I'm grateful RUclips makes it easy to watch things at 2x speed, lol. There are a few nuggets of wisdom, but overall I prefer the advice on How to ADHD. It's way more solutions oriented. As a single 40 yr old adult woman with ADHD, I did find this video interesting and sad to see how some nerotypical people view us. I'd totally check out if my partner started treating me like a child. I do struggle with organizing and loosing track of time, but I don't need parenting, but I do need understanding, realistic expectations and if you want to help do it with respect. Helpful things for the ADHD: Utilizing my phone for -Reminders both for calander events & weekly scheduled things. -include reminders of when to start things with enough time to shift gears to actually start the thing. -Alarms to remind me to wrap up and start getting ready to leave the house or prepare to get ready for bed, etc. -List: to do, shopping, etc (Maybe set a reminder to look at the list, lol) - Put bills on auto payments, or set a calendar reminder to review the budget and pay bills weekly (before the weekend). Helpful things for the non-ADHD partner: (I'm single, but if I were living with a partner I think I'd find this helpful. - While planning to get somewhere, help me break it down into smaller steps to get me there with everything and everyone else I need... I tend to only think of drive time, so I forget that I also need to pack a bag (or lunch), put away things or wash dishes, eat, put gas in the car, find parking, walk into the building, etc. - Help or take primary responsibility with paperwork. I think partner should still review the budget, accounts & bills together. But, paperwork in general can be overwhelming to the point of paralysis for an ADHD person because it's not always clear what needs to happen, or how it will be possible to pay x bill, or maybe there is a next step, or it's something we need for later, so set a reminder. Anyway, I have to gear myself up for paperwork and it always takes me longer to do than I expect. And, since somethings involve making phon calls during business hours, it sometimes takes me multiple days to do it. Biggest thing is understanding that me forgetting has nothing to do with me not caring, so if I miss something it's probably because I was in a rush when I heard about it, and forgot to set a reminder in my phone or calander. This reminds me that I do need to add a 2mo, 1mo, 2wk ahead of schedule reminder for my cousin's wedding in 8 months.
This describes me almost perfectly- I have a child with adhd and am considering getting testing because all these coping strategies came at a high cost but helps me immensely otherwise I would fall to bits.
Husband, age 78, has ADHD-not willing to get treatment and stonewalls. Wife, age 72, does not have ADHD. Married now 27 years. Wife doing all the emotional and physical work, bought the Orlov books, watching the videos, calling for the family meetings, initiating, in her own therapy. Wife feels totally trapped due to age and retirement financial situation.
The introduction of your partner as "an ADHD", not as a person who struggles with ADHD or any other phrasing, makes me sad. All the best to you and them, I hope you can find happiness in their other qualities.
It sounds more like a remedy for an Adhd person... Help them, understand them, adjust things for them, but do it in the right way in the right amount... it adds even more responsibilities for a non-adhd person. Meanwhile, an Adhd person can use ADHD as an excuse for everything they do. However, it should be them in the first instance taking ownership of their own well-being and relationships.
Exactly, so when your blind partner can't read your directions, and can't read braille, they are probably just making excuses and too lazy to read. It they really tried, they'd get it done so you don't have to read it to them. If you can't help the one person you committed your life to - if you can't watch a couple of videos or use your brain to help find alternative ways to have the blind person get your directions. Maybe a voice recorder would solve the entire problem! A $30 item might save your marriage! In sickness and in health, but ADHD voids that promise, right ?
I have ADHD and I’m the one that is on appointments, bills,kids school, homework, after school activities, birthday parties , holidays and my husband does the vacation reservations, works and does some yard work. I’m also The Who’s reminding him about taking his medication, doctors appointments , phone, keys business appointments. How is this possible? I recognize I don’t go to all appointments or lose interest in things easily like following up on things, making phone calls to schedule appointments or reschedule things like that, I know everything is not supposed to always be on track but the effort to get things done as much as I can or as good as I can , is draining in every way and I’m always on edge, stressed 😫 And I don’t like asking for help because, I don’t want to feel like I can’t handle my responsibilities or Feel inept 😢
I raised 7 kids misdiagnosed and it was a nightmare! Just finding out at 65 I have ADHD, has explained SO much to me and helped me to stop feeling like a bad daughter, bad mother, bad wife and bad friend! I take full responsibility for every pain or trauma I gave my family. But not the Blame. There IS a difference. I can finally have hope that there are learned skills I can develop to function like a normal adult.
I handled absolutely everything pertaining to kids, school, IEPs, discipline, meals, cooking, cleaning, initiating sex, paying all bills, making appointments AND I worked full time. All I can say is - we survived.
((Hugs)) we deal best under pressure or with urgency. The problem is, then we hit that burnout when we crash and have a meltdown, or develop major depression. I can SO relate to this. I carried so much resentment after begging and complaining and asking for help, I just broke inside and gave up. My health failed and I became physically disabled.
ADHD ruined my life and will never marry. I am alone in my 50’s with no one and it’s scary. I would never have kids and put this on them. I don’t drink or smoke.. This is an awful thing to have when you are a woman
Hi friend, I got diagnosed a couple of years ago while I was in my master's degree. I suffered my entire life with ADHD without knowing it... For most of my childhood and teenage years, I was in survival mode and managed to get through those years, but I learned how to mask my symptoms. Then I moved to a different country to study, and it seemed that my ADHD came crashing everything...it appeared that the symptoms changed their presentation. I married a beautiful woman almost five years ago....and last weekend she left me... She couldn't cope with all my struggles anymore. And she doesn't believe my issues were due to ADHD but only excuses not to change. I also think not having a child and probably never marrying someone again. I think I'm better by myself; it's easier to manage my symptoms this way...
Just to add a optimistic note… I do believe relationships ARE possible… just improve yourself… study add, health, everything to improve your life and also how to be in a healthy relationship. Essentially study love~ how to love yourself (eating, health, psychology, philosophy, spirituality & spiritual practices, goal) and how to love others (partner, friends, the world) ❤️ If you don’t seek, you sure as heck won’t find!
I feel the same way when I look back over my life. I'm extremely frustrated and disapointed by how this has effected the direction I've taken. I'm really sorry you feel this way too it's very difficult.
Hi Chad 🤓👍Thanks for a Great youtube🙏Just an idea : ( and just a detail) if you have a box of sort - put your computer up on that so your kamera g’ets in level with you eyes. 🤓👍
I am now convinced relationships are not possible for ADHD persons. i have ADHD and I've tried, but like so many things in my life it never works out. it won't work and i'm done waiting for the sunshine. besides i'm happier alone
My third marriage included 2 children to my 5 and we raised our crazy family together. Oh we had issues and most years were just survival. But it's getting close to 30 years now and we are closer than we've ever been! But I was dedicated to personal growth and I was determined that I was going to stay the course. He has grown in ways I never would have believed possible! Since I was diagnosed a week ago, he has cared for me, cooked, done dishes, fed farm animals, you name it! He has let me sleep and nap since I went over 48 hours awake trying to process this diagnosis. He has not complained once! This CAN be done. But it takes commitment from both partners to shift and change as we both learn and grow
Been recently diagnosed with ADHD however am scare to start on ritalin because of the precaution, its highly regulated in my country and hard to get. In east africa. I will start in two days, so help me God. I can relate with most of u
I'm grateful RUclips makes it easy to watch things at 2x speed, lol. There are a few nuggets of wisdom, but overall I prefer the advice on How to ADHD. It's way more solutions oriented. As a single 40 yr old adult woman with ADHD, I did find this video interesting and sad to see how some nerotypical people view us.
I'd totally check out if my partner started treating me like a child.
I do struggle with organizing and loosing track of time, but I don't need parenting, but I do need understanding, realistic expectations and if you want to help do it with respect.
Helpful things for the ADHD:
Utilizing my phone for
-Reminders both for calander events & weekly scheduled things.
-include reminders of when to start things with enough time to shift gears to actually start the thing.
-Alarms to remind me to wrap up and start getting ready to leave the house or prepare to get ready for bed, etc.
-List: to do, shopping, etc
(Maybe set a reminder to look at the list, lol)
- Put bills on auto payments, or set a calendar reminder to review the budget and pay bills weekly (before the weekend).
Helpful things for the non-ADHD partner:
(I'm single, but if I were living with a partner I think I'd find this helpful.
- While planning to get somewhere, help me break it down into smaller steps to get me there with everything and everyone else I need... I tend to only think of drive time, so I forget that I also need to pack a bag (or lunch), put away things or wash dishes, eat, put gas in the car, find parking, walk into the building, etc.
- Help or take primary responsibility with paperwork. I think partner should still review the budget, accounts & bills together. But, paperwork in general can be overwhelming to the point of paralysis for an ADHD person because it's not always clear what needs to happen, or how it will be possible to pay x bill, or maybe there is a next step, or it's something we need for later, so set a reminder. Anyway, I have to gear myself up for paperwork and it always takes me longer to do than I expect. And, since somethings involve making phon calls during business hours, it sometimes takes me multiple days to do it.
Biggest thing is understanding that me forgetting has nothing to do with me not caring, so if I miss something it's probably because I was in a rush when I heard about it, and forgot to set a reminder in my phone or calander.
This reminds me that I do need to add a 2mo, 1mo, 2wk ahead of schedule reminder for my cousin's wedding in 8 months.
Thank you for taking the time to share 🙏🏼
You got that wedding in 2 months hope you’re prepared!
This describes me almost perfectly- I have a child with adhd and am considering getting testing because all these coping strategies came at a high cost but helps me immensely otherwise I would fall to bits.
Husband, age 78, has ADHD-not willing to get treatment and stonewalls. Wife, age 72, does not have ADHD. Married now 27 years. Wife doing all the emotional and physical work, bought the Orlov books, watching the videos, calling for the family meetings, initiating, in her own therapy. Wife feels totally trapped due to age and retirement financial situation.
I've been in a 23 year relationship with an ADHD who was undiagnosed and it's been an absolute nightmare.
The introduction of your partner as "an ADHD", not as a person who struggles with ADHD or any other phrasing, makes me sad. All the best to you and them, I hope you can find happiness in their other qualities.
Same. 22 1/2 years here.
It sounds more like a remedy for an Adhd person...
Help them, understand them, adjust things for them, but do it in the right way in the right amount...
it adds even more responsibilities for a non-adhd person.
Meanwhile, an Adhd person can use ADHD as an excuse for everything they do.
However, it should be them in the first instance taking ownership of their own well-being and relationships.
Exactly, so when your blind partner can't read your directions, and can't read braille, they are probably just making excuses and too lazy to read. It they really tried, they'd get it done so you don't have to read it to them.
If you can't help the one person you committed your life to - if you can't watch a couple of videos or use your brain to help find alternative ways to have the blind person get your directions.
Maybe a voice recorder would solve the entire problem! A $30 item might save your marriage!
In sickness and in health, but ADHD voids that promise, right ?
I can't express strong enough how obnoxious your comment is.
Just recently got diagnosed with ADHD and I definitely feel like I'm the lacking partner so this helped me realize a lot. Thank you so much!
Thank you, this was perfect for our situation, very thorough, I hope we can listen to this together for the good of our future.
I have ADHD and I’m the one that is on appointments, bills,kids school, homework, after school activities, birthday parties , holidays and my husband does the vacation reservations, works and does some yard work.
I’m also The Who’s reminding him about taking his medication, doctors appointments , phone, keys business appointments. How is this possible?
I recognize I don’t go to all appointments or lose interest in things easily like following up on things, making phone calls to schedule appointments or reschedule things like that, I know everything is not supposed to always be on track but the effort to get things done as much as I can or as good as I can , is draining in every way and I’m always on edge, stressed 😫
And I don’t like asking for help because, I don’t want to feel like I can’t handle my responsibilities or Feel inept 😢
I raised 7 kids misdiagnosed and it was a nightmare! Just finding out at 65 I have ADHD, has explained SO much to me and helped me to stop feeling like a bad daughter, bad mother, bad wife and bad friend! I take full responsibility for every pain or trauma I gave my family. But not the Blame. There IS a difference. I can finally have hope that there are learned skills I can develop to function like a normal adult.
I handled absolutely everything pertaining to kids, school, IEPs, discipline, meals, cooking, cleaning, initiating sex, paying all bills, making appointments AND I worked full time.
All I can say is - we survived.
((Hugs)) we deal best under pressure or with urgency. The problem is, then we hit that burnout when we crash and have a meltdown, or develop major depression. I can SO relate to this.
I carried so much resentment after begging and complaining and asking for help, I just broke inside and gave up. My health failed and I became physically disabled.
ADHD ruined my life and will never marry. I am alone in my 50’s with no one and it’s scary. I would never have kids and put this on them. I don’t drink or smoke.. This is an awful thing to have when you are a woman
Hi friend, I got diagnosed a couple of years ago while I was in my master's degree. I suffered my entire life with ADHD without knowing it... For most of my childhood and teenage years, I was in survival mode and managed to get through those years, but I learned how to mask my symptoms. Then I moved to a different country to study, and it seemed that my ADHD came crashing everything...it appeared that the symptoms changed their presentation. I married a beautiful woman almost five years ago....and last weekend she left me... She couldn't cope with all my struggles anymore. And she doesn't believe my issues were due to ADHD but only excuses not to change. I also think not having a child and probably never marrying someone again. I think I'm better by myself; it's easier to manage my symptoms this way...
Just to add a optimistic note… I do believe relationships ARE possible… just improve yourself… study add, health, everything to improve your life and also how to be in a healthy relationship. Essentially study love~ how to love yourself (eating, health, psychology, philosophy, spirituality & spiritual practices, goal) and how to love others (partner, friends, the world) ❤️ If you don’t seek, you sure as heck won’t find!
I feel the same way when I look back over my life. I'm extremely frustrated and disapointed by how this has effected the direction I've taken. I'm really sorry you feel this way too it's very difficult.
I am medicated, he is undiagnosed. This video has given me so much peace.
Medication puts a lid on the id for a bit, to help you manage just a little bit longer, and focus on what needs to be done.
thank you , this helps a lot !
Jfc why are you making videos that are an hour long geared towards people with ADHD?
Thanks so much! This was very helpful.
Hi Chad 🤓👍Thanks for a Great youtube🙏Just an idea : ( and just a detail) if you have a box of sort - put your computer up on that so your kamera g’ets in level with you eyes. 🤓👍
I am now convinced relationships are not possible for ADHD persons. i have ADHD and I've tried, but like so many things in my life it never works out. it won't work and i'm done waiting for the sunshine. besides i'm happier alone
My third marriage included 2 children to my 5 and we raised our crazy family together. Oh we had issues and most years were just survival. But it's getting close to 30 years now and we are closer than we've ever been! But I was dedicated to personal growth and I was determined that I was going to stay the course. He has grown in ways I never would have believed possible! Since I was diagnosed a week ago, he has cared for me, cooked, done dishes, fed farm animals, you name it! He has let me sleep and nap since I went over 48 hours awake trying to process this diagnosis.
He has not complained once!
This CAN be done. But it takes commitment from both partners to shift and change as we both learn and grow
I dont have adhd, but making beds is NO!
Wow! You SERIOUSLY have your FacTs together!
👆💯❤👍👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😏
Sure take a pill for every little thing….
?
?! people take pills for a headache, and you come and criticize taking pills that actually soemtimes save ADHD ppl? wut?
Ari went out of his way multiple times to say medication is not a panacea or an excuse not to do the hard work of managing life differently.
I sure wouldn't mind if neurotypicals searched for a way to find it in themselves to shut the hell up.
Been recently diagnosed with ADHD however am scare to start on ritalin because of the precaution, its highly regulated in my country and hard to get. In east africa. I will start in two days, so help me God. I can relate with most of u