I had to stop dating for 3 years to get a handle on this co-dependency. I even read the book, women who love too much. This was before I was diagnosed with ADHD. I feel ready to date again now. I’ve always wanted to have a family. Thankfully at 25 I can start to move forward, but getting a hold of ADHD is a challenge everyday for me.
I’m happy you took a break from dating to get a handle on yourself. Many people aren’t capable of being that aware or disciplined in taking care of themselves when they know something is up. It was such an ah-ha for me to find all this out. ADHD is an everyday surrender. I realize I have it. Accept it. And try to work with it in life instead of fighting it. I agree...challenge is an appropriate word.😎
Omg! Ive been looking for the answers! Im 36 years old now and just now finding out its adhd ! Everything your talking about is me!!! Thank you for sharing i felt alone! Keep going girl!
I used to read up on codependency back in the 90's trying to figure out why I had so many struggles. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until a few months ago at age 56. I had no idea all of these symptoms relate to ADHD too. I decided after my last failed relationship 3 years ago I would not be in another relationship. I have learned to accept myself much more. Thanks for sharing this information!
Thanks to you for your videos I’ve been to my family dr who gave me a screening form for ADHD. A couple of therapists ( I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression) have suggested I get screened, I see why now. So, my dr said he’s referring me for a diagnosis but who knows how long that will take. Anyway your videos are really enlightening. I’m also now at the “which came first” point now... cptsd from childhood trauma or adhd, or maybe I just like things with initials 😂 some dark humour for you there. Keep up the good work, it’s taken me till 48 yrs old and the recent change in awareness of female ADHD - and videos such as yours - to help me make sense of why my depression and anxiety keep coming back. Thanks again, well done. 👏👏👏
Thanks so much for these kind words! I’ve been codependent and definitely working on that for the past few years. I’ve gotten better at not functioning from that perspective. Taking life each day at a time. 🙃
Can I asked you something that I've noticed about other codependent adhd depressive people I know that they're extremely honest. Do you find that true with yourself. And do you ever get accused of being dishonest?
I think this comes from the emotional dysregulation adhd brains have. For me its one of the worst things to live with and the gaps in the "motivational bridge" its a great video Ardelle, you should have way more views.
Michael B thanks so much for these kind words! I definitely think it ties into emotional Dysregulation..something I’ve been looking into....all so interesting!
You have no idea how much this video just spoke to me. I sat in my car watching the whole thing even though I’m home lol I just broke up with my girlfriend living with her for two years (it was mutual) and I told her today that I had an epiphany and cried like a baby because I realize that before I relationship I feel like my life didn’t have the same meaning and then with her I felt like I gave it my all to take care of her and that gave me meaning and a reason. Your video spoke to me in that my codependency and ADHD is what led me to make her problems mine and made me feel like I halted my life. I would go out of my way not thinking about myself or what I have to do just to please her a little bit and not all the time she even asked me to it was just an instinct. Me and her still talk but I find that it’s hard to remain friends when the feelings are there for both of us. I however feel that you are just right when you said people step all over you if you let them and that’s what I felt happened I didn’t defend myself I didn’t have boundaries and I let myself be verbally abused. I am likely going to replay this video many times please make more videos like this I wish there was a way I could contact you directly so I could just pick your brain! By the way I’m looking for a therapist I have yet to receive any help with my ADHD or codependency. The irony is a lot of these tips that I heard you say I kind a self-taught myself thinking this is the best thing for me because I am going to be moving out by myself which I have never lived by myself before and trying to be independent. As you say that’s the best thing to do and that’s what I’m going to do. Like I said I wish I could pick your brain more please make more videos regarding this topic!
This is so so helpful, thank you! I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and started therapy. In my session just today, I realized I’m codependent. I went from being codependent to my parents to now, my husband. I have such a hard time making decisions for myself - I’m afraid too. Wow, what a revelation! Your video is so helpful to help me understand what codependency is.
It took being in an abusive relationship to learn how to love myself. I also had to learn how to to be uber independent (ex-boyfriend firmly believed in helping yourself so being there for someone or helping them sort through their problems was seen as weakness for him and seen as being needy and dependent, as well as seen as being a problematic person that likes to "use" people as an emotional punching bag or "therapist"). Finally when I got out, I start finding out that he basically instilled a negative view of what a health relationship should be and left me thinking that I'm a burden for confiding in people. Which I'm not. Went from being confident and independent, to insecure and more independent (and very distrustful of people).
You are telling my story! I’m grateful for the therapy that I’ve had. But it started with awareness from watching videos like this on RUclips! You are helping a lot of ppl that u aren’t even aware of! Great job!
Hey Ardelle! I really enjoy your content. Thank you for taking the time to do these videos and be so open transparent and vulnerable. The people who watch you are being helped so much. You have been a blessing to us! I have been sending my clients who have ADD to your channel because you are so helpful. Keep up the good work and hope your channel really grows. God Bless!
As i learn more about codependency (and adhd) I find it funny(/sad?) that, for middle and high school superlatives I got "best friends" with each of the people I latched onto during those years.
Very good description of codependency. It almost killed my marriage to someone who has been very patient with my controlling perfectionism and numbing out. Boundaries are very important and very difficult if you try to please everyone. CODA is an amazing group. Find one near you. I think talking to other people that get what you’re going through is more beneficial than individual therapy. At least it has been for me. 1 year and 4 months in recovery now. It’s a day to day process.. you don’t just discover you’re codependent and then everything is ok. Ironically I discovered mine by reading a book for my daughter who kept getting into these awful relationships with abusive guys. Yeah, in trying to fix her I discovered what needed to be fixed in me lol. Great video. Lol I totally don’t get the Starbucks bit in the beginning but that’s such an adhd thing lol. Squirrel!!!
$#@?...yep!!! 100% my life story. However, I cannot attribute anything to trauma in childhood in respect to my family. I had a pretty dang good childhood, great parents, etc. "Normal" family struggles. We weren't rich or perfect but I was blessed with amazing parents. And I am "independent" co-dependent if that's even possible. I always need help but I do things on my own depending on the subject matter. Anyway...I could go on for days. And #5 tip...being trying to do that for a very long time and feels like it's never going to happen.
Jesus #2 hit the nail on the head. My dad is the most critical person I know and it is so stressful being around him because we always just wait for him to say something negative. He thinks that calling us out on our insecurities will help us recognize them but it just pisses everyone off.
I’m a perfectionist at work and huge codependent bc I was neglected as a kid and I hate rejection and definitely have to have routine and structure omg!!! This is absolutely insane how accurate omg!!! Thank you now I can get the proper treatment and get my life back in order and I’m 35 and past 11 yrs I have struggled to find out what exactly is wrong with me and dealt with addiction and alcohol abuse since I was 22
Such a great video you explained codependency perfectly. I’m starting to realize I exhibit symptoms of adhd. Forgiveness helps so much with guilt and perfectionism!
I definitely absorb other peoples feelings and was always a people pleaser in order to be liked or accepted which other people in society really don’t give a tats butt to begin with. I always wanted to fit in and when someone invites you somewhere and than so called forgets about your plans and it puts me in a deep spiral of depression which I take as rejection and there’s always something wrong with me.
Your cats...my kids. hah! I feel like life got SO much better after I figured out I was codependent (read Boundaries then they recommended the title Codependent No More. Life changing!) Knowing what is my responsibility helps, and that I don't need to "overfunction" (term I learned in therapy) for family members. People-pleaser in recovery here. Instead of trying to solve my kids' problems, I need to teach them how to do their own problem solving. I don't want to be a controlling parent, I want to empower my kids to think for themselves and not be oh 28 before they figure out their opinions themselves. I'll go to therapy as long as it takes to give them a healthy parent!
You have a fresh adhd perspective on codependency that is Really valuable for someone like me struggling with both. Please keep digging at this topic, I'm sure it will lead to great insights
so darn true. I just had #1 happen tonight. Right on, on every single one. It kills you and it's difficult setting boundaries with family when you've done it your entire life.
@@ArdelleVision 😊 I'm so glad to hear that. I just found you & love your channel. You're so kind & I feel like I have a friend when I watch your videos.
Thanks Ardelle, it is a well reasoned and presented description of the problem. I have been aware of being codependent for quite a few years but the ADD diagnosis was more recent. A couple of things I want to put out there I.e I am a chronic people pleaser ( and have been aware of this for a long time) but trying to oppose this response becomes physically hard, not just psychologically. I get hot and foggy and my stomach churns (not always all at the same time although sometimes) which distorts the issue or situation) so it is a bigger battle then purely one of strength of mind. Also I think it is ironic and gratifying that your ambition to be an actress is being partly fulfilled but not by assuming other personas instead by being completely yourself. That’s lovely and you are also lovely , inside and out!
I 100% relate to being both ADHD and codependent. I had the same exact question: which came first or are they the same thing? I am vibing with you so much. One way I thought about it is my codependency is an inattention to myself and a hyperfocus on others. Ah! thank you
This rings so true, except I'm pretty open and honest with people, but I do have a tough time with boundaries and people pleasing. It's so nice with relate with people who think like I do! Also, I'm in love with you!
Well just thought I would watch this video and I absolutely relate to every single thing you talked about. Absolutely amazing! And what a pattern of destruction it's been over my life now I'm ready to change it and move forward step by step. Thank you for making this video it was very interesting.
skipole52 I believe for me it’s when you’re giving too much of yourself. (Which I have done) Obviously the line is subjective to each person. But if you are giving so much to other people at the detriment of your own happiness and wellbeing...it isn’t good. Or if you are overly enabling people, and they take advantage of you, and it could lead you to resent them. When it crosses your boundaries or you don’t have any. You can be empathetic and keep your boundaries. It might make some people mad...and think your not “yourself”....because some people like when you others don’t have boundaries. I don’t know if this is all the answer to what you ask...but.....This is a good question!!! I still teeter totter with the line. But I used to not even consider if there was one. Totally unaware.
This is really helpful, thank you. The two for me are almost inseparable. If you think about, codependency is at the root of most secondary addictions and adults with ADHD are more vulnerable to addiction. What came 1st, the chicken or the egg.
My god I relate to all of this so so much, literally all your points I'm like, yep....yep....YEP..... love how you laid this video out gurl xx The forgiveness part I have a REALLY hard time with.... and the perfectionism...the criticism.... I really resonate with those.... the link to childhood trauma, the seeking approval... all of that... :-(
Wow, I'm definitely codependent... Had a pretty messed up childhood... Which did come first?!? ADHD or CODEPENDENT?!?! Going to have to read the article!! Thank you for sharing!!❤️ Thankful that I got off the hamster wheel! At the time I had no idea that was the problem. I just new I had relationship issues. Thankful that they Lord put his hands on my life!!
Rene P yeah. I think this could be true. And like you said...I can live with it. But I’m for sure working to improve myself in knowing I function as a codependent at times.
Because of my ADHD i am too scared to drive a car. I stopped 5 years ago. Gladly i live in Switzerland with good public transport. But i am sad that my self esteem is so low and my fears so strong, that i don‘t dare driving a car :((((
i understand the fear. If you ever get your license again start small! Drive to close locations! On times during the day that its not too busy! Praying for you!
I don't drive just because it's too expensive for me (the actual car, gas, maintenance, insurance, etc.) and I don't want to emit the greenhouse gases (carbon dioxide from the gasoline). Thankfully I live in a big city that has a big metro system.
Wonderful to see you back adhd sister. Have you checked out Dr Barbara Cohen. She has some amazing podcasts on Executive function skills and amazing courses. I was lucky enough to have done a 6 month course with her and its litrally changed my whole world, for the better. 😊
Omg! Do you know my life?!!! I really don’t know how to get help because when there is shame about what I have done, I cut myself off from those that want to help me. I don’t want to expose or admit that I need that much help or I’m that messed up. But then when I hit a wall that I built myself, I explode and share all my problems everywhere. I admit it finally and then I find the next adrenaline cycle...and there I go again. Sigh, I’m exhausting to myself.
I definitely like my relationship with friends etc to be happy go lucky and fear confrontation bc my mood changes with the mood. I crave organization and have always struggled with being needed and wanted
Olaf..... that's ADHD!!! I understood everything cause my mind jumps around just like that....this is why making friends and encountering people is hard, like they cant keep up so they dont stick around.🤔
1. ✔️ 2.✔️ 3.✔️ 4.✔️✔️ 5.✔️✔️✔️ 6.✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️ 7.✔️x1000 8. Ffs 9. I give up 10. I’m done. 11. Stick a fork in me. 12&13. Personal attack. 14. Ouch . And finally the chicken or the egg? Are we adhd because we’re traumatised, or are we easily traumatized because of adhd or some blend of both...
Ah so that's what it's called... thank you for this... I've really been struggling with recently... trying to work up the courage to share how feel lol... pray for me lol
Sorry... I believe I probably have undiagnosed ADD... it's reeeeally hard for me to focus. This video took me 30 minutes to watch. I am codependent, it's hard. Thanks for the video!!
For upcoming videos, would you please consider adding chapters and headlines? These could also result in timestamps. There are two major blocks of extensive bullet-lists in this video, and it felt hard for me to follow along. E.g. when you came up with solution No. 3, I was, like: "Huh, already 3? What was No. 2 then?" Maybe it's only me, or only today, I just couldn't focus for the whole course of this video, just because it (the topic itself) made me think and remember about a lot of situations of my personal life. Thank you once more for putting together all this valuable content, and have a great week.
Olaf Wendt I hear you there. I know it would help people follow. Due to my old computer...adding text and graphics can be challenging depending on how my computer is running.🤨it makes editing extra challenging!!! Ugh. I know the text would help and I’m grateful for this comment. I love text when I watch videos as well...you’re correct...it helps with time stamps.
@@ArdelleVision It definitely did. Will come back and watch at least once more on a better day. On editing: Alright, no fancy bling needed there, just have people look into your description area where they can find time stamps if applicable, that'll do for the time being.
When my ex shut down emotionally I went berserk, I felt physical pain all over my body and went out of control, instead of calming me down she just said hurtful things that made it worse. In that moment I needed someone to hug me and calm me down...it wasn't fair, I told her about my ADHD, she has clinical psychology degree yet said shitty shit like I'm a loser etc. I lost myself, I'm getting therapy. I want to talk with her and talk stuff out, but she says I'm unsafe? Wtf, I was hurt not killing people :(
The people with codependent adhd are some of the most honest people I've ever met
I had to stop dating for 3 years to get a handle on this co-dependency. I even read the book, women who love too much. This was before I was diagnosed with ADHD. I feel ready to date again now. I’ve always wanted to have a family. Thankfully at 25 I can start to move forward, but getting a hold of ADHD is a challenge everyday for me.
Such a great video. Honestly your channel is amazing
Kayla thanks so much!
I’m happy you took a break from dating to get a handle on yourself. Many people aren’t capable of being that aware or disciplined in taking care of themselves when they know something is up. It was such an ah-ha for me to find all this out. ADHD is an everyday surrender. I realize I have it. Accept it. And try to work with it in life instead of fighting it. I agree...challenge is an appropriate word.😎
Did you do some sort of exercises that helped or what did you do?
Your self awareness is amazing!!!!! Great job!
Omg! Ive been looking for the answers! Im 36 years old now and just now finding out its adhd ! Everything your talking about is me!!! Thank you for sharing i felt alone! Keep going girl!
same boat, take care
I used to read up on codependency back in the 90's trying to figure out why I had so many struggles. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until a few months ago at age 56. I had no idea all of these symptoms relate to ADHD too. I decided after my last failed relationship 3 years ago I would not be in another relationship. I have learned to accept myself much more. Thanks for sharing this information!
Thanks to you for your videos I’ve been to my family dr who gave me a screening form for ADHD. A couple of therapists ( I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression) have suggested I get screened, I see why now. So, my dr said he’s referring me for a diagnosis but who knows how long that will take. Anyway your videos are really enlightening. I’m also now at the “which came first” point now... cptsd from childhood trauma or adhd, or maybe I just like things with initials 😂 some dark humour for you there.
Keep up the good work, it’s taken me till 48 yrs old and the recent change in awareness of female ADHD - and videos such as yours - to help me make sense of why my depression and anxiety keep coming back. Thanks again, well done. 👏👏👏
This is literally me. I don't know if I have ADHD, but I definitely believe I'm pretty codependent but I'm working on it. Love you girl!
Thanks so much for these kind words! I’ve been codependent and definitely working on that for the past few years. I’ve gotten better at not functioning from that perspective. Taking life each day at a time. 🙃
Have you ever struggled with being codependent with friends? That's my biggest battle right now.
Can I asked you something that I've noticed about other codependent adhd depressive people I know that they're extremely honest. Do you find that true with yourself. And do you ever get accused of being dishonest?
I think this comes from the emotional dysregulation adhd brains have. For me its one of the worst things to live with and the gaps in the "motivational bridge" its a great video Ardelle, you should have way more views.
Michael B thanks so much for these kind words! I definitely think it ties into emotional Dysregulation..something I’ve been looking into....all so interesting!
You have no idea how much this video just spoke to me. I sat in my car watching the whole thing even though I’m home lol I just broke up with my girlfriend living with her for two years (it was mutual) and I told her today that I had an epiphany and cried like a baby because I realize that before I relationship I feel like my life didn’t have the same meaning and then with her I felt like I gave it my all to take care of her and that gave me meaning and a reason. Your video spoke to me in that my codependency and ADHD is what led me to make her problems mine and made me feel like I halted my life. I would go out of my way not thinking about myself or what I have to do just to please her a little bit and not all the time she even asked me to it was just an instinct. Me and her still talk but I find that it’s hard to remain friends when the feelings are there for both of us. I however feel that you are just right when you said people step all over you if you let them and that’s what I felt happened I didn’t defend myself I didn’t have boundaries and I let myself be verbally abused. I am likely going to replay this video many times please make more videos like this I wish there was a way I could contact you directly so I could just pick your brain! By the way I’m looking for a therapist I have yet to receive any help with my ADHD or codependency. The irony is a lot of these tips that I heard you say I kind a self-taught myself thinking this is the best thing for me because I am going to be moving out by myself which I have never lived by myself before and trying to be independent. As you say that’s the best thing to do and that’s what I’m going to do. Like I said I wish I could pick your brain more please make more videos regarding this topic!
"Expectations are resentment waiting to happen." That's good, really good.
This is so so helpful, thank you! I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and started therapy. In my session just today, I realized I’m codependent. I went from being codependent to my parents to now, my husband. I have such a hard time making decisions for myself - I’m afraid too. Wow, what a revelation! Your video is so helpful to help me understand what codependency is.
wow! I'm so glad my video was helpful! thank you for sharing this!
It took being in an abusive relationship to learn how to love myself. I also had to learn how to to be uber independent (ex-boyfriend firmly believed in helping yourself so being there for someone or helping them sort through their problems was seen as weakness for him and seen as being needy and dependent, as well as seen as being a problematic person that likes to "use" people as an emotional punching bag or "therapist"). Finally when I got out, I start finding out that he basically instilled a negative view of what a health relationship should be and left me thinking that I'm a burden for confiding in people. Which I'm not. Went from being confident and independent, to insecure and more independent (and very distrustful of people).
Oh gosh, that's so horrible... I'm so sorry 💔💔
You are telling my story! I’m grateful for the therapy that I’ve had. But it started with awareness from watching videos like this on RUclips! You are helping a lot of ppl that u aren’t even aware of! Great job!
You are enlightening so many people each video! You make this world less of a lonely place with your information, stories, and advice
Jared Grier thanks so much for these kind words
Apparently ADHD is hereditary, and co-dependency is the result of a relationship. It makes sense then that ADHD comes first.
Hey Ardelle! I really enjoy your content. Thank you for taking the time to do these videos and be so open transparent and vulnerable. The people who watch you are being helped so much. You have been a blessing to us! I have been sending my clients who have ADD to your channel because you are so helpful. Keep up the good work and hope your channel really grows. God Bless!
20erixon thanks so much for these kind words! Wow! And for sharing these videos with your clients. I hope they help them in any way.😌
I keep trusting people knowing that i should not trust them and usually a tell all type of person but everything else is spot on
Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! You may never know the awareness this video has given me. Thank you
So glad 🙂
As i learn more about codependency (and adhd) I find it funny(/sad?) that, for middle and high school superlatives I got "best friends" with each of the people I latched onto during those years.
Very good description of codependency. It almost killed my marriage to someone who has been very patient with my controlling perfectionism and numbing out. Boundaries are very important and very difficult if you try to please everyone. CODA is an amazing group. Find one near you. I think talking to other people that get what you’re going through is more beneficial than individual therapy. At least it has been for me. 1 year and 4 months in recovery now. It’s a day to day process.. you don’t just discover you’re codependent and then everything is ok. Ironically I discovered mine by reading a book for my daughter who kept getting into these awful relationships with abusive guys. Yeah, in trying to fix her I discovered what needed to be fixed in me lol.
Great video. Lol I totally don’t get the Starbucks bit in the beginning but that’s such an adhd thing lol. Squirrel!!!
Loved reading this I’m going to look into CODA 🙏
I haven't watched yet...but I have a feeling you are going to hit the nail on the head again...I will let you know shortly!
Deidra Soper ahaha 😂 I love this.
$#@?...yep!!! 100% my life story. However, I cannot attribute anything to trauma in childhood in respect to my family. I had a pretty dang good childhood, great parents, etc. "Normal" family struggles. We weren't rich or perfect but I was blessed with amazing parents. And I am "independent" co-dependent if that's even possible. I always need help but I do things on my own depending on the subject matter. Anyway...I could go on for days. And #5 tip...being trying to do that for a very long time and feels like it's never going to happen.
Jesus #2 hit the nail on the head. My dad is the most critical person I know and it is so stressful being around him because we always just wait for him to say something negative. He thinks that calling us out on our insecurities will help us recognize them but it just pisses everyone off.
I’m a perfectionist at work and huge codependent bc I was neglected as a kid and I hate rejection and definitely have to have routine and structure omg!!! This is absolutely insane how accurate omg!!! Thank you now I can get the proper treatment and get my life back in order and I’m 35 and past 11 yrs I have struggled to find out what exactly is wrong with me and dealt with addiction and alcohol abuse since I was 22
Amazing, Amazing, Amazing, Amazing, 🙌🏼 Thankyou!
Katie you’re so Welcome!!!
I relate to both. It's so hard to realize I'm both. But I'm grateful for the info.
Emily Baker glad you got something out of this. It’s a slow process to work through but worth it🤗
Such a great video you explained codependency perfectly. I’m starting to realize I exhibit symptoms of adhd. Forgiveness helps so much with guilt and perfectionism!
yes!!! forgiveness is huge!!!! THank you for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words. It's always nice to know others get it.
I definitely absorb other peoples feelings and was always a people pleaser in order to be liked or accepted which other people in society really don’t give a tats butt to begin with. I always wanted to fit in and when someone invites you somewhere and than so called forgets about your plans and it puts me in a deep spiral of depression which I take as rejection and there’s always something wrong with me.
Your cats...my kids. hah! I feel like life got SO much better after I figured out I was codependent (read Boundaries then they recommended the title Codependent No More. Life changing!) Knowing what is my responsibility helps, and that I don't need to "overfunction" (term I learned in therapy) for family members. People-pleaser in recovery here. Instead of trying to solve my kids' problems, I need to teach them how to do their own problem solving. I don't want to be a controlling parent, I want to empower my kids to think for themselves and not be oh 28 before they figure out their opinions themselves. I'll go to therapy as long as it takes to give them a healthy parent!
You have a fresh adhd perspective on codependency that is Really valuable for someone like me struggling with both. Please keep digging at this topic, I'm sure it will lead to great insights
100% me! thank you so much for being so honest and sharing something that's so hard for some of us to express. Defo should have more views on this xx
You're incredibly likeable and I would love to know more about codependency. Thank you for your videos.
ヨセフィンえ thank you for letting me know! And for your kind comment!
so darn true. I just had #1 happen tonight.
Right on, on every single one. It kills you and it's difficult setting boundaries with family when you've done it your entire life.
WoW that's mind blowing. Thank You so much. Keep sharing.
I agree with your whole video. But the crave predictability hit my soul! Great video!
man your so down with it and ADHD.... nailed it again
I wish there was a checklist for all you said…
Thank you for making this video.
Your video is one of the most relatable and compassionate video about codependency
:) this makes me happy
@@ArdelleVision 😊 I'm so glad to hear that. I just found you & love your channel. You're so kind & I feel like I have a friend when I watch your videos.
@@katelynbrown98 yayayayay!!!
Thanks Ardelle, it is a well reasoned and presented description of the problem. I have been aware of being codependent for quite a few years but the ADD diagnosis was more recent. A couple of things I want to put out there I.e I am a chronic people pleaser ( and have been aware of this for a long time) but trying to oppose this response becomes physically hard, not just psychologically. I get hot and foggy and my stomach churns (not always all at the same time although sometimes) which distorts the issue or situation) so it is a bigger battle then purely one of strength of mind.
Also I think it is ironic and gratifying that your ambition to be an actress is being partly fulfilled but not by assuming other personas instead by being completely yourself. That’s lovely and you are also lovely , inside and out!
Thank you so much! I needed to hear that and it felt like talking to a friend :) hugs from Germany
I 100% relate to being both ADHD and codependent. I had the same exact question: which came first or are they the same thing? I am vibing with you so much. One way I thought about it is my codependency is an inattention to myself and a hyperfocus on others. Ah! thank you
This rings so true, except I'm pretty open and honest with people, but I do have a tough time with boundaries and people pleasing. It's so nice with relate with people who think like I do! Also, I'm in love with you!
Well just thought I would watch this video and I absolutely relate to every single thing you talked about. Absolutely amazing! And what a pattern of destruction it's been over my life now I'm ready to change it and move forward step by step. Thank you for making this video it was very interesting.
Where is the line between codependency or being empathetic? Some of the traits you describe I can apply to myself and some don't.
skipole52 I believe for me it’s when you’re giving too much of yourself. (Which I have done) Obviously the line is subjective to each person. But if you are giving so much to other people at the detriment of your own happiness and wellbeing...it isn’t good. Or if you are overly enabling people, and they take advantage of you, and it could lead you to resent them. When it crosses your boundaries or you don’t have any. You can be empathetic and keep your boundaries. It might make some people mad...and think your not “yourself”....because some people like when you others don’t have boundaries. I don’t know if this is all the answer to what you ask...but.....This is a good question!!! I still teeter totter with the line. But I used to not even consider if there was one. Totally unaware.
This is really helpful, thank you. The two for me are almost inseparable. If you think about, codependency is at the root of most secondary addictions and adults with ADHD are more vulnerable to addiction. What came 1st, the chicken or the egg.
My god I relate to all of this so so much, literally all your points I'm like, yep....yep....YEP..... love how you laid this video out gurl xx The forgiveness part I have a REALLY hard time with.... and the perfectionism...the criticism.... I really resonate with those.... the link to childhood trauma, the seeking approval... all of that... :-(
Thank You so much!! I have struggled with these all my life. And hopefully now i can work to fix this. Love You Ardelle!!
Wow, I'm definitely codependent... Had a pretty messed up childhood... Which did come first?!? ADHD or CODEPENDENT?!?! Going to have to read the article!! Thank you for sharing!!❤️ Thankful that I got off the hamster wheel! At the time I had no idea that was the problem. I just new I had relationship issues. Thankful that they Lord put his hands on my life!!
I can relate to the empath portion. Excellent video Ardelle!
Elizabeth Sampson thanks so much!
Excellent thank you
You explained this topic really well!
Social Confidence Mastery thanks so much! 🤗
Yo make a Series about Codependency and ADHD.
Eye opener and Refreshing.
Cheers.
Shalom.
there is SO much useful information and advice in this video. It's really helped me, thank you.
Omg I have every single trait and found this out in DUI class!!!
I am so sick of being a people pleaser!
Funny, I’m going to a coda meeting in 2 hours, I do ACA as well.
Jules Giddings oh wow! Nice! Yes! They are so helpful!
This channel is helping me a lot! Thank you so much for your videos :) Keep up the good work!
You have explained it so well, I have this dependency issue with my spouse
Thank you so much, I always felt guilty about decisios I made and now I know why.....
i got out of being a people pleaser by reading Brené Browns work - the gifts of imperfections. i’m currently trying to read all of her work!
You, same as me, are probably a codependent Empath. Hardly a bad thing. Just a thing. Nobody’s perfect. I can live with that. 😉
Rene P yeah. I think this could be true. And like you said...I can live with it. But I’m for sure working to improve myself in knowing I function as a codependent at times.
Because of my ADHD i am too scared to drive a car. I stopped 5 years ago. Gladly i live in Switzerland with good public transport. But i am sad that my self esteem is so low and my fears so strong, that i don‘t dare driving a car :((((
i understand the fear. If you ever get your license again start small! Drive to close locations! On times during the day that its not too busy! Praying for you!
I don't drive just because it's too expensive for me (the actual car, gas, maintenance, insurance, etc.) and I don't want to emit the greenhouse gases (carbon dioxide from the gasoline). Thankfully I live in a big city that has a big metro system.
Connor it‘s too expensive for me, too :))...and, sure, it‘s not good for nature...
I struggle with driving as well
Wonderful to see you back adhd sister. Have you checked out Dr Barbara Cohen. She has some amazing podcasts on Executive function skills and amazing courses. I was lucky enough to have done a 6 month course with her and its litrally changed my whole world, for the better. 😊
Sorry I put this on the wrong one lol tgis was a year ago hehehe still wonderful to see you covering these subjects. X
Hey, how did Dr Cohen course help you? How much does it cost? I need help.
I’m about to watch this video 100 times and I’m not even half way done yet
I didn’t realize that it’s truth I swore I was bipolar and now I see I match 100% with this
OMG allof these resonates. The codependency, recreating childhood......
Omg! Do you know my life?!!! I really don’t know how to get help because when there is shame about what I have done, I cut myself off from those that want to help me. I don’t want to expose or admit that I need that much help or I’m that messed up. But then when I hit a wall that I built myself, I explode and share all my problems everywhere. I admit it finally and then I find the next adrenaline cycle...and there I go again. Sigh, I’m exhausting to myself.
Such and interesting topic - thanks for the insight
Leah de Souza-Thomas yes! I hope it helps.🤗
I am winding out of this stuff as I am running out of life. I go to work teach to the best of my ability and go home. It's working great.
David-Paul Newton-Scott great insight! Thanks for sharing!
thank you for this video! so very interesting and insightful
I definitely like my relationship with friends etc to be happy go lucky and fear confrontation bc my mood changes with the mood. I crave organization and have always struggled with being needed and wanted
Thank you very much to share such a valuable info and tips.👍
Olaf..... that's ADHD!!! I understood everything cause my mind jumps around just like that....this is why making friends and encountering people is hard, like they cant keep up so they dont stick around.🤔
You are able to drive while making a video and you have adhd? You are a legend
1. ✔️ 2.✔️ 3.✔️ 4.✔️✔️ 5.✔️✔️✔️ 6.✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️ 7.✔️x1000 8. Ffs 9. I give up 10. I’m done. 11. Stick a fork in me. 12&13. Personal attack. 14. Ouch . And finally the chicken or the egg? Are we adhd because we’re traumatised, or are we easily traumatized because of adhd or some blend of both...
Ah so that's what it's called... thank you for this... I've really been struggling with recently... trying to work up the courage to share how feel lol... pray for me lol
I just feel your whole vibe lol
omgosh i love you for saying this hahah thank you so much!
I love your videos! Great topic & so funny in parts as well :-)
Dr Lara Zib thanks so much for these kind words!
shit, i so relate to this more than I want to admit,apart from I don't mind doing things alone
Such a great video thank you
Yep! 🖐🏼 that’s me. Trying to get better.
Wow, omg all you have said about symptoms and codependacy with adhd is me
This is very informative!
Scarlet Vincent glad it has shed some light.❤️
8 minutes is the discussion of the two conditions together
Sorry... I believe I probably have undiagnosed ADD... it's reeeeally hard for me to focus. This video took me 30 minutes to watch. I am codependent, it's hard. Thanks for the video!!
The adhd person needs to learn to respect boundaries of others first and most
OMG this is so me this makes so much sense 👀
Do you ever have trouble going out by yourself, like with shopping? I always feel unsafe and dissociate in public.
Codependency the flip coin of narcissism
i REALLY needed to hear this
hi i rarely comment on videos but i just wanted to say that we have the same exact starbucks order from the almond milk to the two stevias hahah
If you realize you are in a codependent long term relationship and you end it because you realize that it is unhealthy is it ever worth trying to fix?
Oooooo all I can say is... SOOO GOOD 💯🔥👏🏻
Jesse Jest thanks so much!
For upcoming videos, would you please consider adding chapters and headlines? These could also result in timestamps.
There are two major blocks of extensive bullet-lists in this video, and it felt hard for me to follow along. E.g. when you came up with solution No. 3, I was, like: "Huh, already 3? What was No. 2 then?"
Maybe it's only me, or only today, I just couldn't focus for the whole course of this video, just because it (the topic itself) made me think and remember about a lot of situations of my personal life.
Thank you once more for putting together all this valuable content, and have a great week.
Olaf Wendt I hear you there. I know it would help people follow. Due to my old computer...adding text and graphics can be challenging depending on how my computer is running.🤨it makes editing extra challenging!!! Ugh. I know the text would help and I’m grateful for this comment. I love text when I watch videos as well...you’re correct...it helps with time stamps.
But I hope this video did shed some light on things.
@@ArdelleVision It definitely did. Will come back and watch at least once more on a better day.
On editing: Alright, no fancy bling needed there, just have people look into your description area where they can find time stamps if applicable, that'll do for the time being.
Olaf Wendt good advice. Thank you. 👍🏻
I Love this video!
I have a hard time expressing my needs asking for help.
This slapped me on the mouth
When my ex shut down emotionally I went berserk, I felt physical pain all over my body and went out of control, instead of calming me down she just said hurtful things that made it worse.
In that moment I needed someone to hug me and calm me down...it wasn't fair, I told her about my ADHD, she has clinical psychology degree yet said shitty shit like I'm a loser etc.
I lost myself, I'm getting therapy. I want to talk with her and talk stuff out, but she says I'm unsafe? Wtf, I was hurt not killing people :(
You’re good!
Paul Ottavio thank you! 🧐🤗
how do i quit this treacherous cycle I find myself in? Thank you
❤️❤️❤️❤️
With #2 I think my younger brother might have adhd, he is already diagnosed with autism but I wonder at times if he has comorbidities.
Stevia is my favorite.