ADHD and Dating: Common Problems and Advice (podcast Ep 3)
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- Опубликовано: 30 мар 2019
- Adults with ADHD face difficulties when in relationship. I talk about own my experience of common problems and I suggest some advice for them.
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The rejection sensitivity is also a major problem. The non-adhd partner will not be able to express the concerns the adhd person will see them as critical
Yes my bf all the time...says you don't love me
Except there are cases where the partner can't accept ADD, for which there is no cure,@@margiel2180
Thank you so much for this video. As a new mom and a partner to someone with ADHD, I have struggled to understand why they will seemingly forget we exist or feel like I'm becoming a parent to 2 people. I appreciate the advice and enlightenment into their struggle as well as weight off my own shoulders.
I have ADHD and have a partner with ADD. And i have to remember EVERYTHING for him. And it's not like that isn't hard for me. But he blames everything on ADD but I'm not allowed to say i feel like him mom because of it and have to live with ADHD to
My teenage granddaughter has been diagnosed with ADHD. I don’t know, but it looks like she is going to have a hard time in forming and keeping healthy relationships. Her boredom and relationships happens so quickly; almost like a lightning flash. She and I laugh sometime because I told her she has two minute boyfriends! She’ll come in one day, saying, oh, grandma, I’m so excited. He is wonderful! His name is… A few days later I hear no more about… A week later I ask, how is…? Who? She says! Oh him. Grandma, that is so old. We agreed to go our separate ways. A week later, or a month later, the same scenario will repeat itself. Hence, I call her relationships two minute boyfriends! I do not think she even realizes the extent of her challenges. I want to start ADHD was a fairytale diagnosis to get more people on cycle tropics. But, the more I’m researching, reading, watching videos about the challenges, the more serious, I see that it is for a persons entire life! I welcome suggestions! Granddaughter does not see the seriousness of this in her life. She’s not very interested in learning more about her diagnosis at this time. But, to me, I can see that it’s getting worse. What to do? What to do? What not to do?
Nothing you can do. She will have to learn as she ages. One day she will realize her hardships
This is an old comment but I hope you’ll see it. The fact that you’re researching and have changed your opinion shows you care about her and love her so much, that already does ALOT! It also seems like you have a good relationship, hold onto that, it will be very beneficial for her. I’d recommend looking at parent tips and friend tips, because as a grandparent you’re a little bit of both. I didn’t start researching my diagnosis until I was 25, looking at my life that didn’t turn out the way I had expected. She’ll get there eventually❤ you didn’t mention her exact age but I’ve seen a lot of reports say that 13-16 is a specifically hard time with ADHD, after that it’s ages 19-21, from my experience, I wish someone had gotten me into a trade program when I was that age, help her get a good job that she’s interested in and doesn’t require a lot of extra schooling. Don’t force her to grow up too fast or on other people’s timelines, ADHD is a developmental disorder and she may need more support in her early adulthood than those who don’t have ADHD. I hope this helps and I hope for the best for you, her and your family❤️🩹
I never knew all about any of this , I on verge of loosing someone I love because I didn’t understand or listen … I sorry Maria , hope I can fix this because I do love you…
My bf has ADHD he has it badly but as his gf i understand his condition 🥺 so hes distant and soemtimes unfocusing 😥 but i understand his condition and forgives him and i try help him out he drinks his pills etc... and i still love em😊
Beside taking pills he needs to do a cbt therapy
This has been the most helpful adhd partner vdo I've ever seen..I've subscribed..thank you God bless...
I thought I was going crazy because of him....hes not getting help and he can..I'll be leaving him..I'm on zanax after moving in with him...he doesn't lock the front door I don't even feel safe
Thank you for sharing your experience, I learned of my diagnosis last year after already having a diagnosis with mdd and anxiety and experiencing them much longer before that diagnosis. It's hard to have hope in relationships, my heart aches from the breakups and rsd
I wish my other half did the same I am currently moving out
I came here to find solutions to why my ADHD girlfriend is just like this, I feel just the way you explain, thanks for shearing this
Me too
L THIANINE is and iodine are brilliant for anxiety slow cognitive tempo and brain fog .
My second marriage is ending soon. I am the one with ADhD. We have been together for 11 years but since the second year when problems really arise and my issues became visible in the relationship my husband also developed the attitude of: "I didn't sign up for this" and never ever tried to read or try to help or at least show some kind of empathy. After 11 years, I am the one that has to walk out. I know there is a lot of blame on my part as well but I only wish he really showed some compassion but he hasn't until now so I have to leave for the second time. It hurts a lot because I know my condition is part to blame too and I know it will take a while to heal and now I know that I do not ever want to be a burden to anyone else. I know it means being alone but two having two failed marriages is an awful thing to carry 😔😢
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. May I ask you a few questions please?
It's not your fault. Some people just don't show compassion when it's needed.
I wish to the Lord above that my husband had been as brave as you are. - to talk to me and “ let me in “ on who he was and the challenges he were dealing with. He shut me out. I saw things but since he was so firm in saying nothing was going on with him he was “ fine”. His behavior was considered- inconsiderate, immature and other adjectives that are unbecoming. But I asked and asked and asked for him to open up to me- I just felt in my spirit something needed to be addressed professionally. He refused and walked out on me, cheated, and divorced me. I was crushed yes, but I always felt something else was driving his behavior- no matter what he did - I always saw the man I fell in love with. His guilt and shame was stronger than the love he would allow himself to receive for me. He never gave us a fair chance from the beginning- everything was a lie. All because of his ADHD that he refused to address. 😞.
Anw sorry to hear that but you better off being alone rather having a non supporting partner . Yes he knew what he signed for, for staying 11 years . 😠
@@pamelapoe7441 it’s a hard thing to deal with especially as a man in a relationship. Men tend not to be as vocal with their issues. Hope you are doing better
You should be first in the video list. It is so hard to find people with the balls to talk about both sides. Both sides of a relationship and both sides of human beings. Some people won't be good for you, some will. And it's okay to put your emotions first. I really really wish me and my former partners had had this video years ago when I didn't know any better. Thank you for your honest input.
My marriage is ending right now for this exact reason. If the adhd person doesn’t acknowledge the adhd. It will not work
THIS IS TRUE.
@@runneryg yes it is. I now have the divorce papers to prove it
Yep leaving my bf of 3 years..I'm neglected..I don't feel safe w front doors being open at night..not licked..I can't trust him
@@margiel2180 You really think locks will protect you? You have no clue.
my bf has ADHD and things are getting hard .he is thinking that we dont have future even tho he introduced me with his family. im feeling so low. everything was perfect in starting and now im feeling like he does not care.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s very common. The adhd person starts very strong in relationships. They work extra hard to get you to live them. Then when the newness wears off they begin to get distant because in their mind they feel you don’t love them. It’s almost impossible to keep doing the things they did in the beginning at the same level and pace. They seek love through giving gifts and over compensating to “ make you happy” they don’t feel worthy of love. So eventually they leave. And start all over again with someone else
@@pamelapoe7441 "because in their mind they feel you don't love them", that resonates with what I have experienced with my ex ADHD boyfriend, he even told me he didn't deserve me in the beginning. And soon after he started to take me for granted, focused on my flaws, started to be shut down and avoidant. I discovered his constant and vocal doubts are "relationship OCD". He kept looking reassurance from his parents and siblings and probably asked them about us.
He indeed gave me gifts often, but rarely complimented me, I felt so confused. He had many urges to break up and he finally did it. When you say "they start all over again with someone else", that implies they have no self-awareness and truly believe we, the partner, were not good enough?
@@pamelapoe7441 I read your replies on some comments and you are so ON POINT. Was with an ADHD partner for 2.5 yrs (longest he’s been with anyone) until he broke it off on such a terrible time for me personally (grieving due to a family loss and there was no sympathy message from him at all). There were signs that it was leading that way (he started to become avoidant, I’m too understanding of his ways yet there’s no compromise from him, etc). And it’s true that it started off REALLY strong (wasn’t aware of the hyperfocus nor was I knowledgeable enough then that these are their traits in the initial stage of relationships) to the point that our friends and families were happily involved so we did really invest in the relationship (felt easy for me because he was just a kind & gentle man who created a safe space for me).
It was a really good relationship until it wasn’t anymore- he broke up with me and blaming it on “incompatibility” when all these time all I did was to cater for his needs and learnt to be more understanding than I’ve ever been in my life with anyone whilst on the other hand, I end up feeling somehow guilty when I voice out my concerns about him. It was prolly that kind that he broke it off himself first than me doing it myself one day.
Anyhoo, reading about other people’s experience make me feel validated that I just did my best to my full capacity during that relationship. To be honest, hopefully never again.
@@keilahtx a soul breaking experience- I pray you are healing and becoming whole. Understand there’s nothing you could’ve done to make things better. We simply can not afford to ignore our intuition when flags are raised- because 1. Our intuition is our God given guide and 2. When a person’s truth is revealed honor that, because people don’t change. 💜 gather the lessons God needed to show you about yourself and be blessed so you may be a blessing ❤️
All of this is so on point!
😢 I dated my now ex boyfriend for 4 and half years he has ADHD. I tried so hard daily to help him with assurance and understanding him. But as much as I tried seems like nothing mattered. Sadly I will miss him. Wish things would have turned out better. 😢
Hey man, this was super helpful, tysm
Goddamn. This hit home way too much.
Thank you for uploading this video bro. Seems like I have to go ahead and send this to any potential partner lol
It really hurt. My boyfriend is the same he has ADHD. He’s a good man but it’s hard to communicate with him. Also I get so excited mentioning you woman’s name that hurts my heart so badly I love him. I try to help him as much as I can. Hopefully he will get help. That’s what I’m waiting for. My heart goes out to all of you and I know how you guys feel, it really hurt makes me feel I very sad. 😢😢😢😢
Thanks I really neeeded this
"If you loved me you would/should......" Ahhh ye ol' fallacy rearing it's ugly head in our overly romanticized fantasy of relationships rather than what healthy ones actually like (you know, trust, compassion, understanding of brain-wiring differences).
Learning more about this now finally. Both of us have adult adhd. Haven’t found any videos where both have it. Lol yikes.
Do you have ADHD(Which?) or SCT? I have been looking for information about sct for a long time but I still don´t know what I have to do to reduce the symptoms of sct. The three key words about sct are drowsiness, poor attention / disordered attention focus and anxiety. They are the pillars that have to be fought, I want to solve these problems. Could you make another complete video with all the possibilities of treatment for sct (and general recommendations). I know there is little scientific evidence but I can not keep looking what I can do, I must act now to solve the problem. Please make a new video about this.
I'M HERE AGING.
12 years toghether and i just found out aboute adhd less then a month ago. It explains everything., But im so tired , dont know it's worth it
More sympathy should be shown to the partner without adhd.
Is it normal someone with adhd they will read your messages he has his read receipts on and he will respond automatically and a good convo. I noticed though sometimes he won’t open my message leaving me on delivered.
I understand the point of expressing yourself to the adhd person however, that too is very difficult because they easily feel attacked and will flight. Adhd people can not take criticism no matter how constructive it is. My husband refused to admit the needed help. He knew I was aware of the challenges and so he left. Just left the marriage
Yes this is what my boyfriend always did.... run away over the slightest conflict. I couldn’t do it anymore. How are you supposed to fix anything in the relationship. Seemed childish.
@@tbaduk so true! You can’t fix anything you don’t talk through. And yes he seemed childish as well. How were things when you first started dating him?
@@pamelapoe7441 wonderful because he hyper focused on me. There were some red flags in retrospect but only because I’ve watched the videos. The lockdown made all of this worse but also brought it to light 👌
@@tbaduk same here! He hyperfoced on me as well. He was a people please- always wanted to buy me things- “ take care of things” this was to keep the attention off of him. I could go on and on and on. But God has delivered and protected me from that so I won’t dwell unless someone could use my help and insight. It didn’t feel like it at the time but know I know God removed him from my life to protect me.
I’m all for working through hard things if there’s a mature partnership doing the work together. But my ex just walked away- he refused to acknowledge the issues and refused to do the work-
@@twinstars1234 yes. Run while you can 😆
Damn, it finally makes sense… this is what I had and felt.
they never accepted my help. never
I do acknowledge That I have it but everytime I tell her she gets mad about it. When I don't pay attention
i wish i had watched this before things went south with my girlfriend, people need to give way more importance to adhd rather than just a "shes kinda silly"
So I’m here because my boyfriend has adhd… I’m so conflicted because I love him and his a great man but the adhd cause issues in our relationship. I really don’t want to leave him but I feel like I have no choice. I wish I had someone to talk to that had it or a support group or something…
l'm in the same boat my bf has adhd.
Are you still with your bf ?if so how do you manage coz I find it very frustrating despite of loving him so much.
Thank you in advance x
@@luciilamnuzou1246 how do I manage, lots of communication, understanding, learning him, sticking to my boundaries and standards. Worrying about myself and not mothering him. You have to build up a strong sense of self, be secure and dependent on yourself. Most importantly have your own life and support system. I also have a therapist as well…. Sticking up for myself and not being afraid of confrontation. Also educate yourself about it… how he is, how you need to be.. giving yourself space sometimes because it can be a lot…
@@luciilamnuzou1246 also control your emotion, learn how to fight fair. Make a list of all the good and things you love about him…. And hold on to that… and figure out how you can deal with the bad..
This sure sounds exactly like . . . . .
My ex husbands adhd destroyed our relationship.
im afraid to discuss the things bcz everytime i tried to do he get frustrated. can u help?
I got ADHD and my realtionships are nothing like this lol..
What are yours like?
What about when you both have ADHD?
Thats a great question
live apart i have it i think she has ocd but think she has it too we live apart its worked for 23 years so far so good.
Hyperfocus is a slippery slope of stalking
Well my boyfriend has ADHD and you know I feel so neglected are you getting help hes not getting help and I'm leaving him if he were getting help I wouldn't leave him you seem to be pointing the finger I didn't sign up for this either he told me after I moved in he leaves doors unlocked the door outside and the front yard gasoline out in the front yard with poison there's kids next door I don't feel safe and he forgets to do everything I'm sorry you guys need to get help if you want your relationships to work otherwise God help you
As an ADHDer I think we are better off remaining single or date another neurodivergent person because neurotypicals do not understand us