Story 1 I heard a similar stories where the ops wives become surrogates without their input and they wined up having to take care of them in their wives later months when its not even their child they are carrying. I don't blame the husband.
Story 1: Surrogacy is a wonderful thing, but when you are a married woman with 2 children, your priority is the family you created with your husband. Pregnancy has its own risks associated with it and if something happens to OP, say she dies in childbirth, you're basically going off the brother's word that he'd be willing to step up and help hubby support the kids now that they don't have a mom. My bet? He'd be like, "Well that sucks," and he'd be gone living his best life and hubby and kids would be left struggling. It's not just OP that would be making sacrifices in all of this either. Hubby and kids would all lose time and access to OP spread over 9 months. Especially considering it's not their child. I get hubby's frustrations with this. With their circumstances, it would be a hard no from me too.
Story1: Who's going to tell OP the reason her husband is bitter is because he has been forced to raise kids that have destroyed his finances and now feels blackmailed. 😂 "He wanted 0 or 1 so we compromised on 2."
It's weird how much she wants to be pregnant. Also never talked about how they will deal with those 9 months. He would have had to help her a lot and take care of his children
No kinda. He already sacrificed by having 2 kids when he wanted none. Wife was fine to ask about the surrogacy, but it’s certainly a 2yes-1no situation. Husband really wasn’t unreasonable, wife was as soon as she started trying to force what she wanted past the initial ‘no’
Story one OP is the asshole. Childbirth is never risk free, she could literally die and is she expecting her husband to take care of her during this pregnancy? This is definitely a two yes one no decision and she seems rather selfish
She already had 2 kids and there didn't seem to be any complication with that. Why would this one be different? Also, was the threat of divorce really necessary? I feel like a no would've been enough instead of a full month of avoiding the subject and lashing out at her like that. Seriously, calling it disgusting is just ridiculous.
@@dokuganryu1565 He stated the hard, marriage breaking boundary. From what it looks like, that is the only thing he could have said to stop her, because that is, in fact, where it would have ended up. He wanted one or zero, and they compromised with two.
@@dokuganryu1565 every pregnancy has it's own risks. My sister was perfectly fine with her first, but almost died with her second. Baby #2 was released 3 days before my sister could go home.
Story 1, the husband stated he wasn’t cool with it and she keeps badgering him? This isn’t like asking “what do you want for dinner, Chinese or pizza?” She low key f’d the marriage…
Story 2. Cheating and having an affair is not a mistake. Not defending how they treated her, but never say an affair is a mistake. It was a decision to betray and deceive and the cheaters like to play it down as mistakes, but it isn't. They should have just cut contact with her and that's it. The rest is bad.
Nah I don’t agree she got the punishment they cut contact and were just plain bullies nothing more I can even see the kids and family apart from OP as good people
Yeah, I am sure OP has glossed over a lot of what the mother did and accentuated a lot of what the extended family did. The word "mistake" to describe the mother's cheating is very revealing on OP opinion about fidelity...
@newvelaric that's what I'm wondering. If he downplays an affair as a "mistake", how did he inflate their behavior to make her the victim? He probably feels like since he's the only one who was still on her side, he has to protect her image
@HauntedGalMars I am sure OP had to protect his mother's image. A few untruths here and there, a few lie by omission here and there. And his mother has now become a lot more sympathetic. Dude was trying his best to rehabilitate his mom. Which, I can understand. But... I remember a story on reddit, and if memory serves, it was posted over 5 years ago. In that thread, OP found out his fiancée cheated on him. After a lot of pleading, he took her back. Then he discovered that she cheated again with someone else (girl had to drive 3h to be with the affair partner). So OP ended things with her, and he did not change his mind despite her pleading. Then, the ex-fiancee committed self-delition. Most people were on OP's side, except the ex-fiancee's family, and (strangely) OP's mom. This was helped because too many people were aware, and thus, the ugly truth could not be hidden or spun by the ex-fiancee. So you can see how narrative can be written to suit people. It is the small clues that help us, the readers, to find out if there is a "narrative spin" been used.
Story 1: Holy god get marriage counseling, because those feelings are gonna ruin your marriage. The BOTH of you need it urgently. You aren't wrong for feeling how you do, he isn't for feeling the same, but hes wrong for just trying to ignore it, bottling it up and causing the blow up, and you are wrong for pushing it. Get help URGENTLY, because if you don't this marriage is gonna blow up. Story 2: Was she wrong for cheating? Yes, obviously. But cut her off, don't keep going back to wage some kind of war against her. And don't try to reconnect JUST to bully her further. And if you're gonna be malicious about it (and that is absolutely what the family did) you don't get to be sad when the obvious end result of your actions happens. And even IF you hate her with all you have in you, now you've hurt the one kid who DID have a relationship with her, so that person is under no obligation to have any pleasantries for you. I've lost my mother, and while I didn't see the body, I did have to tell the whole family about it, and its a pain that never goes away. Your actions lead to that, and you either wanted it, or were to stupid to see that they'd lead to it. This is the result. Story 3: Good god, that girl needs therapy yesterday.
S1: Big decisions like those are always 2 yes 1 no. If he ins't comfortable with it then thats a boundary you gotta respect. Especielly your married spouse of all people.
S1: only real issue I have with Rick is how he handled saying his side. Why not just sit OP down and state his stance. Why string her along with telling her, and then jump to yelling at her. Just tell her you don't want her to do this.
and if the child is born with defects, then the 'hilarity' ensues. proof positive in all cases that so called adults don't care what is inflicted on a child. it is about what THEY WANT. coveting, greed, selfishness.. but these people are blinded by their own 'gimme gimme gimme'.
Sad to see that the first story has no updates, no comments from OP and the user themselves deleted their account. Either this is fake or she got absolutely reamed in the comments. A lot of comments mention the idea of the “loophole baby”.
I sort of see both sides of the argument on the first story. If, for example, the sperm donor was her brothers husband, it could work. It's a little weird, sure, but there's no incest here thank god. Her brother is the father, but biological the child's uncle. The husband will be the biological father, giving a connection within the family. The money is also a nice bonus. On the other hand, the husband has allready been stretched to the limit. Two kids, that was the compromise. Let's also not forget the risks that come with pregnancy, as other comments here pointed out. It's a tricky situation. I think pulling the divorce card was harsh.
Yeah this isn't a "reddit am I wrong or is he" question, its a "We need counseling to figure out how to move forward because, currently we have a major issue in our relationship" thing
@@dokuganryu1565Zero regards for his feelings. They had this argument before: the number of kids. She knew how when would feel, and she is lying if she would have said otherwise. She steamrolled him feeling on the matter already, by having 2. He wasn't going to compromise a 2nd time.
@@mikea491They both compromised, from her post she wanted a shitload of kids most likely 4-5. The Husband compromised but she did too. I think OP has a fetish or something she's not telling us because she was breaking down over not having a baby on someone else's behalf after considering it for a week. She clearly has been yearning to be pregnant & never tricked her Husband into "accidentally" having another kid too. IMO tho if the College/Trust fund fully paid for 2 kids is written in a contract & the wife is 100% medically cleared + giving up parental rights & a postnub is made so she can't keep the baby so that the child gets adopted I'd probably take the deal. The "I'd rather have my kids pay loans their entire life" (If true) is horrible LMAO.
@@glintspark7748 Not having 4-5 kids is not a compromise, it's being a reasonable parent - especially if having 2 is already a bit of a strain on your finances.
@@nemanjajovanov That's literally a compromise. They went to counseling & discussed having kids. she wanted a shitload of kids & he only wanted one kid. Just because one person's choice is more practical & economic does not mean the other person didn't compromise. The couple clearly isn't financially fit for that many kids, OP & her husband are both extremely over dramatic tbh.
You know what, op is nta, her husband is uncomfortable cool, then leave. Its very obvious that hes just insecure and has been keeping some feeling from her. Jumping to divorce? Thats crazy, either shes leaving something out (wouldnt be suprised) or the husband is keeping something from her, thats so dumb, adopting is the best choice but still if you wabt a baby get a baby, just be a good parent.
Story 1: Husband is not in the wrong. It's weird and would make anyone uncomfortable. And frankly he should just have to say no and thats it. No other explanation.
Jeez story 2, it being the guy with War PTSD finding his mom's body having been left to rot for a week... I don't know how I feel about anyone else in the story, but poor OP
FIRST STORY: OP IS THE AH if my wife mentioned Surrogacy I will tell her to drop the idea right there and then if she brings it up one more time only one time she will be divorced no matter what my family is me and my wife's priority if they want an egg or anything else they can find it another place. SECOND STORY: I can never accept a cheater no matter what if you cheat you're out of my life for good no coming back I don't care what they do after that even if it's self harm or marrying the affair partner just stay out of my life don't tell me you're sad and we need to reconcile or anything like that do whatever the f you want, just do it away from me.
Story 2 needs therapy. Mom had an affair. It wasn't even a one time slip up "one night stand," which is bad enough. She had an all-out sexual relationship with another man. Like... How is it his family's fault she offed herself because they did what normal people would do after betrayal???
Yes OP does need therapy. I do have a problem the family "bringing her back around" only to torment her. Why not just stay NC. I believe that Mom should have dipped back out when the family started their torment. I'm definitely questioning the Uncle. When OP asked him to check, he told OP that her phone wasn't working. So did he just call her and when she didn't answere, he told OP that the phone was broken. Or did he go to her house,find her already gone, turned around and left without doing or saying anything. If so, that's F'd up. As for Mom's final act, she did what she had to.
@lindah3803 they probably should have stayed NC... but sometimes you feel you can get over a deep hurt because you love someone, then you let them back in and realize that hurt is still there, and it all blows up all over again. As for the uncle, that may have been something she told him before she actually did it so no one would contact her and try to stop her. It depends how long it was between his call to uncle and when he went to see his mom. It's a messed up situation, which is why OP needs therapy... but it all started when she decided to make a choice that hurt a lot of people... and made another choice that hurt a lot of people that she can never take back. She made choices that destroyed lives twice, and he's taking it out on the wrong people imo. Adultery was a choice. She didn't accidentally land in another man's bed over and over and over. And an affair is not cheating. It's a relationship. OP kept downplaying it as a "mistake". A mistake is when you use then instead of than in a sentence. She had a relationship with another man, and destroyed her family in a way they couldn't get over. They probably thought they could, but when they brought her back... they couldn't. Then she decided to go scorched earth and destroy them again. Her choices brought her to where they all are. Not them. And we're seeing it from OP's perspective. If he thinks what his mom did was merely a "mistake"... could he be inflating the treatment she got from the family to make her more of a victim?
Normal people dont torture mentally others wtf are you talking about 💀 normal people are going NC OP siblings are psychopaths that cried bc they cant torture mom anymore and the dad is a psycho too bc as an adult he should stop it and not let his children put the mom into killing herself ITS THEIR FAULT bc they destroyed her mentally
@@HauntedGalMars Yep, this is all from OP's perspective. It's obvious that he is struggling with what was, what is. That's why I question the family treatment the 2nd time around. You brought up a possibility with the Uncle that hadn't crossed my mind. Just from what OP said, it seems that OP is the only family member that Mom's death had a major impact on. It's hard to say.
@sa-n-ka according to OP, they said mean things and jokes at her expense. That's not torture... That's kids acting out because mom broke up the family to get her kitty wet by some other man's joystick until she got caught. (OP made it sound it was mostly his siblings more so than his dad which is why I say kids acting out) When you play stupid games, you should expect to win stupid prizes, and expect that it's not going to be an easy path to redemption after that kind of betrayal. She should have recommended family therapy, gotten herself into therapy And again, we only have OP's pov He called an affair... which is basically a sexual relationship with another man for a long period of time, "a mistake" Now we're calling name calling and jokes at an adulterer's expense "torture" ? How else can we erase her guilt for her just because she "self-harmed". And don't put the blame on the family. She had the affair. Affairs hurt everyone in the family. They break hearts, they are an embarrassment, they put the kids under stress and fear of the unknown, they watch the parent who was betrayed going throw pain which hurts them more... Cheating and affairs can cause a lot of damage in a family. But for her getting her jollies off with her co-worker for how long, and betraying their love and trust... they wouldn't have treated her any way other than how they had been prior to before she was caught. The jokes and name-calling were likely the only way they could cope with how she changed their family dynamic through what she did. Since they were all minors... maybe they were even getting teased at school about her cheating and OP doesn't know since he's now an adult. Her actions caused their behavior towards her. She also chose how to handle their reaction. Instead of seeking professional help, or going NC and living her life and hoping they came around one day... she traumatized her family again. Including OP who was still on her side. So... yeah. Don't knock boots with other men if you're married... or at least get divorced first if you're not happy anymore. That would go a long way to avoiding being treated like a pariah in the family.
The first one is so disgusting. To carry your brother's child. If they are so well off tbey should just pay someone thats not family and do the donor egg wtf. Ew If i was the husband I'd divorce her immediately if she went through this. The thought alone is disgusting. Also they are married with kids! He has a damn say in what his wife does with her body.
@@SecretVoices25 yooo! I'm doing fine. Listening to your videos as I head to work 😂 how you been? How's RUclips treating you? Edit: I got my client, 86 year old woman, to listen to your channel 😂 she calls you the drama reporter and will have a fit if I don't put on one of your videos with her morning coffee
@@vincentcleaver1925 I assume what the commenter above meant was since it's her body it is her choice in the end to get pregnant/stay pregnant at the end of the day. HOWEVER the consequences of her choice are on her solely since her husband is not on board. So no it's not their choice, just hers but the consequences will be hers to face alone if she makes it. As in the husband divorcing her if she goes through with it. Which imho is fair. He doesn't want her to get pregnant again even to carry her brother's child, he can't stop her but can set his boundaries and let her know what he will do if she does. Imo she shouldn't have married him and instead should've married someone who wanted kids/more kids.
Story 1 ~ NTA for wanting it, husband is also nta for not wanting it.. you'll are just incompatible, you always were. Rick kinda messed up with not communicating his feelings well and snapping instead, she messed it up by not taking him seriously
On the first story I’m on the husband side 100%, she already decided for her self and her husband. The moment he said no and explained his reasons should have been the moment this conversation was over with, yeas it’s her body but she’s also gonna put herself in to a 9 month commitment no intimacy for at the very least 6 months plus recovery time plus every pregnancy comes with its own sets of health risks and if god forbid something happen to her it’s him who is gonna have to deal with it, she know perfectly well his boundaries which are very reasonable she should apologize stop pushing him and go to couples therapy before she destroys her marriage
Yeah, she compromised them right into the poor house. Her husband clearly resents her 'compromising' on twice the number of children he felt comfortable with. These two should not have married, should not have had "one is never enough, two is too many".
No. The family played a big part in what happened to her. She fucked up, yes. But the family fucked up too by harassing and bullying her instead of just cutting contact and moving on without her.
You are aware many "bad people" have what's coming to them which is fair but many others have whats coming to them and more which is unfair no one should have to be reminded of a past grievance in such a aggressive way every time at one point you should just let it go and go NC or simply stop interacting they'll get the same message
Sigh. You know, cheaters never prosper is a great adage but keeping a human being in hate-jail by just tormenting one parent every second you're around them is garbage. No one deserves to be bullied; consequences for cheating should *never* be in the hands or behavior of their kids.
That poor bastard in #3. His son is already regretting this. Lower contact is not working. OP must step back completely and bow out of the wedding. The fdil is broken
If I'd known my sister was infertile, I'd have been a surrogate in a heartbeat! It would have saved her marriage and been the making of them. She ended up dying at the hands of her boyfriend because she had no self worth.
You are wrong. A baby can't save a marriage. If it 'could', it wouldn't be a marriage worth saving. If she went down that spiral; she, most likely, shouldn't have had kids. Not then. She could have been a great mother, but she had demons before everything fell. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else. She needed healing, and children shouldn't have the burden of doing that for someone. Banish these thoughts from your mind. I feel horrible for your loss, I truly do. There is nothing you could have done. Love can't beat all demons. Her death wasn't anyone's fault other than the demon that finally got her. You are loved, you are worth it. And you deserve the world. And so did she.
1st story is why I don't deal with LGBT in my personal life (At work or socially is ok) I don't want to be seen as the villain always, saying no to something.
As someone LGBT I would never ask something like that of family or anyone honestly, I think Mike and Wade are in the wrong and I'm sorry you feel the need to walk on eggshells around others like me. I am not offended by your opinion, don't misunderstand me, but I am saddened by the state of our the Queer community that you feel the need to be so careful with us. Apologies if I got overly specific here I am also on the spectrum and perhaps this is just a spectrum moment but I just feel bad that someone would feel bad to refuse demands from the wider queer community due to fear of being seen as the villain. Queer folks can TOTALLY be in the wrong and you SHOULD say no to outrageous demands. If you feel more comfortable not having anyone LGBT in your personal life, then live the life that's comfortable.
Are you stupid? Like, genuinely do you have brain damage? All they did was ask. Op didn't give them a response, SHE was the one doing everything in the story. Yeah the question of "is it because their gay?" came up in the comments... Because you know, a lot of people STILL have that as a reason they don't like people. If an op said "My partner dosent approve of my sister being with a guy who happens to be black" its entirely fair to ask "is it because of his race?". It actually might (or even very likely isnt) because of that, it could very well be because hes a prick. But it is a dimension to consider. We have literally SEEN it happen in a story where a womans parents cut her off. No one thought it was due to race, then WHAM they pop off with a racial slur right after. Now, to be clear: Just because its a fair question to ask, doesn't mean you should keep assuming it to be the answer AFTER you receive the answer of "No that wasn't part of it". And clearly here, it isnt part of it.
Story 1 I heard a similar stories where the ops wives become surrogates without their input and they wined up having to take care of them in their wives later months when its not even their child they are carrying. I don't blame the husband.
Story 1: Surrogacy is a wonderful thing, but when you are a married woman with 2 children, your priority is the family you created with your husband. Pregnancy has its own risks associated with it and if something happens to OP, say she dies in childbirth, you're basically going off the brother's word that he'd be willing to step up and help hubby support the kids now that they don't have a mom. My bet? He'd be like, "Well that sucks," and he'd be gone living his best life and hubby and kids would be left struggling. It's not just OP that would be making sacrifices in all of this either. Hubby and kids would all lose time and access to OP spread over 9 months. Especially considering it's not their child. I get hubby's frustrations with this. With their circumstances, it would be a hard no from me too.
Story1: Who's going to tell OP the reason her husband is bitter is because he has been forced to raise kids that have destroyed his finances and now feels blackmailed.
😂 "He wanted 0 or 1 so we compromised on 2."
Why did they bother marrying in the first place? That's the real question.
S1: I’m kinda on the husbands side on this one
ya it sounds kinda weird
I am fully on his side.
It's weird how much she wants to be pregnant. Also never talked about how they will deal with those 9 months. He would have had to help her a lot and take care of his children
No kinda. He already sacrificed by having 2 kids when he wanted none. Wife was fine to ask about the surrogacy, but it’s certainly a 2yes-1no situation. Husband really wasn’t unreasonable, wife was as soon as she started trying to force what she wanted past the initial ‘no’
Yeah i can see why op wants to do it but the husband is completely valid.
3rd story, if Abbey was a son in law / a man he would be called a creep!
She is a creep.
She's mental.
Yeah she's definitely being obnoxious and creepy
Story one OP is the asshole. Childbirth is never risk free, she could literally die and is she expecting her husband to take care of her during this pregnancy? This is definitely a two yes one no decision and she seems rather selfish
She already had 2 kids and there didn't seem to be any complication with that. Why would this one be different?
Also, was the threat of divorce really necessary? I feel like a no would've been enough instead of a full month of avoiding the subject and lashing out at her like that. Seriously, calling it disgusting is just ridiculous.
@@dokuganryu1565 He stated the hard, marriage breaking boundary. From what it looks like, that is the only thing he could have said to stop her, because that is, in fact, where it would have ended up.
He wanted one or zero, and they compromised with two.
@@dokuganryu1565 every pregnancy has it's own risks. My sister was perfectly fine with her first, but almost died with her second. Baby #2 was released 3 days before my sister could go home.
Story 1, the husband stated he wasn’t cool with it and she keeps badgering him? This isn’t like asking “what do you want for dinner, Chinese or pizza?” She low key f’d the marriage…
Story 2. Cheating and having an affair is not a mistake. Not defending how they treated her, but never say an affair is a mistake. It was a decision to betray and deceive and the cheaters like to play it down as mistakes, but it isn't.
They should have just cut contact with her and that's it. The rest is bad.
Nah I don’t agree she got the punishment they cut contact and were just plain bullies nothing more I can even see the kids and family apart from OP as good people
Yeah, I am sure OP has glossed over a lot of what the mother did and accentuated a lot of what the extended family did.
The word "mistake" to describe the mother's cheating is very revealing on OP opinion about fidelity...
To the fair, you can intentionally make a mistake, but to be unfair again, that doesn't really change the fact that you still decided to cheat.
@newvelaric that's what I'm wondering. If he downplays an affair as a "mistake", how did he inflate their behavior to make her the victim? He probably feels like since he's the only one who was still on her side, he has to protect her image
@HauntedGalMars I am sure OP had to protect his mother's image. A few untruths here and there, a few lie by omission here and there. And his mother has now become a lot more sympathetic.
Dude was trying his best to rehabilitate his mom. Which, I can understand. But...
I remember a story on reddit, and if memory serves, it was posted over 5 years ago. In that thread, OP found out his fiancée cheated on him. After a lot of pleading, he took her back. Then he discovered that she cheated again with someone else (girl had to drive 3h to be with the affair partner). So OP ended things with her, and he did not change his mind despite her pleading. Then, the ex-fiancee committed self-delition. Most people were on OP's side, except the ex-fiancee's family, and (strangely) OP's mom. This was helped because too many people were aware, and thus, the ugly truth could not be hidden or spun by the ex-fiancee.
So you can see how narrative can be written to suit people. It is the small clues that help us, the readers, to find out if there is a "narrative spin" been used.
Story 1: Holy god get marriage counseling, because those feelings are gonna ruin your marriage. The BOTH of you need it urgently. You aren't wrong for feeling how you do, he isn't for feeling the same, but hes wrong for just trying to ignore it, bottling it up and causing the blow up, and you are wrong for pushing it. Get help URGENTLY, because if you don't this marriage is gonna blow up.
Story 2: Was she wrong for cheating? Yes, obviously. But cut her off, don't keep going back to wage some kind of war against her. And don't try to reconnect JUST to bully her further. And if you're gonna be malicious about it (and that is absolutely what the family did) you don't get to be sad when the obvious end result of your actions happens. And even IF you hate her with all you have in you, now you've hurt the one kid who DID have a relationship with her, so that person is under no obligation to have any pleasantries for you. I've lost my mother, and while I didn't see the body, I did have to tell the whole family about it, and its a pain that never goes away. Your actions lead to that, and you either wanted it, or were to stupid to see that they'd lead to it. This is the result.
Story 3: Good god, that girl needs therapy yesterday.
1st story: OP is the AH, she is forcing husband, simple as that
Story 3 is mental even 5 minutes in. She badly needs therapy as a wedding gift
Yes her trying to use op to fill whatever empty dad space she has won't help her, she needs to grieve that
S1: Big decisions like those are always 2 yes 1 no. If he ins't comfortable with it then thats a boundary you gotta respect. Especielly your married spouse of all people.
S1: only real issue I have with Rick is how he handled saying his side. Why not just sit OP down and state his stance. Why string her along with telling her, and then jump to yelling at her. Just tell her you don't want her to do this.
Dudes probably in shock she would even suggest something like this.
A couple of similar stories I recall were the husbands upset about the surrogate pregnancies because of the horrendous PPD their wives suffered.
and if the child is born with defects, then the 'hilarity' ensues. proof positive in all cases that so called adults don't care what is inflicted on a child. it is about what THEY WANT. coveting, greed, selfishness.. but these people are blinded by their own 'gimme gimme gimme'.
Not only that, but who’s gonna have to take care of her while she’s pregnant? I doubt her brother will, even if he’s paying her
Sad to see that the first story has no updates, no comments from OP and the user themselves deleted their account. Either this is fake or she got absolutely reamed in the comments. A lot of comments mention the idea of the “loophole baby”.
Story 2 OP needs major f-ing help see a therapist
I sort of see both sides of the argument on the first story.
If, for example, the sperm donor was her brothers husband, it could work. It's a little weird, sure, but there's no incest here thank god. Her brother is the father, but biological the child's uncle. The husband will be the biological father, giving a connection within the family. The money is also a nice bonus.
On the other hand, the husband has allready been stretched to the limit. Two kids, that was the compromise. Let's also not forget the risks that come with pregnancy, as other comments here pointed out. It's a tricky situation. I think pulling the divorce card was harsh.
Yeah this isn't a "reddit am I wrong or is he" question, its a "We need counseling to figure out how to move forward because, currently we have a major issue in our relationship" thing
S1: OP is YTA and disgusting
How?
@@dokuganryu1565Zero regards for his feelings. They had this argument before: the number of kids. She knew how when would feel, and she is lying if she would have said otherwise. She steamrolled him feeling on the matter already, by having 2. He wasn't going to compromise a 2nd time.
@@mikea491They both compromised, from her post she wanted a shitload of kids most likely 4-5.
The Husband compromised but she did too. I think OP has a fetish or something she's not telling us because she was breaking down over not having a baby on someone else's behalf after considering it for a week.
She clearly has been yearning to be pregnant & never tricked her Husband into "accidentally" having another kid too.
IMO tho if the College/Trust fund fully paid for 2 kids is written in a contract & the wife is 100% medically cleared + giving up parental rights & a postnub is made so she can't keep the baby so that the child gets adopted I'd probably take the deal.
The "I'd rather have my kids pay loans their entire life" (If true) is horrible LMAO.
@@glintspark7748 Not having 4-5 kids is not a compromise, it's being a reasonable parent - especially if having 2 is already a bit of a strain on your finances.
@@nemanjajovanov
That's literally a compromise. They went to counseling & discussed having kids. she wanted a shitload of kids & he only wanted one kid.
Just because one person's choice is more practical & economic does not mean the other person didn't compromise.
The couple clearly isn't financially fit for that many kids, OP & her husband are both extremely over dramatic tbh.
You know what, op is nta, her husband is uncomfortable cool, then leave. Its very obvious that hes just insecure and has been keeping some feeling from her. Jumping to divorce? Thats crazy, either shes leaving something out (wouldnt be suprised) or the husband is keeping something from her, thats so dumb, adopting is the best choice but still if you wabt a baby get a baby, just be a good parent.
Story 1: Husband is not in the wrong. It's weird and would make anyone uncomfortable. And frankly he should just have to say no and thats it. No other explanation.
Jeez story 2, it being the guy with War PTSD finding his mom's body having been left to rot for a week... I don't know how I feel about anyone else in the story, but poor OP
FIRST STORY: OP IS THE AH if my wife mentioned Surrogacy I will tell her to drop the idea right there and then if she brings it up one more time only one time she will be divorced no matter what my family is me and my wife's priority if they want an egg or anything else they can find it another place.
SECOND STORY: I can never accept a cheater no matter what if you cheat you're out of my life for good no coming back I don't care what they do after that even if it's self harm or marrying the affair partner just stay out of my life don't tell me you're sad and we need to reconcile or anything like that do whatever the f you want, just do it away from me.
Wait. There's no comments or updates for story 2? You just ended it with no follow up.
S3, op, dil is nuts.
Story 2 needs therapy. Mom had an affair. It wasn't even a one time slip up "one night stand," which is bad enough. She had an all-out sexual relationship with another man. Like...
How is it his family's fault she offed herself because they did what normal people would do after betrayal???
Yes OP does need therapy. I do have a problem the family "bringing her back around" only to torment her. Why not just stay NC. I believe that Mom should have dipped back out when the family started their torment. I'm definitely questioning the Uncle. When OP asked him to check, he told OP that her phone wasn't working. So did he just call her and when she didn't answere, he told OP that the phone was broken. Or did he go to her house,find her already gone, turned around and left without doing or saying anything. If so, that's F'd up.
As for Mom's final act, she did what she had to.
@lindah3803 they probably should have stayed NC... but sometimes you feel you can get over a deep hurt because you love someone, then you let them back in and realize that hurt is still there, and it all blows up all over again.
As for the uncle, that may have been something she told him before she actually did it so no one would contact her and try to stop her. It depends how long it was between his call to uncle and when he went to see his mom.
It's a messed up situation, which is why OP needs therapy... but it all started when she decided to make a choice that hurt a lot of people... and made another choice that hurt a lot of people that she can never take back.
She made choices that destroyed lives twice, and he's taking it out on the wrong people imo.
Adultery was a choice. She didn't accidentally land in another man's bed over and over and over. And an affair is not cheating. It's a relationship.
OP kept downplaying it as a "mistake". A mistake is when you use then instead of than in a sentence.
She had a relationship with another man, and destroyed her family in a way they couldn't get over. They probably thought they could, but when they brought her back... they couldn't. Then she decided to go scorched earth and destroy them again.
Her choices brought her to where they all are. Not them.
And we're seeing it from OP's perspective. If he thinks what his mom did was merely a "mistake"... could he be inflating the treatment she got from the family to make her more of a victim?
Normal people dont torture mentally others wtf are you talking about 💀 normal people are going NC OP siblings are psychopaths that cried bc they cant torture mom anymore and the dad is a psycho too bc as an adult he should stop it and not let his children put the mom into killing herself
ITS THEIR FAULT bc they destroyed her mentally
@@HauntedGalMars Yep, this is all from OP's perspective. It's obvious that he is struggling with what was, what is. That's why I question the family treatment the 2nd time around. You brought up a possibility with the Uncle that hadn't crossed my mind. Just from what OP said, it seems that OP is the only family member that Mom's death had a major impact on. It's hard to say.
@sa-n-ka according to OP, they said mean things and jokes at her expense. That's not torture...
That's kids acting out because mom broke up the family to get her kitty wet by some other man's joystick until she got caught. (OP made it sound it was mostly his siblings more so than his dad which is why I say kids acting out)
When you play stupid games, you should expect to win stupid prizes, and expect that it's not going to be an easy path to redemption after that kind of betrayal.
She should have recommended family therapy, gotten herself into therapy
And again, we only have OP's pov
He called an affair... which is basically a sexual relationship with another man for a long period of time, "a mistake"
Now we're calling name calling and jokes at an adulterer's expense "torture" ?
How else can we erase her guilt for her just because she "self-harmed".
And don't put the blame on the family. She had the affair. Affairs hurt everyone in the family. They break hearts, they are an embarrassment, they put the kids under stress and fear of the unknown, they watch the parent who was betrayed going throw pain which hurts them more...
Cheating and affairs can cause a lot of damage in a family.
But for her getting her jollies off with her co-worker for how long, and betraying their love and trust... they wouldn't have treated her any way other than how they had been prior to before she was caught.
The jokes and name-calling were likely the only way they could cope with how she changed their family dynamic through what she did. Since they were all minors... maybe they were even getting teased at school about her cheating and OP doesn't know since he's now an adult.
Her actions caused their behavior towards her. She also chose how to handle their reaction. Instead of seeking professional help, or going NC and living her life and hoping they came around one day... she traumatized her family again. Including OP who was still on her side.
So... yeah. Don't knock boots with other men if you're married... or at least get divorced first if you're not happy anymore. That would go a long way to avoiding being treated like a pariah in the family.
The first one is so disgusting. To carry your brother's child. If they are so well off tbey should just pay someone thats not family and do the donor egg wtf. Ew
If i was the husband I'd divorce her immediately if she went through this. The thought alone is disgusting. Also they are married with kids! He has a damn say in what his wife does with her body.
Not gonna lie this was kinda unsatisfying to me. I need to know what happened 😂
Edit: ALSO HEY! Been a minute since I left a comment
HEY!!!! How are you doing?
@@SecretVoices25 yooo! I'm doing fine. Listening to your videos as I head to work 😂 how you been? How's RUclips treating you?
Edit: I got my client, 86 year old woman, to listen to your channel 😂 she calls you the drama reporter and will have a fit if I don't put on one of your videos with her morning coffee
Glad you are fine. I'm fine 😂😂😂 Hope she is enjoying it. Ask her to take care, and you too
Story 1: Her body, her choice, her consequences.
I'm curious to what she will have done with her kids when she was 8th months and too sick to care for them
Her choice? Not their choice?!
@@vincentcleaver1925 The women's bodies belong to women.
@@vincentcleaver1925 I assume what the commenter above meant was since it's her body it is her choice in the end to get pregnant/stay pregnant at the end of the day. HOWEVER the consequences of her choice are on her solely since her husband is not on board.
So no it's not their choice, just hers but the consequences will be hers to face alone if she makes it. As in the husband divorcing her if she goes through with it. Which imho is fair. He doesn't want her to get pregnant again even to carry her brother's child, he can't stop her but can set his boundaries and let her know what he will do if she does.
Imo she shouldn't have married him and instead should've married someone who wanted kids/more kids.
He is your husband respect his appintion
Story 1 ~ NTA for wanting it, husband is also nta for not wanting it.. you'll are just incompatible, you always were. Rick kinda messed up with not communicating his feelings well and snapping instead, she messed it up by not taking him seriously
On the first story I’m on the husband side 100%, she already decided for her self and her husband.
The moment he said no and explained his reasons should have been the moment this conversation was over with, yeas it’s her body but she’s also gonna put herself in to a 9 month commitment no intimacy for at the very least 6 months plus recovery time plus every pregnancy comes with its own sets of health risks and if god forbid something happen to her it’s him who is gonna have to deal with it, she know perfectly well his boundaries which are very reasonable she should apologize stop pushing him and go to couples therapy before she destroys her marriage
Story 2 wow op sucks badly
Yeah, she compromised them right into the poor house. Her husband clearly resents her 'compromising' on twice the number of children he felt comfortable with. These two should not have married, should not have had "one is never enough, two is too many".
How is op the bad guy? His mom was bullied until she killed herself and he had to find her after being dead for years.
Story 2: OP’s mom was a bad person. First she cheated, then killed herself to absolve herself from her guilt. This is her fault and no one else’s
No. The family played a big part in what happened to her. She fucked up, yes. But the family fucked up too by harassing and bullying her instead of just cutting contact and moving on without her.
You are aware many "bad people" have what's coming to them which is fair but many others have whats coming to them and more which is unfair no one should have to be reminded of a past grievance in such a aggressive way every time at one point you should just let it go and go NC or simply stop interacting they'll get the same message
Sigh. You know, cheaters never prosper is a great adage but keeping a human being in hate-jail by just tormenting one parent every second you're around them is garbage. No one deserves to be bullied; consequences for cheating should *never* be in the hands or behavior of their kids.
That poor bastard in #3. His son is already regretting this. Lower contact is not working. OP must step back completely and bow out of the wedding. The fdil is broken
S1. Get a divorce
S3. Run , boy run...that girl is nuts
Just like any other child; this is a two yes, one no situation
If I'd known my sister was infertile, I'd have been a surrogate in a heartbeat! It would have saved her marriage and been the making of them. She ended up dying at the hands of her boyfriend because she had no self worth.
You are wrong. A baby can't save a marriage. If it 'could', it wouldn't be a marriage worth saving. If she went down that spiral; she, most likely, shouldn't have had kids. Not then. She could have been a great mother, but she had demons before everything fell. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else. She needed healing, and children shouldn't have the burden of doing that for someone. Banish these thoughts from your mind.
I feel horrible for your loss, I truly do. There is nothing you could have done. Love can't beat all demons. Her death wasn't anyone's fault other than the demon that finally got her. You are loved, you are worth it. And you deserve the world. And so did she.
I'm sorry but the logic of a baby saving a marriage is quite manipulative
@@mikea491 look up Virginia Owen. Read her story. Her ex husband still loves her. They tried ivf so many times.
1st story is why I don't deal with LGBT in my personal life (At work or socially is ok) I don't want to be seen as the villain always, saying no to something.
Yep, if you say no it’s not because you have a valid reason you’re now homophobic
As someone LGBT I would never ask something like that of family or anyone honestly, I think Mike and Wade are in the wrong and I'm sorry you feel the need to walk on eggshells around others like me. I am not offended by your opinion, don't misunderstand me, but I am saddened by the state of our the Queer community that you feel the need to be so careful with us. Apologies if I got overly specific here I am also on the spectrum and perhaps this is just a spectrum moment but I just feel bad that someone would feel bad to refuse demands from the wider queer community due to fear of being seen as the villain. Queer folks can TOTALLY be in the wrong and you SHOULD say no to outrageous demands.
If you feel more comfortable not having anyone LGBT in your personal life, then live the life that's comfortable.
Are you stupid? Like, genuinely do you have brain damage?
All they did was ask. Op didn't give them a response, SHE was the one doing everything in the story. Yeah the question of "is it because their gay?" came up in the comments... Because you know, a lot of people STILL have that as a reason they don't like people.
If an op said "My partner dosent approve of my sister being with a guy who happens to be black" its entirely fair to ask "is it because of his race?". It actually might (or even very likely isnt) because of that, it could very well be because hes a prick. But it is a dimension to consider. We have literally SEEN it happen in a story where a womans parents cut her off. No one thought it was due to race, then WHAM they pop off with a racial slur right after. Now, to be clear: Just because its a fair question to ask, doesn't mean you should keep assuming it to be the answer AFTER you receive the answer of "No that wasn't part of it". And clearly here, it isnt part of it.
LGBTQ or not regardless op shouldn't have agreed and let them fine someone else
@@HeoBaby24 This, she should recognize she’s going to blow up her marriage and that wouldn’t be good for the pregnancy either
Day 216 of commenting to help secretvoices
216 of commenting thank you for your support ❤️❤️❤️