!