ADHD in Girls and Women | Martha Barnard-Rae | TEDxKinjarling
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- Опубликовано: 25 апр 2024
- After living undiagnosed with ADHD for 39yrs, Martha explores the reasons girls and women are underdiagnosed and her lived experiences before and after her 2021 diagnosis. Martha Barnard-Rae writes clear, convincing words for exacting humans. As a copywriter and owner of Word Candy, she specialises in personality and values-driven SEO copywriting for outside-the-box brands. Martha’s words live on the websites, blogs, videos, and emails of businesses all over Australia.
As a card-carrying Millennial, her career has evolved. But English teaching, corporate training, and copywriting are rooted in clear, engaging communication. Martha is a communicator through and through - and has always had a deep respect for the power of words.
This Canadian transplant is a life-long sun chaser. A voracious reader. An extroverted-extrovert with a penchant for social justice chats. She’s wife to a darling husband, mum to two lovely boys - and a sore loser of board games.
When Martha’s not crafting delicious words, you’ll find her walking two giant pooches, obsessing over her latest hobby, or wrapped around a cup of tea, planning her next Instagram reel. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
It’s a privilege to be alive during a time where there are now women who speaks up for women’s health and not always men. This summarizes my life.
I'm afraid the times are changing, and I fear for all of us. (All the rulings of last week, 6/26-7/2/2022.) Woman power!
Really interesting! Her factoid that we get it after having kids…I was diagnosed at age 59. Thx to grandma, & loving teachers, had a great childhood!
As a woman in the US, where a group of predominantly men feel entitled to govern what occurs in my body, it's profoundly awakening to realize that in my second half of my life that I likely have ADHD also. I am saddened by my own ignorance due to lack of awareness and a patriarchal society that is getting worse not better. I'm grateful now but have spent decades beating myself up. Now to get a diagnosis and pursue treatment options. Thank you for your courage and willingness to be vulnerable.
@@angelinaghrist3489 I hear you and I look forward to seeing more of you. Thank you ❤️
Ladies, I couldn't agree more with all of your msgs. Thank you for sharing. I'm 39yrs old, just dx'ed adhd last year and it's been equally life changing and eye opening. Growing up in not only a patriarchal household, but a religious patriarchal household, I was hardwired to feel shame for these traits. Plus many more, countless more. The majority of which were shared by my male counterparts, but the responses were glaringly different. Bc after all, "boys will be boys." There isn't a patriarchal system in existence, past or present, that hasn't ruined a great deal of lives, or isn't riddled in some kind of life altering abuse and reprehensible behavior. Forcing people to accept the unacceptable.
I've always held a great deal of gratitude for my fellow gals, and in this awful time where a large number of men admittedly feel even more entitled to women's bodies, only serves to strike even more appreciation in me for all women out there. It's time to stand together and offer each other support, unwavering support. Which you guys are already doing and for that I'm beyond grateful. Thank you again for sharing. And most importantly, thank you for refusing to accept the unacceptable. 💜
i didn’t know that ADHD includes lower levels of dopamine, which means that our brains are always desperately seeking that next dopamine hit. i teared up, honestly. it makes _so much sense_ for me
@ yeah . Young adolescents are now posting about ADHD on Tiktok .
Fascinating points about Dopamine that may not yet be recognized in the literature ? Interesting how info is being disseminated today by a younger cohort...
yes, at 42 years old this makes so much sense now
omg I never knew! It makes so much sense now why I was always addicted to seeking out drama and being stressed on purpose
This explains my love of speed and danger my whole life. Also explains the broken arms, ribs, collar bone, and concussions.
It's unfortunate that we don't know a lot about it. But this wonderful woman is exactly me. I felt like I was the one speaking. God bless her.
The post for help memorizing, the notecards, the notecards on the floor, the shuffling of the cards on the floor… this is what we need. Someone like us on a big, highly respected stage. Someone who speaks eloquently but still struggles. First time I’ve ever seen “me” on a stage. Amazing 👏
"First time I’ve ever seen “me” on a stage. Amazing 👏" Couldn't have said better myself! 🥂
Yes!! Representation matters
Thanks so much for this beautiful comment, Jennifer ❤
Same.
Oh gosh the
“speaking eloquently but still struggling… “
I’ve never identified with a such a simply raw put phrase so much.
The part where she says" I'm not a bad woman, I'm not a bad mom, and I can't just try harder" or However, she says it, brought me to tears because I felt fully seen for the first time in a long time.
Same same same... this was so good
100%
Same here
😢
Same! Spent the last almost 35 years believing all of this was just faults of mine, and got my diagnosis almost a month ago (my 35th birthday was yesterday 😂) and I FINALLY feel seen and heard. I know it’s that my brain is different, rather than me just being a screw up.
The most difficult part of my ADHD is becoming bored to the point where I end up feeling agitated. People, places and things can be boring. Over time I learned skills to combat boredom. I became an artist where hyper focusing is an asset. I started to exercise everyday, which calmed down agitation and anxiety. I started to wear headphones while I painted. Music shut out intrusive thoughts.
Those kind of coping mechanisms work for me too and I'm glad you've shaped your habits to use your traits!
Yes this works for me too. I find almost all social life boring beyond belief; people say it's not good to isolate but it works for me a lot of the time.
True about the boredom here too , gotta have the strategies. Exhausting but essential and come to terms with the fact your family will NEVER get it. Music and nature sounds work well for me too. As does exercise when I'm well enough to DO IT.
Wow I have come to all of these things myself
Yes exactly this! If I'm in a room watching a boring lecture or rehearsal, I have to resist the urge to run from the room. Sometimes I scream inside my head and picture hiding under the chair or desk in fetal position. If I complain, people think I am a snob and have no sympathy. Thank you for sharing your coping mechanisms. I find music to be helpful too--I try to sing a lot.
When she said “I’m not a bad mother, I’m not a terrible person, it’s not just a matter of trying harder” I replayed that part 10+ times. So much this. This is what I needed to hear!
For me, it was we have a unique brain and can do the hard stuff. So true. Still has me misty-eyed
I can hear everybody say I just need to try harder 20 years later I’m diagnosed with adhd. 😭
I felt that too!
when I realized that long time ago, I become a fighter with stronger self-love.
Me too, sister ♡
Having ADHD while being a woman of colour, from a third-world country, and with a history of severe trauma and abuse, I can tell that life sometimes can feel very hard.
But thank God with ADHD comes resilience and the willingness to pivot. "Cause that's what we do Sis. You've got everything you need as long as you see the obstacles you can always find a way to get around them. All the best to you SIs.
You have to be your best advocate and stop thinking of yourself as the person that you have described in your comment
♥
@@SOCALBORN
Thanks, I understand what you meant. In the comment I intended to describe my intersectionality. Therefore, some of the life challenges I have faced. However, those don't define who I am, but they contribute to helping me understand the challenges of others.
All the best my dear. You are loved
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
That overwhelming urge to rip out your eyeballs and run out of the room in an unstimulating situation is so difficult to convey to people. It's not the boredom we all feel sometimes, it can almost be a physical pain at the idea of having to sit there.
My last job they called me sparky as 58 years old... I don't work today. I'm now retired but I can spend circles around the other young workers... And yes boredom I get it. That's why I was always in trouble in school... But then I couldn't be controlled, which I believe is a blessing... Hang in there! There's a thing called belly button pumping. It's from South Korea and it's we're all are dopamine and serotonin sits mostly not in the mind... Look into it on RUclips. It might help with the depression part... The endorphins kick in and you have all this energy of positivity... Peace be with you and God bless your soul in the heart and spirit
I feel that. So much.
I couldn't do a job past a week that was boring.
THANK YOU! IVE BEEN CALLING IT VIOLENTLY BORED ❤️
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 51 years old. I've done SO MANY things over my life to conceal my ADHD that it's become 2nd nature.
For instance, instead of getting in trouble in school for just blurting out answers (wrong answers, usually), I would keep paper and pencil near by and write down whatever it was that I wanted to blurt out.
This helped me in 2 ways:
1. I was more socially acceptable in how I engage in group environments when executive function failed me.
2. I learned how to interact with written words in a way that now I LOVE to write AND read.
To this day, I keep a notebook and pen on me at all times. Sometimes it's humorous to look back on some of things I've written in it. Frequently, I have zero memory of having written down those thoughts or even that I had those thoughts in the first place.
When I discovered something I had forgotten about, it's like discovering money in your winter coat on the first cold day of the year. Of course, the money had been there all along, it had belonged to me the whole time, but it was like I just won a small jackpot having discovered this buried treasure.
My notebook acts like that for me.
When she teared up saying it's not just a matter of trying harder, I felt that. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but my parents used to punish me for "not paying attention," not remembering, and being generally "ditzy." I didn't have control over any of these things.
Right I cried too! Spending an entire life being invalidated is hard on the heart and soul.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, Erin ♥️
Same!
When I was in 1st grade I was sent to the principal's office for daydreaming too much (not paying attention because I couldn't). I feel your pain ❤️🤗 I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (I'm 63 now). There's a great channel on RUclips; How to ADHD. I'm sending you LOVE and my very best wishes ❣️🙏🤗
I cried reading your comment before I even got to that part in the video cause I can't focus
I’ve just been diagnosed with inattentive adhd at 25 after decades of being told to try harder. Thank you for making me feel so seen and validated!!
I got diagnosed at 25, too! ADHD medication changed my life!
I have the attention deficit part, but am diagnosed. My family sees me as a failure because I have been unable to complete things like courses etc.
@@jaspet75I am just now deciding I cannot finish my degree because of this, trying to pass the same courses over and over causing me to not like the field anymore. Has anything helped you?
My ADHD diagnosis was last Friday. I'm 60 years old! I spent the last 3 months hyperfocusing on this, and read 5 books. I highly recommend ADHD 2.0 by Dr. Hallowell.
I’ve been looking everywhere for book recommendations about ADHD, thank you so much!!
Music is very powerful for those with ADHD because of how it lights up all areas of the brain and releases dopamine/endorphins, ESPECIALLY playing a musical instrument, which literally DOES light up the whole brain unlike anything else we know. Playing music helps me get things started, finished, helps shut out the non stop thinking and makes me feel capable and joyful. I've also learned that being in nature and staying active(but not in a gym. I surf and free dive)
My husband is a drummer and loves working out. Who knew.... thanks
This is me 💖
This resonates with me. I have ADHD and found that learning to play an instrument (guitar) over the past few years had made a massive difference to my brain, memory, personal growth. It works WONDERS for anyone with this condition.
hey, I'd like to know what you think about listening to music while studying/working? my parents are very against it, saying i can't focus on music and studying at the same time. however, i feel like playing music helps me focus on whatever i need to do at that moment, rather than getting distracted by other thoughts.
@@immxnty Listening to music massively helped me (FWIW for your parents, 4.0 gpa w/graduate degree). I would literally hear the music I listened to while studying play in my brain while taking the test.
Maybe start with classical or if that’s not your thing, soundtracks. Lyrics could be distracting but everyone is different (I know if at least one ADHD person who played heavy metal). 🤷🏻♀️
Very common mistake that people do when they see a person with ADHD failing is giving a "simple" task to them and saying "here, this is easy, even you should be able to do it". No. This is exactly what the person with ADHD can't do. And once they fail, people just assume they're being lazy and pretending this is hard. Simple is hard! It's usually boring, monotonous, not engaging at all. It's gonna be too frustrating. Even if we finish the task, we will never do it again - that's not the work we want or can do.
Exactly this I can do complex things but washing the dishes is literally like banging my head against the wall 5 times.
super agree with you
It's very hard to that task when your ADHD is slower then there's the middle line and that right there is hard to control.
Omg yes sooo true
@@manicpepsicola3431 the very tipping point of my husband and i breaking u0 because he saw doing dishes for me was easy and menial. I do cooking and shopping and all thay but please dont let me waah dishes day in and day out it drove me nuts
It just hit me for the first time that the reason both my brothers were diagnosed and treated for ADHD as kids and I was not until adulthood, is because I was a girl. Wow. That hits hard.
both my brothers are getting treated for autism but i asked my mom one day asking about maybe having adhd, with my brother in the car, and as soon as i mentioned it he went, “you think you have it? NAH- you don’t have it!” it made me so upset the whole car ride 💀
"Living a life in which you are trying so hard not to make mistakes and mess up times and get things wrong is exhausting."
A very accurate statement on what it's like to have ADHD.
This hit me hard. So true.
So exhausting....
🆘
Thank you
I cried so hard at that part. That’s exactly how I feel in words I didn’t even know how to articulate.
In 1997 I was 24, I tried to explain to a female boss that I had ADHD and she threw back her head and laughed , saying girls don't have ADHD. It's so rare that that's impossible. I had been professionally diagnosed several years before. She was the vice president of communication at an international company.
Thank you for this affirming talk!
Send her this video.
@@lesliefields7619 Why? Why not spend your time finding help instead of laboring under the pressure of ADHD, just to say to some irrelevant person from 25 years ago... "see I was right!"
To make sure she’s enlightened
Surely a fine use of time to hunt someone down from 25 years ago to "enlighten them." Time is better spent getting help. I'm here to keep ADHD people on task to get help. Get help. Get help.
I'm diagnosed, and when I tell people that I have ADD they often laugh and say me too (with no diagnosis), or doesn't everyone to some extent. It's so hurtful.
That is the most beautiful and non-insulting definition of ADHD I have ever heard. Thank you.
Thank you so much ♥️
@@marthabarnard-rae9617 what have you done that you find helpful? I’m 61 undiagnosed. It gets even worse at the age! I have young granddaughters and with the tight schedule my kids keep with them … makes it really difficult to babysit ~ what to my e do they get bottles? What time is nap time? How much screen time are they allowed ? I never seem to remember and have to have them go over it over and over .. not to mention I don’t watch them often (not my choice) but when I finally do they’re needs changed and a brand new schedule OMG 😱 I’m left feeling completely incompetent.. and that’s only one situation. Please tell me how you cope
@@aprilgrenon11 Hey Debbie! I like the "take notes" advice she said at the start. It sometimes helps me for periods. It also helps to keep these notes in the middle of everything, and to change how they look and where they are placed so your brain doesn't blend them into the background noise. Good luck, I hope this helps! Also don't feel guilty for having to change the way you remind yourself, I do that almost weekly.
@@burnerkarlis3528 I try to take notes, but I think I put them where I can find them, but not. How to find them. How do you do it please? I am 65, it's just getting worse.
@Debbie G have your kids print up their schedules for you and put timers or alarms on your phone. Also remember that you are a uniquely gifted woman and your grandkids will love learning and making memories with you.
When you said, "It's exhausting", I said "YES", and burst into tears.
I was unbelievably moved by this talk. Firstly, whomever told you that ADHD doesn't exist 20 minutes before your talk needs a damn serious look at their lives and the kind of mark they want to leave in the world. You did so beautifully in light of that experience just before your talk. Secondly, as an AuDHDer myself (diagnosed 2 years ago at 52), your vulnerability at such a huge reached out to me and told me that I was seen and heard and most importantly not alone, and that it is okay to be flustered, and human. Thirdly, thank you for mentioning privilege and growing up in a loving family. So many of us, myself included, did not have that love, and this has a direct impact on outcomes especially to those of us born with neurodivergent brains trying to fit into a world that pushes the NT dream, whatever that meant. So often we are told to just get over it, which frankly for me has been impossible. My EF was smashed just trying to survive, my often-mentioned intellect (with accompanying mention of unreached potential) was not enough to pull me through that quagmire to a "successful" life. I have watched many TED talks over the years, but honestly, yours has been one of the ones that really and truly spoke to my heart. Well delivered, well done. Thank you x
"with accompanying mention of unreached potential"
I became so sick of hearing about me not living up to my potential that it became triggering for many years of my youth. Even now, reading the phrase made me angry again.. It's just such an unreasonable burden to put on a kid, NT or ADHD or otherwise. And realizing, with the wisdom of adulthood, that it basically means not meeting arbitrary expectations removed entirely from context? Who gives a crap??
I love you, fellow survivor. Whatever you are and have become, it is enough. 💙
Thank you so much, Sarah--what a beautiful message -Martha
Thank you! 🙏🏼💖🙏🏼
Thank you Sarah, that was so well said. ❤
Such a great talk! ADHD in girls and women is still not well enough understood, and it’s so under-diagnosed.
in humans*
Woman here and wasn't diagnosed until 28
Woman here and self diagnosed with 48. 20 years later still struggling.... but boy.... no girl! .... there are also benefits I'd not want to miss!
JoAnn, I fully agree! And nobody but an ADHD person can conceive the suffering, health and social effects being bound with it.
Regina (Germany)
@@maanvlam mostly women doooiee
My daughter walked in as I was listening to this and thanked me for educating myself. We listened together, both of us nodding at all the descriptions. Everything mentioned here is a trait my daughter has. We are going to get her an assessment!
psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable
Wonderful mum and fortunate daughter ❤️
Aw, wonderful mom and wonderful daughter too, to express her gratitude. Wish I had that relationship with my mother. :) Kudos
I'm glad to hear this~ this is super
🥺❤️🥺❤️ I love this so much 😊
This hit hard. My daughter has adhd and is very hyperactive and impulsive, but so smart and such a good human. The past few years constantly hearing teachers complain instead of trying strategies with her can sometimes make a mom feel like a failure and I’m sure it doesn’t make my daughter (who is 6) feel any better.
❤Sending from a mother of a 3 and half year old and an early years educator. Totally agree with you because that's what I was growing up. People can only understand children if they have gone through it themselves with something. Stay strong because iam sure you are an amazing mother.
It won’t be easy for her but just the fact that she has such a loving and supportive mother is going to make a world of difference
I hope you see this, as this is an old comment, but get her an IEP or 504 plan ASAP! This will require the school and teachers to provide age appropriate accommodations, work with her more closely to make sure she understands, allow for flexibility such as a desk she can stand at to do her work instead of sitting, fidget bands on the chair for her feet, and so much more! With ADHD she IS protected my the ADA and the laws around IDEA and the 504 laws themselves.
Last but not least, don’t be afraid of medication if it helps her function at a level that makes it easier for her to relate to her peers, do schoolwork, etc.
I’ve got one with Autism and one with ADHD (and was just diagnosed with ADHD myself). So I’ve been doing this for 14 years. 💜 Hugs mama!
I got diagnosed at age 37 after years of procrastination and hesitation due to my cultural background and my abject fear of being revealed as lazy and irresponsible after all. After a lifetime of being told I was both those things (with "ungrateful" on top of that) and feeling like I've wasted my life, validation felt pretty good.
This needs to be shouted from the rooftops: ADHD isn't an excuse - it's an EXPLANATION.
🤯👍🏾💭RIGHT
I have been putting off finding a doctor because I'm scared that I'll go and be told that I'm fine, I'm just lazy. I finally made an appointment for next week, though, because I have so many days when I think, there's got to be something going on 😕
@@winterblitzen09I hope your appointment went well! I had mine about 3 1/2 weeks ago, and got formally diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. I went in with the same fear of being told I was fine, that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, I just sucked as a human being etc. The Psychiatrist I saw was kind, compassionate, factual, and thorough. I hope you had the same experience!
@@schar-a-leesmith8018 thank you. I have started antidepressants (depression has been an issue since childhood so that didn't surprise me) and I'll be getting tested for ADHD in January! I had also found a therapist, but after four sessions, found out that person is no longer working with that company - she does a lot of social work and I guess decided the weekend therapy was too much 😞
ADHD does come with so many amazing capabilities, but so many of us carry so much trauma from school, teasing or bullying of classmates and difficulty making and keeping friends as kids. Add in parents (in the 60-70's) when, if you were tested for something, was shameful, and they had no guidance how to deal with or help either, so they reverted to negative reinforcement to try to get conformity. I am 58 now and have spent my entire life wondering why I was different, trying to understand how to fit in, trying to understand what I lacked that others had that helped them to get to their goals. That being said, I have done and seen and experience amazing things that I don't think I would have dared to step out and do, or bothered to try, if I were "normal".
That risk-taking side. I have a lot to thank it for, too. 💗
Count me in. 55 and learning.
I’m 24 got diagnosed in second grade. My mom fought psychologists and therapists so hard about the diagnosis. There was never these studies or realizations when I was growing up. I just recently was able to find studies how the meds affect children etc. might I add, due to the sudden down spiral with grades the school actually told my mom she HAS to get me evaluated. I could read college level books but couldn’t write legibly
Bright side though I was able to learn to ride a bike shortly after starting straterra.
@@jenbloom6848 Same. 55 and diagnosed last year. A relief and a devastation all at once. Still unpacking all the implications.
I applauded when you reached for your notes, Martha! Our needs are not "special" or "extra." Our needs are just needs, and we can use tools to meet them. Hooray for you!
Thanks
Well said! Yes!
I *know* I have ADHD, I've never been diagnosed. I was always the gifted kid who didn't apply herself. After having my son in the beginning of COVID times, I was diagnosed with anxiety. The bit about coping mechanism no longer being enough is exactly how I felt.
I got really high grades in high school and ALevels but I've never managed to keep a job more than 2 years before I get bored and move on. I had my son nearer the end of the Covid pandemic myself- March 21. I think mothers were treated terribly with lockdown being unable to have the support you need. My son's nearly 21 months now I have to get him out every day or I'd lose the plot, couldn't have done this in lockdown. It's literally not worth me getting a diagnosis here in the UK I'm just bingeing on RUclips videos and every single thing I can find that helps neurodivergent people and kind of doing my own self-help thing. I'm managing so far but stuff like all the form filling you have to do when you have a baby is a pain. I'll see how I manage when he gets to nursery or school. How old are you and what country are you in? Il be 36 in July and I really think getting older has helped with my organisation skills. Good luck anyway wherever you are- you got this Mama!!! 💝
I wasn't diagnosed until my mid thirties. I am now 57 and still trying to navigate life
The more I learn about this condition the more I suspect I have it. I got emotional when she said “i wasn’t a bad mother. “
I would never have described myself as a gifted kid. Teachers were usually surprised when I knew the answer to something, but I didn’t want to outshine anyone in particular. Kids might not like me if I lorded over them how good I was. There was no way I wanted to be Valedictorian or even Salutatorian if I would have to give speeches at graduation. Speaking hurts because people hear me. They might be angry to know that I scored well above average in Social Science in 7th Grade assessment testing.
@@annettecummings6102 - exact same! I’m working on being kind to myself.
The 35 liter tub story reminds me of a myth I shared with my oldest daughter. She herself has ADHD. It was, in fact, my wife's home-schooling her that led us to that diagnosis and the consequent discovery that I had it as well. Prior to this, I frequently lost things that were in my hand one moment and vanished the next.
My wife would ask where and I would reply that I had put it in a "safe place," joking to my daughter that I could, without noticing it, open an inter-dimensional portal and deposit things there for safekeeping. When we first read of "The Room of Requirement in Harry Potter, we both recognized it as the "safe place" where ADD-affected persons deposit things.
I actually saw my ADHD friend open such a portal. She was at my house and had a clip in her hand, then set it on the counter and it vanished before my eyes. We searched EVERYWHERE for it. I figured i'd find it when i moved out. No, it really did disappear. She loses things constantly. I am ADHD too but i dont lose things very often and am good at finding them if i do.
Agreed. That portal hides so many lost objects. If only I knew how to open it to retrieve them all! 🤦🏽♀️
That portal explains so much.
Magicians ain't got nothing on the ability to just disappear things from our own hands without our own knowledge at any time! It would be hilarious if it weren't so exhausting and disruptive to life. Didn't realize my developing a specific way to close the front door (after leaving my house keys in the lock one too many times) or having "safe places" for specific items is likely signs of me masking my entire life.
I so relate to this dear woman. I was not diagnosed until in my 60s despite asking doctors and therapists for years. I was diagnoses because I got a masters degree in clinical social work and diagnosed myself. Then I was able to explain to a therapist and doctor and finally got medical help. I appreciate Dr. Hallowell)s description, “Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes.”
Go girl
"Ferrari brain with bicycle breaks" is the best description I've ever heard. I was diagnosed at 42.
I don't have any. Lol.
Luckily, Ferraris are extremely, insanely agile! (Drove one at track day and I'm used to huge sedans/V8 muscle cars, so I couldn't believe how well it drives and stops, for thar matter)
ADHD is getting so distracted by where the 35L tub is that you struggle to pay attention to the rest of the talk 🙃
It’s gone, Erin! GONNNNEEEEE 🙃
Bad storytelling, and torment to the target audience with ADHD.
HOLY 😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤷🏻♀️😆
Headaches, stomachaches, sleeplessness and anxiety... The last 3 yes...
I loved this!! "memorization is ableist" YES THANK YOU!! the only thing i didnt love was the way that quote used "curse" rather than just saying disability, which is the reality for many ADHDers (I'm not claiming all - but it IS disabling for many of us). I don't personally likecalling symptoms 'traits' instead, because it's not a "trait" that I am time blind or that I forget to eat or cant initiate showering, those are ADHD caused executive dysfunction symptoms. Anyways I digress (lol an ADHDer getting off track?). It was amazing to see someone use the flash cards, to lose their place for a moment, to get emotional, etc. I never see myself on a stage like that - I never thought I could accomodate myself (or ask for accomadations) like that. Thank you for doing this talk!
My daughter is high masking ADHD/ASD and memorization is a strategy she's developed to keep high grades in school. The psych she saw said she can't have ADHD because she gets excellent grades. 🙄
@@ahoneyb76 I have quite good memory, at times quite impressive, and I now believe it's been a tool I used to help compensate for ADHD. See another dr, one thats more knowledgeable and up to date!!😊
@@ahoneyb76I hope you are able to find a better doctor or psychiatrist for your daughter. Because I can short term memorize (aka cram) and I learned how to take multiple choice tests really well using an SAT prep class and yeah, guess what. ADHD baby!
Thank you for this. I am a student at Harvard studying Psychological research and I live with ADHD. I was diagnosed at 32 and I feel blessed to have gotten answers. I also developed anxiety after my children were born and I would have lost the 35 gallon tote and probably would have felt an intense amount of shame. I too can do a weeks worth of work in one afternoon, but then struggle for 2-3 days to get myself through a simple task. Women have a much different presentation of ADHD than men, and we are often misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The medicine for bipolar disorder is not only ineffective for us, but it creates anxiety and depression in ADHD women. I hope to be able to study the connection of ADHD to trauma experiences and finding the diagnostic criteria to weed out misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder or anxiety disorder in women. Thank you Martha for sharing your story. It is well said and beyond helpful.
psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable
Thank you so much, Niki! If you need people to study, I’d be keen ♥️
You give me hope. I want to go back to school, maybe even med school, but I’m afraid that ADHD is going to sabotage it all.
@@fy4729 go back, adhd is a super power my friend! I am attending Harvard and I never thought I would say that.
What is your idea about the connection between trauma and ADHD?
A friend who has experience with kids with ADHD told me recently that some of the things I chalk up to my (diagnosed) PTSD might in fact be ADHD. That you see a connection is intriguing
Sandra here (that’s my husband’s picture) - I was also diagnosed with ADHD at age 39 after having 4 special needs boys in 4 years, two with ADHD and two with autism. It has been beyond overwhelming, and keeping the negative self-talk at bay is SO HARD! Thank you so much for this wonderful talk and such a great description of what it feels like to live with the frustrating limits and thrilling superpowers of ADHD. It’s good to finally understand my own difficulties and begin to address them. Fabulous talk. Bravo!
Wow. Yes, both my boys were diagnosed in 95 and the Dr said..I too was ADHD. My then, rather stoic advanced civil trial lawyer husband....was beside himself. It was too much for him;
How fun is it having kids with ASD/ADHD when you find out you are similar oh uh huh now I understand why I struggle- lets all learn together lol
Thank you. I was a 50 year old woman when I was diagnosed. I’m 51 now. Everything you said reverberated with me. Massively. Thank you.
I have never cried during a Ted talk, and I have not been diagnosed with ADHD. But when you talked about how women are often diagnosed after having kids because they cannot manage the symptoms anymore, and then honed in on exactly how I feel… it’s like you were talking to me specifically.
Me!!! Wasn't diagnosed until 35..had my son at 33. My symptoms got wayyyyyy worse after having him. Being diagnosed properly feels amazing.
I'm 53, I've finally come to realize my ADHD brain is a blessing not a curse.
I am so happy to hear that she's a teacher and can make her students with ADHD feel more normal as well.
I was diagnosed at 35 but before my ADHD diagnosis I was diagnosed with anxiety, chronic headaches and IBS. So much of my life makes more sense now 😭. I just feel seen and understood, finally.
My daughter is being tested for Adhd so I am trying to learn as much as I can. In this educational journey I've come to realize that it's a pretty good chance that I have undiagnosed Adhd. This video was my AH HA moment. This explains some much.
"Memorization is ableist." Whoa, that's a life-changing concept.
psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable
so true! I once had a class at uni where the professor asked everybody to learn our presentations (in French) by heart and present it to the class while she was reading along(!). So she expected to hear it word by word as it was written. It was a ten-minute speech and the single most intimidating and horrible experience I ever had at uni. I managed to pass, but I cannot describe the anxiety I lived through to get there. For the consecutive class, I went to another uni to avoid going back to that teacher and had got my credits there instead.
"It's not just a matter of trying harder" - gawd that hit me in the feels so hard, i was bawling.
Feeling for you saying that and praying for you for peace and comfort from your Creator, The Lord, and to know you are fearfully and wonderfully made (from Psalm 139).
omg me to! I still hear that from time to time and it sucks cause people dont understand. ❤
I have always suspected I have ADHD but was turned away by a neurologist because I "did well in school". After getting my masters in Special Ed. my suspicions grew greater. Now, after watching this video, I was able to find the questionnaire Martha talked about and wow did I also score high!!! Made an appointment right away. Thank you for helping to change my outlook on myself!!
can you please mention the link to the questionnaire?? i am having trouble finding it anywhere......it will be a huge help
lol, i was a perfect student, and have 2 ivy league degrees and did hyperfocus projects successfully in 3 different fields-but i often don’t function on daily life things. It’s barely at an elementary school level or full dysfunction. i only tried to grapple with this in my 40s and trying to unravel how hard i beat myself to survive in school and the workplace. need to unravel alot of the coping mechanisms. trying diff meds which have been helpful tools in the toolkit
Right! Its so crazy
Living a life in which you are trying so hard not make mistakes and mess up times and get things wrong is exhausting.
You spoke my heart
that part made me tear up the most...totally relatable
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 19. This talk really hit home. I'm 36 now, and I'm not "good enough," in my mind. My boyfriend criticizes me all the time for missing something. I told him, and he told me that maybe I should get back on medication. I am a Doctor of Physical Therapy. Able to achieve that level of education was sooooo stressful to me; but I made it through without medication. No novel revelation here, just saying that "we" can achieve so much that people say we can't.
Also a physio here, can't imagine how I got through all that work when I was young. Diagnosed age 51, 16 years ago. Still learning how to love my brain, it's been a long hard road. Fortunately I knew I wasn't mother material, I was overwhelmed as a teenager and knew I could not do that job well. It's a constant source of frustration and upset to me. I can see some of the positives but they are not dominant in my life yet. 45 years of personal development has helped but I would have swapped for a neurotypical brain I think if it was possible.
I'm with truerosie.
True Rosie, same! I figured if I can't take care of myself properly why bring in a child into the mix unless of course I had a neuro typical hubby.
Maybe get a kinder boyfriend
@@ThePearlpink oh thank you so much for your keen insight.
What a wonderful talk! I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child in the 80's but as she pointed out, it wasn't understood or studied in girls at the time, and I didn't present as hyperactive. This is the first time I have heard anyone describe the hyperactive part in some as being internal. I can very much relate to that and it helps me to understand myself better. Thank you!
psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable
Yes Yes- And I totally relate to her perfectly describing the tendency to “hyper-focus” as opposed to “attention-deficit”. That’s my day-to-day
@@maureen1820 same!!
I never realized it early in life, but I always hid the hyperactive part without even realizing it. I am almost always wiggling my toes or doing something barely noticeable if it's noticeable at all and always have been.
Seems as soon as girls stop running around in the playground, about age 11 that the hyperactivity goes internal. That includes unwanted and obtrusive thoughts
This hits pretty hard. I have not been diagnosed with ADHD, but this year I have been questioning whether I should get tested. It's extremely validating to hear all of her accomplishments because I thought that my accomplishments meant I don't have ADHD. I am studying and excelling in Data Science and cam manage difficult projects that many of my peers struggle with. I am able to hyperfocus and stay in my brain for hours when I'm working on a particularly fun project. I also hyperfixate on one game for up to three years, playing everyday and learning all there is to know about it. My ability to hyperfocus helps me in school, especially since I get validation from getting good grades.
But I am also forgetful to the point where I cry weekly over it. I work as a front desk assistant and while I can knock out the paperwork and anything assigned to me, I struggle with basic daily tasks like turning off the lights, the projectors, scanning one sheet, etc. My boss is frustrated that I am so "ditzy" and has called me out in front of the entire staff team. I also lose my phone and my keys everyday and have always joked that I cannot keep track of anything bigger than a ketchup bottle.
I also have this frustrating thing where I get numbers confused when I speak; I mean to say one thing in my head but it comes out mixed up and I have zero recollection that I even messed it up. People are always saying "But you just said X thing" when I meant to say Y thing. I have a memory of saying Y-thing, but everyone around me agrees that I just said X-thing. It happens so often that I believe them. Kinda like when Barnard-Rae said "my brothers friend" and meant "my friends brother" - except that I don't usually catch it when it happens.
It's the basic tasks that get me, I lose focus on small things so easily, my brain just does not hold on to them. I can do big things, but my brain throws away small things without me asking it to. Its frustrating. I want to get tested to know for sure.
Why not a hook where they keys go?
I know a woman who's brilliant with sound engineering (like professionsl recording/live sound and radio work), but couldn't get the fact that turning the A/C on with the toaster (whatever it was) would blow a fuse...lol
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 I won't put the keys on the hook, my attention span wont let me do that! I have tried, but I mindlessly throw them on the counter. So they do have about 3 counters they could possibly be on, but the thing is I don't even think about what I'm doing with my keys long enough to use a hook!
You just summed up my entire situation. You have no idea how you just help me to realize a lot I was just diagnosed with adhd I thought I had a touch of dementia. thank you thank you thank you for writing this message it’s exactly how I feel everyday you help me out tremendously!❤
You just described me ❤
I mix up my words ALL the time. I will say " you need to go left " when I meant to say right, or things like " the dog food is in a big bag" but I will say " the food dog is in a big bag". ....it's a very real adhd thing.
I have adhd, I did a TedX talk in high school, and I was the only one who didn’t need a teleprompter. Just goes to show how broad and diverse the condition is!
Thankyou....I was told by my very unsupportive doctor that I was adhd last year....I was 52. When I saw him because I had some suspicion that I might be adhd he laughed & said "ive known you have adhd for years" my jaw dropped. He's known me since I was 19. When I asked "why didn't you tell me" his response "oh, I just like to let peoples personalities develop how they are"...& sadly that was all the support I got. Im still unsure which direction to take, I turn 54 in a couple of weeks...
I would suggest setting up an appointment with an actual psychiatrist to see if you have ADHD . They ask you about your daily routines and medical info. From there , they’ll be able to offer you different options for treatment .
My doctor who'd known me for ten years said he knew that I definitely was when I told him I thought I might be. But it's been ten years now and even though I had a Therapist, I still don't know what to do about it. How to "get better", fix myself.
@@Rumkitty2000 That’s exactly what I was explaining in the previous post . The psychiatrist would work with you in order to get you where you want to be . You definitely gotta do it for yourself to see how much of a difference the right treatment including meds , will do for you .Your Doctor should’ve immediately brought it up and not have brushed off like it was a skin tag he saw on your back , but you didn’t notice . Given the situation and the fact that he told you he knew , you could potentially put together a lawsuit.
M Anderson, Im the same age and didn't know myself until a few years ago. I definitely have a better understanding of why I've felt different and often that I didn't measure up in many areas. But man... when I hyperfocus... I often accomplish and learn more in a 24 hour period and time becomes an utter blur! Those around me can't understand why I can't turn it on or off (don't I wish) the rest of the time I feel scattered and always behind. Life with ADHD is confusing but knowing that others are struggling with the same thing and there are tools to reign it in has helped. Working on embracing it as my super power. Sending love and positive energy to you as you find your path. Your awesome and amazing. Different is only different, it's not a bad thing. You matter. You are enough. We are ALL enough. You've got this ... one step at a time. May we all learn more love and compassion in the world and celebrate each other's differences. 🦋❤️🦋
wow that is so sad you've suffered all this time without the help from someone who should and was able to provide it :(
I was diagnosed at 41 Im 43 now and I mourned the person I COULD HAVE BEEN HAD ANYBODY CARED OR NOTICED💔
Look up ☝️☝️, he’s got the best tips and stuff for micro-dosing, psych meds, DMT trips, ayahuasca, LSD, psilocybin, chocolate bars, and ships too
I was just diagnosed on 12/14/22 at age 38 - after being diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD through the VA. This talk made me cry - in a good way. I needed this. Thank you!
I am 40 years old. I was extremely fortunate that I was diagnosed with ADD (now known as ADHD across the board) in the early 90's, when I was 8.
It hit me hard when she said she used to cry over her math homework. I felt that. I was gifted in reading, writing, grammar, etc. Pretty much anything to do with the English language, I was beyond my years. I also excelled in science, social studies, etc. Math? I could not compute. For the LIFE of me. I could NOT compute. I felt so broken. I beat myself up SO bad. I won all of the school spelling bees, I submitted and won editorials for the school newspaper, I was recognized for my poetry skills.... yet anything beyond adding and subtracting numbers was like trying to decode static. It was torture.
To this day, I'm still horrible with math. However, whatever you passionately excel in, do that and make your mark. You will never regret it.
Same….
This is so many of us. Thank you for making me feeling not alone and better about myself.
I know what you mean she could have been describing me and so could you be! Have you got any help for it? I'm struggling to get a formal diagnosis in the U.K. (due to waiting times) let alone treatment. I've been told by several professionals I have it though
literally SAME!!!!!
Same here. Math is my nemesis. Always has been. And don’t get me started about algebra. Letters DO NOT belong in math!!!! 😳🙄😂
This is the Best video about women with ADHD I have ever watched. Thank you! 😭 It’s difficult to have ADHD plus major depressive disorder while going through a divorce with a narcissist I was with for 20 years.
Stay strong, that's no easy journey...
I relate way too much with your comment. 😔 good luck, Love.
@@rayajayce2034 me too
Same!
Hope this comment finds you well. Hope you have a great support system to get/got you through. Wishing you the best with a renewed freedom in life 😊
I found out I had ADHD a week ago. I’ve never had the amount and kind of emotions I’ve been having these past 7 days. There’s been eureka moments and really low feelings of disbelief. I couldn’t and still can’t believe no one had any inklings of me having ADHD. It’s been really hard and really eye opening. I’ve been looking for a support group because I need to talk to people like me and to share ADHD stories of going undiagnosed for most of our lives.
We can do this guys. We’re amazing and great thinkers 🧡🧡🥰
Renee, have you found any support groups?
Are there any online groups outside social media?
following if you guys come up with something let me know we need support groups😉
I'll be in your support group, Renee!
I wish I could be a part of a group as well. Discuss our daily issues and techniques
I was just diagnosed in 2020 or 21, finally. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years, majority of my life. This Ted Talk hits home. I struggle with executive function. I'm still learning more every day. Medication does seem to help, but I definitely still struggle. Every day is a learning day.
This is me.never been diagnosed with ADHD,but struggle with depression and anxiety most of my life.focus and learning problems has been a real issue.bored easly.cant focus on boring things because my mind wanders.sometimes i'm hyper focused and creative. I hope your medications will help you .
same! Maybe we need to start a support group for women like us❤Keep on keepin on!
I'm into starting a group if you both want to?
@@traylmixxed2290 Im interested...when is a good time day for you both?
She's so eloquent and poised. I can't imagine how hard she worked to get there. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.
Finding out that you're not "too much", "too loud", "too strange" but "just" have ADHD and autism lifts that heavy weight off of your body, mind and soul. I was diagnosed last year, am now 33 years old and still figuring out who I am. I felt what Martha said about trying harder and being a bad woman. I'm still finding the real me and noticing when I'm masking (and trying to stop that of course). It's going to be a while before I can live a healthy life with autism and ADHD but I'm sure I'll get there. My boyfriend is so supporting, my parents are trying to understand (though still treating me like they used to :/ ) and I love finding tricks on the internet to make life easier :) Plus it feels good to know that I'm not alone. There're so many of us.
I SO hear you re the gradual unmasking-it’s exhausting! Like I literally worked out about three weeks ago that I’m not the extroverted extrovert I’ve been playing for years. Just another mask 🤷🏻♀️ 😆🙃
@@marthabarnard-rae9617 everyone kept saying I’m an extrovert when really I felt like an introvert who’s loud sometimes. I don’t even like being loud. So yeah, been there ❤️
Thank you, I try so hard to focus on one task. Just clean out this one corner today. It’s been 3 years… still looks the same. It’s exhausting to live in the clutter plus being sentimental, maybe today will be different. My mom used to tell me I’m not allowed to have a flat surface in my home because it would become a drop zone. She had ADHD too, but was able to focus on making my home beautiful i.e. organization for me! She was able to do so much for me, but never for herself. My biggest fear is that I’ll die and my daughter will be left with my mess. The important valuable things will be lost or tossed out if I don’t change.
I found Cassandra Aarsen from clutterbug extremely helpful, she has ADHD too and is funny and encouraging!
I'm the same; clutter everywhere. I'm 60 and was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago.
Check out body doubling! It's a game changer for adhd folk.
I feel this. You’re doing great.
I gotta offer mad props for how Martha points out how ADHD care and attention has been heavily biased by gender, and then also aknowledges her status and privilege.
Imtersectionallism is the basic idea that when you stand up for yourself, you ought to stand up for everyone else too.
Wow everything is spot on, I was able to mask it all my childhood, nobody suspected anything even though I struggled at school. It wasn’t until I was 20 that me and my mom read about ADHD and thought this sounds exactly like me😩
Didn't know what masking was until recently but I'm assuming im VERY good at it since I've asked mom if I might have any thing (adhd, autism yada yee yada doo) and she acted as if I could never (cause I'm "too smart" or i didn't show signs.) Lmao this is random sorry I just had an epiphany bout this
@@alicedodobirb2808 mine too! Tbh, mine missed the exec. dysfunction and named it "daydreaming, goofing off, being messy or being lazy" and I also think she's feeling guilty about the idea that she may have missed something that could have helped me. High IQ also didn't help, as it masked a lot. I think the generation of our parents didn't have many facilities to help them catch a diagnosis like autism or adhd in their girls, and that its hard for them to admit that they might have been suffering from something that could have been better managed.
It is very typical in female adhd to be a quiet, unassuming person.
Love this so much! I just got diagnosed with ADHD at 44 years old. I think I slipped through the cracks because I excelled academically, but when it came to executive functioning of managing the rest of life, it’s always been a struggle. I’m sad that I’m just now learning strategies to help but thankful for resources like this talk! ❤
Me, too. I am 68 now.
Me too, I'm 34 now and just learned about my executive functioning being the problem I couldn't explain or get help so now have a course of direction qnd hope the best for all of you too!
👆psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable
Same. But so excited to explore this more. It’s like finding the missing puzzle piece.
I was 51. Horrible to slip through the cracks bc we excelled academically. It still took a lot more of our lives and energy to do that. Everything else has been hard for me too once I got sober; smoking and self medication helped me to cope but life has been grey ever since. Strategies help but do not give me a 'normal' life or social life.
I have never felt so much understood
WHY IS NONODY TALKING ABOUT the absolute disrespect for that “Kinjarling” sign in the background. Like, stop ✋. Get a leveler, my eyes are burning.
Girl, do not apologize for using your tools! ❤️❤️❤️
It's not a deficit, it's an over abundance of thoughts and not enough time to get it all done. The average person focuses on one thing at a time. I can focus on many things and get them all done if not interrupted. Being an honor roll student and an excellent worker is possible when limiting interruptions in your work day. Some of the greatest workers I ever dealt with had ADHD. Great talk!
it is very hard to get anything done when you're constantly interrupted - so the daily life with two small children is very challenging 😵
Adhd can be so hard to deal with. I will wake up knowing what I need to do that day and throughout the day be thinking “I really need to do those things”. Then it’s suddenly 9pm and I have done nothing but think about doing those tasks and have not done any of them. I will forget to eat, I will not be able to recognize my hunger because I’m to engrossed in something else and will only realize I’m hungry once the pain becomes too much to ignore. Often my husband will come home and ask what I ate that day and I will only then realize I didn’t eat anything and I’m hungry. I will ignore needing to go to the bathroom, until it’s suddenly so painful and desperate that I need to run. I will leave out words when writing things, because i can’t keep up with how fast my thoughts are. I will reread everything multiple times and still not pick up that words are missing. I have dyslexia too which makes this an even harder issue. I pick up new hobby and become obsessed. I’ll buy a bunch of stuff for the hobby and then lose interest a couple months later. I have an abundance of things for numerous hobbies that I started and then gave up. I love to read, but I will either read two books in one day and do nothing else or I will not be able to focus on a book at all. I have so many unread books right now that I want so badly to read but I just can’t muster up the focus to do so. Audiobooks are hard to follow because I can’t focus on them. My brain will start thinking of a million other things and I then realize that I have missed an entire chapter. I will stay up till 7am because I’m hyper focused on something and will lose track of time often. I won’t be able to sleep, because my brain is having a million thoughts and ideas and I can’t turn it off. I have started so many journals and planners, but I can never stick to them and soon get bored. Ive put post it notes to remind me of things, but they will start to blend into the background and I will not notice them anymore and so they become useless. I’ll have reminders on my phone to do things and I will do them for a week and then just ignore them like they aren’t still popping up. It can be so hard to live with sometimes. You just feel like a failure, because you can’t seem to do things like everyone else. It has its perks though! I’m really good at problem solving and coming up with creative solutions. Often people will be like “damn how did you even think of thag or know that will work?!”, my brain functioning differently has definitely helped me sometimes. Because I have such fluctuating interests I know about a lot of different things. I’ve dipped my toes into about every hobby and craft and so Have the know how of pretty much every one of them. I’m a Jack of many trades and this has come in handy often. I’m a quick learner, because I hyper focus and absorb as much information as I can in a short period of time. I have learned many coping techniques over the years to try and help me function better. I have to set multiple alarms to try and remember to eat throughout the day. Reminders to drink water. Alarms to do laundry. Trying to make a routine and sticking to it is so hard for us, but I am trying my best to do it. It sucks being made to feel like you are lazy or just aren’t trying hard enough, when in reality you are trying so hard and it’s just not working. Feeling like a burden to those around you, because you just don’t function the same. It’s just the worst feeling. There’s so many struggles with adhd and I feel like most people don’t know how the disorder actually effects people, particularly women. Not everyone is bouncing off the walls or talking too fast and so if your adhd doesn’t present that way, you are often dismissed and just labeled as lazy or annoying.
you type very well for a dyslexic.
I can relate to much of what you’re saying. I started taking Adderall and it has calmed much of the extraneous “noise” so that I feel calm and able to focus without feeling overwhelmed. I had three home births so I am especially conservative when it comes to medication and medical intervention. Have you considered trying medication?
@@michellem2892 I am on medication now, only started a couple months ago. It has helped me feel more relaxed and calm in my mind. I’m hoping using it longer will help me more ☺️
@@himynameiscorey thank you, I do reread everything multiple times before posting stuff online. I think I reread this post like 15 times before posting it. My text messages are another story though😅 thank god for auto correct. I have common words that I misspell often and it’s nice that I can make it so my phone will correct it.
wow, you just described my entire life…
I started tearing up when she choked up about not being a bad mother
I always feel like this... 😭
I can relate so much I am 29 years old and was missdiagnosed for 15 years with borderline personality disoder.. my son was diagnosed a few years ago. It's been a hard road. I am currently watching this and typing and crying. My anxiety is overwhelming. You are very brave.
My sister, my mother, and I all ha e ADHD. None of us were treated or diagnosed, until my sister (when she was 34 and I was 28) started doing research on it and talking to me about it, and we were able to identify our shared traits and sort of work through it and figure it out together. I'm so lucky I have her, bc otherwise I'd still be untreated. I didn't realize it presented differently in girls and women. As a kid, I had overwhelming anxiety and severe OCD, which I figured out on my own how to control and manage. (whole other side story there that I won't get into right now!) As I got older, it shifted into depression and addiction. Finally, at 30, I talked to a psychiatrist about it, who gave me a comprehensive test (I also misses a question and got a really high score lol). I was too afraid to take an amphetamine due to my history with addiction, so I asked to try Strattera. Literally changed my life. I used to wake up in the morning and think "I want to make coffee " but was unable to make the damn coffee. I'd be paralyzed in my thoughts, thinking about all the steps it takes to make coffee- which sounds so absurd. All of my house plants would be dying of thirst, and I'd think "I need to water these plants," I'd inevitably get distracted and not do it, amd the next day, as the plants are more dried up and thirsty, I'd think about watering them again, inevitably not watering the damn plants. Then I'd get depressed because "why can't I just water the f*ing plant?!"
Anyway.....with awareness and med management, my plants are healthier than ever (I even started an outdoor garden lol!) And simple every day tasks are manageable for me. I'm not depressed. I feel like I can do life.
@@wykeyamiles2 o hi
If you don't mind me asking... what was your addiction to. . . And did Straterra really help?
My addictions were alcohol then opiates and lastly meth. So I too thought about Strattera, but was worried it would make me tired, as it is an antihistamine and those have made me tired in the past. So I am on Ritalin. Which helps sometimes but when I get overwhelmed, I get really agitated. I'm not sure what they... forgot what I was saying. Sorry
@@VortexBoundKrista ANTIHISTIMINES CAUSE MEMORY LOSS. ESPECIALLY DANGEROUS FOR OLDER FOLKS
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being so honest. It really helps.
"Living a life where you're trying so hard not to make mistakes, and mess up times, and get things wrong, is exhausting." Never related to that more. I am finishing up a master's degree in Data Analytics. Yet--I started failing math in the 6th grade and have cried over many a math assignment in grade school. I used to struggle and fail to follow what was being taught in math class. I had a math teacher get very angry at me and scream at me that I was failing her class (this was in front of the entire class). I also thought my over-stimulation was anxiety. It's so validating to hear from someone with the same experience.
I think my worst "ADHD experience" was after I was recently diagnosed in my Junior year of HS (age 16). I wanted to try accommodations and non-medicinal adaptions first since I am also very medically complicated and chronically ill, so any new meds can REALLY mess with me, even in small doses.
The school ended up not following my accommodations (not one teacher was able to even do more than one or two, and it was just stuff like giving me a syllabus, extra time, meetings once a week, etc. And I was willing to make changes to the syllabus if and when needed).
I was failing classes and they said I was doing "fine". Then when I got an F for a class as my final semester grade and they still wouldn't follow my accommodations, they coerced me into going on medication. Went to several therapists and one even said, "Without medication, you will fail at life." to my face the FIRST TIME we ever met. In front of my parents.
It took a while, and even with a DNA test to figure out which medication worked best, and getting to the literal lowest dose that they made--I still got migraines and was unable to express ANYTHING. I was a zombie. Everyone kept saying, "Oh, look how well-behaved she is!" "She's doing so well!" it was terrifying and horrific. It was abelist.
So, due to that trauma, I will NEVER take ADHD medication again. If it works for others, great--but I don't need them. The accommodations, when actually used and put into place WORK JUST FINE FOR ME. I do not require medication, and being forced to go on them, made me ill and worsened my chronic illnesses...it's just so infuriating that can happen.
I have a good therapist now who specializes in neurodivergence and gifted people--and is actually helpful and not ableist. (Which, also helps that she is chronically ill and disabled too, so she gets it.)
Wow! Thanks so much.
I am a woman. Was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 33, I know Exactly what you're talking about. It feels so liberating and uplifting knowing I am not alone.
Thank you!!! You are an amazing, brave, beautiful person.
I was diagnosed at 33 as well!!!
I'm here crying because my daughter has ADHD and just got diagnosed (I knew something was different). And you literally described her. Just yesterday she lost her toy between the bathroom and her room. I helped her look for it and she was on the ground looking as well. Haven't found the toy and I told her it will show up when we vacuum and she shouldn't worry about her toy.
My daughter can't do simple things. I can't tell her to clean the bathroom, then check the laundry and then fold the clothes because she can't take more than one command at a time.
My daughter cried every single day before school from kindergarten to 2nd grade when I would brush and do her hair (she has Sensory Processing Disorder as well).
She's going into 7th grade, hates math (though she's not that bad at it) and still doesn't know her times table. She laughs when she's in trouble (and that bothers me as her mother) because she is trying to make herself feel better. I told her that she might be the person laughing at a funeral when she is older and that people will be thinking she is rude so she should be aware of that. I didn't mean to be mean when telling her that she will be laughing at a funeral, but I told her that it's ok not to feel bad for her reactions as I know she means no harm.
My daughter is good at story telling and loves to read, but she not good at putting her spoken answers and words on paper if her life depended on it (her physical writing is that of a second grader). Verbally she can answer anything and can do well at spelling.
She has trouble starting, and organizing tasks.
psychedelic treatment has proven to be effective in treating mental health, it has helped me and thanks to the handle 👆above they’re reliable.
If you haven't already, get her a heavy metal toxicity test. Look into Andrew Huberman, he talks a lot about dopamine. Get blood tests, ask for vitamin D levels and get it above 35.
What helped me was sports or physical activity. It allowed me to focus in school. The structure helped me so much and focusing on a goal. Mine was to get a scholarship and I did. Got extra time in all uni, standard, and board exams for my adhd.
@@Vanessa-qh1pl physical activity is one way to increase dopamine and mood that he talks about.
I still don't know them decades after I was supposed to. This is why we have calculators.
And you can laugh at a funeral. Why be sad? My cousin and I were giggling at the casket, when I told her about how her husband tried to stop a Doberman from running to the doorbell. Flipped him feet in the air and onto his face.
Funniest thing I've ever seen. Why be sad? No fix for it.
Thank you for putting this up... I broke down when I watched this because it captured what I had been going through so comprehensively, and I feel so misunderstood. And I do not know anyone who can check me up for an official diagnosis.
Reach out to support pages as self diagnosis is important too. A great page and I think she may have some info for different countries (or her subscribers will) is visit the "How to ADHD" YT channel. Jessica also has a TedTalk but realises now she was a bit ableist in it and has changed her perspective since then, but her journey is good to listen to.
If you're in the UK speak to your GP and ask for PsycharityUK. NHS has a right to choose programme.
It's scandously difficult to access diagnosis & treatment in Australia 🇦🇺 😢. We are way behind with training gps in adhd too.
Self & group advocacy
Look up additude mag
i’ve been diagnosed since i was about 8 or 9, i’m 22 now and still struggle every day. this is the first time i’ve truly felt seen in so so long. thank you for bringing light to the sides of adhd that no one wants to talk about
I had to rewind this so many times because I kept spacing out. ADHD is for sure a real thing! 😭 Thank you for this videos.
I’ve been spacing out since she talked about the tub and I can’t focus because she hasn’t said if she found it and it’s the only thing I can think about and I keep trying to watch to see if she mentions it again but omg my brain hurts 😂
@@saraalee2411 yes this! I kept thinking about the tub and I kept rewinding to make sure I didn't miss the part about her finding and I am still thinking about it now 😂
LOL I actually paused the video several times, and I spent one week to actually finish watching the entire thing 😅
I too have ADHD. I am 65. I was diagnosed by accident when having my son tested. The tester offered to let me take the same computer test for ADHD that my son was taking while I waited in another room, so I could better understand what he was doing. After complete testing, while discussing my son's results and some of the frustrations of dealing with him, the doctor smiled and said, "you do know he likely got it from you. You have ADHD too." He had analyzed my test results and surreptitiously included more plus observing me. When I was a child I was told that I couldn't possibly have ADHD because only boys have that. What a crock. I have always struggled to be still, overwhelm easily, have stomach problems, migraines, sleeplessness. And struggles with math. And losing things between one room and the next. I am hypervigilant. I can spot a 3 inch brown lizard on the upper branches of a forty foot oak tree. But so hyper oblivious that I also run into the trunk of the tree because I forgot it was there. Many of us are incredibly accident prone, in my case because of thrill seeking for the adrenaline rush, fearlessness of the consequences, and inability to prioritize the neurological, intellectual, and physical input that I receive. So I and my son have always been on a first name basis with emergency room staff. We also have a very high tolerance for pain. However, we balance that with high IQ, entrepreneurial spirit-we both had small businesses before age 9-dogged persistence when we take on a task, creativity, and outside the box thinking.
..
Wow, I’m 63 and can certainly relate. Found out I had it when my son researched it and said I probably did too and he was right.
Denise what is your son's name
Eric@@dishadhouliyan5190
Eric@@dishadhouliyan5190
I too share this story. I completed 3 degrees, including medical school without ever realizing I had ADHD, still did very well considering I had a toddler and a baby. Over time I was overwhelmed which I thought was normal due to medical school stress levels. I was diagnosed at 33, after my primary doctor tried treating me for depression, anxiety, and insomnia (all symptoms of untreated ADHD.) After feeling frustrated with no improvement, I decided to see psychiatrist who send me to Neurofeedback ADHD testing. The day I started treatment, was the 1st night I was able to sleep and rest in years and all other symptoms gone.
Within 24 hours I stopped pulling my hair and slept through the night for the first time in my working memory 💜💜💜
Gotta research neurofeedback adhd testing. Thank you, intensely bad sleeping patterns are the bane of my existence 😴
Nadia GV so happy to hear that you found help.
What was the treatment you received?
@@laurarobinson3723 Adderall XR but know that a Psychiatrist is the best at following these medications and able to make the proper adjustments. It took my doctor 6 months to get me to a good level. It required monthly visits the 1st 6 months. Everyone's body is different so it is very important to reach the proper board certified professionals, pay attention to your body and symptoms, and communicate with your Psychiatrist to find what is best for you.
I have lost my fair share of '35 Liter tubs' and I cracked up so hard at her missing 1 question all together on the ADHD test. Super excited because I see far too much of myself in her story and I'm finally taking steps to get tested.
The Emotions that she showed helped me remember that I always thought I was a bad kid, a bad student, a bad wife because I could never get anything done or remember what I was supposed to do. Wasn't until after I was divorced at age 36 that my teenagers got together and told me that they think I have ADHD.. also learning that I have a language processing disorder has helped me immensely feel like maybe I'm not just bad after all. I feel so much hope now that my life can turn around. This video definitely made me cry and feel validated
“Get them on board”- oh that was powerful. WHEN I actually want to do something I go all in.
Currently in process of getting diagnosed with autism and was wondering if I have ADHD too. Talk made me cry because it was so relatable
Frequently occur together.
This made me feel so heard. I was in my 20s, in grad school when I was diagnosed by my childhood doctor who said she was waiting for me to finally ask. I couldn’t keep “trying harder.” My strategies just didn’t work anymore.
A big and emotional hug to all my women with adhd.. I love you guys…
I teared up several times listening, feeling the story deeply, and knowing this is probably me also. Let us celebrate our unique and wonderful brains, and lay a gentle carpet down for ourselves during those times that we do frustrating things … thank you for this!
and thank you for your comment and reminder that we are unique
Diagnosed at 26. I’m almost 42, life has been hard. I’m grateful for talks like these
"A weeks worth of work in an afternoon" I do this all the time and than other times I am struggling it really is a rollercoaster ride
I am over 60 and I was just diagnosed with ADHD. It explains a lot. Thank you for this video, I will be sharing it with family members.
One of the best talks on ADHD in women I've seen, I connected to this on such a deep level.
I have yet to be diagnosed but god do I feel so HEARD. It makes me want to cry knowing that I’m not a failure, I’m just unique. I am not weak, I have power in a different way.
Not being a bad mom. Thank you. I needed to hear that.
ADHD mother with 2 ADHD sons. We also celebrated when my second was diagnosed.
I loved your last bit about stating what we are good at. You know our super powers!
You could see that pain in her eyes when she said, "I'm not a bad mother ". 😭
I felt that to my core.
We as women are hard on ourselves as it is.... and we question our parental role SO much more than ANYTHING else... now add in mental health issues... also add in negative and uneducated remarks from others who don't even take the time to understand the next person, that's TOUGH!!
WE ARE SO HARD ON OURSELVES SO WE TRULY DONT NEED THE NEXT PERSON MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ON SOMETHING THEY ARE CLUELESS ABOUT. 😭😔💔💔
great talk , I was never diagnosed, but Im almost sure I have it big time. I could feel what you are saying, the effort to do simple things, since I'm a child and still today 48y , I forget where I'm going, I forget if my dog followed me, and I forget things next to the car , buying groceries is one of the hardest task to complete. Im hyper activeת if I don't move physically my mind and gut will... listening to you made me forgive my self and I might check it one day...just to know...I loved the notes approach ! thank you for the inspiration, we know so little about it and hide it, you are right...
I don't want to diagnose myself but wow... That was relatable. I clicked on this because my 9 Yr old niece has ADHD which has been apparent practically from birth. She can't sit still or focus on anything & her academic performance is very low. But she has few behavioural problems. She's a really beautiful person but we lose her when she's on the ritalin she has to take for school. She just zones out. But hearing this talk didn't really help my understanding of my niece at all - she just described me! I have high academic performance, I am full of ideas & energy but I struggle so much to finish a task or to organise my life the way I'd like to. I know I'm quite frustrating to live with but it's a daily challenge to get things completed, even tho I seem to be busy all day & I'm exhausted. Maybe it's not ADHD but it's at least comforting to know I'm not alone. I could easily lose a 35 litre tub 😂
ADHD can affect people in many different ways. An example is that my friend is so easily distracted that she can't focus on a thing for more than five minutes. I, on the other hand, can jump so easily into hyperfocus, but forget to eat, drink water, sleep, and don't do everything else I'm supposed to.
She takes medication primarily to be able to filter out distractions and sustain focus, I take medication primarily to be able to switch tasks and sustain routines (very oversimplified, but here it is for examples sake)
However, it can be a long journey to find the ADHD medication that works best for you. And the effect and needs can change over time. If there's a side effect you're worried about, if it's a possibility for your niece, try out different dosages and/or medications and see if it works better (: (by better I don't necessarily mean better focus, but that the general wellbeing and quality of life increases, because that's the most important factor in my opinion)
Sorry for the long ramble, I've forgotten what my primary point was and what exactly I was answering, but I hope something was useful lol
Edit: Changed daughter to niece bc i can't read apparently
@@Caliemha Thank you! Yes I think quality of life is the most important thing so I think we need to look into it more & perhaps try different therapies. Thanks for you reply, much appreciated 😊
Just diagnosed with ADHD at 67 years old...that explains a whole lot! Thank you for this positive and inspiring message. Celebrating with tears!
I am 64 and just now finding all this out and it is Me ! How did you follow through after your diagnosis ? And how did to get diagnosed ?
Oh ADHD is REAL! I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 40’s. I have struggled with it all my life. Thank you for bringing this up, it’s real!
her saying she feels like a failure, like she's not good enough, shame and a burden. I cannot convey how much i relate and resonate with that. especially the struggle and failing math.
As someone who has ADHD and can relate to 99.9% of this, it feels good to hear someone echo what I've struggled with my entire life and also someone who encourages us to celebrate our gift and sometimes curse.
Look up ☝️☝️ , he’s got the best tips and stuffs for microdosing, psych meds, dmt trips, ayahuasca, lsd, psilocybin, chocolate bars and ships too
"It wasn't just a matter of trying harder." In today's stoic society I felt this very deeply
I’m crying right now, the part when she said……I forgot but I new is all she said hit me hard….