I have ADHD and the relationship I have with my girl is really hard because I get irritated really easily and don’t have patience. I don’t want to hurt her or cause any pain to her but my insecurities keeps getting the best of me. She hung up on me the other day and haven’t spoken to her since that day. I sent her a text to tell her I love her and left it at that.
@@alouise3557 If he had a history of cheating on women in the past then I wouldn’t deal with him at all… I feel like you should take a step back and work on yourself and get some therapy sessions with a therapist you can trust.
It's helpful to find a way to briefly pause before reacting; some ppl count, breathing exercises & whatnot, but I try to keep in mind that I may have misunderstood & we could be talking about different things entirely. --I'm married now, but in my previous engagement(4yrs) anytime there was discourse, irritation, &/or annoyance I'd repeat back what he'd just said how I interpreted it(NOT randomly; we discussed it & he knew that my response was for clarification). --I was usually way off. I know this post is old & hope you've worked it out, but that's something that really helped me. --Women & men communicate differently enough as it is, so adding any disorder that can/does effect communication is always tricky.
The emotional dysregulation symptoms affected my relationships the most. Unfortunately, in some relationships, the partner picks up on this, even without a known ADHD diagnosis, and chooses to "weaponize" what they perceive as weaknesses on your end. In past experience, it makes for a convenient way for a bad partner to control and manipulate you.
Oh god YES I was married to a narcissist for 25 yrs & he'd definitely did this to make himself feel big but in the end he was fed up with me & bored & I could see the contempt in his face so I left I am 64 now & have just had a borderline result on paper so now waiting for a face to face interview. I always just thought I had depression but recently have got more anxious & scatty I have been on anti deppresents for 30 yrs
Yes, this is an issue for my husband and I. It is a his (undiagnosed) ADHD. as well as cognitive decline. This is causing a lot of problems for our 27-years-old marriage. The past 10 years I assumed that his memory issues were his cognitive decline. I recently. I cannot believe that I did not see this before. I am the "classic" non-ADHD partner and the anger and frustration is huge for me. I carry around the stress of carrying the entire relationship and the work for the past 27 years. I am exhausted and overwhelmed by carrying everything in our relationship and life. This is driving us apart.
I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, and my husband has OCD. We love each other so much, it takes a lot of patience from both of us. We've been together for 14 years, married 12 years with 5 children. Ive found that water fasting and dry (fasting 25-150hrs) has helped me regain focus and pay attention to things I normally wouldn't.
In my case I’m the ADHD and I’m always the one putting out fires 🔥 And always making everyone happy and comfortable and some how , it doesn’t turn out to be good enough for no one 🥹 All while also internally dealing it’s me and my own things
This is my husband. He wants help but doesn’t want to give up control. A lot of time what he perceives is not always what is happening.I think the hardest for me living with his ADHD is that he shows no empathy to the people he loves most. Playing a victim role is his way in getting emotional supply as well: there is two sides to every story. Put the shoe on the other foot.
It doesn’t sound like your husband has ADHD, or maybe he has something else, alongside it…?! In my experience ADHD doesn’t typically make someone uncaring. I’m sorry you are experiencing this though.
me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated 😭
@@puntacocosoapsI agree with you I have friends with adhd and it’s so hard they assume things and twist words in a a conflict that they create in the first place and perceive rather than being factual about the words used
This sounds a lot like NPD as well. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I think it’s more. The emotional abuse is overwhelming. I have been living with his gaslighting, blame-shifting, constant admiration, entitlement, preoccupied with fantasy and unrealistic expectations, etc. so throw that in the mix with ADHD. I hear that usually behavior disorders go along with ADHD. I believe it!
Oh my God i thought was alone in this . My partner have ADHD. I feel extremely the same. I just can’t stand blame shifting, gaslighting, want it admiration so much, defensiveness I just cannot stand. You’re right the sounds like NPD . Sad to have this kind of experience somebody you really love God help us.
@mariamichael4416 mine has ADHD but suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can come off as NPD but Complex Trauma can sometimes mirror NPD if left untreated. It's even more difficult to deal with when you cannot get that person to see/understand what they are doing. Difficult is a lesser word for heartbreaking in truth...atleast for me. But I get full well what you both ate saying and you're not alone. We want to be strong solid people withstanding everything that comes with this "in sickness and in health". But oh God how we are tested time and again.
I think that many behaviours are by-products of struggles related to improperly treated ADHD. The lack of emotional control, spesificly, is a part of the disorder tho.
My ex has ADHD and bad anxiety. He was diagnosed as a child, medicated but stopped medication as a teen and adult as he hated the side affects. Then he self medicated smoking copious amounts of cannabis to settle his ADHD and anxiety and it helped sometimes with the impulsivity & hyperactiveness, it didn't help with the attention deficit, and it also caused really noticeable paranoia insomnia & irritability yet he insisted he needed it for his ADHD. Then hated himself for it & the side affects it caused but refused to stop smoking. It was really painful to watch. I myself have severe tinnitus, constant very loud high pitch screaming in my head which causes anxiety irritability and extreme exhaustion. We never stood a chance. The love was there, still is really, 5 years on, but it was just too much for both of us to tackle & we never got the help or tools to deal with ourselves let alone each other. So sad. I always felt like the adult constantly, the rescuer and personal assistant and life coach, all the while feeling that I couldn't depend on him, couldn't trust him to be there for me, felt overlooked and ignored and unimportant because he simply wasn't able to see past his own needs to see mine, and he definitely couldn't communicate whereas I am a good communicator. This extra load whilst feeling so alone and fatigued within the relationship plus dealing with my own very debilitating condition brought a lot of toxicity to the real love we actually felt for each other and we had to end it. We did remain friends after the initial break up and stayed loyal to each other and intimate with each other now and then for a few years after, we really wanted to see if we could repair and try again, we couldn't stay away from each other, but we should have gotten help at that point and we didn't. As much love as there clearly still was there was just as much pain & mistrust. I think we are both still broken hearted years later & wish so much that we could have found a way to stay together and deal with it but I knew deep down and he did too that I while I was able to take it on and work through it, he wasn't. He just could not communicate at all, or make space for me, and there's nowhere to go from there is there. In the end we had to completely disengage, no contact to be able to move on. And the only way we could do that was for it to end in a disagreement, otherwise we were juat stuck in the same pattern. So sad
I had a similar experience to you both. It resulted in a trauma bond because of the ups and downs ins and outs... it was extremely toxic. No contact is the only course to take to heal a trauma bond.
@@amberm5626 very true... We have stayed somewhat friends, check in with each other now and then. But that was after a few no contact periods for us to both heal and detach from our trauma bond. It does work.
I'm seeing a woman who has this. ADHD. I had no idea what I was getting into. I love this woman, and after 2 years of seeing her. I have such a love for her, I feel that what I do for her is never enough. I love and support her with such compassion. It's almost frustrating that she questions me, I have to remind her I Love her. I've moved mountains for her, picked her up when she was severely upset, she feels attacked by others. What I would call minimal, is a mountain for her. And after all that drama, she forgets me. And ignores me. Stonewalls me. Cory
Hi Cory, your love for her is admirable! Don't be afraid to reach out to a professional couples therapist that could guide you both in how to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship with ADHD. Warm regards from CCATL.
I also have ADHD, but I don't behave like that. We shouldn't be confused about a person's hurt. It seems to me that she needs healing. We are not define by anyone, and we can improve everyday.
Then why stay with her?? That I don't understand. I told my husband I do not love him anymore, stonewalled him because he uses what I say against me, he blames my depression but recognised once he knew he was treating me wrong all that time but since I didn't complain "he thought I was so strong and loved me more" .... And there he is, he doesn't listen to my arguments of why we shouldn't be together anymore... He just wants to go on... Why? It's not good for anyone
My partner might has ADHD undiagnosed (he is atm in the process of it) and I love him a lot. But tidyness was since we got a couple 10 years ago always a problem and the only real topic we really argue about. Since I had severe depression which I have in control now you can imagine how our home always looked. Now that I myself have the capacity again to be more attentive and active I recognize so many little things he just does without thinking. Cleaning up when I ask him is not the problem. Keeping it clean is the problem. Little things like not putting the laundry in the basket or trowing away paper and packaing in the bin directly behind him but on the ground. Not bringing stuff back to were it belongs. Forgetting his tasks when I don't remind him to do so or ask him at the "wrong" moment. This is exhauting for me. Since I clean a space up and it's chaotic the next day. We plan to get a houshold helper and atm. I am scavaging clean up and tidy up tips and tricks to make it as easy for him as possible. I am not the most organized person myself but I try to get better. Since I am pretty stable for over a year now we finally wanna try for a child. But with the state our home is right now it's just impossible. On one hand I don't want him to have ADHD on the other we both hope if it's the case meds can help him.
Thank you so much for this video! Really helped me (ADHD) and my Ex (no ADHD) understand where we went all wrong. Especially the part about the feelings of shame went a long way in helping her get why I retreated so much after our arguments. Again, thank you so so much🙏🏼
And if ADHD leads to the not atypical behaviour of people-pleasing, i.e. not maintaining one's own boundaries and sacrificing one's needs to those of the partnership or family? Not even touched on. 🤦♂️ This advice ignores the typical inability of a person with ADHD to follow through on making a case for his/her point of view.
This is really interesting subject and i like the professional way to open up the subject, but i just can't concentrate that long. After 5 minutes i find myself doing three other things at the same time and i won't listen this any more. I was curious because i believe that me and my spouse have both adhd, so we have similar challenges, and luckily we don't fight for things we forget to do.
Hello from all of us at CCATL, first step is to find a professional in this field, they will help you little by little without overwhelming you. Good luck to you and your partner! :) stephanie-cook.clientsecure.me
My husband is extremely ADHD. I’m slightly. It’s been an interesting 37 years, that’s for sure. Now I also realizing that leaving the cabinet doors open (me😂) is actually part of it.
According to my experience of 1 year with adhd and childhood abuse trauma...just leave them and run...they will bring you down like no other force in this world...no offence
My life in a nutshell... I'm the one with ADHD never been diagnosed but my son has it and was diagnosed. My husband told me last year that I most definitely was ADHD, I'm on the mild side and tend to be very forgetful, difficulty understanding directions and remembering how to do specific tasks as my spouse wants them done in a specific way. I'm brain scattered most of the time and he becomes very irritated by me, his constant picking me to death and tells me I do things on purpose to make him upset. I apologize and tell him, that I'm not doing it on purpose. He doesn't want to hear me. He yells at me and belittles me every single time I mess up. It's becoming very frustrating for both of us. He says I use ADHD as an excuse not to remember things. I know that I'm not perfect by far and yes I have to be more accountable for my actions. At the same time I recent him because of his abusive behavior towards me. He tells me I ask for the name calling, I tell him that it's just hard for me to retain information and break it down , Even when I want to learn I can't sometimes, then he tells me then "are you an Idiot then, is that what you are telling me!?". On top of my ADHD I suffered a bad concussion a yr ago and I've been struggling with that as well, it's put a lot of stress on me because I have a constant brain fog. I do not know what to do? We are constantly fighting because I refuse to let him talk to me the way he does. He literally yells at me to wear my neighbors must hear him. He doesn't care.
So sorry to hear this 😢 Have you gone to a therapist who's specialized with ADHD? Is your husband willing to do the same as well? He might need a 3rd person to help him understand your diagnosis & his reactions towards you. Brain fog takes awile to heal. Do you have meds for it or post concussions? Do you have a support system?
We live in Germany if you have online sessions pls drop a link I am about to leave my fiancé who altho has a toddler daughter a very probable adhd it’s like a psychiatric ward and I am losing hope
Can you please, please recommend a marriage counselor in the Baltimore, Maryland area. I truly believe my 63 yo husband have ADHD, and it's a huge struggle. Thanks
we don’t know anyone personally there, but I would check the Gottman referral network online! You can usually find someone who’s had some great training through that! Wishing you all the best!
Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com
It’s like being with a child in an adults body, Adders don’t understand responsibility and consequences.. Massive acceptance, patience and understanding is required but definitely worth it…lots of fun can be had…😉
You are absolutely correct! I’m also certified Gottman therapist and I’m so sorry that the message was somehow communicated that contempt is ever healthy because it certainly isn’t! 100% agree and thanks for the feedback!
Hello from everyone at Couples Counseling ATL! We have just posted a new video: "Concerned that you or your partner may have ADHD", go check it out and stay tuned, we will be posting small consecutive videos on many ADHD topics and relationships. Sending you all warm regards,
Your life your thoughts your choice. Long or short as long as your focus is on the blame (of others) it empowers your disarmament. Not that there’s a war in the first place (unless we hold on to it). Easier said than done, I know. But self pity has a way of sending you down a merry go round no outstander can stop.
I have had ADHD all my life and have not taken anything now it is causing me difficulty what and how do i manage it? How do i get on the medication that i should be on ? I am 54 now and need the help. and i am lost because my parents took me off my ritalin i was on.
Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com
I have ADHD and the relationship I have with my girl is really hard because I get irritated really easily and don’t have patience. I don’t want to hurt her or cause any pain to her but my insecurities keeps getting the best of me. She hung up on me the other day and haven’t spoken to her since that day. I sent her a text to tell her I love her and left it at that.
@@alouise3557 If he had a history of cheating on women in the past then I wouldn’t deal with him at all… I feel like you should take a step back and work on yourself and get some therapy sessions with a therapist you can trust.
It's helpful to find a way to briefly pause before reacting; some ppl count, breathing exercises & whatnot, but I try to keep in mind that I may have misunderstood & we could be talking about different things entirely.
--I'm married now, but in my previous engagement(4yrs) anytime there was discourse, irritation, &/or annoyance I'd repeat back what he'd just said how I interpreted it(NOT randomly; we discussed it & he knew that my response was for clarification).
--I was usually way off.
I know this post is old & hope you've worked it out, but that's something that really helped me.
--Women & men communicate differently enough as it is, so adding any disorder that can/does effect communication is always tricky.
Me too
The emotional dysregulation symptoms affected my relationships the most. Unfortunately, in some relationships, the partner picks up on this, even without a known ADHD diagnosis, and chooses to "weaponize" what they perceive as weaknesses on your end. In past experience, it makes for a convenient way for a bad partner to control and manipulate you.
Yup
Oh god YES I was married to a narcissist for 25 yrs & he'd definitely did this to make himself feel big but in the end he was fed up with me & bored & I could see the contempt in his face so I left I am 64 now & have just had a borderline result on paper so now waiting for a face to face interview. I always just thought I had depression but recently have got more anxious & scatty I have been on anti deppresents for 30 yrs
Mine is sort of anger outbursts. That's why I can't form normal relationships
Yes, this is an issue for my husband and I. It is a his (undiagnosed) ADHD. as well as cognitive decline. This is causing a lot of problems for our 27-years-old marriage. The past 10 years I assumed that his memory issues were his cognitive decline. I recently. I cannot believe that I did not see this before. I am the "classic" non-ADHD partner and the anger and frustration is huge for me. I carry around the stress of carrying the entire relationship and the work for the past 27 years. I am exhausted and overwhelmed by carrying everything in our relationship and life. This is driving us apart.
Very true.. I'm going through this exactly and have completed 10 years in the relationship
I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, and my husband has OCD. We love each other so much, it takes a lot of patience from both of us. We've been together for 14 years, married 12 years with 5 children. Ive found that water fasting and dry (fasting 25-150hrs) has helped me regain focus and pay attention to things I normally wouldn't.
In my case I’m the ADHD and I’m always the one putting out fires 🔥
And always making everyone happy and comfortable and some how , it doesn’t turn out to be good enough for no one 🥹
All while also internally dealing it’s me and my own things
Wow. You just described my life and I just now figured it out. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.
This is my husband. He wants help but doesn’t want to give up control. A lot of time what he perceives is not always what is happening.I think the hardest for me living with his ADHD is that he shows no empathy to the people he loves most. Playing a victim role is his way in getting emotional supply as well: there is two sides to every story. Put the shoe on the other foot.
It doesn’t sound like your husband has ADHD, or maybe he has something else, alongside it…?! In my experience ADHD doesn’t typically make someone uncaring. I’m sorry you are experiencing this though.
me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated 😭
@@puntacocosoapsI agree with you I have friends with adhd and it’s so hard they assume things and twist words in a a conflict that they create in the first place and perceive rather than being factual about the words used
This sounds a lot like NPD as well. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I think it’s more. The emotional abuse is overwhelming. I have been living with his gaslighting, blame-shifting, constant admiration, entitlement, preoccupied with fantasy and unrealistic expectations, etc. so throw that in the mix with ADHD. I hear that usually behavior disorders go along with ADHD. I believe it!
Oh my God i thought was alone in this . My partner have ADHD. I feel extremely the same. I just can’t stand blame shifting, gaslighting, want it admiration so much, defensiveness I just cannot stand. You’re right the sounds like NPD . Sad to have this kind of experience somebody you really love God help us.
Hope you two are in couples therapy and working through that
@mariamichael4416 mine has ADHD but suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can come off as NPD but Complex Trauma can sometimes mirror NPD if left untreated. It's even more difficult to deal with when you cannot get that person to see/understand what they are doing. Difficult is a lesser word for heartbreaking in truth...atleast for me. But I get full well what you both ate saying and you're not alone. We want to be strong solid people withstanding everything that comes with this "in sickness and in health". But oh God how we are tested time and again.
I think that many behaviours are by-products of struggles related to improperly treated ADHD. The lack of emotional control, spesificly, is a part of the disorder tho.
My ex has ADHD and bad anxiety. He was diagnosed as a child, medicated but stopped medication as a teen and adult as he hated the side affects.
Then he self medicated smoking copious amounts of cannabis to settle his ADHD and anxiety and it helped sometimes with the impulsivity & hyperactiveness, it didn't help with the attention deficit, and it also caused really noticeable paranoia insomnia & irritability yet he insisted he needed it for his ADHD. Then hated himself for it & the side affects it caused but refused to stop smoking. It was really painful to watch.
I myself have severe tinnitus, constant very loud high pitch screaming in my head which causes anxiety irritability and extreme exhaustion.
We never stood a chance.
The love was there, still is really, 5 years on, but it was just too much for both of us to tackle & we never got the help or tools to deal with ourselves let alone each other. So sad. I always felt like the adult constantly, the rescuer and personal assistant and life coach, all the while feeling that I couldn't depend on him, couldn't trust him to be there for me, felt overlooked and ignored and unimportant because he simply wasn't able to see past his own needs to see mine, and he definitely couldn't communicate whereas I am a good communicator.
This extra load whilst feeling so alone and fatigued within the relationship plus dealing with my own very debilitating condition brought a lot of toxicity to the real love we actually felt for each other and we had to end it.
We did remain friends after the initial break up and stayed loyal to each other and intimate with each other now and then for a few years after, we really wanted to see if we could repair and try again, we couldn't stay away from each other, but we should have gotten help at that point and we didn't. As much love as there clearly still was there was just as much pain & mistrust.
I think we are both still broken hearted years later & wish so much that we could have found a way to stay together and deal with it but I knew deep down and he did too that I while I was able to take it on and work through it, he wasn't. He just could not communicate at all, or make space for me, and there's nowhere to go from there is there. In the end we had to completely disengage, no contact to be able to move on. And the only way we could do that was for it to end in a disagreement, otherwise we were juat stuck in the same pattern.
So sad
I had a similar experience to you both. It resulted in a trauma bond because of the ups and downs ins and outs... it was extremely toxic. No contact is the only course to take to heal a trauma bond.
@@amberm5626 very true... We have stayed somewhat friends, check in with each other now and then. But that was after a few no contact periods for us to both heal and detach from our trauma bond. It does work.
I can empathize with each and every word that you have written. I am going through the same..
I'm seeing a woman who has this. ADHD. I had no idea what I was getting into. I love this woman, and after 2 years of seeing her. I have such a love for her, I feel that what I do for her is never enough. I love and support her with such compassion. It's almost frustrating that she questions me, I have to remind her I Love her. I've moved mountains for her, picked her up when she was severely upset, she feels attacked by others. What I would call minimal, is a mountain for her. And after all that drama, she forgets me. And ignores me. Stonewalls me.
Cory
Hi Cory, your love for her is admirable! Don't be afraid to reach out to a professional couples therapist that could guide you both in how to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship with ADHD. Warm regards from CCATL.
you probably think everything is about her adhd even when you did a mistake, you can always blame the one with disorder. i've seen this happen a lot.
I also have ADHD, but I don't behave like that. We shouldn't be confused about a person's hurt. It seems to me that she needs healing. We are not define by anyone, and we can improve everyday.
Then why stay with her?? That I don't understand. I told my husband I do not love him anymore, stonewalled him because he uses what I say against me, he blames my depression but recognised once he knew he was treating me wrong all that time but since I didn't complain "he thought I was so strong and loved me more" .... And there he is, he doesn't listen to my arguments of why we shouldn't be together anymore... He just wants to go on... Why? It's not good for anyone
@@magdaz2 yeh I get that
👍👍👍👍🙏🏻🙏🏻. Great video, I wish I knew this when I was a lot younger…. I am 55 and just realized that this what I have.
Same here I diagnose and I was 50 all my life broken relationships. How fucking sad?
My partner might has ADHD undiagnosed (he is atm in the process of it) and I love him a lot. But tidyness was since we got a couple 10 years ago always a problem and the only real topic we really argue about. Since I had severe depression which I have in control now you can imagine how our home always looked.
Now that I myself have the capacity again to be more attentive and active I recognize so many little things he just does without thinking. Cleaning up when I ask him is not the problem. Keeping it clean is the problem. Little things like not putting the laundry in the basket or trowing away paper and packaing in the bin directly behind him but on the ground. Not bringing stuff back to were it belongs. Forgetting his tasks when I don't remind him to do so or ask him at the "wrong" moment. This is exhauting for me. Since I clean a space up and it's chaotic the next day. We plan to get a houshold helper and atm. I am scavaging clean up and tidy up tips and tricks to make it as easy for him as possible. I am not the most organized person myself but I try to get better. Since I am pretty stable for over a year now we finally wanna try for a child. But with the state our home is right now it's just impossible. On one hand I don't want him to have ADHD on the other we both hope if it's the case meds can help him.
Therapy helps.
@@nanettej9760 Yeah I still have to convince him to do one. He is not really fond of the idea atm. So I am waiting for the results for now.
Thank you so much for this video! Really helped me (ADHD) and my Ex (no ADHD) understand where we went all wrong. Especially the part about the feelings of shame went a long way in helping her get why I retreated so much after our arguments. Again, thank you so so much🙏🏼
And if ADHD leads to the not atypical behaviour of people-pleasing, i.e. not maintaining one's own boundaries and sacrificing one's needs to those of the partnership or family? Not even touched on. 🤦♂️ This advice ignores the typical inability of a person with ADHD to follow through on making a case for his/her point of view.
This is really interesting subject and i like the professional way to open up the subject, but i just can't concentrate that long. After 5 minutes i find myself doing three other things at the same time and i won't listen this any more. I was curious because i believe that me and my spouse have both adhd, so we have similar challenges, and luckily we don't fight for things we forget to do.
Hello from all of us at CCATL, first step is to find a professional in this field, they will help you little by little without overwhelming you. Good luck to you and your partner! :) stephanie-cook.clientsecure.me
My husband is extremely ADHD. I’m slightly. It’s been an interesting 37 years, that’s for sure. Now I also realizing that leaving the cabinet doors open (me😂) is actually part of it.
Could I get you to talk to my wife?
@@fredhubbard7210 😂😂😂
According to my experience of 1 year with adhd and childhood abuse trauma...just leave them and run...they will bring you down like no other force in this world...no offence
What about when both my partner and I have ADHD and they present exact oppositely
My life in a nutshell... I'm the one with ADHD never been diagnosed but my son has it and was diagnosed. My husband told me last year that I most definitely was ADHD, I'm on the mild side and tend to be very forgetful, difficulty understanding directions and remembering how to do specific tasks as my spouse wants them done in a specific way. I'm brain scattered most of the time and he becomes very irritated by me, his constant picking me to death and tells me I do things on purpose to make him upset. I apologize and tell him, that I'm not doing it on purpose. He doesn't want to hear me. He yells at me and belittles me every single time I mess up. It's becoming very frustrating for both of us. He says I use ADHD as an excuse not to remember things. I know that I'm not perfect by far and yes I have to be more accountable for my actions. At the same time I recent him because of his abusive behavior towards me. He tells me I ask for the name calling, I tell him that it's just hard for me to retain information and break it down , Even when I want to learn I can't sometimes, then he tells me then "are you an Idiot then, is that what you are telling me!?". On top of my ADHD I suffered a bad concussion a yr ago and I've been struggling with that as well, it's put a lot of stress on me because I have a constant brain fog. I do not know what to do? We are constantly fighting because I refuse to let him talk to me the way he does. He literally yells at me to wear my neighbors must hear him. He doesn't care.
So sorry to hear this 😢 Have you gone to a therapist who's specialized with ADHD?
Is your husband willing to do the same as well? He might need a 3rd person to help him understand your diagnosis & his reactions towards you.
Brain fog takes awile to heal. Do you have meds for it or post concussions?
Do you have a support system?
Great video...👍🏻..thanks. this definitely hit home for me. Good stuff
Stonewalling is my toxic trait. I struggle with it constantly. 😞
We live in Germany if you have online sessions pls drop a link I am about to leave my fiancé who altho has a toddler daughter a very probable adhd it’s like a psychiatric ward and I am losing hope
An incredibly good summary.
Can you please, please recommend a marriage counselor in the Baltimore, Maryland area. I truly believe my 63 yo husband have ADHD, and it's a huge struggle. Thanks
we don’t know anyone personally there, but I would check the Gottman referral network online! You can usually find someone who’s had some great training through that! Wishing you all the best!
I needed this
This helped :)
What if we BOTH have ADHD? I pursued and got a diagnosis, but he hasn't and probably won't. I really would like to have some professional counsel.
Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com
It’s like being with a child in an adults body, Adders don’t understand responsibility and consequences..
Massive acceptance, patience and understanding is required but definitely worth it…lots of fun can be had…😉
I'm a Gottman certified therapist. Just fyi, contempt does NOT exist in healthy relationships. The other three do, but contempt is a VERY bad sign.
You are absolutely correct! I’m also certified Gottman therapist and I’m so sorry that the message was somehow communicated that contempt is ever healthy because it certainly isn’t! 100% agree and thanks for the feedback!
Hello from everyone at Couples Counseling ATL! We have just posted a new video: "Concerned that you or your partner may have ADHD", go check it out and stay tuned, we will be posting small consecutive videos on many ADHD topics and relationships. Sending you all warm regards,
Ever since my diagnosis I never want to be in a relationship again 😢. I'll live my shorter than average life alone.
Your life your thoughts your choice. Long or short as long as your focus is on the blame (of others) it empowers your disarmament. Not that there’s a war in the first place (unless we hold on to it). Easier said than done, I know. But self pity has a way of sending you down a merry go round no outstander can stop.
I feel like I'm always under attack 😪
I have had ADHD all my life and have not taken anything now it is causing me difficulty what and how do i manage it? How do i get on the medication that i should be on ? I am 54 now and need the help. and i am lost because my parents took me off my ritalin i was on.
Punk music lol where'd that come from
Ok honey I just need a break to cool my head
🎶*my war, you're one of them🎶
The background noise & music are way too distracting.
Interesting comment about punk rock, which is incredibly appealing energy-wise for my adhd
Relationships happy boyfriend Jessica till thanks
The only way to make it stop is divorce. We're better off alone.
A D H D videos need to be shorter , how can you not understand that ?
We welcome you to watch a shorter version of our video ruclips.net/video/Gko7C3icPqc/видео.html
@@CouplesCounselingATL 😁
It’s not just for you it’s also for people who are dealing with people who have adhd 😅so long videos are maybe for us
what if you and your partner are both diagnosed with adhd? 🥲
Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com