OP's Stepdaughter Ran Away from Home Due to Constant Bullying by Her Step-Siblings.
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
- 00:00 1st story:
SD ran away citing issues in our home (u/wysterically in r/stepparents)
15:28 2nd story:
I (28M) want a divorce from my wife (27F) but everyone want me to forgive her (u/ThrowRAch1495 in r/relationship_advice)
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"He and I disagree"
She's not your daughter. Stay in your own lane and let her dad make the decision
Story 1 They are not siblings, they are teenagers forced to live together. OP's opinion is irrelevant, she is not a parental figure you are just the father's wife.
It's obvious in story 1 that OP's kids are definitely bullies and she's in complete denial about that. It speaks volumes that the stepdaughter only despises her teenage son and teenage daughter in all of this.
it is also weird how they blame her saying that she "is not adjusting, it just takes time" bro, if you are a mega extrovert you also should adjust when you are around people who don't want noise all the time. They are pretending that the mega extroverts are the normal and introvert is abnormal. Both are equaly valid but you live with other people so a compromise that works for both must be reached
Actually, based on the things she says, I'd say OP is a bully, too. And a master manipulator out to make SD suffer for not conforming to her Disney family narrative. I hope SD CAN get away to boarding school and out of that nightmare. I also would not be surprised if, a few years down the line, the husband is rocked by revelations of things taking place that he was too clueless to notice.
I love how OP called it "Normal sibling fighting", like, they have know eachother for 3 years. That's not sibling fighting, that's actuall fighting
I completely agree unless OP has left things out then SD is a normal introvert that is focused on her future and the Bio kids are extroverts that think making noise all day and night taking each other things that is hurting SD's mental health. I'm a introvert and I can't stand people in my space, touching my thing and noise while I am doing my important things.
From the post there's nothing on the bio kids schooling, grades extracurriculars and so on so I'll bet that once SD is away from them her mental health will improve as it did with the grand parents, her grades will return to normal and all the work she has done for her future will start to show results. While the bio kids will either do the bare minimum to pass or do something to someone else that will have bad consequences
How do parents think they can just move in 4 kids and a stepmother, with a child who lost her mother in the recent past, and think it is all going to be hanky dory. This stepmother is delusional. I feel like she is putting up a nice front.
My kids are assholes. Who bullied my SD out of the house, but don't worry once she's back she'll be punished , for leaving 😒. Yeah things are sure to get better.
Story 1 it sounds like step mom and dad are still not listening to SD.
Because oh my babies arent bullies.
No. Your daughter is not supposed to constantly have friends over in SD's space.
Story 1 - Why should she be grounded after being forced out of her home , she left because of you, your husband and kids are taking over her life. You and your family with HER father have taken away your SD's safe space and you're blaming her. Little wonder she left.
Honestly, it sounds like a punishment for speaking out, and doesn't sit right with me. The more I listen though, the more I feel they jumped into the deep end before inflating their floaties... overwhelmed because they were/are unprepared for all the big changes.
How blind is this mother? If she doesn't have a problem with you, but has a definite problem with your eldest kids, then there is clearly something going on behind those parents' backs. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Something tells me she is about to go no contact with them so her kids can't use the step-siblings card when she's making big bucks witht that brain of hers.
"B-but they can't help it, they're extroverts! Nothing could possibly be wrong with MY kids, it's gotta be the weird quiet one whose the problem!"
@@hurricanev6 Ding, Ding, Ding... We have a winner!
You nailed it. The "Introvert" Vs "Extrovert" thing is bullshit. It's the homeopathy of psychology, just a flat-out lie fed to morons. Those terms are functionally meaningless. Yes, some people are more outgoing and social than others, but that is reflective of the sum of individual circumstances, and not an inherent trait. There's tons of research to back that up. That whole paradigm was debunked in the 1970s and people still reference it...
I am what most of these people would call an "Introvert", in that I don't seek social engagement to feel better about myself. But we "Introverts" are not averse to social situations at all. In fact, given the right circumstances, we can be more extroverted than the "extroverts". And the reverse is true as well. People respond to their environment, and this environment isn't working for the girl.
OP's hanging her logic on a meaningless label instead of addressing the actual issue. It's not that the kids are inherently incompatible, they're not. It's just that the situation is not conducive to them getting along. She needs to stop trying to fix the kids and instead fix the situation.
1) If OP's kids keep taking SD's stuff, OP should be addressing that. She should have raised her children better from the start so they knew not to take things that don't belong to them. "Don't touch other people's shit" is a rule that even the 7-year-olds should have incorporated into their reasoning by now. OP dropped the ball on that. Respecting other people's belongings is a part of respecting other people, and they are old enough to know this.
2) Asking a teenage girl to share a room... They have money for private boarding school, an Ivy League education, but a bedroom was too difficult to figure out? If they lived in poverty, sure... they need to make due with what they have, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. They had the ability to address this BEFORE moving everyone in. How was that not the first thing they thought of? They're going from 2 people in the house to 6 people, "Is there enough room" should literally be the first question asked, lol.
3) They want to punish her for running away. While I agree that was a childish reaction, show me one teenager anywhere in the history of humanity who has responded well to a punitive approach, lol... That works well with toddlers, but has diminishing returns and is more or less useless with kids beyond the age of 10. The right call would have been to sit her down and tell her: "You are able to talk to us about these issues, and we can work together to solve problems like this if given a chance. That is the 'adult' approach to these issues, and you very nearly are an adult, so we need to start treating you like one, and you need to act like one. I won't give you anything for running away like that, nor will I punish you, both of those actions would be counter-productive. This isn't about assigning blame, but instead about finding solutions. We're going to come up with a compromise that works better for everyone, and your voice will be heard in that. You have my word."
4) I don't think we're getting the full story on why she dislikes her siblings. She felt that running away was necessary. That's kind of extreme. And while 15-16 year old girls are admittedly creatures of extremes, very dramatic at times, this is not the behavior of a quiet, reserved, Straight-A student. She seems to engage better with the twins than the two who are closer to her own age, which is unusual. Just throwing out some random ideas here, don't put much stake in these... but maybe her Stepsister with all the friends coming and going, who is an "Extrovert" is playing the typical 14-year-old "popular girl" crap and spreading rumors, or making snide remarks, and SD is simply taking the high road by not back-handing her, lol. Maybe stepbrother has been spending too much time on the Hub, and is creeping around waiting for her to get stuck in something, lol. It's probably not that, but who knows? A house full of teenagers, there will always be something weird happening, lol. But she may not want to talk about what's making her uncomfortable, or may not know how. Tell her you're available to listen if she has any issues that need to be addressed, but beyond that, trust her to deal with those issues herself. Help is there if she asks for it, and if she doesn't ask, back off. She doesn't need someone to fix her problems for her, she needs the freedom to address them herself and know she's supported in that (within reason). And she won't get it 100% right, but that's how you learn and grow, and learning seems to be her strong suit. Just have a little faith in her.
OP doesn't sound like she's an idiot. It sounds more like she has an idea of how her perfect blended family will function, and she's trying to steer things in that direction, even if that's not what SD wants. This girl lost her mother, her father has been more distant after getting 4 new kids and a new wife, new in-laws... Smart kids like her tend to hold themselves to very high expectations, and now she's thrown into a situation in her own home which she doesn't know how to navigate, doesn't feel comfortable with and is having choices made for her to placate the expectations of others. She's feeling suffocated. It's natural and reasonable for her to look for an escape.
I don't know if their situation would permit this (they might live in the suburbs, or God forbid, an HOA...) but if it were me, I'd buy a used trailer and park it in the back yard with an electrical and plumbing hookup. It can be done for $10k or less, used trailers don't exactly maintain their resale value, lol. Might need to fix it up a bit, but that can be fun. Give her her own space. Meals are served in the main house. She's welcome to drop by any time, but she has her own place to live and the only key to the door. If they have any land, set it 100' back from the main house and get some good wifi extenders. And if she can get a license in her state (some stated have upped the age to 18...) make sure she has a car and the freedom to move about on her own. And when she's off to college, the next kid can move in. A little taste of adult life, but with a parental safety net. They may not be able to do that so easily, depends on their circumstances, but I suspect that would solve a lot of problems.
She’s not blind, she doesn’t care.
Story one, just another parent who chooses their sex partner over their kid when separation or death happens to their first spouse. So sadly common. OP’s father has basically spat on the grave of his wife by treating their daughter this way. It’s his dam- job as a parent to protect her and care for her. He’s a disgrace to let his new chick’s hoard of brats run her out of her home and she’s essentially lost both parents at once. Why? His pecker is more important to him than his own flesh and blood child. Shame on him. I hope that girl recovers and realizes that he isn’t worth her grief or time. He chose what he chose already. Two years passes so fast. They could have dated during that time and not moved in together until a few of the kids were off to college and that would have been problem solved and everyone happy.
Plus OP knows that her teenage kids are the root of problem here yet refuses to even take a peek in that avenue. Its two terribly selfish adults picking their priorities instead of dealing with the real emergency. That kid surely will go no contact once she hits 18.
Pretty sure the 2 oldest knows she "ran away" (more like escaping a toxic home) and WHY she left. Why have no conversations happened with the step siblings? Why is SD the problem? Dad needs to pull his head out of his ass or he won't have a daughter. Either through NC or self harm. That girl is hurting and the only this OP is concerned with is just how much punishment SD needs and for how long. She shot down all new bedroom suggestions out of hand and the only children she is actually concerned about making comfortable are her own crotch goblins. I'm a tad bitter over parental alienation and OP' s post smacks of shifting blame without self reflection
That's what I don't understand in every story like this: it seems like it's IMPERATIVE to get married as soon as possible, not giving the children time to adjust. They could have made a test and live together for, say, a summer before deciding to blend families, but no, let' s throw 5 kids who seemingly barely interacted with each other together and they will play along because of reasons.
OP sounds also insufferable: she's talking like it's her place to make decisions for the SD and like she knows better despite being pretty much the whole reason why the situation is the way it is.
Story 1: yeah, that kid is gonna be gone and living her own life without any of you at 18
Op needs to wake the hell up and get to the bottom of this bullying issue... yesterday.
St1 op is the biggest AH and so is her DH. Her SD never should have been put in this situation in the first place
I found it galling that OP criticizes her SD for “running away” and not bringing the problem to them. SD did bring the problem to them, but the response was always “you need to get used to it”.
story 1: I think the fact that when talking about giving her own room- instead of automatically assuming she keeps HER bedroom, that she's probably had for years, they consider moving her into the playroom or office. SD literally says she wants her own space, yet they automatically give HER ALREADY OWNED SPACE to her step sister. I can already tell who's in the wrong/not telling everything.
edit from later in the story: She should just give the room to SD up front. Like, why make your daughter and your step daughter fight for a space that was SD's from the beginning?? Like, you can give SD the choice "your room or playroom" if you want to give her choices, i dont see why your own daughter should have any say. Idk, this just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Yea she gonna leave when she hits 18 and probably going nc
If Dad lets her go, visit her regularly(by himself),stay in contact between visits,then there's a chance to maintain a relationship. OP and her kids, just leave her be.
6 year old story she cut them all out no doubt.
@@leegraves8878 hopefuly she left
I don't think the OP in the first story appreciates just how big of an ask it is for an introvert to be forced to room with someone. That means she has absolutely no where in her home to decompress, and also she cannot limit her space to only the step-sister but her entire clique as well. For four children going to five isn't going to be a big deal for the four - the noise and chaos are all they know. But for the only child .... As an introvert that's the stuff of nightmares even in best case scenarios.
They throw around introvert like they understand the word but clearly no one bothered to read even a few articles to understand her, I wonder also if the mother was the primary caregiver and DH didn't realize he was neglecting her because he was the same as always.
Story 2 wow i never understand how people oushes op to firgive his wife and not divorce her after falsely accusing him of sa his baby daughter. If he didn't have the nanny cam he would've been in prison and we all know how the inmates are treated there. So i hope he proceeds with the divorce and takes full custody of the baby. He needs to stay away from her crazy butt asap
There is no forgiveness for this, and anyone who says otherwise is not on his side. I'm dubious about her excuse, if she was really that delusional from lack of sleep she would have withdrawn the accusation as soon as she realised what she had done. On the other hand if she was trying to set him up, it's a bit amateur to forget about the camera in the room.
It's because she's a woman and he's a dude and she's "just protecting her kid" from fantasy of male sexual deviancy.
I'd say he's not going far enough. She should one hundred percent be charged with assault and fraudulent claims or some other, more pertinent term for her delusional accusation. Anyone who actually cares about OP and has consideration for him wouldn't expect him to not only take this on the chin, but also for him to not RIGHTLY assure she is punished.
Op you kids are bullies
tbh the biggest problem with story 2 is that mom knew there were cameras. She could have just LOOKED at the footage for her proof.
she would've deleted the footage because she thinks OP somehow edited them : D
ST1
Classic blended family story mixed with the classic my children are angels and could never bully anyone story.
"There is an understanding that when she gets back, she will likely be grounded for some time for "running away" the way she did"
Er no she shouldn't be grounded for running away.
"DH was a bit depressed because he felt like a neglectful parent."
As he should feel and he is a neglectful parent.
We all know full well OP's kids are manipulating OP, everytime their stepsister leaves for her family, they pull the but we miss her line, her bully kids have OP wrapped around their fingers.
Story #1
I think they need to let SD go. The sense I’m getting is that, from her perspective, the damage is already done. She wants to leave and get a new start.
Story #2
NTA. OP isn’t going “too far”, he’s going the right amount of far. The only reason people are defending her is because they value social harmony over both OP’s well being and the well being of their daughter.
She went from an only child to sharing a room with a stranger overnight...
St 1. OP, it is more than obvious YOU need to stay out of parenting SD. Everything you've stated here lays ALL the blame at a teenage girl's feet. There is a reason she clams up with you and your children. Take a hint and let the girl live with her grandparents so she can actually LIVE instead of existing and biding her time until she can legally leave without a backwards glance. Congratulations to you and your children! You've gotten what you wanted, deal with it.
the stepmom repeatedly saying she’s just doing this to get what she wants shows her actual opinions
“Running away is not a solution” You are suffocating her
S2: NTA. Why would you stay in a relationship with a woman who falsely accused you of SAing your daughter?!? What's to stop her from doing it again in the future? The only one who took things too far was was the ex-wife.
Update: So you're telling me she had a dream that OP assaulted their daughter so decided the best option was to then assault him, for some reason??
why does she want to force her to stay in the family, if she wants to go, she can go.
I agree it's like she wants her to be miserable.
So you take her father, her home, her peace, her space, and then allow your children to bully her?
You are not a good person
People can't be as oblivious to reality as OP1. There is a point where stupidity turns into malice. There is no way that isn't on purpose. Fix the problem, not the details. Her kids having friends visits everyday, problem. Her kids being bullies, problem. Her husband abandoning his child because he is p-whipped, huge problem. Who gets the new bedroom, insignificant detail.
Edit: Why do I have the feeling that when OP says "extroverts" she means "jerks"?
Seems someone forgot to ask the daughter if she wants to be forced into a new family
I'm on the first update: is it just me or is grounding SD overkill? She already feels like a burden to her own father in her own home, unwanted and unheard.
Seems like OP just wants to assert dominance because SD didn't play her perfect little daughter role
Agreed
they are NOT her siblings. OP needs to let her stepdaughter decide if she considers them as such when SHES ready. OP needs to stop pushing this "family" onto her. It'll just push her away, and she most likely will resent OP's family for a long time. OP's husband needs to handle his own daughter without OP, you are not her mother.
As an introvert and a geek myself I can easily feel the SD's struggles. I was in the similar situation when my aunt had came to live with us for a time. With her two unruly children. Some property of me and my sister was destroyed and when we complain to our parents we were scolded. Just live the poor girl alone. She didn't ask for another family and step siblings. OP is trying to fix something that isn't even broken
I'm baffled by OP in this first story. Why does she think she has the right to an opinion at all?! She is not your child. Also OP is in DEEP denial that her children are bullying her step-daughter it is obvious. Also, SD didn't run because "things got hard" she ran away because you moved a teenager into her room and let them treat their shared room as if it was her room. This woman sounds terrible and I dislike her so much. This woman is going to post in 10 years about why she cannot understand why her SD wouldn't invite her step-siblings to her wedding and why she isn't fulfilling the mother of the bride role.
Her vajaja of course dad will do whatever she wants as he is flipping the bill for her four ingrates.
Its not running away if she told them were she went. Does she need "permission" to go to her own grandparents house?? OP even said they didn't even know she had left to go there
Why is the sd who always lived there the one who’s supposed to change room?! Make your daughter go to the basement…
Listening to this story it is pretty obvious that the teens are bullying her. And the tone of the step mom is condensending. There are valid reasons why she is unhappy . OP is sugar coating what is happening. Her Dad should be putti g his child first and it doesnt sound like he is. Both parents are AHs why is DH not getting into the bullying? He failed her
S1 OP's family coming in like a hurricane and expect the introvert SD to just roll with it
Story 1: Husband should have just left OP and her rude ass kids.
Story 2 is why stuff like horoscopes aren’t innocent fun. Believing that the position of stars at the time of your birth mean anything is a slippery slope to “I saw in a dream you assault our child and now I will behave as if it happened.” Do not make excuses for and partner with people who believe batshit stupid things about the world we live in.
the SD in story 1 will most probably go NC with everyone or just the OP's family and LC with her father also OP and her partner, it sounds like, were very horrible parents to SD just cause she was introverted
OP in story 1 comes across as very dismissive, and that's in a post she wrote. That will obviously try to paint her in a far better light. SD is painted in a pretty negative light, even during the times that OP says she "understands" where she's coming from. Forcing her to follow your kids lead with regards to activities and food choices etc is bad. As OP mentioned, the jump from four to five isn't so different, so really they should have been making space for SD. Instead they moved SD's entire world around.
As for story 2: I'm fight on sight with any man who even implies that I'm a nonce. His ex-wife called the old bill over a dream. If they didn't have that camera...
Divorce, custody, and communicate only through smoke signals from a minimum of seven fucking miles away.
2nd story: A vet that I knew had PTSD. He would sleep walk. He attacked his Dad. His Dad had a hammer,he was going to sink a nail to hang a picture. Mom was next to him, showing where she wanted the picture. He raised his hand (holding the hammer) to point at the spot. The guy didn't see that Mom had moved her hand. The guy was sleep walking when he entered the room. He thought his Dad was about to hit his Mom with the hammer. He hit his Dad from the back. He was about to hit him with the hammer but his Mom got in front of him,so he stopped. Mom could tell by his face that he was asleep. She got him back to bed. Dad was fine,no damage. They contacted his Doctor and therapist immediately. They waited for him to wake up and took him to the hospital.
OPs wife saying she dreamed that he was SA'ing their daughter reminded me of the vet. I've heard of women with severe PPD hallucinating. Doing very violent things. I'm not saying this is the case with OPs wife. Regardless,it's best for OP to divorce. For his daughters safety,as well as his own.
We want her to feel heard except for the part about where my kids are bullies and have no understanding of personal space or respect for other people's things. That's just a clash of personalities. They're just extroverts 🙄🙄🙄
Story 2:
One thing that has ALWAYS bothered me about this story is the fact that she left the room without the baby.
I understand that she likely would have HAD to leave the room in order to call the police, but if she genuinely thought that OP was SA'ing her baby why didn't she try and take her with her?
Also, I understand that OP claims that one friend knows the whole story, there is clearly something his wife is telling them that we're missing. AND/OR it's just people who know he's going to get full custody and don't want to see a mother seperated from her child.
In my opinion I think that they need family counseling and individual counseling
And a magic pill.
Udate 1: We don't want to make things worse.
Update 2: We made things worse.
Watching these while snacking on Luden’s cough drops
😂😂
I loved the first story. I thought Stepmom and Dad were going to be awful and they were at first but made up for it in the end.E
EDIT: Nevermind I was wrong.
how can people just let their kids be such dicks to others?
Eh I’d divorce in either parents shoes
*Where's The Video With The Other Updates To The Last Post!*
I think we are upto date
story 2 --- PP she prolly has postpartum. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel upset. But that crap makes you crazy. Postpartum combine with childhood trauma with SA. IT's not about the diaper it's about her having so much stuff pumping in her body that it makes you go a bit nuts sometimes and weird.
Doesn’t matter what she’s going through when if not for a camera being in the room he would be in jail getting beat up cause prisoners do not like people who mess with kids.
never said it was right he ask and said he didn't know what was going on. it was pretty obiouvs. hopefully the baby is getting breast milk and she can get her mind back and slowly expand her custody back. losing access to her child is just. so much but her mind aint right and that's mental illness@@MalAllDayTurner
Golly gee, SD doesn’t want to live with op’s hoard of obnoxious spawn? Who could have possibly imagined the only child introvert might be overwhelmed by op’s hellspawn brats.
Common step parent